Mom Can’t Understand Why Her Daughter Would Call Her Teacher’s Son “Anorexic And Skeleton-Like”, Won’t Buy Her Concert Tickets
Kids who listen to the teachers in class, do their homework, get the highest grades and behave during breaks most often don’t get told off at school. On the contrary, they get praised and the teachers may even favor them, but despite that, even the good kids may have an unexplainable hatred for a certain teacher.
Usually they limit the hatred to venting to their peers and maybe parents, avoiding confrontation with the hated teacher. This woman’s daughter took it a step further and actually was quite mean to her teacher, but the mom was accused of overreacting when she changed her mind about buying her daughter tickets to a concert she wanted to go to.
More info: Reddit
Mom is unsure if she is punishing her daughter for being rude to a teacher too strictly because of her own emotions as her husband doesn’t agree with it
Image credits: Mundial Perspectives (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) has 5 children and one of them is 16-year-old Riley. She has a teacher that she really hates, which surprises her mom because Ms. A has a good reputation and, as far as she can tell, is a good person.
Riley rants about her teacher all the time, but never says why Ms. A is so annoying. However, the mom allows her daughter to speak her mind to her because she understands that sometimes people just get on your nerves without a good reason, but asked her not to show her hatred straight to the teacher’s face.
The daughter is 16 years old and has a teacher that she really doesn’t like
Image credits: u/throwaway__r2
One time Riley looked up her teacher’s son on social media because she overheard her mentioning him while talking to another student. The mom doesn’t know what possessed her daughter, because she laughed at the boy and called him anorexic.
What was even worse was that he actually was anorexic and he was only 13-14 years old. While Riley was only sent to the library to work on her own, the mom was horrified her daughter would use the term anorexia as an insult.
The mom is understanding because she once was a student too and allows her daughter to vent
Image credits: u/throwaway__r2
The OP herself had the same eating disorder when she was younger and even was hospitalized for it. The daughter didn’t know about it until this incident, but the mom has explained to her that using that term as an insult is very hurtful and isn’t right in any situation. It wouldn’t have been right even if the boy didn’t have that disorder. Or if the teacher didn’t have a good reputation.
It is hard for the mom to understand why her daughter would be so mean and describe the teacher’s son the way she did, but she is certain that the teen didn’t hear such language in their home and learnt it from elsewhere.
One time the daughter found the teacher’s son on social media when she overheard her mentioning his name
Image credits: Robert Jack Cutter ( not the actual image)
Image credits: u/throwaway__r2
To make Riley understand she can’t continue with such behavior, the mom grounded her and asked her to apologize to the teacher. On top of that, the OP refused to buy her daughter concert tickets to see Harry Styles, as she mentioned in the comments, which really upset the teen.
The mom revealed that her daughter had a job, but it wasn’t enough for the concert tickets and she relied on her parents for them. The teen’s dad actually believes that not buying her the concert tickets is going too far and the grounding should be enough. According to him, Riley not being sent to the principal’s office indicates that the teacher didn’t see it as such a big deal.
The teen called the boy anorexic, offending and hurting the teacher because he actually had the eating disorder
Image credits: u/throwaway__r2
The teen’s behavior is unacceptable, but it is quite common and teens are stereotypically known for being rude and disrespectful. Raising Children Network explains that it happens because they are still learning how to “handle disagreement and differing opinions appropriately.” Because of their moodiness, they “can’t always handle changing feelings and reactions to everyday or unexpected things” and they might find it difficult to empathize or understand other people’s perspectives.
Disliking teachers is also common as school is a stressful environment and you don’t always get along with everyone. Although Riley said that she is just annoyed with the teacher and the mom remarked that she had a good reputation, some common reasons for students not liking their teachers are lack of engagement, having a boring way of teaching, being egoistic and favoring some students over others.
The mom was horrified as well because she taught her daughter to never use the term anorexic as an insult because she was hospitalized for it when she was young
Image credits: u/throwaway__r2
She grounded the teen and refused to buy her concert tickets, which upset her daughter and her husband thought this was too much as well
Image credits: Bethany Khan ( not the actual image)
People in the comments supported the mom and believed her judgment was fair. They agreed that mocking a person for their looks was wrong and very inappropriate given the situation, so the teen must face the consequences.
Do you think not allowing the daughter to go to the concert is too big of a punishment? How would you discipline someone who was mean to a person for no apparent reason? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
But people in the comments considered it a reasonable punishment for what the daughter did
So, this girl laughed at, and ridiculed, a teacher's son...for no other reason that I can discern from the story, other than she just hates the teacher. In *addition* to not allowing her to go to the concert, I'd march her right back to school and make her apologize to the teacher, in person. Teens sometimes make stupid mistakes, that's part of life, but without consequences those mistakes can evolve into something worse. Definitely NTA.
this isn't a mistake, this is just mean spirited behavior.
Load More Replies...It doesn't matter that the boy actually had anorexia. What possessed the daughter, aged 16 (!!!!) to think it was in any way okay to look them up on social media, walk up to the teacher and trash-talk her son?? And she doesn't even seem to understand why this is wrong?
No kidding. Even if it was retaliation for something the teacher had done, pulling in an innocent bystander just to hurt said teacher is messed up and needs to be addressed.
Load More Replies...NTA but maybe the husband's laissez-faire attitude is the reason Riley is a prick.
Your daughter needs to understand that the teacher is not only the annoying person that gives homework and teach important knowledge, but also a human being with kids, family and human emotions... It is in reality the concept of respect of a fellow human being.
I would have slammed the breaks SO hard, that alone would have shut that brat up. And you turn around that car the very instant you learn what had happened. Deal with the husband later. As someone who has been bullied to the point where I was suicidal, I just cannot express how much I f*****g hate bullies. Why the ever-loving hell is it always teenage girls?! How did this get so far out of hand that this girl felt comfortable to walk up to her teacher and start mocking her son to her face??? This isn't a first stage, I can guarantee that brat was acting out for a while now, it was left unpunished and has escalated her behaviour. Why are schools this completely useless when it comes to bullying?!
Husband shows a worrying lack of understanding too I think. He assumes that 'it was no big deal' because the girl was not sent to the principal. How should the teacher have reacted? Sending her to the library in the hopes of de escalating a problem was the best move. Teacher needs time to think, if the girl is otherwise OK with others (highly unlikely, but I suppose possible) a different approach is needed than if child is generally a mean bully. A decent teacher will try not to react when they are emotional. It has been my experience that teachers are more willing to drop things when it sounds like parents are willing to enact consequences. The husband seems to be saying if his daughter had been sent to the principal, stopping her concert would be OK. Also feels a little like daughter is trying to manipulate mother - hopefully mum would have been just as horified at any cruelty, but she is being made to feel this is her issue. Father is reinforcing this. Kids can go through bad phases
It's entirely possible the father is one of those people who thinks eating disorders only affect women. That would cause him to have bias and feel justified because "even the parent didn't make a big deal out of it."
Load More Replies...I'm having a hard time getting over parents seeking validation for their parenting choices, especially in cases where they know where their values lie.
NTA, and seriously, who look for someone's children at social medias and ridicule them?
If some of the students at my old school were anything to go by... future fascists.
Load More Replies...This isn't just stupid kid stuff, or a teen just not thinking before speaking. This girl is a straight up bully, and likely something far worse than that. She is actively looking for ways to hurt the teacher. It's entirely possible (probable, really) that she does the same to other people as well, but her parents don't know. I'd be surprised if she didn't bully other kids, even in what most might call minor ways. If she can "get away with it" once, she'll do it over and over again. This girl needs some serious discipline and counseling, at the very least, maybe the husband does too if he doesn't see the severity and potential for worse in what she's doing. Teens that growup with little to no consequences often carry that over into adulthood. Some get slapped upside the proverbial head a few times and then it clicks. For others, it never does and they just continue being horrible people forever.
OP's daughter was eavesdropping, internet stalking and disability shaming an authority figure's child, all within a five-minute span? Those are some sociopathic traits. NTA.
She's 16. Tell her to get a job and buy her own d@mn concert tickets. What a spoiled brat.
i have an eating disorder and one time someone made fun of it, i cried everyday for that next few months, stopped going to school bc i was so scared of seeing them, and just spiralled from there. it was my breaking point. riley should have what she did on her permanent record. she should also be at least suspended and suffer any consequences the school has for bullying. if it were my kid i would have them apologise to the teacher, the teachers son, the class, and anyone else aware of the situation as she is setting a bad example for other kids. also having an eating disorder when you were younger does nothing but make you a better judge of the situation.
Please don't backtrack on her punishment. She needs to learn that words can be very damaging. If she is so naive to think that she can say such hurtful things about another human being's struggle then she needs a serious reality check. Bloody hell... I lost a 15yo male friend to anorexia when we were 15. The medical profession didn't realise that boys can get EDs too and so his treatment was delayed, and he died as a result.
Ok let's see. The child is disrespectful to a teacher, insults the teacher's child and then plays parent against parent. Why is it even a question of buying concert tickets. You need to stick to your guns or she'll play her father against you any time she can.
I was shocked only one of the last ones mentioned that Riley basically looked up Mrs A's personal life on social media. Riley was looking for something and went in with a plan to hurt Mrs A's feelings by using her family. The husband thinks its no big deal cause Mrs A "just" sent her to the library, but I would do the same with a student I def no longer wanted to see because all I was thinking was red. Also, if she's doing this to a teacher, what other people is she using social media on? Riley seems lucky all she's getting is a talking to, grounded (though we don't know what all that involves) and losing out on concert tickets cause my parents would def be incredibly disappointed where I would no longer enjoy free time on my own for the foreseeable future. Also, she doesn't need to knock some sense into her husband to put her foot down on her daughter's behaivor.
NTA, and if your husband is going to let her get away with going to that concert, he’s enabling her! Her apology will never be sincere, and even so, she’s already damaged any kind of future relationship with that teacher. It’s one thing not to like the teacher, but you don’t go as far as making fun of a child with health problems.
I was bullied at school for my weight, and it caused me to develop anorexia. 30+ years later I still relapse. One horrible bully is all it takes. I not only approve of this girl’s punishment I also hope that the husband realises that bullying is not ‘just a few unthinking words’ - bullying kills.
Wow. How awful it would be for a parent to suddenly realize their child has a complete lack of empathy, no manners or concept of respect, and no moral compass.
NTA but your daughter is, classic bulling behavior and that's not ok. I think I would extend her punishment to include some learning - make her volunteer somewhere where she will learn empathy. Tell her that she will continue to do that and miss on privileges until she learns that hurting others is not ok. I kniw teenagers can be incredibly callous at times but not only did she ridicule another child who is sick but also his mother, who probably feels guilt over her son. That is well pass the line of simple teenage angst. Also she needs to talk to you about her issues with the teacher, get to the bottom of the issue
NTA. The nerve of the daughter to mock the teacher's son in front of her face. Don't know why she hates her teacher but that was pretty disrespectful. I don't understand the husband, How can she be grounded yet still go to a concert? Maybe I don't understand what grounding means.
no, mom is NTA. i never condoned my son's behavior towards his teachers or other adults for any reason even when there was a time that i understood why he did what he did. he was born with a craniofacial deformity and when he smiled it made it look even worse. so, for most of his school pics he is not smiling; at most a subtle smirk. one year one of the photographers kept telling him to smile (he was in high school by this time) and he kept telling her no, it's okay, just take the pic. according to witnesses the photog wouldn't let it go and after several minutes my son told her to just take the effin' pic! well that ended up with a trip to the office, a call to me, and one day suspension. i made my son write a letter of apology to the photog which he did. but, i also told the principal that i understood his frustration but that it was no excuse for that behavior.
The daughter is not sorry at all, she's just wants to go to the concert. What is Riley going to do with other people in life that she has issues with? Friends, lovers, co-workers? And what happens when they fight back? Not everyone is going to let her get away with this behaviour, Riley's going to be in a world of hurt. Out of the many AITA, this one really on another level of cruelty. I think it's past time for Mom and Dad to talk about Riley. NTA .
This goes back a lot further than this incident, this 16 yr old did not overnight turn into a bully. Furthermore if she's 16 good like k changing that behavior now. Maybe the parent isn't an AH, but the kid is
Totally the a*****e and apparently a very sensitive Karen. Go ahead and report me if you want but I have a right to my opinion and just like you
Erm... do you you realise just how many kids self harm because of kids behaving like Riley? It's a bit judgemental to suggest the teacher is not teaching because she mentioned having a son. I am mentally comparing the hundreds of teachers I have met - some the children know nothing about, others the children know everything. I am certain there is no correlation on teaching standards for either. Also, even the most fantastic teacher can be hated by a student. I once received a load of abuse in class because I looked similar to a foster parent who had been, let's just say difficult. Should I have taught him better manners? Should I have been retrained in class room management? Luckily in this case I was able to swap him to a teacher he could learn from. Mother should probably have dealt with this earlier, but hindsight is easy. Riley's behaviour needs to be judged harshly along with helping her realize how to behave better.
Load More Replies...So, this girl laughed at, and ridiculed, a teacher's son...for no other reason that I can discern from the story, other than she just hates the teacher. In *addition* to not allowing her to go to the concert, I'd march her right back to school and make her apologize to the teacher, in person. Teens sometimes make stupid mistakes, that's part of life, but without consequences those mistakes can evolve into something worse. Definitely NTA.
this isn't a mistake, this is just mean spirited behavior.
Load More Replies...It doesn't matter that the boy actually had anorexia. What possessed the daughter, aged 16 (!!!!) to think it was in any way okay to look them up on social media, walk up to the teacher and trash-talk her son?? And she doesn't even seem to understand why this is wrong?
No kidding. Even if it was retaliation for something the teacher had done, pulling in an innocent bystander just to hurt said teacher is messed up and needs to be addressed.
Load More Replies...NTA but maybe the husband's laissez-faire attitude is the reason Riley is a prick.
Your daughter needs to understand that the teacher is not only the annoying person that gives homework and teach important knowledge, but also a human being with kids, family and human emotions... It is in reality the concept of respect of a fellow human being.
I would have slammed the breaks SO hard, that alone would have shut that brat up. And you turn around that car the very instant you learn what had happened. Deal with the husband later. As someone who has been bullied to the point where I was suicidal, I just cannot express how much I f*****g hate bullies. Why the ever-loving hell is it always teenage girls?! How did this get so far out of hand that this girl felt comfortable to walk up to her teacher and start mocking her son to her face??? This isn't a first stage, I can guarantee that brat was acting out for a while now, it was left unpunished and has escalated her behaviour. Why are schools this completely useless when it comes to bullying?!
Husband shows a worrying lack of understanding too I think. He assumes that 'it was no big deal' because the girl was not sent to the principal. How should the teacher have reacted? Sending her to the library in the hopes of de escalating a problem was the best move. Teacher needs time to think, if the girl is otherwise OK with others (highly unlikely, but I suppose possible) a different approach is needed than if child is generally a mean bully. A decent teacher will try not to react when they are emotional. It has been my experience that teachers are more willing to drop things when it sounds like parents are willing to enact consequences. The husband seems to be saying if his daughter had been sent to the principal, stopping her concert would be OK. Also feels a little like daughter is trying to manipulate mother - hopefully mum would have been just as horified at any cruelty, but she is being made to feel this is her issue. Father is reinforcing this. Kids can go through bad phases
It's entirely possible the father is one of those people who thinks eating disorders only affect women. That would cause him to have bias and feel justified because "even the parent didn't make a big deal out of it."
Load More Replies...I'm having a hard time getting over parents seeking validation for their parenting choices, especially in cases where they know where their values lie.
NTA, and seriously, who look for someone's children at social medias and ridicule them?
If some of the students at my old school were anything to go by... future fascists.
Load More Replies...This isn't just stupid kid stuff, or a teen just not thinking before speaking. This girl is a straight up bully, and likely something far worse than that. She is actively looking for ways to hurt the teacher. It's entirely possible (probable, really) that she does the same to other people as well, but her parents don't know. I'd be surprised if she didn't bully other kids, even in what most might call minor ways. If she can "get away with it" once, she'll do it over and over again. This girl needs some serious discipline and counseling, at the very least, maybe the husband does too if he doesn't see the severity and potential for worse in what she's doing. Teens that growup with little to no consequences often carry that over into adulthood. Some get slapped upside the proverbial head a few times and then it clicks. For others, it never does and they just continue being horrible people forever.
OP's daughter was eavesdropping, internet stalking and disability shaming an authority figure's child, all within a five-minute span? Those are some sociopathic traits. NTA.
She's 16. Tell her to get a job and buy her own d@mn concert tickets. What a spoiled brat.
i have an eating disorder and one time someone made fun of it, i cried everyday for that next few months, stopped going to school bc i was so scared of seeing them, and just spiralled from there. it was my breaking point. riley should have what she did on her permanent record. she should also be at least suspended and suffer any consequences the school has for bullying. if it were my kid i would have them apologise to the teacher, the teachers son, the class, and anyone else aware of the situation as she is setting a bad example for other kids. also having an eating disorder when you were younger does nothing but make you a better judge of the situation.
Please don't backtrack on her punishment. She needs to learn that words can be very damaging. If she is so naive to think that she can say such hurtful things about another human being's struggle then she needs a serious reality check. Bloody hell... I lost a 15yo male friend to anorexia when we were 15. The medical profession didn't realise that boys can get EDs too and so his treatment was delayed, and he died as a result.
Ok let's see. The child is disrespectful to a teacher, insults the teacher's child and then plays parent against parent. Why is it even a question of buying concert tickets. You need to stick to your guns or she'll play her father against you any time she can.
I was shocked only one of the last ones mentioned that Riley basically looked up Mrs A's personal life on social media. Riley was looking for something and went in with a plan to hurt Mrs A's feelings by using her family. The husband thinks its no big deal cause Mrs A "just" sent her to the library, but I would do the same with a student I def no longer wanted to see because all I was thinking was red. Also, if she's doing this to a teacher, what other people is she using social media on? Riley seems lucky all she's getting is a talking to, grounded (though we don't know what all that involves) and losing out on concert tickets cause my parents would def be incredibly disappointed where I would no longer enjoy free time on my own for the foreseeable future. Also, she doesn't need to knock some sense into her husband to put her foot down on her daughter's behaivor.
NTA, and if your husband is going to let her get away with going to that concert, he’s enabling her! Her apology will never be sincere, and even so, she’s already damaged any kind of future relationship with that teacher. It’s one thing not to like the teacher, but you don’t go as far as making fun of a child with health problems.
I was bullied at school for my weight, and it caused me to develop anorexia. 30+ years later I still relapse. One horrible bully is all it takes. I not only approve of this girl’s punishment I also hope that the husband realises that bullying is not ‘just a few unthinking words’ - bullying kills.
Wow. How awful it would be for a parent to suddenly realize their child has a complete lack of empathy, no manners or concept of respect, and no moral compass.
NTA but your daughter is, classic bulling behavior and that's not ok. I think I would extend her punishment to include some learning - make her volunteer somewhere where she will learn empathy. Tell her that she will continue to do that and miss on privileges until she learns that hurting others is not ok. I kniw teenagers can be incredibly callous at times but not only did she ridicule another child who is sick but also his mother, who probably feels guilt over her son. That is well pass the line of simple teenage angst. Also she needs to talk to you about her issues with the teacher, get to the bottom of the issue
NTA. The nerve of the daughter to mock the teacher's son in front of her face. Don't know why she hates her teacher but that was pretty disrespectful. I don't understand the husband, How can she be grounded yet still go to a concert? Maybe I don't understand what grounding means.
no, mom is NTA. i never condoned my son's behavior towards his teachers or other adults for any reason even when there was a time that i understood why he did what he did. he was born with a craniofacial deformity and when he smiled it made it look even worse. so, for most of his school pics he is not smiling; at most a subtle smirk. one year one of the photographers kept telling him to smile (he was in high school by this time) and he kept telling her no, it's okay, just take the pic. according to witnesses the photog wouldn't let it go and after several minutes my son told her to just take the effin' pic! well that ended up with a trip to the office, a call to me, and one day suspension. i made my son write a letter of apology to the photog which he did. but, i also told the principal that i understood his frustration but that it was no excuse for that behavior.
The daughter is not sorry at all, she's just wants to go to the concert. What is Riley going to do with other people in life that she has issues with? Friends, lovers, co-workers? And what happens when they fight back? Not everyone is going to let her get away with this behaviour, Riley's going to be in a world of hurt. Out of the many AITA, this one really on another level of cruelty. I think it's past time for Mom and Dad to talk about Riley. NTA .
This goes back a lot further than this incident, this 16 yr old did not overnight turn into a bully. Furthermore if she's 16 good like k changing that behavior now. Maybe the parent isn't an AH, but the kid is
Totally the a*****e and apparently a very sensitive Karen. Go ahead and report me if you want but I have a right to my opinion and just like you
Erm... do you you realise just how many kids self harm because of kids behaving like Riley? It's a bit judgemental to suggest the teacher is not teaching because she mentioned having a son. I am mentally comparing the hundreds of teachers I have met - some the children know nothing about, others the children know everything. I am certain there is no correlation on teaching standards for either. Also, even the most fantastic teacher can be hated by a student. I once received a load of abuse in class because I looked similar to a foster parent who had been, let's just say difficult. Should I have taught him better manners? Should I have been retrained in class room management? Luckily in this case I was able to swap him to a teacher he could learn from. Mother should probably have dealt with this earlier, but hindsight is easy. Riley's behaviour needs to be judged harshly along with helping her realize how to behave better.
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