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New Mom Snaps After Being Told Not To Bring Her 5-Month-Old To A Work Outing
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New Mom Snaps After Being Told Not To Bring Her 5-Month-Old To A Work Outing

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Work! What a stressful thing.

With all the deadlines, clients, and a snoopy boss around, it can be hard to catch a break. However, now that the holidays are approaching, it’s finally time for the best aspect of any job – work functions.

Even if you’re reluctant to join your coworkers – and your superiors – outside the office, participating in an outing does have its benefits.

For instance, if you’re a newbie who has yet to get to know your teammates, going out for a drink or two could help you recognize the overall culture of your department and perhaps even get yourself a “work bestie.”

However, there’s one not-so-fun part, and that’s the planning. It’s a dreadful process because even though it’s an outing, it’s still a professional one, so you ought to be mindful of everyone’s needs – and it just so happens that every now and again, there’ll be a certain someone who’ll make things a little too difficult.

More info: Reddit | Darlene Viggiano

There’s one place where children most certainly don’t belong – and that’s at a work function

Image credits: GPA photo Archive (not the actual image)

AITA for telling my coworker not to bring her child?” – this internet user turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, wondering whether he’s indeed a jerk for telling his colleague who’s currently on maternity leave not to bring her 5-month-old to a pub for their early Christmas party. The post managed to garner nearly 10K upvotes as well as 2.7K comments discussing the situation.

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New mom snaps after being told not to bring her 5-month-old to a work outing

Image source: u/snappie259

The man began his story by unveiling that he and his coworkers, who’re mostly in their late 20s and without children, decided to have an early Christmas party just for their department. They planned to go to a pub at about 7 p.m., get some beers, and basically see where the night takes them.

The colleagues made a group chat to discuss where they’d like to go, and they also added a woman who’s currently on maternity leave. She was happy to come and said that she would attend with her son who’s currently 5 months old.

Naturally, the post’s author stated that since everyone would be noisy, intoxicated, and it would be very late, it probably wasn’t a good idea to bring the baby along.

The author’s department made a group chat and invited everyone out to an early Christmas party at a pub

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Image source: u/snappie259

Image credits: Jerry (not the actual image)

Image source: u/snappie259

The new mother asserted that everything would be fine and that she takes the baby along with her everywhere she goes; she even said that she took him to her husband’s conference and he barely cried.

Still, several staff members chimed in and offered to alter the dates if she didn’t have a babysitter, stating that it still wouldn’t be the greatest environment for a child. The woman said that she didn’t want to be separated from her son and basically called everyone jerks.

After the story gained quite a bit of attention, the author decided to add some extra commentary for some context. He said that they didn’t form a group chat without her; the girl who created it didn’t have the woman’s phone number, so a friend of hers had the honor of adding her. The employees intended to add her all along, plus the author of the post is on friendly terms with the new mom.

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They also added a colleague that is currently on maternity leave; the woman tried to drag her baby along – however, she was told that it wasn’t a good idea

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Image credits: Jackie (not the actual image)

Image credits: Jackie (not the actual image)

Image source: u/snappie259

He described them both as work friends. They don’t hang out outside of their jobs, but before she gave birth, they’d usually take their lunches together. The man then proceeded with some standard Reddit edits, noting that he’s based in Europe and that English isn’t his first language. He also urged the web trolls to refrain from making unnecessary threats.

But what do you think about this situation? Do you believe that the new mom is in the wrong?

She then snapped and called everyone jerks because she didn’t want to be separated from her child

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Image source: u/snappie259

Since it’s quite evident that the new mom could be suffering from separation anxiety, Bored Panda decided to reach out to an expert. Darlene B. Viggiano, a California-based professional who wittily described herself as a therapist who doesn’t read Reddit, offered some insightful commentary on the story: “Everyone has a right to feel, whether the feeling is upset or otherwise. When people find themselves in new mom and/or coworker scenarios, it helps to show empathy for each other’s positions.”

“The new mom, despite her upset, can still empathize with the fact that her coworkers want to have an adults-only night out on the town, and the coworkers can empathize with the fact that the new mom wants her baby with her or the father at all times.”

“Once empathy is clearly communicated, there is less motivation for name-calling and more motivation for cooperation, so that the solution one person suggested of changing/adding a new time and venue could become an option. Options tend to go unheard once negative labels start getting thrown into the communication. Negativity begets negativity, and that’s when further judgments get heaped on, such as about whether a mother ‘should’ bring a newborn to an alcoholic event, despite the fact that many parents throw such events right in their own homes, for better or worse.”

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Fellow community members shared their thoughts and opinions on this situation

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shawnwoodbury avatar
ZeroCapacity
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry happen to be the type of person that thinks a bar is no place for a baby. Don't care if parents are there or not the baby does not belong there. Can't be seperated from the baby or get a sitter do not go. It is really as simple as that, not everyone wants a baby at their gatherings.

missal_warrior_0c avatar
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Friendly reminder that a downvote is not a dislike- it came get people BANNED. Please save the downvoted for hate/bigotry/slurs and not just an opinion you don’t agree with!

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stacyknudson avatar
SHK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had to do a double-take reading "five months" and "maternity leave." This is how I immediately knew it was based outside of USA.

laura_ketteridge avatar
Laura Ketteridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As soon as the baby is an employee in your department they will have an invitation to events.

carlamcneil avatar
Carla McNeil
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wanting to bond with your kid is one thing. But you've got to be nuts taking a baby into a bar with the whole snack mix of viruses that will be floating around in a big noisy crowd.

katejones_1 avatar
Kate Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't the husband watch the baby for a few hours? I'm tired of kids being brought to inappropriate places or being taken everywhere. It would be one thing if you can't afford a babysitter (so you should just say no and not go) but I'm tired of paying to enjoy a night out only to have it ruined by kids running around. And it's always the loudest most annoying kids who have parents who act like they could care less and do nothing. Not even an obligatory look of embarrassment. You save up for a month to afford to take a date to a super fancy restaurant for a romantic night and some jerk has their 2 kids there running all around and throwing stuff everywhere. Kids are great, but they're kids and will act like it. Take them to mcdonalds or a more appropriate restaurant. Same with movies. You take your kid into a r rated movie or inappropriate-for-kids movie and they're jumping all around or talking the whole time while you say nothing, ruining the movie for everyone who paid for it.

rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. But I also want to comment on parents taking kids to R-rated movies. That can actually be traumatic for the child depending on what type of movie it is. I once saw a Stephen King movie where someone was beheaded. Some idiot had brought her toddler who started screaming and then the mother scolded the child by telling her that she had told her not to watch the movie! What exactly did this mother expect this kid to do for two hours in the dark???

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louisecameron avatar
Lou Cam
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to a work Christmas night out next month and not taking my kids. Its a pub meal followed by lots of drinks (we're in Scotland so could get messy). Never taken my kids to a work night out ever and neither have any colleagues of mine. If I can't get childcare I just don't go. That's the sacrifice of being a parent. Of course I've taken my kids out to family friendly events and restaurants but a night out getting pissed is not for kids. Also pubs here are either over 18's only or accept kids to 6pm. Not even an option to be bring them.

rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People want to go out to the bar, not a family outing. If you won't leave the baby, don't go... as an aside: anyone who wishes death upon someone or their child over this situation is big time an AH.

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people take stuff way too far. They could have just messaged, I disagree, then try and say why. They'd be wrong. But threats and wishes of death because someone rightfully pointed out that a work party at pub, clearly an outing intended for adults, was not the right place for a 5 month old. It's not fair to the five month, nor to all the other adults who obviously don't want to be around a five month old at a friggen bar.

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shaunlee avatar
SheamusFanFrom1987
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, sorry but I'm not sure the mutual friend knows what motherhood is if she's planning to bring her 5-month old to a bar of all places. I get that baby-separation is a thing but seriously, a BAR???!!! Might as well take the little one shark cage diving or bungee jumping at this rate. Good thing where I come from, bars and clubs have a strict no-child policy. Good thing too because the noise level and smoking is sometimes even too much for some adults to take.

moyamcbride avatar
MoMcB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the comments, it says it's a more UK thing. Most pubs don't allow it here, in the evening, unless they serve food, and that's only until it stops, usually about 8pm, it's definitely not a thing.

staceyvokes avatar
StayC
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pubs in the UK won't let kids in if they're not serving food and it's generally discouraged to bring kids to pubs especially late at night, I doubt they'd be allowed in past 8pm in most pubs, thankfully

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dariazotova avatar
Daria
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Colleagues don't have to put up with baby noises or consider the kid's needs when having a party for adults. A bar is certainly not a 0+ place, nor should it be.

danielstarrett1975 avatar
Daniel Starrett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the "party" is mandated, outside of office hours, they most assuredly DO have to "put up with...". Don't be the AH, singling parents out

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allyonora avatar
Andrea Pereira
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would like to see this crazy mom actually bringing her 5mo to a pub event. It'd go swimmingly! At least then she'd learn a lesson. Of course I hope that's not what happened because poor baby doesn't deserve to suffer because of mom's unreasonableness.

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know of place that would have called CPS for suspected child abuse... because they did it before when someone tried to stay with their toddler.

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stayoffmylawn_1 avatar
Stay Off My Lawn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA that’s a child, not an accessory. Why would someone want to take an infant to a pub anyway? What if a drunk person injures the baby?

lolat5082 avatar
Lori T Wisconsin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry new Mom, nobody but you thinks your kid is cute. Nada. Nobody. Leave it home.

ramonajackson avatar
Ramona Jackson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an adult whose adoptive mother dragged her EVERYdamnwhere, children need to be in their cribs at home getting their rest at night. So many times I was exhausted, trying to sleep in a homeowners a raucous drunken party was going on, crying because I was so tired. She never left me with a babysitter, forcing me to see adults acting out in a drunken stupor. I was sexually abused at one boozefest. Leave the baby home or stay there with him. That's what's best for kiddies.

staceyvokes avatar
StayC
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do people always have to bring their babies everywhere? Get a babysitter! I don't want to listen to a baby while I'm drinking in a pub, kids shouldn't be allowed in pubs ever, they can go to so many places, let us have somewhere without screaming kids!

mahoganyeclipse avatar
Mahogany Eclipse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG people are horrid telling OP that nasty stuff, that she should kill herself and hope she loses her baby what is WRONG with some people?!

sethmarsh avatar
Seth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP offered to reschedule for when she could have a sitter and the mom refused. To me this makes it obvious that the mom planned to hijack the party and make it all about her; she wanted all her coworkers to fuss over her baby and heap praise and compliments onto her. I get that she's probably starved for social interaction, and that her baby is probably taking up all of her focus, but she still should have understood the context of the invite (and felt grateful that her coworkers wanted to include her) rather than using it as an opportunity for something else.

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently she has already brought the baby to her workplace multiple times and insists everyone hold it no matter how much it is screaming or how much a person says no. So I disagree with you on the social interaction, she loves the focus on her accessory, but everything else I think is spot on. She wants to hijack the party. She wants everything to be about her and what she managed to do.

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leeann_1 avatar
Lee-Ann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simple, only people who work in the department are invited, baby doesn't work, baby doesn't come.

bluemom2017 avatar
Pamela Blue
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She doesn't want to be away from her baby at 5 months? That's the kind of attitude I expect from the mother of a baby under a month or two. At 5 months, I needed a break and got a babysitter (a trusted one) and went for a night out. This mom has issues if she can't be parted from the child at 5 months old.

kathrynbaylis avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And a child raised by such an extremely low-flying helicopter parent is going to have issues as well.

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c_lee_8920 avatar
Courtney Christelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son is 13 and I still jump at the chance of child-free time. A bar is no place for a kid. - a now adult that was always taken to the bar by her parent.

sakurachan0486 avatar
Nenna Olumba
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I imagine this woman is the type who’d bring her kid to a child-free wedding and tell the couple to “deal with it”. Her coworkers are accommodating HER needs and she turns around and calls them a bunch of baby-eating a******s. She sounds rather entitled, really. Companies do arrange family-related work events too.

lindagdanner avatar
Linda Martin-Danner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope NTA! When my daughter got married her sister brought her 6 month old baby, he cried during the vows, ruining the moment and the video. When I remarried after being widowed, I made the invitations no children under 18. Niece had 4 kids, she chose not to come without them, her mother and step dad ( my brother and only sibling) chose to stay away even though he said they were coming and had a special reserved table at the reception. It was obvious they weren’t there, to everyone. Many family members asked. My sis in law is just that witchy. So like I said NTA!!

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd have said they both came down with something, and had to go to the health department for a test. They didn't give me specifics, but they wouldn't be able to drink alcohol and probably wouldn't ve very fun. Petty deserves petty. And not showing up like that, on purpose, without notice, is petty and disrespectful. I'd even have a friend or two encourage the rumor, the odd detail thrown in.

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rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the description of the bar environment it does not sound like the right place for a baby, and the people holding the event didn't want the baby there. So, NTA. I will mention though that bar environments are country-specific and some are child friendly. As an American I was amused to discover in Italy that they have combination bars/ice cream parlors. Whereas in America, bars are adults-only places. I might also guess that cultural drinking styles might factor into the type of bars that are present in many countries. In America, it isn't unusual for people to get completely drunk at a bar. And bars are also a place where singles gather to meet other singles and can include loud music and dancing. Lastly, of course, the local laws around smoking in bars may also be a factor, but in this case smoking was not allowed.

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A workplace party, at a pub, is no place for a five month old. Be considerate of everyone else there too. Can already tell this is the type of person who thinks their shouldn't have to change because they had a baby. SURPRISE! It does. Means there are times you don't get to do the fun stuff. Or to do the fun stuff you get a sitter.

dodsonmichelle avatar
Celtic Pirate Queen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The friend is remarkably entitled and selfish. No one wants to hang out at a pub with your CHILD. Get a f*cking clue. If you can't be "separated" from your baby for a few hours, then STAY HOME. This really doesn't have to be that difficult.

glosaint-aime avatar
GLO SAINT-AIME
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA crazy to bring a young child there with strangers and baby could get sick is she going breastfeed too , ugh

helentaylor avatar
Helen Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A baby in a bar? OK pub. Same difference. And if this baby never has a babysitter, it’s going to grow too dependent on its mom and not go through the normal “mom still exists when she is not in the room,” realization. They’re supposed to win a child’s maturing be a normal separation between parents and child. It starts with babysitting with really good babysitters. Mom is doing this child a disservice and also her husband. The baby “didn’t cry much” during his presentation? Mom needs to relax.

willemsen avatar
Meami
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What’s wrong with this woman that she can’t be separated from her baby for a couple of hours? Even if she’s solely breastfeeding, a 5 month old can go a couple of hours without eating. She can leave baby with her husband (she’s clearly married). I feel bad for the kid.

hollybenedict avatar
Holly Benedict
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are there so many stories about parents trying to make the fact that they have kids everyone else's problem. Have some self awareness, it's a child not a handbag, you can't just take it where you please and expect people to love it. Its very upsetting to see parents not recognize that they are now responsible for another human being and that means they have to make sacrifices to their social life to care for it.

aneesakhanali avatar
Aneesa Khan Ali
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why was she even invited in the first place?!!She seems a b***h and entitled! Plus who wants a kids where ur gonna have fun and drink?!! She needs to take a hike with her annoying kid and rude self out of the equation here! She wants to have her cake and eat it too. If you got a kid then do the responsible thing and stay the f home with it! Dont expect people to bend over backwards for your a*s!!!

steven47 avatar
Steven Livingston
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not e erybody thinks some entitled clueless mommy's hellspawn is the gift from heaven she thinks it is. Nothing is more of a buzz kill than a screaming crumbsnatcher and it's self-righteous parent busting everybody's balls to adjust their behavior around it. Stay home and deal with the little monster you chose to torque out.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants to bring her kid, let her, but don't change anything about how you enjoy your night simply because her child is there. Eat, drink, smoke, and socialize the same as you would if he wasn't there. Not out of spite, of course, but because she said it's fine. I, for one, would never take my infant to a bar.

kirstencarpenter avatar
kirsten carpenter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She has said it's always her or her husband that takes care of the baby. Her husband can take care she can stop by for a hour or two and go home. This sounds like she wants to be the center of attention with everyone cooing at the baby. I'm sure it's adorable. Maybe there could be a short Christmas party where employees and family can celebrate in the afternoon. This is misplaced entitlement and anxiety for a new mother to leave the baby. I remember that there is a primeval emotion that kicks in with most new mothers. This is not a big problem and can be sorted with communication and sensitivity

krimson avatar
Krimson -
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The main thing I don't understand in this is why a mother would bring her 5months old infant to a pub where its going to be loud no mattwr what. Does this mother want to destroy her child's ear drum with loud noise? What if theres a fight in the pub? Is she able to make sure the 5 month old infant is safe? Pub is a dangerous place no matter which country it is. I think the mother should have a reality check. If I was the mother of a small baby, I would NOT bring it to a pub that serves alcohol to people who could end up going crazy at the end of the night...

lukim3200 avatar
Sparkle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand both sides here...I see how a new mother would want to be with her baby all the time, but I also see how bringing a small infant to a bar isn't the best idea. I'm not saying that this would happen, but my own mother frequently brought me to bars with her when I was a baby, and she let me fall on my head off of a bar stool due to being too drunk to react in time (the "bar hopping" with me stopped then, because my grandparents stepped and took me after this happened). Again, I know people can go out to a bar without drinking (I've done so while going with my friends while we were all in college and had exams to study for but wanted to unwind a bit) and getting stupid, but it's just not necessarily the safest place for a small child. To me, they should change the venue of the Christmas party to suit everyone invited. 🤷🏻‍♀️

jmatz avatar
J Matz
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

tamiradotson avatar
tamira dotson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA, not ideal for a baby to be a pub, and presumably late although. Although I think it would have been a nice gesture (not required though) to ensure her that that would plan a family friend event in the future

geordiemcdougall avatar
GMc
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't wait for the following year's event. 17 month old, mom will probably be dieing for a kid free night out.

guapanelson avatar
Guapa Nelson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this new mum needs to remember her name isn't mum. I always said this to my daughters. It's hard to leave your baby. Particularly baby number one. If that's the case. It certainly won't be harmful to either mum or baby.

kyrie24 avatar
VodkaInMySweetTea
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please stop downvoting comments just because you disagree. I tried to defend the mom in this situation because I work with new parents and see them excluded from everything, isolated, and really struggling. Especially right now coming out of Covid isolation. I had to delete my comment before I racked up more downvotes, because downvotes result in getting banned on this app. We should be able to share an inoffensive but differing opinion here without being banned.

sin_2 avatar
gas station cola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i didn't see your original comment, but if you're siding with the mom, people are downvoting you because you're justifying a mother putting her own wants over her baby's needs. a pub at night is a dangerous place for a baby so young & "feeling isolated" is no excuse for endangering one's child. you yourself mentioned covid, which the baby could be exposed to at the pub & later die from because he's so young. personally, i have no problem downvoting those who excuse child endangerment because "mom was lonely" or whatever. she excluded *herself* by not letting dad or a babysitter watch the kid.

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aislingraye avatar
Aisling Raye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is all I could think of while reading this post https://is.gd/twYMKe

cateharris avatar
Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, I can completely understand why OP and the other co-workers don't want their evening out with drinks to include a young baby, but it sounds like the new mum might have anxiety about being separated from her 5-month-old, so I'd tread carefully. Clearly the baby's father is in the picture so might be able to look after the baby for a few hours - unless the date of the drinks conflicts something already in the dad's schedule. I'd clarify if the father will be available to look after the baby that night, this might give an idea whether the new mum has concerns about leaving the baby with a sitter for the first time, or if she might be experiencing separation anxiety - it might not solve the problem of her wishes v. everyone elses' wishes, but if might be easier to understand where she is coming from.

tash-penpalling avatar
Tenacious Squirrel
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s not up to the work colleagues to investigate the childcare options nor to try and assess whether their colleague has separation anxiety. They’ve already suggested they can move the date if there are childcare issues. If the woman can’t go without her baby (for anxiety, childcare, whatever other reason) then she needs to tell them that but mainly decline the event. It’s not everyone else’s problem.

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johnson_2937 avatar
Kyle Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA, as unpopular as this opinion seems to be it's not the OP's right to judge appropriateness or not and their assumptions are naive about how the baby and mother would respond to the situation. A fed sleeping 5 month old is not much more intrusive than a backpack or handbag (usually), If she planned it right and excused herself if the baby was crying or upset why does it matter. No one including the mother wants to be at the bar with an upset crying baby. Getting childcare at that age can be even more of a problem and headache than just wrapping it in a carrier. Without more details and how the facts are presented no one can say what would have happened and the OP and friends are AH

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What about this aren't you getting? It DOESN'T MATTER whether it's appropriate or not to bring a baby to a pub, nor whether or not it'll be a nuisance; the rest of the party has decided that this is to be an adults-only work event, period, and new mom can either accept it and find a sitter (OP and Co. were even willing to rearrange things to accommodate her in that respect, bunch of AH that they are) or she misses out. She doesn't just get to step in and impose her conditions on the rest of the party. I really can't stand these entitled parents who think having a new kid suddenly makes them Lord and Master of the Universe and the rest of us must bow their every whim. Sorry, new mom, but your kid is not everyone *else's* problem, and if you can't bear to let dad watch him for a few hours while you go have some adult time with with your co-workers that's *also* not anyone else's problem.

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Daniel Starrett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Regardless of the venue, and regardless of the country, we need to look at one key aspect that seems to have been ignored: this is an office party. It is for ALL office workers to attend. This means you need to "TRY" and find a venue that is suitable for ALL the office workers. Also, yes this is an office party; but it's a PARTY, not work. So it should be in an environment that is welcoming to EVERY office member; especially if attendance is mandatory. I am not one who agrees with ANY kind of "party" being held at a venue like a pub or a bar. The USA is a good example of why you should not mix alcohol with work; especially if it's for the entire office. You should have scheduled the main party at a more neutral place that accommodates to ALL of your workers, and then after a couple hours, they can migrate elsewhere if they want to drink, etc. Definitely the AH, Though I will grant an unintentional one.

saraheac avatar
YetAnotherSarah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to have the differing opinion, obviously. OP gave the info "this place we're going to is not baby friendly." Cool, OP has done *exactly* as much as OP should do. Either baby will be like most five months old and be fairly unnoticeable in the evening in a white noise environment or baby will not be and mother will have to leave. OR do we all get to enforce our opinions on the disruptive annoying things about others? Jerky laughs, boring long-winded stories, terrible fake accents? Way more disruptive than a five month old.

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’d have to disagree a little bit. Nothing on this planet cuts through your ears and mind like a blatting baby. It’s not their fault, but I’d take boring stories over a bawling baby ANY day. I’d take a concerto of jackhammer on tin sheet over a braying baby without a moments hesitation. It’s something in the frequency maybe, perhaps something hardwired into our heads for survival purposes - whatever the reason, there are few things one can meet in a normal setting that’s more disruptive than a shrieking baby. To me anyway.

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Angela Turrall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't really think anyones TA here, though OP could have just said outright no kids rather than wording it in a judgemental way. We are pretty much virtual now but back when we did things in person we'd always try to make things child friendly so as to not put the person under stress, as we wanted to enjoy their company with or without kids. Won't work for everyone of course, but personally that's the way I'd go.

sin_2 avatar
gas station cola
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

how is the mom nta? she's clearly showing terrible parenting skills if she's putting her wants above her kid's needs. a 5 month old doesn't have a strong enough immune system to fight off the diseases he could be exposed to in such a crowded place. a baby that age needs decent sleep for proper growth & development, so taking him out that late to such a noisy & scary place is a terrible idea. not to mention how dangerous drunk people can be. even a well-intentioned intoxicated person could accidentally hurt a baby while trying to show affection, so can you imagine how badly things could go if an angry/violent drunk got fed up with a crying baby? because that tired, cranky baby is absolutely gonna cry whether he gets frightened by a loud unfamiliar environment or not. mom is showing a complete disregard for her baby's safety & is prioritizing her own entertainment over what's truly important. forget how disrespectful she's being to her coworkers & everyone else in the pub by bringing a screech machine in there. she's literally endangering her child for fun. she's the biggest ah ever.

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GoldfishCrackers
Community Member
1 year ago

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It’s true. This doesn’t sound like a family event. Be kind though. Balancing becoming a mom and your work life, and social events is new territory and really hard. Also- the word “drag” her kid along isn’t really fair. Just say “bring”. Dragging a kid somewhere means they’re kicking and screaming not to because they want to be at the park or watching Bluey or whatever. Don’t demonize the mom further by using more dramatic language than is necessary to describe the situation.

kyrie24 avatar
VodkaInMySweetTea
Community Member
1 year ago

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Tenacious Squirrel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s a work event. It’s certainly not up to the individual to decide who they’re bringing with them (unless it’s some event where it clearly says “bring whoever you want”). So yes, it is definitely their business if someone starts bringing an additional person/baby/pet. The event is for employees only. Not any of their relatives. Not even their mute grandma who won’t make a sound. Just because someone chooses to have a baby it doesn’t mean they have any right to bring whoever they want to events.

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madamjoiedumort
Community Member
1 year ago

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First off, how desperate are you that you're going to a work thing off the clock,? Second nobody wants to see the brat

cateharris avatar
Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get the impression you don't like the people you work with, so let me break some news to you. A lot of people who are friendly with their work colleagues like to go out together socially at Christmas. It doesn't mean they are desperate; it just means they are on good terms (friendly, even) with their colleagues. And nothing in the post said it was arranged or paid for by the company, or mandatory attendance for staff, so it doesn't need to be on the clock; it was arranged by the co-workers themselves.

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ZeroCapacity
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry happen to be the type of person that thinks a bar is no place for a baby. Don't care if parents are there or not the baby does not belong there. Can't be seperated from the baby or get a sitter do not go. It is really as simple as that, not everyone wants a baby at their gatherings.

missal_warrior_0c avatar
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Friendly reminder that a downvote is not a dislike- it came get people BANNED. Please save the downvoted for hate/bigotry/slurs and not just an opinion you don’t agree with!

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SHK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had to do a double-take reading "five months" and "maternity leave." This is how I immediately knew it was based outside of USA.

laura_ketteridge avatar
Laura Ketteridge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As soon as the baby is an employee in your department they will have an invitation to events.

carlamcneil avatar
Carla McNeil
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wanting to bond with your kid is one thing. But you've got to be nuts taking a baby into a bar with the whole snack mix of viruses that will be floating around in a big noisy crowd.

katejones_1 avatar
Kate Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't the husband watch the baby for a few hours? I'm tired of kids being brought to inappropriate places or being taken everywhere. It would be one thing if you can't afford a babysitter (so you should just say no and not go) but I'm tired of paying to enjoy a night out only to have it ruined by kids running around. And it's always the loudest most annoying kids who have parents who act like they could care less and do nothing. Not even an obligatory look of embarrassment. You save up for a month to afford to take a date to a super fancy restaurant for a romantic night and some jerk has their 2 kids there running all around and throwing stuff everywhere. Kids are great, but they're kids and will act like it. Take them to mcdonalds or a more appropriate restaurant. Same with movies. You take your kid into a r rated movie or inappropriate-for-kids movie and they're jumping all around or talking the whole time while you say nothing, ruining the movie for everyone who paid for it.

rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. But I also want to comment on parents taking kids to R-rated movies. That can actually be traumatic for the child depending on what type of movie it is. I once saw a Stephen King movie where someone was beheaded. Some idiot had brought her toddler who started screaming and then the mother scolded the child by telling her that she had told her not to watch the movie! What exactly did this mother expect this kid to do for two hours in the dark???

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Lou Cam
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to a work Christmas night out next month and not taking my kids. Its a pub meal followed by lots of drinks (we're in Scotland so could get messy). Never taken my kids to a work night out ever and neither have any colleagues of mine. If I can't get childcare I just don't go. That's the sacrifice of being a parent. Of course I've taken my kids out to family friendly events and restaurants but a night out getting pissed is not for kids. Also pubs here are either over 18's only or accept kids to 6pm. Not even an option to be bring them.

rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People want to go out to the bar, not a family outing. If you won't leave the baby, don't go... as an aside: anyone who wishes death upon someone or their child over this situation is big time an AH.

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people take stuff way too far. They could have just messaged, I disagree, then try and say why. They'd be wrong. But threats and wishes of death because someone rightfully pointed out that a work party at pub, clearly an outing intended for adults, was not the right place for a 5 month old. It's not fair to the five month, nor to all the other adults who obviously don't want to be around a five month old at a friggen bar.

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shaunlee avatar
SheamusFanFrom1987
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, sorry but I'm not sure the mutual friend knows what motherhood is if she's planning to bring her 5-month old to a bar of all places. I get that baby-separation is a thing but seriously, a BAR???!!! Might as well take the little one shark cage diving or bungee jumping at this rate. Good thing where I come from, bars and clubs have a strict no-child policy. Good thing too because the noise level and smoking is sometimes even too much for some adults to take.

moyamcbride avatar
MoMcB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In the comments, it says it's a more UK thing. Most pubs don't allow it here, in the evening, unless they serve food, and that's only until it stops, usually about 8pm, it's definitely not a thing.

staceyvokes avatar
StayC
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pubs in the UK won't let kids in if they're not serving food and it's generally discouraged to bring kids to pubs especially late at night, I doubt they'd be allowed in past 8pm in most pubs, thankfully

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Daria
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Colleagues don't have to put up with baby noises or consider the kid's needs when having a party for adults. A bar is certainly not a 0+ place, nor should it be.

danielstarrett1975 avatar
Daniel Starrett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If the "party" is mandated, outside of office hours, they most assuredly DO have to "put up with...". Don't be the AH, singling parents out

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allyonora avatar
Andrea Pereira
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would like to see this crazy mom actually bringing her 5mo to a pub event. It'd go swimmingly! At least then she'd learn a lesson. Of course I hope that's not what happened because poor baby doesn't deserve to suffer because of mom's unreasonableness.

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know of place that would have called CPS for suspected child abuse... because they did it before when someone tried to stay with their toddler.

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stayoffmylawn_1 avatar
Stay Off My Lawn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA that’s a child, not an accessory. Why would someone want to take an infant to a pub anyway? What if a drunk person injures the baby?

lolat5082 avatar
Lori T Wisconsin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry new Mom, nobody but you thinks your kid is cute. Nada. Nobody. Leave it home.

ramonajackson avatar
Ramona Jackson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an adult whose adoptive mother dragged her EVERYdamnwhere, children need to be in their cribs at home getting their rest at night. So many times I was exhausted, trying to sleep in a homeowners a raucous drunken party was going on, crying because I was so tired. She never left me with a babysitter, forcing me to see adults acting out in a drunken stupor. I was sexually abused at one boozefest. Leave the baby home or stay there with him. That's what's best for kiddies.

staceyvokes avatar
StayC
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do people always have to bring their babies everywhere? Get a babysitter! I don't want to listen to a baby while I'm drinking in a pub, kids shouldn't be allowed in pubs ever, they can go to so many places, let us have somewhere without screaming kids!

mahoganyeclipse avatar
Mahogany Eclipse
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG people are horrid telling OP that nasty stuff, that she should kill herself and hope she loses her baby what is WRONG with some people?!

sethmarsh avatar
Seth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP offered to reschedule for when she could have a sitter and the mom refused. To me this makes it obvious that the mom planned to hijack the party and make it all about her; she wanted all her coworkers to fuss over her baby and heap praise and compliments onto her. I get that she's probably starved for social interaction, and that her baby is probably taking up all of her focus, but she still should have understood the context of the invite (and felt grateful that her coworkers wanted to include her) rather than using it as an opportunity for something else.

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently she has already brought the baby to her workplace multiple times and insists everyone hold it no matter how much it is screaming or how much a person says no. So I disagree with you on the social interaction, she loves the focus on her accessory, but everything else I think is spot on. She wants to hijack the party. She wants everything to be about her and what she managed to do.

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leeann_1 avatar
Lee-Ann
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Simple, only people who work in the department are invited, baby doesn't work, baby doesn't come.

bluemom2017 avatar
Pamela Blue
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She doesn't want to be away from her baby at 5 months? That's the kind of attitude I expect from the mother of a baby under a month or two. At 5 months, I needed a break and got a babysitter (a trusted one) and went for a night out. This mom has issues if she can't be parted from the child at 5 months old.

kathrynbaylis avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And a child raised by such an extremely low-flying helicopter parent is going to have issues as well.

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c_lee_8920 avatar
Courtney Christelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son is 13 and I still jump at the chance of child-free time. A bar is no place for a kid. - a now adult that was always taken to the bar by her parent.

sakurachan0486 avatar
Nenna Olumba
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I imagine this woman is the type who’d bring her kid to a child-free wedding and tell the couple to “deal with it”. Her coworkers are accommodating HER needs and she turns around and calls them a bunch of baby-eating a******s. She sounds rather entitled, really. Companies do arrange family-related work events too.

lindagdanner avatar
Linda Martin-Danner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope NTA! When my daughter got married her sister brought her 6 month old baby, he cried during the vows, ruining the moment and the video. When I remarried after being widowed, I made the invitations no children under 18. Niece had 4 kids, she chose not to come without them, her mother and step dad ( my brother and only sibling) chose to stay away even though he said they were coming and had a special reserved table at the reception. It was obvious they weren’t there, to everyone. Many family members asked. My sis in law is just that witchy. So like I said NTA!!

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd have said they both came down with something, and had to go to the health department for a test. They didn't give me specifics, but they wouldn't be able to drink alcohol and probably wouldn't ve very fun. Petty deserves petty. And not showing up like that, on purpose, without notice, is petty and disrespectful. I'd even have a friend or two encourage the rumor, the odd detail thrown in.

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rogersmary523 avatar
Mary Rogers
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From the description of the bar environment it does not sound like the right place for a baby, and the people holding the event didn't want the baby there. So, NTA. I will mention though that bar environments are country-specific and some are child friendly. As an American I was amused to discover in Italy that they have combination bars/ice cream parlors. Whereas in America, bars are adults-only places. I might also guess that cultural drinking styles might factor into the type of bars that are present in many countries. In America, it isn't unusual for people to get completely drunk at a bar. And bars are also a place where singles gather to meet other singles and can include loud music and dancing. Lastly, of course, the local laws around smoking in bars may also be a factor, but in this case smoking was not allowed.

jessemagnan avatar
Angersly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A workplace party, at a pub, is no place for a five month old. Be considerate of everyone else there too. Can already tell this is the type of person who thinks their shouldn't have to change because they had a baby. SURPRISE! It does. Means there are times you don't get to do the fun stuff. Or to do the fun stuff you get a sitter.

dodsonmichelle avatar
Celtic Pirate Queen
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The friend is remarkably entitled and selfish. No one wants to hang out at a pub with your CHILD. Get a f*cking clue. If you can't be "separated" from your baby for a few hours, then STAY HOME. This really doesn't have to be that difficult.

glosaint-aime avatar
GLO SAINT-AIME
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA crazy to bring a young child there with strangers and baby could get sick is she going breastfeed too , ugh

helentaylor avatar
Helen Taylor
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A baby in a bar? OK pub. Same difference. And if this baby never has a babysitter, it’s going to grow too dependent on its mom and not go through the normal “mom still exists when she is not in the room,” realization. They’re supposed to win a child’s maturing be a normal separation between parents and child. It starts with babysitting with really good babysitters. Mom is doing this child a disservice and also her husband. The baby “didn’t cry much” during his presentation? Mom needs to relax.

willemsen avatar
Meami
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What’s wrong with this woman that she can’t be separated from her baby for a couple of hours? Even if she’s solely breastfeeding, a 5 month old can go a couple of hours without eating. She can leave baby with her husband (she’s clearly married). I feel bad for the kid.

hollybenedict avatar
Holly Benedict
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are there so many stories about parents trying to make the fact that they have kids everyone else's problem. Have some self awareness, it's a child not a handbag, you can't just take it where you please and expect people to love it. Its very upsetting to see parents not recognize that they are now responsible for another human being and that means they have to make sacrifices to their social life to care for it.

aneesakhanali avatar
Aneesa Khan Ali
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why was she even invited in the first place?!!She seems a b***h and entitled! Plus who wants a kids where ur gonna have fun and drink?!! She needs to take a hike with her annoying kid and rude self out of the equation here! She wants to have her cake and eat it too. If you got a kid then do the responsible thing and stay the f home with it! Dont expect people to bend over backwards for your a*s!!!

steven47 avatar
Steven Livingston
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not e erybody thinks some entitled clueless mommy's hellspawn is the gift from heaven she thinks it is. Nothing is more of a buzz kill than a screaming crumbsnatcher and it's self-righteous parent busting everybody's balls to adjust their behavior around it. Stay home and deal with the little monster you chose to torque out.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she wants to bring her kid, let her, but don't change anything about how you enjoy your night simply because her child is there. Eat, drink, smoke, and socialize the same as you would if he wasn't there. Not out of spite, of course, but because she said it's fine. I, for one, would never take my infant to a bar.

kirstencarpenter avatar
kirsten carpenter
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She has said it's always her or her husband that takes care of the baby. Her husband can take care she can stop by for a hour or two and go home. This sounds like she wants to be the center of attention with everyone cooing at the baby. I'm sure it's adorable. Maybe there could be a short Christmas party where employees and family can celebrate in the afternoon. This is misplaced entitlement and anxiety for a new mother to leave the baby. I remember that there is a primeval emotion that kicks in with most new mothers. This is not a big problem and can be sorted with communication and sensitivity

krimson avatar
Krimson -
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The main thing I don't understand in this is why a mother would bring her 5months old infant to a pub where its going to be loud no mattwr what. Does this mother want to destroy her child's ear drum with loud noise? What if theres a fight in the pub? Is she able to make sure the 5 month old infant is safe? Pub is a dangerous place no matter which country it is. I think the mother should have a reality check. If I was the mother of a small baby, I would NOT bring it to a pub that serves alcohol to people who could end up going crazy at the end of the night...

lukim3200 avatar
Sparkle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand both sides here...I see how a new mother would want to be with her baby all the time, but I also see how bringing a small infant to a bar isn't the best idea. I'm not saying that this would happen, but my own mother frequently brought me to bars with her when I was a baby, and she let me fall on my head off of a bar stool due to being too drunk to react in time (the "bar hopping" with me stopped then, because my grandparents stepped and took me after this happened). Again, I know people can go out to a bar without drinking (I've done so while going with my friends while we were all in college and had exams to study for but wanted to unwind a bit) and getting stupid, but it's just not necessarily the safest place for a small child. To me, they should change the venue of the Christmas party to suit everyone invited. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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J Matz
Community Member
1 year ago

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tamiradotson avatar
tamira dotson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely NTA, not ideal for a baby to be a pub, and presumably late although. Although I think it would have been a nice gesture (not required though) to ensure her that that would plan a family friend event in the future

geordiemcdougall avatar
GMc
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't wait for the following year's event. 17 month old, mom will probably be dieing for a kid free night out.

guapanelson avatar
Guapa Nelson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this new mum needs to remember her name isn't mum. I always said this to my daughters. It's hard to leave your baby. Particularly baby number one. If that's the case. It certainly won't be harmful to either mum or baby.

kyrie24 avatar
VodkaInMySweetTea
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please stop downvoting comments just because you disagree. I tried to defend the mom in this situation because I work with new parents and see them excluded from everything, isolated, and really struggling. Especially right now coming out of Covid isolation. I had to delete my comment before I racked up more downvotes, because downvotes result in getting banned on this app. We should be able to share an inoffensive but differing opinion here without being banned.

sin_2 avatar
gas station cola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i didn't see your original comment, but if you're siding with the mom, people are downvoting you because you're justifying a mother putting her own wants over her baby's needs. a pub at night is a dangerous place for a baby so young & "feeling isolated" is no excuse for endangering one's child. you yourself mentioned covid, which the baby could be exposed to at the pub & later die from because he's so young. personally, i have no problem downvoting those who excuse child endangerment because "mom was lonely" or whatever. she excluded *herself* by not letting dad or a babysitter watch the kid.

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Aisling Raye
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is all I could think of while reading this post https://is.gd/twYMKe

cateharris avatar
Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, I can completely understand why OP and the other co-workers don't want their evening out with drinks to include a young baby, but it sounds like the new mum might have anxiety about being separated from her 5-month-old, so I'd tread carefully. Clearly the baby's father is in the picture so might be able to look after the baby for a few hours - unless the date of the drinks conflicts something already in the dad's schedule. I'd clarify if the father will be available to look after the baby that night, this might give an idea whether the new mum has concerns about leaving the baby with a sitter for the first time, or if she might be experiencing separation anxiety - it might not solve the problem of her wishes v. everyone elses' wishes, but if might be easier to understand where she is coming from.

tash-penpalling avatar
Tenacious Squirrel
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s not up to the work colleagues to investigate the childcare options nor to try and assess whether their colleague has separation anxiety. They’ve already suggested they can move the date if there are childcare issues. If the woman can’t go without her baby (for anxiety, childcare, whatever other reason) then she needs to tell them that but mainly decline the event. It’s not everyone else’s problem.

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Kyle Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA, as unpopular as this opinion seems to be it's not the OP's right to judge appropriateness or not and their assumptions are naive about how the baby and mother would respond to the situation. A fed sleeping 5 month old is not much more intrusive than a backpack or handbag (usually), If she planned it right and excused herself if the baby was crying or upset why does it matter. No one including the mother wants to be at the bar with an upset crying baby. Getting childcare at that age can be even more of a problem and headache than just wrapping it in a carrier. Without more details and how the facts are presented no one can say what would have happened and the OP and friends are AH

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Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What about this aren't you getting? It DOESN'T MATTER whether it's appropriate or not to bring a baby to a pub, nor whether or not it'll be a nuisance; the rest of the party has decided that this is to be an adults-only work event, period, and new mom can either accept it and find a sitter (OP and Co. were even willing to rearrange things to accommodate her in that respect, bunch of AH that they are) or she misses out. She doesn't just get to step in and impose her conditions on the rest of the party. I really can't stand these entitled parents who think having a new kid suddenly makes them Lord and Master of the Universe and the rest of us must bow their every whim. Sorry, new mom, but your kid is not everyone *else's* problem, and if you can't bear to let dad watch him for a few hours while you go have some adult time with with your co-workers that's *also* not anyone else's problem.

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Daniel Starrett
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Regardless of the venue, and regardless of the country, we need to look at one key aspect that seems to have been ignored: this is an office party. It is for ALL office workers to attend. This means you need to "TRY" and find a venue that is suitable for ALL the office workers. Also, yes this is an office party; but it's a PARTY, not work. So it should be in an environment that is welcoming to EVERY office member; especially if attendance is mandatory. I am not one who agrees with ANY kind of "party" being held at a venue like a pub or a bar. The USA is a good example of why you should not mix alcohol with work; especially if it's for the entire office. You should have scheduled the main party at a more neutral place that accommodates to ALL of your workers, and then after a couple hours, they can migrate elsewhere if they want to drink, etc. Definitely the AH, Though I will grant an unintentional one.

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YetAnotherSarah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to have the differing opinion, obviously. OP gave the info "this place we're going to is not baby friendly." Cool, OP has done *exactly* as much as OP should do. Either baby will be like most five months old and be fairly unnoticeable in the evening in a white noise environment or baby will not be and mother will have to leave. OR do we all get to enforce our opinions on the disruptive annoying things about others? Jerky laughs, boring long-winded stories, terrible fake accents? Way more disruptive than a five month old.

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MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’d have to disagree a little bit. Nothing on this planet cuts through your ears and mind like a blatting baby. It’s not their fault, but I’d take boring stories over a bawling baby ANY day. I’d take a concerto of jackhammer on tin sheet over a braying baby without a moments hesitation. It’s something in the frequency maybe, perhaps something hardwired into our heads for survival purposes - whatever the reason, there are few things one can meet in a normal setting that’s more disruptive than a shrieking baby. To me anyway.

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Angela Turrall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't really think anyones TA here, though OP could have just said outright no kids rather than wording it in a judgemental way. We are pretty much virtual now but back when we did things in person we'd always try to make things child friendly so as to not put the person under stress, as we wanted to enjoy their company with or without kids. Won't work for everyone of course, but personally that's the way I'd go.

sin_2 avatar
gas station cola
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

how is the mom nta? she's clearly showing terrible parenting skills if she's putting her wants above her kid's needs. a 5 month old doesn't have a strong enough immune system to fight off the diseases he could be exposed to in such a crowded place. a baby that age needs decent sleep for proper growth & development, so taking him out that late to such a noisy & scary place is a terrible idea. not to mention how dangerous drunk people can be. even a well-intentioned intoxicated person could accidentally hurt a baby while trying to show affection, so can you imagine how badly things could go if an angry/violent drunk got fed up with a crying baby? because that tired, cranky baby is absolutely gonna cry whether he gets frightened by a loud unfamiliar environment or not. mom is showing a complete disregard for her baby's safety & is prioritizing her own entertainment over what's truly important. forget how disrespectful she's being to her coworkers & everyone else in the pub by bringing a screech machine in there. she's literally endangering her child for fun. she's the biggest ah ever.

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GoldfishCrackers
Community Member
1 year ago

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It’s true. This doesn’t sound like a family event. Be kind though. Balancing becoming a mom and your work life, and social events is new territory and really hard. Also- the word “drag” her kid along isn’t really fair. Just say “bring”. Dragging a kid somewhere means they’re kicking and screaming not to because they want to be at the park or watching Bluey or whatever. Don’t demonize the mom further by using more dramatic language than is necessary to describe the situation.

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VodkaInMySweetTea
Community Member
1 year ago

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Tenacious Squirrel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It’s a work event. It’s certainly not up to the individual to decide who they’re bringing with them (unless it’s some event where it clearly says “bring whoever you want”). So yes, it is definitely their business if someone starts bringing an additional person/baby/pet. The event is for employees only. Not any of their relatives. Not even their mute grandma who won’t make a sound. Just because someone chooses to have a baby it doesn’t mean they have any right to bring whoever they want to events.

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madamjoiedumort
Community Member
1 year ago

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First off, how desperate are you that you're going to a work thing off the clock,? Second nobody wants to see the brat

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Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get the impression you don't like the people you work with, so let me break some news to you. A lot of people who are friendly with their work colleagues like to go out together socially at Christmas. It doesn't mean they are desperate; it just means they are on good terms (friendly, even) with their colleagues. And nothing in the post said it was arranged or paid for by the company, or mandatory attendance for staff, so it doesn't need to be on the clock; it was arranged by the co-workers themselves.

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