Man Sobs After Ex-Wife Refuses To Have His 5-Year-Old Over For Christmas

Feeling sorry for OP's ex's daughter for him not doing everything under the sun to allow her to spend every possible second with her mother before she's gone. Giving OP an NTA because the ex should be stepping up, not that she necessarily deserves it...

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Well ot certainly should not be staying at a home of strangers who don't know or want her there. DAD needs to have a plan B cuz he may have years of it. MY mother and father BOTH died of small cell lung cancer, 2 years apart. While my mother was dying, my dad was running the streets. He would not even take her to chemo. He wanted the sympathy of having a dying spouse but none of the responsibility and when it came to doing things..he wanted nothing to get in the way of him catting around. Not even his wife of almost 50 years dying. This father is manipulative. The first time she said "no" should have been the last time he asked and miss us with rhe guilt trip, rationale, tears, and s**t. NO. Now drop the girl somewhere else, your ex is not your surrogate family.

Actually. It is weird fir him to expect his ex to play family with his kid no matter the circumstances if she never did before. I would tell him to go look up the meaning of divorce and enact his plan B cuz NO to the heartstrings tugs. HE can give her Christmas..he better start now cuz if his wife dies he will have to enact plan B anyway.

That does not mean he has the right to impinge on his ex wife. THEY ARE DIVORCED AND obviously gone their separate ways..he should start remembering and acting like it. I wish an ex husband WOULD ask me or my daughters to take in his kids for the holidays . They would not dare.

NO, she says she does not really know her. Children are very sensitive. AT AGE 5, I knew which of my mother's friends liked me or just put up with me. Make a Christmas for her. THE EX IS NOT Under any obligation. NO MATTER the sob story.

It doesnt sound like the kid knows OP, just that OP knows of the kid from her daughter who would spend time with her at thier father's. My sister has a stepdaughter the same age as OP's daughter, she knows that she has a half-sister at her mom's and presumably her mom knows about my sister's child, but neither half-sibling has ever met or been seen by the other mother. They would have no clue who this other woman is in thier big half-sister's life and even less so the extended family. And 5 years olds are MORE sensitive to this than much older or younger kids. I work with kids and the 5 year olds take the longest to warm up to new staff and new people in general. It would be a very uncomfortable and scary situation for the half-sister to be with all strangers on Christmas.

yes, you do

It doesn't say he'll be in hospital with his wife. He also didn't ask for a specific time frame he needs some childcare coverage. He instead says he can't provide a "Christmas celebration" and wants to borrow hers. I read that as they can't afford or do not have the energy to do all of the "extras", like presents, a holiday meal, cookie making, a party, etc. He is not asking for emergency babysitting. He is asking for his ex to do the Christmas Magic heavy lift.

He offered to stay with his kid at his ex wife's house, so clearly he's NOT going to be at the hospital with his wife. If it was a mom with a sick husband she'd be expected to do both...take care of her own childs needs/Xmas AND take care of her sick husband's needs. Most people would think it's weird for a woman to expect a man to make sure her own child has a good Xmas, but totally normal for a dad to do it, bc the bar for dads is ridiculously low. He's a full grown adult totally capable of doing both!

Duh, Leah

He's no longer married to this woman so he's nothing to her. His replacement child is nothing to her either. If I divorced I would have to insist on a vasectomy if he wanted to keep any money. I don't need his money, but would be happy to take half or more to protect my children from having to have a half sibling. Neither I nor my children would want such a person in our house. Maybe a 2 year old that can't speak about their parents non stop I could see hosting but honestly I wouldn't want to be responsible. It says a terrible thing about their parents. I wouldn't leave my vulnerable children with someone I hated or who hated me. That's dangerous. Would you leave your kids with your mortal enemy? If you did I'd think you'd need a visit from CPS. That's something meth heads do, leaving their kids with just anyone, especially someone who hates the parent. Nope, I wouldn't be involved on either side of that transaction. This man doesn't even have a good friend to leave his kid with.

Yeah. Like I'm a satanist. By definition i tend to be pretty critical of Christianity and it's goals of being seen as standard or default for the whole country. But using the term "Christmas " (not yule or anything else) and "sacred" (not like family tradition or something) definitely indicates a strong Christan lean in the op. And even at my most critical, i couldn't really argue that the christian religious Christmas ideals and practices are supposed to be good. about giving, selflessness, being open and kind to those with nowhere to go or few resources etc. And opening your home (even to strangers and sinners, let alone extended family) is something the bible repeatedly tells christians to do. It's completely absurd to think there's some kind of sacred Christmas anything that would demand blood family only. It's not about religious beliefs, it's about her personal discomfort and prejudice against kids that don't share her DNA. It's gross from any angle you look at it

Agreed. My ex and I have known each other since 3rd grade. She and my wife never really got along much. But guess who was there to help and morally support both of us when my wife and I suffered a 3rd trimester stillbirth? My ex. Because she understands basic human civility. A loss is hard. No need to make it harder.

I thought nativity stuff was overdone and often obnoxious. But idk. I guess there's still some who have no concept of Joseph welcoming a baby that is not his (just a half sibling to the kids he did have later. Though they're rarely talked about non main characters) and the celebration of giving the comfort and support you can to those in need (such as a medical emergy or pregnancy, life transition etc). The thing there is to be critical of Christmas about is how it commercializes even the concept of charity and kindness. They put out their red donation boxes or let people be part of a program that is big and looks good. That you can loudly mention to your friends how you're working with this charity or that soup kitchen just so much in the ultimate form of virtue signaling. And it completely erases peoples ability to actually think and put effort into sharing kindness and giving what they can and what's needed to those people in their lives. Family, friends, service workers, etc

How interesting! I've never heard anybody else acknowledge that Joseph and Mary had more children. OP's situation is one of many many reasons that I, as a Christian, do not celebrate Xmas. Jesus did not. The apostles did not. None of the disciples did for that matter. But even aside from the celebration OP can, and should act better than that!

I was going to reply to this thread with the sam point! Full disclosure, I'm not Christian. I was raised in a very religious baptist home however. None of this would fly in the church I went to as a kid. The other people would have "named and shamed" and then held a special party for the little girl and her mother. That's what really kind people to. Of course this was 30 something years ago before white evangelical Ayn Rand nationalist Christianity was a thing.

Yep, naming and shaming women, that's what kind Christians do!/s He's NC with his parents. OP'd be NC with him except they share a child, but his boundaries are more important than hers even tho those are the child's actual blood relations. He needs to step up and make the possible last Christmas with mother and daughter happen, not try to foist her off on either group where her welcome isn't certain, especially as it isn't said what he's expecting here. Is this a couple hours? An overnight trip? A weekend celebration? Are they expected to provide gifts? Transportation?

Bex, the 5 year old's mother is in the hospital and can't celebrate Christmas. It seems heartless of the OP for refusing to have the 5 year old over just because its her ex's child. It's still her daughter's sister.

Luke: Sick mom has no parents or siblings? Dad has no family? Sounds like his parents don’t speak to him because he cheated on OP but there’s gotta be other relatives.

I'm also a Satanist and I have had mostly negative experiences with Christian Conservatives that were unprovoked by me. My heart goes out to that 5 year old little girl. Her mommy is in the hospital with cancer, her daddy is stressed out and sad all the time and her half-sister's mother wants nothing to do with her. She probably feels very alone right now. The holidays are a whole other story. I can't really put the blame on anyone other than the deity who gave the child's mother cancer. I just hope someone steps up and shows that child kindness and compassion.

Speak for your side of the Atlantic. In my country, we call that celebration Christmas and it doesn't have anything to do with the Christ 🙄 It's the time of the year when we celebrate with family. Nothing to do with charity... If you need a excuse to be charitable then you're not as good of a person as ypu think

I am an athiest. Former catholic. We celebrate xmas. But we leave jesus out. Just decorate and give presents snd spend time with family. Family should come first. I think she is the AH...but if thats what she wants to do then it is her choice. Coal for her in her stocking.

Here's another reason why I don't celebrate Christmas. It really is not a Christian holiday! But enjoy yourselves!

Giftmas

Exactly. We are all able make decisions. She is deciding to be needlessly cruel to a 5 year old for no good reason other than "it's tradition" or such malarkey. Would she turn another family member away if they brought a different 5 year old girl over for Christmas that was taken away from, let's say parents that were sent to rehab? Died in a car crash? Those are all things out of a child's control, and could put them in a similar situation. How would OP respond then?

You are correct in general but it's also sacred to some Non Christians as well as to some atheists and agnostics.

Shut the f**k up. I'm an atheist and celebrate Christmas. It's a holiday that was stolen from previous pagan religions just like easter, because gods don't actually exist. Now they are hallmark holidays. People celebrate because its a day off from work, not because of "Christian" feelings you fool.

It's an updated, modern Saturnalia. It doesn't make it a Christian celebration no matter whose name is in it

To be fair, more than quite a few "Christians" tend to be cruel and miserable. Not saying all are, just that the number of jerks that claim to be tend to outweigh the good. But what would I know, I was raised on believing that good people come from all walks of life, no matter the religion, questioning, or even lack thereof. I think it would have been fair to try to let this little girl have a relatively normal Christmas, anyway. She's five, all she's really going to care about are the gifts, anyway. Or the shiny wrapping paper. 😆