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Gender Reveal Party Turns Sour After In-Laws Claim Their Son Has More Rights To Name The Baby “Since He Is The Real Dad”
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Gender Reveal Party Turns Sour After In-Laws Claim Their Son Has More Rights To Name The Baby “Since He Is The Real Dad”

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Recently, Reddit user Papa_in-waiting1762 has taken it to the AITA community to ask people for advice after he got into a heated argument with his parents-in-law.

The author and his husband have been married for over 5 years, and already have a 3-year-old adopted daughter. However, this past year they decided to start a journey via surrogacy. “Since I have a low sperm count, it is my husband’s sperm and an egg donor (a friend of ours),” Papa_in-waiting1762 wrote in a post that caused quite a stir on the community.

But during the gender reveal party, things did not go quite as planned. Turns out, the parents-in-law insisted on picking a name for the baby and were not happy to hear the author had already done it. What followed turned into a nasty conflict that ruined the vibe and divided the family.

Recently, this dad shared how his parents-in-law told him he has no right in deciding the name for his own baby since “he isn’t a biological dad”

Image credits: Felipe Salgado (not the actual photo)

This is the whole post that the dad wrote on the AITA community, wondering if he hasn’t overreacted

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Later, the author provided some more context about the whole situation

And this is how people reacted to the story

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Liucija Adomaite

Liucija Adomaite

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Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

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Liucija Adomaite

Liucija Adomaite

Author, Community member

Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

Denis Tymulis

Denis Tymulis

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Denis is a photo editor at Bored Panda. After getting his bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design, he tried to succeed in digital design, advertising, and branding. Also, Denis really enjoys sports and loves everything related to board sports and water.

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Denis Tymulis

Denis Tymulis

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Denis is a photo editor at Bored Panda. After getting his bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design, he tried to succeed in digital design, advertising, and branding. Also, Denis really enjoys sports and loves everything related to board sports and water.

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mar42991 avatar
Melissa Rodriguez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd be worried for their daughter too. Since she was adopted and this new baby is a blood relative, grandma might not consider her as a "real" grandkid.

rachaelsampson avatar
Rachael Sampson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It wasn't just the mother in law. The father in law was just as horrible too. They're both awful. Those two men are their children's parents. PERIOD.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some folks don't even have a firm name till the birth is closer. With our first baby, we didn't have one till 2 weeks before he was born, and it was between hubby and me, period! our second child was between 2 names, one reflected a redhead and if blonde was a different one ( had the redhead). Either way, the grandparents/aunts or uncles could only agree or disagree but not offer any of their opinions. Bottom line, parents name their children, it's an A and B discussion and everyone can C themselves out of it.

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linbot1 avatar
Lily Mae Kitty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh noes, their behavior had consequences! So, by their thinking, this couple's daughter isn't their REAL daughter b/c she was adopted. Will they only treat this coming child as their REAL grandchild b/c blood?

ceciliadeneuve avatar
Swan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fùck! how many posts are we gonna have with "dared call people on their b******t (and fight back when people are bad) did I go too far?" ¤his fùcking husband : "yes you went too far (my parents can do the b******t they want they're MY parents)"

ceciliadeneuve avatar
zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They say that their son has more rights to name this baby than OP because he's "blood related" which is already b******t, but on top of that, they wouldn't even let their son choose. They were just about forcing their name ideas upon him.

angelesalonso avatar
Angeles Alonso
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta. Huge red flag. Make sure alll legal matters are in place and taken care of. Should something happen to hubby, they cant claim custody of the son because "blood". Make sure everyone is clear and on the same page before creating more people. Good luck!

veronicasjberg avatar
Tigerpacingthecage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the bio dad should have more rights because he ejaculated in a jar? Makes zero sense to me. They are both fathers to the child. With that logic the mom in hetero couples should name every child because she worked harder bringing them to the world and I'm sure most wouldn't agree with that...

elaineelder avatar
Elaine Elder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband adopted my daughter from a previous marriage (deadbeat). My mother brain washed her into believing My husband would never love her as much as the new baby because she wasn't his blood. My parents treated my second child obviously different. But I did not find out all the details of the terrible, utterly unfathomable cruelty until both my daughters were grown. It seriously f****d them both up mentally and they are still dealing with mental health issues because of it. I confronted my parents about it and they said they had toove #1 more than #2 because we loved #2 more because #1 was adopted. WTF? Both MY children were MY and THEIR BLOOD! The worst part was they told #1 this view. Telling her #2 was more loved by us than her. So #1 thought it was true. BEWARE AND BE WARNED! If these people are comfortable enough in their wrongness to tell you this to your face, they will have no boundaries and will tell your children their opinions and it will mentally damage them. If I could turn back time I would have never allowed unsupervised visits with my wrong-headed, emotionally damaging parents. My advice: don't ever leave your children in a room alone with these people. They will mind-duch the happiness right out of you and your children. The only acceptable reaction from your husband is my reaction. Outrage!

delphinum4 avatar
Zophra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The "terrified" husband needs to talk to his parents and defend his partner. He should be "terrified" of the hurt he helped cause and a huge conflict in their marriage.

icanhazpanda avatar
Raven DeathShade
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously, those in-laws are jerks. OP just wanted to name his kid what he wanted, but noooo. His husband's parents shouldn't say "You're not a REAL parent because blah blah blah". He is. You don't have to be biologically related to a child to be a parent to them.

lindacowley avatar
Auntriarch
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And it doesn't say much for how they view the adopted daughter. I'm betting that the underlying text is also, and you're not a real spouse

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dishanath avatar
Disha Nath-Sepoy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How horrible! Put a safe distance between your family asks your in-laws. First of all, this force of choosing a name then and there is a major red flag. On top of that the hateful stew that followed about her son being the"real dad". Oooof I would've list it too. You also need to have a real talk with your husband about standing up for you, and your children. Going forward, this is not the way at all.

beizhudi-serv avatar
Judes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have been tempted to kick them out at the first suggestion of naming the baby. Who on earth thinks that they have a right to name someone else's baby? The grandparents not only think the bio dad has more rights than the other dad, they also think they have more rights. And what is this about "didn't give them the time to explain themselves"? Explain what? We all understand exactly what they meant. I suspect this will be an ongoing issue, so it's good the dad has already put his foot down. I hope bio dad supports him.

liesljaycee avatar
Liesl English
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Before she even made the "real" father comment, why the hell were they pushing so hard for them to choose a name? They honestly have boundary issues and needed to back off well before that nonsense came out of their mouth.

kathleengraceart avatar
Lily
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's a shame is that people turn into real ASH when it comes to weddings and kids. If there's any ounce of cruelty in them, it will come out. And that's how you know who people really are, the curtain parts to reveal the really ugly person. I probably would have lost my shoe somewhere if they'd said that within earshot.

caroliscookie avatar
Friedlander Rosenzweig
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor Dads; they have a long hellish road set out for them if they don’t put their foot down with Grumpy and GrandMonster immediately .

candiceshort87 avatar
Candice Blanton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your in-laws are quite something. And it's nothing good. Hopefully you took care of the legal things before the journey began. You might want to explain to your husband, that he has more family than mom and dad. He needs to start standing up for you and his children. Golden child or not, he has a back bone, he should use it.

lisachambers2018 avatar
Salty Wild Hair
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another way to show aggression towards same sex couples. If you break it down and look closely, this woman still has not accepted her son's choices. I bet she even thinks his choices are lifestyle choices influenced by the author of this post. He is totally not TAH because even subconsciously he realizes what she really is.

irma_1 avatar
Irma
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont think this is true. Nobody said anything bad about being same sex. I think if they would be hetero and one of them would be infertile that they would have said the same

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rosadobberarizona avatar
rosadobber arizona
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem is your husband. When this started, HE should have mentioned the naming plan. But you are the glass-bowls along with anyone having a gender reveal party. Ugh.

david_smojver avatar
Dave
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gender reveal parties are an incredibly insane, idiotic way to seek attention.

hannah-jennings227 avatar
Gummy_wormz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or they're a nice way to celebrate finding out more about the child coming into the world.

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meghanhibicke avatar
Evil Little Thing
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like how the husband didn't defend his parents or get mad at his husband for not capitulating. I mean, freezing up is not the best response, but it's not the worst.

leah_6 avatar
leah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we say golden grandchild? That poor older daughter is going to be treated like absolute trash by those pieces of s**t people.

irma_1 avatar
Irma
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. They basically said youre not the father. Be careful. They might keep on seeing it this was and its not just about naming the kid. If they continu to not see you as a real father they might pick one grandchild over the other or maybe things like this keep happening. Try to have a conversation about this with your husband and in laws

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never, ever discuss baby names with relatives. If you do that, they think they have input. Just tell them the name once the baby is born so if they criticize the chosen name, they are criticizing the actual baby.

axanthus avatar
Drea Benoit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Overbearing in-laws already trying to stake their claim to your child. I would have just rolled my eyes and told them we’re letting the surrogate name him, since she’s the bio mom. But, if op felt kicking them out was appropriate, it probably was.

poppycorn avatar
Nikole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I would have kicked them out too, and shunned them for a while, if not forever. That's so f*****g horrible.

milda27oye avatar
Momogi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh, what's next? Now is the name, soon they are gonna interfere with anything.

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some countries have rules about whether a same sex parent can have their name on the birth certificate. Check these rules where you are, and if you can have your name on there, you need to do it.

bettywood490 avatar
rabbit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Suggestion to improve the situation. OP and hubby need to be completely on the same page and then have a sit-down with in-laws. Hubby needs to be "in-charge" as they are his parents. OP needs to acknowledge that kicking them out was an over-reaction. Hubby needs to lay out the specifics of OP and hubby's boundaries. He needs to tell his parents that OP is naming this child, that he is as much a "real" father as hubby. If they do not respond well, this conversation is a warning. "We - OP, hubby, and OUR children - are a family. Please respect this or we're done." Next time don't share quite so much information about the source of your additional children. When extended family know too much they mess things up for the kids later on.

itsjustme223 avatar
Shane S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I stopped at Gender Reveal party. You’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community just like I am. Why are you also celebrating this dated and heteronormative ritual? Just have a baby shower. Gender doesn’t need to be a part of it at all.

jhatcher avatar
J Hatcher
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Respectfully, calling Gender Reveal parties Heteronormative is stretching it. These "parties" obviously, have nothing to do with being hetero, because it's not just hetero couples who have them. These reveal parties are just obnoxious period. I truly don't think ppl give a sh¡t or want to go to these events but do out of obligation. Just send out an announcement of your baby's sex & be done with it. Babies ARE at birth born with a gender of either male or female....it's fact. As they grow older, learn to trust their feelings, acknowledge & believe in themselves they become strong enough to be true to themselves & the gender they feel they are

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alchristensen avatar
Al Christensen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Advice I received long ago: Don't marry anyone whose family you don't also love.

gingerwinters avatar
Ginger Winters
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I kinda disagree with this one. Neither me nor my husband love most of my family but they've also been cut off

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libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They absolutely should have been kicked out of the party after telling OP that he's not even the 'real father'. They owe their son and son-in-law a huge apology and massive crow eating to even get back into their good graces if they have any hope of seeing their grandchild.

susanne avatar
Susanne B
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I certainly understand why you kicked them out, but you are married to their son, so must do something to at least partially restore the peace, for his sake. I dont' know your personality, but could you not call them and say something like: "I am sorry I kicked you out, but what you said made me too angry to think" If they don't cut the connection you can then explain, that the name was agreed on before the party. I don't know if you can use this, but sometimes it helps apologizing even if you have done nothing wrong. Who knows, they might even come to realise it themselves, if you get things quited down. Talk to your husband before you do it though

rix_1 avatar
Arenite
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop worrying about the AH family and start worrying about your wimp of a husband who can’t be bothered to defend you from haters, in your own home no less! I’d start preparing the divorce case, because these are toxic people you need to get away from. Don’t forget the custody case for BOTH kids. Would you really want to leave them to be raised by this family?

johnlyttle avatar
John Lyttle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They could 'explain' themselves if they hadn't been kicked out. I would dearly love to know how.

vishwajeetsatpute avatar
Vishy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA that was a bit extreme step. You should have stood your ground and given the baby the name you had already chosen. Damn the rest.

kanrrykang avatar
KK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

nta. inlaws need to get their marbles together, if they even have any marbles. maybe the inlaws have marbles for brains.

mantarel avatar
Fatma Feustel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He has overreacted wtf! If my partner grabbed my mother's arms and kicked her out of the house for that reason, I wouldn't stay in that house another minute!

billmarsano avatar
bill marsano
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to have to tell you this, but ALL of you are the A. The in-laws? That's perfectly obvious. Your husband, because he hasn't grown up enough to BE a grown-up. And you, for creating the situation in the first place. You don't seem to realize that inviting the in-laws to make suggestions you had no intentions of accepting was an insult that provoked them, and then you lost your temper and MANHANDLED them out of the apartment. Congratulations on a brilliant job of poisoning future family and marital relations.

johnlyttle avatar
John Lyttle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bill sees all, knows all and runs the universe. What he can't do is pick a side.

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yoneso9861 avatar
m9ona lizay
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I d it outit.. HERE ?? 𝐰𝐰𝐰.𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐭.𝐜𝐨𝐦

e-samberg avatar
Tardis42
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find it odd that he keeps saying "I" instead of "we." ".. in-laws suggested we picked names right there, I'VE already chosen one...", "...to see if they come out with the name I'VE already chosen", "... nothing against people named like that but I don't really like for MY baby." I'm going to play devil's advocate and wonder if this person always talks about things in terms of "his" instead of "theirs" and the parents were trying to come up with something to get their son to stand up for himself. Just a thought.

hannah-jennings227 avatar
Gummy_wormz
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, the fact that he chose a name and not both of them is explained, but I do agree with the fact that he shouldn't have used "my" baby instead of "our" baby. Just because you get to name it doesn't mean it's just yours

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lexiburris04 avatar
Xander Kurtz
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Why are "gender reveal parties" for fetuses being normalized? And within a gay relationship/queer family even?? Is there literally no trans, GNC, etc solidarity? It's about as disturbing as the straight/nuclear/genetic lineage mindset regarding what defines "real" family or their predetermined roles based on such a hatefully weaponized view of "biological reality"

tgsbbh avatar
ToGo
Community Member
1 year ago

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The in laws are aholes, no doubt, but wth does OP think he's doing physically grabbing their arms to put them out? ESH, including the spineless "petrified" son/husband.

ccgemini avatar
Catherine Costello
Community Member
1 year ago

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I THINK THESE PARENTS HAVE BEEN PUSSYFOOTED AROUND TOO LONG THEY HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO MUCH POWER AND IT HAS GONE TO THEIR HEAD HOW DARE THEY SAY THAT ABOUT THE MOTHER AND HOW DARE THAT HUSBAND TOLERATE IT FROM THEM HE NEEDS TO HAVE HIS WIFES BACK YES EVEN AGAINST THE PARENTS AS THEY WERE WRONG WITH THIS COMMENT IT WAS DISGUSTING AND HURTFUL THIS MOTHER WILL BE TOTALLY DISREGARDED AS THIS BABYS MOTHER BY THE INLAWS THEY NEED TO BE KEPT AT ARMS LENGTH THE SON NEEDS TO LET THEM KNOW THEY WERE WRONG AND THEIR TOXIC ATTITUDE WONT BE TOLERATED THERE IS NO EXPLAINING TO DO THEY SAID WHAT THEY SAID AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT ITMEANT THEY WERE NOT GETTING THEIR OWN WAY AND GOT NASTY I WOULD TELL THEM IF THEY EVER SAY ANYTHING ELSE OF THAT KIND THEY WILL NOT BE WELCOME AT THEIR HOME OR SEE THE CHILDREN NIP IT IN THE BUD AND PAT CLOSE ATTENTION TO HOW THEY TREAT YOUR DAUGHTER WHEN THE BABY ARRIVES IF THEY DONT TREAT HER LIKE A GRANCHILD THEN JUMP ON IT PROTECT YOUR WIFE AND KIDS

stijn_vlas avatar
elSti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it's a gay couple and there is no wife. Also the P in LGPTQ stands for punctuations!

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chabot0310 avatar
Miguel justino C
Community Member
1 year ago

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Here we are again. 100 percent not the a*****e and everyone knows it. Not a single variable in this makes him the a*****e but we have to get confirmation from strangers on the internet. Yes I clicked and commented so I’m part of the problem continuing this. Woops

delta30468 avatar
Dellon
Community Member
1 year ago

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Handled so poorly. The inlaws were outrageously rude but I see no reason why he couldn't smile and nod, then turn around and do their own plan. It was a party, it's not like they were filling out the document right there and then. Something I've learned myself is sometimes you need to swallow your pride and let people think they've won in order you to actually win. It may not feel great in the short term but in the long term you still get what you want without the ugly mess. You win.

delta30468 avatar
Dellon
Community Member
1 year ago

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Down voted I guess because people prefer a scene instead of actually doing what you want/need to do *shrugs* it's your life, you don't have to handle things well.

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naschi avatar
Na Schi
Community Member
1 year ago

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I strongly assume that those PIL would have shown a similar behavior if their SIL would be a woman. Not spending a thought about if she was the real birth giver or not. They simply want to continue their family-name-tree with every male born child. (May this stupidly reactive or simpley insensitive for today's standards). But as they approve already of their marriage and seem to support them fully this is already a commitment which (unfortunately and unluckily) could every gay couple for granted. And as mentioned already, those PIL like to maintain a family tradition... So EHS. The OP should not immediately ranging so high and the PILs should have shown some decency to accept the parents choice of naming their child. Easiest solution: just give the boy a second/third name, in honor of his ancestors (from birth sides) which will never be used in daily life.

d1nonlysnshn avatar
Scarlett Barbee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While you make some valid points, these become pointless once the parent decided the names were not for them. PIL clearly igged several boundaries after being told that parents did not want to pick a name for the child at that point. They were allowed to make some suggestions. Once parent said no, PIL should have respected that. Instead, they chose to further disrespect by telling him he is not blood, but their son is. PIL could have asked to give second, or third name. It is presumptuous and over the top to think you get to name the child/ren of anyone else, even if these names have been a tradition...how about allowing the parents their own tradition? Their agreement is: OP gets to name the boys and hubby the girls...

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holyshiezz avatar
Stop this BS
Community Member
1 year ago

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If you want to name a baby, give birth to one yourself! Don't force others to accept it! You can suggest, but don't expect ppl to listen to you! They will be the one who will call their baby the most! So stfu and apologize

mar42991 avatar
Melissa Rodriguez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd be worried for their daughter too. Since she was adopted and this new baby is a blood relative, grandma might not consider her as a "real" grandkid.

rachaelsampson avatar
Rachael Sampson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It wasn't just the mother in law. The father in law was just as horrible too. They're both awful. Those two men are their children's parents. PERIOD.

dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some folks don't even have a firm name till the birth is closer. With our first baby, we didn't have one till 2 weeks before he was born, and it was between hubby and me, period! our second child was between 2 names, one reflected a redhead and if blonde was a different one ( had the redhead). Either way, the grandparents/aunts or uncles could only agree or disagree but not offer any of their opinions. Bottom line, parents name their children, it's an A and B discussion and everyone can C themselves out of it.

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linbot1 avatar
Lily Mae Kitty
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh noes, their behavior had consequences! So, by their thinking, this couple's daughter isn't their REAL daughter b/c she was adopted. Will they only treat this coming child as their REAL grandchild b/c blood?

ceciliadeneuve avatar
Swan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fùck! how many posts are we gonna have with "dared call people on their b******t (and fight back when people are bad) did I go too far?" ¤his fùcking husband : "yes you went too far (my parents can do the b******t they want they're MY parents)"

ceciliadeneuve avatar
zedrapazia avatar
Zedrapazia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They say that their son has more rights to name this baby than OP because he's "blood related" which is already b******t, but on top of that, they wouldn't even let their son choose. They were just about forcing their name ideas upon him.

angelesalonso avatar
Angeles Alonso
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta. Huge red flag. Make sure alll legal matters are in place and taken care of. Should something happen to hubby, they cant claim custody of the son because "blood". Make sure everyone is clear and on the same page before creating more people. Good luck!

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Tigerpacingthecage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the bio dad should have more rights because he ejaculated in a jar? Makes zero sense to me. They are both fathers to the child. With that logic the mom in hetero couples should name every child because she worked harder bringing them to the world and I'm sure most wouldn't agree with that...

elaineelder avatar
Elaine Elder
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband adopted my daughter from a previous marriage (deadbeat). My mother brain washed her into believing My husband would never love her as much as the new baby because she wasn't his blood. My parents treated my second child obviously different. But I did not find out all the details of the terrible, utterly unfathomable cruelty until both my daughters were grown. It seriously f****d them both up mentally and they are still dealing with mental health issues because of it. I confronted my parents about it and they said they had toove #1 more than #2 because we loved #2 more because #1 was adopted. WTF? Both MY children were MY and THEIR BLOOD! The worst part was they told #1 this view. Telling her #2 was more loved by us than her. So #1 thought it was true. BEWARE AND BE WARNED! If these people are comfortable enough in their wrongness to tell you this to your face, they will have no boundaries and will tell your children their opinions and it will mentally damage them. If I could turn back time I would have never allowed unsupervised visits with my wrong-headed, emotionally damaging parents. My advice: don't ever leave your children in a room alone with these people. They will mind-duch the happiness right out of you and your children. The only acceptable reaction from your husband is my reaction. Outrage!

delphinum4 avatar
Zophra
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The "terrified" husband needs to talk to his parents and defend his partner. He should be "terrified" of the hurt he helped cause and a huge conflict in their marriage.

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Raven DeathShade
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seriously, those in-laws are jerks. OP just wanted to name his kid what he wanted, but noooo. His husband's parents shouldn't say "You're not a REAL parent because blah blah blah". He is. You don't have to be biologically related to a child to be a parent to them.

lindacowley avatar
Auntriarch
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And it doesn't say much for how they view the adopted daughter. I'm betting that the underlying text is also, and you're not a real spouse

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Disha Nath-Sepoy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How horrible! Put a safe distance between your family asks your in-laws. First of all, this force of choosing a name then and there is a major red flag. On top of that the hateful stew that followed about her son being the"real dad". Oooof I would've list it too. You also need to have a real talk with your husband about standing up for you, and your children. Going forward, this is not the way at all.

beizhudi-serv avatar
Judes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have been tempted to kick them out at the first suggestion of naming the baby. Who on earth thinks that they have a right to name someone else's baby? The grandparents not only think the bio dad has more rights than the other dad, they also think they have more rights. And what is this about "didn't give them the time to explain themselves"? Explain what? We all understand exactly what they meant. I suspect this will be an ongoing issue, so it's good the dad has already put his foot down. I hope bio dad supports him.

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Liesl English
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Before she even made the "real" father comment, why the hell were they pushing so hard for them to choose a name? They honestly have boundary issues and needed to back off well before that nonsense came out of their mouth.

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Lily
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What's a shame is that people turn into real ASH when it comes to weddings and kids. If there's any ounce of cruelty in them, it will come out. And that's how you know who people really are, the curtain parts to reveal the really ugly person. I probably would have lost my shoe somewhere if they'd said that within earshot.

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Friedlander Rosenzweig
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor Dads; they have a long hellish road set out for them if they don’t put their foot down with Grumpy and GrandMonster immediately .

candiceshort87 avatar
Candice Blanton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your in-laws are quite something. And it's nothing good. Hopefully you took care of the legal things before the journey began. You might want to explain to your husband, that he has more family than mom and dad. He needs to start standing up for you and his children. Golden child or not, he has a back bone, he should use it.

lisachambers2018 avatar
Salty Wild Hair
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Another way to show aggression towards same sex couples. If you break it down and look closely, this woman still has not accepted her son's choices. I bet she even thinks his choices are lifestyle choices influenced by the author of this post. He is totally not TAH because even subconsciously he realizes what she really is.

irma_1 avatar
Irma
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dont think this is true. Nobody said anything bad about being same sex. I think if they would be hetero and one of them would be infertile that they would have said the same

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rosadobber arizona
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem is your husband. When this started, HE should have mentioned the naming plan. But you are the glass-bowls along with anyone having a gender reveal party. Ugh.

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Dave
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Gender reveal parties are an incredibly insane, idiotic way to seek attention.

hannah-jennings227 avatar
Gummy_wormz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or they're a nice way to celebrate finding out more about the child coming into the world.

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Evil Little Thing
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like how the husband didn't defend his parents or get mad at his husband for not capitulating. I mean, freezing up is not the best response, but it's not the worst.

leah_6 avatar
leah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we say golden grandchild? That poor older daughter is going to be treated like absolute trash by those pieces of s**t people.

irma_1 avatar
Irma
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. They basically said youre not the father. Be careful. They might keep on seeing it this was and its not just about naming the kid. If they continu to not see you as a real father they might pick one grandchild over the other or maybe things like this keep happening. Try to have a conversation about this with your husband and in laws

laurabamber avatar
The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Never, ever discuss baby names with relatives. If you do that, they think they have input. Just tell them the name once the baby is born so if they criticize the chosen name, they are criticizing the actual baby.

axanthus avatar
Drea Benoit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Overbearing in-laws already trying to stake their claim to your child. I would have just rolled my eyes and told them we’re letting the surrogate name him, since she’s the bio mom. But, if op felt kicking them out was appropriate, it probably was.

poppycorn avatar
Nikole
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I would have kicked them out too, and shunned them for a while, if not forever. That's so f*****g horrible.

milda27oye avatar
Momogi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh, what's next? Now is the name, soon they are gonna interfere with anything.

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Just saying
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some countries have rules about whether a same sex parent can have their name on the birth certificate. Check these rules where you are, and if you can have your name on there, you need to do it.

bettywood490 avatar
rabbit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Suggestion to improve the situation. OP and hubby need to be completely on the same page and then have a sit-down with in-laws. Hubby needs to be "in-charge" as they are his parents. OP needs to acknowledge that kicking them out was an over-reaction. Hubby needs to lay out the specifics of OP and hubby's boundaries. He needs to tell his parents that OP is naming this child, that he is as much a "real" father as hubby. If they do not respond well, this conversation is a warning. "We - OP, hubby, and OUR children - are a family. Please respect this or we're done." Next time don't share quite so much information about the source of your additional children. When extended family know too much they mess things up for the kids later on.

itsjustme223 avatar
Shane S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I stopped at Gender Reveal party. You’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community just like I am. Why are you also celebrating this dated and heteronormative ritual? Just have a baby shower. Gender doesn’t need to be a part of it at all.

jhatcher avatar
J Hatcher
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Respectfully, calling Gender Reveal parties Heteronormative is stretching it. These "parties" obviously, have nothing to do with being hetero, because it's not just hetero couples who have them. These reveal parties are just obnoxious period. I truly don't think ppl give a sh¡t or want to go to these events but do out of obligation. Just send out an announcement of your baby's sex & be done with it. Babies ARE at birth born with a gender of either male or female....it's fact. As they grow older, learn to trust their feelings, acknowledge & believe in themselves they become strong enough to be true to themselves & the gender they feel they are

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Al Christensen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Advice I received long ago: Don't marry anyone whose family you don't also love.

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Ginger Winters
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I kinda disagree with this one. Neither me nor my husband love most of my family but they've also been cut off

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Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They absolutely should have been kicked out of the party after telling OP that he's not even the 'real father'. They owe their son and son-in-law a huge apology and massive crow eating to even get back into their good graces if they have any hope of seeing their grandchild.

susanne avatar
Susanne B
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I certainly understand why you kicked them out, but you are married to their son, so must do something to at least partially restore the peace, for his sake. I dont' know your personality, but could you not call them and say something like: "I am sorry I kicked you out, but what you said made me too angry to think" If they don't cut the connection you can then explain, that the name was agreed on before the party. I don't know if you can use this, but sometimes it helps apologizing even if you have done nothing wrong. Who knows, they might even come to realise it themselves, if you get things quited down. Talk to your husband before you do it though

rix_1 avatar
Arenite
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Stop worrying about the AH family and start worrying about your wimp of a husband who can’t be bothered to defend you from haters, in your own home no less! I’d start preparing the divorce case, because these are toxic people you need to get away from. Don’t forget the custody case for BOTH kids. Would you really want to leave them to be raised by this family?

johnlyttle avatar
John Lyttle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They could 'explain' themselves if they hadn't been kicked out. I would dearly love to know how.

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Vishy
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA that was a bit extreme step. You should have stood your ground and given the baby the name you had already chosen. Damn the rest.

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KK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

nta. inlaws need to get their marbles together, if they even have any marbles. maybe the inlaws have marbles for brains.

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Fatma Feustel
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He has overreacted wtf! If my partner grabbed my mother's arms and kicked her out of the house for that reason, I wouldn't stay in that house another minute!

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bill marsano
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to have to tell you this, but ALL of you are the A. The in-laws? That's perfectly obvious. Your husband, because he hasn't grown up enough to BE a grown-up. And you, for creating the situation in the first place. You don't seem to realize that inviting the in-laws to make suggestions you had no intentions of accepting was an insult that provoked them, and then you lost your temper and MANHANDLED them out of the apartment. Congratulations on a brilliant job of poisoning future family and marital relations.

johnlyttle avatar
John Lyttle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bill sees all, knows all and runs the universe. What he can't do is pick a side.

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m9ona lizay
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Google pay 97$ per hour my last pay check was $8500 working 1o hours a week online. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I d it outit.. HERE ?? 𝐰𝐰𝐰.𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐭.𝐜𝐨𝐦

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Tardis42
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I find it odd that he keeps saying "I" instead of "we." ".. in-laws suggested we picked names right there, I'VE already chosen one...", "...to see if they come out with the name I'VE already chosen", "... nothing against people named like that but I don't really like for MY baby." I'm going to play devil's advocate and wonder if this person always talks about things in terms of "his" instead of "theirs" and the parents were trying to come up with something to get their son to stand up for himself. Just a thought.

hannah-jennings227 avatar
Gummy_wormz
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well, the fact that he chose a name and not both of them is explained, but I do agree with the fact that he shouldn't have used "my" baby instead of "our" baby. Just because you get to name it doesn't mean it's just yours

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Xander Kurtz
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Why are "gender reveal parties" for fetuses being normalized? And within a gay relationship/queer family even?? Is there literally no trans, GNC, etc solidarity? It's about as disturbing as the straight/nuclear/genetic lineage mindset regarding what defines "real" family or their predetermined roles based on such a hatefully weaponized view of "biological reality"

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ToGo
Community Member
1 year ago

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The in laws are aholes, no doubt, but wth does OP think he's doing physically grabbing their arms to put them out? ESH, including the spineless "petrified" son/husband.

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Catherine Costello
Community Member
1 year ago

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I THINK THESE PARENTS HAVE BEEN PUSSYFOOTED AROUND TOO LONG THEY HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO MUCH POWER AND IT HAS GONE TO THEIR HEAD HOW DARE THEY SAY THAT ABOUT THE MOTHER AND HOW DARE THAT HUSBAND TOLERATE IT FROM THEM HE NEEDS TO HAVE HIS WIFES BACK YES EVEN AGAINST THE PARENTS AS THEY WERE WRONG WITH THIS COMMENT IT WAS DISGUSTING AND HURTFUL THIS MOTHER WILL BE TOTALLY DISREGARDED AS THIS BABYS MOTHER BY THE INLAWS THEY NEED TO BE KEPT AT ARMS LENGTH THE SON NEEDS TO LET THEM KNOW THEY WERE WRONG AND THEIR TOXIC ATTITUDE WONT BE TOLERATED THERE IS NO EXPLAINING TO DO THEY SAID WHAT THEY SAID AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT ITMEANT THEY WERE NOT GETTING THEIR OWN WAY AND GOT NASTY I WOULD TELL THEM IF THEY EVER SAY ANYTHING ELSE OF THAT KIND THEY WILL NOT BE WELCOME AT THEIR HOME OR SEE THE CHILDREN NIP IT IN THE BUD AND PAT CLOSE ATTENTION TO HOW THEY TREAT YOUR DAUGHTER WHEN THE BABY ARRIVES IF THEY DONT TREAT HER LIKE A GRANCHILD THEN JUMP ON IT PROTECT YOUR WIFE AND KIDS

stijn_vlas avatar
elSti
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it's a gay couple and there is no wife. Also the P in LGPTQ stands for punctuations!

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Miguel justino C
Community Member
1 year ago

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Here we are again. 100 percent not the a*****e and everyone knows it. Not a single variable in this makes him the a*****e but we have to get confirmation from strangers on the internet. Yes I clicked and commented so I’m part of the problem continuing this. Woops

delta30468 avatar
Dellon
Community Member
1 year ago

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Handled so poorly. The inlaws were outrageously rude but I see no reason why he couldn't smile and nod, then turn around and do their own plan. It was a party, it's not like they were filling out the document right there and then. Something I've learned myself is sometimes you need to swallow your pride and let people think they've won in order you to actually win. It may not feel great in the short term but in the long term you still get what you want without the ugly mess. You win.

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Dellon
Community Member
1 year ago

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Down voted I guess because people prefer a scene instead of actually doing what you want/need to do *shrugs* it's your life, you don't have to handle things well.

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Na Schi
Community Member
1 year ago

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I strongly assume that those PIL would have shown a similar behavior if their SIL would be a woman. Not spending a thought about if she was the real birth giver or not. They simply want to continue their family-name-tree with every male born child. (May this stupidly reactive or simpley insensitive for today's standards). But as they approve already of their marriage and seem to support them fully this is already a commitment which (unfortunately and unluckily) could every gay couple for granted. And as mentioned already, those PIL like to maintain a family tradition... So EHS. The OP should not immediately ranging so high and the PILs should have shown some decency to accept the parents choice of naming their child. Easiest solution: just give the boy a second/third name, in honor of his ancestors (from birth sides) which will never be used in daily life.

d1nonlysnshn avatar
Scarlett Barbee
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While you make some valid points, these become pointless once the parent decided the names were not for them. PIL clearly igged several boundaries after being told that parents did not want to pick a name for the child at that point. They were allowed to make some suggestions. Once parent said no, PIL should have respected that. Instead, they chose to further disrespect by telling him he is not blood, but their son is. PIL could have asked to give second, or third name. It is presumptuous and over the top to think you get to name the child/ren of anyone else, even if these names have been a tradition...how about allowing the parents their own tradition? Their agreement is: OP gets to name the boys and hubby the girls...

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Stop this BS
Community Member
1 year ago

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If you want to name a baby, give birth to one yourself! Don't force others to accept it! You can suggest, but don't expect ppl to listen to you! They will be the one who will call their baby the most! So stfu and apologize

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