20 ‘Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me’ Before Having A Baby
For many of us it will be the most memorable and life changing moment of all, that magical moment the first child is born.
No matter how prepared you might think you are, all the classes, the sage advice from parenting pros and endless scrolling through sites like Mumsnet just cannot compensate for the overwhelming emotions and foreboding sense of responsibility that inevitably occurs when your first little angel emerges from the womb.
Imgur user joltjones took to the internet recently, fresh after becoming a dad for the very first time, with a revealing list of ‘those things I wish someone had told me.’ The tips, including those from his wife, are raw and from the heart. These are not supposed to be ‘parenting tips,’ more of an illustration of the experience of newfound parenthood. As well as being great reading for any expecting couples, veteran parents will also be able to relate with a knowing smile/grimace.
Scroll down below to check out the lessons learned from these doting first time parents, as well as reactions from those who totally get it. Although it can’t possibly replicate and prepare you for the real thing, there are plenty of eye-opening insights!
How does it feel to become a new parent?
This new dad shared his tips on how to deal with the experience
Mom shared hers too
People responded to the heartwarming post with congratulations…
…and advice of their own!
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From a father of two for new fathers: 1. After birth your wife will be fragile as hell - help her get to the toilet, (mandatory!) back her up when she's taking shower (she can pass away). 2. Prepare mentally for baby blues - when your wife will be crying with no particular reason. She may say things that are sad, hurtful, scary - it's not her, those are her hormones speaking/crying. Withstand it. 3. Be patient. No, not like that. More. Your wife will be stirred by hormones and emotions. Your baby only knows how to eat, poop, sleep and cry. When you feel your temper is getting short - take a quick walk, scream, hit a tree, curse, whatever. And be back with more patience. 4. It's very probable that you will be the one who will bath and clean your baby for first month after birth. Do not think too much. Do it calmly and do not be afraid. 5. Get used to "stand-by mode". For a very long time you won't sleep few hours in a row. More likely you will get 40-50 min. long naps.
"back her up when she's taking a shower (she can pass away)" I'm 100% sure you don't mean what I'm reading this line to mean( gang up on the shower otherwise it might kill your misses) but what do you mean?
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Mine is this: when people tell you that your life is about to change, they don't mean in a cute, flip way. They don't mean temporarily. They don't mean a little. Your old life is going to become almost unrecognizable to you in the span of a few days, and sometimes that will be overwhelming, or sad, or wonderful, or all of those things at once.....and sometimes you will mourn the loss of that life, while other times you think you would do it all again. You will love that little person so much you might actually hate the feeling at times because it's like letting your heart walk around outside your body. The biggest thing to remember is that ALL of the above is acceptable, so don't sweat it.
I need to add, to the person above that said he wished he knew babies cry for no reason. They don't. Be attentive and try to figure it out. Sometimes they're feeling lonely or scared and need to be held. Sometimes it hurts when poop is building in their intestines. If mom eats spicy food after giving birth, baby may love the flavor, but will cry "for no reason", due to the capsaicin in the spice burning their throat, tummy, guts, genitals and a**s. Sometimes their backs are itching, those really nasty itches that make you drop everything and reach for a back scratcher/run to the nearest doorframe to do the Baloo dance (jungle book reference, bear scratching back on trees and things). Sometimes acid in their tummies is just creeping into the esophagus just enough to cause heart burn, and the need to be vertical. Sometimes it's a trapped burp. Sometimes it's a nasty bout of gas. Sometimes they're too hot or cold. Yes, babies do get overheated and sometimes require to be cooler.
Midwife gave me great advice... was very stressed, nursing not going well, all of us freaking out. She told me...me: "Ok here's what you need to do. 1: Find a spot where you can put your feet up. 2: Put a cushion on one side to prop your back up. 3: Go into the kitchen and find red wine. 4: Put about 2 fingers full in a wide glass. (At this point I’m thinking images going to say rub it somewhere??!!) 5: TAKE A BIG GULP AND RELAX FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! She was so right. Baby nursed like a pro bc I finally stopped, slowed down and calmed down.
#4 on the mother's list should be #1. SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP! After that baby is born, you'll never sleep again!
There is always a reason. Be attentive, put that baby first and foremost. Try different things until you figure out what is going on. The first thing to always try is to get them vertical, up on your shoulder, and gently pat and rub their backs. Sometimes you can rock too, to help soothe them. Be creative. Talk or sing to your baby while you're testing for a trapped burp/fart that didn't come out with the first burping. When it's acid reflux, they pretty much stop crying, or at least slow down and change to a softer cry, after 30 sec - a minute of being vertical. When you lie them on their backs, they'll resort to crying harder and/or screaming (they also spit up a lot). Be sure to check with ped doc. They can help your baby. Just bear in mind... They require so much more than just a clean diaper, feedings and sleep. Babies never cry "for no reason". Let's just say, I had very happy babies, because I thought of all of this and took care of the problems.
My recollection of the biggest change is that the days of having any fun as a couple were over and the frequency of arguments increased by at least 100%. Think twice about having children if you can't get along as just a twosome, they do not always bring a couple closer together.
Sometimes it's pain from their bones changing and growing. Sometimes it's pain from kneecaps forming. Sometimes the clothes are binding/pinching. Sometimes the diaper is too tight and causing pain. Sometimes it is too loose and causing security issues, which triggers crying. Sometimes it's colic. Sometimes it's the smell of something bothering them. Sometimes it's a muscle spasm. Sometimes it's the swaddling blanket is wrapped too tight. Sometimes it's because their head itches, especially if they have some cradle cap going on. Sometimes it's the sound of something. Their only syllables are "wah" in various forms. Sometimes their skin is too dry, or a baby product is hurting their skin, even if it doesn't cause visible signs. Sometimes they're just talking to you, and making sure you can hear them. Sometimes they are overwhelmed and don't know how to deal with that stress. Sometimes, they're still hungry after a feeding, and you all know that hunger hurts your tummies, theirs too.
I read somewhere, if you can't work out why the baby is crying, and it won't stop, strip it naked. Examine the baby for rashes, irritated skin, injury, threads or hairs wrapped around toes or feet, literally every centimeter of the baby. If the baby has been overheated, or clothes were binding, that will be alleviated. Wash the baby, if you've used any new form of lotion or soap or anything on the skin. Gently rub a known safe lotion or baby oil into all skin, gently massaging to feel for bloating, hot areas, muscle tension. Look in the ears and mouth, take temperature. If you can't identify any problems, and you've gone thru the standard ones, try skin bonding, basicly put baby naked inside your shirt, and just hold it with skin-to-skin contact so it can feel your heartbeat.
Load More Replies...
I'm raising 3 girls by myself. Stop whining. They'll be grown up and gone and you'll end up missing them.
Who was whining? How about you stop being bitter and miserable?
Load More Replies...
I am a grandma so this will not impact me. It probably wouldn't have anyway. I wanted to be a mom and would have despite any warnings or fears. It was the smartest and best two events of my life - and led to other great events like becoming a grandmother. I do not look back at the whole scenario with only happiness. If there was pain or hurt or fear - it has dissipated in my memory and does not linger in my list of regrets. When one discusses what would you do over again and people say go to high school or college or some other things, I laugh and say I would have another passel of kids!
Why do you have to say "disgustingly beautiful"? I feel like the beautiful things are one thing and the disgusting things are the other. They don't often overlap. (i.e. evacuating one's bowels during birth is disgusting, but it's not beautiful.)
He's trying to express his emotions the best he can. Quit being a d**k.
Load More Replies...
From a father of two for new fathers: 1. After birth your wife will be fragile as hell - help her get to the toilet, (mandatory!) back her up when she's taking shower (she can pass away). 2. Prepare mentally for baby blues - when your wife will be crying with no particular reason. She may say things that are sad, hurtful, scary - it's not her, those are her hormones speaking/crying. Withstand it. 3. Be patient. No, not like that. More. Your wife will be stirred by hormones and emotions. Your baby only knows how to eat, poop, sleep and cry. When you feel your temper is getting short - take a quick walk, scream, hit a tree, curse, whatever. And be back with more patience. 4. It's very probable that you will be the one who will bath and clean your baby for first month after birth. Do not think too much. Do it calmly and do not be afraid. 5. Get used to "stand-by mode". For a very long time you won't sleep few hours in a row. More likely you will get 40-50 min. long naps.
"back her up when she's taking a shower (she can pass away)" I'm 100% sure you don't mean what I'm reading this line to mean( gang up on the shower otherwise it might kill your misses) but what do you mean?
Load More Replies... Mine is this: when people tell you that your life is about to change, they don't mean in a cute, flip way. They don't mean temporarily. They don't mean a little. Your old life is going to become almost unrecognizable to you in the span of a few days, and sometimes that will be overwhelming, or sad, or wonderful, or all of those things at once.....and sometimes you will mourn the loss of that life, while other times you think you would do it all again. You will love that little person so much you might actually hate the feeling at times because it's like letting your heart walk around outside your body. The biggest thing to remember is that ALL of the above is acceptable, so don't sweat it.
I need to add, to the person above that said he wished he knew babies cry for no reason. They don't. Be attentive and try to figure it out. Sometimes they're feeling lonely or scared and need to be held. Sometimes it hurts when poop is building in their intestines. If mom eats spicy food after giving birth, baby may love the flavor, but will cry "for no reason", due to the capsaicin in the spice burning their throat, tummy, guts, genitals and a**s. Sometimes their backs are itching, those really nasty itches that make you drop everything and reach for a back scratcher/run to the nearest doorframe to do the Baloo dance (jungle book reference, bear scratching back on trees and things). Sometimes acid in their tummies is just creeping into the esophagus just enough to cause heart burn, and the need to be vertical. Sometimes it's a trapped burp. Sometimes it's a nasty bout of gas. Sometimes they're too hot or cold. Yes, babies do get overheated and sometimes require to be cooler.
Midwife gave me great advice... was very stressed, nursing not going well, all of us freaking out. She told me...me: "Ok here's what you need to do. 1: Find a spot where you can put your feet up. 2: Put a cushion on one side to prop your back up. 3: Go into the kitchen and find red wine. 4: Put about 2 fingers full in a wide glass. (At this point I’m thinking images going to say rub it somewhere??!!) 5: TAKE A BIG GULP AND RELAX FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! She was so right. Baby nursed like a pro bc I finally stopped, slowed down and calmed down.
#4 on the mother's list should be #1. SLEEP, SLEEP, SLEEP! After that baby is born, you'll never sleep again!
There is always a reason. Be attentive, put that baby first and foremost. Try different things until you figure out what is going on. The first thing to always try is to get them vertical, up on your shoulder, and gently pat and rub their backs. Sometimes you can rock too, to help soothe them. Be creative. Talk or sing to your baby while you're testing for a trapped burp/fart that didn't come out with the first burping. When it's acid reflux, they pretty much stop crying, or at least slow down and change to a softer cry, after 30 sec - a minute of being vertical. When you lie them on their backs, they'll resort to crying harder and/or screaming (they also spit up a lot). Be sure to check with ped doc. They can help your baby. Just bear in mind... They require so much more than just a clean diaper, feedings and sleep. Babies never cry "for no reason". Let's just say, I had very happy babies, because I thought of all of this and took care of the problems.
My recollection of the biggest change is that the days of having any fun as a couple were over and the frequency of arguments increased by at least 100%. Think twice about having children if you can't get along as just a twosome, they do not always bring a couple closer together.
Sometimes it's pain from their bones changing and growing. Sometimes it's pain from kneecaps forming. Sometimes the clothes are binding/pinching. Sometimes the diaper is too tight and causing pain. Sometimes it is too loose and causing security issues, which triggers crying. Sometimes it's colic. Sometimes it's the smell of something bothering them. Sometimes it's a muscle spasm. Sometimes it's the swaddling blanket is wrapped too tight. Sometimes it's because their head itches, especially if they have some cradle cap going on. Sometimes it's the sound of something. Their only syllables are "wah" in various forms. Sometimes their skin is too dry, or a baby product is hurting their skin, even if it doesn't cause visible signs. Sometimes they're just talking to you, and making sure you can hear them. Sometimes they are overwhelmed and don't know how to deal with that stress. Sometimes, they're still hungry after a feeding, and you all know that hunger hurts your tummies, theirs too.
I read somewhere, if you can't work out why the baby is crying, and it won't stop, strip it naked. Examine the baby for rashes, irritated skin, injury, threads or hairs wrapped around toes or feet, literally every centimeter of the baby. If the baby has been overheated, or clothes were binding, that will be alleviated. Wash the baby, if you've used any new form of lotion or soap or anything on the skin. Gently rub a known safe lotion or baby oil into all skin, gently massaging to feel for bloating, hot areas, muscle tension. Look in the ears and mouth, take temperature. If you can't identify any problems, and you've gone thru the standard ones, try skin bonding, basicly put baby naked inside your shirt, and just hold it with skin-to-skin contact so it can feel your heartbeat.
Load More Replies... I'm raising 3 girls by myself. Stop whining. They'll be grown up and gone and you'll end up missing them.
Who was whining? How about you stop being bitter and miserable?
Load More Replies... I am a grandma so this will not impact me. It probably wouldn't have anyway. I wanted to be a mom and would have despite any warnings or fears. It was the smartest and best two events of my life - and led to other great events like becoming a grandmother. I do not look back at the whole scenario with only happiness. If there was pain or hurt or fear - it has dissipated in my memory and does not linger in my list of regrets. When one discusses what would you do over again and people say go to high school or college or some other things, I laugh and say I would have another passel of kids!
Why do you have to say "disgustingly beautiful"? I feel like the beautiful things are one thing and the disgusting things are the other. They don't often overlap. (i.e. evacuating one's bowels during birth is disgusting, but it's not beautiful.)
He's trying to express his emotions the best he can. Quit being a d**k.
Load More Replies... 
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