Woman Is Told She Can’t Bring Her Newborn To Sister’s Childfree Wedding, Decides Not To Go And Drama Ensues
Recently, a 25-year-old woman turned to the AITA subreddit to find out if she made a mistake by telling her sister she won’t be attending her wedding.
The author’s sister Lisa is getting married soon and it’s a childfree wedding. Meanwhile, the Redditor is currently pregnant and at the time of the wedding, she will have a 5-month-old baby.
The problem is that the author doesn’t feel okay with leaving her newborn to a sitter, so she asked her sister again if she was strict about her not bringing her child. The answer was still positive, and the author had little choice but to make a decision that no one in the family will be happy with.
A pregnant woman decides not to attend her sister’s childfree wedding because she is not allowed to bring her soon-to-be-born baby with her
Image credits: BGStock72 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: EpicStockMedia (not the actual photo)
The wedding industry is evolving, and with it, the expectations of modern wedding attendees. Increasingly, couples are opting for child-free weddings – occasions where only adults are invited.
For many couples, the decision to have a child-free wedding is driven by a desire to have an intimate, grown-up atmosphere. With no children present, couples claim they can enjoy an uninterrupted ceremony, non-hectic evening of conversation and celebration with their guests.
Engaged couples often see their child-free weddings as a way to save quite a bit of money. Without children in attendance, the couple can opt for a smaller, more intimate venue, and forgo the expense of providing childcare.
However, many parents are not just skeptical of child-free weddings, but find them insulting. Guests can interpret an adults-only celebration as a sign that the newlyweds don’t like their children, or that they don’t trust their guests’ parenting skills. This is especially likely if only some kids are allowed at a wedding but not others (such as a flower girl and page boy).
And this is how people reacted to the whole situation
NTA. Bride and groom have every right to the child-free, pet-free, pork-free, flip-flop-free, shoe-free (barefoot), tobacco-free, alcohol free, sugar-free, meat-free or vegan-free, pollen-free (flowerless), gluten free (flourless), clothing optional, selfie-free, indoor, outdoor, underground, or in-flight wedding of their dreams. Bride and groom have good reason to expect any invitee who attends to follow the rules, but no reason to expect -- and no right to demand -- that invitees who can't or don't want to follow your rules, attend -- not even if she's your sister. And please, kind readers, no matter who I.D. as the AH, can we all quit using our outside voice to suggestanybody can "just get a sitter"? It dbecause it's pretty much the the problem: t
I am so over the Bridezillas. Not because of the child free wedding - I get it, but don't get pissed when ppl with kids decline your invite! Especially this poor woman who has lost the father of her child. Good grief, people. Nobody gives a shi t about your wedding but you. Statistically it won't even be your last wedding or even your first. Get over yourself, bride. NTA
My God what is wrong with her sister? Her unborn child's Father passed before she found out she was pregnant? And she's denying any compromise OP is trying to come up with too! I 100% respect child free weddings but at 5 months old, the baby won't be much of an issue. If anything that's one of the happiest stages of a newborns first year of life! And everyone will want to hold it and help out, imo. Maybe the Bride is worried that the baby will take the focus away from her? Either if OP reads Bored Panda she's NTA at all. But her Bridezilla sister is!
That’s what I didn’t get, no one in the above comments really reacted to that she had just lost her husband?! Maybe she’d have a bit of anxiety leaving what will be her only child by him with anyone else? Or maybe that update was after they posted.
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My kid was pretty much stuck to me like glue at 5 months- either boob or cuddles. He couldn't bear to be put down. Mum or bust (or mum's bust) was his motto.
Both of my kids were like that. Once my youngest started sitting by herself, I still had to sit next to her on the floor. If I stood up for any reason, she'd freak out. She started daycare at 10 months old and calmed down a LOT
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The baby’s not even born yet! What if they end up having health issues or being colicky that babysitters can’t deal with?
Yes I was thinking this, my kids had mspi and had to feed every 2 hrs and wake to feed because of being failure to thrive due to it. They were ebf and I couldn’t leave with a sitter because of the colic on top of that, so it’s unrealistic imo for the bride to expect that, but people without kids or who don’t have medically needy kids often don’t get it at all. I’ve been yelled at by an old lady or two due to my oldest medical issues because they assume that my kid doesn’t look “disabled” enough or something. It’s insane.
Load More Replies... Child-free weddings are not odd here in the Netherlands too. However there might be a kid or two from an Important Person, like a sister. Or from someone who can't or won't get a sitter. You ask the couple if they agree, you comfort them by promising that in case of crying you will leave, something like that. Yes you can accept your sisters kid of 5 months but decline your cousins/friends kids. It's your wedding and it makes sense.
I've been to weddings where only breastfeeding babies were allowed, no other kids. Because the bride and groom didn't expect people to get a babysitter for a baby that was breastfeeding.
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Setting conditions is fine. But don't get angry when people can't deal with the conditions and decline the invitation. Something similar happened in my family, just not a wedding but a 50th anniversary. In the end, several people haven't spoken to each other for many years, while it used to be a rather tight family before. It sucks.
Her unborn child is really the only link she still has with her late husband so I can understand that her anxiety might be more intense. Saying that, 5 months is too young to be left with a sitter especially if baby is breast-fed, some babies will never accept a bottle and only boobs will do. If her sister calms down enough to accept the situation, OP could write a speech and either have someone else read it or film it as another person suggested.
There is no way the OP can safely predict that her upcoming baby is going to be ok with a baby sitter at 5 months old for her sisters wedding. Given she has lost her husband and grief plus death are her constant companions right now and big enough in her mind to surely affect how much fear for her baby's safety she will feel, I can't imagine how she could deal with that.
Of you don't want to leave your baby with a sitter DON'T. I never did
Anyone else feel sad that her husband passed away before she knew she was pregnant?
That breaks my heart. If my SO passed I think it would take a decade before I could attend a wedding, nevermind speak at one. I hope the sister has a change of heart and lets OP stay at home with her baby in peace
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When planning a wedding, this equation sometimes applies: child-free wedding = people-with-children-free wedding.
I personally love the idea of childfree events. One of the things I despise is when parents let their kids do whatever they want even when it's dangerous. However, choosing to have a childfree event means some people can't go. The sister that decided to have a childfree event should have anticipated that many people could go, including the OP who was probably still pregnant when the wedding was being planned.
So sister wants a child-free wedding but expects a new mother to attend without her baby. Props to OP for gracefully declining the invite. Usually in these scenarios it's always that the mother is trying to persuade the bride/groom to let them bring their kids.
I can't even understand such situation. It's the bride's sister and child. I would totally love to have my niece/nephew at my wedding and I would even provide calm and safe space for napping and other necessities. I really don't get those people. Everytime I read about a bridezilla I can't help but think that person doesn't love and marriage is just a convenience.
I feel for this mom. It wasn't that long ago her husband passed away and then the emotional toll she must have endured finding out she's pregnant with his baby after the fact. Of course she's not going to want to part with her baby so soon for any given time. Pretty selfish of the sister to not consider her offer to stay home. Weddings are weird. It's like the Bride and Groom plan them like the people who they invited have never met them before, what with how hard they try to impress the people who know them on daily basis. Js. It's weird. And the children of the people invited are often part of the family. I get kids can be a pain but to each their own, I guess. The mom-to-be is definitely NTA. The sister is being an unreasonable, unrelenting AH.
Couples have every right to have child-free weddings, and I completely understand why, But people they invite have every right to decline the invitation, and they don't have to justify their decision and explain why they won't hire a babysitter
Or, you know, wait until you get to that point. She's already deciding she doesn't want to do something before ever experiencing it. As a single parent five months in, she might be really happy to have a "grown up" outing. I think no one is the ah here. Her sister has every right to be upset her sister won't be at the wedding, despite the reason. And she shouldn't decide how she's going to feel about leaving her child after months when it's not even born yet. She might have met a very trustworthy person before then that she feels comfortable with having babysit. She's crossing that bridge WAY too early.
Your husband passed before you knew you were pregnant? And sis wants to play bridezilla with a now single pregnant mommy to be? Who's child will only be 5 months at the time of the wedding? And poor kid will never know it's daddy? But bridezilla???????? OOF!
People that say just get a babysitter for a 5 mth old newborn should just stop talking because they have nothing intelligent to offer. Never would I leave my tiny human with a total stranger, it’s not happening.
OP is just being a responsible mother, Given what she's been through she will be an amazing Mother. Sis needs to grow up and realize that not everyone's lives revolve around her. Have her dream wedding fine, but should not expect everyone to drop everything for her. Sis is literally asking OP to choose between her and OPs own baby. Sounds like Sis might have some jealousy issues, and is being an immature jerk. I have two kids and no way would I ever leave them with someone I did not personally know and trust. Just because sis friends know some sitters does not mean sitters are known well enough by OP. OPs first responsibility is to her baby, especially as her husband has passed. This makes her baby all the more precious to her. Good for OP for standing up for her child.
She's NTA for having a child free wedding, but she is the AH for getting angry at you for not being comfortable with leaving the baby with someone else.
If the baby does not have a father, then you're NTA. If the baby has a father then a very soft YTA. If it was me, I would leave my baby to her father and go to the wedding. I would give my speech, stay for the first dance and go home. No drama, no problem.
The dad died before OP knew she was pregnant as stated in later Reddit replies
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I would ask the sister to put herself in my shoes. Because the husband has sadly passed on, this child’s existence will mean more. It seems like the bride is a selfish person at heart. To ask your sister to leave the only part of her husband she has left, just so all the attention can be on you is absolutely disgusting. I honestly wouldn’t go either. But I know my sister would never do that. Family is more important to us than one super expensive party.
My sister had a childfree wedding. At the time, my daughter was 5, my son was less than a month old. My mom was the only person I would've left them with for overnight (my in-laws too, but they live 3 hours away). But obviously my mom was going to the wedding too. So I chose to stay home. My sister completely understood.
So what is OP going to do when she goes to work? Kind of painted herself into the corner with "I lost my husband' bit. So she's a single parent at this point, is she independently wealthy? Or like any other adult needs a job to buy food , pay a mortgage, supplies for the baby. WTF does she do then? Strangers? she must have others in her orbit , friends, neighbors , neighbors of her parents. This is hog wash. She could attend the wedding for the 2 hours and return home or let someone keep baby for the time needed. EVERYONE needs a back-up plan for other needs, like when a parent has a heart attack for instance. ERs are better child-free . Injury that is short term, but puts the child in need of care. My Mom worked as does many moms (grandparents) work to get ahead for retirement. So come on, this is BS , as I earn tons of cash as a teenager for 'things' important to me. So there is that resource, and not to use a feeble excuse. It's a 'her' issue, not the wedding.
Everyone sounds pretty dramatic and selfish here. The Bride for not considering her sister's valid concerns and that she lost her partner and needs extra consideration. And imho the sister for immediately declining. The baby is not here yet. You don't even know if you will have a caregiver you trust more than your own mother by then. OP must have friends. 5 months in things might be a different story. I can see saying, "It is unlikely I will make it but I'm going to try my hardest. I will RSVP as late as feasible to give time to arrange care that isn't too nerve wracking ..." But just ducking out? Hurtful. Annnnnd the bride needs to accept that OP might not make it.
I wish people who have weddings that child-free would find themselves suddenly friend-free and guest-less at that wedding! I get the whole child free concept but unless you elope, it’s so not practical and the “stress free” environment you are trying to achieve just backfires and puts tremendous stress on the parents of these uninvited kids to not bring them! The only one it benefits is the bride and groom and quite selfishly. Idc if it is their day, I feel they are asking a LOT of their guests. That being said, an infant is not the same as a kid. Depending on where wedding and reception are, it’s very possible to have an infant there and nobody even knows! They sleep 85% of the day, and if they aren’t sleeping, they aren’t running around knocking everything over or sticking their fingers in the cake! But if Lisa really wants the OP there, she should really be more accommodating to the person she’s trying to get to attend! Even if she allows baby to be there temporarily while mom is
Making speech, and then they both can leave. I think the best thing for a compromise between no -kids brides and their guests who have kids is to either pay for professional daycare at the event (with plenty of caretakers) or to have a set time that children are welcome til. And what age is one considered to not be a child at? In my experience, most child free weddings left me wondering what the big deal was, a few kids might have livened up the event. Children at weddings to me, go hand in hand. The parties were always more lively with kids, and EVERYONE had good time! There were always enough older kids to entertain/watch the younger ones and plenty of older (and young) adults who weren’t drinking like a drunken sailor to watch over everyone. Nobody had to leave to get their sitter home on time, or had a million calls from their kids wanting to know when they’d be home. Childless couples have no clue they’ll learn later that it’s better to invite the kids in the long run!
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My niece attended my daughter's wedding and never mentioned bringing her 4 kids plus 7 month old infant. During the ceremony infant crying so officiant is shouting out so all can hear. Druring reception the 4 older kids running around, unsuprevised, loud, etc. Less concern was on the reception but as a once in a lifetime event, don't being infants, or walk out if they begin to cry. On the bride's part you can't insist your guests come if they have child concerns. Lastly, myself having 6 children, who can't hire a babysitter for 3 hours for the 5 month old? People do work these days and can manage all day child care so 3 hours leaving baby at a babysitter isn't that much. Yes, the father passed away, so she does not have yo attend, but maybe recognizing she can have fun and has a loving sister is helpful, too. I went to a wedding a few weeks after burying a child, and it was good to get me out with people.
NTA Congratulations on your upcoming baby 💕 also, so very sorry for your loss. That baby is a gift for you, a part of your husband to help you go on. I'm so happy your in-laws will be with you at the beginning to help you out. Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat! No alternatives are good enough for her. So sad that she has tunnel vision. Stand your ground. Your sister and her intended sound very selfish. To the brat, have whatever wedding you want but do not bully your sister. Your mistake will be not having your niece or nephew there on the special day. I thought weddings were about family. SMDH If I were a young widow with a 5 month old I would not leave that baby either!
Really. Mom to be isn't throwing a fit because the baby isn't allowed; bride to be is being the bridezilla here.
I don’t understand how brides get upset when they have “rules” and people can’t attend because of them. Like I’m sorry I’m not hiring a sitter. I have 3 kids and still don’t feel safe leaving any of them with a sitter. I lost 4 pregnancies and I’m not about to put my kids into a situation that could be unsafe. I can’t even trust my own younger sister to watch them. So that’s a no. If my kids can go I’m not attending or my husband is staying. This being said I also had two premature kids and both had been failure to thrive and had strict feeding schedules. You cant plan or predict anything about babies, you can try but there is no guarantee her baby will not have issues or need extra care like mine did. So sister is Nta and bride is the ah only for being so inflexible about things. I would have NEVER left my firstborn with anyone aside from my mom my mil or my husband and I barely did that until he was 2. And my husband was in ICU while I had a newborn. So yeah, Nta.
As someone who doesn't like to be told what to do, I 100% agree with OP. As someone who's friends recently started sending their 4 month old to baby sitting several days a week out of necessity, I feel like there's at least a small part of OP who is making a bigger deal out of the "no children please" request than it is, and should probably make an attempt to find a sitter. I also find it interesting that it jumps right to "leaving the kid with a stranger". I get the no family available thing, but does she have zero friends? That's more of a red flag to me than anything else in this article. Call CPS! Mostly joking, but seriously, who doesn't have friends? Start the downvoting in 3...2....1....and go go go!
There are so many possible compromises the bride could make here that she just doesn’t seem willing to make. 100% OP NTA. Any new parent experiences anxiety leaving their baby, but when you’re a single, recently bereaved one and the baby is a living piece of your lost loved one? The bride is an unspeakable AH.
If the family that she trusts will be at the wedding, then are there no friendships in her or her partner’s life that she trusts? Or were there offerings of suggestions where baby can be at wedding, but various family members can help so that they all can be there? Win-win compromise vs all or nothing?
My baby girl is 15 months and I wouldn’t leave her with a stranger at this age either let alone 5 months. I don’t blame her and her sister is being unreasonable for not willing to make an exception for her. Babies that young mostly sleep anyway and will only cry if they’re hungry. She can likely time the feedings by then so she’ll know when that time is coming. If she really wants her sister to come she’ll make an exception otherwise sister is TA
That marriage lasted maybe a year, btw. They both went on to marry a couple more times...
Eek! I meant post this to a reply. Sorry for the confusion. It's 2am and I should be asleep.
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YTA - sorry but I wouldn’t want a baby crying at my wedding either and why can’t a 5 month old have a babysitter? No one is suggesting you get a 15 year old to babysit.
Many Many moms are back to work when baby is 6 weeks old. You’re going to have to leave the child sometime. A few hours for your Sister’s wedding seems like a good time to start!
A 5 month old is NOT a newborn. Show some respect for the couples wishes and some love for your sister. Get a babysitter for a few hours. your child will be fine. Stop overthinking and coddling the kid. You will actually be a better parent in the long run after a fun filled night out away from the kid.
Oh another thing the fact that she's throwing this attitude and your husband just passed away oh yeah let her have her little child free wedding and you stay home with your baby because that is way over the line
You are not wrong for anything you said your sister isn't an a*****e but she sure is being a total bridezilla no one is supposed to leave a 5-month-old baby at all it doesn't matter if you got a sitter or it's the grandparents that's flat out wrong this is bonding time for the mother and the child your sister should be a little bit more understanding about that but she wants the wedding she wants okay but you're not going to be able to have it with your sister
I had a 7 mths old at my brothers wedding while I was a bridesmaid. My MIL came down to the wedding location. When the pictures at the church were over, my MIL took him back to the hotel and looked after him. ANYONE can attend the church BTW. Does your sister not want to include their new neice/nephew in wedding pictures?Can you attend the ceremony with your little one but skip the reception? The wedding ceremony is the most important part.
NTA, and this is absolutely ridiculous! Every baby is different and every parent is different. Some may have no problem going out for a few hours or even an overnight, some would be an absolute mess of anxiety the entire time. My baby will be 12 months old when my brother gets married, and I literally went out of my way to make sure he knew we would not have our feelings hurt if they wanted a child free wedding because it's about them, not my baby! Totally okay to not want a baby there, also totally okay to decline to go if you need to be with your baby elsewhere. People be crazy.
I wouldn't go, if my childrens are not welcome at my sister'wedding, I'm not welcome too. I never would think in inviting only part of the family and uninviting others, better to go travel with the husband alone than throw a party inviting only half of the family and wanting that they don't being the most inportants people in their life.
Ugh! Weddings. A special day? Sure! THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AND YOU'RE GONNA FREAK OUT IF EVERYTHING ISN'T "PERFECT"? If this is your attitude about one quick, totally unoriginal ceremony followed by one even less original party (reception) then your head is so far up your a** you've gone blind.
God why do people with kids think everyone should make concessions for them.5 months old please,maybe if 2 montgs and under, just dont go then.
“just don’t go then.” Did you read the article? She said she didn’t want to go, but her sister was mad at her for it. Literally. Does. Not. Want. To. Go.
Load More Replies... Yet another made up story to get social media attention. Hope it works for you. Not sure what the point is.
Did you really come here and say it’s made up? Wow, with no bases or proof, it has to be made up? Why because your bored and your life has nothing going on you come to give $.5 to the comments, does your family know you suffer from depression, yet? Are you seeing a therapist yet? Because you can honestly tell with one comment that your mentally unstable and off your medication, get help soon, life is already hard don’t add to it, if you can’t be a positive human being.
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I find this claim to make marriages childfree simply selfish and cause for quarrels. I don't particularly like children and I can understand that they can be a nuisance on certain occasions, but if you invite people with children (especially close relatives) it is simply an offense to expect them to come without. It is true that the wedding ceremony must primarily satisfy the husband and wife to be, but if other people are invited, they must also be thought of. How boring these rude and demanding women are.
Here's the thing though, you can have childfree weddings but when someone can't go because they have kids and the bride and groom are understanding of that and aren't offended, then they are actually very thoughtful. But when you react like lisa, then you are selfish. Childfree weddings aren't inherently selfish.
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I get the child free wedding but seems there should be a "newborn" exception. Basically if the kid can't really walk yet then it's ok to bring them.
Babies cry, and need nappy changes. No they shouldn't be at weddings because they ruin the atmosphere. Maybe the bride wants a peaceful wedding that's not disturbed by a baby or young child.
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I am so over people that feel their kids can’t live without them for a few hours, especially for something as important as your sister’s wedding. You seriously don’t have one close friend you trust? Geez. That’s the bigger problem. I’m completely sick of going to nice restaurants and movies and other places only to have to listen to a screaming baby or worse a toddler that’s never been told the word “no.” Your baby won’t even remember you’re gone. If you miss your sister’s wedding because of this, I will guarantee your relationship will never be the same.
1. If the baby can't come, then op isn't going, so your restaurant example doesn't work here. 2. It's one day. Op has known her sister all her life, their relationship is fine.
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It should be every Brides choice. My oldest daughter everybody was invited she didn't care. But my youngest daughter had "guards" posted at every entrance NO KIDS ALLOWED!!! It should be up to the bride and guests should honor that request!!!!!
At the same time, if you want a child-free wedding, you should not expect your friends or family with children to be able to go. Particularly those with babies still nursing which a lot of 5 month old babies are exclusively breastfed. The baby hasn't been born yet, don't know what sort of temperament it will have, don't know if it will have any health issues.
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Babies and young children disrupt weddings and a lot of people don't want to deal with crying and running around on their special day. I know I wouldn't and won't want any kids under 8 or 9 at my wedding because I don't want crying or running around(my boyfriend and I have only been together nearly 7 months so the wedding is a long way off)
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Or she can, as she did, just politely decline. She did not insist on anything unreasonable. The sister does tho. The baby is not even born. The father died before he even knew he would have a baby, she's a young widow expecting her first child. It's utterly unreasonable to demand she gets a sitter to attend that wedding. It's callous and heartless. There was a solution where her mom offered to watch the baby for a few hours so the sister could give a speech. But the bride wants it all and is unwilling to compromise in any way, and that's unreasonable. What if the baby is not born healthy? What if the birth hurts the mother? It's ok for the bride not to want children at her wedding. But it's not ok to pressure a young mother in this way.
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Did you read the ENTIRE post? OP's Husband passed away before she could even share that she was pregnant. She literally all alone...
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Where did you get the part about two babies 6 months apart? OP is still pregnant with her 1st baby (mentioned in the comments that's her first). Her sister is having a wedding in more than 5 months. At the time of the wedding OP's 1st and only baby will be already born and 5 months old.
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NTA. Bride and groom have every right to the child-free, pet-free, pork-free, flip-flop-free, shoe-free (barefoot), tobacco-free, alcohol free, sugar-free, meat-free or vegan-free, pollen-free (flowerless), gluten free (flourless), clothing optional, selfie-free, indoor, outdoor, underground, or in-flight wedding of their dreams. Bride and groom have good reason to expect any invitee who attends to follow the rules, but no reason to expect -- and no right to demand -- that invitees who can't or don't want to follow your rules, attend -- not even if she's your sister. And please, kind readers, no matter who I.D. as the AH, can we all quit using our outside voice to suggestanybody can "just get a sitter"? It dbecause it's pretty much the the problem: t
I am so over the Bridezillas. Not because of the child free wedding - I get it, but don't get pissed when ppl with kids decline your invite! Especially this poor woman who has lost the father of her child. Good grief, people. Nobody gives a shi t about your wedding but you. Statistically it won't even be your last wedding or even your first. Get over yourself, bride. NTA
My God what is wrong with her sister? Her unborn child's Father passed before she found out she was pregnant? And she's denying any compromise OP is trying to come up with too! I 100% respect child free weddings but at 5 months old, the baby won't be much of an issue. If anything that's one of the happiest stages of a newborns first year of life! And everyone will want to hold it and help out, imo. Maybe the Bride is worried that the baby will take the focus away from her? Either if OP reads Bored Panda she's NTA at all. But her Bridezilla sister is!
That’s what I didn’t get, no one in the above comments really reacted to that she had just lost her husband?! Maybe she’d have a bit of anxiety leaving what will be her only child by him with anyone else? Or maybe that update was after they posted.
Load More Replies... My kid was pretty much stuck to me like glue at 5 months- either boob or cuddles. He couldn't bear to be put down. Mum or bust (or mum's bust) was his motto.
Both of my kids were like that. Once my youngest started sitting by herself, I still had to sit next to her on the floor. If I stood up for any reason, she'd freak out. She started daycare at 10 months old and calmed down a LOT
Load More Replies... The baby’s not even born yet! What if they end up having health issues or being colicky that babysitters can’t deal with?
Yes I was thinking this, my kids had mspi and had to feed every 2 hrs and wake to feed because of being failure to thrive due to it. They were ebf and I couldn’t leave with a sitter because of the colic on top of that, so it’s unrealistic imo for the bride to expect that, but people without kids or who don’t have medically needy kids often don’t get it at all. I’ve been yelled at by an old lady or two due to my oldest medical issues because they assume that my kid doesn’t look “disabled” enough or something. It’s insane.
Load More Replies... Child-free weddings are not odd here in the Netherlands too. However there might be a kid or two from an Important Person, like a sister. Or from someone who can't or won't get a sitter. You ask the couple if they agree, you comfort them by promising that in case of crying you will leave, something like that. Yes you can accept your sisters kid of 5 months but decline your cousins/friends kids. It's your wedding and it makes sense.
I've been to weddings where only breastfeeding babies were allowed, no other kids. Because the bride and groom didn't expect people to get a babysitter for a baby that was breastfeeding.
Load More Replies... Setting conditions is fine. But don't get angry when people can't deal with the conditions and decline the invitation. Something similar happened in my family, just not a wedding but a 50th anniversary. In the end, several people haven't spoken to each other for many years, while it used to be a rather tight family before. It sucks.
Her unborn child is really the only link she still has with her late husband so I can understand that her anxiety might be more intense. Saying that, 5 months is too young to be left with a sitter especially if baby is breast-fed, some babies will never accept a bottle and only boobs will do. If her sister calms down enough to accept the situation, OP could write a speech and either have someone else read it or film it as another person suggested.
There is no way the OP can safely predict that her upcoming baby is going to be ok with a baby sitter at 5 months old for her sisters wedding. Given she has lost her husband and grief plus death are her constant companions right now and big enough in her mind to surely affect how much fear for her baby's safety she will feel, I can't imagine how she could deal with that.
Of you don't want to leave your baby with a sitter DON'T. I never did
Anyone else feel sad that her husband passed away before she knew she was pregnant?
That breaks my heart. If my SO passed I think it would take a decade before I could attend a wedding, nevermind speak at one. I hope the sister has a change of heart and lets OP stay at home with her baby in peace
Load More Replies... When planning a wedding, this equation sometimes applies: child-free wedding = people-with-children-free wedding.
I personally love the idea of childfree events. One of the things I despise is when parents let their kids do whatever they want even when it's dangerous. However, choosing to have a childfree event means some people can't go. The sister that decided to have a childfree event should have anticipated that many people could go, including the OP who was probably still pregnant when the wedding was being planned.
So sister wants a child-free wedding but expects a new mother to attend without her baby. Props to OP for gracefully declining the invite. Usually in these scenarios it's always that the mother is trying to persuade the bride/groom to let them bring their kids.
I can't even understand such situation. It's the bride's sister and child. I would totally love to have my niece/nephew at my wedding and I would even provide calm and safe space for napping and other necessities. I really don't get those people. Everytime I read about a bridezilla I can't help but think that person doesn't love and marriage is just a convenience.
I feel for this mom. It wasn't that long ago her husband passed away and then the emotional toll she must have endured finding out she's pregnant with his baby after the fact. Of course she's not going to want to part with her baby so soon for any given time. Pretty selfish of the sister to not consider her offer to stay home. Weddings are weird. It's like the Bride and Groom plan them like the people who they invited have never met them before, what with how hard they try to impress the people who know them on daily basis. Js. It's weird. And the children of the people invited are often part of the family. I get kids can be a pain but to each their own, I guess. The mom-to-be is definitely NTA. The sister is being an unreasonable, unrelenting AH.
Couples have every right to have child-free weddings, and I completely understand why, But people they invite have every right to decline the invitation, and they don't have to justify their decision and explain why they won't hire a babysitter
Or, you know, wait until you get to that point. She's already deciding she doesn't want to do something before ever experiencing it. As a single parent five months in, she might be really happy to have a "grown up" outing. I think no one is the ah here. Her sister has every right to be upset her sister won't be at the wedding, despite the reason. And she shouldn't decide how she's going to feel about leaving her child after months when it's not even born yet. She might have met a very trustworthy person before then that she feels comfortable with having babysit. She's crossing that bridge WAY too early.
Your husband passed before you knew you were pregnant? And sis wants to play bridezilla with a now single pregnant mommy to be? Who's child will only be 5 months at the time of the wedding? And poor kid will never know it's daddy? But bridezilla???????? OOF!
People that say just get a babysitter for a 5 mth old newborn should just stop talking because they have nothing intelligent to offer. Never would I leave my tiny human with a total stranger, it’s not happening.
OP is just being a responsible mother, Given what she's been through she will be an amazing Mother. Sis needs to grow up and realize that not everyone's lives revolve around her. Have her dream wedding fine, but should not expect everyone to drop everything for her. Sis is literally asking OP to choose between her and OPs own baby. Sounds like Sis might have some jealousy issues, and is being an immature jerk. I have two kids and no way would I ever leave them with someone I did not personally know and trust. Just because sis friends know some sitters does not mean sitters are known well enough by OP. OPs first responsibility is to her baby, especially as her husband has passed. This makes her baby all the more precious to her. Good for OP for standing up for her child.
She's NTA for having a child free wedding, but she is the AH for getting angry at you for not being comfortable with leaving the baby with someone else.
If the baby does not have a father, then you're NTA. If the baby has a father then a very soft YTA. If it was me, I would leave my baby to her father and go to the wedding. I would give my speech, stay for the first dance and go home. No drama, no problem.
The dad died before OP knew she was pregnant as stated in later Reddit replies
Load More Replies... I would ask the sister to put herself in my shoes. Because the husband has sadly passed on, this child’s existence will mean more. It seems like the bride is a selfish person at heart. To ask your sister to leave the only part of her husband she has left, just so all the attention can be on you is absolutely disgusting. I honestly wouldn’t go either. But I know my sister would never do that. Family is more important to us than one super expensive party.
My sister had a childfree wedding. At the time, my daughter was 5, my son was less than a month old. My mom was the only person I would've left them with for overnight (my in-laws too, but they live 3 hours away). But obviously my mom was going to the wedding too. So I chose to stay home. My sister completely understood.
So what is OP going to do when she goes to work? Kind of painted herself into the corner with "I lost my husband' bit. So she's a single parent at this point, is she independently wealthy? Or like any other adult needs a job to buy food , pay a mortgage, supplies for the baby. WTF does she do then? Strangers? she must have others in her orbit , friends, neighbors , neighbors of her parents. This is hog wash. She could attend the wedding for the 2 hours and return home or let someone keep baby for the time needed. EVERYONE needs a back-up plan for other needs, like when a parent has a heart attack for instance. ERs are better child-free . Injury that is short term, but puts the child in need of care. My Mom worked as does many moms (grandparents) work to get ahead for retirement. So come on, this is BS , as I earn tons of cash as a teenager for 'things' important to me. So there is that resource, and not to use a feeble excuse. It's a 'her' issue, not the wedding.
Everyone sounds pretty dramatic and selfish here. The Bride for not considering her sister's valid concerns and that she lost her partner and needs extra consideration. And imho the sister for immediately declining. The baby is not here yet. You don't even know if you will have a caregiver you trust more than your own mother by then. OP must have friends. 5 months in things might be a different story. I can see saying, "It is unlikely I will make it but I'm going to try my hardest. I will RSVP as late as feasible to give time to arrange care that isn't too nerve wracking ..." But just ducking out? Hurtful. Annnnnd the bride needs to accept that OP might not make it.
I wish people who have weddings that child-free would find themselves suddenly friend-free and guest-less at that wedding! I get the whole child free concept but unless you elope, it’s so not practical and the “stress free” environment you are trying to achieve just backfires and puts tremendous stress on the parents of these uninvited kids to not bring them! The only one it benefits is the bride and groom and quite selfishly. Idc if it is their day, I feel they are asking a LOT of their guests. That being said, an infant is not the same as a kid. Depending on where wedding and reception are, it’s very possible to have an infant there and nobody even knows! They sleep 85% of the day, and if they aren’t sleeping, they aren’t running around knocking everything over or sticking their fingers in the cake! But if Lisa really wants the OP there, she should really be more accommodating to the person she’s trying to get to attend! Even if she allows baby to be there temporarily while mom is
Making speech, and then they both can leave. I think the best thing for a compromise between no -kids brides and their guests who have kids is to either pay for professional daycare at the event (with plenty of caretakers) or to have a set time that children are welcome til. And what age is one considered to not be a child at? In my experience, most child free weddings left me wondering what the big deal was, a few kids might have livened up the event. Children at weddings to me, go hand in hand. The parties were always more lively with kids, and EVERYONE had good time! There were always enough older kids to entertain/watch the younger ones and plenty of older (and young) adults who weren’t drinking like a drunken sailor to watch over everyone. Nobody had to leave to get their sitter home on time, or had a million calls from their kids wanting to know when they’d be home. Childless couples have no clue they’ll learn later that it’s better to invite the kids in the long run!
Load More Replies... My niece attended my daughter's wedding and never mentioned bringing her 4 kids plus 7 month old infant. During the ceremony infant crying so officiant is shouting out so all can hear. Druring reception the 4 older kids running around, unsuprevised, loud, etc. Less concern was on the reception but as a once in a lifetime event, don't being infants, or walk out if they begin to cry. On the bride's part you can't insist your guests come if they have child concerns. Lastly, myself having 6 children, who can't hire a babysitter for 3 hours for the 5 month old? People do work these days and can manage all day child care so 3 hours leaving baby at a babysitter isn't that much. Yes, the father passed away, so she does not have yo attend, but maybe recognizing she can have fun and has a loving sister is helpful, too. I went to a wedding a few weeks after burying a child, and it was good to get me out with people.
NTA Congratulations on your upcoming baby 💕 also, so very sorry for your loss. That baby is a gift for you, a part of your husband to help you go on. I'm so happy your in-laws will be with you at the beginning to help you out. Your sister sounds like a spoiled brat! No alternatives are good enough for her. So sad that she has tunnel vision. Stand your ground. Your sister and her intended sound very selfish. To the brat, have whatever wedding you want but do not bully your sister. Your mistake will be not having your niece or nephew there on the special day. I thought weddings were about family. SMDH If I were a young widow with a 5 month old I would not leave that baby either!
Really. Mom to be isn't throwing a fit because the baby isn't allowed; bride to be is being the bridezilla here.
I don’t understand how brides get upset when they have “rules” and people can’t attend because of them. Like I’m sorry I’m not hiring a sitter. I have 3 kids and still don’t feel safe leaving any of them with a sitter. I lost 4 pregnancies and I’m not about to put my kids into a situation that could be unsafe. I can’t even trust my own younger sister to watch them. So that’s a no. If my kids can go I’m not attending or my husband is staying. This being said I also had two premature kids and both had been failure to thrive and had strict feeding schedules. You cant plan or predict anything about babies, you can try but there is no guarantee her baby will not have issues or need extra care like mine did. So sister is Nta and bride is the ah only for being so inflexible about things. I would have NEVER left my firstborn with anyone aside from my mom my mil or my husband and I barely did that until he was 2. And my husband was in ICU while I had a newborn. So yeah, Nta.
As someone who doesn't like to be told what to do, I 100% agree with OP. As someone who's friends recently started sending their 4 month old to baby sitting several days a week out of necessity, I feel like there's at least a small part of OP who is making a bigger deal out of the "no children please" request than it is, and should probably make an attempt to find a sitter. I also find it interesting that it jumps right to "leaving the kid with a stranger". I get the no family available thing, but does she have zero friends? That's more of a red flag to me than anything else in this article. Call CPS! Mostly joking, but seriously, who doesn't have friends? Start the downvoting in 3...2....1....and go go go!
There are so many possible compromises the bride could make here that she just doesn’t seem willing to make. 100% OP NTA. Any new parent experiences anxiety leaving their baby, but when you’re a single, recently bereaved one and the baby is a living piece of your lost loved one? The bride is an unspeakable AH.
If the family that she trusts will be at the wedding, then are there no friendships in her or her partner’s life that she trusts? Or were there offerings of suggestions where baby can be at wedding, but various family members can help so that they all can be there? Win-win compromise vs all or nothing?
My baby girl is 15 months and I wouldn’t leave her with a stranger at this age either let alone 5 months. I don’t blame her and her sister is being unreasonable for not willing to make an exception for her. Babies that young mostly sleep anyway and will only cry if they’re hungry. She can likely time the feedings by then so she’ll know when that time is coming. If she really wants her sister to come she’ll make an exception otherwise sister is TA
That marriage lasted maybe a year, btw. They both went on to marry a couple more times...
Eek! I meant post this to a reply. Sorry for the confusion. It's 2am and I should be asleep.
Load More Replies... YTA - sorry but I wouldn’t want a baby crying at my wedding either and why can’t a 5 month old have a babysitter? No one is suggesting you get a 15 year old to babysit.
Many Many moms are back to work when baby is 6 weeks old. You’re going to have to leave the child sometime. A few hours for your Sister’s wedding seems like a good time to start!
A 5 month old is NOT a newborn. Show some respect for the couples wishes and some love for your sister. Get a babysitter for a few hours. your child will be fine. Stop overthinking and coddling the kid. You will actually be a better parent in the long run after a fun filled night out away from the kid.
Oh another thing the fact that she's throwing this attitude and your husband just passed away oh yeah let her have her little child free wedding and you stay home with your baby because that is way over the line
You are not wrong for anything you said your sister isn't an a*****e but she sure is being a total bridezilla no one is supposed to leave a 5-month-old baby at all it doesn't matter if you got a sitter or it's the grandparents that's flat out wrong this is bonding time for the mother and the child your sister should be a little bit more understanding about that but she wants the wedding she wants okay but you're not going to be able to have it with your sister
I had a 7 mths old at my brothers wedding while I was a bridesmaid. My MIL came down to the wedding location. When the pictures at the church were over, my MIL took him back to the hotel and looked after him. ANYONE can attend the church BTW. Does your sister not want to include their new neice/nephew in wedding pictures?Can you attend the ceremony with your little one but skip the reception? The wedding ceremony is the most important part.
NTA, and this is absolutely ridiculous! Every baby is different and every parent is different. Some may have no problem going out for a few hours or even an overnight, some would be an absolute mess of anxiety the entire time. My baby will be 12 months old when my brother gets married, and I literally went out of my way to make sure he knew we would not have our feelings hurt if they wanted a child free wedding because it's about them, not my baby! Totally okay to not want a baby there, also totally okay to decline to go if you need to be with your baby elsewhere. People be crazy.
I wouldn't go, if my childrens are not welcome at my sister'wedding, I'm not welcome too. I never would think in inviting only part of the family and uninviting others, better to go travel with the husband alone than throw a party inviting only half of the family and wanting that they don't being the most inportants people in their life.
Ugh! Weddings. A special day? Sure! THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE AND YOU'RE GONNA FREAK OUT IF EVERYTHING ISN'T "PERFECT"? If this is your attitude about one quick, totally unoriginal ceremony followed by one even less original party (reception) then your head is so far up your a** you've gone blind.
God why do people with kids think everyone should make concessions for them.5 months old please,maybe if 2 montgs and under, just dont go then.
“just don’t go then.” Did you read the article? She said she didn’t want to go, but her sister was mad at her for it. Literally. Does. Not. Want. To. Go.
Load More Replies... Yet another made up story to get social media attention. Hope it works for you. Not sure what the point is.
Did you really come here and say it’s made up? Wow, with no bases or proof, it has to be made up? Why because your bored and your life has nothing going on you come to give $.5 to the comments, does your family know you suffer from depression, yet? Are you seeing a therapist yet? Because you can honestly tell with one comment that your mentally unstable and off your medication, get help soon, life is already hard don’t add to it, if you can’t be a positive human being.
Load More Replies... I find this claim to make marriages childfree simply selfish and cause for quarrels. I don't particularly like children and I can understand that they can be a nuisance on certain occasions, but if you invite people with children (especially close relatives) it is simply an offense to expect them to come without. It is true that the wedding ceremony must primarily satisfy the husband and wife to be, but if other people are invited, they must also be thought of. How boring these rude and demanding women are.
Here's the thing though, you can have childfree weddings but when someone can't go because they have kids and the bride and groom are understanding of that and aren't offended, then they are actually very thoughtful. But when you react like lisa, then you are selfish. Childfree weddings aren't inherently selfish.
Load More Replies... I get the child free wedding but seems there should be a "newborn" exception. Basically if the kid can't really walk yet then it's ok to bring them.
Babies cry, and need nappy changes. No they shouldn't be at weddings because they ruin the atmosphere. Maybe the bride wants a peaceful wedding that's not disturbed by a baby or young child.
Load More Replies... I am so over people that feel their kids can’t live without them for a few hours, especially for something as important as your sister’s wedding. You seriously don’t have one close friend you trust? Geez. That’s the bigger problem. I’m completely sick of going to nice restaurants and movies and other places only to have to listen to a screaming baby or worse a toddler that’s never been told the word “no.” Your baby won’t even remember you’re gone. If you miss your sister’s wedding because of this, I will guarantee your relationship will never be the same.
1. If the baby can't come, then op isn't going, so your restaurant example doesn't work here. 2. It's one day. Op has known her sister all her life, their relationship is fine.
Load More Replies... It should be every Brides choice. My oldest daughter everybody was invited she didn't care. But my youngest daughter had "guards" posted at every entrance NO KIDS ALLOWED!!! It should be up to the bride and guests should honor that request!!!!!
At the same time, if you want a child-free wedding, you should not expect your friends or family with children to be able to go. Particularly those with babies still nursing which a lot of 5 month old babies are exclusively breastfed. The baby hasn't been born yet, don't know what sort of temperament it will have, don't know if it will have any health issues.
Load More Replies... Babies and young children disrupt weddings and a lot of people don't want to deal with crying and running around on their special day. I know I wouldn't and won't want any kids under 8 or 9 at my wedding because I don't want crying or running around(my boyfriend and I have only been together nearly 7 months so the wedding is a long way off)
Load More Replies... Or she can, as she did, just politely decline. She did not insist on anything unreasonable. The sister does tho. The baby is not even born. The father died before he even knew he would have a baby, she's a young widow expecting her first child. It's utterly unreasonable to demand she gets a sitter to attend that wedding. It's callous and heartless. There was a solution where her mom offered to watch the baby for a few hours so the sister could give a speech. But the bride wants it all and is unwilling to compromise in any way, and that's unreasonable. What if the baby is not born healthy? What if the birth hurts the mother? It's ok for the bride not to want children at her wedding. But it's not ok to pressure a young mother in this way.
Load More Replies... Did you read the ENTIRE post? OP's Husband passed away before she could even share that she was pregnant. She literally all alone...
Load More Replies... Where did you get the part about two babies 6 months apart? OP is still pregnant with her 1st baby (mentioned in the comments that's her first). Her sister is having a wedding in more than 5 months. At the time of the wedding OP's 1st and only baby will be already born and 5 months old.
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