Woman Shares A Letter She Got From Her Neighbors With A Baby And It Goes Viral Interview With Author
Few things cause more stress for both parents and the neighbors (and the baby) than the baby who just won’t sleep. No wonder there are so many sleep training methods, like bedtime fading or graduated extinction that have been a subject of debate among scientists and parents.
But one out of every five or six parents find themselves utterly drained after numerous sleepless nights where their baby wakes up every night multiple times. At this point, many look for any solutions that could put an end to the insomniac nightmare. This is what happened to the authors of a viral letter that has been circulating on social media.
It was first posted by Twitter user @KittyBeeJr: “neighbors left this on the door… I’m gonna bake them some cookies,” two days ago. The letter was written by the “tired and sorry” Wards family who warned everyone they would be trying out the somewhat controversial Cry-It-Out method to get their baby to sleep. The parents also said they will do what it takes to mend the neighbor-ship if the crying-out baby gets on everyone’s nerves too much.
Read the viral letter that amassed 1 million likes and 78.4K retweets down below, but beware that any sleep training methods should only be implemented on your kid after first consulting with specialists.
This Twitter user shared a letter she received from “tired and sorry” parents and it went viral, amassing 1 million likes
Image credits: KittyBeeJr
Bored Panda reached out to the Twitter user @KittyBeeJr who shared the viral letter from her neighbors on Twitter. “I thought it was the cutest, most considerate thing. You see stuff like this on the internet so I was surprised it actually happened to me,” she said. And added that “the tequila peace offering made my day.”
@KittyBeeJr also said that she never expected the letter to go viral. “I posted the tweet, went on about my business, and came back to 1 million likes. With so much going on in the world, people were expecting something negative,” the neighbor said and added that the letter was the complete opposite. “It was very heartwarming,” she commented.
This is the full text of the neighbors’ now-famous letter
Turns out, the parents of the baby are doing great and @KittyBeeJr assured us that they “really enjoyed the cookies” she baked them.
And for those who’re wondering how the sleep training is going, from what @KittyBeeJr said, it seems like the neighbors are all doing fine so far. “I have my AirPods in and Kitchen Aid going most of the time so I never hear the baby crying,” she said.
The Twitter user even made some nice gifts to help the neighbors get through their dreadful baby sleep training
Image credits: KittyBeeJr
The term “sleep training” is an umbrella term that refers to a variety of approaches that are aimed at helping babies to learn to fall asleep on their own. But many of these methods, especially the cry-it-out one, which refers to leaving the baby on their own while they’re crying themselves to sleep for the intervals, have been looked at with great controversy.
Jodi Mindell, a psychologist at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and the author of “Sleeping Through The Night,” believes that many sleep training methods carry a bad rap because they’re “equated with this moniker called ‘cry it out.’”
“You put your baby into their crib or their room, you close the door, and you don’t come back till the next day,” Mindell says. “But that’s not the reality of what we recommend or what parents typically do.”
She also said she’d go for the tequila offer but turns out, she’s a whiskey type of person
Image credits: KittyBeeJr
But according to Mindell, there’s no strict formula that works for all parents (or babies) when it comes to checking up on your child. Instead of looking for a strict formula—such as checking every five minutes—parents should focus on finding what Mindell calls “the magic moment”—that is, the moment when the child can fall asleep independently without the parent in the room.
For some babies and their parents, it may include frequent checks, but for others, less soothing may be much more efficient. Finding out what works for your baby’s temperament, for yourself, and then sticking to the balanced and adequate way of putting your baby to sleep is key for a family to finally feel well-rested.
And many people joined the thread to comment on the letter
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So tough. Though I have to say that I read in the news fairly recently of a baby dying after being suffocated while 'co-sleeping' (mentioned in one of the comments above). Do be very, very careful if that's the method you're going with - to end up accidentally killing your own child must be about the most devastating thing I can think of.
It must be, yet there is strong evidence that co-sleeping does not normally lead to such accidents. Parents on drugs or alcohol, parents moking before going to bed, extra linens, too soft mattrasses all contribute to the risk of SIDS. Healthy parents wihout a sleep disorder who did not take any medication almost impossibly will suffocate their children as they, in a way, have a built-in mechanism to prevent this.
Which is why Carrie Laughs says 'be very careful'. It isn't that co sleeping is bad just that, like all things baby-related, it needs to be done with the circumstances set up properly. This I thought was useful: https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
I would love to cosleep with any children I may have, but unfortunately I am one of those people whose ody doesn't shut off when I sleep, so I know that I could seriously injure or harm any child sleeping alongside me. My boyfried on the other hand often wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in.
I want cake what
Of course, also here some sources: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1087079205001267 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945715009181 These, by the way, interestingly suggest that co-sleeping not neccesarily is leading to better sleep-quality for baby or mother, but supports breast-feeding.
@Joe snicker I mean this http://sleepeducation.org/sleep-disorders-by-category/parasomnias/rem-sleep-behavior-disorder/overview-facts When I'm stressed I get persecution dreams and I kick and punch and flail around. Having an infant in the bed would not be safe.
I used a cosleeping bed between me and my hubby with a full crib on my side. I could nurse and soothe him and put him back to sleep without worrying about SIDS in the first few weeks since the baby bed had walls on three sides. Slowly transitioned him to the crib - worked very well for all involved, especially since I had a very short maternity break and could not afford weeks of sleepless nights. Thought my experience might help someone if they want to try cosleeping. Worked for all three of my kids.
This is so sad but so true sometimes you just need to cry it all out, p.s don’t hold back your emotions. Lots of people care for you and one of thos people is me. 🙂
This comment has been deleted.
The letter is really nice. However, I fear that the parents have been ill-advised about the "cry-it-out" method, which is not actually a method. Children do not soothe themselves by crying; if they stop crying, they have actually given up, which supposedly is a devastating feeling to them. Of course, this has to be distinguished from crying for attention. Parents usually can distinguish the desperate tears from the "angry" ones. However, a four-month old is not capable of that; in fact, a four-month old does not yet have the cognitive ability to be spoiled and pampered. Trying to leave the baby for a few moments at a time might work, but they key will be to be consistent on the one hand and provide comfort to the baby on the other hand. Unfortunately, some children take quite a while to learn this while for others it comes naturally.
Wow, I am really outraged reading stupid web sites now. Just an example: https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/crying-it-out.aspx Quote: "A small number of babies get so worked up from sleep training that they throw up. Fortunately, throwing up when crying it out isn’t a health concern." How severaly screwed up is this? Let a baby develop so much stress by anxiety that it throws up? This is not parenting, this is brutal! Babies essentially follow a biological mode of 10,000 BC. Throwing up is then a sign of panic of dying alone, as if forgotten by the family outside of a cave, to be found and eaten by animals...
Not to mention the danger of baby choking on vomit.
I would never have tried this on a 4 month old. Just sounds off the letter. I made a comment above about doing it with a 3 year old and taking 3 nights. I still feel guilty and the baby is going to be 47 in January.
Sadly, it is still a widespread believe that babys have to be sleeptrained. Plus: sleeping alone. This is torture to them and they can neither understand it, nor defend themselves.
You're assuming babies are *just* left. As the letter said, the mum goes back often to reassure the baby. It's only teaching him/her that everything is okay, Mum is never far away. Not all methods work anyway, so as a parent, you have to adapt, and like a previous poster said, children vary: my son slept through at 5 months. My daughter...at 4 years old!
I still think Mommy should stay until Baby is asleep.
Kids vary. Basically, it is individual to the child involved. My sis was a colicky crier until she was three *YEARS* old ---- I conked out at two months for eight hours straight (I'm told). Give your child a reassurance you're there... but I think my mom's culture had the better idea. The baby sleeps in the parents' bedroom in their crib for the first several months (this makes nursing easier, and the baby, according to Mom, tends ot be quieter b/c he/she senses the parents nearby)... Not a mom, but this worked on generations of cousins, before they were gradually moved to their "own" room.
I like that you point out that children vary. A friend of mine had her little daughter in her bedroom at first but finally moved her to a separate room and they both slept better. I don't think she had much in the way of sleeping issues though and so from that respect was quite lucky.
My son is 1.5 years old and still sleeps in our room, but he does sleep on his own.
Leo, why did you reply to? No one was disagreeing with you necessarily..
This comment has been deleted.
Sorry bit short reply. I mean that being in the room with the parents doesn't mean they'll fall asleep easier.
Just to add some (scientific) sources: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1087079210001322 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1526054205000230 https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article/29/12/1616/2709272 Conclusion: crying-it-out, particularly without very regulary checking on the infant, is very unhealthy.
Sorry BoredPundits you are wrong! Babys DO NOT "need" to learn to self sooth! They are literary terrified for their lives if they are left alone. This is scientifically proven. If you want a Baby, you need to learn to satisfy THEIR needs. They need Mommy, they need Mommy's warmth and security. They don't need stress snd fright while being left alone. Babys see themselves as part of Mommy or Mommy as part of themselves.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Hans, the OP specifically said that she would check on the baby every 10 minutes. She's not gonna let him cry all night. Babies need to learn to self-soothe. If they expect to be cuddled all the time, nobody will ever get any sleep. But if they self-soothe, they'll learn that it's okay to be in their crib, by themselves.
You're essentially breaking their spirits. Babies cry for a good reason. Most have way too busy lives from a very young age. And to parents it is so tough, the whole world seems to know what is best. Well. No one can ever convince me that the one way a child has to communicate stress needs to be ignored. We've coslept with our kids and they are still welcome in our bed whenever they feel the need. Emotional safety above everything.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I believe it is 3 months, after that most children figure out that when they cry 'something will happen' (like a parent coming) and will actually take advantage of that. That sounds evil, but it is actually just figuring out that if they do something, something will follow in a very early stage. After 3 months you can spoile and pamper the child. So yes; knowing the difference between the sound of a baby's cries ("I am in distress" or "I just want to see what happens") is key. And yes that is very difficult. And yes you will always do something wrong during parenting, every parent does.
Well said woets. I'm thinking a lot of these "noble/idealistic" responses are from people who have never gone through this. I know, I was one of you back then. OF COURSE you want to comfort your child. OF COURSE you should do it whenever they cry as a NEWBORN... BUT after 4 or so months something has gotta give. I held out for 6 months of my son waking EVERY TWO HOURS to breastfeed. At some point you have to step back and realize the lack of sleep is affecting you as a parent, and making nearly impossible to provide the level of care you want for your child. Not to mention, our pediatrician recommend it. (While including a rigid bedtime routine, and periodic check-ins of course) Still the hardest thing I've ever done. I remember being in tears telling my husband I would have gladly taken another day or more of labor instead.
Woets follower
Woets no
mm78 what
jes2011 ?
thangle haha
I really don't get the downvotes here. I stated some facts about how children learn and said parents try their best. I am sorry if I stepped on any toes, although I am a bit confused about why.
Woets what
Exactly, Woets! Completely agree with you.
Could the 'perfect parents' in the comments (not all obviously) kindly tell me how to get a 4 month old baby to sleep including through the night? Since you have THE solution that works for every baby, let's hear it.
Not a parent - am in awe of people who survive the first few months! Just wanted to wish you well.
Alex Bailey, I like your comment and your profile pic!
Well, some 4 month olds don't fall asleep by themselves and don't sleep all night. And you just have to accompany them. And it's not the parents "fault" or whatever. I have 2 kids. One slept almost right away, the second not. Those were hard times.
Or you sleeptrain them.. it's no ones fault obviously, but some comments suggests kids are all the same..
I'm not a perfect parent but i do have kids. My kids did not sleep a whole night at 4 months, not even at 1yr. I co-slept with them (and in our case that made it easier. I would nurse them back to sleep before they got too worked up) But sadly, it's not really realistic to expect baby to sleep like the adults do. You just have to be patient and try to make life as easy as possible, and try to find rest when you can. They will grow older and sleep better and you will sleep again!
Yes. You don't. There is no solution. Children need attention and babies have no way of grasping your reality and prioritizing your sleep over their stress. It's not their fault our daily lives (and by that their daily lives) are way too busy. So please, just because it isn't the outcome you wished for, doesn't make it ok to just let a baby cry. If you have a baby that cries a lot, responsible cosleeping is a great way to still get some sleep yourself. Reviewing your priorities as to what has to be done in a day (from keeping everything neat and tidy in your home to the frequency of visiting friends and family, to work and other "you time"). That's not saying everything needs to be about the child, but it is saying it's also no longer all about you.
No one was talking about letting a baby cry.
I swear by the Babywise routine. My mum encouraged me to do it with my first and I've done it with all 3, since it worked so well. They all slept through the night between 8-11 weeks. There's also another one called The Baby Whisperer, which is very similar. Here is an example schedule: 07e4643ba1...c10e51.jpg
So tough. Though I have to say that I read in the news fairly recently of a baby dying after being suffocated while 'co-sleeping' (mentioned in one of the comments above). Do be very, very careful if that's the method you're going with - to end up accidentally killing your own child must be about the most devastating thing I can think of.
It must be, yet there is strong evidence that co-sleeping does not normally lead to such accidents. Parents on drugs or alcohol, parents moking before going to bed, extra linens, too soft mattrasses all contribute to the risk of SIDS. Healthy parents wihout a sleep disorder who did not take any medication almost impossibly will suffocate their children as they, in a way, have a built-in mechanism to prevent this.
Which is why Carrie Laughs says 'be very careful'. It isn't that co sleeping is bad just that, like all things baby-related, it needs to be done with the circumstances set up properly. This I thought was useful: https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/
I would love to cosleep with any children I may have, but unfortunately I am one of those people whose ody doesn't shut off when I sleep, so I know that I could seriously injure or harm any child sleeping alongside me. My boyfried on the other hand often wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in.
I want cake what
Of course, also here some sources: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1087079205001267 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1389945715009181 These, by the way, interestingly suggest that co-sleeping not neccesarily is leading to better sleep-quality for baby or mother, but supports breast-feeding.
@Joe snicker I mean this http://sleepeducation.org/sleep-disorders-by-category/parasomnias/rem-sleep-behavior-disorder/overview-facts When I'm stressed I get persecution dreams and I kick and punch and flail around. Having an infant in the bed would not be safe.
I used a cosleeping bed between me and my hubby with a full crib on my side. I could nurse and soothe him and put him back to sleep without worrying about SIDS in the first few weeks since the baby bed had walls on three sides. Slowly transitioned him to the crib - worked very well for all involved, especially since I had a very short maternity break and could not afford weeks of sleepless nights. Thought my experience might help someone if they want to try cosleeping. Worked for all three of my kids.
This is so sad but so true sometimes you just need to cry it all out, p.s don’t hold back your emotions. Lots of people care for you and one of thos people is me. 🙂
This comment has been deleted.
The letter is really nice. However, I fear that the parents have been ill-advised about the "cry-it-out" method, which is not actually a method. Children do not soothe themselves by crying; if they stop crying, they have actually given up, which supposedly is a devastating feeling to them. Of course, this has to be distinguished from crying for attention. Parents usually can distinguish the desperate tears from the "angry" ones. However, a four-month old is not capable of that; in fact, a four-month old does not yet have the cognitive ability to be spoiled and pampered. Trying to leave the baby for a few moments at a time might work, but they key will be to be consistent on the one hand and provide comfort to the baby on the other hand. Unfortunately, some children take quite a while to learn this while for others it comes naturally.
Wow, I am really outraged reading stupid web sites now. Just an example: https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/crying-it-out.aspx Quote: "A small number of babies get so worked up from sleep training that they throw up. Fortunately, throwing up when crying it out isn’t a health concern." How severaly screwed up is this? Let a baby develop so much stress by anxiety that it throws up? This is not parenting, this is brutal! Babies essentially follow a biological mode of 10,000 BC. Throwing up is then a sign of panic of dying alone, as if forgotten by the family outside of a cave, to be found and eaten by animals...
Not to mention the danger of baby choking on vomit.
I would never have tried this on a 4 month old. Just sounds off the letter. I made a comment above about doing it with a 3 year old and taking 3 nights. I still feel guilty and the baby is going to be 47 in January.
Sadly, it is still a widespread believe that babys have to be sleeptrained. Plus: sleeping alone. This is torture to them and they can neither understand it, nor defend themselves.
You're assuming babies are *just* left. As the letter said, the mum goes back often to reassure the baby. It's only teaching him/her that everything is okay, Mum is never far away. Not all methods work anyway, so as a parent, you have to adapt, and like a previous poster said, children vary: my son slept through at 5 months. My daughter...at 4 years old!
I still think Mommy should stay until Baby is asleep.
Kids vary. Basically, it is individual to the child involved. My sis was a colicky crier until she was three *YEARS* old ---- I conked out at two months for eight hours straight (I'm told). Give your child a reassurance you're there... but I think my mom's culture had the better idea. The baby sleeps in the parents' bedroom in their crib for the first several months (this makes nursing easier, and the baby, according to Mom, tends ot be quieter b/c he/she senses the parents nearby)... Not a mom, but this worked on generations of cousins, before they were gradually moved to their "own" room.
I like that you point out that children vary. A friend of mine had her little daughter in her bedroom at first but finally moved her to a separate room and they both slept better. I don't think she had much in the way of sleeping issues though and so from that respect was quite lucky.
My son is 1.5 years old and still sleeps in our room, but he does sleep on his own.
Leo, why did you reply to? No one was disagreeing with you necessarily..
This comment has been deleted.
Sorry bit short reply. I mean that being in the room with the parents doesn't mean they'll fall asleep easier.
Just to add some (scientific) sources: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1087079210001322 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1526054205000230 https://academic.oup.com/sleep/article/29/12/1616/2709272 Conclusion: crying-it-out, particularly without very regulary checking on the infant, is very unhealthy.
Sorry BoredPundits you are wrong! Babys DO NOT "need" to learn to self sooth! They are literary terrified for their lives if they are left alone. This is scientifically proven. If you want a Baby, you need to learn to satisfy THEIR needs. They need Mommy, they need Mommy's warmth and security. They don't need stress snd fright while being left alone. Babys see themselves as part of Mommy or Mommy as part of themselves.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Hans, the OP specifically said that she would check on the baby every 10 minutes. She's not gonna let him cry all night. Babies need to learn to self-soothe. If they expect to be cuddled all the time, nobody will ever get any sleep. But if they self-soothe, they'll learn that it's okay to be in their crib, by themselves.
You're essentially breaking their spirits. Babies cry for a good reason. Most have way too busy lives from a very young age. And to parents it is so tough, the whole world seems to know what is best. Well. No one can ever convince me that the one way a child has to communicate stress needs to be ignored. We've coslept with our kids and they are still welcome in our bed whenever they feel the need. Emotional safety above everything.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I believe it is 3 months, after that most children figure out that when they cry 'something will happen' (like a parent coming) and will actually take advantage of that. That sounds evil, but it is actually just figuring out that if they do something, something will follow in a very early stage. After 3 months you can spoile and pamper the child. So yes; knowing the difference between the sound of a baby's cries ("I am in distress" or "I just want to see what happens") is key. And yes that is very difficult. And yes you will always do something wrong during parenting, every parent does.
Well said woets. I'm thinking a lot of these "noble/idealistic" responses are from people who have never gone through this. I know, I was one of you back then. OF COURSE you want to comfort your child. OF COURSE you should do it whenever they cry as a NEWBORN... BUT after 4 or so months something has gotta give. I held out for 6 months of my son waking EVERY TWO HOURS to breastfeed. At some point you have to step back and realize the lack of sleep is affecting you as a parent, and making nearly impossible to provide the level of care you want for your child. Not to mention, our pediatrician recommend it. (While including a rigid bedtime routine, and periodic check-ins of course) Still the hardest thing I've ever done. I remember being in tears telling my husband I would have gladly taken another day or more of labor instead.
Woets follower
Woets no
mm78 what
jes2011 ?
thangle haha
I really don't get the downvotes here. I stated some facts about how children learn and said parents try their best. I am sorry if I stepped on any toes, although I am a bit confused about why.
Woets what
Exactly, Woets! Completely agree with you.
Could the 'perfect parents' in the comments (not all obviously) kindly tell me how to get a 4 month old baby to sleep including through the night? Since you have THE solution that works for every baby, let's hear it.
Not a parent - am in awe of people who survive the first few months! Just wanted to wish you well.
Alex Bailey, I like your comment and your profile pic!
Well, some 4 month olds don't fall asleep by themselves and don't sleep all night. And you just have to accompany them. And it's not the parents "fault" or whatever. I have 2 kids. One slept almost right away, the second not. Those were hard times.
Or you sleeptrain them.. it's no ones fault obviously, but some comments suggests kids are all the same..
I'm not a perfect parent but i do have kids. My kids did not sleep a whole night at 4 months, not even at 1yr. I co-slept with them (and in our case that made it easier. I would nurse them back to sleep before they got too worked up) But sadly, it's not really realistic to expect baby to sleep like the adults do. You just have to be patient and try to make life as easy as possible, and try to find rest when you can. They will grow older and sleep better and you will sleep again!
Yes. You don't. There is no solution. Children need attention and babies have no way of grasping your reality and prioritizing your sleep over their stress. It's not their fault our daily lives (and by that their daily lives) are way too busy. So please, just because it isn't the outcome you wished for, doesn't make it ok to just let a baby cry. If you have a baby that cries a lot, responsible cosleeping is a great way to still get some sleep yourself. Reviewing your priorities as to what has to be done in a day (from keeping everything neat and tidy in your home to the frequency of visiting friends and family, to work and other "you time"). That's not saying everything needs to be about the child, but it is saying it's also no longer all about you.
No one was talking about letting a baby cry.
I swear by the Babywise routine. My mum encouraged me to do it with my first and I've done it with all 3, since it worked so well. They all slept through the night between 8-11 weeks. There's also another one called The Baby Whisperer, which is very similar. Here is an example schedule: 07e4643ba1...c10e51.jpg