Woman Shares A Letter She Got From Her Neighbors With A Baby And It Goes Viral
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Few things cause more stress for both parents and the neighbors (and the baby) than the baby who just won’t sleep. No wonder there are so many sleep training methods, like bedtime fading or graduated extinction that have been a subject of debate among scientists and parents.
But one out of every five or six parents find themselves utterly drained after numerous sleepless nights where their baby wakes up every night multiple times. At this point, many look for any solutions that could put an end to the insomniac nightmare. This is what happened to the authors of a viral letter that has been circulating on social media.
It was first posted by Twitter user @KittyBeeJr: “neighbors left this on the door… I’m gonna bake them some cookies,” two days ago. The letter was written by the “tired and sorry” Wards family who warned everyone they would be trying out the somewhat controversial Cry-It-Out method to get their baby to sleep. The parents also said they will do what it takes to mend the neighbor-ship if the crying-out baby gets on everyone’s nerves too much.
Read the viral letter that amassed 1 million likes and 78.4K retweets down below, but beware that any sleep training methods should only be implemented on your kid after first consulting with specialists.
This Twitter user shared a letter she received from “tired and sorry” parents and it went viral, amassing 1 million likes
Image credits: KittyBeeJr
Bored Panda reached out to the Twitter user @KittyBeeJr who shared the viral letter from her neighbors on Twitter. “I thought it was the cutest, most considerate thing. You see stuff like this on the internet so I was surprised it actually happened to me,” she said. And added that “the tequila peace offering made my day.”
@KittyBeeJr also said that she never expected the letter to go viral. “I posted the tweet, went on about my business, and came back to 1 million likes. With so much going on in the world, people were expecting something negative,” the neighbor said and added that the letter was the complete opposite. “It was very heartwarming,” she commented.
This is the full text of the neighbors’ now-famous letter
Turns out, the parents of the baby are doing great and @KittyBeeJr assured us that they “really enjoyed the cookies” she baked them.
And for those who’re wondering how the sleep training is going, from what @KittyBeeJr said, it seems like the neighbors are all doing fine so far. “I have my AirPods in and Kitchen Aid going most of the time so I never hear the baby crying,” she said.
The Twitter user even made some nice gifts to help the neighbors get through their dreadful baby sleep training
Image credits: KittyBeeJr
The term “sleep training” is an umbrella term that refers to a variety of approaches that are aimed at helping babies to learn to fall asleep on their own. But many of these methods, especially the cry-it-out one, which refers to leaving the baby on their own while they’re crying themselves to sleep for the intervals, have been looked at with great controversy.
Jodi Mindell, a psychologist at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia and the author of “Sleeping Through The Night,” believes that many sleep training methods carry a bad rap because they’re “equated with this moniker called ‘cry it out.’”
“You put your baby into their crib or their room, you close the door, and you don’t come back till the next day,” Mindell says. “But that’s not the reality of what we recommend or what parents typically do.”
She also said she’d go for the tequila offer but turns out, she’s a whiskey type of person
Image credits: KittyBeeJr
But according to Mindell, there’s no strict formula that works for all parents (or babies) when it comes to checking up on your child. Instead of looking for a strict formula—such as checking every five minutes—parents should focus on finding what Mindell calls “the magic moment”—that is, the moment when the child can fall asleep independently without the parent in the room.
For some babies and their parents, it may include frequent checks, but for others, less soothing may be much more efficient. Finding out what works for your baby’s temperament, for yourself, and then sticking to the balanced and adequate way of putting your baby to sleep is key for a family to finally feel well-rested.
And many people joined the thread to comment on the letter
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The letter is really nice. However, I fear that the parents have been ill-advised about the "cry-it-out" method, which is not actually a method. Children do not soothe themselves by crying; if they stop crying, they have actually given up, which supposedly is a devastating feeling to them. Of course, this has to be distinguished from crying for attention. Parents usually can distinguish the desperate tears from the "angry" ones. However, a four-month old is not capable of that; in fact, a four-month old does not yet have the cognitive ability to be spoiled and pampered. Trying to leave the baby for a few moments at a time might work, but they key will be to be consistent on the one hand and provide comfort to the baby on the other hand. Unfortunately, some children take quite a while to learn this while for others it comes naturally.
Wow, I am really outraged reading stupid web sites now. Just an example: https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/crying-it-out.aspx Quote: "A small number of babies get so worked up from sleep training that they throw up. Fortunately, throwing up when crying it out isn’t a health concern." How severaly screwed up is this? Let a baby develop so much stress by anxiety that it throws up? This is not parenting, this is brutal! Babies essentially follow a biological mode of 10,000 BC. Throwing up is then a sign of panic of dying alone, as if forgotten by the family outside of a cave, to be found and eaten by animals...
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So tough. Though I have to say that I read in the news fairly recently of a baby dying after being suffocated while 'co-sleeping' (mentioned in one of the comments above). Do be very, very careful if that's the method you're going with - to end up accidentally killing your own child must be about the most devastating thing I can think of.
It must be, yet there is strong evidence that co-sleeping does not normally lead to such accidents. Parents on drugs or alcohol, parents moking before going to bed, extra linens, too soft mattrasses all contribute to the risk of SIDS. Healthy parents wihout a sleep disorder who did not take any medication almost impossibly will suffocate their children as they, in a way, have a built-in mechanism to prevent this.
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People should quit judging. My son (now a teenager) was terrible at sleeping for the first six months. Then I moved him into his own room and let him cry for a couple minutes, and guess what? After one night he started sleeping great. Turns out he likes to be left the f**k alone when he's sleepy.
I think that must be what happened to my friend - she and her baby slept better separately.
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my son took three month to sleep more than two hours in a row...my daughter took seven month, so I know the struggle
And then you will hear from parents who had a baby sleep seven hours straight from night one on. You cannot blame the parents, you cannot blame the children. You can just try to work together, each to their ability and needs.
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I do not think that this is a problem in societies where the baby is almost constantly carried by the mother or another person, for example in a shawl strapped to the body of the mother. It would be very interesting to hear from Pandas who live in cultures where it is not considered natural that infants are separated from the flock to sleep alone. This interaction between the neighbours is lovely though.
I am not from such a culture but used baby slings during the first few months in the life of my children. My perception was that they would relatively quickly (in a matter of a few weeks after birth) be less attached when awake and relatively well sleeping in their bed at night. My feeling was that the comfort and warmth provided during the daytime naps in the sling contributed to this (although I am aware that this is my own anectodal "evidence"). It is my strong believe, though, that it is actually safety and comfort that gives children the willingness to explore on their own, not forced independence. (I am afraid the next wave of "Hans the childrens' advocate" comments are comming. I am sorry.)
Load More Replies...
Geez, I would have done anything, anything, to get a few hours of sleep in a row. So when my baby came in for the middle of the night feeding, she/he stayed with me until morning. There are so many views on this; the right way is the way that works for you & your baby. You can't spoil a baby with love.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/history-cribs-other-brilliant-bizarre-inventions-getting-babies-to-sleep-180972138/
My son wanted NO holding and would cry even more intensely when tired. If I had followed instructions like everyone is suggesting, we would have all been tired and stressed. Know your baby as soon as possible - and I think this is possible by trying of different ideas and techniques and finding what works for both of you.
My parents had to use the cry it out method with me they came back every ten minutes and said is was so hard to do but I slept alone easily for years
I'm glad the neighbors responded positively and not the way some people are in the comments here. Attachment parenting is a thing and if it's working for the family, great. But teaching a child to sleep alone is also a thing, and that works better for lots of families than attachment parenting. I noticed a comment earlier about cosleeping and how it's safe with healthy parents. Why are we assuming these parents fit that mold? And even if they do, why is their choice to soothe the child every 5-10 minutes less of a valid choice than refusing to let them cry? (For the record, I've done both -- I coslept with all 3 of my kids while breastfeeding, but then had to resort to cry it out when they were older, after having the breast available on demand at night taught them that they didn't have to actually sleep.) Either method can be the right choice for any given family, and this type of judgment is exactly why many people decline to comment at all and would just let their neighbors suffer
There is no perfect way, but inducing stress is something you really want to avoid. But. And that's where you're absolutely right, if you don't see a way out, a child is better of with a parent that has had some proper sleep combined with some "sleep training" than with overly tired adults that see no way out. There's just always extremes and the kid needs to be the main priority. Which can be by being a better parent during the day, because they finally slept, but not because the cry for extended periods every night.
Load More Replies... This baby is FOUR MONTHS old. They are still practically a newborn and the parents are letting them 'cry it out'. This is devastating and traumatic. Babies at this stage dont learn to 'self sooth'. They learn to give up. I really feel for the parents because I've been there, but this method is extremely controversial and should not be used on a 4 month old.
I have sympathy for the new parents, but I will not offer any advice. It's been years since I went thru that time of life and I don't remember what worked & what didn't. I don't think any one system did work on one child or another. Bless their hearts.
my mom would rub our faces until we went to sleep and she would sing to us
I had to laugh at all the comments saying don't let them cry. First, you don't let them cry, you are there every few minutes. Second, the point is that they learn to self-soothe. If you rock them or nurse them to sleep every time, they never learn to fall asleep on their own. As for co-sleeping, we stopped when my 6'8" rolled over and almost crushed our oldest daughter. We moved her to a basinet next to the bed. I know it works for some people but it didn't for us.
I did the cry it out when my oldest son was 3 years old! It It was pure hell for 3 nights running. My husband sat and looked daggers at me. I told him not to get the f**k up or we are divorced. I put him to bed. He cried and cried. Went in once, said We love you, it is time to sleep. We ended up divorced anyway, but not because of a sleep issue. Four months is just too young.
I used a sleep/feed routine with all my babies and they slept through the night between 8-11 weeks. I'd never do it any other way. The trick is you wake them for their feeds, make sure they have a full feeding and you start the first feed of the day and the same time every day.
We tried this method with our first born. He was in his crib in the room next to ours and his crying was tearing our hearts out. Finally, I went in, picked him up to soothe him, and... he was burning up with fever! We called the advice nurse, who told us to use some lukewarm washcloths to reduce his temperature and get to the ER immediately. Before giving him any treatment, the doctors had to rule out spinal meningitis, which meant holding him down and giving him a spinal tap while we stood outside the room, listening to him scream. Finally, the doctors concluded that he had periorbital cellulitis and gave him an injection of antibiotics in his leg. Within a few minutes, he went from being a feverish, limp rag doll to a near-normal baby. Thank God for modern medicine!
Oh man, I remember apologizing to my next door neighbors one time because my last kid was doing this. I finally had to put her down and let her cry one night. It was rough.
Oy, I never could let my babies 'cry it out'...much too stressful for everyone. :'(
Sorry - that's BS. This makes me so, so angry. It's your choice to have a kid, nobody else should have to live with that. I'm already here, paying rent, have to have a job - I just want to go about my life, minding my own damn business, and if you make that hard for me by your little life choices, I will not give you an INCH. I'm sure they're lovely people, but sleep-deprivation because of a crying baby? No way should you foist that s**t on your neighbours. That's like saying you're going to drink and drive and pre-emptively 'sorry for the deaths I'm about to cause.' Selfish, selfish f*****s.
then I would suggest you live far away from other people so nothing they do will disturb you. you talk about paying rent but I assume the parents have also paid rent and are allowed to have a child in their house. it is not always possible to quiet a baby and you just have to suffer through it. but if their sleep training works which it can do then everyone gets more quiet time including the neighbors.
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Why they gonna waste the tequila on the neighbors when that baby could use it? I know a shot or two gets me to sleep.
Kids are different. My daughter required 1.5-2 hours of the 5 s' and would wake every time she was set down. It was so difficult I decided I wouldn't rock my son to sleep at night (we had a LOT of bonding and skin to skin, slept on me in the day) and I would rock his cradle and all that instead. As a young infant he just didn't know how to hold the pacifier in, and the pacifier did wonders. When he could, he was so easy. He would be asleep before we sat up from putting him in (and he was awake on the way down). After the 1.5-2 hours she slept the night. Son slept the night pretty early on, both at maybe 4 months. Both kids sleep well, although my son will just talk to himself for like an hour before he sleeps, something our daughter didnt do. If theyre going to CIO-at least give them lots of love otherwise, frequently check, and don't let it go on for too long.
I don't want wake up every night 4-5x because of their yelling baby. I don't care, how, but make to silence. Dislike 3-2-1... :D
Doubt there is anyone who wants to be woken by a yelling baby and that includes the baby.
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I was an older mother. I'm now 60, and a lot of my mothering information came from what I remember my mother would say. Unfortunately, she wasn't around to give me any advice. I had twins, and maybe that was sometimes easier, and sometimes harder. One of them really cried a lot and wouldn't sleep for a bit. I tried once to let her "cry it out". I couldn't take it. So, I just went with what my mother told me. "Go to your baby when you want, and don't let anyone tell you that's wrong. They'll stop before they go to college". She eventually slept. And now at 20, sleeps about 12 hours a day. lol.
The letter is really nice. However, I fear that the parents have been ill-advised about the "cry-it-out" method, which is not actually a method. Children do not soothe themselves by crying; if they stop crying, they have actually given up, which supposedly is a devastating feeling to them. Of course, this has to be distinguished from crying for attention. Parents usually can distinguish the desperate tears from the "angry" ones. However, a four-month old is not capable of that; in fact, a four-month old does not yet have the cognitive ability to be spoiled and pampered. Trying to leave the baby for a few moments at a time might work, but they key will be to be consistent on the one hand and provide comfort to the baby on the other hand. Unfortunately, some children take quite a while to learn this while for others it comes naturally.
Wow, I am really outraged reading stupid web sites now. Just an example: https://www.whattoexpect.com/first-year/crying-it-out.aspx Quote: "A small number of babies get so worked up from sleep training that they throw up. Fortunately, throwing up when crying it out isn’t a health concern." How severaly screwed up is this? Let a baby develop so much stress by anxiety that it throws up? This is not parenting, this is brutal! Babies essentially follow a biological mode of 10,000 BC. Throwing up is then a sign of panic of dying alone, as if forgotten by the family outside of a cave, to be found and eaten by animals...
Load More Replies... So tough. Though I have to say that I read in the news fairly recently of a baby dying after being suffocated while 'co-sleeping' (mentioned in one of the comments above). Do be very, very careful if that's the method you're going with - to end up accidentally killing your own child must be about the most devastating thing I can think of.
It must be, yet there is strong evidence that co-sleeping does not normally lead to such accidents. Parents on drugs or alcohol, parents moking before going to bed, extra linens, too soft mattrasses all contribute to the risk of SIDS. Healthy parents wihout a sleep disorder who did not take any medication almost impossibly will suffocate their children as they, in a way, have a built-in mechanism to prevent this.
Load More Replies... People should quit judging. My son (now a teenager) was terrible at sleeping for the first six months. Then I moved him into his own room and let him cry for a couple minutes, and guess what? After one night he started sleeping great. Turns out he likes to be left the f**k alone when he's sleepy.
I think that must be what happened to my friend - she and her baby slept better separately.
Load More Replies... my son took three month to sleep more than two hours in a row...my daughter took seven month, so I know the struggle
And then you will hear from parents who had a baby sleep seven hours straight from night one on. You cannot blame the parents, you cannot blame the children. You can just try to work together, each to their ability and needs.
Load More Replies... I do not think that this is a problem in societies where the baby is almost constantly carried by the mother or another person, for example in a shawl strapped to the body of the mother. It would be very interesting to hear from Pandas who live in cultures where it is not considered natural that infants are separated from the flock to sleep alone. This interaction between the neighbours is lovely though.
I am not from such a culture but used baby slings during the first few months in the life of my children. My perception was that they would relatively quickly (in a matter of a few weeks after birth) be less attached when awake and relatively well sleeping in their bed at night. My feeling was that the comfort and warmth provided during the daytime naps in the sling contributed to this (although I am aware that this is my own anectodal "evidence"). It is my strong believe, though, that it is actually safety and comfort that gives children the willingness to explore on their own, not forced independence. (I am afraid the next wave of "Hans the childrens' advocate" comments are comming. I am sorry.)
Load More Replies... Geez, I would have done anything, anything, to get a few hours of sleep in a row. So when my baby came in for the middle of the night feeding, she/he stayed with me until morning. There are so many views on this; the right way is the way that works for you & your baby. You can't spoil a baby with love.
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/history-cribs-other-brilliant-bizarre-inventions-getting-babies-to-sleep-180972138/
My son wanted NO holding and would cry even more intensely when tired. If I had followed instructions like everyone is suggesting, we would have all been tired and stressed. Know your baby as soon as possible - and I think this is possible by trying of different ideas and techniques and finding what works for both of you.
My parents had to use the cry it out method with me they came back every ten minutes and said is was so hard to do but I slept alone easily for years
I'm glad the neighbors responded positively and not the way some people are in the comments here. Attachment parenting is a thing and if it's working for the family, great. But teaching a child to sleep alone is also a thing, and that works better for lots of families than attachment parenting. I noticed a comment earlier about cosleeping and how it's safe with healthy parents. Why are we assuming these parents fit that mold? And even if they do, why is their choice to soothe the child every 5-10 minutes less of a valid choice than refusing to let them cry? (For the record, I've done both -- I coslept with all 3 of my kids while breastfeeding, but then had to resort to cry it out when they were older, after having the breast available on demand at night taught them that they didn't have to actually sleep.) Either method can be the right choice for any given family, and this type of judgment is exactly why many people decline to comment at all and would just let their neighbors suffer
There is no perfect way, but inducing stress is something you really want to avoid. But. And that's where you're absolutely right, if you don't see a way out, a child is better of with a parent that has had some proper sleep combined with some "sleep training" than with overly tired adults that see no way out. There's just always extremes and the kid needs to be the main priority. Which can be by being a better parent during the day, because they finally slept, but not because the cry for extended periods every night.
Load More Replies... This baby is FOUR MONTHS old. They are still practically a newborn and the parents are letting them 'cry it out'. This is devastating and traumatic. Babies at this stage dont learn to 'self sooth'. They learn to give up. I really feel for the parents because I've been there, but this method is extremely controversial and should not be used on a 4 month old.
I have sympathy for the new parents, but I will not offer any advice. It's been years since I went thru that time of life and I don't remember what worked & what didn't. I don't think any one system did work on one child or another. Bless their hearts.
my mom would rub our faces until we went to sleep and she would sing to us
I had to laugh at all the comments saying don't let them cry. First, you don't let them cry, you are there every few minutes. Second, the point is that they learn to self-soothe. If you rock them or nurse them to sleep every time, they never learn to fall asleep on their own. As for co-sleeping, we stopped when my 6'8" rolled over and almost crushed our oldest daughter. We moved her to a basinet next to the bed. I know it works for some people but it didn't for us.
I did the cry it out when my oldest son was 3 years old! It It was pure hell for 3 nights running. My husband sat and looked daggers at me. I told him not to get the f**k up or we are divorced. I put him to bed. He cried and cried. Went in once, said We love you, it is time to sleep. We ended up divorced anyway, but not because of a sleep issue. Four months is just too young.
I used a sleep/feed routine with all my babies and they slept through the night between 8-11 weeks. I'd never do it any other way. The trick is you wake them for their feeds, make sure they have a full feeding and you start the first feed of the day and the same time every day.
We tried this method with our first born. He was in his crib in the room next to ours and his crying was tearing our hearts out. Finally, I went in, picked him up to soothe him, and... he was burning up with fever! We called the advice nurse, who told us to use some lukewarm washcloths to reduce his temperature and get to the ER immediately. Before giving him any treatment, the doctors had to rule out spinal meningitis, which meant holding him down and giving him a spinal tap while we stood outside the room, listening to him scream. Finally, the doctors concluded that he had periorbital cellulitis and gave him an injection of antibiotics in his leg. Within a few minutes, he went from being a feverish, limp rag doll to a near-normal baby. Thank God for modern medicine!
Oh man, I remember apologizing to my next door neighbors one time because my last kid was doing this. I finally had to put her down and let her cry one night. It was rough.
Oy, I never could let my babies 'cry it out'...much too stressful for everyone. :'(
Sorry - that's BS. This makes me so, so angry. It's your choice to have a kid, nobody else should have to live with that. I'm already here, paying rent, have to have a job - I just want to go about my life, minding my own damn business, and if you make that hard for me by your little life choices, I will not give you an INCH. I'm sure they're lovely people, but sleep-deprivation because of a crying baby? No way should you foist that s**t on your neighbours. That's like saying you're going to drink and drive and pre-emptively 'sorry for the deaths I'm about to cause.' Selfish, selfish f*****s.
then I would suggest you live far away from other people so nothing they do will disturb you. you talk about paying rent but I assume the parents have also paid rent and are allowed to have a child in their house. it is not always possible to quiet a baby and you just have to suffer through it. but if their sleep training works which it can do then everyone gets more quiet time including the neighbors.
Load More Replies... Why they gonna waste the tequila on the neighbors when that baby could use it? I know a shot or two gets me to sleep.
Kids are different. My daughter required 1.5-2 hours of the 5 s' and would wake every time she was set down. It was so difficult I decided I wouldn't rock my son to sleep at night (we had a LOT of bonding and skin to skin, slept on me in the day) and I would rock his cradle and all that instead. As a young infant he just didn't know how to hold the pacifier in, and the pacifier did wonders. When he could, he was so easy. He would be asleep before we sat up from putting him in (and he was awake on the way down). After the 1.5-2 hours she slept the night. Son slept the night pretty early on, both at maybe 4 months. Both kids sleep well, although my son will just talk to himself for like an hour before he sleeps, something our daughter didnt do. If theyre going to CIO-at least give them lots of love otherwise, frequently check, and don't let it go on for too long.
I don't want wake up every night 4-5x because of their yelling baby. I don't care, how, but make to silence. Dislike 3-2-1... :D
Doubt there is anyone who wants to be woken by a yelling baby and that includes the baby.
Load More Replies... I was an older mother. I'm now 60, and a lot of my mothering information came from what I remember my mother would say. Unfortunately, she wasn't around to give me any advice. I had twins, and maybe that was sometimes easier, and sometimes harder. One of them really cried a lot and wouldn't sleep for a bit. I tried once to let her "cry it out". I couldn't take it. So, I just went with what my mother told me. "Go to your baby when you want, and don't let anyone tell you that's wrong. They'll stop before they go to college". She eventually slept. And now at 20, sleeps about 12 hours a day. lol.
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