Daughter Of Narcissistic And Toxic Mother Shares What Christmas Gifts She’s Returned Over The Years
Interview
Imagine it’s Christmas and everyone in your family is up at the crack of dawn because they can’t wait to see what presents Santa and their loved ones got them. Everyone’s smiling, laughing, and enjoying their gifts, as well as the fact that they’ve brought a little bit of happiness and warmth into the lives of the people they care about most. That’s how things should be. Unfortunately, it’s not always the case.
Even though we assume that our parents will always be happy with whatever gifts we get them (or at least be diplomatic enough to focus on the act of giving even if the present isn’t what they wanted), this isn’t always how things happen. Coach Tijana Daly created a massively popular 2-minute TikTok video where she listed all the times that her mom rejected her Xmas gifts and why.
Her video went viral instantly because it touched on the topic of toxic parenting and how not every parent is as heartwarmingly supportive and kind as we expect them to be. Scroll down for the full video and to read about what happened.
Certified personal trainer Tijana answered a few of my questions about her video and gave some spot-on advice for those of you Pandas who might be going through something just like she was.
“I never in my wildest dreams expect it to blow up so much,” Tijana told Bored Panda that she had no idea her video would go viral. According to her, the reason for her TikTok’s popularity is that “many people, unfortunately, shared this experience of having their mom give back their gifts.” She said: “Christmastime brings back a lot of these buried memories and I’m sure my TikTok reignited that.” Scroll down to read the rest of Bored Panda’s interview with her.
More info: TikTok | Instagram | Facebook | DalyDoseOfHealth.com
Coach Tijana spoke about all the gifts her narcissistic mom has given back in a viral TikTok video. You can watch it in full here
@tijanadaly #greenscreen merry Christmas yall. Stay mentally healthy 😛 #toxicmom #narcissisticparent ♬ original sound – Tijana Daly
Tijana suggested that the very best thing that we can do if we’re dealing with toxic parents, is seek out a therapist if possible.
“Unpacking trauma takes a village and a trauma-informed therapist will do wonders for your healing,” she pointed out. “Otherwise, self-education is important on how to deal with narcissists. Fortunately, there is a ton of info available on social media right now to help.”
Tijana stressed that we should never blame ourselves for how our parents (mis)treat us. “Throughout the process, remember that it is not your fault and you are worthy of a parent who respects and values your emotional health. And get out of there ASAP!”
I was curious to learn more about Tijana’s journey into the world of fitness and TikTok. Here’s what she told me. “I started as a personal trainer in 2014 and have been a virtual fitness coach since January of 2020,” she shared. “Since going through my own health transformation, I became passionate about helping other women do the same.”
Meanwhile, she shared with Bored Panda that she has always enjoyed making video content for her business. “I found it came naturally to connect with my audience through video. I started making TikToks about my mom when I came across someone posting about their toxic mom on my FYP. I thought, ‘Oh I could tell a story or two.’ Next thing I knew, I had tens of thousands of followers who connected with my story!” she revealed how opening up on TikTok helped her connect to others.
“I found it extremely therapeutic and validating to share my experience with others. Dozens of people message me telling me ‘because of you I don’t feel alone’ or that they’re now seeking help and healing… that makes it all worth it.”
In the video, she showed what toxic parenting looks like during the holidays
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Image credits: tijanadaly
Tijana’s video got a lot of attention on TikTok because of how relatable the topic was to many people. The TikTok racked up a whopping 1.8 million views and over a third of a million likes on the platform.
In the video, the coach detailed all the times that her mom was disappointed by Tijana’s holiday gifts for her and was brutally open about the fact. From the skates that her mom hated and the lotion that she left under the Christmas tree for 2 whole weeks to the wallet and gift card that couldn’t live up to the mom’s standards.
Oh, and there was that weekend getaway that Tijana got for her mom to spend some quality time with her dad. Guess how that went? Well, actually, things turned out great because Tijana was able to go on the getaway with her husband, instead. However, she finally learned not to expect to ever be able to please her mother, so she joked that she might get her the video that she filmed as a present this year.
Tijana is a body transformation coach, a pre and post-natal fitness specialist, holistic nutritionist, and a fat loss expert for moms. “After working as a sought-after Personal Trainer and Women’s Fitness Coach for several years, I then had children myself and was opened up to the unique needs moms possess when it comes to fitness and fat loss. I was inspired to help as many moms as possible become fit, healthy, and confident— without the unrealistic and unsustainable barriers of traditional weight loss plans,” the mom of two writes on her website.
According to Emily Guarnotta, writing on ‘Choosing Therapy,’ there are nine indicators that someone is being a toxic mother. For instance, a toxic mom overreacts if someone has a different opinion than hers, she makes excessive demands of her children, isn’t afraid to manipulate others to get what she wants, and oversteps any boundaries that you have set out for her.
What’s more, a mom who is toxic can put down your accomplishments because she feels jealous or insecure, hurts her children through her words or actions (whether intentionally or because she doesn’t think about the consequences of what she does), absolutely refuses to apologize for her behavior, tries to control you, and, overall, lacks empathy.
Unfortunately, a lot of people could relate to Tijana’s Xmas experiences. Here’s what they shared online
I was about 10 or 11 and had enough of my families (especially my mothers) petty gift rejections and complaints and bullshit attitudes. So I just stopped. I stopped giving them anything for any holiday and birthday. Then I cut them out of my life completely because having to constantly reinforce boundaries was exhausting. Best decision I ever made
Surround yourself with people that care about you. Life's short. Blood ain't squat!
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can't imagine a mom like this. growing up we were really financially strapped - not dirt poor but no extra cash for gifts. when i was about one mother's day i found a 8 or 9, tarnished silver platter in a dumpster at the complex we lived. i worked for days to shine it up and gave it to her. she made a big deal of it and kept it on her dresser for her creams and cologne. decades later, i was visiting her for her birthday. i had graduated college, gotten a good job, and was proud of my emerald earrings that i was surprising her with. i walked into her bedroom and there on the dresser was that tray. i asked her why she still had that old thing. she told me that she knew where it had come from, how long i worked on it, and it was one of her most precious gifts she ever received from me. made me want to hide the earrings...which, by the way, she wore once in a while because, after i asked, she said she was afraid of losing them.
You are very lucky to have her :) When I was eight I taught myself to knit and made my mother a scarf. It promptly went in the bin. Also, your mum sounds lucky to have a lovely daughter like you too!
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Spend holidays away from your narc parents, they always have a tantrum for days on end or look to pick a fight when you can't run away (nothing is open on Christmas, no public transport etc)
Being trapped in a moving vehicle and all you hear is "So,.. I want to talk to you about something. I saw on your Twitter, and I know it's your account, but I did see it, I saw it, you called someone a nasty word...." I'm sure they.... " I WASN'T FINISHED TALKING! Is there a way you can delete it? It's not a good representation of yourself." I'm going to stand up for... "It's NOT a good representation of yourself. I don't care what they said. So, moving forward, you need to be more polite and professional with your online presence because..., let me tell you, employers? they can find you. ONLINE. And you won't get hired. They will fire you, too." I know, but... "THEY CAN see it. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Can we just enjoy the day? I don't recall when I posted it. "It was from 6 years ago. I found it." Really?! " Yes, really. I SAW it. With my OWN EYES." This was a real, intense convo.
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I was about 10 or 11 and had enough of my families (especially my mothers) petty gift rejections and complaints and bullshit attitudes. So I just stopped. I stopped giving them anything for any holiday and birthday. Then I cut them out of my life completely because having to constantly reinforce boundaries was exhausting. Best decision I ever made
Surround yourself with people that care about you. Life's short. Blood ain't squat!
Load More Replies... can't imagine a mom like this. growing up we were really financially strapped - not dirt poor but no extra cash for gifts. when i was about one mother's day i found a 8 or 9, tarnished silver platter in a dumpster at the complex we lived. i worked for days to shine it up and gave it to her. she made a big deal of it and kept it on her dresser for her creams and cologne. decades later, i was visiting her for her birthday. i had graduated college, gotten a good job, and was proud of my emerald earrings that i was surprising her with. i walked into her bedroom and there on the dresser was that tray. i asked her why she still had that old thing. she told me that she knew where it had come from, how long i worked on it, and it was one of her most precious gifts she ever received from me. made me want to hide the earrings...which, by the way, she wore once in a while because, after i asked, she said she was afraid of losing them.
You are very lucky to have her :) When I was eight I taught myself to knit and made my mother a scarf. It promptly went in the bin. Also, your mum sounds lucky to have a lovely daughter like you too!
Load More Replies... Spend holidays away from your narc parents, they always have a tantrum for days on end or look to pick a fight when you can't run away (nothing is open on Christmas, no public transport etc)
Being trapped in a moving vehicle and all you hear is "So,.. I want to talk to you about something. I saw on your Twitter, and I know it's your account, but I did see it, I saw it, you called someone a nasty word...." I'm sure they.... " I WASN'T FINISHED TALKING! Is there a way you can delete it? It's not a good representation of yourself." I'm going to stand up for... "It's NOT a good representation of yourself. I don't care what they said. So, moving forward, you need to be more polite and professional with your online presence because..., let me tell you, employers? they can find you. ONLINE. And you won't get hired. They will fire you, too." I know, but... "THEY CAN see it. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Can we just enjoy the day? I don't recall when I posted it. "It was from 6 years ago. I found it." Really?! " Yes, really. I SAW it. With my OWN EYES." This was a real, intense convo.
Load More Replies...
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