Father Stands Up For Trans Son, Tells Unsupportive Wife To ‘Get Over Herself’
In the US, more teens than previously thought are transgender or identify themselves as non-gender conforming, a 2016 survey found. The study surveyed teens in two grades, but the rates of identifying as transgender turned out to be higher (0.7%) than government data previously estimated (0.6%). With that in mind, we clearly see that teens are rejecting binary thinking and adults have to keep up.
Unfortunately, real-life examples show that not everyone seems to be on the same page yet. “The first time our child said he felt like a boy, he was 8,” wrote the dad on the “Am I An A-hole?” subreddit, where he shared an incident from his family.
It turns out, mom refused to accept her son’s transition, doing everything she could not to let go of that girl her son was born as. Luckily, the dad stood up for their son and told the wife to “get over herself” and support him. His post amassed 4.2K upvotes and counting, and 351 comments from people sharing their views on this sensitive family case.
One concerned dad is trying to find out whether telling his wife to get over herself and be supportive of their trans son was the right thing to do
Image credits: Throw_away4679
Identifying your gender, realizing your sexuality, and coming out are the most mentally and physically challenging experiences a human has to go through. Especially if it happens at one’s most vulnerable time, during the childhood and teenage years when everyone is already struggling with finding their true selves in this relentless world.
Bored Panda reached out to Rob Todaro, the communications manager at The Trevor Project, the world’s largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning young people. Rob said that the recent 2020 Trevor Project National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health showed that LGBTQ kids are going through extremely serious challenges.
“6 out of 10 LGBTQ youth said that someone attempted to convince them to change their sexual orientation or gender identity. And those who had experienced attempts to change their sexual orientation or gender identity reported twice the rate of suicide attempts as those who did not experience change attempts.”
He also said that the survey showed that 1 in 3 LGBTQ youth reported that they’ve been physically threatened or harmed in their life due to their LGBTQ identity. 29% of LGBTQ youth, due to their identity, have even experienced homelessness, been kicked out, or run away.
Support from friends and family plays a key role in mental wellbeing of LGBT youth
Rob explained that affirming LGBTQ youth in their identities is essential to their mental health and wellness. This especially has to do with support from family and friends. “The LGBTQ youth who reported high levels of social support from family and friends were significantly less likely to attempt suicide compared to those with lower levels of social support.”
Incredibly, “transgender and nonbinary youth who said that their pronouns are respected by all or most of the people in their lives attempted suicide at half the rate of those who did not have their pronouns respected,” Rob explained, highlighting the healing power transgender acceptance can bring.
And at least a single accepting adult can make a whole world of difference. “We’ve also found that just one accepting adult can reduce the risk of a suicide attempt among LGBTQ young people by 40 percent,” Rob concluded.
And this is what people had to say about it
Showing support for LGBTQ youth is crucial and makes a huge impact on a person in a mental crisis. Please see The Trevor Lifeline for youth in need of immediate support, which can be life-saving.
Claiming a mother naturally has a deeper bonding is just toxic towards men. And especially if she had, she should be the one supporting. She is neither "loosing" nor "gaining" someone, but she has and will keep a child. If she loses one then due to heir insensitivity. And what "is she going through"? Frankly, her child has been "going through" something for 18 years. Now would be the time for unconditional love!
You'd think the "deeper bond" would allow her to be less judgemental and really be supportive of her child.
Yes, but also more hesitant to severe change - be it good, be it bad, the transition is a severe change. So I think this may work both ways, and it might happen a bit easier than we'd hope for ourselves that the hesitation towards the transition outweighs the supportiveness, maybe even against her own intentions. I try to not judge here at all, because we're like too far away, have too little knowledge - but the one thing I think should be universal is, support your children, no matter if there is anything to disagree - this has to be first. Support the child, not necessarily the child's decision. That's a totally different point (but I think ... well, let people do and be what they feel is right for them). Or something.
I'm going through this with my child. I'm fully supportive of their decision but there is still a grieving process to go through, because it's a massive change. They even call their former name their 'dead' name. They're 14 and have just had their name changed legally. A few years to decide whether they're male or non-binary though leaning towards the former.
I'm more confused by the "Boys belong to daddy/ Girls to mommy" part, "my loss your gain"!? What, a single mother with a boy has an orphan in the house, just like the daughters of gay couples??
She is more "bonded" to her happiness than her child's.
Steve Cruz no
This! But ... it may be that giving birth, having the child grow inside of you and stuff creates a closer bond right away, but the subsequently following years at least provide Mum and Dad with the opportunity fo bond, and maybe the closer bond will not be a question of Mum or Dad, but the parent that ... not even IS better, but FITS better...? Anyway, the "Mum has a closer bond!" isn't true, it's effed up to assume that. Usually goes well with taking easy paths, because Mums have a closer bond "anyway". They don't, but this might very well cause them to lose it in the cases they truly had the closer bond.
I do not think it is right to talk about loss here. What she loses at most is a label, a drawer in which we humans are stuck in order to classify them. Gender, however, does not usually make up what or who we are, but what is within us. When they talk about loss here, it is first of all disrespectful to the son. What does she expect? That the son will reconsider, just because she is not ready to let go? That's just not how it works. The son didn't choose to feel that way one morning, but that is what he is. Nobody chooses to be straight, gay, transgender, or whatever. This is not even a choice of feelings, but simply the way we are. Time to accept and respect that. We live in the year 2020. The father has done the right thing here. It is the mother who should check her attitude and whether her behavior is necessary and appropriate. It is not!
That was my sticking point too. She isn't losing a daughter. He isn't gaining a son. They're still going to have the same child they've had all this time, the child just going to feel a lot more comfortable in his own skin.
She MIGHT lose her child if she continues to deny who they really are!
I absolutely agree that the man is NTA, that his son needs love and support from both parents. His wife is absolutely going through this all the wrong way, BUT, she needs to be getting some form of therapy and expecting her to "get over it" is unrealistic at best. She is still going through the grieving process which takes people different times and is entirely unique to the individual. Its not simply the case that she's had a decade to get used to the idea - she hasn't finished processing it, you dont get to put a time limit on this. She needs to support her son and get some therapy, but dont expect her to just get over it just because you have.
Her son does get to put a time limit on her actually trying to start accepting him though. She's gone years stubbornly refusing to acknowledge what he was telling her. She's entitled to all the time in the world to try and get through it whichever way she can, but if her son wants to put a time limit on the starting point of that process he most definitely can.
100% agree! Son needs to preserve himself, draw close to people who are supportive. If she doesn't wake up, she will lose out.
Her son can. Her husband should not.
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Daughter until you can change chromosomes. XX equals female and XY is male. She will always be her daughter.
Steve haha
Steve like
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Steve like
chonster like
taylor-anthony lol
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Steve Good response!
Also the kid isn't dead. All she is "grieving" are HER expectations which is super selfish
Nah, she does actually just need to get the f**k over it. She took someone else's struggle and made it her own and now she's whining about the struggle being hard
When my kid came out as non-binary and pansexual, I didn't freak out because I knew they were their own person, not am extension of me, or my property. Also, I love my kid.
Thank you for being such a caring and accepting parent. Your kiddo is lucky to have you! I deeply wish more parents were this supportive.
NTA. I can understand how difficult it may be for her to adjust but she has had 10 years to work through her feelings. You are right, your son is the one that needs the support right now, especially if he is about to start the transitioning phase. Your an amazing, loving and caring dad to your son, I wish more parents were as accepting.
I'll get a lot of downvotes but has to counter almost everybody here. Let's not accuse or put any of the family members on fault. The mother is clearly grieving the loss of her idealized life with an idealized daughter. Her feelings are absolutely genuine for her, and she does not understand how her family can't see her pain. She feels alone, isolated, misunderstood, alienated. It does not matter that she looks irrational, for her it's all real. The husband telling her "she has to stop what she is doing" apparently did not help, so I see that as a proof the she is not just acting up out of spite. The same way the "just get out of it" does not help when someone is depressed. I think the whole family should go to therapy sessions. Or at least have some time to talk it out when everybody is present, and express their feelings and not get upset or accusatory. Nobody should be put at fault here...it's just a tough situation that none of them could handle well so far.
Exactly! He's transitioning not dying his hair pink. I'd love to see all these people act chill if it was their child. It's definitely tough for all those involved.
What's the issue? 'Oh no, my child wants to change their name'. 'Oh no, my child has found a way to be happy'. If you want the best for your child, you don't grieve what you were never going to have in the first place. The only thing she should be worried about now is the increased risk of violence he faces.
Tough, yes, but she is risking not having her child in her life at all by not accepting what is clearly the reality her child is trying to deal with. No matter what gender, it is still her child.
I agree that she's grieving the loss of her idealized life with her idealized daughter. But the son is happier the way he is, and what she is saying is she wants him to supress that. The son didn't wake up one day like this - she had already gotten used to him as a 'tomboy lesbian'; likely they didn't go dress shopping or have makeup testing parties. So what *exactly* has she lost?
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Oh, maybe the kid getting surgeries to remove healthy body parts and being subjected to lifetime medicalization? Parents tend to be concerned about that sort of thing.
She is CHOOSING to be a bigot, abusing her son and alienating her husband. She's not "mourning" anything, she's a narcissist who has to be the center of attention at all times. If she keeps this up, she will lose contact with her son and end up divorced.
Respectfully disagree about the choosing part. If she is or is not a narcissist must be decided by a mental health professional.
@Hanni, In general, I agree with you. Which makes it seem unlikely that it's just about the mom processing is the toxic statement that mothers have deeper bonds. That shows some bigger underlying issues and harmful biases against men.
Thank you. Someone needed to say that. She is greiving and tell her to just get over it is not helping.
My mother is exactly like that mom. She tries to talk this out of me, scaring me with what could go wrong and how nobody is going to like me after what I plan on doing. She even starts to negotiate how "losing 60 pounds" might fix all my problems. As soon as I speak up she starts crying and says that I'm too sensitive and have no idea how worried she is and thats just how a mother is supposed to react. I know she is going through the phases of grief and I want to give her the time, but I'm really sick of it. I'm not f*****g dead but if she keeps going on like this, I dont know how long I will stay alive when the most important person in my life hurts me like this everytime we talk.
Are you two able to go to therapy together? This sounds really serious, especially your last sentence.
Hell no, like she'd go to therapy. She's from that generation that only whispers the word therapy out of embarrisment. But I appreciate the idea thoght. Thanks.
Jade Lynn is right. You absolutely need to get your mother to therapy together with you, and you need to have someone you can confide in besides your mother. And as always, concentrate on everything that is fine in your life.
NTA!! I have a cousin who went through this. We knew since they were in grade school and they are about 26 now. Female to male. Now they have had surgery, takes male hormones has a girlfriend and a good job and is very happy. I support him and his immediate family (my aunt and uncle) 100%. One thing did show in our family, though. We come from a huge Catholic family. Half the fam has split off to be Baptists and protestants. Only the catholic ones support him. The rest disowned him. So the catholic side pretty much makes no contact with them because of it. I'd rather support good people like my cousin instead of hypocrisy. Side note, I grew up in catholic schools now agnostic. I 100% support the rainbow!!!💜💛💚💙
Another side note-the few times my cousin is around the family that does not approve of him, they pull him aside and preach. Who needs that?
Toxic! And it is always good to stay away from whatever is poisonous.
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Right, a straight son is always better than a lesbian, apparently. Cool. Not at all regressive and homophobic.
I think you're reading something into this which isn't actually there. No-one has said they're supporting gender reassignment for their relative but not their relative being a lesbian. No-one at all.
Dad is cool, but imo both the child and the mom needs support here. We process things differently, she can love and support her child and be confused and overwhelmed at the same time. Family therapy/trans counseling exist for a reason. I wish them well.
He's 18 and doing this on his own so she can get used to it or not be in his life.
That's one good dad.
She'll lose more than a daughter...she will lose her child if the mom can't reconcile.
The dad is not being an asshole, he is doing what the mom should be doing and that's being there for their son. She wants to stay stuck in the past and remember the times of their 'beautiful little girl". The thing is that they never had one. The son has been saying he is a boy for a long time and if she still refuses to get it, then the only one hurting their relationship is her.
And yet there are growing numbers of detransitioners who also said they were boys for a long time and who are now dealing with lifelong medical conditions, and who have said what they really needed was for someone to stop them from doing such damaging, irreversible things to their bodies.
I have heard of detransitioners and I don't think that this is the case in this situation. This young man is now an adult and he is still saying that he wants to transition. Also I am not going to downvote you just because you expressed your opinion.
I suppose I'll be joining you in glorious downvoteness now.
I've heard of stories like that. It is really sad when people do that.
The mother has had plenty of time to get used to this. I just think she’s being more than a little selfish and denying her son the support that he needs. Sure she needs time to grieve, but she’s not losing her child, her child is just becoming who he’s meant to be. I told my daughter that if she wanted to date girls or boys it wouldn’t matter to me, she’s still the same person. Admittedly this isn’t the same situation but a child is a child, regardless of gender and needs love no matter what.
The kid is changing his gender, he's not dying, the mother isn't losing anyone. The mother should come to terms with the difficult decision the kid has made and support her son. If she doesn't change her attitude she will lose 2 kids: her daughter AND her son.
The son isn't changing his gender. He was always a boy.
The child is alive, yes? Healthy, yes? The mother needs a reality check. Her "daughter" was always a son. She's been in denial a *long* time. I can see why her family is frustrated. Her child is not her mirror. She's clinging to an *image*. Reality will not be kinder as time passes.
"get over yourself" is the only good response given the time frame. Pathetic woman needs to act her age and status as CARE GIVER. Mourning the loss of her daughter... is that all your child is to you? A gender? A symbol? You are unfit for the responsibility of parenting if you see no depth in your children.
I doubt the son - whom this is all about- would appreciate you calling his mum a "pathetic" woman. Honestly people, learn to convey your opinion/advice respectfully. you don't know everything about even those closest to you, let alone a stranger on the internet.
I did convey my opinion respectfully. Your problem is respecting the wrong person. A grown adult who's had time to learn and still makes the mistake is fair game for a good verbal beat down, a child who's being mentally abused deserves to be backed up with vehemence and strength. Unfortunately said adult doesn't have the ability to do this because they are what? Pathetic. Get a grip Mohammad. Fool.
These are wise words. That sense of decorum and tact is there in the conversation only if we actively choose to behave as considerate beings. It is up to each one of us.
Mr Ammar, thank you for advocating insightful thinking.
Very well said. A child is a child, not a gender. (Though I would argue differently if this were a spouse or partner.)
She hasn’t lost anyone. 😕
Your wife is the asshole
One of the worst things in the world must be getting married to someone who is not doing the inner work. It is so hard to improve and take care of yourself when the person you live with does not do the work simultaneously. This would make me feel alienated from my partner and I think it would lead to a divorce. Because she is close minded, self absorbed and very conservative. I wonder if he thinks that his partner is not the person he thought she was. I dont think she will be capable of accepting this completely.
"Losing a daughter"?? She's still going to have her child. It's not like the kid is going to die. It might be uncomfortable for her, but isn't it worth it to have a kid who's more comfortable with himself?
wow, i am happy that the dad is supportive but the mom is making this too hard. i feel sorry for the boy this is happening to
Ugh! What a selfish woman! She has had almost two decades to 'come to terms with' this. It's not about her, IF she loves her child, she loves him for who he IS, not who she WANTS him to be. The sister is wrong too, the mother needs a sharp reality check and the father gave it to her. Please people, put your kids first, otherwise why did you even give birth??
What I find interesting is the mother originally claiming the dad didn't spend enough time with the son and that's why there were gender issues. But now suddenly she's lost a daughter? What this tells me is she never enjoyed spending time with her child, because her child was always a boy. If she did enjoy their time together, it was at the expense of her child's happiness.
The mom is whining about an issue she created herself. I cannot believe the comments defending a gross bigot.
I don't know what the mom's problem is... whether she is just stuck wanting different things and being manipulative to get it, or has some deepseated denial because of crap that she was handed while she was growing up. Dad is right to tell her that she's the one who needs to adjust and start supporting her son. Dad is NTA.
NTA. If anything, he's the hero in this story
How tragic that this woman has spent the last ten years denying any kind of love or support for her son, and blaming everyone else for the pain and sadness she has caused. I don't think I could stay in a marriage like that. I hope this dad and his son are able to move forward together, with or without her.
But where is it stated that she denied ANY kind of love and support? She's having trouble coping (or just taking her sweet time) but that doesn't mean she didn't care for him
If she only cares for and loves her daughter - not her son - even though they are one and the same then the message she gives him is that she does not accept him as a boy. Does this then not mean that what she loves is her idea of the daughter, not the actual person who is her child.
as a trans kid, this made me feel safe. :) I can kinda get where the mom is coming from, cuz i know it might be hard, but her son is obviously doing something that means a lot to him, and if she really loved him, she should be able to let go, and embrace change
My son told me he was gay at 18. I was surprised. I don't think I handled it well. He left home when he was 18. He wanted to be out of the house and I supported that. At first, he did some charity work, etc. He needed a job and he has always needed my financial help which I give. Many years later when he came back to live in the same state and I saw him frequently, I realized something was really wrong. I suggested he be tested to see if he was on the spectrum, he resisted. I said testing would just suggest a problem or maybe not. It very definitely suggested he was on spectrum at 42. He gets disability and medical and that has been very helpful to him and me. I do still help him financially because he has no one else who will. Disability barely pays for food, shelter, etc. He had a kidney removed 3 years ago, not malignant and he is diabetic. He gets along but it is a bare existence. I am elderly and I fear for him when I die. There some money for him but not much. I love him.
This woman has not "lost" a daughter...she has gained a son. The child (now adult) still has the same personality and memories, and still feels the same way about his parents...but mom is slowly poisoning her son's love for her. Mom needs therapy...yesterday...since she's had nearly 13 years to get used to the idea that she has a son instead of a daughter and she's still resisting.
So here's a question: If someone is born a biological male, and he claims he feels like a woman, how does this person know what exactly that feels like? That person has never been a biological woman. This is what is confusing to me about this whole debate. How do you claim to "feel" like something you've never experienced?
Ernst Gottschalk love
What?
i dont know what it feels like to feel like a male but i did feel strange about she/her pronouns for some of my life pronouns can feel wrong even if you dont know what wright is
You are NOT the ass*ole. Keep supporting your son, if she doesn't come around it's her loss.
Gender is a social construct, and not a very helpful one at that. It's perfectly fine for men and women to express themselves however they want, wear what they like, love who they want, and be safe from persecution or prejudice. We need to get over the whole " boys like this, girls like that", as it is very harmful to those who do not identify specifically to one group. Not all girls want to wear makeup. Not all boys like trucks. Get rid of gender, and get rid of stereotypes. Celebrate your differences, I say. There are no wrong bodies, just a society that is very limited in its thinking.
I don't really understand. What is she grieving? She still has a child? So why does she think she's losing one?
I've never had any experience like this. My kids are all cis-gendered. But I know that someone who is trans needs to talk with someone who specializes in the process of transition. They need therapy to help deal with the difficulties they'll face (people not accepting them and so on) and who knows what the process is. I want to be clear that I mean supportive therapy to help them transition, not conversion therapy to stop them. I'm guessing that some family members, like this mother, could benefit from some therapy with someone who specializes in helping parents accept and support their transitioning child. I hope that this family manages to find a way to be a family again.
We all just get a little glimpse into the situation here, but ... we might just state what we observe and conclude out of it. It doesn't seem your wife has any bad intention, and that this usually isn't easy is the only part known to everyone. And I think they, the two of mother and child, are the ones to get this sorted out, or maybe all three of you. Talk instead of silently feel... ... and you're NOT the asshole here! If your wife would allow hersef to listen to your child, to try to understand his/her point of view (I'm not really sure which one to use in the current state of him/her), and understand that it's not about losing a daughter ... the daugher was either lost years ago, or has never been there at all. You can either win the child you have ... in this case, a son ... or you can lose the child you have ... in that case, does it even matter?
She had more than 10 years to get the help she needed in dealing with this. She didn't, so now she msut get over herself. It's not an issue about mothers and bonding it's an issue about wanting to accept your child and she clearly doens't.
Folk replying to this father refer to him as NTA, can somebody tell me what it means? There is so much abbreviation in these comments that I don't know.
not the a$$hole also aita am i the a$$hole
Thx
His wife is in denial. As the father i would continue being there for his son and supporting him in all of his decisions in life and that even though his mother may not accept him as he is, that she still has love for her child, she just doesn't see him how he is, she sees her son as the baby girl she carried for 9 months and birthed.
your not an a*shole
Me me me me me me me and sometimes I.
NTA She’s had plenty of time to adjust and “get over it”, she shouldn’t be surprised when he goes full no contact with her and only stays in contact with his dad.
Glad this dad is standing up for his son. Mom is being manipulative and insensitive, so she accuses him of being insensitive. —— A longtime friend told me his 14-y/o daughter's best friend growing up is transitioning female-to-male. He had so many questions -- I'm gay with several transgender friends. I advised: Instead of asking questions, just observe and support. He didn't need to feel frustrated or conflicted, it simply wasn't called for. He looked at me and said, "You're right. What am I doing?"
I don't mean to be insensitive but--I'm confused--is this a boy that wants to be a girl, or a girl that wants to be a boy - just curious
He is a boy, who was born with female genitals and has 'female' on his birth certificate, but has known that he was a boy from a very early age. His brain, the most important part of a person and the bit we can't change (no mental therapy has made people stop being transgender) is male, his body which can be changed is female. 'Wants to be a boy' is the wrong way of looking at it really, as far as he's concerned he's already a boy (hangs out with other boys, dresses like a boy, uses a boy's name, is probably treated like a boy by nearly everyone but his mum) and just wants his body to match. I hope that's clearer?
Glad that she (or he) has an supportive and good dad
I think this mother is making everything about herself.
I think it’s easy to tell people how to react, but until you’re in that situation yourself don’t be so quick to judge. It’s a tough situation all around and I can understand why it’s hard for her to accept. Hopefully as time goes she can learn to accept him because I’m sure at the end of the day she just wants him/her to be happy.
Totally support the trans son and dad. Maybe mum could get some counselling to help her work through her feelings? It may feel like a real loss to her, even though her son is still there. The future she had imagined for her 'daughter' is irrevocably changed. Her past memories are being devalued, and she can't share stories and pictures of her child without being hurtful to her son. It sounds like she needs some help to process her feelings about his transition, so that she can see and love the son she has as he truly is, and rebuild their relationship.
Men, at least you are trying to understand (or understood) what is happening. Maybe you r wife too, but she may need more time and you can involve your son in a mature way to explain to your wife what is the situation..... Also , in my country ,we always said that the sons are for the mother and the daughter for the dad....i dont know if i explain well....Anyway, a soon as both of you stay together at accepting what is happening , the result will be the happines of your family,which for me is the goal of having a family. Give time and love.
David Constante love
The thing is.... it is their child's life. And that's it.
Way to enable your mentally ill child. #ParentOfTheYear
Mike Weber -
you are an intilteld bitch and probably white to an i wish bitches like you could just stop doing s**t like this
I sympathise with the mother. It's right to think about the consequences of these changes as they are often irreversible and their child might change their mind. When people point this out, they are so quick to be attacked these days, when they are just thinking about what is best for that person.
That is not thinking about what is best for that person, it's only thinking about what's best for your picture of what they should be. Saying they might change their mind is so degrading to LGBT+ people. You're probably the same one that would say gay people might change their mind and turn straight. It's not something you just up and change your mind about.
I knew that I didn't want children since I was a child. The first time I remember vocalizing this to someone else, I was 11. 20+ years later, and I'm still being told that I might change my mind. It is exhausting. Knowing that I don't want children is a fundamental part of me. I have lost relationships because the guy said - oh, I thought you'd change your mind or oh, but you'd make beautiful children. Being constantly told that I might change my mind is frustrating, demoralizing, insulting. (Years into my marriage, I found out that conceiving a child would be almost impossible - so I'm very blessed to have never wanted to have a child.)
I'm sorry people aren't accepting your decision to not have kids. Best of luck!
If this was a whim, a complete change that was expressed in teenage opposition, then I would agree with what you are saying, but this is not new. Their child has apparently been stating this for the last ten years, and I cannot believe that it was a sudden idea before the kid told his parents back then that he wanted to be a boy.
Have you considered not being a bigot in public? I'm just asking because I care. You need to think about the consequences of your actions.
i hate that "i didnt know what i do" game, when obviously people can be insanely manipulative just be honest with what ur intention was. guessing game is exhausting.
Ovi Rio easy
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From what little we hear, this sounds like perhaps a real transgender person. But don't think that it is a parent's duty to encourage or even support a kid saying they are transgender immediately. Find out what's behind it. "Littman raises cautions about encouraging young people’s desire to transition in all instances. From the cases reviewed in her study, she concluded that what she terms “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” (ROGD) appears to be a novel condition that emerges from cohort and contagion effects and novel social pressures. From this perspective, ROSD likely exhibits an aetiology and epidemiology that is distinct from the "classical" cases of gender dysphoria documented in the DSM." From: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-mind-and-brain/201811/why-is-transgender-identity-the-rise-among-teens
Shut Up. Oh, did I forget to say please? No. I just didn't want to say it.
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I understand where the mother is coming from. From the day of her birth she will have had an idealised picture of her childs life. Which is perfectly natural for any parent. Part of her attitude will be mourning what she imagined from the start. She will no doubt have been dreaming of the day her daughter gets married, herself being the proud mother of the bride, a pregnancy etc. Just because she's had a lot of time to get used to the idea doesn't mean it will be any easier to accept.
NONONONONONONONONO
Jonathan- while I agree that the change is an adjustment for the mother, she has had years to come to terms with this. Also, a parent's expectations are not the child's responsibility. My father wanted me to be a lawyer. I didn't become a lawyer. Even though my father dreamed of the day that I would graduate law school, it doesn't give him the right to hold me to his desired version of me. Imagine if he kept introducing me to people as a lawyer and posting pictures on social media of his child, a lawyer. It would be awful because I'm not a lawyer. Now replace "lawyer" with "female".
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Born a girl and you will die a girl. Born a boy and you will die a boy. Change chromosomes and we can talk. Simple biology XX is female and XY is male. Everyone that leans to left says hard science is fact. This is hard physical science.
Did you know you can be a transgender? Pretty cool, huh? You should read the article above, that’ll help you understand the concept better.
YASSS THANK YOU
like do they not understand there is a diffrence between sex and gender lol i knew that when i was 11
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I've always felt like an Asian, even though I am Polish.
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"The study surveyed teens in two grades, but the rates of identifying as transgender turned out to be higher (0.7%) than government data previously estimated (0.6%)." If that struck anyone else as odd, it's because that line cited the article incorrectly. The change was from 0.7 to 3, not 0.6 to 0.7.
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Personally I'm so sick of hearing about LGBTQ . I don't blame the mom for having a hard time. I am watching a friend go through this with her daughter. It's sucks for everyone involved. I believe A LOT of kids do it for attention...and I also believe a lot are legit. It's tuff. Either way.
Everyone else is sick of listening to you and bigots like you. Queer people exist. Deal with it.
F7AD72DF-F...43fe7.jpeg
Well, this works out because we're sick of hearing about you're s**t. Stop being a troll.
Jaded McQueen no
Claiming a mother naturally has a deeper bonding is just toxic towards men. And especially if she had, she should be the one supporting. She is neither "loosing" nor "gaining" someone, but she has and will keep a child. If she loses one then due to heir insensitivity. And what "is she going through"? Frankly, her child has been "going through" something for 18 years. Now would be the time for unconditional love!
You'd think the "deeper bond" would allow her to be less judgemental and really be supportive of her child.
Yes, but also more hesitant to severe change - be it good, be it bad, the transition is a severe change. So I think this may work both ways, and it might happen a bit easier than we'd hope for ourselves that the hesitation towards the transition outweighs the supportiveness, maybe even against her own intentions. I try to not judge here at all, because we're like too far away, have too little knowledge - but the one thing I think should be universal is, support your children, no matter if there is anything to disagree - this has to be first. Support the child, not necessarily the child's decision. That's a totally different point (but I think ... well, let people do and be what they feel is right for them). Or something.
I'm going through this with my child. I'm fully supportive of their decision but there is still a grieving process to go through, because it's a massive change. They even call their former name their 'dead' name. They're 14 and have just had their name changed legally. A few years to decide whether they're male or non-binary though leaning towards the former.
I'm more confused by the "Boys belong to daddy/ Girls to mommy" part, "my loss your gain"!? What, a single mother with a boy has an orphan in the house, just like the daughters of gay couples??
She is more "bonded" to her happiness than her child's.
Steve Cruz no
This! But ... it may be that giving birth, having the child grow inside of you and stuff creates a closer bond right away, but the subsequently following years at least provide Mum and Dad with the opportunity fo bond, and maybe the closer bond will not be a question of Mum or Dad, but the parent that ... not even IS better, but FITS better...? Anyway, the "Mum has a closer bond!" isn't true, it's effed up to assume that. Usually goes well with taking easy paths, because Mums have a closer bond "anyway". They don't, but this might very well cause them to lose it in the cases they truly had the closer bond.
I do not think it is right to talk about loss here. What she loses at most is a label, a drawer in which we humans are stuck in order to classify them. Gender, however, does not usually make up what or who we are, but what is within us. When they talk about loss here, it is first of all disrespectful to the son. What does she expect? That the son will reconsider, just because she is not ready to let go? That's just not how it works. The son didn't choose to feel that way one morning, but that is what he is. Nobody chooses to be straight, gay, transgender, or whatever. This is not even a choice of feelings, but simply the way we are. Time to accept and respect that. We live in the year 2020. The father has done the right thing here. It is the mother who should check her attitude and whether her behavior is necessary and appropriate. It is not!
That was my sticking point too. She isn't losing a daughter. He isn't gaining a son. They're still going to have the same child they've had all this time, the child just going to feel a lot more comfortable in his own skin.
She MIGHT lose her child if she continues to deny who they really are!
I absolutely agree that the man is NTA, that his son needs love and support from both parents. His wife is absolutely going through this all the wrong way, BUT, she needs to be getting some form of therapy and expecting her to "get over it" is unrealistic at best. She is still going through the grieving process which takes people different times and is entirely unique to the individual. Its not simply the case that she's had a decade to get used to the idea - she hasn't finished processing it, you dont get to put a time limit on this. She needs to support her son and get some therapy, but dont expect her to just get over it just because you have.
Her son does get to put a time limit on her actually trying to start accepting him though. She's gone years stubbornly refusing to acknowledge what he was telling her. She's entitled to all the time in the world to try and get through it whichever way she can, but if her son wants to put a time limit on the starting point of that process he most definitely can.
100% agree! Son needs to preserve himself, draw close to people who are supportive. If she doesn't wake up, she will lose out.
Her son can. Her husband should not.
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Daughter until you can change chromosomes. XX equals female and XY is male. She will always be her daughter.
Steve haha
Steve like
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Steve like
chonster like
taylor-anthony lol
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Steve Good response!
Also the kid isn't dead. All she is "grieving" are HER expectations which is super selfish
Nah, she does actually just need to get the f**k over it. She took someone else's struggle and made it her own and now she's whining about the struggle being hard
When my kid came out as non-binary and pansexual, I didn't freak out because I knew they were their own person, not am extension of me, or my property. Also, I love my kid.
Thank you for being such a caring and accepting parent. Your kiddo is lucky to have you! I deeply wish more parents were this supportive.
NTA. I can understand how difficult it may be for her to adjust but she has had 10 years to work through her feelings. You are right, your son is the one that needs the support right now, especially if he is about to start the transitioning phase. Your an amazing, loving and caring dad to your son, I wish more parents were as accepting.
I'll get a lot of downvotes but has to counter almost everybody here. Let's not accuse or put any of the family members on fault. The mother is clearly grieving the loss of her idealized life with an idealized daughter. Her feelings are absolutely genuine for her, and she does not understand how her family can't see her pain. She feels alone, isolated, misunderstood, alienated. It does not matter that she looks irrational, for her it's all real. The husband telling her "she has to stop what she is doing" apparently did not help, so I see that as a proof the she is not just acting up out of spite. The same way the "just get out of it" does not help when someone is depressed. I think the whole family should go to therapy sessions. Or at least have some time to talk it out when everybody is present, and express their feelings and not get upset or accusatory. Nobody should be put at fault here...it's just a tough situation that none of them could handle well so far.
Exactly! He's transitioning not dying his hair pink. I'd love to see all these people act chill if it was their child. It's definitely tough for all those involved.
What's the issue? 'Oh no, my child wants to change their name'. 'Oh no, my child has found a way to be happy'. If you want the best for your child, you don't grieve what you were never going to have in the first place. The only thing she should be worried about now is the increased risk of violence he faces.
Tough, yes, but she is risking not having her child in her life at all by not accepting what is clearly the reality her child is trying to deal with. No matter what gender, it is still her child.
I agree that she's grieving the loss of her idealized life with her idealized daughter. But the son is happier the way he is, and what she is saying is she wants him to supress that. The son didn't wake up one day like this - she had already gotten used to him as a 'tomboy lesbian'; likely they didn't go dress shopping or have makeup testing parties. So what *exactly* has she lost?
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Oh, maybe the kid getting surgeries to remove healthy body parts and being subjected to lifetime medicalization? Parents tend to be concerned about that sort of thing.
She is CHOOSING to be a bigot, abusing her son and alienating her husband. She's not "mourning" anything, she's a narcissist who has to be the center of attention at all times. If she keeps this up, she will lose contact with her son and end up divorced.
Respectfully disagree about the choosing part. If she is or is not a narcissist must be decided by a mental health professional.
@Hanni, In general, I agree with you. Which makes it seem unlikely that it's just about the mom processing is the toxic statement that mothers have deeper bonds. That shows some bigger underlying issues and harmful biases against men.
Thank you. Someone needed to say that. She is greiving and tell her to just get over it is not helping.
My mother is exactly like that mom. She tries to talk this out of me, scaring me with what could go wrong and how nobody is going to like me after what I plan on doing. She even starts to negotiate how "losing 60 pounds" might fix all my problems. As soon as I speak up she starts crying and says that I'm too sensitive and have no idea how worried she is and thats just how a mother is supposed to react. I know she is going through the phases of grief and I want to give her the time, but I'm really sick of it. I'm not f*****g dead but if she keeps going on like this, I dont know how long I will stay alive when the most important person in my life hurts me like this everytime we talk.
Are you two able to go to therapy together? This sounds really serious, especially your last sentence.
Hell no, like she'd go to therapy. She's from that generation that only whispers the word therapy out of embarrisment. But I appreciate the idea thoght. Thanks.
Jade Lynn is right. You absolutely need to get your mother to therapy together with you, and you need to have someone you can confide in besides your mother. And as always, concentrate on everything that is fine in your life.
NTA!! I have a cousin who went through this. We knew since they were in grade school and they are about 26 now. Female to male. Now they have had surgery, takes male hormones has a girlfriend and a good job and is very happy. I support him and his immediate family (my aunt and uncle) 100%. One thing did show in our family, though. We come from a huge Catholic family. Half the fam has split off to be Baptists and protestants. Only the catholic ones support him. The rest disowned him. So the catholic side pretty much makes no contact with them because of it. I'd rather support good people like my cousin instead of hypocrisy. Side note, I grew up in catholic schools now agnostic. I 100% support the rainbow!!!💜💛💚💙
Another side note-the few times my cousin is around the family that does not approve of him, they pull him aside and preach. Who needs that?
Toxic! And it is always good to stay away from whatever is poisonous.
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Right, a straight son is always better than a lesbian, apparently. Cool. Not at all regressive and homophobic.
I think you're reading something into this which isn't actually there. No-one has said they're supporting gender reassignment for their relative but not their relative being a lesbian. No-one at all.
Dad is cool, but imo both the child and the mom needs support here. We process things differently, she can love and support her child and be confused and overwhelmed at the same time. Family therapy/trans counseling exist for a reason. I wish them well.
He's 18 and doing this on his own so she can get used to it or not be in his life.
That's one good dad.
She'll lose more than a daughter...she will lose her child if the mom can't reconcile.
The dad is not being an asshole, he is doing what the mom should be doing and that's being there for their son. She wants to stay stuck in the past and remember the times of their 'beautiful little girl". The thing is that they never had one. The son has been saying he is a boy for a long time and if she still refuses to get it, then the only one hurting their relationship is her.
And yet there are growing numbers of detransitioners who also said they were boys for a long time and who are now dealing with lifelong medical conditions, and who have said what they really needed was for someone to stop them from doing such damaging, irreversible things to their bodies.
I have heard of detransitioners and I don't think that this is the case in this situation. This young man is now an adult and he is still saying that he wants to transition. Also I am not going to downvote you just because you expressed your opinion.
I suppose I'll be joining you in glorious downvoteness now.
I've heard of stories like that. It is really sad when people do that.
The mother has had plenty of time to get used to this. I just think she’s being more than a little selfish and denying her son the support that he needs. Sure she needs time to grieve, but she’s not losing her child, her child is just becoming who he’s meant to be. I told my daughter that if she wanted to date girls or boys it wouldn’t matter to me, she’s still the same person. Admittedly this isn’t the same situation but a child is a child, regardless of gender and needs love no matter what.
The kid is changing his gender, he's not dying, the mother isn't losing anyone. The mother should come to terms with the difficult decision the kid has made and support her son. If she doesn't change her attitude she will lose 2 kids: her daughter AND her son.
The son isn't changing his gender. He was always a boy.
The child is alive, yes? Healthy, yes? The mother needs a reality check. Her "daughter" was always a son. She's been in denial a *long* time. I can see why her family is frustrated. Her child is not her mirror. She's clinging to an *image*. Reality will not be kinder as time passes.
"get over yourself" is the only good response given the time frame. Pathetic woman needs to act her age and status as CARE GIVER. Mourning the loss of her daughter... is that all your child is to you? A gender? A symbol? You are unfit for the responsibility of parenting if you see no depth in your children.
I doubt the son - whom this is all about- would appreciate you calling his mum a "pathetic" woman. Honestly people, learn to convey your opinion/advice respectfully. you don't know everything about even those closest to you, let alone a stranger on the internet.
I did convey my opinion respectfully. Your problem is respecting the wrong person. A grown adult who's had time to learn and still makes the mistake is fair game for a good verbal beat down, a child who's being mentally abused deserves to be backed up with vehemence and strength. Unfortunately said adult doesn't have the ability to do this because they are what? Pathetic. Get a grip Mohammad. Fool.
These are wise words. That sense of decorum and tact is there in the conversation only if we actively choose to behave as considerate beings. It is up to each one of us.
Mr Ammar, thank you for advocating insightful thinking.
Very well said. A child is a child, not a gender. (Though I would argue differently if this were a spouse or partner.)
She hasn’t lost anyone. 😕
Your wife is the asshole
One of the worst things in the world must be getting married to someone who is not doing the inner work. It is so hard to improve and take care of yourself when the person you live with does not do the work simultaneously. This would make me feel alienated from my partner and I think it would lead to a divorce. Because she is close minded, self absorbed and very conservative. I wonder if he thinks that his partner is not the person he thought she was. I dont think she will be capable of accepting this completely.
"Losing a daughter"?? She's still going to have her child. It's not like the kid is going to die. It might be uncomfortable for her, but isn't it worth it to have a kid who's more comfortable with himself?
wow, i am happy that the dad is supportive but the mom is making this too hard. i feel sorry for the boy this is happening to
Ugh! What a selfish woman! She has had almost two decades to 'come to terms with' this. It's not about her, IF she loves her child, she loves him for who he IS, not who she WANTS him to be. The sister is wrong too, the mother needs a sharp reality check and the father gave it to her. Please people, put your kids first, otherwise why did you even give birth??
What I find interesting is the mother originally claiming the dad didn't spend enough time with the son and that's why there were gender issues. But now suddenly she's lost a daughter? What this tells me is she never enjoyed spending time with her child, because her child was always a boy. If she did enjoy their time together, it was at the expense of her child's happiness.
The mom is whining about an issue she created herself. I cannot believe the comments defending a gross bigot.
I don't know what the mom's problem is... whether she is just stuck wanting different things and being manipulative to get it, or has some deepseated denial because of crap that she was handed while she was growing up. Dad is right to tell her that she's the one who needs to adjust and start supporting her son. Dad is NTA.
NTA. If anything, he's the hero in this story
How tragic that this woman has spent the last ten years denying any kind of love or support for her son, and blaming everyone else for the pain and sadness she has caused. I don't think I could stay in a marriage like that. I hope this dad and his son are able to move forward together, with or without her.
But where is it stated that she denied ANY kind of love and support? She's having trouble coping (or just taking her sweet time) but that doesn't mean she didn't care for him
If she only cares for and loves her daughter - not her son - even though they are one and the same then the message she gives him is that she does not accept him as a boy. Does this then not mean that what she loves is her idea of the daughter, not the actual person who is her child.
as a trans kid, this made me feel safe. :) I can kinda get where the mom is coming from, cuz i know it might be hard, but her son is obviously doing something that means a lot to him, and if she really loved him, she should be able to let go, and embrace change
My son told me he was gay at 18. I was surprised. I don't think I handled it well. He left home when he was 18. He wanted to be out of the house and I supported that. At first, he did some charity work, etc. He needed a job and he has always needed my financial help which I give. Many years later when he came back to live in the same state and I saw him frequently, I realized something was really wrong. I suggested he be tested to see if he was on the spectrum, he resisted. I said testing would just suggest a problem or maybe not. It very definitely suggested he was on spectrum at 42. He gets disability and medical and that has been very helpful to him and me. I do still help him financially because he has no one else who will. Disability barely pays for food, shelter, etc. He had a kidney removed 3 years ago, not malignant and he is diabetic. He gets along but it is a bare existence. I am elderly and I fear for him when I die. There some money for him but not much. I love him.
This woman has not "lost" a daughter...she has gained a son. The child (now adult) still has the same personality and memories, and still feels the same way about his parents...but mom is slowly poisoning her son's love for her. Mom needs therapy...yesterday...since she's had nearly 13 years to get used to the idea that she has a son instead of a daughter and she's still resisting.
So here's a question: If someone is born a biological male, and he claims he feels like a woman, how does this person know what exactly that feels like? That person has never been a biological woman. This is what is confusing to me about this whole debate. How do you claim to "feel" like something you've never experienced?
Ernst Gottschalk love
What?
i dont know what it feels like to feel like a male but i did feel strange about she/her pronouns for some of my life pronouns can feel wrong even if you dont know what wright is
You are NOT the ass*ole. Keep supporting your son, if she doesn't come around it's her loss.
Gender is a social construct, and not a very helpful one at that. It's perfectly fine for men and women to express themselves however they want, wear what they like, love who they want, and be safe from persecution or prejudice. We need to get over the whole " boys like this, girls like that", as it is very harmful to those who do not identify specifically to one group. Not all girls want to wear makeup. Not all boys like trucks. Get rid of gender, and get rid of stereotypes. Celebrate your differences, I say. There are no wrong bodies, just a society that is very limited in its thinking.
I don't really understand. What is she grieving? She still has a child? So why does she think she's losing one?
I've never had any experience like this. My kids are all cis-gendered. But I know that someone who is trans needs to talk with someone who specializes in the process of transition. They need therapy to help deal with the difficulties they'll face (people not accepting them and so on) and who knows what the process is. I want to be clear that I mean supportive therapy to help them transition, not conversion therapy to stop them. I'm guessing that some family members, like this mother, could benefit from some therapy with someone who specializes in helping parents accept and support their transitioning child. I hope that this family manages to find a way to be a family again.
We all just get a little glimpse into the situation here, but ... we might just state what we observe and conclude out of it. It doesn't seem your wife has any bad intention, and that this usually isn't easy is the only part known to everyone. And I think they, the two of mother and child, are the ones to get this sorted out, or maybe all three of you. Talk instead of silently feel... ... and you're NOT the asshole here! If your wife would allow hersef to listen to your child, to try to understand his/her point of view (I'm not really sure which one to use in the current state of him/her), and understand that it's not about losing a daughter ... the daugher was either lost years ago, or has never been there at all. You can either win the child you have ... in this case, a son ... or you can lose the child you have ... in that case, does it even matter?
She had more than 10 years to get the help she needed in dealing with this. She didn't, so now she msut get over herself. It's not an issue about mothers and bonding it's an issue about wanting to accept your child and she clearly doens't.
Folk replying to this father refer to him as NTA, can somebody tell me what it means? There is so much abbreviation in these comments that I don't know.
not the a$$hole also aita am i the a$$hole
Thx
His wife is in denial. As the father i would continue being there for his son and supporting him in all of his decisions in life and that even though his mother may not accept him as he is, that she still has love for her child, she just doesn't see him how he is, she sees her son as the baby girl she carried for 9 months and birthed.
your not an a*shole
Me me me me me me me and sometimes I.
NTA She’s had plenty of time to adjust and “get over it”, she shouldn’t be surprised when he goes full no contact with her and only stays in contact with his dad.
Glad this dad is standing up for his son. Mom is being manipulative and insensitive, so she accuses him of being insensitive. —— A longtime friend told me his 14-y/o daughter's best friend growing up is transitioning female-to-male. He had so many questions -- I'm gay with several transgender friends. I advised: Instead of asking questions, just observe and support. He didn't need to feel frustrated or conflicted, it simply wasn't called for. He looked at me and said, "You're right. What am I doing?"
I don't mean to be insensitive but--I'm confused--is this a boy that wants to be a girl, or a girl that wants to be a boy - just curious
He is a boy, who was born with female genitals and has 'female' on his birth certificate, but has known that he was a boy from a very early age. His brain, the most important part of a person and the bit we can't change (no mental therapy has made people stop being transgender) is male, his body which can be changed is female. 'Wants to be a boy' is the wrong way of looking at it really, as far as he's concerned he's already a boy (hangs out with other boys, dresses like a boy, uses a boy's name, is probably treated like a boy by nearly everyone but his mum) and just wants his body to match. I hope that's clearer?
Glad that she (or he) has an supportive and good dad
I think this mother is making everything about herself.
I think it’s easy to tell people how to react, but until you’re in that situation yourself don’t be so quick to judge. It’s a tough situation all around and I can understand why it’s hard for her to accept. Hopefully as time goes she can learn to accept him because I’m sure at the end of the day she just wants him/her to be happy.
Totally support the trans son and dad. Maybe mum could get some counselling to help her work through her feelings? It may feel like a real loss to her, even though her son is still there. The future she had imagined for her 'daughter' is irrevocably changed. Her past memories are being devalued, and she can't share stories and pictures of her child without being hurtful to her son. It sounds like she needs some help to process her feelings about his transition, so that she can see and love the son she has as he truly is, and rebuild their relationship.
Men, at least you are trying to understand (or understood) what is happening. Maybe you r wife too, but she may need more time and you can involve your son in a mature way to explain to your wife what is the situation..... Also , in my country ,we always said that the sons are for the mother and the daughter for the dad....i dont know if i explain well....Anyway, a soon as both of you stay together at accepting what is happening , the result will be the happines of your family,which for me is the goal of having a family. Give time and love.
David Constante love
The thing is.... it is their child's life. And that's it.
Way to enable your mentally ill child. #ParentOfTheYear
Mike Weber -
you are an intilteld bitch and probably white to an i wish bitches like you could just stop doing s**t like this
I sympathise with the mother. It's right to think about the consequences of these changes as they are often irreversible and their child might change their mind. When people point this out, they are so quick to be attacked these days, when they are just thinking about what is best for that person.
That is not thinking about what is best for that person, it's only thinking about what's best for your picture of what they should be. Saying they might change their mind is so degrading to LGBT+ people. You're probably the same one that would say gay people might change their mind and turn straight. It's not something you just up and change your mind about.
I knew that I didn't want children since I was a child. The first time I remember vocalizing this to someone else, I was 11. 20+ years later, and I'm still being told that I might change my mind. It is exhausting. Knowing that I don't want children is a fundamental part of me. I have lost relationships because the guy said - oh, I thought you'd change your mind or oh, but you'd make beautiful children. Being constantly told that I might change my mind is frustrating, demoralizing, insulting. (Years into my marriage, I found out that conceiving a child would be almost impossible - so I'm very blessed to have never wanted to have a child.)
I'm sorry people aren't accepting your decision to not have kids. Best of luck!
If this was a whim, a complete change that was expressed in teenage opposition, then I would agree with what you are saying, but this is not new. Their child has apparently been stating this for the last ten years, and I cannot believe that it was a sudden idea before the kid told his parents back then that he wanted to be a boy.
Have you considered not being a bigot in public? I'm just asking because I care. You need to think about the consequences of your actions.
i hate that "i didnt know what i do" game, when obviously people can be insanely manipulative just be honest with what ur intention was. guessing game is exhausting.
Ovi Rio easy
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From what little we hear, this sounds like perhaps a real transgender person. But don't think that it is a parent's duty to encourage or even support a kid saying they are transgender immediately. Find out what's behind it. "Littman raises cautions about encouraging young people’s desire to transition in all instances. From the cases reviewed in her study, she concluded that what she terms “rapid-onset gender dysphoria” (ROGD) appears to be a novel condition that emerges from cohort and contagion effects and novel social pressures. From this perspective, ROSD likely exhibits an aetiology and epidemiology that is distinct from the "classical" cases of gender dysphoria documented in the DSM." From: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/culture-mind-and-brain/201811/why-is-transgender-identity-the-rise-among-teens
Shut Up. Oh, did I forget to say please? No. I just didn't want to say it.
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I understand where the mother is coming from. From the day of her birth she will have had an idealised picture of her childs life. Which is perfectly natural for any parent. Part of her attitude will be mourning what she imagined from the start. She will no doubt have been dreaming of the day her daughter gets married, herself being the proud mother of the bride, a pregnancy etc. Just because she's had a lot of time to get used to the idea doesn't mean it will be any easier to accept.
NONONONONONONONONO
Jonathan- while I agree that the change is an adjustment for the mother, she has had years to come to terms with this. Also, a parent's expectations are not the child's responsibility. My father wanted me to be a lawyer. I didn't become a lawyer. Even though my father dreamed of the day that I would graduate law school, it doesn't give him the right to hold me to his desired version of me. Imagine if he kept introducing me to people as a lawyer and posting pictures on social media of his child, a lawyer. It would be awful because I'm not a lawyer. Now replace "lawyer" with "female".
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Born a girl and you will die a girl. Born a boy and you will die a boy. Change chromosomes and we can talk. Simple biology XX is female and XY is male. Everyone that leans to left says hard science is fact. This is hard physical science.
Did you know you can be a transgender? Pretty cool, huh? You should read the article above, that’ll help you understand the concept better.
YASSS THANK YOU
like do they not understand there is a diffrence between sex and gender lol i knew that when i was 11