Mom Writes An Honest Poem At 4 A.M. About Her Husband Who Sleeps Instead Of Helping With The Baby
You can read every child-rearing book on the shelf and interview all the parents you know, but you can never be fully prepared for all of the life changes that come with your first baby. New mom Caroline Olling Andersen, however, found a brilliant way to deal with them. Writing poetry. (Facebook cover image: Monkey Business Images)
Image credits: Caroline Olling Andersen
“My husband is a fantastic dad,” Caroline told Bored Panda. “He is an amazing primary school teacher, and he has always brought a lot of fun and humor to our relationship, which he now also brings to daddyhood.”
Image credits: Caroline Olling Andersen
My latest 4 a.m. poem titled, “Daddy’s Asleep:”
I love your daddy, I really do,
After all, without daddy, I wouldn’t have you.
But from midnight till sunrise, it’s just you and I.
And as each hour passes, I’m not gonna lie:
Mommy’s love slowly fades, becomes angry and weak,
Because no matter what, your dad is f*cking asleep!
The poem quickly started making headlines on the internet and attracted all sorts of attention. “After the poem went viral, I’ve read a lot of comments which have shamed him for not being more active at night and me for complaining about his inactivity,” Caroline, who also finds the time to manage a parenting blog called The Mommy Poet, added. “Truth is, we made a deal during my pregnancy that I’d take the night shift, because I’ve been blessed with long maternity leave. [This way,] he gets to sleep so he can be ready for his 10-12 hour day teaching 10-year-olds. That said, tiredness will still cause you a lot of passive aggressive feelings in the early hours at night – hence my poem, which was written at 4 am on a particularly tiring night (everything I wrote in that poem happened on that one night).”
At first, however, the sleepy dad wasn’t amused by the poem. “When I read the poem out loud to him the next morning, he didn’t find it particularly funny – though he was simultaneously trying to soothe our fuzzy daughter, so I might have chosen the wrong time to read him a mockery poem. It was only later that day, over ice cream and a sleeping daughter, that he read it out loud and laughed and said it was brilliant. He since suggested that we get a laptop for me so I have an appropriate platform to write during my early morning waves of creativity.”
“Parenthood is tough and rough and can really strain a relationship. We make a solid attempt to place our relationship very high on our list of priorities. My parents (happily married for 29 years)- have taught me that a marriage should be prioritized above the children. As my mother said – “Happy parents results in happy children”. As per the airplane instructions – “attend to yourself before helping your child.” So that means making sure we have date nights and take time each day to put the baby down and kiss and hug each other. A lot of people have misunderstood the tone of my poem as anger towards my husband. It’s meant to be read with humor and love for both him and my daughter.”
People had a lot to say about the poem
Another of these pseudo-lovely public shaming of a pouse. If you really believe publicly criticising your loved-one is a good thing to do, spare us the photos that show the alleged love. If you cannot solve this issue between the two of you, or maybe with the help of close friends or family, you have a major issue anyway. Being told to the whole world how s****y you are on Twitter will surely not get you into the mood to change something for good. And besides, what you are going through has been faced by any parent in the history of mankind. Talking to each other and actively searching for solutions is the way out. And it might be as easy as having the man sleep next to the crib instead of the mother. (Of course, it can be much harder, too.)
Exactly my thoughts. Absolutely unnecessary shaming after agreeing on a deal stating he can sleep and she'll care for the child at night.
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Childfree and single. F**k wasting my time on stupid s**t like this. Relationships take too much work and human beings aren't worth it. Especially I.
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so the Mom has a long maternity leave, the Dad has to go to work in the mornings and they also had a deal that she would be the one getting up, but sure lets blame all the dads
It was done jokingly and loveingly not meant serious if you read the whole article
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Classy passive-aggressive jerk outing her husband on social media with pictures as an added bonus. There are better ways to handle these situations.
Very passive aggressive. She makes a fair deal with her husband (she is on leave, he teaches 10 hour days, thus she takes night shift by mutual agreement) - and then she stabs him in the back on social media. I'd be pissed if I was him.
This narrative of women complaining about having to look after their own children is getting boring. You don't want to breast feed in the middle of the night then don't have kids it's that simple. If a guy pressures you into it then be strong and say no, it's more often women deciding they want kids not the other way round anyway. Just stop complaining about the choices you made.
Absolutely. It's very well known that sleep will be seriously fragmented and you will feel like a zombie at times. It ends.
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Subject matter aside, it doesn't scan well. I find it hard to read and get the metre right. I know she wrote it at 4am but could have given it a bit of attention before sharing it. Makes me think she can't be that tired if she's writing poetry anyway. This is also a plan they both agreed in advance so why show resentment to all and sundry?
I thought the same about the metre - awkward in places.
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As he said he has work to go to and to earn money to support his family.. So why he can't sleep? It would be the same way if she would work and he would be stay at home dad.. Why both of them need to be super tired and sleep deprived.. Of course the would be the moments when he will have to step in and help. But I'm tired of all that "Oh he is not waking up at 2 am to change diapers or he sleeps while I need to wake up 5 times to feed the baby". He does his part too, earning money to make sure his family has all it needs..
When my first child was born my husband helped me every night, I woke up to breastfeed and sometimes it was him to feed the baby with my milk obtained with the breast pump .. most of the time it was him to change the diaper before to put him in the crib. During all this time he continued to work while I was on maternity leave. Helping me in this way has helped me not to fall into postpartum depression and above all a exhaustion by sleep deprivation, to recover first from birth and mastitis. Despite the first challenging year, one day he asked me "why don't we make another baby?". I know that my husband has certainly made a special effort to help me and that you can not ask all the fathers to behave this way, but sometime, just one night a week, the father could offer to change the baby or make him fall asleep again, to allow you to sleep 4 hours in a row instead of 2 at a time .. sometimes just a small gesture is enough to make the mothers understand that even the father is making his best and that after all it is a team work!
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Because of sleep? Goodness you can sleep all day with a baby if you have maternity leave. They do nothing but sleep. They don't even make mess.
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Thats one of the main reasons why I wont have kids. I know that at the end it will come to me giving up my carreer and free time to take care of the baby... If my partner wont even clean or do the laundry he cant convince me that he will changhe diapers, wake up at night, do homework, make dinners...
Why do you imply that this is the way it must be? I truly believe that in a partnership you can find a fair share of duties, whatever that individually might be. A baby changes the life a lot, but it can actually change the life a lot for good. Having much less time for yourself, having many more duties and responsibilities, yet be happier than ever? Yes, that IS possible.
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Another reason why I have not and will not ever have children.
Teaching full time (exhausting) to support the family while mom breastfeeds... Let the provider sleep. I think she is just venting.
that venting is enough for a divorce case. He's not her f*****g feelings-based punching bag.
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So you write one line about how wonderful your partner is and next you write more than 30 lines to totally destroy said partner. I get it. It's funny when you destroy your partner on social media. Outstanding move...
If you're a breastfeeding mum this is quite often what it feels like. My OH always did their fair share but sigh *useless nipples* . It's all temporary though, most babies start sleeping through night at about 6/7 months old. It feels like a lifetime in the moment but it's a short time over your kids childhood.
well, maybe you should NOT do a deal that you WILL do the night work, that you CONSENTED to, and then p**s on your partner because he's adhering to said deal?
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I honestly think she could've handled it in a better way. After all, she was on leave and the dad did have work... so I mean... he'd be passing out on the floor at work if he was the one having to do all this.
Well... I said my terms and conditions. My wife said her terms and conditions. We are cool.
Boobs work while you are asleep to. So the father can place the baby in position while the mother continues to sleep, if the child refuses to take the bottle. Hope to see you soon in this modern and gender equal world, you just need to open your mind to new possibilities instead of complaining about things you actually can change. Or are you one of those people that wants to complain?
My twins were born prematurely and it was tough for the first 6 months. My husband was a dentist and had to basically cut people's faces open for a living. We definitely had an agreement that he sleepy thru the night when he had to work. I fully understood and yet resented the sleep he got while I dealt with the twins every 2 hours... Thankfully I had help, but I still could easily have written thatn poem!
This is so unnecessary. She stays at home. He probably works hard. He needs a rest too, so his work performance wouldn't suffer. He is supporting family as well?
She is an absolute PSYCHO. Feel bad for the guy. This is not going to end well.
uff putting online in public is the worst thing she could do. I think this would be funny between them and family/friends. When it becomes famous on the internet, thats when your hubby will get enough rocks thrown at him to build a castle!
When my daughter was born she never ever slept at night or at all. My husband could sleep through the night and not hear our daughter. He did shift work 4 on 4 off. I was starting to go insane with the lack of sleep. So I made a deal with the hubby. I would sort out all night and when he was off work come 6am if she woke it was his turn and I would sleep in till 11 or 12 in the afternoon. Worked for us as I got my sleep and house got clean haha. When our son was born he was sleeping through the night from 8 weeks old so that was great. Might add daughter didn’t sleep through till she was 4 years old
What if the wife is a light sleeper and the husband is a sound sleeper. She is going to jump up first no matter what the well intentions of the father may be.
It goes both ways though, doesn't it? I think this trend of over-sharing is a bit unhealthy, and its really not any kind of revelation that women are the primary caregivers and nurturers of offspring. I think the pitfall is that it could be viewed as resentful and ungracious to complain about the times when its your sacrifices Because both partners make sacrifices, just different kinds. For example, fathers bear most of the burden of financially supporting the family, often without any contribution at all from the wife, which is not just stressful for 6 hours during the night but 24/7 until she goes back to work. Should men be writing poems about the stresses of being the only breadwinner in a relationship? And I wonder if they did, would the poem get the same reception and response as this one, or would it be a bunch of people saying "Well that's your job!" And if so, then same thing here - that's her job. She's the mom, its her role, because the father's role is to earn.
My husband changed nappies.......until we left hospital. After that, our daughter's needs were all mine. He's continued that attitude and now she is my best friend and tells me all sorts of stuff she'd never mention to a non-intimate (ie her father).
He's sleeping because he has to get up in the morning to go to work to pay for to pay for food, power and other things for the family you thoughtless, inconsiderate b***h. On the other hand, maybe it's a Sunday morning and he should wake up at 4 a.m on his day off and cheer you on as you feed the kid. What a f*****g moron.
a husband doesnt have to "help". he has to share. its his baby 50%. if he doesnt realise that and tries to go back to sleep, a good hit with an elbow will do the trick.
cant believe how mothers today act like raising a child is something out of a horror film. I raised 2 daughters and a fully handi-capped son- it is just what you do. you are the ones that make it hard. and whine and complain .when it should be a natural thing. for women. my mother raised 15 of us and didnt complain that dad did not get up and help. most men dont do well with a crying one month old in the middle of the night-why do you think there is so much baby shaking. you convince your self that he does such a wonderful job with the baby to all the other mothers. so let me tell you he only pretends in front of you to keep the peace it is your job you had the baby and he can help when the baby gets a little older or you will have a man that does not want to walk through that front door-wake up and do your job .
50-50 in this household. When our son was born i worked sales with early start times and couldn't always get up for every feeding. Whenever I could you better believe i'd be helping change the diapers after she fed him, or once we started formula I would let her sleep on weekends and i'd take all the 1/3/5am feedings.
I had no help with night feedings, not a problem for me, however it's a good idea to have a plan before baby arrives !!!
we had 3 kids. for the last two we had a aggrement. she take the night and i get the rest. for the first baby when i took the night shift i get really mean, angry and aggressive when i got woke up by the baby during the night so it was probably not the best thing for the baby to got me around in that state of mind. it's Always depend of the people.
Or you could have worked on your anger and aggression. These things are controllable you know - that's just a cop out.
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After years of trying than fertility drugs when my son was born I never felt anything while my husband slept and I nursed. I loved every second of every night with all 3 of my children. I had babies that would nurse, get a diaper change and go back to sleep for 4 hours.Dad helped with everything during the day and evening when he wasn't at work.
Helped? You are not helping when you are taking your responsibility. Women need to stop saying that men help around the house etc.
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There's a way to solved this...pump the breast milk, put it in bottles, then carefully place your foot on Daddy's backside and shove him out the bed at 2am when it's time to feed the baby. No reason he can't do his part..
What about those woman still cuddling in bed while waiting for the father to return the baby in fresh diapers? I understand that it might not be common, but fathers who take responsibility exist!
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Then stop being a handful and help. Seriously, if you are that concerned about mothers help yours more.
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Men DO, however, have these things called "hands" that do a pretty good job of holding up a substitute "tit", commonly referred to as a "bottle". THAT is "what she is complaining about".
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Another of these pseudo-lovely public shaming of a pouse. If you really believe publicly criticising your loved-one is a good thing to do, spare us the photos that show the alleged love. If you cannot solve this issue between the two of you, or maybe with the help of close friends or family, you have a major issue anyway. Being told to the whole world how s****y you are on Twitter will surely not get you into the mood to change something for good. And besides, what you are going through has been faced by any parent in the history of mankind. Talking to each other and actively searching for solutions is the way out. And it might be as easy as having the man sleep next to the crib instead of the mother. (Of course, it can be much harder, too.)
Exactly my thoughts. Absolutely unnecessary shaming after agreeing on a deal stating he can sleep and she'll care for the child at night.
Load More Replies... Childfree and single. F**k wasting my time on stupid s**t like this. Relationships take too much work and human beings aren't worth it. Especially I.
Load More Replies... so the Mom has a long maternity leave, the Dad has to go to work in the mornings and they also had a deal that she would be the one getting up, but sure lets blame all the dads
It was done jokingly and loveingly not meant serious if you read the whole article
Load More Replies... Classy passive-aggressive jerk outing her husband on social media with pictures as an added bonus. There are better ways to handle these situations.
Very passive aggressive. She makes a fair deal with her husband (she is on leave, he teaches 10 hour days, thus she takes night shift by mutual agreement) - and then she stabs him in the back on social media. I'd be pissed if I was him.
This narrative of women complaining about having to look after their own children is getting boring. You don't want to breast feed in the middle of the night then don't have kids it's that simple. If a guy pressures you into it then be strong and say no, it's more often women deciding they want kids not the other way round anyway. Just stop complaining about the choices you made.
Absolutely. It's very well known that sleep will be seriously fragmented and you will feel like a zombie at times. It ends.
Load More Replies... Subject matter aside, it doesn't scan well. I find it hard to read and get the metre right. I know she wrote it at 4am but could have given it a bit of attention before sharing it. Makes me think she can't be that tired if she's writing poetry anyway. This is also a plan they both agreed in advance so why show resentment to all and sundry?
I thought the same about the metre - awkward in places.
Load More Replies... As he said he has work to go to and to earn money to support his family.. So why he can't sleep? It would be the same way if she would work and he would be stay at home dad.. Why both of them need to be super tired and sleep deprived.. Of course the would be the moments when he will have to step in and help. But I'm tired of all that "Oh he is not waking up at 2 am to change diapers or he sleeps while I need to wake up 5 times to feed the baby". He does his part too, earning money to make sure his family has all it needs..
When my first child was born my husband helped me every night, I woke up to breastfeed and sometimes it was him to feed the baby with my milk obtained with the breast pump .. most of the time it was him to change the diaper before to put him in the crib. During all this time he continued to work while I was on maternity leave. Helping me in this way has helped me not to fall into postpartum depression and above all a exhaustion by sleep deprivation, to recover first from birth and mastitis. Despite the first challenging year, one day he asked me "why don't we make another baby?". I know that my husband has certainly made a special effort to help me and that you can not ask all the fathers to behave this way, but sometime, just one night a week, the father could offer to change the baby or make him fall asleep again, to allow you to sleep 4 hours in a row instead of 2 at a time .. sometimes just a small gesture is enough to make the mothers understand that even the father is making his best and that after all it is a team work!
Load More Replies... Because of sleep? Goodness you can sleep all day with a baby if you have maternity leave. They do nothing but sleep. They don't even make mess.
Load More Replies... Thats one of the main reasons why I wont have kids. I know that at the end it will come to me giving up my carreer and free time to take care of the baby... If my partner wont even clean or do the laundry he cant convince me that he will changhe diapers, wake up at night, do homework, make dinners...
Why do you imply that this is the way it must be? I truly believe that in a partnership you can find a fair share of duties, whatever that individually might be. A baby changes the life a lot, but it can actually change the life a lot for good. Having much less time for yourself, having many more duties and responsibilities, yet be happier than ever? Yes, that IS possible.
Load More Replies... Another reason why I have not and will not ever have children.
Teaching full time (exhausting) to support the family while mom breastfeeds... Let the provider sleep. I think she is just venting.
that venting is enough for a divorce case. He's not her f*****g feelings-based punching bag.
Load More Replies... So you write one line about how wonderful your partner is and next you write more than 30 lines to totally destroy said partner. I get it. It's funny when you destroy your partner on social media. Outstanding move...
If you're a breastfeeding mum this is quite often what it feels like. My OH always did their fair share but sigh *useless nipples* . It's all temporary though, most babies start sleeping through night at about 6/7 months old. It feels like a lifetime in the moment but it's a short time over your kids childhood.
well, maybe you should NOT do a deal that you WILL do the night work, that you CONSENTED to, and then p**s on your partner because he's adhering to said deal?
Load More Replies... I honestly think she could've handled it in a better way. After all, she was on leave and the dad did have work... so I mean... he'd be passing out on the floor at work if he was the one having to do all this.
Well... I said my terms and conditions. My wife said her terms and conditions. We are cool.
Boobs work while you are asleep to. So the father can place the baby in position while the mother continues to sleep, if the child refuses to take the bottle. Hope to see you soon in this modern and gender equal world, you just need to open your mind to new possibilities instead of complaining about things you actually can change. Or are you one of those people that wants to complain?
My twins were born prematurely and it was tough for the first 6 months. My husband was a dentist and had to basically cut people's faces open for a living. We definitely had an agreement that he sleepy thru the night when he had to work. I fully understood and yet resented the sleep he got while I dealt with the twins every 2 hours... Thankfully I had help, but I still could easily have written thatn poem!
This is so unnecessary. She stays at home. He probably works hard. He needs a rest too, so his work performance wouldn't suffer. He is supporting family as well?
She is an absolute PSYCHO. Feel bad for the guy. This is not going to end well.
uff putting online in public is the worst thing she could do. I think this would be funny between them and family/friends. When it becomes famous on the internet, thats when your hubby will get enough rocks thrown at him to build a castle!
When my daughter was born she never ever slept at night or at all. My husband could sleep through the night and not hear our daughter. He did shift work 4 on 4 off. I was starting to go insane with the lack of sleep. So I made a deal with the hubby. I would sort out all night and when he was off work come 6am if she woke it was his turn and I would sleep in till 11 or 12 in the afternoon. Worked for us as I got my sleep and house got clean haha. When our son was born he was sleeping through the night from 8 weeks old so that was great. Might add daughter didn’t sleep through till she was 4 years old
What if the wife is a light sleeper and the husband is a sound sleeper. She is going to jump up first no matter what the well intentions of the father may be.
It goes both ways though, doesn't it? I think this trend of over-sharing is a bit unhealthy, and its really not any kind of revelation that women are the primary caregivers and nurturers of offspring. I think the pitfall is that it could be viewed as resentful and ungracious to complain about the times when its your sacrifices Because both partners make sacrifices, just different kinds. For example, fathers bear most of the burden of financially supporting the family, often without any contribution at all from the wife, which is not just stressful for 6 hours during the night but 24/7 until she goes back to work. Should men be writing poems about the stresses of being the only breadwinner in a relationship? And I wonder if they did, would the poem get the same reception and response as this one, or would it be a bunch of people saying "Well that's your job!" And if so, then same thing here - that's her job. She's the mom, its her role, because the father's role is to earn.
My husband changed nappies.......until we left hospital. After that, our daughter's needs were all mine. He's continued that attitude and now she is my best friend and tells me all sorts of stuff she'd never mention to a non-intimate (ie her father).
He's sleeping because he has to get up in the morning to go to work to pay for to pay for food, power and other things for the family you thoughtless, inconsiderate b***h. On the other hand, maybe it's a Sunday morning and he should wake up at 4 a.m on his day off and cheer you on as you feed the kid. What a f*****g moron.
a husband doesnt have to "help". he has to share. its his baby 50%. if he doesnt realise that and tries to go back to sleep, a good hit with an elbow will do the trick.
cant believe how mothers today act like raising a child is something out of a horror film. I raised 2 daughters and a fully handi-capped son- it is just what you do. you are the ones that make it hard. and whine and complain .when it should be a natural thing. for women. my mother raised 15 of us and didnt complain that dad did not get up and help. most men dont do well with a crying one month old in the middle of the night-why do you think there is so much baby shaking. you convince your self that he does such a wonderful job with the baby to all the other mothers. so let me tell you he only pretends in front of you to keep the peace it is your job you had the baby and he can help when the baby gets a little older or you will have a man that does not want to walk through that front door-wake up and do your job .
50-50 in this household. When our son was born i worked sales with early start times and couldn't always get up for every feeding. Whenever I could you better believe i'd be helping change the diapers after she fed him, or once we started formula I would let her sleep on weekends and i'd take all the 1/3/5am feedings.
I had no help with night feedings, not a problem for me, however it's a good idea to have a plan before baby arrives !!!
we had 3 kids. for the last two we had a aggrement. she take the night and i get the rest. for the first baby when i took the night shift i get really mean, angry and aggressive when i got woke up by the baby during the night so it was probably not the best thing for the baby to got me around in that state of mind. it's Always depend of the people.
Or you could have worked on your anger and aggression. These things are controllable you know - that's just a cop out.
Load More Replies... After years of trying than fertility drugs when my son was born I never felt anything while my husband slept and I nursed. I loved every second of every night with all 3 of my children. I had babies that would nurse, get a diaper change and go back to sleep for 4 hours.Dad helped with everything during the day and evening when he wasn't at work.
Helped? You are not helping when you are taking your responsibility. Women need to stop saying that men help around the house etc.
Load More Replies... There's a way to solved this...pump the breast milk, put it in bottles, then carefully place your foot on Daddy's backside and shove him out the bed at 2am when it's time to feed the baby. No reason he can't do his part..
What about those woman still cuddling in bed while waiting for the father to return the baby in fresh diapers? I understand that it might not be common, but fathers who take responsibility exist!
Load More Replies... Then stop being a handful and help. Seriously, if you are that concerned about mothers help yours more.
Load More Replies... Men DO, however, have these things called "hands" that do a pretty good job of holding up a substitute "tit", commonly referred to as a "bottle". THAT is "what she is complaining about".
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