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Mom-Of-Three Confesses She Feels Like She’s Wasted Her Education, And Her Honest Letter Goes Viral
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Mom-Of-Three Confesses She Feels Like She’s Wasted Her Education, And Her Honest Letter Goes Viral

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A few years ago, Kate Swenson started a blog called Finding Cooper’s Voice to talk about her son’s autism. At first, she poured her heart out daily for just a couple of readers. Kate’s sole purpose was talking about her emotions. Over time, however, more and more people started noticing her sincere texts. Now, the mom has over 560,000 followers on Facebook alone.

If you take a look at any of her uploads, you’ll instantly understand why Kate’s blog is doing so well. She perfectly captures not only her own feelings but the reality of being a parent in general. Few can externalize such complex inner experiences as clear as she does. And this entry is no exception. Titled I Never Knew Being A Mother Would Be So Hard For You, it delves deep into trying to understand what it’s like to be a mom.

More info: findingcoopersvoice.comFacebook | Instagram

Image credits: Finding Cooper’s Voice

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Image credits: Finding Cooper’s Voice

Image credits: Finding Cooper’s Voice

Image credits: Finding Cooper’s Voice

“For me, I am a pretty laid back mom so when I get stressed… it’s really stressful,” Kate told Bored Panda. “Sick kids, deadlines at work and never-ending laundry will do that to a person. I don’t typically have prolonged periods of stress. I would more say they come and go.”

She believes that there are hard moments and even hard days and weeks. But the hard won’t last forever. “So, when I am struggling, I remind myself that this too shall pass. I also really focus on finding joy whenever I can. Meaning, on my hardest days, my nonverbal son may try to say a word or my 7-year-old may score a goal in hockey. I try to focus on those parts. Find the joy in the hard.”

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Image credits: Finding Cooper’s Voice

At the end of the day, however, all of her struggles are worth it. “I have the best children ever, an amazing husband and a beautiful life,” Kate said. “The boys in my life make it all worthwhile. I know that for a fact. I am a very blessed mom. But as I’ve aged, I’ve learned that saying it’s hard sometimes helps. Admitting to being overwhelmed does, too. It doesn’t make me weak. It makes me real. In fact, I think it makes me a better mom!”

Parents couldn’t agree with Kate more

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aftereight1234 avatar
Clavelle
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's no wonder she feels this way. With three boys of different ages (one with special needs) a job, and no time for a hobby or night out with the girls? I think being happy living that way would be abnormal. I do agree she may suffer from depression brought on by stress. Talking about what she is going through is important. I hope her husband is supporting her through this. I'm glad she opened up about how she feels; it's a step in the right direction.

straney-elizabeth avatar
E Menendez
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The real problem is that women are still expected in this day and age to take on the majority of the burden of child rearing. I work in a male dominated profession and seeing them with three kids is way different from the women I work with.

Load More Replies...
sdmiles1986 avatar
Mommyofboth
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This made me sad. I understand where she is coming from, but I had postpartum depression. Once I had some therapy and got my medication worked out, I finally started enjoying my life. It sounds like she needs to make a plan with either family, friends, or husband and get at least a couple hours a week to herself just to recoup. A little self-care goes a long way and will make her happier and enjoy her children more.

rhodaguirreparras avatar
Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She either overestimated her stamina and her ability to juggle or she was just too naïve to realise motherhood can be tough. Either way, she should be seeking professional help rather than the FB or IG instant and meaningless sympathy. Or that's precisely what she's in for.

adamserot avatar
Frankenfrog
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am going to get blasted for this, and I don't care. I have a hard time feeling sorry for anyone who pit themselves in their s****y situation. No one forced you to keep having children after you found out your son is severely autistic. I understand it's not easy being a parent, but no one is forcing these children on you.

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think you deserve to get downvoted because everything you are saying is true. I don't understand these people who have multiple children and then complain about how hard it is. Instead of complaining on social media why don't they try to get some sort of psychological help?

Load More Replies...
lesburleson avatar
Leslie Burleson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've got three autistic children , the oldest is 23 . My husband was initially in the Navy, but after two deployments we realized we couldn't keep with that lifestyle. My husband is a pilot , so he's gone a lot anyways , but not 6 months at a time . I have had to do so much in my own, and continue to do so since autism doesn't go away when they're adults. I've lost myself , found myself, trashed myself , berated myself and hated myself . This autism life isn't for the weak . I use humor to help with the stress. Sometimes if you don't laugh you'll cry ... I almost always choose to laugh. If I can get a good laugh in I always feel better . Fail videos are my go to de-stress tool. So much so that my autistic son has brought me my phone tuned to YouTube fail videos 🤣

nql avatar
NQ L
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew I didn't want kids since I was a kid. Friends and family members all have kids and I'm not jealous. Sometimes I feel sorry for them. I do babysit to let them have a little free time but then I get to send them all home. Lol I am a mom to my fur-babies (Aussiedoodles). I love them to pieces. No human kids for me. No regrets!!

demi_zwaan avatar
Demi Zwaan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yet here you are, with 3 kids, a job and apparently a household to take care of (I'm at a loss why your husband doesn't seem to do much). Maybe making good decisions just isn't your thing. It happens.

melloncollie avatar
MellonCollie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Glad you don't seem to recognize symptoms of depression in what this woman describes, Demi, because that means you never suffered one yourself. I'm happy for you. But let's have some compassion with an overwhelmed mom.

Load More Replies...
funkycrew avatar
Kristina Funkycrew
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If this isn't best birth control, I dunno what is. Sounds absolutely terrifying.

brandygrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cut back on the 6 year old's "very busy social schedule". Kids don't want or need to do everything. Let the baby cry for a few minutes. Make a deal with husband that after he gets home and has dinner, you get at least 30 minutes uninterrupted. He will learn to deal with the kids, you will learn to let go and have time to refill. Your kids can't survive if you are dead.

christine_paterson2012 avatar
Krystine Patterson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I realise she's living in a stressful situation...it's just that having more children adds to it. Surely two is enough these days. Especially when one is special needs...sorry I just understand, why keep having them when they add to your misery, how is having more going to make life better, make her feel better, make everything easier to cope with???

coreypichler avatar
CP
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Empathy seems to be in short supply these days. It is nice to know that there are people commenting on this thread who have never had a hardship in their life from decisions they have made or, if they did, have bottled up those feelings and refuse to acknowledge them. It is also great to hear from so many people whom have never complained about their lot in life or a choice they have made. It must be nice to sit on your high horses and cast aspersions down on those you fell better than. Life must be good for all those seemingly perfect internet commenters. Color me jealous for I am a person who have complained about dumb and smart decisions I have made in my life. I just wish I could be as carefree and blithe as you guys seem to be.

sanchorb avatar
LSR
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A condom would had been a very good investment. She chose the situation, deal with it.

catherine_gillespie avatar
Catherine Gillespie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know whether this will help or whether you can afford it. From the time my first son was six weeks old, he went to daycare two days a week. My reasoning was that most other jobs get two days off, so I should too. I usually spent one day catching up on the boring stuff, but the other day was all mine. Those two days made a world of difference.

chuyueling avatar
Chu Yue Ling
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It strikes me that the loss of her looks is a major deal for her...please bear with me whilst I play my teeny tiny violin 🙄

delphinum4 avatar
Zophra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was your choice. You did not have to have more children.

lindsay4410 avatar
Lindsay J
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My biggest issue is where she says she's devoted her life to the humans around her. Why? I think this is the basis of the issue, this idea that as a mother you need to give up who you are for your children/home/husband. I think her goals of a more stable life is a very very good goal.

nicolacolohan6175 avatar
Unicornstar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God I'm glad I never had kids. Just doggies. They're the best.

louisholler avatar
Louis Holler
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An education is never wasted if it's passed on....It seems to me that she's passing it on.

nelsontucker avatar
nelson tucker
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hello viewers, i am nelson and about to share my testimony here, my mother introduced me to Great Baba Ogbogo when she discovered i couldn't get my wife pregnant after 3 years of our marriage. So, these brought so much trouble into my marriage and led to a divorce. she said, he is Highly spiritual and can make my wife return back to me in joy and we can have children together. At first, i doubted not until i contacted him and then cast mighty spells on me and made my wife return. And now, we are also happy with lovely children, right from the day Great BaBa Ogbogo worked for me and solved my problems. I made a strong vow that as long as i live, i will continue to testify to the goodness of his great works, and to those out there facing relationship and marital difficulties should quickly contact him and become a happy testifier like me. I drop his contact here,  Email:  greatbabaogbogotemple@gmail.com, or his WhatsApp number. +447440557868... He made my ex wife return to me in joy

cjucz22 avatar
Christina Uhlir
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know what to think or say; maybe people should not have many children? Or it's not that unusual?

numinosa avatar
Ottmar Straub
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman has a massively deep father-wound - to feel lost and not knowing why we exist and who we really are is part of the absence of male wisdom which is so wide-spread that most people have no idea

ash2lar avatar
Christine M Quigley
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do you have any family nearby? Or really good friends that would be willing to give you a break? Learn not to spread yourself too thin! Delegate! Say NO when you have to, and don't feel guilty! Self care is not selfish- if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else.

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my worst nightmare, I'm thankful every day I chose not to have kids.

qfaloon avatar
Rubee Tubesteak
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Nonstop busy yet bored all the time". That is exactly the feeling I have been trying to put into words. Thank you for sharing this. It's hard. So, so, SO hard. I hope you find yourself again.

katherinedunn avatar
Artahmiss
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where the f**k is her husband in all of this? Here we are 2020 and the expectations of women are still robbing us of living, as they always have.

everydaydroid avatar
Avery Day
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

"in the end it's all oworth it" - right keep telling yourself that lie and who knows, it might end up true (says someone who has seen other people's kids come out of prison and pester parents for money)

aftereight1234 avatar
Clavelle
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's no wonder she feels this way. With three boys of different ages (one with special needs) a job, and no time for a hobby or night out with the girls? I think being happy living that way would be abnormal. I do agree she may suffer from depression brought on by stress. Talking about what she is going through is important. I hope her husband is supporting her through this. I'm glad she opened up about how she feels; it's a step in the right direction.

straney-elizabeth avatar
E Menendez
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The real problem is that women are still expected in this day and age to take on the majority of the burden of child rearing. I work in a male dominated profession and seeing them with three kids is way different from the women I work with.

Load More Replies...
sdmiles1986 avatar
Mommyofboth
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This made me sad. I understand where she is coming from, but I had postpartum depression. Once I had some therapy and got my medication worked out, I finally started enjoying my life. It sounds like she needs to make a plan with either family, friends, or husband and get at least a couple hours a week to herself just to recoup. A little self-care goes a long way and will make her happier and enjoy her children more.

rhodaguirreparras avatar
Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She either overestimated her stamina and her ability to juggle or she was just too naïve to realise motherhood can be tough. Either way, she should be seeking professional help rather than the FB or IG instant and meaningless sympathy. Or that's precisely what she's in for.

adamserot avatar
Frankenfrog
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am going to get blasted for this, and I don't care. I have a hard time feeling sorry for anyone who pit themselves in their s****y situation. No one forced you to keep having children after you found out your son is severely autistic. I understand it's not easy being a parent, but no one is forcing these children on you.

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think you deserve to get downvoted because everything you are saying is true. I don't understand these people who have multiple children and then complain about how hard it is. Instead of complaining on social media why don't they try to get some sort of psychological help?

Load More Replies...
lesburleson avatar
Leslie Burleson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've got three autistic children , the oldest is 23 . My husband was initially in the Navy, but after two deployments we realized we couldn't keep with that lifestyle. My husband is a pilot , so he's gone a lot anyways , but not 6 months at a time . I have had to do so much in my own, and continue to do so since autism doesn't go away when they're adults. I've lost myself , found myself, trashed myself , berated myself and hated myself . This autism life isn't for the weak . I use humor to help with the stress. Sometimes if you don't laugh you'll cry ... I almost always choose to laugh. If I can get a good laugh in I always feel better . Fail videos are my go to de-stress tool. So much so that my autistic son has brought me my phone tuned to YouTube fail videos 🤣

nql avatar
NQ L
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I knew I didn't want kids since I was a kid. Friends and family members all have kids and I'm not jealous. Sometimes I feel sorry for them. I do babysit to let them have a little free time but then I get to send them all home. Lol I am a mom to my fur-babies (Aussiedoodles). I love them to pieces. No human kids for me. No regrets!!

demi_zwaan avatar
Demi Zwaan
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yet here you are, with 3 kids, a job and apparently a household to take care of (I'm at a loss why your husband doesn't seem to do much). Maybe making good decisions just isn't your thing. It happens.

melloncollie avatar
MellonCollie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Glad you don't seem to recognize symptoms of depression in what this woman describes, Demi, because that means you never suffered one yourself. I'm happy for you. But let's have some compassion with an overwhelmed mom.

Load More Replies...
funkycrew avatar
Kristina Funkycrew
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If this isn't best birth control, I dunno what is. Sounds absolutely terrifying.

brandygrote avatar
Brandy Grote
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cut back on the 6 year old's "very busy social schedule". Kids don't want or need to do everything. Let the baby cry for a few minutes. Make a deal with husband that after he gets home and has dinner, you get at least 30 minutes uninterrupted. He will learn to deal with the kids, you will learn to let go and have time to refill. Your kids can't survive if you are dead.

christine_paterson2012 avatar
Krystine Patterson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I realise she's living in a stressful situation...it's just that having more children adds to it. Surely two is enough these days. Especially when one is special needs...sorry I just understand, why keep having them when they add to your misery, how is having more going to make life better, make her feel better, make everything easier to cope with???

coreypichler avatar
CP
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Empathy seems to be in short supply these days. It is nice to know that there are people commenting on this thread who have never had a hardship in their life from decisions they have made or, if they did, have bottled up those feelings and refuse to acknowledge them. It is also great to hear from so many people whom have never complained about their lot in life or a choice they have made. It must be nice to sit on your high horses and cast aspersions down on those you fell better than. Life must be good for all those seemingly perfect internet commenters. Color me jealous for I am a person who have complained about dumb and smart decisions I have made in my life. I just wish I could be as carefree and blithe as you guys seem to be.

sanchorb avatar
LSR
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A condom would had been a very good investment. She chose the situation, deal with it.

catherine_gillespie avatar
Catherine Gillespie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know whether this will help or whether you can afford it. From the time my first son was six weeks old, he went to daycare two days a week. My reasoning was that most other jobs get two days off, so I should too. I usually spent one day catching up on the boring stuff, but the other day was all mine. Those two days made a world of difference.

chuyueling avatar
Chu Yue Ling
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It strikes me that the loss of her looks is a major deal for her...please bear with me whilst I play my teeny tiny violin 🙄

delphinum4 avatar
Zophra
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This was your choice. You did not have to have more children.

lindsay4410 avatar
Lindsay J
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My biggest issue is where she says she's devoted her life to the humans around her. Why? I think this is the basis of the issue, this idea that as a mother you need to give up who you are for your children/home/husband. I think her goals of a more stable life is a very very good goal.

nicolacolohan6175 avatar
Unicornstar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God I'm glad I never had kids. Just doggies. They're the best.

louisholler avatar
Louis Holler
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An education is never wasted if it's passed on....It seems to me that she's passing it on.

nelsontucker avatar
nelson tucker
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hello viewers, i am nelson and about to share my testimony here, my mother introduced me to Great Baba Ogbogo when she discovered i couldn't get my wife pregnant after 3 years of our marriage. So, these brought so much trouble into my marriage and led to a divorce. she said, he is Highly spiritual and can make my wife return back to me in joy and we can have children together. At first, i doubted not until i contacted him and then cast mighty spells on me and made my wife return. And now, we are also happy with lovely children, right from the day Great BaBa Ogbogo worked for me and solved my problems. I made a strong vow that as long as i live, i will continue to testify to the goodness of his great works, and to those out there facing relationship and marital difficulties should quickly contact him and become a happy testifier like me. I drop his contact here,  Email:  greatbabaogbogotemple@gmail.com, or his WhatsApp number. +447440557868... He made my ex wife return to me in joy

cjucz22 avatar
Christina Uhlir
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know what to think or say; maybe people should not have many children? Or it's not that unusual?

numinosa avatar
Ottmar Straub
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman has a massively deep father-wound - to feel lost and not knowing why we exist and who we really are is part of the absence of male wisdom which is so wide-spread that most people have no idea

ash2lar avatar
Christine M Quigley
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do you have any family nearby? Or really good friends that would be willing to give you a break? Learn not to spread yourself too thin! Delegate! Say NO when you have to, and don't feel guilty! Self care is not selfish- if you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else.

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my worst nightmare, I'm thankful every day I chose not to have kids.

qfaloon avatar
Rubee Tubesteak
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Nonstop busy yet bored all the time". That is exactly the feeling I have been trying to put into words. Thank you for sharing this. It's hard. So, so, SO hard. I hope you find yourself again.

katherinedunn avatar
Artahmiss
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Where the f**k is her husband in all of this? Here we are 2020 and the expectations of women are still robbing us of living, as they always have.

everydaydroid avatar
Avery Day
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

"in the end it's all oworth it" - right keep telling yourself that lie and who knows, it might end up true (says someone who has seen other people's kids come out of prison and pester parents for money)

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