Mom’s List Of “Don’ts” For Her Daughter Is Going Viral, And Everyone Must Read It
One mom is inspiring parents across the internet with this powerful letter that she wrote to her five-year-old daughter.
“Don’t apologize when someone else bumps into you,” reads the letter, written by Portland-based blogger Toni Hammer who recently posted it on Facebook. “Don’t say ‘sorry to be such a pain.’ You’re not a pain. You’re a person with thoughts and feelings who deserves respect. Don’t make up reasons as to why you can’t go out with a guy you don’t wanna go out with. You don’t owe anyone an explanation.”
The letter goes on to list various things that her daughter shouldn’t do, but instead of being restrictive, the purpose of the letter is to empower her daughter. “I want to raise a daughter who is as confident as she is kind, who fights for those who can’t fight for themselves, who isn’t afraid to speak her mind and work hard to make the world a better place,” said Toni. “Someone who is a lover of justice and believes change can happen.”
Toni decided to write the letter because her daughter was starting kindergarten this year and she didn’t want her to have the same experience that she did when she was at school. “I was picked on a lot as a kid and I hate the idea of her going through what I did. I know it won’t be long before someone tries to make her feel ‘less than’ and I want her to face it with more confidence then I had at that age,” she said.
Scroll down for the full letter. What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.
One mom is inspiring parents across the internet with this powerful letter that she wrote to her daughter
“Don’t apologize for being who you are. Be brave and bold and beautiful. Be unapologetically you”
Some people were quick to agree with her letter
Other people had slightly different opinions
What do you think?
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Also known as: stand up for yourself but don't be an a*****e about it. I get where the mother is coming from though, girls in general aren't taught that, sadly
of all the comments i see for people taking issue, i feel like they are missing the point. this is about restoring your right to live your life without outside influence. nothing about what the mother said was to do an about face and be rude. its simply *stand up for yourself and don't let others push you around*
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Every day it gets harder and harder not to offend people on the internet. Overall good message. It's not perfect. Get over it.
I love her rules! I also think Lynette LaRue's is a good follow-up, because sometimes we need to meet others half-way. But in a world where women are still finding a voice, you go girl! Say no! Don't apologise if you aren't sorry or it wasn't your fault! That's something I still struggle with at 30!
It's absolutely brilliant. She must be great mother. I do hope that her daughter reads it (if she can) interprets the letter correctly and follows all those don'ts during her childhood and teenage years. She'd go far like that.
I stopped at "you deserve respect." For a kid that age, she needs to be learning that respect is EARNED, not given freely...
No, your daughter does not have a right to be heard. She has right to say what she wants, but no one is obligated to listen.
This is really advice for a person going off to college soon - good advice really. Most of these don't apply to a small child and frankly, aren't very practical.
This is something that your kids should know and be able to do with confidence LONG before they start kindergarten.
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I think it is important to teach our children that it is ok to say NO! I believe that this is the reason the generation today is the way it is. Because these kids rarely are told NO. When they are told NO... They have temper tantrums, they defy authority. There are times it is really OK to say NO! And Our children also need to be able to accept NO as a response. Instead , they flip out , they manipulate, they act applaud they've been told NO! I am all for this parents teachings. She also should teach her daughter that its ok to say NO... As well as being told NO. KUDOS MOMMA!
I'm still a teenager living with my parents (I'm starting college next year) and I have ALWAYS had a huge problem with accepting no for an answer. Whenever they told me I couldn't do something, I would do it anyways. They would "catch" me and ground me. This has happened many times throughout my childhood and they have become very strict with me as a result. It has taken me most of my teenage years to learn that you're not always going to get a "yes" and that there are going to be rules you won't agree to, responsibilities you won't want to attend to, and people you aren't going to want to bow down to. But sometimes, it's just what you have to do. And think that is what KIDS (boy, girl, trans, any of them) need to be taught in today's society.
Load More Replies...
I love this mom's advice. And no, grandma needs to get over the dress. Maybe her granddaughter is more comfortable in pants because it aligns with her budding sexuality. This mother didn't say anything about being rude AND people need to get over what is "rude". This is about not apologizing for who you are on a base level which is female; a concept we teach our daughters all the time in a million unconscious ways. And yes, there are beautiful pant sets quite suitable for a wedding.
Her letter is all good, but not very age appropriate. Is she going to be asked for a date? That's just stupid... this letter is to herself.... and reflects a bit of bitterness and anger... the examples should be geared toward what someone her age might encounter. My daughter always told her kids to say "NO thank you" to being pushed or yelled at, mistreated in some way or whatever... very clear... and can be said sweetly or forcefully... giver her concrete tools not adult concepts!!!
I think the people complaining about rudeness are missing the point. She's not teaching her daughter to be rude, she's teaching her to have a backbone.
Isn't it a bit too soon so impose all this on a five year old? For goodness sake, let the child learn a little about life first.
I don't see much of that from women .... well maybe the dress, it seems to me wearing a dress is a hassle, it affects sitting, running, and pockets are a good thing. The rest is bull. I think being a woman is a plus. Stop the whining and enjoy your unique power.
A lot of this advice sounds good in theory until you realize that it's selfishness at its core.
I not seeing any advice for self-improvement and this is essential to teach. Everyone has good and bad sides. Sometimes the bad sides are more and self-discipline is the only way to control them and not let them to evolve into something that might harm others of oneself. It that matter eating uncontrollably is not a good advice at all, especially not natural things like fruits and vegetables. So I agree only partially to these parental "nos".
I really wish my mom had told me many of these things. This mother is acknowledging that sexism exists and trying to empower her daughter to fight it. She IS "telling it like it is," in a way that is age-appropriate for her daughter. And personally, I think these people who are so "bored" or "over it" just don't like thinking about sexism or feel threatened by a conversation about it.
For the love of fruitcake, don't apologize when someone bumps into you. They'll think you're a Canadian and no one can stand Canadians.
One of life's most important lessons is missing, "Be kind to others."
One of the most brilliant things I've ever read. All parents should read it
Words are fine, I suppose. They learn more from watching you, the parent and that can be a heavy load when you are feeling less than cordial. Why on earth is this even a discussion? Behave well, speak well and if it matters not then nothing is lost but if does matter there is everything to be gained. People rarely regret good behavior however, later regrets are just that...too late for a re-do. if it doesn't matter then no worries. If, down the road it does matter then again you did the right thing. Hard to take back rude or cruel.
I'd like to talk to the mom's parents.....all of this is common sense among civilized ppl......
It's funny that she has all this 'be strong, be yourself' advice for her child, yet when the child is dealing with family members, the rules change. The rule is: basically put up with any and all s**t from your family, because they're family. I think it's time for THAT rule to change!
This is so cute <3 I think we all need to be reminded of these don'ts sometime in life!
My biggest question here always is: If I want to address my 6 years old with some piece or original wisdom (which this ain't), would I post it on Facebook for the world to judge? Or will I write a handwritten note to her so she might keep that note pinned to her REAL wall at home if she likes? I mean... this is most likely a copy-paste from some other source. The phrase "and the internet went viral about it" is damaging our minds more than Donald F. Trump's presidential campaign.
"Everyone must read it"? I didn't read it on purpose to prove your statement wrong. Deal with it.
Mom, when I see some fat people, can I be honest & call them fat? ...No, you can't be honest, and only say...Plus size instead.
Why are you discussing others' appearance? Rude is rude.
Load More Replies...
It sounded like she was correcting her own mistakes. I think it wouldn't have sounded so demanding if she'd incorporated Lynette LaRue Donnelly's comment into the letter. It wasn't quite as demanding.
Also known as: stand up for yourself but don't be an a*****e about it. I get where the mother is coming from though, girls in general aren't taught that, sadly
of all the comments i see for people taking issue, i feel like they are missing the point. this is about restoring your right to live your life without outside influence. nothing about what the mother said was to do an about face and be rude. its simply *stand up for yourself and don't let others push you around*
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Load More Replies... Every day it gets harder and harder not to offend people on the internet. Overall good message. It's not perfect. Get over it.
I love her rules! I also think Lynette LaRue's is a good follow-up, because sometimes we need to meet others half-way. But in a world where women are still finding a voice, you go girl! Say no! Don't apologise if you aren't sorry or it wasn't your fault! That's something I still struggle with at 30!
It's absolutely brilliant. She must be great mother. I do hope that her daughter reads it (if she can) interprets the letter correctly and follows all those don'ts during her childhood and teenage years. She'd go far like that.
I stopped at "you deserve respect." For a kid that age, she needs to be learning that respect is EARNED, not given freely...
No, your daughter does not have a right to be heard. She has right to say what she wants, but no one is obligated to listen.
This is really advice for a person going off to college soon - good advice really. Most of these don't apply to a small child and frankly, aren't very practical.
This is something that your kids should know and be able to do with confidence LONG before they start kindergarten.
Load More Replies... I think it is important to teach our children that it is ok to say NO! I believe that this is the reason the generation today is the way it is. Because these kids rarely are told NO. When they are told NO... They have temper tantrums, they defy authority. There are times it is really OK to say NO! And Our children also need to be able to accept NO as a response. Instead , they flip out , they manipulate, they act applaud they've been told NO! I am all for this parents teachings. She also should teach her daughter that its ok to say NO... As well as being told NO. KUDOS MOMMA!
I'm still a teenager living with my parents (I'm starting college next year) and I have ALWAYS had a huge problem with accepting no for an answer. Whenever they told me I couldn't do something, I would do it anyways. They would "catch" me and ground me. This has happened many times throughout my childhood and they have become very strict with me as a result. It has taken me most of my teenage years to learn that you're not always going to get a "yes" and that there are going to be rules you won't agree to, responsibilities you won't want to attend to, and people you aren't going to want to bow down to. But sometimes, it's just what you have to do. And think that is what KIDS (boy, girl, trans, any of them) need to be taught in today's society.
Load More Replies... I love this mom's advice. And no, grandma needs to get over the dress. Maybe her granddaughter is more comfortable in pants because it aligns with her budding sexuality. This mother didn't say anything about being rude AND people need to get over what is "rude". This is about not apologizing for who you are on a base level which is female; a concept we teach our daughters all the time in a million unconscious ways. And yes, there are beautiful pant sets quite suitable for a wedding.
Her letter is all good, but not very age appropriate. Is she going to be asked for a date? That's just stupid... this letter is to herself.... and reflects a bit of bitterness and anger... the examples should be geared toward what someone her age might encounter. My daughter always told her kids to say "NO thank you" to being pushed or yelled at, mistreated in some way or whatever... very clear... and can be said sweetly or forcefully... giver her concrete tools not adult concepts!!!
I think the people complaining about rudeness are missing the point. She's not teaching her daughter to be rude, she's teaching her to have a backbone.
Isn't it a bit too soon so impose all this on a five year old? For goodness sake, let the child learn a little about life first.
I don't see much of that from women .... well maybe the dress, it seems to me wearing a dress is a hassle, it affects sitting, running, and pockets are a good thing. The rest is bull. I think being a woman is a plus. Stop the whining and enjoy your unique power.
A lot of this advice sounds good in theory until you realize that it's selfishness at its core.
I not seeing any advice for self-improvement and this is essential to teach. Everyone has good and bad sides. Sometimes the bad sides are more and self-discipline is the only way to control them and not let them to evolve into something that might harm others of oneself. It that matter eating uncontrollably is not a good advice at all, especially not natural things like fruits and vegetables. So I agree only partially to these parental "nos".
I really wish my mom had told me many of these things. This mother is acknowledging that sexism exists and trying to empower her daughter to fight it. She IS "telling it like it is," in a way that is age-appropriate for her daughter. And personally, I think these people who are so "bored" or "over it" just don't like thinking about sexism or feel threatened by a conversation about it.
For the love of fruitcake, don't apologize when someone bumps into you. They'll think you're a Canadian and no one can stand Canadians.
One of life's most important lessons is missing, "Be kind to others."
One of the most brilliant things I've ever read. All parents should read it
Words are fine, I suppose. They learn more from watching you, the parent and that can be a heavy load when you are feeling less than cordial. Why on earth is this even a discussion? Behave well, speak well and if it matters not then nothing is lost but if does matter there is everything to be gained. People rarely regret good behavior however, later regrets are just that...too late for a re-do. if it doesn't matter then no worries. If, down the road it does matter then again you did the right thing. Hard to take back rude or cruel.
I'd like to talk to the mom's parents.....all of this is common sense among civilized ppl......
It's funny that she has all this 'be strong, be yourself' advice for her child, yet when the child is dealing with family members, the rules change. The rule is: basically put up with any and all s**t from your family, because they're family. I think it's time for THAT rule to change!
This is so cute <3 I think we all need to be reminded of these don'ts sometime in life!
My biggest question here always is: If I want to address my 6 years old with some piece or original wisdom (which this ain't), would I post it on Facebook for the world to judge? Or will I write a handwritten note to her so she might keep that note pinned to her REAL wall at home if she likes? I mean... this is most likely a copy-paste from some other source. The phrase "and the internet went viral about it" is damaging our minds more than Donald F. Trump's presidential campaign.
"Everyone must read it"? I didn't read it on purpose to prove your statement wrong. Deal with it.
Mom, when I see some fat people, can I be honest & call them fat? ...No, you can't be honest, and only say...Plus size instead.
Why are you discussing others' appearance? Rude is rude.
Load More Replies... It sounded like she was correcting her own mistakes. I think it wouldn't have sounded so demanding if she'd incorporated Lynette LaRue Donnelly's comment into the letter. It wasn't quite as demanding.
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