Being a parent is hard work and while raising a child, you become a teacher, a nurse, a psychologist, and many more things in one. To properly educate a child, parents have to use every bit of experience they have in life. Of course, nobody is perfect and sometimes parents don’t have answers to all children’s questions and they don’t always know what is the best decision in a certain situation or how to handle children when they’re misbehaving.
Seems like Twitter user @DrChaeEd has it all figured out, because people are really praising her. The mother posted a thread in which she wrote down a conversation she had with her daughter. People in the comments were applauding the mother for being gentle and teaching her child calmly how to control negative emotions. It all comes down to communication and trust between parents and children and learning along the way.
More info: Twitter
This mother asked her daughter why she was unkind to her and it became a parenting lesson for all
Image credits: DrChaeEd
Dr. Chae is an educator who believes that knowledge transforms people’s lives and that it’s never too late to learn. She has coaching courses for teaching strategies and has a blog where she shares parenting tips. The parenting tips are not just theory, because Dr. Chae is also a mother and she likes to share her perspective about motherhood and conscious parenting on Twitter.
One of her Twitter threads went viral with more than 100k likes. In this thread, Dr. Chae said that her six-year-old daughter was being rude to her and she didn’t understand why. So she asked her daughter what was the matter. Since her daughter didn’t answer, she asked again, trying to explain to her child that she couldn’t make her happy if she didn’t know what was bothering her. And then the mother rephrased her question to “Why are you being unkind to me? What happened?”
Dr. Chae spoke with kindness and patience, which resulted in her daughter opening up
Image credits: DrChaeEd
Dr. Chae was encouraging her daughter to analyze her feelings and understand the roots of her behavior, which was not nice. But the child gave probably a very relatable answer to all of us: “I don’t know.” Sometimes emotions just take over and you can’t even explain why, and then comes regret of the things that were said or done.
Emotional intelligence is as important as academic education. Knowing the reasons of strong emotions can help to control them, adapt, and relieve stress. Not only that, but having emotional intelligence helps with empathizing with others, managing conflicts, and working with other people. Teaching this from a young age will help immensely, because children learn so fast even if they can define what they are learning.
Sometimes we aren’t conscious about what provokes our emotions, but to manage them, it is important to understand the reasons
Image credits: DrChaeEd
Image credits: DrChaeEd
The mother not only was helping her child to be aware of her emotions, but also confessed that she feels like that sometimes too. It’s a horrible feeling when you think that you’re alone in something you’re dealing with, so having reassurance from one of the most important figures in your life is really important. Moreover, you can ask for advice that will help solve your problem.
This time, the mother answered her daughter’s cry for help by advising her to not lash out, but to verbalize the state she is in and ask for some time to cool off until she is ready to talk. It’s really simple, but it needs to be said, because no one really knows how you are feeling and they can be not aware that they’re bothering you at that moment.
According to the mother, being the adult doesn’t mean showing your power over the child, but instead trying out a conversation like this one
Image credits: DrChaeEd
Image credits: DrChaeEd
Apparently, the child calmed down after practicing what to say when she’s feeling upset. What is more important, the mother gained her trust by not shouting or punishing her daughter, but at the same time teaching her a lesson so that the situation wouldn’t happen again.
People in the comments were impressed by this parenting and were telling her that they wished their parents would have done the same or that they’ll try to use this tactic for themselves.
Overall the thread received a positive response and people were applauding this mother for her parenting tactics
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For anyone interested, this style of parenting uses the PACE model: Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy. Well worth reading about. It's very simple and can help children to identify and regulate their emotions. It can help their parenting adults too (parents/carers/guardians/teachers).
I wish my parents had heard of that. I was a curious and precocious child, so I commonly got in trouble (mild trouble) for asking questions and knowing things that “I shouldn’t have known at my age.” I commonly had the “Because I say so” or “because I’m your mom/dad” cards played on me.
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This reminds me of one of my heroes, Mr. Rogers. He wrote a song that said: "What do I do with the mad that I feel?" You can find it on google. It's beautiful. I read it when I need a mental health break.
whatever you want to call this style, it comes down to a parent actually listening & simply being a human being trying to help 'their' little human being. many times parents are absorbed w/other things when incidents like this happen & don't stop & take the time to find out the base of an emotional/mental issue. this parent instinctively knows this. i have always claimed that my child made me a better person because of situations like this, forcing me to be more aware than reactive. even when my son hit the moody teens when i really did want to eat my offspring when his mouth would go off i would stop my reactive self by telling him he was being offensive/rude & i would give him one opportunity to think & say it in a respectful manner instead of being profane or aggressive. saved many arguments & possible dental bills when i wanted to slap the teeth out of his mouth. he's 42 now & while he still has an occasional case of diarrhea of the mouth due to temperment he knows the rule still.
My parents NEVER did this to me. One believed the resolution was in the notion of hitting your child; the other simply dismissed and treated as if I was invalid. In short, the result was nothing but punishment. Zero empathy; zero compassion.
I wish my mom did this when I was a little kid. She instead tried to take the "I am the adult" route. But in her defense, she had 3 other kids to deal with, I was bratty and irrational, and she was very stressed out. Still, I wish she thought to do this instead.
I doubt you were bratty and irrational, probably just upset and without an outlet, so you would remain upset. Hope you are more in tune with your emotions/mental state and can deal with problems better than your mom. Sending virtual hugs!
Load More Replies... I hate when parents use the parent card saying, "I am the parent so you have to do what I say". It's awful and it can ruin parent-child relationships. Good job to this mom though!!🙌🙌
My parents will keep stressing me out if I am having a panic attack or if I am in a bad mood. I really wish my parents would actually listen to me. But this story is so heartwarming.
this seems amazingly self-aware for a 6 year old, but that's fantastic. there are plenty of adults out there who can't see when they're being rude when they don't feel good.
Ah, this takes me back to a relationship I was in. The main difference was that when I'd ask what was wrong she would often answer the equivalent of, "If you don't already know from reading my mind and decoding my behavior, then you don't deserve to know or to help me." It's one reason it's a FORMER relationship.
Please read this all the way through before judging what I have to say. It sounds to me like this family might have some mental health issues. If Mommy feels that way and Daughter feels that way, there might be a connection. I don't want to diagnose in any way, and it's not something I'm saying is bad. I have mental health issues myself, and they run in my family. I hope that someone gets to tell Mommy to keep an eye on it. It might be that both Mommy and Daughter get in a bad mood sometimes, but it is something to keep an eye on.
I'm always a bit skeptical as to whether or not these types conversations actually took place
For anyone interested, this style of parenting uses the PACE model: Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy. Well worth reading about. It's very simple and can help children to identify and regulate their emotions. It can help their parenting adults too (parents/carers/guardians/teachers).
I wish my parents had heard of that. I was a curious and precocious child, so I commonly got in trouble (mild trouble) for asking questions and knowing things that “I shouldn’t have known at my age.” I commonly had the “Because I say so” or “because I’m your mom/dad” cards played on me.
Load More Replies... This reminds me of one of my heroes, Mr. Rogers. He wrote a song that said: "What do I do with the mad that I feel?" You can find it on google. It's beautiful. I read it when I need a mental health break.
whatever you want to call this style, it comes down to a parent actually listening & simply being a human being trying to help 'their' little human being. many times parents are absorbed w/other things when incidents like this happen & don't stop & take the time to find out the base of an emotional/mental issue. this parent instinctively knows this. i have always claimed that my child made me a better person because of situations like this, forcing me to be more aware than reactive. even when my son hit the moody teens when i really did want to eat my offspring when his mouth would go off i would stop my reactive self by telling him he was being offensive/rude & i would give him one opportunity to think & say it in a respectful manner instead of being profane or aggressive. saved many arguments & possible dental bills when i wanted to slap the teeth out of his mouth. he's 42 now & while he still has an occasional case of diarrhea of the mouth due to temperment he knows the rule still.
My parents NEVER did this to me. One believed the resolution was in the notion of hitting your child; the other simply dismissed and treated as if I was invalid. In short, the result was nothing but punishment. Zero empathy; zero compassion.
I wish my mom did this when I was a little kid. She instead tried to take the "I am the adult" route. But in her defense, she had 3 other kids to deal with, I was bratty and irrational, and she was very stressed out. Still, I wish she thought to do this instead.
I doubt you were bratty and irrational, probably just upset and without an outlet, so you would remain upset. Hope you are more in tune with your emotions/mental state and can deal with problems better than your mom. Sending virtual hugs!
Load More Replies... I hate when parents use the parent card saying, "I am the parent so you have to do what I say". It's awful and it can ruin parent-child relationships. Good job to this mom though!!🙌🙌
My parents will keep stressing me out if I am having a panic attack or if I am in a bad mood. I really wish my parents would actually listen to me. But this story is so heartwarming.
this seems amazingly self-aware for a 6 year old, but that's fantastic. there are plenty of adults out there who can't see when they're being rude when they don't feel good.
Ah, this takes me back to a relationship I was in. The main difference was that when I'd ask what was wrong she would often answer the equivalent of, "If you don't already know from reading my mind and decoding my behavior, then you don't deserve to know or to help me." It's one reason it's a FORMER relationship.
Please read this all the way through before judging what I have to say. It sounds to me like this family might have some mental health issues. If Mommy feels that way and Daughter feels that way, there might be a connection. I don't want to diagnose in any way, and it's not something I'm saying is bad. I have mental health issues myself, and they run in my family. I hope that someone gets to tell Mommy to keep an eye on it. It might be that both Mommy and Daughter get in a bad mood sometimes, but it is something to keep an eye on.
I'm always a bit skeptical as to whether or not these types conversations actually took place
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