Mother Asks Whether She’s In The Wrong For Removing The Door To Her Son’s Room Indefinitely, The Internet Responds
There’s probably no stronger instinct than that of a mother’s to protect her kids from harm’s way. We don’t give moms enough credit as is: the pain, the sacrifice, the unconditional love given at their own expense. You think she didn’t want that last piece of cake that she so vehemently placed on your plate just to see that smile light up your face?
But kids can be tough, especially when they feel as though they’ve figured out what life is all about. Their egos run at a higher frequency than their IQs can catch up with during the very tumultuous time of teenagehood, leading to lots of miscommunication and misunderstandings. One of those we’re about to get into today.
One mom turned to the AITA community on Reddit to ask whether she was right to remove her teenage son’s bedroom door after an altercation occurred between the two of them: she thought he was in danger, he thought she was being dramatic. The door was the casualty.
After you’ve read the story, dear Pandas, don’t forget to check out the opinions of your fellow netizens and leave your own in the comments below. Do you think she was in the wrong? Was she fully in the right? Let us know. And if you’re craving more stories like this, you can check this one right here. Now let’s get into it!
More info: Reddit
A mom’s instinct to protect her children is an unmatched force, sometimes strong enough to break through locked doors, just to ensure her kids are okay
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Looking back at our teenage years, it’s hard not to cringe. We thought we knew it all! We were ready to take on the world, to be adults, to make it right, and show ’em how it’s done. Deluded by possibility is one way to put it… and also, very angry. Angry to not be understood, angry at the rules, angry for the lack of freedom.
However, the people having to take it are usually the parents. My mom and I had some screaming matches back in the day (love ya, Mom!), but it never came close to a door being broken, as it did in the story we’re about to delve into. A confused mom of two decided to seek some answers from the r/AmIthe[Jerk] subreddit after what occurred with her teenage son.
Loud noises, broken doors, and lots of upset. Sounds like a rock album, but those were the key moments that led up to and resulted in a door being removed from the teenage son’s room after his mom burst through, breaking it off the hinges. Both sides aren’t happy, but who’s the jerk? Let’s figure it out.
One such mom decided to ask the online community whether she was in the right to remove her teenage son’s bedroom door after he refused to answer her
Although it’s important for teens to have their personal space and a sense of control over their lives, there are certain boundaries that should be enforced
Image credits: meta0data (not the actual photo)
The adolescent years are filled with anxiety, frustration, fear, and other things that fall under the umbrella of teenage angst. Tamekia Reece stated on Good Housekeeping that many teens don’t know how to process those feelings, it all bubbling out as anger.
Part of it is physiology and the shifts that the body and mind are trying to adapt to. “The hormonal changes that occur during adolescence make teens more volatile and more likely to be expressive rather than reflective,” says Dr. Bernard Golden, psychologist and author.
Furthermore, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, planning, and decision-making, is still not fully developed in teens, so their emotions tend to override rational thoughts, he explains.
Adding to that are all the responsibilities a teen is trying to manage: school, homework, extracurricular activities, changing dynamics in friendships and relationships, social media, possibly a part-time job, and pressure to make huge life decisions like what college to attend. It can be overwhelming.
Other reasons for a teen’s temper are that they’re feeling misunderstood, they’re cranky because they’re not getting enough sleep, or—a big one—they want more independence. As stated by Dr. Christine L. Carter, parents who are too controlling—those who don’t step down from their manager roles—breed rebellion. This cannot be overstated: Healthy, self-disciplined, motivated teenagers have a strong sense of control over their lives.
But there is a line. Letting teens become decision-makers doesn’t equal permissive, indulgent, or disengaged parents.
Image credits: throwawaysonsdoor
While it is important to give teens the space that they crave, one should remember that teens are not always ready to deal with adult decisions, responsibility, and the consequences that come with it. They still need guidance and a watchful eye.
In this case, the teenager clearly acted outside the boundaries of trust, refusing to answer his mom’s calls and then proceeding to berate and cuss her out. Control should never be achieved through violence; thus, giving consequences and taking away something that caused the argument to begin with may be the natural order. Whether it be a door or the TV, that’s up for debate.
The desire for more privacy is a natural part of growing up. In fact, privacy is essential for teens to gain autonomy and individuality. As stated on Verywell Family, when teens believe their parents have invaded their privacy, the result is often more conflict at home.
However, if the teen messes up or violates a parent’s trust, allowing them a little less privacy for a period of time is a logical consequence. Ideally, family rules and privacy expectations need to be discussed and put in place before an infraction occurs, says Dr. Angela Lamson. It’s important for teens to understand what the consequences will be if they break the rules.
The online community ruled that the mom was not the jerk in the situation and that the teenager got what was coming to him. However, there were those that disagreed with the mom’s actions, calling them disrespectful, especially when it was her that broke the door in the first place. Let us know your thoughts on this in the comments section below, and I shall see you in the next one!
The majority of the people deemed the mom to be in the right, considering the situation that unfolded, with some even stating the consequences should have been harsher
Others thought that the mom was out of line, her actions being an example of poor parenting. Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
I know exactly what happened.. the son was fapping away and the damn videos on pronsites are deafeningly loud compared to any other site so the very loud sound was the first bit of some video before he lowered the volume, didnt want to open the door because who wants their mother to see them having a boner. Should have obviously said he is fine or something but people dont act the best when they are panicking. That would also explain the not characteristical behavior towards the mother.
I agree with one of the reddit commenters. Replace the door and take his tv out.
Why kids need TV's or puters in their rooms is beyond me. Give em books, drawing / writing utensils, a telescope, cheap radio along with guides to repair or build their own radio. Course, could be my age speaking on this matter.
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Taking away the door of your kid is not a punishment, it's a sign of the parents' weakness and poor parenting. Kids have a right to privacy and by taking it away, you take away a safe place. Not to mention it's a fire hazard. Mom overreacted and blamed her son for it.
My younger brother had his door taken away once by our parents when he was in high school. But this came after mom discovered he was hiding alcoholic beverages in there, so one could argue he'd abused the right to privacy enough to lose it. I'm not saying it was the right course of action, just that things aren't always so simple.
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What's with parents removing their kids' frigging doors? How would they like having THEIR bedroom door removed? I can understand removing a lock but children need privacy like any other human. Ugh...🙄
What's with all these internal doors having locks? I can understand the bathroom having a lock - showers can make it hard to hear and no-one should be walked in on naked because they haven't heard a knock - but that's the key thing, why isn't anyone teaching the basic respect of knocking before entering? That's how you teach privacy and respect. Doors are required for fire safety, locks are not (they're actually a further fire hazard, but that's a separate issue).
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This seems so simple to me. Remove the lock on the door. Then if you need to enter his room you give plenty of warning and go in.
i don't think the kid has a respect issue. seems like mom is a little overly anxious and he was fed up, especially given that she said he's almost never like that.
Minor ESH here. Yes, mum should be worried if something happened that cause such a sound but taking down the kids door and refusing him his privacy is just nasty parenting at some point. Also, kid could've and should've been more mindful of his TV's volume and watch his language with his parents. All-in-all, compromise from all parties are needed before this goes into full-blown war mode.
Yet another obviously very one-sided depiction of a situation. Thing is: if she only wanted to make sure he was ok, no opening of the door was needed, a simple grunted "yeah" of the son would have been sufficient as an answer to that very question. I bet you she is the kind of person who would have demanded to be let inside next, to be able to see exactly what was going on,as it's the only way kids lack of reaction makes sense. he probably was fapping or so. And I bet she wouldn't manage to knock and wait out long enough with the lock taken away, so let this kid keep his lock! So it is not ok to tell his mom to fk herself, but given her neurosis (how is she terrified not to reach him in an emergency - just buy a cheap door, you know how to break one after all) and given that he is so easygoing normally (not even defying the noise rule once in a while) while she is overreacting like that, my guess is that of a very patient teen that finally snapped and a mother with lots of issues.
It seems the son had ample opportunity to grunt out a yeah but he chose to ignore her instead. Actions have consequences. This one cost him a door.
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For those recommending "counseling", my own bullying, narcissistic mother went to my sessions sometimes. Oh, and my stepfather once. If you haven't read the story by now, stepdad flat out told the therapist "oh, she's not MY daughter", and my mom only decided she would listen if the advice was in her favor. So, yeah. If this mom is as controlling and freaked out all the time like she sounds, I doubt it's going to help.
Sorry you had to cope with a narcissistic mother! For all that I criticize this mother for her behavior - her developing that level of anxiety for the well being of a loved one, does not correlate with narcissism at all. Sure I can´t predict if she´d be open for therapy either, but she is clearly suffering - of anxiety and of the rift with her son - which usually is a motivation to seek change...
Load More Replies... My children don't have locks on their doors but they do have privacy as I knock. My eldest did get a lock (I bought) which could be opened from the outside with a screwdriver due to younger sibling coming into his room. I don't know why a family home needs locks on the door.
Exactly this! No locks on bedroom doors unless there is an issue (often younger siblings) and always make sure the lock can be opened from both sides. In my current home the bedroom doors do have locks but they are a special type. They have little holes in the handle and a gadget we keep in the hallway that unlocks them if we need to (never have). Only the bathroom gets locked but even then you should be able to get in - people often go to the bathroom when feeling ill and might collapse. I have had to use the gadget on the bathroom but only because the lock broke. Safety!!
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Lol, maybe something did fall, or maybe he had a special guest, and was trying to cover up the thumping sound with the TV when smother started yelling at the door?
That was my thought. You can tell the difference between what falls in your house and what falls on TV, even with the volume up. He probably needed to put his clothes on and was pissed she broke the door.
Load More Replies... YTA and beyond. Your story doesn't make any sense avout the volume you are talking about. YOU broke the door. Live up to it. You are a shity parent. Denying ANY privacy for a teenager (or a child anyway) is the shittiest move a parent can don. I'm a man turning 40 in couple of years, and I still hate my father for not giving me privasy when I was teenager. Busting through he door, not ever knocking, invalidaring my feelings or privacy. You told your son that his feelings doesn't matter. He told you to f**k off. Good for him. He is a person, not your property. Have fun never hearing from him when he moves out, hopefully real soon because you are toxic.
Nope, she broke the door because she was worried. The TV was probably also a lie, the fact that he couldn't even say "im fine" is unacceptable. You know nothing about being a parent.
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When I was about 5, I was alone in my room and I was trying to reach something in my wardrobe (not attached to the wall). I used the bottom drawer and the whole thing fell on me. I remember thinking my mom is all the way in the kitchen washing dishes and will never hear me screaming. Call it mother’s intuition or whatever but she did and managed to check on me and pull the heavy thing off. After that, she was always careful about where I played. So to all those commenting about why the mother didn’t hear the loud tv while she was banging on the door, she was probably going out of her mind and wasn’t really paying attention. There’s things you tune out in moments this this.
She knew he'd already turned it down by then - according to her account.
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I have a teenage son (now 19). Do I get why she was worried? Yes! Was he being a disrespectful s**t? Yes! But teenagers are in between of being kids and adults. You still need to do your best to correct behavior and teach them. But they are not babies anymore where you just take the stuff away that potentially hurts them. But they do need privacy and room to grow. TALK to him. Make him see what the problem was and why you were worried. Tell him you absolutely don't want him to swear at you. And then replace the door and call it a day. There will be others.
The fact that she'd post on AITA vs her 16yo is weird in itself, right? I'm still a new parent myself, but I don't think anyone should be going to Reddit to validate their parenting decisions.
Her problem was her poor communication - instead of banging on the door screaming his name she could have shouted 'are you hurt, I heard a crash' and then, this usually easy going responsible 16 year old, would have known why he had a screaming mother breaking down his door. In that instance he'd probably have answered. He's not a rebellious awful teen who doesn't care about her. She could still explain this better to him rather than continue with the door punishment. It's the wrong focus. The TV caused the issue, remove that. If she shows some responsibility here and accepts she broke the door unnecessarily and lets him have his door and privacy, he'll learn far more from this and respect her for it. Otherwise he'll just resent her for punishing him for what looks like having the TV on too loud and swearing at her (for the first time) after she probably scared him.
Load More Replies... I understand why she broke down the door and conversations need to be had to prevent a similar situation. Even younger children need some privacy leaving a 16yo without any at all isn't the solution. In the worst case it will lead to him not feeling comfortable in his own home and try to find his own place before he's actually ready to live by himself. It could also do permanent damage to their relationship.
I don't understand why she broke the door down instead of asking if he was alright first - he had no idea what she was thinking. Screaming his name through the door doesn't help anyone. She needs to communicate better and not flap so quickly - he had turned the TV volume down before she got there. If he was capable of doing that he's not lying under a bookshelf incapable of moving. Panic switched her common sense off. Put the door back on and make him aware that he needs to answer any knock on the door.
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YTA You claimed you heard a loud noise and went up to your sons room and you did not hear a tv that was at maxed volume…? This whole story seems quite ridiculous in that aspect. If your son had tv blasting there is no way you did not hear that & if you heard it then it’s entirely possible your son did not hear your calls to him. Breaking down the door I can understand if you seriously thought he was in danger but this whole story seems like you overreacted. Buy your son a new door, take tv away for like a month for swearing at you. You mentioned your son has never swore at you or your husband before? I find it quite hard to believe he spoke rudely for the first time here like you claim. If this is common behaviour for him then you simply have not disciplined him right growing up and trying to do it now when he is a teenager will just make him resent you as it’s a bit late for that as he is in the arrogant teenage phase of life. You both need therapy and work it out.
I don't get why many so many parents think it's ok to treat their children, especially older ones, as possessions/slaves. It's never ok to deprive your kids of their basic rights such as privacy, autonomy to make decisions for themselves etc. There are other ways to discipline your kids.
Taking someone's door away is ALWAYS an a*****e move. Breaking down a door and then blaming the victim is merely doubling down on being a piece of s**t.
This has holes. Why would the son not hear her while she was yelling, but she couldnt hear the tv? Does he have headphones? Is he ignori g her? Doesnt add up. Anyway he titally derserves a door, and since the mom broke it, she should pay for it. But since he broke the volume rule, maybe have him choose, the tv or the door? Either he is responsible eniugh and attentive eniugh to respond, or the need for a response is illiminated
Sounds like the mother needs to have a calm and transparent convo with her son. With an objective third party present. That right there was a classic example of human reactivity and acting/speaking without thinking from both the son and the mother. But the son is right. Privacy is a basic right. Taking that away from a child as a punishment will only lead to bad things.
She needs to calm down. The son needs to learn how to speak to his mother. Nobody has any empathy. The door needs to be replaced. The TV needs to come out of the room. The door needs no lock and a DND sign. I'm not going to say ETH, because I get it from both ends. Doesn't mean anyone was right, but I remember being a teenager and my mom literally annoying the hell out of me. And I know what it's like now being an adult and hearing crazy a noises from places and thinking "jfc is someone dead?". Everybody needs to calm tf down though.
NTA but he was rude, give him door bit no lock and talk about respect and take the tv out his room
Take out the TV, replace the door but with one that can’t lock. If it’s only older people in the house and not little kids, perfect. They will understand to knock before entering
If I ever said f**k you to one of my parents, I'd have had some serious dental rearrangement done.
This same people, if some had actually happened to the son, would be asking why didn't she break the door down...
Well, now ... hold on a sec. I usually am a big proponent of giving teens ever more privileges including the privilege of having a lock on their door, but I expect mature and responsible behavior on their part in return, and I will hold them to it. In this case, I would absolutely say that the OP is NTA, and the kid deserves to lose their privilege of having a lock or even a door as punishment. I don't care what the kid was doing - a simple "No worries, I'm okay" the first time the OP knocked on the door would have been fine and completely defused the situation.
Prob just trying to rub one out and then head his mom halfway through. I'd be a little upset too if someone was trying to knock the door down halfway through a jerk shesh. My parents took my door away when I was 8 because I didn't want to stop slamming the door and making hole in the wall. Now I learned my lesson but a 16 year male is a young man. Explain your side and I think he'll understand.
IMO, NTA. I think parent should replace door but why is a lock necessary? Closed door IS privacy, why does a teenager also need a lock? Not for any good reason in my experience. If he had answered Mom's call or knock initially situation wouldn't have escalated. Even if busy enjoying himself, it takes 10 seconds to say"I'm okay, sorry for the noise". How long was mom pounding on door? Long enough to hide drugs or someone who shouldn't be in the room? If tv really that loud, he was already violating a house rule; ignoring his mother, adding the flippant response and the eff you earned him a definitive response. I'd have taken the electronics out too.
He is obviously lying about why he didn't answer the door. He was probably pleasuring himself and ... IDK, fell? Either way he was excruciatingly embarrassed, which is why he overreacted and swore, etc.
Sorry, but I'm another Mom that took a door. My reason was kid number 3. He liked fire. Ever since he was little, he was setting things on fire. Once in a mobile home, we had to drag a burning mattress out in flames. The teenage years were a little tough. We had to take the door. Otherwise he is a good guy. He is grown now, and we can look back at it as adults. I don't think this Mom was worried about that, but she could have caught him in a compromising position. If I were him I'd suddenly be in my undies A LOT, EVERYWHERE IN THE HOUSE.
It's not really comparable though. Playing with fire is extremely dangerous and you had a pattern of behaviour you were dealing with. I don't think the door should be off in the situation by the OP, there are more appropriate punishments, but I do with yours! Well done for getting through that and glad he's come out okay the other side!
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Didn't read the whole thing, stopped when I read the kid is 16. Leave the kid alone! Put his door back you mislabel cur. Boys that age, and girls, need their privacy.
Give him some unlockable door, or something else to cover the entrance like a curtain. It would give some privacy but would be a kind of a punishment for being such an a*****e to his own mother (how did this happened tho? is he just a bad kid or an effect of bad parenting?) and would prevent him from locking the door. For some time only tho, can't have no doors forever..
He made three mistakes. The loud TV (but he turned it down before she got to the door), didn't respond (or she didn't hear his response in amongst the banging on the door and screaming his name!), swore for the FIRST TIME at her (so would I if someone had just broken the door to my room). These aren't the actions of a bad child or even one with bad parenting. Just an unfortunate sequence of events that were entirely exacerbated by his mother handling it very poorly. You don't have locks that can't be opened from both sides for any potential emergencies (all mine can be opened from the hall) and you ask them questions to establish if they are okay - not scream their name. She should put the door back, think about how she can react better next time, and punish him more appropriately for the very minor offences he committed.
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No, but first time he had sworn at her. This apparently normally easy-going child with the panicking screaming mother who has just broken his door down without any explanation. He only thought, at that point, that he'd had the TV on too loud and he'd already turned it down by the time she was knocking on his door. The only thing he really did that was that wrong was just not answer - and I expect he was taken aback at the panic (and a bit busy if he's locked the door, that would throw anyone). He had no idea she thought something had fallen, she didn't ask him if he was hurt before breaking down the door. She overreacted and needs to accept some blame here.
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She broke the door but then she made it about him. The she foisted the job of fixing it onto him knowing he doesn't have the money. Of course he's mad. I'd say f**k her too, she's an absolute b***h like my mother was. I was 9 or 10 when my mom decided to remove the lock from my door. There wasn't any reason, I closed my door but rarely locked it only if I was changing. It was just a power thing. She wanted me to know I had no privacy or ownership over myself. She's still that way and I'm 35.
Calm down mom. Yes, he should have answered. But he is a teenager. Teenagers do some stupid and irresponsible things. I think removing the door permanently is going a little far.
If a teenager is acting out of character it could be a sign of depression. Sitting down with them and having a conversation about what might be going on with them is better than treating them like children. My son is 17 and within the past 4 years suffers from depression and has done and said things out of character. Teenagers are starting to view themselves as adults so that along with what has happened in the world with COVID has caused more children and teenagers to suffer from depression, not to mention the number of adults who are going through the same thing. Be aware of the signs of depression and change in character is one of them.
Ok, let play devils advocate here… I was a teen once… a very horny teen none the less, he could have had the tv on high because.. y’know. That might have been the reason that he got “defensive” as you say. Morally, you’re in the wrong. In this new age there is a thing called cellphones, you could have called him. Maybe texted? But to break down the door and not replace it? I would have packed my s**t and said bye to the family, my privacy and my flick the bean sessions are private and as an adult with a son who is 16, you should know this. Now let’s play the mom card. As a mom, I understand how you’d have been upset to hear the volume of the tv, but what I don’t get is how you said you heard the tv downstairs by the way of “hearing something fall” but when you got to his room didn’t hear anything until you broke it claiming the volume was high… bit of a contradictory which makes me think you’re not telling the truth, but hey, let’s move on. I’d replace the door because, yes, you’re TAH
Too be fair, he should have responded OP first knocked on the door. What if he was unconscious and OP didn't break down the door. Also get a lock that opens from the outside or not have a lock at all. I don't get locks on bedroom doors anyway. Never had had lock on any of our doors when I was a kid. I don't think OP is totally the AH. But her and husband needs to sit down with their kids and explain why doors shouldn't be locked or answer when someone knocks. Could have been avoided if there were clear expectations with bedroom doors. He's not a roommate. He's your child.
I'm all for him having his door. That being said, when Mom knocks and calls your name, you answer. If you can't be assed to answer her, then yeah, I can see you being w/o a door for a bit. Wait a little bit (couple weeks) then put a new door in. I bet he answers next time.
NTA. Teens, especially boys, need to learn to respect the order of things, and they will push until something pushes back to know where their boundaries are. His privacy? His door? His room? Yes, but his room is in your house, and the door attached to it belongs to you. His privacy is bounded by the necessity of the rules of the house. Explain exactly how you want him to respond from now on when you call him or knock on the door. Be calm. If he agrees, tell him when you will replace the door and do it. Let him know that his sense of privacy will depend on his respecting the house rules. That's it.
Food, clothing & shelter, do not include privacy for a disrespectful child.
Mother isn't "taking away the door", not really anyway. It's broken. It broke because of the teen's actions. She said he can be the one to replace the door because it was his fault and that's how consequences work. I get he was likely jacking off/had boner/maybe was getting a secret someone out the window or hidden, but the loud noise and unresponsiveness of the teen completely justified the mother to break the door down. What if he had fallen unconscious or some other medical problem and that was what caused the noise? The mother had a right to be pissed and punish him by telling him he had to be the one to buy her a new door for the house (it would be hers not his because it's her house and he effectively was the one to cause it braking, therefore can't legally take it with him if he wants to try to be petty as an adult and moves out). He can just as easily buy some black out curtains for temporary privacy. If he really wants to fap, he can use the bathroom and his phone + headset.
I think she was doing the right thing. After a loud crash, and your son won't respond, breaking down the door is a appropriate response. Added to the fact that he didn't respond simply because he thought she was annoying, then swearing, that's how I would of handled it.
Mom, NTA. The son overreacted and needs an object lesson to help him understand choosing not to hit pause to communicate with Mom when he hears an escalation in her concern has consequences. At the same time teach how to repair things rather than replace them. The door is likely hollow-core. He can either cut a 6" piece of 2"×2" and work it into the hinge hole until he can secure it to the unbroken parts of the door where the hinge fastens. Then reattach the hinge to the 2"×2". He can reinforce the hinge edge by running the 2"×2" from the bottom to the top of the door. Then attach all the hinges to the 2"×2". Total cost of repair is a couple of hours of father son time (where dad gives the happy wife, happy life spiel, with a twist for moms). Do not tell your son that the repair means the hinges will not break off next time, but the door jamb may splinter. Let him figure that out for himself.
House rules: 1. Parent calls your cell phone, you answer before the 4th ring. A. If you are in class or a movie, reply with auto text & follow parent's SMS response. B. If at work, use auto-reply stating so & that you will call as soon as you get a break. 2. If a parent knocks & identifies, pause & open the door with zero attitude. A. If engaged in a personal exercise, politely say you cannot stop right now, but you will go to the parent after you finish the objective. B. If you know you will not handle it well, be calm, open door & politely ask for ten or fifteen minutes to sort through the rocks in your head to get them in order & you will find the parent or text if it is to be a private session. 3. Curfew is curfew with reasonable stretches permitted, if: A. Prewarn the movie, sporting event, social engagement, etc., will run past & give a reasonable time you expect to return. B. If things change, warn as soon as you know, and a reasonable time expected.
Load More Replies... Cripes, talk about talking back to your parents. I learned that lesson when I was 6. Talk back = bar of soap in mouth. At 9 I found out what happened when swearing in front of parents....I got to Eat a bar of soap. Learned those lessons real quick. Only other time I went on a swearing crazed state was when I was 15 and fell in a gasoline fire. --- anywho, mon was in the right. Kinda late to take down that door. Would have been better to instill and teach respect at a younger age imo. Now she's got a teen that resents her. And yes, I lost my bedroom door before as well. Stayed gone for two years before I readjusted my attitude. I was (and still am, lol) stubborn. I was 11 when that incident occurred.
Explain to your son why the incident occurred. If he doesn't continue to act like and a*****e, and understands your side, replace the door with no lock or a lock you have the key for. The "right to privacy" doesn't actually exist as a right. It is implied for certain conditions, but a child dependent on parents isn't one of those conditions. My now adult children were permitted to close their door, but never lock it. And they never had TVs in their rooms until they were in college. Definitely take the TV out of the room. If he uses his phone or a laptop to watch movies, they'll never be that loud. And finally, he's lying to you about something, and he used the f-bomb. Don't reward him.
Don't most locking indoor doors have a way to unlock them in an emergency? Sounds like they need one of those for his door, once they get a new one. In most cases, taking away a teenager / child's door is horribly abusive, but I think it was somewhat warranted in this case (plus, like she said, it was destroyed at that point, and they can't afford a new one right away). He could have just paused the video, shouted that he was fine, and gone on with his movie. Surely he could tell she was worried about him? Kinda on him for that situation.
She was right to bust open the door, but she needs to put the door back on. The kid needs to learn so manners, he's a twat for telling his ma to f off or whatever.
No locks on children's doors, no televisions in the children's bedrooms. Problem solved.
I may be unpopular with my oppinion. OP said the new door are expensive. Broken door was dangerous she said. I agree with @Naesil that son was probably watching unappropiete content and was panicking. Todays kids need computer for school so not having the tv is not a big deal. I would vait to calm down the situation and speak with him. Temporary solution would be a curtain, that gives some privacy. Share the costs for the new door. If he doesnt pay nothing it would be accepted that the curtain is good enough. If he woulden participate it means it is ok to deal this way. As a mother - she was not overreacting. As a 16 year old - she was (in 16 I dont understand the fear and anxiety of mother). So for piece in family and future good relationship I would as a parent pay part of new door.
She was overreacting & handled it badly. You ASK if they're okay & say you heard a crash - you don't keep screaming their name & break a door down. If he doesn't answer your questions say 'stand back I'm breaking the door down' & try to minimise the force. If he's under a lot of shelving he doesn't need to be hit by a flying door as well. It's actually a dangerous thing to do & if you have doors that lock on children's rooms they should have the sort of lock that can be opened from both sides. Remember, he had NO idea why she was banging on the door & screaming his name and was probably completely thrown by what was (hopefully) uncharacteristic behaviour. He had turned the TV down by the time she got there, if she hadn't been panicking she'd have worked out that he was unlikely to do that if injured & under some shelving. She needs help to learn not flap in an emergency, should fix the door & give him a different consequence.
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Kids deserve privacy, and parents should generally respect closed doors so locks aren't needed for privacy. That said, in this case, I would get a tension rod, a thick opaque curtain in son's favorite color and put that across the door for temporary privacy. Then come up with a reasonable chore list to get a non locking door. Then parents and teen need to sit down and discuss ways to balance mom's anxiety vs teens right to privacy and come up with a compromise that works for both. If they can't come to an agreement, then counseling is in order to repair the relationship while maintaining boundaries.
Why not put the door back? Take out the TV. He had it on too loud. He had no idea why she was screaming at the door and I expect it scared him despite the bravado. She said she called his name 3 times and then started screaming his name. Why didn't she ask 'are you alright I heard a crash and I'm worried you are hurt'. Communicate the issue so the child knows why you're flapping. She handled it badly. He handled it badly by not answering but he's a child with an adult acting out of character for no clear reason. She said he had turned the TV down by the time she got there, so he can't have been hurt if she thinks about it. She needs to learn to communicate better under pressure and he needs to understand that he always answers when they knock - in case of a problem. It just needs a conversation. He apparently is normally reasonable and easy going and has never sworn at them before. She should put the door back on and accept that she has some blame here.
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Cursing at his mom, whatever the provocation is just wrong, wrong, wrong. He is going to remember and regret that for the rest of his life. I know this, because I did it, and my language was not as strong as his. Apologize to your mother,. OP talk to your son. Don't let this drag on.
NTA. That would be the son who refused to answer. Obviously those who think you are have NEVER heard of kids taking their own lives. They can put on a really good front, appear fine but be absolutely desperate. And if he can't bring himself to answer and let you know he's okay then I'm fine with NO DOOR for a while. Had he answered his door would be intact. As to the Father, he sounds like he totally had her back. He didn't see any need to 2nd guess her. He was fine with her decision.
Kid needs to loose privacy, tv, computer, and all electronics. He also needs to do chores around the house and take a part time job. No kid has a right to disrespect their parents like that. The father should have tore his rear up for disrespecting his mother. If you don't follow through, he will be a horrible adult.
Wonderful, another person who doesn't think that parents can be horrible, abusive monsters and are simply entitled to their teenagers' respect no matter the circumstance.
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Lol if I said that to my parents I would've been living out back for a couple weeks 🤣😂
Replace the door (needs privacy), remove the lock, you trusted him with a lock. All he had to say was “I’m fine don’t come in” and he would still have a door. The problem is you have to be able to check he is ok in an emergency. If you replace the door and don’t give him a lock it’s the perfect lesson. In future just knock 3 times and call out “are you ok?” Let him know if he doesn’t answer you will just enter. He will quickly learn to respond to you through the door if he doesn’t want you walking into his room and if he doesn’t respond you don’t have to ram the door in. Replace the lock in future if he learns the importance of being able to check your children and home are safe and you can trust him to be more responsible and respond to you when your concerned
Everybody here missed the whole point. He needs his privacy, he needs his privacy . She is the parent and he doesn't tell her what to do. He doesn't have enough respect for to at least give an answer. One night my son almost overdosed on sleeping pills. When was I going to find him dead waiting for him to unlock his door?
Something tells me if she just Kniocked and said are you ok? He would've responded and there would be no problem. She probably pounded on the door demanding entry. Calm down lady. Hopefully the son and dad read this and take back their power.
Just look at the responses from the woke parents here who think they know best. How in any reality can you consider the OP to be the a*****e? It’s no wonder that, having parents like that, so many of today’s young people are worthless, self-centered, entitled pieces of garbage.
Jfc, you people really do just call anything and everything that goes against your delicate sensibilities "woke," huh? 😂 Woke, woke, woke... Me no agree, it make me mad, so it WOKE, grrrrrrr! Just another meaningless buzz word that's been completely run into the ground by you people, used when someone doesn't actually have any *real* arguments but just wants to kill the conversation as fast as possible (y'know, like saying "OK, boomer," yet something tells me you'd object to someone using that against you). Treating kids, especially older, normally responsible kids, like actual human beings and not like little soldiers you can just order around, and parents actually earning their kids' respect by treating them fairly rather than demanding it like some crazed dictator is not "woke," it's simply good parenting. But why don't you go outside? I think I saw a cloud out there you can yell at.
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For a kid, privacy is not a right but a privilege. You treat kids like they are adults but they are not, at all, and that is the reason Americans are so self centered. The concept of family and parent-child dinamic is so corrupted in USA that you guys are saying that the mom is wrong even after the son ignores her and cusses her out. Whatever the mom did, those things are inexcussable. But keep it up Americans, keep raising your kids to be self-centered pricks.
I have a teenager and I teach. I don’t think anyone is an a*****e just learning and going through a minefield of puberty. My advice is sit down- the 3 of you- and talk about your concerns. language, lack of response (he will be driving soon and you will expect responses), rudeness, etc. Do not make them accusatory, just statements of fact. Maybe allow him the decision as to whether he loses the door or the tv, he will say neither but …. at that point move the conversation to how/when he will earn them back. Good luck- remember neither of you are bad
I think the mom was right to take the door, but maybe both of them should have replaced it. The TV definitely should have been taken away. He could have paused whatever and told her he was fine, that's all she wanted (from what I can gather anyway). That said, she still broke his door.
Whatever privacy your son has is what you grant him. The privacy he currently has is because he earned it. Leave the door off. If this is new behavior then what is going on in his life that gave him the idea that it was ok to ignore and then swear at you?
She's the a*****e and should put a new door up, and learn not to overreact so much although I do think he went a bit far with saying f**k you to her. At the same time, I understand why he said it. She's being too unreasonable about the whole thing and teens need their privacy.
NTA I'm tired of others calling parents bad parents or having poor parenting skills for actually punishing their children for their inappropriate actions. First of all a child doesn't own a home, pay bills, or upkeep a home. Therefore, they can not tell an adult that they must have a door to a room or anything else. Some parents & kids take things for granted like privacy. There are many kids that sleep on couch & don't even know what it's like to have a room of their own, let alone privacy. Parents who don't check on their kids & allow them to lock themselves in their room, are giving them the means to sneak out, sneak people in, engage in drugs, be exploited on the web, etc. Why? Bc they know their parents aren't bothering them as long as they not in their hair. This is why so many young people are in trouble, having mental health issues, & feel alone. If a child blatantly ignores parent, lock doors, & is disrespectful, yes punish him. Don't replace door until earn back!
1. Well damn, sucks for those kids, what are we supposed to do? 2. Why would a parent allow their child to lock thier door if they d trust them?
Load More Replies... Op, don't second guess yourself. Take his door, his TV, and anything else you want. He's been rude and disrespectful, and when you decide to give things back to him, I bet he answers in a nice and quick manner. I know most folks think I'm wrong, but kids deserve a roof, food, and safety. And SOME times, kids need to have the fear of God out in them. Give him a curtain and let him think about it.
How can you be safe if you don't have a door. What if someone breaks in and just slips in his room because he has a F*****G CURTAIN instead of a door?
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Counterpoint: put in an intercom system so you can verify if things are alright. My daughter and I use walkie talkies when we don't want to run up and down stairs.
Okay but, if he didn't speak to answer when she was at the door, he wouldn't have gotten up and gone over to the intercom to answer that either.
Load More Replies... He's not the first kid to lose his door and he surely won't be the last. All this could have been avoided if he had just answered your knock.
Exactly. He needs to figure it out while he's looking at where his door used to be. And, the way I figure, if someone broke in the house, that little old bedroom door isn't going to stop anyone- even his mom broke it down. The "safety" issue involves more than just home security, in means teaching them how to cross the street, "stranger danger", don't stick thinks in outlets, etc...and, I might add, answer your mother when she's calling you, even and maybe especially, if she's panicked.
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Please up vote THIS post so people learn: Downvotes are not dislikes, they are bans!!! People are allowed different opinions. Don't downvote people you disagree with (unless they are spammers or use very offensive language). To be able to change someone's opinion you do engage them and communicate - banning means disengaging and ex-communicate.
Are people still being banned from downvotes though? We see a lot of people saying exactly what you just have but I'm not seeing anyone saying that they're banned because of downvotes anymore. Before we had quite a few people amending their comments and saying 'thanks to the downvotes I've been banned' and that's certainly how I knew it was happening - that and people saying they'd had to create another account. People have had their accounts suspended/banned because of being reported but since that feature arrived I haven't seen anything to suggest the auto-bans due to downvotes are still occurring. There's nothing that I can find on the site rules either.
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I'm thinking this mom has OCD. I have an OCD partner, and this is exactly what it looks like. If I drop something in the bathroom, or there is a crash on TV, anything out of the ordinary really; They fly into a panic and start banging on doors thinking "something" bad has happened. It is such a frequent occurrence that like this kid I get pretty annoyed. I do answer, if I didn't they would be breaking through doors just like this mom. I think there is a reason this kid wasn't shocked to hear is mom banging on the door, and I find it hard to believe that this mom had no idea it was the TV. She only heard that one sound even as she got closer to the kids room, I don't think so. Taking away a teens privacy is a big deal, with a big impact. It should only be done when there are concerns of self harm.
This new idea where kids deserve the dame rights as adults is why we're seeing an uptick in entitled behavior. Stop acting like kids are adults and this s**t wouldn't be happening. If you're not paying bills you're not owed anything. The "adults" on here crying how their parents were mean and didn't let them run their own lives are just showing they've yet to grow up and learn some perspective. What I didnt like as a child or teenager i learned to understand better the why of as an adult and parent. We call it growing up. Just because you have feelings about something doesn't mean it's valid nor does it mean it deserves recognition. Parents are not your friends when you're a minor. You're also not the equal of an adult. It's weird we keep pushing this narrative but it makes the entitlement we're seeing understandable.
You're right, treating teenagers who are two years away from becoming legal adults like toddlers and never showing them an ounce of trust or giving them one iota of independence is SURE to make them grow up faster 🙄 And I'm glad that you acknowledge that just because you have feelings about something doesn't mean they're valid, like when a parent goes psychotic on their kid and can't admit that they just *may* have overreacted, because, yes, parents can f*** up, too. You also prattle on about "entitlement" yet seem to think parents are simply entitled to respect. Does that apply when they're abusive? Or neglectful? Do you believe parents can ever be wrong? Exactly *who're* the entitled ones, here? Really doesn't sound like you grew up much at all; just sounds like you're coping.
Load More Replies... First- I LOVE your husband's response! Your son sounds like an entitled kid who needs a hard lesson. You wanna feel better... buy him a tension rod and some curtains. Make him use that until he buys the door, apologizes and does better. Momma to momma, I'm with you, you got this! It's hard for us to be the hard a*s sometimes but you got this!
NTA given the son said he heard you and chose to ignore you. There may be other issues given the attitudes here but at least as far as information given - NTA. I'm laughing at kid and some commenters saying it is his "right" to have a door. That word gets tossed around these days in situations where it does not apply. I don't think the door should be gone forever but he doesn't have any legal right to have a door. The door isn't the real issue here though. There is more going on with that attitude than just that one off situation.
We only have her word for it that he ignored her - if she's making sufficient noise, she says she was screaming his name, then she's not going to hear him if he gives a short answer. You aren't wrong about 'rights' and the fact that people over use it in some circumstances but there is the 1989 Convention on the Rights of the Child, under which lies civil rights which includes the right to privacy. Not a right to a door per se, but the right to what that door can bring. Sure, he can change in the bathroom but I'm not sure he's committed an act sufficiently heinous to warrant a door being removed. Her husband has told her to go by 'how scared she was' which is not the appropriate gauge by which to set the punishment. She should look harder at all of the circumstances and think about her own contribution. Screaming and breaking down doors instead of shouting "what's happened/are you hurt" which might have clued him into why she was making such a fuss and changed his response.
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His door? Your house. He can learn how to correctly repair it and also needs to apologize for cussing at you for wanting to know he was ok. Remind him it's only his living accommodation until he's 18, an there are rules.
Yes, teens definitely need their privacy- however, he deliberately ignored your knocks, screams, and even said ef you? Disrespectful brat can be doorless for 1 month. Taking away the TV won't do any good - he still has a phone. Afterward, Mom should replace the door that she damaged.
The mother acted as if he was silly, as if it wasn't his "right" (her own quotes) to have a door. From her tone and actions I'm thinking she's a control freak and he's tired of it. He's not a "disrespectful brat" if the mom is a controlling, screeching c*nt - he's a human who wants to have privacy in his home.
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First time he's sworn at her. Probably really thrown by her screaming and banging on the door and then breaking it down - bloody hell, I would be! Okay, I'd have answered but if she had just flipping well asked if he was alright instead he probably would have done too. He's 16! They make daft choices at times. She says he's an easy going responsible boy normally. If he's acted out of character then she needs to think more about the situation she put him in. He's NTA, he's young and made a few silly mistakes - he hasn't stolen a car, hurt anyone, got roaringly drunk. She's NTA either, but she needs to learn not to flap ineffectively and risk scaring her children and she should take responsibility for the door.
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Your first and last sentence I agree with, your middle one I could not disagree with more. Are you saying food is a privilege? Clothes? Showers? How about a roof, is that really needed? Many things are privileges, certainly. He didn't need the TV, nor did he need a bookshelf, and I can imagine circumstances in which those could be taken away for some time. However, he does have certain rights, which is why parents can be in legal trouble for certain behaviours. As his parent, it is OP's duty to provide him with certain things that are rights and not privileges. They do need to sort out the underlying issues here, but the parents playing the "I own you, you have no rights" card will only make everything worse.
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I know exactly what happened.. the son was fapping away and the damn videos on pronsites are deafeningly loud compared to any other site so the very loud sound was the first bit of some video before he lowered the volume, didnt want to open the door because who wants their mother to see them having a boner. Should have obviously said he is fine or something but people dont act the best when they are panicking. That would also explain the not characteristical behavior towards the mother.
I agree with one of the reddit commenters. Replace the door and take his tv out.
Why kids need TV's or puters in their rooms is beyond me. Give em books, drawing / writing utensils, a telescope, cheap radio along with guides to repair or build their own radio. Course, could be my age speaking on this matter.
Load More Replies... Taking away the door of your kid is not a punishment, it's a sign of the parents' weakness and poor parenting. Kids have a right to privacy and by taking it away, you take away a safe place. Not to mention it's a fire hazard. Mom overreacted and blamed her son for it.
My younger brother had his door taken away once by our parents when he was in high school. But this came after mom discovered he was hiding alcoholic beverages in there, so one could argue he'd abused the right to privacy enough to lose it. I'm not saying it was the right course of action, just that things aren't always so simple.
Load More Replies... What's with parents removing their kids' frigging doors? How would they like having THEIR bedroom door removed? I can understand removing a lock but children need privacy like any other human. Ugh...🙄
What's with all these internal doors having locks? I can understand the bathroom having a lock - showers can make it hard to hear and no-one should be walked in on naked because they haven't heard a knock - but that's the key thing, why isn't anyone teaching the basic respect of knocking before entering? That's how you teach privacy and respect. Doors are required for fire safety, locks are not (they're actually a further fire hazard, but that's a separate issue).
Load More Replies... This seems so simple to me. Remove the lock on the door. Then if you need to enter his room you give plenty of warning and go in.
i don't think the kid has a respect issue. seems like mom is a little overly anxious and he was fed up, especially given that she said he's almost never like that.
Minor ESH here. Yes, mum should be worried if something happened that cause such a sound but taking down the kids door and refusing him his privacy is just nasty parenting at some point. Also, kid could've and should've been more mindful of his TV's volume and watch his language with his parents. All-in-all, compromise from all parties are needed before this goes into full-blown war mode.
Yet another obviously very one-sided depiction of a situation. Thing is: if she only wanted to make sure he was ok, no opening of the door was needed, a simple grunted "yeah" of the son would have been sufficient as an answer to that very question. I bet you she is the kind of person who would have demanded to be let inside next, to be able to see exactly what was going on,as it's the only way kids lack of reaction makes sense. he probably was fapping or so. And I bet she wouldn't manage to knock and wait out long enough with the lock taken away, so let this kid keep his lock! So it is not ok to tell his mom to fk herself, but given her neurosis (how is she terrified not to reach him in an emergency - just buy a cheap door, you know how to break one after all) and given that he is so easygoing normally (not even defying the noise rule once in a while) while she is overreacting like that, my guess is that of a very patient teen that finally snapped and a mother with lots of issues.
It seems the son had ample opportunity to grunt out a yeah but he chose to ignore her instead. Actions have consequences. This one cost him a door.
Load More Replies... For those recommending "counseling", my own bullying, narcissistic mother went to my sessions sometimes. Oh, and my stepfather once. If you haven't read the story by now, stepdad flat out told the therapist "oh, she's not MY daughter", and my mom only decided she would listen if the advice was in her favor. So, yeah. If this mom is as controlling and freaked out all the time like she sounds, I doubt it's going to help.
Sorry you had to cope with a narcissistic mother! For all that I criticize this mother for her behavior - her developing that level of anxiety for the well being of a loved one, does not correlate with narcissism at all. Sure I can´t predict if she´d be open for therapy either, but she is clearly suffering - of anxiety and of the rift with her son - which usually is a motivation to seek change...
Load More Replies... My children don't have locks on their doors but they do have privacy as I knock. My eldest did get a lock (I bought) which could be opened from the outside with a screwdriver due to younger sibling coming into his room. I don't know why a family home needs locks on the door.
Exactly this! No locks on bedroom doors unless there is an issue (often younger siblings) and always make sure the lock can be opened from both sides. In my current home the bedroom doors do have locks but they are a special type. They have little holes in the handle and a gadget we keep in the hallway that unlocks them if we need to (never have). Only the bathroom gets locked but even then you should be able to get in - people often go to the bathroom when feeling ill and might collapse. I have had to use the gadget on the bathroom but only because the lock broke. Safety!!
Load More Replies... Lol, maybe something did fall, or maybe he had a special guest, and was trying to cover up the thumping sound with the TV when smother started yelling at the door?
That was my thought. You can tell the difference between what falls in your house and what falls on TV, even with the volume up. He probably needed to put his clothes on and was pissed she broke the door.
Load More Replies... YTA and beyond. Your story doesn't make any sense avout the volume you are talking about. YOU broke the door. Live up to it. You are a shity parent. Denying ANY privacy for a teenager (or a child anyway) is the shittiest move a parent can don. I'm a man turning 40 in couple of years, and I still hate my father for not giving me privasy when I was teenager. Busting through he door, not ever knocking, invalidaring my feelings or privacy. You told your son that his feelings doesn't matter. He told you to f**k off. Good for him. He is a person, not your property. Have fun never hearing from him when he moves out, hopefully real soon because you are toxic.
Nope, she broke the door because she was worried. The TV was probably also a lie, the fact that he couldn't even say "im fine" is unacceptable. You know nothing about being a parent.
Load More Replies... When I was about 5, I was alone in my room and I was trying to reach something in my wardrobe (not attached to the wall). I used the bottom drawer and the whole thing fell on me. I remember thinking my mom is all the way in the kitchen washing dishes and will never hear me screaming. Call it mother’s intuition or whatever but she did and managed to check on me and pull the heavy thing off. After that, she was always careful about where I played. So to all those commenting about why the mother didn’t hear the loud tv while she was banging on the door, she was probably going out of her mind and wasn’t really paying attention. There’s things you tune out in moments this this.
She knew he'd already turned it down by then - according to her account.
Load More Replies... I have a teenage son (now 19). Do I get why she was worried? Yes! Was he being a disrespectful s**t? Yes! But teenagers are in between of being kids and adults. You still need to do your best to correct behavior and teach them. But they are not babies anymore where you just take the stuff away that potentially hurts them. But they do need privacy and room to grow. TALK to him. Make him see what the problem was and why you were worried. Tell him you absolutely don't want him to swear at you. And then replace the door and call it a day. There will be others.
The fact that she'd post on AITA vs her 16yo is weird in itself, right? I'm still a new parent myself, but I don't think anyone should be going to Reddit to validate their parenting decisions.
Her problem was her poor communication - instead of banging on the door screaming his name she could have shouted 'are you hurt, I heard a crash' and then, this usually easy going responsible 16 year old, would have known why he had a screaming mother breaking down his door. In that instance he'd probably have answered. He's not a rebellious awful teen who doesn't care about her. She could still explain this better to him rather than continue with the door punishment. It's the wrong focus. The TV caused the issue, remove that. If she shows some responsibility here and accepts she broke the door unnecessarily and lets him have his door and privacy, he'll learn far more from this and respect her for it. Otherwise he'll just resent her for punishing him for what looks like having the TV on too loud and swearing at her (for the first time) after she probably scared him.
Load More Replies... I understand why she broke down the door and conversations need to be had to prevent a similar situation. Even younger children need some privacy leaving a 16yo without any at all isn't the solution. In the worst case it will lead to him not feeling comfortable in his own home and try to find his own place before he's actually ready to live by himself. It could also do permanent damage to their relationship.
I don't understand why she broke the door down instead of asking if he was alright first - he had no idea what she was thinking. Screaming his name through the door doesn't help anyone. She needs to communicate better and not flap so quickly - he had turned the TV volume down before she got there. If he was capable of doing that he's not lying under a bookshelf incapable of moving. Panic switched her common sense off. Put the door back on and make him aware that he needs to answer any knock on the door.
Load More Replies... YTA You claimed you heard a loud noise and went up to your sons room and you did not hear a tv that was at maxed volume…? This whole story seems quite ridiculous in that aspect. If your son had tv blasting there is no way you did not hear that & if you heard it then it’s entirely possible your son did not hear your calls to him. Breaking down the door I can understand if you seriously thought he was in danger but this whole story seems like you overreacted. Buy your son a new door, take tv away for like a month for swearing at you. You mentioned your son has never swore at you or your husband before? I find it quite hard to believe he spoke rudely for the first time here like you claim. If this is common behaviour for him then you simply have not disciplined him right growing up and trying to do it now when he is a teenager will just make him resent you as it’s a bit late for that as he is in the arrogant teenage phase of life. You both need therapy and work it out.
I don't get why many so many parents think it's ok to treat their children, especially older ones, as possessions/slaves. It's never ok to deprive your kids of their basic rights such as privacy, autonomy to make decisions for themselves etc. There are other ways to discipline your kids.
Taking someone's door away is ALWAYS an a*****e move. Breaking down a door and then blaming the victim is merely doubling down on being a piece of s**t.
This has holes. Why would the son not hear her while she was yelling, but she couldnt hear the tv? Does he have headphones? Is he ignori g her? Doesnt add up. Anyway he titally derserves a door, and since the mom broke it, she should pay for it. But since he broke the volume rule, maybe have him choose, the tv or the door? Either he is responsible eniugh and attentive eniugh to respond, or the need for a response is illiminated
Sounds like the mother needs to have a calm and transparent convo with her son. With an objective third party present. That right there was a classic example of human reactivity and acting/speaking without thinking from both the son and the mother. But the son is right. Privacy is a basic right. Taking that away from a child as a punishment will only lead to bad things.
She needs to calm down. The son needs to learn how to speak to his mother. Nobody has any empathy. The door needs to be replaced. The TV needs to come out of the room. The door needs no lock and a DND sign. I'm not going to say ETH, because I get it from both ends. Doesn't mean anyone was right, but I remember being a teenager and my mom literally annoying the hell out of me. And I know what it's like now being an adult and hearing crazy a noises from places and thinking "jfc is someone dead?". Everybody needs to calm tf down though.
NTA but he was rude, give him door bit no lock and talk about respect and take the tv out his room
Take out the TV, replace the door but with one that can’t lock. If it’s only older people in the house and not little kids, perfect. They will understand to knock before entering
If I ever said f**k you to one of my parents, I'd have had some serious dental rearrangement done.
This same people, if some had actually happened to the son, would be asking why didn't she break the door down...
Well, now ... hold on a sec. I usually am a big proponent of giving teens ever more privileges including the privilege of having a lock on their door, but I expect mature and responsible behavior on their part in return, and I will hold them to it. In this case, I would absolutely say that the OP is NTA, and the kid deserves to lose their privilege of having a lock or even a door as punishment. I don't care what the kid was doing - a simple "No worries, I'm okay" the first time the OP knocked on the door would have been fine and completely defused the situation.
Prob just trying to rub one out and then head his mom halfway through. I'd be a little upset too if someone was trying to knock the door down halfway through a jerk shesh. My parents took my door away when I was 8 because I didn't want to stop slamming the door and making hole in the wall. Now I learned my lesson but a 16 year male is a young man. Explain your side and I think he'll understand.
IMO, NTA. I think parent should replace door but why is a lock necessary? Closed door IS privacy, why does a teenager also need a lock? Not for any good reason in my experience. If he had answered Mom's call or knock initially situation wouldn't have escalated. Even if busy enjoying himself, it takes 10 seconds to say"I'm okay, sorry for the noise". How long was mom pounding on door? Long enough to hide drugs or someone who shouldn't be in the room? If tv really that loud, he was already violating a house rule; ignoring his mother, adding the flippant response and the eff you earned him a definitive response. I'd have taken the electronics out too.
He is obviously lying about why he didn't answer the door. He was probably pleasuring himself and ... IDK, fell? Either way he was excruciatingly embarrassed, which is why he overreacted and swore, etc.
Sorry, but I'm another Mom that took a door. My reason was kid number 3. He liked fire. Ever since he was little, he was setting things on fire. Once in a mobile home, we had to drag a burning mattress out in flames. The teenage years were a little tough. We had to take the door. Otherwise he is a good guy. He is grown now, and we can look back at it as adults. I don't think this Mom was worried about that, but she could have caught him in a compromising position. If I were him I'd suddenly be in my undies A LOT, EVERYWHERE IN THE HOUSE.
It's not really comparable though. Playing with fire is extremely dangerous and you had a pattern of behaviour you were dealing with. I don't think the door should be off in the situation by the OP, there are more appropriate punishments, but I do with yours! Well done for getting through that and glad he's come out okay the other side!
Load More Replies... Didn't read the whole thing, stopped when I read the kid is 16. Leave the kid alone! Put his door back you mislabel cur. Boys that age, and girls, need their privacy.
Give him some unlockable door, or something else to cover the entrance like a curtain. It would give some privacy but would be a kind of a punishment for being such an a*****e to his own mother (how did this happened tho? is he just a bad kid or an effect of bad parenting?) and would prevent him from locking the door. For some time only tho, can't have no doors forever..
He made three mistakes. The loud TV (but he turned it down before she got to the door), didn't respond (or she didn't hear his response in amongst the banging on the door and screaming his name!), swore for the FIRST TIME at her (so would I if someone had just broken the door to my room). These aren't the actions of a bad child or even one with bad parenting. Just an unfortunate sequence of events that were entirely exacerbated by his mother handling it very poorly. You don't have locks that can't be opened from both sides for any potential emergencies (all mine can be opened from the hall) and you ask them questions to establish if they are okay - not scream their name. She should put the door back, think about how she can react better next time, and punish him more appropriately for the very minor offences he committed.
Load More Replies... No, but first time he had sworn at her. This apparently normally easy-going child with the panicking screaming mother who has just broken his door down without any explanation. He only thought, at that point, that he'd had the TV on too loud and he'd already turned it down by the time she was knocking on his door. The only thing he really did that was that wrong was just not answer - and I expect he was taken aback at the panic (and a bit busy if he's locked the door, that would throw anyone). He had no idea she thought something had fallen, she didn't ask him if he was hurt before breaking down the door. She overreacted and needs to accept some blame here.
Load More Replies... She broke the door but then she made it about him. The she foisted the job of fixing it onto him knowing he doesn't have the money. Of course he's mad. I'd say f**k her too, she's an absolute b***h like my mother was. I was 9 or 10 when my mom decided to remove the lock from my door. There wasn't any reason, I closed my door but rarely locked it only if I was changing. It was just a power thing. She wanted me to know I had no privacy or ownership over myself. She's still that way and I'm 35.
Calm down mom. Yes, he should have answered. But he is a teenager. Teenagers do some stupid and irresponsible things. I think removing the door permanently is going a little far.
If a teenager is acting out of character it could be a sign of depression. Sitting down with them and having a conversation about what might be going on with them is better than treating them like children. My son is 17 and within the past 4 years suffers from depression and has done and said things out of character. Teenagers are starting to view themselves as adults so that along with what has happened in the world with COVID has caused more children and teenagers to suffer from depression, not to mention the number of adults who are going through the same thing. Be aware of the signs of depression and change in character is one of them.
Ok, let play devils advocate here… I was a teen once… a very horny teen none the less, he could have had the tv on high because.. y’know. That might have been the reason that he got “defensive” as you say. Morally, you’re in the wrong. In this new age there is a thing called cellphones, you could have called him. Maybe texted? But to break down the door and not replace it? I would have packed my s**t and said bye to the family, my privacy and my flick the bean sessions are private and as an adult with a son who is 16, you should know this. Now let’s play the mom card. As a mom, I understand how you’d have been upset to hear the volume of the tv, but what I don’t get is how you said you heard the tv downstairs by the way of “hearing something fall” but when you got to his room didn’t hear anything until you broke it claiming the volume was high… bit of a contradictory which makes me think you’re not telling the truth, but hey, let’s move on. I’d replace the door because, yes, you’re TAH
Too be fair, he should have responded OP first knocked on the door. What if he was unconscious and OP didn't break down the door. Also get a lock that opens from the outside or not have a lock at all. I don't get locks on bedroom doors anyway. Never had had lock on any of our doors when I was a kid. I don't think OP is totally the AH. But her and husband needs to sit down with their kids and explain why doors shouldn't be locked or answer when someone knocks. Could have been avoided if there were clear expectations with bedroom doors. He's not a roommate. He's your child.
I'm all for him having his door. That being said, when Mom knocks and calls your name, you answer. If you can't be assed to answer her, then yeah, I can see you being w/o a door for a bit. Wait a little bit (couple weeks) then put a new door in. I bet he answers next time.
NTA. Teens, especially boys, need to learn to respect the order of things, and they will push until something pushes back to know where their boundaries are. His privacy? His door? His room? Yes, but his room is in your house, and the door attached to it belongs to you. His privacy is bounded by the necessity of the rules of the house. Explain exactly how you want him to respond from now on when you call him or knock on the door. Be calm. If he agrees, tell him when you will replace the door and do it. Let him know that his sense of privacy will depend on his respecting the house rules. That's it.
Food, clothing & shelter, do not include privacy for a disrespectful child.
Mother isn't "taking away the door", not really anyway. It's broken. It broke because of the teen's actions. She said he can be the one to replace the door because it was his fault and that's how consequences work. I get he was likely jacking off/had boner/maybe was getting a secret someone out the window or hidden, but the loud noise and unresponsiveness of the teen completely justified the mother to break the door down. What if he had fallen unconscious or some other medical problem and that was what caused the noise? The mother had a right to be pissed and punish him by telling him he had to be the one to buy her a new door for the house (it would be hers not his because it's her house and he effectively was the one to cause it braking, therefore can't legally take it with him if he wants to try to be petty as an adult and moves out). He can just as easily buy some black out curtains for temporary privacy. If he really wants to fap, he can use the bathroom and his phone + headset.
I think she was doing the right thing. After a loud crash, and your son won't respond, breaking down the door is a appropriate response. Added to the fact that he didn't respond simply because he thought she was annoying, then swearing, that's how I would of handled it.
Mom, NTA. The son overreacted and needs an object lesson to help him understand choosing not to hit pause to communicate with Mom when he hears an escalation in her concern has consequences. At the same time teach how to repair things rather than replace them. The door is likely hollow-core. He can either cut a 6" piece of 2"×2" and work it into the hinge hole until he can secure it to the unbroken parts of the door where the hinge fastens. Then reattach the hinge to the 2"×2". He can reinforce the hinge edge by running the 2"×2" from the bottom to the top of the door. Then attach all the hinges to the 2"×2". Total cost of repair is a couple of hours of father son time (where dad gives the happy wife, happy life spiel, with a twist for moms). Do not tell your son that the repair means the hinges will not break off next time, but the door jamb may splinter. Let him figure that out for himself.
House rules: 1. Parent calls your cell phone, you answer before the 4th ring. A. If you are in class or a movie, reply with auto text & follow parent's SMS response. B. If at work, use auto-reply stating so & that you will call as soon as you get a break. 2. If a parent knocks & identifies, pause & open the door with zero attitude. A. If engaged in a personal exercise, politely say you cannot stop right now, but you will go to the parent after you finish the objective. B. If you know you will not handle it well, be calm, open door & politely ask for ten or fifteen minutes to sort through the rocks in your head to get them in order & you will find the parent or text if it is to be a private session. 3. Curfew is curfew with reasonable stretches permitted, if: A. Prewarn the movie, sporting event, social engagement, etc., will run past & give a reasonable time you expect to return. B. If things change, warn as soon as you know, and a reasonable time expected.
Load More Replies... Cripes, talk about talking back to your parents. I learned that lesson when I was 6. Talk back = bar of soap in mouth. At 9 I found out what happened when swearing in front of parents....I got to Eat a bar of soap. Learned those lessons real quick. Only other time I went on a swearing crazed state was when I was 15 and fell in a gasoline fire. --- anywho, mon was in the right. Kinda late to take down that door. Would have been better to instill and teach respect at a younger age imo. Now she's got a teen that resents her. And yes, I lost my bedroom door before as well. Stayed gone for two years before I readjusted my attitude. I was (and still am, lol) stubborn. I was 11 when that incident occurred.
Explain to your son why the incident occurred. If he doesn't continue to act like and a*****e, and understands your side, replace the door with no lock or a lock you have the key for. The "right to privacy" doesn't actually exist as a right. It is implied for certain conditions, but a child dependent on parents isn't one of those conditions. My now adult children were permitted to close their door, but never lock it. And they never had TVs in their rooms until they were in college. Definitely take the TV out of the room. If he uses his phone or a laptop to watch movies, they'll never be that loud. And finally, he's lying to you about something, and he used the f-bomb. Don't reward him.
Don't most locking indoor doors have a way to unlock them in an emergency? Sounds like they need one of those for his door, once they get a new one. In most cases, taking away a teenager / child's door is horribly abusive, but I think it was somewhat warranted in this case (plus, like she said, it was destroyed at that point, and they can't afford a new one right away). He could have just paused the video, shouted that he was fine, and gone on with his movie. Surely he could tell she was worried about him? Kinda on him for that situation.
She was right to bust open the door, but she needs to put the door back on. The kid needs to learn so manners, he's a twat for telling his ma to f off or whatever.
No locks on children's doors, no televisions in the children's bedrooms. Problem solved.
I may be unpopular with my oppinion. OP said the new door are expensive. Broken door was dangerous she said. I agree with @Naesil that son was probably watching unappropiete content and was panicking. Todays kids need computer for school so not having the tv is not a big deal. I would vait to calm down the situation and speak with him. Temporary solution would be a curtain, that gives some privacy. Share the costs for the new door. If he doesnt pay nothing it would be accepted that the curtain is good enough. If he woulden participate it means it is ok to deal this way. As a mother - she was not overreacting. As a 16 year old - she was (in 16 I dont understand the fear and anxiety of mother). So for piece in family and future good relationship I would as a parent pay part of new door.
She was overreacting & handled it badly. You ASK if they're okay & say you heard a crash - you don't keep screaming their name & break a door down. If he doesn't answer your questions say 'stand back I'm breaking the door down' & try to minimise the force. If he's under a lot of shelving he doesn't need to be hit by a flying door as well. It's actually a dangerous thing to do & if you have doors that lock on children's rooms they should have the sort of lock that can be opened from both sides. Remember, he had NO idea why she was banging on the door & screaming his name and was probably completely thrown by what was (hopefully) uncharacteristic behaviour. He had turned the TV down by the time she got there, if she hadn't been panicking she'd have worked out that he was unlikely to do that if injured & under some shelving. She needs help to learn not flap in an emergency, should fix the door & give him a different consequence.
Load More Replies... Kids deserve privacy, and parents should generally respect closed doors so locks aren't needed for privacy. That said, in this case, I would get a tension rod, a thick opaque curtain in son's favorite color and put that across the door for temporary privacy. Then come up with a reasonable chore list to get a non locking door. Then parents and teen need to sit down and discuss ways to balance mom's anxiety vs teens right to privacy and come up with a compromise that works for both. If they can't come to an agreement, then counseling is in order to repair the relationship while maintaining boundaries.
Why not put the door back? Take out the TV. He had it on too loud. He had no idea why she was screaming at the door and I expect it scared him despite the bravado. She said she called his name 3 times and then started screaming his name. Why didn't she ask 'are you alright I heard a crash and I'm worried you are hurt'. Communicate the issue so the child knows why you're flapping. She handled it badly. He handled it badly by not answering but he's a child with an adult acting out of character for no clear reason. She said he had turned the TV down by the time she got there, so he can't have been hurt if she thinks about it. She needs to learn to communicate better under pressure and he needs to understand that he always answers when they knock - in case of a problem. It just needs a conversation. He apparently is normally reasonable and easy going and has never sworn at them before. She should put the door back on and accept that she has some blame here.
Load More Replies... Cursing at his mom, whatever the provocation is just wrong, wrong, wrong. He is going to remember and regret that for the rest of his life. I know this, because I did it, and my language was not as strong as his. Apologize to your mother,. OP talk to your son. Don't let this drag on.
NTA. That would be the son who refused to answer. Obviously those who think you are have NEVER heard of kids taking their own lives. They can put on a really good front, appear fine but be absolutely desperate. And if he can't bring himself to answer and let you know he's okay then I'm fine with NO DOOR for a while. Had he answered his door would be intact. As to the Father, he sounds like he totally had her back. He didn't see any need to 2nd guess her. He was fine with her decision.
Kid needs to loose privacy, tv, computer, and all electronics. He also needs to do chores around the house and take a part time job. No kid has a right to disrespect their parents like that. The father should have tore his rear up for disrespecting his mother. If you don't follow through, he will be a horrible adult.
Wonderful, another person who doesn't think that parents can be horrible, abusive monsters and are simply entitled to their teenagers' respect no matter the circumstance.
Load More Replies... Lol if I said that to my parents I would've been living out back for a couple weeks 🤣😂
Replace the door (needs privacy), remove the lock, you trusted him with a lock. All he had to say was “I’m fine don’t come in” and he would still have a door. The problem is you have to be able to check he is ok in an emergency. If you replace the door and don’t give him a lock it’s the perfect lesson. In future just knock 3 times and call out “are you ok?” Let him know if he doesn’t answer you will just enter. He will quickly learn to respond to you through the door if he doesn’t want you walking into his room and if he doesn’t respond you don’t have to ram the door in. Replace the lock in future if he learns the importance of being able to check your children and home are safe and you can trust him to be more responsible and respond to you when your concerned
Everybody here missed the whole point. He needs his privacy, he needs his privacy . She is the parent and he doesn't tell her what to do. He doesn't have enough respect for to at least give an answer. One night my son almost overdosed on sleeping pills. When was I going to find him dead waiting for him to unlock his door?
Something tells me if she just Kniocked and said are you ok? He would've responded and there would be no problem. She probably pounded on the door demanding entry. Calm down lady. Hopefully the son and dad read this and take back their power.
Just look at the responses from the woke parents here who think they know best. How in any reality can you consider the OP to be the a*****e? It’s no wonder that, having parents like that, so many of today’s young people are worthless, self-centered, entitled pieces of garbage.
Jfc, you people really do just call anything and everything that goes against your delicate sensibilities "woke," huh? 😂 Woke, woke, woke... Me no agree, it make me mad, so it WOKE, grrrrrrr! Just another meaningless buzz word that's been completely run into the ground by you people, used when someone doesn't actually have any *real* arguments but just wants to kill the conversation as fast as possible (y'know, like saying "OK, boomer," yet something tells me you'd object to someone using that against you). Treating kids, especially older, normally responsible kids, like actual human beings and not like little soldiers you can just order around, and parents actually earning their kids' respect by treating them fairly rather than demanding it like some crazed dictator is not "woke," it's simply good parenting. But why don't you go outside? I think I saw a cloud out there you can yell at.
Load More Replies... For a kid, privacy is not a right but a privilege. You treat kids like they are adults but they are not, at all, and that is the reason Americans are so self centered. The concept of family and parent-child dinamic is so corrupted in USA that you guys are saying that the mom is wrong even after the son ignores her and cusses her out. Whatever the mom did, those things are inexcussable. But keep it up Americans, keep raising your kids to be self-centered pricks.
I have a teenager and I teach. I don’t think anyone is an a*****e just learning and going through a minefield of puberty. My advice is sit down- the 3 of you- and talk about your concerns. language, lack of response (he will be driving soon and you will expect responses), rudeness, etc. Do not make them accusatory, just statements of fact. Maybe allow him the decision as to whether he loses the door or the tv, he will say neither but …. at that point move the conversation to how/when he will earn them back. Good luck- remember neither of you are bad
I think the mom was right to take the door, but maybe both of them should have replaced it. The TV definitely should have been taken away. He could have paused whatever and told her he was fine, that's all she wanted (from what I can gather anyway). That said, she still broke his door.
Whatever privacy your son has is what you grant him. The privacy he currently has is because he earned it. Leave the door off. If this is new behavior then what is going on in his life that gave him the idea that it was ok to ignore and then swear at you?
She's the a*****e and should put a new door up, and learn not to overreact so much although I do think he went a bit far with saying f**k you to her. At the same time, I understand why he said it. She's being too unreasonable about the whole thing and teens need their privacy.
NTA I'm tired of others calling parents bad parents or having poor parenting skills for actually punishing their children for their inappropriate actions. First of all a child doesn't own a home, pay bills, or upkeep a home. Therefore, they can not tell an adult that they must have a door to a room or anything else. Some parents & kids take things for granted like privacy. There are many kids that sleep on couch & don't even know what it's like to have a room of their own, let alone privacy. Parents who don't check on their kids & allow them to lock themselves in their room, are giving them the means to sneak out, sneak people in, engage in drugs, be exploited on the web, etc. Why? Bc they know their parents aren't bothering them as long as they not in their hair. This is why so many young people are in trouble, having mental health issues, & feel alone. If a child blatantly ignores parent, lock doors, & is disrespectful, yes punish him. Don't replace door until earn back!
1. Well damn, sucks for those kids, what are we supposed to do? 2. Why would a parent allow their child to lock thier door if they d trust them?
Load More Replies... Op, don't second guess yourself. Take his door, his TV, and anything else you want. He's been rude and disrespectful, and when you decide to give things back to him, I bet he answers in a nice and quick manner. I know most folks think I'm wrong, but kids deserve a roof, food, and safety. And SOME times, kids need to have the fear of God out in them. Give him a curtain and let him think about it.
How can you be safe if you don't have a door. What if someone breaks in and just slips in his room because he has a F*****G CURTAIN instead of a door?
Load More Replies... Counterpoint: put in an intercom system so you can verify if things are alright. My daughter and I use walkie talkies when we don't want to run up and down stairs.
Okay but, if he didn't speak to answer when she was at the door, he wouldn't have gotten up and gone over to the intercom to answer that either.
Load More Replies... He's not the first kid to lose his door and he surely won't be the last. All this could have been avoided if he had just answered your knock.
Exactly. He needs to figure it out while he's looking at where his door used to be. And, the way I figure, if someone broke in the house, that little old bedroom door isn't going to stop anyone- even his mom broke it down. The "safety" issue involves more than just home security, in means teaching them how to cross the street, "stranger danger", don't stick thinks in outlets, etc...and, I might add, answer your mother when she's calling you, even and maybe especially, if she's panicked.
Load More Replies... Please up vote THIS post so people learn: Downvotes are not dislikes, they are bans!!! People are allowed different opinions. Don't downvote people you disagree with (unless they are spammers or use very offensive language). To be able to change someone's opinion you do engage them and communicate - banning means disengaging and ex-communicate.
Are people still being banned from downvotes though? We see a lot of people saying exactly what you just have but I'm not seeing anyone saying that they're banned because of downvotes anymore. Before we had quite a few people amending their comments and saying 'thanks to the downvotes I've been banned' and that's certainly how I knew it was happening - that and people saying they'd had to create another account. People have had their accounts suspended/banned because of being reported but since that feature arrived I haven't seen anything to suggest the auto-bans due to downvotes are still occurring. There's nothing that I can find on the site rules either.
Load More Replies... I'm thinking this mom has OCD. I have an OCD partner, and this is exactly what it looks like. If I drop something in the bathroom, or there is a crash on TV, anything out of the ordinary really; They fly into a panic and start banging on doors thinking "something" bad has happened. It is such a frequent occurrence that like this kid I get pretty annoyed. I do answer, if I didn't they would be breaking through doors just like this mom. I think there is a reason this kid wasn't shocked to hear is mom banging on the door, and I find it hard to believe that this mom had no idea it was the TV. She only heard that one sound even as she got closer to the kids room, I don't think so. Taking away a teens privacy is a big deal, with a big impact. It should only be done when there are concerns of self harm.
This new idea where kids deserve the dame rights as adults is why we're seeing an uptick in entitled behavior. Stop acting like kids are adults and this s**t wouldn't be happening. If you're not paying bills you're not owed anything. The "adults" on here crying how their parents were mean and didn't let them run their own lives are just showing they've yet to grow up and learn some perspective. What I didnt like as a child or teenager i learned to understand better the why of as an adult and parent. We call it growing up. Just because you have feelings about something doesn't mean it's valid nor does it mean it deserves recognition. Parents are not your friends when you're a minor. You're also not the equal of an adult. It's weird we keep pushing this narrative but it makes the entitlement we're seeing understandable.
You're right, treating teenagers who are two years away from becoming legal adults like toddlers and never showing them an ounce of trust or giving them one iota of independence is SURE to make them grow up faster 🙄 And I'm glad that you acknowledge that just because you have feelings about something doesn't mean they're valid, like when a parent goes psychotic on their kid and can't admit that they just *may* have overreacted, because, yes, parents can f*** up, too. You also prattle on about "entitlement" yet seem to think parents are simply entitled to respect. Does that apply when they're abusive? Or neglectful? Do you believe parents can ever be wrong? Exactly *who're* the entitled ones, here? Really doesn't sound like you grew up much at all; just sounds like you're coping.
Load More Replies... First- I LOVE your husband's response! Your son sounds like an entitled kid who needs a hard lesson. You wanna feel better... buy him a tension rod and some curtains. Make him use that until he buys the door, apologizes and does better. Momma to momma, I'm with you, you got this! It's hard for us to be the hard a*s sometimes but you got this!
NTA given the son said he heard you and chose to ignore you. There may be other issues given the attitudes here but at least as far as information given - NTA. I'm laughing at kid and some commenters saying it is his "right" to have a door. That word gets tossed around these days in situations where it does not apply. I don't think the door should be gone forever but he doesn't have any legal right to have a door. The door isn't the real issue here though. There is more going on with that attitude than just that one off situation.
We only have her word for it that he ignored her - if she's making sufficient noise, she says she was screaming his name, then she's not going to hear him if he gives a short answer. You aren't wrong about 'rights' and the fact that people over use it in some circumstances but there is the 1989 Convention on the Rights of the Child, under which lies civil rights which includes the right to privacy. Not a right to a door per se, but the right to what that door can bring. Sure, he can change in the bathroom but I'm not sure he's committed an act sufficiently heinous to warrant a door being removed. Her husband has told her to go by 'how scared she was' which is not the appropriate gauge by which to set the punishment. She should look harder at all of the circumstances and think about her own contribution. Screaming and breaking down doors instead of shouting "what's happened/are you hurt" which might have clued him into why she was making such a fuss and changed his response.
Load More Replies... His door? Your house. He can learn how to correctly repair it and also needs to apologize for cussing at you for wanting to know he was ok. Remind him it's only his living accommodation until he's 18, an there are rules.
Yes, teens definitely need their privacy- however, he deliberately ignored your knocks, screams, and even said ef you? Disrespectful brat can be doorless for 1 month. Taking away the TV won't do any good - he still has a phone. Afterward, Mom should replace the door that she damaged.
The mother acted as if he was silly, as if it wasn't his "right" (her own quotes) to have a door. From her tone and actions I'm thinking she's a control freak and he's tired of it. He's not a "disrespectful brat" if the mom is a controlling, screeching c*nt - he's a human who wants to have privacy in his home.
Load More Replies... First time he's sworn at her. Probably really thrown by her screaming and banging on the door and then breaking it down - bloody hell, I would be! Okay, I'd have answered but if she had just flipping well asked if he was alright instead he probably would have done too. He's 16! They make daft choices at times. She says he's an easy going responsible boy normally. If he's acted out of character then she needs to think more about the situation she put him in. He's NTA, he's young and made a few silly mistakes - he hasn't stolen a car, hurt anyone, got roaringly drunk. She's NTA either, but she needs to learn not to flap ineffectively and risk scaring her children and she should take responsibility for the door.
Load More Replies... Your first and last sentence I agree with, your middle one I could not disagree with more. Are you saying food is a privilege? Clothes? Showers? How about a roof, is that really needed? Many things are privileges, certainly. He didn't need the TV, nor did he need a bookshelf, and I can imagine circumstances in which those could be taken away for some time. However, he does have certain rights, which is why parents can be in legal trouble for certain behaviours. As his parent, it is OP's duty to provide him with certain things that are rights and not privileges. They do need to sort out the underlying issues here, but the parents playing the "I own you, you have no rights" card will only make everything worse.
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