Mom Refuses To Cancel Family Christmas Hike For Son’s “Out Of Shape” Girlfriend
The holiday season can be exhausting. From working extra hours to buy everyone gifts to rushing around town collecting them; taking care of everything before you sit down with your family often demands a lot of energy.
Because of that, it’s important to make use of the opportunities when you finally get the chance to spend some quality time with your loved ones and make new memories together.
One of the ways Reddit user ViolinistOk and her family does this is by going on a hike. The tradition was born a long time ago, and has become an inherent part of their Christmas celebration.
This year, her son informed her that he would like to bring his new girlfriend back home for the joyous occasion as well. ViolinistOk agreed. However, the guy pushed it even further and demanded everyone give up the hike for her, which is when he and his mom started arguing.
Unsure of the way she handled the situation, the woman made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’, asking its members to share their take on it. Here’s what she wrote.
This woman was happy to have her son’s new girlfriend visit their family for Christmas
Image source: Francesco Paggiaro (not the actual photo)
However, she refused to change their years-old tradition for her
Image source: ROMAN ODINTSOV (not the actual photo)
Image source: ViolinistOk9892
Porter must’ve been quite anxious. “Introducing one’s partner to family is a nerve-racking moment for many reasons,” clinical psychologist Kim Chronister said. “One reason is that a first impression (according to studies) is a lasting impression. What your partner looks like, does, or says can create negative or positive opinions in the minds of one’s family for years.”
But he probably could’ve handled everything better.
While it’s common to introduce family and romantic partners during gatherings like Christmas and Thanksgiving, experts think that a first meeting might be best suited at a more casual time, like Labor Day or the Fourth of July.
Dave Schramm, family life professor and faculty member in the department of human development and family studies at Utah State University, suggests talking to your partner beforehand about names, what family members are into, whether they have kids, family traditions, careers, sports, and the like, he said.
“This part really all comes down to asking your partner what they think … what you should know,” he noted. “Everything from knowing the dress code. Are you a hugging family or a handshake family?”
Dr. Gail Gross, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., and member of the American Psychological Association (APA), agrees that this is a crucial step. “There’s no need to give [them] full editorial commentary on your feelings about your family members, just a broad overview of important or sensitive issues,” Gross wrote.
“In this way, you can ensure that [your partner] is not taken aback by Cousin Adam’s dark humor or Grandpa Jim’s off-color comments. This background prep will help [them] understand why your brother is not drinking alcohol at dinner along with everyone else — and prevent [them] from making a joking comment that could lead to an awkward moment for all.”
So instead of trying to set up perfect conditions for his girlfriend, Porter should’ve spent more time thinking about the picture. That way, he may have realized that his mom was actually on his side.
Most people think that the mother was perfectly reasonable
But a few still believe that it was either her or everyone involved that could’ve done better
If Porter is trying to save his girlfriend embarrassment, I think he's going about it wrong. Christmas morning: "Hey everyone, Girlfriend and I are going to hang back. We're tired, but we'll see you later." Everyone understands and leaves. "Hey everyone. We've changed a tradition that's been happening for years, because my girlfriend doesn't want/ can't go. Sorry" Everyone is upset and questioning the new girl. Personally, I think the mother's options are kinder.
This exactly. And if there are siblings or cousins - especially younger ones - who really look forward to the hike every year, they could easily turn on Emily and blame her for ruining thier fun making her MORE of an outcast than he (or she) feels like she would be for choosing not to join them.
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Willing to bet that Emily doesn't know he's asking his whole family to change a tradition just for her because she's unfit - that's the most embarrassing part. OP has offered different compromises. I hate hiking, yet I'd never expect or even ask someone to change their whole plans for me. Also, the couple have been together 6 piddly months - they've hardly earned the stripes to be demanding so much.
I agree. She would be embarrassed at this whole thing. The Op offered for them two to hang back. That is what they should do. If the Op had insisted they come then that would be different. Or they could go, hike a bit then turn around. I am not in shape and over weight (and sweat in an ice storm) but I could manage a hike. But they should just hang back. No big deal. Screw "an easy 10k" though🙄
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A five or ten km run on Christmas morning? I'll take the coal in my stocking instead.
Only way I'm going that far on foot is if my life depends on it and that's iffy on if I would even make it.
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I'm a fat girl and MIL is not TA. You shouldn't have to change your tradition for someone who can't keep up and the thing is...Emily knows this. I'm fat and if someone says they're going on a hike I'm happy and have no problem saying I'm staying home and getting comfy by the fire, taking a nap, etc. I'm not mad they want to do it I just know I'm going to have a heart attack if I do so I'm not going. I don't feel left out or slighted somehow. It's not their fault she can't do it. It would be different if they were demeaning her for not being able to do it but they weren't. And in this case, the son is really TA more than anyone because he didn't prepare for something he knows is going to happen. So he should have told mom he was going to stay with Emily this year and everyone else can go. Fat people know they're fat- you don't have to walk on eggshells about it. Just don't be mean or rude about it.
Thank you for saying this. Really reaffirms my belief that the son made this request on his own without consulting his GF.
Load More Replies... The YTA and ESH voters are morons. Emily is not wrong and neither is the mum. The Son is the AH here.
Don't really think the son is being an a*****e either. He's just trying to navigate a subject that is very touchy for a lot of people: physical fitness. For people who are out of shape, it can be quite embarassing when people you are hanging out with suggest physically intensive activities and you have to say "I think I am going to sit this one out". From what I hear, it's mostly because you get in your own head and start thinking everyone else is thinking "oh they're fat, that's why". I think the son is just trying to spare his gf the embarassment of having to be the person that is constantly sitting out of all the activities. I don't know if there is really a great way to navigate a situation like that either. I know my girlfriend when her carpal tunnel is acting up gets embarassed/frustrated when she has to sit out at activities that require a lot of hand micromovements.
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I hate it when people say things like 'you're not hearing me', or 'no, you're not listening' when what they really mean is 'you're not agreeing with me'.
Definitely. Though I couldn't help but wonder if he was covertly trying to tell his mom that maybe she is ill in some fashion that makes a hike difficult as opposed to simply being "out of shape". Out of shape may have just been a cover for something deeper that she wasn't comfortable sharing such as a medical issue.
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My husband's brother is always inviting everyone for a short walk. In those years, I figured that "short" meant ~3 hours. No thank you. I went for those walks a few times, then turned around when I could feel I wouldn't make it home safely. Now I just decline to go and take a nap while they are gone. I have asthma and they have seen me during a crisis but no one can quite believe I'm having one. My husband would follow my lead, i.e. turn back when I do or just stay put with me. I think the mother's suggestions are great and Porter doesn't seem like he's the one hearing his mother or GF.
He is definitely going the wrong way about this. I think his not trying to be the bad person, but his confusing the whole thing. He doesn't want to embarrass his girlfriend, so in his mind, he thinks if the entire hike is just called off then there will be no situation to deal with. And maybe he wants to satisfy both parties, and be part of the hike, but also cannot be because of his girlfriend. So for him, if the hiking thing just disappears, at least for now, then the problem is solved. It's a him problem, not even his girlfriend's problem.
Then girlfriend will question why his family members aren't going on their hike, and will be absolutely mortified to find out that her bf forced them to cancel it just because she's not fit...
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Nope, NTA. I get the the GF might be embarrassed or feel left out. But the rest of the family shouldn't have to change what they want to do to accommodate her. As long as they treat her well the rest of the stay, she'll be fine.
Ngl... there's a very real chance the rest of the family doesn't want to do the hike either and this is just something they do to appease OP. Possibility the son was using his GF as an excuse not to do it. I know my family has a few "traditions" that are forced on us that no one except my mom wants to do. (And if we even suggest we don't want to, she gets incredibly angry and ruins the whole day for everyone). That's why I can never be sure about these AITA posts... cause it's always voming from a very specific pov and you can never be ahre if you are getting the whole story/context or a condensed version of the story that makes the OP look good.
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Am I the only one who thinks the mom was trying to give her son a nice black cheque to be intimate with his new gf, while everyone else was away?
Lol! As a DIL I would have just been happy with an excuse to stay away from my in-laws and their arguing. Instead I was forced to help cook (made my husband do dishes) and sneak out back to smoke cigarettes with my teen niece. I haven't smoked in over 12 years, nasty habit, but stressful times call for desperate measures.
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As an "out of shape" person, I wouldn't feel "excluded" if I can't go to the hike... I would understand that it's their tradition and I would just stay... I think that I can even use that as an incentive to train a little so I can go with them the next Christmas... honestly, it sounds awesome...
Porter had 6 months to get Emily prepared for the hike, he dropped the ball and wants everyone to accommodate his mistake. NTA, and Porter and his portly gf can hang back or stay home.
You mean physically prepared? If I tried to do that to my wife I think that would be the end of it!
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I agree with all the NTA comments. Just tell the family your girlfriend doesn’t like hiking and do a small walk around the block if you want to and go back to the house for hot cocoa or take up your mom’s offer to do it later. The family shouldn’t have to change a years-old tradition.
That doesn't work either. Then you'll have someone all butt hurt because she's bucking tradition just cause she doesn't feel like it.
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Although, I don't think YTA....I feel like you have pretty high expectations of people. You said "Take an easy 5km-10km run." This may be "easy" for you, while others may struggle with something like this. You may be in peak physical condition for something like this, that makes this an easy and fun activity for you.....however, if someone is not as fit as you, this activity may be an unpleasant and embarrassing experience.
Am I alone in being totally ****ed off with these fake AITA articles? This is a pathetic repeat of the same one from last week, except it’s now « Mom refuses… » , changed from « Dad refuses…. ».
Engaging with articles you don't want to see sends BP a confusing message. You don't want to see articles like this, yet you clicked on it and left a comment. Those are both signals that tell BP you DO like this type of content. If you truly don't like this type of content, don't engage with it except to downvote it on the main page. That's the only signal you can send them that you don't like an article.
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I'm sorry, who the hell thinks that a 5-10k hike is "easy"?! I'm with the girlfriend on this one, I had to do a 5k walk once and I felt like I was going to die. I can't walk long distances without my legs cramping up like hellfire. I'm pretty sure the only reason why they think that walk is normal is because they're trained for it. The average person probably won't be able to do it.
The average person, barring any health conditions, should absolutely be able to walk that far. I’m absolutely shocked people think walking for an hour or two is too much.
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Maybe ask Emily what she wants to do?? I know, I'd be happier staying home than feeling I'm robbing a whole family of a christmas tradition. I like the idea with that extra walk. Also: can peoople please stop using non-violent language in a violent way? Repeating 'You are not hearing me' simply because you are not getting your way this phrase is intended.
Wow! MIL of the year! How very kind and thoughtful. I think you should maybe talk to the gf. I am sure she would hate to be the reason tradition is broken. Some time for the two alone is nice, with another short jaunt with them later sounds awesome! Stand your ground!
How about bring her along on the hike and after a while, the son and she can turn back when she’s reached her limit and rest of family continue? Son is making a bigger deal out of this than necessary trying to protect his new gf & it’s getting the relationship off to a bad start with his family.
NAH. If you go along with canceling the tradition for her, what will happen if they get marry? Will you be willing to abandon the tradition that your family done for years. Just let him know that the tradition is going to continue and you already told him what he can do and you don’t want to talk about. Please stick to your family tradition, it’s a Beautiful tradition, it brings the family together.
Not to mention that other family members who love the tradition will figure out she is the reason it didnt happen and will likely take it out on her making her feel worse and like more of an outsider than just staying back would.
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I'm sorry, but something I choose myself to do that has no bearing on someone else's life should not be dictated by the other person. If I choose to play a videogame and someone tells me they want to read so I should too, no, I'll put my headphones in so that the noise doesn't bother them do they can read. If I want to go for a walk and the other person doesn't, they don't have to. My enjoyable activities are mine, not someone elses.
NTA. Porter is his problem. OP's been nothing but kind & inclusive w/ his GF- she's not insisting, judging, or getting butt hurt if GF chooses not to hike. If I were his GF I wouldn't appreciate his bringing my weight/ fitness up w/ his family. Porter ought learn to think b4 running his face & making mountainous molehills out of things that aren't worth it
I'm overweight and wouldn't be happy about finding out about a hike only a month before the fact after being with a bf for 6 months. She asked if she could hang back and that was ok so why upend a years long family tradition when she's perfectly happy to let them go ahead and bond with his family afterwards. Also sounds more like Porter is saying his gf isn't in great shape rather than her thinking that about herself
I love walks and would be happy to go on a brisk walk on a nice Christmas day. However, my ex’s family were big time outdoors people and he often put me in situations that made me super uncomfortable with no regard for my feelings. The mom here mentioned having footwear for walking on ice. Due to a fall years ago, I have a crippling fear of ice and no amount of footwear would make me comfortable hiking through an icy trail. I don’t think the mom here is being an a**hole, but I would have appreciated someone knowing and acknowledging my comfort level. Unfortunately there’s no good solution here because as the new person, and because family dynamics are usually pretty wacky, girlfriend is still going to appear to the rest of the family as a diva who wants to ruin Christmas.
This is a classic case of a kid lashing out because his mother named him "Porter".
NTA- But I think, JMO, you should TALK to Porter, not just texts or email. Sounds like he is trying to tell you more than he is actually saying. There could be another issue at hand here.
Family tradition is not something that you cancel. I thought about the Kennedys and the sports that they played. Jacqueline didnt play touch football and everyone survived that. If their mother cancelled touch football there would have been good knows what. Keep the tradition. Let the couple spend time together. Family get togethers mean that family can enjoy each other without participating in every activity. Family feel at ease as others do different things. Those walks or hikes allow family to laugh, chit chat, or just feel each others company. Son and girlfriend need to take a chill pill and enjoy just being there when the others come back from the hike. My opinions
When I go to someone's house for any reason, I know they may do things that I don't normally do. If they require me to take my shoes off, I do, even if I don't at my house. I certainly don't tell them that I will keep my shoes on and they must get over it. During holidays would be no different. I have gone to many people's homes during holidays events and they all have their own traditions and no, I don't participate in all of them but I certainly wouldn't ask them not to do it just because I can't or don't want to participate. Why are people so entitled? The world does not revolve around you.
We visit my cousin every December in the Lake District. She's very fit and she, my husband and kids all go off for a hike with the dogs at some point. They appreciate that it's just not my thing and I don't enjoy it. No excuse but my hip surgery cause my back to really hurt on long walks. So I stay home. Last year they we're gone all day so I took myself off for a hop on hop off cruise on Lake Windermere. It was really good. Then I waited in the car park to pick them up and drive them home. GF doesn't have to go. She shouldn't have to justify it or feel guilty.
OP I'm wondering the full extent of the conversation you are having with your son about her and the tradition, how much does she know about these behind the scenes conversation?. Have another Skype visit with the two of them together. Explain to them how much you're looking forward the her joining this family get together. Re cap Porters concerns about Emily 's comfort on the hike. Explain to her about the alternative suggestions you have made. Ask her what would she like to do? What would she be comfortable doing? Take the decision making off of Porter's shoulders. Encourage them to discuss it and let you know closer to the date. Explain you want everyone to have fun and enjoy themselves.
I have to wonder if these hikes aren't more of a mom tradition imposed on the family and Porter is maybe speaking for more than just himself and friend. Odd mom didn't ask anyone else and just assumed everyone loves the tradition of long hikes on Christmas. Also not mentioned is how mom came to the conclusion girlfriend is out of shape. Me thinks she might be overweight which would add a whole layer to the embarrassment of not participating. No advise as we are getting one person's perspective about something they love and it feels like we are getting the whole story. She doesn't like kind of conflict she's just created?
Son said she was out of shape. And mom's family, dad's family and multiple friends' families all participate or have similar traditions. Its more likely that a majority enjoy it and would be upset if it were cancelled for Emily. Based on my family's reaction to a much smaller change (that only meant I wasnt there not that they had to do anything different), they may start ostracizing her for ruining things for them which would be much worse than the 2 of them just skipping and letting everyone else enjoy thier hike.
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NTA. Not to be crude, but New GF = Whole family needs to change their longtime annual tradition means Porter is way deep in the p***y fog.
My family do this too - usually after dinner, though. Not everyone has to go, just depends how you feel
I dont know why some ppl suggest she is fat. I consider myself thin, according BMI I would need to get some weight to get into the average. But the "easy 10km run" like wtf? I am glad that I can run 500meters at once and that is enough. Hiking in winter? Are you serious? This family seems to me like top athletes in comparison to tge average population. There is nothing to be ashamed of if she doesnt participate. They can stay at home and watch christmas movies and prepare hot tea for everyone when tgey are back
Mother just assumed the girlfriend was a hiker and she would have boots. To make matters worse, her two "alternatives" still involve going for a walk. How are they alternatives? I hate walking I have arthritis and am disabled it is very painful. The family sound like overachieving a******s. The mother certainly is not hearing her son as he is tactfully trying to tell her Emily does not want ANY kind of walk, period. I would not want to go on a forced march with my possible future mother in law either. Emily is not asking them to change tradition she is asking to be left out of it. She should be allowed to do what is comfortable, she may have an "embarrassing" reason she can't walk far she doesn't want to share.
I think the word hike is what scares the gf when in reality it's more like a walk up some trails
I feel like the OP didn't need to offer a compromise but she did anyway, and I think that's sweet. To spit in the face of that seems terrible.. I'm in terrible shape. If I had to go for a family hike, I'd probably just walk alone or later with someone else in the neighborhood where it's easier on my knees. No harm, no foul. But apparently it's all or nothing for prince Porter. :/
I think Porter upset he be left out on family hike and doesn't wanna stay back with gf like the mom offered. & 6 months?. Idk I think Porter downplayed the tradition or she kinda new trying stick her foot down now.But OP is NTA. Because it's Porter & Emily given her ultimatum.. But if Op done it since a kid.It can't be that hard. I have asthma & my best friend is a bigger lady we would take walks to the beach all the time. Neither of us are in shape to really run. Even with my asthma I know it's better for my health & can lessen the effects of asthma.But we had one friend that would have meltdown when we wanted to for walks. Said she too fat when a twig like me. In reality she didn't take to weed well.0 motivation to work at a party of 7 people she will make everyone stop playing videogames because she doesn't want to play but doesn't want to do anything else like watch TV.but shes the host gf. So we all have stfu.
I'm thinking Mom needs to go around Porter to address the girlfriend directly. I think him playing telephone would have devastating consequences, because he seems determined to take offense if they don't do exactly what he wants. Mom should just tell the girlfriend she wanted to follow up and clarify that everyone is perfectly all right with anyone skipping the hike, no one will care if they want a morning in, and there will be plenty of other things to do together. I am also thinking Porter is the one who doesn't want to be left out of the hike for his girlfriend's sake. Like, he wants to participate, but knows his girlfriend won't go for it at all, so he wants you to offer Easy Mode so he doesn't have to hang back and hang out with just her that morning.
The girlfriend isn't be included in the conversation. Let the family take a leisurely walk with everyone included. Explain to this mother that while the family seems (too) happy to spend Christmas morning outside (I'm guessing it gets f*****g cold there!) on a strenuous hike, most people...yes, most people... do not. The mother even using using an expression like "an easy 5K or 10K run..." would guarantee my never visiting during the day. God! She probably has lights outside on a track. AHHHH! Someone warn the girlfriend! Escape! --- I'm sure he's a nice boy. His mommy is .... there once was a TV show starring a very attractive, fifty-ish, sophisticated, Southern lady. She took up running. After some months she had a scheduled doctor's visit. Her doctor told her the running clothes were ugly, she looked like a pony-tailed 50-ish Gidget & she'd soon develop the legs of an 18 year-old boy. Ooooo. Nasty... in a bad way.
My husband and I were short on time and funds when we got married so drove a couple of hours away and got a hotel for the night and did a cave tour. So each year for our anniversary we choose another cave to explore. Then COVID hit and we both were pretty sick with it. When our anniversary rolled around we thought well it's been 4 months so we are recovered enough.... Ummm he was I wasn't, we got to the cave entrance and I was so out of breath I couldn't go on. One of the guides walked with me and took me back to the starting point. He was so kind and in spite of "rules" held on to me to help me walk, allowed me to take my mask off as it really was making breathing harder as a result of how hard it was being for me to get a breath. We stopped every 4 or 5 steps for a rest. It took nearly as long to get me back to the ticket counter as it took the tour to be completed. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. My husband at my urging did the tour without me.
It was a horrible day for both of us. For my part I wouldn't change the fact of him going on the tour without me because from my point of view why should I ruin his trip etc. From his point of view he feels like a heel for not being the one to walk back out with me. But at the same time he got to experience that cave and we aren't sure there will be another chance at that. More than a year after this incident and I still can't walk as much as those caves take. I'll miss taking those tours but if he wants to go do one next year then we will find one and he will go while I visit the gift shop or find a place to sit and read the literature about the cave system or whatever. My point? The young man should have told his gf about the tradition so that when the subject came up there would be a ready response about what they might do during that time instead or he might find out she'd like to try. But he didn't give her the chance....
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Lol. Poster and his GF has had plenty of time to get into shape. Well before the Skype call.
Porter didn't prep the gf in knowing about the tradition. GF sounded caught off guard on Skype call - like this was the 1st she's heard of it.
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NTA. If anything it puts weird pressure on the girlfriend. I think she would much prefer a little time while everyone else is gone. Spending time with someone else's family is stressful
Maybe if she went on more hikes she'd be in better shape 🤷. In not sure but I think that's the way that works.
"Do I have to?" no, you get to. This was on a team building trip in the child's 6th grade year. If the son was hearing his mom, he'd 'get' it. It's tradition and family building too. Does he not want to encourage such a moment?
Not sure why the insults to the mother when it was the son that allegedly claimed that the girlfriend is out of shape, not the mum. The mother also gave alternatives and didn't push for anything.
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I'm seeing a culture clash here. People can be of the same race, religion or socioeconomic status, and be different. Emily needs to watch out. She's always going to feel like the odd piece in the game if she doesn't start training.
It's your duty as a family to vet this potential new member. If she's got blood type:pudding and can't walk in the woods, she might just be a burden on your son. Tell him to aim higher.
Applause to you, for coming up with alternatives. Maybe the guest will oversleep, thus missing the hike- but avoiding embarrassment. Please note: not hiking may be for medical reasons.
So, I'd like to offer a counterpoint to this: does she have an invisible disability? As someone who suffers with EDS and MS I can't even tell you the amount of times I have been excluded from things because of them. I've been told to my face that I shouldn't expect people to accommodate me because I "don't want to walk". Trust me, I WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO WALK. I'm not saying they should stop their tradition but they could at least try to meet their son and the person he cares about half way here. Maybe meet the day before for a friendly lunch and asking her if she'd like to try to to join the hike or what she'd be comfortable with doing. Kindness costs you nothing, but being snide because you think your son's girlfriend is fat and not good enough for him, well, that's certainly going to cost you...
First, if the girlfriend has an invisible disability, she or the the boyfriend is responsible for telling his mother. The mother shouldn't have to ask. Second, why should her having a disability keep others from going on the hike? It's one activity at Christmas, excluding her would be saying she can't come because she can't go on the hike. There will be presumably other activities she can do with the family. Third, they have been dating only six months. What if they brake up in February? I would be upset in general being told that the traditional hike was cancelled for a girlfriend but if they later broke up, I would be pissed with her son too. It's okay for the son to insure she is included in activities but you can't keep the others from going on the hike if they so choose. The mother is not being snide and doesn't think the girlfriend is fat. Her son wants to dictate one activity and is being unreasonable.
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NTA, I feel like she has gone above and beyond to offer other solutions. And this is coming from a person whould would not walk/hike/run anywhere on Christmas.
I don't see why it turned into such drama. Nothing would happen if Porter and Emily simply went on walk, or compromised with family- they can walk instead of running, they can take breaks from time to time, they can shorten hike. But because of tradition, their hike absulutely must be 5k-10k run , and no changes are allowed? Weird.
OP suggested changes, it's the son who refuses to compromise. He's saying no one can go on the hike because his GF can't handle it (according to him), that's not fair to the rest of the family. I can't imagine she asked him to do that. I'd be super embarrassed if I were in her position. I would either suck it up or find a discreet way to not go on the hike.
Load More Replies... This decision affects the whole family, it shouldn't be decided between only two people. Call a family meeting and decide as a group.
One person not wanting to participate in a walk requires a family meeting?
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5km is a little over an hour walk, which i think is not that Bad but for people who walk just to the car and Office daily, it seems to be a little to much. I would say a 2,5km walk should be doable. Half an hour, or longer with some Breaks (Hot punch in a thermo bottle). But i think they should speak with the GF direktly and Tell her about alternatives. I hated hiking as a kid but the walks on christmas were cool. You See all the decorated house, strive through a bit of nature, feel anticipation and the icy Wind and become cold but then you go home on a warm place, really enjoy and appreciateing the lights, warm house, the food and of course the Gifts.
I believe 5-10K refers to a run in the city, not necessarily the length of their hike. 10K would certainly be excessive
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So the boy sounds like he's jumping on this new entitled trend that demands that generations of traditions be scraped for someone because they feel embarrassed or whatever... so everyone has to drop trou to accommodate someone that doesn't even want to try... because someone feels special. And entitled. Give an effort or sit out... don't ask an entire community to give up 3 generations of tradition because you don't feel like it....stfu!! I'm so tired of bs sensibilities!!! You want to be a part of something... make yourself worthy. Don't expect them to move the goal post to placate you
A walk on Christmas Morning? Well, yeah, not going to drive to the Pub are we? Otherwise this woman sounds awful
another not-discussed issue is that she might be using her apparent non-athleticism to mask a medical condition or trauma that she perhaps doesn't want to share for whatever reason. Porter may know this, and is sticking with her public story (of not being fit enough) to protect her. OP may have listened, but she didn't hear. Cut the hike, and the "i won't compromise because tradition" c**p. Traditions change. What if her husband were in an accident and couldn't ever hike again? will she just go wiithout him because TRADITION? OP sounds pretty inflexible here, tbh.
Porter? Goodness me. What is it with this trend of giving people occupations as first names? Porter, Fletcher, Cooper... I'm surprised I haven't encountered anyone called Butcher yet.
Self abuse? A HIKE? Are you serious right now?
Load More Replies... If Porter is trying to save his girlfriend embarrassment, I think he's going about it wrong. Christmas morning: "Hey everyone, Girlfriend and I are going to hang back. We're tired, but we'll see you later." Everyone understands and leaves. "Hey everyone. We've changed a tradition that's been happening for years, because my girlfriend doesn't want/ can't go. Sorry" Everyone is upset and questioning the new girl. Personally, I think the mother's options are kinder.
This exactly. And if there are siblings or cousins - especially younger ones - who really look forward to the hike every year, they could easily turn on Emily and blame her for ruining thier fun making her MORE of an outcast than he (or she) feels like she would be for choosing not to join them.
Load More Replies... Willing to bet that Emily doesn't know he's asking his whole family to change a tradition just for her because she's unfit - that's the most embarrassing part. OP has offered different compromises. I hate hiking, yet I'd never expect or even ask someone to change their whole plans for me. Also, the couple have been together 6 piddly months - they've hardly earned the stripes to be demanding so much.
I agree. She would be embarrassed at this whole thing. The Op offered for them two to hang back. That is what they should do. If the Op had insisted they come then that would be different. Or they could go, hike a bit then turn around. I am not in shape and over weight (and sweat in an ice storm) but I could manage a hike. But they should just hang back. No big deal. Screw "an easy 10k" though🙄
Load More Replies... A five or ten km run on Christmas morning? I'll take the coal in my stocking instead.
Only way I'm going that far on foot is if my life depends on it and that's iffy on if I would even make it.
Load More Replies... I'm a fat girl and MIL is not TA. You shouldn't have to change your tradition for someone who can't keep up and the thing is...Emily knows this. I'm fat and if someone says they're going on a hike I'm happy and have no problem saying I'm staying home and getting comfy by the fire, taking a nap, etc. I'm not mad they want to do it I just know I'm going to have a heart attack if I do so I'm not going. I don't feel left out or slighted somehow. It's not their fault she can't do it. It would be different if they were demeaning her for not being able to do it but they weren't. And in this case, the son is really TA more than anyone because he didn't prepare for something he knows is going to happen. So he should have told mom he was going to stay with Emily this year and everyone else can go. Fat people know they're fat- you don't have to walk on eggshells about it. Just don't be mean or rude about it.
Thank you for saying this. Really reaffirms my belief that the son made this request on his own without consulting his GF.
Load More Replies... The YTA and ESH voters are morons. Emily is not wrong and neither is the mum. The Son is the AH here.
Don't really think the son is being an a*****e either. He's just trying to navigate a subject that is very touchy for a lot of people: physical fitness. For people who are out of shape, it can be quite embarassing when people you are hanging out with suggest physically intensive activities and you have to say "I think I am going to sit this one out". From what I hear, it's mostly because you get in your own head and start thinking everyone else is thinking "oh they're fat, that's why". I think the son is just trying to spare his gf the embarassment of having to be the person that is constantly sitting out of all the activities. I don't know if there is really a great way to navigate a situation like that either. I know my girlfriend when her carpal tunnel is acting up gets embarassed/frustrated when she has to sit out at activities that require a lot of hand micromovements.
Load More Replies... I hate it when people say things like 'you're not hearing me', or 'no, you're not listening' when what they really mean is 'you're not agreeing with me'.
Definitely. Though I couldn't help but wonder if he was covertly trying to tell his mom that maybe she is ill in some fashion that makes a hike difficult as opposed to simply being "out of shape". Out of shape may have just been a cover for something deeper that she wasn't comfortable sharing such as a medical issue.
Load More Replies... My husband's brother is always inviting everyone for a short walk. In those years, I figured that "short" meant ~3 hours. No thank you. I went for those walks a few times, then turned around when I could feel I wouldn't make it home safely. Now I just decline to go and take a nap while they are gone. I have asthma and they have seen me during a crisis but no one can quite believe I'm having one. My husband would follow my lead, i.e. turn back when I do or just stay put with me. I think the mother's suggestions are great and Porter doesn't seem like he's the one hearing his mother or GF.
He is definitely going the wrong way about this. I think his not trying to be the bad person, but his confusing the whole thing. He doesn't want to embarrass his girlfriend, so in his mind, he thinks if the entire hike is just called off then there will be no situation to deal with. And maybe he wants to satisfy both parties, and be part of the hike, but also cannot be because of his girlfriend. So for him, if the hiking thing just disappears, at least for now, then the problem is solved. It's a him problem, not even his girlfriend's problem.
Then girlfriend will question why his family members aren't going on their hike, and will be absolutely mortified to find out that her bf forced them to cancel it just because she's not fit...
Load More Replies... Nope, NTA. I get the the GF might be embarrassed or feel left out. But the rest of the family shouldn't have to change what they want to do to accommodate her. As long as they treat her well the rest of the stay, she'll be fine.
Ngl... there's a very real chance the rest of the family doesn't want to do the hike either and this is just something they do to appease OP. Possibility the son was using his GF as an excuse not to do it. I know my family has a few "traditions" that are forced on us that no one except my mom wants to do. (And if we even suggest we don't want to, she gets incredibly angry and ruins the whole day for everyone). That's why I can never be sure about these AITA posts... cause it's always voming from a very specific pov and you can never be ahre if you are getting the whole story/context or a condensed version of the story that makes the OP look good.
Load More Replies... Am I the only one who thinks the mom was trying to give her son a nice black cheque to be intimate with his new gf, while everyone else was away?
Lol! As a DIL I would have just been happy with an excuse to stay away from my in-laws and their arguing. Instead I was forced to help cook (made my husband do dishes) and sneak out back to smoke cigarettes with my teen niece. I haven't smoked in over 12 years, nasty habit, but stressful times call for desperate measures.
Load More Replies... As an "out of shape" person, I wouldn't feel "excluded" if I can't go to the hike... I would understand that it's their tradition and I would just stay... I think that I can even use that as an incentive to train a little so I can go with them the next Christmas... honestly, it sounds awesome...
Porter had 6 months to get Emily prepared for the hike, he dropped the ball and wants everyone to accommodate his mistake. NTA, and Porter and his portly gf can hang back or stay home.
You mean physically prepared? If I tried to do that to my wife I think that would be the end of it!
Load More Replies... I agree with all the NTA comments. Just tell the family your girlfriend doesn’t like hiking and do a small walk around the block if you want to and go back to the house for hot cocoa or take up your mom’s offer to do it later. The family shouldn’t have to change a years-old tradition.
That doesn't work either. Then you'll have someone all butt hurt because she's bucking tradition just cause she doesn't feel like it.
Load More Replies... Although, I don't think YTA....I feel like you have pretty high expectations of people. You said "Take an easy 5km-10km run." This may be "easy" for you, while others may struggle with something like this. You may be in peak physical condition for something like this, that makes this an easy and fun activity for you.....however, if someone is not as fit as you, this activity may be an unpleasant and embarrassing experience.
Am I alone in being totally ****ed off with these fake AITA articles? This is a pathetic repeat of the same one from last week, except it’s now « Mom refuses… » , changed from « Dad refuses…. ».
Engaging with articles you don't want to see sends BP a confusing message. You don't want to see articles like this, yet you clicked on it and left a comment. Those are both signals that tell BP you DO like this type of content. If you truly don't like this type of content, don't engage with it except to downvote it on the main page. That's the only signal you can send them that you don't like an article.
Load More Replies... I'm sorry, who the hell thinks that a 5-10k hike is "easy"?! I'm with the girlfriend on this one, I had to do a 5k walk once and I felt like I was going to die. I can't walk long distances without my legs cramping up like hellfire. I'm pretty sure the only reason why they think that walk is normal is because they're trained for it. The average person probably won't be able to do it.
The average person, barring any health conditions, should absolutely be able to walk that far. I’m absolutely shocked people think walking for an hour or two is too much.
Load More Replies... Maybe ask Emily what she wants to do?? I know, I'd be happier staying home than feeling I'm robbing a whole family of a christmas tradition. I like the idea with that extra walk. Also: can peoople please stop using non-violent language in a violent way? Repeating 'You are not hearing me' simply because you are not getting your way this phrase is intended.
Wow! MIL of the year! How very kind and thoughtful. I think you should maybe talk to the gf. I am sure she would hate to be the reason tradition is broken. Some time for the two alone is nice, with another short jaunt with them later sounds awesome! Stand your ground!
How about bring her along on the hike and after a while, the son and she can turn back when she’s reached her limit and rest of family continue? Son is making a bigger deal out of this than necessary trying to protect his new gf & it’s getting the relationship off to a bad start with his family.
NAH. If you go along with canceling the tradition for her, what will happen if they get marry? Will you be willing to abandon the tradition that your family done for years. Just let him know that the tradition is going to continue and you already told him what he can do and you don’t want to talk about. Please stick to your family tradition, it’s a Beautiful tradition, it brings the family together.
Not to mention that other family members who love the tradition will figure out she is the reason it didnt happen and will likely take it out on her making her feel worse and like more of an outsider than just staying back would.
Load More Replies... I'm sorry, but something I choose myself to do that has no bearing on someone else's life should not be dictated by the other person. If I choose to play a videogame and someone tells me they want to read so I should too, no, I'll put my headphones in so that the noise doesn't bother them do they can read. If I want to go for a walk and the other person doesn't, they don't have to. My enjoyable activities are mine, not someone elses.
NTA. Porter is his problem. OP's been nothing but kind & inclusive w/ his GF- she's not insisting, judging, or getting butt hurt if GF chooses not to hike. If I were his GF I wouldn't appreciate his bringing my weight/ fitness up w/ his family. Porter ought learn to think b4 running his face & making mountainous molehills out of things that aren't worth it
I'm overweight and wouldn't be happy about finding out about a hike only a month before the fact after being with a bf for 6 months. She asked if she could hang back and that was ok so why upend a years long family tradition when she's perfectly happy to let them go ahead and bond with his family afterwards. Also sounds more like Porter is saying his gf isn't in great shape rather than her thinking that about herself
I love walks and would be happy to go on a brisk walk on a nice Christmas day. However, my ex’s family were big time outdoors people and he often put me in situations that made me super uncomfortable with no regard for my feelings. The mom here mentioned having footwear for walking on ice. Due to a fall years ago, I have a crippling fear of ice and no amount of footwear would make me comfortable hiking through an icy trail. I don’t think the mom here is being an a**hole, but I would have appreciated someone knowing and acknowledging my comfort level. Unfortunately there’s no good solution here because as the new person, and because family dynamics are usually pretty wacky, girlfriend is still going to appear to the rest of the family as a diva who wants to ruin Christmas.
This is a classic case of a kid lashing out because his mother named him "Porter".
NTA- But I think, JMO, you should TALK to Porter, not just texts or email. Sounds like he is trying to tell you more than he is actually saying. There could be another issue at hand here.
Family tradition is not something that you cancel. I thought about the Kennedys and the sports that they played. Jacqueline didnt play touch football and everyone survived that. If their mother cancelled touch football there would have been good knows what. Keep the tradition. Let the couple spend time together. Family get togethers mean that family can enjoy each other without participating in every activity. Family feel at ease as others do different things. Those walks or hikes allow family to laugh, chit chat, or just feel each others company. Son and girlfriend need to take a chill pill and enjoy just being there when the others come back from the hike. My opinions
When I go to someone's house for any reason, I know they may do things that I don't normally do. If they require me to take my shoes off, I do, even if I don't at my house. I certainly don't tell them that I will keep my shoes on and they must get over it. During holidays would be no different. I have gone to many people's homes during holidays events and they all have their own traditions and no, I don't participate in all of them but I certainly wouldn't ask them not to do it just because I can't or don't want to participate. Why are people so entitled? The world does not revolve around you.
We visit my cousin every December in the Lake District. She's very fit and she, my husband and kids all go off for a hike with the dogs at some point. They appreciate that it's just not my thing and I don't enjoy it. No excuse but my hip surgery cause my back to really hurt on long walks. So I stay home. Last year they we're gone all day so I took myself off for a hop on hop off cruise on Lake Windermere. It was really good. Then I waited in the car park to pick them up and drive them home. GF doesn't have to go. She shouldn't have to justify it or feel guilty.
OP I'm wondering the full extent of the conversation you are having with your son about her and the tradition, how much does she know about these behind the scenes conversation?. Have another Skype visit with the two of them together. Explain to them how much you're looking forward the her joining this family get together. Re cap Porters concerns about Emily 's comfort on the hike. Explain to her about the alternative suggestions you have made. Ask her what would she like to do? What would she be comfortable doing? Take the decision making off of Porter's shoulders. Encourage them to discuss it and let you know closer to the date. Explain you want everyone to have fun and enjoy themselves.
I have to wonder if these hikes aren't more of a mom tradition imposed on the family and Porter is maybe speaking for more than just himself and friend. Odd mom didn't ask anyone else and just assumed everyone loves the tradition of long hikes on Christmas. Also not mentioned is how mom came to the conclusion girlfriend is out of shape. Me thinks she might be overweight which would add a whole layer to the embarrassment of not participating. No advise as we are getting one person's perspective about something they love and it feels like we are getting the whole story. She doesn't like kind of conflict she's just created?
Son said she was out of shape. And mom's family, dad's family and multiple friends' families all participate or have similar traditions. Its more likely that a majority enjoy it and would be upset if it were cancelled for Emily. Based on my family's reaction to a much smaller change (that only meant I wasnt there not that they had to do anything different), they may start ostracizing her for ruining things for them which would be much worse than the 2 of them just skipping and letting everyone else enjoy thier hike.
Load More Replies... NTA. Not to be crude, but New GF = Whole family needs to change their longtime annual tradition means Porter is way deep in the p***y fog.
My family do this too - usually after dinner, though. Not everyone has to go, just depends how you feel
I dont know why some ppl suggest she is fat. I consider myself thin, according BMI I would need to get some weight to get into the average. But the "easy 10km run" like wtf? I am glad that I can run 500meters at once and that is enough. Hiking in winter? Are you serious? This family seems to me like top athletes in comparison to tge average population. There is nothing to be ashamed of if she doesnt participate. They can stay at home and watch christmas movies and prepare hot tea for everyone when tgey are back
Mother just assumed the girlfriend was a hiker and she would have boots. To make matters worse, her two "alternatives" still involve going for a walk. How are they alternatives? I hate walking I have arthritis and am disabled it is very painful. The family sound like overachieving a******s. The mother certainly is not hearing her son as he is tactfully trying to tell her Emily does not want ANY kind of walk, period. I would not want to go on a forced march with my possible future mother in law either. Emily is not asking them to change tradition she is asking to be left out of it. She should be allowed to do what is comfortable, she may have an "embarrassing" reason she can't walk far she doesn't want to share.
I think the word hike is what scares the gf when in reality it's more like a walk up some trails
I feel like the OP didn't need to offer a compromise but she did anyway, and I think that's sweet. To spit in the face of that seems terrible.. I'm in terrible shape. If I had to go for a family hike, I'd probably just walk alone or later with someone else in the neighborhood where it's easier on my knees. No harm, no foul. But apparently it's all or nothing for prince Porter. :/
I think Porter upset he be left out on family hike and doesn't wanna stay back with gf like the mom offered. & 6 months?. Idk I think Porter downplayed the tradition or she kinda new trying stick her foot down now.But OP is NTA. Because it's Porter & Emily given her ultimatum.. But if Op done it since a kid.It can't be that hard. I have asthma & my best friend is a bigger lady we would take walks to the beach all the time. Neither of us are in shape to really run. Even with my asthma I know it's better for my health & can lessen the effects of asthma.But we had one friend that would have meltdown when we wanted to for walks. Said she too fat when a twig like me. In reality she didn't take to weed well.0 motivation to work at a party of 7 people she will make everyone stop playing videogames because she doesn't want to play but doesn't want to do anything else like watch TV.but shes the host gf. So we all have stfu.
I'm thinking Mom needs to go around Porter to address the girlfriend directly. I think him playing telephone would have devastating consequences, because he seems determined to take offense if they don't do exactly what he wants. Mom should just tell the girlfriend she wanted to follow up and clarify that everyone is perfectly all right with anyone skipping the hike, no one will care if they want a morning in, and there will be plenty of other things to do together. I am also thinking Porter is the one who doesn't want to be left out of the hike for his girlfriend's sake. Like, he wants to participate, but knows his girlfriend won't go for it at all, so he wants you to offer Easy Mode so he doesn't have to hang back and hang out with just her that morning.
The girlfriend isn't be included in the conversation. Let the family take a leisurely walk with everyone included. Explain to this mother that while the family seems (too) happy to spend Christmas morning outside (I'm guessing it gets f*****g cold there!) on a strenuous hike, most people...yes, most people... do not. The mother even using using an expression like "an easy 5K or 10K run..." would guarantee my never visiting during the day. God! She probably has lights outside on a track. AHHHH! Someone warn the girlfriend! Escape! --- I'm sure he's a nice boy. His mommy is .... there once was a TV show starring a very attractive, fifty-ish, sophisticated, Southern lady. She took up running. After some months she had a scheduled doctor's visit. Her doctor told her the running clothes were ugly, she looked like a pony-tailed 50-ish Gidget & she'd soon develop the legs of an 18 year-old boy. Ooooo. Nasty... in a bad way.
My husband and I were short on time and funds when we got married so drove a couple of hours away and got a hotel for the night and did a cave tour. So each year for our anniversary we choose another cave to explore. Then COVID hit and we both were pretty sick with it. When our anniversary rolled around we thought well it's been 4 months so we are recovered enough.... Ummm he was I wasn't, we got to the cave entrance and I was so out of breath I couldn't go on. One of the guides walked with me and took me back to the starting point. He was so kind and in spite of "rules" held on to me to help me walk, allowed me to take my mask off as it really was making breathing harder as a result of how hard it was being for me to get a breath. We stopped every 4 or 5 steps for a rest. It took nearly as long to get me back to the ticket counter as it took the tour to be completed. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. My husband at my urging did the tour without me.
It was a horrible day for both of us. For my part I wouldn't change the fact of him going on the tour without me because from my point of view why should I ruin his trip etc. From his point of view he feels like a heel for not being the one to walk back out with me. But at the same time he got to experience that cave and we aren't sure there will be another chance at that. More than a year after this incident and I still can't walk as much as those caves take. I'll miss taking those tours but if he wants to go do one next year then we will find one and he will go while I visit the gift shop or find a place to sit and read the literature about the cave system or whatever. My point? The young man should have told his gf about the tradition so that when the subject came up there would be a ready response about what they might do during that time instead or he might find out she'd like to try. But he didn't give her the chance....
Load More Replies... Lol. Poster and his GF has had plenty of time to get into shape. Well before the Skype call.
Porter didn't prep the gf in knowing about the tradition. GF sounded caught off guard on Skype call - like this was the 1st she's heard of it.
Load More Replies... NTA. If anything it puts weird pressure on the girlfriend. I think she would much prefer a little time while everyone else is gone. Spending time with someone else's family is stressful
Maybe if she went on more hikes she'd be in better shape 🤷. In not sure but I think that's the way that works.
"Do I have to?" no, you get to. This was on a team building trip in the child's 6th grade year. If the son was hearing his mom, he'd 'get' it. It's tradition and family building too. Does he not want to encourage such a moment?
Not sure why the insults to the mother when it was the son that allegedly claimed that the girlfriend is out of shape, not the mum. The mother also gave alternatives and didn't push for anything.
Load More Replies... I'm seeing a culture clash here. People can be of the same race, religion or socioeconomic status, and be different. Emily needs to watch out. She's always going to feel like the odd piece in the game if she doesn't start training.
It's your duty as a family to vet this potential new member. If she's got blood type:pudding and can't walk in the woods, she might just be a burden on your son. Tell him to aim higher.
Applause to you, for coming up with alternatives. Maybe the guest will oversleep, thus missing the hike- but avoiding embarrassment. Please note: not hiking may be for medical reasons.
So, I'd like to offer a counterpoint to this: does she have an invisible disability? As someone who suffers with EDS and MS I can't even tell you the amount of times I have been excluded from things because of them. I've been told to my face that I shouldn't expect people to accommodate me because I "don't want to walk". Trust me, I WOULD LOVE TO BE ABLE TO WALK. I'm not saying they should stop their tradition but they could at least try to meet their son and the person he cares about half way here. Maybe meet the day before for a friendly lunch and asking her if she'd like to try to to join the hike or what she'd be comfortable with doing. Kindness costs you nothing, but being snide because you think your son's girlfriend is fat and not good enough for him, well, that's certainly going to cost you...
First, if the girlfriend has an invisible disability, she or the the boyfriend is responsible for telling his mother. The mother shouldn't have to ask. Second, why should her having a disability keep others from going on the hike? It's one activity at Christmas, excluding her would be saying she can't come because she can't go on the hike. There will be presumably other activities she can do with the family. Third, they have been dating only six months. What if they brake up in February? I would be upset in general being told that the traditional hike was cancelled for a girlfriend but if they later broke up, I would be pissed with her son too. It's okay for the son to insure she is included in activities but you can't keep the others from going on the hike if they so choose. The mother is not being snide and doesn't think the girlfriend is fat. Her son wants to dictate one activity and is being unreasonable.
Load More Replies... NTA, I feel like she has gone above and beyond to offer other solutions. And this is coming from a person whould would not walk/hike/run anywhere on Christmas.
I don't see why it turned into such drama. Nothing would happen if Porter and Emily simply went on walk, or compromised with family- they can walk instead of running, they can take breaks from time to time, they can shorten hike. But because of tradition, their hike absulutely must be 5k-10k run , and no changes are allowed? Weird.
OP suggested changes, it's the son who refuses to compromise. He's saying no one can go on the hike because his GF can't handle it (according to him), that's not fair to the rest of the family. I can't imagine she asked him to do that. I'd be super embarrassed if I were in her position. I would either suck it up or find a discreet way to not go on the hike.
Load More Replies... This decision affects the whole family, it shouldn't be decided between only two people. Call a family meeting and decide as a group.
One person not wanting to participate in a walk requires a family meeting?
Load More Replies... 5km is a little over an hour walk, which i think is not that Bad but for people who walk just to the car and Office daily, it seems to be a little to much. I would say a 2,5km walk should be doable. Half an hour, or longer with some Breaks (Hot punch in a thermo bottle). But i think they should speak with the GF direktly and Tell her about alternatives. I hated hiking as a kid but the walks on christmas were cool. You See all the decorated house, strive through a bit of nature, feel anticipation and the icy Wind and become cold but then you go home on a warm place, really enjoy and appreciateing the lights, warm house, the food and of course the Gifts.
I believe 5-10K refers to a run in the city, not necessarily the length of their hike. 10K would certainly be excessive
Load More Replies... So the boy sounds like he's jumping on this new entitled trend that demands that generations of traditions be scraped for someone because they feel embarrassed or whatever... so everyone has to drop trou to accommodate someone that doesn't even want to try... because someone feels special. And entitled. Give an effort or sit out... don't ask an entire community to give up 3 generations of tradition because you don't feel like it....stfu!! I'm so tired of bs sensibilities!!! You want to be a part of something... make yourself worthy. Don't expect them to move the goal post to placate you
A walk on Christmas Morning? Well, yeah, not going to drive to the Pub are we? Otherwise this woman sounds awful
another not-discussed issue is that she might be using her apparent non-athleticism to mask a medical condition or trauma that she perhaps doesn't want to share for whatever reason. Porter may know this, and is sticking with her public story (of not being fit enough) to protect her. OP may have listened, but she didn't hear. Cut the hike, and the "i won't compromise because tradition" c**p. Traditions change. What if her husband were in an accident and couldn't ever hike again? will she just go wiithout him because TRADITION? OP sounds pretty inflexible here, tbh.
Porter? Goodness me. What is it with this trend of giving people occupations as first names? Porter, Fletcher, Cooper... I'm surprised I haven't encountered anyone called Butcher yet.
Self abuse? A HIKE? Are you serious right now?
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