60-Year-Old Mother Humiliates Son In Front Of His Friends Because He Wouldn’t Do Any Chores To Help His Wife Out At Home
Love doesn’t mean blindly accepting our family members’ flaws. It’s because we love our family so much that we need to confront them when they get way out of line. Love means helping our relatives be better people, no matter how awkward and difficult the conversations are. And redditor Classic-Goose-8228 showed the internet that you sometimes have to do undiplomatic things to get your message across.
The 60-year-old redditor shared how her daughter-in-law’s mental health had been deteriorating because her husband, the redditor’s son, wouldn’t help around the house. At all! He convinced her to be a stay-at-home mom for their three kids, however, he’s unwilling to pitch in and help out with the chores. Despite the fact that his own mom and dad would split the housework fairly.
The redditor wanted to protect her daughter-in-law, so she shamed her own son in front of his friends when he continued putting his own welfare above hers. She then asked Reddit’s AITA community for a verdict whether what she did was right or wrong. Have a read through the entire story below and let us know what you think, dear Pandas.
Bored Panda spoke about dividing up chores at home with relationship and dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man. He explained that it’s essential to have honest conversations about practical issues like dividing up the housework so that “resentment doesn’t build up” and lead to a break-up or to “unnecessary, ongoing arguments.”
The expert pointed out that neither partner should force the other to do all the housework and that if the situation seems unfair to one of them, they need to resolve it instead of letting the tension build further. Read on for the rest of Dan’s insights.
A redditor confronted her son in front of his friends because he was putting his own interests above those of his wife and family
Image credits: Flickr (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Classic-Goose-8228
“Housework used to be seen as women’s work only, due to a man traditionally being the breadwinner and the woman staying at home all day. Yet, in today’s society, if both the man and woman are working, it’s more fair, loving, and respectful for both of them to contribute to keeping the house clean. On the other hand, if a man is the sole breadwinner and the woman stays home all day, many people would agree that she should do most or even all of the housework. That said, no one actually ‘has to’ do anything in a relationship,” relationship expert Dan told Bored Panda.
“A woman shouldn’t ever force a man to do housework and a man shouldn’t force a woman to do it either. Instead, the couple should honestly agree on what they feel is fair and then go with that. If it feels unfair to one of them, resentment will build up, arguments will happen and they will feel less connected and happy as a couple,” he said.
The expert suggested that one way to start up a discussion about chores is by asking your partner why they think you should be doing all the housework. “Then, ask if they honestly think that is a fair, loving, and respectful way for them to be approaching the relationship,” he said.
Meanwhile, Dan also offered Bored Panda some advice on how to tackle situations where you feel that you’re stuck in a rut and feel like there’s never enough time for family, work, chores, hobbies, friends, travel, and all the other wonderful activities that make life amazing.
“Have a conversation about how it seems like there’s not enough time to do everything in today’s life, but also point out that you want to enjoy a more balanced life. Then, have a discussion about what adjustments you can make, if any, to live a more balanced life,” Dan said.
“Once you’ve achieved that, try to make some more adjustments and keep going until you feel like you have a more enjoyable, balanced lifestyle given the circumstances. Also, keep in mind the life of each family is different. It’s not possible to be exactly the same as another family, so be the best that you can be based on your circumstances.”
The author of the thread posted some additional info about what she told her son during the confrontation
Previously, I spoke about the need for equality at home and sharing housework with award-winning activist and writer Elizabeth Arif-Fear.
“A woman should not be expected to be responsible for the home just because she is a woman. A couple needs to discuss chores based on working hours outside of the home and any other caring responsibilities that affect schedules and workloads,” she told Bored Panda in an earlier interview.
“If both partners are working full-time then they should be sharing the housework equally. Sadly, research shows that women still do more housework than men even when working. On a practical level, if a couple is committed to an equal level of partnership, drawing up a chore timetable can be useful, as can designating roles by working out who does what based on their likes and strengths,” she said.
“The woman deserves better and in this case, real communication, counseling, and reflection for deep change are needed around her role in the relationship. Change is possible—with communication and a division of chores if her partner is ready to change (and actively believes in this), but I would urge her to reflect on her role in and the value of the relationship,” Elizabeth told Bored Panda.
“In today’s world, looking after the home and/or children is a full-time job in itself and such work needs to be shared. Families often have to rely on two incomes and women have the right to pursue professional goals—something which their spouse should encourage as part of an equal partnership,” the expert went into detail about the division of housework.
“Being financially dependent on a man is not a healthy or safe option. Spouses must be equal in opportunities and shared duties. As working patterns have shifted with the economy in the past decades, outdated sexist attitudes also need to shift. A women’s role is where she wants to be—just like a man’s. It’s not her job to pick up or look after male relatives/spouses. If she chooses to stay at home as the family is financially able to manage on one wage, that must be the couple’s joint decision. Even then, there must be mutual respect, sharing of responsibility, and a fair equitable division of chores.”
Elizabeth also told Bored Panda about some exceptions. “Unless her partner is ill or there are other specific circumstances, change is needed. In such cases of illness or other circumstances (finances permitting), I would suggest bringing in home help such as a cleaner. A couple may decide to pay a cleaner, but this cannot make up for sexist expectations brought upon the woman. In a partnership, a couple should be equal.”
Most people thought that the mom did the right thing by standing up for her daughter-in-law
I feel so sorry for that wife. She honestly thought this is what housewives do and she's been used for years. Hope she does divorce the piece of s**t.
I hope she keeps MIL in her life though. MIL seems like a good grandma (at least from the post)
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Raising children is not just feeding them and sending them to school, it's also trying to mold them into becoming good human beings. That doesn't magically stop the day they turn 18 or the day they get married. And while parents don't get to dictate how their children live their lives, trying to correct them when their (adult) child displays d*ck behaviour is someting I am 100% supportive of
If my son ever pulled anything like this to his future partner I'd be doing the same as this mum did.
Load More Replies... Slightly off topic but I feel like we need more stories about good MILs and FILs to make up for all the horror stories online.
Yeah, there's plenty. Maybe they're taken for granted? My in-laws are fantastic.
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Justified a-hole. The parents did well, but it sounds like the friends are a bad influence on the son, given their excuses for his behaviour. Boy needs new friends and an attitude adjustment.
I like this reasoning. Sometimes pulling an asshole move is the right thing to do.
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That poor daughter in law. She didn't get any days off or pampering/husband doing stuff so she could rest? My mother's been a stay at home mom for all of her 21 years of motherhood. My father takes her out on dates, and before us kids got old enough to do a lot by themselves he did the laundry, the cooking, and a lot of the cleaning. Every time there's a new baby my father will hold them as long as physically possible (until they're hungry) so my mom can get rest, sleep, or a shower. My dad knows how hard it is to care for us, and he does all he can to relieve my mother's duties. He's teaching me to do the shopping/driving as well so I can help her more.
Please give my compliments to your Father. He's one in the truest meaning of the word and everything a woman could hope for in a partner.
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Even though the son definitely deserved what happened, I'm not sure it will urge him to be a better father and husband. Public humiliation usually makes people defensive rather than open to suggestions
Problem is, open suggestions are usually just shrugged off, especially by misogynistic people. Tough love is not easy, but essential.
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Sometimes a-holes only understand a-hole moves since they have their head so far up their own a$$ ... she had to lower herself to the snakes eye level. Bravo, mom
All too common. So many men out there, just looking for a mommy bangmaid wife appliance. Vet hard ladies, before ever accepting a proposal of marriage from men. Marriage isn't always a compliment or indication of love. Plenty of men are just looking for someone to take care of them and raise their kids, and anyone will do. Meanwhile, they are also out there cheating. Never marry a man who does not respect you or your time, never marry a man who does not appreciate everything you bring to a relationship, never marry a man who does not take you out on frequent romantic dates, never marry a man who lives in a filthy apartment, and never marry a man who cannot cook. It's a recipe for misery otherwise. Vet HARD.
help her divorce him, and then keep her and the kids and dump him. She sounds like a DIL, you dont want him anymore as a son.
Parental love is supposed to be stronger than a disagreement over child care. Even parents who have murderers for children still love their children.
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I wouldn't have been so nice if it was my son/child that is such a screewup.... I would have yelled him ball-headed and hang him out to dry! I hope dil kicks his a** out.... A🤬🤬🤬🤬LE
He's a PoS. I work. I'm out of the house from 6am til 6pm. I come home, get maybe 5 minutes to myself, then jump in and help with dinner, or bathe the toddlers, or feed the pets, or you know, any of the things that need to be done in my home, for my family, that need to be done. Cos that's what you do in a partnership. Work together.
Second paragraph and this woman already has my respect for the arrangement she made with her spouse. But a much-deserved public dressing-down that got her banned from a bar?! She's my hero!
His friends did nothing wrong. They just wanted a short time to visit with their college friend.
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''Don't stick your nose in...'' First time I ever heard that was from my Mom when at age 7 I asked her to call the police because our teacher was non-stop humiliating the class stutterer. Wish you had been my Mom instead. It's 60 years later and I have NOT been minding my own business.
Yeah, I assume the son is going to hold onto his deepest thorn 'did you have to embarrass me in front of multiple people?' But as someone who has been corrected by friends and family and had my eyes opened, other people can sometimes help keep us in check. We can be too close to a situation or person to realize that we are misbehaving at times. And this has gone for both me and my partner. I will say, the MIL was probably more aggressive in her wording, and that may not have been great in this situation. But hope it all works out in a good way in the future.
This is one of those situation in which the focus of the question gets skewed. Should she have confronted her son? Definitely. Should she have done so publicly and insulted his friends? Probably not. Would I tell her off for doing so? Probably not. You could discuss several nuances but clearly the son was the A here. Why not invite your friends over to your house and drink there, for goodness sake.
To be a fly on the wall to see his a$$ getting handed to him by his mother...I'd have paid good money to see that. I'd have been there eating popcorn and yelling "YEAH! YOU TELL 'EM SISTER!!!!"
This son has no idea how marriage and raising a family is supposed to work. It is a partnership and the work should be shared equally. It doesn't matter that she is a stay at home mom, she still puts in a lot of hours of work. The son is being unreasonable to expect his wife to take care of the children and the house all on her own. In order to spend time with his friends, he didn't have to cancel the wife's plans, they could have each done their own thing and left the kids with the grandma. His anger at his mother is unjustified because she did what was right by calling him out on his bs. The friends should have minded their own business and not be interfering in how this woman talks to her son. It may have been loud and embarrassing, but it was deserved because he treats his wife like garbage.
And it was a spa weekend FOR HER BIRTHDAY which makes him even more of an asshole. Did he even get her a decent gift or was it a new apron?
Definitely NTA my ex mother in law was horrible. I called her crying talking about how her son cheated on me etc. and her words "So what? It's just sex, he comes home to you" gross. And this coming from the same person whose husband (exes dad) cheated on her and she left his sorry ass. Like wtf?
another reason Im thankful Im not married or had one of my exes impregnate me. To be honest I think you did great OPand Id be in the background for your Daughter in law clapping for her if she divorces him
To be honest I can relate to both sides. I have friends from way back that I rarely get to see, and when I do it is rather spontaneous ... business trips etc. And to meet up as a group is rarer still. So the assessment of "drunk friends" doesn't ring true in my ears. BUT ... having her cancel her weekend BECAUSE of this also does not sound like a nice thing couples do. My wife makes sure I get to meet "the boys" whenever I can and I make sure she can get out whenever she can. It's give and take in a proper relationship.
I mean. TECHNICALLY he is TRYING to est financial and borderline emotional ABUSE; how manipulative IS it to tell her 'hOw HaPpY' he was growing up w sahm w/out discussing all the parameters to make it FAIR!??!? A woman who is not working SHOULD take care of the home and the children and her man but RECIPROCITY!!!- if he only spend 8hr a day, 5 days a wk (for ex!) 'providing' then WHY she gotta do 24/7!?!??!?! I HAD an EX who got me a apt and paid the bills and demanded i stay home (no kids at the time) THIS MF 'stocked' the fridge w garlic bologna and packs of cheese food product. NOTHING else- apt came w cups, else id be w/out ANYTHING to drink!! I had NO PHONE, and no fam/friends. I KNOW how the story end!!! Mom was right. Maybe she COULD have been more 'proper' abt but she WASNT; and for a d@mn good cause!!!
Is the son a lost cause? Perhaps he doesn't remember all aspects of the kind of work sharing done by his parents. Maybe a quiet discussion with his dad is in order, or, if his dad is no longer around, with his mother. Maybe he will see the error of his ways and reform. If he doesn't reform, his wife needs a new start.
Absolutely not the asshole, that's a woman after my own heart. Her son is acting like an adolescent schmuck, to put it mildly, and doesn't get a pass on being a butthead because he's over 21. Anyone who thinks she is the ahole needs to remember she not only has to right to call out her own son on any of his BS because she never stops being his mother, she has three grandchildren to think about. If he can't put his wife before himself, the kids won't be treated much better. I hope he gets his act together, because I'm not sure he can count on her to help out if they divorce and he has the kids every other weekend. As for the pity for his poor friends -- meh. Chances are they are as selfish as he is. Those that aren't, once they find out the details, they'll get over it.
I love when men tell me it's a good idea to make sacrifices for your husband or the man in your life - such an easy thing for them to say. No skin off their back. Doesn't that work out just nice... for the MAN???
Good on the mother but shouldn't call his friends silly, call the situation silly but his friends are just being lads, he didn't have to go, but yeah he is a t****r.
Son sounds like an R-soul. I wish I'd has a nice MIL like her. Though my Husband was OK so long as his mother wasn't; around. when she was around he was awful :-(
Three children under the age of five and their mom is on the verge of a breakdown. The husband's friend comes to town without advance notice and yet the mom is expected to drop her long term weekend plans so the husband can go hang out? Adults make plans in advance...particularly those who have spouses, children, pets, or other such responsibilities. The husband is ignoring his wife's needs as well as the needs of his children. By brushing it off and trying to get his mother to go away he is downplaying his actions and being dismissive and disrespectful. He shouldn't have gotten married and had three children if he expected to be able to live his life like a college kid with few responsibilities.
Is it just me or is something unclear about the story? "we'd babysit the kids for her"? First of all why didn't grandma EXPECT the father to care for (NOT BABYSIT) the kids? OK, nevermind, so grandma is expecting to babysit the kiddos, why is the dil's spa day now off the agenda? I'm truly not getting it. Husband can be with his friends while dil is at the spa - am I missing something? If the answer is that dil cannot go out-of-town and trust her husband won't get in trouble or injured without her supervision... well, that marriage has hidden problems besides all of the housekeeping and childcare issues.
So based on the Mother's description, her husband did more work than she did. She said she got Sundays off. Did her husband get a day off? (I can already tell that people are going to confuse the mother's husband with the son, so please don't do that when responding to this comment). Shouldn't the mother's husband get a day off per week as well?
I think this was both a rude and stupid way to handle this. It was good that she confronted her son, but there was no need to do it in public and in front of his friends. That level of humiliation was more likely to make him react defensively and double-down than to persuade him to change. The couple also needs to work on their relationship or to end it. If the wife has already tried talking, then her next step should be to start making plans in case she needs to leave. Unless he's violent, she should be open with him about her plans.
Help me understand. Why couldn't the DIL go to the spa day regardless if hubby hung out with a friend? Did he expect her to go with him or prepare a meal or something for the friend?
@Curry on...: Well, in a way. He wasn't going to be the one to get the kids ready to go to Grandma's for the weekend, if she left for the spa, God forbid. Or drop them off and pick them up. The fact that he does f**k all around the house to help is a huge a clue that he's not interested in seeing to anyone's needs but his own. If he wasn't going, she didn't need to. I don't even have to know him to know he said exactly that.
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Bored Panders! you can't just down-vote respectful comments that you don't agree with! As long as someone isn't crossing the line, you guys are just being petty.
I'm pretty sure a downvote means "I disagree with you". It'd be nice if there was a follow up explaining WHY they disagree, but did I miss when the point of downvoting changed? I mean... it's just a downvote and shouldn't affect people's lives in a meaningful way. I think people get too caught up in likes. (Feel free to downvote this if you disagree lol)
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I can understand mil anger, but the humiliation of a drunk man in a gang wouldn't achieve her goal, if it was to get him to do more to help his wife? Although i suspect it might have been partly regret/revenge at her own young motherhood situation. Son seems like any male, he'll do what he's doing until he's told differently. That includes getting away with it, regardless of him seeing someone else struggle. "You should have said" will be his reasoning. Her tears and depression would not necessarily register. Men are emotionally stunted.
It's usually pretty cut and dry on these posts, but I might have to go with a mixed verdict. NTA for calling the son out on his horrendous behaviour, but getting banned usually means you're upsetting a third party (the bar owners for a start!) And that's a little bit AH-ish. On balance, NTA, but it's not a hard N.
She hopes DIL divorces her soon? How vicious. Apple didn’t fall too far from the tree
That’s not vicious. Her son is the one being vicious to his wife with his incessant disrespect for her since he expects her to do everything for the children and do all housework all the time and not respecting her need for her to have time for herself. The mother in law is being fair, since she knew that she wouldn’t accept it for herself to be treated that way by her husband, and so she fairly didn’t want her DIL to be treated that way by her lousy, disrespectful son.
Load More Replies... Mom is wrong on this. First he is a grown man. If she has a problem, then talk to him in private and make him see his faults. She is the problem and a bad example. He should help out but humiliation is wrong too. Maybe grandma can help out too!!
No he is the problem since he is the one who’s been disrespecting/humiliating and exploiting his wife for at least 4 years now (since the eldest child is like 3, I am assuming she was already a stay at home wife while being pregnant, too). He’s the one being a ‘bad example’ for years.
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I think this is the first time where the post is an ass hole, but it was called for? (If what she is stating is truth) So YTABIWCF (Your the asshole but it was called for)
As she at one point is saying that there are more than 6 people at the table, I guess that she was in breach of covid protocols. Hence the removal.
Load More Replies... I feel so sorry for that wife. She honestly thought this is what housewives do and she's been used for years. Hope she does divorce the piece of s**t.
I hope she keeps MIL in her life though. MIL seems like a good grandma (at least from the post)
Load More Replies... Raising children is not just feeding them and sending them to school, it's also trying to mold them into becoming good human beings. That doesn't magically stop the day they turn 18 or the day they get married. And while parents don't get to dictate how their children live their lives, trying to correct them when their (adult) child displays d*ck behaviour is someting I am 100% supportive of
If my son ever pulled anything like this to his future partner I'd be doing the same as this mum did.
Load More Replies... Slightly off topic but I feel like we need more stories about good MILs and FILs to make up for all the horror stories online.
Yeah, there's plenty. Maybe they're taken for granted? My in-laws are fantastic.
Load More Replies... Justified a-hole. The parents did well, but it sounds like the friends are a bad influence on the son, given their excuses for his behaviour. Boy needs new friends and an attitude adjustment.
I like this reasoning. Sometimes pulling an asshole move is the right thing to do.
Load More Replies... That poor daughter in law. She didn't get any days off or pampering/husband doing stuff so she could rest? My mother's been a stay at home mom for all of her 21 years of motherhood. My father takes her out on dates, and before us kids got old enough to do a lot by themselves he did the laundry, the cooking, and a lot of the cleaning. Every time there's a new baby my father will hold them as long as physically possible (until they're hungry) so my mom can get rest, sleep, or a shower. My dad knows how hard it is to care for us, and he does all he can to relieve my mother's duties. He's teaching me to do the shopping/driving as well so I can help her more.
Please give my compliments to your Father. He's one in the truest meaning of the word and everything a woman could hope for in a partner.
Load More Replies... Even though the son definitely deserved what happened, I'm not sure it will urge him to be a better father and husband. Public humiliation usually makes people defensive rather than open to suggestions
Problem is, open suggestions are usually just shrugged off, especially by misogynistic people. Tough love is not easy, but essential.
Load More Replies... Sometimes a-holes only understand a-hole moves since they have their head so far up their own a$$ ... she had to lower herself to the snakes eye level. Bravo, mom
All too common. So many men out there, just looking for a mommy bangmaid wife appliance. Vet hard ladies, before ever accepting a proposal of marriage from men. Marriage isn't always a compliment or indication of love. Plenty of men are just looking for someone to take care of them and raise their kids, and anyone will do. Meanwhile, they are also out there cheating. Never marry a man who does not respect you or your time, never marry a man who does not appreciate everything you bring to a relationship, never marry a man who does not take you out on frequent romantic dates, never marry a man who lives in a filthy apartment, and never marry a man who cannot cook. It's a recipe for misery otherwise. Vet HARD.
help her divorce him, and then keep her and the kids and dump him. She sounds like a DIL, you dont want him anymore as a son.
Parental love is supposed to be stronger than a disagreement over child care. Even parents who have murderers for children still love their children.
Load More Replies... I wouldn't have been so nice if it was my son/child that is such a screewup.... I would have yelled him ball-headed and hang him out to dry! I hope dil kicks his a** out.... A🤬🤬🤬🤬LE
He's a PoS. I work. I'm out of the house from 6am til 6pm. I come home, get maybe 5 minutes to myself, then jump in and help with dinner, or bathe the toddlers, or feed the pets, or you know, any of the things that need to be done in my home, for my family, that need to be done. Cos that's what you do in a partnership. Work together.
Second paragraph and this woman already has my respect for the arrangement she made with her spouse. But a much-deserved public dressing-down that got her banned from a bar?! She's my hero!
His friends did nothing wrong. They just wanted a short time to visit with their college friend.
Load More Replies... ''Don't stick your nose in...'' First time I ever heard that was from my Mom when at age 7 I asked her to call the police because our teacher was non-stop humiliating the class stutterer. Wish you had been my Mom instead. It's 60 years later and I have NOT been minding my own business.
Yeah, I assume the son is going to hold onto his deepest thorn 'did you have to embarrass me in front of multiple people?' But as someone who has been corrected by friends and family and had my eyes opened, other people can sometimes help keep us in check. We can be too close to a situation or person to realize that we are misbehaving at times. And this has gone for both me and my partner. I will say, the MIL was probably more aggressive in her wording, and that may not have been great in this situation. But hope it all works out in a good way in the future.
This is one of those situation in which the focus of the question gets skewed. Should she have confronted her son? Definitely. Should she have done so publicly and insulted his friends? Probably not. Would I tell her off for doing so? Probably not. You could discuss several nuances but clearly the son was the A here. Why not invite your friends over to your house and drink there, for goodness sake.
To be a fly on the wall to see his a$$ getting handed to him by his mother...I'd have paid good money to see that. I'd have been there eating popcorn and yelling "YEAH! YOU TELL 'EM SISTER!!!!"
This son has no idea how marriage and raising a family is supposed to work. It is a partnership and the work should be shared equally. It doesn't matter that she is a stay at home mom, she still puts in a lot of hours of work. The son is being unreasonable to expect his wife to take care of the children and the house all on her own. In order to spend time with his friends, he didn't have to cancel the wife's plans, they could have each done their own thing and left the kids with the grandma. His anger at his mother is unjustified because she did what was right by calling him out on his bs. The friends should have minded their own business and not be interfering in how this woman talks to her son. It may have been loud and embarrassing, but it was deserved because he treats his wife like garbage.
And it was a spa weekend FOR HER BIRTHDAY which makes him even more of an asshole. Did he even get her a decent gift or was it a new apron?
Definitely NTA my ex mother in law was horrible. I called her crying talking about how her son cheated on me etc. and her words "So what? It's just sex, he comes home to you" gross. And this coming from the same person whose husband (exes dad) cheated on her and she left his sorry ass. Like wtf?
another reason Im thankful Im not married or had one of my exes impregnate me. To be honest I think you did great OPand Id be in the background for your Daughter in law clapping for her if she divorces him
To be honest I can relate to both sides. I have friends from way back that I rarely get to see, and when I do it is rather spontaneous ... business trips etc. And to meet up as a group is rarer still. So the assessment of "drunk friends" doesn't ring true in my ears. BUT ... having her cancel her weekend BECAUSE of this also does not sound like a nice thing couples do. My wife makes sure I get to meet "the boys" whenever I can and I make sure she can get out whenever she can. It's give and take in a proper relationship.
I mean. TECHNICALLY he is TRYING to est financial and borderline emotional ABUSE; how manipulative IS it to tell her 'hOw HaPpY' he was growing up w sahm w/out discussing all the parameters to make it FAIR!??!? A woman who is not working SHOULD take care of the home and the children and her man but RECIPROCITY!!!- if he only spend 8hr a day, 5 days a wk (for ex!) 'providing' then WHY she gotta do 24/7!?!??!?! I HAD an EX who got me a apt and paid the bills and demanded i stay home (no kids at the time) THIS MF 'stocked' the fridge w garlic bologna and packs of cheese food product. NOTHING else- apt came w cups, else id be w/out ANYTHING to drink!! I had NO PHONE, and no fam/friends. I KNOW how the story end!!! Mom was right. Maybe she COULD have been more 'proper' abt but she WASNT; and for a d@mn good cause!!!
Is the son a lost cause? Perhaps he doesn't remember all aspects of the kind of work sharing done by his parents. Maybe a quiet discussion with his dad is in order, or, if his dad is no longer around, with his mother. Maybe he will see the error of his ways and reform. If he doesn't reform, his wife needs a new start.
Absolutely not the asshole, that's a woman after my own heart. Her son is acting like an adolescent schmuck, to put it mildly, and doesn't get a pass on being a butthead because he's over 21. Anyone who thinks she is the ahole needs to remember she not only has to right to call out her own son on any of his BS because she never stops being his mother, she has three grandchildren to think about. If he can't put his wife before himself, the kids won't be treated much better. I hope he gets his act together, because I'm not sure he can count on her to help out if they divorce and he has the kids every other weekend. As for the pity for his poor friends -- meh. Chances are they are as selfish as he is. Those that aren't, once they find out the details, they'll get over it.
I love when men tell me it's a good idea to make sacrifices for your husband or the man in your life - such an easy thing for them to say. No skin off their back. Doesn't that work out just nice... for the MAN???
Good on the mother but shouldn't call his friends silly, call the situation silly but his friends are just being lads, he didn't have to go, but yeah he is a t****r.
Son sounds like an R-soul. I wish I'd has a nice MIL like her. Though my Husband was OK so long as his mother wasn't; around. when she was around he was awful :-(
Three children under the age of five and their mom is on the verge of a breakdown. The husband's friend comes to town without advance notice and yet the mom is expected to drop her long term weekend plans so the husband can go hang out? Adults make plans in advance...particularly those who have spouses, children, pets, or other such responsibilities. The husband is ignoring his wife's needs as well as the needs of his children. By brushing it off and trying to get his mother to go away he is downplaying his actions and being dismissive and disrespectful. He shouldn't have gotten married and had three children if he expected to be able to live his life like a college kid with few responsibilities.
Is it just me or is something unclear about the story? "we'd babysit the kids for her"? First of all why didn't grandma EXPECT the father to care for (NOT BABYSIT) the kids? OK, nevermind, so grandma is expecting to babysit the kiddos, why is the dil's spa day now off the agenda? I'm truly not getting it. Husband can be with his friends while dil is at the spa - am I missing something? If the answer is that dil cannot go out-of-town and trust her husband won't get in trouble or injured without her supervision... well, that marriage has hidden problems besides all of the housekeeping and childcare issues.
So based on the Mother's description, her husband did more work than she did. She said she got Sundays off. Did her husband get a day off? (I can already tell that people are going to confuse the mother's husband with the son, so please don't do that when responding to this comment). Shouldn't the mother's husband get a day off per week as well?
I think this was both a rude and stupid way to handle this. It was good that she confronted her son, but there was no need to do it in public and in front of his friends. That level of humiliation was more likely to make him react defensively and double-down than to persuade him to change. The couple also needs to work on their relationship or to end it. If the wife has already tried talking, then her next step should be to start making plans in case she needs to leave. Unless he's violent, she should be open with him about her plans.
Help me understand. Why couldn't the DIL go to the spa day regardless if hubby hung out with a friend? Did he expect her to go with him or prepare a meal or something for the friend?
@Curry on...: Well, in a way. He wasn't going to be the one to get the kids ready to go to Grandma's for the weekend, if she left for the spa, God forbid. Or drop them off and pick them up. The fact that he does f**k all around the house to help is a huge a clue that he's not interested in seeing to anyone's needs but his own. If he wasn't going, she didn't need to. I don't even have to know him to know he said exactly that.
Load More Replies... Bored Panders! you can't just down-vote respectful comments that you don't agree with! As long as someone isn't crossing the line, you guys are just being petty.
I'm pretty sure a downvote means "I disagree with you". It'd be nice if there was a follow up explaining WHY they disagree, but did I miss when the point of downvoting changed? I mean... it's just a downvote and shouldn't affect people's lives in a meaningful way. I think people get too caught up in likes. (Feel free to downvote this if you disagree lol)
Load More Replies... I can understand mil anger, but the humiliation of a drunk man in a gang wouldn't achieve her goal, if it was to get him to do more to help his wife? Although i suspect it might have been partly regret/revenge at her own young motherhood situation. Son seems like any male, he'll do what he's doing until he's told differently. That includes getting away with it, regardless of him seeing someone else struggle. "You should have said" will be his reasoning. Her tears and depression would not necessarily register. Men are emotionally stunted.
It's usually pretty cut and dry on these posts, but I might have to go with a mixed verdict. NTA for calling the son out on his horrendous behaviour, but getting banned usually means you're upsetting a third party (the bar owners for a start!) And that's a little bit AH-ish. On balance, NTA, but it's not a hard N.
She hopes DIL divorces her soon? How vicious. Apple didn’t fall too far from the tree
That’s not vicious. Her son is the one being vicious to his wife with his incessant disrespect for her since he expects her to do everything for the children and do all housework all the time and not respecting her need for her to have time for herself. The mother in law is being fair, since she knew that she wouldn’t accept it for herself to be treated that way by her husband, and so she fairly didn’t want her DIL to be treated that way by her lousy, disrespectful son.
Load More Replies... Mom is wrong on this. First he is a grown man. If she has a problem, then talk to him in private and make him see his faults. She is the problem and a bad example. He should help out but humiliation is wrong too. Maybe grandma can help out too!!
No he is the problem since he is the one who’s been disrespecting/humiliating and exploiting his wife for at least 4 years now (since the eldest child is like 3, I am assuming she was already a stay at home wife while being pregnant, too). He’s the one being a ‘bad example’ for years.
Load More Replies... I think this is the first time where the post is an ass hole, but it was called for? (If what she is stating is truth) So YTABIWCF (Your the asshole but it was called for)
As she at one point is saying that there are more than 6 people at the table, I guess that she was in breach of covid protocols. Hence the removal.
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