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MIL Pierces 3-Month-Old Baby’s Ears Behind Mom’s Back, Family Drama Ensues
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MIL Pierces 3-Month-Old Baby’s Ears Behind Mom’s Back, Family Drama Ensues

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It’s no secret that little things can stir up some serious issues in our extended families. Especially if it’s something that involves kids and decisions made against their parents.

“One tiny thing that came about when I had a daughter was ear piercing,” wrote one woman on r/AITA who added she was not comfortable with the idea from the beginning. Moreover, there have been some “cultural difference issues in the past” with her husband’s family.

Turns out, the woman’s mother-in-law decided to pierce their daughter’s ears, saying it’s something “she has done for all the babies in the family and it was tradition.” The author of the post said that it was a turning point from which she decided not to have her “mother-in-law alone with the kids.”

Wondering if it was the right decision, the author has gone on Reddit to ask for advice on this whole situation.

After her mother-in-law decided to pierce her granddaughter’s ears behind her back, this mom decided she won’t allow the MIL alone with the kids

Image credits: Andrew Bardwell (not the actual photo)

So she shared the incident on r/AITA asking if it’s the right decision

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Image credits: PatientEase

And this is what people had to comment on the whole situation

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raymartin avatar
Ray Martin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any "traditions" that involve the mutilation of children (or any person who cannot give informed consent) should be completely excised from the world. I don't just mean this kind of thing, but female and male circumcision, other genital mutilation, tattoos, and any other vile mutilation in the name of "culture" or "religious tradition".

karenjohnston avatar
Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so with you here. I feel like this is a mutilation. For reference, I am American, and not from any culture that finds this acceptable. And I do have pierced ears. And I wanted them so badly when I was a kid, but my father, who never put his foot down on anything, put his foot down on that. Which is odd, it's not like one set of pierced ears were some fashion rage. I walked out the door on my 18th birthday and thumbed my nose at him. Literally. But he did have the last laugh when I developed a nickel allergy. All that being said, it's not that I'm against them, but I am against babies getting them, when they have no ability to even give an opinion. Even if a child is, say, 5. They at least can understand that there will be some pain, and do they like them at that age. My stepdaughter got hers pierced at 3, and remembers it to this day (she's 30). She said she had nightmares for years. But her mother wanted a little doll to dress up. And the hell with cultural norms.

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bp_10 avatar
WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

File a report for child abuse against the MIL. I would do that to my own mother if she would have the gall to pierce my children's ears while she knew my wife wouldn't have it. Actions do have consequences and I don't care what my relationship to you is, hurt my children or my wife's feelings and your mine.

karenjohnston avatar
Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm with you. I think this is so beyond the pale. But I'm afraid it sounds like hubby wouldn't go along.

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saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am 100% with the person who asked "but what about YOUR traditions?". Having it all one way, where there are still two separate influences is not good for a successful relationship and raising of children. If OP hasn't fully embraced and bought into her husband's culture she still has her OWN to consider and that is being overridden and obliterated in the rudest way possible.

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Although it does sound like they've talked all this through as mature and equal adults and come to decisions together about this - we can see that they have decided together to honour some traditions and to leave other traditions that they as a couple are unhappy with. AND the husband backs his wife in the things she feel strongly about. Sounds like a pretty good relationship to me.

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deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA It's not (just) about the earrings. It's any parenting decision you make that she disagrees with, or just doesn't consider important enough to bother with. If she will not abide by your rules, then you can't leave your children with her. This time it was earrpiercing.

karenjohnston avatar
Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't be surprised if MIL is already arranging a marriage for the kid. And I don't mean that sarcastically. Anyone who would go so against a mother's wishes, well.....

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lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't matter what the disagreement was about, it's about the MIL going behind the parents back. The only time that is acceptable is if the child is in danger.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m currently pregnant with a baby girl and my husband is also from a different nationality than me. I think it’s also common to pierce the babies ears where he is from too, but I am completely against it as well. I want her to decide for herself. I don’t like the idea of forcing my ideas into a child whether it be religion, food choices, or beauty standards. If I start doing that when she’s that young then she’s already set up to not be able to make her own decisions and either rely on what I or others want for her to do. I am going to have a talk with my husband and make sure when his mother comes and helps when she’s born she doesn’t do this behind my back either. I love his mother and I don’t think she would, but I’d rather be prepared just in case.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be sure to keep an equal number of people from your own family around, to be advocates for your wishes. If his side of the family only ever hears objections from you, they may just ignore them. BUT if they hear it from multiple members of YOUR family, it won’t e so easy to ignore. Play the numbers game, and be sure there are plenty of people from your team around too.

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antonkider avatar
Anton Kider
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a tradition in my country to cut the MIL's ears off once you marry a man. Good luck...!! Just tell her...

stacywinnubst avatar
SBW71
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cultural has nothing to do with it. MIL is the a$$hole here. Your kid your rules.

andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am proud of this mother stood for herlsef and for defending her kids. My non catholic cousin just baptised his kid (inflating the statistics of the church) because our granma wanted to. No. He also lied to her for 13 years to not tell her that he and his now wife were livjng together. Grow a spine! I told my granma that i lived with my partner as soon as we moved together. Apparently i caused some fight between him and his then girlfriend for showing that its ok to upset her by telling the truth

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my grandma is also sad we didnt have a wedding at a church but we had a civilian (not religious) wedding outside. she still thinks it was beautiful anyway. you have to stand by your views. OP is NTA. a friend wanted to wear white trainers to her wedding but didnt as family was against. and she was pregnant then. I am like why not? it is YOUR wedding YOUR rules. The shoes are not visible under the long dress anyway and trainers are for sure more comfortable. If I wanted to have a wedding in jeans and t shirt I should have it and everyone not respecting my wishes can just go f.. of.

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friederleimenstoll avatar
Fred L.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hadn´t this already been posted a couple of weeks ago?

corinemcmillan avatar
Artoonist Corine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - 100% My daughter was 14 when she got her ears pierced. We had professionals do it and she ended up with infections and lumps around the piercing site. What if something had gone wrong? Your are NOT overreacting

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was 16. Paid professionals. Had such a severe infection I ended up in hospital. You can't risk that with a tiny baby!!

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awdudeno avatar
Jane Doe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since it is one more thing for the parents to do, making sure the ears don't get infected, not snagging the earrings on clothing, I'd be out. I said no. I mean no.

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trolling 2 year old reddit posts for content? What would this site do without reddit?

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Tradition" is a great word to excuse "inflicting my will on those without power". My mom's family does NOT pierce chidlren's ears. If you choose to at 18, fine. Otherwise, no until adulthood.

karenjohnston avatar
Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, the whole tradition or cultural thing makes my blood boil. It's "cultural" for men to treat women like slaves in some cultures, but that doesn't make it okay. And it doesn't excuse them. You don't get live like you're in the dark ages simply because it's your culture. They know better. And this is the same type of thing, with some blatant disregard of the parents wishes thrown on top.

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ltjocson avatar
TJay
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I come from a culture where we pierce very young...but that's no excuse to go behind the parents wishes. Your MIL overstepped her boundaries and I completely agree with the parents

ritaporkolb avatar
Rita Porkoláb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Traditions are only one side (and those traditions are sometimes outdated). The other side for me is practical. I didn't want to put earrings in my daughter's ears while she was little. More difficult to pull her clothes over her head, clothes might hitch in the earring (happened to our friend's little one several times), the endings might hurt her skin behind the ear, overall pain in the butt. She was better without earrings.

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you can have the very small type of earrings that wont bother you when you dress her. just saying. I agree with the OP. MIL has no right to decide against the parents' wishes

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rdougherty666 avatar
Ryan-James O'Driscoll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have some feelings around piercing children anyway, but that's neither here nor there. You don't do that without the parents consent. It's not like giving the kids a cheeky ice cream or letting them stay up a bit late to watch a movie. It demonstrates that she does not care at all about the wishes of the parents, only her own "traditions". If she had sat OP down and had a conversation about it, laying out how much it means to her and her culture, fair enough. I don't get it, but it's what a reasonable adult would do. That keeps the decision in OPs court and still gives the realistic option to say no. Sneaking behind her back to poke holes in her kids is just not on. Total breach of trust.

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would think babies would be at greater risk of infectIon. I wasn't allowed to have my ears pierced until around 9 years old. I was diligent about cleaning them but the one stll got infected so we took them out. My mom made me wait 2 more years. I think babies with ears pierced look odd.

earloflincoln avatar
froskpinni avatar
Jenný Samúelsdóttir Herlufsen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandma did that same thing and got my sisters’ ears pierced, even though my dad was very against it. My dad never fully forgave her, it wasn’t about the piercings, but the disrespect. When my daughter was born I thought about piercing her ears but her dad said not until she chooses to. So when she was 5yo she asked for earrings and got them. Good rule is that “no” trumps “yes”

proteus1203 avatar
Christoph
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would physically kick ANOYONE'S ass INCLUDING MIL who took it upon themselves to do anyting of th esort to my kid and she would NEVER see that baby again.

mamadeflorencia avatar
mamadeflorencia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is right to ban MIL. My kids, My rules. I have to add that it felt a little weird to me to read in the comments if family in law was Mexican. it does not anything to do with MIL crossing boundaries. Considered the country-of-origin comment irrelevant.

leighm avatar
Dodo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should tell the MIL that by disrespecting her son's wishes she's violating the 'women should serve the men' rule she values.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is also the MIL's way of saying, your child is not your own, and you will bow to me, my family and my wishes. My grandparents tried this with my mom. The result? My parents didn't take us to see them until the youngest was 8 and could exert his own opinion and wishes.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL has major boundary issues and deserves a long time out until she can respect her son and DIL's wishes and not go behind their back to pull a shady stunt like she did. If she were my MIL, she'd have zero visitation with grandchild until I was no longer p***ed, which would probably take about 6 months. Then she'd never, ever, ever be alone with my kids ever again.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is messed up. Definitely NTA. You are the parent so what you decide is final.

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA In my culture it is considered normal to pierce girls ears shortly after birth but If the mother is from a different culture and she disagrees MIL has no right to pierce the daughters ears at all AND it seems to me also the husband didnt agree. MIL (maternal or paternal) should raise children in accordance with the parents's wishes. I wouldnt leave the MIL with the child alone either as she may also push some toxic opinions into her. if she doesnt respect your wishes in something so minor as piercing the ears then she can be a very bad influence in other aspecs as well. But the child should still have contact with the MIL under supervision as children need their grandmas. OP solved the issue in the best way she could

craig_reynolds_usa avatar
Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, I would have called the police and had MIL arrested for child abuse, then followed through to ensure she received the maximum possible legal penalty.

adrianhobbs0 avatar
Adrian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about it had been a boy and MIL goes and gets him circumcised?

ulrikesponagel avatar
Stephanie IV
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's all about power and influence. This is your family, put your foot down, instruct your husband and never let any questions arise again about who is in charge with your baby. Ever. MIL will either respect you more for it and feel that you understand how families are run or she'll fight you - in which case you cut ties with her.

sangfromfe avatar
Sang Fe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm just here to troll people about commenting on an older post because I am so damn edgy ...and better then you. Oh wait..other douchebags already beat me to it. Well shucks.

tankusomaximus123 avatar
Lisa Hearn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, you are the child's mother, not her, she has assulted your baby girl, not only would I never leave her alone with any child, I would charge her with assult, she put holes in your baby against your wishes, not on.

fogharty avatar
fogharty
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The post is from two years ago... you are diving deep into the Reddit archives for your content, bp.

katherineboag avatar
Katherine Boag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's definitely the pain aspect for me. Getting a piercing F*****G HURTS and she did that to a child young enough to not understand why she is in pain????

dremosley avatar
Dre Mosley
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the parents want or don't want for their child override what others want; culture and tradition be damned.

llsewer avatar
Jaguarundi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My FORMER MIL ( yes, I meant all caps) decided to have her daughter's children christened in her church, by her priest against SIL and husband's wishes. The children's dad was Baptist and of course wanted to have them baptized in his family's church. They wanted to wait to have both children have the ceremony at the same time so that the entire family could attend, including deployed active duty service members. Needless to say, "former insufferable MIL." BTW, they did have the baptisms as they had planned, MIL and FIL were not invited.

lindacowley avatar
Auntriarch
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would dearly like to know why my comment about fgm was downvoted

pebs_1 avatar
pebs
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman is absolutely right. Moreover, I am very curious to know which culture the husband belongs to, but since it is not politically correct to say it, my curiosity will not be satisfied.

boredpanda_127 avatar
A
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother-in-law is a disrespectful jerk who caused suffering to an innocent baby. Earrings on babies look awful and trashy, traditional on not. Babies are perfect as they are and don't need jewelley! Shame on anyone who would purposely inflict pain, no matter how brief, on a baby.

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Under the rules of Western culture, the anti-piercing mom is not the asshole. But it's very likely that by the rules of the mother's culture, she IS the asshoke! A lot of cultures where women serve the men have rules about daughters-in-law having to serve and obey her husband's parents, and by the MEL'S standards the OP is being a daughter-in-law from hell. This isn't over.

melloncollie avatar
MellonCollie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is indeed not over, probably. But let me just say that "Western culture" as a whole does not go very far as a criterium. Would you include, say, Italy? Then have a chat with my MIL, please.

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dpopknight avatar
Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My concern is with transporting the infant from the home, that the sil didn't come to the home. I have a 2 yo grandson that I never take from his house, Even tho I am his childcare provider when their parents work. He is the safest staying home. His parents know how to use his carseat. I have 4 children, so I know how to use a carseat and each decade brought safer seats so what I used in the 80s,90s, and 2000s would be different and have better features. Plus I DO NOT trust the butt heads out there driving. I may be a good driver but would not have the huge responsibility of their care when it is unnecessary for them to travel. The grandmother had no permission to do either, the ear piercing or the leaving with the children. Could you imagine if there was an accident? The possibility of a fatal outcome? Not worth it in my book.

kicki avatar
Panda Kicki
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I would have called the police, filed a report on abuse/assult on the baby on both the SIL and MIL and cut them out totally. Mutilation, pain amd risk of infection when you clearly said no. What will next assault be when they decide your children needs o e more of their traditions?

yungkeylo_1 avatar
Keyy
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

NTA but the question is whether you'd treat your mother the same way if she did this thing

lindacowley avatar
Auntriarch
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

You had better find out mother in law's view of fgm, just in case

raymartin avatar
Ray Martin
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Any "traditions" that involve the mutilation of children (or any person who cannot give informed consent) should be completely excised from the world. I don't just mean this kind of thing, but female and male circumcision, other genital mutilation, tattoos, and any other vile mutilation in the name of "culture" or "religious tradition".

karenjohnston avatar
Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so with you here. I feel like this is a mutilation. For reference, I am American, and not from any culture that finds this acceptable. And I do have pierced ears. And I wanted them so badly when I was a kid, but my father, who never put his foot down on anything, put his foot down on that. Which is odd, it's not like one set of pierced ears were some fashion rage. I walked out the door on my 18th birthday and thumbed my nose at him. Literally. But he did have the last laugh when I developed a nickel allergy. All that being said, it's not that I'm against them, but I am against babies getting them, when they have no ability to even give an opinion. Even if a child is, say, 5. They at least can understand that there will be some pain, and do they like them at that age. My stepdaughter got hers pierced at 3, and remembers it to this day (she's 30). She said she had nightmares for years. But her mother wanted a little doll to dress up. And the hell with cultural norms.

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bp_10 avatar
WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

File a report for child abuse against the MIL. I would do that to my own mother if she would have the gall to pierce my children's ears while she knew my wife wouldn't have it. Actions do have consequences and I don't care what my relationship to you is, hurt my children or my wife's feelings and your mine.

karenjohnston avatar
Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm with you. I think this is so beyond the pale. But I'm afraid it sounds like hubby wouldn't go along.

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saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am 100% with the person who asked "but what about YOUR traditions?". Having it all one way, where there are still two separate influences is not good for a successful relationship and raising of children. If OP hasn't fully embraced and bought into her husband's culture she still has her OWN to consider and that is being overridden and obliterated in the rudest way possible.

claireskrine avatar
Just saying
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Although it does sound like they've talked all this through as mature and equal adults and come to decisions together about this - we can see that they have decided together to honour some traditions and to leave other traditions that they as a couple are unhappy with. AND the husband backs his wife in the things she feel strongly about. Sounds like a pretty good relationship to me.

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deborahbrett avatar
Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA It's not (just) about the earrings. It's any parenting decision you make that she disagrees with, or just doesn't consider important enough to bother with. If she will not abide by your rules, then you can't leave your children with her. This time it was earrpiercing.

karenjohnston avatar
Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't be surprised if MIL is already arranging a marriage for the kid. And I don't mean that sarcastically. Anyone who would go so against a mother's wishes, well.....

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lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It doesn't matter what the disagreement was about, it's about the MIL going behind the parents back. The only time that is acceptable is if the child is in danger.

sweetangelce04 avatar
CatWoman312
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m currently pregnant with a baby girl and my husband is also from a different nationality than me. I think it’s also common to pierce the babies ears where he is from too, but I am completely against it as well. I want her to decide for herself. I don’t like the idea of forcing my ideas into a child whether it be religion, food choices, or beauty standards. If I start doing that when she’s that young then she’s already set up to not be able to make her own decisions and either rely on what I or others want for her to do. I am going to have a talk with my husband and make sure when his mother comes and helps when she’s born she doesn’t do this behind my back either. I love his mother and I don’t think she would, but I’d rather be prepared just in case.

kathrynbaylis_1 avatar
Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Be sure to keep an equal number of people from your own family around, to be advocates for your wishes. If his side of the family only ever hears objections from you, they may just ignore them. BUT if they hear it from multiple members of YOUR family, it won’t e so easy to ignore. Play the numbers game, and be sure there are plenty of people from your team around too.

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antonkider avatar
Anton Kider
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a tradition in my country to cut the MIL's ears off once you marry a man. Good luck...!! Just tell her...

stacywinnubst avatar
SBW71
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cultural has nothing to do with it. MIL is the a$$hole here. Your kid your rules.

andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am proud of this mother stood for herlsef and for defending her kids. My non catholic cousin just baptised his kid (inflating the statistics of the church) because our granma wanted to. No. He also lied to her for 13 years to not tell her that he and his now wife were livjng together. Grow a spine! I told my granma that i lived with my partner as soon as we moved together. Apparently i caused some fight between him and his then girlfriend for showing that its ok to upset her by telling the truth

vladimiramat avatar
Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my grandma is also sad we didnt have a wedding at a church but we had a civilian (not religious) wedding outside. she still thinks it was beautiful anyway. you have to stand by your views. OP is NTA. a friend wanted to wear white trainers to her wedding but didnt as family was against. and she was pregnant then. I am like why not? it is YOUR wedding YOUR rules. The shoes are not visible under the long dress anyway and trainers are for sure more comfortable. If I wanted to have a wedding in jeans and t shirt I should have it and everyone not respecting my wishes can just go f.. of.

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Fred L.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hadn´t this already been posted a couple of weeks ago?

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Artoonist Corine
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA - 100% My daughter was 14 when she got her ears pierced. We had professionals do it and she ended up with infections and lumps around the piercing site. What if something had gone wrong? Your are NOT overreacting

dizasterdeb avatar
Rosie Hamilton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was 16. Paid professionals. Had such a severe infection I ended up in hospital. You can't risk that with a tiny baby!!

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Jane Doe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Since it is one more thing for the parents to do, making sure the ears don't get infected, not snagging the earrings on clothing, I'd be out. I said no. I mean no.

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Trolling 2 year old reddit posts for content? What would this site do without reddit?

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Tradition" is a great word to excuse "inflicting my will on those without power". My mom's family does NOT pierce chidlren's ears. If you choose to at 18, fine. Otherwise, no until adulthood.

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Louloubelle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, the whole tradition or cultural thing makes my blood boil. It's "cultural" for men to treat women like slaves in some cultures, but that doesn't make it okay. And it doesn't excuse them. You don't get live like you're in the dark ages simply because it's your culture. They know better. And this is the same type of thing, with some blatant disregard of the parents wishes thrown on top.

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TJay
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I come from a culture where we pierce very young...but that's no excuse to go behind the parents wishes. Your MIL overstepped her boundaries and I completely agree with the parents

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Rita Porkoláb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Traditions are only one side (and those traditions are sometimes outdated). The other side for me is practical. I didn't want to put earrings in my daughter's ears while she was little. More difficult to pull her clothes over her head, clothes might hitch in the earring (happened to our friend's little one several times), the endings might hurt her skin behind the ear, overall pain in the butt. She was better without earrings.

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Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you can have the very small type of earrings that wont bother you when you dress her. just saying. I agree with the OP. MIL has no right to decide against the parents' wishes

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Ryan-James O'Driscoll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have some feelings around piercing children anyway, but that's neither here nor there. You don't do that without the parents consent. It's not like giving the kids a cheeky ice cream or letting them stay up a bit late to watch a movie. It demonstrates that she does not care at all about the wishes of the parents, only her own "traditions". If she had sat OP down and had a conversation about it, laying out how much it means to her and her culture, fair enough. I don't get it, but it's what a reasonable adult would do. That keeps the decision in OPs court and still gives the realistic option to say no. Sneaking behind her back to poke holes in her kids is just not on. Total breach of trust.

dons avatar
Calypso poet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would think babies would be at greater risk of infectIon. I wasn't allowed to have my ears pierced until around 9 years old. I was diligent about cleaning them but the one stll got infected so we took them out. My mom made me wait 2 more years. I think babies with ears pierced look odd.

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Jenný Samúelsdóttir Herlufsen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandma did that same thing and got my sisters’ ears pierced, even though my dad was very against it. My dad never fully forgave her, it wasn’t about the piercings, but the disrespect. When my daughter was born I thought about piercing her ears but her dad said not until she chooses to. So when she was 5yo she asked for earrings and got them. Good rule is that “no” trumps “yes”

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Christoph
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would physically kick ANOYONE'S ass INCLUDING MIL who took it upon themselves to do anyting of th esort to my kid and she would NEVER see that baby again.

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mamadeflorencia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is right to ban MIL. My kids, My rules. I have to add that it felt a little weird to me to read in the comments if family in law was Mexican. it does not anything to do with MIL crossing boundaries. Considered the country-of-origin comment irrelevant.

leighm avatar
Dodo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should tell the MIL that by disrespecting her son's wishes she's violating the 'women should serve the men' rule she values.

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Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is also the MIL's way of saying, your child is not your own, and you will bow to me, my family and my wishes. My grandparents tried this with my mom. The result? My parents didn't take us to see them until the youngest was 8 and could exert his own opinion and wishes.

libby6 avatar
Stargazer66
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL has major boundary issues and deserves a long time out until she can respect her son and DIL's wishes and not go behind their back to pull a shady stunt like she did. If she were my MIL, she'd have zero visitation with grandchild until I was no longer p***ed, which would probably take about 6 months. Then she'd never, ever, ever be alone with my kids ever again.

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Random Anon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is messed up. Definitely NTA. You are the parent so what you decide is final.

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Vladimíra Matejová
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA In my culture it is considered normal to pierce girls ears shortly after birth but If the mother is from a different culture and she disagrees MIL has no right to pierce the daughters ears at all AND it seems to me also the husband didnt agree. MIL (maternal or paternal) should raise children in accordance with the parents's wishes. I wouldnt leave the MIL with the child alone either as she may also push some toxic opinions into her. if she doesnt respect your wishes in something so minor as piercing the ears then she can be a very bad influence in other aspecs as well. But the child should still have contact with the MIL under supervision as children need their grandmas. OP solved the issue in the best way she could

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Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, I would have called the police and had MIL arrested for child abuse, then followed through to ensure she received the maximum possible legal penalty.

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Adrian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about it had been a boy and MIL goes and gets him circumcised?

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Stephanie IV
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's all about power and influence. This is your family, put your foot down, instruct your husband and never let any questions arise again about who is in charge with your baby. Ever. MIL will either respect you more for it and feel that you understand how families are run or she'll fight you - in which case you cut ties with her.

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Sang Fe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm just here to troll people about commenting on an older post because I am so damn edgy ...and better then you. Oh wait..other douchebags already beat me to it. Well shucks.

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Lisa Hearn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, you are the child's mother, not her, she has assulted your baby girl, not only would I never leave her alone with any child, I would charge her with assult, she put holes in your baby against your wishes, not on.

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fogharty
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The post is from two years ago... you are diving deep into the Reddit archives for your content, bp.

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Katherine Boag
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's definitely the pain aspect for me. Getting a piercing F*****G HURTS and she did that to a child young enough to not understand why she is in pain????

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Dre Mosley
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What the parents want or don't want for their child override what others want; culture and tradition be damned.

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Jaguarundi
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My FORMER MIL ( yes, I meant all caps) decided to have her daughter's children christened in her church, by her priest against SIL and husband's wishes. The children's dad was Baptist and of course wanted to have them baptized in his family's church. They wanted to wait to have both children have the ceremony at the same time so that the entire family could attend, including deployed active duty service members. Needless to say, "former insufferable MIL." BTW, they did have the baptisms as they had planned, MIL and FIL were not invited.

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Auntriarch
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would dearly like to know why my comment about fgm was downvoted

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pebs
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This woman is absolutely right. Moreover, I am very curious to know which culture the husband belongs to, but since it is not politically correct to say it, my curiosity will not be satisfied.

boredpanda_127 avatar
A
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mother-in-law is a disrespectful jerk who caused suffering to an innocent baby. Earrings on babies look awful and trashy, traditional on not. Babies are perfect as they are and don't need jewelley! Shame on anyone who would purposely inflict pain, no matter how brief, on a baby.

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Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Under the rules of Western culture, the anti-piercing mom is not the asshole. But it's very likely that by the rules of the mother's culture, she IS the asshoke! A lot of cultures where women serve the men have rules about daughters-in-law having to serve and obey her husband's parents, and by the MEL'S standards the OP is being a daughter-in-law from hell. This isn't over.

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MellonCollie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is indeed not over, probably. But let me just say that "Western culture" as a whole does not go very far as a criterium. Would you include, say, Italy? Then have a chat with my MIL, please.

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Diane Knight
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My concern is with transporting the infant from the home, that the sil didn't come to the home. I have a 2 yo grandson that I never take from his house, Even tho I am his childcare provider when their parents work. He is the safest staying home. His parents know how to use his carseat. I have 4 children, so I know how to use a carseat and each decade brought safer seats so what I used in the 80s,90s, and 2000s would be different and have better features. Plus I DO NOT trust the butt heads out there driving. I may be a good driver but would not have the huge responsibility of their care when it is unnecessary for them to travel. The grandmother had no permission to do either, the ear piercing or the leaving with the children. Could you imagine if there was an accident? The possibility of a fatal outcome? Not worth it in my book.

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Panda Kicki
Community Member
2 years ago

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I would have called the police, filed a report on abuse/assult on the baby on both the SIL and MIL and cut them out totally. Mutilation, pain amd risk of infection when you clearly said no. What will next assault be when they decide your children needs o e more of their traditions?

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Keyy
Community Member
2 years ago

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NTA but the question is whether you'd treat your mother the same way if she did this thing

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Auntriarch
Community Member
2 years ago

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You had better find out mother in law's view of fgm, just in case

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