Mother-In-Law Insists On Holding Her Newborn Grandchild First, Goes Ballistic When The Wish Doesn’t Get Fulfilled
We’ve all heard the cliché saying that goes something along the lines of you don’t get to choose your family – and while it’s true (to some extent), you are in no way obligated to put up with the mistreatment that your so-called “loved ones” subject you to.
Be it your parent, your spouse or your overstepping in-laws – it’s not your responsibility to fix them, nor should you be expected to cater to their demands, especially when you’ve tried tirelessly to set boundaries.
Cutting people out of your life works wonders, yet it’s not always an option, especially if you’re in a similar position as the author of the post, where your significant other heavily sides with the source of the problem – in this case, his mother.
I mean, they don’t call them monsters-in-law for nothing, huh?
Now, jokes aside, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer that will be able to unite your family closely together; however, it’s worth thinking about putting your own well-being first.
More info: Reddit
You know what they say: “The best mother-in-law is the one that lives very far away”
Image credits: Karl Palutke (not the actual photo)
“AITA for not letting my MIL be the first person to hold my baby?” – to get neutral feedback and find out whether she’s indeed a jerk in this rather absurd scenario, this new mom turned to one of Reddit’s most philosophical forums. The post has managed to garner nearly 8K upvotes, as well as 1.9K worth of comments.
Woman scolds daughter-in-law after she breaks her unofficial promise to let her hold her newborn grandchild first
Image credits: Throwawwyal524655
The author started her post off by saying that when she met her now-husband’s mother, she hoped to build a healthy bond; however, the majority of you will probably agree that not many folks can boast about having incredible relationships with their in-laws, and as it turns out, the OP is no exception.
The woman says that her mother-in-law is a touch bossy and blames her behavior entirely on the fact that her husband is her only child. When she got pregnant, her MIL made an absurd request to be the first person to hold her newborn, and it’s not hard to guess that the woman also wanted to be present in the delivery room. Needless to say, the OP refused and her husband agreed to keep her out of the room, but only if she’d fulfill the request.
The baby was born several days ago, and the OP’s spouse’s only concern was getting his mother to hold the child first – yet, unfortunately for the grandma, she was out of town attending a wedding.
Image credits: Throwawwyal524655
The man said that his mother wouldn’t be back for another couple of days, and it’s safe to say that there was absolutely no way to keep their word and let the MIL be the first person to hold the baby.
The author’s mom and sister were a great help during the recovery period, as her husband had to return to work. Both the OP’s mother-in-law and spouse knew about this arrangement, yet they still decided to cause a scene.
The MIL scolded the couple for betraying her, causing the man to lash out at his postpartum wife. He accused her of not having any respect for his mother, which is quite peculiar, as technically speaking, his mother would’ve never been the first person to hold the child, as it’s usually the privilege of the obstetrician.
Image credits: Throwawwyal524655
Image credits: Timur Weber (no the actual photo)
The man continued to call his wife all sorts of things, ranging from “unbelievably selfish” to “cold-hearted”, and later uttered that he should’ve let his mother be present in the delivery room.
What do you think about this monstrosity of a story?
Fellow community members shared their thoughts and opinions
467Kviews
Share on Facebook
You have got to wonder about the mentality of some people. We’re the expecting the midwife to just hand the baby to the MIL straight from the womb. I think my parents were the first people after my wife and I to hold our son. Or it could have been my SIL. To be honest my wife was the first to hold, then me. After that I don’t know. But then this situation never came up as our families are not batshit crazy.
My wife had an emergency C-section. She held our daughter for a few minutes, then they had to sew her up. So I held my Daughter for an hour or so alone in the room, while they looked after her. It was AWESOME. That little girl who had never seen eyes before just stared into my eyes while i talked gently to her. My ex-wife never forgave that time. She hates me for having a closer relationship with my daughter than she does.
Load More Replies...
Oof, my advice is to look for a sale on time machines, then go back to a year or two ago and get out of that relationship.
They were half price last August, you should go and get them then.
Load More Replies...
uhm I literally have no words for this situation. So MIL wanted to be the first person to hold the baby, but she was out of town... soooo other people held the baby, as expected. And what about the mom? Was she just expected to not touch the baby? And why is husband taking MILs side? Too many questions. Edit to add: MIL seems very controlling in all of this. She chose to be out of town while the mom was very pregnant, then was upset she wasn't the first to hold the baby. Plus she wanted to be in the delivery room? It all seems very off-putting to me.
The whole point is getting to hold the baby. There's no reason to act like this unless someone is keeping you from holding the child. Then by all means go off. But who cares if you're 1st or 12th in line? As long as you get to do it is the point and what you want. Hold the damn baby and enjoy it. No one is stopping you from doing that but you. So worried about being the 1st to do it that you don't do it at all. Goodness I avoid anyone this controlling and difficult at all costs. I wish this Mama luck and hope she doesn't have to deal with this MIL ever again.
Load More Replies...
If being first to hold the baby is their greatest concern they need to get on their knees and thank God. Not everyone has a healthy baby to act the fool over.
Right!! People too busy being selfish to acknowledge their blessings!!
Load More Replies... Tell him your mom wants to be in the room when he gets a vasectomy. Gawd, the nerve for either of them to think they have any say of who will be in the room while you are giving birth. If it meant so much to her she should have left the wedding. She betrayed you by not being there...turn those tables...and get rid of the dude.
I totally agree. He's as selfish as his mom and also emotionally and verbally abusive. He's putting her through this for his mom after childbirth. The husband is supposed to stick to his wife. It's already time to leave this situation!! 😒
Load More Replies...
This is all so stupid. Who cares who is 1st or 100th to hold the baby? The baby is a person, not a piece of property on which to make territorial claims. The well being of the baby is the most important concern. Husband and MIL need to grow up.
Order of holding baby: first, mom. Second, dad. MIL could have been third if she had been in town she wasn't, so third and fourth went to family that stepped up to help mom after birth. MIL choice to be out of town.
I have sons. When they became fathers I was very clear that we would visit last because daughters and their mothers traditionally have close relationships at especially wedding and baby births. My bonus daughter (from my husband's first marriage) has very clear boundaries and expectations and we respected those. I don't understand what is wrong with people sometimes. Priorities people! Be thankful. Be kind. It really is that simple.
Load More Replies...
This endless parade of little boys and their controlling/enabling mommies. 🙄Women need high school classes called “How to Tell if You’re Boyfriend or Fiancé is a Manbaby” and “How to Say No to Dates, Sexual Propositions and Proposals Without Getting Murdered.” Men need classes called “Women are People, Àsshole. Are You?”
Nope! Once you get married, you take your spouse's side over your parents no matter what. It was an insane request
I agree!! She's being bullied by her husband and mother-in-law.
Load More Replies...
The baby is automatically given to the mom to hold right after birth, and it's not a time anyone will want to touch the baby. That MIL is acting like a narcissist. The OP was trying to set boundaries but I think she might feel inferior, possibly due to the age gap between her husband and MIL, and doesn't feel her voice matters to them.
She's the Mother, not the Brood Mare. She needs to learn that her voice matters MOST, next to BABY.
Load More Replies...
When my daughter had her first child I was there in the room but I wasn’t the first one to hold the baby but I was elated to watch my daughter and son-in-law hold him. When my second grandchild was born both my daughter and son-in-law decided they didn’t want anybody in the delivery room except them and the medical staff. Was I crushed? Of course I was! This is my only baby giving birth to her babies but I accepted their decision and waited until I was invited in. Has it hindered my relationship with my grandchildren? Absolutely not as they have no recollection whatsoever of who held them first. This MIL is a self-centered, selfish, egotistical person that needs to grow up and accept the fact that the world does not revolve around her. And if her sonny boy continues to take her side he suffers from her same malady. I think marriage counseling is in the cards and needs to be acted upon pronto!
Childbirth is NOT a dance recital. It is a special, PRIVATE moment between a husband and wife
Load More Replies...
I guess the OP should have crossed her legs until the birth time was convenient for the MIL. And the doctor should have allowed the newborn to drop out onto the floor, naked and unwashed, until the MIL could barge in to be the first to hold the baby? This is absolutely ridiculous! I hope OP was able to show the whole post, including all comments, to this controlling b*tch and the mama's boy husband!
Ok- that MIL is MORE than a nuisance. Who requests to be in the delivery room besides the father of the baby??? Unless specifically requested by the Woman in labor, thats just out of line. THEN to request to be the first to hold the baby. You don't think the mother or father of the child should have that honor???? This MIL needs to rethink her role as MIL and stop trying to control everything. Also, the husband needs to grow up and act like a father, not a mama's boy.
If my Mum had demanded to be the first to hold my newborn child then my (now ex) wife and I would’ve locked her in a car, any car or sturdy receptacle! Nope, that’s not your place nor right. End of discussion.
That is truly psychotic. It would be one thing (still wrong) if MIL was at the hospital waiting but to be out of town and still expect this? Nope, not gonna happen, and screw the husband for taking the mom's side with this unreasonable behavior.
DIVORCE is how you protect yourself and your baby from its horrible dad and grandma. NTA, OP. RUN!
This is completely ridiculous. I have 2 sons and I can't imagine telling either of them that I NEED to be in the room if they have a baby or that I HAVE to be the first to hold the baby. Labor is very stressful and delivery is hard and incredibly painful; my ONLY role is making sure my daughter in law and son are okay and be supportive, and wait my damn turn to hold/see the baby. It's like some of these women forgot what it was like being pregnant and how not everyone is keen on the idea of being half naked in front of a room full of people. Jeezus
What is the obsession with holding the baby first??? (1.) The parental figures get that right over EVERYONE and everyone else should be thankful and only focus on THEIR first time to hold the baby. (2.) How exactly does it ruin the birth memory???
i not only cut the cord but was the first person to hold my grandson when he was born. i was with my dil throughout the labor. and, if you are wondering where my son was, he was at home. his first wife had passed away shortly after the birth of his first son 13 yrs before & when he was in the room he started panicking. bless her heart, my dil told him to go home so i stayed. not sure if i would have been able to do that but she felt he would have been more upset as labor progressed. there has never been any envy regarding my part in the birth and i am thankful for that.
When there are life changes like wedding or a birth, some people like mil get really uncomfortable. She’s got everyone trained to appease her and accommodate her crazy. But now things are changing and power is shifting so she needs to re establish control. The easiest ways to do this is to make demands for appeasement and push the buttons of her son, who she has conditioned to make her happy. To him, she’s reasonable because he’s never know anything else. Op needs to be very clear that she and the baby come first if he wants this marriage to continue.
I don't know why she would even ask that! Was she supposed to extend her stay in the maternity ward, after not holding the baby after she gave birth to of course, and not for medical reasons but just so you can hold them first? That's absurd!
There must have been *some* drug they could have given her so granny could waltz in and have *her* moment.../sarcasm.
Load More Replies... The husband is to leave his father and his mother and stick to his wife!! PERIOD!! You're not married to him and his mother. If he prefers to worry about his mother's feelings rather than his wife, maybe he should be living with his mother. Where was the mother-in-law when the new mom needed help. GONE!! DIDN'T SHE KNOW THE DUE DATE?? The mother is to hold her child after birth. That starts the bonding process. The mother-in-law knows this. She tried to deprive the new mom of this and make the experience her own. The mother-in-law is very childish and selfish. The husband needs to man up to his mom while he still has a wife!!!
This is a toxic environment. Son very vehemently puts his mother above his wife and the mother of his child.
They have tainted what should of been a time of wonderful memories for you. They are selfish c...ts. Run now. Or you will look back with more than one bad memory.
So sorry you're married to and now have a child with this guy AND his mom. I'm not even sure where to start as there's so much to unpack here, but in a nutshell: she needs to learn (quickly) that's she's not part of your relationship with your husband, your husband needs to either support you accordingly or go live with his mother (pretty sure you'll quickly find you can do MUCH better), and back to the original question, when is not ALWAYS the new mom's place and privilege to hold the new baby to whom SHE just gave birth. Short of your husband and mother-in-law agreeing to some professional counseling followed by an aggressive course change as to the relationship they each and both have with you, this certainly appears to be a highly dysfunctional if not abusive relationship from which you need to remove yourself and your child. Good luck and I hope you can find a manageable resolution to this (as the current situation has no resemblance to anything manageable).
“No, mom, you can’t hold the baby. After Jeff’s mom gets back in three days and holds him first, then you can hold him. I’m sure you understand.”
I mean, I suppose the FATHER OF THE NEWBORN could have taken a couple of days off work to protect his mother's insistence to be the first to hold the baby, instead of leaving his in-laws to help out.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Good one!! I wonder if *he* can even bathe himself!
Load More Replies... 'At a friends daughters wedding' says all you need to know about where you stand in the order of priorities of MIL. Your real family was there for you. My mother who lives away, came home 1 week before the birth of our daughter just in case to help (despite being a planned c section so we knew the date), and sat in the hospital waiting room for 10 hours before (even though we'd say we'd call her to come) getting to meet her.
I feel bad for the OP. Truly awful behaviour by the husband and his mother, and now she has to deal with them for the rest of her life.
No she doesn’t, there’s something called a divorce and since the husband has now shown the OP who he is, a separation could well be in this couple’s future.
Load More Replies...
Bets on whether Granny would have tackled the Dr to get her mitts on the baby first?
Load More Replies... 
Wait, 1st person after OP and OP's husband, or just 1st person in general? EDIT: oh, also, get a divorce
Psycho MIL and son! That mother is the first to hold the baby unless there is some critical emergency then the father holds the baby. The purpose for that is the skin to skin and the baby smells the mothers scent first (unless the baby is being adopted) the MIL is out of town 2 days if I read correctly! Let us find the so called MIL and son and tell them off. This should have been titled Psycho MIL and Son I’m mad she thinks she can hold the baby first and she didn’t even carry the baby. I’m so 😡
I can’t believe what i just read! Are these ppl for real? She was at a wedding - did both those AHs expect you to push the child back in and wait just especially for her to be there to grab the baby on the last push Seriously??? Id be getting rid of AH#1 very quickly. That solves the issues with AH#2.
I'm glad it was your mother and not his mother. The mother of my daughter's ex tried to pull this on me. Didn't pan out for her, either. My girl said no one who'd never seen her private parts before could be in the room. Yay, me. I was the fourth to hold - doctor, dad, mom & me. Beautiful moment. My first grandchild.
Take your newborn and run is my advice here. Don't try to fix your husband, it almost never works especially when you have a newborn to take care of.
The OP”s husband should be ashamed of his behaviour and she may have to reevaluate whether she wants to be married to this man-child. The situation probably isn’t going to improve.
Please remember if you have another baby, you make the decision as to who is allowed in the delivery room. Not your husband. You just need to tell the delivery room nurses your mother in law is absolutely not allowed in the delivery room. Tell your husband if he-stresses you he is out as well. Maybe he should not have gone back to work so quickly.
The mama is always the first one to hold a newborn. That old biddy would've never been able to say she was the first one to hold him.
Technically speaking from a physical point of view the first post-womb hands will be those of the midwife or attending physician. Doubly so if a C-section is required.
Load More Replies...
Ain’t no way!!! You carried the baby for 9 months you get to hold the baby first. Ask her psycho behind who held her baby first. Also, no one told her to be out of town at a wedding, you would look absolutely crazy to the Dr and nurses saying my mother in law wants to be the first to hold the baby but she won’t be back in town foe two days , I’m sure they would think you are crazy and have you sedated. Forget them n you did the right thing.
Do like the Republican politicians (who have never taken a sex-ed or human anatomy course) want to do with ectopic pregnancies, just stick it back in the womb. [I really wish this was a joke but it's not. And it's an operation that does not yet exist]
Op doesn't say but I really hope that she went into labor a little unexpectedly and was done quickly. If not then that mother in law is nuts. What was she supposed to do just not give birth. Like "miss you're crowning we need to get you to labor and delivery stat!" "Oh no no, I'm waiting for my mother-in-law."
Unfortunately my MIL is the same way. She wanted to be in the ultrasound room when we first heard the heart beat. She tried to plan separate showers because she was salty my aunt was going to plan one (that she was invited to) and she wanted to be in the delivery room as well. When we had a miscarriage she blew up MY inbox with her grief nothing about mine or her sons and went as far as planning to get a tat in remembrance of OUR loss and slept with the light up teddy bear she bought for the baby and never gave it to us. I feel for this woman. Why isn’t her husband on her side? She just gave birth to THEIR SON and if MIL was out of town clearly she was going to need help. That’s not being selfish they are being selfish. They together are ruining his birth memories
Oh my. That must have been a very difficult time for you. Although you will be grieving this loss for the rest of your life, I hope you were able to build more pleasant, joyful memories. Your MIL sounds like a very selfish and insensitive person.
Load More Replies...
First off the mother in law Is the last person to hold the baby it goes the mother of child then dad then the mothers parents then the husband's parents I don't know where the husband and his mom get to decide who holds baby First but they owe the mother of the baby apology and I would agree he is a mommas boy and second she was out of town at wedding that she probably ruin too hell I got three kids and my mom didn't get to hold my kids first
Ive been in the delivery room for 2 very precious step children. The nurse hands the infant to the mother.
You should have told the doctor to cut his umbilical cord also. Ynta. They are
You need to let them know She needs to focus on the first time she held her grandchild NOT the first time her grandchild got held. A baby first goes to mama when its born. If she lost that opportunity when her son was born you shouldn't have to fill that gap. The focus should be when one sees the baby for the very first time and their memory of welcoming the baby to this world.
If mil acts like this now she'll be more miserable as days go by. She will probably want to rule the roost on the upbringing of the baby and will keep pecking into her son's ear to cause arguments in the marriage. I got lucky I was married twice and both of my mils were the best. And the first one loved my 2nd husband.
This can't be real this mama's boy needs to grow a backbone and have his wife's back 1st off 2nd off the mother in law she was out of town what does she expect to be the 1st one and her family can't hold the baby Until she does why does she need to hold the baby 1st From the sound of it her mother wasn't in the delivery room why does she need to be in the living room Is both the Husband and his mother Are out of their minds for this The husband better grow a backbone before he loses his wife this his wife snapping off at her because his because his mom didn't get to hold the baby 1st what is she a child I get to go first She was gone that's her own damn fault This is truly sad that this happened He was gone at work what is she supposed to do recovering from giving birth And have any newborn she's gonna need a shower and what not A new born is not easy
She should start demanding to be the first to hold things. Jug of milk just got brought into the house? First to hold. Fly in the kitchen, first to hold. Moldy bread? First to hold.
My daughter was born 2 months early, and spent her first weeks in the NICU. My mother requested that she be allowed to hold her before the other grandparents, to which I agreed. It was meant to be very special for her, as she had a very difficult delivery with me and was unable to hold me at all until a week after they brought me home from the hospital. She missed a bonding experience, and was very excited. My ex-husband, on the other hand, took it upon himself to allow his mother to hold her first, because he “wanted her to…my mother has a right to hold her granddaughter. Your mother will get over it.” She hasn’t. She was very hurt and still mentions it 17 years later.
MIL in the delivery room? Unless she's the nurse or doctor, Yuuuuck! Mama is THE 1st person to hold the baby. Some people and their First World problems...
I'm all for patience & tolerance, but if OP doesn't win this & win it decisively, her MIL will suffocate her. Hubs is an emotional hostage & OP might as well change the locks & have him move back in w/ Mumsie. I'm cringing as I think about MIL round the baby- she's not wound too tight. Poor OP- NTA
God help the mad the MIL was married to. Can we picture the hell he lived with. Son is Mama's boy because it kept peace in the family. He witnessed what others went through and that trained him to be a wimp. Fast forward to him becoming a dad. His wife just had their son. Then his selfish, narcissistic, entitled mother thinks she rules the roost. She sure is trying to. Now son had better grow a set or he will be paying child support and have every other weekend visitation, and he will owe all that experience to his mother. Who does she think she is. I wish his wife the best because if this marriage is going to last it will be nothing short of a miracle.
Supervised visitation! His mother would make him steal the baby so she could raise him 'properly'.
Load More Replies...
I'm just so baffled by this. And I can't help but wonder if "being the first" was including mom in that statement, not just other family members, because that's how this reads for me. I'd love for anyone to tell me I just HAVE to let one specific person hold my child first. Because I will kick everyone but the doctor and nurses out and make sure each of them holds my child first, taking selfies with me smiling gleefully in the background. Along with hashtags of BabiesFirstHug and BabiesFirstSelfie, which WILL be posted on social media just so I can hear about it later, because I will so enjoy the outrage. There's a whole lot of OP should just not give a darn about husband number one here. Although she should ask him why he bothered to marry her when he seems to already be married to the umbilical chord he bungeed in on. NTA
If I had had kids, I'd want them to have your chutzpah!!
Load More Replies...
I'm still wondering how MIL defined first - first after Mom & Dad, first after Mom, first after the midwife...? But setting that aside.... OP's hubby presumably knew that his wife's mother & sister were coming to visit, did he think neither of them would hold baby to help out settling him or with nappies or just for snuggles? Did he think that his wife should struggle just so his mother could get her wish? Did he consider maybe if he wanted to ensure his mother's special privilege of holding his baby before anyone else perhaps he should stay home for a few days to help look after his son himself? And as for MIL, if she had really wanted opportunity to be the first after the new parents to hold the baby, clearly she shouldn't have gone away for a few days when OP was close to due. Oh, and congrats to hubby & MIL the dual achievements of putting a wedge between them & OP AND giving a newborn competition for who is the baby in the family with your sulking.
Who cares if you are the first or the tenth to hold the baby. And being so upset about it. Like the baby has lost its hold-virginity or something?? Weird, controlling and red flagish.
idk what's more ridiculous, "the grandbaby's birth memory" or the husband siding with his mom, like the kid is gonna remember them being held first by grandma, lmao..mom def NTA, but the MIL is.
OMG! This is just an unbelievable situation. The baby's mother should be the first one to hold the baby, followed by the baby's father. I don't get why an entire family needs to be in the delivery room anyway. Or would even WANT to be.This should be a special time for just the baby's parents. Probably a good thing MIL was out if town. She would have elbowed her way in anyway. MIL is a controlling bi*ch and her son is a wuss with no balls. Good luck with the future because I can see stormy weather ahead for this entire family.
There is a reason this 34 year old guy is married to woman who is 8 years his junior. His plan was to control her. She needs to get out now. He cares more for his mother than his wife and child. This young woman will never be first or measure up to his mother. I feel so sad for her. I hope that she is brave enough to leave.
So MIL decides to leave town for a few days near baby's due date? So misses birth and holding baby? AH husband is now upset his Mother wasn't allowed to attend the birth. Assuming mil would have still taken her trip even if invited what would she have expected her dil to do when she went into labor? Hold her knees together and try to NOT have a baby until she decided to get back? Then expects a new mom to have no help? So now MIL selfishly takes a trip around grandchild's due date and is upset that the world didn't stop and revolve around her? Op's husband is now enabling his mother's selfish self centered behavior. It SUPER common for people to accuse others if what they are guilty of.
I would f'n run from that relationship. That's just craziness. Get out now!
Your MIL and your husband wanted you to know that they call the shots. It didn't work. Let them be mad. A keep up those boundaries. They'll pay their butts and get happy again, when their stupidity doesn't phase you. The problem is theirs, not yours
OP is NTA. I'm guessing OP is exhausted and wanting to make sure her emotions are in the right place. They are. Besides the doctor or nurse, the mother of the baby should be first to hold the baby. Whoever carries the baby gets to hold the baby first. The mil and husband can F off with all that c**p. Why ruin a beautiful day for OP!? Good luck and get out if you can! Or set very strict boundaries! I'm a mom to only one kid. I really hope I don't behave like the mil if I ever get to have grandkids. Geez!
NTA. But, I disagree with those saying hubby has no right to say who gets first hold, outside of and AFTER the woman who laboured and delivered. The dad should get some say in it. However, MIL made herself scarce and missed out. That’s on her not the OP. Hubby treating the OP this way days after giving birth however, is the real issue. I’d run far and fast. He should have her back. At least publicly. Blood is NOT everything. He can be a little upset but discuss it with her privately and he certainly should not be ongoingly punishing her. She just had your baby, dude.
Let's get back to reality. The woman didn't show up for DAYS AFTER the birth! HUBBY didn't stick around to help and HER FAMILY DID. Hubby & his mommy can both sit in a corner and spit. You snooze, you LOSE!
Load More Replies...
Actually the first person to hold the baby would be the doctor or nurses helping to deliver the baby, who usually hand them to the mother as soon as possible. So unless the MIL is a licensed practitioner she cannot expect to be the first to hold the baby. Also after the doctor/midwife the mother has first right to hold the baby, (for both health and emotional reasons). As MIL was out of town for days afterward she had no right to expect to still be first in line, She was unwilling to miss a son's friend's daughter's wedding during the birth, she could have stayed behind to help out the new Mom and maybe gotten her wish instead, so it's her own fault really.
After a very long, rough labor the doctor finally got my baby out of me. My mom took the my son from the doctor and offered him to the gods to bless, a team of nurses snatched him back to suck fluid out of his lungs before handing him over to his green-faced father, and I was the absolute last person to hold him. All I cared about was my tiny, beautiful Klingon looking baby. I gave zero F's who held him first🙄
Why does she have to be the first, she probably believes is she holds the baby first it will imprint her in the baby's memory giving her more control over the wean than the actual mother in the future.
I need to ask, whose the one he wants to have sex with? Cause that's the one he's supposed to back.
NTA, the husband is. I don't know who needs to hear this but when you get married, your spouse's wants and needs take priority over your parents and their wants or needs. Neither person's parents get ANY say in anything regarding your children, the birth thereof, or the raising thereafter. If for some reason you cannot accept this, you are NOT marriage material.
wtf I would never allow my mil to be the first to hold my baby and to be in the delivery room what a weirdo. that is a total nonsense. it is just me, my husband and the baby. that is all. i dont need to see anyone for the next few weeks until i recover and build a bond with the baby and certainly not my in laws. they can come visit later as anyone else
wasn't this b***h out of town for a wedding or something so she wasn't even there for the delivery day, this marriage isn't going to last
The MIL wanted to be the first person to hold the baby after the mother and father But she wasn't in town so of course other people help the baby she can't be angry about and the husband should not be taking his mum's side it's ridiculous she's not his priority his baby and his wife are
Well you were obviously supposed to just leave the baby on the floor without human contact for two days until MiL got back.
Get ready for Plan B - Divorce. This will make the mother happy and he will be happy to make his mother happy. People show you who they are... BELIEVE BOTH OF THEM... dont just shrug this off. Take your baby and run fir the hills. They only get visitation and that should be supervised. Good luck honey you're going to need it!
Don't have any more children with this man!! Don't let her raise your baby or he'll turn out like your husband. Return her behavior right back to her. Be very controlling how much she is allowed to interact with your son. After all he is YOUR son.
My X-MIL had to be the first and most important person in every situation. When expecting her FIRST grandbaby, she refused to go to the baby shower because she accused us of only wanting a gift from her. She also measured everything in dollars and cents.
I believe someone else may have mentioned this, but the priority here should be you and the child's need. Many men do not realize how hard it is on the body to give birth. Woman need a support system afterwards because of this reason. Woman get this, and this is why the mother and sister of the new mother where there for support. A baby takes a village as it requires many needs. A new mother has many needs so she can recoup from giving birth. It would be my suggestion to the new mother to have this conversation with her husband in a calm and respectful tone, as it is their marriage. If the husband cannot in the end see where mistakes were made on his end, to support his wife and child, then maybe the new mother should re-evaluate if this is something she can live with for the rest of her life. This will occur again, but it will be another situation and he will always take his mother's side. Either way, at the end of the day, the new mother is not to blame.
Gotta say a lot of these comments are both true and funny. Seriously though this woman needs to high tail it out of this relationship. They are never going to let her live this down and they are going to use to try to control her in the future.
This is a mommy's boy of note! He is totally controlled by his mother and his attitude towards his wife and the situation absolutely sucks. His first priority should be his wife and child. Don't allow this to continue. Take it from me. After 46 yrs of marriage MIL is still 1st priority and calls the shots. It's her son therefor she thinks she own him. Can't go on holidays because she needs to be 'looked' after. I can right a book about selfish inlaws. Don't allow them to do this to you, its going to get a lot worse and your life will be controlled by them. Don't let this happen to you. Put your foot down girl, you deserve better!
the most important this is for the MOTHER to hold the baby for bonding time. The MIL will NOT be the one to raise the child. Or is that what MIL wants?
Divorce. Never ever marry a mama’s boy you’ll end up realizing you’re marrying her too.
I wonder if MIL thinks of the birth as some kind of "do over" for her own son. As in, I wonder if she had a caesarean and she was under general anesthesia, so she remembers nothing about his birth, which is why she was so insistent on being the first to hold her grandchild. Doesn't make it right, and she and Husband are still bat-guano crazy, but maybe that was ther thought process. OP needs to GTFO of that marriage and file for sole custody immediately.
First off i would never expect my daughter in law to want me in the delivery room, that is a special time just for mother, father to bond with There baby, Once the dr delivers the baby, the baby is handed off to the mother or father, then the grand parents' if they are there should hold the grandbaby , if they are not there at time of birth in the hospital then who ever mother and father choose.
NTA she wasn't even in town to hold the baby. What was she expecting no one to touch him until she got back. This is really a toxic environment for a new born baby and they didn't seem to be to worried about you either since you had just given birth few days before and were yelling at you. Honestly I think the MIL just wanted to be able to throw around in people faces she was first to hold the baby and now can't. Maybe you need to cut her out of your life
NTA~~Your MIL is a narcissistic b!tch and your husband an entitled IDIOT. Tell HIM to grow a pair or prepare to pay child support for 18 years. Tell 'Granny' if she were so interested in being first AFTER YOU AND HUBBY to hold YOUR CHILD, then she should have gotten her flabby a$$ to the hospital ON TIME. Oh, she was at a wedding? BIG FRICKING DEAL~~SEE THE ABOVE STATEMENT. Get yourself some legal advice if your 'Man~Baby' doesn't straighten himself out SOON. Get your family on board with this bullsh!t so they can back you and the baby, accordingly. Also, CONGRATS on the birth of your child!😊
I'm guessing the MIL meant the first one after mom dad and the hospital staff. But why did she think that the maternal grandmom didn't have the right to hold the baby first? Why are they attacking a new mother who's emotional state is still all screw up. Do they not understand that they can bring on depression in mom. I have a 20 year old and a 2 year old. My daughter was in the room with me when I had my son. Her and her husband just gave birth to my granddaughter. Her husband's mom basically disown her son doing the pregnancy. I have been hands on and supportive to both of them. He's his mom's only son his sister is 16. My daughter wanted a birth at the midwife center so me and my son can be there. She was able to have how many she wanted there. His family lives far from us. She wanted my mom there and the godmom's there. I had to take my cranky son home so unfortunately I was not there to actually see the birth. My daughter was in labor for 22 hours. My daughter wouldn't let nobody
Disturbing that she has this idea that HER desire should be a Golden Rule. AND that your husband isn't fazed. But you should have made it clear in the beginning that if it worked out that way, she could Also, I'm confused that your husband says you should have just let her be in the delivery room, but I thought she was out of town.
The attending OB/GYN who catches the baby is always the first to hold it. Then the senior nurse hands it to the mother. I was unable to hold my infant at birth due to the strong drugs given for an emergency cesarean. I held him for the first time a few hours later. We are still close 34 years later.
MIL sounds like a typical fascist republican. Don't let "it" control you
What is up with you and Republicans? Like, chill dude.
Load More Replies...
These stories are always hilarious like you couldn't have seen the red flags way before you got pregnant? I mean someone with this kinda behavior usually has signs that maybe you should distance yourself from them before you get pregnant.
I've seen it happen once the baby is born. Depending on the circumstances, sometimes having a baby doesn't bring families closer together, it tears them apart. Sad for the child who is the only victim there.
Load More Replies... You have got to wonder about the mentality of some people. We’re the expecting the midwife to just hand the baby to the MIL straight from the womb. I think my parents were the first people after my wife and I to hold our son. Or it could have been my SIL. To be honest my wife was the first to hold, then me. After that I don’t know. But then this situation never came up as our families are not batshit crazy.
My wife had an emergency C-section. She held our daughter for a few minutes, then they had to sew her up. So I held my Daughter for an hour or so alone in the room, while they looked after her. It was AWESOME. That little girl who had never seen eyes before just stared into my eyes while i talked gently to her. My ex-wife never forgave that time. She hates me for having a closer relationship with my daughter than she does.
Load More Replies... Oof, my advice is to look for a sale on time machines, then go back to a year or two ago and get out of that relationship.
They were half price last August, you should go and get them then.
Load More Replies... uhm I literally have no words for this situation. So MIL wanted to be the first person to hold the baby, but she was out of town... soooo other people held the baby, as expected. And what about the mom? Was she just expected to not touch the baby? And why is husband taking MILs side? Too many questions. Edit to add: MIL seems very controlling in all of this. She chose to be out of town while the mom was very pregnant, then was upset she wasn't the first to hold the baby. Plus she wanted to be in the delivery room? It all seems very off-putting to me.
The whole point is getting to hold the baby. There's no reason to act like this unless someone is keeping you from holding the child. Then by all means go off. But who cares if you're 1st or 12th in line? As long as you get to do it is the point and what you want. Hold the damn baby and enjoy it. No one is stopping you from doing that but you. So worried about being the 1st to do it that you don't do it at all. Goodness I avoid anyone this controlling and difficult at all costs. I wish this Mama luck and hope she doesn't have to deal with this MIL ever again.
Load More Replies... If being first to hold the baby is their greatest concern they need to get on their knees and thank God. Not everyone has a healthy baby to act the fool over.
Right!! People too busy being selfish to acknowledge their blessings!!
Load More Replies... Tell him your mom wants to be in the room when he gets a vasectomy. Gawd, the nerve for either of them to think they have any say of who will be in the room while you are giving birth. If it meant so much to her she should have left the wedding. She betrayed you by not being there...turn those tables...and get rid of the dude.
I totally agree. He's as selfish as his mom and also emotionally and verbally abusive. He's putting her through this for his mom after childbirth. The husband is supposed to stick to his wife. It's already time to leave this situation!! 😒
Load More Replies... This is all so stupid. Who cares who is 1st or 100th to hold the baby? The baby is a person, not a piece of property on which to make territorial claims. The well being of the baby is the most important concern. Husband and MIL need to grow up.
Order of holding baby: first, mom. Second, dad. MIL could have been third if she had been in town she wasn't, so third and fourth went to family that stepped up to help mom after birth. MIL choice to be out of town.
I have sons. When they became fathers I was very clear that we would visit last because daughters and their mothers traditionally have close relationships at especially wedding and baby births. My bonus daughter (from my husband's first marriage) has very clear boundaries and expectations and we respected those. I don't understand what is wrong with people sometimes. Priorities people! Be thankful. Be kind. It really is that simple.
Load More Replies... This endless parade of little boys and their controlling/enabling mommies. 🙄Women need high school classes called “How to Tell if You’re Boyfriend or Fiancé is a Manbaby” and “How to Say No to Dates, Sexual Propositions and Proposals Without Getting Murdered.” Men need classes called “Women are People, Àsshole. Are You?”
Nope! Once you get married, you take your spouse's side over your parents no matter what. It was an insane request
I agree!! She's being bullied by her husband and mother-in-law.
Load More Replies... The baby is automatically given to the mom to hold right after birth, and it's not a time anyone will want to touch the baby. That MIL is acting like a narcissist. The OP was trying to set boundaries but I think she might feel inferior, possibly due to the age gap between her husband and MIL, and doesn't feel her voice matters to them.
She's the Mother, not the Brood Mare. She needs to learn that her voice matters MOST, next to BABY.
Load More Replies... When my daughter had her first child I was there in the room but I wasn’t the first one to hold the baby but I was elated to watch my daughter and son-in-law hold him. When my second grandchild was born both my daughter and son-in-law decided they didn’t want anybody in the delivery room except them and the medical staff. Was I crushed? Of course I was! This is my only baby giving birth to her babies but I accepted their decision and waited until I was invited in. Has it hindered my relationship with my grandchildren? Absolutely not as they have no recollection whatsoever of who held them first. This MIL is a self-centered, selfish, egotistical person that needs to grow up and accept the fact that the world does not revolve around her. And if her sonny boy continues to take her side he suffers from her same malady. I think marriage counseling is in the cards and needs to be acted upon pronto!
Childbirth is NOT a dance recital. It is a special, PRIVATE moment between a husband and wife
Load More Replies... I guess the OP should have crossed her legs until the birth time was convenient for the MIL. And the doctor should have allowed the newborn to drop out onto the floor, naked and unwashed, until the MIL could barge in to be the first to hold the baby? This is absolutely ridiculous! I hope OP was able to show the whole post, including all comments, to this controlling b*tch and the mama's boy husband!
Ok- that MIL is MORE than a nuisance. Who requests to be in the delivery room besides the father of the baby??? Unless specifically requested by the Woman in labor, thats just out of line. THEN to request to be the first to hold the baby. You don't think the mother or father of the child should have that honor???? This MIL needs to rethink her role as MIL and stop trying to control everything. Also, the husband needs to grow up and act like a father, not a mama's boy.
If my Mum had demanded to be the first to hold my newborn child then my (now ex) wife and I would’ve locked her in a car, any car or sturdy receptacle! Nope, that’s not your place nor right. End of discussion.
That is truly psychotic. It would be one thing (still wrong) if MIL was at the hospital waiting but to be out of town and still expect this? Nope, not gonna happen, and screw the husband for taking the mom's side with this unreasonable behavior.
DIVORCE is how you protect yourself and your baby from its horrible dad and grandma. NTA, OP. RUN!
This is completely ridiculous. I have 2 sons and I can't imagine telling either of them that I NEED to be in the room if they have a baby or that I HAVE to be the first to hold the baby. Labor is very stressful and delivery is hard and incredibly painful; my ONLY role is making sure my daughter in law and son are okay and be supportive, and wait my damn turn to hold/see the baby. It's like some of these women forgot what it was like being pregnant and how not everyone is keen on the idea of being half naked in front of a room full of people. Jeezus
What is the obsession with holding the baby first??? (1.) The parental figures get that right over EVERYONE and everyone else should be thankful and only focus on THEIR first time to hold the baby. (2.) How exactly does it ruin the birth memory???
i not only cut the cord but was the first person to hold my grandson when he was born. i was with my dil throughout the labor. and, if you are wondering where my son was, he was at home. his first wife had passed away shortly after the birth of his first son 13 yrs before & when he was in the room he started panicking. bless her heart, my dil told him to go home so i stayed. not sure if i would have been able to do that but she felt he would have been more upset as labor progressed. there has never been any envy regarding my part in the birth and i am thankful for that.
When there are life changes like wedding or a birth, some people like mil get really uncomfortable. She’s got everyone trained to appease her and accommodate her crazy. But now things are changing and power is shifting so she needs to re establish control. The easiest ways to do this is to make demands for appeasement and push the buttons of her son, who she has conditioned to make her happy. To him, she’s reasonable because he’s never know anything else. Op needs to be very clear that she and the baby come first if he wants this marriage to continue.
I don't know why she would even ask that! Was she supposed to extend her stay in the maternity ward, after not holding the baby after she gave birth to of course, and not for medical reasons but just so you can hold them first? That's absurd!
There must have been *some* drug they could have given her so granny could waltz in and have *her* moment.../sarcasm.
Load More Replies... The husband is to leave his father and his mother and stick to his wife!! PERIOD!! You're not married to him and his mother. If he prefers to worry about his mother's feelings rather than his wife, maybe he should be living with his mother. Where was the mother-in-law when the new mom needed help. GONE!! DIDN'T SHE KNOW THE DUE DATE?? The mother is to hold her child after birth. That starts the bonding process. The mother-in-law knows this. She tried to deprive the new mom of this and make the experience her own. The mother-in-law is very childish and selfish. The husband needs to man up to his mom while he still has a wife!!!
This is a toxic environment. Son very vehemently puts his mother above his wife and the mother of his child.
They have tainted what should of been a time of wonderful memories for you. They are selfish c...ts. Run now. Or you will look back with more than one bad memory.
So sorry you're married to and now have a child with this guy AND his mom. I'm not even sure where to start as there's so much to unpack here, but in a nutshell: she needs to learn (quickly) that's she's not part of your relationship with your husband, your husband needs to either support you accordingly or go live with his mother (pretty sure you'll quickly find you can do MUCH better), and back to the original question, when is not ALWAYS the new mom's place and privilege to hold the new baby to whom SHE just gave birth. Short of your husband and mother-in-law agreeing to some professional counseling followed by an aggressive course change as to the relationship they each and both have with you, this certainly appears to be a highly dysfunctional if not abusive relationship from which you need to remove yourself and your child. Good luck and I hope you can find a manageable resolution to this (as the current situation has no resemblance to anything manageable).
“No, mom, you can’t hold the baby. After Jeff’s mom gets back in three days and holds him first, then you can hold him. I’m sure you understand.”
I mean, I suppose the FATHER OF THE NEWBORN could have taken a couple of days off work to protect his mother's insistence to be the first to hold the baby, instead of leaving his in-laws to help out.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Good one!! I wonder if *he* can even bathe himself!
Load More Replies... 'At a friends daughters wedding' says all you need to know about where you stand in the order of priorities of MIL. Your real family was there for you. My mother who lives away, came home 1 week before the birth of our daughter just in case to help (despite being a planned c section so we knew the date), and sat in the hospital waiting room for 10 hours before (even though we'd say we'd call her to come) getting to meet her.
I feel bad for the OP. Truly awful behaviour by the husband and his mother, and now she has to deal with them for the rest of her life.
No she doesn’t, there’s something called a divorce and since the husband has now shown the OP who he is, a separation could well be in this couple’s future.
Load More Replies... Bets on whether Granny would have tackled the Dr to get her mitts on the baby first?
Load More Replies... Wait, 1st person after OP and OP's husband, or just 1st person in general? EDIT: oh, also, get a divorce
Psycho MIL and son! That mother is the first to hold the baby unless there is some critical emergency then the father holds the baby. The purpose for that is the skin to skin and the baby smells the mothers scent first (unless the baby is being adopted) the MIL is out of town 2 days if I read correctly! Let us find the so called MIL and son and tell them off. This should have been titled Psycho MIL and Son I’m mad she thinks she can hold the baby first and she didn’t even carry the baby. I’m so 😡
I can’t believe what i just read! Are these ppl for real? She was at a wedding - did both those AHs expect you to push the child back in and wait just especially for her to be there to grab the baby on the last push Seriously??? Id be getting rid of AH#1 very quickly. That solves the issues with AH#2.
I'm glad it was your mother and not his mother. The mother of my daughter's ex tried to pull this on me. Didn't pan out for her, either. My girl said no one who'd never seen her private parts before could be in the room. Yay, me. I was the fourth to hold - doctor, dad, mom & me. Beautiful moment. My first grandchild.
Take your newborn and run is my advice here. Don't try to fix your husband, it almost never works especially when you have a newborn to take care of.
The OP”s husband should be ashamed of his behaviour and she may have to reevaluate whether she wants to be married to this man-child. The situation probably isn’t going to improve.
Please remember if you have another baby, you make the decision as to who is allowed in the delivery room. Not your husband. You just need to tell the delivery room nurses your mother in law is absolutely not allowed in the delivery room. Tell your husband if he-stresses you he is out as well. Maybe he should not have gone back to work so quickly.
The mama is always the first one to hold a newborn. That old biddy would've never been able to say she was the first one to hold him.
Technically speaking from a physical point of view the first post-womb hands will be those of the midwife or attending physician. Doubly so if a C-section is required.
Load More Replies... Ain’t no way!!! You carried the baby for 9 months you get to hold the baby first. Ask her psycho behind who held her baby first. Also, no one told her to be out of town at a wedding, you would look absolutely crazy to the Dr and nurses saying my mother in law wants to be the first to hold the baby but she won’t be back in town foe two days , I’m sure they would think you are crazy and have you sedated. Forget them n you did the right thing.
Do like the Republican politicians (who have never taken a sex-ed or human anatomy course) want to do with ectopic pregnancies, just stick it back in the womb. [I really wish this was a joke but it's not. And it's an operation that does not yet exist]
Op doesn't say but I really hope that she went into labor a little unexpectedly and was done quickly. If not then that mother in law is nuts. What was she supposed to do just not give birth. Like "miss you're crowning we need to get you to labor and delivery stat!" "Oh no no, I'm waiting for my mother-in-law."
Unfortunately my MIL is the same way. She wanted to be in the ultrasound room when we first heard the heart beat. She tried to plan separate showers because she was salty my aunt was going to plan one (that she was invited to) and she wanted to be in the delivery room as well. When we had a miscarriage she blew up MY inbox with her grief nothing about mine or her sons and went as far as planning to get a tat in remembrance of OUR loss and slept with the light up teddy bear she bought for the baby and never gave it to us. I feel for this woman. Why isn’t her husband on her side? She just gave birth to THEIR SON and if MIL was out of town clearly she was going to need help. That’s not being selfish they are being selfish. They together are ruining his birth memories
Oh my. That must have been a very difficult time for you. Although you will be grieving this loss for the rest of your life, I hope you were able to build more pleasant, joyful memories. Your MIL sounds like a very selfish and insensitive person.
Load More Replies... First off the mother in law Is the last person to hold the baby it goes the mother of child then dad then the mothers parents then the husband's parents I don't know where the husband and his mom get to decide who holds baby First but they owe the mother of the baby apology and I would agree he is a mommas boy and second she was out of town at wedding that she probably ruin too hell I got three kids and my mom didn't get to hold my kids first
Ive been in the delivery room for 2 very precious step children. The nurse hands the infant to the mother.
You should have told the doctor to cut his umbilical cord also. Ynta. They are
You need to let them know She needs to focus on the first time she held her grandchild NOT the first time her grandchild got held. A baby first goes to mama when its born. If she lost that opportunity when her son was born you shouldn't have to fill that gap. The focus should be when one sees the baby for the very first time and their memory of welcoming the baby to this world.
If mil acts like this now she'll be more miserable as days go by. She will probably want to rule the roost on the upbringing of the baby and will keep pecking into her son's ear to cause arguments in the marriage. I got lucky I was married twice and both of my mils were the best. And the first one loved my 2nd husband.
This can't be real this mama's boy needs to grow a backbone and have his wife's back 1st off 2nd off the mother in law she was out of town what does she expect to be the 1st one and her family can't hold the baby Until she does why does she need to hold the baby 1st From the sound of it her mother wasn't in the delivery room why does she need to be in the living room Is both the Husband and his mother Are out of their minds for this The husband better grow a backbone before he loses his wife this his wife snapping off at her because his because his mom didn't get to hold the baby 1st what is she a child I get to go first She was gone that's her own damn fault This is truly sad that this happened He was gone at work what is she supposed to do recovering from giving birth And have any newborn she's gonna need a shower and what not A new born is not easy
She should start demanding to be the first to hold things. Jug of milk just got brought into the house? First to hold. Fly in the kitchen, first to hold. Moldy bread? First to hold.
My daughter was born 2 months early, and spent her first weeks in the NICU. My mother requested that she be allowed to hold her before the other grandparents, to which I agreed. It was meant to be very special for her, as she had a very difficult delivery with me and was unable to hold me at all until a week after they brought me home from the hospital. She missed a bonding experience, and was very excited. My ex-husband, on the other hand, took it upon himself to allow his mother to hold her first, because he “wanted her to…my mother has a right to hold her granddaughter. Your mother will get over it.” She hasn’t. She was very hurt and still mentions it 17 years later.
MIL in the delivery room? Unless she's the nurse or doctor, Yuuuuck! Mama is THE 1st person to hold the baby. Some people and their First World problems...
I'm all for patience & tolerance, but if OP doesn't win this & win it decisively, her MIL will suffocate her. Hubs is an emotional hostage & OP might as well change the locks & have him move back in w/ Mumsie. I'm cringing as I think about MIL round the baby- she's not wound too tight. Poor OP- NTA
God help the mad the MIL was married to. Can we picture the hell he lived with. Son is Mama's boy because it kept peace in the family. He witnessed what others went through and that trained him to be a wimp. Fast forward to him becoming a dad. His wife just had their son. Then his selfish, narcissistic, entitled mother thinks she rules the roost. She sure is trying to. Now son had better grow a set or he will be paying child support and have every other weekend visitation, and he will owe all that experience to his mother. Who does she think she is. I wish his wife the best because if this marriage is going to last it will be nothing short of a miracle.
Supervised visitation! His mother would make him steal the baby so she could raise him 'properly'.
Load More Replies... I'm just so baffled by this. And I can't help but wonder if "being the first" was including mom in that statement, not just other family members, because that's how this reads for me. I'd love for anyone to tell me I just HAVE to let one specific person hold my child first. Because I will kick everyone but the doctor and nurses out and make sure each of them holds my child first, taking selfies with me smiling gleefully in the background. Along with hashtags of BabiesFirstHug and BabiesFirstSelfie, which WILL be posted on social media just so I can hear about it later, because I will so enjoy the outrage. There's a whole lot of OP should just not give a darn about husband number one here. Although she should ask him why he bothered to marry her when he seems to already be married to the umbilical chord he bungeed in on. NTA
If I had had kids, I'd want them to have your chutzpah!!
Load More Replies... I'm still wondering how MIL defined first - first after Mom & Dad, first after Mom, first after the midwife...? But setting that aside.... OP's hubby presumably knew that his wife's mother & sister were coming to visit, did he think neither of them would hold baby to help out settling him or with nappies or just for snuggles? Did he think that his wife should struggle just so his mother could get her wish? Did he consider maybe if he wanted to ensure his mother's special privilege of holding his baby before anyone else perhaps he should stay home for a few days to help look after his son himself? And as for MIL, if she had really wanted opportunity to be the first after the new parents to hold the baby, clearly she shouldn't have gone away for a few days when OP was close to due. Oh, and congrats to hubby & MIL the dual achievements of putting a wedge between them & OP AND giving a newborn competition for who is the baby in the family with your sulking.
Who cares if you are the first or the tenth to hold the baby. And being so upset about it. Like the baby has lost its hold-virginity or something?? Weird, controlling and red flagish.
idk what's more ridiculous, "the grandbaby's birth memory" or the husband siding with his mom, like the kid is gonna remember them being held first by grandma, lmao..mom def NTA, but the MIL is.
OMG! This is just an unbelievable situation. The baby's mother should be the first one to hold the baby, followed by the baby's father. I don't get why an entire family needs to be in the delivery room anyway. Or would even WANT to be.This should be a special time for just the baby's parents. Probably a good thing MIL was out if town. She would have elbowed her way in anyway. MIL is a controlling bi*ch and her son is a wuss with no balls. Good luck with the future because I can see stormy weather ahead for this entire family.
There is a reason this 34 year old guy is married to woman who is 8 years his junior. His plan was to control her. She needs to get out now. He cares more for his mother than his wife and child. This young woman will never be first or measure up to his mother. I feel so sad for her. I hope that she is brave enough to leave.
So MIL decides to leave town for a few days near baby's due date? So misses birth and holding baby? AH husband is now upset his Mother wasn't allowed to attend the birth. Assuming mil would have still taken her trip even if invited what would she have expected her dil to do when she went into labor? Hold her knees together and try to NOT have a baby until she decided to get back? Then expects a new mom to have no help? So now MIL selfishly takes a trip around grandchild's due date and is upset that the world didn't stop and revolve around her? Op's husband is now enabling his mother's selfish self centered behavior. It SUPER common for people to accuse others if what they are guilty of.
I would f'n run from that relationship. That's just craziness. Get out now!
Your MIL and your husband wanted you to know that they call the shots. It didn't work. Let them be mad. A keep up those boundaries. They'll pay their butts and get happy again, when their stupidity doesn't phase you. The problem is theirs, not yours
OP is NTA. I'm guessing OP is exhausted and wanting to make sure her emotions are in the right place. They are. Besides the doctor or nurse, the mother of the baby should be first to hold the baby. Whoever carries the baby gets to hold the baby first. The mil and husband can F off with all that c**p. Why ruin a beautiful day for OP!? Good luck and get out if you can! Or set very strict boundaries! I'm a mom to only one kid. I really hope I don't behave like the mil if I ever get to have grandkids. Geez!
NTA. But, I disagree with those saying hubby has no right to say who gets first hold, outside of and AFTER the woman who laboured and delivered. The dad should get some say in it. However, MIL made herself scarce and missed out. That’s on her not the OP. Hubby treating the OP this way days after giving birth however, is the real issue. I’d run far and fast. He should have her back. At least publicly. Blood is NOT everything. He can be a little upset but discuss it with her privately and he certainly should not be ongoingly punishing her. She just had your baby, dude.
Let's get back to reality. The woman didn't show up for DAYS AFTER the birth! HUBBY didn't stick around to help and HER FAMILY DID. Hubby & his mommy can both sit in a corner and spit. You snooze, you LOSE!
Load More Replies... Actually the first person to hold the baby would be the doctor or nurses helping to deliver the baby, who usually hand them to the mother as soon as possible. So unless the MIL is a licensed practitioner she cannot expect to be the first to hold the baby. Also after the doctor/midwife the mother has first right to hold the baby, (for both health and emotional reasons). As MIL was out of town for days afterward she had no right to expect to still be first in line, She was unwilling to miss a son's friend's daughter's wedding during the birth, she could have stayed behind to help out the new Mom and maybe gotten her wish instead, so it's her own fault really.
After a very long, rough labor the doctor finally got my baby out of me. My mom took the my son from the doctor and offered him to the gods to bless, a team of nurses snatched him back to suck fluid out of his lungs before handing him over to his green-faced father, and I was the absolute last person to hold him. All I cared about was my tiny, beautiful Klingon looking baby. I gave zero F's who held him first🙄
Why does she have to be the first, she probably believes is she holds the baby first it will imprint her in the baby's memory giving her more control over the wean than the actual mother in the future.
I need to ask, whose the one he wants to have sex with? Cause that's the one he's supposed to back.
NTA, the husband is. I don't know who needs to hear this but when you get married, your spouse's wants and needs take priority over your parents and their wants or needs. Neither person's parents get ANY say in anything regarding your children, the birth thereof, or the raising thereafter. If for some reason you cannot accept this, you are NOT marriage material.
wtf I would never allow my mil to be the first to hold my baby and to be in the delivery room what a weirdo. that is a total nonsense. it is just me, my husband and the baby. that is all. i dont need to see anyone for the next few weeks until i recover and build a bond with the baby and certainly not my in laws. they can come visit later as anyone else
wasn't this b***h out of town for a wedding or something so she wasn't even there for the delivery day, this marriage isn't going to last
The MIL wanted to be the first person to hold the baby after the mother and father But she wasn't in town so of course other people help the baby she can't be angry about and the husband should not be taking his mum's side it's ridiculous she's not his priority his baby and his wife are
Well you were obviously supposed to just leave the baby on the floor without human contact for two days until MiL got back.
Get ready for Plan B - Divorce. This will make the mother happy and he will be happy to make his mother happy. People show you who they are... BELIEVE BOTH OF THEM... dont just shrug this off. Take your baby and run fir the hills. They only get visitation and that should be supervised. Good luck honey you're going to need it!
Don't have any more children with this man!! Don't let her raise your baby or he'll turn out like your husband. Return her behavior right back to her. Be very controlling how much she is allowed to interact with your son. After all he is YOUR son.
My X-MIL had to be the first and most important person in every situation. When expecting her FIRST grandbaby, she refused to go to the baby shower because she accused us of only wanting a gift from her. She also measured everything in dollars and cents.
I believe someone else may have mentioned this, but the priority here should be you and the child's need. Many men do not realize how hard it is on the body to give birth. Woman need a support system afterwards because of this reason. Woman get this, and this is why the mother and sister of the new mother where there for support. A baby takes a village as it requires many needs. A new mother has many needs so she can recoup from giving birth. It would be my suggestion to the new mother to have this conversation with her husband in a calm and respectful tone, as it is their marriage. If the husband cannot in the end see where mistakes were made on his end, to support his wife and child, then maybe the new mother should re-evaluate if this is something she can live with for the rest of her life. This will occur again, but it will be another situation and he will always take his mother's side. Either way, at the end of the day, the new mother is not to blame.
Gotta say a lot of these comments are both true and funny. Seriously though this woman needs to high tail it out of this relationship. They are never going to let her live this down and they are going to use to try to control her in the future.
This is a mommy's boy of note! He is totally controlled by his mother and his attitude towards his wife and the situation absolutely sucks. His first priority should be his wife and child. Don't allow this to continue. Take it from me. After 46 yrs of marriage MIL is still 1st priority and calls the shots. It's her son therefor she thinks she own him. Can't go on holidays because she needs to be 'looked' after. I can right a book about selfish inlaws. Don't allow them to do this to you, its going to get a lot worse and your life will be controlled by them. Don't let this happen to you. Put your foot down girl, you deserve better!
the most important this is for the MOTHER to hold the baby for bonding time. The MIL will NOT be the one to raise the child. Or is that what MIL wants?
Divorce. Never ever marry a mama’s boy you’ll end up realizing you’re marrying her too.
I wonder if MIL thinks of the birth as some kind of "do over" for her own son. As in, I wonder if she had a caesarean and she was under general anesthesia, so she remembers nothing about his birth, which is why she was so insistent on being the first to hold her grandchild. Doesn't make it right, and she and Husband are still bat-guano crazy, but maybe that was ther thought process. OP needs to GTFO of that marriage and file for sole custody immediately.
First off i would never expect my daughter in law to want me in the delivery room, that is a special time just for mother, father to bond with There baby, Once the dr delivers the baby, the baby is handed off to the mother or father, then the grand parents' if they are there should hold the grandbaby , if they are not there at time of birth in the hospital then who ever mother and father choose.
NTA she wasn't even in town to hold the baby. What was she expecting no one to touch him until she got back. This is really a toxic environment for a new born baby and they didn't seem to be to worried about you either since you had just given birth few days before and were yelling at you. Honestly I think the MIL just wanted to be able to throw around in people faces she was first to hold the baby and now can't. Maybe you need to cut her out of your life
NTA~~Your MIL is a narcissistic b!tch and your husband an entitled IDIOT. Tell HIM to grow a pair or prepare to pay child support for 18 years. Tell 'Granny' if she were so interested in being first AFTER YOU AND HUBBY to hold YOUR CHILD, then she should have gotten her flabby a$$ to the hospital ON TIME. Oh, she was at a wedding? BIG FRICKING DEAL~~SEE THE ABOVE STATEMENT. Get yourself some legal advice if your 'Man~Baby' doesn't straighten himself out SOON. Get your family on board with this bullsh!t so they can back you and the baby, accordingly. Also, CONGRATS on the birth of your child!😊
I'm guessing the MIL meant the first one after mom dad and the hospital staff. But why did she think that the maternal grandmom didn't have the right to hold the baby first? Why are they attacking a new mother who's emotional state is still all screw up. Do they not understand that they can bring on depression in mom. I have a 20 year old and a 2 year old. My daughter was in the room with me when I had my son. Her and her husband just gave birth to my granddaughter. Her husband's mom basically disown her son doing the pregnancy. I have been hands on and supportive to both of them. He's his mom's only son his sister is 16. My daughter wanted a birth at the midwife center so me and my son can be there. She was able to have how many she wanted there. His family lives far from us. She wanted my mom there and the godmom's there. I had to take my cranky son home so unfortunately I was not there to actually see the birth. My daughter was in labor for 22 hours. My daughter wouldn't let nobody
Disturbing that she has this idea that HER desire should be a Golden Rule. AND that your husband isn't fazed. But you should have made it clear in the beginning that if it worked out that way, she could Also, I'm confused that your husband says you should have just let her be in the delivery room, but I thought she was out of town.
The attending OB/GYN who catches the baby is always the first to hold it. Then the senior nurse hands it to the mother. I was unable to hold my infant at birth due to the strong drugs given for an emergency cesarean. I held him for the first time a few hours later. We are still close 34 years later.
MIL sounds like a typical fascist republican. Don't let "it" control you
What is up with you and Republicans? Like, chill dude.
Load More Replies... These stories are always hilarious like you couldn't have seen the red flags way before you got pregnant? I mean someone with this kinda behavior usually has signs that maybe you should distance yourself from them before you get pregnant.
I've seen it happen once the baby is born. Depending on the circumstances, sometimes having a baby doesn't bring families closer together, it tears them apart. Sad for the child who is the only victim there.
Load More Replies...
136
175