Mother Imposes “No Sleeping With BF” Rule On Her Grown Up Daughter, Asks Online If She’s Wrong
Parents are parents for life, no matter how old their children are. And, of course, who hasn’t heard the famous phrase “You’ll understand me once you have your own children”? But it is thought that with years it is getting easier for parents and their children to get along. However, there are still things that are hard to agree on no matter the age. And as we get older, the disagreements between parents and children could determine a broken relationship.
More info: reddit.com
It takes a lot for a parent to realize that their child is all grown up, but this mother sure takes her time
Image credits: verkeorg
One Reddit user, who is a mother to her already grown-up daughter, is asking whether she is being too sensitive about the idea of her daughter sleeping with her boyfriend when they come to visit her family.
And this mother is not the only one who is looking for answers in this situation. Believe it or not, but debates about whether parents should let their kids sleep with their boyfriend/girlfriend are quite frequent on Google.
This mother asked Reddit users if she’s wrong for imposing her “no boyfriend in bed” rule on her grown-up daughter
Image credits: u/upsetmother12
What draws attention to this particular case is the reactions of other Reddit users. In almost 4.5 thousand comments people are discussing the boundaries parents and children should accept based on their own experience.
Image credits: u/upsetmother12
What intensifies the discussion is some personal information that the woman shares with the audience: her daughter is a 25-year woman who already lives with her 26-year-old boyfriend. So what is all the fuss about you might think?
As the mother and her husband are certain that there should be no sleeping around before the marriage, they do not allow her daughter to sleep with her boyfriend when they come to visit the family.
Image credits: u/upsetmother12
Her daughter, being a respectful human being, decided to comply with her parents’ wishes by not visiting them as often as they would want. This, of course, got her mother upset and lost as the only people who think that this is all right and her daughter is being simply rude is herself and her husband.
A lot of Reddit commentators agree that by flashing her “no sleeping before marriage” card, the mother is jeopardizing her relationship with her daughter.
Image credits: u/upsetmother12
It seems that the main concern with which most of the parents face, especially those who raise daughters, is an unplanned pregnancy. But as the times change, the stigma of becoming a teen parent is also changing.
Instead of saying a brief and strict “no”, most of the parents are now looking for advice on how to talk to their children and how to prepare them for the next chapter of their lives. As we can see, open discussion on various platforms could be one of them.
The online group users were very supportive… of the daughter
Image credits: u/upsetmother12
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I don't think it's a right or wrong situation, you have your rules but your rules have consequences. If you're not comfortable with your daughter sleeping with her partner in your house then you need to accept that she will not visit you as much.
You said it short and clear, rules have consequences
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I can't imagine what it would be like to value some outdated religious dogma over a strong and loving relationship with your own daughter. How sad that this woman cannot recognise what she is doing to the relationship with her daughter.
And we're not even talking about someone who's 18 or 19. We're talking about someone well into adulthood. It's even worse.
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The whole "who waits three months between seeing their parents" is ridiculous. Before covid, I saw my parents.... twice a year. I can't really afford to travel and didn't have a ton of vacation time. Which is true for most younger people.
I'd be completely embarrased to visit my parents if I thought they'd be this preoccupied with my sex life. Very creepy.
They do realize that their daughter shares a bed with her partner in their shared appartment? I fail to see the point in the parents' house rule.
I had that too with my grandmas. I live with my partner for 4 years but when we visit my family they offer him to stay with them in the guest room so we dont sleep together (i dont stay at my parents and book an airbnb to avoid my abusive father but thats a different issue). I always wonder if they think that we sleep in two rooms in our home.
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What if they never get married? Plenty of couples stay together long term but never marry.
Exactly. Nowadays marriage is not the norm anymore in some places. Depends usually of the laws of the country. In Spain being a registered couple brings you 0 benefits whole being married does so a lot of young people marry in civilian weddings. In Belgium for example being a registered couple is basically the same as being married so a lot of young people never marry.
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same thing happen to my wife and i many years ago. we were living in another city but came back for christmas. her father didn't want us to sleep in the same room. my wife made i quite clear that if i wasn't allow to sleep in the same room we wouldn't be there... like we would have sex while her parent were in the room in the other side of the wall.
Wow, did her father have sex strictly for reproduction? "I've been celibate since before you were born, you two can be celibate for a night or two." What an odd duck.
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What I don't understand is the mother insisting that they can only sleep in the same bed at their house until after their married. But what difference does it make when they're ALREADY living together and sharing a bed together? They're already sharing a bed at their own house, so what the hell is signing some documents going to change? That mother and father are ridiculous and just plain weird.
she's punishing her for not following their religious traditions... the daughter might not even want to get married and this lady is ok with losing her daughter over that...
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They are both in the right. It is their house, their rules but it's also up to the daughter whether she wants to put up with the rules or not. The mother just has to deal with the fact that the daughter doesn't see them more often coz she doesn't agree with the rules. Doesn't mean she doesn't respect the rules coz they do follow them when they stay.
It's the same thing as visiting people who don't drink alcohol or eat meat. You can go and respect that, or not go. It's very simple, actually. I once had a friend who told me I shouldn't smoke in my house when she visits. I told her I would, only if she hid her dogs when I visit her, cause I hate dogs. She got mad and started ranting. The audacity!
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Your house, your rules. But playing the victim when your daughter doesn't visit you as often as you expect is just ridicules.
I have to wonder how many times Mom said some variation of "grow up" while daughter was a child - and is now upset that daughter went and did just that.
Sorry if I sound rude : the bare truth of that is parents feeling unable to overcome the idea of their ADULT childs having sex. Call it what you will, but insisting on marriage (i.e religious union) as the only way to make it acceptable seems extremely regressive, and this lady might need a good psychoanalysis rather than leading her daughter to the church.
A marriage by a judge/justice of the peace is just a legal as a “church wedding.” Watch heads explode in Mom & Dad’s house. 🤯😁
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the underlying issue here that no one else seems to commenting on is the level of demand that woman is placing on her daughter and son. If she wants to see them more often, SHE should go to THEM. it's as if their busy lives and new family units don't exist. Mom here is acting like she is the center of this family, and fails to realize her children (or, at least the daughter) are ACTIVELY untying the apron strings and stepping away. Her overbearing nature is not new, it is not healthy, and my suspicion is the adult daughter is already coping with emotional trauma from digging herself out from under all that overbearing mom attention for her past 25 years. Pulling away was probably a necessary mental health choice for her. Mom is narcissistic and fails to grasp the harm she is causing.
Can't wait to see what happens when mom finally does decide to visit her daughter. Would mom be OK with daughter enforcing she sleep in a seperate room from dad, just because "daughter's house, daughter's rules"?
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She CHOSE to alienate her daughter and now she's whining because it worked. Got it. It won't be long before the daughter cuts all contact with this bitchy nut case of a mother.
So in my understanding, the problem is that she doesn't want them sleeping together in her house, right? Because obviously in their house they do and I'm assuming she's aware of that?
yes thats right. she says she knows they have been co-habiting for 2 years, and i assume that was at least mostly done in the same bed
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Some really good wisdom in these comments. I grew up with parents who were the same way. I was still living at home (21F) at their insistence when my bf (24M) got stuck at our house during an ice storm. They were so worried what the neighbors would think if they saw his car there overnight, they made him drive home in an ice storm--through the mountains two counties over! I married him that year just to get out of there.
At this point, a couple of parents telling their grown child something like that is a moot point. You don't want them at your house unmarried, then get over it when they find a work around.
I want to know if you slept with your hubby prior to marriage. And I could understand if they were in their late teens and just got together but my gosh they have lived together for TWO years and in their mid 20's which leads me to believe they will be husband and wife one day. And for sake of argument, let's say they don't. But remain together? What if they never get married? come on.
this is stupid, i mean i understand having house rules but like she's 25, she's a grown woman, and they aren't even having sex, they're just sleeping next to each other, this mother is treating her daughter like a 14 year old!
My ex's parents had the same rule, even after we were dating for over 5 years and living together. We still respected it though. We only went home to her parents house once a year during Thanksgiving or Christmas when the house was so full of family that anything other than sleeping would have been out of the question (though we did manage to find some "special together time" in the car outside the house). My ex was willing to go along with the rule to prevent causing holiday stress. When the parents came to visit us, then we slept together as usual, the "no sleeping together before marriage" rule only applied in their house. One funny thing is that we went on an overseas trip with her parents once, they booked our hotel room... with 2 single beds! Which we just pushed together and night, and pulled apart in the morning.
Had a friend whose father pulled this "Not while you are under my roof" trip. He was in his 20s but had to sleep in separate rooms when visiting with his long term girlfriend. Well wouldn't ya know it. Several years down the road his parents divorced and his dad came to visit with his new girlfriend. 60 something years old and my buddy made him sleep on the couch while his girlfriend got the spare bedroom. Said it was great and the girlfriend got the biggest laugh out of it.
The rule itself is actually wrong too. Your house is not above law and human rights. You can set the rule that people need to take off shoes or wash hands, whatever, but not rules that cross personal boundaries. How would this mum feel if she and her husband went to stay at her daughter’s and were told to sleep in separate beds? I’ve been in the same situation at the hands of my boyfriend’s mother, and it makes you feel unwelcome and openly insulted when you get shown to a separate bedroom even though you live together with the man. Every time we go to visit them it’s a lot of stress for me and feels super uncomfortable.
When you know and have no problem with the fact that your daughter is living together with her boyfriend, you're quite a bigot when you have a rule "No sleeping together before marriage under my roof." Perhaps the daughter doesn't like to hang out with bigots.
I disagree with those who say it's ok by the parents to make such an idiotic rule. It's belittling and disrespectful and completely out of touch with reality. Can they also tell them what clothes to wear? Just because it's your house doesn't mean you're suddenly king over your guests. The kids are adults, you're not in charge of them. I'd cut the contact, honestly
Your house, your rule, your problem if your daughter decides not to visit you anymore. But, if I were you, I would seek help. You don't sound like a very stable and mentally healthy person.
I'm always amazed at the number of people that do not understand that actions (even those that are moral/justified in their eyes) have ramifications. Action=reaction. Your 25 year old child does not owe you a visit unless there is some agreement, social or otherwise. And just an FYI, your kid might just not like you very much. But you should be proud of them for respecting your wishes and following your 'rules'.
My brother's now in-laws did this and their relationship still hasn't recovered. Particularly as they did not enforce the rule with the sister's boyfriend who they clearly liked better. I think it is a stupid thing to do
Why bother? Even if you don't let your adult children sleep with their significant others under your roof, you'll never come close to evening up the number of times they killed mommy & daddy nookies when they were little.
It's so dumb since she states they're already living together so they already share a bed.
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She’s the arsehole. The mother has it backwards; she is choosing her rule over seeing her daughter as much as she would like.
One of the biggest lessons you can teach your children is to be non-judgemental. And one of the best ways to teach it is BY EXAMPLE. This mother is judging her adult child's choices. Not a good way to maintain a good relationship.
What would happen if they decided to have a child without being married? Would that rule still hold? Would they still try to enforce it if it meant the couple wouldn't visit as often WITH their grandchild?
If she was under the age of 18 - yeah I'd be like no your boyfriend can't stay in your room. Maybe even under 21 as that's still super young & it's weird even if you try not to make it weird cause ultimately you know your young adult kid could be having sex down the hall. It's not the sleeping in the same bed if all they did was sleep, it's the chances they will have sex that freaks a lot of parents out. However - in this situation - she's 25 & her boyf. is 26. She's a grown woman. I wouldn't have an issue with it at all. The mother is being unreasonable. She sounds controlling & I wonder if she would enforce this rule on her son if he brought around his girlfriend. She sounds as if the son is her favourite out of her kids & by doing this, it's pushing her daughter away. Sooner or later, she won't have to moan about her daughter not visiting every few months as there won't be a relationship left if she continues on like this. Treat your daughter like a responsible adult.
Agree with most of this, but I do think if you are in your 20's AT ALL, it is kind of dumb to enforce this. So, as a "young adult kid" they can vote for the leader of the country, go to war and kill random humans, smoke cigarettes...but cant sleep in the bed with a boyfriend? THAT is where the line is drawn? LOL... They are just too young for that, despite being about to carry a military grade weapon or smoke? That just sounds SO silly.
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That's fine if it's ger rule, doesn't mean the daughter is staying over.
i will never understand religious notions that mean that your adult offspring living on their own and being in a consenting relationship that presumably includes sex is okay, but when they specifically visit you in your house it's not okay for the adult offspring and their partner to share a bed because they're not bound by a symbolic and arguably archaic ceremony yet? like, what? they're probably not even going to have sex in that bed because who wants to have sex with their parents in the house. just let your adult kids live their lives and stop trying to force them to comply with your way of thinking.
Parents need not think about what their grown children do with their genitals.
Sounds as though this worked out so both sides got what they wanted. Mom didn't want the two sleeping together in her house and they agreed. Daughter wanted to share a bed with her boyfriend and she gets to do that. Hard to see why Mom is complaining when she got exactly what she asked for.
She's literally 25 in a committed relationship. Not everyone wants to get married. And the mother should definitely not be upset about them not wanting to visit. Disrespecting the rules would be sleeping together under your roof, respecting the rules is not going under the mother's roof because you don't like the rules.
She doesn't live with you it's not your business. Of course she's not going to come over your disrespectful of their relationship because you think that marriage is the only thing that validates a relationship. The way they are trying to control their independent adult daughter when she visits it's a f****n wonder she visits at all
They can have any rules for their house they want, but that means they exclude the daughter and partner from living their normal lives while visiting. I suspect that there's many more reasons why the couple doesn't want to spend time the parents though. They sound extremely self-righteous and obnoxious.
Sorry to say this but the parents are being too entitled. It shows that these people hasn't learn the simple rule or "you reap what you sow". I'm not trying to be mean to them for their believes here. I think the daughter is already compromising here by still visiting despite clearly being put in an uncomfortable situation. But these parents feel it isn't enough despite these self-imposed limitations. Are they expecting their daughter to bend over backwards to conform to their expectations?
Is there anything stopping the daughter from saying, “ The guest room sounds great! We’ll be extra comfy in there.” 🤪
Your house your rules but those rules will not get you very far. This will not force them into marriage until they are ready and clearly they don't agree with your moral stance.All you are doing is showing your displeasure which your doughter and her man are well aware of and probably makes them uncomfortable, which is probably your goal. At this point you are not protecting her or your son or yourself from anything as it's all out in the open, your daughter has a sex life. It will not make you closer either. You must decide is your rule worth it for you. If it is you will see less of your daughter, she has picked her man.
This lady should get a doll, if she want's to control something she can buy it pretty dresses and not let it sleep with it's clearly serious partner.
My fiancée and I were spending New Years Eve with her best friend and her family. Same rule, I could either bunk with her BFF's brothers or I could have the couch ( I chose couch). The only difference is her BFF's parents were super cool, treated me like I was part of their family since day one and I enjoyed spending time at their house! Hell, I'd go hang out with them on my own some times! But the point is, it's not an inconvenience to not sleep next to my partner when everyone else is not insufferable.
Of course she can make any crazy rules she wants but everybody who is not living in her house, has equal right to not visit if those rules for example violates their rights to choose if they want to sleep in the same room with their spouse. To me this sounds like a mother who just wants to control her adult children and it doesn't have anything to do with their beliefs, because it seems that the daughter didn't expect this rule. Your children are not your property, people!
After having lived together for years, don't you think that what _could_ happen between two concenting adults, has already happened?
Ridiculous. YTA. Your daughter and her boyfriend are adults now, they can believe and do what they please, they don't have to do every little thing you want them to. If they sleep in the same bed at wherever they live, they should be allowed to at your house aswell. (tl;dr: i agree with the brother, its not a big deal to let them sleep together. just let them do what they want.)
When I married my husband, I had moved into his family home about 3 months prior to the wedding AND was already pregnant and I still slept in the guestroom of his parents home (as per their wishes) until after the wedding. It wasn't hard to understand their position on it as they are Christian and it was a blessing they took me in at all after my parents threw me out (in Florida) and I had no where to go when I got to California (where my husband lived at the time). We still slept together after moving in, and we still had sex (hello, already pregnant), but at bedtime, we had separate rooms. We just did all the things when his parents weren't around, so we weren't flaunting that against their beliefs to the best extent possible. I don't think his parents were unreasonable in doing this, and when my husband did eventually meet my parents, my mom didn't care where he slept, so we shared a room. "Damage was already done" as she put it... #eyeroll
I have to wonder if parents like this are just being spiteful for having been forced to live in such arrangements when they began their own relationships. Being SO conservative doesn't seem like it has any measurable benefits anyway.
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Your house, your rules but I have to ask, if this was an unmarried couple you have been friends with for years (not family) would you impose the same rule on them? If yes, then all is fine but if NO, then I believe some further introspection on the double standard is in order.
There is no mention of her parents traveling to come and visit the young couple - or would it be a visit to be with the daughter and ignore the bf? Would parents sleep over at their place or expect the 'sinners' to sleep separately for the entire visit?
My mom did the same thing.... What is marriage? A piece of paper? Now my daughter and her boyfriend, come to vist, they can sleep in the same bed, I don't care! they love each other, and I doubt very seriously they are doing anything but sleeping, she said it would just be wierd.
Just waiting for the blaming of Satan for her daughter's sinful ways...
The daughter is living with her boyfriend for 2 years. Mom needs to get over it. She’s lucky the daughter visits at all.
I married against my parents wishes, and we lived together with my husband for 2-3 years till we came to visit my parents together. My mom was very concerned about us sleeping together. I said - regardless of whether you like him or not, we are officially married and have been sleeping in the same bed even before we got married. We are not breaking our habits because you feel weird about them. We would love to stay at your place, but we sleep in the same bed, or if that bothers you, we do not stay at your place and book a hotel.
This isn't the 1950s. Let your daughter be. There's literally no moral or ethical point at for waiting till marriage, especially when this isn't even sex. It's just sharing a room.
As a father of a daughter who has a bf, I wouldn't care if they slept in the same bed just don't have sex and get my sheets dirty. TY
The certificate does not dictate what bed you lay in and with whom, because if it did there would be a lot less divorce and cheating because of this magical piece of paper. They are not imposing a rule they are imposing Marriage, they are saying the relationship is not real until that happens, and if that is never going to happen if they actually never marry this relationship with the family will fade off completely, because this is ridiculous.
It is her house, but the daughter feels not a reasonable rule. Therefore she shouldn't be surprised the daughter doesn't visit. The parent has to decide what's more important; and archaic tradition with no value, or seeing her daughter. I doubt this is the only reason the daughter doesn't visit. I'm guessing there were ridiculous rules. This was likely the last straw in a long line of things the daughter didn't like.
What’s keeping them from visiting the daughter at her place? How often do they visit her? This goes both ways!
Why is she assuming they will get married?? not everyone in committed relationships find it necessary to wed, is she trying to force a wedding?
My mother tried this crap on me and my BF when we were adults. We've been married 30 years. We haven't seen her since.
what an idiot. people don't need to be married to be a real couple in a real relationship. They're adults. If they won't come to your house b/c they can't share a bed, too bad, so sad. This woman is so stupid that she thinks people can't control themselves and will be f*****g like bunnies under her roof?! Does she think sharing a bed means they HAVE to have sex every single time? If she were my mother, I'd stay away forever. You don't get to impose your out dated religious rules on grown ass adults. She's made her choice, time to shun her.
I didn't have to read too much of this to know she's a f*****g asshole ...
Even when we were engaged we couldn't sleep in the same room at my in in-laws, this was last year and we were 29 and 27. Last time we stayed over we were allowed to stay in the same room (because we got married). They are very active in their faith and also hated that we were living together before marriage. But hey this was our choice... My mother-in-law treat's me 10x better than before we got married.
just Americans?.......somehow I doubt that every moron in the world lives in the U.S.
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I agree with the parents.It goes against their values for an umarried couple to sleep together,and it is their home.Their values should be respected. I also agree with the daughters right to not visit her parants often. The parents made a choice ( to take a hard line on the rules) but there are consequences for that choice .The daughter has made a choice as well,but I don't think the consequences are discussed in the original reddit post.
So they've been together for a while so the relationship is probably quite steady. She should respect your rule it's literally a couple of nights not next to him. I do feel though you should back down and not drive a wedge between your daughter as it might be hard to keep a good mother daughter relationship going.
This I’d have to admit is one of those ones that just make almost no sense to a logical person . Like it’s the same thing as those who complain And whine that their parents won’t let them “ rule the roast” when their teenagers and then when they don’t listen are kicked out . Which results in the teenager having a fit . Like if you don’t own / pay mortgage on a place that your staying at regardless of wether your visiting or renting then you have to comply with what the owners have put out or face being without a place to stay. Doesn’t matter the reason why doesn’t even have to be a reason for it . Either you can accept it like a big boy / girl or you can do the only other option and that’s to find somewhere else to stay
These are my thoughts on the situation: If you are a Christin/Catholic family then the rule is 100% reasonable, as the Bible states something about marriage and sex and so do the Commandments (idk much about my own religion I'm not a fanatic nor am I atheist). Your daughter can do whatever she wants as a consenting adult, and it's understandable that a mother is worried for her daughter, yet anarkzie said it best: "your rules have consequences."
This reminds me of a time my then-fiancé was invited on a trip with my family and me. My dad insisted that our hotel room have two beds, even though we had already been living together for over a year at that point. The funnier part was that it would've been about $60 less per night had he just entered the 21st century. However, I do think that the whole "my house, my rules" thing is to be respected. If the mom is uncomfortable with the unwed couple sharing a bed in her home, that's her prerogative and they should either follow the rule or stay elsewhere. There is never a reason to make someone uncomfortable just to get your own way for a few days. Plus if you start by respecting your possible in-laws from the start, you could find yourself forming a wonderful and beautiful bond that's filled with mutual respect.
I'M TRYING TO DELETE ONE OF MY COMMENTS, BUT I CAN'T... I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T REALIZE THEY BOTH POSTED :(
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Her house, her rules. Right. But also my life, my rules. I respect your rules in your house. Respect my life and my decisions. Full stop.
Oh Jesus, take your silly rules and crucify them. The rules, not daughter and her BF. They're old enough, marriage isn't required for intercourse, and in a house inhabited by such parents, they likely could share their panties and still not do anything then and there - cos Daddy might come in her room any second, looking for a screwdriver he must have forgotten there. Alternatively, he might come inside to bring the screwdriver.
I have no problem with this. both my Mom and mother in law instituted the same rule for my wife and I before we married. Yes, we both rolled our eyes at it, but it is their right to implement their rules in their house.
sure it is their right but it's the daughter's right too to stay the hell outta that house... so then the parents have no right to complain
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I look at it like this. Moms house, moms rules. If she doesn't like it, then go to a hotel. I have two young adult children, and I have no problem with them sleeping with their boyfriend or girlfriend under my roof. Now if I had an adult child and a young child, then my rules would be different, just not to send any confusing messages to the younger child.
If they are already living together I really don't see what difference it makes... But yea it seems to me the whole thing boils down to the mom not dealing well with the lack of control she now has over her adult daughter. She wants to maintain having power over her then she's sad when the daughter doesn't want to hang cause it's a bummer. My mom was/is like that a bit and I'm 38 lol If they are fighting over that issue, there are probably others issues too. Anyway, at 25, there were about a million other things I'd rather be doing than visiting my folks. That didn't really get important to me until in my 30s.
I disagree with most of the opinions here, I'll say it anyway. There seems to be a lot more problematic topics between mother and daughter because honestly, if my mom and I had a great relationship, and her only rule was to not sleep on the same bed with my bf when I'm visiting because of her believes (and she doesn't seem to have s problem with them living and sleeping together outside of her house), then I would just sleep in a different room than my bf for one night, what is the big deal? It's just one night. I'm guessing the daughter has a lot more problems with her mom, than we are told.
The simple fact that the mom doesn't object when her daughter sleeps with the boyfriend when they are at their own home immediately makes the mom and dad hypocrites and bigots. Their message is basically : "You can f**k around all you want, but not under my roof because I think that sex before marriage is bad.." Do they really think that their 25 year old daughter didn't have sex with her boyfriend?
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Funny, reminds me of when my husband and I went to visit his Grandmother for a few days along with my in-laws, his mother (48) and soon to be step-father (50). Grandma had the same rules at her house. My husband and I slept in the same room. My in-laws had to sleep in different rooms. Wasn't a big deal, we all laughed about it, and it certainly didn't stop my in-laws from visiting.
My parents are the same. The daughter would know what her parents expect, why would she think otherwise
ha that's a good one you can't be with your child 24/7 she end up having sex with out tell her.
This is my mom’s rules also. I’m from a conservative family and I’m personally against cohabitation before marriage. I guess one day I’ll possibly be in this same situation and I think I would likely suck it up just for the sake of making my child happy. Them sharing a bed while visiting isn’t a big deal, but I also can understand the moms point of view since I was raised the same way.
To me "no cohabitation/no sex before marriage" seems like 1) a recipe for nasty surprises in bed or out and 2) a poor incentive for a lifelong commitment. Guys, just REALLY get to know each other, habits and quirks, bathroom rituals and bedroom preferences, before you decide on "I do".
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My two cents: If I am staying at my parents' home, I will abide by their rules. If their rules are unreasonable, it will not stop me from visiting them. I might stay in hotel nearby and still visit my parents. In this case, I assume the daughter was brought up with these guidelines, so why break the rules and disrespect her parents now? So, my question actually is that why is the boyfriend staying at her parents' place if there are such rules. Either she didn't mention it to him, or he is hen pecked. He should go spend some money and book a room for himself. And if the daughter wants to spend the night with her boyfriend, she should go to his room that he paid for.
I think it's perfectly fine for the parents to have any rules they want in their own home. Why does the daughter have to bring her boyfriend when she visits? Why can't the two of them stay in a local motel (this is what actual adults would do)? There are other options besides the ones being considered so far by those involved. And I think that one or two visits a year is normal.
It sounds like the winner if that's the word is the boyfriend who still hasn't committed for whatever reasons. I don't understand that a 25 year old doesn't grasp that time is short and your mother has loved you all your life while this person you are living with has not. It's as simple as that leave him home and go see your mom . life is tenuous and the most important thing is not him or a difference ideas it's love . I am not saying you dont love him but he might not be permanent .your mom's love is .
Did you ever heard the word "Respect"? That's what it is! The kids ( Even grown up) should respect their parents, especially when are grow up, and there is no other way for the parent to make them do what they want! Now your Dad or your Mom can't make you eat your vegetables, and it's the time, you have to eat them for your own will to show them respect!
respect must go both ways... the mother is disrespecting their relationship... the daughter on the other hand is respecting that ridiculous rule - she is not sleeping with her boy in that house... she is not obligated to visit at all
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Mum's house, mum's rules. Child's choice to not stay at mum's house. No one is the a-hole, they just have two opposing values. No one is wrong.
i believe in no sex before marriage, but sleeping in the same bed doesnt mean sex, i sleep better when i sleep with someone (in a bed, again not sex) as i feel less alone. i can understand where the parents are coming from, but if the daughter doesnt want to visit as often cause of the rule, its her choice.
It's a good point. Unfortunately the parents who make these rules don't understand that. You know I wonder what that says about that generation. To assume one doesn't have self control. Does that mean in if they were in that situation they'd have to have sex with anyone if they slept in the same bed?
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Big deal If you can’t sleep in seperate rooms to please your parents for a few nights shame on you. Are you that attached that you can’t sleep apart?
Perfectly appropriate and normal.Iit is the parents house and the parentrs rules,
It is your home. Your daughter does not respect you or your husband. She is punishing you and she is acting like a child. This is an impossible situation for both of you, but the point is she is incapable of following the rules for just a short time. You have standards that you live by, she doesn't care, she wants you to give up your standards in order to be graced with her presence. I cannot see how her visiting you at any time is a blessing. And she does not see visiting you as anything important to her. This is now a "you can't make me."
This is a difficult dilemma for parents of faith who want to do the right thing both by their faith and by their daughter. If you don't share their faith of course you're not going to understand their point of view. I know extremely conservative Christian parents who probably wouldn't even speak to their kids who were living with someone outside of marriage. I also know wonderful, Christ-filled Christian parents who would continue the relationship and be loving toward their child's partner. But that doesn't mean they would find it easy to let the child and partner come into their home and sleep together if they're not married. It would feel like condoning a sin. It's a very difficult place for those parents to be in (as well as the kids), and I think if you're not a person of faith, or your faith doesn't believe sex outside of marriage to be wrong, you're not going to get this. I don't think it's entirely fair that people outside of the situation are passing judgment here.
Oh no how terrible they have to sleep in separate beds for a few nights someone call the ACLU
If it's your house it your rules and the daughter needs to respect that , if they don't like it they can get a room somewhere else or stay somewhere else but still keep visiting. You should not have to water down your beliefs if your kids dont like it and the same goes for the daughter if she wants to sleep with her boyfriend before marriage then she shouldn't have to water down what she thinks either . It come down to the daughter respecting her parents wished under there roof.
If I was the mother, I wouldn't want my 25 year old daughter sleeping in a bed with my boyfriend either. That's just creepy, who does that?
She's not sleeping with the mom's boyfriend.... she's sleeping with her own boyfriend. Did you pay attention to this article at all?
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They're not dating, they've been together for three years. At this point, they've already spent more time together than some married people
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I personally think the no sex or living together before marriage is a terrible idea. You need to know if you have sexual chemistry or know of you can live with the person before getting married. You don't really know a person or their habits properly until you live with them. And you need sexual chemistry/compatibility therwise you could be stuck in a miserable relationship with crappy sex for the rest of your life. coz divorce is also wrong in the eyes of God. Not really a nice sounding kind of life. Why would a supposed loving God want you to live your life in misery.
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I don't think it's a right or wrong situation, you have your rules but your rules have consequences. If you're not comfortable with your daughter sleeping with her partner in your house then you need to accept that she will not visit you as much.
You said it short and clear, rules have consequences
Load More Replies... I can't imagine what it would be like to value some outdated religious dogma over a strong and loving relationship with your own daughter. How sad that this woman cannot recognise what she is doing to the relationship with her daughter.
And we're not even talking about someone who's 18 or 19. We're talking about someone well into adulthood. It's even worse.
Load More Replies... The whole "who waits three months between seeing their parents" is ridiculous. Before covid, I saw my parents.... twice a year. I can't really afford to travel and didn't have a ton of vacation time. Which is true for most younger people.
I'd be completely embarrased to visit my parents if I thought they'd be this preoccupied with my sex life. Very creepy.
They do realize that their daughter shares a bed with her partner in their shared appartment? I fail to see the point in the parents' house rule.
I had that too with my grandmas. I live with my partner for 4 years but when we visit my family they offer him to stay with them in the guest room so we dont sleep together (i dont stay at my parents and book an airbnb to avoid my abusive father but thats a different issue). I always wonder if they think that we sleep in two rooms in our home.
Load More Replies... What if they never get married? Plenty of couples stay together long term but never marry.
Exactly. Nowadays marriage is not the norm anymore in some places. Depends usually of the laws of the country. In Spain being a registered couple brings you 0 benefits whole being married does so a lot of young people marry in civilian weddings. In Belgium for example being a registered couple is basically the same as being married so a lot of young people never marry.
Load More Replies... same thing happen to my wife and i many years ago. we were living in another city but came back for christmas. her father didn't want us to sleep in the same room. my wife made i quite clear that if i wasn't allow to sleep in the same room we wouldn't be there... like we would have sex while her parent were in the room in the other side of the wall.
Wow, did her father have sex strictly for reproduction? "I've been celibate since before you were born, you two can be celibate for a night or two." What an odd duck.
Load More Replies... What I don't understand is the mother insisting that they can only sleep in the same bed at their house until after their married. But what difference does it make when they're ALREADY living together and sharing a bed together? They're already sharing a bed at their own house, so what the hell is signing some documents going to change? That mother and father are ridiculous and just plain weird.
she's punishing her for not following their religious traditions... the daughter might not even want to get married and this lady is ok with losing her daughter over that...
Load More Replies... They are both in the right. It is their house, their rules but it's also up to the daughter whether she wants to put up with the rules or not. The mother just has to deal with the fact that the daughter doesn't see them more often coz she doesn't agree with the rules. Doesn't mean she doesn't respect the rules coz they do follow them when they stay.
It's the same thing as visiting people who don't drink alcohol or eat meat. You can go and respect that, or not go. It's very simple, actually. I once had a friend who told me I shouldn't smoke in my house when she visits. I told her I would, only if she hid her dogs when I visit her, cause I hate dogs. She got mad and started ranting. The audacity!
Load More Replies... Your house, your rules. But playing the victim when your daughter doesn't visit you as often as you expect is just ridicules.
I have to wonder how many times Mom said some variation of "grow up" while daughter was a child - and is now upset that daughter went and did just that.
Sorry if I sound rude : the bare truth of that is parents feeling unable to overcome the idea of their ADULT childs having sex. Call it what you will, but insisting on marriage (i.e religious union) as the only way to make it acceptable seems extremely regressive, and this lady might need a good psychoanalysis rather than leading her daughter to the church.
A marriage by a judge/justice of the peace is just a legal as a “church wedding.” Watch heads explode in Mom & Dad’s house. 🤯😁
Load More Replies... the underlying issue here that no one else seems to commenting on is the level of demand that woman is placing on her daughter and son. If she wants to see them more often, SHE should go to THEM. it's as if their busy lives and new family units don't exist. Mom here is acting like she is the center of this family, and fails to realize her children (or, at least the daughter) are ACTIVELY untying the apron strings and stepping away. Her overbearing nature is not new, it is not healthy, and my suspicion is the adult daughter is already coping with emotional trauma from digging herself out from under all that overbearing mom attention for her past 25 years. Pulling away was probably a necessary mental health choice for her. Mom is narcissistic and fails to grasp the harm she is causing.
Can't wait to see what happens when mom finally does decide to visit her daughter. Would mom be OK with daughter enforcing she sleep in a seperate room from dad, just because "daughter's house, daughter's rules"?
Load More Replies... She CHOSE to alienate her daughter and now she's whining because it worked. Got it. It won't be long before the daughter cuts all contact with this bitchy nut case of a mother.
So in my understanding, the problem is that she doesn't want them sleeping together in her house, right? Because obviously in their house they do and I'm assuming she's aware of that?
yes thats right. she says she knows they have been co-habiting for 2 years, and i assume that was at least mostly done in the same bed
Load More Replies... Some really good wisdom in these comments. I grew up with parents who were the same way. I was still living at home (21F) at their insistence when my bf (24M) got stuck at our house during an ice storm. They were so worried what the neighbors would think if they saw his car there overnight, they made him drive home in an ice storm--through the mountains two counties over! I married him that year just to get out of there.
At this point, a couple of parents telling their grown child something like that is a moot point. You don't want them at your house unmarried, then get over it when they find a work around.
I want to know if you slept with your hubby prior to marriage. And I could understand if they were in their late teens and just got together but my gosh they have lived together for TWO years and in their mid 20's which leads me to believe they will be husband and wife one day. And for sake of argument, let's say they don't. But remain together? What if they never get married? come on.
this is stupid, i mean i understand having house rules but like she's 25, she's a grown woman, and they aren't even having sex, they're just sleeping next to each other, this mother is treating her daughter like a 14 year old!
My ex's parents had the same rule, even after we were dating for over 5 years and living together. We still respected it though. We only went home to her parents house once a year during Thanksgiving or Christmas when the house was so full of family that anything other than sleeping would have been out of the question (though we did manage to find some "special together time" in the car outside the house). My ex was willing to go along with the rule to prevent causing holiday stress. When the parents came to visit us, then we slept together as usual, the "no sleeping together before marriage" rule only applied in their house. One funny thing is that we went on an overseas trip with her parents once, they booked our hotel room... with 2 single beds! Which we just pushed together and night, and pulled apart in the morning.
Had a friend whose father pulled this "Not while you are under my roof" trip. He was in his 20s but had to sleep in separate rooms when visiting with his long term girlfriend. Well wouldn't ya know it. Several years down the road his parents divorced and his dad came to visit with his new girlfriend. 60 something years old and my buddy made him sleep on the couch while his girlfriend got the spare bedroom. Said it was great and the girlfriend got the biggest laugh out of it.
The rule itself is actually wrong too. Your house is not above law and human rights. You can set the rule that people need to take off shoes or wash hands, whatever, but not rules that cross personal boundaries. How would this mum feel if she and her husband went to stay at her daughter’s and were told to sleep in separate beds? I’ve been in the same situation at the hands of my boyfriend’s mother, and it makes you feel unwelcome and openly insulted when you get shown to a separate bedroom even though you live together with the man. Every time we go to visit them it’s a lot of stress for me and feels super uncomfortable.
When you know and have no problem with the fact that your daughter is living together with her boyfriend, you're quite a bigot when you have a rule "No sleeping together before marriage under my roof." Perhaps the daughter doesn't like to hang out with bigots.
I disagree with those who say it's ok by the parents to make such an idiotic rule. It's belittling and disrespectful and completely out of touch with reality. Can they also tell them what clothes to wear? Just because it's your house doesn't mean you're suddenly king over your guests. The kids are adults, you're not in charge of them. I'd cut the contact, honestly
Your house, your rule, your problem if your daughter decides not to visit you anymore. But, if I were you, I would seek help. You don't sound like a very stable and mentally healthy person.
I'm always amazed at the number of people that do not understand that actions (even those that are moral/justified in their eyes) have ramifications. Action=reaction. Your 25 year old child does not owe you a visit unless there is some agreement, social or otherwise. And just an FYI, your kid might just not like you very much. But you should be proud of them for respecting your wishes and following your 'rules'.
My brother's now in-laws did this and their relationship still hasn't recovered. Particularly as they did not enforce the rule with the sister's boyfriend who they clearly liked better. I think it is a stupid thing to do
Why bother? Even if you don't let your adult children sleep with their significant others under your roof, you'll never come close to evening up the number of times they killed mommy & daddy nookies when they were little.
It's so dumb since she states they're already living together so they already share a bed.
Load More Replies... She’s the arsehole. The mother has it backwards; she is choosing her rule over seeing her daughter as much as she would like.
One of the biggest lessons you can teach your children is to be non-judgemental. And one of the best ways to teach it is BY EXAMPLE. This mother is judging her adult child's choices. Not a good way to maintain a good relationship.
What would happen if they decided to have a child without being married? Would that rule still hold? Would they still try to enforce it if it meant the couple wouldn't visit as often WITH their grandchild?
If she was under the age of 18 - yeah I'd be like no your boyfriend can't stay in your room. Maybe even under 21 as that's still super young & it's weird even if you try not to make it weird cause ultimately you know your young adult kid could be having sex down the hall. It's not the sleeping in the same bed if all they did was sleep, it's the chances they will have sex that freaks a lot of parents out. However - in this situation - she's 25 & her boyf. is 26. She's a grown woman. I wouldn't have an issue with it at all. The mother is being unreasonable. She sounds controlling & I wonder if she would enforce this rule on her son if he brought around his girlfriend. She sounds as if the son is her favourite out of her kids & by doing this, it's pushing her daughter away. Sooner or later, she won't have to moan about her daughter not visiting every few months as there won't be a relationship left if she continues on like this. Treat your daughter like a responsible adult.
Agree with most of this, but I do think if you are in your 20's AT ALL, it is kind of dumb to enforce this. So, as a "young adult kid" they can vote for the leader of the country, go to war and kill random humans, smoke cigarettes...but cant sleep in the bed with a boyfriend? THAT is where the line is drawn? LOL... They are just too young for that, despite being about to carry a military grade weapon or smoke? That just sounds SO silly.
Load More Replies... That's fine if it's ger rule, doesn't mean the daughter is staying over.
i will never understand religious notions that mean that your adult offspring living on their own and being in a consenting relationship that presumably includes sex is okay, but when they specifically visit you in your house it's not okay for the adult offspring and their partner to share a bed because they're not bound by a symbolic and arguably archaic ceremony yet? like, what? they're probably not even going to have sex in that bed because who wants to have sex with their parents in the house. just let your adult kids live their lives and stop trying to force them to comply with your way of thinking.
Parents need not think about what their grown children do with their genitals.
Sounds as though this worked out so both sides got what they wanted. Mom didn't want the two sleeping together in her house and they agreed. Daughter wanted to share a bed with her boyfriend and she gets to do that. Hard to see why Mom is complaining when she got exactly what she asked for.
She's literally 25 in a committed relationship. Not everyone wants to get married. And the mother should definitely not be upset about them not wanting to visit. Disrespecting the rules would be sleeping together under your roof, respecting the rules is not going under the mother's roof because you don't like the rules.
She doesn't live with you it's not your business. Of course she's not going to come over your disrespectful of their relationship because you think that marriage is the only thing that validates a relationship. The way they are trying to control their independent adult daughter when she visits it's a f****n wonder she visits at all
They can have any rules for their house they want, but that means they exclude the daughter and partner from living their normal lives while visiting. I suspect that there's many more reasons why the couple doesn't want to spend time the parents though. They sound extremely self-righteous and obnoxious.
Sorry to say this but the parents are being too entitled. It shows that these people hasn't learn the simple rule or "you reap what you sow". I'm not trying to be mean to them for their believes here. I think the daughter is already compromising here by still visiting despite clearly being put in an uncomfortable situation. But these parents feel it isn't enough despite these self-imposed limitations. Are they expecting their daughter to bend over backwards to conform to their expectations?
Is there anything stopping the daughter from saying, “ The guest room sounds great! We’ll be extra comfy in there.” 🤪
Your house your rules but those rules will not get you very far. This will not force them into marriage until they are ready and clearly they don't agree with your moral stance.All you are doing is showing your displeasure which your doughter and her man are well aware of and probably makes them uncomfortable, which is probably your goal. At this point you are not protecting her or your son or yourself from anything as it's all out in the open, your daughter has a sex life. It will not make you closer either. You must decide is your rule worth it for you. If it is you will see less of your daughter, she has picked her man.
This lady should get a doll, if she want's to control something she can buy it pretty dresses and not let it sleep with it's clearly serious partner.
My fiancée and I were spending New Years Eve with her best friend and her family. Same rule, I could either bunk with her BFF's brothers or I could have the couch ( I chose couch). The only difference is her BFF's parents were super cool, treated me like I was part of their family since day one and I enjoyed spending time at their house! Hell, I'd go hang out with them on my own some times! But the point is, it's not an inconvenience to not sleep next to my partner when everyone else is not insufferable.
Of course she can make any crazy rules she wants but everybody who is not living in her house, has equal right to not visit if those rules for example violates their rights to choose if they want to sleep in the same room with their spouse. To me this sounds like a mother who just wants to control her adult children and it doesn't have anything to do with their beliefs, because it seems that the daughter didn't expect this rule. Your children are not your property, people!
After having lived together for years, don't you think that what _could_ happen between two concenting adults, has already happened?
Ridiculous. YTA. Your daughter and her boyfriend are adults now, they can believe and do what they please, they don't have to do every little thing you want them to. If they sleep in the same bed at wherever they live, they should be allowed to at your house aswell. (tl;dr: i agree with the brother, its not a big deal to let them sleep together. just let them do what they want.)
When I married my husband, I had moved into his family home about 3 months prior to the wedding AND was already pregnant and I still slept in the guestroom of his parents home (as per their wishes) until after the wedding. It wasn't hard to understand their position on it as they are Christian and it was a blessing they took me in at all after my parents threw me out (in Florida) and I had no where to go when I got to California (where my husband lived at the time). We still slept together after moving in, and we still had sex (hello, already pregnant), but at bedtime, we had separate rooms. We just did all the things when his parents weren't around, so we weren't flaunting that against their beliefs to the best extent possible. I don't think his parents were unreasonable in doing this, and when my husband did eventually meet my parents, my mom didn't care where he slept, so we shared a room. "Damage was already done" as she put it... #eyeroll
I have to wonder if parents like this are just being spiteful for having been forced to live in such arrangements when they began their own relationships. Being SO conservative doesn't seem like it has any measurable benefits anyway.
Load More Replies... Your house, your rules but I have to ask, if this was an unmarried couple you have been friends with for years (not family) would you impose the same rule on them? If yes, then all is fine but if NO, then I believe some further introspection on the double standard is in order.
There is no mention of her parents traveling to come and visit the young couple - or would it be a visit to be with the daughter and ignore the bf? Would parents sleep over at their place or expect the 'sinners' to sleep separately for the entire visit?
My mom did the same thing.... What is marriage? A piece of paper? Now my daughter and her boyfriend, come to vist, they can sleep in the same bed, I don't care! they love each other, and I doubt very seriously they are doing anything but sleeping, she said it would just be wierd.
Just waiting for the blaming of Satan for her daughter's sinful ways...
The daughter is living with her boyfriend for 2 years. Mom needs to get over it. She’s lucky the daughter visits at all.
I married against my parents wishes, and we lived together with my husband for 2-3 years till we came to visit my parents together. My mom was very concerned about us sleeping together. I said - regardless of whether you like him or not, we are officially married and have been sleeping in the same bed even before we got married. We are not breaking our habits because you feel weird about them. We would love to stay at your place, but we sleep in the same bed, or if that bothers you, we do not stay at your place and book a hotel.
This isn't the 1950s. Let your daughter be. There's literally no moral or ethical point at for waiting till marriage, especially when this isn't even sex. It's just sharing a room.
As a father of a daughter who has a bf, I wouldn't care if they slept in the same bed just don't have sex and get my sheets dirty. TY
The certificate does not dictate what bed you lay in and with whom, because if it did there would be a lot less divorce and cheating because of this magical piece of paper. They are not imposing a rule they are imposing Marriage, they are saying the relationship is not real until that happens, and if that is never going to happen if they actually never marry this relationship with the family will fade off completely, because this is ridiculous.
It is her house, but the daughter feels not a reasonable rule. Therefore she shouldn't be surprised the daughter doesn't visit. The parent has to decide what's more important; and archaic tradition with no value, or seeing her daughter. I doubt this is the only reason the daughter doesn't visit. I'm guessing there were ridiculous rules. This was likely the last straw in a long line of things the daughter didn't like.
What’s keeping them from visiting the daughter at her place? How often do they visit her? This goes both ways!
Why is she assuming they will get married?? not everyone in committed relationships find it necessary to wed, is she trying to force a wedding?
My mother tried this crap on me and my BF when we were adults. We've been married 30 years. We haven't seen her since.
what an idiot. people don't need to be married to be a real couple in a real relationship. They're adults. If they won't come to your house b/c they can't share a bed, too bad, so sad. This woman is so stupid that she thinks people can't control themselves and will be f*****g like bunnies under her roof?! Does she think sharing a bed means they HAVE to have sex every single time? If she were my mother, I'd stay away forever. You don't get to impose your out dated religious rules on grown ass adults. She's made her choice, time to shun her.
I didn't have to read too much of this to know she's a f*****g asshole ...
Even when we were engaged we couldn't sleep in the same room at my in in-laws, this was last year and we were 29 and 27. Last time we stayed over we were allowed to stay in the same room (because we got married). They are very active in their faith and also hated that we were living together before marriage. But hey this was our choice... My mother-in-law treat's me 10x better than before we got married.
just Americans?.......somehow I doubt that every moron in the world lives in the U.S.
Load More Replies... I agree with the parents.It goes against their values for an umarried couple to sleep together,and it is their home.Their values should be respected. I also agree with the daughters right to not visit her parants often. The parents made a choice ( to take a hard line on the rules) but there are consequences for that choice .The daughter has made a choice as well,but I don't think the consequences are discussed in the original reddit post.
So they've been together for a while so the relationship is probably quite steady. She should respect your rule it's literally a couple of nights not next to him. I do feel though you should back down and not drive a wedge between your daughter as it might be hard to keep a good mother daughter relationship going.
This I’d have to admit is one of those ones that just make almost no sense to a logical person . Like it’s the same thing as those who complain And whine that their parents won’t let them “ rule the roast” when their teenagers and then when they don’t listen are kicked out . Which results in the teenager having a fit . Like if you don’t own / pay mortgage on a place that your staying at regardless of wether your visiting or renting then you have to comply with what the owners have put out or face being without a place to stay. Doesn’t matter the reason why doesn’t even have to be a reason for it . Either you can accept it like a big boy / girl or you can do the only other option and that’s to find somewhere else to stay
These are my thoughts on the situation: If you are a Christin/Catholic family then the rule is 100% reasonable, as the Bible states something about marriage and sex and so do the Commandments (idk much about my own religion I'm not a fanatic nor am I atheist). Your daughter can do whatever she wants as a consenting adult, and it's understandable that a mother is worried for her daughter, yet anarkzie said it best: "your rules have consequences."
This reminds me of a time my then-fiancé was invited on a trip with my family and me. My dad insisted that our hotel room have two beds, even though we had already been living together for over a year at that point. The funnier part was that it would've been about $60 less per night had he just entered the 21st century. However, I do think that the whole "my house, my rules" thing is to be respected. If the mom is uncomfortable with the unwed couple sharing a bed in her home, that's her prerogative and they should either follow the rule or stay elsewhere. There is never a reason to make someone uncomfortable just to get your own way for a few days. Plus if you start by respecting your possible in-laws from the start, you could find yourself forming a wonderful and beautiful bond that's filled with mutual respect.
I'M TRYING TO DELETE ONE OF MY COMMENTS, BUT I CAN'T... I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T REALIZE THEY BOTH POSTED :(
Load More Replies... Her house, her rules. Right. But also my life, my rules. I respect your rules in your house. Respect my life and my decisions. Full stop.
Oh Jesus, take your silly rules and crucify them. The rules, not daughter and her BF. They're old enough, marriage isn't required for intercourse, and in a house inhabited by such parents, they likely could share their panties and still not do anything then and there - cos Daddy might come in her room any second, looking for a screwdriver he must have forgotten there. Alternatively, he might come inside to bring the screwdriver.
I have no problem with this. both my Mom and mother in law instituted the same rule for my wife and I before we married. Yes, we both rolled our eyes at it, but it is their right to implement their rules in their house.
sure it is their right but it's the daughter's right too to stay the hell outta that house... so then the parents have no right to complain
Load More Replies... I look at it like this. Moms house, moms rules. If she doesn't like it, then go to a hotel. I have two young adult children, and I have no problem with them sleeping with their boyfriend or girlfriend under my roof. Now if I had an adult child and a young child, then my rules would be different, just not to send any confusing messages to the younger child.
If they are already living together I really don't see what difference it makes... But yea it seems to me the whole thing boils down to the mom not dealing well with the lack of control she now has over her adult daughter. She wants to maintain having power over her then she's sad when the daughter doesn't want to hang cause it's a bummer. My mom was/is like that a bit and I'm 38 lol If they are fighting over that issue, there are probably others issues too. Anyway, at 25, there were about a million other things I'd rather be doing than visiting my folks. That didn't really get important to me until in my 30s.
I disagree with most of the opinions here, I'll say it anyway. There seems to be a lot more problematic topics between mother and daughter because honestly, if my mom and I had a great relationship, and her only rule was to not sleep on the same bed with my bf when I'm visiting because of her believes (and she doesn't seem to have s problem with them living and sleeping together outside of her house), then I would just sleep in a different room than my bf for one night, what is the big deal? It's just one night. I'm guessing the daughter has a lot more problems with her mom, than we are told.
The simple fact that the mom doesn't object when her daughter sleeps with the boyfriend when they are at their own home immediately makes the mom and dad hypocrites and bigots. Their message is basically : "You can f**k around all you want, but not under my roof because I think that sex before marriage is bad.." Do they really think that their 25 year old daughter didn't have sex with her boyfriend?
Load More Replies... Funny, reminds me of when my husband and I went to visit his Grandmother for a few days along with my in-laws, his mother (48) and soon to be step-father (50). Grandma had the same rules at her house. My husband and I slept in the same room. My in-laws had to sleep in different rooms. Wasn't a big deal, we all laughed about it, and it certainly didn't stop my in-laws from visiting.
My parents are the same. The daughter would know what her parents expect, why would she think otherwise
ha that's a good one you can't be with your child 24/7 she end up having sex with out tell her.
This is my mom’s rules also. I’m from a conservative family and I’m personally against cohabitation before marriage. I guess one day I’ll possibly be in this same situation and I think I would likely suck it up just for the sake of making my child happy. Them sharing a bed while visiting isn’t a big deal, but I also can understand the moms point of view since I was raised the same way.
To me "no cohabitation/no sex before marriage" seems like 1) a recipe for nasty surprises in bed or out and 2) a poor incentive for a lifelong commitment. Guys, just REALLY get to know each other, habits and quirks, bathroom rituals and bedroom preferences, before you decide on "I do".
Load More Replies... My two cents: If I am staying at my parents' home, I will abide by their rules. If their rules are unreasonable, it will not stop me from visiting them. I might stay in hotel nearby and still visit my parents. In this case, I assume the daughter was brought up with these guidelines, so why break the rules and disrespect her parents now? So, my question actually is that why is the boyfriend staying at her parents' place if there are such rules. Either she didn't mention it to him, or he is hen pecked. He should go spend some money and book a room for himself. And if the daughter wants to spend the night with her boyfriend, she should go to his room that he paid for.
I think it's perfectly fine for the parents to have any rules they want in their own home. Why does the daughter have to bring her boyfriend when she visits? Why can't the two of them stay in a local motel (this is what actual adults would do)? There are other options besides the ones being considered so far by those involved. And I think that one or two visits a year is normal.
It sounds like the winner if that's the word is the boyfriend who still hasn't committed for whatever reasons. I don't understand that a 25 year old doesn't grasp that time is short and your mother has loved you all your life while this person you are living with has not. It's as simple as that leave him home and go see your mom . life is tenuous and the most important thing is not him or a difference ideas it's love . I am not saying you dont love him but he might not be permanent .your mom's love is .
Did you ever heard the word "Respect"? That's what it is! The kids ( Even grown up) should respect their parents, especially when are grow up, and there is no other way for the parent to make them do what they want! Now your Dad or your Mom can't make you eat your vegetables, and it's the time, you have to eat them for your own will to show them respect!
respect must go both ways... the mother is disrespecting their relationship... the daughter on the other hand is respecting that ridiculous rule - she is not sleeping with her boy in that house... she is not obligated to visit at all
Load More Replies... Mum's house, mum's rules. Child's choice to not stay at mum's house. No one is the a-hole, they just have two opposing values. No one is wrong.
i believe in no sex before marriage, but sleeping in the same bed doesnt mean sex, i sleep better when i sleep with someone (in a bed, again not sex) as i feel less alone. i can understand where the parents are coming from, but if the daughter doesnt want to visit as often cause of the rule, its her choice.
It's a good point. Unfortunately the parents who make these rules don't understand that. You know I wonder what that says about that generation. To assume one doesn't have self control. Does that mean in if they were in that situation they'd have to have sex with anyone if they slept in the same bed?
Load More Replies... Big deal If you can’t sleep in seperate rooms to please your parents for a few nights shame on you. Are you that attached that you can’t sleep apart?
Perfectly appropriate and normal.Iit is the parents house and the parentrs rules,
It is your home. Your daughter does not respect you or your husband. She is punishing you and she is acting like a child. This is an impossible situation for both of you, but the point is she is incapable of following the rules for just a short time. You have standards that you live by, she doesn't care, she wants you to give up your standards in order to be graced with her presence. I cannot see how her visiting you at any time is a blessing. And she does not see visiting you as anything important to her. This is now a "you can't make me."
This is a difficult dilemma for parents of faith who want to do the right thing both by their faith and by their daughter. If you don't share their faith of course you're not going to understand their point of view. I know extremely conservative Christian parents who probably wouldn't even speak to their kids who were living with someone outside of marriage. I also know wonderful, Christ-filled Christian parents who would continue the relationship and be loving toward their child's partner. But that doesn't mean they would find it easy to let the child and partner come into their home and sleep together if they're not married. It would feel like condoning a sin. It's a very difficult place for those parents to be in (as well as the kids), and I think if you're not a person of faith, or your faith doesn't believe sex outside of marriage to be wrong, you're not going to get this. I don't think it's entirely fair that people outside of the situation are passing judgment here.
Oh no how terrible they have to sleep in separate beds for a few nights someone call the ACLU
If it's your house it your rules and the daughter needs to respect that , if they don't like it they can get a room somewhere else or stay somewhere else but still keep visiting. You should not have to water down your beliefs if your kids dont like it and the same goes for the daughter if she wants to sleep with her boyfriend before marriage then she shouldn't have to water down what she thinks either . It come down to the daughter respecting her parents wished under there roof.
If I was the mother, I wouldn't want my 25 year old daughter sleeping in a bed with my boyfriend either. That's just creepy, who does that?
She's not sleeping with the mom's boyfriend.... she's sleeping with her own boyfriend. Did you pay attention to this article at all?
Load More Replies... They're not dating, they've been together for three years. At this point, they've already spent more time together than some married people
Load More Replies... I personally think the no sex or living together before marriage is a terrible idea. You need to know if you have sexual chemistry or know of you can live with the person before getting married. You don't really know a person or their habits properly until you live with them. And you need sexual chemistry/compatibility therwise you could be stuck in a miserable relationship with crappy sex for the rest of your life. coz divorce is also wrong in the eyes of God. Not really a nice sounding kind of life. Why would a supposed loving God want you to live your life in misery.
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