Mom Charges Her 17-Year-Old Daughter Over $16k A Year To Fund Her 18-Year-Old Son, Receives Backlash Online
All parents want what’s best for their kids. But raising two kids of the same age with two different career choices may be a whole new challenge on its own. One mom has recently taken to Mumsnet for advice on whether her mode of financial support for her 17-year-old daughter and 18-year-old son won’t cause resentment.
Turns out, her daughter is now undertaking a full-time apprenticeship course, and since she’s fairly independent, mom is charging her “rent/keep/petrol equivalent to 25% of her take home.” But the same doesn’t go for her son, who decided to accept university offers and start a degree there.
As you can probably guess, mom’s post titled “One at uni, one at work…” raised eyebrows and stirred a heated debate on the platform. Let’s see her whole post in full right below, and be sure to share your thoughts on the whole situation in the comments.
One mom has recently taken to Mumsnet to ask how best to support her 17-y.o. and 18-y.o. children
Image credits: Sharon McCutcheon
Turns out she charges her teen daughter rent and gives the money to her son, who decided to go to university
To see what a clinical psychologist had to say on this complex situation, Bored Panda reached out to Dr. Lise Deguire, the author of “Flashback Girl: Lessons on Resilience From a Burn Survivor.”
Dr. Lise explained that fairness is often extremely important for children. “The perception that another sibling is favored or treated better can lead to many lasting difficulties, including poor self-image, sibling conflict, and resentment of parents.”
“On the other hand, people often deeply appreciate feeling that their parents treated all their children with equal love, care and support,” she added.
Not knowing any of the people involved in this case, Dr. Lise said she wouldn’t feel comfortable predicting how they will feel about each other. “We don’t know their history, or how the mother may have supported her daughter in the past. We also don’t know the mother’s history or how she may have supported her own parents. Perhaps there is more to the story than we know,” she explained.
Having said that, Dr. Lise added that “from this brief snapshot, I could imagine that the daughter might feel unsupported and that her vocational goals were not prioritized or valued as much as her brother’s.”
The clinical psychologist hopes the family finds a way to work out the financial obligations that feel fair to all concerned.
Her post stirred a heated debate and this is what people had to comment on this whole situation
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It absolutely is unfair to fund the life development of one dependent child but not the other, and this parent may already have caused permanent scarring to the relationship with the unequal treatment. If you want to encourage financial responsibility from your child, use your authority to make her build up a savings account, not line your own pocket.
This seems very unfair to me and also a surefire way to cause your daughter to deeply resent you for favoring your son over her. They are both trying to get on their feet in this difficult world, but you are only penalizing one of them and subsidizing the other. It just seems blatantly sexist to me.
I can tell you firsthand that this is true. My mother temporarily borrowed $22,000 from me (for about six months) with the promise to repay me as soon as my grandfather's house sold. I withdrew the money from my daughter's college tuition savings account. My mother refused to repay me, saying "we've helped you a lot." Even when reminded that the money was my daughter's college fund, she refused. Three months later, she handed my money over to my brother, so he could pay off his credit cards before he got married. I resent it to this day, and that was 15 years ago. My daughter had to take an additional student loan, which caused her numerous problems down the years.
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No one in those comments seemed to have a problem with the younger sister paying for a part of her older brothers education. Wtf? Also, I would never take rent from my children, ever. But the audacity to take that rent money and give it to another kid?
Agreed. These comments were all much too friendly.
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My life went to sh*t so my sister could attend university without debt. I spent my last two years before university watching her live at home again, not paying even toward groceries, while she had a full-time job etc., and I was still expected to *earn my way in my childhood home*. When parents say they don't play favorites, they LIE.
Ooooo yes, they most certainly do. My mother once smugly said to my face, 'The first child's special, Natalie. You'll know that one day.' Burned across my brain, and doubly hurt because I don't have other siblings so what she was basically saying was 'You're bottom of the heap no matter what you do, forever.' Thanks, mum.
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A CHILD should not be paying rent. They’re your responsibility until they’re 18 and if they turn 18 while a senior, I’d extend that to after they finish high school. This is shitty and clearly she favors the oldest child. I’d be resentful too if I was the daughter.
Taking one child's hard earned money to finance another child's future?!?! Where did this person learn to parent? At 17, daughter's biggest concerns in life should be about school, clothes, friends, boys...ya know, the usual teenage things. At no time should her worries be about handing cash over to parents that value one child's future over another's.
I'm sorry, but anyone who charges their own child rent without an absolute financial need to do so is a jerk. Especially when that child isn't even a legal adult yet.
So.... the underage teen is the one who has to help pay for the legal adult teen? Sure makes total sense. 🙄
It's the boy over the girl and it's sexism at its finest!
Load More Replies... if you want her to contribute, ask her to contribute. if she says no, she says no. taking aggressive amounts of money from your child just to give it to the other one that “ needs it more” is ridiculous. it’s not your daughter’s responsibility to help your son get through college, it’s yours (but mostly your sons).
Why is a 17 year old who is able to pay 16k a year to support her brother is living a home - get out girl while the gettins good!
She's underage. Minors cannot simply walk away. My guess is that mom and bro would be on the phone to the cops immediately to get The Meal Ticket dragged back home. But once she turns 18...
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I am all for contributing to some extent to the household if a living at home kid earns good money, but where on earth do they get the 16k a year in the headline from? Apprentices do not earn a lot and we are only talking about a quarter of her income? Anyways, siblings should be treated equally. If they subsidised their son, they should be subsidising their daughter, even if it only means not taking her money (my parents paid for my school, so they gave the same amount of money to my working sibling).
My father never dreamed of charging us rent right out of high school. As far as he was concerned, we earned our room and board after the age of 18 by doing chores around the house that we were no longer obligated to do if we moved out (mowing lawn, taking trash to the dump...etc.) He made sure we knew that home was a safe haven any time we wanted it. His only request was to help out with the increases in utilities and food that naturally came from having people move back in. I couldn't imagine kicking out my kids or charging rent for one while giving money to another. That's just ridiculous.
I'm with you. My parents charged me a token rent when I lived at home at started working after high school. I didn't go to college then. But it was minimal, $10 a week. This was in 1979. And half the time I forgot to give it to them, and they didn't care or ask. If you're talking a single parent that really needed the money, I could see asking, but I'd be horrified. I've got 2 college students at home that I do not charge. I've got one that went away and he's paying for most of his expenses. But, I help him out where I can. He's lucky that he's renting a room in a large house with 6 other college students and pays a tiny amount for rent and utilities. But this is where he wanted to go. He does not resent that I don't pay for him, and the other two don't pay anything.
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Sheesh, talk about a perfect way to make your daughter resent her brother! If shes paying 25% of her wage to support her brother through uni, ok, but then he should have to pay 25% of anything he earns in the future..... im guessing he wouldn't like that
My mother's rule was if you're living at home but in education, you don't pay rent. If you're living at home and working, you pay rent (though still far less than moving out would cost). An apprenticeship is education. To charge one child for one form of education and fund another's is despicable.
Yeah, that's my rule as well. I've told my son that he can stay as long as he wants, so he can go to university in peace (unless he decides on another city, he's still in high school). Don't get parents who throw their kids out at 18 either.
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This is exactly the type of "mother" whose grandmother should have never been born. Your daughter is 17, ffs. YOU should be supporting her, not the other way round. Even better giving HER money to that loser son of yours. I hope she moves out asap.
I wonder why their daughter suffers from jealousy? Lol If this is something her parent thinks of doing and not seeing anything wrong with it then I'm guessing this isn't the first time in her life that her brother has been blatantly favoured over her. Its unlikely that the poster will ever see this comment but if they do I want you to know you are a bad parent.
I feel like there are missing pieces here. Like did the other child also pay rent? Why are you taking money from a minor but paying for a legal adult? Is the title misleading?
That is totally unfair. DD chose a career/education path that paid her to learn. DS chose a education path that he has to pay for. If DD was going to a traditional education program would you make her pay? It's on thing to charge her a small amount for rent once she's of age to rent her own place...it's another to essentially make her pay for her brother's education choice. He could pick a cheaper school, take out loans, apply for scholarships or get a job. If I was DD I would find a friend to live with...or other family to live with that won't extort me. Way to make DD feel like a burden while youre actual freeloading child is treated like a golden child...
There are plenty of reasons why those of us that are brave enough go no contact with their families, and this is one of them.
Think the daughter should just move out. I worked and gave my mom the majority of my paycheck. I got home from my second job to see she had went shopping and bought shoes. So I went to my room, packed my things and moved out when I was 16. I moved back in for a year when she called me begging for help, she pulled the same s**t and I moved right back out. Thing is, if your kids are giving you money, then as a parent I think you no longer have any right to tell them what to do. They want to drink until 4am with their friends, then you no longer have a right to tell them no. Best part of helping my parents pay bills, I did exactly what I wanted when I wanted by the age of 13. Also, I don't ever speak to my mother, for a lot of reason, but this being one of them. Sounds like the mom will be okay with that cause it seems she doesn't give two shits about her daughter.
MANY people are like this. Women are forced to be carers at all ages. You're a young female and start working? That money suddenly goes to some one else. They want women to be educated but only on their back doorstep where they can monitor them, same with work. This girl had every intention of leaving, that's why they tried to hold her back!
one important follow up question. did the son decide to go to uni after seeing this happen to his sister cause in that case id be making him get a weekend job and do his own contributing whether by funding his own food while in uni or his own travel costs or other costs he will have while there outside of what you have already agreed to cover. If this is the case your daughter could be very very spiteful towards your son because he has decided to do this to get out of paying you
Prepare for your daughter to hate you and if she has a family one day, you will never meet. If your son had any ethics or sense of sibling love, he will hate you too and have a huge guilt complex. Ultimately you lose on this situation and now that we all know about it, we all plan to shame you super hard and make you a pariah. Secure that scarlet letter now
How much did mom charge the son when he was 16? Nothing you say? WTF is this all about then? Besides, I would maybe, sort of consider charging rent to a 18-year-old (I didn't with my daughter), but 16? Screw that. You bring children to this word and they are legally yours until they are 18. Unless this family has some serious financial issues, charging the MINOR middle sibling to subsidize the ADULT older one is bonkers. Would the 16-yo be allowed to leave the home and rent her own apartment? No? Because she is a minor you say? That's my point all along. Thank you. Get off planet "lala land". This sounds like someone wanting to go viral with some made up story. I'd be surprised if this story were real.
I don't get parents sometimes. Why they love to make their child think that they owe them something? They're the one that were choosing to be parents.
Because most parents are s**t people who gave birth.
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This lady should never have had kids! When her daughter grows up, I sincerely hope she stops talking to her mom, a woman who thinks it's ok to charge her child - who SHE decided to make - for rent. Infuriating and borderline abusive if you ask me. This is favoritism and it's unfair, plain and clear.
Daughter will probably work for less money all her life. Son will spend his first year at school drinking and partying, maybe more time . . . everything here is unfair.
Growing up, I was not allowed to have a job while I was in school. It was a rule my mom had. I paid her by doing chores. The problem with this was that I never learned to "adult". I knew nothing of credit cards, bills, savings, ect. I do agree with asking your child for a percentage of their earnings to teach them responsibility and how to be a responsible adult. What I don't agree with is charging a child to give that hard earned money to another who is more than capable with supporting themselves. That is absolutely the wrong thing to do. You take that money and save it for them for future purposes (move out funds, mortgage, wedding, ect.). It is not that poor girls problem that her brother, who is of legal age, is not capable of taking care of themselves. I don't care that he is in university, many people work while going to school. He is her child not her daughter's. This is going to cause so much resentment towards both, the parents and the brother.
Just to add to this...my younger sister was able to have a job and was able to buy herself stuff. I was always the black sheep. She was very much favored. I always got half-assed thoughtless gifts while she got the good stuff. My mom thought I was lazy and unorganized and a ****up. Turns out I had severe ADHD (was diagnosed as an adult) and I just couldn't get my thoughts together enough to be able to do the things my mom expected me to do. But that was also 20+ years ago and ADHD was not a real thing.
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I absolutely hate parents that charge "rent" from their children and keep it for themselves then, instead of saving it for the kids future when moving out, or simply not taking it. In my country, the bare thought of doing such a thing is bonkers.
She's a CHILD. The parent is responsible for her until she turns 18 and having an apprenticeship doesn't change that.
The son could work while attending college. Millions of people do it every day. If he must, get a student loan and Mom can help.
If you are going give financial support to an older child, and charge a younger child rent you are treating them unequally, and there will be resentment. Tell son to get a student loan, and a part-time job. If he needs money from you, make it a loan - and formalise it, and ensure he pays it back. Or else deposit daughter's rent in a savings account, and make it clear that it goes back to her for a house deposit/setting up a flat/buying a car or whatever.
Here is an excellent example of a mother who will be crying in a few years over her estranged daughter.
Where I'm from, a kid living in the house earning money gets traditionally a third-third-third split: One third board to parents, one third to their savings, one third they can spend on themselves, whatever the income. The problem is that finances change so fast --- 100y ago 50+% of income went to food and very little to house; 30y ago university was basically free beyond board, etc.
Good to teach kids responsibility but there is an unbalance here. You are charging her like adult but allowing another to be a child. Pick a side
So the daughter is making 64 Thousand a year at 17? Did I read that right? IF SO, Why is SHE still living at home? And the son should not be expecting his SISTER to pay for his education. Tell him to support himself. Mom says she wants daughter to know she does not keep her entire wage when on her own, but has no problem saying son has no such problem? Mom will end up with a daughter who eventually WILL move out and never speak to her again.
This is terrible. Do not use money from one child to fund another's schooling!! It would be one thing if the Daughter was an adult and was able to fully move out and support herself but was choosing to live at home, but she is 17, which is still technically a child/older teen! Her wages are likely not high, meaning that the 75% she's saving has to go toward: hobbies/entertainment, possible phone bill, maybe a car/insurance, and also some set aside for future plans maybe. This is a shitty thing to do to a child.
Hold up, the title of this is nonsense. She's charging 25%. If that's $16k a year then she's on $64k a year. Which, she definitely isn't. Be lucky if it was $10k for an apprentice.
When I worked full time my mother charged me rent. I believe they needed it but it did teach me that I wasn't going to be able to lavishly spend my salary. For God sake, don't tell either kid sister's money is to pay for his school. Don't make it about that.
I graduate from HS in 1988, took a gap year where I worked full time and then started community college, working part time. As long as I was in school full time, I lived with my parents for free. My gap year I had to pay rent. And after college I had to pay rent. They kept that rent and gave it to me as a down payment on a house years later. But I had my first job at 15 as a real estate secretary on the weekends. I was the only one of my friends who had to pay her own car insurance, so I always had to work some. And if I blew my paycheck on clothes or something stupid and couldn't buy gas to get to school, I had to take the school bus like everyone else. Having written all that, my car was a gift and it was brand new with a full warranty. So I didn't have to worry about things like major repairs, etc. Just oil changes, tires, brakes and insurance. Pretty freakin' sweet!
I thought uni in Great Britain was free. What does the son need the daughter 's money for?
When my daughter was in middle school we would go camping with other families. Most of them had boys the same age as my daughter. Finally on one trip I had enough (oh, and I was a single mother) the parents let ALL the boys go play while the adults and my daughter and her friend he;p set up camp. Oooof nope. I told my daughter and her friend--you two go paly with the boys. Turned to the other parents and said " if oyur boys don not have to help....my girls do not have to help" I felt SO GOOD!!~
I might be wrong, but it seems to me the mother is being sexist. To put it another way, if it were the daughter going to uni and the son living at home, (1) would she charge her son rent? and, (2) would she take steps to help her daughter financially? I suspect the answer to both questions is, "no."
After my first paycheck after high school, i had to start paying rent to live at home. It's not that I minded, it's just the way it was. I was being exposed to real life as it would be, & teaching me responsibility. Paying rent doesn't mean that you get to have any say in how it's used.
What the hell? The daughter is financing her brother? What? Fine get rent from all your kids put it away (don't spend it) Your kids didn't choose to be born.
We're not gonna talk about 16k being only 25% of this 17yo take home? Good income for a youngling! And this is wrong. Very, very wrong.
There are so many discrepancies in her story. 1) $16K is over $1300 per month, which is obscene to charge your 17yo daughter whom you are legally obligated to support as long as she's in school (up to a certain age?). 2) If 16K is 25% of her take-home pay, she's raking in $64K per year - which would be wonderful for a 17yo but totally unbelievable. 3) Imho, that's kind of like slavery.
I'd keep making dad pay for rent ect but I would put it into an account for her for a deposit in her own place teaching her to be sensible with her money is a good idea but I wouldn't keep it
Have son sign documents saying he will pay DAUGHTER back, every penny. Esp if he can't be bothered to apply for scholarships and grants. It ain't daughter's job to support bro. Ever. Esp because she is not old enough to legally escape your control yet.
I agreed with the comment in the original thread about putting the money into a savings account for a renters deposit or down payment for a home. Better yet, put it into an interest earning account. The 17 year olds hard earned money should not be sent to the 18 old to support them while they are on college. It's completely wrong and the resentment is only going to get worse the longer it continues.
This is just wrong. How about you make your own d**m money. Or get a job. Something. Or tell your son to get his own God forbidden money. You're gonna turn your son into a money leech.
I am sorry but it always custom here in the US, to ask working children to contribute to the family when I was growing up. It was normal. Not all needed to do it but some even asked for a lot more than 25%. Once you give your fair share to your parents, they can do as they please with it. Living at home was never meant to be a freebie for children with an income. Even at 17, one is not too young to contribute. If it was more than 25%, what I paid my mother when I got my first job, then it might be unfair but come on, she gets to keep 75% of her income and has the services of her family. Let her try paying rent in the real world. Then she might feel less put upon.
"The child" is 17, legally she can’t move out or to be more precise the parent has to have her until 18. The mom IS the AH here.
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That's all well and good for you, since your son has a well-paying job. But her situation sounds quite a bit different than yours. It's complete s@#t that she takes her responsible daughter's wages to give it to her son!!! It's offensive.
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It absolutely is unfair to fund the life development of one dependent child but not the other, and this parent may already have caused permanent scarring to the relationship with the unequal treatment. If you want to encourage financial responsibility from your child, use your authority to make her build up a savings account, not line your own pocket.
This seems very unfair to me and also a surefire way to cause your daughter to deeply resent you for favoring your son over her. They are both trying to get on their feet in this difficult world, but you are only penalizing one of them and subsidizing the other. It just seems blatantly sexist to me.
I can tell you firsthand that this is true. My mother temporarily borrowed $22,000 from me (for about six months) with the promise to repay me as soon as my grandfather's house sold. I withdrew the money from my daughter's college tuition savings account. My mother refused to repay me, saying "we've helped you a lot." Even when reminded that the money was my daughter's college fund, she refused. Three months later, she handed my money over to my brother, so he could pay off his credit cards before he got married. I resent it to this day, and that was 15 years ago. My daughter had to take an additional student loan, which caused her numerous problems down the years.
Load More Replies... No one in those comments seemed to have a problem with the younger sister paying for a part of her older brothers education. Wtf? Also, I would never take rent from my children, ever. But the audacity to take that rent money and give it to another kid?
Agreed. These comments were all much too friendly.
Load More Replies... My life went to sh*t so my sister could attend university without debt. I spent my last two years before university watching her live at home again, not paying even toward groceries, while she had a full-time job etc., and I was still expected to *earn my way in my childhood home*. When parents say they don't play favorites, they LIE.
Ooooo yes, they most certainly do. My mother once smugly said to my face, 'The first child's special, Natalie. You'll know that one day.' Burned across my brain, and doubly hurt because I don't have other siblings so what she was basically saying was 'You're bottom of the heap no matter what you do, forever.' Thanks, mum.
Load More Replies... A CHILD should not be paying rent. They’re your responsibility until they’re 18 and if they turn 18 while a senior, I’d extend that to after they finish high school. This is shitty and clearly she favors the oldest child. I’d be resentful too if I was the daughter.
Taking one child's hard earned money to finance another child's future?!?! Where did this person learn to parent? At 17, daughter's biggest concerns in life should be about school, clothes, friends, boys...ya know, the usual teenage things. At no time should her worries be about handing cash over to parents that value one child's future over another's.
I'm sorry, but anyone who charges their own child rent without an absolute financial need to do so is a jerk. Especially when that child isn't even a legal adult yet.
So.... the underage teen is the one who has to help pay for the legal adult teen? Sure makes total sense. 🙄
It's the boy over the girl and it's sexism at its finest!
Load More Replies... if you want her to contribute, ask her to contribute. if she says no, she says no. taking aggressive amounts of money from your child just to give it to the other one that “ needs it more” is ridiculous. it’s not your daughter’s responsibility to help your son get through college, it’s yours (but mostly your sons).
Why is a 17 year old who is able to pay 16k a year to support her brother is living a home - get out girl while the gettins good!
She's underage. Minors cannot simply walk away. My guess is that mom and bro would be on the phone to the cops immediately to get The Meal Ticket dragged back home. But once she turns 18...
Load More Replies... I am all for contributing to some extent to the household if a living at home kid earns good money, but where on earth do they get the 16k a year in the headline from? Apprentices do not earn a lot and we are only talking about a quarter of her income? Anyways, siblings should be treated equally. If they subsidised their son, they should be subsidising their daughter, even if it only means not taking her money (my parents paid for my school, so they gave the same amount of money to my working sibling).
My father never dreamed of charging us rent right out of high school. As far as he was concerned, we earned our room and board after the age of 18 by doing chores around the house that we were no longer obligated to do if we moved out (mowing lawn, taking trash to the dump...etc.) He made sure we knew that home was a safe haven any time we wanted it. His only request was to help out with the increases in utilities and food that naturally came from having people move back in. I couldn't imagine kicking out my kids or charging rent for one while giving money to another. That's just ridiculous.
I'm with you. My parents charged me a token rent when I lived at home at started working after high school. I didn't go to college then. But it was minimal, $10 a week. This was in 1979. And half the time I forgot to give it to them, and they didn't care or ask. If you're talking a single parent that really needed the money, I could see asking, but I'd be horrified. I've got 2 college students at home that I do not charge. I've got one that went away and he's paying for most of his expenses. But, I help him out where I can. He's lucky that he's renting a room in a large house with 6 other college students and pays a tiny amount for rent and utilities. But this is where he wanted to go. He does not resent that I don't pay for him, and the other two don't pay anything.
Load More Replies... Sheesh, talk about a perfect way to make your daughter resent her brother! If shes paying 25% of her wage to support her brother through uni, ok, but then he should have to pay 25% of anything he earns in the future..... im guessing he wouldn't like that
My mother's rule was if you're living at home but in education, you don't pay rent. If you're living at home and working, you pay rent (though still far less than moving out would cost). An apprenticeship is education. To charge one child for one form of education and fund another's is despicable.
Yeah, that's my rule as well. I've told my son that he can stay as long as he wants, so he can go to university in peace (unless he decides on another city, he's still in high school). Don't get parents who throw their kids out at 18 either.
Load More Replies... This is exactly the type of "mother" whose grandmother should have never been born. Your daughter is 17, ffs. YOU should be supporting her, not the other way round. Even better giving HER money to that loser son of yours. I hope she moves out asap.
I wonder why their daughter suffers from jealousy? Lol If this is something her parent thinks of doing and not seeing anything wrong with it then I'm guessing this isn't the first time in her life that her brother has been blatantly favoured over her. Its unlikely that the poster will ever see this comment but if they do I want you to know you are a bad parent.
I feel like there are missing pieces here. Like did the other child also pay rent? Why are you taking money from a minor but paying for a legal adult? Is the title misleading?
That is totally unfair. DD chose a career/education path that paid her to learn. DS chose a education path that he has to pay for. If DD was going to a traditional education program would you make her pay? It's on thing to charge her a small amount for rent once she's of age to rent her own place...it's another to essentially make her pay for her brother's education choice. He could pick a cheaper school, take out loans, apply for scholarships or get a job. If I was DD I would find a friend to live with...or other family to live with that won't extort me. Way to make DD feel like a burden while youre actual freeloading child is treated like a golden child...
There are plenty of reasons why those of us that are brave enough go no contact with their families, and this is one of them.
Think the daughter should just move out. I worked and gave my mom the majority of my paycheck. I got home from my second job to see she had went shopping and bought shoes. So I went to my room, packed my things and moved out when I was 16. I moved back in for a year when she called me begging for help, she pulled the same s**t and I moved right back out. Thing is, if your kids are giving you money, then as a parent I think you no longer have any right to tell them what to do. They want to drink until 4am with their friends, then you no longer have a right to tell them no. Best part of helping my parents pay bills, I did exactly what I wanted when I wanted by the age of 13. Also, I don't ever speak to my mother, for a lot of reason, but this being one of them. Sounds like the mom will be okay with that cause it seems she doesn't give two shits about her daughter.
MANY people are like this. Women are forced to be carers at all ages. You're a young female and start working? That money suddenly goes to some one else. They want women to be educated but only on their back doorstep where they can monitor them, same with work. This girl had every intention of leaving, that's why they tried to hold her back!
one important follow up question. did the son decide to go to uni after seeing this happen to his sister cause in that case id be making him get a weekend job and do his own contributing whether by funding his own food while in uni or his own travel costs or other costs he will have while there outside of what you have already agreed to cover. If this is the case your daughter could be very very spiteful towards your son because he has decided to do this to get out of paying you
Prepare for your daughter to hate you and if she has a family one day, you will never meet. If your son had any ethics or sense of sibling love, he will hate you too and have a huge guilt complex. Ultimately you lose on this situation and now that we all know about it, we all plan to shame you super hard and make you a pariah. Secure that scarlet letter now
How much did mom charge the son when he was 16? Nothing you say? WTF is this all about then? Besides, I would maybe, sort of consider charging rent to a 18-year-old (I didn't with my daughter), but 16? Screw that. You bring children to this word and they are legally yours until they are 18. Unless this family has some serious financial issues, charging the MINOR middle sibling to subsidize the ADULT older one is bonkers. Would the 16-yo be allowed to leave the home and rent her own apartment? No? Because she is a minor you say? That's my point all along. Thank you. Get off planet "lala land". This sounds like someone wanting to go viral with some made up story. I'd be surprised if this story were real.
I don't get parents sometimes. Why they love to make their child think that they owe them something? They're the one that were choosing to be parents.
Because most parents are s**t people who gave birth.
Load More Replies... This lady should never have had kids! When her daughter grows up, I sincerely hope she stops talking to her mom, a woman who thinks it's ok to charge her child - who SHE decided to make - for rent. Infuriating and borderline abusive if you ask me. This is favoritism and it's unfair, plain and clear.
Daughter will probably work for less money all her life. Son will spend his first year at school drinking and partying, maybe more time . . . everything here is unfair.
Growing up, I was not allowed to have a job while I was in school. It was a rule my mom had. I paid her by doing chores. The problem with this was that I never learned to "adult". I knew nothing of credit cards, bills, savings, ect. I do agree with asking your child for a percentage of their earnings to teach them responsibility and how to be a responsible adult. What I don't agree with is charging a child to give that hard earned money to another who is more than capable with supporting themselves. That is absolutely the wrong thing to do. You take that money and save it for them for future purposes (move out funds, mortgage, wedding, ect.). It is not that poor girls problem that her brother, who is of legal age, is not capable of taking care of themselves. I don't care that he is in university, many people work while going to school. He is her child not her daughter's. This is going to cause so much resentment towards both, the parents and the brother.
Just to add to this...my younger sister was able to have a job and was able to buy herself stuff. I was always the black sheep. She was very much favored. I always got half-assed thoughtless gifts while she got the good stuff. My mom thought I was lazy and unorganized and a ****up. Turns out I had severe ADHD (was diagnosed as an adult) and I just couldn't get my thoughts together enough to be able to do the things my mom expected me to do. But that was also 20+ years ago and ADHD was not a real thing.
Load More Replies... I absolutely hate parents that charge "rent" from their children and keep it for themselves then, instead of saving it for the kids future when moving out, or simply not taking it. In my country, the bare thought of doing such a thing is bonkers.
She's a CHILD. The parent is responsible for her until she turns 18 and having an apprenticeship doesn't change that.
The son could work while attending college. Millions of people do it every day. If he must, get a student loan and Mom can help.
If you are going give financial support to an older child, and charge a younger child rent you are treating them unequally, and there will be resentment. Tell son to get a student loan, and a part-time job. If he needs money from you, make it a loan - and formalise it, and ensure he pays it back. Or else deposit daughter's rent in a savings account, and make it clear that it goes back to her for a house deposit/setting up a flat/buying a car or whatever.
Here is an excellent example of a mother who will be crying in a few years over her estranged daughter.
Where I'm from, a kid living in the house earning money gets traditionally a third-third-third split: One third board to parents, one third to their savings, one third they can spend on themselves, whatever the income. The problem is that finances change so fast --- 100y ago 50+% of income went to food and very little to house; 30y ago university was basically free beyond board, etc.
Good to teach kids responsibility but there is an unbalance here. You are charging her like adult but allowing another to be a child. Pick a side
So the daughter is making 64 Thousand a year at 17? Did I read that right? IF SO, Why is SHE still living at home? And the son should not be expecting his SISTER to pay for his education. Tell him to support himself. Mom says she wants daughter to know she does not keep her entire wage when on her own, but has no problem saying son has no such problem? Mom will end up with a daughter who eventually WILL move out and never speak to her again.
This is terrible. Do not use money from one child to fund another's schooling!! It would be one thing if the Daughter was an adult and was able to fully move out and support herself but was choosing to live at home, but she is 17, which is still technically a child/older teen! Her wages are likely not high, meaning that the 75% she's saving has to go toward: hobbies/entertainment, possible phone bill, maybe a car/insurance, and also some set aside for future plans maybe. This is a shitty thing to do to a child.
Hold up, the title of this is nonsense. She's charging 25%. If that's $16k a year then she's on $64k a year. Which, she definitely isn't. Be lucky if it was $10k for an apprentice.
When I worked full time my mother charged me rent. I believe they needed it but it did teach me that I wasn't going to be able to lavishly spend my salary. For God sake, don't tell either kid sister's money is to pay for his school. Don't make it about that.
I graduate from HS in 1988, took a gap year where I worked full time and then started community college, working part time. As long as I was in school full time, I lived with my parents for free. My gap year I had to pay rent. And after college I had to pay rent. They kept that rent and gave it to me as a down payment on a house years later. But I had my first job at 15 as a real estate secretary on the weekends. I was the only one of my friends who had to pay her own car insurance, so I always had to work some. And if I blew my paycheck on clothes or something stupid and couldn't buy gas to get to school, I had to take the school bus like everyone else. Having written all that, my car was a gift and it was brand new with a full warranty. So I didn't have to worry about things like major repairs, etc. Just oil changes, tires, brakes and insurance. Pretty freakin' sweet!
I thought uni in Great Britain was free. What does the son need the daughter 's money for?
When my daughter was in middle school we would go camping with other families. Most of them had boys the same age as my daughter. Finally on one trip I had enough (oh, and I was a single mother) the parents let ALL the boys go play while the adults and my daughter and her friend he;p set up camp. Oooof nope. I told my daughter and her friend--you two go paly with the boys. Turned to the other parents and said " if oyur boys don not have to help....my girls do not have to help" I felt SO GOOD!!~
I might be wrong, but it seems to me the mother is being sexist. To put it another way, if it were the daughter going to uni and the son living at home, (1) would she charge her son rent? and, (2) would she take steps to help her daughter financially? I suspect the answer to both questions is, "no."
After my first paycheck after high school, i had to start paying rent to live at home. It's not that I minded, it's just the way it was. I was being exposed to real life as it would be, & teaching me responsibility. Paying rent doesn't mean that you get to have any say in how it's used.
What the hell? The daughter is financing her brother? What? Fine get rent from all your kids put it away (don't spend it) Your kids didn't choose to be born.
We're not gonna talk about 16k being only 25% of this 17yo take home? Good income for a youngling! And this is wrong. Very, very wrong.
There are so many discrepancies in her story. 1) $16K is over $1300 per month, which is obscene to charge your 17yo daughter whom you are legally obligated to support as long as she's in school (up to a certain age?). 2) If 16K is 25% of her take-home pay, she's raking in $64K per year - which would be wonderful for a 17yo but totally unbelievable. 3) Imho, that's kind of like slavery.
I'd keep making dad pay for rent ect but I would put it into an account for her for a deposit in her own place teaching her to be sensible with her money is a good idea but I wouldn't keep it
Have son sign documents saying he will pay DAUGHTER back, every penny. Esp if he can't be bothered to apply for scholarships and grants. It ain't daughter's job to support bro. Ever. Esp because she is not old enough to legally escape your control yet.
I agreed with the comment in the original thread about putting the money into a savings account for a renters deposit or down payment for a home. Better yet, put it into an interest earning account. The 17 year olds hard earned money should not be sent to the 18 old to support them while they are on college. It's completely wrong and the resentment is only going to get worse the longer it continues.
This is just wrong. How about you make your own d**m money. Or get a job. Something. Or tell your son to get his own God forbidden money. You're gonna turn your son into a money leech.
I am sorry but it always custom here in the US, to ask working children to contribute to the family when I was growing up. It was normal. Not all needed to do it but some even asked for a lot more than 25%. Once you give your fair share to your parents, they can do as they please with it. Living at home was never meant to be a freebie for children with an income. Even at 17, one is not too young to contribute. If it was more than 25%, what I paid my mother when I got my first job, then it might be unfair but come on, she gets to keep 75% of her income and has the services of her family. Let her try paying rent in the real world. Then she might feel less put upon.
"The child" is 17, legally she can’t move out or to be more precise the parent has to have her until 18. The mom IS the AH here.
Load More Replies... That's all well and good for you, since your son has a well-paying job. But her situation sounds quite a bit different than yours. It's complete s@#t that she takes her responsible daughter's wages to give it to her son!!! It's offensive.
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