Dad Of 3 Girls Shows A Moment Of Disappointment When His 4th Daughter Is Born – His Mother Calls Him ‘Misogynistic’
Interview With Author
Should we be honest about our feelings or should we do our best to hide them so that we don’t offend anyone at all? It’s a question that many people constantly ask themselves and there’s really no easy answer. It’s best to strike a balance between honesty and keeping up appearances. However, it’s a difficult task because you might accidentally hurt someone you love either way. And you never know how someone might react to the truth.
36-year-old Michael, aka redditor Throwaway168900, turned to the AITA community on Reddit for advice because he was feeling guilty about having shared his honest feelings about his fourth daughter’s birth.
You see, Michael had hopes that his latest newborn would be a boy. He opened up about this to his wife after she asked him why he felt sad. Though, keep in mind, the dad is over the moon and thoroughly happy about his fourth child. It’s just that he had a moment of complete honesty.
However, when his mother found out, she accused him of having a misogynistic mindset. You’ll find the full story below, dear Pandas. Have a read and let us know what you think of the entire situation and if honesty is always the best policy. While most reddit users thought that the dad didn’t do anything wrong, others had a very different opinion.
Michael, aka redditor Throwaway168900, was kind enough to answer a few of my questions. He told Bored Panda that he was “totally shocked” by how far his post spread online. “I couldn’t believe thousands have people had ‘Reddit’ (get it?),” he punned about so many people having read his post.
“I believe my post really took off because it’s a controversial and touchy subject for many people. Many people have experienced not being loved/cared for properly as a child due to their parents wanting a different gender. Childbirth is always a sensitive topic and especially how in today’s society with the huge wave of feminism and anti-sexism. My post would definitely would’ve been a hot topic of discussion,” he shared with Bored Panda. Read on for our full interview with the author of the post himself.
A dad shared that he felt disappointed for a moment when he realized that his fourth child was another girl, not a boy
Image credits: Kelly Sikkema (not the actual photo)
He went into detail about what happened and how his wife and mother reacted to his honest feelings
Image credits: throwaway168900
Being from a large family myself, I was curious to find out what it’s like to raise so many children for a father. Michael said that the main challenge, at least for him, isn’t financial but developing deep relationships with his children.
“I’m blessed to say I live a very comfortable life so monetary issues have never arisen, but the main challenge I feel is connecting to each of my daughters as best as I can. I’ll be honest, with four daughters, while running a business, while providing for them, it’ll be difficult for me to connect with all four of my children the same,” he told Bored Panda.
“Time is limited and with four kids and one newborn and one just three, it becomes hard to manage what everyone enjoys. My eldest daughter (13) and I are very close, she confides in me and I have spent the most time with her because she gravitates towards me naturally. My 2nd oldest daughter (8) and I aren’t as close, she is very attached to my wife, her mother, and rarely will go anywhere without her,” Michael was candid about his family.
“In no way shape or form do I love any of my daughters more than the other. They all are my daughters, my kin and I will love, protect and cherish them all equally. No matter how many things I can buy them, I can’t buy time. My 8-year-old wants to go to the zoo this week, but my 13-year-old wants to go to the amusement park with me, I really wish and want to do both, but it’s just not feasible,” he explained how tough it is to juggle spending quality time with everyone.
Finally, I wanted to get Michael’s take about whether or not it’s always best to be honest. “Honesty is 99% of the time the best policy. Even if it’s hurtful, you must be honest, because it’ll come out sooner or later,” he told me.
“Tiny white lies on the occasion like if your day was bad but you say it was good. That’s fine, that’s normal, should be expected. We are all humans with emotions and feelings and we can’t be expected to be perfectly open 24/7 even with our SO. But if you are keeping something that you know will hurt or change the dynamics of your life, you must come clean,” he pointed out that it’s incredibly important to open up in these cases. No matter how much it hurts.
“Coming clean even if it will sting at first, will always hurt less than when they find out you lied. My case was a bit different, I didn’t even speak to my wife about my feelings, unlike what some redditors think. My wife mentioned a few days after birth when my daughter and she came home that she noticed my face curve after the delivery.”
He continued: “My wife wasn’t mad because she was hoping for a son too, it was more my mother who was mad, but she has an odd POV for this. But looking back, maybe denying it and saying I was just tired would’ve been the safe option, but I have no regrets, to be honest. My wife and I’s relationship has only gotten stronger after admitting it.”
Reddit was split on how to react. Most users thought that loving dad Michael didn’t do anything wrong, though
However, others were much harsher. They believe that the father was a jerk for having wanted a son
The Atlantic notes that even though American parents used to have a strong preference for boys, there’s been a shift indicating that more parents now hope to have a girl. However, on the whole, dads tend to want to have sons and moms tend to want to have daughters.
In Michael’s own words, his disappointment “lasted a second if that” and quickly disappeared after he held his newborn daughter in his hands. The sadness was fleeting, but it was also an honest reaction. And I personally don’t think that we can fault anyone for being candid. Especially if your loved one asks you to open up to them.
The redditor added that his wife wasn’t mad at him about wanting a son. She said that she wants to have a boy sometime in the future as well. So the couple seems to be in sync.
What’s more, Michael noted that his own father “was very sexist and abusive” toward him and his entire family, so it’s understandable that his mother “gets a bit sensitive in these issues.”
The vast majority of redditors noted that Michael wasn’t a jerk. According to them, he was simply being honest, he absolutely loves his kids, and he has the emotional intelligence to question whether or not he was right.
Alas, some redditors weren’t as kind and thought that Michael’s mother was right on the money with her verdict. But what do you think, dear Pandas? Share your thoughts and insights in the comment section.
What a big stink about nothing. It's natural to want a boy after 3 girls. He was disappointed it not being a boy but that doesn't mean he didn't want the baby girl. Jees.
I agree. I have a friend who has 3 boys and when the third was born he was disappointed as they were trying for a girl. Both his wife and he were doubly sad, because she was told not to get pregnant again for health reasons.
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If you're going to yell at men to express emotion and then tear those men apart for expressing emotion you need to look up the word Oxymoron and apply it to yourselves.
While I agree I think "moron" without the oxy would suffice.
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I have two wonderful boys but I am a little sad that I never had a daughter as well.
I think it's pretty normal to have some disappointment, you can't help how you feel. I know that if my son ended up being a daughter I too would have been a bit disappointed. Doesn't mean I would have loved the daughter any less than my son. It's not sexist to have those feelings either.
Totally NTA. It's only natural to want a mixture of boys and girls. Our first born was a boy, so I was hoping the next one would be a girl. Our second turned out to be another boy, and I was briefly disappointed. I love both our boys more than anything in the world, and there's nothing I'd change about them (gender or otherwise). P.S. I don't believe the OP is misogynistic; he'd feel the same if he had three girls, and then the fourth turned out to be a boy.
He doesnt hate his newborn girl. He was just expecting son after 3 daughters and expressed his feelings. That is no way a misogynist would confess.
Umm who wouldn’t want a boy after 3 girls? I don’t see the problem here. I’d be disappointed too. I’ve known plenty of people I went to school with have a bunch of boys and finally happy to have a girl. I’d imagine in a perfect world we’d all have one of each, but alas not a perfect world and sometimes we get disappointed when things don’t go as we’d like. It doesn’t make us bad people it makes us human. NTA.
True story I had a friend when I was a kid she was one of 4 girls. Parents decided to try just once more for a boy and got twin girls instead. They didn’t try again lol
Punch in their face from the universe. Sometimes i love how that s**t works
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I can’t be the only one who just wanted healthy babies. We have 3 of one gender, and neither of us cared a whit
If this were anything more then a quick flash of emotion, yeah he'd be TA. But I can get it after 3 girls, wanting a son. He has a right to a little sadness over it.
At least he/they didn't give her a boy's name to burden her in the future. My MIL would have had a cow had we given either of our daughters a male name that was so trendy in the 90's. (Jordan, Taylor, Morgan, Riley).
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I would recommend, however, that you never EVER tell the daughter about your feelings. Don't tell anyone. I have three older brothers, and growing up, I heard CONSTANTLY from my mother that the only reason I was born is that she kept hoping for a girl, and how disappointed and frustrated she was that she couldn't have a daughter. I've spent my whole life feeling like an unwanted extra. I don't wish that feeling on anyone.
I'm a woman and I always wanted a boy. My family consists of nearly only females. My Gran had 3 girls, 1 boy, one of said girls (my mother) had 1 son that died shortly after birth and 2 girls, my grans boy (my uncle) has 4 girls of which 3 already had 1 girl, when I got pregnant with my first. It was a girl and I jokingly said I wished it had been a boy. That does not mean that I did not love her or that I am glad she died! Gosh, what a stupid reaction.
We h ave this amazing tech that lets us check the sex way before birth. So.... they could've checked if he was that eager? Just wondering why this is a big deal. I knew a couple as a kid who "kept going" till the husband "got his son". They had six kids. And it's his chromosome, not hers, so deal, y'know? (removes soapbox)
I have two neighbors that did this exact thing. One had 5 boys, then finally had a girl. One had 5 girls, then finally had a boy. And both sets of parents were crap. Left the older kids to raise the younger ones. Treated their kids like they were possessions, rather than people. Had no idea where they were half the time.
Load More Replies... I think it's a sign of a very unhealthy marriage when you have to suppress your most private thoughts and emotions, out of worry that an involuntary facial expression might betray you and bring on drama and criticism from your partner. There are no perfect humans who have 100% pure and correct thoughts all the time, and life partners need to accept that about each other.
What a complete load of rubbish. After 3 girls the chap was hoping for a boy (what chap doesn't) the new born girl will be loved just the same. I also know women that have longed for a girl after the birth of 3 male children. The children are no less loved in the slightest. I really don't see any point to this article.
I think it sucks that you were made out to be the asshole. It's okay that for a second you mourned the things you thought a son would bring. You're allowed to feel that way. Now if you made a big stink about it and had a temper tantrum about it, that would be a different story. You being bummed about not being a father to a boy for a moment is not being misogynistic. Your mother was being hypersensitive and the way she went about it wasn't cool. You sound like a great dad, don't let anyone take that away from you.
When I was pregnant I was sure I would get a girl. When it showed on the echo it was a boy, I was disapointed. Not that I didn't a son or anything. You make up an imannge of how it could be and when that changes you are disapointed for a moment. And that's oke..Now I couldn't be happier with my son!
what a hoot of the filming of a couple who were told that their 3rd child was a girl, who then asked their respective 'moms' to change the newborn's diaper, and that's how each set of grandparents found out that the baby didn't have the 'right' equipment for a 'her' but in fact a boy and surprise for all.
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There is a saying that your first feelings on an issue reflects on how you were brought up and your second feeling reflects on what you have learned. It can be hard to unpick some of the attitudes towards gender when they are engrained in you from a very early age. So yes, it was kind of a knee jerk reaction he had - but he quickly realised how wrong he was to feel that way and clearly embraces his beautiful family. I can understand his mum's reaction but it sounds like she had a very traumatic marriage which colours her perception of her son's actions. Hopefully she will get past that, once she sees her son doting on all his girls.
A very progressive dad in the neighborhood could NOT be more supportive of his daughters. He's a major role model for dads of daughters. Jeff Foxworthy would be hard press some nights with his act. There are sets where he mentions his wife and daughters and his take on being outnumbered. It's the topic for laughs for either party when they are the minority. I had to live with all the testosterone for the first 10 years. Now that our sons are off and married, it's now hubby's turn to have the ship floating on the ocean of estrogen. (Yep, Foxworthy's line)
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NTA. It's natural to want a boy for a lot of people. I remember when husband and I were pregnant with our first and I was really hoping for a girl. When we found out he was a boy i felt sadness as well. But the moment he was born and I held him in my arms I realized how silly I had been, because I loved him more than life itself and the only thing that mattered was he was finally in my arms and I could love him with all I had.
I’m in a family with four girls and no boys, when my mom announced that she was going to have a fourth child, I was kind of hoping for a boy just for my dad. It was a girl. Despite all the comments my dad would get (stuff like: bless your soul, daaaang how much is makeup, and you need a drink, bud? He would always tell us to not listen to those people.
I think he's the type of person that if he had 3 sons back to back, then he'd want the 4th one to be a daughter naturally. I think the mom manipulated into making her son think that he's a misogynist. Well, I think otherwise. Clearly, wanting a son after three daughters and loving them to the core makes a man misogynist? Calm down women.
I have a friend who who has adopted 2 girls and has fostered countless others. Due to past trauma of their oldest adopted daughter, it's best that they remain a girls only foster house. Recently they finally got pregnant after trying for years. Last week they found out the sex of the baby. Yep. Another girl. Her husband was disappointed for all of about 2 seconds then went right to being over the moon about their miracle baby. This is a completely natural response for either parent to have. I had the same feeling when I found out my second child was going to be a boy. I had been convinced I was carrying a girl. The disappointment was short lived and I wouldn't trade either of my boys for anything. This guy's mother just needs to stop projecting her husband's short comings onto others.
Stop placing expectations on your kids based on their genitalia or chromosomes.
NTA. My daughter had 2 wonderful sons, and when she was pregnant with the 3rd child, I was with her during the sonogram to reveal the gender. When they announced "we have a penis!" ... you could see on her face for a few seconds that she was a little sad. She so wanted a girl. It was just a normal reaction that was gone in a second. She wouldn't change being the mom of 3 boys for anything in the world.
NOT an a-hole at all. It's natural to want a son after even one daughter, so three... wow. But wanting a son after three daughters does not make you misogynistic in any way. Don't let Karen get you down.
I agree with the comment that there are private things between couples. Too bad his Mother had to butt into their lives.
Nah, my uncle and aunt had 5 children so finally they got a girl (all grew up happy and loved)
NTA. Even i make a face (and a 'huh?') when my 4th daughter was born.. and i'm the mother.. we dont know the sex, when we went for the scan, she's in difficult position.. twice! But we both were hoping for a boy, after 3 daughters.. just coz we want to experience raising a boy.. but we still love her the same.. i think this is normal.. we are human after all.. it's not as if OP make a scene about it..
Who doesn't know the sex of the fetus by the time they are born? My daughter is 30yo and we knew it beforehand back then, when the ultrasound machine was steam powered and we had to go to the hospital on a horse drawn carriage. Is this a choice people make to not know until birth? if so, good for them, I am all about choice, but after 3 girls it would be wise to find out sooner rather than later to avoid precisely this kind of situation. Also, I know plenty of mothers disappointed with their 3rd or 4th boy. Didn't stop them from doting on them and it doesn't make them misandric. That's the thing about us parents, we may have a flash of disappointment (I didn't, I just wanted wife and child healthy) but in a matter of hours we'd be ready to lay our life down for our son or daughter, smiling all the way. After 3 girls, one is entitled to display a sad face for 10 seconds.
My mom and dad were told by their doctor that they were going to have boys and in the end they had two girls. My parents also raised my mom's sister, so my dad pretty much lived in a female dominated house. Even though he wanted boys, he got over those feelings and has been the best dad in the world. Like someone else said, it's not like he asked his wife for a divorce the minute he saw his daughter, he was just a little sad that he didn't have a boy.
You are allowed to feel however you do, with the corresponding facial expression. What would make you TA is if you acted all put out and blamed your wife and this little child and treated them differently. That is all.
Wow. This poor guy truly has an absolutely terrible mother
I think it's a totally normal reaction and doesn't mean you don't love your new daughter . Some people really want a girl if they've had all boys. My brother has give boys. They were sad that they didn't have a girl , but not for more than a few minutes
Our world is overpopulated. Sure, it would be nice to have both genders among the kids,, but please stop having so many children, for all our sakes.
NTA I never had a mom, she favored my brother and abandoned me. So I wasn't ready to have a girl. I wanted a boy first, always had because I had no idea how to take care of a girl, plus having a "big brother" to protect my maybe one day girls would've been aswesome. I got pregnant with my first and was convinced it was a boy thank you old wives tales lol. The day I found out she was a girl I cried I was devestated... then not even a minute later I felt guilty and cried again out of guilt lol. She was the most beautiful baby and everything was fine. I had my boy next and although hes the middle child he's now almost 17 and he's 6' 2' already so he's the big brother anyhow lol. My youngest is a girl. So to me it was funny. God said "You want boys huh...watch this" and I'm grateful. I love my girls and my world would be so different without them. I get his feelings, it's not like he abandoned her, he's over it and happy, it's fine.
I’ll bet if he had three sons already he would have been a little sad he didn’t get a girl. Why is there even a question of this feeling.
Nothing wrong with a parent desiring a certain gender as long as they love whoever they get.
Listening to my dad all of my life talk about how proud he was to be the father of 5 girls, I don't get this weird obsession with the your child's genitals. People constantly asked me, "But don't you really want a girl?" when my son was born. No. I didn't care even a little bit. The only reason I was a little relieved to find the second was going to be a girl was to shut people up.
The gender of a child comes from the man's contribution, not the woman's. So... it's actually his fault if the kid is female :)
NTA - I imagine it could very easily have been reversed where a mother of 3 boys wanted a girl. I doubt she would be called out for Misandry for being momentarily disappointed with it being another boy. I really feel for this man, but can also understand the reaction of his mother having been through what she has. This is in no way the equivalent though
Y'all, I just want to point out that during labor the delivering mother is totally flooded with oxytocin, a hormone that f***s with your memory and makes you remember some things *forever* (like the first time you hear your child's voice) and forget other things (how exhausted you were/how much it hurt, etc). Wife saw a flash of disappointment on OP's face while jacked up on memory juice, and now it will follow her for life. It's not OP's fault really, she could have imagined it and the memory and sadness would still be there. But she didn't imagine it, and now Mom's involved because everyone needs to make sure that OP doesn't love this last daughter less than he should.
His wives was also a bit disappointed, she hoped for a boy too. She has no problems with the flash of disappointment on his face.
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He didn't want a boy specifically. He wanted something different from what he already had. Neither AH nor misogynist.
If you think it would be a different experience, maybe you need to check your base assumptions.
It feels so wrong to put expectations on your kid gender. Can't avoid thinking "what if you have a boy and find out you kid is trans? Disappointment again?" [I'm am not surprised to get downvoted on this, but sure disappointed by some pandas...]
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The takeaway: Don't make babies with toxic feminists who will try to frame every move you make as something -ist.
He did not procreate with his mom, please read.
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"For your husband" whaaaat? Like, seriously, wtf does that mean?
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What's "really damn sad" is your comments on this post, and often on other posts. Everything with you is always misandric strawmen, literally regardless of the situation. He could have saved a puppy from a fire and you would still find a way to fabricate a misogynistic meaning behind it. I have literally never seen you post a comment that wasn't either insulting a man, or insulting another woman for not insulting a man. It is sad, because you are the reason that feminists have this irrational man-hating stereotype, and it does so much more harm than good. You really need to check your own biases.
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That's a HELL of a lot of assumptions you are making. It's just as likely that he would have felt exactly the same in the reverse situation. And where are you getting princesses from?
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What a stupid thing to say. You know, men and women do exist, and there are differences between them. I am a man, and my wife is a woman, and that's pretty obvious.
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What a big stink about nothing. It's natural to want a boy after 3 girls. He was disappointed it not being a boy but that doesn't mean he didn't want the baby girl. Jees.
I agree. I have a friend who has 3 boys and when the third was born he was disappointed as they were trying for a girl. Both his wife and he were doubly sad, because she was told not to get pregnant again for health reasons.
Load More Replies... If you're going to yell at men to express emotion and then tear those men apart for expressing emotion you need to look up the word Oxymoron and apply it to yourselves.
While I agree I think "moron" without the oxy would suffice.
Load More Replies... I have two wonderful boys but I am a little sad that I never had a daughter as well.
I think it's pretty normal to have some disappointment, you can't help how you feel. I know that if my son ended up being a daughter I too would have been a bit disappointed. Doesn't mean I would have loved the daughter any less than my son. It's not sexist to have those feelings either.
Totally NTA. It's only natural to want a mixture of boys and girls. Our first born was a boy, so I was hoping the next one would be a girl. Our second turned out to be another boy, and I was briefly disappointed. I love both our boys more than anything in the world, and there's nothing I'd change about them (gender or otherwise). P.S. I don't believe the OP is misogynistic; he'd feel the same if he had three girls, and then the fourth turned out to be a boy.
He doesnt hate his newborn girl. He was just expecting son after 3 daughters and expressed his feelings. That is no way a misogynist would confess.
Umm who wouldn’t want a boy after 3 girls? I don’t see the problem here. I’d be disappointed too. I’ve known plenty of people I went to school with have a bunch of boys and finally happy to have a girl. I’d imagine in a perfect world we’d all have one of each, but alas not a perfect world and sometimes we get disappointed when things don’t go as we’d like. It doesn’t make us bad people it makes us human. NTA.
True story I had a friend when I was a kid she was one of 4 girls. Parents decided to try just once more for a boy and got twin girls instead. They didn’t try again lol
Punch in their face from the universe. Sometimes i love how that s**t works
Load More Replies... I can’t be the only one who just wanted healthy babies. We have 3 of one gender, and neither of us cared a whit
If this were anything more then a quick flash of emotion, yeah he'd be TA. But I can get it after 3 girls, wanting a son. He has a right to a little sadness over it.
At least he/they didn't give her a boy's name to burden her in the future. My MIL would have had a cow had we given either of our daughters a male name that was so trendy in the 90's. (Jordan, Taylor, Morgan, Riley).
Load More Replies... I would recommend, however, that you never EVER tell the daughter about your feelings. Don't tell anyone. I have three older brothers, and growing up, I heard CONSTANTLY from my mother that the only reason I was born is that she kept hoping for a girl, and how disappointed and frustrated she was that she couldn't have a daughter. I've spent my whole life feeling like an unwanted extra. I don't wish that feeling on anyone.
I'm a woman and I always wanted a boy. My family consists of nearly only females. My Gran had 3 girls, 1 boy, one of said girls (my mother) had 1 son that died shortly after birth and 2 girls, my grans boy (my uncle) has 4 girls of which 3 already had 1 girl, when I got pregnant with my first. It was a girl and I jokingly said I wished it had been a boy. That does not mean that I did not love her or that I am glad she died! Gosh, what a stupid reaction.
We h ave this amazing tech that lets us check the sex way before birth. So.... they could've checked if he was that eager? Just wondering why this is a big deal. I knew a couple as a kid who "kept going" till the husband "got his son". They had six kids. And it's his chromosome, not hers, so deal, y'know? (removes soapbox)
I have two neighbors that did this exact thing. One had 5 boys, then finally had a girl. One had 5 girls, then finally had a boy. And both sets of parents were crap. Left the older kids to raise the younger ones. Treated their kids like they were possessions, rather than people. Had no idea where they were half the time.
Load More Replies... I think it's a sign of a very unhealthy marriage when you have to suppress your most private thoughts and emotions, out of worry that an involuntary facial expression might betray you and bring on drama and criticism from your partner. There are no perfect humans who have 100% pure and correct thoughts all the time, and life partners need to accept that about each other.
What a complete load of rubbish. After 3 girls the chap was hoping for a boy (what chap doesn't) the new born girl will be loved just the same. I also know women that have longed for a girl after the birth of 3 male children. The children are no less loved in the slightest. I really don't see any point to this article.
I think it sucks that you were made out to be the asshole. It's okay that for a second you mourned the things you thought a son would bring. You're allowed to feel that way. Now if you made a big stink about it and had a temper tantrum about it, that would be a different story. You being bummed about not being a father to a boy for a moment is not being misogynistic. Your mother was being hypersensitive and the way she went about it wasn't cool. You sound like a great dad, don't let anyone take that away from you.
When I was pregnant I was sure I would get a girl. When it showed on the echo it was a boy, I was disapointed. Not that I didn't a son or anything. You make up an imannge of how it could be and when that changes you are disapointed for a moment. And that's oke..Now I couldn't be happier with my son!
what a hoot of the filming of a couple who were told that their 3rd child was a girl, who then asked their respective 'moms' to change the newborn's diaper, and that's how each set of grandparents found out that the baby didn't have the 'right' equipment for a 'her' but in fact a boy and surprise for all.
Load More Replies... There is a saying that your first feelings on an issue reflects on how you were brought up and your second feeling reflects on what you have learned. It can be hard to unpick some of the attitudes towards gender when they are engrained in you from a very early age. So yes, it was kind of a knee jerk reaction he had - but he quickly realised how wrong he was to feel that way and clearly embraces his beautiful family. I can understand his mum's reaction but it sounds like she had a very traumatic marriage which colours her perception of her son's actions. Hopefully she will get past that, once she sees her son doting on all his girls.
A very progressive dad in the neighborhood could NOT be more supportive of his daughters. He's a major role model for dads of daughters. Jeff Foxworthy would be hard press some nights with his act. There are sets where he mentions his wife and daughters and his take on being outnumbered. It's the topic for laughs for either party when they are the minority. I had to live with all the testosterone for the first 10 years. Now that our sons are off and married, it's now hubby's turn to have the ship floating on the ocean of estrogen. (Yep, Foxworthy's line)
Load More Replies... NTA. It's natural to want a boy for a lot of people. I remember when husband and I were pregnant with our first and I was really hoping for a girl. When we found out he was a boy i felt sadness as well. But the moment he was born and I held him in my arms I realized how silly I had been, because I loved him more than life itself and the only thing that mattered was he was finally in my arms and I could love him with all I had.
I’m in a family with four girls and no boys, when my mom announced that she was going to have a fourth child, I was kind of hoping for a boy just for my dad. It was a girl. Despite all the comments my dad would get (stuff like: bless your soul, daaaang how much is makeup, and you need a drink, bud? He would always tell us to not listen to those people.
I think he's the type of person that if he had 3 sons back to back, then he'd want the 4th one to be a daughter naturally. I think the mom manipulated into making her son think that he's a misogynist. Well, I think otherwise. Clearly, wanting a son after three daughters and loving them to the core makes a man misogynist? Calm down women.
I have a friend who who has adopted 2 girls and has fostered countless others. Due to past trauma of their oldest adopted daughter, it's best that they remain a girls only foster house. Recently they finally got pregnant after trying for years. Last week they found out the sex of the baby. Yep. Another girl. Her husband was disappointed for all of about 2 seconds then went right to being over the moon about their miracle baby. This is a completely natural response for either parent to have. I had the same feeling when I found out my second child was going to be a boy. I had been convinced I was carrying a girl. The disappointment was short lived and I wouldn't trade either of my boys for anything. This guy's mother just needs to stop projecting her husband's short comings onto others.
Stop placing expectations on your kids based on their genitalia or chromosomes.
NTA. My daughter had 2 wonderful sons, and when she was pregnant with the 3rd child, I was with her during the sonogram to reveal the gender. When they announced "we have a penis!" ... you could see on her face for a few seconds that she was a little sad. She so wanted a girl. It was just a normal reaction that was gone in a second. She wouldn't change being the mom of 3 boys for anything in the world.
NOT an a-hole at all. It's natural to want a son after even one daughter, so three... wow. But wanting a son after three daughters does not make you misogynistic in any way. Don't let Karen get you down.
I agree with the comment that there are private things between couples. Too bad his Mother had to butt into their lives.
Nah, my uncle and aunt had 5 children so finally they got a girl (all grew up happy and loved)
NTA. Even i make a face (and a 'huh?') when my 4th daughter was born.. and i'm the mother.. we dont know the sex, when we went for the scan, she's in difficult position.. twice! But we both were hoping for a boy, after 3 daughters.. just coz we want to experience raising a boy.. but we still love her the same.. i think this is normal.. we are human after all.. it's not as if OP make a scene about it..
Who doesn't know the sex of the fetus by the time they are born? My daughter is 30yo and we knew it beforehand back then, when the ultrasound machine was steam powered and we had to go to the hospital on a horse drawn carriage. Is this a choice people make to not know until birth? if so, good for them, I am all about choice, but after 3 girls it would be wise to find out sooner rather than later to avoid precisely this kind of situation. Also, I know plenty of mothers disappointed with their 3rd or 4th boy. Didn't stop them from doting on them and it doesn't make them misandric. That's the thing about us parents, we may have a flash of disappointment (I didn't, I just wanted wife and child healthy) but in a matter of hours we'd be ready to lay our life down for our son or daughter, smiling all the way. After 3 girls, one is entitled to display a sad face for 10 seconds.
My mom and dad were told by their doctor that they were going to have boys and in the end they had two girls. My parents also raised my mom's sister, so my dad pretty much lived in a female dominated house. Even though he wanted boys, he got over those feelings and has been the best dad in the world. Like someone else said, it's not like he asked his wife for a divorce the minute he saw his daughter, he was just a little sad that he didn't have a boy.
You are allowed to feel however you do, with the corresponding facial expression. What would make you TA is if you acted all put out and blamed your wife and this little child and treated them differently. That is all.
Wow. This poor guy truly has an absolutely terrible mother
I think it's a totally normal reaction and doesn't mean you don't love your new daughter . Some people really want a girl if they've had all boys. My brother has give boys. They were sad that they didn't have a girl , but not for more than a few minutes
Our world is overpopulated. Sure, it would be nice to have both genders among the kids,, but please stop having so many children, for all our sakes.
NTA I never had a mom, she favored my brother and abandoned me. So I wasn't ready to have a girl. I wanted a boy first, always had because I had no idea how to take care of a girl, plus having a "big brother" to protect my maybe one day girls would've been aswesome. I got pregnant with my first and was convinced it was a boy thank you old wives tales lol. The day I found out she was a girl I cried I was devestated... then not even a minute later I felt guilty and cried again out of guilt lol. She was the most beautiful baby and everything was fine. I had my boy next and although hes the middle child he's now almost 17 and he's 6' 2' already so he's the big brother anyhow lol. My youngest is a girl. So to me it was funny. God said "You want boys huh...watch this" and I'm grateful. I love my girls and my world would be so different without them. I get his feelings, it's not like he abandoned her, he's over it and happy, it's fine.
I’ll bet if he had three sons already he would have been a little sad he didn’t get a girl. Why is there even a question of this feeling.
Nothing wrong with a parent desiring a certain gender as long as they love whoever they get.
Listening to my dad all of my life talk about how proud he was to be the father of 5 girls, I don't get this weird obsession with the your child's genitals. People constantly asked me, "But don't you really want a girl?" when my son was born. No. I didn't care even a little bit. The only reason I was a little relieved to find the second was going to be a girl was to shut people up.
The gender of a child comes from the man's contribution, not the woman's. So... it's actually his fault if the kid is female :)
NTA - I imagine it could very easily have been reversed where a mother of 3 boys wanted a girl. I doubt she would be called out for Misandry for being momentarily disappointed with it being another boy. I really feel for this man, but can also understand the reaction of his mother having been through what she has. This is in no way the equivalent though
Y'all, I just want to point out that during labor the delivering mother is totally flooded with oxytocin, a hormone that f***s with your memory and makes you remember some things *forever* (like the first time you hear your child's voice) and forget other things (how exhausted you were/how much it hurt, etc). Wife saw a flash of disappointment on OP's face while jacked up on memory juice, and now it will follow her for life. It's not OP's fault really, she could have imagined it and the memory and sadness would still be there. But she didn't imagine it, and now Mom's involved because everyone needs to make sure that OP doesn't love this last daughter less than he should.
His wives was also a bit disappointed, she hoped for a boy too. She has no problems with the flash of disappointment on his face.
Load More Replies... He didn't want a boy specifically. He wanted something different from what he already had. Neither AH nor misogynist.
If you think it would be a different experience, maybe you need to check your base assumptions.
It feels so wrong to put expectations on your kid gender. Can't avoid thinking "what if you have a boy and find out you kid is trans? Disappointment again?" [I'm am not surprised to get downvoted on this, but sure disappointed by some pandas...]
Load More Replies... The takeaway: Don't make babies with toxic feminists who will try to frame every move you make as something -ist.
He did not procreate with his mom, please read.
Load More Replies... "For your husband" whaaaat? Like, seriously, wtf does that mean?
Load More Replies... What's "really damn sad" is your comments on this post, and often on other posts. Everything with you is always misandric strawmen, literally regardless of the situation. He could have saved a puppy from a fire and you would still find a way to fabricate a misogynistic meaning behind it. I have literally never seen you post a comment that wasn't either insulting a man, or insulting another woman for not insulting a man. It is sad, because you are the reason that feminists have this irrational man-hating stereotype, and it does so much more harm than good. You really need to check your own biases.
Load More Replies... That's a HELL of a lot of assumptions you are making. It's just as likely that he would have felt exactly the same in the reverse situation. And where are you getting princesses from?
Load More Replies... What a stupid thing to say. You know, men and women do exist, and there are differences between them. I am a man, and my wife is a woman, and that's pretty obvious.
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