Mom Asks Her Working Teen Daughter To Start Paying For Household Expenses, Is Left Feeling Like ‘The Worst Mom In The World’
Some parents wonder if it’s ever appropriate to charge their teenager rent. Truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. It depends. Of course, there are some guidelines, but every situation is different and parents need to feel out what’s best for their household.
Mumsnet (the UK’s biggest website for parents) user Icanflyhigh, for example, thought it was time when her 16-year-old daughter started an apprenticeship and was earning £14.5K (around $20K) per year. She didn’t ask for a lot, too. Just £50 (roughly $70) per week.
However, when she asked the teen to contribute to the household budget, the girl got really angry, really fast. The whole thing grew into such a huge fight, Icanflyhigh started feeling like the worst mom in the world for proposing this idea in the first place.
So, she told her story on the online platform and asked other parents whether or not she was being unreasonable. Continue scrolling to learn how it all went down and what Talya Stone (a former editor-in-chief turned parenting blogger and the woman behind Motherhood: The Real Deal and 40 Now What, thinks about it) and Vicki Broadbent (writer, director, broadcaster, and founder of the parenting blog Honest Mum) thought about it.
Image credits: Highwaystarz-Photography (not the actual photo)
Talya Stone thinks that it’s extremely important to teach kids the value of money. “They need to understand it from early on,” the parenting blogger told Bored Panda.
To help them, Stone suggested giving them pocket money and their own wallet from a fairly young age. “Tell them to bring it along on days out, and holidays, and pay for small bits and bobs they want for themselves even if it’s just a bar of chocolate,” she said. “I think I started doing this with my daughter when she was five but this could even be done before. Understanding money, how much things cost, spending power, and how to save is a vital life skill. If your child wants a new toy, instead of buying it for them every time on demand, you can encourage them to save towards it and tell them you will pay for half so long as they do, for instance. This has never been so important in the increasingly materialistic world we live in.”
Vicki Broadbent agrees. “I believe children should start learning about money as early as possible,” the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (the US and Canada) told Bored Panda. “My sons as toddlers would follow me around the grocery store with a shopping list and I would guide them on how much items cost, showing them prices, finding cheaper alternatives, and even having them pay at the checkout. My kids would also play ‘Shop’ from a young age, using a toy till with pretend money and coins so they could learn the basic concept of transactions, moving to a toy credit card around the age of 5.”
Vicki highlighted that financial education and money management are crucial lessons for children, and while these topics are somewhat covered in the school curriculum through math, it’s the parent’s responsibility to make sure the child knows how to live within their means. “If they don’t understand how to create and stick to a budget, they’ll get a shock once they leave for university or college, or find a job, quickly finding themselves in debt,” she said.
Parents should continue teaching their little ones about the different aspects of money as they grow older. “Other things to do is take them along to the bank with you and set up a bank account in their name from a young age and have them deposit some of their pocket money in there,” Talya Stone added. “Talk to them about how much things cost when you are in the shops or buying online. Talk to them about what you earn or how much a family holiday or day out costs. We shouldn’t shy away from these things or be embarrassed by them. Open, age-appropriate communication around these things as with other things in parenting is vital. You can also ask to borrow money from them – a dollar here and there – and pay it back so they understand this concept too.”
“As they become older, looking at case studies of young adults who are both managing money well (e.g. there are example budgets online) as well as sharing stories of those in debt will help to educate your kids,” Vicki Broadbent explained. “Equally, as parents, lead by example, talk and explain how you manage your own money and try not to spoil your children with material goods. Make it a priority to teach your children how to earn money too. Mine had a simple and short chore list from 6 and felt great pride in earning pocket money.”
Here’s what people said about the situation
Licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and lecturer at Northeastern University in Boston, Massachusetts, Amy Morin, said that in some scenarios it’s perfectly reasonable for a parent to become their teen’s landlord.
In an article for Verywell Mind, Morin provided these examples:
- Your 16-year-old drops out of high school and says he wants to get a job;
- Your 17-year-old quits school and says she’d prefer to just get her GED;
- Your 18-year-old wants to live at home after he graduates from high school. He plans to find a job, rather than go to college;
- Your 19-year-old drops out of college after one semester.
In this particular case, Talya Stone believes the mom was being reasonable. However, maybe there was a better way to go about it. “The daughter is more than old enough to learn how to pay her way,” she said. “Perhaps the issue here is the mom setting the agenda.”
“Instead, they could sit down and agree on a plan together, taking into consideration the teen’s thoughts, feelings, and expectations. Giving her input and a voice in the decision-making will probably lead to agreement. Right now, the mom’s thinking is correct, but perhaps she needs to be savvier in the way she gets her teen to understand and agree – and that is by involving her in the process.”
Stone highlighted that in these situations, parents need to bear in mind that they’re talking to a teen. “They have very strong attitudes and opinions and quite rightly so! Teenagers can often act hard done by and are a law unto themselves. They feel like the world is against them, so it’s about showing them you are on their side, rather than acting as a threat.”
Vicki Broadbent had similar thoughts. “I agree that the mother in this instance is right to request that her daughter contributes to the family budget considering she is 17 and earning money … Sitting her down to break down her earnings (incomings) and outgoings, listing all the things her mother is still paying for, would provide a useful lesson for the daughter also. It would hopefully encourage gratitude in her too,” the Honest Mum said.
I started working at 15, and started paying 'board' to my parents from when I was 16, even though it was only part-time after school work. I was mad as hell having to pay them, plus things like school uniform and new shoes I had to pay for myself soon as I started working. HOWEVER, they basically saved everything I paid them, and handed it back to me in a cheque when I went to university. They taught me to value money, save for when you need it. This lady says that money is going towards her daughter's driving lessons - this is a good life lesson for her, and she's well within her rights to ask. She's not a bad mum, she's a brilliant mum.
My dad spent it on booze. Glad you had better parents than I.
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Im usually not in favour of asking your underaged children for money. You had them, it´s your job to provide for them. But its also the parents job to parent and not expect kids to just know everything out of the blue when they reach adulthood ............. Im also against it because I´ve seen a couple of parents living way above their actual means and mooching off their children, to the point of trying to undermine their children´s relationships so that they dont move out and keep giving them their complete paycheck. ..................... In this case however, it seemed that the mother is quite reasonable and all the money she´s asking for is basically going to her kid in the first place. Doesn´t seem unfair in the least.
Mom could easily turn this around. Not pay for the phone bill, don't do the laundry and don't cook. Because while you were put on this Earth without being asked for it, so is every generation before you. And we kinda made this deal to raise to independence, and making that amount of money at that age is a great step towards that.
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I don't believe in making your children contribute to house hold expenses until they are 18 but having her pay for transportation to her job and paying for her cell phone seems fair. Thing is, I helped my parents pay their bills for as far back as I can remember. I worked as a groom making $300 a week since the age of 10, $1000 a week when I was 16 as a rider. I dropped out after the 9th grade and worked 3 jobs, all of the money I gave to my parents. I decided to go to college and I gave my parents my student loan check to pay off some of the credit cards and my mother bought shoes. I suffer from massive anxiety and I have a ton of student loan debt. I was suicidal since the age of 6 and I fear phones because of debt collectors. If you have kids, you provide for them, don't put your financial stress on to your children. Fine to have them pay for their own things like their car, clothing, or phone, but household bills shouldn't be their problem, they need that money for their future.
I dont actually agree with this completely. 14k a year is not a lot in europe and the cost of rent or buying a home is extremely high so the more money that the daughter saves the best. But she definitely should pay for her private things like phone and should do housechores. Asking money but doing her laundry is worse imo than making her do laundry and learn usefull skills. Unless the parents are struggling financially of course
Btw which lind of internship pays that much? I barely even saw paid intenrships and paid much less than that.
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I think the mum is being completely reasonable. I got a job at 15 and had to pay $50 a week for board. If the daughter can't handle that then she won't know what hit her in the real world.
Same here. For exaxmple, what plans does the daughter have for the money? Is she saving for university education, a house, retirement, what? Mom needs to ask. I say that b/c my money was used for booze by my dad, and I was saving it for education costs.
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My parents made me start paying for everything the second I got my first job at 14. My stepmom then supported her own children into their 30s while I worked 2-3 jobs to put myself through college even though I graduated with honors from high school and maintained a perfect GPA. I couldn't afford s**t until I was in my 40s. I support the kids I chose to bring into this world. When they turned 18 I co-signed on a small loan for each of them that they then left in the bank and allowed automatic payments every month. As soon as it was paid off they had great credit and got a credit card. Now they both have good credit and know how to save money because they were allowed to keep their own money and put in it savings! I chose to have kids and they were my responsibility. And I made them able to be responsible for themselves. That's all part of the job. Parent is a verb, too.
Faith, I hope your children appreciate you and learned from you as their role model...!
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My parents had this rule, if you were in any form of education-sixth form/college/university that didn’t pay you anything then you could stay and pay no rent/lodging but if you were not in education then up paid a fair amount based on your wages so it was fair on everyone that was working and so they didn’t take all your money. This meant that we knew full well what it would be like to live on our own and such. This is a good thing that the mother is trying to do, teaching people the value of money should be a lesson that every person gets, even to those people who are financially stable enough that they can put it into an account and gift the money back when the person moves out.
The mom is the one who wanted to have a kid, well guess what it ain't cheap. I think billing her will take away from her ability to attain further education and independence. I do think she should pay her own phone bill but room and board is going too far. The mom sounds like a total cheap skate
I started working at 18 and got a really well paid job at 21 (around 5x that of my mother and father combined). I bailed my mom out a few times because she had some issues with her job and other stuff. When she was 5k (EUR) in debt to the bank I deposited that to the bank as a Christmas gift, and also got her a tangible gift on top. All this while I moved out at 19 years old. Fast forward around 15 years I got divorced, became a single father of 2 and lost my job. When we just couldn't make it anymore I asked her if she'd help me and my children by us moving together with her while I sort s**t out. She's still angry about it and when she gets going, she can go on for hours explaining her sacrifices. She didn't even stop at badmouthing me to my own children while we lived at her place. All that while she was living at her mothers' when I was a child because she had a nasty divorce and living situation, too.
So she is making (for us Americans) just over Twenty Thousand dollars a year at 17 years of age and refuses to give $3013 per year for room and board and all the food and etc she can have. THAT is one hell of a deal. Hell there are people paying TEN TIMES that much in the real world for RENT minus the food, phone etc. By the way what does the "U' stand for in AIBU. OH WAIT NOW I get it I was thinking AM I BEING A BAD..? But it means AM I BEING UNREASONABLE (in case anyone is as thick as a brick as I am)
It's a parent relationship not a landlord relationship
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Children like her, rarely have any idea of the fixed costs their parents actually have ... or even how much a weekly purchase (groceries, etc.) can cost. I would show her all of it ... and then show her what monthly share she would have to pay, if they shared the costs all out fairly! My mother did that. She wanted me to be prepared (to a certain level) when I move out and realize what I suddenly have to pay for myself.
Her parents generation were paid much better than her own
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Even taking away 30% of the £14500 for taxes and maybe some toward an IRA, still leaves the kid £250 per week. If she pays Mom £50 of it, she STILL has £200 a week to play with! If I had that much money at 17, and was still living at home, I could’ve had a much better time than I did. At 18, I had my first apartment, and nearly my whole monthly pay went toward rent, utilities, groceries, and MAYBE a night out once in a while. If I was still at home at that age, I would’ve had an nice healthy savings account and IRA started. This kid should co sided herself extremely lucky she’s not completely out on her own, because what seems like good money when you’re living at home isn’t , and you’re perpetually broke.
Regardless of responsibility, it’s gross to ask your child who you’re financially responsible for, to take on that responsibility for you in any way. It’s the mom’s duty to provide those things for the child. She should feel lucky her daughter is earning money. She could ask the daughter to directly contribute to things directly but not to pay “board” to her. She could just as easily quit that job and live for free. It isn’t “board” if it’s your own child. She’s earning in a year what she could be making in a couple of weeks once she’s a little older. Her mom shouldn’t be so petty.
Not unreasonable. When I first got a minimum wage job my parents made me contribute towards the household expenses, which I didn't like, but well, I was eating groceries and using utilities and what they were asking was far less than rent. That was fair. Of course there various other horrific issues in the family and I ended up being chucked out on my ass at 19, so asking me to help with the expenses while I lived there was one of the more reasonable things I grew up with.
I was out at 17, wish I'd gone sooner when I look back. So, yeah, messed up family. Been there, got the scars. if they'd said, "Hey, it's tight, we need you to contribute"? Fine. Promising my savings are for my education, then my dad sucking it all away on booze and a new car for my older sis (who never paid a penny of rent to our parents even in her 20s when working full-time)? ..... Not so fine. Of course, it was said to me that I was the dumb one if I thought people ever kept promises..... So ...
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I moved out at 16 turning 17 for a year to do a college course in Bath.When I returned home due to ill health, I offered dad rent- I figured that if I lived away for a year, it was a bit cheeky to expect to be rent free. He asked me to pay a small amount a month as he knew I wasn't earning much as I still wasn't well and I also bought my own food. I chose to do a lot of the chores as my mum had an affair and moved away without telling dad so he needed all the help he could get as he worked full time and was having his own health problems at the time - so I also did the washing for the whole house inc.my brother and his bf. I felt good contributing and then, when I moved out, dad then secretly sent over a standing order of about £40 a month to help out during my studies. That money was a lifesaver on many occasions. I like that when I became an adult, it wasn't all one way. when one of us needed help, the other would help.it made sense. I'm really lucky to have him.
On top of the rent, I would make her do her own laundry - 17 seems a bit old for Mom to still be washing your undies. Providing a home, transportation & meals is more than reasonable enough.
She should definitely pay for her phone, especially since she agree to that. As for the rent, it might be educational to sit down with her and list the things she is getting out of the deal. Then talk with her about what this is worth to her. You might even agree to modify the rent a bit in exchange for teaching her about practical economics.
Parents should have them pay for things like their phone service for having an extra line which is usually $20 and maybe their own gas on the kids car. It teaches them that the world isn't free and to manage money. Also in the same time it helps parents a little. In some countries children work harder and give all their money to the family fund. Most countries are just to PC
When I was a teen I paid for my phone, car, gas, and insurance. My mom also believed internet was a luxury and if we wanted it we had to pay. I'm a financially stable and frugal adult thanks to my mom.
I started work at 16 and was paying board. It was just Mum and me so my money was needed.
Parents have children for their own selfish reasons, don't they realise kids are forever?
Load More Replies... YABU.... Your daughter is underage; she is your responsibility! A child should first learn to care for their own hygiene, make their bed, etc... As older, it s/b expected that they "assist" with the care of the shared household respons. according to their age and capabilities... cleaning, cooking, errands, etc.... If they maintain their grades, they should be allowed (not required) to work when they meet the age req. OK to expect the child to "share" the extra costs for phone, gas, auto ins. special clothing, etc.. The parent(s) should require a certain % of earnings to go into a savings acct. that requires two sigs to withdraw, leaving some money for fun, the rest to start their adult life when time. The parent(s) should still pay for the ed through HS at a min. & Uni if they are financially able. Parent(s) should still provide basic clothing & pers care~extra & spec items the child should buy.*When the child is of age,*money becomes childs! *NOW, OK to "agree" on the plan forward~
Seems fair to ask. If she says no, stop her phone contract, don't so her laundry, don't give her lifts, tell her to buy the food she wants on her way home. It's good to teach her to be independent especially in a protected environment. Imagine she moved out and was useless at looking after herself and budgeting.
Should add, if you do this, they will stop seeing the world as a kind place with parents just a cruel bastard world that breeds assholes. (My parents did this to me, always saw it as theft and so when they needed the cash in retirement as life can go both ways and the family construct is broken; go f**k yourselves)
Not unreasonable at all. The money is offsetting a source of income the mother no longer gets as a result of her daughter taking this paid apprenticeship. It's a pretty token amount. If it were me, I'd say "ok, you don't want to contribute, I will only pay for bare essentials, the rest is on you" and have her pay for her own, driving licence, travel, etc. It'll cost more than £50 a week.
I'm a single mom, and while I do provide the basics, if my kid wants anything beyond that she buys it herself. I make her pay her own car insurance and maintenance. Any clothes she wants from department stores she buys herself. To me, that's reasonable and fair. Also gives her a great look at budgeting and how much your money is really worth. She's very good at saving for things she wants
Load More Replies... So let's get this straight. At 18 they stop being your kids. Why? Why 18 they can't even have a f*****g drink in the USA at this point. Greed Greed had enough is a fair argument as long as you realise you have stopped being their parent so they can stop respecting you as their parent.
I didn't have to pay rent, but I also didn't get any more money from my parents when I started working. I would cash my check and bring the money home and my dad would sit down with me and we would put the money in envelopes for my bills and wants. $20 for this, $15 for this, etc. and whatever was left was my spending money. Some weeks it was $10, some weeks it was $50 (I was earning about $160-$175 each week) and I had to learn to make it with the money that was left.
Crikey she should recognise when she’s got it easy . My first job paid £70 a week of which my Ma got £20 for board.
Just because she took it, Karl, doesn't make it right!
Load More Replies... Sad lonely bored mother tries to involve adult daughter in her life under the pretense of giving her life lessons. She WANTS to drive her daughter around, she WANTS to monitor her license fund. I don't know what teenager gets 17k a year but for a little more than what she's paying her mother she can live in a shared space. Pathetic.
My dad would've kicked me out if I refused at that age, simple as that.
Half the time it's a blessing in disguise. Nothing beats leaving toxic parents
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The parents stopped getting child support, so they have less money left each month. The daughter is on her way of becoming independent, NOW is the time to learn about budgeting, rent, insurance, phonebills etc. Not saying she should pay it all, but she should be aware that usually a lot of your paycheck is needed for those things. So yes, change the phoneplan to her name, make her pay her own phonebill and ask for some board. It should be a realisic amount, if she asks 10 pound a week it doesn't have an impact. Also, it's even saved for her.
Since she does not like the one bill fits all, start to charge accordingly. Fair market prices. .. 20 = meal... 20=lift to work ... laundry 10/load - tell her she can renegotiate, come next month. Have you sat down with her and gone over the house expenses and the income that is now lost? She most likely has no clue how close to the bone you have to budget.
She is under age... She is her parent(s) responsibility !
Load More Replies... If you can pay board then you can live your own life . These narcissistic entitled parents are all the same. They need their children a d want them hanging around but pretend they're doing their kid s favour. It's not a favour and it's not helpful. It's designed to keep the child dependent.
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I charged my daughter for bed and board when she started working. What she didn't know was that I saved it all up so when she got her first home on her own she had enough money to get all the white goods and furniture she needed. It taught her that rent needed to be paid before anything else as having a roof over your head is essential.
I think what the mother wanted is reasonable when you go into the details, but I also think that she may have made it sound like a business deal with her own daughter. ("...for that, she will have all the food provided..." etc. etc. part) I think the problem is that the mother did not exactly ask her daughter to contribute as a family member and be responsible, but made it sound like the daughter is in a position where she should be paying for the mentioned amenities to some of which she already has an unpaid right to as an underage child living with her own mother. If the daughter took it as such, I would understand her reaction.
£14500 is just barely above the personal income tax threshold. But let's pretend for the moment that this threshold doesn't exist and she has to pay NI and PAYE on the full amount. It averages 22% (basic income tax plus NI contributions). Which means her take-home pay is around £11000 pa. Which is just under £220 a week. And her mum is asking for less than a quarter of that for rent? Not just rent, full board! Daughter is being a mardy teenager who needs a wake-up call. Mum is being reasonable, if a little late in the lessons of money.
The reason the kiddo is acting like that is because mom is not taking her stance. This is so obvious in this situation. Kid needs to learn, all the arguments are there and most of all, all the power lies with the mom. If she doesn't help out with money, then stop paying the bills. I get that she's looking for reassurance, I do.
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This is absolutely the right thing to do. You have to learn to be independent. Parents don't stop being parents because they are teaching responsibility. Prepare yourselves for a very entitled generation who only care about themselves
Boomers are the entitled ones. Look at the things they post!
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My daughter refused to continue in full time education and started work in a minimum wage dead end job. I charge her £50.00 per week rent. When I first told her she had to pay rent, she actually cried real tears. I really don't care; she is free to live were ever she likes but it costs to live here.
Having you as a mother would cause real tears for certain!
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That's a very reasonable request! If she has a job, she should be paying for her own cell phone bill especially. I've been paying my own bills since I got my first job at 14. Responsibility builds character. She needs to grow up.
You haven't taught her to budget though. You've just taken her wages and given her an allowance
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I started working at 15, and started paying 'board' to my parents from when I was 16, even though it was only part-time after school work. I was mad as hell having to pay them, plus things like school uniform and new shoes I had to pay for myself soon as I started working. HOWEVER, they basically saved everything I paid them, and handed it back to me in a cheque when I went to university. They taught me to value money, save for when you need it. This lady says that money is going towards her daughter's driving lessons - this is a good life lesson for her, and she's well within her rights to ask. She's not a bad mum, she's a brilliant mum.
My dad spent it on booze. Glad you had better parents than I.
Load More Replies... Im usually not in favour of asking your underaged children for money. You had them, it´s your job to provide for them. But its also the parents job to parent and not expect kids to just know everything out of the blue when they reach adulthood ............. Im also against it because I´ve seen a couple of parents living way above their actual means and mooching off their children, to the point of trying to undermine their children´s relationships so that they dont move out and keep giving them their complete paycheck. ..................... In this case however, it seemed that the mother is quite reasonable and all the money she´s asking for is basically going to her kid in the first place. Doesn´t seem unfair in the least.
Mom could easily turn this around. Not pay for the phone bill, don't do the laundry and don't cook. Because while you were put on this Earth without being asked for it, so is every generation before you. And we kinda made this deal to raise to independence, and making that amount of money at that age is a great step towards that.
Load More Replies... I don't believe in making your children contribute to house hold expenses until they are 18 but having her pay for transportation to her job and paying for her cell phone seems fair. Thing is, I helped my parents pay their bills for as far back as I can remember. I worked as a groom making $300 a week since the age of 10, $1000 a week when I was 16 as a rider. I dropped out after the 9th grade and worked 3 jobs, all of the money I gave to my parents. I decided to go to college and I gave my parents my student loan check to pay off some of the credit cards and my mother bought shoes. I suffer from massive anxiety and I have a ton of student loan debt. I was suicidal since the age of 6 and I fear phones because of debt collectors. If you have kids, you provide for them, don't put your financial stress on to your children. Fine to have them pay for their own things like their car, clothing, or phone, but household bills shouldn't be their problem, they need that money for their future.
I dont actually agree with this completely. 14k a year is not a lot in europe and the cost of rent or buying a home is extremely high so the more money that the daughter saves the best. But she definitely should pay for her private things like phone and should do housechores. Asking money but doing her laundry is worse imo than making her do laundry and learn usefull skills. Unless the parents are struggling financially of course
Btw which lind of internship pays that much? I barely even saw paid intenrships and paid much less than that.
Load More Replies... I think the mum is being completely reasonable. I got a job at 15 and had to pay $50 a week for board. If the daughter can't handle that then she won't know what hit her in the real world.
Same here. For exaxmple, what plans does the daughter have for the money? Is she saving for university education, a house, retirement, what? Mom needs to ask. I say that b/c my money was used for booze by my dad, and I was saving it for education costs.
Load More Replies... My parents made me start paying for everything the second I got my first job at 14. My stepmom then supported her own children into their 30s while I worked 2-3 jobs to put myself through college even though I graduated with honors from high school and maintained a perfect GPA. I couldn't afford s**t until I was in my 40s. I support the kids I chose to bring into this world. When they turned 18 I co-signed on a small loan for each of them that they then left in the bank and allowed automatic payments every month. As soon as it was paid off they had great credit and got a credit card. Now they both have good credit and know how to save money because they were allowed to keep their own money and put in it savings! I chose to have kids and they were my responsibility. And I made them able to be responsible for themselves. That's all part of the job. Parent is a verb, too.
Faith, I hope your children appreciate you and learned from you as their role model...!
Load More Replies... My parents had this rule, if you were in any form of education-sixth form/college/university that didn’t pay you anything then you could stay and pay no rent/lodging but if you were not in education then up paid a fair amount based on your wages so it was fair on everyone that was working and so they didn’t take all your money. This meant that we knew full well what it would be like to live on our own and such. This is a good thing that the mother is trying to do, teaching people the value of money should be a lesson that every person gets, even to those people who are financially stable enough that they can put it into an account and gift the money back when the person moves out.
The mom is the one who wanted to have a kid, well guess what it ain't cheap. I think billing her will take away from her ability to attain further education and independence. I do think she should pay her own phone bill but room and board is going too far. The mom sounds like a total cheap skate
I started working at 18 and got a really well paid job at 21 (around 5x that of my mother and father combined). I bailed my mom out a few times because she had some issues with her job and other stuff. When she was 5k (EUR) in debt to the bank I deposited that to the bank as a Christmas gift, and also got her a tangible gift on top. All this while I moved out at 19 years old. Fast forward around 15 years I got divorced, became a single father of 2 and lost my job. When we just couldn't make it anymore I asked her if she'd help me and my children by us moving together with her while I sort s**t out. She's still angry about it and when she gets going, she can go on for hours explaining her sacrifices. She didn't even stop at badmouthing me to my own children while we lived at her place. All that while she was living at her mothers' when I was a child because she had a nasty divorce and living situation, too.
So she is making (for us Americans) just over Twenty Thousand dollars a year at 17 years of age and refuses to give $3013 per year for room and board and all the food and etc she can have. THAT is one hell of a deal. Hell there are people paying TEN TIMES that much in the real world for RENT minus the food, phone etc. By the way what does the "U' stand for in AIBU. OH WAIT NOW I get it I was thinking AM I BEING A BAD..? But it means AM I BEING UNREASONABLE (in case anyone is as thick as a brick as I am)
It's a parent relationship not a landlord relationship
Load More Replies... Children like her, rarely have any idea of the fixed costs their parents actually have ... or even how much a weekly purchase (groceries, etc.) can cost. I would show her all of it ... and then show her what monthly share she would have to pay, if they shared the costs all out fairly! My mother did that. She wanted me to be prepared (to a certain level) when I move out and realize what I suddenly have to pay for myself.
Her parents generation were paid much better than her own
Load More Replies... Even taking away 30% of the £14500 for taxes and maybe some toward an IRA, still leaves the kid £250 per week. If she pays Mom £50 of it, she STILL has £200 a week to play with! If I had that much money at 17, and was still living at home, I could’ve had a much better time than I did. At 18, I had my first apartment, and nearly my whole monthly pay went toward rent, utilities, groceries, and MAYBE a night out once in a while. If I was still at home at that age, I would’ve had an nice healthy savings account and IRA started. This kid should co sided herself extremely lucky she’s not completely out on her own, because what seems like good money when you’re living at home isn’t , and you’re perpetually broke.
Regardless of responsibility, it’s gross to ask your child who you’re financially responsible for, to take on that responsibility for you in any way. It’s the mom’s duty to provide those things for the child. She should feel lucky her daughter is earning money. She could ask the daughter to directly contribute to things directly but not to pay “board” to her. She could just as easily quit that job and live for free. It isn’t “board” if it’s your own child. She’s earning in a year what she could be making in a couple of weeks once she’s a little older. Her mom shouldn’t be so petty.
Not unreasonable. When I first got a minimum wage job my parents made me contribute towards the household expenses, which I didn't like, but well, I was eating groceries and using utilities and what they were asking was far less than rent. That was fair. Of course there various other horrific issues in the family and I ended up being chucked out on my ass at 19, so asking me to help with the expenses while I lived there was one of the more reasonable things I grew up with.
I was out at 17, wish I'd gone sooner when I look back. So, yeah, messed up family. Been there, got the scars. if they'd said, "Hey, it's tight, we need you to contribute"? Fine. Promising my savings are for my education, then my dad sucking it all away on booze and a new car for my older sis (who never paid a penny of rent to our parents even in her 20s when working full-time)? ..... Not so fine. Of course, it was said to me that I was the dumb one if I thought people ever kept promises..... So ...
Load More Replies... I moved out at 16 turning 17 for a year to do a college course in Bath.When I returned home due to ill health, I offered dad rent- I figured that if I lived away for a year, it was a bit cheeky to expect to be rent free. He asked me to pay a small amount a month as he knew I wasn't earning much as I still wasn't well and I also bought my own food. I chose to do a lot of the chores as my mum had an affair and moved away without telling dad so he needed all the help he could get as he worked full time and was having his own health problems at the time - so I also did the washing for the whole house inc.my brother and his bf. I felt good contributing and then, when I moved out, dad then secretly sent over a standing order of about £40 a month to help out during my studies. That money was a lifesaver on many occasions. I like that when I became an adult, it wasn't all one way. when one of us needed help, the other would help.it made sense. I'm really lucky to have him.
On top of the rent, I would make her do her own laundry - 17 seems a bit old for Mom to still be washing your undies. Providing a home, transportation & meals is more than reasonable enough.
She should definitely pay for her phone, especially since she agree to that. As for the rent, it might be educational to sit down with her and list the things she is getting out of the deal. Then talk with her about what this is worth to her. You might even agree to modify the rent a bit in exchange for teaching her about practical economics.
Parents should have them pay for things like their phone service for having an extra line which is usually $20 and maybe their own gas on the kids car. It teaches them that the world isn't free and to manage money. Also in the same time it helps parents a little. In some countries children work harder and give all their money to the family fund. Most countries are just to PC
When I was a teen I paid for my phone, car, gas, and insurance. My mom also believed internet was a luxury and if we wanted it we had to pay. I'm a financially stable and frugal adult thanks to my mom.
I started work at 16 and was paying board. It was just Mum and me so my money was needed.
Parents have children for their own selfish reasons, don't they realise kids are forever?
Load More Replies... YABU.... Your daughter is underage; she is your responsibility! A child should first learn to care for their own hygiene, make their bed, etc... As older, it s/b expected that they "assist" with the care of the shared household respons. according to their age and capabilities... cleaning, cooking, errands, etc.... If they maintain their grades, they should be allowed (not required) to work when they meet the age req. OK to expect the child to "share" the extra costs for phone, gas, auto ins. special clothing, etc.. The parent(s) should require a certain % of earnings to go into a savings acct. that requires two sigs to withdraw, leaving some money for fun, the rest to start their adult life when time. The parent(s) should still pay for the ed through HS at a min. & Uni if they are financially able. Parent(s) should still provide basic clothing & pers care~extra & spec items the child should buy.*When the child is of age,*money becomes childs! *NOW, OK to "agree" on the plan forward~
Seems fair to ask. If she says no, stop her phone contract, don't so her laundry, don't give her lifts, tell her to buy the food she wants on her way home. It's good to teach her to be independent especially in a protected environment. Imagine she moved out and was useless at looking after herself and budgeting.
Should add, if you do this, they will stop seeing the world as a kind place with parents just a cruel bastard world that breeds assholes. (My parents did this to me, always saw it as theft and so when they needed the cash in retirement as life can go both ways and the family construct is broken; go f**k yourselves)
Not unreasonable at all. The money is offsetting a source of income the mother no longer gets as a result of her daughter taking this paid apprenticeship. It's a pretty token amount. If it were me, I'd say "ok, you don't want to contribute, I will only pay for bare essentials, the rest is on you" and have her pay for her own, driving licence, travel, etc. It'll cost more than £50 a week.
I'm a single mom, and while I do provide the basics, if my kid wants anything beyond that she buys it herself. I make her pay her own car insurance and maintenance. Any clothes she wants from department stores she buys herself. To me, that's reasonable and fair. Also gives her a great look at budgeting and how much your money is really worth. She's very good at saving for things she wants
Load More Replies... So let's get this straight. At 18 they stop being your kids. Why? Why 18 they can't even have a f*****g drink in the USA at this point. Greed Greed had enough is a fair argument as long as you realise you have stopped being their parent so they can stop respecting you as their parent.
I didn't have to pay rent, but I also didn't get any more money from my parents when I started working. I would cash my check and bring the money home and my dad would sit down with me and we would put the money in envelopes for my bills and wants. $20 for this, $15 for this, etc. and whatever was left was my spending money. Some weeks it was $10, some weeks it was $50 (I was earning about $160-$175 each week) and I had to learn to make it with the money that was left.
Crikey she should recognise when she’s got it easy . My first job paid £70 a week of which my Ma got £20 for board.
Just because she took it, Karl, doesn't make it right!
Load More Replies... Sad lonely bored mother tries to involve adult daughter in her life under the pretense of giving her life lessons. She WANTS to drive her daughter around, she WANTS to monitor her license fund. I don't know what teenager gets 17k a year but for a little more than what she's paying her mother she can live in a shared space. Pathetic.
My dad would've kicked me out if I refused at that age, simple as that.
Half the time it's a blessing in disguise. Nothing beats leaving toxic parents
Load More Replies... The parents stopped getting child support, so they have less money left each month. The daughter is on her way of becoming independent, NOW is the time to learn about budgeting, rent, insurance, phonebills etc. Not saying she should pay it all, but she should be aware that usually a lot of your paycheck is needed for those things. So yes, change the phoneplan to her name, make her pay her own phonebill and ask for some board. It should be a realisic amount, if she asks 10 pound a week it doesn't have an impact. Also, it's even saved for her.
Since she does not like the one bill fits all, start to charge accordingly. Fair market prices. .. 20 = meal... 20=lift to work ... laundry 10/load - tell her she can renegotiate, come next month. Have you sat down with her and gone over the house expenses and the income that is now lost? She most likely has no clue how close to the bone you have to budget.
She is under age... She is her parent(s) responsibility !
Load More Replies... If you can pay board then you can live your own life . These narcissistic entitled parents are all the same. They need their children a d want them hanging around but pretend they're doing their kid s favour. It's not a favour and it's not helpful. It's designed to keep the child dependent.
Load More Replies... I charged my daughter for bed and board when she started working. What she didn't know was that I saved it all up so when she got her first home on her own she had enough money to get all the white goods and furniture she needed. It taught her that rent needed to be paid before anything else as having a roof over your head is essential.
I think what the mother wanted is reasonable when you go into the details, but I also think that she may have made it sound like a business deal with her own daughter. ("...for that, she will have all the food provided..." etc. etc. part) I think the problem is that the mother did not exactly ask her daughter to contribute as a family member and be responsible, but made it sound like the daughter is in a position where she should be paying for the mentioned amenities to some of which she already has an unpaid right to as an underage child living with her own mother. If the daughter took it as such, I would understand her reaction.
£14500 is just barely above the personal income tax threshold. But let's pretend for the moment that this threshold doesn't exist and she has to pay NI and PAYE on the full amount. It averages 22% (basic income tax plus NI contributions). Which means her take-home pay is around £11000 pa. Which is just under £220 a week. And her mum is asking for less than a quarter of that for rent? Not just rent, full board! Daughter is being a mardy teenager who needs a wake-up call. Mum is being reasonable, if a little late in the lessons of money.
The reason the kiddo is acting like that is because mom is not taking her stance. This is so obvious in this situation. Kid needs to learn, all the arguments are there and most of all, all the power lies with the mom. If she doesn't help out with money, then stop paying the bills. I get that she's looking for reassurance, I do.
Load More Replies... This is absolutely the right thing to do. You have to learn to be independent. Parents don't stop being parents because they are teaching responsibility. Prepare yourselves for a very entitled generation who only care about themselves
Boomers are the entitled ones. Look at the things they post!
Load More Replies... My daughter refused to continue in full time education and started work in a minimum wage dead end job. I charge her £50.00 per week rent. When I first told her she had to pay rent, she actually cried real tears. I really don't care; she is free to live were ever she likes but it costs to live here.
Having you as a mother would cause real tears for certain!
Load More Replies... That's a very reasonable request! If she has a job, she should be paying for her own cell phone bill especially. I've been paying my own bills since I got my first job at 14. Responsibility builds character. She needs to grow up.
You haven't taught her to budget though. You've just taken her wages and given her an allowance
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