94 Monday Jokes To Get You Through This Dreadful Day
Monday, the arch-nemesis of all that’s good and beautiful, the evil entity that befalls you right after the stillness of a Sunday. Everybody hates Mondays, but what are you gonna do about it except laugh at your woes? Every Monday passes, and although the scorn leaves its trace upon your face, this dreadful day can be at least a tiny bit better if you read these hilarious Monday jokes. Yup, we feel the Monday blues too, so this post of weekday jokes is as vital for us as it is to you!
Be that as it may, a Monday does have a couple of brighter sides to it. The first one being that this calamity happens only once a week! See, that doesn’t sound that bad when you put it into writing, does it? Also, it lasts the same measly twenty-four hours as any other day. So, no prolonged miseries should be associated with a Monday. Also, this day is a good day to start something new, like petting your cat more or start going on lunchtime walks with your dog. Color me surprised if it doesn’t prove that the dreaded Monday is just your regular day! But, if you need more proof, you are very welcome to check out the funny jokes below; maybe they’ll soothe you in preparation for greeting this day.
So, dumb Monday jokes, smart Monday jokes, and all different kinds of cool jokes dedicated to it are waiting for you, just a morsel down below. Once you are down there and have read each and every one of the hundred and eight Monday jokes, vote for the one that has reverberated through your soul and uplifted your spirits at least a tiny bit. Also, don’t forget to share these clever jokes with anyone bearing the heavy load of a Monday!
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF…
Boss: "Can you work this weekend?"
Me: "Yeah no worries but I'll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends."
Boss: "What time will you get here?"
What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?
Things I don’t like:
1) Probably you.
2) Cold coffee.
3) Small talk.
5) Having a small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.
It's all fun and games until Monday rolls around and you have to put a bra back on.
"I always give 100% at work.
14% on Monday.
30% on Tuesday.
30% on Wednesday.
24% on Thursday.
2% on Friday."
One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours.
The same as one Monday on Earth.
The shortest horror story is called: "Monday."
Monday morning… rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story. Somehow the floor is even comfier than the bed.
Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.
If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, know that an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise.
Why did Selena Gomez dump The Weeknd on a Monday?
She wished The Weeknd was longer.
What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?
Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.
Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.
"Uggggghh...... another Monday is near. All I look forward to anymore is laying down and relaxing on the couch after a long day of sitting upright and being tense on the couch."
Dear Monday, go step on a lego.
It’s Feb. 14th. Happy Valentine’s Day to all those in love and happy Monday to all those who are married.
"I'm financially set for life... providing I die next Monday."
If Monday were shoes, they'd be crocs.
"If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays. Store credit will do, I’ll exchange it for another Saturday."
The only thing worse than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. It’s a much spookier day.
Tuesday through Sunday are okay, but Monday is the week link.
"I'm not coming out of the house until Monday is over!"
If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Punch it all the way into next week.
"I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday. Make every weekend a three-day weekend and Mondays won’t seem so bad."
Due to lack of interest. Monday has been canceled.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked, Monday. The weekend goes by way too fast.
"Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby? Monday really needs something to keep itself busy so we don’t have to see it."
What day of the week are demons most tired?
What do you call Monday's without any Zoom meetings?
Heymonday is here already!
For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday... which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
"I know a lot of you are sad because it’s a Monday… but don’t forget, only 48 hours ago, it was a sadder day. Once 4 o’clock hits on Sunday, you know there is no escaping what’s coming next."
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Imagine if we had two Mondays every week!
What does the executioner say on Monday mornings?
Time to beheaded to work.
Work is usually easy, but once in a while, it gives me a run for my Monday.
"I thought about wishing you a 'Happy Monday!' but that's like saying 'enjoy your root canal.'"
Yuck! I just stepped in a big pile of Monday!
"I think I'm allergic to Monday."
Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.
Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.
If Monday were a person, it wouldn’t have friends.
Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week. Once a week is more than enough.
Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the start of the week?
He had been Monday laundering!
What did the cashew say on Monday morning?
Monday always drives me nuts!
Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday?
He was feeling rotten!
Why was the root vegetable so happy on Monday?
He was up-beet!
Which day of the week makes werewolves howl?
In a calendar, Monday comes before Sunday. But when does Monday come before Sunday?
In the dictionary!
If a man arrived in a town with his horse on a Saturday and stayed there for one night, how is it possible that he arrived back home on Monday?
The horse’s name was Monday!
What’s the best advice for getting through the start of the work week?
Just take it Mon-day at a time!
What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday?
He called it a day!
Why does Sunday always beat Monday in arm wrestling?
Because Monday is a weakday.
In a galaxy far, far away, who is always eager to start a new work week?
Why does Spider-Man only fight crime 6 days a week?
Because Garfield doesn’t like Mondays.
It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow.
But first champagne. I mean coffee... It's Monday.
In the sentence: “I love Monday”, the guy is crazy, retired, or on vacation.
Even if Monday and Thursday switched places, I would still hate Monday.
Happy Monday. Don’t worry, Friday is (almost) coming.
Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins?
Monday is a weekday.
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring. No one would ever want to watch it.
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday… having wet shoes leaving the office on a Friday is better than having dry shoes walking into the office on a Monday.
Why was the broom late for school on Monday?
Did you hear about the African who loved Monday mornings?
He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye.
Why do employees get discouraged after 6 months on the job?
After 24 weeks, they have a case of the Mondays!
Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday?
He was a Mondaylorian.
What do kids do on Mondays during vacation?
The same thing they do every other day!
Are you ready for Monday?
Monday should be optional.
Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.
"I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday it can possibly be."
Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday?
They got all of the trick questions right!
How do you make time go fast on Monday?
Throw a clock!
Why couldn't the ghost leave school on Monday?
He was the school spirit!
What did the cyclops say when he was told to wake up for school on Monday morning?
Eye don’t want to get up!
On what day do ghosts do their howling?
What is the best way to describe Monday?
"Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? You’re always in a hurry to come back, don’t you think it would be lovely if you got a hobby?"
Did you hear about the lady with chronic laryngitis who always wished everyone a happy Monday?
She did it weakly!
What’s the best time to get a discount on robotic parts?
What’s the best day of the week for NASA to launch a rocket?
What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week?
Monday morning quarterbacks…
What does Sonic need a lot of on Mondays?
Why do fishermen catch barramundi on a Monday?
Because if they caught it a day later, they would have to call it barratuesdi.
Just once I want to wake up on Monday morning, turn on the news, and hear: "Monday's been canceled go back to bed."
How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings?
Have a goud-a week!
"Yay, Monday!" Said no one… Ever.
There's a Friday for every Monday.
Have a great week.
Guess who is so excited that today is Monday?
That's right! Not me!
"Hello, I'm Monday I will be with you all day long"