Monday, the arch-nemesis of all that’s good and beautiful, the evil entity that befalls you right after the stillness of a Sunday. Everybody hates Mondays, but what are you gonna do about it except laugh at your woes? Every Monday passes, and although the scorn leaves its trace upon your face, this dreadful day can be at least a tiny bit better if you read these hilarious Monday jokes. Yup, we feel the Monday blues too, so this post of weekday jokes is as vital for us as it is to you!

Be that as it may, a Monday does have a couple of brighter sides to it. The first one being that this calamity happens only once a week! See, that doesn’t sound that bad when you put it into writing, does it? Also, it lasts the same measly twenty-four hours as any other day. So, no prolonged miseries should be associated with a Monday. Also, this day is a good day to start something new, like petting your cat more or start going on lunchtime walks with your dog. Color me surprised if it doesn’t prove that the dreaded Monday is just your regular day! But, if you need more proof, you are very welcome to check out the funny jokes below; maybe they’ll soothe you in preparation for greeting this day.

So, dumb Monday jokes, smart Monday jokes, and all different kinds of cool jokes dedicated to it are waiting for you, just a morsel down below. Once you are down there and have read each and every one of the hundred and eight Monday jokes, vote for the one that has reverberated through your soul and uplifted your spirits at least a tiny bit. Also, don’t forget to share these clever jokes with anyone bearing the heavy load of a Monday!

#1

After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF…

Report

#2

Boss: "Can you work this weekend?"

Me: "Yeah no worries but I'll probably be a bit late as public transport is slow on weekends."

Boss: "What time will you get here?"

Me: "Monday."

Report

Adam C
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A guy always late to school. he "Sorry I missed the subway". teacher "why do you always go so early for the second train?"

View More Replies...
View more comments
#3

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?

Unemployed.

Report

#4

Things I don’t like:

1) Probably you.

2) Cold coffee.

3) Small talk.

4) Mondays.

5) Having a small talk with you on a Monday while my coffee is getting cold.

Report

#5

It's all fun and games until Monday rolls around and you have to put a bra back on.

Report

Tracy Wallick
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once you get above a certain cup size, going braless is more uncomfortable; these things are heavy, and oh my god the under-boob sweat D:

View More Replies...
View more comments
#6

"I always give 100% at work.

14% on Monday.

30% on Tuesday.

30% on Wednesday.

24% on Thursday.

2% on Friday."

Report

#7

One day on Venus lasts 5,832 hours.

The same as one Monday on Earth.

Report

#8

The shortest horror story is called: "Monday."

Report

DUN DUN (she/her)
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mondays stab you once every week and make all your energy flow out of your body

#9

Monday morning… rolling out of bed is easy. Getting up off the floor is another story. Somehow the floor is even comfier than the bed.

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only when youve been lying there for 20 minutes

#10

Monday is like a math problem. Add the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness.

Report

#11

If you ever see me smiling on a Monday, know that an alien has killed me and is wearing my skin as a disguise.

Report

Steve Fischer
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unless it's the Monday of a three day weekend

#12

Why did Selena Gomez dump The Weeknd on a Monday?

She wished The Weeknd was longer.

Report

#13

What’s the most depressing sound on Monday?

Alarm clocks!

Report

#14

Dear Monday, my mama doesn’t like you and she likes everyone.

Report

Ann Coffman
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like my momma. She always saw the good in people. Very very few she didn't like.

#15

Roses are red, Mondays are hard. I’m not good at poetry. COFFEE.

Report

Amy Bindokas
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES COFFEE! Coffee makes things better

#16

"Uggggghh...... another Monday is near. All I look forward to anymore is laying down and relaxing on the couch after a long day of sitting upright and being tense on the couch."

Report

#17

Everybody has their favorite villain. Monday is mine.

Report

DUN DUN (she/her)
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not the Monday on BoredPanda; she's the only Monday we all like

View More Replies...
View more comments
#18

Dear Monday, go step on a lego.

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That has burning water on it!

#19

It’s Feb. 14th. Happy Valentine’s Day to all those in love and happy Monday to all those who are married.

Report

AmericaHomeofTheNotFree
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Always true, I talk to co workers about valentines day and anyone who's just in a relationship is all happy and sending flowers, and everyone who's married is just eh whatever were gonna order out tonight instead of cooking lol

#20

"I'm financially set for life... providing I die next Monday."

Report

Uh huh
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I heard that. Feel the same way. According to my husband we're only budgeted to live until we are 83.

#21

If Monday were shoes, they'd be crocs.

Report

#22

"If every day is a gift, I want to know where I can return Mondays. Store credit will do, I’ll exchange it for another Saturday."

Report

#23

The only thing worse than Friday the 13th is Monday the 13th. It’s a much spookier day.

Report

Steve Fischer
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No Friday is bad luck but Monday the thirteenth is scary as hell

#24

Tuesday through Sunday are okay, but Monday is the week link.

Report

#25

"I'm not coming out of the house until Monday is over!"

Report

#26

If Monday had a face, I would punch it. Punch it all the way into next week.

Report

#27

"I really need a day in-between Sunday and Monday. Make every weekend a three-day weekend and Mondays won’t seem so bad."

Report

Queen Shay
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We’ll just start hating Tuesday

#28

Due to lack of interest. Monday has been canceled.

Report

#29

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, I blinked, Monday. The weekend goes by way too fast.

Report

#30

"Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Do you not have a hobby? Monday really needs something to keep itself busy so we don’t have to see it."

Report

#31

What day of the week are demons most tired?

De-Monday!

Report

#32

What do you call Monday's without any Zoom meetings?

Meetless Monday's.

Report

#33

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

Heymon.

Heymon who?

Heymonday is here already!

Report

#34

For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday... which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.

Report

#35

"I know a lot of you are sad because it’s a Monday… but don’t forget, only 48 hours ago, it was a sadder day. Once 4 o’clock hits on Sunday, you know there is no escaping what’s coming next."

Report

#36

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life. Imagine if we had two Mondays every week!

Report

#37

What does the executioner say on Monday mornings?

Time to beheaded to work.

Report

#38

Work is usually easy, but once in a while, it gives me a run for my Monday.

Report

#39

"I thought about wishing you a 'Happy Monday!' but that's like saying 'enjoy your root canal.'"

Report

#40

Yuck! I just stepped in a big pile of Monday!

Report

#41

"I think I'm allergic to Monday."

Report

#42

Maybe Monday doesn’t like you either.

Report

#43

Monday checklist: coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee.

Report

#44

If Monday were a person, it wouldn’t have friends.

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who would want to be friends wth a Monday XD

#45

Look on the bright side, at least Mondays only happen once a week. Once a week is more than enough.

Report

#46

Why did the corrupt calendar go to prison at the start of the week?

He had been Monday laundering!

Report

#47

What did the cashew say on Monday morning?

Monday always drives me nuts!

Report

#48

Why did the zombie have to stay at home from school on Monday?

He was feeling rotten!

Report

Steve Fischer
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He didn't have enough brain left to go

See Also on Bored Panda
#49

Why was the root vegetable so happy on Monday?

He was up-beet!

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

HOW YOU ROOT VEGETABLE HOW ARE YOU HAPPY ON MONDAYSS!!!!!! TELL ME!!

#50

Which day of the week makes werewolves howl?

Moonday!

Report

#51

In a calendar, Monday comes before Sunday. But when does Monday come before Sunday?

In the dictionary!

Report

Christofer B
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I believe it was supposed to be "On a calendar, Sunday comes before Monday, but where does Monday come before Sunday? In the dictionary!"

View more comments
#52

If a man arrived in a town with his horse on a Saturday and stayed there for one night, how is it possible that he arrived back home on Monday?

The horse’s name was Monday!

Report

#53

What’s the best advice for getting through the start of the work week?

Just take it Mon-day at a time!

Report

#54

What did the calendar maker do after he created an entry for Monday?

He called it a day!

Report

#55

Why does Sunday always beat Monday in arm wrestling?

Because Monday is a weakday.

Report

#56

In a galaxy far, far away, who is always eager to start a new work week?

The Mondaylorians.

Report

#57

Why does Spider-Man only fight crime 6 days a week?

Because Garfield doesn’t like Mondays.

Report

#58

It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow.

Monday.

Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#59

But first champagne. I mean coffee... It's Monday.

Report

#60

In the sentence: “I love Monday”, the guy is crazy, retired, or on vacation.

Report

#61

Even if Monday and Thursday switched places, I would still hate Monday.

Report

#62

Happy Monday. Don’t worry, Friday is (almost) coming.

Report

#63

Sunday and Monday are in a fight. Who wins?

Sunday.

Monday is a weekday.

Report

#64

If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring. No one would ever want to watch it.

Report

#65

A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday… having wet shoes leaving the office on a Friday is better than having dry shoes walking into the office on a Monday.

Report

#66

Why was the broom late for school on Monday?

He over-swept!

Report

#67

Did you hear about the African who loved Monday mornings?

He was a Monday morning kinda Gueye.

Report

#68

Why do employees get discouraged after 6 months on the job?

After 24 weeks, they have a case of the Mondays!

Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#69

Why did Boba Fett sleep Tuesday through Sunday?

He was a Mondaylorian.

Report

#70

What do kids do on Mondays during vacation?

The same thing they do every other day!

Report

#71

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Monday.

Go away!

Report

#72

Are you ready for Monday?

Not.

Report

#73

Monday should be optional.

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody would choose it then!

#74

Good morning. Keep calm and pretend it’s not Monday.

Report

#75

"I like Tuesday simply because it is the furthest from next Monday it can possibly be."

Report

#76

Why did the magicians in class get the best mark on their test on Monday?

They got all of the trick questions right!

Report

#77

How do you make time go fast on Monday?

Throw a clock!

Report

#78

Why couldn't the ghost leave school on Monday?

He was the school spirit!

Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#79

What did the cyclops say when he was told to wake up for school on Monday morning?

Eye don’t want to get up!

Report

#80

On what day do ghosts do their howling?

Moan-day!

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That sounds wrong on the last line... 🥲

#81

What is the best way to describe Monday?

Monday-ne!

Report

#82

"Hello Monday, can I ask you a question? You’re always in a hurry to come back, don’t you think it would be lovely if you got a hobby?"

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YEAH MONDAY, GET A HOBBY SO YOU WONT COME BACK!! 😡😡😡

#83

Did you hear about the lady with chronic laryngitis who always wished everyone a happy Monday?

She did it weakly!

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Chronic laryngitis is like lungs not working right, as in bad stuff getting in.

#84

What’s the best time to get a discount on robotic parts?

Cyborg Monday!

Report

#85

What’s the best day of the week for NASA to launch a rocket?

Moon-day!

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No... not Monday... you are going to crash the rocket... No! Don't go!

#86

What’s the most annoying thing for NFL players starting the week?

Monday morning quarterbacks…

Report

#87

What does Sonic need a lot of on Mondays?

Hedge-hugs.

Report

#88

Why do fishermen catch barramundi on a Monday?

Because if they caught it a day later, they would have to call it barratuesdi.

Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#89

Just once I want to wake up on Monday morning, turn on the news, and hear: "Monday's been canceled go back to bed."

Report

Chai-Tea_XD
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep 😆

View more comments
#90

How do cheeses greet each other on Monday mornings?

Have a goud-a week!

Report

#91

"Yay, Monday!" Said no one… Ever.

Report

#92

There's a Friday for every Monday.

Have a great week.

Report

Steve Fischer
Community Member
10 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Only if you make it through a week of work

#93

Guess who is so excited that today is Monday?

That's right! Not me!

Report

#94

"Hello, I'm Monday I will be with you all day long"

Report