Mom Wonders If She’s A Jerk For Wearing Jeans To Daughter’s Wedding To Prove A Point, Gets A Reality Check Online
Some days are bigger than us. They demand putting our ego aside and just sucking it up. But when Reddit user BallFinal2037‘s daughter’s wedding came around, the woman couldn’t be happy for her. For whatever reason, she thought of it not as a celebration of love, but rather as an opportunity to get revenge on the bride.
However, it was the woman’s husband who confronted her about it, stirring up doubts in her mind. So she turned to the subreddit r/AITAH (which is a lot like the popular r/AITA) to describe the situation and ask its members for unbiased opinions on the matter. Here’s what she wrote.
Instead of celebrating her daughter’s wedding, this mother wanted to get back at her for all the times she disrespected her with her attire
Image credits: Ayşenur (not the actual photo)
So the woman purposefully put on a pair of jeans
Image credits: Olena Bohovyk (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/BallFinal2037
According to Elaine Swann, lifestyle and etiquette expert and founder of The Swann School of Protocol, it’s usually better to overdress for a wedding than underdress. However, before one makes their final decision, they should read the room. For example, don’t wear a tux or a ballgown to a backyard wedding—in that case, it’s better to keep it a little more low-key.
Swann also thinks the location has a lot to do with what you should wear. If it’s a destination wedding, then you know that you’d be wearing resort-style attire. But if it’s going to take place at a high-end hotel, then that’ll give you another idea of the theme.
The other indicator that helps determine your style is the time of day the ceremony is taking place. Earlier in the day, you’re going to find that the attire is going to be less formal, which means more bright colors and flowy fabrics, while later in the evening is when you’ll get to that formal attire where you have black and gold hues, beads, and sparkles.
Of course, this is all generally speaking, but these are good guidelines to follow, and judging by them, the author of the post really did miss the mark.
Yes, pettiness is part of being human. In fact, the 2019 Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM) Pettiness in the Workplace survey found that 97 percent of people report having engaged in petty behavior. However, we should be able to rise above it, especially when we’re talking about the people closest to us.
People thought the woman was acting like a spoiled child
What I love is the daughter showed that her not dressing up wasn't malicious or personal. It didn't matter to her
Girl's already learned how to deal with her mother's narcissism. I can't imagine trying to punish one of my kids for some minor offense they committed at 17.
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I suppose the daughter was just thrilled that her narcissist mother didn’t show up in a wedding dress as she probably expected.
Why do you need to get all fancy and dressed up to go out to a Birthday dinner? Did you ever think that the reason she never dressed up is because she didn't want to go? YTA and you did it to get back at her for being a typical teen. No wonder your husband was furious.
This woman is a piece of work. Her daughter was seventeen years old when she dressed in jeans, this lady is in her fifties. By wearing jeans, the girl was showing that she was comfortable around her family. She dressed up for the boyfriend because she wanted to impress him. The fact that this is still on this woman's mind is very disturbing. I applaud her daughter's ability to ignore her and not let her foolishness ruin her day. The husband is embarrassed because his wife chose a very important moment to be petty. Even if her daughter didn't say anything, the wedding guests did and it wasn't nice. People that act like this are only embarrassing themselves and they deserve it.
Read it again! For the love of all things good, Yall are disappointing, to say the least. She clearly stated dressing appropriately for the occasion was a lifelong choice and that the birthday dinner was at an expensive, fancy restaurant. It appears that the Mother's REAL problem is not narcissistic behavior no it's far worse. The inability the teach her child manners in the first place and then allowing the disrespect to continue for 23 years without putting her foot down and disciplining her child instilled values, appreciation, respect, and manners long before she was old enough to get married. Goodbye, let her be her husband's spoiled problem now!
Load More Replies... No matter what offense the daughter may have committed, enacting revenge on the wedding day makes that revenge serve to sum up their entire relationship. As in: that's what she's thinking of on THAT day?
And it's such a minor "offence"! A teenager dressing in clothing that suits her instead of her mother on a few occasions!
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She tried to make her daughter's wedding day be all about herself. She tried to goad her daughter into causing a scene, and the daughter totally No-Sold it. I love it! Everything about this mother's story SCREAMS Victim Personality.
What is a Victim Personality? I’ve never heard that term before. New DSM term or…?
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Here's what I got from this: Mom wanted a fight; she wanted the drama at the wedding at her daughter's expense making it about her. Daughter has class coming out her a$$ not responding to Mom. What people need to understand is a wedding isn't about the guests or family. It's about the people getting married. It's not a place to be petty or bring your BS. Just show up, be happy for the couple, have a couple drinks and eat some sub-standard banquet food, do the Chicken Dance and go home.
One of the reasons I went no-contact with my own mother was because of her stringent dress code. She always seemed more interested in what my clothing or hair looked like rather than who I was as a person.
Exactly, I was thinking that the daughter might end up going no contact w/ mom, who has major issues w/ trying control her daughter.
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what a POS mom to do something so petty at her daughter's wedding, the fact that her daughter didn't react proves it was never a big deal to her only this s****y mom
Also shows the daughter is used to her mother's melodramatics and has learned not to respond
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would love to know mom's response to all the "YTA" comments. lol
She's probably offended that the comments weren't dressed up nice enough for this occasion...
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Imagine having your priorities focused more on outward appearances and less on being a good person on the inside. Her daughter clearly knows that it is not what you wear that makes you beautiful.
Yet another narcissist mother. Who clearly hates her own daughter. I feel sorry for the daughter. And really, all she did with that silly stunt was embarrass herself. As others said, those wedding photos will come back to haunt her for years, and people will talk about her pettiness, selfishness and immaturity. The fact that she put her own birthday parties on the same level as her daughter's wedding really shows just how self-absorbed she is. Likely the daughter is used to that behaviour from her, and it's entirely possible that her not dressing up for her mother was her own way of rebelling against that narcissism when she was younger. I wouldn't be surprised if her daughter and her son-in-law go low-contact after. She couldn't just let that go, years later, and childishly tried to ruin her own daughter's wedding because of it. I wouldn't want her in my life, that's for sure.
I always wear a lot of black. It's just my thing. My dad has always hated it and when I was younger, would constantly ask me why I wear so much black. I would ask him why he wears so much color (he actually wears pretty muted tones, but, compared to me, it's colorful). It's been about twenty years since I first went through my goth "phase" and have never truly grown out of it. He's learned to stop asking, especially since I dress for the occasion and he knows he can't protest anymore. So he doesn't. He's definitely a man child in a lot of ways, but not like this selfish mother.
"I did X at my daughter's wedding to prove a point, AITA?" I didn't even read the article. Can someone please invent for me a scenario in which this is not YTA?
Simple. Here's one AITA for exposing my daughter for cheating on her husband for 2 years by bringing him to her wedding?
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Well, YTA. You disrespected your daughter and new son-in-law (plus husband, daughter's new in-laws and all the other guests) by making - to your mind - their happy day about a 7-year-old grudge about what your daughter wore to your birthday dinner?!? Why does a meal or family event require a dress or 'nice' coat? Other clothes can be smart, and perhaps OP's daughter only wore them when/if OP nagged her because she didn't feel comfortable in them due to fit or colour, or issues with self-image, or simply because family should be able to take us as we are. As for her dressing up for the date with her boyfriend, maybe she was trying to impress him, or maybe even she simply felt comfortable going out with her boyfriend in something that wasn't her normal attire because she felt supported by him.
Geez this person... So as a kid, daughter did not play dress up like mother wanted, so mother decided to behave like narcissist she was and many years later she wore jeans to her wedding. And now is mother very upset, because it did not make daughter upset. Congrats, you make fool of yourself.
YTA- I'm very surprised that no on has even mentioned what this petty act has had on the Wedding pictures or videos!. How many questions this will raise when people ask to see her beautiful new Wedding Photos?.i wonder how your daughter is going to explain why this petty child of a mother decided to dress like this for photos that cost her Thousands of dollars. Yup Mother of the Decade award goes to this mother - for being the most egocentric mother ever! SMH.
"Yeah, that's my mom/in-law in the jeans. She's an a*****e." For the rest of their lives
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The daughter appears to have learned the most important lesson about dealing with jerks : do not give them the attention they crave.
The only person effected was the mom my inlaws about had a fit when I said I wasnt dress shopping just getting married in my jeans and boots. A couple tried to prove a point showed up in dresses and were surprised when everyone said my wedding was just what they expected.
Wow. I hope the daughter had her mom front and center for pictures. I hope she has a huge portrait of her mom in jeans hanging over her fireplace for all to see. Forever and ever and ever....
I do of my family. My mother waited til I went away to college (first week gone)to get the first family photos done ever then gave me a huge one for Christmas. I was speechless. Her, my dad and my two sisters standing behind them. Hurtful as hell but I hung it up or years to come and every friend that walked in my place would see it and IMMEDIATELY be shocked and say "WOOOW YOUR PARENTS ARE MAJOR a******s!!!" And I like she gifted everyone proof of how I was the family scapegoat that year
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If it was for a birthday or something, you wouldn’t be TA, but your OWN DAUGHTER’S wedding???
That you are this petty and vindictive is very sad, but to be this petty and vindictive to your child is grievous. Incidentally, she behaved in a more mature way than her mother, for, the reaction you were expecting was not forthcoming. Instead, you showed yourself to be an idiot and humiliated your poor husband to boot. You must be such fun.🙁
Let me get this straight.....in order to "Teach your GROWN UP daughter a lesson" about sloppy dressing, you PURPOSELY wore something to HER special day, so that YOU could prove a point.....and then you're sad when you're daughters feelings aren't hurt? Were you hoping to make her cry on her wedding day? Is that what you wanted and now you're sad because it didn't happen? Did you want her to throw a fit and not talk to you because you embarrassed her at her wedding? Sounds to me like you're a selfish, vindictive sociopath. Get help.
The OP needs a serious reality check....52-year-old acting like a 12-year-old. Explain to me how exactly the daughter has been selfish by dressing comfortably and not "dressing up to mummy's standards." My own family likes going to really nice 5-star restaurants where you're "expected" to dress nicely and never once expected me to "dress up" for the occasion. In fact, I wore what I wanted (still do!), and no one batted an eye or said a word about it. This is next-level psychotic.
My parents used to shame my way of dressing. But they never gave me any nice clothes or accessories or put me on a diet. My clothes were always used and belonged to anyone else. Very rarely I had a brand new attire and even then it was chosen by my mother but with the worst taste as she were trying to make me look the worst way possible. Back in the years, yes she was trying to make look always ridiculous. Why? I never knew.
Sounds like your parents were looking for an excuse to ridicule you, smh. Hopefully things are better for you now ❤️
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I'm sure your daughter was very hurt and humiliated that you as her mom chose to 'celebrate' her special day with such a passive aggressive act. Your daughter just decided not to let your ugliness ruin her day by reacting. I suspect she was so livid, and likely still is, that if she addressed it she'd probably blow a gasket.. so she just ate it. Way to go 'mom' and as everyone there knew including your husband and you if you'd admit it... yeah YTA !
Were children allowed at the wedding? Or did you just come anyway? I'll bet your daughter is used to you acting crazy her whole life. Sad that you wanted her wedding to be all about you. Do you even love your daughter? I have two daughters and would never intentionally embarrass them. So very sad!
I have a niece who never wears dresses when any particular occasion presents the social demand to do so. But, it is just that: a social demand on how people are expected to dress. We know the reason she doesn't wear dresses is because she gets severe anxiety reactions, even at the thought of having to do so. But, she still respectfully dresses up in what she is comfortable wearing (dress pants and the like). That's enough for all of us because the alternative isn't worth damaging her mental health. The daughter in this story should definitely be applauded for ignoring her mother's petty temper tantrum. That lesson backfired in more ways than one.
Funny how sometimes kids are more grown up than parents. I live to embarrass my offspring, but only when appropriate. Any wedding is off limits. YTA
Who the actual f**k is this petty over teenage rebellion by someone now in their 20s? She's lucky the daughter didn't care because I would have thrown her out and cut off contact.
This is hilarious. Being bothered by a teenager behaving like a teenager, she tries to get revenge by herself behaving like a teenager at age 52. I wouldn't go as far as saying YTA but rather a bit thick, immature,completely out of touch with reality with seriously screwed up priorities and trying to shift focus from the couple to herself and it backfiring. Get over yourself, relax a bit and look at things that actually are important in life - appearances NOT being one of them. Maybe go volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen to discover what really matters in life.
Your daughter was what we call, “Unbothered.” Clearly you were, since you clung to this resentment over how she dressed for years and pulled this petty stunt at her freaking wedding. This is a You problem.
I'm gonna take a guess that OP is very old fashioned about what 'nice' clothes are. My mother will always dress up smart for a restaurant, even if it's just a pub chain. Me? I'm a jeans and T-shirt person. I'm presentable, not tatty or dishevelled, and she's never complained even if she'd only wear that sort of thing at home.
Its effing INSANE this mother held a grudge over this specific incident (birthday party dress down) for SEVEN YEARS!! It reminds me of my mother. I found a notebook in her room of every teeny tiny infraction I made (like being 3 minutes late to work when I was working for her business) and every dime she ever spent on me on things she insisted on paying for and gifted. However she would NEVER have humiliated herself to this level. This completely takes the insanity cake and everyone now sees what a narcissist this woman is. You know she gleefully told this story over and over at the wedding as well when every single person in the room asked "what in the world do you have jeans on for?" Sadly she only brought shame upon herself and her husband. I think its amazing how much more well rounded (including myself I must say) these kids turn out to be wh3en they have psychotic, vindictive, narcissistic and manipulative mothers. Il
Wow, you honestly had to ask? Of COURSE YTA. And a childish idiot on top of it.
Go ahead & die on that hill.. YTA but I doubt that OP ever gets the picture- it could possibly require her thinking of something other than herself for 10+ seconds straight. OP is missing a chip & IMO, the daughter would do well distancing from this malignant narcissist esp if she has children.
I'm a 52 year old mom of 3 they are 21, 17 and 11. I can assure you your daughter does not give a rip about you wearing jeans to her wedding. However if I were a female friend of yours i would have thought you were extremely classless. You've done nothing but make yourself look petty.
If that was the finest clothes you had and they were clean and ironed, maybe you wouldn't have looked so foolish. You are a shallow lady. Be thankful your daughter even attended your birthday dinner. She was dress respectably, clean clothes. Would you have preferred she be dressed fancy in the see-through tasteless clothes so prevalent today? Please lighten up, appreciate the fact you have a relationship with your daughter after your imature actions.
I think OP is a toxic person, having had some experience with toxic people.
I absolutely love the comments on this one 😂 this mother is a wacko and I hope her daughter has an unbothered, happy life
You will never have this moment back ever you were upset that your TEENAGER never dressed like you wanted her to. You were the adult and you embarrassed her and yourself and your husband by wearing jeans to her wedding! You are pathetic and you could have been the adult in the matter and let it go she was a kid back then. I give your daughter props for not letting what you wore get to her. But you should your true colors by embarrassing yourself in front of future family. Are you satisfied with your self!
On one soap opera years ago, one of the couples decided to get married, but they didn't want any typical old wedding (I know it's fiction, but hear me out, lol). They invited their family and friends to their wedding, but to "come as they are", so most of them did! The only exception was the groom's mother, who was dressed to the nines (in formal attire), but everyone else came in coveralls, jeans, hospital scrubs, etc., including the bride's parents. That was basically the couple's style, in other words. My point is that OP'S daughter's style was more relaxed in that she didn't stress so much about what others wear, including her mom. In other words, she was a "chill" bride, as opposed to the bridezillas we hear about. The only person who had an epic fail was mom, who called herself teaching her daughter a lesson, but it backfired!
So basically this a-hole LITTERLY got upset because her daughter didn't dress up on her birthday?! Like gurl, you have plenty those, but you only have ONE QUACKING WEDDING DAY! (Unless you get remarried). Such bish move. Hope your proud of yourself, if I was your daughter I would only talk to you on special occasions. Lucky you have a caring daughter, you should be ashamed of yourself
And this is why she'll never see her grandkids if the couple decides to have any.
Just imagine if Mom took pictures at the wedding in her "revenge jeans" she will relive her a*s*lole moment in full color for the rest of her life.
The daughter is no doubt very acquainted with her mother's lack of care for her and her utter selfishness and need for attention. She doesn't care because she's over it.
Wow. I just got an "illumination" of sorts. If someone goes underdressed to some event, they embarrass themselves. Not you. Wow.
Ok, let's just say that you want to teach your daughter a lesson, why did you do it at her wedding? Like seriously, why try to ruin such an important event that would remembered her whole life? Putting that aside, I really hate it when people comment on clothes, especially when they aren't offensive (the clothes), think about, not being able to wear whatever you want, because "apparently" your "sense of fashion" is terrible. Birthday parties aren't even that important, let's not mention that I haven't had a single one in my entire life, people usually hold it every year on their birthday, you don't even need to wear anything fancy. I would be ashamed to have such a petty mother, I would even try not to invite her to my wedding if possible.
omg，things r a lot different from westerners，in our culture we actually feel pity for the mother，we should show most respect to our parents，so for us, the daugther kinda rude to her familly and that what we really dont like，even in the bible taught us to respect our parents，is unappreciated action that the mother did, I don't support to do this to anyone, but I understand the mother's feelings, is very painful when yr beloved child keep on neglect you for years, in Asia the mother might be supported by netizen, familly always come first before everything, we tend to show most of love and attention to our familly instead of others
I appreciate the perspective, but I'm not quite sure I understand how it translates to neglecting her mother. I don't know anything else about how their interactions went
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Mother: 'My child is the extension of myself, she is embarassing me when she does not look a certain way in public' Father: 'My wife is the extension of myself, she is embarassing me when she does not look a certain way in public' Daughter: 'pfff'
wow! i honestly have no words to describe how utterly ridiculous this petty self absorbed so-called mother’s actions are! three cheers to the daughter for giving her absolutely ZERO attention for making a complete fool of herself and unfortunately her poor husband as well. smdh people are just crazy!
As a Mother of 4 and Grandmother of 13, my Children and all Grandchildren were raised to always be respectful. They would dare not dress appropriately for the occasion. The Mother clearly stated this was a lifelong choice not just her teenage years. She only described one specific occasion clearly stating it was her birthday and a fancy restaurant. She chose the next day to wear fancier clothing for her boyfriend to a casual date. That shows a complete disregard for parents' wishes and absolute disrespect by choice, not for comfort! The daughter not responding or acknowledging her Mothers effort to why there is value in dressing appropriately for the occasion is simply another sign of NO RESPECT! No respect for the years if raising her and supporting her, no respect for the person who gave birth and no respect for the money spent so she could eat and enjoy a fancy restaurant. Sounds like a spoiled brat to me. I would have never allowed her to attend special events!
I find reading all of your comments very presumptive as well as dripping with bitter judgment. While I understand your initial need to express disappointment in her choice of, not the lesson she thought she was teaching, but the day she chose to teach it. I may be wrong as well, however, while reading, my comprehension of the situation was- 1. Respect! She did not ever say she was upset at her daughters comfortable choice in clothing. Rather on special occasions and outings where the dress code is expected to be fancier or dressier. My 4 children and 13 Grandchildren were all taught young that manners would NEVER be negotiable. I would never spend money for fine dining for a child who didn't appreciate me or my sacrifices in her honor over the years
I don't think the poster is an *sshol* I totally understand the feeling of wanting your kids to understand their behavior. What I do think, is that the plan might have backfired a bit but maybe this will shed light on the issue for the mom. While I always encouraged my kids to be individuals and to express themselves how they wanted I do believe there is appropriate dress for certain situations. Maybe this will show the mom that her daughter really never got how much it meant to her, or the courtesy of respecting her mom's wishes. Or maybe... the daughter got the message completely and swallowed a little crow, realizing how her mom must have felt all of those times. Either way, I say show up how you want to be seen. Have class and be your best self. It sounds like maybe this was a learning situation. Too many people are too quick to judge the mom... stay in your own lane folks... lest you be judged for your shortcomings
Not really. It was simple teen rebellion over fashion.. It shouldn't have been such a big deal. Especially not one to hold onto for so many years that she decided to "teach her a lesson" by wearing jeans to her daughters wedding. Even her husband told her she was in the wrong. She's not only still holding a petty grudge, she's angry her daughter didn't have the same meltdown she herself used to have. She could have dealt with it better when her daughter was growing up as a parent and possibly allowed a bit more freedom with her and her wardrobe. Clothes are an expression of one's personality after all. Her daughter just wore what was comfortable to her as a teen and didn't want to be a fashion plate. As a mom of a daughter myself, I'd never force her to wear something she doesn't like or isn't comfortable in. She has her own style and is allowed to express it.
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I do agree with the mom that how you dress shows some degree of respect to the people around you, being comfy it's not the same as being inappropriate, however it does show that you care, the girl dressed up for the boyfriend but can't acknowledge her mom's wishes too and just comply to make mom feel important too? I do think that's selfish, HOWEVER, before everyone starts trashing this comment, trying to make her point the day of the wedding, which hopefully will be the only wedding her daughter has, was a very inconsiderate move, not because of the girl because she clearly didn't care, but because just the same way the girl didn't take into account her mom's point of view, the mom didn't care about her husband's and that's extremely disrespectful to do for the person whose willing to be your companion the rest of your live, also I don't know if the girl is the only daughter.....
But if she was, then imagine having the wedding of you only daughter being disrespected by your own wife, she's TA... because she behaved with her husband and family the same way her teenage daughter did with her. Hopefully they manage to get around this issue, grow up and stay together and healthy.
Load More Replies... wow you were so low I don't have any words that fit. make a change in yourself then go and tell her you love her and ask her to help you understand other people better you will have a great life with the knowledge she has... this is the best way I could think of she is a 10++
I think you're both a******s the daughter should have been respectful to you and you should have been respectful of her and none of this s*** should be happening and you do need to sit down and figure out what the hevk and get your s*** straight you're both being absolutely ridiculous children. At the age of 17 she should have the respect to be like oh cool mom wants me to dress up for her birthday all right fine it's not going to kill me and what is it 50 whatever it is that you are when she's getting married you should have respect for her to act like a toddler and dress up in normal clothes for her wedding.
going to a "nice restaurant" for your mom's birthday isn't formal. if the restaurant doesn't have a dress code & they let the daughter in as she was, her clothes were fine. the mom also mentions "family parties," which, last time i checked, aren't formal events either. family should "respect" each other by not forcing one another to be uncomfortable. family should enjoy each other's company & celebrate together out of love, not for the sake of appearances. sorry, but your argument doesn't apply here & the mother is a huge ah for obsessing over her daughter's wardrobe instead of just letting her enjoy celebrations with the family.
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What I love is the daughter showed that her not dressing up wasn't malicious or personal. It didn't matter to her
Girl's already learned how to deal with her mother's narcissism. I can't imagine trying to punish one of my kids for some minor offense they committed at 17.
Load More Replies... I suppose the daughter was just thrilled that her narcissist mother didn’t show up in a wedding dress as she probably expected.
Why do you need to get all fancy and dressed up to go out to a Birthday dinner? Did you ever think that the reason she never dressed up is because she didn't want to go? YTA and you did it to get back at her for being a typical teen. No wonder your husband was furious.
This woman is a piece of work. Her daughter was seventeen years old when she dressed in jeans, this lady is in her fifties. By wearing jeans, the girl was showing that she was comfortable around her family. She dressed up for the boyfriend because she wanted to impress him. The fact that this is still on this woman's mind is very disturbing. I applaud her daughter's ability to ignore her and not let her foolishness ruin her day. The husband is embarrassed because his wife chose a very important moment to be petty. Even if her daughter didn't say anything, the wedding guests did and it wasn't nice. People that act like this are only embarrassing themselves and they deserve it.
Read it again! For the love of all things good, Yall are disappointing, to say the least. She clearly stated dressing appropriately for the occasion was a lifelong choice and that the birthday dinner was at an expensive, fancy restaurant. It appears that the Mother's REAL problem is not narcissistic behavior no it's far worse. The inability the teach her child manners in the first place and then allowing the disrespect to continue for 23 years without putting her foot down and disciplining her child instilled values, appreciation, respect, and manners long before she was old enough to get married. Goodbye, let her be her husband's spoiled problem now!
Load More Replies... No matter what offense the daughter may have committed, enacting revenge on the wedding day makes that revenge serve to sum up their entire relationship. As in: that's what she's thinking of on THAT day?
And it's such a minor "offence"! A teenager dressing in clothing that suits her instead of her mother on a few occasions!
Load More Replies... She tried to make her daughter's wedding day be all about herself. She tried to goad her daughter into causing a scene, and the daughter totally No-Sold it. I love it! Everything about this mother's story SCREAMS Victim Personality.
What is a Victim Personality? I’ve never heard that term before. New DSM term or…?
Load More Replies... Here's what I got from this: Mom wanted a fight; she wanted the drama at the wedding at her daughter's expense making it about her. Daughter has class coming out her a$$ not responding to Mom. What people need to understand is a wedding isn't about the guests or family. It's about the people getting married. It's not a place to be petty or bring your BS. Just show up, be happy for the couple, have a couple drinks and eat some sub-standard banquet food, do the Chicken Dance and go home.
One of the reasons I went no-contact with my own mother was because of her stringent dress code. She always seemed more interested in what my clothing or hair looked like rather than who I was as a person.
Exactly, I was thinking that the daughter might end up going no contact w/ mom, who has major issues w/ trying control her daughter.
Load More Replies... what a POS mom to do something so petty at her daughter's wedding, the fact that her daughter didn't react proves it was never a big deal to her only this s****y mom
Also shows the daughter is used to her mother's melodramatics and has learned not to respond
Load More Replies... would love to know mom's response to all the "YTA" comments. lol
She's probably offended that the comments weren't dressed up nice enough for this occasion...
Load More Replies... Imagine having your priorities focused more on outward appearances and less on being a good person on the inside. Her daughter clearly knows that it is not what you wear that makes you beautiful.
Yet another narcissist mother. Who clearly hates her own daughter. I feel sorry for the daughter. And really, all she did with that silly stunt was embarrass herself. As others said, those wedding photos will come back to haunt her for years, and people will talk about her pettiness, selfishness and immaturity. The fact that she put her own birthday parties on the same level as her daughter's wedding really shows just how self-absorbed she is. Likely the daughter is used to that behaviour from her, and it's entirely possible that her not dressing up for her mother was her own way of rebelling against that narcissism when she was younger. I wouldn't be surprised if her daughter and her son-in-law go low-contact after. She couldn't just let that go, years later, and childishly tried to ruin her own daughter's wedding because of it. I wouldn't want her in my life, that's for sure.
I always wear a lot of black. It's just my thing. My dad has always hated it and when I was younger, would constantly ask me why I wear so much black. I would ask him why he wears so much color (he actually wears pretty muted tones, but, compared to me, it's colorful). It's been about twenty years since I first went through my goth "phase" and have never truly grown out of it. He's learned to stop asking, especially since I dress for the occasion and he knows he can't protest anymore. So he doesn't. He's definitely a man child in a lot of ways, but not like this selfish mother.
"I did X at my daughter's wedding to prove a point, AITA?" I didn't even read the article. Can someone please invent for me a scenario in which this is not YTA?
Simple. Here's one AITA for exposing my daughter for cheating on her husband for 2 years by bringing him to her wedding?
Load More Replies... Well, YTA. You disrespected your daughter and new son-in-law (plus husband, daughter's new in-laws and all the other guests) by making - to your mind - their happy day about a 7-year-old grudge about what your daughter wore to your birthday dinner?!? Why does a meal or family event require a dress or 'nice' coat? Other clothes can be smart, and perhaps OP's daughter only wore them when/if OP nagged her because she didn't feel comfortable in them due to fit or colour, or issues with self-image, or simply because family should be able to take us as we are. As for her dressing up for the date with her boyfriend, maybe she was trying to impress him, or maybe even she simply felt comfortable going out with her boyfriend in something that wasn't her normal attire because she felt supported by him.
Geez this person... So as a kid, daughter did not play dress up like mother wanted, so mother decided to behave like narcissist she was and many years later she wore jeans to her wedding. And now is mother very upset, because it did not make daughter upset. Congrats, you make fool of yourself.
YTA- I'm very surprised that no on has even mentioned what this petty act has had on the Wedding pictures or videos!. How many questions this will raise when people ask to see her beautiful new Wedding Photos?.i wonder how your daughter is going to explain why this petty child of a mother decided to dress like this for photos that cost her Thousands of dollars. Yup Mother of the Decade award goes to this mother - for being the most egocentric mother ever! SMH.
"Yeah, that's my mom/in-law in the jeans. She's an a*****e." For the rest of their lives
Load More Replies... The daughter appears to have learned the most important lesson about dealing with jerks : do not give them the attention they crave.
The only person effected was the mom my inlaws about had a fit when I said I wasnt dress shopping just getting married in my jeans and boots. A couple tried to prove a point showed up in dresses and were surprised when everyone said my wedding was just what they expected.
Wow. I hope the daughter had her mom front and center for pictures. I hope she has a huge portrait of her mom in jeans hanging over her fireplace for all to see. Forever and ever and ever....
I do of my family. My mother waited til I went away to college (first week gone)to get the first family photos done ever then gave me a huge one for Christmas. I was speechless. Her, my dad and my two sisters standing behind them. Hurtful as hell but I hung it up or years to come and every friend that walked in my place would see it and IMMEDIATELY be shocked and say "WOOOW YOUR PARENTS ARE MAJOR a******s!!!" And I like she gifted everyone proof of how I was the family scapegoat that year
Load More Replies... If it was for a birthday or something, you wouldn’t be TA, but your OWN DAUGHTER’S wedding???
That you are this petty and vindictive is very sad, but to be this petty and vindictive to your child is grievous. Incidentally, she behaved in a more mature way than her mother, for, the reaction you were expecting was not forthcoming. Instead, you showed yourself to be an idiot and humiliated your poor husband to boot. You must be such fun.🙁
Let me get this straight.....in order to "Teach your GROWN UP daughter a lesson" about sloppy dressing, you PURPOSELY wore something to HER special day, so that YOU could prove a point.....and then you're sad when you're daughters feelings aren't hurt? Were you hoping to make her cry on her wedding day? Is that what you wanted and now you're sad because it didn't happen? Did you want her to throw a fit and not talk to you because you embarrassed her at her wedding? Sounds to me like you're a selfish, vindictive sociopath. Get help.
The OP needs a serious reality check....52-year-old acting like a 12-year-old. Explain to me how exactly the daughter has been selfish by dressing comfortably and not "dressing up to mummy's standards." My own family likes going to really nice 5-star restaurants where you're "expected" to dress nicely and never once expected me to "dress up" for the occasion. In fact, I wore what I wanted (still do!), and no one batted an eye or said a word about it. This is next-level psychotic.
My parents used to shame my way of dressing. But they never gave me any nice clothes or accessories or put me on a diet. My clothes were always used and belonged to anyone else. Very rarely I had a brand new attire and even then it was chosen by my mother but with the worst taste as she were trying to make me look the worst way possible. Back in the years, yes she was trying to make look always ridiculous. Why? I never knew.
Sounds like your parents were looking for an excuse to ridicule you, smh. Hopefully things are better for you now ❤️
Load More Replies... I'm sure your daughter was very hurt and humiliated that you as her mom chose to 'celebrate' her special day with such a passive aggressive act. Your daughter just decided not to let your ugliness ruin her day by reacting. I suspect she was so livid, and likely still is, that if she addressed it she'd probably blow a gasket.. so she just ate it. Way to go 'mom' and as everyone there knew including your husband and you if you'd admit it... yeah YTA !
Were children allowed at the wedding? Or did you just come anyway? I'll bet your daughter is used to you acting crazy her whole life. Sad that you wanted her wedding to be all about you. Do you even love your daughter? I have two daughters and would never intentionally embarrass them. So very sad!
I have a niece who never wears dresses when any particular occasion presents the social demand to do so. But, it is just that: a social demand on how people are expected to dress. We know the reason she doesn't wear dresses is because she gets severe anxiety reactions, even at the thought of having to do so. But, she still respectfully dresses up in what she is comfortable wearing (dress pants and the like). That's enough for all of us because the alternative isn't worth damaging her mental health. The daughter in this story should definitely be applauded for ignoring her mother's petty temper tantrum. That lesson backfired in more ways than one.
Funny how sometimes kids are more grown up than parents. I live to embarrass my offspring, but only when appropriate. Any wedding is off limits. YTA
Who the actual f**k is this petty over teenage rebellion by someone now in their 20s? She's lucky the daughter didn't care because I would have thrown her out and cut off contact.
This is hilarious. Being bothered by a teenager behaving like a teenager, she tries to get revenge by herself behaving like a teenager at age 52. I wouldn't go as far as saying YTA but rather a bit thick, immature,completely out of touch with reality with seriously screwed up priorities and trying to shift focus from the couple to herself and it backfiring. Get over yourself, relax a bit and look at things that actually are important in life - appearances NOT being one of them. Maybe go volunteer at a shelter or soup kitchen to discover what really matters in life.
Your daughter was what we call, “Unbothered.” Clearly you were, since you clung to this resentment over how she dressed for years and pulled this petty stunt at her freaking wedding. This is a You problem.
I'm gonna take a guess that OP is very old fashioned about what 'nice' clothes are. My mother will always dress up smart for a restaurant, even if it's just a pub chain. Me? I'm a jeans and T-shirt person. I'm presentable, not tatty or dishevelled, and she's never complained even if she'd only wear that sort of thing at home.
Its effing INSANE this mother held a grudge over this specific incident (birthday party dress down) for SEVEN YEARS!! It reminds me of my mother. I found a notebook in her room of every teeny tiny infraction I made (like being 3 minutes late to work when I was working for her business) and every dime she ever spent on me on things she insisted on paying for and gifted. However she would NEVER have humiliated herself to this level. This completely takes the insanity cake and everyone now sees what a narcissist this woman is. You know she gleefully told this story over and over at the wedding as well when every single person in the room asked "what in the world do you have jeans on for?" Sadly she only brought shame upon herself and her husband. I think its amazing how much more well rounded (including myself I must say) these kids turn out to be wh3en they have psychotic, vindictive, narcissistic and manipulative mothers. Il
Wow, you honestly had to ask? Of COURSE YTA. And a childish idiot on top of it.
Go ahead & die on that hill.. YTA but I doubt that OP ever gets the picture- it could possibly require her thinking of something other than herself for 10+ seconds straight. OP is missing a chip & IMO, the daughter would do well distancing from this malignant narcissist esp if she has children.
I'm a 52 year old mom of 3 they are 21, 17 and 11. I can assure you your daughter does not give a rip about you wearing jeans to her wedding. However if I were a female friend of yours i would have thought you were extremely classless. You've done nothing but make yourself look petty.
If that was the finest clothes you had and they were clean and ironed, maybe you wouldn't have looked so foolish. You are a shallow lady. Be thankful your daughter even attended your birthday dinner. She was dress respectably, clean clothes. Would you have preferred she be dressed fancy in the see-through tasteless clothes so prevalent today? Please lighten up, appreciate the fact you have a relationship with your daughter after your imature actions.
I think OP is a toxic person, having had some experience with toxic people.
I absolutely love the comments on this one 😂 this mother is a wacko and I hope her daughter has an unbothered, happy life
You will never have this moment back ever you were upset that your TEENAGER never dressed like you wanted her to. You were the adult and you embarrassed her and yourself and your husband by wearing jeans to her wedding! You are pathetic and you could have been the adult in the matter and let it go she was a kid back then. I give your daughter props for not letting what you wore get to her. But you should your true colors by embarrassing yourself in front of future family. Are you satisfied with your self!
On one soap opera years ago, one of the couples decided to get married, but they didn't want any typical old wedding (I know it's fiction, but hear me out, lol). They invited their family and friends to their wedding, but to "come as they are", so most of them did! The only exception was the groom's mother, who was dressed to the nines (in formal attire), but everyone else came in coveralls, jeans, hospital scrubs, etc., including the bride's parents. That was basically the couple's style, in other words. My point is that OP'S daughter's style was more relaxed in that she didn't stress so much about what others wear, including her mom. In other words, she was a "chill" bride, as opposed to the bridezillas we hear about. The only person who had an epic fail was mom, who called herself teaching her daughter a lesson, but it backfired!
So basically this a-hole LITTERLY got upset because her daughter didn't dress up on her birthday?! Like gurl, you have plenty those, but you only have ONE QUACKING WEDDING DAY! (Unless you get remarried). Such bish move. Hope your proud of yourself, if I was your daughter I would only talk to you on special occasions. Lucky you have a caring daughter, you should be ashamed of yourself
And this is why she'll never see her grandkids if the couple decides to have any.
Just imagine if Mom took pictures at the wedding in her "revenge jeans" she will relive her a*s*lole moment in full color for the rest of her life.
The daughter is no doubt very acquainted with her mother's lack of care for her and her utter selfishness and need for attention. She doesn't care because she's over it.
Wow. I just got an "illumination" of sorts. If someone goes underdressed to some event, they embarrass themselves. Not you. Wow.
Ok, let's just say that you want to teach your daughter a lesson, why did you do it at her wedding? Like seriously, why try to ruin such an important event that would remembered her whole life? Putting that aside, I really hate it when people comment on clothes, especially when they aren't offensive (the clothes), think about, not being able to wear whatever you want, because "apparently" your "sense of fashion" is terrible. Birthday parties aren't even that important, let's not mention that I haven't had a single one in my entire life, people usually hold it every year on their birthday, you don't even need to wear anything fancy. I would be ashamed to have such a petty mother, I would even try not to invite her to my wedding if possible.
omg，things r a lot different from westerners，in our culture we actually feel pity for the mother，we should show most respect to our parents，so for us, the daugther kinda rude to her familly and that what we really dont like，even in the bible taught us to respect our parents，is unappreciated action that the mother did, I don't support to do this to anyone, but I understand the mother's feelings, is very painful when yr beloved child keep on neglect you for years, in Asia the mother might be supported by netizen, familly always come first before everything, we tend to show most of love and attention to our familly instead of others
I appreciate the perspective, but I'm not quite sure I understand how it translates to neglecting her mother. I don't know anything else about how their interactions went
Load More Replies... Mother: 'My child is the extension of myself, she is embarassing me when she does not look a certain way in public' Father: 'My wife is the extension of myself, she is embarassing me when she does not look a certain way in public' Daughter: 'pfff'
wow! i honestly have no words to describe how utterly ridiculous this petty self absorbed so-called mother’s actions are! three cheers to the daughter for giving her absolutely ZERO attention for making a complete fool of herself and unfortunately her poor husband as well. smdh people are just crazy!
As a Mother of 4 and Grandmother of 13, my Children and all Grandchildren were raised to always be respectful. They would dare not dress appropriately for the occasion. The Mother clearly stated this was a lifelong choice not just her teenage years. She only described one specific occasion clearly stating it was her birthday and a fancy restaurant. She chose the next day to wear fancier clothing for her boyfriend to a casual date. That shows a complete disregard for parents' wishes and absolute disrespect by choice, not for comfort! The daughter not responding or acknowledging her Mothers effort to why there is value in dressing appropriately for the occasion is simply another sign of NO RESPECT! No respect for the years if raising her and supporting her, no respect for the person who gave birth and no respect for the money spent so she could eat and enjoy a fancy restaurant. Sounds like a spoiled brat to me. I would have never allowed her to attend special events!
I find reading all of your comments very presumptive as well as dripping with bitter judgment. While I understand your initial need to express disappointment in her choice of, not the lesson she thought she was teaching, but the day she chose to teach it. I may be wrong as well, however, while reading, my comprehension of the situation was- 1. Respect! She did not ever say she was upset at her daughters comfortable choice in clothing. Rather on special occasions and outings where the dress code is expected to be fancier or dressier. My 4 children and 13 Grandchildren were all taught young that manners would NEVER be negotiable. I would never spend money for fine dining for a child who didn't appreciate me or my sacrifices in her honor over the years
I don't think the poster is an *sshol* I totally understand the feeling of wanting your kids to understand their behavior. What I do think, is that the plan might have backfired a bit but maybe this will shed light on the issue for the mom. While I always encouraged my kids to be individuals and to express themselves how they wanted I do believe there is appropriate dress for certain situations. Maybe this will show the mom that her daughter really never got how much it meant to her, or the courtesy of respecting her mom's wishes. Or maybe... the daughter got the message completely and swallowed a little crow, realizing how her mom must have felt all of those times. Either way, I say show up how you want to be seen. Have class and be your best self. It sounds like maybe this was a learning situation. Too many people are too quick to judge the mom... stay in your own lane folks... lest you be judged for your shortcomings
Not really. It was simple teen rebellion over fashion.. It shouldn't have been such a big deal. Especially not one to hold onto for so many years that she decided to "teach her a lesson" by wearing jeans to her daughters wedding. Even her husband told her she was in the wrong. She's not only still holding a petty grudge, she's angry her daughter didn't have the same meltdown she herself used to have. She could have dealt with it better when her daughter was growing up as a parent and possibly allowed a bit more freedom with her and her wardrobe. Clothes are an expression of one's personality after all. Her daughter just wore what was comfortable to her as a teen and didn't want to be a fashion plate. As a mom of a daughter myself, I'd never force her to wear something she doesn't like or isn't comfortable in. She has her own style and is allowed to express it.
Load More Replies... I do agree with the mom that how you dress shows some degree of respect to the people around you, being comfy it's not the same as being inappropriate, however it does show that you care, the girl dressed up for the boyfriend but can't acknowledge her mom's wishes too and just comply to make mom feel important too? I do think that's selfish, HOWEVER, before everyone starts trashing this comment, trying to make her point the day of the wedding, which hopefully will be the only wedding her daughter has, was a very inconsiderate move, not because of the girl because she clearly didn't care, but because just the same way the girl didn't take into account her mom's point of view, the mom didn't care about her husband's and that's extremely disrespectful to do for the person whose willing to be your companion the rest of your live, also I don't know if the girl is the only daughter.....
But if she was, then imagine having the wedding of you only daughter being disrespected by your own wife, she's TA... because she behaved with her husband and family the same way her teenage daughter did with her. Hopefully they manage to get around this issue, grow up and stay together and healthy.
Load More Replies... wow you were so low I don't have any words that fit. make a change in yourself then go and tell her you love her and ask her to help you understand other people better you will have a great life with the knowledge she has... this is the best way I could think of she is a 10++
I think you're both a******s the daughter should have been respectful to you and you should have been respectful of her and none of this s*** should be happening and you do need to sit down and figure out what the hevk and get your s*** straight you're both being absolutely ridiculous children. At the age of 17 she should have the respect to be like oh cool mom wants me to dress up for her birthday all right fine it's not going to kill me and what is it 50 whatever it is that you are when she's getting married you should have respect for her to act like a toddler and dress up in normal clothes for her wedding.
going to a "nice restaurant" for your mom's birthday isn't formal. if the restaurant doesn't have a dress code & they let the daughter in as she was, her clothes were fine. the mom also mentions "family parties," which, last time i checked, aren't formal events either. family should "respect" each other by not forcing one another to be uncomfortable. family should enjoy each other's company & celebrate together out of love, not for the sake of appearances. sorry, but your argument doesn't apply here & the mother is a huge ah for obsessing over her daughter's wardrobe instead of just letting her enjoy celebrations with the family.
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