‘They Have No Need To Learn A Second Language’: Man Demands His Bilingual Wife Not Teach Their Daughters Her Native Language
Raising your kids involves making a lot of life-changing decisions for them, so it’s no surprise that more and more parents are seeking advice online.
One young mom to two twins has recently taken it to r/AITA to ask people if it would be fair to raise them fluent in her native language. This doesn’t sound like a big deal, but the problem stems from the fact that her husband doesn’t speak that language, which is Welsh.
The author shared her husband’s concerns: “He believes they shouldn’t grow up able to talk with each other behind his back” and added that “she gets the feeling he might be a bit concerned that the girls will love me more and speak to me in the other language in his presence,” which would make him feel pretty left out. Read the full story below, and be sure to share your thoughts on what you would do in this situation.
Recently, a woman has asked people on r/AITA whether she would be right to raise her twins fluent in her native language that her husband doesn’t speak
Image credits: Donnie Ray Jones (not the actual photo)
The author also shared some more information about the whole situation
To find out what an expert has to say about raising a child bilingual, we spoke with Lynn How, the author of “Positive Young Minds” who specializes in supporting parents, teachers, and children navigating through mental health issues and prevention. “As a primary teacher of 20 years, I have worked with many children who are bilingual. These children bring so much extra to the classroom as their peers can find out about other languages and I’m always in awe of someone’s ability to speak two or more languages as this is not something that came naturally to me,” Lynn told us.
She continued: “I have heard many times that if you can speak two languages then it is easier to learn a third or even more, so from that perspective, speaking two languages from an early age is very beneficial for future learning as well as career opportunities later in life. More importantly, it keeps the child in touch with their heritage and roots and by speaking their mother tongue (or tongues if their parents are two different nationalities), they are able to easily communicate with any family members who are not themselves bilingual.”
Moreover, by learning a second language of the country they are living in, children will find accessing education easier when they are of school age. “Without those basics of language to access the curriculum they are taught, they are behind before they have started. Schools should always support the situation of a child not speaking the main language taught as sometimes it is unavoidable, but if someone in the family is able to proficiently speak the language, then this would give the child an extra boost when they start school,” Lynn explained.
In the case where a mother speaks one language and a father speaks another, and they both insist on raising their children in their mother tongue, Lynn said that it is parental choice what languages are spoken at home. “We should respect this choice and plan how language can be addressed at pre-school and school if it is a barrier to learning,” she said.
How growing up in a bilingual household affects the child depends on the individual family, Lynn argues. “The general consensus currently on how to go about it is that parents should use whatever strategy promotes high-quality and high-quantity exposure to each of their child’s languages.” It’s also important to realize that early childhood is a time of emotional, social, physical, and cognitive development.
Meanwhile, “Bilingualism may or may not be a priority for families, depending on a child’s other needs. As long as parents are mindful of what their child needs, then a bilingual household should be a positive experience for the child which will help them connect to their cultural roots as well as learn an extra skill,” Lynn concluded.
Most people thought the author was only doing good for her kids and this is what they had to say
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My father's family is spanish, my mother's French. When my sister and I grew up, we learned both languages. My mother's solution was to learn spanish. Speaking several languages is a wonderful gift, don't rob your children of it.
Teenage parents.... He should learn to speak the other language too, he isn't too old to do that. You never know too much languages
Yeah its sad to see such young people being parents. They should be learning, maturing and having fun
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My late husband was a full blood Cherokee. It's a difficult language to learn, and sadly, dying. When my kids were little, I asked the Chief's wife to help me and she taught me so much! I taught my kids what I could and we still use it today. It's a little bit of their dad. Osiyo from Cherokee Nation!
What a wonderful thing to do! All children should be taught not to deny their heritage. It’s perfectly fine to be as proud of everything that makes us unique as we are of everything we have in common with everyone else.
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I think it's great to teach kids another language. The husband should look at this as an opportunity for him to also learn it.
Exactly. If he is concerned to be left out then he should learn his wife language, welsh. Its not an easy one but any effort would mean a lot to her.
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1) Welsh is a dying language; you damn well better teach it to your children and keep it alive! 2) Your husband is an ass of monumental magnitude for trying to prevent education, especially when it's well documented that learning additional languages opens up a world of opportunities for people. 3) If your children are learning a language as newborns, your husband is likely to learn right along with them (or he damn well better be trying, I mean wtf, doesn't he care about you too?!)
Being able to speak a second language is a blessing and will help you in the future (career). Why do you need his permission ? Just do it.
This is why children shouldn't have babies. Because idiots can't make informed decisions. They have never thought over quite important matters like how they are going to raise their children. But I get it, that's not something you have in mind when you're young and horny and haven't got a clue about contraception. I'm sure both were equally surprised when she got pregnant. "Oooh, so this is how you make babies?"
Thank you. If a parent doesn't want their kids to learn a second language because "they would talk behind his back" (😑 seriously?), they are NOT ready to be a parent. Knowing a second language is a useful skill that people invest a lot of money, time and resources to acquire. The twins would get this "gift" without even thinking about it. Anyone would understand it's a huge opportunity, and the fact he doesn't, shows his immaturity.
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This sadly reminds me a lot to our bigoted dutch teachers. They kept telling me and the other migrant students about how we should never raise our kids in our own languages and talk to them only in flemish.
Sounds like something they'd say and then wave off people telling them they're racist with "I'm just being honest."
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So his reasoning is that they'll talk about him behind his back? Sounds ignorant and immature...teach the twins to be monolingual...it's an awesome gift
Omg...i meant to put multi lingual...now I suck and sound ignorant myself...sorry for the typo :(
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Easy solution is for your husband to learn Welsh at the same time as your kids. And since we teach babies a language by using simple words and short phrases, that would be the easiest way for him to learn. Put little labels on items around the house, use Welsh terms of endearment to him like, darling, I love you, thank you, you're the best, you're so smart, etc. I'm a linguist and in my decades of experience in research and teaching and studying and learning myself, I can tell you categorically that children who grow up speaking more than one language have numerous advantages in every aspect imaginable over those that grow up speaking one.
When she said BSL, my brain went "Welsh. It's Welsh." I'm British, live in Wales, and my dad fuzzes at the idea of me knowing Welsh (I don't know much but too late! Shwmae!) People are still very very racist against the Welsh here. Well, if they live in Wales then they will be taught Welsh in school no matter what father says. They shouldn't be barred part of their culture, and the language is part of that.
When I was growing up, my cousins, aunts, uncles etc all lived in a different country from Canada and did not speak English. I was SO glad that my parents taught me to speak their language because now that my parents are both gone, I can communicate with my relatives and have an amazing relationship with them. Had I not been able to speak their language they would have become strangers in another land without any connection to me.
I’d be delighted if my daughter got to learn a language from a native speaker. Having access to two fluent languages gives you an advantage in this world plus it strengthens your mental approach to certain things. It’s on him to learn alongside his child, imagine if he’d just said ‘yeah, you are right, it’ll be good for our child and honestly I should’ve been learning it before now, I want to talk to you in YOUR language’, she’d be delighted.
What a moron. "Noo I don't want my kids to have a better jobs in the future or something because they know one language more!"
I wish I could respond to the OP - NTA! NTA! NTA! I'm bi-lingual, but had to learn my 2nd language as, despite it's being native to my country, it wasn't taught in schools while I was growing up; I was educated in English. I hope she teaches her little girls every word of her first language, even before they can speak English; after all, they'll hear English EVERYWHERE and will become fluent very easily.
My husband is a native Spanish speaker and I speak english. I was the primary caregiver when our kids were babies so they didn't learn to speak Spanish even though I encouraged my husband to only speak to them in Spanish and they were enrolled in Spanish immersion pre-school. Of course, I wish I had learned Spanish, but at that time, with young kids (I was in grad school) I wasn't going to learn another language, b ut I regret that they are not bi-lingual. I think her husband's concerns come from a place of immaturity and insecurity. Hopefully, he will see the benefits of multilingual children.
I would give almost anything if I was being taught my biological father's native languages instead of my mother's when I was a child. Now I only speak Finnish and English instead of them, Arabic and French.
They should've taught you all 4. Such a missed opportunity. I know scraps of other languages, but I'm not fluent in any. Worse yet, it turns out the 4 years of Spanish I took in high school were a waste because it was mix-matched from multiple dialects. (My Colombian-Argentinian teacher was teaching us Mexi-Euro Spanish in America 🤦🏼♀️ now nobody know wtf I'm saying)
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I was raised in the same situation. My mother was bilingual, but my dad was monolingual. They agreed to raise me monolingual. I lost out on a job because I only knew one language. I was perfectly qualified other than that. When I found out that was the reason, I was really upset.
I'm English, my husband's Albanian, we live in Italy. My kids speak three languages fluently. I get frustrated sometimes when I don't understand what the kids and my husband are saying, but that is my problem, not theirs. I've always insisted that my in-laws and husband speak Albanian to our kids, even though some people think it's not a useful language, because not many people speak it, for me it's all the more reason to. Quite apart from the fact that my kids roots are Albanian, English and Italian and so it's only fair they speak all three. If you don't speak your mother tongue to your kids, all of you miss out on so much.
I have two children. One is 14 and the other is 8. My 8 year old speaks 3 languages (English, French and Cantonese) 14 year old speaks 4 languages ( English, French, Cantonese and Mandarin). My wife speaks 4 languages(English, French and Bislama). I only speak one language fluently (English) and a very small amount of Bislama. Does it bother me when my family talk in a different language to me? Absolutely not. It will be a definite advantage for them to speak multiple languages and I encourage it.
I suspect the OP’s partner isn’t Welsh, and this is an old prejudice he subconsciously picked up from the older members of his family. I’m married to a Brit, and he’s told me about some of the derogatory names and stereotypes the English have given the Welsh, Irish, and Scots. He said it’s not the majority of younger people, who say those things, but most of the older generations who hang on to that s**t. There are exceptions, like my mother in law, who has always been a live and let live kind of person, and more like her children’s and grandchildren’s generations in her views and opinions. My husband just hopes that kind of stereotyping and name calling becomes extinct once the last of those warped individuals are dead.
Talk to your kids in whatever language you want and he can do the same. Believe me, this is the least of your problems.
It doesn't matter what the language is, if you have the ability to teach your kids a second or third language, particularly when they're young enough to just soak it up, DO IT. Even if they never use it with anyone outside the family, it will be hugely beneficial. I'm so grateful I speak more than one language, and that I learned young.
Perhaps he could learn your language as they do? It could strengthen the bond between all four of you.
I hardly think what language each parent speaks affects their children's love for them. Children normally choose to speak the language of the country or region they live in. Some children appreciate learning their parents' native language while some don't. However, they might resent the father for obstructing an opportunity to learn their mother's language.
Hi! I teach English as a mother tongue out native language to students in Sweden. The classes are government financed and in my city we offer classes in 80 different languages. The government spends loads of $$ because it is important for children to learn both/all of their languages well in order to do well in all of their school subjects. There are so many benefits to learning a language, especially as a child. The more languages you learn, the easier you learn additional languages, you get more connections between brain halves which facilitates learning math, increases balance and coordination. Besides these benefits, learning a language isn't just about vocabulary and grammar. It is also a key to learning about your culture and gaining an identity. What is the status of Welsh? Does it have a decreasing or increasing number of native speakers?
My wife recently found out she has Welsh ancestry and has been learning the language. She took a Welsh name in her Druidic practice. There are some trying to keep the language alive.
Load More Replies... I'm hoping for the family's sake that he's not usually so immature and this is just a weird reaction to being overwhelmed by being a parent too young and to twins. Tbh, the thought of having to care for newborn twins scares me and I'm an adult in a no stable familial and financial situation who has already been through the newborn forest more than once.
I never taught Italian to my daughter and I am sorry about it. I did send her to Italy and she learned some, but we never speak it together. It's sad. Also, Welsh is a small footprint language. It should be taught and kept alive. Maybe if the "bilingual" thing doesn;t work, the "keeping a language alive" will work?
NTA. I would have LOVED to learn another language while I was growing up! Sadly, I only know little snippets of a handful of languages, (Spanish, French, Russian, and Sign). I’m trying to learn some now, but my memory isn’t what it used to be. (English is my native language).
Same but not so many.... I have bits of Arabic from serving in Iraq, Spanish from a bastardized version in high school & from working for a Colombian-American family for less than a year, and very limited sign language from being a Baby-signs instructor. I wish my brain could handle more language, but as it is I'm currently fighting to be able to have accurate recall on English words from a once-expansive vocabulary. 😩. I teach my kids what I can, but I'm not fluent enough to give them such opportunities as these people have.
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My husband and I don't have children yet but ours will be raised trilingual. English, Dutch and Yoruba. My husband is learning Dutch himself as we are living in the Netherlands but a lot of friends and family of ours speak English. I don't speak Yoruba and whenever he tries to teach me a word I have very big difficulties with it because one word can mean five different things depending on pronunciation and even though I'm good with languages, Yoruba gives me a serious headache, better I learn pidgin English then I can always communicate with any West African. However, just because I'm probably never learning Yoruba, doesn't mean that I don't want my children to learn it. And I'm not afraid they might talk about me in Yoruba. I trust my husband to correct them then and tell them to speak English or Dutch so I don't need to be left out of the conversation. It shouldn't be a problem. Just a matter of parenting and correcting them when they are leaving people out of the conversation.
The reason why I want my future children to speak Yoruba is because I believe it's part of who they are. Just because they are Dutch, won't mean they aren't Nigerian. They'll be raised to understand that they are 100% Dutch and 100% Yoruba. My husband's culture is just as important as mine. Just because we live in the Netherlands doesn't mean that my husband's culture and language is less important. I would even want our kids to be able to travel to visit family on their own when they are old enough. And yes, the family speaks English. But it's better that they are able to blend in fully and I see the Yoruba language as part of their cultural heritage. They'll have two homes. Two families. Two cultures. Three languages.
Load More Replies... Hoping she teaches them her language. My family was all fluent in Spanish & also spoke some Italian. They never really spoke it around us unless it was something they didnt want kids to overhear. So we kinda grew up ignoring it. We took it in school & learned at bit but we are FAR from fluent. We have family in Spain, that we are still close to, but now with my grandparents, mom, & uncle gone we have no real way of talking to & keeping communication with. We use FB & Google translate to write back/forth but thats the best we can do. It was exceptionally hard when my uncle passed unexpectedly & we had to have a family friend (also from our Spanish side) make the call on our behalf simply because we only knew basic conversational Spanish...
My ex-husband is Turkish. I speak French/English and he speaks Turkish/English. If we had had children, they would have learned the 3 languages.
So do you two speak to each other in the "other" languages you each know? Even snippets/teams of endearment, just to keep that connection?
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Father can learn the language. I get his concerns though. My Grandma was born to Sicilian Immigrants, they had 9 kids, mostly girls. The town in CA that they immigrated to in the early 1900's was mostly Sicilian immigrants so English wasn't as common. The girls were pretty wild and would talk in English about their escapades in front of their Italian-speaking parents. Eventually the parents learned English. But Mom knows Welch so the twins couldn't get away with that.
My mother is Puerto Rican/Cuban and she never taught my sister and I Spanish. I will always feel disconnected from that part of my heritage because of that and feel like I can't be of more service in my job or find more job opportunities due to not being bilingual. I've taken Spanish class, downloaded apps, etc but nothing is going to have been quite as effective as learning it from childhood. I so wish I knew it fluently.
What an idiot this man is. My husband immigrated to the US as a young child and his mother tried to continue her first language but because she had to live with her in-laws who hated her she wasn't allowed. As adults, my husband and his siblings wish they could speak their mother's language, even if very poorly. It would have opened many doors for them.
I’m bilingual. That’s unusual in my family. Most are at least trilingual. We are your typical English family. We speak french, English, Welsh, Gaelic, danish, dutch and Lithuanian. Unfortunately I’m only fluent in English and french. Passable in Welsh. Useless in Lithuanian but I can sing the hymns!
You are by no means a typical english family if that list includes danish dutch and lithuFREAKINGanian. SO cool!
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The original poster must be ignorant to what abusive relationships really are, by the time he gets around to slapping her upside the head, she'll rationalize it as love and caring, please don't have any more kids
He can learn with the babies too. So it is a win win. Also this happened with my cousins, Colombian mom, French dad, they live in france. The only difference is that my uncle speaks spanish, but my cousins know spanish, they barely use it because they LIVE IN FRANCE! But at least they have the knowledge and can speak with me.
learn the language and chill out. I was raised hearing all kinds and it did no harm. Good for the brain!
My best friend had almost the same issue. Her partner wasn't keen on the child going to a Welsh medium school, thought it would hold her back especially in science. My husband told him that Welsh scientific terms are all going to be cognates, and not to worry. Said child is now doing her masters in biomedical materials.
I am English and my ex Scottish. I was pregnant and he didn't want our child to go to a Gaelic school because he didn't want our child being smarter than him. I spoke Gaelic and my ex didn't.
I was raised with two languages. My parents taught me Spanish and talked to me in Spanish because my mother was raised in Mexico and knew not a word of English. But as soon as I started learning English I always spoke to my father and my sister in english, and all of my relatives on my father's side. To my mother and all of my aunts and uncles I spoke In spanish. There was never any problem in the least. Thats just the way it was.
"My partner is the best man you will ever meet, he treats me incredibly well, this is coming from a place of love for the twins" I think I would consider "the best man you have ever met" wouldn't fight you quite so hard on teaching your own children your culture and language. Otherwise this seems sort of whiny and man-childish. "I don't want my kids to talk about me when I can't understand them" is some paranoid stuff. So learn the language with them, dad. Why is this woman defending what I am reading to be some really uninclusive and shitty arguments?
Dad's reason is terrible and childish. He has an opportunity to learn and instead, he forbids his twins from learning Mom's native language and her from teaching it to them. That's also very racist and it says that Dad does not fully accept the mother of his children for who she is completely. He can't make her erase her culture, language, and ethnicity or keep her from teaching her native language to the babies she carried for 9 months. This is deeper than him being an asshat. He's trying to erase his kiddo's culture. Gross.
Have never understood this kind of attitude. Yes, you should learn the language of the country one lives in whether the US, Germany, France, or whatever. Learning other languages is a great mental exercise and should be encouraged but not mandated. My late Romanian Great-Aunt who came to the US before WWI spoke English, Romanian, and Hungarian which I always thought was kinda cool.
-- to deny a child that comes from a multicultural home each of their parents native tongue i feel is just wrong is a part of who they are should be considered a birthright for that reason.
Well, I was going to say that this is a conversation that should have happened long before deciding to have children together, but given that the parents are children themselves, I'm guessing they didn't exactly choose this. They were immature and irresponsible and are now dealing with the consequences of that.
Being bi or trilingual is a HUGE advantage for these kids when they grow up. Not to mention it simulates the brain while they're still developing and is a huge advantage in terms of brain plasticity and learning in general. My father was trilingual as well as knowing a tiny bit of a few other languages. My mom begged him to speak to me in languages other than English, but he refused. The only time he'd use something other than English was to swear. So I know how to swear in 5 languages. Big deal. ☹️ He'd also get angry when I took French in high school but wouldn't get the pronunciation perfect and would go off and mumble swears in French. It was like dude you had 15 years to be getting me ready for this but you refused. He died not long after high school. The limited French I remember at this point, I definitely sound like an American badly attempting French. Such a shame, because that was his first language.
He sounds like a complete loser lol. Reminds me of my father. Although I was born in the US, he wanted to send my family to Mexico for no reason. My mom told him “hell no, the kids are from here and they will learn English here too” and he f-ing laughed and said “who the hell are they gonna speak English to? The cows in Mexico? English is useless just leave” thanks to his ignorance and similar to this moronic father as well, I was abt to loose the chance to live in the country I was born in and speak English (one of the most crucial languages). My mom screamed his ears off and told him she’d send him to mexico herself and so thnx to my mom, I was able to stay here safely, and she also made sure to teach us perfect Spanish, no srsly I mean perfect. She even gave us lessons at home. She’s even says, Spanish at home, English at school and she even learned to speak English, thru college courses. I hope this mom won’t allow him to steal this away from their kids just bc he’s insufferable.
Lol, and why does she need his permission to allow her kids to be robbed from the gift and benefit that it is to be bilingual??? Just because he’s too petty and thinks that they’ll “talk behind his back”. Like what the hell? That sounds insufferable and controlling af. Why should she obey his “mighty” command and do only what he says and not be allowed to teach her kids Welsh? Who the heck told him “nah they won’t need it” in the melting pot the US is and how much impact globalization has more than ever? Maybe his stupid fear wouldn’t be true if he’s a good dad and hell, even he could learn the language too. I’m bilingual myself and I rly love it! It’s a blessing and a benefit being able to speak two languages. And if ppl get mad idc I’m sorry but his mentality is very weak. Such a stupid fear I mean srsly. Ig he doesn’t love his wife as much if he thinks she’ll speak behind his back with the kids or smthn. Like that is such a petty reason smh.
Unfortunately, there are monolingual people that are against the learning if a foreign language. Honestly, learning a foreign language is daunting and difficult at times, causing monolingual people to resist doing so. Unfortunately, tensing monolingual cuts those people off from a deeper understanding of the world, different ways of thinking and other cultures.
I am American and married to a Brazilian man. We are teaching our daughter Portuguese, its not easy though! He works a lot and my Portuguese is not perfect! It helps bond the family to learn together, I think. It benefits the child a lot.
Of course the children have to learn their mother's language! Jesus. And the dad can just sit his ass down and learn it, too! And why do a 17 and 16 year old have children and get married in the first place? where is this story located?
My dad did this, except he was the bilingual one. He forced me and my sister to take Spanish classes in school, even making me give up the art apprenticeship I was offered because it was at the same time as the Spanish class, but never taught us the language. My mom also wanted to learn, but he denied her, too. This is one of many reasons I cut off contact with him until the day he died 5 years ago.
My father didn't allow my mother to teach my brother and I her native language and then he left us when I was very small. I can't hold bad feelings toward him for leaving, being a parent is not for everyone. But I'm in my 20s now and I have never stopped resenting him not allowing us to learn my mother's language. I feel I've missed out so much on my own culture, not being able to take part in a lot of things with my mother. I also worry that she limited herself, if maybe she'd take part in more events if she could bring her kids without them feeling left out. I've moved now and I don't know if there's a point in learning when no one here speaks it and I'd lose it again anyway from lack of real world practice. It's a tremendous feeling of loss for me.
Why do they have children, when they're still children themselves? He's a jerk. Teach them whatever language you want. His argument against it is beneath contempt. I guarantee you that the judge in family court is going to side with you, because that's where this is heading with his attitude.
We can almost all agree that learning a second or a third language develops many benefits for the child, but what does your husband has to say about denying his wifes origins to his children. You speak Welsh, this is who you are, the woman who he got married to and share 2 children.
Don't fall for this. Ignorance is bliss only in George Orwell's famous novel (I know he didn't actually use the word ''Bliss'', but you get my drift). Bilingualism is hard, it's exercise for the brain, it keeps the old gears running. Look this up on Google if you don't believe me.
I think, where possible, kids should learn as many languages as possible, even if it means one or both parents are excluded. Communication is what helps us learn and progress as a species. Just think how amazing the world would be if we could all communicate together.
I know a lot of people who regret that their parents didn't teach them native language, but I don't know anyone who would regret growing up billingual. Speaking the second language is an advantage, and it's usually exceptionally easy for kids to pick up another language, so I don't see why not. If the husband is so afraid of kids speaking a language he doesn't know, he could educate his monolingual ass and at least try to learn his partner's language together with the kids.
First of, anyone who flat out refuses to learn at least 2nd language drop in room temperature IQ in my eyes. Second, OP's daughters would NEVER forgive their mother for not teaching them language connecting to their ancestors. Do not givin in to that sperm donor demands, he didn't earn a right to be called a dad.
NTA it is very healthy for the brain to know multiple languages. Your boyfriend could also join in learning the language, so he does not have to feel left out.
Wow! The opportunity to learn another language is priceless! Grows the brain and the child! I saw to it my 4 kids learned Spanish 5 years of it. Two of them now use it in their jobs. People who know more than one language are more balanced in their lives, their understanding of people and generally make more in their jobs. Never deny your children this gift!!!
There are many benefits of bilingualism I suggest you Google "benefits of bilingualism in early childhood".
I agree with the dad, if most of the family speaks English, then what is the point of confusing the children with another language, if there want to learn a second language when they get older, then teach them, but don't push the issue, leave it alone
I sometimes wish my mom had taught me her native language. Since my mom and dad divorced, when my mom talks to my aunts or my grandma fluently in their native language, i feel left out. My mom didn’t have time to teach it to me and my twin sister when we were growing up though, because she was always out working and was exhausted when she got back, so I don’t blame her. I’m 16 now, and i try to listen as closely as possible.
I believe that there is already a possible reason to learn another language which is sign language if the hearing test states she is losing her hearing. As for me I can't speak to the imbalance on having a 2nd language. I am part Jamaican on my grandfather's side so for me having family in different parts of the world made me want to learn n my husband is very supportive even though he doesn't look to learn another language. We have learned Korean( I study Tang Soo Do which is a martial art based in N. Korea) Japanese ( We watch alot of anime so that one was pretty much a given) French( I took ballet and my teacher only gave instruction in french) and even though Jamaicans primarily do speak English they also speak a mixture of Frenh,Spanish, and English Patoi. My husband speaks Spanish fluent enough to have a basic conversation. So with all that being said I learned from my personal interests and in turn my children have done the same. The next is Arabic so I can haggle in Dubai
I totally agree with everyone about all the benefits of knowing a 2nd language except in this case when it comes to helping with future jobs and stuff....cuz who on earth speaks WELSH??? I didnt even know that WAS a language! The percentage of people on earth who speak it has got to be so miniscule that its benefit 4 your resume or career is negligible. I dont know where this family lives but in America I can tell you that knowing that language would be absolutely worthless as far as school or jobs go. Ive never even heard of this language let alone heard of anyone who speaks it. Now if it was a language that a good amt of people spoke like Spanish or Mandarin or Russian or mmm LITERALLY ANY OTHER LANGUAGE lol even something you rarely hear in the west, like Farsi, I'd say yes that would be very beneficial but come on. Welsh?? I mean how many people on earth speak that out of 6 billion? Maybe 250 thousand? I still say they should learn it 4 all the other reasons but lets be real here.
-- and prideful about there own language and culture or feel it's superior to some degree so much so that they don't care to even know who the heck they are marrying into heritage and cultural background. Kinda like Americans that go around shouting we are in America speak English as if English really is America's native tongue. Nope more like the natives american dialects . And then when you ask ppl that have this mindset that marry into other cultural backgrounds with different languages than their own it's always the same excuse and lame reasoning it will confuse the child they won't speak proper English they'll end up in speech!!! Such a crock when it had been observed over years that many children from multilingual backgrounds are actually smarter and brain develops better they can maneuver the linguistics of each language better and think in multiple languages children that speak one language and being that children are sponges they can learn any language faster than an adult.
Ignorant man ignorant and prejudice on some level mindset in my opinion. i can't stress this enough and have always felt this way if you don't care to be multicultural or to embrace other people's culture and language then stick to your own!! and i know that in me saying that i may sound ignorant myself even prejudice but it's coming from a good place, cause i find it so much more insulting,prejudice and ignorant when you see couples like in this case where it's a mixed couple that only embraces one of the others culture language and customs traditions entirely and the other one is just there looking like they come from nowhere or are from a forgotten culture nation of people to the point that later when kids grow up they feel alienated by the unknown side of that parents side of the family ppl and culture they where never taught about or feel alien to it completely. I'm sorry but that is so wrong like I've always despised seeing that all cause one parent is to lazy arrogant-
I have seen one parent speak ill in front of the other parent in another language, this is not the case here. I grew up knowing 2 languages, learnt a third from italian friend's families. Kids can pick up another language quickly and it is good for their brains, not sure if how useful Welsh will be but why not.
You messed up when you married a man with out having this convo then having kids with him. He's being selfish is trying to be controlling they are your kids too and the fact that he's only worried about them talking behind his back or loving you more should tell you everything. Divorce and do what you want chi.
First time i see this kind of case.. My country is Multilingual, so you grow up with 2 language like it or not , Native Language and National Language. And when you hit school , and start learning english , you will become a trilingual. .now when you get a job and work in other's cities, you will eventually learn their native language while living there. .so i don't really² get their problem... The husband can just learn the wife native language on the go. (I'm Indonesian btw)
Hello! I’m concerned; your husband has a problem. His behavior is not normal or kind, no matter how you attempt to defend him. His not allowing you to share your language with your daughters is a red flag. The concern is not about language; it’s about him and his inability to partner together with you. He appears to be dictating; and he appears to fear a loss of control and loss of affection. He operates with subtraction and division rather than adding and multiplying. What a beautiful gift and a part of who you are, to be able to give your language to your children! Again, it appears he fears loss of control; loss of love; which is possibly what he will get in the end if he doesn’t change. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I suggest you see a marriage counselor.
Omg just another example of men putting their own self-interest ahead of that of their children. What a baby he is more concerned with his children talking about him behind his back then his children being able to speak to languages possibly get a better job open opportunities for them and they're in the future but no he's worried about being talked about by two children six in stones will break your bones names will never hurt you grow up mister.
These idiots are not even 20 years old. Dumb af and shouldn't be breeding.
The twins are going to have a 'secret language' anyway and they are going to make a fool of both parents, Welsh speaking or not. That's what children do.
I think he should learn right along with his children his wife's native language. There would be no questions about them saying things in mom's language that dad wouldn't understand. It's great for children to learn different languages as well as to learn sign language. I think dad should stop being an asshat and jump right in to learn the language of mom.
I'm from WPB Florida. Born and raised so is all my family for generations. With that being said you don't know how much I WISHED I knew another language. There's soo many people from so many places if your girls are around to help an old lady like me communicate one day I would be sooo grateful. If they can pick up Welsh while young as opposed to 36? 🙈 go for it! I think your fella will see in the long run how incredibly helpful it is plus it may turn into money later for the girls when there is a need for someone who can translate.
Always the monolinguals getting salty about these things. The more languages you know the more it can help with getting a job in the future. Especially endangered/dying languages are in very high demand. That's why I'm learning Northern Sámi and planning on starting Skolt Sámi next year.
To be frank, the husband is a child. As a father, you worry about petty infantile scenarios instead of giving your child a leg up in life? Knowing multiple languages helps tremendously. I speak several languages and that played a huge role in getting my trashy ass out of poverty.
If you are living in wales they will learn Welsh anyway. If not tell him he can do the learning with the girls at the same time, and then he can join in. Welsh is a beautiful language.
Yeah Reddit has a tendency to psychoanalyze everyone n immediately jump to calling ppl abusers and s**t with only the smallest bit of information... sometimes it's warranted by 80% of the time it's not. Ppl really don't know how to stick to the assignment. Even when OP specifically asks for ppl to not do it. Why do ppl do this?
Not the main point, but what's with there being so many versions of English-speaking sign language? I get dialects in verbal language, but even the different sign languages on the UK, are so different to be unintelligible
I've always thought the same thing. It blows my mind because even if I learned ASL fluently here, it wouldn't translate to someone else using a different version/dialect? But I guess it's like any other language- not all regions speak the same or use the same words or phrasing 🤷🏼♀️
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this isn’t a news site. it’s just a place for people who have a bunch of different interests to read articles about their interests. if you don’t wanna read it, then don’t.
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I can see both arguments. Dad doesn't want to set himself up for being left out and mom wants her kids to share in their heritage with her. Both points of view seem valid, and I like the idea of dad and kids learning Welsh as a family. Language skills are a valuable thing to have and not enough families encourage the children to take up second languages anymore.
Its the opposite. The kids will learn A LOT from school, TV and their friends. So the positive thing for them is being able to practise at home the other language, or they will never consider it theirs
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My father's family is spanish, my mother's French. When my sister and I grew up, we learned both languages. My mother's solution was to learn spanish. Speaking several languages is a wonderful gift, don't rob your children of it.
Teenage parents.... He should learn to speak the other language too, he isn't too old to do that. You never know too much languages
Yeah its sad to see such young people being parents. They should be learning, maturing and having fun
Load More Replies... My late husband was a full blood Cherokee. It's a difficult language to learn, and sadly, dying. When my kids were little, I asked the Chief's wife to help me and she taught me so much! I taught my kids what I could and we still use it today. It's a little bit of their dad. Osiyo from Cherokee Nation!
What a wonderful thing to do! All children should be taught not to deny their heritage. It’s perfectly fine to be as proud of everything that makes us unique as we are of everything we have in common with everyone else.
Load More Replies... I think it's great to teach kids another language. The husband should look at this as an opportunity for him to also learn it.
Exactly. If he is concerned to be left out then he should learn his wife language, welsh. Its not an easy one but any effort would mean a lot to her.
Load More Replies... 1) Welsh is a dying language; you damn well better teach it to your children and keep it alive! 2) Your husband is an ass of monumental magnitude for trying to prevent education, especially when it's well documented that learning additional languages opens up a world of opportunities for people. 3) If your children are learning a language as newborns, your husband is likely to learn right along with them (or he damn well better be trying, I mean wtf, doesn't he care about you too?!)
Being able to speak a second language is a blessing and will help you in the future (career). Why do you need his permission ? Just do it.
This is why children shouldn't have babies. Because idiots can't make informed decisions. They have never thought over quite important matters like how they are going to raise their children. But I get it, that's not something you have in mind when you're young and horny and haven't got a clue about contraception. I'm sure both were equally surprised when she got pregnant. "Oooh, so this is how you make babies?"
Thank you. If a parent doesn't want their kids to learn a second language because "they would talk behind his back" (😑 seriously?), they are NOT ready to be a parent. Knowing a second language is a useful skill that people invest a lot of money, time and resources to acquire. The twins would get this "gift" without even thinking about it. Anyone would understand it's a huge opportunity, and the fact he doesn't, shows his immaturity.
Load More Replies... This sadly reminds me a lot to our bigoted dutch teachers. They kept telling me and the other migrant students about how we should never raise our kids in our own languages and talk to them only in flemish.
Sounds like something they'd say and then wave off people telling them they're racist with "I'm just being honest."
Load More Replies... So his reasoning is that they'll talk about him behind his back? Sounds ignorant and immature...teach the twins to be monolingual...it's an awesome gift
Omg...i meant to put multi lingual...now I suck and sound ignorant myself...sorry for the typo :(
Load More Replies... Easy solution is for your husband to learn Welsh at the same time as your kids. And since we teach babies a language by using simple words and short phrases, that would be the easiest way for him to learn. Put little labels on items around the house, use Welsh terms of endearment to him like, darling, I love you, thank you, you're the best, you're so smart, etc. I'm a linguist and in my decades of experience in research and teaching and studying and learning myself, I can tell you categorically that children who grow up speaking more than one language have numerous advantages in every aspect imaginable over those that grow up speaking one.
When she said BSL, my brain went "Welsh. It's Welsh." I'm British, live in Wales, and my dad fuzzes at the idea of me knowing Welsh (I don't know much but too late! Shwmae!) People are still very very racist against the Welsh here. Well, if they live in Wales then they will be taught Welsh in school no matter what father says. They shouldn't be barred part of their culture, and the language is part of that.
When I was growing up, my cousins, aunts, uncles etc all lived in a different country from Canada and did not speak English. I was SO glad that my parents taught me to speak their language because now that my parents are both gone, I can communicate with my relatives and have an amazing relationship with them. Had I not been able to speak their language they would have become strangers in another land without any connection to me.
I’d be delighted if my daughter got to learn a language from a native speaker. Having access to two fluent languages gives you an advantage in this world plus it strengthens your mental approach to certain things. It’s on him to learn alongside his child, imagine if he’d just said ‘yeah, you are right, it’ll be good for our child and honestly I should’ve been learning it before now, I want to talk to you in YOUR language’, she’d be delighted.
What a moron. "Noo I don't want my kids to have a better jobs in the future or something because they know one language more!"
I wish I could respond to the OP - NTA! NTA! NTA! I'm bi-lingual, but had to learn my 2nd language as, despite it's being native to my country, it wasn't taught in schools while I was growing up; I was educated in English. I hope she teaches her little girls every word of her first language, even before they can speak English; after all, they'll hear English EVERYWHERE and will become fluent very easily.
My husband is a native Spanish speaker and I speak english. I was the primary caregiver when our kids were babies so they didn't learn to speak Spanish even though I encouraged my husband to only speak to them in Spanish and they were enrolled in Spanish immersion pre-school. Of course, I wish I had learned Spanish, but at that time, with young kids (I was in grad school) I wasn't going to learn another language, b ut I regret that they are not bi-lingual. I think her husband's concerns come from a place of immaturity and insecurity. Hopefully, he will see the benefits of multilingual children.
I would give almost anything if I was being taught my biological father's native languages instead of my mother's when I was a child. Now I only speak Finnish and English instead of them, Arabic and French.
They should've taught you all 4. Such a missed opportunity. I know scraps of other languages, but I'm not fluent in any. Worse yet, it turns out the 4 years of Spanish I took in high school were a waste because it was mix-matched from multiple dialects. (My Colombian-Argentinian teacher was teaching us Mexi-Euro Spanish in America 🤦🏼♀️ now nobody know wtf I'm saying)
Load More Replies... I was raised in the same situation. My mother was bilingual, but my dad was monolingual. They agreed to raise me monolingual. I lost out on a job because I only knew one language. I was perfectly qualified other than that. When I found out that was the reason, I was really upset.
I'm English, my husband's Albanian, we live in Italy. My kids speak three languages fluently. I get frustrated sometimes when I don't understand what the kids and my husband are saying, but that is my problem, not theirs. I've always insisted that my in-laws and husband speak Albanian to our kids, even though some people think it's not a useful language, because not many people speak it, for me it's all the more reason to. Quite apart from the fact that my kids roots are Albanian, English and Italian and so it's only fair they speak all three. If you don't speak your mother tongue to your kids, all of you miss out on so much.
I have two children. One is 14 and the other is 8. My 8 year old speaks 3 languages (English, French and Cantonese) 14 year old speaks 4 languages ( English, French, Cantonese and Mandarin). My wife speaks 4 languages(English, French and Bislama). I only speak one language fluently (English) and a very small amount of Bislama. Does it bother me when my family talk in a different language to me? Absolutely not. It will be a definite advantage for them to speak multiple languages and I encourage it.
I suspect the OP’s partner isn’t Welsh, and this is an old prejudice he subconsciously picked up from the older members of his family. I’m married to a Brit, and he’s told me about some of the derogatory names and stereotypes the English have given the Welsh, Irish, and Scots. He said it’s not the majority of younger people, who say those things, but most of the older generations who hang on to that s**t. There are exceptions, like my mother in law, who has always been a live and let live kind of person, and more like her children’s and grandchildren’s generations in her views and opinions. My husband just hopes that kind of stereotyping and name calling becomes extinct once the last of those warped individuals are dead.
Talk to your kids in whatever language you want and he can do the same. Believe me, this is the least of your problems.
It doesn't matter what the language is, if you have the ability to teach your kids a second or third language, particularly when they're young enough to just soak it up, DO IT. Even if they never use it with anyone outside the family, it will be hugely beneficial. I'm so grateful I speak more than one language, and that I learned young.
Perhaps he could learn your language as they do? It could strengthen the bond between all four of you.
I hardly think what language each parent speaks affects their children's love for them. Children normally choose to speak the language of the country or region they live in. Some children appreciate learning their parents' native language while some don't. However, they might resent the father for obstructing an opportunity to learn their mother's language.
Hi! I teach English as a mother tongue out native language to students in Sweden. The classes are government financed and in my city we offer classes in 80 different languages. The government spends loads of $$ because it is important for children to learn both/all of their languages well in order to do well in all of their school subjects. There are so many benefits to learning a language, especially as a child. The more languages you learn, the easier you learn additional languages, you get more connections between brain halves which facilitates learning math, increases balance and coordination. Besides these benefits, learning a language isn't just about vocabulary and grammar. It is also a key to learning about your culture and gaining an identity. What is the status of Welsh? Does it have a decreasing or increasing number of native speakers?
My wife recently found out she has Welsh ancestry and has been learning the language. She took a Welsh name in her Druidic practice. There are some trying to keep the language alive.
Load More Replies... I'm hoping for the family's sake that he's not usually so immature and this is just a weird reaction to being overwhelmed by being a parent too young and to twins. Tbh, the thought of having to care for newborn twins scares me and I'm an adult in a no stable familial and financial situation who has already been through the newborn forest more than once.
I never taught Italian to my daughter and I am sorry about it. I did send her to Italy and she learned some, but we never speak it together. It's sad. Also, Welsh is a small footprint language. It should be taught and kept alive. Maybe if the "bilingual" thing doesn;t work, the "keeping a language alive" will work?
NTA. I would have LOVED to learn another language while I was growing up! Sadly, I only know little snippets of a handful of languages, (Spanish, French, Russian, and Sign). I’m trying to learn some now, but my memory isn’t what it used to be. (English is my native language).
Same but not so many.... I have bits of Arabic from serving in Iraq, Spanish from a bastardized version in high school & from working for a Colombian-American family for less than a year, and very limited sign language from being a Baby-signs instructor. I wish my brain could handle more language, but as it is I'm currently fighting to be able to have accurate recall on English words from a once-expansive vocabulary. 😩. I teach my kids what I can, but I'm not fluent enough to give them such opportunities as these people have.
Load More Replies... My husband and I don't have children yet but ours will be raised trilingual. English, Dutch and Yoruba. My husband is learning Dutch himself as we are living in the Netherlands but a lot of friends and family of ours speak English. I don't speak Yoruba and whenever he tries to teach me a word I have very big difficulties with it because one word can mean five different things depending on pronunciation and even though I'm good with languages, Yoruba gives me a serious headache, better I learn pidgin English then I can always communicate with any West African. However, just because I'm probably never learning Yoruba, doesn't mean that I don't want my children to learn it. And I'm not afraid they might talk about me in Yoruba. I trust my husband to correct them then and tell them to speak English or Dutch so I don't need to be left out of the conversation. It shouldn't be a problem. Just a matter of parenting and correcting them when they are leaving people out of the conversation.
The reason why I want my future children to speak Yoruba is because I believe it's part of who they are. Just because they are Dutch, won't mean they aren't Nigerian. They'll be raised to understand that they are 100% Dutch and 100% Yoruba. My husband's culture is just as important as mine. Just because we live in the Netherlands doesn't mean that my husband's culture and language is less important. I would even want our kids to be able to travel to visit family on their own when they are old enough. And yes, the family speaks English. But it's better that they are able to blend in fully and I see the Yoruba language as part of their cultural heritage. They'll have two homes. Two families. Two cultures. Three languages.
Load More Replies... Hoping she teaches them her language. My family was all fluent in Spanish & also spoke some Italian. They never really spoke it around us unless it was something they didnt want kids to overhear. So we kinda grew up ignoring it. We took it in school & learned at bit but we are FAR from fluent. We have family in Spain, that we are still close to, but now with my grandparents, mom, & uncle gone we have no real way of talking to & keeping communication with. We use FB & Google translate to write back/forth but thats the best we can do. It was exceptionally hard when my uncle passed unexpectedly & we had to have a family friend (also from our Spanish side) make the call on our behalf simply because we only knew basic conversational Spanish...
My ex-husband is Turkish. I speak French/English and he speaks Turkish/English. If we had had children, they would have learned the 3 languages.
So do you two speak to each other in the "other" languages you each know? Even snippets/teams of endearment, just to keep that connection?
Load More Replies... Father can learn the language. I get his concerns though. My Grandma was born to Sicilian Immigrants, they had 9 kids, mostly girls. The town in CA that they immigrated to in the early 1900's was mostly Sicilian immigrants so English wasn't as common. The girls were pretty wild and would talk in English about their escapades in front of their Italian-speaking parents. Eventually the parents learned English. But Mom knows Welch so the twins couldn't get away with that.
My mother is Puerto Rican/Cuban and she never taught my sister and I Spanish. I will always feel disconnected from that part of my heritage because of that and feel like I can't be of more service in my job or find more job opportunities due to not being bilingual. I've taken Spanish class, downloaded apps, etc but nothing is going to have been quite as effective as learning it from childhood. I so wish I knew it fluently.
What an idiot this man is. My husband immigrated to the US as a young child and his mother tried to continue her first language but because she had to live with her in-laws who hated her she wasn't allowed. As adults, my husband and his siblings wish they could speak their mother's language, even if very poorly. It would have opened many doors for them.
I’m bilingual. That’s unusual in my family. Most are at least trilingual. We are your typical English family. We speak french, English, Welsh, Gaelic, danish, dutch and Lithuanian. Unfortunately I’m only fluent in English and french. Passable in Welsh. Useless in Lithuanian but I can sing the hymns!
You are by no means a typical english family if that list includes danish dutch and lithuFREAKINGanian. SO cool!
Load More Replies... The original poster must be ignorant to what abusive relationships really are, by the time he gets around to slapping her upside the head, she'll rationalize it as love and caring, please don't have any more kids
He can learn with the babies too. So it is a win win. Also this happened with my cousins, Colombian mom, French dad, they live in france. The only difference is that my uncle speaks spanish, but my cousins know spanish, they barely use it because they LIVE IN FRANCE! But at least they have the knowledge and can speak with me.
learn the language and chill out. I was raised hearing all kinds and it did no harm. Good for the brain!
My best friend had almost the same issue. Her partner wasn't keen on the child going to a Welsh medium school, thought it would hold her back especially in science. My husband told him that Welsh scientific terms are all going to be cognates, and not to worry. Said child is now doing her masters in biomedical materials.
I am English and my ex Scottish. I was pregnant and he didn't want our child to go to a Gaelic school because he didn't want our child being smarter than him. I spoke Gaelic and my ex didn't.
I was raised with two languages. My parents taught me Spanish and talked to me in Spanish because my mother was raised in Mexico and knew not a word of English. But as soon as I started learning English I always spoke to my father and my sister in english, and all of my relatives on my father's side. To my mother and all of my aunts and uncles I spoke In spanish. There was never any problem in the least. Thats just the way it was.
"My partner is the best man you will ever meet, he treats me incredibly well, this is coming from a place of love for the twins" I think I would consider "the best man you have ever met" wouldn't fight you quite so hard on teaching your own children your culture and language. Otherwise this seems sort of whiny and man-childish. "I don't want my kids to talk about me when I can't understand them" is some paranoid stuff. So learn the language with them, dad. Why is this woman defending what I am reading to be some really uninclusive and shitty arguments?
Dad's reason is terrible and childish. He has an opportunity to learn and instead, he forbids his twins from learning Mom's native language and her from teaching it to them. That's also very racist and it says that Dad does not fully accept the mother of his children for who she is completely. He can't make her erase her culture, language, and ethnicity or keep her from teaching her native language to the babies she carried for 9 months. This is deeper than him being an asshat. He's trying to erase his kiddo's culture. Gross.
Have never understood this kind of attitude. Yes, you should learn the language of the country one lives in whether the US, Germany, France, or whatever. Learning other languages is a great mental exercise and should be encouraged but not mandated. My late Romanian Great-Aunt who came to the US before WWI spoke English, Romanian, and Hungarian which I always thought was kinda cool.
-- to deny a child that comes from a multicultural home each of their parents native tongue i feel is just wrong is a part of who they are should be considered a birthright for that reason.
Well, I was going to say that this is a conversation that should have happened long before deciding to have children together, but given that the parents are children themselves, I'm guessing they didn't exactly choose this. They were immature and irresponsible and are now dealing with the consequences of that.
Being bi or trilingual is a HUGE advantage for these kids when they grow up. Not to mention it simulates the brain while they're still developing and is a huge advantage in terms of brain plasticity and learning in general. My father was trilingual as well as knowing a tiny bit of a few other languages. My mom begged him to speak to me in languages other than English, but he refused. The only time he'd use something other than English was to swear. So I know how to swear in 5 languages. Big deal. ☹️ He'd also get angry when I took French in high school but wouldn't get the pronunciation perfect and would go off and mumble swears in French. It was like dude you had 15 years to be getting me ready for this but you refused. He died not long after high school. The limited French I remember at this point, I definitely sound like an American badly attempting French. Such a shame, because that was his first language.
He sounds like a complete loser lol. Reminds me of my father. Although I was born in the US, he wanted to send my family to Mexico for no reason. My mom told him “hell no, the kids are from here and they will learn English here too” and he f-ing laughed and said “who the hell are they gonna speak English to? The cows in Mexico? English is useless just leave” thanks to his ignorance and similar to this moronic father as well, I was abt to loose the chance to live in the country I was born in and speak English (one of the most crucial languages). My mom screamed his ears off and told him she’d send him to mexico herself and so thnx to my mom, I was able to stay here safely, and she also made sure to teach us perfect Spanish, no srsly I mean perfect. She even gave us lessons at home. She’s even says, Spanish at home, English at school and she even learned to speak English, thru college courses. I hope this mom won’t allow him to steal this away from their kids just bc he’s insufferable.
Lol, and why does she need his permission to allow her kids to be robbed from the gift and benefit that it is to be bilingual??? Just because he’s too petty and thinks that they’ll “talk behind his back”. Like what the hell? That sounds insufferable and controlling af. Why should she obey his “mighty” command and do only what he says and not be allowed to teach her kids Welsh? Who the heck told him “nah they won’t need it” in the melting pot the US is and how much impact globalization has more than ever? Maybe his stupid fear wouldn’t be true if he’s a good dad and hell, even he could learn the language too. I’m bilingual myself and I rly love it! It’s a blessing and a benefit being able to speak two languages. And if ppl get mad idc I’m sorry but his mentality is very weak. Such a stupid fear I mean srsly. Ig he doesn’t love his wife as much if he thinks she’ll speak behind his back with the kids or smthn. Like that is such a petty reason smh.
Unfortunately, there are monolingual people that are against the learning if a foreign language. Honestly, learning a foreign language is daunting and difficult at times, causing monolingual people to resist doing so. Unfortunately, tensing monolingual cuts those people off from a deeper understanding of the world, different ways of thinking and other cultures.
I am American and married to a Brazilian man. We are teaching our daughter Portuguese, its not easy though! He works a lot and my Portuguese is not perfect! It helps bond the family to learn together, I think. It benefits the child a lot.
Of course the children have to learn their mother's language! Jesus. And the dad can just sit his ass down and learn it, too! And why do a 17 and 16 year old have children and get married in the first place? where is this story located?
My dad did this, except he was the bilingual one. He forced me and my sister to take Spanish classes in school, even making me give up the art apprenticeship I was offered because it was at the same time as the Spanish class, but never taught us the language. My mom also wanted to learn, but he denied her, too. This is one of many reasons I cut off contact with him until the day he died 5 years ago.
My father didn't allow my mother to teach my brother and I her native language and then he left us when I was very small. I can't hold bad feelings toward him for leaving, being a parent is not for everyone. But I'm in my 20s now and I have never stopped resenting him not allowing us to learn my mother's language. I feel I've missed out so much on my own culture, not being able to take part in a lot of things with my mother. I also worry that she limited herself, if maybe she'd take part in more events if she could bring her kids without them feeling left out. I've moved now and I don't know if there's a point in learning when no one here speaks it and I'd lose it again anyway from lack of real world practice. It's a tremendous feeling of loss for me.
Why do they have children, when they're still children themselves? He's a jerk. Teach them whatever language you want. His argument against it is beneath contempt. I guarantee you that the judge in family court is going to side with you, because that's where this is heading with his attitude.
We can almost all agree that learning a second or a third language develops many benefits for the child, but what does your husband has to say about denying his wifes origins to his children. You speak Welsh, this is who you are, the woman who he got married to and share 2 children.
Don't fall for this. Ignorance is bliss only in George Orwell's famous novel (I know he didn't actually use the word ''Bliss'', but you get my drift). Bilingualism is hard, it's exercise for the brain, it keeps the old gears running. Look this up on Google if you don't believe me.
I think, where possible, kids should learn as many languages as possible, even if it means one or both parents are excluded. Communication is what helps us learn and progress as a species. Just think how amazing the world would be if we could all communicate together.
I know a lot of people who regret that their parents didn't teach them native language, but I don't know anyone who would regret growing up billingual. Speaking the second language is an advantage, and it's usually exceptionally easy for kids to pick up another language, so I don't see why not. If the husband is so afraid of kids speaking a language he doesn't know, he could educate his monolingual ass and at least try to learn his partner's language together with the kids.
First of, anyone who flat out refuses to learn at least 2nd language drop in room temperature IQ in my eyes. Second, OP's daughters would NEVER forgive their mother for not teaching them language connecting to their ancestors. Do not givin in to that sperm donor demands, he didn't earn a right to be called a dad.
NTA it is very healthy for the brain to know multiple languages. Your boyfriend could also join in learning the language, so he does not have to feel left out.
Wow! The opportunity to learn another language is priceless! Grows the brain and the child! I saw to it my 4 kids learned Spanish 5 years of it. Two of them now use it in their jobs. People who know more than one language are more balanced in their lives, their understanding of people and generally make more in their jobs. Never deny your children this gift!!!
There are many benefits of bilingualism I suggest you Google "benefits of bilingualism in early childhood".
I agree with the dad, if most of the family speaks English, then what is the point of confusing the children with another language, if there want to learn a second language when they get older, then teach them, but don't push the issue, leave it alone
I sometimes wish my mom had taught me her native language. Since my mom and dad divorced, when my mom talks to my aunts or my grandma fluently in their native language, i feel left out. My mom didn’t have time to teach it to me and my twin sister when we were growing up though, because she was always out working and was exhausted when she got back, so I don’t blame her. I’m 16 now, and i try to listen as closely as possible.
I believe that there is already a possible reason to learn another language which is sign language if the hearing test states she is losing her hearing. As for me I can't speak to the imbalance on having a 2nd language. I am part Jamaican on my grandfather's side so for me having family in different parts of the world made me want to learn n my husband is very supportive even though he doesn't look to learn another language. We have learned Korean( I study Tang Soo Do which is a martial art based in N. Korea) Japanese ( We watch alot of anime so that one was pretty much a given) French( I took ballet and my teacher only gave instruction in french) and even though Jamaicans primarily do speak English they also speak a mixture of Frenh,Spanish, and English Patoi. My husband speaks Spanish fluent enough to have a basic conversation. So with all that being said I learned from my personal interests and in turn my children have done the same. The next is Arabic so I can haggle in Dubai
I totally agree with everyone about all the benefits of knowing a 2nd language except in this case when it comes to helping with future jobs and stuff....cuz who on earth speaks WELSH??? I didnt even know that WAS a language! The percentage of people on earth who speak it has got to be so miniscule that its benefit 4 your resume or career is negligible. I dont know where this family lives but in America I can tell you that knowing that language would be absolutely worthless as far as school or jobs go. Ive never even heard of this language let alone heard of anyone who speaks it. Now if it was a language that a good amt of people spoke like Spanish or Mandarin or Russian or mmm LITERALLY ANY OTHER LANGUAGE lol even something you rarely hear in the west, like Farsi, I'd say yes that would be very beneficial but come on. Welsh?? I mean how many people on earth speak that out of 6 billion? Maybe 250 thousand? I still say they should learn it 4 all the other reasons but lets be real here.
-- and prideful about there own language and culture or feel it's superior to some degree so much so that they don't care to even know who the heck they are marrying into heritage and cultural background. Kinda like Americans that go around shouting we are in America speak English as if English really is America's native tongue. Nope more like the natives american dialects . And then when you ask ppl that have this mindset that marry into other cultural backgrounds with different languages than their own it's always the same excuse and lame reasoning it will confuse the child they won't speak proper English they'll end up in speech!!! Such a crock when it had been observed over years that many children from multilingual backgrounds are actually smarter and brain develops better they can maneuver the linguistics of each language better and think in multiple languages children that speak one language and being that children are sponges they can learn any language faster than an adult.
Ignorant man ignorant and prejudice on some level mindset in my opinion. i can't stress this enough and have always felt this way if you don't care to be multicultural or to embrace other people's culture and language then stick to your own!! and i know that in me saying that i may sound ignorant myself even prejudice but it's coming from a good place, cause i find it so much more insulting,prejudice and ignorant when you see couples like in this case where it's a mixed couple that only embraces one of the others culture language and customs traditions entirely and the other one is just there looking like they come from nowhere or are from a forgotten culture nation of people to the point that later when kids grow up they feel alienated by the unknown side of that parents side of the family ppl and culture they where never taught about or feel alien to it completely. I'm sorry but that is so wrong like I've always despised seeing that all cause one parent is to lazy arrogant-
I have seen one parent speak ill in front of the other parent in another language, this is not the case here. I grew up knowing 2 languages, learnt a third from italian friend's families. Kids can pick up another language quickly and it is good for their brains, not sure if how useful Welsh will be but why not.
You messed up when you married a man with out having this convo then having kids with him. He's being selfish is trying to be controlling they are your kids too and the fact that he's only worried about them talking behind his back or loving you more should tell you everything. Divorce and do what you want chi.
First time i see this kind of case.. My country is Multilingual, so you grow up with 2 language like it or not , Native Language and National Language. And when you hit school , and start learning english , you will become a trilingual. .now when you get a job and work in other's cities, you will eventually learn their native language while living there. .so i don't really² get their problem... The husband can just learn the wife native language on the go. (I'm Indonesian btw)
Hello! I’m concerned; your husband has a problem. His behavior is not normal or kind, no matter how you attempt to defend him. His not allowing you to share your language with your daughters is a red flag. The concern is not about language; it’s about him and his inability to partner together with you. He appears to be dictating; and he appears to fear a loss of control and loss of affection. He operates with subtraction and division rather than adding and multiplying. What a beautiful gift and a part of who you are, to be able to give your language to your children! Again, it appears he fears loss of control; loss of love; which is possibly what he will get in the end if he doesn’t change. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I suggest you see a marriage counselor.
Omg just another example of men putting their own self-interest ahead of that of their children. What a baby he is more concerned with his children talking about him behind his back then his children being able to speak to languages possibly get a better job open opportunities for them and they're in the future but no he's worried about being talked about by two children six in stones will break your bones names will never hurt you grow up mister.
These idiots are not even 20 years old. Dumb af and shouldn't be breeding.
The twins are going to have a 'secret language' anyway and they are going to make a fool of both parents, Welsh speaking or not. That's what children do.
I think he should learn right along with his children his wife's native language. There would be no questions about them saying things in mom's language that dad wouldn't understand. It's great for children to learn different languages as well as to learn sign language. I think dad should stop being an asshat and jump right in to learn the language of mom.
I'm from WPB Florida. Born and raised so is all my family for generations. With that being said you don't know how much I WISHED I knew another language. There's soo many people from so many places if your girls are around to help an old lady like me communicate one day I would be sooo grateful. If they can pick up Welsh while young as opposed to 36? 🙈 go for it! I think your fella will see in the long run how incredibly helpful it is plus it may turn into money later for the girls when there is a need for someone who can translate.
Always the monolinguals getting salty about these things. The more languages you know the more it can help with getting a job in the future. Especially endangered/dying languages are in very high demand. That's why I'm learning Northern Sámi and planning on starting Skolt Sámi next year.
To be frank, the husband is a child. As a father, you worry about petty infantile scenarios instead of giving your child a leg up in life? Knowing multiple languages helps tremendously. I speak several languages and that played a huge role in getting my trashy ass out of poverty.
If you are living in wales they will learn Welsh anyway. If not tell him he can do the learning with the girls at the same time, and then he can join in. Welsh is a beautiful language.
Yeah Reddit has a tendency to psychoanalyze everyone n immediately jump to calling ppl abusers and s**t with only the smallest bit of information... sometimes it's warranted by 80% of the time it's not. Ppl really don't know how to stick to the assignment. Even when OP specifically asks for ppl to not do it. Why do ppl do this?
Not the main point, but what's with there being so many versions of English-speaking sign language? I get dialects in verbal language, but even the different sign languages on the UK, are so different to be unintelligible
I've always thought the same thing. It blows my mind because even if I learned ASL fluently here, it wouldn't translate to someone else using a different version/dialect? But I guess it's like any other language- not all regions speak the same or use the same words or phrasing 🤷🏼♀️
Load More Replies... this isn’t a news site. it’s just a place for people who have a bunch of different interests to read articles about their interests. if you don’t wanna read it, then don’t.
Load More Replies... I can see both arguments. Dad doesn't want to set himself up for being left out and mom wants her kids to share in their heritage with her. Both points of view seem valid, and I like the idea of dad and kids learning Welsh as a family. Language skills are a valuable thing to have and not enough families encourage the children to take up second languages anymore.
Its the opposite. The kids will learn A LOT from school, TV and their friends. So the positive thing for them is being able to practise at home the other language, or they will never consider it theirs
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