Mom Asks If She’s Being A Bad Parent For Making Her 14-Year-Old Sleep Outside In Winter After Witnessing Her Yell At A Homeless Man For Nothing
Different parents have different approaches to raising their kids but there’s something every mom and dad has in common. They all want their little ones to grow up to be good people.
Reddit user u/coolestthrowaway4 takes the lessons she tries to teach her daughters very seriously — she wants the girls (who are 16 and 14) to respect everyone regardless of their social status. However, her youngest took a while to learn what her mom really means.
Recently, the 14-year-old cussed out a homeless man for no reason other than “being lazy.”
So, needless to say, when u/coolestthrowaway4 was shown a video of this situation, she was really, really appalled. The mom punished her daughter and that included sleeping outside in the cold.
The girl got the message but as soon as word spread about what she had to do, some people started calling u/coolestthrowaway4’s way of parenting too harsh. Having second thoughts, she turned to the internet to tell her story and ask whether or not she was being a jerk to her daughter.
Image credits: BLMIdaho (not the actual photo)
Image credits: coolestthrowaway4
Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum thinks exercising discipline is critical when raising children
Image credits: Vicki Broadbent / Honest Mum
“Kids thrive on boundaries and love equally, and they look to you as their parent or guardian as a guide and role model when it comes to their own behavior,” Vicki Broadbent, writer, director, broadcaster, and founder of the parenting blog Honest Mum, told Bored Panda.
The author of The Working Mom: Your Guide to Surviving and Thriving at Work and at Home believes that “discipline and doing as you say, embodying your values as a parent, teaches children important life skills such as self-control, self-love, empathy, resilience, motivation, and working hard.”
However, it’s important to highlight that violence and harsh words are harmful and don’t work. The American Academy of Pediatrics (APP), advises that parents and caregivers should not spank or hit children. Instead of teaching responsibility and self-control, spanking actually does the opposite: it often increases aggression and anger in children. A study of children born in 20 medium to large U.S. cities discovered that families who used physical punishment got caught in a negative cycle: the more children were spanked, the more they misbehaved later, which prompted more spankings in response. Spanking’s effects may also be felt beyond the parent-child relationship — it sends the message that causing someone pain is OK if you’re frustrated. Even with those you love.
Parents who yell at children and use words to cause them emotional pain or shame are also in the wrong. Harsh verbal discipline, even by moms and dads who are otherwise warm and loving, can lead to serious issues. Research shows that harsh verbal discipline, which becomes more common as children get older, may lead to more behavior problems and symptoms of depression in teens.
Vicki Broadbent agrees. “I believe the ‘punishment’ should always fit the ‘crime’ as it were and I don’t believe in physical discipline,” she said.
However, she feels the punishment in this instance may have been too harsh “as the daughter was made to sleep alone outside in an unsafe environment.”
“I believe her donation and apology was enough and believe the emphasis should have been on education here. Visiting a homeless center and having the girl volunteer, for example, would have been a more meaningful way to elicit empathy from her, rather than using the shock factor and fear to motivate her into action,” the honest mom said.
When it comes to disciplining your child, Vicki thinks the most important thing is to put yourself in their shoes and try to be as understanding as possible. “Children are learning and growing and they can only learn from their mistakes. Try to educate and not berate,” she said.
Here’s what people have said about the ordeal
After her story went viral, the mom shared an update
She handled it perfectly! I wish all parents would "punish" their kids like this. She explained the logic behind her reasoning -which I second, btw- and the girl is old enough to understand what she did and the punishment itself. In a time where most guilt-ridden parents overcompensate by spoiling their kids, it's nice to see parents like this woman, who actually educates their kids.
Totally NTA. The daughter didn't get it after the $ and "apology", but seems to after spending a (rather comfy really) night in a tent, with a pad and warm sleeping bag, safe in her own yard, and a place to go the next night. Hopefully her sadness wasn't just "woe is me", but real understanding, at least at a "beginner level". I'm glad the guy is getting help, and that the daughter is doing a bit to help. A1 parenting, good job!
Perfect parenting, if every parent was like this (harsh, but fair) then the world would be a MUCH better place.
And, by the way, she had a choice to lose her cellphone till the end of holidays, so it's not like she was totally forced outside!
NTA. I was homeless without choice as a teen for a short period, and did not even get a tent or a mat. Truly homeless isn't a tent in the yard. Girl got schooled, the mom explained, good for the mom, and girl gets the point. Try it for several weeks with a tarp and a blanket, not even a tent. Cold, wet, shivering (and that was summer)...
I was going to comment that the kid had a hell of a lot more than most houseless folks! Plus Mom was right there to help if anything really bad happened. The Mom's sister needs to stfu!
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£20 and an apology would be remembered for a month, 6months max a year, but what you did taught her a lesson for one. Definitely NTA. Rather your sister was being to judgemental.
I had no idea what being homeless was like until I became homeless. I would help people but had never been in that place. It was one of the most scariest things when the sun set, feeling the night and not having a place to go. I never really got used to fear. I would walk all night if I didn't have a place to go. I think you handled that perfectly because you didn't hurt her but she will have that understanding of empathy for others and that fear might stay with her for her life and make her strong enough to not become homeless.
Hmm, I don't like this at all. Because it fails to do get the most important point. How did that girl come to this point of being so selfish and judgmental. Where did she get this mentality? This whole story is about compensating, not about understanding. Also the part where mom is such a self made succes and is overcompensating for her daughter's behavior is off. This girl did not walk a mile in this man's shoes. His shoes aren't just sleeping in the cold, wearing his shoes is seeing the whole story and that story is sick (aka one bad hand in the US and you're on the street). Mean while mom is overcompensating, but still not getting that she's not doing well because she just went to school ("worked hard"), it was just being dealt a lucky hand. Life shouldn't be so volatile. That's the issue and this did not clear that up for these people.
I agree fully and even go further and say walking a mile in his shoes for real still wouldn’t help. There’s something about the girl to lead her to behave that way. It wasn’t addressed at all. I know the guy annoyed her but why her mind went where it went is odd at best.
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I love this. Reminds me of when my kids were little and I was a single mom. I did the best I could this one Christmas, and it wasn't very good. We were at my then boyfriends house Christmas morning and my kids saw his brother's kid open a lot of toys *read: two incomes one child as opposed to one income three kids. I had already explained to them prior to going over there that he would probably have "more" because there's only one child in the home. They were even gracious enough to buy my children a little something. Well the kids pitched a fit. So I calmly asked them to get two garbage bags from the kitchen. I had them clean up all the wrapping paper in one, and put ALL of their gifts in the other. I took them to a homeless shelter and they handed all their gifts out to homeless kids who didn't have a Christmas at ALL that year. To this day they are now (15,17,19) you can get them socks and they are grateful. They never forgot that day.
However, she feels the punishment in this instance may have been too harsh “as the daughter was made to sleep alone outside in an unsafe environment.” Unsafe environment? You mean, outside? In a tent? In her yard? Within spitting distance from the door of her home? With her parent hovering nearby? What kind of eggshell hyperbolic cleanroom laboratory did you grow up in? She's 14, not 4. Unless I missed the part where they actually live in Mordor, I think the teenager who has the spunk to yell down the homeless was in no possible danger of sleeping uncomfortably for a night.
I did that once for fun when I was younger. Yay! Go camping in the backyard. First beg your parents if they would please let you. My collegue spends 3 weeks in a tent for fun this summer.
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She wasn't in any actual danger. She was provided with more shelter than a homeless person usually has and it was in her back yard. Also, she's not a little kid at 14. This was a perfectly appropriate lesson.
Just going off the topic of this, I would say there are more clever ways to teach our kids a lesson than to make them bitter or more bitter by doing something like this...resentment will settle in and will be showing for it for years later...trust me. It has been done many times to me for way less of life lesson example than this
Even if she was wrong (she wasn’t ), at least she’s trying to raise her kids correctly and not turning a blind eye to bad behavior. There’s a family reunion on episode like this that took place on Christmas and I really liked it, fun to know someone did it real life too. I hate the cold so bad tho, so YTA just for that.
This reads like someone looking to be commended for their parenting rather looking for honest feedback, the equivalent of doing something good and posting it
She should have left her daughter outside without the comfortable tent, sleeping bag and cosy blankets but with some cardboard boxes. Instead of complaining about she was woken up by the birds, she would have complained about how she couldn't sleep all night because of the cold.
Or give her a tent and let someone ruin it. That happens to the real homeless too. Hey why doesn't my kid talk to me anymore and what is CPS doing here? https://youtu.be/7eo6tPFl6y0
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She was taught empathy for the homeless man and now has got an idea of what it's like to be living like this, so NTA but now a more measured and relatable individual.
Suitable punishment. I bet her daughter didn't learn this behavior from her mother. That's Good parenting.
Boredpanda should change the title. It sounded like the MOM was yelling at the homeless man.
No. I do that with errant staff also when they pass on shoddy crap to their colleagues. Next time, they take on the role that has dependencies on other people's deliveries. Some people do not feel the pain of others unless they get the same treatment. It's not malicious but to create an understanding.
I somehow really dislike the sister who takes a video of her sister behaving badly and shows it to her mom - if she objects she should have intervened directly and they could have talked together afterwards. While there are situations where creating evidence is the only thing you can do, for some people it seems to become the only thing they think about in situations where they actually SHOULD intervene.
Well Jessica was at least right that some people do camp in the cold for fun, and all her mom made her do was camp half-assedly. So if we are going by definition, this was not a harsh punishment. Harsh punishment would be like kicking her out, grounding her for a year or attacking her in some way. But Jessica didn’t learn the more important lesson which is to mind your own fuçking business, and if she doesn’t agree with the way someone conducts themselves, to not conduct her own self that way. Tell the guy to leave you alone and stop wasting time and money worrying about what a random stranger does.
To begin with, the poster's sister wasn't asked for her opinion. What she said would have been okay if she'd been asked for it, but she wasn't. Whether the poster was right or wrong with her child's discipline isn't the issue here. The issue is butting in with an opinion that wasn't asked for.
I don't think the mom did anything wrong. I know firsthand that empathy is extremely important, and this mom taught her about it. I would go as far as to say the punishment was perfect. 20$ and an apology would be quickly forgotten.
Marvelous parenting, I am in full support. I think everybody learned something of a lesson from this.
Parenting done right! You taught her that she can't be mean to people, how to understand circumstances of those who are less fortunate and also that she can't just buy her way out of wrong doings, but instead needs to fix her errors herself, like an adult. A+ on all counts! Also bonuspoints for your kid who realized her mistakes and is now bettering herself! Many adults could learn from that
Wow out of 10 million people you are one of the people who watch dear man
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She handled it perfectly! I wish all parents would "punish" their kids like this. She explained the logic behind her reasoning -which I second, btw- and the girl is old enough to understand what she did and the punishment itself. In a time where most guilt-ridden parents overcompensate by spoiling their kids, it's nice to see parents like this woman, who actually educates their kids.
Totally NTA. The daughter didn't get it after the $ and "apology", but seems to after spending a (rather comfy really) night in a tent, with a pad and warm sleeping bag, safe in her own yard, and a place to go the next night. Hopefully her sadness wasn't just "woe is me", but real understanding, at least at a "beginner level". I'm glad the guy is getting help, and that the daughter is doing a bit to help. A1 parenting, good job!
Perfect parenting, if every parent was like this (harsh, but fair) then the world would be a MUCH better place.
And, by the way, she had a choice to lose her cellphone till the end of holidays, so it's not like she was totally forced outside!
NTA. I was homeless without choice as a teen for a short period, and did not even get a tent or a mat. Truly homeless isn't a tent in the yard. Girl got schooled, the mom explained, good for the mom, and girl gets the point. Try it for several weeks with a tarp and a blanket, not even a tent. Cold, wet, shivering (and that was summer)...
I was going to comment that the kid had a hell of a lot more than most houseless folks! Plus Mom was right there to help if anything really bad happened. The Mom's sister needs to stfu!
Load More Replies... £20 and an apology would be remembered for a month, 6months max a year, but what you did taught her a lesson for one. Definitely NTA. Rather your sister was being to judgemental.
I had no idea what being homeless was like until I became homeless. I would help people but had never been in that place. It was one of the most scariest things when the sun set, feeling the night and not having a place to go. I never really got used to fear. I would walk all night if I didn't have a place to go. I think you handled that perfectly because you didn't hurt her but she will have that understanding of empathy for others and that fear might stay with her for her life and make her strong enough to not become homeless.
Hmm, I don't like this at all. Because it fails to do get the most important point. How did that girl come to this point of being so selfish and judgmental. Where did she get this mentality? This whole story is about compensating, not about understanding. Also the part where mom is such a self made succes and is overcompensating for her daughter's behavior is off. This girl did not walk a mile in this man's shoes. His shoes aren't just sleeping in the cold, wearing his shoes is seeing the whole story and that story is sick (aka one bad hand in the US and you're on the street). Mean while mom is overcompensating, but still not getting that she's not doing well because she just went to school ("worked hard"), it was just being dealt a lucky hand. Life shouldn't be so volatile. That's the issue and this did not clear that up for these people.
I agree fully and even go further and say walking a mile in his shoes for real still wouldn’t help. There’s something about the girl to lead her to behave that way. It wasn’t addressed at all. I know the guy annoyed her but why her mind went where it went is odd at best.
Load More Replies... I love this. Reminds me of when my kids were little and I was a single mom. I did the best I could this one Christmas, and it wasn't very good. We were at my then boyfriends house Christmas morning and my kids saw his brother's kid open a lot of toys *read: two incomes one child as opposed to one income three kids. I had already explained to them prior to going over there that he would probably have "more" because there's only one child in the home. They were even gracious enough to buy my children a little something. Well the kids pitched a fit. So I calmly asked them to get two garbage bags from the kitchen. I had them clean up all the wrapping paper in one, and put ALL of their gifts in the other. I took them to a homeless shelter and they handed all their gifts out to homeless kids who didn't have a Christmas at ALL that year. To this day they are now (15,17,19) you can get them socks and they are grateful. They never forgot that day.
However, she feels the punishment in this instance may have been too harsh “as the daughter was made to sleep alone outside in an unsafe environment.” Unsafe environment? You mean, outside? In a tent? In her yard? Within spitting distance from the door of her home? With her parent hovering nearby? What kind of eggshell hyperbolic cleanroom laboratory did you grow up in? She's 14, not 4. Unless I missed the part where they actually live in Mordor, I think the teenager who has the spunk to yell down the homeless was in no possible danger of sleeping uncomfortably for a night.
I did that once for fun when I was younger. Yay! Go camping in the backyard. First beg your parents if they would please let you. My collegue spends 3 weeks in a tent for fun this summer.
Load More Replies... She wasn't in any actual danger. She was provided with more shelter than a homeless person usually has and it was in her back yard. Also, she's not a little kid at 14. This was a perfectly appropriate lesson.
Just going off the topic of this, I would say there are more clever ways to teach our kids a lesson than to make them bitter or more bitter by doing something like this...resentment will settle in and will be showing for it for years later...trust me. It has been done many times to me for way less of life lesson example than this
Even if she was wrong (she wasn’t ), at least she’s trying to raise her kids correctly and not turning a blind eye to bad behavior. There’s a family reunion on episode like this that took place on Christmas and I really liked it, fun to know someone did it real life too. I hate the cold so bad tho, so YTA just for that.
This reads like someone looking to be commended for their parenting rather looking for honest feedback, the equivalent of doing something good and posting it
She should have left her daughter outside without the comfortable tent, sleeping bag and cosy blankets but with some cardboard boxes. Instead of complaining about she was woken up by the birds, she would have complained about how she couldn't sleep all night because of the cold.
Or give her a tent and let someone ruin it. That happens to the real homeless too. Hey why doesn't my kid talk to me anymore and what is CPS doing here? https://youtu.be/7eo6tPFl6y0
Load More Replies... She was taught empathy for the homeless man and now has got an idea of what it's like to be living like this, so NTA but now a more measured and relatable individual.
Suitable punishment. I bet her daughter didn't learn this behavior from her mother. That's Good parenting.
Boredpanda should change the title. It sounded like the MOM was yelling at the homeless man.
No. I do that with errant staff also when they pass on shoddy crap to their colleagues. Next time, they take on the role that has dependencies on other people's deliveries. Some people do not feel the pain of others unless they get the same treatment. It's not malicious but to create an understanding.
I somehow really dislike the sister who takes a video of her sister behaving badly and shows it to her mom - if she objects she should have intervened directly and they could have talked together afterwards. While there are situations where creating evidence is the only thing you can do, for some people it seems to become the only thing they think about in situations where they actually SHOULD intervene.
Well Jessica was at least right that some people do camp in the cold for fun, and all her mom made her do was camp half-assedly. So if we are going by definition, this was not a harsh punishment. Harsh punishment would be like kicking her out, grounding her for a year or attacking her in some way. But Jessica didn’t learn the more important lesson which is to mind your own fuçking business, and if she doesn’t agree with the way someone conducts themselves, to not conduct her own self that way. Tell the guy to leave you alone and stop wasting time and money worrying about what a random stranger does.
To begin with, the poster's sister wasn't asked for her opinion. What she said would have been okay if she'd been asked for it, but she wasn't. Whether the poster was right or wrong with her child's discipline isn't the issue here. The issue is butting in with an opinion that wasn't asked for.
I don't think the mom did anything wrong. I know firsthand that empathy is extremely important, and this mom taught her about it. I would go as far as to say the punishment was perfect. 20$ and an apology would be quickly forgotten.
Marvelous parenting, I am in full support. I think everybody learned something of a lesson from this.
Parenting done right! You taught her that she can't be mean to people, how to understand circumstances of those who are less fortunate and also that she can't just buy her way out of wrong doings, but instead needs to fix her errors herself, like an adult. A+ on all counts! Also bonuspoints for your kid who realized her mistakes and is now bettering herself! Many adults could learn from that
Wow out of 10 million people you are one of the people who watch dear man
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