Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app
Continue in app Continue in browser

BoredPanda Add post form topAdd Post Search
Tooltip close

The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here.

Mom Calls Out ‘Daddy Privilege’ In A TikTok Video, Gets Over 4 Million Views For Dropping Truth Bombs
3.4K

Mom Calls Out ‘Daddy Privilege’ In A TikTok Video, Gets Over 4 Million Views For Dropping Truth Bombs

Interview
ADVERTISEMENT

Daddy privilege is real—and the proof is in the pudding. Some dads get praised immensely and get a metaphorical medal just for showing up and for doing the very basics of parenting. Meanwhile, moms who take care of the kids all day long get very little praise (if any). And this double standard is something that needs to be discussed. That’s exactly what Chloe Sexton—a baker, business owner, and mom from Memphis in Tennessee—did in a viral TikTok video.

She shared exactly how she and her husband, Tyler, were treated differently for running chores for their bakery, BluffCakes. It was actually Tyler himself who drew Chloe’s attention to the fact that he was absolutely adored and seen as a hero for showing to buy ingredients for the bakery with the baby. It’s usually Chloe who does this but doesn’t get a single word of encouragement. Meanwhile, her husband showed up a single time and everyone was gushing over how amazing he was. Daddy privilege? You betcha!

Scroll down to watch Chloe’s full video about the phenomenon and let us know what you think about it in the comments, dear Pandas. Have you ever seen what daddy privilege looks like in real life? Why do you think it exists? Share your thoughts in the comment section. (PS—you should definitely check out what the bakery has on offer. I’m sitting here with my stomach rumbling just looking at the photos of the cookies.)

Just to be clear, nobody’s saying that we shouldn’t compliment dads for their efforts. Good parents are good parents, no matter their gender, and they should be recognized for going the extra mile. However, there really does need to be a more equitable approach to praise for parenting. Showing up to take care of your kid from time to time shouldn’t be praised more than someone who puts in the effort consistently, without grumbling, without expecting any sort of reward.

ADVERTISEMENT

I reached out to Chloe and she kindly answered my questions about her video. She told Bored Panda that she “definitely wasn’t expecting” her video to reach such a large audience outside of TikTok. “My followers are largely women, mothers, and parents, and the topics I discussed in my video always ring true for them as well. I think parents, especially women raising children with men, know that this experience is universal. When a mother parents she’s only doing exactly as expected. When a father does those same tasks he’s hailed a hero!”

More info: TikTok | Instagram | BluffCakes.com

Meet Chloe, a baker, business owner, and mom from Memphis. One of her videos went viral after she tackled an important issue

Image credits: bluffcakes

The mom spoke about ‘daddy privilege,’ the phenomenon where people praise dads and call them heroes for doing basic, everyday parenting stuff

Image credits: chloebluffcakes

You can watch the full video, which got over 4.1 million views, right over here

@chloebluffcakesIt’s the daddy hero treatment for me 🙃♬ original sound – Chloe

Here’s what Chloe said about daddy privilege in the video

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Chloe shared some more of her thoughts about daddy privilege with Bored Panda. “Daddy privilege really boils down to the acts as a parent the general public sees as ‘exemplary.’ I completely believe that fathers should be praised for being standard parents—I simply think that mothers should AS WELL! By no means take away praise from father carrying his weight. Just pay close attention to the women who take their place 9 out of 10 times,” she said.

When not spending time with her loving family and taking care of her two kids, Theo and Mason, Chloe’s life centers around baking. Her passion for baking started with her love for “everything Martha Stewart and a desire to conquer complicated treats.” For her, baking is a “soothing exercise in creativity and self-care” and she believes she’s lucky enough to be able to dedicate herself to this every single day. “My work largely focuses on our Giant Cookie Shop thanks to the incredible support of our TikTok followers.”

ADVERTISEMENT

Chloe’s TikTok video got nearly a million likes on the platform and was viewed over 4.1 million times. That just shows that people really related to what she had to say and that daddy privilege is a far wider problem than we might think at first glance.

In the video, the baker explained just how differently she and her husband got treated when picking supplies for her business when they brought the baby. The people in the store thought it was extraordinary that the man was taking care of the baby and they weren’t subtle with their praise. In fact, they heaped it high, calling him a hero. A hero! Meanwhile, whenever Chloe would come in with the baby (or back when she was pregnant), it was all seen as ‘business as usual’ by the cashiers. Unfortunately, hard work gets a very different response depending on what gender the parent is.

“He’s literally not a hero. He’s just a father, just a parent, doing the same [stuff]I do every week,” Chloe said in her video. She also inspired other moms to share their own experiences, having seen what daddy privilege looks like with their own eyes.

Chloe explained that nobody praises moms like they compliment dads for taking care of the kids and working at the same time

ADVERTISEMENT

Meanwhile, here’s a video showing a day in the life of mom Chloe

@chloebluffcakes #adayinmylife part 2! Baking cookies 🍪 meet some of my kitchen friends! #tiktokresumes #memphis ♬ Paper Birds (3 min) – Jordan Halpern Schwartz

“I’m lucky to have a husband/life partner that is a self-proclaimed feminist and outright said, ‘Honestly the way they treated me was…embarrassing?’ He was in as much shock about how he was treated as I was: TOTALLY NOT SHOCKED. Being married to a man who doesn’t need to be taught just how deeply unfair the treatment of men vs. women in parenting roles is can be extremely relieving,” Chloe told Buzzfeed during an interview.

“To give an example of my typical day-to-day as a mother and business owner, this is how it goes: Wake at 6:45 a.m., prepare both children, drive to school, wait in the car rider line, drive home, get ready for a day of baking while taking care of the baby, hand him to my childcare for the day, head to my local wholesale source for ingredients, load up hundreds of pounds of butter, sugar, flour, etc., unload, organize, and inventory the ingredients at our commercial kitchen, then spend the following hours producing thousands of giant cookies, clean said commercial kitchen and all hardware and dishes (all while wearing evie pumps off and on), then load the baked cookies carefully sealed and stored into my vehicle to take to our office where they are sealed and shipped, get the baby from my childcare and the 7-year-old from school, get started on homework, answer emails, care for the baby, cook dinner, manage both bedtimes for the kids, and maybe do some housework before falling into the couch,” she said what a typical day looks like.

ADVERTISEMENT

“In my opinion, ‘daddy privilege’ is that subtle upper hand men side-step into as parents that allows them to gain praise for simply…being a parent. You fed the baby? What a great dad! You held the baby while mommy bathed? So considerate of you! You picked up something for dinner? What would your family do without you?! It’s all the little ways mothers do exactly what the world expects of them without a second thought and then watch fathers get praised for simply showing up,” Chloe said.

“Women carry equal and, in some cases, majority breadwinner weight these days and still are deemed less worthy of parental praise somehow. I am a feminist to my core and will always fight for what is equal and just—today that means giving EVERY parent the same amount of attention. Every parent deserves to know that they are seen and appreciated.”

“By all means, cheer on that dad you see struggling to hip-hold a baby while opening the freezer door in the grocery store, but also express that same praise and helpful hand to the mother—who might take his place six days a week. Mothers may not need praise, but they sure as hell deserve it.”

Here’s what some people had to say after they watched the viral video

Share on Facebook
You May Like
Popular on Bored Panda
Write comments
Add photo comments
POST
facebook_radek avatar
Radek Suski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we please have a TikTok category and a filter that would allow to exclude it?

john_laughlin avatar
Brandon Marlowe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too bad there's not some other way to know. Oh, wait, the headline of this post was, "Mom Calls Out ‘Daddy Privilege’ In A TikTok Video, Gets Over 4 Million Views For Dropping Truth Bombs" Maybe if you don't want to see TikTok content you could just, like, ....not.

Load More Replies...
greencappy avatar
Green Cappy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe you'd say it's a "privilege" but I woudn't. Although it could be an advantage, in most places the fact that good dads are seen as a rarity can be a negative for them. Would you really say that for example say women in IT being infantilized and that everyone would always say that "Wow you're really inspiring that you do that as a woman" as female privilege? This is an advantage but not a privilege, and just like in this case it's not always good, since this is literally the bigotry of low expectations.

sleazyweaver avatar
Sleazy Weaver
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it still a "privilege" when the dad is seen as just a babysitter for the kids & all his love & efforts in raising the child are constantly viewed as second place? Is it still a "privilege" when dad is the stay-at-home parent, but schools will always contact the mom at work first, no matter how inconvenient it is, because they don't see dad as an equal parent? Was it a "privilege" when a Reddit user was repeatedly told a teacher had something to tell his wife, but the teacher refused to tell him, so he ended up bringing his wife's urn to school just to hear an inconsequential compliment about his daughter's schoolwork? There are two sides of the coin. The reason men get overly praised for being seen in public with their kids is because nobody takes them seriously as parents. We literally just had a post about this last week or so. Why the sudden dad hate? Ridiculous.

cucumbersunite avatar
Hazel M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes it is - well done for picking up on them. Privilege: "a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group". Does not exclude things that aren't beneficial or only beneficial to one party.

Load More Replies...
malifacent_4 avatar
Sarah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When people ask my sister "oh, is your husband babysitting today", she usually responds with "no, he's fathering". He tells people the same thing. :)

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do the same thing. Usually reply that he is parenting. When men ask me, and I know they have children, I usually respond with, Is your wife babysitting your children?

Load More Replies...
glirpy avatar
Glirpy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

UPDATE: People praised for being parents and ridiculed for being childless. I am so sick and tired of hearing about both men and women being awesome simply because they have kids. You CHOSE to have kids. Now deal with them. I don't want to hear about it. Thanks!

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And like.. almost everyone does it and has been since the dawn of time. Nothing special.

Load More Replies...
hamilton770 avatar
Andrew Hamilton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do find it strange that most of the people commenting on a man being a caring dad seem to be women.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would you bother sharing this? She looks like the type of person that needs everyone to acknowledge how amazing she is at all times, I mean why not put the baby down while you wash the dishes? The answer of course, is that she needs people to know that she's a mum and a business owner(not just a person that has a job) that it doing it all by herself and what better way to communicate this than a kitchen sink photo op.

crabcrab avatar
Hans
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is a business owner, as you say it. Viral advertising, and even for free. The second snapshot, where she puts the baby's face clearly into the camera, ends any discussion and suffocates any validity. I cannot comprehend how anyone can be so respectless of their own children to feature them on social media publicly without consent. A baby cannot give consent to be on social media you say? Then do not put him or her on social media! (unless to a private group with only people you can trust.)

Load More Replies...
dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I file this in the "let it go" category. Your husband receiving compliments doesn't detract from your personal achievements in any way.

kjorn avatar
kjorn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

never understand why people treat men who take care of their baby like it's something special? do mens before the 80-90's never tooks care of their kids that much than now it's seem like a supernatural thing to do? like we treat keanu reeves like a god because he just act like a decent human being like we all shoud do?

frostirin avatar
lightbulb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A man who can't cook/clean/parent their kids is pathetic. In my family a man like that gets kicked to the curb pronto.

john_123 avatar
More Thinking Needed
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She clearly says "her husband went to the store for her and took the baby". How then does she know that people were treating him as a "hero". Because he told her that one person said to him: "Oh my god, that's a big a** baby"? Sorry. AIn't buying it.

samyobado avatar
Sam Yobado
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A narcissist would consider praise a privilege. A modest person would consider it unnecessary. A introvert would consider it a drawback.

fmc avatar
Niall Mac Iomera
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except we've also had many articles on this site about dads being told they're "babysitters" and not parents. Also, what about women getting lauded for things men do all the time?

andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This just shows how little most men do around the house/kids. Some men do their fair share and everybody congratulates them because the norm is that men slack off. There was study in UK where in the mayority of households where women worked they were still doing almost all chores and childrearing. Even if they worked full time.

stanfield-claire avatar
Claire Stanfield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Telling his wife about all the attention he received while out with the baby? Rookie mistake.

faithhurst-bilinski avatar
Faith Hurst-Bilinski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you. A dad just has to play with his own children once and he is some sort of super dad.

magentamanganit avatar
MagNat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I don't have kids, but I remember from when I was a child - my dad would take care of me fairly often and all mums of my friends acted like him picking up his own damn daugther from schoolwas the eight wonder of the world.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. My husband put my daughters hair in a pony tail at a local fair and the number of strangers that fawned over him and commented on what a hero he was sickening.

Load More Replies...
jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This makes me cranky too. Since my first was born, my husband has been praised as the hero of parents everywhere. From walking the baby, to getting up nights, to doing the school run and even dropping the kids to music lessons ffs. I have never had a stranger comment on how wonderful it is that I do these things. Instead, I get told how lucky I am to have a husband that 'helps' me. The bar is so very very low for men.

treefist avatar
No
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tl:dr-dad works to be dad, pays for privilege jealousy of a father's being respected is wrong. I may in the future write something, but only because people keep saying the same things I absolute ignorance of the realities of trying to be a father. Look up fatherhood parenting classes available to the public and, if you find any, look at what's taught. You MAY find a class, and it will teach the basics on being a responsible and effective father. Which is different from parent in that you won't be learning about raising kids and the caring for kids will be actually done by others whom you are to pay for their effort in supervision of the kids. If you don't work your a bad father, if you don't pay the bills, don't give your wife/ the mom security and shelter, whether she cares for the kid, lets you see them or is capable of keeping them safe from her new boyfriend, dad pays or he's scum. At no point is he told to spend time with the kid, he does that for 🆓.

silverskycloud avatar
SilverSkyCloud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

maybe they get praise because its a general stereotype that men are "useless" at childcare, ive seen it myself at a creshe where mothers say things like men are too forgetful to be left alone with babies for too long, men are cant change nappies and men are useless at getting babies to sleep to me, its like praising a 10 year old for being able to name the basic shapes

kumoa avatar
Kumoa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course they praise the father for being a father. in todays world it's sometimes hard to find a father who has the time to actually be a father. he's so busy working overtime to try to make ends meet. Instead of looking down on someone getting praise, how about you join in and thank them for doing such things and maybe more will do it to. cause hey fathers love praise too. And To be fair. more woman need to be praised and thanked for being such great mothers as well. Let's not try to shame someone for getting praise. Makes you sound petty and jealous.

bethellis avatar
Beth Ellis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex-husbands idea of being "helpful" was to go out with our son to do fun activities on the weekends, so I could stay home "without interruption" and clean the whole house all by myself without any help, and everyone praised him for his "thoughtfulness"

felipe_meyer avatar
Felipe Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was sexually abused by a woman while sleep, for her get pregnant, so she get better away with crimes she did., she domestically abused me 2 yrs. 24/7,abused unborn child to keep me with her. Made a lot of profits because of my help. still she never let me handle the baby or child, instead crippling my heart and soul down.... manipulated every one around me, private & government, she killed my name, saying I hitted her with the baby ectect... she then took a lot of profit from HER MOMMY Privileges, because I am supposedly them evil bad man who hits and kicks.... no f*****g no one ever believed me, when I went to the police to check it out if she abused some KO drops to make it more easy for her to sexuall abuse me when I sleep. She did everything so I could not make a connection with my son. i haven't seen my son., she did all this knowing I had complex traumatic stress disorder and abused that fact for personal gain. She goes under Suel Fernandez aka Maria Fertnandez Puga Consuelo.

adrianacoppage avatar
TrixicBird(Any pronouns)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been raped and not believed. so have 1/6 six women have been sexually assulted so have 1 in 33 men. Not saying it isn't a problem for men but women experience it more and a personal anecdote is data but is not absolute.

Load More Replies...
erin6051 avatar
Animalsrgreat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agree, and it's WOMEN who feed into this! I'll never understand it.

manusal avatar
El muerto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

mommy privilege. no matter what happens, mommy is always the victim...gonna get downvoted, but this threat is a huge echo chamber.

m2crows avatar
Mike Crow
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are “daddy privilege” now? This is a new one to me as I have been a father for 13 years and I have been doing the same amount of work with our kids as my wife has. The only difference was when a couple people questioned my ability to care for the kids because I was the dad and a couple women hit on me (which was uncomfortable).

breakmyheart avatar
Something
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People overly praising dads and people questioning dads' abilities is part of the same phenomenon in which for some reason the mom is seen as the main parent.

Load More Replies...
tamara-kroonen-1 avatar
Tamara Kroonen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's because all moms are heroes, so nobody is noticing it anymore. It's like a country of all beautiful black haired princesses live, and if there walks by one blonde, she is treated like a princess.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And why are all dads not heroes? Why dont we expect the dads to display the same commitment to thier children as we expect from mums?

Load More Replies...
jeffrequier_1 avatar
Requiem
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone who uses the word "gushes" is automatically disqualified for having an opinion. I have 3 boys of my own and raised 4 of my exes as they had THREE absentee fathers. I worked 12 hour days and every evening was spent driving one or another to Cubs and Girl guides. Ive always been better at dealing with babies since I was a teenager so Ive even helped raise my nieces and nephews when they were babies and toddlers. All the girls I knew then still made bad choices in partners while going on about how great id make a dad one day. At NO time was I a "HERO" or praised for being a parent and being a step parent. The last three years Ive raised two of my boys on my own with barely any involvement or financial support from their mother.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh the irony. A man, who is being forced to parent because the mother left complaining about the lack of praise.

Load More Replies...
blaasdf2 avatar
Hugo Raible
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Low level rage bait about first world problems. Next: Woman calls out that scratching that itch on her back is difficult. Stay classy, BP.

bruceleibee avatar
Bruce Leibee
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Yes, I certainly enjoyed "Daddy Privilege," what an asinine term, with all the real problems in the world we better attack this egregious act on humanity, when I raised three children when their mother decided to leave. Oh yes, the life of luxury and praise heap on me was almost too much.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh the irony. A man, who is being forced to parent because the mother left complaining about the lack of praise. I am genuinely sorry this happened to you but as a man, you still have it infinitely better than the women left to the same lot.

Load More Replies...
degueb avatar
De Gueb
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

What about the privilege to be a stay at home mum. My BIL stayed at home to look after my nice because my sister earned more money them him and everybody slammed him for it. F** what people think, just do what you think is best as a parent, male, female or what ever and stop worrying what people think. Nobody's a martyr just for raising kids.

mateja_h avatar
Mateja .H
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

Load More Replies...
brendan-roberts82 avatar
Brendan Roberts
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Interesting fact: in the UK, biological fathers aren't automatically considered as the child's legal father. They have to make an application to be one. Whereas, every mother is automatically considered as the legal mother. Is that also part of the 'Daddy privilege'?

ariawhitaker avatar
Aria Whitaker
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take some time and really THINK about what you just typed here, Brendan. Think HARD.

Load More Replies...
brukernavn340 avatar
andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not at all. Its the same in the four european countries where i lived. Men on averag dont do housechores or child care

Load More Replies...
facebook_radek avatar
Radek Suski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can we please have a TikTok category and a filter that would allow to exclude it?

john_laughlin avatar
Brandon Marlowe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Too bad there's not some other way to know. Oh, wait, the headline of this post was, "Mom Calls Out ‘Daddy Privilege’ In A TikTok Video, Gets Over 4 Million Views For Dropping Truth Bombs" Maybe if you don't want to see TikTok content you could just, like, ....not.

Load More Replies...
greencappy avatar
Green Cappy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe you'd say it's a "privilege" but I woudn't. Although it could be an advantage, in most places the fact that good dads are seen as a rarity can be a negative for them. Would you really say that for example say women in IT being infantilized and that everyone would always say that "Wow you're really inspiring that you do that as a woman" as female privilege? This is an advantage but not a privilege, and just like in this case it's not always good, since this is literally the bigotry of low expectations.

sleazyweaver avatar
Sleazy Weaver
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it still a "privilege" when the dad is seen as just a babysitter for the kids & all his love & efforts in raising the child are constantly viewed as second place? Is it still a "privilege" when dad is the stay-at-home parent, but schools will always contact the mom at work first, no matter how inconvenient it is, because they don't see dad as an equal parent? Was it a "privilege" when a Reddit user was repeatedly told a teacher had something to tell his wife, but the teacher refused to tell him, so he ended up bringing his wife's urn to school just to hear an inconsequential compliment about his daughter's schoolwork? There are two sides of the coin. The reason men get overly praised for being seen in public with their kids is because nobody takes them seriously as parents. We literally just had a post about this last week or so. Why the sudden dad hate? Ridiculous.

cucumbersunite avatar
Hazel M
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes it is - well done for picking up on them. Privilege: "a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group". Does not exclude things that aren't beneficial or only beneficial to one party.

Load More Replies...
malifacent_4 avatar
Sarah
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When people ask my sister "oh, is your husband babysitting today", she usually responds with "no, he's fathering". He tells people the same thing. :)

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do the same thing. Usually reply that he is parenting. When men ask me, and I know they have children, I usually respond with, Is your wife babysitting your children?

Load More Replies...
glirpy avatar
Glirpy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

UPDATE: People praised for being parents and ridiculed for being childless. I am so sick and tired of hearing about both men and women being awesome simply because they have kids. You CHOSE to have kids. Now deal with them. I don't want to hear about it. Thanks!

mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And like.. almost everyone does it and has been since the dawn of time. Nothing special.

Load More Replies...
hamilton770 avatar
Andrew Hamilton
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do find it strange that most of the people commenting on a man being a caring dad seem to be women.

mark-mckenzie_1 avatar
anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would you bother sharing this? She looks like the type of person that needs everyone to acknowledge how amazing she is at all times, I mean why not put the baby down while you wash the dishes? The answer of course, is that she needs people to know that she's a mum and a business owner(not just a person that has a job) that it doing it all by herself and what better way to communicate this than a kitchen sink photo op.

crabcrab avatar
Hans
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She is a business owner, as you say it. Viral advertising, and even for free. The second snapshot, where she puts the baby's face clearly into the camera, ends any discussion and suffocates any validity. I cannot comprehend how anyone can be so respectless of their own children to feature them on social media publicly without consent. A baby cannot give consent to be on social media you say? Then do not put him or her on social media! (unless to a private group with only people you can trust.)

Load More Replies...
dande060912 avatar
April Stephens
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I file this in the "let it go" category. Your husband receiving compliments doesn't detract from your personal achievements in any way.

kjorn avatar
kjorn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

never understand why people treat men who take care of their baby like it's something special? do mens before the 80-90's never tooks care of their kids that much than now it's seem like a supernatural thing to do? like we treat keanu reeves like a god because he just act like a decent human being like we all shoud do?

frostirin avatar
lightbulb
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A man who can't cook/clean/parent their kids is pathetic. In my family a man like that gets kicked to the curb pronto.

john_123 avatar
More Thinking Needed
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She clearly says "her husband went to the store for her and took the baby". How then does she know that people were treating him as a "hero". Because he told her that one person said to him: "Oh my god, that's a big a** baby"? Sorry. AIn't buying it.

samyobado avatar
Sam Yobado
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A narcissist would consider praise a privilege. A modest person would consider it unnecessary. A introvert would consider it a drawback.

fmc avatar
Niall Mac Iomera
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Except we've also had many articles on this site about dads being told they're "babysitters" and not parents. Also, what about women getting lauded for things men do all the time?

andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This just shows how little most men do around the house/kids. Some men do their fair share and everybody congratulates them because the norm is that men slack off. There was study in UK where in the mayority of households where women worked they were still doing almost all chores and childrearing. Even if they worked full time.

stanfield-claire avatar
Claire Stanfield
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Telling his wife about all the attention he received while out with the baby? Rookie mistake.

faithhurst-bilinski avatar
Faith Hurst-Bilinski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you. A dad just has to play with his own children once and he is some sort of super dad.

magentamanganit avatar
MagNat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, I don't have kids, but I remember from when I was a child - my dad would take care of me fairly often and all mums of my friends acted like him picking up his own damn daugther from schoolwas the eight wonder of the world.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep. My husband put my daughters hair in a pony tail at a local fair and the number of strangers that fawned over him and commented on what a hero he was sickening.

Load More Replies...
jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This makes me cranky too. Since my first was born, my husband has been praised as the hero of parents everywhere. From walking the baby, to getting up nights, to doing the school run and even dropping the kids to music lessons ffs. I have never had a stranger comment on how wonderful it is that I do these things. Instead, I get told how lucky I am to have a husband that 'helps' me. The bar is so very very low for men.

treefist avatar
No
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tl:dr-dad works to be dad, pays for privilege jealousy of a father's being respected is wrong. I may in the future write something, but only because people keep saying the same things I absolute ignorance of the realities of trying to be a father. Look up fatherhood parenting classes available to the public and, if you find any, look at what's taught. You MAY find a class, and it will teach the basics on being a responsible and effective father. Which is different from parent in that you won't be learning about raising kids and the caring for kids will be actually done by others whom you are to pay for their effort in supervision of the kids. If you don't work your a bad father, if you don't pay the bills, don't give your wife/ the mom security and shelter, whether she cares for the kid, lets you see them or is capable of keeping them safe from her new boyfriend, dad pays or he's scum. At no point is he told to spend time with the kid, he does that for 🆓.

silverskycloud avatar
SilverSkyCloud
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

maybe they get praise because its a general stereotype that men are "useless" at childcare, ive seen it myself at a creshe where mothers say things like men are too forgetful to be left alone with babies for too long, men are cant change nappies and men are useless at getting babies to sleep to me, its like praising a 10 year old for being able to name the basic shapes

kumoa avatar
Kumoa
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Of course they praise the father for being a father. in todays world it's sometimes hard to find a father who has the time to actually be a father. he's so busy working overtime to try to make ends meet. Instead of looking down on someone getting praise, how about you join in and thank them for doing such things and maybe more will do it to. cause hey fathers love praise too. And To be fair. more woman need to be praised and thanked for being such great mothers as well. Let's not try to shame someone for getting praise. Makes you sound petty and jealous.

bethellis avatar
Beth Ellis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My ex-husbands idea of being "helpful" was to go out with our son to do fun activities on the weekends, so I could stay home "without interruption" and clean the whole house all by myself without any help, and everyone praised him for his "thoughtfulness"

felipe_meyer avatar
Felipe Meyer
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was sexually abused by a woman while sleep, for her get pregnant, so she get better away with crimes she did., she domestically abused me 2 yrs. 24/7,abused unborn child to keep me with her. Made a lot of profits because of my help. still she never let me handle the baby or child, instead crippling my heart and soul down.... manipulated every one around me, private & government, she killed my name, saying I hitted her with the baby ectect... she then took a lot of profit from HER MOMMY Privileges, because I am supposedly them evil bad man who hits and kicks.... no f*****g no one ever believed me, when I went to the police to check it out if she abused some KO drops to make it more easy for her to sexuall abuse me when I sleep. She did everything so I could not make a connection with my son. i haven't seen my son., she did all this knowing I had complex traumatic stress disorder and abused that fact for personal gain. She goes under Suel Fernandez aka Maria Fertnandez Puga Consuelo.

adrianacoppage avatar
TrixicBird(Any pronouns)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been raped and not believed. so have 1/6 six women have been sexually assulted so have 1 in 33 men. Not saying it isn't a problem for men but women experience it more and a personal anecdote is data but is not absolute.

Load More Replies...
erin6051 avatar
Animalsrgreat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agree, and it's WOMEN who feed into this! I'll never understand it.

manusal avatar
El muerto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

mommy privilege. no matter what happens, mommy is always the victim...gonna get downvoted, but this threat is a huge echo chamber.

m2crows avatar
Mike Crow
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There are “daddy privilege” now? This is a new one to me as I have been a father for 13 years and I have been doing the same amount of work with our kids as my wife has. The only difference was when a couple people questioned my ability to care for the kids because I was the dad and a couple women hit on me (which was uncomfortable).

breakmyheart avatar
Something
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People overly praising dads and people questioning dads' abilities is part of the same phenomenon in which for some reason the mom is seen as the main parent.

Load More Replies...
tamara-kroonen-1 avatar
Tamara Kroonen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's because all moms are heroes, so nobody is noticing it anymore. It's like a country of all beautiful black haired princesses live, and if there walks by one blonde, she is treated like a princess.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And why are all dads not heroes? Why dont we expect the dads to display the same commitment to thier children as we expect from mums?

Load More Replies...
jeffrequier_1 avatar
Requiem
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone who uses the word "gushes" is automatically disqualified for having an opinion. I have 3 boys of my own and raised 4 of my exes as they had THREE absentee fathers. I worked 12 hour days and every evening was spent driving one or another to Cubs and Girl guides. Ive always been better at dealing with babies since I was a teenager so Ive even helped raise my nieces and nephews when they were babies and toddlers. All the girls I knew then still made bad choices in partners while going on about how great id make a dad one day. At NO time was I a "HERO" or praised for being a parent and being a step parent. The last three years Ive raised two of my boys on my own with barely any involvement or financial support from their mother.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh the irony. A man, who is being forced to parent because the mother left complaining about the lack of praise.

Load More Replies...
blaasdf2 avatar
Hugo Raible
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Low level rage bait about first world problems. Next: Woman calls out that scratching that itch on her back is difficult. Stay classy, BP.

bruceleibee avatar
Bruce Leibee
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Yes, I certainly enjoyed "Daddy Privilege," what an asinine term, with all the real problems in the world we better attack this egregious act on humanity, when I raised three children when their mother decided to leave. Oh yes, the life of luxury and praise heap on me was almost too much.

jlkooiker avatar
lenka
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh the irony. A man, who is being forced to parent because the mother left complaining about the lack of praise. I am genuinely sorry this happened to you but as a man, you still have it infinitely better than the women left to the same lot.

Load More Replies...
degueb avatar
De Gueb
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

What about the privilege to be a stay at home mum. My BIL stayed at home to look after my nice because my sister earned more money them him and everybody slammed him for it. F** what people think, just do what you think is best as a parent, male, female or what ever and stop worrying what people think. Nobody's a martyr just for raising kids.

mateja_h avatar
Mateja .H
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

Load More Replies...
brendan-roberts82 avatar
Brendan Roberts
Community Member
2 years ago (edited)

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Interesting fact: in the UK, biological fathers aren't automatically considered as the child's legal father. They have to make an application to be one. Whereas, every mother is automatically considered as the legal mother. Is that also part of the 'Daddy privilege'?

ariawhitaker avatar
Aria Whitaker
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Take some time and really THINK about what you just typed here, Brendan. Think HARD.

Load More Replies...
brukernavn340 avatar
andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not at all. Its the same in the four european countries where i lived. Men on averag dont do housechores or child care

Load More Replies...
Popular on Bored Panda
Trending on Bored Panda
Also on Bored Panda