Man Shames Mom For Looking At Her Phone Instead Of Her Kids, She Defends Herself And Shames Him Instead
It’s easy to judge when you only get a snippet of the big picture. So when a stranger mom-shamed Tracy Bennett, she decided to respond with an open letter for everyone to see why sometimes you should keep your opinion to yourself. Tracy explained that the whole fuss began when she was shopping at Costco with her sons, Elliot, 2, and Isaac, 7 months. As soon as she sensed that her kids were heading towards a meltdown, Tracy tried to log on to the Costco app rather than continue waiting in line. That’s when the mister approached her.
Image credits: Breastfeeding Mama Talk
“My initial reaction was a defensive one,” Tracy told Bored Panda. “I turned my phone around to show him the screen and said, ‘I’m on the Costco app trying to get us out of this line.’ He moved to the Returns desk (it was now his turn in line) and chuckled to himself. So I added, ‘But thank you for the parenting advice.’ His comment made me feel angry, of course, mostly because he interrupted an already stressful moment to make it worse. He took time away from me solving a problem for my kids by assuming I was neglecting them. Anyone who loves their kids deeply and pours their attention into them constantly is going to feel a little pissed off when someone accuses them of neglect.”
Tracy set out to write an open letter to him because she was unhappy with her initial reaction. “Acting defensively probably only validated his opinion,” she said. “I had better things to say to him about how those types of comments to mothers can be incredibly damaging. I just wanted to write down what was in my head since I did not run into him again in the store. I submitted it to a mom blog where I regularly see posts that I can relate to and thought, at the very least, other moms could get a good eye roll out of it or feel supported if they’ve ever experienced something similar.”
Image credits: Breastfeeding Mama Talk
However, the reactions she has been receiving for her sincere words are incredibly supportive. “I’ve taken away that mothers stick together even when they have no idea who you are. We are all doing our best and have earned our tough skin. Our babies are our world and I just hope they grow up to know to look at a stressed-out mom in a store and offer help rather than insult.”
People couldn’t agree with her more
While I definitely agree that people should mind their own business and the man was beyond rude, that phone disease honestly scares me. I once saw a lady pushing a pram, face glued to her phone, and she crossed the street without even looking. I don't have anything postive to say about THAT kind of behaviour, I'm sorry.
I saw the same thing in a mall parking lot this week. The woman didn't look left or right, just kept looking at her phone, pushing the stroller without no thought to cars coming in any direction. It was shocking.
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I was once reading a book to my four children in a waiting room. We had all gathered in two chairs in the far corner so as not to disturb anybody. An old woman yelled at me for being disruptive stating, "My children read to THEMSELVES!" - my oldest at the time was 5. I had four kids five and under and this woman expected them to read quietly to themselves. When my kids were older, we were in a doctor's waiting room when an old man lectured me on how kids shouldn't be always on their devices and should be reading books. We were all literally reading on our Kindles. Some people just don't bother minding their own business.
I was in a postal office where a mom tried to write the adress one the lable for a package, her about two year old was running around, always tring to take things out of the shelfes and her baby was crying. So the guy behind the counter asked somethink like "don't you see that your baby is crying???" ------ I went to help her rock the baby in the buggy, but I'm really angry at me that I was too shy to tell this guy that it's not his place to judge her, and the only thing that he should have done was help or shut up.
I think the 2 year old trying to make a mess that one of the employees would have to clean up is even more annoying. Also it's ridiculous that he has to help her take care of her children while he is already working, but he shouldn't have said anything though unless the 2 year old was tearing apart the displays.
Load More Replies... Big deal. Someone in the global village showed they cared. I've observed a great many moms, dads and caregivers totally oblivious to their charges for long durations. The worst was a father looking at his phone coming around the corner on a retail street follow about 7 feet behind by a tiny little girl of about three. She could have been snapped up in a second and he'd have had no idea where she went. So you're welcome for us caring about your child. I'm glad you do too. Too many people don't.
People should just mind their damn business unless they can see someone is in harm's way or they are in harms way you never ever know what is going on in someone elses life!
Sometimes they csn be helpful in that they are relatable to some, or can be a way for people on either side of a common debate to be in each others shoes
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Was she driving? Ignoring them as they ran around a park or into a street? Hitting them? Screaming at them? Giving them junk food to give herself a break? Just how much discipline do people expect toddlers and younger ot *have*? I'm kinda shocked by how judgmental people are, especially since I wonder how many are commenting while on their.... phones.
I guess I was lucky. Rarely had to take my kids shopping with me. Usually left them at home.
If someone butts into my business in public, I literally tell them to eff off. I am at the point in my life that I do not welcome their negative input. I am quite sure that I did not pay for their advice, so they can just go away.
Yes, I'm sure this happened. Just another person trying to make themselves into a Victim for social media likes.
What I do when I see kids starting to tantrum, (even if the mother/father/whomever is on their phone and be honest we have no idea if they are texting a sick relative, or banking to make sure they have enough at the checkout) I stick my tongue out at the kid. the kids usually go, whaaat??? and stop for a minute, if they keep going I stick my tongue out and roll my eyes. The kid usually then stops and stares. Mum/Dad/whomever looks and then smiles. The kid may or may not go back to crying or fussing, I then say, if they do make a racket, "Wow! You have such a big voice! you must have big lungs! You could blow up a huuuuuuuge ballooooooon!" Kids generally need distraction is what I am saying. People who take it upon themselves to know everything about that parent and children relationship need to try a little tolerance.
My time with babies was long before cell phone. But today I am solely responsible for my 96 year old mother who lives alone. I also have 2 seriously disabled adult kids. I literally never put my phone down. Sorry not sorry. You don't know the stranger you are judging. Until you've walked a mile in their shoes you best butt the heck out.
Why take it to the internet? Just tell the guy off in person. I've loped a few people's noses off before. I have no tolerance for that c**p. It's also usually people who don't have kids, or have kids that they don't take care of who want to give snide remarks. Shut that c**p down fast.
I think the problem these days is that drama is at an all time high and parenting is at an all time low. These days kids can do whatever the heck they want and everyone is like "uhh, so cute" or "well done Kevin" (for something definitely not well done). When I grew up my parents told me what to do and I generally followed that order - of course not always and at very young age even less so, but having a fit in a store as a 3 year old never happened and would never have happened. Also leaving a restaurant in utter disarray would never have happened. Then the drama - everything is big drama these days and uhhh, we need to write some social media post. 99% of what I hear is "so rude" isn't even remotely rude and didn't use to be rude until the late 90ies or early 2000's. These days if you say anything but niceties you're rude and you hear "if you don't have anything nice to say better say nothing at all" - but sorry, parents with out of control brats in a store ARE rude.
I remember my one and only tantrum at the store as a kid. My mum didn't say a word, just took the shopping up to the counter, said "we can't buy these atm sorry", drove me home and put me in my room. I never did it again. Ffwd to now, my son had a fit in the supermarket roughly 2 years ago. I mean a full on meltdown. So I took my groceries back, carried him out (he was planking and screaming, like carrying a loud stick XD), took him home and he went to time out. Hes tried it once or twice since, but as soon as i say "shall we go home" he stops. (PS i still got judged hardout when we left the store)
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I had a 2 week-old on an airplane (before you roll your eyes let me finish :) ). My husband was getting cancer treatment and we were fortunate enough to be able to fly ONCE IN A WHILE from NY to VA. She was crying because she was hungry. I had the diaper bag, my purse and a carry-on. I was holding her and trying to get settled. A man in the next row said, "Hold on. Some woman decided to fly with her baby and she's crying. I can't hear you." I turned to him and said, "Good. Now that you're off the phone how about you put this up there and set my other bags under the seat." I then proceeded to pull out my breast without covering (GASP)...who wants to eat under a blanket? Try it sometime. Voila! She was quiet. I got sweet smiles from some and a thumbs up from one guy. Now, whether it was because I barred my breast or put phone guy in his place I'll never know... Moms, don't EVER let someone shame you make you feel bad for decisions you make about your child(ren).
This woman is obviously and exception. Every day I see dozens of parents who are constantly on the phone and ignoring the whole world around them, and you all probably see the same thing. Concentrate on the general message he was trying to make as opposed to this isolated rare incident.
So... why do people keep commenting on Bored Panda saying that they don't believe the poster. Why even bother to post then? Do they post it to every story just in case it's a trick so they can let the poster know that they they caught them? Do you think the posters care? Do you really have that little of a life?
In defense of the mother...I agree. People who aren't parents shouldn't give parenting advice. That being said...I've been witness to the mother holding her screaming 2-year old under her arm like a football while holding a gossip session with a friend out in the parking lot for a solid hour. I've seen the mom that made her 9-year old do circles by the entrance of a grocery store so she could talk on her phone for 20 minutes about what Cindy said her husband did last weekend. There are those parents that ignore their kids. But not every person sporting a phone is doing so at the cost of their children's needs. Unless you know them personally..think what you want, but keep your comments to yourself.
Wait till this guy has a full cart, two kids under 5, and is stuck at self-check b/c the grocery stores got rid of human cashiers... Karma!
I am very glad that on-line grocery shopping is successful in the UK - rarely visit them and don't have to force children to either.
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Just yesterday I saw a child about 3 years old running alone in the pavement and stepping in the stree mindlessly (in a quite dangerous junction). His mother was coming behind him, eyes glued to the phone, paying ZERO attention. She didn't even realised the child was playing alone in the street.
He's not shaming him. She is complaining on social media. Don't get me wrong. I might have frozen up to, but this is just someone venting about some minor inconvenience.
And? What’s wrong with venting? I’m sure that she, as a parent, is already stressed enough
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He had a good point. So many parents are glued to their Facebook and Instagram instead of paying attention to their loud kids. Just so happened she was on her Costco app...yeah right...
Even if she was on Facebook what's it to your @ss? Lots of parents are stretched to the max and take whatever few minutes in downtime they have to take a break. And yes, if your two kids are strapped in a shopping cart and can't get away, that's a break in my book. Pound sand.
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Or she could be understanding that a lot of moms these days ARE more on their phone instead of paying attention to their children and realize this person might have met a lot more people like that then people like her. She doesn't want people to criticize her, but does so herself in a horrible and condescending way. Lead by example, explain the situation and be done with it. No need to be like this.
It's BECAUSE you know nothing about a stranger that you shouldn't be quick to point fingers. Which is exactly what the "bad guy" did in this story.
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They were trying to find a way to get out of line faster through the Costco app... Discipline had nothing to do with it.
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But have you seen your sister/friends kids when they aren't on 'visitor behaviour'? When they are tired and bored or stroppy or testing boundaries? Children have many facets. The only time kids never ever "misbehave" can be when they are doing it out of fear, and I don't for a minute mean that your sister/friends kids are in that category at all! But even the sweetest children have their other emotions. They're human after all
Load More Replies... While I definitely agree that people should mind their own business and the man was beyond rude, that phone disease honestly scares me. I once saw a lady pushing a pram, face glued to her phone, and she crossed the street without even looking. I don't have anything postive to say about THAT kind of behaviour, I'm sorry.
I saw the same thing in a mall parking lot this week. The woman didn't look left or right, just kept looking at her phone, pushing the stroller without no thought to cars coming in any direction. It was shocking.
Load More Replies... I was once reading a book to my four children in a waiting room. We had all gathered in two chairs in the far corner so as not to disturb anybody. An old woman yelled at me for being disruptive stating, "My children read to THEMSELVES!" - my oldest at the time was 5. I had four kids five and under and this woman expected them to read quietly to themselves. When my kids were older, we were in a doctor's waiting room when an old man lectured me on how kids shouldn't be always on their devices and should be reading books. We were all literally reading on our Kindles. Some people just don't bother minding their own business.
I was in a postal office where a mom tried to write the adress one the lable for a package, her about two year old was running around, always tring to take things out of the shelfes and her baby was crying. So the guy behind the counter asked somethink like "don't you see that your baby is crying???" ------ I went to help her rock the baby in the buggy, but I'm really angry at me that I was too shy to tell this guy that it's not his place to judge her, and the only thing that he should have done was help or shut up.
I think the 2 year old trying to make a mess that one of the employees would have to clean up is even more annoying. Also it's ridiculous that he has to help her take care of her children while he is already working, but he shouldn't have said anything though unless the 2 year old was tearing apart the displays.
Load More Replies... Big deal. Someone in the global village showed they cared. I've observed a great many moms, dads and caregivers totally oblivious to their charges for long durations. The worst was a father looking at his phone coming around the corner on a retail street follow about 7 feet behind by a tiny little girl of about three. She could have been snapped up in a second and he'd have had no idea where she went. So you're welcome for us caring about your child. I'm glad you do too. Too many people don't.
People should just mind their damn business unless they can see someone is in harm's way or they are in harms way you never ever know what is going on in someone elses life!
Sometimes they csn be helpful in that they are relatable to some, or can be a way for people on either side of a common debate to be in each others shoes
Load More Replies... Was she driving? Ignoring them as they ran around a park or into a street? Hitting them? Screaming at them? Giving them junk food to give herself a break? Just how much discipline do people expect toddlers and younger ot *have*? I'm kinda shocked by how judgmental people are, especially since I wonder how many are commenting while on their.... phones.
I guess I was lucky. Rarely had to take my kids shopping with me. Usually left them at home.
If someone butts into my business in public, I literally tell them to eff off. I am at the point in my life that I do not welcome their negative input. I am quite sure that I did not pay for their advice, so they can just go away.
Yes, I'm sure this happened. Just another person trying to make themselves into a Victim for social media likes.
What I do when I see kids starting to tantrum, (even if the mother/father/whomever is on their phone and be honest we have no idea if they are texting a sick relative, or banking to make sure they have enough at the checkout) I stick my tongue out at the kid. the kids usually go, whaaat??? and stop for a minute, if they keep going I stick my tongue out and roll my eyes. The kid usually then stops and stares. Mum/Dad/whomever looks and then smiles. The kid may or may not go back to crying or fussing, I then say, if they do make a racket, "Wow! You have such a big voice! you must have big lungs! You could blow up a huuuuuuuge ballooooooon!" Kids generally need distraction is what I am saying. People who take it upon themselves to know everything about that parent and children relationship need to try a little tolerance.
My time with babies was long before cell phone. But today I am solely responsible for my 96 year old mother who lives alone. I also have 2 seriously disabled adult kids. I literally never put my phone down. Sorry not sorry. You don't know the stranger you are judging. Until you've walked a mile in their shoes you best butt the heck out.
Why take it to the internet? Just tell the guy off in person. I've loped a few people's noses off before. I have no tolerance for that c**p. It's also usually people who don't have kids, or have kids that they don't take care of who want to give snide remarks. Shut that c**p down fast.
I think the problem these days is that drama is at an all time high and parenting is at an all time low. These days kids can do whatever the heck they want and everyone is like "uhh, so cute" or "well done Kevin" (for something definitely not well done). When I grew up my parents told me what to do and I generally followed that order - of course not always and at very young age even less so, but having a fit in a store as a 3 year old never happened and would never have happened. Also leaving a restaurant in utter disarray would never have happened. Then the drama - everything is big drama these days and uhhh, we need to write some social media post. 99% of what I hear is "so rude" isn't even remotely rude and didn't use to be rude until the late 90ies or early 2000's. These days if you say anything but niceties you're rude and you hear "if you don't have anything nice to say better say nothing at all" - but sorry, parents with out of control brats in a store ARE rude.
I remember my one and only tantrum at the store as a kid. My mum didn't say a word, just took the shopping up to the counter, said "we can't buy these atm sorry", drove me home and put me in my room. I never did it again. Ffwd to now, my son had a fit in the supermarket roughly 2 years ago. I mean a full on meltdown. So I took my groceries back, carried him out (he was planking and screaming, like carrying a loud stick XD), took him home and he went to time out. Hes tried it once or twice since, but as soon as i say "shall we go home" he stops. (PS i still got judged hardout when we left the store)
Load More Replies... I had a 2 week-old on an airplane (before you roll your eyes let me finish :) ). My husband was getting cancer treatment and we were fortunate enough to be able to fly ONCE IN A WHILE from NY to VA. She was crying because she was hungry. I had the diaper bag, my purse and a carry-on. I was holding her and trying to get settled. A man in the next row said, "Hold on. Some woman decided to fly with her baby and she's crying. I can't hear you." I turned to him and said, "Good. Now that you're off the phone how about you put this up there and set my other bags under the seat." I then proceeded to pull out my breast without covering (GASP)...who wants to eat under a blanket? Try it sometime. Voila! She was quiet. I got sweet smiles from some and a thumbs up from one guy. Now, whether it was because I barred my breast or put phone guy in his place I'll never know... Moms, don't EVER let someone shame you make you feel bad for decisions you make about your child(ren).
This woman is obviously and exception. Every day I see dozens of parents who are constantly on the phone and ignoring the whole world around them, and you all probably see the same thing. Concentrate on the general message he was trying to make as opposed to this isolated rare incident.
So... why do people keep commenting on Bored Panda saying that they don't believe the poster. Why even bother to post then? Do they post it to every story just in case it's a trick so they can let the poster know that they they caught them? Do you think the posters care? Do you really have that little of a life?
In defense of the mother...I agree. People who aren't parents shouldn't give parenting advice. That being said...I've been witness to the mother holding her screaming 2-year old under her arm like a football while holding a gossip session with a friend out in the parking lot for a solid hour. I've seen the mom that made her 9-year old do circles by the entrance of a grocery store so she could talk on her phone for 20 minutes about what Cindy said her husband did last weekend. There are those parents that ignore their kids. But not every person sporting a phone is doing so at the cost of their children's needs. Unless you know them personally..think what you want, but keep your comments to yourself.
Wait till this guy has a full cart, two kids under 5, and is stuck at self-check b/c the grocery stores got rid of human cashiers... Karma!
I am very glad that on-line grocery shopping is successful in the UK - rarely visit them and don't have to force children to either.
Load More Replies... Just yesterday I saw a child about 3 years old running alone in the pavement and stepping in the stree mindlessly (in a quite dangerous junction). His mother was coming behind him, eyes glued to the phone, paying ZERO attention. She didn't even realised the child was playing alone in the street.
He's not shaming him. She is complaining on social media. Don't get me wrong. I might have frozen up to, but this is just someone venting about some minor inconvenience.
And? What’s wrong with venting? I’m sure that she, as a parent, is already stressed enough
Load More Replies... He had a good point. So many parents are glued to their Facebook and Instagram instead of paying attention to their loud kids. Just so happened she was on her Costco app...yeah right...
Even if she was on Facebook what's it to your @ss? Lots of parents are stretched to the max and take whatever few minutes in downtime they have to take a break. And yes, if your two kids are strapped in a shopping cart and can't get away, that's a break in my book. Pound sand.
Load More Replies... Or she could be understanding that a lot of moms these days ARE more on their phone instead of paying attention to their children and realize this person might have met a lot more people like that then people like her. She doesn't want people to criticize her, but does so herself in a horrible and condescending way. Lead by example, explain the situation and be done with it. No need to be like this.
It's BECAUSE you know nothing about a stranger that you shouldn't be quick to point fingers. Which is exactly what the "bad guy" did in this story.
Load More Replies... They were trying to find a way to get out of line faster through the Costco app... Discipline had nothing to do with it.
Load More Replies... But have you seen your sister/friends kids when they aren't on 'visitor behaviour'? When they are tired and bored or stroppy or testing boundaries? Children have many facets. The only time kids never ever "misbehave" can be when they are doing it out of fear, and I don't for a minute mean that your sister/friends kids are in that category at all! But even the sweetest children have their other emotions. They're human after all
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