49-Year-Old Mom Happily Shares How She Adopted A Child Recently But The Internet Starts Shaming Her
Meet Kris Monsour, a happy mom to a beautiful 2-year-old toddler named Ainsley. But her journey to motherhood was not an easy one to begin with as she shared it on TikTok.
“Being told at 41, after my latest miscarriage, that I would never be a mom and to ‘accept my fate,’” the caption said in a video she posted on her TikTok channel @thevintageparents which already amassed a total of 9.4M likes. The second part of the video shows happy Monsour lovingly holding her daughter and the caption says “me at 51 with my two-year-old.”
Shockingly, many commenters showed no empathy to Monsour’s story and instead, used the comment section to share shaming remarks. And you wonder how come people can be so blatantly cruel.
More info: Instagram | TikTok | Beacons.ai
This woman was told she was never going to be a mom after a miscarriage 10 years ago
But at 49, Monsour adopted a girl, filling her life with the joys of motherhood
Image credits: thevintageparents
Image credits: thevintageparents
The stigma around older mothers is still pretty strong in our society. But the science is debunking it by showing that children of older mothers have fewer behavioral, social and emotional difficulties.
This recent research printed in “The European Journal of Developmental Psychology” showed promising outcomes for young children born to older moms. It suggests that older women tended to punish their children less by verbal or physical means. The patience these women cultivate throughout their lives comes into play, which they then offer to their children. As a result, their children don’t suffer from behavioral issues at as high of a rate as other children.
She has been sharing her journey on her TikTok channel The Vintage Parents
@thevintageparents However motherhood comes to you, it’s a miracle. #thevintageparents #adoptionstory #miscarriage #thevintagemom #whatalie #miscarriages ♬ What a time by Niall Horan and Julia Michaels – ana.tpwk
There may be many reasons to why are older moms more patient and less likely to lash out, such as the fact that they’re likely more financially stable and finished with their education. Their career path is set, or they’re in a position to stay home full-time. Because of the previous advantages, older moms may have better access to prenatal care and healthcare in general.
Image credits: thevintageparents
Moreover, the authors of the same research found that age alone plays a huge role in how moms parent. It is believed that as women grow older they tend to be more tolerant of others and more flexible. This may come as a huge benefit for a child whose mother is aware of not only their, but also their own emotional wellbeing.
Image credits: thevintageparents
It’s no secret that women are put under immense pressure in our society, especially when it comes to marrying and having children, in general. “These days, women feel the pressure to ‘do and have it all.’ We feel that we are expected to be able to have a successful career, provide financially, have a happy marriage, and be a full-time parent,” Jane Parker, an Advanced Relationship Coach, told Bored Panda.
But some people shared nasty comments on the family’s TikTok channel
“Women also have higher expectations to be physically attractive and have a stronger need to be nurturing and empathic. Self-care can take a major back seat for some women when trying to achieve all of this,” she explained.
Although pressure to get married varies in different cultures and religions, Parker feels that the pressure for women to get married is greater than for men, which is interesting as women are more independent now than ever before. “Parents, often, very much want to become grandparents, and so, that pressure is more on women than men. The fertility rate in the US is lower than it has been in 35 years.”
Luckily, at least some people showed their support for the mom who felt heartbroken
Despite all the hate, they are a happy and loving family, cherishing all the moments they spend together
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The comment "too old to grandparent." Did they really mean, "too old for me to drop my kid off all the time so that I don't have to raise them"??
Bingo.
Came to say just this... oh do you think they even get the irony of their own comment?
Yep, that's exactly what they meant. And then that same person actually had the nerve to call THEM selfish! When they had basically just admitted that they want to drop off the responsibility of raising their kids on their grandparents.
Funny thing is, both my mum and Mother in Law are also 75 and both "Grandparent" just fine. Regularly. Age is just one factor in health and mobility.
Well, yes my 80 year old MIL is also a very hands-on grandparent
My mum is 75, I was her baby and you know what, despite being in a power chair she keeps up with my four year old just great in the spring and summer.
I thought the same thing... And then calling *them* the selfish one 😂
Precisely what they meant. It's the younger parents that are selfish, not the older parents.
Yes! That pissed me off. Your kids. You raise them.
Tho, my take was that at 80+ , my MIL slowed down enough to be the best grandma to the youngest one. She was so busy golfing and bridge playing with the other, older ones, that my daughter got the 'best' of her, (I had my daughter at 42), She never babysat, as that was a boundary that we respected. But at the times we were over to visit, she sat and read to the 'baby' much more and longer then before.
Too old to grandparent as in she can't believe she has to care for her own kids
Double Bingo!
Not necessarily. My husband's parents were too old to babysit once we had our daughter but because my FIL was still strong enough, he did get to spend more time with her than my MIL did. She remembers little of them both and it's sad because they are good people but they were just not physically able to spend time with her too long. ' And it's not about having free babysitting; it's about being there for your family as much as possible and my daughter missed out on getting to know her grandparents as they are both gone now. My husband also missed a big part of his life when his father died as they were very close and he doesn't have a lot of emotional support from friends and other family. We never stop needing our parents and some of us want them around for as long as possible and it's almost a certainty that she wouldn't be there for her daughter when she has a child of her own, when she needs her mother for guidance and support at a time in her life when she needs her the most.
WOW. Some of the comments are very negative. Why not adopt a child when you're 50? If you can give a child a happy, secure and loving home then go for it. Women have had babies at an older age and those children are fine. Maybe it's tough that you could lose a parent at 20 or 30 but that happens regardless of age. Car accidents and illness lurking around the corner sucks at any age.
Yup. Better than a 20year old who accidentally got pregnant and has no clue about life herself yet.
Especially with the way American society is set up. I know exactly zero 23-26 year olds who are financially stable. No fault of their own... it's just how the US is set up to not provide any social safety nets. If any of them were to have a kid right now... they would f**k that kid up! To clarify, they're good people, but financial stability is incredibly impkrtant for raising children. The stress would just be too much to bear.
Agree. My wife and I had our first kid at 23 and I was absolutely not ready.
My mom had me at 19 and while she DID need help for a while she's also one of the better parents in my family, maintains a healthy marriage and put in the work to improve our possition. But it's not the fact that an older mom has more experience thats the issue here, it's that human beings have an average lifespan of about 84 years, and this woman adopted a toddler at age 51. I have friends who had a parent die in their sixties. If all goes well, MAYBE this girl will have a mom into her thirties but as the last two years proved life is not predictable or fair and there is a very real possibility this woman could die before this child even graduates highschool. If the adoption happened a decade earlier, this would not be as big a concern. But you have to admit that adoption this late in life has some nasty risks to the child such as being orphaned far too soon and having parents physically in decline.
Ya, and even if they have adopted a child who then losses their parents in their 20s or 30s, that's one less child who grows up without any parents at all!
Guess all the nay sayers would rather see the child in the system...kudos to the new mom
Not worried about her age as a mother. But I am concerned about her preoccupation with Instagram. Just looking at her account makes me wonder if that child is going to be raised in front of a constant camera.
My uncle fathered a child at 70. I agree that 50 y.o. parents are fine if they can handle a kid (my parents adopted me when they were 40) but I’ve always thought my uncle was a bit selfish. Poor kid has almost no hope of having his dad see him graduate high school - longevity doesn’t run in the family :( Plus my uncle was feeling his age and had zero energy or strength to really participate in raising his son through baby/toddlerhood. My uncle is kind of a selfish shitshow all around, though XD
Exactly. My brothers were 19&20 and I was 24 when my mom died of breast cancer at 40 years old. Yes, she had me at 16 but she said if that didn’t happen we would probably be too young to understand or remember her in the loving way she raised us. Life is always uncertain. My gran (mom’s mom) is still going strong at 92 now. She’s buried her husband and two children but she’s a strong cookie and even raised my niece through her teen years. It’s not about age, it’s about the loving home you can provide.
That's absolutely right! You tell them, Caro!
Thanks Beth.
Exactly. My children lost their daddy 2.5 years ago. He was only 46. Hit by a negligent and distracted driver, while riding a bicycle. Life is never a guarantee. That baby got what appears to be amazing parents! Who could ask for more?
So true, both of my sons had classmates whose dads died. Both of these children were first graders, both occurred suddenly. Sad , yet they were supported in the community.
Some seriously f***ed up comments on here. 49 is not old. 70 is not really that old. Unless she is still working full time, she is likely to have more time to look after a child and give them more love and opportunities than someone in their 20s or 30s. If she has taken early retirement, she will be in an even better position to be a full time parent. Quit being so judgemental!
well 70 is pretty old, to be fair. it 70 isn't old, what is?
I'm 80, with the mind of a 40 y.o.!
I think the comment was in reference to the mother at 43 would have a mother who would be in her 70's. But yeah , 70 as a first time grandparent might be a bit challenging.
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It's very unlikely that an individual with a baby to raise is going to be able to afford an early retirement. Get real.
Hi! 41 year old retired mother of 3 here! Yeah, we exist. My children will also be taken care of after we are gone because we have provided that to them as well. Along with paying for our own funerals how it's done the whole works, so that all our children are required to do is get through their loss of us whenever that time comes. It's not about age, but what you provide while you're here and after. That includes love and financial stability.
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I literally do not know a single person who is retired. Everyone works full time because we are an overworked society. Are there really people in this country prepared to only work part-time at 50 to stay home& care for a child alone!?
You're right. Retirement is simply not a possibility for most people anymore. Which is why a lot of media has been trying to spin the idea that Americans will be working until they die as a good thing... because our media is owned and operated by the lazy billionaires who profit off of the increasingly lower wages and longer hours of regular workers. You can thank Musk, Bezos, Buffet, and Gates for that.
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Oh my I can't stop laughing. Lazy billionaires who profit off......what, the moron consumers. Baaahhhha ha ha. Money talks hon. Just like they say, bullsht walks. What, you don't realise, everytime you pay for their goods....oh my I can't stop laughing, you vote with your hip pocket. And that is why, they are millionaires
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You dont know ANY stay at home moms?? I'm 38, my mom was a stay at home mom who raised my sister and I while my dad worked. Most of my town had this same situation and now most of them are retired just like my mom and step dad. My dad and his new wife still work 4 themselves but thats cuz they love it and my dad is a workaholic even at 74 he wont stop. He also does 30 mile bike rides all the time. He is way more fit than I ever was even when I was 14 yrs old and he was like almost 50 lol. My parents had me at 35 and my sister at 40 but I'm so glad they are still alive cuz I'm disabled and really need their help badly. Id be dead without them so I'm kind of against having a kid at 50. Youre guaranteeing ur child will lose u at a young age which is cruel I think. Anything 44 and under should really be it. Yea people die in car accidents but thats why you have TWO parents so hopefully u at least get to keep ONE til ur 40 & you dont wanna guarantee they'll be orphans by 30 or less
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70 is not that old?? The US life expectancy sits at 79 years old. At 80 years old more of their peers would be dead than alive!
That average is true, as far as numbers go, but that number also includes deaths at birth and drug overdoses. Assuming this person is considerably healthy and not an addict, their odds are good they'll be on the high end of the graph.
The comment "too old to grandparent." Did they really mean, "too old for me to drop my kid off all the time so that I don't have to raise them"??
Bingo.
Came to say just this... oh do you think they even get the irony of their own comment?
Yep, that's exactly what they meant. And then that same person actually had the nerve to call THEM selfish! When they had basically just admitted that they want to drop off the responsibility of raising their kids on their grandparents.
Funny thing is, both my mum and Mother in Law are also 75 and both "Grandparent" just fine. Regularly. Age is just one factor in health and mobility.
Well, yes my 80 year old MIL is also a very hands-on grandparent
My mum is 75, I was her baby and you know what, despite being in a power chair she keeps up with my four year old just great in the spring and summer.
I thought the same thing... And then calling *them* the selfish one 😂
Precisely what they meant. It's the younger parents that are selfish, not the older parents.
Yes! That pissed me off. Your kids. You raise them.
Tho, my take was that at 80+ , my MIL slowed down enough to be the best grandma to the youngest one. She was so busy golfing and bridge playing with the other, older ones, that my daughter got the 'best' of her, (I had my daughter at 42), She never babysat, as that was a boundary that we respected. But at the times we were over to visit, she sat and read to the 'baby' much more and longer then before.
Too old to grandparent as in she can't believe she has to care for her own kids
Double Bingo!
Not necessarily. My husband's parents were too old to babysit once we had our daughter but because my FIL was still strong enough, he did get to spend more time with her than my MIL did. She remembers little of them both and it's sad because they are good people but they were just not physically able to spend time with her too long. ' And it's not about having free babysitting; it's about being there for your family as much as possible and my daughter missed out on getting to know her grandparents as they are both gone now. My husband also missed a big part of his life when his father died as they were very close and he doesn't have a lot of emotional support from friends and other family. We never stop needing our parents and some of us want them around for as long as possible and it's almost a certainty that she wouldn't be there for her daughter when she has a child of her own, when she needs her mother for guidance and support at a time in her life when she needs her the most.
WOW. Some of the comments are very negative. Why not adopt a child when you're 50? If you can give a child a happy, secure and loving home then go for it. Women have had babies at an older age and those children are fine. Maybe it's tough that you could lose a parent at 20 or 30 but that happens regardless of age. Car accidents and illness lurking around the corner sucks at any age.
Yup. Better than a 20year old who accidentally got pregnant and has no clue about life herself yet.
Especially with the way American society is set up. I know exactly zero 23-26 year olds who are financially stable. No fault of their own... it's just how the US is set up to not provide any social safety nets. If any of them were to have a kid right now... they would f**k that kid up! To clarify, they're good people, but financial stability is incredibly impkrtant for raising children. The stress would just be too much to bear.
Agree. My wife and I had our first kid at 23 and I was absolutely not ready.
My mom had me at 19 and while she DID need help for a while she's also one of the better parents in my family, maintains a healthy marriage and put in the work to improve our possition. But it's not the fact that an older mom has more experience thats the issue here, it's that human beings have an average lifespan of about 84 years, and this woman adopted a toddler at age 51. I have friends who had a parent die in their sixties. If all goes well, MAYBE this girl will have a mom into her thirties but as the last two years proved life is not predictable or fair and there is a very real possibility this woman could die before this child even graduates highschool. If the adoption happened a decade earlier, this would not be as big a concern. But you have to admit that adoption this late in life has some nasty risks to the child such as being orphaned far too soon and having parents physically in decline.
Ya, and even if they have adopted a child who then losses their parents in their 20s or 30s, that's one less child who grows up without any parents at all!
Guess all the nay sayers would rather see the child in the system...kudos to the new mom
Not worried about her age as a mother. But I am concerned about her preoccupation with Instagram. Just looking at her account makes me wonder if that child is going to be raised in front of a constant camera.
My uncle fathered a child at 70. I agree that 50 y.o. parents are fine if they can handle a kid (my parents adopted me when they were 40) but I’ve always thought my uncle was a bit selfish. Poor kid has almost no hope of having his dad see him graduate high school - longevity doesn’t run in the family :( Plus my uncle was feeling his age and had zero energy or strength to really participate in raising his son through baby/toddlerhood. My uncle is kind of a selfish shitshow all around, though XD
Exactly. My brothers were 19&20 and I was 24 when my mom died of breast cancer at 40 years old. Yes, she had me at 16 but she said if that didn’t happen we would probably be too young to understand or remember her in the loving way she raised us. Life is always uncertain. My gran (mom’s mom) is still going strong at 92 now. She’s buried her husband and two children but she’s a strong cookie and even raised my niece through her teen years. It’s not about age, it’s about the loving home you can provide.
That's absolutely right! You tell them, Caro!
Thanks Beth.
Exactly. My children lost their daddy 2.5 years ago. He was only 46. Hit by a negligent and distracted driver, while riding a bicycle. Life is never a guarantee. That baby got what appears to be amazing parents! Who could ask for more?
So true, both of my sons had classmates whose dads died. Both of these children were first graders, both occurred suddenly. Sad , yet they were supported in the community.
Some seriously f***ed up comments on here. 49 is not old. 70 is not really that old. Unless she is still working full time, she is likely to have more time to look after a child and give them more love and opportunities than someone in their 20s or 30s. If she has taken early retirement, she will be in an even better position to be a full time parent. Quit being so judgemental!
well 70 is pretty old, to be fair. it 70 isn't old, what is?
I'm 80, with the mind of a 40 y.o.!
I think the comment was in reference to the mother at 43 would have a mother who would be in her 70's. But yeah , 70 as a first time grandparent might be a bit challenging.
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It's very unlikely that an individual with a baby to raise is going to be able to afford an early retirement. Get real.
Hi! 41 year old retired mother of 3 here! Yeah, we exist. My children will also be taken care of after we are gone because we have provided that to them as well. Along with paying for our own funerals how it's done the whole works, so that all our children are required to do is get through their loss of us whenever that time comes. It's not about age, but what you provide while you're here and after. That includes love and financial stability.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I literally do not know a single person who is retired. Everyone works full time because we are an overworked society. Are there really people in this country prepared to only work part-time at 50 to stay home& care for a child alone!?
You're right. Retirement is simply not a possibility for most people anymore. Which is why a lot of media has been trying to spin the idea that Americans will be working until they die as a good thing... because our media is owned and operated by the lazy billionaires who profit off of the increasingly lower wages and longer hours of regular workers. You can thank Musk, Bezos, Buffet, and Gates for that.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Oh my I can't stop laughing. Lazy billionaires who profit off......what, the moron consumers. Baaahhhha ha ha. Money talks hon. Just like they say, bullsht walks. What, you don't realise, everytime you pay for their goods....oh my I can't stop laughing, you vote with your hip pocket. And that is why, they are millionaires
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
You dont know ANY stay at home moms?? I'm 38, my mom was a stay at home mom who raised my sister and I while my dad worked. Most of my town had this same situation and now most of them are retired just like my mom and step dad. My dad and his new wife still work 4 themselves but thats cuz they love it and my dad is a workaholic even at 74 he wont stop. He also does 30 mile bike rides all the time. He is way more fit than I ever was even when I was 14 yrs old and he was like almost 50 lol. My parents had me at 35 and my sister at 40 but I'm so glad they are still alive cuz I'm disabled and really need their help badly. Id be dead without them so I'm kind of against having a kid at 50. Youre guaranteeing ur child will lose u at a young age which is cruel I think. Anything 44 and under should really be it. Yea people die in car accidents but thats why you have TWO parents so hopefully u at least get to keep ONE til ur 40 & you dont wanna guarantee they'll be orphans by 30 or less
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70 is not that old?? The US life expectancy sits at 79 years old. At 80 years old more of their peers would be dead than alive!
That average is true, as far as numbers go, but that number also includes deaths at birth and drug overdoses. Assuming this person is considerably healthy and not an addict, their odds are good they'll be on the high end of the graph.