“Entitled” Husband Insists His Wife Should Stay Home With The Kids So He Can Attend Her Brother’s Wedding
As nice as it would be to live in a world where you could find a partner whose take on life is just like yours, the reality is that no two people can agree on everything. So it’s not the similarities that hold a couple together, but the will to work on the differences. And Reddit user u/3465throw_away thinks her husband might’ve exhausted his.
Earlier this week, she made an honest post about a fight they’ve been having: the woman’s brother is throwing a child-free wedding and her husband, who has babysitter issues, refuses to allow her to accompany him. Instead, he demands she stay at home and watch over their kids while he goes on to celebrate the joyous occasion without her. Sounds awful, I know, but once you read the whole story, I promise, the picture looks even worse.
Image credits: Rafael Alves (not the actual photo)
The lack of desire to solve the issue from the husband reminded me of a piece we published about a guy and his man cave. This story seems like the perfect opportunity to revisit what we talked about then.
Relationship coach Jessica Brighton thinks that talking it through is pretty much the best thing partners can do when they see eye to eye on all but one thing.
“The key to a resolution becomes communication and the concept of picking your battles,” she told Bustle. “You need to have an extensive conversation to discuss your feelings and where each of you stands on the issue. If you determine that you are still unable to find common ground, then a compromise and agreeing to disagree may be your best plan of action.”
Brighton noted that nothing is perfect, but it’s necessary to focus on the positive and reframe your outlook if you want to stay together.
“We all have to deal with negative issues and unpleasant situations in the other avenues of our lives,” she said. “Why deal with one more in your personal life? If you determine that the positives in your relationship outweigh the negatives, I suggest you embrace the positivity and happiness that your relationship brings you and focus less on the one negative issue.”
Lost and confused, the woman asked the internet whether she was in the wrong
Image credits: 3465throw_away
However, finding a way to express your concerns to one another can be difficult. This is where clarity becomes crucial, as you don’t want your partner to focus their emotional energy on a counterargument to something you didn’t suggest. According to Catherine E. Aponte, Psy.D, it’s all about taking a beat to think over what you want before bringing it up.
“Being able to be clear about your specific take [something] and being able to clearly state your wishes or concerns is important to finding a workable compromise,” Dr. Aponte told Fatherly.
“Each of you wants to be able to express what you want to happen. Each of you is willing to explain why what you want to do is important to you. Each should give the other the opportunity to express his or her preference, without interruption.”
So if you find yourself in a similar predicament, the best course of action is to keep talking.
But they think it’s her husband who’s being unreasonable
If I were in her shoes, I'd be wondering whether killing him for the life insurance money would be worth the trouble.
Imo this is just another example of: never ever make yourself finacially dependent on your partner. You'll always end up in the beggar's position.
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Excuse me. That is your brother right? And he insists he has 'more' right? Not putting idea, but it sounds like he really really really wants to go alone.
There is so much wrong with this entitled husband's attitude. But what gets me the most, is the fact he's acting as if his being friends with the guy to be married, is more important than the fact that he's this woman's BROTHER.
*clears throat*: YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT “HELP” WITH THE KIDS, he does his due diligence in taking care of offsprings he’s helped to create. They’re as much his kids as yours, and the fact he considers them somehow more your responsibility than his really makes me question whether he is a good dad.
I love how when her brother is making the decision to make the wedding child-free, the husband says it's "her brother" doing it, but then when she's asking him not to go, he says it's his "best friend." Convenient.
Dear wife, do what your husband asks of you and stay at home with the children, as is your duty. As soon as he is out of the door, pack your bags, water the plants one last time and leave with the children never to be seen again.
Why water the plants? Take them too, it's not the plant's fault, they'll die without her.
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Leave him. Now. Take the kids and go to your brothers wedding and move in with a family member. File for divorce. This husband of yours does not respect you and will NEVER respect you (noticed a trend amongst 'breadwinner' guys who always look down on/treat their partner crap because they believe they're the more important human). He places his friendship above your blood relation to someone. You're no better than his personal babysitter and cleaning lady. You are not in an equal relationship, get out now or this will be the first of many impossible and unreasonable demands he makes on you, before he likely dumps you when he's bored with you. RUN, woman, RUN!
She has a two year old child. At what age does the husband think it is safe to leave the kids with a sitter, I wonder? She is supposed to be a hostage in her own home for the next decade? This man has issues that go way beyond this one incident.
Will he insist she home-school the children?
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Why can't anybody from his family look after the kids? Have they all already disowned him? (Her side is at the wedding obviously.)
My thoughts exactly! My parents never left me with anyone but my grandparents (both sides) I figured it was because I'm an only child and they were a bit overprotective
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Beginning to wonder just what he does on his "business" trips that he'd even compare her brothers wedding to one. What an A.
I can understand his paranoia about babysitters, but why isn't he saying, I don't trust babysitters I'll stay with the children you go on your own? That's where he turns into an arsehole.
Further speculation in the comments (the OP didn't comment beyond the original post) highlights the fact that HE is always the one who gets to go out, suggesting that he has NEVER previously looked after the children on his own before. A couple of commenters even went further to suggest that his paranoia over babysitters extends to himself - he doesn't trust that something wont happen to the kids under his watch and he doesn't want that responsibility either.
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This is a hill I would be willing to die on for sure. Definitely a divorce worthy argument if he thinks his FRIENDSHIP trumps being immediate FAMILY. If he isn't willing to budge on the baby sitter issue which is fine (should totally go to therapy though) he should be the one to stay and take care of the kids.
Call me an AH or not but for my perspective a 2 year old child is emotially pretty young to stay 4 days separated from both parents especially with a baby sitter. BUT in this case it definetly it would have been the Mothers place to attend her brothers wedding and fathers place to stay be the safe and familiar person to the child.
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Reading the comments here, I'm starting to think that he is trying to isolate her from her family. His arguments are so nonsensical. I hope she sees the light and leaves him.
That makes a lot of sense. That's what abusers do. They separate you from everyone that cares for you.
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I agree the husband sounds toxic and controlling and the poster doesn't seem to see it. This is an extreme example, but I do think people getting married should understand that when you don't invite your nieces and nephews to your wedding, you usually place a significant burden on your siblings.
He's gas lighting you... You have WAY MORE right to be there than he does. It sounds more like he doesn't want you to be there due to his own habits (cheating, partying, etc...),and his spinning it on you to an area he knows you are vulnerable with. He is a malignant narcissist. I survived 1, and this is exactly what he did; he kept me in a low position and scrambling at all times. Get out!!! This is abuse! Research various forms of abuse, and highlite what he does; it will be eye opening. Psychological is very under the table, and many victims don't realize what is happening... There are always patterns, and many of them are universally common
wait a minute....it's YOUR brother's wedding and his defense is that it is his 'best friend's' wedding? that should make it a non argument. hmm...is he hoping to hook up with a bride's maid? an opportunity to drink with abandon? maybe take in the bachelor party? he has no valid argument in my opinion.
Regardless of the fact that the husband is bonkers: Why can't they take the kids with them for the (what was it?) 4 days? They don't have to leave them at home, it's just the wedding they sre not allowed at.... Or are weddings in the US 4 days long? I don't get it.
My thoughts exactly. Somehow I'm sensing that the husband just wants to leave wife and kids home and party hard and keeps using this old incident as an excuse to do so. Like others have said, he keeps her prisoner by emotional abuse.
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So SHE can't attend HER brothers wedding and she's selfish for wanting a trusted friend to babysit but HE can't miss the wedding of his best friend🤨 I don't get his logic
Absolutely NTA! 1. YOUR brother. 2. Your husband is not only entitled and selfish to to not "allow" you to do anything without the kids - he is controlling and obessisve about it. Please, speak to someone because this is NOT normal or healthy behaviour. 3. 'helps" with the kids? Hell no.
Here's an idea..let him leave for the wedding, leave the kids with a trusted babysitter, then fly to the location of the brother's wedding and beat the husband there. If he's that worried about babysitters, he can do an about-face and drive home while you enjoy the wedding. God forbid you two get divorced. How awkward would that be when he considers your brother to be more important to him than you.....
Why do I get the feeling that this husband is using this accident as an excuse to keep his wife imprisoned?
Let him go to the wedding and start planning your divorce. Is it really possible that there isn't a day care or a local well referenced baby sitter local to the wedding (not to mention family members)? I understand child-free weddings, but they usually don't mean the child cannot be in the same town at all.
And there are several hotels where they offer concierge babysitting services. Heck..they might even be able to find a relative that doesn't want to go to the wedding that is willing to watch the kids for an night or two.
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It's her blood family. The hubby is just trying to make sure he's in control, IMO, and if I were her, I'd go ----- and not return. (But take the kids with her. Please.)
So funny how this narcissist can't even contemplate that he should be the one to stay with the children if he feels that strongly? Anyone from his family could babysit, since they are not going to be going to her brother's wedding. This has nothing to do with babysitting or child safety and everything to do with him controlling her. I hope she finds a way out of this horrible marriage while the kids are still young.
So he wants to never go anywhere as a couple for the next 16 years at least? No kids, just the two of them? Pass.
That's abusive, she needs to leave him. Really scary. No one can survive with ever having a break from their kids. It's her brother, for God's sake
I hate when whoever writes these, doesn't take the time to see if there's an update. Ik not all will, but I KNOW reddit asked for more.
Her brother knows they have kids and, by this time, must know the husband’s opinion on babysitters, since they’re such good friends. Therefore, a “kid-free wedding” is a given that she would not be able to attend. Unless her brother is clueless, then he is complicit in his sister not going to his wedding. The “men” in her life suck big time. I really want her to stand her ground on this, yet I can picture her husband staying back with the kids and filing for divorce on some trumped-up charge like abandonment. Narcissists do f***ing crap like that.
Wow- this brought back memories- my son was in the wedding party for my brothers wedding 27 yrs. ago- but my ex was refusing to let me attend. Told me if I went to the wedding, the locks would be changed when I came home. Control freak I went to the wedding. The locks were not changed.
What an awful man! He treats her like a slave. She must do sacrifices for THEIR children but he doesn't have to?? And he called them HER children, so how is he a "good dad". He doesn't care about her at all, if for 4 years she didn't really have time for herself because he doesn't want babysitter, and now she is supposed to skip HER brother's wedding bcos he doesn't even consider their kids his responsibility.. Disgusting man, terrible husband and awful man
Hmmmmmm...who should go??? Best friend from college or sister from birth....such a hard decision....WTF IS THIS DUDES PROBLEM...HOW COULD HIS LIPS FORM ANY WORD IN THAT ARGUMENT!?! I can almost for certain say that someone is going to be divorced soon.
sensing a future episode of Forensic Files here. this lady needs to run. and run NOW!
Or Snapped. Or Dateline. Or my favorite Deadly Women.
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If anything you have more of aright than him. You haven't gone anywhere for 4 YEARS and thats your BROTHERS wedding
Sounds like he doesn't want little wife-y to keep him from hanging out with other women at said party. I'd call the grandparents or the aunt/uncle. No way I'd let him go by himself with all that convincing and complaining.
Definitely NTA. She should not give in on this. But is there any reason they can't all go? I would think they could get family there to recommend a sitter for the few hours of the wedding and reception.
What hell do you see in this dickbag? Hire a babysitter, vet him/her properly and have a nanny cam if you need want. Tell hubby to go f**k himself and go the wedding. Have a great time and make sure to tell your brother what a s**t you're married to and not make the same mistakes. When you come home, keep the babysitter if you're happy with them and go out whenever you bloody like. If hubby doesn't like it, laugh in his face and tell him to stay home if he's such a neurotic, entitled AH.
She just needs to tell him he can either stay with the kids or that they can get a sitter but either way she's going. She sounds like she's a bit soft.
No, she's not soft 🙄 She's the victim of a narcissistic, control freak bully of a husband who has probably been gradually grooming her to believe it's "for her own good" or some other crap so he can control her. Keeping her away from others weakens her support system, who might point out that his behavior is insanely manipulative bull💩 and help her escape from him. It's been even worse since covid-19 hit, these basstards have been killing children left & right. 🥺😿😭
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Clearly everyone but him can see the problem with his logic. It’s your brother so that trumps everything. You have a bigger problem and that’s a control issue. From his decision that keep you housebound and his words that are demeaning. Some men control their wives every move so the they don’t get caught tipping out….. track your assets because you’re going to get tired of this.
I'd tell him he has two choices, leave the kids with a babysitter, or stay and watch them himself. Because if he goes and leaves you, you are going to get a babysitter anyways and enjoy a mini vacation.
It is YOUR brother, and YOUR family. He should be sacrifising his attendance over you. Is what I would do. And it is what I think fair.
I’m wondering why his “best friend” didn’t ask him to be a best man or a groomsmen?
I’m wondering why his “best friend” isn’t his best man or a groomsmen?
I don't understand the whole child free wedding can't her brother make exception for his sister?! Kids are fun at weddings!
The wife has been in her brothers life longer that the husband, who has been friend with him since college. Wife has more of a right to go to her brothers wedding.
First of of all sibling relationship trumps friendship and secondly if dad’s have a worry about something to do with their kid’s care they gotta put their own personal effort and time into dealing with it they can’t just delegate that out to their partner. Same as when the financials aren’t cutting it the wife might have to get a part-time gig. It’s the same thing.
Why on earth are you married to this entitled control freak in the first place? You BOTH need therapy. Him for how he treats you, and you for putting up with it.
Sibling trumps best friend. Get that divorce lawyer on the phone, and get out and enjoy life, being a mom is not a death sentence till all the kids move out.
Omfg. This is wring on so many levels. What's wring with men in our society. Such bastard behaviour. So much entitlement. It is insane.
I think you should definitely find a sitter. If he is paranoid to hire someone then ask a well trusted friend and pay them as OP suggested. If you are not able to find a sitter then the OP should go to the wedding and the husband should stay with the kids as brother is more than a friend. Also I think the brother is AH too for asking for kids free wedding. I will never understand this, but I suppose it is a cultural thing. In my country if you un-invite the kids then you are the biggest AH of all since you are inviting the whole family not just one person. Also I would prefer to find a sitter in the city where the wedding is happening so in case of any emergency one of you can leave the wedding (husband definitely).
If this doesn't tell you that you are in an abusive relationship then nothing short of hospitalization will.
oh wow!!! There is major red flags for me in this relationship. This is absolutely not an equal partnership as it should be. If husband truly believes what he is saying, I would suggest marriage counselling as this is not healthy. Wife is in no way TA while husband is a true asshat.
My only question: How could the OP marry and have kids with such a selfish asshole? Sure, there were red flags in the way what lead them having 3 kids...
I wonder about these "child free" weddings. Why? If you are concerned about crying children put up a bouncy castle or something else for the kids and everyone will be happy. (The castle would be ~100 - 200€/day in Austria, Person for caring for the castle included.)
I think it's pretty obvious why people would want a wedding to be child free. And just throwing up a bouncy house hardly solves the potential disruption and distraction children bring.
Load More Replies... This relationship sounds 100% abusive to me. His issues with babysitters has essentially lead to this woman being a prisoner for four years. The wedding is for HER brother, therefore she has more right to go than anyone. The husband is being unreasonable and ridiculous and I think that it is time for this woman to consider getting a divorce.
I know I'll be in the minority here, but I think it's the brother who sucks. Why penalise your own sister? You can make exceptions for immediate family. Although I agree, husband sounds douchey.
At least in my experience, making exceptions for certain guests is pretty much the worst thing you can do to yourself. I was at a wedding where a woman threw a temper tantrum because happy couple’s own daughter was allowed at otherwise child-free ceremony. So you really either have to make the wedding kid-friendly, or not, there’s no in between. And a lot of weddings, especially if a religious ceremony is involved or because of the venue, just aren’t kid-friendly by default
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If I were in her shoes, I'd be wondering whether killing him for the life insurance money would be worth the trouble.
Imo this is just another example of: never ever make yourself finacially dependent on your partner. You'll always end up in the beggar's position.
Load More Replies... Excuse me. That is your brother right? And he insists he has 'more' right? Not putting idea, but it sounds like he really really really wants to go alone.
There is so much wrong with this entitled husband's attitude. But what gets me the most, is the fact he's acting as if his being friends with the guy to be married, is more important than the fact that he's this woman's BROTHER.
*clears throat*: YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT “HELP” WITH THE KIDS, he does his due diligence in taking care of offsprings he’s helped to create. They’re as much his kids as yours, and the fact he considers them somehow more your responsibility than his really makes me question whether he is a good dad.
I love how when her brother is making the decision to make the wedding child-free, the husband says it's "her brother" doing it, but then when she's asking him not to go, he says it's his "best friend." Convenient.
Dear wife, do what your husband asks of you and stay at home with the children, as is your duty. As soon as he is out of the door, pack your bags, water the plants one last time and leave with the children never to be seen again.
Why water the plants? Take them too, it's not the plant's fault, they'll die without her.
Load More Replies... Leave him. Now. Take the kids and go to your brothers wedding and move in with a family member. File for divorce. This husband of yours does not respect you and will NEVER respect you (noticed a trend amongst 'breadwinner' guys who always look down on/treat their partner crap because they believe they're the more important human). He places his friendship above your blood relation to someone. You're no better than his personal babysitter and cleaning lady. You are not in an equal relationship, get out now or this will be the first of many impossible and unreasonable demands he makes on you, before he likely dumps you when he's bored with you. RUN, woman, RUN!
She has a two year old child. At what age does the husband think it is safe to leave the kids with a sitter, I wonder? She is supposed to be a hostage in her own home for the next decade? This man has issues that go way beyond this one incident.
Will he insist she home-school the children?
Load More Replies... Why can't anybody from his family look after the kids? Have they all already disowned him? (Her side is at the wedding obviously.)
My thoughts exactly! My parents never left me with anyone but my grandparents (both sides) I figured it was because I'm an only child and they were a bit overprotective
Load More Replies... Beginning to wonder just what he does on his "business" trips that he'd even compare her brothers wedding to one. What an A.
I can understand his paranoia about babysitters, but why isn't he saying, I don't trust babysitters I'll stay with the children you go on your own? That's where he turns into an arsehole.
Further speculation in the comments (the OP didn't comment beyond the original post) highlights the fact that HE is always the one who gets to go out, suggesting that he has NEVER previously looked after the children on his own before. A couple of commenters even went further to suggest that his paranoia over babysitters extends to himself - he doesn't trust that something wont happen to the kids under his watch and he doesn't want that responsibility either.
Load More Replies... This is a hill I would be willing to die on for sure. Definitely a divorce worthy argument if he thinks his FRIENDSHIP trumps being immediate FAMILY. If he isn't willing to budge on the baby sitter issue which is fine (should totally go to therapy though) he should be the one to stay and take care of the kids.
Call me an AH or not but for my perspective a 2 year old child is emotially pretty young to stay 4 days separated from both parents especially with a baby sitter. BUT in this case it definetly it would have been the Mothers place to attend her brothers wedding and fathers place to stay be the safe and familiar person to the child.
Load More Replies... Reading the comments here, I'm starting to think that he is trying to isolate her from her family. His arguments are so nonsensical. I hope she sees the light and leaves him.
That makes a lot of sense. That's what abusers do. They separate you from everyone that cares for you.
Load More Replies... I agree the husband sounds toxic and controlling and the poster doesn't seem to see it. This is an extreme example, but I do think people getting married should understand that when you don't invite your nieces and nephews to your wedding, you usually place a significant burden on your siblings.
He's gas lighting you... You have WAY MORE right to be there than he does. It sounds more like he doesn't want you to be there due to his own habits (cheating, partying, etc...),and his spinning it on you to an area he knows you are vulnerable with. He is a malignant narcissist. I survived 1, and this is exactly what he did; he kept me in a low position and scrambling at all times. Get out!!! This is abuse! Research various forms of abuse, and highlite what he does; it will be eye opening. Psychological is very under the table, and many victims don't realize what is happening... There are always patterns, and many of them are universally common
wait a minute....it's YOUR brother's wedding and his defense is that it is his 'best friend's' wedding? that should make it a non argument. hmm...is he hoping to hook up with a bride's maid? an opportunity to drink with abandon? maybe take in the bachelor party? he has no valid argument in my opinion.
Regardless of the fact that the husband is bonkers: Why can't they take the kids with them for the (what was it?) 4 days? They don't have to leave them at home, it's just the wedding they sre not allowed at.... Or are weddings in the US 4 days long? I don't get it.
My thoughts exactly. Somehow I'm sensing that the husband just wants to leave wife and kids home and party hard and keeps using this old incident as an excuse to do so. Like others have said, he keeps her prisoner by emotional abuse.
Load More Replies... So SHE can't attend HER brothers wedding and she's selfish for wanting a trusted friend to babysit but HE can't miss the wedding of his best friend🤨 I don't get his logic
Absolutely NTA! 1. YOUR brother. 2. Your husband is not only entitled and selfish to to not "allow" you to do anything without the kids - he is controlling and obessisve about it. Please, speak to someone because this is NOT normal or healthy behaviour. 3. 'helps" with the kids? Hell no.
Here's an idea..let him leave for the wedding, leave the kids with a trusted babysitter, then fly to the location of the brother's wedding and beat the husband there. If he's that worried about babysitters, he can do an about-face and drive home while you enjoy the wedding. God forbid you two get divorced. How awkward would that be when he considers your brother to be more important to him than you.....
Why do I get the feeling that this husband is using this accident as an excuse to keep his wife imprisoned?
Let him go to the wedding and start planning your divorce. Is it really possible that there isn't a day care or a local well referenced baby sitter local to the wedding (not to mention family members)? I understand child-free weddings, but they usually don't mean the child cannot be in the same town at all.
And there are several hotels where they offer concierge babysitting services. Heck..they might even be able to find a relative that doesn't want to go to the wedding that is willing to watch the kids for an night or two.
Load More Replies... It's her blood family. The hubby is just trying to make sure he's in control, IMO, and if I were her, I'd go ----- and not return. (But take the kids with her. Please.)
So funny how this narcissist can't even contemplate that he should be the one to stay with the children if he feels that strongly? Anyone from his family could babysit, since they are not going to be going to her brother's wedding. This has nothing to do with babysitting or child safety and everything to do with him controlling her. I hope she finds a way out of this horrible marriage while the kids are still young.
So he wants to never go anywhere as a couple for the next 16 years at least? No kids, just the two of them? Pass.
That's abusive, she needs to leave him. Really scary. No one can survive with ever having a break from their kids. It's her brother, for God's sake
I hate when whoever writes these, doesn't take the time to see if there's an update. Ik not all will, but I KNOW reddit asked for more.
Her brother knows they have kids and, by this time, must know the husband’s opinion on babysitters, since they’re such good friends. Therefore, a “kid-free wedding” is a given that she would not be able to attend. Unless her brother is clueless, then he is complicit in his sister not going to his wedding. The “men” in her life suck big time. I really want her to stand her ground on this, yet I can picture her husband staying back with the kids and filing for divorce on some trumped-up charge like abandonment. Narcissists do f***ing crap like that.
Wow- this brought back memories- my son was in the wedding party for my brothers wedding 27 yrs. ago- but my ex was refusing to let me attend. Told me if I went to the wedding, the locks would be changed when I came home. Control freak I went to the wedding. The locks were not changed.
What an awful man! He treats her like a slave. She must do sacrifices for THEIR children but he doesn't have to?? And he called them HER children, so how is he a "good dad". He doesn't care about her at all, if for 4 years she didn't really have time for herself because he doesn't want babysitter, and now she is supposed to skip HER brother's wedding bcos he doesn't even consider their kids his responsibility.. Disgusting man, terrible husband and awful man
Hmmmmmm...who should go??? Best friend from college or sister from birth....such a hard decision....WTF IS THIS DUDES PROBLEM...HOW COULD HIS LIPS FORM ANY WORD IN THAT ARGUMENT!?! I can almost for certain say that someone is going to be divorced soon.
sensing a future episode of Forensic Files here. this lady needs to run. and run NOW!
Or Snapped. Or Dateline. Or my favorite Deadly Women.
Load More Replies... If anything you have more of aright than him. You haven't gone anywhere for 4 YEARS and thats your BROTHERS wedding
Sounds like he doesn't want little wife-y to keep him from hanging out with other women at said party. I'd call the grandparents or the aunt/uncle. No way I'd let him go by himself with all that convincing and complaining.
Definitely NTA. She should not give in on this. But is there any reason they can't all go? I would think they could get family there to recommend a sitter for the few hours of the wedding and reception.
What hell do you see in this dickbag? Hire a babysitter, vet him/her properly and have a nanny cam if you need want. Tell hubby to go f**k himself and go the wedding. Have a great time and make sure to tell your brother what a s**t you're married to and not make the same mistakes. When you come home, keep the babysitter if you're happy with them and go out whenever you bloody like. If hubby doesn't like it, laugh in his face and tell him to stay home if he's such a neurotic, entitled AH.
She just needs to tell him he can either stay with the kids or that they can get a sitter but either way she's going. She sounds like she's a bit soft.
No, she's not soft 🙄 She's the victim of a narcissistic, control freak bully of a husband who has probably been gradually grooming her to believe it's "for her own good" or some other crap so he can control her. Keeping her away from others weakens her support system, who might point out that his behavior is insanely manipulative bull💩 and help her escape from him. It's been even worse since covid-19 hit, these basstards have been killing children left & right. 🥺😿😭
Load More Replies... Clearly everyone but him can see the problem with his logic. It’s your brother so that trumps everything. You have a bigger problem and that’s a control issue. From his decision that keep you housebound and his words that are demeaning. Some men control their wives every move so the they don’t get caught tipping out….. track your assets because you’re going to get tired of this.
I'd tell him he has two choices, leave the kids with a babysitter, or stay and watch them himself. Because if he goes and leaves you, you are going to get a babysitter anyways and enjoy a mini vacation.
It is YOUR brother, and YOUR family. He should be sacrifising his attendance over you. Is what I would do. And it is what I think fair.
I’m wondering why his “best friend” didn’t ask him to be a best man or a groomsmen?
I’m wondering why his “best friend” isn’t his best man or a groomsmen?
I don't understand the whole child free wedding can't her brother make exception for his sister?! Kids are fun at weddings!
The wife has been in her brothers life longer that the husband, who has been friend with him since college. Wife has more of a right to go to her brothers wedding.
First of of all sibling relationship trumps friendship and secondly if dad’s have a worry about something to do with their kid’s care they gotta put their own personal effort and time into dealing with it they can’t just delegate that out to their partner. Same as when the financials aren’t cutting it the wife might have to get a part-time gig. It’s the same thing.
Why on earth are you married to this entitled control freak in the first place? You BOTH need therapy. Him for how he treats you, and you for putting up with it.
Sibling trumps best friend. Get that divorce lawyer on the phone, and get out and enjoy life, being a mom is not a death sentence till all the kids move out.
Omfg. This is wring on so many levels. What's wring with men in our society. Such bastard behaviour. So much entitlement. It is insane.
I think you should definitely find a sitter. If he is paranoid to hire someone then ask a well trusted friend and pay them as OP suggested. If you are not able to find a sitter then the OP should go to the wedding and the husband should stay with the kids as brother is more than a friend. Also I think the brother is AH too for asking for kids free wedding. I will never understand this, but I suppose it is a cultural thing. In my country if you un-invite the kids then you are the biggest AH of all since you are inviting the whole family not just one person. Also I would prefer to find a sitter in the city where the wedding is happening so in case of any emergency one of you can leave the wedding (husband definitely).
If this doesn't tell you that you are in an abusive relationship then nothing short of hospitalization will.
oh wow!!! There is major red flags for me in this relationship. This is absolutely not an equal partnership as it should be. If husband truly believes what he is saying, I would suggest marriage counselling as this is not healthy. Wife is in no way TA while husband is a true asshat.
My only question: How could the OP marry and have kids with such a selfish asshole? Sure, there were red flags in the way what lead them having 3 kids...
I wonder about these "child free" weddings. Why? If you are concerned about crying children put up a bouncy castle or something else for the kids and everyone will be happy. (The castle would be ~100 - 200€/day in Austria, Person for caring for the castle included.)
I think it's pretty obvious why people would want a wedding to be child free. And just throwing up a bouncy house hardly solves the potential disruption and distraction children bring.
Load More Replies... This relationship sounds 100% abusive to me. His issues with babysitters has essentially lead to this woman being a prisoner for four years. The wedding is for HER brother, therefore she has more right to go than anyone. The husband is being unreasonable and ridiculous and I think that it is time for this woman to consider getting a divorce.
I know I'll be in the minority here, but I think it's the brother who sucks. Why penalise your own sister? You can make exceptions for immediate family. Although I agree, husband sounds douchey.
At least in my experience, making exceptions for certain guests is pretty much the worst thing you can do to yourself. I was at a wedding where a woman threw a temper tantrum because happy couple’s own daughter was allowed at otherwise child-free ceremony. So you really either have to make the wedding kid-friendly, or not, there’s no in between. And a lot of weddings, especially if a religious ceremony is involved or because of the venue, just aren’t kid-friendly by default
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