Woman Stops Doing Chores, Sees How Long Her Family Will Last Until They Do It Themselves
Chores are a sore subject at home even at the best of times. But during the pandemic… well, it can be a real source of tension when you’re seemingly doing everything all by yourself. From working from home while helping the kids study via Zoom and then tidying up the entire home while making dinner. It’s exhausting.
So it’s no wonder that some moms have had enough. One of them is Twitter user Miss Potkin who conducted a fun little experiment at home. She decided that enough is enough and stopped doing chores, hoping to see how long it would be before someone picked up the slack.
It’s fun, it’s educational, and we’d love to get David Attenborough to narrate the entire story below. Have a look, dear Pandas, and be sure to let us know if you plan to do anything similar at your home. Oh, and we’d love to hear which chores you hate and love to do the most (I adore doing the dishes but loathe vacuuming myself).
A mom documented how her family reacted after she secretly stopped doing all of the chores at home
Image credits: MissPotkin
Her tweets are absolutely hilarious and read like a mini-documentary
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Her family have resorted to using whatever clean utensils are around
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Progress, however, was inevitable sooner or later
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However, there are plenty of other areas where everyone could stand to pitch in a bit more
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We feel you, Miss Potkin. Empty containers make us anxious, too
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The sausage of death. pic.twitter.com/a8DcDulfFT
— Miss Potkin (@MissPotkin) March 18, 2021
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Unwashed plates being left behind everywhere is a pet peeve of ours, as well as the Twitter user’s
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God give me strength. pic.twitter.com/Sp5870VmcV
— Miss Potkin (@MissPotkin) March 18, 2021
Someone just discovered the joy of scraping rock hard old cereal off a bowl. Big day, BIG, huge. pic.twitter.com/gitNEI55xz
— Miss Potkin (@MissPotkin) March 18, 2021
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It’s taken a while, but it looks like Miss Potkin’s family members have gotten the clue
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— Miss Potkin (@MissPotkin) March 18, 2021
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There’s even been some progress in the toilet paper department at home
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The changes at home have been magnificent. It just took a bit of time
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Hurray! A wholesome ending to the story!
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Bored Panda spoke about how to stop arguments over chores from spinning out of control with relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man. Dan was upfront that we all need to adjust to the unique situation (i.e. the Covid-19 pandemic that’s been going on for over a year) we’re in.
Dan approached the topic by pointing out that some guys believe it’s ‘unmanly’ to do chores. However, he put their worries at rest. “If a man isn’t normally at home during the day and his girlfriend or wife does most of the cleaning and chores, but he is now working from home all day and is at home all weekend, it’s not unmanly for him to help out here and there around the house.”
The relationship expert even opened up about his own living situation. “Personally speaking, I work full-time hours from home every day and my wife does the cooking, cleaning, and takes care of our twin baby girls. Yet, due to the fact that we can’t go out on weekends or catch up with friends during the week due to the Covid-19 lockdown, we are housebound the entire week.”
He continued: “This means I have a lot more spare time on weekends than usual. As a result, I have done some of the chores when I’ve felt that I had some additional spare time (e.g. occasionally cleaning up the kitchen and lounge room) as well as doing my normal chores of taking out the garbage and feeding our cats.”
In Dan’s particular situation, his wife never had to ask him to do the extra chores. He’s been chipping in on his own accord because “it doesn’t feel right to be spending all my extra time watching TV, playing video games, or talking to friends on the phone while she works all weekend.”
The relationship expert said that couples need to adapt to the pandemic and do their best to solve any chore-related issues in a friendly way instead of attacking or blaming one another for not doing enough.
“If you get into the habit of coming from a place of attacking the other person, the relationship and the love that binds you together will weaken over time,” he said. “Eventually, after many months or years of unhappiness and built-up resentment, the slightest thing can set off a huge argument that leads to a break-up.”
Here’s how some people reacted to the mom’s thread on Twitter. Not everyone enjoyed the social experiment
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Meanwhile, in an earlier interview with Bored Panda, Eddy Ng, the James and Elizabeth Freeman Professor of Management at Bucknell University, told us how the pandemic has unfairly affected working women.
“Women, even those in professional and managerial jobs, continue to take on a second shift (caring for family) after the first shift at the office. We continue to subscribe to gender roles, even in many egalitarian societies,” he explained.
Professor Ng said that this explains the “persistent pay gap and an underrepresentation of women in senior management and higher-paying jobs.” He added that during the lockdowns, men’s higher-paying careers have been prioritized over women’s which are seen as “supplemental income” even in Western countries.
“Women reorganize their work around family demands, men often do not. Unequal division of labor is exacerbated when a family could no longer access paid help (COVID restrictions), and women will have to pick up the slack.”
Some people criticized that she should communicate her needs instead of being passive-agressive. From what she writes, she communicated her needs over and over and her family didn't change their behavior. So what she did was totally justified and also hilarious. Also it should not be her responsibility to carry all the mental load. If there are dishes to be cleaned, she should not have to remind people to load the dishwater and also actually start it!
Yea and wtf is up with her having to ask him for "help"? When tf did chores become her sole responsibility? He can do chores, she doesn't need to ask him
Load More Replies...For those of you saying she should've just asked the husband instead of doing this. She has probably been asking him for too long and got tired of having to remind him to do these chores all the time. Some moms just want contribution from others in the house without having to remind someone every day.
We shouldn't need to remind them. it's EVERYONE's home, ergo everyone chips in ----- my mom taught me that. Never worked on my dad, but she did teach me, at least!
Load More Replies..."hey, babe, I'm tired, can you help with the dishes?" are you f*****g kidding me? hell no he can't "help with the *whatever*"... it's HIS dishes too, he's supposed to DO them, not HELP with them... that's the same bullshit as "babysitting your own kids" all over again
At first I was annoyed with her approach, but in the end I think it was the best. Her family started cleaning not because she told them to, but because they wanted the stuff clean, which I think will be more sustainable in the long term.
I bet that as soon as she goes back in action they will stop doing the chores.
Load More Replies...To the people that say "Just talk to them about it," when you've talked to them for years and nothing changes, it's time for a little action. Or in this case...doing nothing. When my parents split up when I was 17, I had no problem taking care of the house and doing the cooking because I spent half the day at school while my father worked full time. Fast forward to 19, and I'm going to school at night and working a full time job during the day. My father starts complaining that the dishes aren't getting done and the laundry isn't clean. He said "I work a full time job!" I said "Yep..I work a full time job too AND I go to school. I never eat at home because I don't have the time. All those dirty dishes are yours." He got quiet. "Well I'll do them during the week and you do them on the weekends." Ok. Not only did I get through...he started making breakfast for me so I would at least eat something before heading out the door.
I tried that strategy once when the kids were baby and toddler, after years of asking for help, making chore charts, and going to marriage counseling. My ex's response? "Make a list" so I don't leave off any areas of the house. Did he ever pick up a toilet brush? Nope. Did he tell me all the time that his mom was a perfect housekeeper? Yes. Divorce is so peaceful.
My partner told me the same. I made a list of everything I did with the time that it takes so we could divide evenly. I let him choose the chores so he would do the ones he wanted. It lasted a week and never lifted a finger after that. We had so many fights about it. Its clear I need to do everything or get out if the house. He wont help.
Load More Replies...I am ill and doing housechores is a nightmare but its still 100% on me. This saturday I fed the pets, gave one medicine, cleaned the mess that my partner did in the kitchen, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, made TWO dinners, did the laundry and made bread. My partner was playing videogames. His reaction to my hard work was to lecture me about how much electricity I used that day. I swear that I will strangle him one day.
And before the idiots start critisizing, yes we talked about it for years. Yes I made a list of chores and let him pick. Yes I did stop nagging and leave him be. The last time that I left him do the chores that he picked the bathroom wasnt cleaned in three months... Nowadays women are still unpaid maids in the majority of households. Honestly I think that we should teach our girls about this and tell them to never live with a man.
Load More Replies...People need to start teaching their sons to do chores. Too many of them grow up and treat their girlfriends/wives like a second "mommy" who will just do everything for them.
Oh I am, trust. And I've reminded him just because grandma cooks cleans and grandpa does the yard work doesn't mean girls and women of his generation will. Unfortunately laziness runs in the family.
Load More Replies...I think it's showcasing that 'womens work' can be invisible. The rest of the family may think they are doing their share - not realising that the bulk is being done by the woman, and that she is also doing additional social work of monitoring and reminding and nagging for what they do do. This just illustrates how much she really does.
It’s not clear to me from this post but is this woman married / living with a partner? Or is it just her and teenagers / kids? I can’t imagine being attracted to a person who won’t clean up.
I got the impression, from my admittedly quick read, that Irish is her partner.
Load More Replies..."She should have asked him to help out more." No. He is a MFA with eyes and a brain, perfectly capable of seeing a mess & taking the initiative to clean it without being asked. She is neither his mother nor his maid.
If you have a teen/other person lacking in responsibilty who doesn't put their s**t away, institute a 'sin bin'. At the end of the day, or a set time (when I get home/at 5pm/at bedtime) without other warning, go thru the house with a bin, and everything not where it belongs goes in the bin. Shoes, keys, phone, plates, glasses, bag, jackets, toys, homework, newspapers. No sorting, no judgement calls, no warnings. IN THE BIN. It's now gone. The bin is locked. You want to retrieve something from the bin? or even check if something...like your car keys... might be in there? You must put every single item in the bin away, in its proper home. You may, depending on terms, have to vaccuum the whole house first, before you get access to the bin.
In my opinion, and experience, they perceive their involvement in a completely different way. My 22-yo daughter lives on her own now and her place is really nice and tidy. When I asked her why she wasn't able to be like that when still living at home, she answered : "But I was, I always cleaned up the things/dishes I used". NO, YOU DIDN'T. But that is an argument I will never win. So I leave it at that. And the times she returns home to stay with me for a few days, my living area instantly turns into a war zone. Every. Single. Time. I guess mess at your mothers house is not a real mess.
I found when I moved out on my own that having things organized in a way that made sense to me, and knowing where things went because I picked out the spot, really made all the difference.
Load More Replies...This is the only way, sometimes. My husband was positive that he did as much around the house and yard as I do. So I quit for a week.... and two days in, he was apologizing profusely for his statement, and buying a new vacuum cleaner. (He killed the other one. Yeah. Don't ask. Dude has talent!).... I'd asked, reasoned, all but begged, and finally just gave up. Sometimes it happens that your acitons have to shout b/c all your words aren't working.
Wtf is wrong with the person who threw everything of their childs out the window? Their is better way's to solve that!
If you've tried everything else, this is a fast and effective way to get a point accross. Clean it or its gone.
Load More Replies...My former husband was a math prodigy and graduated from an ivy league school. Not a dummy by any means. I worked 60+ hours a week and traveled frequently for work. As our marriage was dissolving we went to couples counselling as mandated by the court. I figured I wouldn't be heard because the counselor looked and spoke like my husband's clone, but when my soon-to-be-ex said that he did not do the laundry because he didn't know how to operate the washing machine, the counselor rolled his eyes and said "oh come ON, man!" Feigned incompetence is the most acute expression of laziness.
Exactly. My father is really smart, has a great memory (its incredible), is a doctor and has two masters. He never bothered to learn to use the washing machine so then he has the excuse to not do laundry.
Load More Replies..."Help" with chores? He lives there too, half the chores are his to deal with, not help HER with.
She should never have married such a lazy and disrespectful man who is now raising her children to be disrespectful and lazy...where do we let our standards slide so low that we would allow ourselves to become indentured servants to our husbands and children? And this is why I will stay single forever in my beautifully clean, organized, and styled home with no one to bother me.
The problem is that usually they are ok while you dont live together and once you move in they stop doing his part of the share. By the time that you realise that there isnt a solution you have lived there for some time and often cannot afford moving out. I am trapped here for that reason. But yes. If I would be able to live by myself I would never date again. Maybe casual dating but never commited-moving together. Some men are wonderful but the vast majority dont do a s**t.
Load More Replies...I've tried these things at work and the answer is never. When will my male partner clean up after himself if I don't? Never.
Why is it passive aggressive to stop doing housework, I don't get it
This is unrelated to the article, but in Dawn Anderson's response she said that she threw all her daughters belongings onto their DECK while it was RAINING!? I'm not sure if this is normal but that seems really sh!tty to do... you'll end up ruining all her things. She also mentioned that she threw her school books.. rain and books don't mix well, and she also threw her homework out of the window... if it was completed I feel bad for the girl because typically homework is paper (I don't think the mom would throw a laptop outside). Someone tell me if I'm overreacting but this just seems like it would end up backfiring when you have to replace everything damaged :(
To say this situation was due to a lack of communication is just plain disrespectful. People, especially adults, know what needs to be done, they see a mess (particularly if the created it or helped). If they lived alone would they just go buy new plates, utensils, and clothes. Adults and older children (though all children should be taught) can plainly see a problem and "mom" or anyone else, shouldn't have to ask or tell them to clean up after themselves or help out. That is a family (related or not).
If you live in a home with someone, they shouldn't have to ask you to "help with chores." It's not solely their job, it's not solely your job. You both live there, you both take care of it. Some people might say, well what if one of them works. Ok, I work and I live by myself so I do all my work and all my chores and so far it hasn't killed me. Take some responsibility for your home.
I love how she ends it with "It's going to be a beautiful day!" But, to be honest, she should not have had to wait for 3 whole days for people to start cleaning up their mess. I don't understand why her family expected her to clean up, but this was a very good life lesson for them and I wish you the best of luck moving forward in life! 💕
i can't stop thinking about the hump of the husband on the picture were he is loading the dishwasher...
I think everyone needs to do this once in a while, especially if you have kids. You don't have to be accused of being passive aggressive go ahead and tell them you are taking a couple days off of the daily home duties its still a great learning experience. If you are always doing for them they will forget all the little things that need to be done daily in a home...like turning the dishwasher on right after it's loaded so you have clean dishes when you get home or buying toilet paper when you are low not just when you have half a role left...these are basic life skills and while a lot of it seems like a no brainer people don't always remember or appreciate the little things when it's constantly being done for them.
Just think of all the extra time she had, without having to use it up cleaning up after people who are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves. Her next step if to call a family meeting and divide up chores. Then stick to it. Someone doesn’t do their chore, and they’re not on their deathbed? I think she could come up with an appropriate punishment for that. Not something draconian, just a punishment that fits the crime.
That works with the kids but what about her partner? Its not liek you can punish an adult. Thats why most women end up doing everything.
Load More Replies...Please don't throw your kid's things out of the window like that one twitter person said they did. It's not nice. I had trouble keeping my room clean (and I still have trouble keeping my home clean) and a few times dad threw all my things out of the window and it felt so horrible. It's not like I wanted to have a messy room, I'm just horrible at staying organized, no matter how hard I try. Any kind of an attack, be it yelling or throwing things out of the window or something even worse, won't fix things. Also, husbands/boyfriends/wives/girlfriends/who ever the f**k the messy person or people in the house are, won't just magically start tidying things up when you ask them to. Making a nice and fair plan for the chores might not work if the other people don't actually want to take part in chores or they just don't understand that they should take part since they live under the same damn roof. Sometimes passive-aggressive ways will get the message through, sometimes it won't.
I agree. Throwing stuff out like that is traumatizing. I posted as much but got a handful of downvotes. Glad someone else is of the same mindset :)
Load More Replies...Okay, I'd like to draw attention to the lady who apparently threw everything her daughter owned out into the rain because she wasn't tidy enough. Ma'am, wtf. You're going to destroy a couple hundred $ of stuff because your *child* wasn't cleaning her room? That sounds straight up abusive
She's hysterical. The gender gap at home drives me mad. My husband is a fairly neat person but doesn't clean anything but his bathroom(and that not often enough.) He thinks b/c he doesn't leave things around that he doesn't have to clean. It's as if he thinks only clutter happens and not actual dirt. I have to ask to get him to do anything. He was single until we met when he was 42! He can't clean or cook anything so how did he survive to 42?!? He does the dishes b/c I cook but never ever has cleaned the sink. Ew. I always do it after or it won't get done.
My favorite part is when you ask for help and they say, "Yeah, Babe. I can do that." Then they "forget".
This would not work on someone ADHD. It would just stay messy until she went insane.
as long as this lesson sticks in his head thats all that matters, but not to judge or anything, who in their right minds names their child "irish" is his parent a kardashian?
Why weren't the kids at least taught to clean up after themselves in the first place? That's sorta on her. She's baffled at how far her family is willing to let things get out of hand around the house, but I'm baffled by how far she let her family get out of hand concerning the basic division of chores. She never had to take it all on herself, as her own experiment demonstrates. If she had done less, or slacked off here and there during a busy workweek, it would have gotten done eventually. She chose how much she took on.
This is genius and something I have thought of doing for a long time. I mentioned to my SO that I'm overwhelmed by the house duties and he said, just ask me babe, Ill do whatever you need. BUT I answered him, Why do I have to ask you? We are two grown ass adults using the house the same way. Just do the things! He is helpful when asked, but I don't want to nag. It does bother me from time to time.
"How difficult is it to say 'hey, babe, I'm tired, can you help with the dishes?" Well because then the problem is we're accused of nagging or being demanding.
"How difficult is it to say 'Hey babe, I'm tired. Can you help with the dishes?'" Well the problem is then we're accused of nagging or being demanding.
This post gets my upvote-I'm proud of you for doing it your way. It doesn't matter what I feel and I won't default to giving you some textbook version of what I think you should have done. That's would be self-righteous of me. Well done !
I went into this thinking they had to wash everything by hand and that's why they were lazy, but no! They have a dishwasher it does all the hard work for them! Some people take little things like dishwashers for granted. You literally just load it and turn it on. It's not hard! Anyway, glad they got the idea eventually. Also how do you run out of time to turn the damn thing on? You literally press a button lol 
Growing up if I didn't wash my crap after a meal, there will be no next meal for me.
When I went on strike from chores (dishes, laundry, etc...) It was not because I was fed up with it all. It was because I was working 6 days a week often 10-16 hour days. I was in a state of constant sleep depravation. It was getting hard to drive, let alone operate the dangerous machines I used at work. Boy did my wife let me know how much I let her down. And now that I wasn't doing dishes, she would stop making dinner to retaliate. Why is it praised if a SAHM stops doing chores but not when the primary bread winner falls short?
Why do you assume that this was a sahm? Most women do the majority of housechores even if they work full time. I was away from home 14h a day pkus half a day on saturdays and I still was expected to do everything. In any case a SAHM works 24/7 including at night when you relax and in the weekends. They dont have sick leave or holidays. Its a much worse job than working full time.
Load More Replies...Meh I dont get how dumbasses get to be grown ass men yet barely do dishes only got about three of each bowls spoons forks and so on So I myself got only a few dishes and wash them as needed
I love this, I do. On the other hand when my, now wife, moved in with me I learned I did so much wrong. With her laundry for example that there came a point where I stopped doing them. And when I do do them I only do what I know I'll do good any item I am in doubt about will stay in the bin. And I think this sums up my life long experiences sofar, I'll always end up being criticised. Well if you want it done right, do it yourself.
My husband is very good at sharing the household tasks but can he fold laundry? Nope. Do I care? Not enough. I've shown him, he's forgotten. He isn't lazy and I'd much rather have someone else share the work as well and even if it isn't done the same way at least it is done. Why do I care if his t-shirts have creases folded in - he'll be ironing them himself if it's an issue. People who act like the other person's help isn't good enough make a rod for their own backs and often a resentful partner. People should accept help with good will and not be so precious as long as it's done. Though anyone doing it deliberately badly can do their own things badly and lump them! That's my personal view anyway.
Load More Replies...Sometimes this works. sometimes this does not work. People have different limits that they will reach to get to different reactions. The way that everything plays out is just so different for everyone. For example, I do the most cleaning because I have a neat freak trigger in me. (I will point out that I do not do most of the cooking) I've been like this for about 25 years. My mother was never good at house keeping and we didn't have nice things so that eventually got to me and I wanted what I did have to be clean and neat and orderly. Now, when things get neglected, I start to get ... intolerant of it so I feel like I specifically must fix it. I'll be quite grumpy too but I have to satisfy my own intolerance. So, you see, different ways of managing.
Did she refer to the sink as the swap or the Somme?? Either way incredible!
Ephesians Chapter 6 Verses 1-9. This is what I lived by. See also. Mosiah 2:17 "17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." When she stopped serving her family, she stopped serving her God!
mixed: kinda funny, but that is an indicator of that relationship's lack of communication, respect, and sharing of househd duties. The man is used to her doing it, so he can't read her mind and know "Oh, it means she wants ME to" He may not even have noticed - men often don't. Or, maybe he didnt want to ask because he wanted to give her space and respect that way? Otherwise, he may offend her by asking when she is gonna do the dishes, or why hasn't she. But maybe she has conveyed her thoughts over time. I know I am in the middle of it now - there are a couple of issues I have where it falls upon deaf ears each time I brought it up (just like a therapist would tell you to) and he doesn't even realize it.
He didnt noticed the kitchen full of dishes or the corridors full of dirty laundry? Are you saying that men are blind or just stupid? Its not about noticing, its about being lazy.
Load More Replies...Wby would that be relevant? Women are expected to do housechores in all cultures.
Load More Replies...There is too much left out of this. Does she have a job outside the home? If so, why is she just now getting to the point that other people need to take care of themselves? I never had this problem growing up. I had chores assigned to me and I did them, as did my brothers and sisters. When I married and had a child he had chores and duties. He did them and when he moved out when he was older he knew how to take care of himself. Expecting people to suddenly do everything you used to do because you don't think it is "fair" for you to do it all is the height of conceit.
From her Twitter feed it would appear that she does work outside the home.
Load More Replies...From what I can tell, on her Twitter feed, she does work outside the home.
Load More Replies...It is not our job to manage grown-up men (kids - whole other parenting story). Yes, you should equally communicate and agree on chores. But once that is done, it is not the women's job to remind everyone all the time. There is a reason that management is a profession. It is work. It is a job and it should not be layed on the shoulders of one person because the other one is unwilling to spend their mental energy keeping up to date on the tasks they agreed to do. This is what people mean then they say "we shouldn't have to ask". All she is doing is responding to the excuse so many partners use aka "I'd have done it but you always do it first". She's just seeing how long it really takes for someone to get around to it. Also, she didn't 'make' the house into a pigsty, she just didn't mitigate the consequences of the others' actions.
Load More Replies...Some people criticized that she should communicate her needs instead of being passive-agressive. From what she writes, she communicated her needs over and over and her family didn't change their behavior. So what she did was totally justified and also hilarious. Also it should not be her responsibility to carry all the mental load. If there are dishes to be cleaned, she should not have to remind people to load the dishwater and also actually start it!
Yea and wtf is up with her having to ask him for "help"? When tf did chores become her sole responsibility? He can do chores, she doesn't need to ask him
Load More Replies...For those of you saying she should've just asked the husband instead of doing this. She has probably been asking him for too long and got tired of having to remind him to do these chores all the time. Some moms just want contribution from others in the house without having to remind someone every day.
We shouldn't need to remind them. it's EVERYONE's home, ergo everyone chips in ----- my mom taught me that. Never worked on my dad, but she did teach me, at least!
Load More Replies..."hey, babe, I'm tired, can you help with the dishes?" are you f*****g kidding me? hell no he can't "help with the *whatever*"... it's HIS dishes too, he's supposed to DO them, not HELP with them... that's the same bullshit as "babysitting your own kids" all over again
At first I was annoyed with her approach, but in the end I think it was the best. Her family started cleaning not because she told them to, but because they wanted the stuff clean, which I think will be more sustainable in the long term.
I bet that as soon as she goes back in action they will stop doing the chores.
Load More Replies...To the people that say "Just talk to them about it," when you've talked to them for years and nothing changes, it's time for a little action. Or in this case...doing nothing. When my parents split up when I was 17, I had no problem taking care of the house and doing the cooking because I spent half the day at school while my father worked full time. Fast forward to 19, and I'm going to school at night and working a full time job during the day. My father starts complaining that the dishes aren't getting done and the laundry isn't clean. He said "I work a full time job!" I said "Yep..I work a full time job too AND I go to school. I never eat at home because I don't have the time. All those dirty dishes are yours." He got quiet. "Well I'll do them during the week and you do them on the weekends." Ok. Not only did I get through...he started making breakfast for me so I would at least eat something before heading out the door.
I tried that strategy once when the kids were baby and toddler, after years of asking for help, making chore charts, and going to marriage counseling. My ex's response? "Make a list" so I don't leave off any areas of the house. Did he ever pick up a toilet brush? Nope. Did he tell me all the time that his mom was a perfect housekeeper? Yes. Divorce is so peaceful.
My partner told me the same. I made a list of everything I did with the time that it takes so we could divide evenly. I let him choose the chores so he would do the ones he wanted. It lasted a week and never lifted a finger after that. We had so many fights about it. Its clear I need to do everything or get out if the house. He wont help.
Load More Replies...I am ill and doing housechores is a nightmare but its still 100% on me. This saturday I fed the pets, gave one medicine, cleaned the mess that my partner did in the kitchen, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, made TWO dinners, did the laundry and made bread. My partner was playing videogames. His reaction to my hard work was to lecture me about how much electricity I used that day. I swear that I will strangle him one day.
And before the idiots start critisizing, yes we talked about it for years. Yes I made a list of chores and let him pick. Yes I did stop nagging and leave him be. The last time that I left him do the chores that he picked the bathroom wasnt cleaned in three months... Nowadays women are still unpaid maids in the majority of households. Honestly I think that we should teach our girls about this and tell them to never live with a man.
Load More Replies...People need to start teaching their sons to do chores. Too many of them grow up and treat their girlfriends/wives like a second "mommy" who will just do everything for them.
Oh I am, trust. And I've reminded him just because grandma cooks cleans and grandpa does the yard work doesn't mean girls and women of his generation will. Unfortunately laziness runs in the family.
Load More Replies...I think it's showcasing that 'womens work' can be invisible. The rest of the family may think they are doing their share - not realising that the bulk is being done by the woman, and that she is also doing additional social work of monitoring and reminding and nagging for what they do do. This just illustrates how much she really does.
It’s not clear to me from this post but is this woman married / living with a partner? Or is it just her and teenagers / kids? I can’t imagine being attracted to a person who won’t clean up.
I got the impression, from my admittedly quick read, that Irish is her partner.
Load More Replies..."She should have asked him to help out more." No. He is a MFA with eyes and a brain, perfectly capable of seeing a mess & taking the initiative to clean it without being asked. She is neither his mother nor his maid.
If you have a teen/other person lacking in responsibilty who doesn't put their s**t away, institute a 'sin bin'. At the end of the day, or a set time (when I get home/at 5pm/at bedtime) without other warning, go thru the house with a bin, and everything not where it belongs goes in the bin. Shoes, keys, phone, plates, glasses, bag, jackets, toys, homework, newspapers. No sorting, no judgement calls, no warnings. IN THE BIN. It's now gone. The bin is locked. You want to retrieve something from the bin? or even check if something...like your car keys... might be in there? You must put every single item in the bin away, in its proper home. You may, depending on terms, have to vaccuum the whole house first, before you get access to the bin.
In my opinion, and experience, they perceive their involvement in a completely different way. My 22-yo daughter lives on her own now and her place is really nice and tidy. When I asked her why she wasn't able to be like that when still living at home, she answered : "But I was, I always cleaned up the things/dishes I used". NO, YOU DIDN'T. But that is an argument I will never win. So I leave it at that. And the times she returns home to stay with me for a few days, my living area instantly turns into a war zone. Every. Single. Time. I guess mess at your mothers house is not a real mess.
I found when I moved out on my own that having things organized in a way that made sense to me, and knowing where things went because I picked out the spot, really made all the difference.
Load More Replies...This is the only way, sometimes. My husband was positive that he did as much around the house and yard as I do. So I quit for a week.... and two days in, he was apologizing profusely for his statement, and buying a new vacuum cleaner. (He killed the other one. Yeah. Don't ask. Dude has talent!).... I'd asked, reasoned, all but begged, and finally just gave up. Sometimes it happens that your acitons have to shout b/c all your words aren't working.
Wtf is wrong with the person who threw everything of their childs out the window? Their is better way's to solve that!
If you've tried everything else, this is a fast and effective way to get a point accross. Clean it or its gone.
Load More Replies...My former husband was a math prodigy and graduated from an ivy league school. Not a dummy by any means. I worked 60+ hours a week and traveled frequently for work. As our marriage was dissolving we went to couples counselling as mandated by the court. I figured I wouldn't be heard because the counselor looked and spoke like my husband's clone, but when my soon-to-be-ex said that he did not do the laundry because he didn't know how to operate the washing machine, the counselor rolled his eyes and said "oh come ON, man!" Feigned incompetence is the most acute expression of laziness.
Exactly. My father is really smart, has a great memory (its incredible), is a doctor and has two masters. He never bothered to learn to use the washing machine so then he has the excuse to not do laundry.
Load More Replies..."Help" with chores? He lives there too, half the chores are his to deal with, not help HER with.
She should never have married such a lazy and disrespectful man who is now raising her children to be disrespectful and lazy...where do we let our standards slide so low that we would allow ourselves to become indentured servants to our husbands and children? And this is why I will stay single forever in my beautifully clean, organized, and styled home with no one to bother me.
The problem is that usually they are ok while you dont live together and once you move in they stop doing his part of the share. By the time that you realise that there isnt a solution you have lived there for some time and often cannot afford moving out. I am trapped here for that reason. But yes. If I would be able to live by myself I would never date again. Maybe casual dating but never commited-moving together. Some men are wonderful but the vast majority dont do a s**t.
Load More Replies...I've tried these things at work and the answer is never. When will my male partner clean up after himself if I don't? Never.
Why is it passive aggressive to stop doing housework, I don't get it
This is unrelated to the article, but in Dawn Anderson's response she said that she threw all her daughters belongings onto their DECK while it was RAINING!? I'm not sure if this is normal but that seems really sh!tty to do... you'll end up ruining all her things. She also mentioned that she threw her school books.. rain and books don't mix well, and she also threw her homework out of the window... if it was completed I feel bad for the girl because typically homework is paper (I don't think the mom would throw a laptop outside). Someone tell me if I'm overreacting but this just seems like it would end up backfiring when you have to replace everything damaged :(
To say this situation was due to a lack of communication is just plain disrespectful. People, especially adults, know what needs to be done, they see a mess (particularly if the created it or helped). If they lived alone would they just go buy new plates, utensils, and clothes. Adults and older children (though all children should be taught) can plainly see a problem and "mom" or anyone else, shouldn't have to ask or tell them to clean up after themselves or help out. That is a family (related or not).
If you live in a home with someone, they shouldn't have to ask you to "help with chores." It's not solely their job, it's not solely your job. You both live there, you both take care of it. Some people might say, well what if one of them works. Ok, I work and I live by myself so I do all my work and all my chores and so far it hasn't killed me. Take some responsibility for your home.
I love how she ends it with "It's going to be a beautiful day!" But, to be honest, she should not have had to wait for 3 whole days for people to start cleaning up their mess. I don't understand why her family expected her to clean up, but this was a very good life lesson for them and I wish you the best of luck moving forward in life! 💕
i can't stop thinking about the hump of the husband on the picture were he is loading the dishwasher...
I think everyone needs to do this once in a while, especially if you have kids. You don't have to be accused of being passive aggressive go ahead and tell them you are taking a couple days off of the daily home duties its still a great learning experience. If you are always doing for them they will forget all the little things that need to be done daily in a home...like turning the dishwasher on right after it's loaded so you have clean dishes when you get home or buying toilet paper when you are low not just when you have half a role left...these are basic life skills and while a lot of it seems like a no brainer people don't always remember or appreciate the little things when it's constantly being done for them.
Just think of all the extra time she had, without having to use it up cleaning up after people who are perfectly capable of cleaning up after themselves. Her next step if to call a family meeting and divide up chores. Then stick to it. Someone doesn’t do their chore, and they’re not on their deathbed? I think she could come up with an appropriate punishment for that. Not something draconian, just a punishment that fits the crime.
That works with the kids but what about her partner? Its not liek you can punish an adult. Thats why most women end up doing everything.
Load More Replies...Please don't throw your kid's things out of the window like that one twitter person said they did. It's not nice. I had trouble keeping my room clean (and I still have trouble keeping my home clean) and a few times dad threw all my things out of the window and it felt so horrible. It's not like I wanted to have a messy room, I'm just horrible at staying organized, no matter how hard I try. Any kind of an attack, be it yelling or throwing things out of the window or something even worse, won't fix things. Also, husbands/boyfriends/wives/girlfriends/who ever the f**k the messy person or people in the house are, won't just magically start tidying things up when you ask them to. Making a nice and fair plan for the chores might not work if the other people don't actually want to take part in chores or they just don't understand that they should take part since they live under the same damn roof. Sometimes passive-aggressive ways will get the message through, sometimes it won't.
I agree. Throwing stuff out like that is traumatizing. I posted as much but got a handful of downvotes. Glad someone else is of the same mindset :)
Load More Replies...Okay, I'd like to draw attention to the lady who apparently threw everything her daughter owned out into the rain because she wasn't tidy enough. Ma'am, wtf. You're going to destroy a couple hundred $ of stuff because your *child* wasn't cleaning her room? That sounds straight up abusive
She's hysterical. The gender gap at home drives me mad. My husband is a fairly neat person but doesn't clean anything but his bathroom(and that not often enough.) He thinks b/c he doesn't leave things around that he doesn't have to clean. It's as if he thinks only clutter happens and not actual dirt. I have to ask to get him to do anything. He was single until we met when he was 42! He can't clean or cook anything so how did he survive to 42?!? He does the dishes b/c I cook but never ever has cleaned the sink. Ew. I always do it after or it won't get done.
My favorite part is when you ask for help and they say, "Yeah, Babe. I can do that." Then they "forget".
This would not work on someone ADHD. It would just stay messy until she went insane.
as long as this lesson sticks in his head thats all that matters, but not to judge or anything, who in their right minds names their child "irish" is his parent a kardashian?
Why weren't the kids at least taught to clean up after themselves in the first place? That's sorta on her. She's baffled at how far her family is willing to let things get out of hand around the house, but I'm baffled by how far she let her family get out of hand concerning the basic division of chores. She never had to take it all on herself, as her own experiment demonstrates. If she had done less, or slacked off here and there during a busy workweek, it would have gotten done eventually. She chose how much she took on.
This is genius and something I have thought of doing for a long time. I mentioned to my SO that I'm overwhelmed by the house duties and he said, just ask me babe, Ill do whatever you need. BUT I answered him, Why do I have to ask you? We are two grown ass adults using the house the same way. Just do the things! He is helpful when asked, but I don't want to nag. It does bother me from time to time.
"How difficult is it to say 'hey, babe, I'm tired, can you help with the dishes?" Well because then the problem is we're accused of nagging or being demanding.
"How difficult is it to say 'Hey babe, I'm tired. Can you help with the dishes?'" Well the problem is then we're accused of nagging or being demanding.
This post gets my upvote-I'm proud of you for doing it your way. It doesn't matter what I feel and I won't default to giving you some textbook version of what I think you should have done. That's would be self-righteous of me. Well done !
I went into this thinking they had to wash everything by hand and that's why they were lazy, but no! They have a dishwasher it does all the hard work for them! Some people take little things like dishwashers for granted. You literally just load it and turn it on. It's not hard! Anyway, glad they got the idea eventually. Also how do you run out of time to turn the damn thing on? You literally press a button lol 
Growing up if I didn't wash my crap after a meal, there will be no next meal for me.
When I went on strike from chores (dishes, laundry, etc...) It was not because I was fed up with it all. It was because I was working 6 days a week often 10-16 hour days. I was in a state of constant sleep depravation. It was getting hard to drive, let alone operate the dangerous machines I used at work. Boy did my wife let me know how much I let her down. And now that I wasn't doing dishes, she would stop making dinner to retaliate. Why is it praised if a SAHM stops doing chores but not when the primary bread winner falls short?
Why do you assume that this was a sahm? Most women do the majority of housechores even if they work full time. I was away from home 14h a day pkus half a day on saturdays and I still was expected to do everything. In any case a SAHM works 24/7 including at night when you relax and in the weekends. They dont have sick leave or holidays. Its a much worse job than working full time.
Load More Replies...Meh I dont get how dumbasses get to be grown ass men yet barely do dishes only got about three of each bowls spoons forks and so on So I myself got only a few dishes and wash them as needed
I love this, I do. On the other hand when my, now wife, moved in with me I learned I did so much wrong. With her laundry for example that there came a point where I stopped doing them. And when I do do them I only do what I know I'll do good any item I am in doubt about will stay in the bin. And I think this sums up my life long experiences sofar, I'll always end up being criticised. Well if you want it done right, do it yourself.
My husband is very good at sharing the household tasks but can he fold laundry? Nope. Do I care? Not enough. I've shown him, he's forgotten. He isn't lazy and I'd much rather have someone else share the work as well and even if it isn't done the same way at least it is done. Why do I care if his t-shirts have creases folded in - he'll be ironing them himself if it's an issue. People who act like the other person's help isn't good enough make a rod for their own backs and often a resentful partner. People should accept help with good will and not be so precious as long as it's done. Though anyone doing it deliberately badly can do their own things badly and lump them! That's my personal view anyway.
Load More Replies...Sometimes this works. sometimes this does not work. People have different limits that they will reach to get to different reactions. The way that everything plays out is just so different for everyone. For example, I do the most cleaning because I have a neat freak trigger in me. (I will point out that I do not do most of the cooking) I've been like this for about 25 years. My mother was never good at house keeping and we didn't have nice things so that eventually got to me and I wanted what I did have to be clean and neat and orderly. Now, when things get neglected, I start to get ... intolerant of it so I feel like I specifically must fix it. I'll be quite grumpy too but I have to satisfy my own intolerance. So, you see, different ways of managing.
Did she refer to the sink as the swap or the Somme?? Either way incredible!
Ephesians Chapter 6 Verses 1-9. This is what I lived by. See also. Mosiah 2:17 "17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God." When she stopped serving her family, she stopped serving her God!
mixed: kinda funny, but that is an indicator of that relationship's lack of communication, respect, and sharing of househd duties. The man is used to her doing it, so he can't read her mind and know "Oh, it means she wants ME to" He may not even have noticed - men often don't. Or, maybe he didnt want to ask because he wanted to give her space and respect that way? Otherwise, he may offend her by asking when she is gonna do the dishes, or why hasn't she. But maybe she has conveyed her thoughts over time. I know I am in the middle of it now - there are a couple of issues I have where it falls upon deaf ears each time I brought it up (just like a therapist would tell you to) and he doesn't even realize it.
He didnt noticed the kitchen full of dishes or the corridors full of dirty laundry? Are you saying that men are blind or just stupid? Its not about noticing, its about being lazy.
Load More Replies...Wby would that be relevant? Women are expected to do housechores in all cultures.
Load More Replies...There is too much left out of this. Does she have a job outside the home? If so, why is she just now getting to the point that other people need to take care of themselves? I never had this problem growing up. I had chores assigned to me and I did them, as did my brothers and sisters. When I married and had a child he had chores and duties. He did them and when he moved out when he was older he knew how to take care of himself. Expecting people to suddenly do everything you used to do because you don't think it is "fair" for you to do it all is the height of conceit.
From her Twitter feed it would appear that she does work outside the home.
Load More Replies...From what I can tell, on her Twitter feed, she does work outside the home.
Load More Replies...It is not our job to manage grown-up men (kids - whole other parenting story). Yes, you should equally communicate and agree on chores. But once that is done, it is not the women's job to remind everyone all the time. There is a reason that management is a profession. It is work. It is a job and it should not be layed on the shoulders of one person because the other one is unwilling to spend their mental energy keeping up to date on the tasks they agreed to do. This is what people mean then they say "we shouldn't have to ask". All she is doing is responding to the excuse so many partners use aka "I'd have done it but you always do it first". She's just seeing how long it really takes for someone to get around to it. Also, she didn't 'make' the house into a pigsty, she just didn't mitigate the consequences of the others' actions.
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