“I Offered To Let My Mom Live With Me Under The Exact Same Terms I Lived With Her As A Teen”
People who don’t like their lives and are unhappy tend to say that they didn’t ask to be born. That is true, because this contract to live can’t be consensual from both sides. So if parents decide to have children, they should do everything in their power to create a strong, loving relationship with them, provide them with comfort and supplies they need, raise them to take responsible decisions and prepare them to withstand what’s to come.
Sometimes parents didn’t ask for the baby to be born either. Or they weren’t prepared for it. Or they had selfish reasons to have it. It might work out great for the child regardless, but this woman on Reddit wasn’t one of the lucky ones. However, she had a chance to take revenge during adulthood.
More info: Reddit
Woman never expected to get a visit from her mom, but she came to ask for a place to live and the OP decided it was her payback time
Image credits: Eden, Janine and Jim (not the actual image)
The Original Poster (OP) never got along with her mother. Her mom actually told her that she hated her daughter and kicked her out. Thankfully, the Redditor Fabulous-Cost429 had her dad, so she stayed with him once she was 16 years old.
So imagine the OP’s surprise when her mom showed up on her home doorstep asking if she could live with her daughter because she didn’t have her own home.
The daughter never got along with her mother and actually, the parent made it very clear that she hated her by simply saying it
Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296
What happened was that 10 years ago, the woman left her long-term job and started working at a start-up that failed 3 years later. When she first started this job, the mom thought it was a good idea to buy a 7-bedroom house with the OP’s stepdad.
The stepdad was severely overweight so didn’t have good health and on top of that, ignored doctors’ recommendations to regulate his diet. He was bed-bound and before passing away, drained any of the savings that his wife had. Which meant that she didn’t have money to keep paying for the mortgage and the bank took back the house.
At the age of 16, the OP was kicked out of the house and luckily her dad took her in
Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296
The OP, her husband and their cats live in a 2-bedroom house and every space in the house already has a purpose. She was convinced that her brother had a spare bedroom and couldn’t understand why her mom would go to her, especially because her son was her golden child.
But the daughter was willing to compromise, so to say, and would spare a place to sleep if the mom followed the house rules. Which were the same rules that the OP lived under when she was a teenager.
So she never thought that she lived until the day that her mom came to her doorstep to ask for a place to live
Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296
Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual image)
Those rules included doing chores, cooking and practically being a servant that could be thrown out at any moment, not being given a meal or having her bedding privileges taken away for the night. Her sleeping schedule would be controlled and she would not have any privacy. She would only be able to shower every three days and for no longer than 5 minutes.
These rules sound insane and nobody would agree to live in such conditions willingly. The mom called OP a monster and considered the requirements to be inhumane. The daughter found such a description very ironic because it was her life for several years until she broke out of the toxic household.
There was no space in the house that OP lived in, but she was willing to clear up a corner if mom followed a couple of rules
Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296
The OP is convinced that her mom remembers everything perfectly and exactly as it was, but would never admit to her mistakes and to being a horrible person, so she tried to gaslight her daughter into thinking that it wasn’t that bad and that nobody’s perfect.
The mom left and the redditor doesn’t know where she went and what her fate will be because she doesn’t care and has no compassion for that person. However, it seems that she did go to the brother after that, because he called and said that the OP has “the biggest balls in the family” for taking the revenge of a lifetime.
Those rules are the same rules the OP had to live under when she was a teenager and lived with her mom
Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296
A study by Jooyoung Kong and Sara M. Moorman revealed that “Persons who had a history of parental abuse showed significantly more frequent depressive symptoms when providing care to their abusive parent(s) compared with caregivers who had not experienced parental abuse.” This was also compared to people who chose to not take care of their abusive parents.
But many people may still feel that it’s their duty to look after their elderly parents even though they haven’t been taken care of when they were children. If they refuse to do so, they may receive judgment from society or other family members.
Recently, iCarly star Jennette McCurdy, who portrayed the character Sam in the show, published a book I’m Glad My Mom Died and talked about how life was growing up with an abusive mother and how she managed to get control of her life back when she died. Which just shows that if someone gave you life, you don’t necessarily want to give that favor back.
The mom didn’t stay after hearing those conditions because she thought they were inhumane and called her daughter a monster
Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296
Image credits: btwashburn (not the actual image)
What do you think about the OP’s decision? Are you able to understand her feelings? Do you think that it is a child’s duty to make their parents’ lives comfortable when they get old no matter what? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
However, people in the comments thought that this was a power move and every abused kid’s dream
Good for you finally some vengeance for all those inhuman year the hag, there is nothing amazing about doing the bare minimum I parented you chose it the best you can do is raise the child that you choose to have for the love in your heart and not with hatred and if you don’t want a kid don’t keep it give it a loving home not the hell that you have
Yo kim ramsey , you are correct, Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but if she's only doing that to her abusive mother,does it count though, I'd say it's FAIR lol
Load More Replies...This is brilliant. I bought mine a house, on the understanding that any housing benefits, I would get to help pay towards the mortgage. She decided that she didn't want to pay for the house, so I told her to f**k off and rot. She ended up in a council flat, using her housing benefits to pay the rent. She had the last laugh though, the evil cow died, leaving nothing, not a bean ... guess who had to pay for her sodding funeral.
I have lived this for 68 years. My mother is 91 and now abusing my younger sister, who by virtue of being the baby, has been tasked to take care of her. I won't go into detail of what she's done to us; suffice to say that the chains will fall off on the day she passes... I always felt like such a heartless daughter for not loving my own mother, but I'm not able to. She's made it impossible. Even her grandchildren cannot love her for what she's put us all through. Just waiting for the day.
Encourage your sister to get away from that hag before her own life is over! Your sister owes NO ONE (except her children, if she has any) her time and sweat. Mom can live on the government's dime.
Load More Replies...I await the same request, unfortunately. I could never treat anyone the way my mother has done unto me - including her. However, when that call comes, I am not answering.
You do what you have to do to remain sane, even if that means turning your back on the person who was supposed to protect you as a child but who was toxic instead.
Load More Replies...Aren't our problems mainly of our own making, Mum? Obviously OP has resentments...she's allowed IMO & isn't on a "closure" schedule predicated on Mum's problems. Frankly I don't blame OP one bit. There are some situations where taking the "high road" gets you nowhere. I wonder how the Mum would've acted had OP taken her in. Actions have consequences & sounds like Mum sank this ship long ago. Definitely NTA
Sad to see such hate fresh and alive and still doing business. I grew up poor in a rural town, we were brown and the darkest people for miles. Endured and survived a lot of hate there. Went back decades later and while a part of me wanted "revenge" I just walked and drove around and remembered. Wasn't easy and a lot still has the same mindset but it has changed some (apparently it shrunk too). Yet the feeling I got was that I survived that place like I survived my abusive alcoholic father and though the hurts still cut deep I could only feel sorry, for them for me, for for anyone going through it. I suppose one may say the years wore me down but no, my anger is alive and well but I just remember how I always felt on the other end and I try to keep pushing while cleaning up messes I've made, I am no saint. I guess good on them but what about humanity? For me it seems pointless and counter productive, only feeding a part of us we should all try to let go. I hope they found some peace.
There's an old saying, "What goes around, comes around" (aka "karma"). OP was horribly abused by mom, who treated her brother like a prince, conversely. When mom's later actions caused her to lose her home, she expected OP to basically forget what was done to her and let her stay out of the goodness of her heart. What she DIDN'T expect was for OP to repeat the same "rules" that was imposed on her the years she was living with mom, and mom tried to gaslight OP by rationalizing her actions, until mom left in a huff! You see, OP was simply showing her mom the mirror (mom's abuse of OP) and was trying to get her to see from OP's perspective. Mom didn't like what she was seeing, and, rather than take responsibility, left. But, between the years OP left the toxic situation to this point, you think OP didn't work hard to try to recover from it? Based on her life now, she's happily married and has a productive life of her own, while going NC with mom.
Load More Replies...So many people perpetuating b******t by telling others how they have to deal with their trauma. How I deal with mine doesn't look like how someone else deals with theirs, and we need to stop making a binary right and wrong to how we deal with situations that cause immense pain and lasting effects that all depend on OTHER factors in the person's life. Not every survivor has the same story, not every survivor has the same reasoning, not every survivor has the same outcome. I love and hate so much about this post
Honestly, if one more person says to me "I'd give anything to have my mom back!" in response to me cutting mine off, I'll scream.
Load More Replies...Wow her mother was an absolute monster. Sounds like the step-dad was garbage too (or at least ate it)
Why do I have to read what the reddit user wrote and then reread it right after. Save your comments to the end of the story or before. Hard to enjoy it if I gotta read the same thing twice
I just read the reddit bits, save myself the commentary
Load More Replies...After reading this I realize I really need some therapy.... I live most of my life crying on the inside..,...
Do it! You will be amazed how much better your life will be once you stake your inner demons through the heart.
Load More Replies...For me the saddest part of this is that your father wanted you and loved you and yet he still wasn't given custody when I'm sure there were previous signs of abuse. Our sexist notions of who should and shouldn't be a child's primary caregiver are absurd and damaging on do many levels. I'm so glad you were able to move in with your dad and he gave you the love and care you deserved!
Good job i cut my mother out of my life. I had to suffer for many years. Pretty much every day I had a belt or something taken to me. Sometimes I did kind of deserve it but i wont deny my stepdad used me to take his anger out. My mother allowed this behavoir. I have dug bodock thorns out of my legs from him(these will cause massive infection if left in), had buckles taken to me, those bling belts with the metal holes all over them that is just some of the torture I had to endure. I was extreamly poor and the children at school bullied me to no end. No matter where I went i was tormented unless I could get to a family members house for a day. That lasted 10 years off and on no electricity or running water. Food stamps were the main way I could eat yet my step dad would say he puts the food on the table 😂. For like 7 or 8 years this was my life of pure hell. I was made to do almost all house chores.
One day my mother defied him and he finally went after her. I walked away I wont lie. She said to me I was supposed to be the one to get hit. And to this day she wonders to everyone why I wont speak to her anymore. I even started mowing this guys yard and doing random stuff for him getting paid for it my stepdad would take it from me most of the time. Even had him burn a twenty in front of my face cause he said he would pay it back and i asked him weeks later why he had not paid me it yet. My father abandoned us before all that as well. My life will never become as hard as it was in the past the drunk is now dead he had sever ulcers and refused to stop drinking. Doctors told him if he would stop for just 6 months he would heal up and could drink again what a idiot first thing he did after the camera was out of his throat was go drink went staight to the gas staion.
Load More Replies...WOW that is severe abuse. An overly strict parent would punish by taking away allowance, TV, the occasional social outing... Not meals, clothes, and bedding. I hope that witch finally realized what a horror she was.
Narcissists never do. But don’t worry, as they age, it feels HORRIBLE. Looks, money, youth, everything that was in between them and their insecurities withers away. They devolve into a screeching manchild. They suffer being eaten alive by their sins and everyone leaves them for dead. Then, with nobody to scapegoat, they’re left with themselves. Their filthy, empty, hateful selves. Alone. That’s hell on earth. Then they die. But the hell never ends. That is justice.
Load More Replies...I cut my mother out of my life a few years before she died. She'd conditioned me that she was a better mother than I deserved, and after her brain surgeries I was expected to take time off of work to stay with her in hospital so she "wasn't lonely." I did a few times (this clown could NOT attach her brain to the fact that she was 290lbs of absolute jelly, so she was always falling and breaking her 12th vertebrae or her hip so bad she needed it replaced) but I stopped when my pedophile older brother got a young girl pregnant and they had a girl and I realized I needed to talk about it and i found a psychologist: that's when I learnt that what my brother had done to me all those years was NOT my fault, even though our parents had always helped me understand that it was. ("Boys are sexual beings, girls are not. It's your job to make it stop") The last 2 years of her life I just reminded her of the hell she put me through. I didn't offer solace, I put her actions at her feet
What you endured is horrific. I hope someone is making sure your neice is safe. Your brother will not stop.
Load More Replies...wow, i dunno what to say. first off all i salute the author for doing it and second, i can't believe that parents can be so inhuman to their children.
Bravo. I'd give you a high five and buy you a drink if I could. F**k being the bigger person, and f**k your mother.
Nah. Even f**k is too good for people like her. They ought to endure all the pain they ever inflicted on other human beings.
Load More Replies...How calm and measured you are in guarding yourself against further abuse. Your mother & my mother must have been sisters. After I became a mother, I cut off contact. As she lay dying, she repeatedly asked my siblings if they would arrange a visit. She had been quite I’ll for 7 months and not one of them contacted me. They told the rest of the world that I knew all about it and was just refusing to see her. She died without seeing me and my siblings carried on her traditions of blaming me for everything, getting as much $ from me as they can and slandering me to anyone who’ll listen. Guess what. I don’t see them anymore either. Good for you. I wish you well in all future endeavors and wish your mother plenty of time to contemplate her life.
I see quite a few people here saying that "OP is just continuing the cycle of hatred/abuse, she's no better than the mother uwu," and apparently none of these people understand what "cycle" means. OP *would* be continuing the cycle of abuse *if* she were taking her anger and bitterness out on her *own* children, but that's not the case here. In fact, I'd be willing to bet OP will be a great parent if they ever decide to have kids because of how awful their own childhood was. All OP did was make her abusive mother step into the same shoes she was forced to wear for years, and she didn't even go *that* far since mom refused to stay with OP rather than take every horrible thing she'd dished out to her daughter. To say that an abuse victim finally standing up to their abuser makes them just as bad is such an asinine, ignorant statement that it's honestly offensive.
I agree. Idk if I'd be able to do that but my parents aren't abusive shitheads. But OP has every right to throw that abuse right back in her face
Load More Replies...While my mother is not as bad as this, she is more of a verbal abuser and manipulator and an absolute expert in gaslighting. I was such a dumb kid that I honestly believed everything she did was for my own good, because what kind of mother would manipulate and brainwash her own child to do her biddings, right? Right?
You weren't dumb. That's just normal for a child to believe their mom. You are dependent on your parent. You need them to survive and you need to trust them. It's horrible how much this gets abused by parents...
Load More Replies...Birthing a child does not necessarily make you into a decent parent. She'd be my ex-mother if I was her child
If mom had any self awareness, ever, she would have seen this coming. I'm pretty sure people in prison have more privileges than that. The longer Karma avoids you, the bigger bite it will take out of you when it catches up to you!
I simply don’t have words to describe what you did. One giant FYOU directly at her. I’m sure the look on her face was a priceless picture you will remember with fondness for the rest of your life. What goes around does eventually come back to bite you in the @$$. She won’t get it, of course. She’s basically a sociopath. They never do. I had an abusive childhood. I had it out on evening with my mother as she screamed at me like a shrew and threw the phone across the room. Later I made it very clear, keep it up & you & I will end up just like you & your mother. Never see me again. But I won’t make your mistake. I’ll arrange to visit with dad, but not you. Knife in the gut because when she walked out on her mother, she never saw her father again, whom she deeply loved until after his incapacitating stroke & died 3 weeks later. Fortunately, she understood the line & don’t EVER cross it again. We ended up being the best of friends & mom & daughter for her last 10 years. I was so lucky. Love you mother dear💝💝💝
Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother was the type of person that had kids to keep (trap) your father. When that didn't work, she resented her kids; especially you, being the younger. I know people who have been through this type of family life. It's sad and horrible. It's good that she stormed out. She would've only made you miserable living there.
I hope you find peace and that the memory of your life as a teenager becomes less burdensome to you. You did not deserve what you experienced.
Good for you. I Admire those basket ball size balls of yours. I FINALLY gave my OWN mom a warning. If she didn't start minding her ps and qs. HER fate was a nursing home. She FINALLY went and sought counseling for as she put it for Anger Management Issues. She's been doing ALOT BETTER. Thrilled you FINALLY had YOUR SAY. Good Luck to you.
Good for you OP I would've done my mother the exact same way because I went through something similar with my mother. She's now 76 and I would never do anything for her period because she never did anything for me but give me a lot of grief.
I think it's just a long way to say you don't want her there. lol. Even if she'd agreed I'd refuse to let her in because it wouldn't be healthy to live with someone you don't like.
Hatred and vengeance are toxic and destructive. But I do not see this as vengeance. Honesty, clarity and firm boundaries are healthy. I expect that if this woman had cried, confessed and apologized; the original poster may have chosen to begin a healthy relationship with her mother. (Though she probably would have needed to see her mother accept the rules and do her best for some time to be sure it was real.) We will never know. I have known rare people who have changed. We can give people an opportunity to change without foolishly taking risks of repeated abuse.
My verbally, emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive mother asked to live with me once. I was living in a 1bedroom apt at the time in a different city and she came for a visit. My exact words were "Hell no. Go live with your son, he loves you the most bc I don't love you that much". The look of shock on her old wrinkled face was priceless. And then she died the following month. I will never regret what I said to her bc she has said a lot worse to me. Remember, you are not obligated to take care of your parents in their golden age. Especially, if they were abusive to you while raising you.
The mum (if you can even call her that) fully deserved it. And I wonder why even the "golden boy" brother didn't want her living at his place?
I say op should have slammed the door in her mom's face and have a drink to celebrate .
I’ve seen worse, unfortunately. To me, it’s hard to believe what a healthy childhood looks like. It’s practically heaven on earth.
Load More Replies...At first, I’m thinking, “but she is not a teenager” … but then I remember that teenagers can fend for themselves about as much as older people like her … she is the equivalent of a teenager and expecting parental privileges … let the entitled brother deal with her … nothing excuses a horrible parent …
Well good for you if it helped you heal. I only lived with my mom on and off through out my childhood , guys always came before me always. But once I had children of my own and I didn't let her see them unless she straightened up, no drinking etc. I had her in our lives for 10 years. She was the best grandmother and mother, I'm so glad I gave her a chance to be in my life. Its a love I always wanted to have and got in the end I forgave her, I'm glad
My great grandmother once told me that my mother would come knocking one day needing a place to live and to shut the door. She hasn't yet but she's still out there somewhere.
Although my mother was never as bad as that, she never encouraged me as a child with all of my achievements met with indifference. I have always been a loner and introverted and she criticised me for that, it doesn't matter what I did I could never win. She's been broke for most of her life and always in debt; she would borrow money from her worst enemy and by that I mean people that she hates because she's jealous of them because they have a better life than she has, she's that two-faced. She didn't like any of my friends as a kid and criticised me if I didn't go out, and when I did she'd criticise that I 'lived' at wherever I used to go. One day in 1980 I brought a girlfriend round to my home very briefly. A few days later in one of her rages she said "if you bring that skinny cow round here again I'll hit her 'n all'!. When I finally left home the only time she ever called me was to borrow money and would often turn on the waterworks. Last time was 15 years ago. I disowned her.
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 NKJV
Evil people up in hear yall need therapy two wrongs dont make a right. I guess no one had ever told you that.
I won't lie, when I read the title I thought "ok some spoiled 20 something is going to complain that she had a curfew at 14 or something" but nah kudos to OP for kicking mommy dearest to the curb AND for growing up reasonably sane in that environment.
Good for you, she tottaly had it comming. In my country it is required by law to take care of your parents when they are old and/or can"t take care of themself. So even if you don't let them into your home you still have to pay the difference for their retirement home. That is if you manage to find one that will take them in.
Well GOOD FOR HER! my mom abandoned us when i was 2 and my sister was 6, my late dad was bed ridden,my sister became the caregiver,i was sent to abusive relatives sometimes because my sister couldn't possibly take care both of a little kid and bed ridden adult.. once he was able to walk although with disability he took care of me and my older sister.. So once i turned 18, surprise surprise, she called and wanted to ya know reconnect,i just go with it , because I'd be lying if i say I've never longed for her..then she keep dropping hints like ,she and her husband is getting old, children responsibility and whatnot..my sister had memories with her unlike me so she can't turn her away, not me though,i literally just smiled at her ,look at my sister, and said "sure, I'll be responsibly neglecting you for 2years" they were horrified but my sister probably felt guilty for telling me how my mom neglected me for those 2years, her face was like WHAT TF then she was like fair enough xD Ehehhh morally i do feel bad when we does that kind of things to our own family but i ain't gonna lie that it feels nice too lol
I saw a video that I think may go with this in someway. The video was about race but whatever, so there was a grown man and a little girl, (two highlighters, it was an example video, not a true story) The man would emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually abuse the little girl. He did this for a while. Someone asked the little girl whay she wanted to do to that man and she said "I wanna bonk him over the head". The man was asked the same thing, he said, "I wanna bonk her over the head". Would you call the little girl abusive? Would you call the man abusive? What the girl did was react, (I think that was the word the lady in the video said). She reacted. That's what op did in someway. The mother abused op, so op REACTED by letting the mother get a taste of her own medicine. Op "bonked her over the head". Op is not abusive. The abused can't abuse the abuser, but they can react.
Thank you, that was a good example to make it clear how crazy it is to call the OP abusive after she has been the one being abused all those years. It's completely messed up, how people turn this around as if they couldn't think clearly.
Load More Replies...To quote a legendary man with a barbed-wire bat, that took some beach ball sized lady-nuts.
I'd like to suggest this woman gets some serious therapy. I know it was probably awful being abused like that as a teenager but to hold that much HATE for so long, makes her as bad as her Mother. She should have just said No thank you.
You know what? You are right, of course. At the same time, you are not. It is your mother.
Indeed this person has lived out and exercised ALL abused kids dreams... and SO GLAD this is posted here - publicly. To this day I'm still shamed by relatives, my sibling... for not "just forgiving" my mother. She's been so convincing and manipulative that she gets her gaslighting done second, third and fourth hand. NONE of them 'remember' any of the absolute garbage that was fed to me... and my brother is also the golden child, btw. Even if they saw it happen... they just choose to remember what makes it easier for them. I say "She told me - REMINDED me repeatedly - I was a mistake and that my existence ruined her life. How is that unclear?" and they just keep repeating "You must have misunderstood". She knows they all believe her too because it's easier to smack me down than believe what actually happened.
My dad ghosted me when I was about 8 right around the time his new wife had a little girl. Years later he re appeared because he found out I was moving here to the USA....then he was suddenly interested in my existence! He just wanted a way to come here to and work at the oil fields haha. When I go back to my home country Im going to torture the s**t out of him (psychologically) or maybe invite him to the US to live with me and offer him this great amazing life only for me to be the one to ghost him😂
Frankly I am surprised you were open to any communication after you went to live with your dad.
It's like these abusive parents think that their children will go on being children, under their thumb, terrified of them, forever, and there are no consequences to being utter b******s to small people who have no choice but to stay. And a total lack of self awareness that they are doing anything wrong.
Just my opinion, but I'm pretty good with people. #1 the O P did not actually abuse her mom in any way. #2 I believe that she needed to know, for sure that her mom knew what she did was wrong, but did it anyway. When you know it's wrong, and unacceptable, but do it anyway, that is unexcusable. I think she wanted to know if she was wrong to hate her, and IMHO found out she was right. For all you "but it's your mom" types, I say "so what"? She only birthed her. A real Mom doesn't treat her children this way. I was an abused child, and so was my wife. When she doubted herself for hating her father, I would tell her:he was only a guy who s¢€wed your mom. A dad is the guy who fixes your childhood injuries, wakes up and talks to you when you have a nightmare, and gives you good advice without putting you down. Not a lecherous old man who is always trying to abuse you . There's a big difference between a parent, and a mom and dad .
karma is glorious. i have gotten to administer karmic justice a few times. it is a wonderfully empowering feeling to smack your abuser right back in their face, with their own words.
I have felt sorry for old people in homes, who are sad because their children never visit them. After reading this story and some of the comments I am thinking, that these old people maybe are like your mother, and that is why nobody wants to go visiting them. Most of us love our parents, and it is very sad, that some have every reason not to do so. Glad you told us all. I am sure some of those who read it, were somehow having their payback through you.
I am very saddened by the fact that your mothers abuse has turned you into an abusive person. You have every right to feel the way you feel about your mother and every right to turn her down and not help her at all. This kind of abuse you are speaking of is insane, I am sorry you had to live through it but I am more sorry you are perpetuating it. Either forgive and help a woman in need or tell her to find shelter elsewhere. If it takes for you to become a monster just to get your revenge, it is not worth it.
I don't think you are being a monster, for treating your mother, like she treated you. Only if you do it to someone else.
Load More Replies...You know, I don't know the full story and if that's true, it certainly sounds wrong. I've simply learned, though, that extending mercy if you have the opportunity is the best course. It's REALLY hard to be the bigger person when you've been wronged and mistreated - I know this well. But even though vengeance may feel good at the moment, somehow, at some point - we'll be humbled when we hope for someone to be merciful to us. I hope you are okay, but I also hope the same for your mother.
This is not okay. You were a child and parents do have communication restrictions. Maybe she was a terrible parent, but you just became the same monster. You no longer have the supposed high ground. I was a severely abused child and I would not do this to my mother. You can still have healthy boundaries and be compassionate. Remember you are now open to the evil you gave right back. You didn't rise above or learn a thing.
How did op become like their mom? Are they doing this to their kids? Do they evrn have kids? I don't think so. And so what if you were abused by your mother but you don't respond the same way? That matters how???
Load More Replies...But wouldn't you be the same as her? You hated her character but you are implementing her character in you? Most of the time, revenge isn't the right answer. You feels like it would satisfy you but towards the end, if you have humanity and conscience left you would feel guilty, and if you're not, you have become the abuser, same as your abuser. :)
I'm really tore between you didn't deserve that life, but she is your mother and makes me wonder what kinda of life she grew up to think it was ok to treat your child like that. Just keep your home peaceful and I wouldn't allow that drama inside your home.
Oh my god shut the f**k up this is the dumbest article I have ever read fire whoever wrote it
Brilliant!....I only say that because I have dealt with the same thing (almost)........however in hindsight I think that I would be facing criminal charges by now for the abuse of the elderly had I treated her like I was treated.......my kudos to you
My mom blamed me for my husbands death and told me what an unlovable person I am. My mom told me I should be ashamed of myself for not being more compassionate when my sister had cancer. I went to every chemo over 15yrs. I was there at her last breath while my mom lived in another state. I LOST MY HUSBAND TO A FATALITY AND MY SISTER TO CANCER.. I LOST MY SISTER 3 WEEKS LATER ON THE DAY OF MY HUSBANDS SERVICE. MY MOM THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA TO SLAM ME AFTER MY HUSBAND SERVICE BUT BEFORE MY SISTER'S. 7 YRS AGO AND I'VE NEVER SPOKEN A WORD TO HER. NO THEAPY .
I'm so sorry OP and everyone else that grew up with such awful parents had to go through that treatment in the first place. It isn't right and none of you deserved to be put through that. I'm generally someone who tries to meet people with compassion and help in any way I can, but it sounds like this "mother" got what she deserved. Happy and proud of OP for standing up to their abuser. As satisfying as it must have felt, I hope it helps bring a sense of closure and healing as well. Hopefully it will also be cause for some introspection and growth for the woman who put them through such disgusting treatment; not that I'd blame OP one ounce if for refusing to see/talk to them ever again.
I WILL FOREVER TELL THAT STORY! I BOW DOWN TO YOU MY QUEEN!!! LMFAO!! My mother was also a horrible monster that also told me how much she hated me. She also didn't waver when she included how she wished my grandfather had not been able to stop her from getting an abortion with me. Oh ya, and I also ruined her life at sixteen when I was born. (Because obviously I asked for it!) I hope it was as liberating for you as I imagine it would be for me! KUDOS!!!
Judging by the way the woman in question talks she is full of hate. The insults toward the dead, mocking her mother's misfortune, sly insult of her brother... I'm starting to see why her mother had issues with her. If anyone else is buying all this I have a bridge to sell you. Clearly this woman is just hateful.
Not hateful, bitter. I would be bitter too if I lived with those two assholes.
Load More Replies...Evil people up in here yall need therapy two wrongs font make a right guess no one ever told you that.
Thank God someone else saw this for being hateful. The insult toward a man dying, mocking her mother losing her home because of medical bills, the sly insult toward the brother...
Load More Replies...In all honesty this is disgusting behaviour, be the better person and show ur mom that u didn't end up being like her. Treat her better
1. Op didn't become like the mom. 2. Treat the abuser better?!? Be for real.
Load More Replies...She did the right thing. It surely is difficult to care for a parent in their later years who treated you like garbage.
Omg, Al! Did you know moms could be abusers too!! It seems like you didn't! But thats okay, you know now! You also didn't know that abusers deserve NO respect!! But once again, now you know!👍🏾
Load More Replies...I have a slight problem with the story. I've made tons of rules when my kids were living at home (but always for their security or the good of everyone around). If my kids come up with a rule they thought dumb in a conversation, I may not remember that specific rule but I would say that that would sound like a rule I would make. That mother didn't remember any of the outrageous rules she made while her daughter lived at her house. I would have called Children's Aid Society on her if I was the father. Nothing happened.
Some parents act like their children. Will never grow up. I'm glad you got the rare chance to enact revenge on your sorry a$$ mother. Let that bi#$& go and torture your brother, who she loved so much more. Hope you know you're a super hero to us readers.
And this is why courts giving custody to the mother by default is a problem.
I'm an honor your parents kinda person. I'd never cast out my parents if they were in need, despite the ability to give some fantastic reasons why it would be an acceptable thing to do. It would not be an acceptable thing for me. My standards are the way I treat people. I have no control over how they treat me.
I don't know if I ever let my abusive dad be a homeless man, but I totally understand OP's desision. You don't know for sure how long would it take to her mom be abusive again, once she stayed in OP's house
Reading these rules made me realize just how strong the OP is. To live under a tyrant like that and still have enough strength to find a spouse to love is nothing short of a miracle.
I wish I had her balls or level of resentment. Though my childhood abuse wasn't this bad comparing to the OP, I still can't find it it me to stop caring if they're OK or sending them money. I don't want to. I hate it, really. But it's like I'm conditioned to provide for them now that they're old
Closure is important in those situations; necessary to move forward.
I feel bad for the mother, but she had it coming. On the bright side though, you hated the way you were treated and she therefore did do one thing good as a parent, she taught you not to be like her. Treat your kids fairly and respect their privacy and trust them. If you feel you need to invade it, once in a while is normal since you're just a concerned parent, but they need to know you trust them enough not to keep constant tabs on them.
Mine tried, reached out to me with a multi-pronged "woe is me" tale through two other parties. I never responded. I don't know what she's thinking, we haven't spoken in over 20 years. Why would I mess up a good thing now?
You're a a*****e and should be shot. If I met you, I'd beat your a*s till you couldn't think such rudimentary, idiotic and insane thoughts. You should be ashamed of yourself but only someone with the ability to feel humility could be ashamed.
It's so sad to read all these angry comments. Clearly, of all the lessons learned from those fractured parents; compassion wasn't one of them. Before anyone decides I don't have a clue what I'm talking about let tell you my story. I was molested by father from age 2 to almost 12. He died that year. I told and ostracized by family for telling and told by my mother that she would never forgive me for being her husband's lover. Much pain and many tears over the years. She's gone now and I hope she found peace. I didn't learn compassion from her, but sometimes those who need it most are the ones who would never understand it.
Sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Glad that was not my mother or my daughter. Women really need to support each other. And most of all teach your children empathy not revenge.
Also the amount of thumbs up extremist and hateful views around here get is astounding. I'd seriously prefer putting up with a person like the OP's mother than with many of the folks commenting around here, you sound like you could torture someone and then watch them burn simply for looking at you the wrong way. Of course, doing all that undercover without getting caught, you don't sound like you'd have the balls to do it if you were to get caught. It's good to be a hermit with people like you on this planet.
I feel sorry for the both of them, mom and daughter, but particularly for the latter. Not only did she have to put up with such abuse, she has chosen to become an abuser herself. Tragic really, how one adult's frustrations can cause the same, in the future, for their children. Very sorry for both of them, I hope the daughter will manage to break free from such such a cycle. As it is now unfortunately, at the moral core of it all she's in no way better than her mother. Also so sorry to see so many people condoning this, it's really disheartening. As for karma vs revenge... I think some people really don't know the meaning of the term "karma", or conveniently use it to justify revenge. Karma means the returned effects of an action and it implies randomness at its core, while also involving morality and fairness, as in some sort of balance, of equalizing elements. That's why it implies not taking justice into your own hands or wishing for it - because that introduces intent into the equation and destabilises it at the expense of the new element, i.e. the one who does the revenge will get even more bad stuff happening to them because of that involved negative action sent anew into the system, perpetuating it- , but simply letting everything unfold without sending negative thoughts or actions into the universe. People who choose revenge should at least have the common sense to take accountability and take it as what it is, revenge, not cowardly dress it up as karma. Own your poison or don't drink it, but don't make yourself stupid.
First I’ll start by saying I’m so sorry you had to suffer through such a traumatic childhood and that I truly hope you have found a way to cope and heal with all that you endured. However I also feel that’s it’s equally important to point out that I don’t believe you have completely healed and that perhaps seeking professional help (therapy) would be something that could benefit you tremendously. You are still so angry that I don’t think you realize by doing what you did makes you no better than her. You stooped her level and behaved and treated her just like she did you (she may have deserved it and yes I’m sure it felt amazing but did it really and does it still make you feel good knowing you hurt her like she hurt you?)You need to learn to break the cycle. The best way to have handled the situation was to just say yeah no, no you cannot stay with me. You made my life hell as a child and I will not allow that back into my life. I do wish you the best of luck.
OP kinda sounds like a b***h. Says she was happy to live with the one parent who loved her, but then goes on to call the father a disgusting whale and that's she's glad he's dead. Seems likes she's just full of hate, which is probably rightly directed at the mother, but is just being hateful and resentful towards everyone/everything.
"But is just being hateful and resentful towards everyone/everything." There were 4 people other people in this story. Her disgusting mother, disgusting stepfather, brother who was treated better than her and her bio father and if I remember correctly she says she loves him, right? We don't know if she hates her brother but to say she's full of hate and hates everyone and everything just because she let her anger out on mommy and stepdaddy? Pa-lease.
Load More Replies...So the c**t mother bore a c**t of a daughter. I hope she's happy being just as big a c**t as her mom.
Personally I don't think I would feel satisfaction doing that, it would probably just have left me even more... hateful. If I felt that much rage I think I would have preferred to just say a firm no and save my peace. But at the same time I do understand why op did it and I don't judge that. I didn't have a great childhood either in many ways so I can understand how scars can stay with you but I don't think I would feel like I could "fix that" by giving back. It would just make me feel "stuck".
I get where you are coming from and I understand the reasons behind why you did it but I prefer forgiveness. I am so proud of my mother for the forgiveness she showed her father. She suffered abuse. A mother who ran away from an abusive husband and left four of her eldest children with him. An ex soldier who suffered the horrors of the Burma conflict he'd get drunk and crash into their bedrooms stand them as soldiers at 2am in the morning and make them clean the house. Knowing she was terrified of the dark and living in a old Victorian house he'd delight in sending her down a long dark corridor in the basement where the electric meter was. He would thrash them . He would come home drunk and bring prostitutes to the home. She told me all of this. She reconnected years later as an adult and was the only one of his children at his funeral. She forgave and rebuilt her relationship and he got to know his grandchildren. I'm so proud of her for that.
As a child abuse victim myself, personally I believe that this is a total waste of time and still a cycle of abuse going on first the mom does child abuse then this woman does elderly abuse technical terms by law. I wonder if they find it exhausting going around in this vicious circle instead of just live a peaceful life. In order to have a peaceful life I believe seek professional help and stay away from the toxic environment and don't let toxicity be brought into your home. And if this person has children what are you teaching them you're teaching them it's okay to disrespect and be abusive to the elders and then one day who knows maybe your own children will do it to you and this is called karma. Live in peace showpiece show love it's less exhausting then try to come up with these outrageous vicious revengeful plans. Seriously I believe you need professional help and I feel okay saying this because even at times I still need professional help and I seek it for myself.
No one is being abusive and disrespecting elders. You act like old people deserve everything in the world just for being old. F*ck that. If op has kids then I'm sure they'll keep them away from grandma, nothing wrong with that. What op did was not "outrageous and vicious"! You act like op pulled the mother in the house and MADE her live in those conditions. That's what the mother did though. What op did was fine and I'm confused as to why people are pressed.
Load More Replies...There's this thing called "reacting". Op reacted to their mother and her behavior. It didn't hurt anyone so it's fine. Op is still their own person. Op offered to let the mother in the house as ling as they followed their rules. One time. And that's all they did. I'm sure they don't talk like, dress, eat or drink like their mother. They're still their own person.
Load More Replies...It is VERY VERY important to share stories like these on social media, so me and all survivors of abuse know that one of us was able to stand up for herself against their abuser. It inspires and maybe by reading more stories like these, some day more survivors can stand up against their abuser, too. It also promotes awareness about what kind of behaviour is okay and what is not, because as a kid, you think what your parents do to you is normal and justified by default. We need more of these stories to know what's happening, isn't right and that we are human beings who deserve love and kindness. And that is is possible for the abuser to suffer from their own actions eventually and they won't just get away with it.
Load More Replies...Like the mom would've taken that answer🙄. She would probably steal ops money, car and house. And the clothes iff their back!
Load More Replies...Did we both read the same post? Because yeah, actually, it sounds like OP feels a LOT better after quite rightly putting her abusive mother in the same shoes she was forced to wear for years. What do you think would have happened if OP had simply welcomed mom into her home? That mom would suddenly realize the err of her ways, break down in tears, and apologize for every horrible thing she'd ever done to OP? I'm sorry but life is not a wholesome family sitcom; mom would almost certainly just keep being an abusive POS. When you have this idealistic mentality that hate is never justified and revenge is always bad uwu, all it does is let terrible people *keep* being terrible people because they never suffer a single consequence for their actions. You say revenge is "like drinking poison," but the "poison" was drunk long ago when OP was abused by the person who ought to have loved her most in the world, and it's just too bad that mom can't to swallow that same bitter pill now.
Load More Replies...Actually we have some very *good* explanations--both psychological and biological, as well as environmental--as to why human beings are just awful creatures sometimes; no demonic possession required.
Load More Replies...Op should forgive someone that kept food, social interaction, clothes and the teen experience from them? Who abused them? Yeah right🙄. You forgive your abuser but don't tell other people what to do in situations and how to cope!
Load More Replies...Isn’t that what’s she doing? Out making her own living arrangements while OP feels justified. I believe a big weight has been lifted off OP after She explained the house rules!
Load More Replies...You can have just as many adverse effects from bottling it up, and not being allowed to show your feelings, which is how I ended up with ulcers at the age of 11. So no. Please stop using glurgy, unrealistic rhetoric like this to silence survivors. We're allowed to be angry at our abusers and tormentors, regardless of what you think.
Load More Replies...That's you babe, but op did what made her feel good, treat their abuser how she treated them.
Load More Replies...I read what her abuses were , did you not read the entire article? I think it was repeated twice.
Load More Replies...I disagree, the mom wouldn’t have a clue as to why she was just told “no”
Load More Replies...They're just reciprocating the treatment they received from their abuser. That doesn't make them abusive or ugly. And it feels good.
Load More Replies...Actually, she was rather nice and presented her mother with a choice she didn't have as a child. She informed her mother upfront of what she would be subjected to IF she chose to live with her. Her response was therapeutic and what she needed in her own recovery after years of mental and physical abuse. She could've allowed her mother to live with her THEN used that time to abuse her but she didn't. She had no intentions of letting her live with her, however, her goal was to confront her abuser and remind her of what she endured as a child. Her recovery is not yours and yours is not hers. You should take a deep look at how your abusive parents might have led you down a road of needing to always live to please others...
Load More Replies...Who says op is a miserable, angry person? What made you come to that conclusion?
Load More Replies...There precisely are mothers that are bad enough to not deserve mercy. Friend of mine had a parent who said nothing while the other sexually abused them for most of their childhood.
Load More Replies...Please clarify if you are actually asking if there are terrible mothers out there. Maybe you really didn't know. Chances are excellent that OP's mother wouldn't let her leave until she was 16, because she enjoyed the power this kind of abuse gave her.
Load More Replies...I get what you are saying but this doesn't feel like spite or petty. This sounds like the first time OP stood up against her abuser. I don't know if there would be any other way where OP doesn't get damaged again by her mother. She basically said no to here and explained exactly why. Would it have been less petty if she just said no? Now the mom at least knows why, even though she can't accept her own behavior from the past.
Load More Replies...Because it's so much more convenient to hide every unpleasant thing away and deny that it occurred? Baloney. Don't like it~~don't read it, honey.
Load More Replies...Are you seriously asking a victim of abuse to just take it? "Please be nice to your abuser mam, it's only polite?" That's seriously the most ignorant response.
Load More Replies...Good for you finally some vengeance for all those inhuman year the hag, there is nothing amazing about doing the bare minimum I parented you chose it the best you can do is raise the child that you choose to have for the love in your heart and not with hatred and if you don’t want a kid don’t keep it give it a loving home not the hell that you have
Yo kim ramsey , you are correct, Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but if she's only doing that to her abusive mother,does it count though, I'd say it's FAIR lol
Load More Replies...This is brilliant. I bought mine a house, on the understanding that any housing benefits, I would get to help pay towards the mortgage. She decided that she didn't want to pay for the house, so I told her to f**k off and rot. She ended up in a council flat, using her housing benefits to pay the rent. She had the last laugh though, the evil cow died, leaving nothing, not a bean ... guess who had to pay for her sodding funeral.
I have lived this for 68 years. My mother is 91 and now abusing my younger sister, who by virtue of being the baby, has been tasked to take care of her. I won't go into detail of what she's done to us; suffice to say that the chains will fall off on the day she passes... I always felt like such a heartless daughter for not loving my own mother, but I'm not able to. She's made it impossible. Even her grandchildren cannot love her for what she's put us all through. Just waiting for the day.
Encourage your sister to get away from that hag before her own life is over! Your sister owes NO ONE (except her children, if she has any) her time and sweat. Mom can live on the government's dime.
Load More Replies...I await the same request, unfortunately. I could never treat anyone the way my mother has done unto me - including her. However, when that call comes, I am not answering.
You do what you have to do to remain sane, even if that means turning your back on the person who was supposed to protect you as a child but who was toxic instead.
Load More Replies...Aren't our problems mainly of our own making, Mum? Obviously OP has resentments...she's allowed IMO & isn't on a "closure" schedule predicated on Mum's problems. Frankly I don't blame OP one bit. There are some situations where taking the "high road" gets you nowhere. I wonder how the Mum would've acted had OP taken her in. Actions have consequences & sounds like Mum sank this ship long ago. Definitely NTA
Sad to see such hate fresh and alive and still doing business. I grew up poor in a rural town, we were brown and the darkest people for miles. Endured and survived a lot of hate there. Went back decades later and while a part of me wanted "revenge" I just walked and drove around and remembered. Wasn't easy and a lot still has the same mindset but it has changed some (apparently it shrunk too). Yet the feeling I got was that I survived that place like I survived my abusive alcoholic father and though the hurts still cut deep I could only feel sorry, for them for me, for for anyone going through it. I suppose one may say the years wore me down but no, my anger is alive and well but I just remember how I always felt on the other end and I try to keep pushing while cleaning up messes I've made, I am no saint. I guess good on them but what about humanity? For me it seems pointless and counter productive, only feeding a part of us we should all try to let go. I hope they found some peace.
There's an old saying, "What goes around, comes around" (aka "karma"). OP was horribly abused by mom, who treated her brother like a prince, conversely. When mom's later actions caused her to lose her home, she expected OP to basically forget what was done to her and let her stay out of the goodness of her heart. What she DIDN'T expect was for OP to repeat the same "rules" that was imposed on her the years she was living with mom, and mom tried to gaslight OP by rationalizing her actions, until mom left in a huff! You see, OP was simply showing her mom the mirror (mom's abuse of OP) and was trying to get her to see from OP's perspective. Mom didn't like what she was seeing, and, rather than take responsibility, left. But, between the years OP left the toxic situation to this point, you think OP didn't work hard to try to recover from it? Based on her life now, she's happily married and has a productive life of her own, while going NC with mom.
Load More Replies...So many people perpetuating b******t by telling others how they have to deal with their trauma. How I deal with mine doesn't look like how someone else deals with theirs, and we need to stop making a binary right and wrong to how we deal with situations that cause immense pain and lasting effects that all depend on OTHER factors in the person's life. Not every survivor has the same story, not every survivor has the same reasoning, not every survivor has the same outcome. I love and hate so much about this post
Honestly, if one more person says to me "I'd give anything to have my mom back!" in response to me cutting mine off, I'll scream.
Load More Replies...Wow her mother was an absolute monster. Sounds like the step-dad was garbage too (or at least ate it)
Why do I have to read what the reddit user wrote and then reread it right after. Save your comments to the end of the story or before. Hard to enjoy it if I gotta read the same thing twice
I just read the reddit bits, save myself the commentary
Load More Replies...After reading this I realize I really need some therapy.... I live most of my life crying on the inside..,...
Do it! You will be amazed how much better your life will be once you stake your inner demons through the heart.
Load More Replies...For me the saddest part of this is that your father wanted you and loved you and yet he still wasn't given custody when I'm sure there were previous signs of abuse. Our sexist notions of who should and shouldn't be a child's primary caregiver are absurd and damaging on do many levels. I'm so glad you were able to move in with your dad and he gave you the love and care you deserved!
Good job i cut my mother out of my life. I had to suffer for many years. Pretty much every day I had a belt or something taken to me. Sometimes I did kind of deserve it but i wont deny my stepdad used me to take his anger out. My mother allowed this behavoir. I have dug bodock thorns out of my legs from him(these will cause massive infection if left in), had buckles taken to me, those bling belts with the metal holes all over them that is just some of the torture I had to endure. I was extreamly poor and the children at school bullied me to no end. No matter where I went i was tormented unless I could get to a family members house for a day. That lasted 10 years off and on no electricity or running water. Food stamps were the main way I could eat yet my step dad would say he puts the food on the table 😂. For like 7 or 8 years this was my life of pure hell. I was made to do almost all house chores.
One day my mother defied him and he finally went after her. I walked away I wont lie. She said to me I was supposed to be the one to get hit. And to this day she wonders to everyone why I wont speak to her anymore. I even started mowing this guys yard and doing random stuff for him getting paid for it my stepdad would take it from me most of the time. Even had him burn a twenty in front of my face cause he said he would pay it back and i asked him weeks later why he had not paid me it yet. My father abandoned us before all that as well. My life will never become as hard as it was in the past the drunk is now dead he had sever ulcers and refused to stop drinking. Doctors told him if he would stop for just 6 months he would heal up and could drink again what a idiot first thing he did after the camera was out of his throat was go drink went staight to the gas staion.
Load More Replies...WOW that is severe abuse. An overly strict parent would punish by taking away allowance, TV, the occasional social outing... Not meals, clothes, and bedding. I hope that witch finally realized what a horror she was.
Narcissists never do. But don’t worry, as they age, it feels HORRIBLE. Looks, money, youth, everything that was in between them and their insecurities withers away. They devolve into a screeching manchild. They suffer being eaten alive by their sins and everyone leaves them for dead. Then, with nobody to scapegoat, they’re left with themselves. Their filthy, empty, hateful selves. Alone. That’s hell on earth. Then they die. But the hell never ends. That is justice.
Load More Replies...I cut my mother out of my life a few years before she died. She'd conditioned me that she was a better mother than I deserved, and after her brain surgeries I was expected to take time off of work to stay with her in hospital so she "wasn't lonely." I did a few times (this clown could NOT attach her brain to the fact that she was 290lbs of absolute jelly, so she was always falling and breaking her 12th vertebrae or her hip so bad she needed it replaced) but I stopped when my pedophile older brother got a young girl pregnant and they had a girl and I realized I needed to talk about it and i found a psychologist: that's when I learnt that what my brother had done to me all those years was NOT my fault, even though our parents had always helped me understand that it was. ("Boys are sexual beings, girls are not. It's your job to make it stop") The last 2 years of her life I just reminded her of the hell she put me through. I didn't offer solace, I put her actions at her feet
What you endured is horrific. I hope someone is making sure your neice is safe. Your brother will not stop.
Load More Replies...wow, i dunno what to say. first off all i salute the author for doing it and second, i can't believe that parents can be so inhuman to their children.
Bravo. I'd give you a high five and buy you a drink if I could. F**k being the bigger person, and f**k your mother.
Nah. Even f**k is too good for people like her. They ought to endure all the pain they ever inflicted on other human beings.
Load More Replies...How calm and measured you are in guarding yourself against further abuse. Your mother & my mother must have been sisters. After I became a mother, I cut off contact. As she lay dying, she repeatedly asked my siblings if they would arrange a visit. She had been quite I’ll for 7 months and not one of them contacted me. They told the rest of the world that I knew all about it and was just refusing to see her. She died without seeing me and my siblings carried on her traditions of blaming me for everything, getting as much $ from me as they can and slandering me to anyone who’ll listen. Guess what. I don’t see them anymore either. Good for you. I wish you well in all future endeavors and wish your mother plenty of time to contemplate her life.
I see quite a few people here saying that "OP is just continuing the cycle of hatred/abuse, she's no better than the mother uwu," and apparently none of these people understand what "cycle" means. OP *would* be continuing the cycle of abuse *if* she were taking her anger and bitterness out on her *own* children, but that's not the case here. In fact, I'd be willing to bet OP will be a great parent if they ever decide to have kids because of how awful their own childhood was. All OP did was make her abusive mother step into the same shoes she was forced to wear for years, and she didn't even go *that* far since mom refused to stay with OP rather than take every horrible thing she'd dished out to her daughter. To say that an abuse victim finally standing up to their abuser makes them just as bad is such an asinine, ignorant statement that it's honestly offensive.
I agree. Idk if I'd be able to do that but my parents aren't abusive shitheads. But OP has every right to throw that abuse right back in her face
Load More Replies...While my mother is not as bad as this, she is more of a verbal abuser and manipulator and an absolute expert in gaslighting. I was such a dumb kid that I honestly believed everything she did was for my own good, because what kind of mother would manipulate and brainwash her own child to do her biddings, right? Right?
You weren't dumb. That's just normal for a child to believe their mom. You are dependent on your parent. You need them to survive and you need to trust them. It's horrible how much this gets abused by parents...
Load More Replies...Birthing a child does not necessarily make you into a decent parent. She'd be my ex-mother if I was her child
If mom had any self awareness, ever, she would have seen this coming. I'm pretty sure people in prison have more privileges than that. The longer Karma avoids you, the bigger bite it will take out of you when it catches up to you!
I simply don’t have words to describe what you did. One giant FYOU directly at her. I’m sure the look on her face was a priceless picture you will remember with fondness for the rest of your life. What goes around does eventually come back to bite you in the @$$. She won’t get it, of course. She’s basically a sociopath. They never do. I had an abusive childhood. I had it out on evening with my mother as she screamed at me like a shrew and threw the phone across the room. Later I made it very clear, keep it up & you & I will end up just like you & your mother. Never see me again. But I won’t make your mistake. I’ll arrange to visit with dad, but not you. Knife in the gut because when she walked out on her mother, she never saw her father again, whom she deeply loved until after his incapacitating stroke & died 3 weeks later. Fortunately, she understood the line & don’t EVER cross it again. We ended up being the best of friends & mom & daughter for her last 10 years. I was so lucky. Love you mother dear💝💝💝
Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother was the type of person that had kids to keep (trap) your father. When that didn't work, she resented her kids; especially you, being the younger. I know people who have been through this type of family life. It's sad and horrible. It's good that she stormed out. She would've only made you miserable living there.
I hope you find peace and that the memory of your life as a teenager becomes less burdensome to you. You did not deserve what you experienced.
Good for you. I Admire those basket ball size balls of yours. I FINALLY gave my OWN mom a warning. If she didn't start minding her ps and qs. HER fate was a nursing home. She FINALLY went and sought counseling for as she put it for Anger Management Issues. She's been doing ALOT BETTER. Thrilled you FINALLY had YOUR SAY. Good Luck to you.
Good for you OP I would've done my mother the exact same way because I went through something similar with my mother. She's now 76 and I would never do anything for her period because she never did anything for me but give me a lot of grief.
I think it's just a long way to say you don't want her there. lol. Even if she'd agreed I'd refuse to let her in because it wouldn't be healthy to live with someone you don't like.
Hatred and vengeance are toxic and destructive. But I do not see this as vengeance. Honesty, clarity and firm boundaries are healthy. I expect that if this woman had cried, confessed and apologized; the original poster may have chosen to begin a healthy relationship with her mother. (Though she probably would have needed to see her mother accept the rules and do her best for some time to be sure it was real.) We will never know. I have known rare people who have changed. We can give people an opportunity to change without foolishly taking risks of repeated abuse.
My verbally, emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive mother asked to live with me once. I was living in a 1bedroom apt at the time in a different city and she came for a visit. My exact words were "Hell no. Go live with your son, he loves you the most bc I don't love you that much". The look of shock on her old wrinkled face was priceless. And then she died the following month. I will never regret what I said to her bc she has said a lot worse to me. Remember, you are not obligated to take care of your parents in their golden age. Especially, if they were abusive to you while raising you.
The mum (if you can even call her that) fully deserved it. And I wonder why even the "golden boy" brother didn't want her living at his place?
I say op should have slammed the door in her mom's face and have a drink to celebrate .
I’ve seen worse, unfortunately. To me, it’s hard to believe what a healthy childhood looks like. It’s practically heaven on earth.
Load More Replies...At first, I’m thinking, “but she is not a teenager” … but then I remember that teenagers can fend for themselves about as much as older people like her … she is the equivalent of a teenager and expecting parental privileges … let the entitled brother deal with her … nothing excuses a horrible parent …
Well good for you if it helped you heal. I only lived with my mom on and off through out my childhood , guys always came before me always. But once I had children of my own and I didn't let her see them unless she straightened up, no drinking etc. I had her in our lives for 10 years. She was the best grandmother and mother, I'm so glad I gave her a chance to be in my life. Its a love I always wanted to have and got in the end I forgave her, I'm glad
My great grandmother once told me that my mother would come knocking one day needing a place to live and to shut the door. She hasn't yet but she's still out there somewhere.
Although my mother was never as bad as that, she never encouraged me as a child with all of my achievements met with indifference. I have always been a loner and introverted and she criticised me for that, it doesn't matter what I did I could never win. She's been broke for most of her life and always in debt; she would borrow money from her worst enemy and by that I mean people that she hates because she's jealous of them because they have a better life than she has, she's that two-faced. She didn't like any of my friends as a kid and criticised me if I didn't go out, and when I did she'd criticise that I 'lived' at wherever I used to go. One day in 1980 I brought a girlfriend round to my home very briefly. A few days later in one of her rages she said "if you bring that skinny cow round here again I'll hit her 'n all'!. When I finally left home the only time she ever called me was to borrow money and would often turn on the waterworks. Last time was 15 years ago. I disowned her.
Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 NKJV
Evil people up in hear yall need therapy two wrongs dont make a right. I guess no one had ever told you that.
I won't lie, when I read the title I thought "ok some spoiled 20 something is going to complain that she had a curfew at 14 or something" but nah kudos to OP for kicking mommy dearest to the curb AND for growing up reasonably sane in that environment.
Good for you, she tottaly had it comming. In my country it is required by law to take care of your parents when they are old and/or can"t take care of themself. So even if you don't let them into your home you still have to pay the difference for their retirement home. That is if you manage to find one that will take them in.
Well GOOD FOR HER! my mom abandoned us when i was 2 and my sister was 6, my late dad was bed ridden,my sister became the caregiver,i was sent to abusive relatives sometimes because my sister couldn't possibly take care both of a little kid and bed ridden adult.. once he was able to walk although with disability he took care of me and my older sister.. So once i turned 18, surprise surprise, she called and wanted to ya know reconnect,i just go with it , because I'd be lying if i say I've never longed for her..then she keep dropping hints like ,she and her husband is getting old, children responsibility and whatnot..my sister had memories with her unlike me so she can't turn her away, not me though,i literally just smiled at her ,look at my sister, and said "sure, I'll be responsibly neglecting you for 2years" they were horrified but my sister probably felt guilty for telling me how my mom neglected me for those 2years, her face was like WHAT TF then she was like fair enough xD Ehehhh morally i do feel bad when we does that kind of things to our own family but i ain't gonna lie that it feels nice too lol
I saw a video that I think may go with this in someway. The video was about race but whatever, so there was a grown man and a little girl, (two highlighters, it was an example video, not a true story) The man would emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually abuse the little girl. He did this for a while. Someone asked the little girl whay she wanted to do to that man and she said "I wanna bonk him over the head". The man was asked the same thing, he said, "I wanna bonk her over the head". Would you call the little girl abusive? Would you call the man abusive? What the girl did was react, (I think that was the word the lady in the video said). She reacted. That's what op did in someway. The mother abused op, so op REACTED by letting the mother get a taste of her own medicine. Op "bonked her over the head". Op is not abusive. The abused can't abuse the abuser, but they can react.
Thank you, that was a good example to make it clear how crazy it is to call the OP abusive after she has been the one being abused all those years. It's completely messed up, how people turn this around as if they couldn't think clearly.
Load More Replies...To quote a legendary man with a barbed-wire bat, that took some beach ball sized lady-nuts.
I'd like to suggest this woman gets some serious therapy. I know it was probably awful being abused like that as a teenager but to hold that much HATE for so long, makes her as bad as her Mother. She should have just said No thank you.
You know what? You are right, of course. At the same time, you are not. It is your mother.
Indeed this person has lived out and exercised ALL abused kids dreams... and SO GLAD this is posted here - publicly. To this day I'm still shamed by relatives, my sibling... for not "just forgiving" my mother. She's been so convincing and manipulative that she gets her gaslighting done second, third and fourth hand. NONE of them 'remember' any of the absolute garbage that was fed to me... and my brother is also the golden child, btw. Even if they saw it happen... they just choose to remember what makes it easier for them. I say "She told me - REMINDED me repeatedly - I was a mistake and that my existence ruined her life. How is that unclear?" and they just keep repeating "You must have misunderstood". She knows they all believe her too because it's easier to smack me down than believe what actually happened.
My dad ghosted me when I was about 8 right around the time his new wife had a little girl. Years later he re appeared because he found out I was moving here to the USA....then he was suddenly interested in my existence! He just wanted a way to come here to and work at the oil fields haha. When I go back to my home country Im going to torture the s**t out of him (psychologically) or maybe invite him to the US to live with me and offer him this great amazing life only for me to be the one to ghost him😂
Frankly I am surprised you were open to any communication after you went to live with your dad.
It's like these abusive parents think that their children will go on being children, under their thumb, terrified of them, forever, and there are no consequences to being utter b******s to small people who have no choice but to stay. And a total lack of self awareness that they are doing anything wrong.
Just my opinion, but I'm pretty good with people. #1 the O P did not actually abuse her mom in any way. #2 I believe that she needed to know, for sure that her mom knew what she did was wrong, but did it anyway. When you know it's wrong, and unacceptable, but do it anyway, that is unexcusable. I think she wanted to know if she was wrong to hate her, and IMHO found out she was right. For all you "but it's your mom" types, I say "so what"? She only birthed her. A real Mom doesn't treat her children this way. I was an abused child, and so was my wife. When she doubted herself for hating her father, I would tell her:he was only a guy who s¢€wed your mom. A dad is the guy who fixes your childhood injuries, wakes up and talks to you when you have a nightmare, and gives you good advice without putting you down. Not a lecherous old man who is always trying to abuse you . There's a big difference between a parent, and a mom and dad .
karma is glorious. i have gotten to administer karmic justice a few times. it is a wonderfully empowering feeling to smack your abuser right back in their face, with their own words.
I have felt sorry for old people in homes, who are sad because their children never visit them. After reading this story and some of the comments I am thinking, that these old people maybe are like your mother, and that is why nobody wants to go visiting them. Most of us love our parents, and it is very sad, that some have every reason not to do so. Glad you told us all. I am sure some of those who read it, were somehow having their payback through you.
I am very saddened by the fact that your mothers abuse has turned you into an abusive person. You have every right to feel the way you feel about your mother and every right to turn her down and not help her at all. This kind of abuse you are speaking of is insane, I am sorry you had to live through it but I am more sorry you are perpetuating it. Either forgive and help a woman in need or tell her to find shelter elsewhere. If it takes for you to become a monster just to get your revenge, it is not worth it.
I don't think you are being a monster, for treating your mother, like she treated you. Only if you do it to someone else.
Load More Replies...You know, I don't know the full story and if that's true, it certainly sounds wrong. I've simply learned, though, that extending mercy if you have the opportunity is the best course. It's REALLY hard to be the bigger person when you've been wronged and mistreated - I know this well. But even though vengeance may feel good at the moment, somehow, at some point - we'll be humbled when we hope for someone to be merciful to us. I hope you are okay, but I also hope the same for your mother.
This is not okay. You were a child and parents do have communication restrictions. Maybe she was a terrible parent, but you just became the same monster. You no longer have the supposed high ground. I was a severely abused child and I would not do this to my mother. You can still have healthy boundaries and be compassionate. Remember you are now open to the evil you gave right back. You didn't rise above or learn a thing.
How did op become like their mom? Are they doing this to their kids? Do they evrn have kids? I don't think so. And so what if you were abused by your mother but you don't respond the same way? That matters how???
Load More Replies...But wouldn't you be the same as her? You hated her character but you are implementing her character in you? Most of the time, revenge isn't the right answer. You feels like it would satisfy you but towards the end, if you have humanity and conscience left you would feel guilty, and if you're not, you have become the abuser, same as your abuser. :)
I'm really tore between you didn't deserve that life, but she is your mother and makes me wonder what kinda of life she grew up to think it was ok to treat your child like that. Just keep your home peaceful and I wouldn't allow that drama inside your home.
Oh my god shut the f**k up this is the dumbest article I have ever read fire whoever wrote it
Brilliant!....I only say that because I have dealt with the same thing (almost)........however in hindsight I think that I would be facing criminal charges by now for the abuse of the elderly had I treated her like I was treated.......my kudos to you
My mom blamed me for my husbands death and told me what an unlovable person I am. My mom told me I should be ashamed of myself for not being more compassionate when my sister had cancer. I went to every chemo over 15yrs. I was there at her last breath while my mom lived in another state. I LOST MY HUSBAND TO A FATALITY AND MY SISTER TO CANCER.. I LOST MY SISTER 3 WEEKS LATER ON THE DAY OF MY HUSBANDS SERVICE. MY MOM THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA TO SLAM ME AFTER MY HUSBAND SERVICE BUT BEFORE MY SISTER'S. 7 YRS AGO AND I'VE NEVER SPOKEN A WORD TO HER. NO THEAPY .
I'm so sorry OP and everyone else that grew up with such awful parents had to go through that treatment in the first place. It isn't right and none of you deserved to be put through that. I'm generally someone who tries to meet people with compassion and help in any way I can, but it sounds like this "mother" got what she deserved. Happy and proud of OP for standing up to their abuser. As satisfying as it must have felt, I hope it helps bring a sense of closure and healing as well. Hopefully it will also be cause for some introspection and growth for the woman who put them through such disgusting treatment; not that I'd blame OP one ounce if for refusing to see/talk to them ever again.
I WILL FOREVER TELL THAT STORY! I BOW DOWN TO YOU MY QUEEN!!! LMFAO!! My mother was also a horrible monster that also told me how much she hated me. She also didn't waver when she included how she wished my grandfather had not been able to stop her from getting an abortion with me. Oh ya, and I also ruined her life at sixteen when I was born. (Because obviously I asked for it!) I hope it was as liberating for you as I imagine it would be for me! KUDOS!!!
Judging by the way the woman in question talks she is full of hate. The insults toward the dead, mocking her mother's misfortune, sly insult of her brother... I'm starting to see why her mother had issues with her. If anyone else is buying all this I have a bridge to sell you. Clearly this woman is just hateful.
Not hateful, bitter. I would be bitter too if I lived with those two assholes.
Load More Replies...Evil people up in here yall need therapy two wrongs font make a right guess no one ever told you that.
Thank God someone else saw this for being hateful. The insult toward a man dying, mocking her mother losing her home because of medical bills, the sly insult toward the brother...
Load More Replies...In all honesty this is disgusting behaviour, be the better person and show ur mom that u didn't end up being like her. Treat her better
1. Op didn't become like the mom. 2. Treat the abuser better?!? Be for real.
Load More Replies...She did the right thing. It surely is difficult to care for a parent in their later years who treated you like garbage.
Omg, Al! Did you know moms could be abusers too!! It seems like you didn't! But thats okay, you know now! You also didn't know that abusers deserve NO respect!! But once again, now you know!👍🏾
Load More Replies...I have a slight problem with the story. I've made tons of rules when my kids were living at home (but always for their security or the good of everyone around). If my kids come up with a rule they thought dumb in a conversation, I may not remember that specific rule but I would say that that would sound like a rule I would make. That mother didn't remember any of the outrageous rules she made while her daughter lived at her house. I would have called Children's Aid Society on her if I was the father. Nothing happened.
Some parents act like their children. Will never grow up. I'm glad you got the rare chance to enact revenge on your sorry a$$ mother. Let that bi#$& go and torture your brother, who she loved so much more. Hope you know you're a super hero to us readers.
And this is why courts giving custody to the mother by default is a problem.
I'm an honor your parents kinda person. I'd never cast out my parents if they were in need, despite the ability to give some fantastic reasons why it would be an acceptable thing to do. It would not be an acceptable thing for me. My standards are the way I treat people. I have no control over how they treat me.
I don't know if I ever let my abusive dad be a homeless man, but I totally understand OP's desision. You don't know for sure how long would it take to her mom be abusive again, once she stayed in OP's house
Reading these rules made me realize just how strong the OP is. To live under a tyrant like that and still have enough strength to find a spouse to love is nothing short of a miracle.
I wish I had her balls or level of resentment. Though my childhood abuse wasn't this bad comparing to the OP, I still can't find it it me to stop caring if they're OK or sending them money. I don't want to. I hate it, really. But it's like I'm conditioned to provide for them now that they're old
Closure is important in those situations; necessary to move forward.
I feel bad for the mother, but she had it coming. On the bright side though, you hated the way you were treated and she therefore did do one thing good as a parent, she taught you not to be like her. Treat your kids fairly and respect their privacy and trust them. If you feel you need to invade it, once in a while is normal since you're just a concerned parent, but they need to know you trust them enough not to keep constant tabs on them.
Mine tried, reached out to me with a multi-pronged "woe is me" tale through two other parties. I never responded. I don't know what she's thinking, we haven't spoken in over 20 years. Why would I mess up a good thing now?
You're a a*****e and should be shot. If I met you, I'd beat your a*s till you couldn't think such rudimentary, idiotic and insane thoughts. You should be ashamed of yourself but only someone with the ability to feel humility could be ashamed.
It's so sad to read all these angry comments. Clearly, of all the lessons learned from those fractured parents; compassion wasn't one of them. Before anyone decides I don't have a clue what I'm talking about let tell you my story. I was molested by father from age 2 to almost 12. He died that year. I told and ostracized by family for telling and told by my mother that she would never forgive me for being her husband's lover. Much pain and many tears over the years. She's gone now and I hope she found peace. I didn't learn compassion from her, but sometimes those who need it most are the ones who would never understand it.
Sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Glad that was not my mother or my daughter. Women really need to support each other. And most of all teach your children empathy not revenge.
Also the amount of thumbs up extremist and hateful views around here get is astounding. I'd seriously prefer putting up with a person like the OP's mother than with many of the folks commenting around here, you sound like you could torture someone and then watch them burn simply for looking at you the wrong way. Of course, doing all that undercover without getting caught, you don't sound like you'd have the balls to do it if you were to get caught. It's good to be a hermit with people like you on this planet.
I feel sorry for the both of them, mom and daughter, but particularly for the latter. Not only did she have to put up with such abuse, she has chosen to become an abuser herself. Tragic really, how one adult's frustrations can cause the same, in the future, for their children. Very sorry for both of them, I hope the daughter will manage to break free from such such a cycle. As it is now unfortunately, at the moral core of it all she's in no way better than her mother. Also so sorry to see so many people condoning this, it's really disheartening. As for karma vs revenge... I think some people really don't know the meaning of the term "karma", or conveniently use it to justify revenge. Karma means the returned effects of an action and it implies randomness at its core, while also involving morality and fairness, as in some sort of balance, of equalizing elements. That's why it implies not taking justice into your own hands or wishing for it - because that introduces intent into the equation and destabilises it at the expense of the new element, i.e. the one who does the revenge will get even more bad stuff happening to them because of that involved negative action sent anew into the system, perpetuating it- , but simply letting everything unfold without sending negative thoughts or actions into the universe. People who choose revenge should at least have the common sense to take accountability and take it as what it is, revenge, not cowardly dress it up as karma. Own your poison or don't drink it, but don't make yourself stupid.
First I’ll start by saying I’m so sorry you had to suffer through such a traumatic childhood and that I truly hope you have found a way to cope and heal with all that you endured. However I also feel that’s it’s equally important to point out that I don’t believe you have completely healed and that perhaps seeking professional help (therapy) would be something that could benefit you tremendously. You are still so angry that I don’t think you realize by doing what you did makes you no better than her. You stooped her level and behaved and treated her just like she did you (she may have deserved it and yes I’m sure it felt amazing but did it really and does it still make you feel good knowing you hurt her like she hurt you?)You need to learn to break the cycle. The best way to have handled the situation was to just say yeah no, no you cannot stay with me. You made my life hell as a child and I will not allow that back into my life. I do wish you the best of luck.
OP kinda sounds like a b***h. Says she was happy to live with the one parent who loved her, but then goes on to call the father a disgusting whale and that's she's glad he's dead. Seems likes she's just full of hate, which is probably rightly directed at the mother, but is just being hateful and resentful towards everyone/everything.
"But is just being hateful and resentful towards everyone/everything." There were 4 people other people in this story. Her disgusting mother, disgusting stepfather, brother who was treated better than her and her bio father and if I remember correctly she says she loves him, right? We don't know if she hates her brother but to say she's full of hate and hates everyone and everything just because she let her anger out on mommy and stepdaddy? Pa-lease.
Load More Replies...So the c**t mother bore a c**t of a daughter. I hope she's happy being just as big a c**t as her mom.
Personally I don't think I would feel satisfaction doing that, it would probably just have left me even more... hateful. If I felt that much rage I think I would have preferred to just say a firm no and save my peace. But at the same time I do understand why op did it and I don't judge that. I didn't have a great childhood either in many ways so I can understand how scars can stay with you but I don't think I would feel like I could "fix that" by giving back. It would just make me feel "stuck".
I get where you are coming from and I understand the reasons behind why you did it but I prefer forgiveness. I am so proud of my mother for the forgiveness she showed her father. She suffered abuse. A mother who ran away from an abusive husband and left four of her eldest children with him. An ex soldier who suffered the horrors of the Burma conflict he'd get drunk and crash into their bedrooms stand them as soldiers at 2am in the morning and make them clean the house. Knowing she was terrified of the dark and living in a old Victorian house he'd delight in sending her down a long dark corridor in the basement where the electric meter was. He would thrash them . He would come home drunk and bring prostitutes to the home. She told me all of this. She reconnected years later as an adult and was the only one of his children at his funeral. She forgave and rebuilt her relationship and he got to know his grandchildren. I'm so proud of her for that.
As a child abuse victim myself, personally I believe that this is a total waste of time and still a cycle of abuse going on first the mom does child abuse then this woman does elderly abuse technical terms by law. I wonder if they find it exhausting going around in this vicious circle instead of just live a peaceful life. In order to have a peaceful life I believe seek professional help and stay away from the toxic environment and don't let toxicity be brought into your home. And if this person has children what are you teaching them you're teaching them it's okay to disrespect and be abusive to the elders and then one day who knows maybe your own children will do it to you and this is called karma. Live in peace showpiece show love it's less exhausting then try to come up with these outrageous vicious revengeful plans. Seriously I believe you need professional help and I feel okay saying this because even at times I still need professional help and I seek it for myself.
No one is being abusive and disrespecting elders. You act like old people deserve everything in the world just for being old. F*ck that. If op has kids then I'm sure they'll keep them away from grandma, nothing wrong with that. What op did was not "outrageous and vicious"! You act like op pulled the mother in the house and MADE her live in those conditions. That's what the mother did though. What op did was fine and I'm confused as to why people are pressed.
Load More Replies...There's this thing called "reacting". Op reacted to their mother and her behavior. It didn't hurt anyone so it's fine. Op is still their own person. Op offered to let the mother in the house as ling as they followed their rules. One time. And that's all they did. I'm sure they don't talk like, dress, eat or drink like their mother. They're still their own person.
Load More Replies...It is VERY VERY important to share stories like these on social media, so me and all survivors of abuse know that one of us was able to stand up for herself against their abuser. It inspires and maybe by reading more stories like these, some day more survivors can stand up against their abuser, too. It also promotes awareness about what kind of behaviour is okay and what is not, because as a kid, you think what your parents do to you is normal and justified by default. We need more of these stories to know what's happening, isn't right and that we are human beings who deserve love and kindness. And that is is possible for the abuser to suffer from their own actions eventually and they won't just get away with it.
Load More Replies...Like the mom would've taken that answer🙄. She would probably steal ops money, car and house. And the clothes iff their back!
Load More Replies...Did we both read the same post? Because yeah, actually, it sounds like OP feels a LOT better after quite rightly putting her abusive mother in the same shoes she was forced to wear for years. What do you think would have happened if OP had simply welcomed mom into her home? That mom would suddenly realize the err of her ways, break down in tears, and apologize for every horrible thing she'd ever done to OP? I'm sorry but life is not a wholesome family sitcom; mom would almost certainly just keep being an abusive POS. When you have this idealistic mentality that hate is never justified and revenge is always bad uwu, all it does is let terrible people *keep* being terrible people because they never suffer a single consequence for their actions. You say revenge is "like drinking poison," but the "poison" was drunk long ago when OP was abused by the person who ought to have loved her most in the world, and it's just too bad that mom can't to swallow that same bitter pill now.
Load More Replies...Actually we have some very *good* explanations--both psychological and biological, as well as environmental--as to why human beings are just awful creatures sometimes; no demonic possession required.
Load More Replies...Op should forgive someone that kept food, social interaction, clothes and the teen experience from them? Who abused them? Yeah right🙄. You forgive your abuser but don't tell other people what to do in situations and how to cope!
Load More Replies...Isn’t that what’s she doing? Out making her own living arrangements while OP feels justified. I believe a big weight has been lifted off OP after She explained the house rules!
Load More Replies...You can have just as many adverse effects from bottling it up, and not being allowed to show your feelings, which is how I ended up with ulcers at the age of 11. So no. Please stop using glurgy, unrealistic rhetoric like this to silence survivors. We're allowed to be angry at our abusers and tormentors, regardless of what you think.
Load More Replies...That's you babe, but op did what made her feel good, treat their abuser how she treated them.
Load More Replies...I read what her abuses were , did you not read the entire article? I think it was repeated twice.
Load More Replies...I disagree, the mom wouldn’t have a clue as to why she was just told “no”
Load More Replies...They're just reciprocating the treatment they received from their abuser. That doesn't make them abusive or ugly. And it feels good.
Load More Replies...Actually, she was rather nice and presented her mother with a choice she didn't have as a child. She informed her mother upfront of what she would be subjected to IF she chose to live with her. Her response was therapeutic and what she needed in her own recovery after years of mental and physical abuse. She could've allowed her mother to live with her THEN used that time to abuse her but she didn't. She had no intentions of letting her live with her, however, her goal was to confront her abuser and remind her of what she endured as a child. Her recovery is not yours and yours is not hers. You should take a deep look at how your abusive parents might have led you down a road of needing to always live to please others...
Load More Replies...Who says op is a miserable, angry person? What made you come to that conclusion?
Load More Replies...There precisely are mothers that are bad enough to not deserve mercy. Friend of mine had a parent who said nothing while the other sexually abused them for most of their childhood.
Load More Replies...Please clarify if you are actually asking if there are terrible mothers out there. Maybe you really didn't know. Chances are excellent that OP's mother wouldn't let her leave until she was 16, because she enjoyed the power this kind of abuse gave her.
Load More Replies...I get what you are saying but this doesn't feel like spite or petty. This sounds like the first time OP stood up against her abuser. I don't know if there would be any other way where OP doesn't get damaged again by her mother. She basically said no to here and explained exactly why. Would it have been less petty if she just said no? Now the mom at least knows why, even though she can't accept her own behavior from the past.
Load More Replies...Because it's so much more convenient to hide every unpleasant thing away and deny that it occurred? Baloney. Don't like it~~don't read it, honey.
Load More Replies...Are you seriously asking a victim of abuse to just take it? "Please be nice to your abuser mam, it's only polite?" That's seriously the most ignorant response.
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