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“I Offered To Let My Mom Live With Me Under The Exact Same Terms I Lived With Her As A Teen”
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“I Offered To Let My Mom Live With Me Under The Exact Same Terms I Lived With Her As A Teen”

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People who don’t like their lives and are unhappy tend to say that they didn’t ask to be born. That is true, because this contract to live can’t be consensual from both sides. So if parents decide to have children, they should do everything in their power to create a strong, loving relationship with them, provide them with comfort and supplies they need, raise them to take responsible decisions and prepare them to withstand what’s to come.

Sometimes parents didn’t ask for the baby to be born either. Or they weren’t prepared for it. Or they had selfish reasons to have it. It might work out great for the child regardless, but this woman on Reddit wasn’t one of the lucky ones. However, she had a chance to take revenge during adulthood.

More info: Reddit

Woman never expected to get a visit from her mom, but she came to ask for a place to live and the OP decided it was her payback time

Image credits: Eden, Janine and Jim (not the actual image)

The Original Poster (OP) never got along with her mother. Her mom actually told her that she hated her daughter and kicked her out. Thankfully, the Redditor Fabulous-Cost429 had her dad, so she stayed with him once she was 16 years old.

So imagine the OP’s surprise when her mom showed up on her home doorstep asking if she could live with her daughter because she didn’t have her own home.

The daughter never got along with her mother and actually, the parent made it very clear that she hated her by simply saying it

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Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296

What happened was that 10 years ago, the woman left her long-term job and started working at a start-up that failed 3 years later. When she first started this job, the mom thought it was a good idea to buy a 7-bedroom house with the OP’s stepdad.

The stepdad was severely overweight so didn’t have good health and on top of that, ignored doctors’ recommendations to regulate his diet. He was bed-bound and before passing away, drained any of the savings that his wife had. Which meant that she didn’t have money to keep paying for the mortgage and the bank took back the house.

At the age of 16, the OP was kicked out of the house and luckily her dad took her in

Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296

The OP, her husband and their cats live in a 2-bedroom house and every space in the house already has a purpose. She was convinced that her brother had a spare bedroom and couldn’t understand why her mom would go to her, especially because her son was her golden child.

But the daughter was willing to compromise, so to say, and would spare a place to sleep if the mom followed the house rules. Which were the same rules that the OP lived under when she was a teenager.

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So she never thought that she lived until the day that her mom came to her doorstep to ask for a place to live

Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296

Image credits: Nenad Stojkovic (not the actual image)

Those rules included doing chores, cooking and practically being a servant that could be thrown out at any moment, not being given a meal or having her bedding privileges taken away for the night. Her sleeping schedule would be controlled and she would not have any privacy. She would only be able to shower every three days and for no longer than 5 minutes.

These rules sound insane and nobody would agree to live in such conditions willingly. The mom called OP a monster and considered the requirements to be inhumane. The daughter found such a description very ironic because it was her life for several years until she broke out of the toxic household.

There was no space in the house that OP lived in, but she was willing to clear up a corner if mom followed a couple of rules

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Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296

The OP is convinced that her mom remembers everything perfectly and exactly as it was, but would never admit to her mistakes and to being a horrible person, so she tried to gaslight her daughter into thinking that it wasn’t that bad and that nobody’s perfect.

The mom left and the redditor doesn’t know where she went and what her fate will be because she doesn’t care and has no compassion for that person. However, it seems that she did go to the brother after that, because he called and said that the OP has “the biggest balls in the family” for taking the revenge of a lifetime.

Those rules are the same rules the OP had to live under when she was a teenager and lived with her mom

Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296

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A study by Jooyoung Kong and Sara M. Moorman revealed that “Persons who had a history of parental abuse showed significantly more frequent depressive symptoms when providing care to their abusive parent(s) compared with caregivers who had not experienced parental abuse.” This was also compared to people who chose to not take care of their abusive parents.

But many people may still feel that it’s their duty to look after their elderly parents even though they haven’t been taken care of when they were children. If they refuse to do so, they may receive judgment from society or other family members.

Recently, iCarly star Jennette McCurdy, who portrayed the character Sam in the show, published a book I’m Glad My Mom Died and talked about how life was growing up with an abusive mother and how she managed to get control of her life back when she died. Which just shows that if someone gave you life, you don’t necessarily want to give that favor back.

The mom didn’t stay after hearing those conditions because she thought they were inhumane and called her daughter a monster

Image credits: u/Fabulous-Cost4296

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Image credits: btwashburn (not the actual image)

What do you think about the OP’s decision? Are you able to understand her feelings? Do you think that it is a child’s duty to make their parents’ lives comfortable when they get old no matter what? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!

However, people in the comments thought that this was a power move and every abused kid’s dream

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aliasdelfs avatar
Alias Delfs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you finally some vengeance for all those inhuman year the hag, there is nothing amazing about doing the bare minimum I parented you chose it the best you can do is raise the child that you choose to have for the love in your heart and not with hatred and if you don’t want a kid don’t keep it give it a loving home not the hell that you have

farhanahazinan97 avatar
иοιя【ノワール】
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yo kim ramsey , you are correct, Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but if she's only doing that to her abusive mother,does it count though, I'd say it's FAIR lol

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anniesteele avatar
Annie Steele
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is brilliant. I bought mine a house, on the understanding that any housing benefits, I would get to help pay towards the mortgage. She decided that she didn't want to pay for the house, so I told her to f**k off and rot. She ended up in a council flat, using her housing benefits to pay the rent. She had the last laugh though, the evil cow died, leaving nothing, not a bean ... guess who had to pay for her sodding funeral.

tarsa13 avatar
yaegerl007 avatar
Linda Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got to say, "My house, my rules", to my mother. It did not bring me the good feeling that I thought it would. Having her move out felt Much, Much better.

dianehs avatar
Diane HS
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have lived this for 68 years. My mother is 91 and now abusing my younger sister, who by virtue of being the baby, has been tasked to take care of her. I won't go into detail of what she's done to us; suffice to say that the chains will fall off on the day she passes... I always felt like such a heartless daughter for not loving my own mother, but I'm not able to. She's made it impossible. Even her grandchildren cannot love her for what she's put us all through. Just waiting for the day.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Encourage your sister to get away from that hag before her own life is over! Your sister owes NO ONE (except her children, if she has any) her time and sweat. Mom can live on the government's dime.

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alexasaltz avatar
Alexa Saltz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I await the same request, unfortunately. I could never treat anyone the way my mother has done unto me - including her. However, when that call comes, I am not answering.

farginbastages63 avatar
The Pants with Nobody Inside
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do what you have to do to remain sane, even if that means turning your back on the person who was supposed to protect you as a child but who was toxic instead.

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juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aren't our problems mainly of our own making, Mum? Obviously OP has resentments...she's allowed IMO & isn't on a "closure" schedule predicated on Mum's problems. Frankly I don't blame OP one bit. There are some situations where taking the "high road" gets you nowhere. I wonder how the Mum would've acted had OP taken her in. Actions have consequences & sounds like Mum sank this ship long ago. Definitely NTA

groonthewonderdog avatar
Groon TheWonderdog
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sad to see such hate fresh and alive and still doing business. I grew up poor in a rural town, we were brown and the darkest people for miles. Endured and survived a lot of hate there. Went back decades later and while a part of me wanted "revenge" I just walked and drove around and remembered. Wasn't easy and a lot still has the same mindset but it has changed some (apparently it shrunk too). Yet the feeling I got was that I survived that place like I survived my abusive alcoholic father and though the hurts still cut deep I could only feel sorry, for them for me, for for anyone going through it. I suppose one may say the years wore me down but no, my anger is alive and well but I just remember how I always felt on the other end and I try to keep pushing while cleaning up messes I've made, I am no saint. I guess good on them but what about humanity? For me it seems pointless and counter productive, only feeding a part of us we should all try to let go. I hope they found some peace.

clarastallworth_1 avatar
Clara Stallworth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's an old saying, "What goes around, comes around" (aka "karma"). OP was horribly abused by mom, who treated her brother like a prince, conversely. When mom's later actions caused her to lose her home, she expected OP to basically forget what was done to her and let her stay out of the goodness of her heart. What she DIDN'T expect was for OP to repeat the same "rules" that was imposed on her the years she was living with mom, and mom tried to gaslight OP by rationalizing her actions, until mom left in a huff! You see, OP was simply showing her mom the mirror (mom's abuse of OP) and was trying to get her to see from OP's perspective. Mom didn't like what she was seeing, and, rather than take responsibility, left. But, between the years OP left the toxic situation to this point, you think OP didn't work hard to try to recover from it? Based on her life now, she's happily married and has a productive life of her own, while going NC with mom.

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dakotaball avatar
Kota Ball
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So many people perpetuating b******t by telling others how they have to deal with their trauma. How I deal with mine doesn't look like how someone else deals with theirs, and we need to stop making a binary right and wrong to how we deal with situations that cause immense pain and lasting effects that all depend on OTHER factors in the person's life. Not every survivor has the same story, not every survivor has the same reasoning, not every survivor has the same outcome. I love and hate so much about this post

dawnsardella-ayres avatar
Mrs. Jan Glass
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, if one more person says to me "I'd give anything to have my mom back!" in response to me cutting mine off, I'll scream.

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mikeykliss avatar
Mikey Kliss
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow her mother was an absolute monster. Sounds like the step-dad was garbage too (or at least ate it)

taes avatar
Tae S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do I have to read what the reddit user wrote and then reread it right after. Save your comments to the end of the story or before. Hard to enjoy it if I gotta read the same thing twice

the_original_blue62 avatar
bugswayfrisk avatar
bugsway Frisk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After reading this I realize I really need some therapy.... I live most of my life crying on the inside..,...

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do it! You will be amazed how much better your life will be once you stake your inner demons through the heart.

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eisralowitzbcba avatar
Elizabeth Isralowitz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For me the saddest part of this is that your father wanted you and loved you and yet he still wasn't given custody when I'm sure there were previous signs of abuse. Our sexist notions of who should and shouldn't be a child's primary caregiver are absurd and damaging on do many levels. I'm so glad you were able to move in with your dad and he gave you the love and care you deserved!

fuyu avatar
fu yu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do as I say but don't expect me to do the same when the tables are turned. Right. Some people should never have been parents.

andrewcollins_1 avatar
Andrew Collins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good job i cut my mother out of my life. I had to suffer for many years. Pretty much every day I had a belt or something taken to me. Sometimes I did kind of deserve it but i wont deny my stepdad used me to take his anger out. My mother allowed this behavoir. I have dug bodock thorns out of my legs from him(these will cause massive infection if left in), had buckles taken to me, those bling belts with the metal holes all over them that is just some of the torture I had to endure. I was extreamly poor and the children at school bullied me to no end. No matter where I went i was tormented unless I could get to a family members house for a day. That lasted 10 years off and on no electricity or running water. Food stamps were the main way I could eat yet my step dad would say he puts the food on the table 😂. For like 7 or 8 years this was my life of pure hell. I was made to do almost all house chores.

andrewcollins_1 avatar
Andrew Collins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One day my mother defied him and he finally went after her. I walked away I wont lie. She said to me I was supposed to be the one to get hit. And to this day she wonders to everyone why I wont speak to her anymore. I even started mowing this guys yard and doing random stuff for him getting paid for it my stepdad would take it from me most of the time. Even had him burn a twenty in front of my face cause he said he would pay it back and i asked him weeks later why he had not paid me it yet. My father abandoned us before all that as well. My life will never become as hard as it was in the past the drunk is now dead he had sever ulcers and refused to stop drinking. Doctors told him if he would stop for just 6 months he would heal up and could drink again what a idiot first thing he did after the camera was out of his throat was go drink went staight to the gas staion.

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minetruly avatar
Mine Truly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WOW that is severe abuse. An overly strict parent would punish by taking away allowance, TV, the occasional social outing... Not meals, clothes, and bedding. I hope that witch finally realized what a horror she was.

trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Narcissists never do. But don’t worry, as they age, it feels HORRIBLE. Looks, money, youth, everything that was in between them and their insecurities withers away. They devolve into a screeching manchild. They suffer being eaten alive by their sins and everyone leaves them for dead. Then, with nobody to scapegoat, they’re left with themselves. Their filthy, empty, hateful selves. Alone. That’s hell on earth. Then they die. But the hell never ends. That is justice.

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clairelise avatar
clairelise@pacific.net
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cut my mother out of my life a few years before she died. She'd conditioned me that she was a better mother than I deserved, and after her brain surgeries I was expected to take time off of work to stay with her in hospital so she "wasn't lonely." I did a few times (this clown could NOT attach her brain to the fact that she was 290lbs of absolute jelly, so she was always falling and breaking her 12th vertebrae or her hip so bad she needed it replaced) but I stopped when my pedophile older brother got a young girl pregnant and they had a girl and I realized I needed to talk about it and i found a psychologist: that's when I learnt that what my brother had done to me all those years was NOT my fault, even though our parents had always helped me understand that it was. ("Boys are sexual beings, girls are not. It's your job to make it stop") The last 2 years of her life I just reminded her of the hell she put me through. I didn't offer solace, I put her actions at her feet

texanalways avatar
Texan Always
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What you endured is horrific. I hope someone is making sure your neice is safe. Your brother will not stop.

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htodaizzle avatar
h to da izzle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow, i dunno what to say. first off all i salute the author for doing it and second, i can't believe that parents can be so inhuman to their children.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bravo. I'd give you a high five and buy you a drink if I could. F**k being the bigger person, and f**k your mother.

trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nah. Even f**k is too good for people like her. They ought to endure all the pain they ever inflicted on other human beings.

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greengalaxygirl avatar
Shelly M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How calm and measured you are in guarding yourself against further abuse. Your mother & my mother must have been sisters. After I became a mother, I cut off contact. As she lay dying, she repeatedly asked my siblings if they would arrange a visit. She had been quite I’ll for 7 months and not one of them contacted me. They told the rest of the world that I knew all about it and was just refusing to see her. She died without seeing me and my siblings carried on her traditions of blaming me for everything, getting as much $ from me as they can and slandering me to anyone who’ll listen. Guess what. I don’t see them anymore either. Good for you. I wish you well in all future endeavors and wish your mother plenty of time to contemplate her life.

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see quite a few people here saying that "OP is just continuing the cycle of hatred/abuse, she's no better than the mother uwu," and apparently none of these people understand what "cycle" means. OP *would* be continuing the cycle of abuse *if* she were taking her anger and bitterness out on her *own* children, but that's not the case here. In fact, I'd be willing to bet OP will be a great parent if they ever decide to have kids because of how awful their own childhood was. All OP did was make her abusive mother step into the same shoes she was forced to wear for years, and she didn't even go *that* far since mom refused to stay with OP rather than take every horrible thing she'd dished out to her daughter. To say that an abuse victim finally standing up to their abuser makes them just as bad is such an asinine, ignorant statement that it's honestly offensive.

ironpanda avatar
Dagoth Ur
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree. Idk if I'd be able to do that but my parents aren't abusive shitheads. But OP has every right to throw that abuse right back in her face

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rickicker avatar
Ricky Namara
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While my mother is not as bad as this, she is more of a verbal abuser and manipulator and an absolute expert in gaslighting. I was such a dumb kid that I honestly believed everything she did was for my own good, because what kind of mother would manipulate and brainwash her own child to do her biddings, right? Right?

af-fuerst avatar
Zheraa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You weren't dumb. That's just normal for a child to believe their mom. You are dependent on your parent. You need them to survive and you need to trust them. It's horrible how much this gets abused by parents...

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tdigits avatar
Bobbi McGough Robert
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Birthing a child does not necessarily make you into a decent parent. She'd be my ex-mother if I was her child

mcfly933 avatar
Kim Shannon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If mom had any self awareness, ever, she would have seen this coming. I'm pretty sure people in prison have more privileges than that. The longer Karma avoids you, the bigger bite it will take out of you when it catches up to you!

camlynn1234 avatar
Miss Frankfurter
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I simply don’t have words to describe what you did. One giant FYOU directly at her. I’m sure the look on her face was a priceless picture you will remember with fondness for the rest of your life. What goes around does eventually come back to bite you in the @$$. She won’t get it, of course. She’s basically a sociopath. They never do. I had an abusive childhood. I had it out on evening with my mother as she screamed at me like a shrew and threw the phone across the room. Later I made it very clear, keep it up & you & I will end up just like you & your mother. Never see me again. But I won’t make your mistake. I’ll arrange to visit with dad, but not you. Knife in the gut because when she walked out on her mother, she never saw her father again, whom she deeply loved until after his incapacitating stroke & died 3 weeks later. Fortunately, she understood the line & don’t EVER cross it again. We ended up being the best of friends & mom & daughter for her last 10 years. I was so lucky. Love you mother dear💝💝💝

colintimp avatar
Colin Timp
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother was the type of person that had kids to keep (trap) your father. When that didn't work, she resented her kids; especially you, being the younger. I know people who have been through this type of family life. It's sad and horrible. It's good that she stormed out. She would've only made you miserable living there.

bradcahill avatar
Brad Cahill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope you find peace and that the memory of your life as a teenager becomes less burdensome to you. You did not deserve what you experienced.

mistysouders avatar
Misty Souders
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you. I Admire those basket ball size balls of yours. I FINALLY gave my OWN mom a warning. If she didn't start minding her ps and qs. HER fate was a nursing home. She FINALLY went and sought counseling for as she put it for Anger Management Issues. She's been doing ALOT BETTER. Thrilled you FINALLY had YOUR SAY. Good Luck to you.

tracyrieonhall avatar
Tracy Rieon Hall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you OP I would've done my mother the exact same way because I went through something similar with my mother. She's now 76 and I would never do anything for her period because she never did anything for me but give me a lot of grief.

williamsaito avatar
William Saito
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's just a long way to say you don't want her there. lol. Even if she'd agreed I'd refuse to let her in because it wouldn't be healthy to live with someone you don't like.

gossmanwayne avatar
Wayne Gossman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hatred and vengeance are toxic and destructive. But I do not see this as vengeance. Honesty, clarity and firm boundaries are healthy. I expect that if this woman had cried, confessed and apologized; the original poster may have chosen to begin a healthy relationship with her mother. (Though she probably would have needed to see her mother accept the rules and do her best for some time to be sure it was real.) We will never know. I have known rare people who have changed. We can give people an opportunity to change without foolishly taking risks of repeated abuse.

m_m__1 avatar
M. M.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My verbally, emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive mother asked to live with me once. I was living in a 1bedroom apt at the time in a different city and she came for a visit. My exact words were "Hell no. Go live with your son, he loves you the most bc I don't love you that much". The look of shock on her old wrinkled face was priceless. And then she died the following month. I will never regret what I said to her bc she has said a lot worse to me. Remember, you are not obligated to take care of your parents in their golden age. Especially, if they were abusive to you while raising you.

donnamok avatar
Donna Cheung
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mum (if you can even call her that) fully deserved it. And I wonder why even the "golden boy" brother didn't want her living at his place?

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And that's on PERIODT💅 but like honestly though this, this is beautiful and brave of op. I imagine this was somewhat liberating (?????) for op. Bet they feel real good about this.

patricia_keith avatar
Patricia Keith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I say op should have slammed the door in her mom's face and have a drink to celebrate .

boredpanda_99 avatar
trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve seen worse, unfortunately. To me, it’s hard to believe what a healthy childhood looks like. It’s practically heaven on earth.

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princedibbs avatar
Israel Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At first, I’m thinking, “but she is not a teenager” … but then I remember that teenagers can fend for themselves about as much as older people like her … she is the equivalent of a teenager and expecting parental privileges … let the entitled brother deal with her … nothing excuses a horrible parent …

maxwatson1991 avatar
Max
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, OP does have massive balls (complimentary)

pepperbrown1105 avatar
Pepper Brown
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well good for you if it helped you heal. I only lived with my mom on and off through out my childhood , guys always came before me always. But once I had children of my own and I didn't let her see them unless she straightened up, no drinking etc. I had her in our lives for 10 years. She was the best grandmother and mother, I'm so glad I gave her a chance to be in my life. Its a love I always wanted to have and got in the end I forgave her, I'm glad

beckdianec avatar
Diane Beck
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My great grandmother once told me that my mother would come knocking one day needing a place to live and to shut the door. She hasn't yet but she's still out there somewhere.

andy_hinds avatar
Andy Hinds
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Although my mother was never as bad as that, she never encouraged me as a child with all of my achievements met with indifference. I have always been a loner and introverted and she criticised me for that, it doesn't matter what I did I could never win. She's been broke for most of her life and always in debt; she would borrow money from her worst enemy and by that I mean people that she hates because she's jealous of them because they have a better life than she has, she's that two-faced. She didn't like any of my friends as a kid and criticised me if I didn't go out, and when I did she'd criticise that I 'lived' at wherever I used to go. One day in 1980 I brought a girlfriend round to my home very briefly. A few days later in one of her rages she said "if you bring that skinny cow round here again I'll hit her 'n all'!. When I finally left home the only time she ever called me was to borrow money and would often turn on the waterworks. Last time was 15 years ago. I disowned her.

loveadeola avatar
Love Adeola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 NKJV

rompuzroom avatar
Rompuz Room
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Evil people up in hear yall need therapy two wrongs dont make a right. I guess no one had ever told you that.

kevinfelton avatar
Kevin Felton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I won't lie, when I read the title I thought "ok some spoiled 20 something is going to complain that she had a curfew at 14 or something" but nah kudos to OP for kicking mommy dearest to the curb AND for growing up reasonably sane in that environment.

ivanam_ avatar
Ivana M.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you, she tottaly had it comming. In my country it is required by law to take care of your parents when they are old and/or can"t take care of themself. So even if you don't let them into your home you still have to pay the difference for their retirement home. That is if you manage to find one that will take them in.

farhanahazinan97 avatar
иοιя【ノワール】
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well GOOD FOR HER! my mom abandoned us when i was 2 and my sister was 6, my late dad was bed ridden,my sister became the caregiver,i was sent to abusive relatives sometimes because my sister couldn't possibly take care both of a little kid and bed ridden adult.. once he was able to walk although with disability he took care of me and my older sister.. So once i turned 18, surprise surprise, she called and wanted to ya know reconnect,i just go with it , because I'd be lying if i say I've never longed for her..then she keep dropping hints like ,she and her husband is getting old, children responsibility and whatnot..my sister had memories with her unlike me so she can't turn her away, not me though,i literally just smiled at her ,look at my sister, and said "sure, I'll be responsibly neglecting you for 2years" they were horrified but my sister probably felt guilty for telling me how my mom neglected me for those 2years, her face was like WHAT TF then she was like fair enough xD Ehehhh morally i do feel bad when we does that kind of things to our own family but i ain't gonna lie that it feels nice too lol

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw a video that I think may go with this in someway. The video was about race but whatever, so there was a grown man and a little girl, (two highlighters, it was an example video, not a true story) The man would emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually abuse the little girl. He did this for a while. Someone asked the little girl whay she wanted to do to that man and she said "I wanna bonk him over the head". The man was asked the same thing, he said, "I wanna bonk her over the head". Would you call the little girl abusive? Would you call the man abusive? What the girl did was react, (I think that was the word the lady in the video said). She reacted. That's what op did in someway. The mother abused op, so op REACTED by letting the mother get a taste of her own medicine. Op "bonked her over the head". Op is not abusive. The abused can't abuse the abuser, but they can react.

af-fuerst avatar
Zheraa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you, that was a good example to make it clear how crazy it is to call the OP abusive after she has been the one being abused all those years. It's completely messed up, how people turn this around as if they couldn't think clearly.

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leeandcoach1960 avatar
Lee Anne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My belief in all situations with less than desirable people is If people would have fixed this person in the first place, I wouldn't have to be doing it now. In essence "nip it in the bud".

samijoross239 avatar
Sami-Jo Ross
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To quote a legendary man with a barbed-wire bat, that took some beach ball sized lady-nuts.

karin-morris-75 avatar
Karin Morris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd like to suggest this woman gets some serious therapy. I know it was probably awful being abused like that as a teenager but to hold that much HATE for so long, makes her as bad as her Mother. She should have just said No thank you.

kuznetsovamasha avatar
@ryderboys
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know what? You are right, of course. At the same time, you are not. It is your mother.

d_pitbull avatar
D. Pitbull
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Indeed this person has lived out and exercised ALL abused kids dreams... and SO GLAD this is posted here - publicly. To this day I'm still shamed by relatives, my sibling... for not "just forgiving" my mother. She's been so convincing and manipulative that she gets her gaslighting done second, third and fourth hand. NONE of them 'remember' any of the absolute garbage that was fed to me... and my brother is also the golden child, btw. Even if they saw it happen... they just choose to remember what makes it easier for them. I say "She told me - REMINDED me repeatedly - I was a mistake and that my existence ruined her life. How is that unclear?" and they just keep repeating "You must have misunderstood". She knows they all believe her too because it's easier to smack me down than believe what actually happened.

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Molly Spurgeon
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

zzrobins1588 avatar
Luci Ferrari
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad ghosted me when I was about 8 right around the time his new wife had a little girl. Years later he re appeared because he found out I was moving here to the USA....then he was suddenly interested in my existence! He just wanted a way to come here to and work at the oil fields haha. When I go back to my home country Im going to torture the s**t out of him (psychologically) or maybe invite him to the US to live with me and offer him this great amazing life only for me to be the one to ghost him😂

lisachambers2018 avatar
Salty Wild Hair
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Frankly I am surprised you were open to any communication after you went to live with your dad.

melayahm avatar
Caroline Driver
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's like these abusive parents think that their children will go on being children, under their thumb, terrified of them, forever, and there are no consequences to being utter b******s to small people who have no choice but to stay. And a total lack of self awareness that they are doing anything wrong.

wizweird avatar
Wiz Weird
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just my opinion, but I'm pretty good with people. #1 the O P did not actually abuse her mom in any way. #2 I believe that she needed to know, for sure that her mom knew what she did was wrong, but did it anyway. When you know it's wrong, and unacceptable, but do it anyway, that is unexcusable. I think she wanted to know if she was wrong to hate her, and IMHO found out she was right. For all you "but it's your mom" types, I say "so what"? She only birthed her. A real Mom doesn't treat her children this way. I was an abused child, and so was my wife. When she doubted herself for hating her father, I would tell her:he was only a guy who s¢€wed your mom. A dad is the guy who fixes your childhood injuries, wakes up and talks to you when you have a nightmare, and gives you good advice without putting you down. Not a lecherous old man who is always trying to abuse you . There's a big difference between a parent, and a mom and dad .

svnah avatar
Dawn Gower-Godfrey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

karma is glorious. i have gotten to administer karmic justice a few times. it is a wonderfully empowering feeling to smack your abuser right back in their face, with their own words.

susanne avatar
Susanne B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have felt sorry for old people in homes, who are sad because their children never visit them. After reading this story and some of the comments I am thinking, that these old people maybe are like your mother, and that is why nobody wants to go visiting them. Most of us love our parents, and it is very sad, that some have every reason not to do so. Glad you told us all. I am sure some of those who read it, were somehow having their payback through you.

valerio_1 avatar
Valerio Mitritsakis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am very saddened by the fact that your mothers abuse has turned you into an abusive person. You have every right to feel the way you feel about your mother and every right to turn her down and not help her at all. This kind of abuse you are speaking of is insane, I am sorry you had to live through it but I am more sorry you are perpetuating it. Either forgive and help a woman in need or tell her to find shelter elsewhere. If it takes for you to become a monster just to get your revenge, it is not worth it.

susanne avatar
Susanne B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think you are being a monster, for treating your mother, like she treated you. Only if you do it to someone else.

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trinaharris avatar
Trina Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know, I don't know the full story and if that's true, it certainly sounds wrong. I've simply learned, though, that extending mercy if you have the opportunity is the best course. It's REALLY hard to be the bigger person when you've been wronged and mistreated - I know this well. But even though vengeance may feel good at the moment, somehow, at some point - we'll be humbled when we hope for someone to be merciful to us. I hope you are okay, but I also hope the same for your mother.

h_ellis avatar
H. Ellis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not okay. You were a child and parents do have communication restrictions. Maybe she was a terrible parent, but you just became the same monster. You no longer have the supposed high ground. I was a severely abused child and I would not do this to my mother. You can still have healthy boundaries and be compassionate. Remember you are now open to the evil you gave right back. You didn't rise above or learn a thing.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How did op become like their mom? Are they doing this to their kids? Do they evrn have kids? I don't think so. And so what if you were abused by your mother but you don't respond the same way? That matters how???

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ayeshawaseem avatar
Ayesha Waseem
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But wouldn't you be the same as her? You hated her character but you are implementing her character in you? Most of the time, revenge isn't the right answer. You feels like it would satisfy you but towards the end, if you have humanity and conscience left you would feel guilty, and if you're not, you have become the abuser, same as your abuser. :)

rubypowell avatar
Ruby Powell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm really tore between you didn't deserve that life, but she is your mother and makes me wonder what kinda of life she grew up to think it was ok to treat your child like that. Just keep your home peaceful and I wouldn't allow that drama inside your home.

demiliberatore avatar
Demi Liberatore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my god shut the f**k up this is the dumbest article I have ever read fire whoever wrote it

mor_gan_99 avatar
Morgan Black
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brilliant!....I only say that because I have dealt with the same thing (almost)........however in hindsight I think that I would be facing criminal charges by now for the abuse of the elderly had I treated her like I was treated.......my kudos to you

jgagliardi avatar
J Gagliardi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom blamed me for my husbands death and told me what an unlovable person I am. My mom told me I should be ashamed of myself for not being more compassionate when my sister had cancer. I went to every chemo over 15yrs. I was there at her last breath while my mom lived in another state. I LOST MY HUSBAND TO A FATALITY AND MY SISTER TO CANCER.. I LOST MY SISTER 3 WEEKS LATER ON THE DAY OF MY HUSBANDS SERVICE. MY MOM THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA TO SLAM ME AFTER MY HUSBAND SERVICE BUT BEFORE MY SISTER'S. 7 YRS AGO AND I'VE NEVER SPOKEN A WORD TO HER. NO THEAPY .

sleepyone2three avatar
Sleepyonr2three
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry OP and everyone else that grew up with such awful parents had to go through that treatment in the first place. It isn't right and none of you deserved to be put through that. I'm generally someone who tries to meet people with compassion and help in any way I can, but it sounds like this "mother" got what she deserved. Happy and proud of OP for standing up to their abuser. As satisfying as it must have felt, I hope it helps bring a sense of closure and healing as well. Hopefully it will also be cause for some introspection and growth for the woman who put them through such disgusting treatment; not that I'd blame OP one ounce if for refusing to see/talk to them ever again.

hobag1982 avatar
Beth Herron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I WILL FOREVER TELL THAT STORY! I BOW DOWN TO YOU MY QUEEN!!! LMFAO!! My mother was also a horrible monster that also told me how much she hated me. She also didn't waver when she included how she wished my grandfather had not been able to stop her from getting an abortion with me. Oh ya, and I also ruined her life at sixteen when I was born. (Because obviously I asked for it!) I hope it was as liberating for you as I imagine it would be for me! KUDOS!!!

paulobrien avatar
Paul O'Brien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Judging by the way the woman in question talks she is full of hate. The insults toward the dead, mocking her mother's misfortune, sly insult of her brother... I'm starting to see why her mother had issues with her. If anyone else is buying all this I have a bridge to sell you. Clearly this woman is just hateful.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not hateful, bitter. I would be bitter too if I lived with those two assholes.

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rompuzroom avatar
Rompuz Room
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Evil people up in here yall need therapy two wrongs font make a right guess no one ever told you that.

paulobrien avatar
Paul O'Brien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank God someone else saw this for being hateful. The insult toward a man dying, mocking her mother losing her home because of medical bills, the sly insult toward the brother...

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thristanvisser avatar
Thristan Visser
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In all honesty this is disgusting behaviour, be the better person and show ur mom that u didn't end up being like her. Treat her better

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1. Op didn't become like the mom. 2. Treat the abuser better?!? Be for real.

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knowenglishnow avatar
Natalie Montanaro
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She did the right thing. It surely is difficult to care for a parent in their later years who treated you like garbage.

amosca2000 avatar
othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg, Al! Did you know moms could be abusers too!! It seems like you didn't! But thats okay, you know now! You also didn't know that abusers deserve NO respect!! But once again, now you know!👍🏾

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travellingtrainer avatar
Hey!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a slight problem with the story. I've made tons of rules when my kids were living at home (but always for their security or the good of everyone around). If my kids come up with a rule they thought dumb in a conversation, I may not remember that specific rule but I would say that that would sound like a rule I would make. That mother didn't remember any of the outrageous rules she made while her daughter lived at her house. I would have called Children's Aid Society on her if I was the father. Nothing happened.

static451451451 avatar
static451451451
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some parents act like their children. Will never grow up. I'm glad you got the rare chance to enact revenge on your sorry a$$ mother. Let that bi#$& go and torture your brother, who she loved so much more. Hope you know you're a super hero to us readers.

kimberlybailey avatar
KimB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This post really makes me appreciate my wonderful parents. I truly hope the OP and everyone here who suffered at the hands of their parents can find healing and peace :)

archie_on_the_net avatar
Vincent Philippart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this is why courts giving custody to the mother by default is a problem.

dimt avatar
Dim T
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get why she did it but insulting her stepdads obvious psychological problems with food isn't a good look regardless

sweetseve avatar
SweetsEve
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm an honor your parents kinda person. I'd never cast out my parents if they were in need, despite the ability to give some fantastic reasons why it would be an acceptable thing to do. It would not be an acceptable thing for me. My standards are the way I treat people. I have no control over how they treat me.

nasheca avatar
Erinia Verde
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if I ever let my abusive dad be a homeless man, but I totally understand OP's desision. You don't know for sure how long would it take to her mom be abusive again, once she stayed in OP's house

startingover0303 avatar
Charles Carlies
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reading these rules made me realize just how strong the OP is. To live under a tyrant like that and still have enough strength to find a spouse to love is nothing short of a miracle.

nuclearweaponrrr avatar
NushNush
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I had her balls or level of resentment. Though my childhood abuse wasn't this bad comparing to the OP, I still can't find it it me to stop caring if they're OK or sending them money. I don't want to. I hate it, really. But it's like I'm conditioned to provide for them now that they're old

lynnmazloum avatar
Lynn Mazloum
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Closure is important in those situations; necessary to move forward.

leozodi avatar
Leo Zodi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel bad for the mother, but she had it coming. On the bright side though, you hated the way you were treated and she therefore did do one thing good as a parent, she taught you not to be like her. Treat your kids fairly and respect their privacy and trust them. If you feel you need to invade it, once in a while is normal since you're just a concerned parent, but they need to know you trust them enough not to keep constant tabs on them.

mireimikagura avatar
Mirei Mikagura
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mine tried, reached out to me with a multi-pronged "woe is me" tale through two other parties. I never responded. I don't know what she's thinking, we haven't spoken in over 20 years. Why would I mess up a good thing now?

tabithadrevetzki avatar
Tabitha K
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hope this message helped you get it all out. Maybe leave toxic people out of your life and breath fresh air without them in it. Also, resentments will make you sick.

anishshah avatar
anish shah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're a a*****e and should be shot. If I met you, I'd beat your a*s till you couldn't think such rudimentary, idiotic and insane thoughts. You should be ashamed of yourself but only someone with the ability to feel humility could be ashamed.

echobrosnan avatar
Echo Brosnan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's so sad to read all these angry comments. Clearly, of all the lessons learned from those fractured parents; compassion wasn't one of them. Before anyone decides I don't have a clue what I'm talking about let tell you my story. I was molested by father from age 2 to almost 12. He died that year. I told and ostracized by family for telling and told by my mother that she would never forgive me for being her husband's lover. Much pain and many tears over the years. She's gone now and I hope she found peace. I didn't learn compassion from her, but sometimes those who need it most are the ones who would never understand it.

paulabailey avatar
Paula Bailey
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Glad that was not my mother or my daughter. Women really need to support each other. And most of all teach your children empathy not revenge.

luciana_paunescu avatar
TheHermit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also the amount of thumbs up extremist and hateful views around here get is astounding. I'd seriously prefer putting up with a person like the OP's mother than with many of the folks commenting around here, you sound like you could torture someone and then watch them burn simply for looking at you the wrong way. Of course, doing all that undercover without getting caught, you don't sound like you'd have the balls to do it if you were to get caught. It's good to be a hermit with people like you on this planet.

luciana_paunescu avatar
TheHermit
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel sorry for the both of them, mom and daughter, but particularly for the latter. Not only did she have to put up with such abuse, she has chosen to become an abuser herself. Tragic really, how one adult's frustrations can cause the same, in the future, for their children. Very sorry for both of them, I hope the daughter will manage to break free from such such a cycle. As it is now unfortunately, at the moral core of it all she's in no way better than her mother. Also so sorry to see so many people condoning this, it's really disheartening. As for karma vs revenge... I think some people really don't know the meaning of the term "karma", or conveniently use it to justify revenge. Karma means the returned effects of an action and it implies randomness at its core, while also involving morality and fairness, as in some sort of balance, of equalizing elements. That's why it implies not taking justice into your own hands or wishing for it - because that introduces intent into the equation and destabilises it at the expense of the new element, i.e. the one who does the revenge will get even more bad stuff happening to them because of that involved negative action sent anew into the system, perpetuating it- , but simply letting everything unfold without sending negative thoughts or actions into the universe. People who choose revenge should at least have the common sense to take accountability and take it as what it is, revenge, not cowardly dress it up as karma. Own your poison or don't drink it, but don't make yourself stupid.

jeannenemcgill avatar
Jean
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First I’ll start by saying I’m so sorry you had to suffer through such a traumatic childhood and that I truly hope you have found a way to cope and heal with all that you endured. However I also feel that’s it’s equally important to point out that I don’t believe you have completely healed and that perhaps seeking professional help (therapy) would be something that could benefit you tremendously. You are still so angry that I don’t think you realize by doing what you did makes you no better than her. You stooped her level and behaved and treated her just like she did you (she may have deserved it and yes I’m sure it felt amazing but did it really and does it still make you feel good knowing you hurt her like she hurt you?)You need to learn to break the cycle. The best way to have handled the situation was to just say yeah no, no you cannot stay with me. You made my life hell as a child and I will not allow that back into my life. I do wish you the best of luck.

nicholasboccanfuso avatar
Nicholas Boccanfuso
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP kinda sounds like a b***h. Says she was happy to live with the one parent who loved her, but then goes on to call the father a disgusting whale and that's she's glad he's dead. Seems likes she's just full of hate, which is probably rightly directed at the mother, but is just being hateful and resentful towards everyone/everything.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"But is just being hateful and resentful towards everyone/everything." There were 4 people other people in this story. Her disgusting mother, disgusting stepfather, brother who was treated better than her and her bio father and if I remember correctly she says she loves him, right? We don't know if she hates her brother but to say she's full of hate and hates everyone and everything just because she let her anger out on mommy and stepdaddy? Pa-lease.

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jasonburgoyne avatar
Jason Burgoyne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the c**t mother bore a c**t of a daughter. I hope she's happy being just as big a c**t as her mom.

vs222ak avatar
Ladytron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally I don't think I would feel satisfaction doing that, it would probably just have left me even more... hateful. If I felt that much rage I think I would have preferred to just say a firm no and save my peace. But at the same time I do understand why op did it and I don't judge that. I didn't have a great childhood either in many ways so I can understand how scars can stay with you but I don't think I would feel like I could "fix that" by giving back. It would just make me feel "stuck".

eileen_agnew avatar
Eileen Agnew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get where you are coming from and I understand the reasons behind why you did it but I prefer forgiveness. I am so proud of my mother for the forgiveness she showed her father. She suffered abuse. A mother who ran away from an abusive husband and left four of her eldest children with him. An ex soldier who suffered the horrors of the Burma conflict he'd get drunk and crash into their bedrooms stand them as soldiers at 2am in the morning and make them clean the house. Knowing she was terrified of the dark and living in a old Victorian house he'd delight in sending her down a long dark corridor in the basement where the electric meter was. He would thrash them . He would come home drunk and bring prostitutes to the home. She told me all of this. She reconnected years later as an adult and was the only one of his children at his funeral. She forgave and rebuilt her relationship and he got to know his grandchildren. I'm so proud of her for that.

dphusary1965 avatar
denise Husary
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a child abuse victim myself, personally I believe that this is a total waste of time and still a cycle of abuse going on first the mom does child abuse then this woman does elderly abuse technical terms by law. I wonder if they find it exhausting going around in this vicious circle instead of just live a peaceful life. In order to have a peaceful life I believe seek professional help and stay away from the toxic environment and don't let toxicity be brought into your home. And if this person has children what are you teaching them you're teaching them it's okay to disrespect and be abusive to the elders and then one day who knows maybe your own children will do it to you and this is called karma. Live in peace showpiece show love it's less exhausting then try to come up with these outrageous vicious revengeful plans. Seriously I believe you need professional help and I feel okay saying this because even at times I still need professional help and I seek it for myself.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one is being abusive and disrespecting elders. You act like old people deserve everything in the world just for being old. F*ck that. If op has kids then I'm sure they'll keep them away from grandma, nothing wrong with that. What op did was not "outrageous and vicious"! You act like op pulled the mother in the house and MADE her live in those conditions. That's what the mother did though. What op did was fine and I'm confused as to why people are pressed.

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Callie C
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1 year ago

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It's sad to carry that pain around for so long and never let it go. To exact the same kind of abuse on your abuser, you're not being a better person. Grow, let it go. Forgive yourself and release your anger. It doesn't hurt them, it only continues to eat at your soul because you've become just like them.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's this thing called "reacting". Op reacted to their mother and her behavior. It didn't hurt anyone so it's fine. Op is still their own person. Op offered to let the mother in the house as ling as they followed their rules. One time. And that's all they did. I'm sure they don't talk like, dress, eat or drink like their mother. They're still their own person.

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Seán Hannan
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1 year ago

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I can see telling her all of that as a necessary part of OP's journey, but crowing about it on social media shows a real lack of class. I blame OP's mother. They obviously weren't raised right.

af-fuerst avatar
Zheraa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is VERY VERY important to share stories like these on social media, so me and all survivors of abuse know that one of us was able to stand up for herself against their abuser. It inspires and maybe by reading more stories like these, some day more survivors can stand up against their abuser, too. It also promotes awareness about what kind of behaviour is okay and what is not, because as a kid, you think what your parents do to you is normal and justified by default. We need more of these stories to know what's happening, isn't right and that we are human beings who deserve love and kindness. And that is is possible for the abuser to suffer from their own actions eventually and they won't just get away with it.

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Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like the mom would've taken that answer🙄. She would probably steal ops money, car and house. And the clothes iff their back!

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Kimberly Quinn
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1 year ago

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So you got your revenge. Do you feel better? I doubt it. Hate and revenge rarely bring peace. I have heard it described as drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. C

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did we both read the same post? Because yeah, actually, it sounds like OP feels a LOT better after quite rightly putting her abusive mother in the same shoes she was forced to wear for years. What do you think would have happened if OP had simply welcomed mom into her home? That mom would suddenly realize the err of her ways, break down in tears, and apologize for every horrible thing she'd ever done to OP? I'm sorry but life is not a wholesome family sitcom; mom would almost certainly just keep being an abusive POS. When you have this idealistic mentality that hate is never justified and revenge is always bad uwu, all it does is let terrible people *keep* being terrible people because they never suffer a single consequence for their actions. You say revenge is "like drinking poison," but the "poison" was drunk long ago when OP was abused by the person who ought to have loved her most in the world, and it's just too bad that mom can't to swallow that same bitter pill now.

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Christina Natividad
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1 year ago

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I may be the odd ball out but I think I would want to consider forgiving my mother. The whole thing just makes me sad but I am very close to my mom so it's very strange to me.

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Michael Duane
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1 year ago

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No not good for you vengeance is not good she came to your door when she had other places to go for a reason so she can torture you more for the rest of your life so she can turn you in an angry hateful person like her and ruin you so every so every day you have to see her in being angry person I don't know why she hates you but this is her way of torturing you more be rid of her you don't have to forgive her you don't have to give a s*** stop caring about her what she did to you or what's going to happen to her clear your mind of her and go on with your life and forget she exists that is the best revenge you could have on her that she has no effect on you... Obviously has some pure evil in her don't want this I think some people like this maybe actually possessed by a demon in someone must be real there's no extra because there's no explanation why anybody would be that way keep her out of your home cleanse your home of all her evil and all of that bad energy and smile and be happy.

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually we have some very *good* explanations--both psychological and biological, as well as environmental--as to why human beings are just awful creatures sometimes; no demonic possession required.

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Rasheeda Shaheen
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1 year ago

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I don't care how you are treated that is still your mother. I am guessing she doesn't have kids if she does I will feel for her. I know a woman who did the same thing to her mom treated her mom the way her mom treated her. Even though she treated her kids good when they got older they dog her. They saw the way their mother treated their grandma. They never witness the abuse the grandma did to their mother. This is what's wrong with the world and how the hate keeps growing in this dying world. Forgive she doesn't have to let her mom lived with her but to talk down to her to want revenge those are signs of a disturb angry person. Grow up get help and forgive. I been there I grew up and decided to love on my mom and she felt that love it took 15 years but we are closer than we ever been.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Op should forgive someone that kept food, social interaction, clothes and the teen experience from them? Who abused them? Yeah right🙄. You forgive your abuser but don't tell other people what to do in situations and how to cope!

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Robert Citta
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1 year ago

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Why bother trying to match her. Just move on with your life and let her make her own living arrangements that don't include you. You'll just be making yourself miserable.

pvanhollenbeck avatar
Pam
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn’t that what’s she doing? Out making her own living arrangements while OP feels justified. I believe a big weight has been lifted off OP after She explained the house rules!

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NickR _
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1 year ago

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These conditions the OP and others have described sound so bad they are almost unbelievable. Like serious child abuse, law enforcement should have been called etc. Agree with the OPs response but I probably would have just declined to let them live with me. Throwing it back in their face feels great in the moment, but then are you just as bad a person as they were to you? Not sure but you definitely need to cut cancerous people out of your life and look out for any other children living in conditions like this. Speak up if you really think someone else is treating their children this badly

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BostonRobin D
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1 year ago

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Sad story all around. I hope OP gets therapy to help with her anger. I’m sure telling off her mom felt good at the moment, but the anger and resentment that it stirred up may linger on for years and could manifest more anger for a long time. It could also manifest in the OP physically as high blood pressure, ulcer, mental illness, etc. It’s a terrible feeling to live hating someone, especially someone who you should love but just can’t. You don’t have to forgive and forget. But you should realize you can’t can’t change her but you can change yourself by taking back your power and never let the hate get the best of you ever again. It’s not easy, but time and distance helps. Good luck OP.

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Mrs. Jan Glass
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can have just as many adverse effects from bottling it up, and not being allowed to show your feelings, which is how I ended up with ulcers at the age of 11. So no. Please stop using glurgy, unrealistic rhetoric like this to silence survivors. We're allowed to be angry at our abusers and tormentors, regardless of what you think.

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K Tigress
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1 year ago

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I don't know..... I have mixed feelings about this. I had some horrible times with my parents too. Many of my family members have mental illness and rely on alcoholism to self medicate. Some where quite abusive to their children when it came to disciplining. None however are institutionalized. But yeah, I say many times I think I could use some therapy. But over all I feel like many people do still say "two wrongs don't make a right" . I feel that no one how ever you were abused as a child should return the favour. In other words you are sinking to their level. Better to make someone sick with the out most kindness that they are ashamed of them selves. I know this is not easy especially if you are alone in the confronting but it still better then sinking to a former parental monster such as described in this article. I think over all there are smarter and more powerful actions someone in this situation can take instead of sinking to "their level"

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Lisalisa
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1 year ago

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Wow. Could've just said no. But she had to go that extra mile to make her mom see what she had been through as a child/teen. Can't say as I blame her, but no way could I have done that, ever. Just wow.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's you babe, but op did what made her feel good, treat their abuser how she treated them.

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Stardust
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1 year ago

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This is an incomplete article. If you are going to state that this " mom" was abusive to said woman was getting revenge, you should give some specifics on what she did that was abusive. If this mom was SO abusive why bother with her at all?

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Pam
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read what her abuses were , did you not read the entire article? I think it was repeated twice.

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Miss Kat O
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1 year ago

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In my experience there's precious little point in vengeance, the people you wish it on will never understand it, and whilst I completely understand that OP doesn't want her mum to move in with her, instead of imposing the list, it would have been better just to say No and walk away

pvanhollenbeck avatar
Pam
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I disagree, the mom wouldn’t have a clue as to why she was just told “no”

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Trillian
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1 year ago

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How about just saying "no" to her request? Instead of engaging in this toxic payback thing?

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Terry Bogard
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1 year ago

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Both of these people sound like insufferable shitheads

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Elizabeth Elliot
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1 year ago

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"Thankfully dead land-whale' 'Wicked hag' - The OP sounds just as toxic as her mother and we only have one side of the story. Why are people glorifying spiteful revenge?

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Sabrina Messenger
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Yikes! If this story is even true, then the mom is definitely a nasty piece of work, but we're seeing only one side of the story. Based on the hyperbole in this prose, I think that the OP doesn't sound much better. Life's too short for such anger, bitterness and drama. If she thinks such a thing would work, then she's living in a fool's paradise! There are more empowering ways to solve the problem. Instead of stooping to her mother's level and indulging hateful revenge fantasies and possibly wind up getting accused of elder abuse, the OP should just say no to the move in request. OP could help mom get on social services and find a cheap place to live...or better still? Why not simply send the mother to the "favorite" brother, even if it means buying her a one way nonrefundable non returnable fare... and then get therapy for family of origin issues so she can move on? Seek happiness not vengeance.

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Sarah Jux
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1 year ago

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The mother was awful but why continue the cycle by acting like her? I just don't see that being conducive to healing. OP would be better off simply turning her away instead of deriving pleasure from abuse.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're just reciprocating the treatment they received from their abuser. That doesn't make them abusive or ugly. And it feels good.

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chris smith
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1 year ago

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Now I am different. I don't believe in spike for spike. I will never miss my blessing or constantly staying blessed and protected. Just remember when u past out bad karma u get it back 10 times worst. Just because you want to pass out the same justices that was stowed upon you doesn't mean you do it. I know the mother was dead wrong and got everything she deserve. Just saying dont miss the blessing. You seem blessed already and keep that way

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Remedy
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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This seems petty and disgusting. My abusive parents were cut out of our life and a simple "no chance" would suffice of they showed up at my door. Just because they are awful people doesn't justify treating them like sub human trash. Did you learn nothing from the way they treat people?

alwaysk78 avatar
AlwaysK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually, she was rather nice and presented her mother with a choice she didn't have as a child. She informed her mother upfront of what she would be subjected to IF she chose to live with her. Her response was therapeutic and what she needed in her own recovery after years of mental and physical abuse. She could've allowed her mother to live with her THEN used that time to abuse her but she didn't. She had no intentions of letting her live with her, however, her goal was to confront her abuser and remind her of what she endured as a child. Her recovery is not yours and yours is not hers. You should take a deep look at how your abusive parents might have led you down a road of needing to always live to please others...

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Helen Vauxelles-Touchard
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1 year ago

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Apparently one of the things the writer didn't learn during their abusive childhood is that "Two wrongs don't make a right." I can understand the impulse to return abuse for abuse, but the second round is no more morally acceptable than the first. Declining to help someone is everyone's right; making help contingent on their accepting abuse is appalling. I decline to celebrate the performative virtue of someone who apparently has no actual principles.

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Michael Duane
Community Member
1 year ago

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You're a fool she's got you trapped in the same cycle of hatred and anger making you miserable everyday cuz you have to be an angry hateful person to her to get her back for what she did to you you're a fool you're letting her get you again

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who says op is a miserable, angry person? What made you come to that conclusion?

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Toni Lua
Community Member
1 year ago

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So you are becoming the person you hated. Sounds like both if you need to learn a little forgiveness and humility. Where I live treating your mom like this could send you to orison for elder abuse. Lowering yourself to her level is not a good look.

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Jeff C
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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That makes you no better than her. Like her you are now an abuser. Perhaps this is isn't enough, maybe you can find more ways to hurt her after the fact. When will enough be enough?

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Giovanna
Community Member
1 year ago

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Agreed. And I would add it is not even related to "being better", just to letting the past go and moving on. The need for revenge shows you're still under someone's spell.

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Sonny Kohler
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1 year ago

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My Mom and I haven't gotten along, like ever. She was abusive (IMO) to myself and my brother, both physical and emotional and I escaped as soon as I could. BUT - she is my mother and now that she is elderly, I would do whatever I could for her, regardless of my personal feelings. I have an obligation and I am an adult. I let go of the hurt, the trauma and the resentment many years ago. I will do as I should. She did the best she could with her limited skill set. While I may not have been happy, I had a roof over my head, medical care and never went hungry. I am who I am because of her. While I am not proud of everything I've done and have my own issues, I don't blame her. I don't believe in revenge. Or holding a grudge.

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Frora Kare
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1 year ago

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Reading the comments and I had no idea people were this angry/ vengeful. It cant be that the mother never did even one thing right

censorshipsucks9 avatar
censorshipsucks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There precisely are mothers that are bad enough to not deserve mercy. Friend of mine had a parent who said nothing while the other sexually abused them for most of their childhood.

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Joan Konkle
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1 year ago (edited)

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I doubt this happened. Are there terrible mothers out there? But if this woman could have gone to live with her living father at. 16, why didn't she do that years earlier? This does not make sense.

andyfrobig avatar
Andy Frobig
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please clarify if you are actually asking if there are terrible mothers out there. Maybe you really didn't know. Chances are excellent that OP's mother wouldn't let her leave until she was 16, because she enjoyed the power this kind of abuse gave her.

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Giovanna
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1 year ago (edited)

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I know I'm going to be downvoted for this, but: this is so teenage-petty. You're the adult now. Set your boundaries, but not out of spite or revenge. Otherwise, you're not better than her.

jaryd avatar
Jaryd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get what you are saying but this doesn't feel like spite or petty. This sounds like the first time OP stood up against her abuser. I don't know if there would be any other way where OP doesn't get damaged again by her mother. She basically said no to here and explained exactly why. Would it have been less petty if she just said no? Now the mom at least knows why, even though she can't accept her own behavior from the past.

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Dan Herrell
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1 year ago

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Why do people feel compelled to post this stuff? I understand abused kid, bad parent thing. But why air your dirty laundry for others to read? It's not a redeeming quality.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because it's so much more convenient to hide every unpleasant thing away and deny that it occurred? Baloney. Don't like it~~don't read it, honey.

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K G
Community Member
1 year ago

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If this was a man doing this to his mother, I doubt that he would be getting this much support, especially from women.

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Roland Marshall
Community Member
1 year ago

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This is the dumbest post I have ever wasted my time reading.

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Anthony Mccoy
Community Member
1 year ago

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Seems like you could be the bigger person, or just like her. Guess you made your decision.

stacy_mcstacy avatar
Stacy Kidd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are you seriously asking a victim of abuse to just take it? "Please be nice to your abuser mam, it's only polite?" That's seriously the most ignorant response.

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aliasdelfs avatar
Alias Delfs
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you finally some vengeance for all those inhuman year the hag, there is nothing amazing about doing the bare minimum I parented you chose it the best you can do is raise the child that you choose to have for the love in your heart and not with hatred and if you don’t want a kid don’t keep it give it a loving home not the hell that you have

farhanahazinan97 avatar
иοιя【ノワール】
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yo kim ramsey , you are correct, Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but if she's only doing that to her abusive mother,does it count though, I'd say it's FAIR lol

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anniesteele avatar
Annie Steele
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is brilliant. I bought mine a house, on the understanding that any housing benefits, I would get to help pay towards the mortgage. She decided that she didn't want to pay for the house, so I told her to f**k off and rot. She ended up in a council flat, using her housing benefits to pay the rent. She had the last laugh though, the evil cow died, leaving nothing, not a bean ... guess who had to pay for her sodding funeral.

tarsa13 avatar
yaegerl007 avatar
Linda Lee
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got to say, "My house, my rules", to my mother. It did not bring me the good feeling that I thought it would. Having her move out felt Much, Much better.

dianehs avatar
Diane HS
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have lived this for 68 years. My mother is 91 and now abusing my younger sister, who by virtue of being the baby, has been tasked to take care of her. I won't go into detail of what she's done to us; suffice to say that the chains will fall off on the day she passes... I always felt like such a heartless daughter for not loving my own mother, but I'm not able to. She's made it impossible. Even her grandchildren cannot love her for what she's put us all through. Just waiting for the day.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Encourage your sister to get away from that hag before her own life is over! Your sister owes NO ONE (except her children, if she has any) her time and sweat. Mom can live on the government's dime.

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Alexa Saltz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I await the same request, unfortunately. I could never treat anyone the way my mother has done unto me - including her. However, when that call comes, I am not answering.

farginbastages63 avatar
The Pants with Nobody Inside
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You do what you have to do to remain sane, even if that means turning your back on the person who was supposed to protect you as a child but who was toxic instead.

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Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Aren't our problems mainly of our own making, Mum? Obviously OP has resentments...she's allowed IMO & isn't on a "closure" schedule predicated on Mum's problems. Frankly I don't blame OP one bit. There are some situations where taking the "high road" gets you nowhere. I wonder how the Mum would've acted had OP taken her in. Actions have consequences & sounds like Mum sank this ship long ago. Definitely NTA

groonthewonderdog avatar
Groon TheWonderdog
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sad to see such hate fresh and alive and still doing business. I grew up poor in a rural town, we were brown and the darkest people for miles. Endured and survived a lot of hate there. Went back decades later and while a part of me wanted "revenge" I just walked and drove around and remembered. Wasn't easy and a lot still has the same mindset but it has changed some (apparently it shrunk too). Yet the feeling I got was that I survived that place like I survived my abusive alcoholic father and though the hurts still cut deep I could only feel sorry, for them for me, for for anyone going through it. I suppose one may say the years wore me down but no, my anger is alive and well but I just remember how I always felt on the other end and I try to keep pushing while cleaning up messes I've made, I am no saint. I guess good on them but what about humanity? For me it seems pointless and counter productive, only feeding a part of us we should all try to let go. I hope they found some peace.

clarastallworth_1 avatar
Clara Stallworth
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's an old saying, "What goes around, comes around" (aka "karma"). OP was horribly abused by mom, who treated her brother like a prince, conversely. When mom's later actions caused her to lose her home, she expected OP to basically forget what was done to her and let her stay out of the goodness of her heart. What she DIDN'T expect was for OP to repeat the same "rules" that was imposed on her the years she was living with mom, and mom tried to gaslight OP by rationalizing her actions, until mom left in a huff! You see, OP was simply showing her mom the mirror (mom's abuse of OP) and was trying to get her to see from OP's perspective. Mom didn't like what she was seeing, and, rather than take responsibility, left. But, between the years OP left the toxic situation to this point, you think OP didn't work hard to try to recover from it? Based on her life now, she's happily married and has a productive life of her own, while going NC with mom.

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Kota Ball
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So many people perpetuating b******t by telling others how they have to deal with their trauma. How I deal with mine doesn't look like how someone else deals with theirs, and we need to stop making a binary right and wrong to how we deal with situations that cause immense pain and lasting effects that all depend on OTHER factors in the person's life. Not every survivor has the same story, not every survivor has the same reasoning, not every survivor has the same outcome. I love and hate so much about this post

dawnsardella-ayres avatar
Mrs. Jan Glass
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, if one more person says to me "I'd give anything to have my mom back!" in response to me cutting mine off, I'll scream.

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Mikey Kliss
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow her mother was an absolute monster. Sounds like the step-dad was garbage too (or at least ate it)

taes avatar
Tae S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do I have to read what the reddit user wrote and then reread it right after. Save your comments to the end of the story or before. Hard to enjoy it if I gotta read the same thing twice

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bugsway Frisk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

After reading this I realize I really need some therapy.... I live most of my life crying on the inside..,...

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do it! You will be amazed how much better your life will be once you stake your inner demons through the heart.

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Elizabeth Isralowitz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For me the saddest part of this is that your father wanted you and loved you and yet he still wasn't given custody when I'm sure there were previous signs of abuse. Our sexist notions of who should and shouldn't be a child's primary caregiver are absurd and damaging on do many levels. I'm so glad you were able to move in with your dad and he gave you the love and care you deserved!

fuyu avatar
fu yu
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do as I say but don't expect me to do the same when the tables are turned. Right. Some people should never have been parents.

andrewcollins_1 avatar
Andrew Collins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good job i cut my mother out of my life. I had to suffer for many years. Pretty much every day I had a belt or something taken to me. Sometimes I did kind of deserve it but i wont deny my stepdad used me to take his anger out. My mother allowed this behavoir. I have dug bodock thorns out of my legs from him(these will cause massive infection if left in), had buckles taken to me, those bling belts with the metal holes all over them that is just some of the torture I had to endure. I was extreamly poor and the children at school bullied me to no end. No matter where I went i was tormented unless I could get to a family members house for a day. That lasted 10 years off and on no electricity or running water. Food stamps were the main way I could eat yet my step dad would say he puts the food on the table 😂. For like 7 or 8 years this was my life of pure hell. I was made to do almost all house chores.

andrewcollins_1 avatar
Andrew Collins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One day my mother defied him and he finally went after her. I walked away I wont lie. She said to me I was supposed to be the one to get hit. And to this day she wonders to everyone why I wont speak to her anymore. I even started mowing this guys yard and doing random stuff for him getting paid for it my stepdad would take it from me most of the time. Even had him burn a twenty in front of my face cause he said he would pay it back and i asked him weeks later why he had not paid me it yet. My father abandoned us before all that as well. My life will never become as hard as it was in the past the drunk is now dead he had sever ulcers and refused to stop drinking. Doctors told him if he would stop for just 6 months he would heal up and could drink again what a idiot first thing he did after the camera was out of his throat was go drink went staight to the gas staion.

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Mine Truly
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WOW that is severe abuse. An overly strict parent would punish by taking away allowance, TV, the occasional social outing... Not meals, clothes, and bedding. I hope that witch finally realized what a horror she was.

trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Narcissists never do. But don’t worry, as they age, it feels HORRIBLE. Looks, money, youth, everything that was in between them and their insecurities withers away. They devolve into a screeching manchild. They suffer being eaten alive by their sins and everyone leaves them for dead. Then, with nobody to scapegoat, they’re left with themselves. Their filthy, empty, hateful selves. Alone. That’s hell on earth. Then they die. But the hell never ends. That is justice.

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clairelise@pacific.net
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cut my mother out of my life a few years before she died. She'd conditioned me that she was a better mother than I deserved, and after her brain surgeries I was expected to take time off of work to stay with her in hospital so she "wasn't lonely." I did a few times (this clown could NOT attach her brain to the fact that she was 290lbs of absolute jelly, so she was always falling and breaking her 12th vertebrae or her hip so bad she needed it replaced) but I stopped when my pedophile older brother got a young girl pregnant and they had a girl and I realized I needed to talk about it and i found a psychologist: that's when I learnt that what my brother had done to me all those years was NOT my fault, even though our parents had always helped me understand that it was. ("Boys are sexual beings, girls are not. It's your job to make it stop") The last 2 years of her life I just reminded her of the hell she put me through. I didn't offer solace, I put her actions at her feet

texanalways avatar
Texan Always
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What you endured is horrific. I hope someone is making sure your neice is safe. Your brother will not stop.

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h to da izzle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow, i dunno what to say. first off all i salute the author for doing it and second, i can't believe that parents can be so inhuman to their children.

savannahyoung avatar
S
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bravo. I'd give you a high five and buy you a drink if I could. F**k being the bigger person, and f**k your mother.

trashpanda_1 avatar
Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nah. Even f**k is too good for people like her. They ought to endure all the pain they ever inflicted on other human beings.

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Shelly M
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How calm and measured you are in guarding yourself against further abuse. Your mother & my mother must have been sisters. After I became a mother, I cut off contact. As she lay dying, she repeatedly asked my siblings if they would arrange a visit. She had been quite I’ll for 7 months and not one of them contacted me. They told the rest of the world that I knew all about it and was just refusing to see her. She died without seeing me and my siblings carried on her traditions of blaming me for everything, getting as much $ from me as they can and slandering me to anyone who’ll listen. Guess what. I don’t see them anymore either. Good for you. I wish you well in all future endeavors and wish your mother plenty of time to contemplate her life.

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I see quite a few people here saying that "OP is just continuing the cycle of hatred/abuse, she's no better than the mother uwu," and apparently none of these people understand what "cycle" means. OP *would* be continuing the cycle of abuse *if* she were taking her anger and bitterness out on her *own* children, but that's not the case here. In fact, I'd be willing to bet OP will be a great parent if they ever decide to have kids because of how awful their own childhood was. All OP did was make her abusive mother step into the same shoes she was forced to wear for years, and she didn't even go *that* far since mom refused to stay with OP rather than take every horrible thing she'd dished out to her daughter. To say that an abuse victim finally standing up to their abuser makes them just as bad is such an asinine, ignorant statement that it's honestly offensive.

ironpanda avatar
Dagoth Ur
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree. Idk if I'd be able to do that but my parents aren't abusive shitheads. But OP has every right to throw that abuse right back in her face

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Ricky Namara
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

While my mother is not as bad as this, she is more of a verbal abuser and manipulator and an absolute expert in gaslighting. I was such a dumb kid that I honestly believed everything she did was for my own good, because what kind of mother would manipulate and brainwash her own child to do her biddings, right? Right?

af-fuerst avatar
Zheraa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You weren't dumb. That's just normal for a child to believe their mom. You are dependent on your parent. You need them to survive and you need to trust them. It's horrible how much this gets abused by parents...

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Bobbi McGough Robert
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Birthing a child does not necessarily make you into a decent parent. She'd be my ex-mother if I was her child

mcfly933 avatar
Kim Shannon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If mom had any self awareness, ever, she would have seen this coming. I'm pretty sure people in prison have more privileges than that. The longer Karma avoids you, the bigger bite it will take out of you when it catches up to you!

camlynn1234 avatar
Miss Frankfurter
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I simply don’t have words to describe what you did. One giant FYOU directly at her. I’m sure the look on her face was a priceless picture you will remember with fondness for the rest of your life. What goes around does eventually come back to bite you in the @$$. She won’t get it, of course. She’s basically a sociopath. They never do. I had an abusive childhood. I had it out on evening with my mother as she screamed at me like a shrew and threw the phone across the room. Later I made it very clear, keep it up & you & I will end up just like you & your mother. Never see me again. But I won’t make your mistake. I’ll arrange to visit with dad, but not you. Knife in the gut because when she walked out on her mother, she never saw her father again, whom she deeply loved until after his incapacitating stroke & died 3 weeks later. Fortunately, she understood the line & don’t EVER cross it again. We ended up being the best of friends & mom & daughter for her last 10 years. I was so lucky. Love you mother dear💝💝💝

colintimp avatar
Colin Timp
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unfortunately, it sounds like your mother was the type of person that had kids to keep (trap) your father. When that didn't work, she resented her kids; especially you, being the younger. I know people who have been through this type of family life. It's sad and horrible. It's good that she stormed out. She would've only made you miserable living there.

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Brad Cahill
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hope you find peace and that the memory of your life as a teenager becomes less burdensome to you. You did not deserve what you experienced.

mistysouders avatar
Misty Souders
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you. I Admire those basket ball size balls of yours. I FINALLY gave my OWN mom a warning. If she didn't start minding her ps and qs. HER fate was a nursing home. She FINALLY went and sought counseling for as she put it for Anger Management Issues. She's been doing ALOT BETTER. Thrilled you FINALLY had YOUR SAY. Good Luck to you.

tracyrieonhall avatar
Tracy Rieon Hall
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you OP I would've done my mother the exact same way because I went through something similar with my mother. She's now 76 and I would never do anything for her period because she never did anything for me but give me a lot of grief.

williamsaito avatar
William Saito
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's just a long way to say you don't want her there. lol. Even if she'd agreed I'd refuse to let her in because it wouldn't be healthy to live with someone you don't like.

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Wayne Gossman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hatred and vengeance are toxic and destructive. But I do not see this as vengeance. Honesty, clarity and firm boundaries are healthy. I expect that if this woman had cried, confessed and apologized; the original poster may have chosen to begin a healthy relationship with her mother. (Though she probably would have needed to see her mother accept the rules and do her best for some time to be sure it was real.) We will never know. I have known rare people who have changed. We can give people an opportunity to change without foolishly taking risks of repeated abuse.

m_m__1 avatar
M. M.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My verbally, emotionally (and sometimes physically) abusive mother asked to live with me once. I was living in a 1bedroom apt at the time in a different city and she came for a visit. My exact words were "Hell no. Go live with your son, he loves you the most bc I don't love you that much". The look of shock on her old wrinkled face was priceless. And then she died the following month. I will never regret what I said to her bc she has said a lot worse to me. Remember, you are not obligated to take care of your parents in their golden age. Especially, if they were abusive to you while raising you.

donnamok avatar
Donna Cheung
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The mum (if you can even call her that) fully deserved it. And I wonder why even the "golden boy" brother didn't want her living at his place?

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And that's on PERIODT💅 but like honestly though this, this is beautiful and brave of op. I imagine this was somewhat liberating (?????) for op. Bet they feel real good about this.

patricia_keith avatar
Patricia Keith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I say op should have slammed the door in her mom's face and have a drink to celebrate .

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Raccoon panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve seen worse, unfortunately. To me, it’s hard to believe what a healthy childhood looks like. It’s practically heaven on earth.

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Israel Martinez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At first, I’m thinking, “but she is not a teenager” … but then I remember that teenagers can fend for themselves about as much as older people like her … she is the equivalent of a teenager and expecting parental privileges … let the entitled brother deal with her … nothing excuses a horrible parent …

maxwatson1991 avatar
Max
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean, OP does have massive balls (complimentary)

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Pepper Brown
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well good for you if it helped you heal. I only lived with my mom on and off through out my childhood , guys always came before me always. But once I had children of my own and I didn't let her see them unless she straightened up, no drinking etc. I had her in our lives for 10 years. She was the best grandmother and mother, I'm so glad I gave her a chance to be in my life. Its a love I always wanted to have and got in the end I forgave her, I'm glad

beckdianec avatar
Diane Beck
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My great grandmother once told me that my mother would come knocking one day needing a place to live and to shut the door. She hasn't yet but she's still out there somewhere.

andy_hinds avatar
Andy Hinds
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Although my mother was never as bad as that, she never encouraged me as a child with all of my achievements met with indifference. I have always been a loner and introverted and she criticised me for that, it doesn't matter what I did I could never win. She's been broke for most of her life and always in debt; she would borrow money from her worst enemy and by that I mean people that she hates because she's jealous of them because they have a better life than she has, she's that two-faced. She didn't like any of my friends as a kid and criticised me if I didn't go out, and when I did she'd criticise that I 'lived' at wherever I used to go. One day in 1980 I brought a girlfriend round to my home very briefly. A few days later in one of her rages she said "if you bring that skinny cow round here again I'll hit her 'n all'!. When I finally left home the only time she ever called me was to borrow money and would often turn on the waterworks. Last time was 15 years ago. I disowned her.

loveadeola avatar
Love Adeola
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. Matthew 7:12 NKJV

rompuzroom avatar
Rompuz Room
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Evil people up in hear yall need therapy two wrongs dont make a right. I guess no one had ever told you that.

kevinfelton avatar
Kevin Felton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I won't lie, when I read the title I thought "ok some spoiled 20 something is going to complain that she had a curfew at 14 or something" but nah kudos to OP for kicking mommy dearest to the curb AND for growing up reasonably sane in that environment.

ivanam_ avatar
Ivana M.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for you, she tottaly had it comming. In my country it is required by law to take care of your parents when they are old and/or can"t take care of themself. So even if you don't let them into your home you still have to pay the difference for their retirement home. That is if you manage to find one that will take them in.

farhanahazinan97 avatar
иοιя【ノワール】
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well GOOD FOR HER! my mom abandoned us when i was 2 and my sister was 6, my late dad was bed ridden,my sister became the caregiver,i was sent to abusive relatives sometimes because my sister couldn't possibly take care both of a little kid and bed ridden adult.. once he was able to walk although with disability he took care of me and my older sister.. So once i turned 18, surprise surprise, she called and wanted to ya know reconnect,i just go with it , because I'd be lying if i say I've never longed for her..then she keep dropping hints like ,she and her husband is getting old, children responsibility and whatnot..my sister had memories with her unlike me so she can't turn her away, not me though,i literally just smiled at her ,look at my sister, and said "sure, I'll be responsibly neglecting you for 2years" they were horrified but my sister probably felt guilty for telling me how my mom neglected me for those 2years, her face was like WHAT TF then she was like fair enough xD Ehehhh morally i do feel bad when we does that kind of things to our own family but i ain't gonna lie that it feels nice too lol

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw a video that I think may go with this in someway. The video was about race but whatever, so there was a grown man and a little girl, (two highlighters, it was an example video, not a true story) The man would emotionally, mentally, physically and sexually abuse the little girl. He did this for a while. Someone asked the little girl whay she wanted to do to that man and she said "I wanna bonk him over the head". The man was asked the same thing, he said, "I wanna bonk her over the head". Would you call the little girl abusive? Would you call the man abusive? What the girl did was react, (I think that was the word the lady in the video said). She reacted. That's what op did in someway. The mother abused op, so op REACTED by letting the mother get a taste of her own medicine. Op "bonked her over the head". Op is not abusive. The abused can't abuse the abuser, but they can react.

af-fuerst avatar
Zheraa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you, that was a good example to make it clear how crazy it is to call the OP abusive after she has been the one being abused all those years. It's completely messed up, how people turn this around as if they couldn't think clearly.

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Lee Anne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My belief in all situations with less than desirable people is If people would have fixed this person in the first place, I wouldn't have to be doing it now. In essence "nip it in the bud".

samijoross239 avatar
Sami-Jo Ross
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To quote a legendary man with a barbed-wire bat, that took some beach ball sized lady-nuts.

karin-morris-75 avatar
Karin Morris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd like to suggest this woman gets some serious therapy. I know it was probably awful being abused like that as a teenager but to hold that much HATE for so long, makes her as bad as her Mother. She should have just said No thank you.

kuznetsovamasha avatar
@ryderboys
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know what? You are right, of course. At the same time, you are not. It is your mother.

d_pitbull avatar
D. Pitbull
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Indeed this person has lived out and exercised ALL abused kids dreams... and SO GLAD this is posted here - publicly. To this day I'm still shamed by relatives, my sibling... for not "just forgiving" my mother. She's been so convincing and manipulative that she gets her gaslighting done second, third and fourth hand. NONE of them 'remember' any of the absolute garbage that was fed to me... and my brother is also the golden child, btw. Even if they saw it happen... they just choose to remember what makes it easier for them. I say "She told me - REMINDED me repeatedly - I was a mistake and that my existence ruined her life. How is that unclear?" and they just keep repeating "You must have misunderstood". She knows they all believe her too because it's easier to smack me down than believe what actually happened.

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Molly Spurgeon
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

zzrobins1588 avatar
Luci Ferrari
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad ghosted me when I was about 8 right around the time his new wife had a little girl. Years later he re appeared because he found out I was moving here to the USA....then he was suddenly interested in my existence! He just wanted a way to come here to and work at the oil fields haha. When I go back to my home country Im going to torture the s**t out of him (psychologically) or maybe invite him to the US to live with me and offer him this great amazing life only for me to be the one to ghost him😂

lisachambers2018 avatar
Salty Wild Hair
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Frankly I am surprised you were open to any communication after you went to live with your dad.

melayahm avatar
Caroline Driver
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's like these abusive parents think that their children will go on being children, under their thumb, terrified of them, forever, and there are no consequences to being utter b******s to small people who have no choice but to stay. And a total lack of self awareness that they are doing anything wrong.

wizweird avatar
Wiz Weird
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just my opinion, but I'm pretty good with people. #1 the O P did not actually abuse her mom in any way. #2 I believe that she needed to know, for sure that her mom knew what she did was wrong, but did it anyway. When you know it's wrong, and unacceptable, but do it anyway, that is unexcusable. I think she wanted to know if she was wrong to hate her, and IMHO found out she was right. For all you "but it's your mom" types, I say "so what"? She only birthed her. A real Mom doesn't treat her children this way. I was an abused child, and so was my wife. When she doubted herself for hating her father, I would tell her:he was only a guy who s¢€wed your mom. A dad is the guy who fixes your childhood injuries, wakes up and talks to you when you have a nightmare, and gives you good advice without putting you down. Not a lecherous old man who is always trying to abuse you . There's a big difference between a parent, and a mom and dad .

svnah avatar
Dawn Gower-Godfrey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

karma is glorious. i have gotten to administer karmic justice a few times. it is a wonderfully empowering feeling to smack your abuser right back in their face, with their own words.

susanne avatar
Susanne B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have felt sorry for old people in homes, who are sad because their children never visit them. After reading this story and some of the comments I am thinking, that these old people maybe are like your mother, and that is why nobody wants to go visiting them. Most of us love our parents, and it is very sad, that some have every reason not to do so. Glad you told us all. I am sure some of those who read it, were somehow having their payback through you.

valerio_1 avatar
Valerio Mitritsakis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am very saddened by the fact that your mothers abuse has turned you into an abusive person. You have every right to feel the way you feel about your mother and every right to turn her down and not help her at all. This kind of abuse you are speaking of is insane, I am sorry you had to live through it but I am more sorry you are perpetuating it. Either forgive and help a woman in need or tell her to find shelter elsewhere. If it takes for you to become a monster just to get your revenge, it is not worth it.

susanne avatar
Susanne B
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think you are being a monster, for treating your mother, like she treated you. Only if you do it to someone else.

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Trina Harris
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You know, I don't know the full story and if that's true, it certainly sounds wrong. I've simply learned, though, that extending mercy if you have the opportunity is the best course. It's REALLY hard to be the bigger person when you've been wronged and mistreated - I know this well. But even though vengeance may feel good at the moment, somehow, at some point - we'll be humbled when we hope for someone to be merciful to us. I hope you are okay, but I also hope the same for your mother.

h_ellis avatar
H. Ellis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is not okay. You were a child and parents do have communication restrictions. Maybe she was a terrible parent, but you just became the same monster. You no longer have the supposed high ground. I was a severely abused child and I would not do this to my mother. You can still have healthy boundaries and be compassionate. Remember you are now open to the evil you gave right back. You didn't rise above or learn a thing.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How did op become like their mom? Are they doing this to their kids? Do they evrn have kids? I don't think so. And so what if you were abused by your mother but you don't respond the same way? That matters how???

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Ayesha Waseem
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But wouldn't you be the same as her? You hated her character but you are implementing her character in you? Most of the time, revenge isn't the right answer. You feels like it would satisfy you but towards the end, if you have humanity and conscience left you would feel guilty, and if you're not, you have become the abuser, same as your abuser. :)

rubypowell avatar
Ruby Powell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm really tore between you didn't deserve that life, but she is your mother and makes me wonder what kinda of life she grew up to think it was ok to treat your child like that. Just keep your home peaceful and I wouldn't allow that drama inside your home.

demiliberatore avatar
Demi Liberatore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh my god shut the f**k up this is the dumbest article I have ever read fire whoever wrote it

mor_gan_99 avatar
Morgan Black
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Brilliant!....I only say that because I have dealt with the same thing (almost)........however in hindsight I think that I would be facing criminal charges by now for the abuse of the elderly had I treated her like I was treated.......my kudos to you

jgagliardi avatar
J Gagliardi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom blamed me for my husbands death and told me what an unlovable person I am. My mom told me I should be ashamed of myself for not being more compassionate when my sister had cancer. I went to every chemo over 15yrs. I was there at her last breath while my mom lived in another state. I LOST MY HUSBAND TO A FATALITY AND MY SISTER TO CANCER.. I LOST MY SISTER 3 WEEKS LATER ON THE DAY OF MY HUSBANDS SERVICE. MY MOM THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA TO SLAM ME AFTER MY HUSBAND SERVICE BUT BEFORE MY SISTER'S. 7 YRS AGO AND I'VE NEVER SPOKEN A WORD TO HER. NO THEAPY .

sleepyone2three avatar
Sleepyonr2three
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry OP and everyone else that grew up with such awful parents had to go through that treatment in the first place. It isn't right and none of you deserved to be put through that. I'm generally someone who tries to meet people with compassion and help in any way I can, but it sounds like this "mother" got what she deserved. Happy and proud of OP for standing up to their abuser. As satisfying as it must have felt, I hope it helps bring a sense of closure and healing as well. Hopefully it will also be cause for some introspection and growth for the woman who put them through such disgusting treatment; not that I'd blame OP one ounce if for refusing to see/talk to them ever again.

hobag1982 avatar
Beth Herron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I WILL FOREVER TELL THAT STORY! I BOW DOWN TO YOU MY QUEEN!!! LMFAO!! My mother was also a horrible monster that also told me how much she hated me. She also didn't waver when she included how she wished my grandfather had not been able to stop her from getting an abortion with me. Oh ya, and I also ruined her life at sixteen when I was born. (Because obviously I asked for it!) I hope it was as liberating for you as I imagine it would be for me! KUDOS!!!

paulobrien avatar
Paul O'Brien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Judging by the way the woman in question talks she is full of hate. The insults toward the dead, mocking her mother's misfortune, sly insult of her brother... I'm starting to see why her mother had issues with her. If anyone else is buying all this I have a bridge to sell you. Clearly this woman is just hateful.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not hateful, bitter. I would be bitter too if I lived with those two assholes.

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rompuzroom avatar
Rompuz Room
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Evil people up in here yall need therapy two wrongs font make a right guess no one ever told you that.

paulobrien avatar
Paul O'Brien
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank God someone else saw this for being hateful. The insult toward a man dying, mocking her mother losing her home because of medical bills, the sly insult toward the brother...

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Thristan Visser
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In all honesty this is disgusting behaviour, be the better person and show ur mom that u didn't end up being like her. Treat her better

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

1. Op didn't become like the mom. 2. Treat the abuser better?!? Be for real.

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knowenglishnow avatar
Natalie Montanaro
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She did the right thing. It surely is difficult to care for a parent in their later years who treated you like garbage.

amosca2000 avatar
othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg, Al! Did you know moms could be abusers too!! It seems like you didn't! But thats okay, you know now! You also didn't know that abusers deserve NO respect!! But once again, now you know!👍🏾

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travellingtrainer avatar
Hey!
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a slight problem with the story. I've made tons of rules when my kids were living at home (but always for their security or the good of everyone around). If my kids come up with a rule they thought dumb in a conversation, I may not remember that specific rule but I would say that that would sound like a rule I would make. That mother didn't remember any of the outrageous rules she made while her daughter lived at her house. I would have called Children's Aid Society on her if I was the father. Nothing happened.

static451451451 avatar
static451451451
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some parents act like their children. Will never grow up. I'm glad you got the rare chance to enact revenge on your sorry a$$ mother. Let that bi#$& go and torture your brother, who she loved so much more. Hope you know you're a super hero to us readers.

kimberlybailey avatar
KimB
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This post really makes me appreciate my wonderful parents. I truly hope the OP and everyone here who suffered at the hands of their parents can find healing and peace :)

archie_on_the_net avatar
Vincent Philippart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this is why courts giving custody to the mother by default is a problem.

dimt avatar
Dim T
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get why she did it but insulting her stepdads obvious psychological problems with food isn't a good look regardless

sweetseve avatar
SweetsEve
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm an honor your parents kinda person. I'd never cast out my parents if they were in need, despite the ability to give some fantastic reasons why it would be an acceptable thing to do. It would not be an acceptable thing for me. My standards are the way I treat people. I have no control over how they treat me.

nasheca avatar
Erinia Verde
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know if I ever let my abusive dad be a homeless man, but I totally understand OP's desision. You don't know for sure how long would it take to her mom be abusive again, once she stayed in OP's house

startingover0303 avatar
Charles Carlies
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reading these rules made me realize just how strong the OP is. To live under a tyrant like that and still have enough strength to find a spouse to love is nothing short of a miracle.

nuclearweaponrrr avatar
NushNush
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I had her balls or level of resentment. Though my childhood abuse wasn't this bad comparing to the OP, I still can't find it it me to stop caring if they're OK or sending them money. I don't want to. I hate it, really. But it's like I'm conditioned to provide for them now that they're old

lynnmazloum avatar
Lynn Mazloum
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Closure is important in those situations; necessary to move forward.

leozodi avatar
Leo Zodi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel bad for the mother, but she had it coming. On the bright side though, you hated the way you were treated and she therefore did do one thing good as a parent, she taught you not to be like her. Treat your kids fairly and respect their privacy and trust them. If you feel you need to invade it, once in a while is normal since you're just a concerned parent, but they need to know you trust them enough not to keep constant tabs on them.

mireimikagura avatar
Mirei Mikagura
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mine tried, reached out to me with a multi-pronged "woe is me" tale through two other parties. I never responded. I don't know what she's thinking, we haven't spoken in over 20 years. Why would I mess up a good thing now?

tabithadrevetzki avatar
Tabitha K
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hope this message helped you get it all out. Maybe leave toxic people out of your life and breath fresh air without them in it. Also, resentments will make you sick.

anishshah avatar
anish shah
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're a a*****e and should be shot. If I met you, I'd beat your a*s till you couldn't think such rudimentary, idiotic and insane thoughts. You should be ashamed of yourself but only someone with the ability to feel humility could be ashamed.

echobrosnan avatar
Echo Brosnan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's so sad to read all these angry comments. Clearly, of all the lessons learned from those fractured parents; compassion wasn't one of them. Before anyone decides I don't have a clue what I'm talking about let tell you my story. I was molested by father from age 2 to almost 12. He died that year. I told and ostracized by family for telling and told by my mother that she would never forgive me for being her husband's lover. Much pain and many tears over the years. She's gone now and I hope she found peace. I didn't learn compassion from her, but sometimes those who need it most are the ones who would never understand it.

paulabailey avatar
Paula Bailey
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Glad that was not my mother or my daughter. Women really need to support each other. And most of all teach your children empathy not revenge.

luciana_paunescu avatar
TheHermit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also the amount of thumbs up extremist and hateful views around here get is astounding. I'd seriously prefer putting up with a person like the OP's mother than with many of the folks commenting around here, you sound like you could torture someone and then watch them burn simply for looking at you the wrong way. Of course, doing all that undercover without getting caught, you don't sound like you'd have the balls to do it if you were to get caught. It's good to be a hermit with people like you on this planet.

luciana_paunescu avatar
TheHermit
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel sorry for the both of them, mom and daughter, but particularly for the latter. Not only did she have to put up with such abuse, she has chosen to become an abuser herself. Tragic really, how one adult's frustrations can cause the same, in the future, for their children. Very sorry for both of them, I hope the daughter will manage to break free from such such a cycle. As it is now unfortunately, at the moral core of it all she's in no way better than her mother. Also so sorry to see so many people condoning this, it's really disheartening. As for karma vs revenge... I think some people really don't know the meaning of the term "karma", or conveniently use it to justify revenge. Karma means the returned effects of an action and it implies randomness at its core, while also involving morality and fairness, as in some sort of balance, of equalizing elements. That's why it implies not taking justice into your own hands or wishing for it - because that introduces intent into the equation and destabilises it at the expense of the new element, i.e. the one who does the revenge will get even more bad stuff happening to them because of that involved negative action sent anew into the system, perpetuating it- , but simply letting everything unfold without sending negative thoughts or actions into the universe. People who choose revenge should at least have the common sense to take accountability and take it as what it is, revenge, not cowardly dress it up as karma. Own your poison or don't drink it, but don't make yourself stupid.

jeannenemcgill avatar
Jean
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

First I’ll start by saying I’m so sorry you had to suffer through such a traumatic childhood and that I truly hope you have found a way to cope and heal with all that you endured. However I also feel that’s it’s equally important to point out that I don’t believe you have completely healed and that perhaps seeking professional help (therapy) would be something that could benefit you tremendously. You are still so angry that I don’t think you realize by doing what you did makes you no better than her. You stooped her level and behaved and treated her just like she did you (she may have deserved it and yes I’m sure it felt amazing but did it really and does it still make you feel good knowing you hurt her like she hurt you?)You need to learn to break the cycle. The best way to have handled the situation was to just say yeah no, no you cannot stay with me. You made my life hell as a child and I will not allow that back into my life. I do wish you the best of luck.

nicholasboccanfuso avatar
Nicholas Boccanfuso
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP kinda sounds like a b***h. Says she was happy to live with the one parent who loved her, but then goes on to call the father a disgusting whale and that's she's glad he's dead. Seems likes she's just full of hate, which is probably rightly directed at the mother, but is just being hateful and resentful towards everyone/everything.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"But is just being hateful and resentful towards everyone/everything." There were 4 people other people in this story. Her disgusting mother, disgusting stepfather, brother who was treated better than her and her bio father and if I remember correctly she says she loves him, right? We don't know if she hates her brother but to say she's full of hate and hates everyone and everything just because she let her anger out on mommy and stepdaddy? Pa-lease.

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Jason Burgoyne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the c**t mother bore a c**t of a daughter. I hope she's happy being just as big a c**t as her mom.

vs222ak avatar
Ladytron
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Personally I don't think I would feel satisfaction doing that, it would probably just have left me even more... hateful. If I felt that much rage I think I would have preferred to just say a firm no and save my peace. But at the same time I do understand why op did it and I don't judge that. I didn't have a great childhood either in many ways so I can understand how scars can stay with you but I don't think I would feel like I could "fix that" by giving back. It would just make me feel "stuck".

eileen_agnew avatar
Eileen Agnew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get where you are coming from and I understand the reasons behind why you did it but I prefer forgiveness. I am so proud of my mother for the forgiveness she showed her father. She suffered abuse. A mother who ran away from an abusive husband and left four of her eldest children with him. An ex soldier who suffered the horrors of the Burma conflict he'd get drunk and crash into their bedrooms stand them as soldiers at 2am in the morning and make them clean the house. Knowing she was terrified of the dark and living in a old Victorian house he'd delight in sending her down a long dark corridor in the basement where the electric meter was. He would thrash them . He would come home drunk and bring prostitutes to the home. She told me all of this. She reconnected years later as an adult and was the only one of his children at his funeral. She forgave and rebuilt her relationship and he got to know his grandchildren. I'm so proud of her for that.

dphusary1965 avatar
denise Husary
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a child abuse victim myself, personally I believe that this is a total waste of time and still a cycle of abuse going on first the mom does child abuse then this woman does elderly abuse technical terms by law. I wonder if they find it exhausting going around in this vicious circle instead of just live a peaceful life. In order to have a peaceful life I believe seek professional help and stay away from the toxic environment and don't let toxicity be brought into your home. And if this person has children what are you teaching them you're teaching them it's okay to disrespect and be abusive to the elders and then one day who knows maybe your own children will do it to you and this is called karma. Live in peace showpiece show love it's less exhausting then try to come up with these outrageous vicious revengeful plans. Seriously I believe you need professional help and I feel okay saying this because even at times I still need professional help and I seek it for myself.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No one is being abusive and disrespecting elders. You act like old people deserve everything in the world just for being old. F*ck that. If op has kids then I'm sure they'll keep them away from grandma, nothing wrong with that. What op did was not "outrageous and vicious"! You act like op pulled the mother in the house and MADE her live in those conditions. That's what the mother did though. What op did was fine and I'm confused as to why people are pressed.

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Callie C
Community Member
1 year ago

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It's sad to carry that pain around for so long and never let it go. To exact the same kind of abuse on your abuser, you're not being a better person. Grow, let it go. Forgive yourself and release your anger. It doesn't hurt them, it only continues to eat at your soul because you've become just like them.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's this thing called "reacting". Op reacted to their mother and her behavior. It didn't hurt anyone so it's fine. Op is still their own person. Op offered to let the mother in the house as ling as they followed their rules. One time. And that's all they did. I'm sure they don't talk like, dress, eat or drink like their mother. They're still their own person.

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Seán Hannan
Community Member
1 year ago

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I can see telling her all of that as a necessary part of OP's journey, but crowing about it on social media shows a real lack of class. I blame OP's mother. They obviously weren't raised right.

af-fuerst avatar
Zheraa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is VERY VERY important to share stories like these on social media, so me and all survivors of abuse know that one of us was able to stand up for herself against their abuser. It inspires and maybe by reading more stories like these, some day more survivors can stand up against their abuser, too. It also promotes awareness about what kind of behaviour is okay and what is not, because as a kid, you think what your parents do to you is normal and justified by default. We need more of these stories to know what's happening, isn't right and that we are human beings who deserve love and kindness. And that is is possible for the abuser to suffer from their own actions eventually and they won't just get away with it.

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othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Like the mom would've taken that answer🙄. She would probably steal ops money, car and house. And the clothes iff their back!

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Kimberly Quinn
Community Member
1 year ago

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So you got your revenge. Do you feel better? I doubt it. Hate and revenge rarely bring peace. I have heard it described as drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. C

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did we both read the same post? Because yeah, actually, it sounds like OP feels a LOT better after quite rightly putting her abusive mother in the same shoes she was forced to wear for years. What do you think would have happened if OP had simply welcomed mom into her home? That mom would suddenly realize the err of her ways, break down in tears, and apologize for every horrible thing she'd ever done to OP? I'm sorry but life is not a wholesome family sitcom; mom would almost certainly just keep being an abusive POS. When you have this idealistic mentality that hate is never justified and revenge is always bad uwu, all it does is let terrible people *keep* being terrible people because they never suffer a single consequence for their actions. You say revenge is "like drinking poison," but the "poison" was drunk long ago when OP was abused by the person who ought to have loved her most in the world, and it's just too bad that mom can't to swallow that same bitter pill now.

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Christina Natividad
Community Member
1 year ago

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I may be the odd ball out but I think I would want to consider forgiving my mother. The whole thing just makes me sad but I am very close to my mom so it's very strange to me.

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Michael Duane
Community Member
1 year ago

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No not good for you vengeance is not good she came to your door when she had other places to go for a reason so she can torture you more for the rest of your life so she can turn you in an angry hateful person like her and ruin you so every so every day you have to see her in being angry person I don't know why she hates you but this is her way of torturing you more be rid of her you don't have to forgive her you don't have to give a s*** stop caring about her what she did to you or what's going to happen to her clear your mind of her and go on with your life and forget she exists that is the best revenge you could have on her that she has no effect on you... Obviously has some pure evil in her don't want this I think some people like this maybe actually possessed by a demon in someone must be real there's no extra because there's no explanation why anybody would be that way keep her out of your home cleanse your home of all her evil and all of that bad energy and smile and be happy.

spectra22 avatar
Agent Tuna Ghost
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually we have some very *good* explanations--both psychological and biological, as well as environmental--as to why human beings are just awful creatures sometimes; no demonic possession required.

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Rasheeda Shaheen
Community Member
1 year ago

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I don't care how you are treated that is still your mother. I am guessing she doesn't have kids if she does I will feel for her. I know a woman who did the same thing to her mom treated her mom the way her mom treated her. Even though she treated her kids good when they got older they dog her. They saw the way their mother treated their grandma. They never witness the abuse the grandma did to their mother. This is what's wrong with the world and how the hate keeps growing in this dying world. Forgive she doesn't have to let her mom lived with her but to talk down to her to want revenge those are signs of a disturb angry person. Grow up get help and forgive. I been there I grew up and decided to love on my mom and she felt that love it took 15 years but we are closer than we ever been.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Op should forgive someone that kept food, social interaction, clothes and the teen experience from them? Who abused them? Yeah right🙄. You forgive your abuser but don't tell other people what to do in situations and how to cope!

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offshore43 avatar
Robert Citta
Community Member
1 year ago

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Why bother trying to match her. Just move on with your life and let her make her own living arrangements that don't include you. You'll just be making yourself miserable.

pvanhollenbeck avatar
Pam
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Isn’t that what’s she doing? Out making her own living arrangements while OP feels justified. I believe a big weight has been lifted off OP after She explained the house rules!

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NickR _
Community Member
1 year ago

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These conditions the OP and others have described sound so bad they are almost unbelievable. Like serious child abuse, law enforcement should have been called etc. Agree with the OPs response but I probably would have just declined to let them live with me. Throwing it back in their face feels great in the moment, but then are you just as bad a person as they were to you? Not sure but you definitely need to cut cancerous people out of your life and look out for any other children living in conditions like this. Speak up if you really think someone else is treating their children this badly

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BostonRobin D
Community Member
1 year ago

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Sad story all around. I hope OP gets therapy to help with her anger. I’m sure telling off her mom felt good at the moment, but the anger and resentment that it stirred up may linger on for years and could manifest more anger for a long time. It could also manifest in the OP physically as high blood pressure, ulcer, mental illness, etc. It’s a terrible feeling to live hating someone, especially someone who you should love but just can’t. You don’t have to forgive and forget. But you should realize you can’t can’t change her but you can change yourself by taking back your power and never let the hate get the best of you ever again. It’s not easy, but time and distance helps. Good luck OP.

dawnsardella-ayres avatar
Mrs. Jan Glass
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can have just as many adverse effects from bottling it up, and not being allowed to show your feelings, which is how I ended up with ulcers at the age of 11. So no. Please stop using glurgy, unrealistic rhetoric like this to silence survivors. We're allowed to be angry at our abusers and tormentors, regardless of what you think.

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K Tigress
Community Member
1 year ago

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I don't know..... I have mixed feelings about this. I had some horrible times with my parents too. Many of my family members have mental illness and rely on alcoholism to self medicate. Some where quite abusive to their children when it came to disciplining. None however are institutionalized. But yeah, I say many times I think I could use some therapy. But over all I feel like many people do still say "two wrongs don't make a right" . I feel that no one how ever you were abused as a child should return the favour. In other words you are sinking to their level. Better to make someone sick with the out most kindness that they are ashamed of them selves. I know this is not easy especially if you are alone in the confronting but it still better then sinking to a former parental monster such as described in this article. I think over all there are smarter and more powerful actions someone in this situation can take instead of sinking to "their level"

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Lisalisa
Community Member
1 year ago

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Wow. Could've just said no. But she had to go that extra mile to make her mom see what she had been through as a child/teen. Can't say as I blame her, but no way could I have done that, ever. Just wow.

othornhill6792 avatar
Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's you babe, but op did what made her feel good, treat their abuser how she treated them.

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Stardust
Community Member
1 year ago

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This is an incomplete article. If you are going to state that this " mom" was abusive to said woman was getting revenge, you should give some specifics on what she did that was abusive. If this mom was SO abusive why bother with her at all?

pvanhollenbeck avatar
Pam
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read what her abuses were , did you not read the entire article? I think it was repeated twice.

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Miss Kat O
Community Member
1 year ago

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In my experience there's precious little point in vengeance, the people you wish it on will never understand it, and whilst I completely understand that OP doesn't want her mum to move in with her, instead of imposing the list, it would have been better just to say No and walk away

pvanhollenbeck avatar
Pam
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I disagree, the mom wouldn’t have a clue as to why she was just told “no”

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Trillian
Community Member
1 year ago

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How about just saying "no" to her request? Instead of engaging in this toxic payback thing?

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Terry Bogard
Community Member
1 year ago

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Both of these people sound like insufferable shitheads

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Elizabeth Elliot
Community Member
1 year ago

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"Thankfully dead land-whale' 'Wicked hag' - The OP sounds just as toxic as her mother and we only have one side of the story. Why are people glorifying spiteful revenge?

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Sabrina Messenger
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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Yikes! If this story is even true, then the mom is definitely a nasty piece of work, but we're seeing only one side of the story. Based on the hyperbole in this prose, I think that the OP doesn't sound much better. Life's too short for such anger, bitterness and drama. If she thinks such a thing would work, then she's living in a fool's paradise! There are more empowering ways to solve the problem. Instead of stooping to her mother's level and indulging hateful revenge fantasies and possibly wind up getting accused of elder abuse, the OP should just say no to the move in request. OP could help mom get on social services and find a cheap place to live...or better still? Why not simply send the mother to the "favorite" brother, even if it means buying her a one way nonrefundable non returnable fare... and then get therapy for family of origin issues so she can move on? Seek happiness not vengeance.

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Sarah Jux
Community Member
1 year ago

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The mother was awful but why continue the cycle by acting like her? I just don't see that being conducive to healing. OP would be better off simply turning her away instead of deriving pleasure from abuse.

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Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They're just reciprocating the treatment they received from their abuser. That doesn't make them abusive or ugly. And it feels good.

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chris smith
Community Member
1 year ago

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Now I am different. I don't believe in spike for spike. I will never miss my blessing or constantly staying blessed and protected. Just remember when u past out bad karma u get it back 10 times worst. Just because you want to pass out the same justices that was stowed upon you doesn't mean you do it. I know the mother was dead wrong and got everything she deserve. Just saying dont miss the blessing. You seem blessed already and keep that way

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Remedy
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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This seems petty and disgusting. My abusive parents were cut out of our life and a simple "no chance" would suffice of they showed up at my door. Just because they are awful people doesn't justify treating them like sub human trash. Did you learn nothing from the way they treat people?

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AlwaysK
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Actually, she was rather nice and presented her mother with a choice she didn't have as a child. She informed her mother upfront of what she would be subjected to IF she chose to live with her. Her response was therapeutic and what she needed in her own recovery after years of mental and physical abuse. She could've allowed her mother to live with her THEN used that time to abuse her but she didn't. She had no intentions of letting her live with her, however, her goal was to confront her abuser and remind her of what she endured as a child. Her recovery is not yours and yours is not hers. You should take a deep look at how your abusive parents might have led you down a road of needing to always live to please others...

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Helen Vauxelles-Touchard
Community Member
1 year ago

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Apparently one of the things the writer didn't learn during their abusive childhood is that "Two wrongs don't make a right." I can understand the impulse to return abuse for abuse, but the second round is no more morally acceptable than the first. Declining to help someone is everyone's right; making help contingent on their accepting abuse is appalling. I decline to celebrate the performative virtue of someone who apparently has no actual principles.

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Michael Duane
Community Member
1 year ago

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You're a fool she's got you trapped in the same cycle of hatred and anger making you miserable everyday cuz you have to be an angry hateful person to her to get her back for what she did to you you're a fool you're letting her get you again

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Bisces
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who says op is a miserable, angry person? What made you come to that conclusion?

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Toni Lua
Community Member
1 year ago

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So you are becoming the person you hated. Sounds like both if you need to learn a little forgiveness and humility. Where I live treating your mom like this could send you to orison for elder abuse. Lowering yourself to her level is not a good look.

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Jeff C
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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That makes you no better than her. Like her you are now an abuser. Perhaps this is isn't enough, maybe you can find more ways to hurt her after the fact. When will enough be enough?

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Giovanna
Community Member
1 year ago

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Agreed. And I would add it is not even related to "being better", just to letting the past go and moving on. The need for revenge shows you're still under someone's spell.

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Sonny Kohler
Community Member
1 year ago

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My Mom and I haven't gotten along, like ever. She was abusive (IMO) to myself and my brother, both physical and emotional and I escaped as soon as I could. BUT - she is my mother and now that she is elderly, I would do whatever I could for her, regardless of my personal feelings. I have an obligation and I am an adult. I let go of the hurt, the trauma and the resentment many years ago. I will do as I should. She did the best she could with her limited skill set. While I may not have been happy, I had a roof over my head, medical care and never went hungry. I am who I am because of her. While I am not proud of everything I've done and have my own issues, I don't blame her. I don't believe in revenge. Or holding a grudge.

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Frora Kare
Community Member
1 year ago

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Reading the comments and I had no idea people were this angry/ vengeful. It cant be that the mother never did even one thing right

censorshipsucks9 avatar
censorshipsucks
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There precisely are mothers that are bad enough to not deserve mercy. Friend of mine had a parent who said nothing while the other sexually abused them for most of their childhood.

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Joan Konkle
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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I doubt this happened. Are there terrible mothers out there? But if this woman could have gone to live with her living father at. 16, why didn't she do that years earlier? This does not make sense.

andyfrobig avatar
Andy Frobig
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please clarify if you are actually asking if there are terrible mothers out there. Maybe you really didn't know. Chances are excellent that OP's mother wouldn't let her leave until she was 16, because she enjoyed the power this kind of abuse gave her.

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Giovanna
Community Member
1 year ago (edited)

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I know I'm going to be downvoted for this, but: this is so teenage-petty. You're the adult now. Set your boundaries, but not out of spite or revenge. Otherwise, you're not better than her.

jaryd avatar
Jaryd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I get what you are saying but this doesn't feel like spite or petty. This sounds like the first time OP stood up against her abuser. I don't know if there would be any other way where OP doesn't get damaged again by her mother. She basically said no to here and explained exactly why. Would it have been less petty if she just said no? Now the mom at least knows why, even though she can't accept her own behavior from the past.

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Dan Herrell
Community Member
1 year ago

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Why do people feel compelled to post this stuff? I understand abused kid, bad parent thing. But why air your dirty laundry for others to read? It's not a redeeming quality.

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CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because it's so much more convenient to hide every unpleasant thing away and deny that it occurred? Baloney. Don't like it~~don't read it, honey.

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K G
Community Member
1 year ago

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If this was a man doing this to his mother, I doubt that he would be getting this much support, especially from women.

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Roland Marshall
Community Member
1 year ago

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This is the dumbest post I have ever wasted my time reading.

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Anthony Mccoy
Community Member
1 year ago

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Seems like you could be the bigger person, or just like her. Guess you made your decision.

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Stacy Kidd
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are you seriously asking a victim of abuse to just take it? "Please be nice to your abuser mam, it's only polite?" That's seriously the most ignorant response.

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