Life as a mom isn’t exactly a fun experience. Sure, it is rewarding, of course, it’s dripping with heartwarming feelings, and it is absolutely filled with personal growth. However, catering to your little spawn’s everyday needs is ultimately a tiring, nerve-racking, and cumbersome experience you live through 24/7, 365 days per year. For the rest of your life. And besides being overfilled with the joy of your little one’s accomplishments, there’s one more thing you can do about your woes, and it is to laugh your socks off by reading these mom jokes formulated for those with kids yet entertaining for every human being. Laughter is, be as it may, the best painkiller and the elite in giving you a mental break. So yeah, this is our selection of the funniest mom jokes that we’ve found - all one hundred and eighty-two cool jokes which you can try to read in between feeding time, changing diapers, and cleaning up the constant mess.
These parenting jokes are trying to encapsulate what it is truly like raising kids. So, from kids trying to outsmart you every step of the way to you trying to explain to them the workings of life and doing the workload of at least twenty people, these parent jokes will resonate with your experiences with each word. Or, at least, it will give you something to laugh at! But, on the other hand, if these jokes are too painfully relatable to you, the very least they will do is reassure you that you are not alone on this quest to raise a decent human being, which is undoubtedly the hardest task of them all.
So, without any further ado - since we know that you don’t have much time before your baby wakes from their sleep and requires your attention - why don’t you scroll right down below and check out the funny jokes? Vote for the best mommy jokes that made you laugh and share this article with your friends experiencing the same overwhelming joy of raising progeny.
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I asked a police recruit during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”
He said, “Call for backup.”
"My mum just bought our cat a Christmas stocking even tho we are muslims and don't even celebrate Christmas?? She was like "We don't know what religion he is we can't force him to be muslim" he's a cat?!?!"
A kid asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid says, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
"Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours."
When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.
Silence is golden. Unless you have kids, then silence is suspicious.
I feel that way about my dog and cats. Chances are I'm right to be suspicious!
"My 4YO fell off his scooter, and before I could help him, he stood up, dusted off, and whispered to himself, “shake it off big dawg.”
I’ve never been more confused about whether something was a parenting win or fail."
Daughter: Mom, I need my personal space!
Mom: You came out of my personal space.
You know you’re a mom when you understand why Mama Bear’s porridge was too cold.
Kid: What’s for dinner?
Mom: Food.
Kid: What kind?
Mom: The kind you eat.
My reply was always ‘good food’. Still works with my kids 30 & 26
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You mean staaaaaaarve!!!! (Beauty & the Beast)
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My Mom would say "fall out" when we asked her what was for dinner. Fall out? "Yeah, whatever falls out of the fridge first."
I also say “ Gin & Tonics “ or “ Rat’s tails on toast” , last night it was “a bottle of Grange and fairy floss shots” ! Never get a the truth or a straight answer from the cook! 😉
My dad used to make sure this went a few more rounds... "What kind that I eat?" "The kind your mom makes." "What kind that mom makes?" "They kind you eat." Until said child screams "ENOUGH! WHAT'S FOR DINNER!!??!?"
My Mom had a plaque on the kitchen wall that read "I am Queen if this kitchen... I reign supreme. If you don't agree, STARVE!"
Mom: Set the table for dinner Me: Where should I set it? Mom:....... Me: .... Mom: 😐 Me: I'm going to go set the table.....
My Mum and Dad always said that to me. When we had our chef he used to just tell me.
This must have been my MIL... Cause this is the exact conversation I have with the hubs on the daily!
“I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” - Reese Witherspoon
Absolutely 100%. Seems like everyone disagrees with this now.
Mom’s recipe for iced coffee:
Have kids. Make coffee. Forget you made coffee. Put it in the microwave. Forget you put it in the microwave. Drink it cold.
*In Mary Poppin’s voice* “Kids, time to go!”
15 minutes later… *Christian Bale’s Batman voice* “I said, let’s go.”
"Good luck robbing my house. My home security system is LEGOs on the floor."
Pretty painful..up there with the little-toe caught on a chair in the dark and bumping your fore-head on the corner of a kitchen cabinet...
“I’ve conquered a lot of things… blood clots in my lungs — twice, knee and foot surgeries, winning Grand Slams being down match point, to name just a few. But I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!” - Serena Williams
"At my daughter’s 4-year checkup, the doctor said she should be eating a varied diet and to make sure she’s eating a good amount from each food group and I think she said a bit about trying new foods but not sure cause I got distracted wondering if she’d ever actually met a 4yo."
We had a see-through candy bowl with pretty colored single wrapped candies, When the kids were little, you got a piece after dinner for trying everything on your plate. It was stressed, you don't have to like it - just try it. Unsurprisingly, they liked more foods by trying more foods. Worked for us, might not work for everybody although squash is still a serious no-go.
“I just watched my child individually pick off and eat every sprinkle on the donut I gave her. She has the patience for that, but can’t wait 30 seconds for me to pee by myself."
Nothing is really lost until Mom can’t find it.
I seriously don't get it. I can't remember my damn birthday, but I know where that piece of paper with the stuff on it is
"My daughter is crying because her sister farted and I sprayed air freshener before she had a chance to sniff it. I’m raising savages."
...I wouldn´t bother...with husband and dogs in the house as well...a losing battle..
"I’m not saying parenthood is hard, I’m just saying I was a LOT better at it before I had kids."
“Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?” - Michelangelo’s mother
....but Ma,you told me to get creative when you bought me the sharpies...
"When my kid tells me they got hurt doing exactly what I told them to stop doing so they wouldn’t get hurt, I say, “Oh noooooo…”"
Whoever wrote the song “Easy Like Sunday Morning” did not have kids.
I've found it's just easiest to make Sunday everyone's day off. Cookies for breakfast? Sure. Don't want to wear pants or even underwear? Knock yourself out (unless we have company or we're going somewhere; then pants and underwear are not an option 😁)
"My kids are never better friends than when it’s 30 minutes past bedtime, and they won’t stop giggling."
"My mom once asked me to close the patio door because I was "letting the WiFi out."
“I love to play hide-and-seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.”
"My 4yo grabbed the egg off my egg and cheese sandwich, put it on her plate, took a bite of it, and then grabbed the rest in her hand, squeezed it shut, and handed it back to me saying she didn’t want it anymore. And this... THIS is why I can’t have nice things."
Aaaaand THIS is why I don’t want children lmao (please don’t hate it’s just my personal opinion sorry not all moms etc)
"I always thought I’d be a patient mom, but I don’t like who I become 30 seconds into my son’s guided tour of his Minecraft village."
“No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.” - Chrissy Teigen
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I heard one yesterday in a super market "mom why are you always so stubborn?" - "where do you think you got it from?"
Seriously though, put your phone down and take an interest in your kid(s). Give them a bedtime earlier than they really need and let them talk to you for 15 minutes or a half an hour putting off going to bed. Take 10 minutes a day listening to them as if you’re trying to impress someone else by how attentive you are. Praise them. It is literally now my job to assist kids with extreme behavioral problems and most of the time it’s because their parents are critical and checked out.
I heard one yesterday in a super market "mom why are you always so stubborn?" - "where do you think you got it from?"
Seriously though, put your phone down and take an interest in your kid(s). Give them a bedtime earlier than they really need and let them talk to you for 15 minutes or a half an hour putting off going to bed. Take 10 minutes a day listening to them as if you’re trying to impress someone else by how attentive you are. Praise them. It is literally now my job to assist kids with extreme behavioral problems and most of the time it’s because their parents are critical and checked out.
