Family Drama Ensues After Daughter Forgets About Their Dog And Costs Family Almost $2,000 In Vet Bills
One of the most important lessons we learn at a young age is that actions have consequences. And when it comes to teen discipline, every family handles the “punishment must fit the crime” scenario differently. Some parents jump blindly to revoke their cell privileges or screen time; others need an extra nudge to follow through. But sometimes, the child’s mistake is so costly, and the discipline techniques seem so harsh, it’s bound to stir up drama in the household.
As Redditor aitavetcost recently detailed in her AITA confession, she found herself in precisely such a predicament after her daughter, Janie, made a dire mistake involving their dog. “2 weeks ago in the worst of the heat wave, Pebble was crying at the deck door,” the conflicted mom-of-three wrote. “Janie got annoyed and let him go on the deck.”
What followed led close to a $2,000 bill for vet expenses, trials and tribulations in sibling relationships, and some heated remarks from an angry teen directed right at her parents. The story caused quite a stir on the platform where people jumped at the chance to deem a verdict. So continue scrolling to read the full story and the reactions that followed. Then be sure to decide where you land on the matter and share your thoughts in the comments below.
This mother recently shared how she forced her daughter to pay nearly $2,000 for vet expenses as a result of her mistake
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Unsure of what to think of the teen’s reaction, the woman decided to ask for advice and sparked a heated debate online
Image credits: Melinda (not the actual photo)
Image credits: aitavetcost
People make mistakes, and Janie is no exception. While most parents would have given the daughter a few extra chores and a lengthy conversation about the importance of caring for your pet, the parents thought this wasn’t enough.
After reading the story, many readers agreed that the couple did the right thing by making Janie feel the consequences of her actions. But the post also amassed quite a mix of different reactions. Some people expressed that both parties are at fault here, and the fact that she’s already feeling the guilt from her sisters makes it a valuable lesson. Other people weighed in on the discussions saying that the parents are being too harsh, and some even offered their own takes on what disciplinary measures would have worked better in this scenario.
The comments on this post might be so divided because of the discipline vs. punishment debate that often stands at the center when parents discuss their parenting methods. After all, moms and dads are responsible for teaching us countless things and ensuring we grow and develop in healthy ways. And while every parent has the right to raise their kids in their own way, some strategies don’t work as well as many believe they do.
If you have trouble thinking of the consequences to your teen’s misbehavior, you’re not alone. Many parents face difficulties devising the right course of action to teach their kids to make better choices the next time. But whether it’s grounding them or suspending video game privileges for weeks on end, these efforts are often to no avail. This is because you can’t simply punish kids into acceptable behavior. You should rather think of an effective consequence that would make your kid think about their actions and encourage them to change their ways.
According to Amy Morin, LCSW, punishment focuses on making a child suffer for breaking the rules — and forcing them to “pay” for their mistakes. “Punishment is about controlling a child, rather than teaching the child how to control himself. And most often, punishment changes the way a child thinks about himself,” she explained.
The problem with punishments is that instead of children believing they made an error in judgment, they may start to think they’re bad people. Enforcing penalties might help you feel like you have a sense of control, but research shows that it’s an ineffective tool for changing behavior and can also hurt your relationship with your kid. As Alan E. Kazdin, Ph.D., ABPP, explained, punishment does not lead to positive behaviors that parents wish: “Developing behavior does not come from merely suppressing unwanted behaviors.”
Moreover, punishing your child has negative side effects, such as “trying to escape from or avoid the situation or person associated with punishment, emotional effects (e.g., crying, being upset), and engaging in aggressive behavior.”
Later on, the user joined the discussion in the comments to clarify a few details about the situation
Discipline, on the other hand, teaches children how to manage their behavior, solve problems, learn from their mistakes and avoid making them in the future. “Discipline is proactive, rather than reactive,” Morin noted. “It prevents many behavior problems and it ensures kids are actively learning from their mistakes.”
“Discipline also fosters positive relationships between parents and kids. And quite often, that positive relationship reduces attention-seeking behavior and motivates kids to behave,” Morin added. “While discipline allows for appropriate amounts of guilt, it isn’t about shaming kids. And that is crucial. A child who feels good about himself is less likely to make poor choices. Instead, he’ll have confidence in his ability to manage his behavior.”
Using consequences effectively can make a huge difference in your parenting, your children’s behavior, and the bond you create with each other. But discipline can take different shapes and sizes, and deciding on the most effective tools is a never-ending journey for most parents.
Bored Panda is curious to hear your thoughts about the matter in the comments below. What do you think about the story? Are the parents doing the right thing, or are they in the wrong in this situation? Feel free to share your opinions, personal experiences, and any suggestions on how you would handle this scenario in the comments below, we’d love to hear them!
Readers were divided after reading the story, with some people siding with the parents
A few others were on the fence, saying that both parties were at fault
While others found the punishment to be absurd, saying the parents are in the wrong here
And some people chimed in with their own solutions on what discipline techniques they deem more appropriate in this scenario
Make her volunteer at an animal shelter. It would teach her what happens when you can’t pay a vet bill and teach her some responsibility. Most places won’t hire a 15yo. As you said this is about accountability. Maybe she be less nonchalant about looking after pets
That’s a good idea. She can learn some responsibility and care for animals she clearly lacks empathy for.
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But she didn't just forget the dog out on the deck, she let him out. Our cats love the balcony, but even my 6yo knows not to let them out at certain times (night, bad weather, etc.). A 15yo is definitely old enough to remember not to let the dog out in the first place. And not showing any remorse just because he survived... Yeah, not just a little AH, possibly a little pyscho, too. I would want that one talking to someone, almost killing the family pet and being fine with it is not normal.
I was thinking the exact same thing. She didn't seem to show any remorse when the dog ended up fine. OP also stated that as soon as they got the dog, Janie changed her mind and wanted a cat. I get the vibe that she sees a pet as an accessory rather than a living thing.
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Wow at the entitled "YTA" judgements. And here I was thinking how lucky this girl is to have so many extracurriculars. Those hobbies are a privilege that not all students have the opportunity to indulge in, and she'll do just fine in life without them. I worked through school instead of playing sports, and I have a good job now.
I played sports AND worked at her age.. I also graduated with 4.03 (extra credit ppl, even when I didn't need it). If I can do it, she can.
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ESH here. Sorry - but 15 is not 5. She knew. It's a life, and she knew there was a risk. And the adults in the house should set up shade a water on the deck at all times in the summer. Not just for their dog, but for other critters in the area. They know the deck is a high risk area for the dog. They know the dog loves the deck. Make it safer for the dog. Extra chores and paying for a couple of deck umbrellas for the dog's protection should be the punishment. Not a $2000 vet's bill. Making her drop a sport that could pay for college is just silly.
Granted they could make her buy umbrellas and provide water because it is a high risk area for the dog. But they DID create a safety net for the dog - they put a 15 yo who wanted the dog originally - until she didn't and wanted a cat - in charge of not leaving the dog outside. So I think paying for the consequences of her actions is more important than paying to provide another option that creates a better scenario in case she is irresponsible again is more of a lesson.
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NTA - you're trying to teach her accountability and responsibility. $2,000 is too much, and I think making her quit the swim team is not appropriate either. I would suggest 10% or 20% and giving her options - she can pay back out of her allowance, do yard work chores to work it off, organise herself tutoring or swim coaching jobs etc. I suggest setting the kids a task to do together - use that money as a budget to make the deck safe and comfortable for Pebble. Get them to research, plan, budget and do the work to set up a dog door, shade/rain canopy, water fountain, possibly a raised viewing platform and bed. Working together will get them talking again, and the adaptations will soothe any worries about letting Pebble out on the deck.
It is is a living animal's life we're talking about here. It wasn't like she just broke a vase or something. I don't think $2000 is too much at all given that she did almost kill a dog that she had taken responsibility for by convincong the family to get the dog in the first place. Her gross neglect which amost led to that animal's cruel death and her nonchalance over an animal she had ASKED for is a big concern here. Janie may honestly need to see a mental health specialist because that amount of nonchalance about killing the family dog is not normal.
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I've never screwed up so bad it nearly cost the life of my pets or family members.
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NTA. Actions have consequences so it’s best to teach them that concept young so they’re not surprised later.
But at 15, an age when frankly a lot of people make really stupid decisions, the punishment is fairly harsh. There is responsibility to be had here, but this is too much. The parents should’ve been a little more active in making the deck safer, as they’re the adults in the house and the ones who own the dog.
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NTA. Ya aren't doin your children any favors when you spare them the consequences of their actions ( esp adolescents/ teenagers who are learning to be self-governing.) This likely was a mistake on the girl's part, but it resulted in the near loss of a pet & a hefty vet bill. This was a prudent parenting decision IMO.
I actually experienced the opposite scenario before. Where I, as a teenage kid, came home from school to find my dog hyperventilating outside because she had been locked out in the heat by my mom for 4 hours. When I confronted my mom on it, she just said "I forgot" and had the same kind of non-chalant attitude about it because "she survived so it must not be a big deal" as the OP described. It made me f*****g furious to say the least! So for that reason... NTA! She's f*****g 15! Not 8! She knows that putting the dog outside DURING ONE OF THE WORST HEAT WAVES the US has seen for centuries is dangerous! There is really no excuse here and she should pay the price! All of you saying it is too harsh of a punishment are forgetting that the f*****g dog was being punished for her nonchalance by being brought to the brink of death! She almost killed a living sentient animal! That dog doesn't deserve her b******t! And it pisses me off more because she is the one who asked for the dog in the first place!
I mean seriously! If I at 13 knew that I shouldn't leave my dog outside with the door locked/closed so she can't get back in ... she should know at 15! She's not a goddamn infant!
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It's definitely not true that "most states can pay you under minimum wage" if you're a minor. The main exception is agricultural jobs. Hours are required to be limited in certain ways and to certain time frames, with a lot varying by state. I have no idea where people get this info. Either way, she almost killed the dog she wanted because she got annoyed that he was whining at the door? And decided she wanted a cat instead after they got him? I understand that she's a teenager, but not making her take responsibility and trying to shield her from her siblings' reactions is just going to reinforce her awful behavior and that her actions don't have consequences. I'm not about to tell parents how to do that as long as it's generally physically and psychologically safe
She's a minor. Any punishment given is STILL continuing with the sisters acting like they are. Is that being credited toward the $2000.00 vet bill. She (maybe) acting non chalant about It, to get her sisters to stop their attempts to mentally unsettle her. Clearly she was upset when it happened, but how long are the sisters going to be allowed to punish her? It was an accident; accidents happen. Yes at her age she's old enough to know, yet young enough to still be distracted about ( kid things). As a parent, you knew the porch has no shade. Seems like there's no shade anywhere for the animals to be outside to get out of the sun. No dog door and prob no water dish. And having heat like you describe, a one bowl dog dish isn't ENOUGH. A gallon or larger dispenser is a must for the font and back, basically where ever the dog will go outside. The most important part is some kind of SHADE! Pet proof your property like you would for your children. Put up some kid of shad. Your the adult
It's difficult to comment how easy it would be for her to pay it off, given the demand for a teen employee and pay levels (like with babysitting* etc) in OP's area is unknown, but it does seem like it could be quite a time-consuming endeavour. If the swim team is fun/keep in shape exercise not something likely to get her a scholarship, then it is unlikely to negatively affect her long term as long as she has time for other exercise to remain sufficient in shape until soccer season. She needs to accept some responsibility for her actions, but if she shows willing and effort perhaps they should let her off the balance of the bill or give her extra time to pay it off without impacting further sports. Re * - I've mentioned babysitting, but I don't know how many parents would trust her with their kids if she can ignore/forget instructions re the dog and then forget the dog, impacting the dog's health.
As a professional, I can state clearly that these girls are not children per se. You are darned lucky...as is PEBBLE that he survived. They often don't. Your celebrity-attitude daughter has NO RIGHT to feell abused because she was selfishly mean and rresponsible regarding what she knew would likely result in immense suffering hopeless crying and begging for help your FAMILY PET DOG went through without help. She needs to take FULL responsibility AND GET OVER HERSELF. She is over enrolled in keep busy REAL world. Furthermore, her rotten attitude about sacrificing her precious self centered priority of importance needs a good clipping now. She appears to have no CONSCIENCE or remorse. She needs to face up to this horrible suffering and near death she caused because she's the only one on earth. She needs to pick which sport she vacates. She needs to pay the vet bill IN FULL and NOT BE CODDLED. SHE'S NOT much of a team player where it MATTERS, in REAL LIFE, IS SHE. NOT a question.
You ain't s**t Susie Parents need to be parents Key chain kids are very unhealthy thing. You have teenagers who run the house.
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I agree with the other commenter about installing a doggie door. Also split the bill 50% the dog loves to go outside and should have access to do so and should be accommodated but your daughter is going to have resentment towards you trust me. I was FORCED into getting a job at 14 and while it taught me responsibility I also do not speak to my mother and have not in 17 years. She’s your daughter but take it from a daughter that was forced into working young that now despises everything that “mommy dearest” has people believing. Best wishes
NTA This is a living breathing animal. 'Oh, she was somewhat upset when Pebble was in the vet' So?! She should have been upset, she should be grounded from all activities other than school and right home. This is an /adult/ not a five-year-old child. She was my kid she would be paying Pebble's vet bill and more for the distress of the dog!
Janie is the 15 year old, she's still a child. Yes she deserves some punishment but not to completely cut out her sports when her parents are equally to blame. They had no safety net of any sort, water dish, deck umbrella, etc. And 15 year olds definitely don't show emotion when they're shunned by literally everyone in their family. Yes she needs some form of compensation for nearly causing the dogs death, but not to be cut off from literally everything she enjoys.
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Janie is old enough to learn her actions (or inaction) have consequences. Make her contribute to the vet bill. Do not leave anything vulnerable with Janie again.
the op should add another item to the list is understand as the parent she is responsible to oversee safety for minors and pets. She’s neglected both
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She says you're ruining her life over a mistake? Well yeah that's kinda the nature of mistakes.
I think the parents are right..yes it was a mistake but that mistake could of cost that poor innocent dog its life.They can't talk we are their voice and it's up to us to keep them safe.
Ok, I’ve got 5 daughters, oldest being 27, 22, 20, 18, 13…. For any wisdom I can give.. every single one of us makes mistakes the most important thing that this world lacks at this time is love for one another. It would be my first concern to teach forgiveness to Allie bc a pet is replaceable a sister is not. Helping her forgive her the mother would first have to have the love of forgiveness in place but to allow the daughters to show hatred toward a younger sister is far greater mistake than giving in to a pet before remembering some kind of anxiety over school prep. We all make mistakes that we feel terrible about and honestly we all need others to forgive us because it is forgiving self that is the most difficult and in my experiences in life there are enough experiences for each of us to learn our lessons. If Allie loves the pet so much then it would be a privilege for her to also help pay the bill. And she would learn a little about loving her sister as herself.
I agree it’s concerning the parent here isn’t recognizing the impact of the adult siblings cruel behavior towards her, it’s her job to correct this dynamic in the older ones
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I think volunteering at an animal shelter is an excellent idea. This should instill in her some responsibility. At 15 if she isn't responsible enough to remember that she let the dog out in killer heat then she probably isn't responsible enough to be home alone. What if she would have left the burner on the stove lit? Volunteering at a shelter may also make her decide if she even wants the responsibility of any type of pet. If she would work 4 hours a week for a year the education she would get would be worth so much more than $2000. Additional chores around the house wouldn't be a bad idea either. She is not an adult but not a child either. Being responsible for actions is a critical lesson she needs to learn. Her sisters need to forgive but not necessarily forget, as do her parents.
Sports aren't that important people. How many of you get so irritated that a sports figure does some awful c**p and doesn't pay for it? Even in college? It's attitudes like many of you are putting forth that promote the kind of thinking this grows into. Kids don't just hit 18 or 25 and suddenly make good decisions. It's taught. Holding her accountable and removing a sport shows this is not a minor thing and how to prioritize. But hey, might as well let her know that sports are more important than lives and so is her future. Maybe she can be the next one we watch get by with hurting people while the judge dismisses the case for her wonderful future. Jeez, I hate people....
Exactly what I thought. And older sport players can get away wih something like aggravated assault and r*** (that *truly* ruin others' future) because they are well, "sports stars". You say they don't know the consequences? Honestly, there might be some bud of a sociopath blooming here. Something should be done before it's way too late. Honestly, athletes are overrated. It is also the very opportunity to teach her status quo won't give her get out of jail card.
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YTA. If what the dog suffered isn’t enough consequences for her, then there’s something wrong with her and she needs professional help. Any more punishment is performative.
I think she is playing off the guilt, burying it because the dog is fine. Talking to a counselor or therapist would be a good idea for all of the kids though. It's scary when your pet almost dies, I speak from experience. My small dog would get low blood sugar and have seizures. It took an expensive vet bill and days of meds for them to realize a couple of CCs of corn syrup when she acted strange prevented any more vet trips
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First of all YES she should be paying the vet bill. Second she is a selfish little AH. Third make her get a job volunteering at an animal shelter. And fourth NEVER TRUST HER AGAIN. You let her get away with it now and next it will be the dog dying or a child being hurt.
You know never trusting her again really just defeats the point of teaching her to accept responsibility. Also, she’s fifteen. An age when most people do really stupid things.
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You wanted this dog, you almost killed this dog, you have enough after school activities. Not sure if a job is the right pick, but definitely needs to learn how to act when they live on their own. The trauma may not have hit her because she wasn't the one who found Pebbles, so to her it probably hasn't really sunken in, no matter how many times you tell her that he almost died and being ostracized by her sisters would make her bitter. Not saying she shouldn't be punished, just keep that in mind, because it's going to affect her behaviour from this point on.
15yo, who in some countries could legally have sex, let out the dog because she was slighlty annoying and than because of her, his life was legit was risk. And those people are like "but her frontal cortex", "but her soccer team" or "omg she will never get that time she has for swimming back", bish we are not talking about teenager forgetting to wash the dishes but about them being careless and petty enough to put their family member life at risk.
You are CORRECT frontal cortex lol that was not a responsibly it was common dang sense it's hot as far as her family goes have a family meeting let her tell everyone how sorry she is and that it will never happen again she loves Pebble too now that is responsibly so her sisters can forgive and move on chores for payback for Pebbles bill suspend the activities that are not life necessities and help neighbors wash windows mow grass clean windows babysit rake or shovel snow or even well this one maybe not be all that good but dog walking plenty of ways to help Mom and Dad pay for her mistake
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I agree with the people saying the best thing to do would be to get her to pay by doing a few extra chores. After all it was clearly an honest mistake.
This IS the equivalence of drinking and driving. She knew it was wrong but does it anyways to avoid being annoyed. Many teens drink for similar reasons. They feel pressured to. Others "whine" like this dog did. Doing something you know is wrong is not just an honest mistake
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Honestly i think for now they should take the money out of any college savings or wait until she can work a job to do it Or have a way she can keep in shape AND work a job as it seems to be that's all swimming is to her and she does have a point, she does need to keep in shape for her other sports (and keeping in shape as an athlete is different to just being fit too). Anyway, there's room for compromises here. Also, please put the 15 year old on therapy. Shes at the age where her callousness could develop into an actual thing if one is not careful. Heck, maybe put everyone in, because of Pebble nearly dying (and the other daughters are distressed and not speaking to their sister. A normal response but needs to be watched so there's no long lasting anxiety and paranoia).
Why nor have the daughters and the parents all go to the local rescue or shelter and volunteer to help care for the animals after school or on weekends walking the animals or just helping out as a "punishment or for giving back as a learning experience in caring for animals to help learn from the experience about the importance of caring from your pets, they can learn from the staff at both places and make it a more positive and up lifting experience to help them learn and grow from it rather than it be a horrible memory that is tearing the girls apart
This type of mistake is very common among grown adults, even more so for teens who basically and according to science are not working with all their mental faculties due to brain development during teen years. Personally I would have provided more understanding and compassion, and when the pet recovered talk about ways to work off the money with extra chores around the home, and maybe some volunteer activity at a local shelter. Teens don't have the same earning power that adults do and having to quit the swimming team, earning the money on low wages only caused resentment and tremendous life-long guilt. With the other kids angry at her as well it suggests this mom is teaching all the kids to be harsh, angry, resentful and lacking in compassion.
It’s time to call a family meeting. letting her adult sisters even if they are upset allowing them to being a royal B is just as wrong as you are for not being there for her. You as her parents should be held accountable for your actions or lack of why didn’t you put a doggy door for Pebble knowing he loves the deck but you didn’t think about for your pet. accident/mistakes happen they are part of growing up. You as parents are being short sited When it comes to your youngest daughter. You are allowing her sisters under your roof to treat her badly You are allowing her family to hurt her more She needs to know that she can come to you when she makes mistakes but you are allowing her to feel she can’t trust any of her family. she needs the sport but not camp let her get a job in the summer babysitting, mowing lawns, no allowance to help pay some of the vet bill. As for her family you all need to learn to forgive her for being a kid who made a mistake she isn’t an Adult you are!
I can't read these things, they are ridiculously long. However, it was an accident. I'd be far more concerned right now with my other two kids behaving the way they are than with anything else. My kids would be extremely concerned with how their sister felt about what had happened, and would understand it wasn't intentional. They wouldn't stop speaking to each other or stop spending time together! Yikes....
Exactly and yet the mother is enabling her adult kids to behave in a mentally abusive way to her minor child. She needs to reflect on her own shortcomings as a parent to her child
Load More Replies... For those who somehow don’t realize - a parent is always the one who bears sole and ultimate responsibility for any minor children AND pets at home. Most parents recognize that no matter how excited their kids seem to get a new pet, the bottom line responsibility for ensuring the pets well being lies w the parent. Parent was aware of the safety risk especially in a hot weather area not having any shade or water in the outdoor space for the dog. Also for those who don’t understand- the reason behind baby proofing and pet proofing is to have a safety net in case of human error. You put covers over electric sockets even tho you plan to always keep baby away from those - you install them IN CASE of human error. Same thing for the dog- parents job is to ensure pet safety, there should have been a umbrella for shade and water there long ago in case of human error
What would her punishment be if the dog had died? This was a Terrible mistake on both parts. I think if you say you us 2000$ make her pay it back whenever money comes her way. Also now parents have a lesson, don’t trust teenagers and keep shelter and water outside no matter what the weather just in case. A lesson for everyone.
Once you get an animal, they are family. At first, she wanted a dog, then changed her mind and wanted a cat instead shows her irresponsibility. YOU ARE DEALING WITH A LIVING BEING, ITS NOT A TOY! Think about how poor Pebble feels. Thank God, he made a full recovery. You were lucky. But what poor Pebbles went through, and he has that thought the rest of his life. If you ask me, I would say your parents went easy on you. I agree with Cecily. Make her do volunteer work at an animal shelter. Pebbles is family, and needs constant care. The same if you had a cat. All animals need constant, loving care. You take good care of them, they will take care of you. They are babies.
She could’ve got arrest honestly if someone saw the dog out there like that…a Felony too.
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This happened to me a week ago. I was arrested and have to be in court Nov 2. People make mistakes, yes costly ones, but not intentional. Keep that in mind. Im so frightened now I am considering rehoming mine. Its very scary when you are punished for something unintentional and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.
In summer 2020 my oldest than 15 yo threw our cat off our under construction playground, breaking the cats leg. My child immediately showed remorse so the added chores where an appropriate way to work off the vet bills. Our cat is our second oldest child’s emotional support animal so I totally get the extra strain it puts on the family to have an emotionally distraught child. As the mother I immediately mediated the forgiveness between my children. My oldest still shows remorse every time the cat shows arthritic distress in the healed leg. In this situation where the child is nonchalant now the pet is recovered there does need to be heavier consequences. I believe that extracurriculars are very important to a child’s development and success later in life so forcing the teen to abandon a team that relies on her is not going to help her in the long run. Having her work with recovering animals somehow is going to build self esteem and teach her the needed lesson.
No remorse because he survived? Sorry but your daughter sounds like a little C**T to me
Little harsh wouldn't you say about a teenager what you never messed up really bad before
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If I was the mum, I would be a nightmare. Pets are your family and if you don't forget your other family members, you won't forget your pet, period.
Then the mother needs to hold herself accountable for failing to place a shade area outside as many have commented
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If you as the parent, already know your dog likes to go outside in the backyard, why would you not have any shelter for the dog with shade and water. I have pets and I have children older and younger. I always make sure that my pet in any situation with my kid will be ok. What if the dog was let out by a younger child? Or a visitor? Have you not setup shelter for the dog? As for my daughter, I wouldn't take sports away that could possibly lead to scholarships. What would that do? Yeah she wouldn't get a scholarship, but you would be out even more money when it comes to paying for college. Maybe make her responsible for walking the dog for a month and setting up shelter so this doesn't happen again.
I feel the parents did the right thing. This is why we have an entitled society of millennials. They don’t know consequences. It’s one sport, one fraction of time, working is good, builds character, meet different peers, install work ethic, learn responsibility, and learn to micromanage her schedule. If Pebble had died I’m sure others would have been crying for a punishment. Some people call that animal abuse and that would be in her record forever. Nope… she needs to learn to pay attention to detail and what she should have been focused on. Good job parents!!!!
In an area with potential for massive heat waves there should’ve been, albeit, superficial installments like an awning and a doggy door. How responsible were we and how much did we understand consequences at 19, 18 and 15? Order a couple of pizzas on a Sunday night, sit around the couch and the floor and talk it out altogether. You’re also an active participant, not an observer. Take this chance to help them understand that the emotions, shock and trauma they felt were a direct result of instinctive reaction to the potential death of a loved one. Iron out that in their young minds before moving onto whatever consequences are deemed necessary, and it should be a collective decision and based on understanding the potential results of losing a loved one due to short sightedness. Sports and grades should come after and if possible, uninterrupted. My two cents. God bless and good luck.
If you’ve decided to raise a dog in parts where there are massive heat waves, unless you’re flat broke, with all due respect, where’s the awning and where’s the doggy door? Don’t misunderstand me, I’ve had moments where I had to choose between selling my car to get chemo for my cat or let her die, and it’s a shitty angle to work with. I wish you had done some more, albeit, superficial work such as I mentioned. Let’s face it, how responsible and how much did we understand when we were 19,18 and 15? Kids man, they’re still kids that are learning everyday how to survive in this world. Order a couple pizzas on a Sunday night, sit around the couch and on the floor together and talk about what happened. They have the capacity to talk this out and you’re not a mediator, you’re an active participant. Talk within this circle about how it was for them, when facing death through Pebble. Then f understand together, on their level, what a life means and costs. That’s my two cents man. God bless.
Have you ever had a dog go absolutely loopy begging to go out? It's exhausting and there's nothing to lessen it. If she was busy rushing to get ready for school, it's no wonder she put the dog out to get a bit of free time to sort her stuff out, and forgot. The punishment is fair tho imo, but saying she's an a*****e feels too far. As someone who internalises emotions, once something isn't actively ongoing, you don't even know anything's going on. She probably still blames herself, as well as being blamed by her entire family so I can't really blame her for feeling hard done to
Many people said the child didn't do it on purpose. The child got annoyed with the dog and put it out on the deck, even though that wasn't the schedule. She had to of known there was a heat wave. She lived in the same heat! I grew up on a farm responsible for many animals that all could result in massive vet bills. A 15-year-old is totally capable of being more responsible than this. Has she apologized to her sister? Did she console her sister? Now she seems to think that it wasn't that big a deal cuz the dog survived? Did you take her to the vet to see what the dog was going through; pull her out of school to take the dog to the vet the first time? If not, that's on you. You're responsible helping her deal with the consequences, which isn't so much about paying the vet bills, but is more about being with the dog while it's at the vet to comfort him and being with her sister to comfort her. I think you've already dropped the ball on this one.
BS. At 15 I had a full time job (40+ hours a week, went to school, AND babysat on weekends. I paid for ALL my school clothes and supplies plus whatever activities I wanted to do. She should get to work paying that vet bill back AND have to keep working after that. Time to grow up.
Not everyone is Superwoman like you, she is 15 not 20
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I agree with you let her get a job and pay the vet bill this way she will realize actions have consequences and she will think next time before she acts.
Some people are disregarding Pebble, she is a living feeling soul that had to fight for her life because of someone's stupidity. I'd definitely make her do volunteer work at a local shelter plus get a job to pay for the bill and would take away any sport privileges she is interested in. Or lock her out on the deck without shelter or water all day and see how she likes that!!! Animals are not disposable, they are family and her nonchalance is unacceptable!!
I just can't believe she for got a tiny dog. I'm turning 41 and at her age I was letting out horse, cattle out to graze and keeping head count. And feeding hunting dogs she was left with just 1 tiney dog and she for got about it and. I still did sports after I locked gates up and did head count and fed everyone
Making her quit swimming though? That's a thing you need for bith your physical and your mental health. And especially for a deceloping young adult, sports are hugely important. For their sense of self, for their body image, for letting off steam. I would say this is something similar as making her forgo medications in order to pay off a debt. The person suggesting doing chores, that was the reasonable idea.
This is difficult. At 15 she cant get a job as most places wont hire under 16 and 16 needs parent sign off and they cant work a lot of hours. I do agree she should pay off the bill (at least half it) so maybe you both can work out how she can help pay it off (or pay you back when she is able to get a job) if swimming is just for fun then maybe have her drop it and do volunteer work at a shelter to learn animal care. She is 15 so she 100% is old enough to know better. She just didnt wanna listen to the pupper cry. She could have given it attention to distract it but opped to do the bare minimum. On the point of her sisters they have a right to be mad at her lack of care or respect for how bad the situation was n could have gone. Sounds like Allie is the one who cares about Pebble most so she has full right to feel like her sister purposeful tried to kill the dog she no longer wanted (also talk about not ready for any pet if she wanted a dog and immediately didnt once she got it.)
I feel like a lot of people are very harsh towards a 15 year old girl making one mistake and apparently not showing enough emotion?? Would people react like this if this would be 15 year old boy? Worry time passed and the dog ended up fine. Why would you need to be more concerned? She's probably more concerned about her future, her school, her career. I'm sure she was worried about her family pet but now that worry was replaced about her worrying about her future since the mum must punish her.
Child is an a*****e, 15 is more than old enough to know better. Losing swim team which admittedly is only for exercise not scholorship sounds good to me. She can exercise elsewhere. You're giving her a free ride anyway. Working at a shelter might help give her a glimpse at what might have happened to Pebbles. I doubt she'll develop any empathy. This wasn't an accident. She needs to be held responsible.
This can be taken as YTA or NTA. U r ruining the daughters life because of a mistake that nearly cost the dog it’s life. Either way, I feel bad for the doggo
So... the 15 year old who forgot about the dog hat nearly died, should babysit to pay off the vet bill? Really?
ESH but YTA all the way. She's 15. You can't expect a 15 year old to have any foresight, and you're the ah for just getting her a dog. That's terrible parenting. Obviously, what she did sucked and she was being callous and s****y, but you can't make a child pay 2k dollars for being a child. Everyone f*****g sucks, but it's the parents' fault for 1) getting a child a dog and 2) forcing a child to pay them 2k dollars because children naturally don't have that much foresight. I have s****y memory and I could see this being me- I'd let him out to make gim happy, thinking I'd get him back in in a few minutes, then forget and freak out when he had heatstroke. I'm only a year younger than her and having a debt of 2k is insane.
A 15 year old is definitely old enough to be responsible. She sounds like a spoiled, entitled brst. You are NTA. She is.
Leave it up to crazy white people to prioritize a dog over a child's mental health and future. Getting a job at 15 can be detrimental to a child's mind and could negatively affect their performance in school. But nope, y'all choose to stick up for a f*****g dog. A dog.
It's crazy how some of y'all think the dog matters more than that child's future.
No sympathy for her. Preoccupied with her phone, she should pay the vet bill. If she has to give up something so be it.
This was a roller coaster of responses. The child needs to be punished and held accountable. A lot of these YTA or ESH responses makes me feel like people are responding out of their own experience and trauma than looking at this for what it is. A teenager, 15, got annoyed and let the dog out then left. We don’t know the intent, but people were saying she didn’t even want a dog. Why don’t you see what the legal punishment is for animal abuse then see if sitting out one non primary sport season seems reasonable. Someone of y’all need therapy like this family does.
Make her pay half. She is 15 so itll be hard for her to find a good paying job. (Where i live you have to be 16 to appy w/out parent concent n 16-17 you have limited hours cause school. NTA though for teaching a lesson on responsibility n consequences for actions
This is not a punishment, this is a life lesson. A valuable one at that. NTA . Hopefully she will learn and understand the lessons being taught
ES. I think evicting her to pay the full amount might be too much. But she does need to experience consequences that fit the action. I think 6 months of "volunteering" her Saturdays at an animal shelter would do her good. Also, your other daughter giving her the silent treatment is not ok. Psychologists pretty much all agree that is a form of emotional abuse. They dont have to be best buds, the older daughter has a right to her anger, but that doesn't treatment behavior is just not ok.
She wouldn't have to quit swimming lessons or the swimming team if she had been more careful. Animals are like children, you have to pay close attention to them and let them back in the house when the temperature is too hot or too cold. Animals are like humans, they also get frost bite and they get over heated if they stay outside for too long.
Tldr? Just hit the dislike right now. Anyway here goes: definitely TA. You have a kid, 15yo, who's involving herself in a variety of activities that are incredibly beneficial to her health, well-being and future. She sounds like a good kid that f'ed up, not some horrible animal killer. A lot of parents would be proud to have a child like this. Standing by while her sisters attack her about it puts her in the position of being the outcast of the family. It's your responsibility as a parent to discipline your child not the siblings! Start showing it by threatening them with worse consequences should they continue. Be her damn parents ffs! Notice the use of the word discipline, not punish? There is a huge difference and what this is, is punishment. Not a responsible way to raise a child. And then post this trash online to have hundreds of self-righteous strangers mock and chastise your child? For what, internet points? She almost killed a dog but it's the parents make me want to puke!
Whose dog is it? that's who's responsible!!! if she didn't adopt, buy or bring home the dog-then it's not her responsibility!!? I believe it's the parents fault and responsibility- she's a child she's a minor under the age of 18 *you're lucky she wants to go to school and not go do drugs in the back alley with some thugs!!! *With such a harsh punishment she might!!!!😔🤗🤪
She's a minor she's a child you're lucky she wants to go to school and not quit school and do drugs in the back alley with some thugs she made a mistake mistakes happen to forgive is divine to heir is human remember she shouldn't be responsible you got the dog it's the parents responsibility to take care of their pets not their offsprings.
Some people here--a lot, in fact--seem to keep conflating the word "minor" with "infant." A 15-year-old is a *teenager,* technically a minor, yes, but still old enough to be able to take on the barest of responsibilities (which this girl is clearly capable of, considering all the extracurricular activities she has no problem keeping up with). You can shout "They're just a CHILD!" all you like, but not everyone under 18 years old is some drooling, diaper-wearing toddler with absolutely no sense in their head. The girl wanted the dog in the first place, so the GIRL needs to take care of it and learn that she can't just shove all the responsibility off on her parents when it becomes too inconvenient for her. And c'mon, you seriously think making her quit ONE sport, one she doesn't even need to take according to OP, is enough to drive her to quit school and turn to drugs? Do you always just immediately go to the most extreme, ridiculous example you can think of? Bruh.
Load More Replies... I like thematic consequences. The shelter idea sounds good. A more personal twist would be to have her prove that she understands the importance of what she did and that she can be trusted again by having her take care of everything dog-related from that point. Food, walks etc...
I like that "take care of dog related responsibilities" approach
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A child is going to think everything a parent does is unfair. Even though they said that they wanted her to pay all the money. I am pretty sure after a time period the parents would feel like the child learned and won't make them suffer the whole punishment. She was hurt that the dog was hurt she was more scared that her attitude could have killed the dog. Trust me I see it in my daughter at that age. If she really felt guilty than she would do anything for that dog. Obviously she realized a dog is a big headache and a cat was less work. She let her attitude get the best of her because she was tired of taking care of him. She had to let him out and make sure he was back in before she left. She decided not to be careful and more caring of a dog. Yes she needs to learn a harsh way. If someone hurt a person on an accident they will have a punishment. If it was her dog as an adult she would had to pay that bill by herself and could be fine for leaving the dog out in heat.
People is mad about swimming a sport she does to keep in shape not something she's good at. The fact she has all these other sports and summer plans when do she have time to learn responsibilities. They took the least important thing in her life away. Me I would of did the same. My daughter was in girl's scouts. Science clubs and sports. She didn't care for girl scouts so when she choose to let her reading grade drop two grades and I asked her why with the response because she just felt like being lazy. I took away girl's scouts. There's nothing wrong with doing so she have to learn.
Uh, the mom is 100% correct to make the kid work it off. If she doesn't have the time to work out of the house, she definitely doesn't have the time to work around the house so saying "oh pay her for chores" is foolishness. Besides, she lives there and chores are a responsibility of living in a household, not a cash cow for the irresponsible kid that almost killed the family pet and cost you a LOT of money. Maybe facing hard consequences is the teacher she can't ignore. If she's committed to the team she can just work immediately after the team gets out, or leave early. Either way, she has to learn how unacceptable this sort of carelessness is
Some of you people are serious TA's! Yep she wanted the dog but you agreed and paid for it 🤷 you don't put a pet outside for some peace then obviously you don't have a pet 🤷. They already said he could go outside and accidents do happen and if she gets out of shape and under performs at her other sports and there could go a college tuition 🤷 and finally if you punish her for an ACCIDENTAL MISTAKE she will grow up hating you, say goodbye to family and fun and look forward to the pipe and pole!
OMG I agree with the parents she should be punished and have to pay the vet bill at 15 she is old enough to know what she did was wrong kids these days are to spoiled. Adults 40 and over need to think about how there parents disciplined them and we turned out just fine if we made a mistake we had to pay for it and we thought twice before we made another one
I'm loving the post... When it comes to the sisters, they'll forgive the youngest in due time. Everybody grieves differently. Let them grieve. As for the punishment fitting the crimes? Different folks different strokes. I love how things changed over the decades. Swimming... Jogging/running is free. It will keep her in shape for the other two sports. She's also lucky that her grandparents are footing the sports bills. I agree with volunteering at the shelter. As for the punishment, is she expecting a car or license when she turns 16? She can work for that because nothing in life is free. And, don't let the grandparents get her one either. The youngest should be GRATEFUL because what if the dog died? People go to jail for that. And what If the cops would've came by and found the dog? The situation would've been worst for the family because someone would've been charged with animal neglect or endangerment; no swimming and no school. She she be grateful. Animal neglect carries a maximum of $1,000 and 1 year in jail in some areas.
After this much time has passed since the incident occurred I really hope that they have let it all go and focus on repairing the rift this has caused between their children. Delayed judgement and punishment is not helping this situation. It's doing more damage than good and some of it could be lasting and turn to resentment. Especially with so many different opinions involved. She's a child. She made a mistake. No one died and not even the dog will suffer lasting negative affects from the mistake the poor girl made. She needs forgiveness and love. Opening the door for her to be judged by the world is a much bigger mistake in my book. She's going to alienate all of her kids with this. This is not the kind of thing that one looks back upon and remembers fondly. It's the kind of thing that one looks back upon from their individual perspective and feels BETRAYED by their family members. I hope they get it right. They should let it go. Offer her love and hugs for her mistake.
I couldn't find the comment. Whoever said ppl aren't hiring 15 yr Olds. Doesn't have kids today. They couldn't be more wrong. Lots of jobs are hiring 15yr olds today. Where I live at so that isn't an issue. I have 9 grandkids toe 15yr olds. One has always had a desire. To make money even to the point. Of creating a job for hisself. Taking out ppls trash. This is a life we're talking about. She agreed to take on the responsibility. So having her help pay. I see nothing wrong with. I'm just glad the dog didn't die. Because that happens alot. Blowing the situation off like it's nothing now. Because he's fine now kinda shows. That she doesn't care about the dog now. To me along with now wanting a cat. Kids minds change like the wind blows today. If I didn't make her pay for it all. I'd certainly make her help pay for some. That's a lesson directly related to the situation.which is the best lesson and way to learn from it.
One thing for sure there's no book. To go by for parenting. We go based on the situation. Depending on what we see. Would reach our kids. To hopefully ensure they'll get it. Change the negative to a positive. All who don't live there. Is giving there opinion which may relate or not. Certainly doing nothing with kids of this generation. Is a way to ensure problems. For the future your her parent. So it's not my place to say anything. Doing that will cause you to doubt yourself. Based on someone whose not their. Knowing the full circumstances of it. Going into more detail doesn't matter. We still don't know her or her attitude. To things in life from a short story. When responsibility is given to anyone. Then expectations follow for sure. Nothing in this life goes without an expectation. We live and learn I've found kids today. Don't have a deep sense of sorrow. For many situations when you think they would.
I agree that having her volunteer is correct and she can see what happens when pets aren't cared for. I'm very glad the dog is ok now.People accidentally leaving babies children and vulnerable adults in hot vehicles is how awful things happen too.Im sure she feels terrible but perhaps it will make her think about how simple mistakes can have sometimes have dire consequences.
Not only was her parents right to have in their call but this will also send a message to her other siblings so they will think twice before doing things.
It’s time for a family meeting there is 4 adults and one child here. Yes she made a great mistake but so is this family. Accident/mistakes are apart of growing up. Her parents should have put a doggy door in lesson learned. Janie should have not let him out. As for her feelings about the dog getting better and her not acting like it was a big deal it called relief she is a kid not an adult like her Royal B sisters are. As for the sport she should stay on the swim team it’s the responsible thing to do and get a summer job to pay for part of the vet bill. Her family is teaching her that she can’t trust them when she makes a mistake Yes I do hold degree’s in this field. I know what I’m talking about. She is hurting more then she is letting on. She understands what she did wrong but no one has forgiven her. this is showing her she has to be prefect to be excepted in the family. That their love comes with no mistakes from her. forgiveness is the key
Parent of 5. I believe whole heartedly that our generation must help Janie's generation understand the consequences of mistakes and how the severity of actions affects the consequence. I need my children to understand that differences in the mistakes one makes, like, mishandling a delicate situation versus causing physical harm and intent versus neglect. Modern media availability, content and social changes have altered or even "dumbed down" the perception of severity. Also, with most kids of every generation, common sense is not all that common. In fact, I'm realizing I dislike that idiom a great deal. Sense of the world and society is learned, not instinctual, so, I feel that reprimanding a child accordingly is imperative to their development and in becoming a functional member of society. That's my $1.50.
Set her up with an onlyfans page. She can pay the vet bill in a night and still make the swim team Take care of your own dog you self absorbed a*****e.
Screw that volunteering, make her azz work. I started working for a paycheck when I was 12. She's old enough to work and be responsible for her actions. If it takes her 4,5,6 months to pay the vet bill, good. She'll remember to never do it again.
First off it’s a crime to do what she did with a huge fine in all states. Harsh thing but you can’t leave a dog in a car same difference. 15 year old knows better have her sit on the deck all day without water & shade humans these days alpha of all animals.
I think the parents have to decide what’s right for their family. It’s a mistake to ask for advice like this, especially if you are sensitive. You know the old saying, “Opinions are like ***holes — everyone’s got one!”
She got off much easier with her parents than she would have in my house. She would lose those extra activities for the remainder of the year and work. I honestly would have told my kids the bill was 6k. Let her give me the money and put it away and give it back to her when she turned 18 and explain why I did it that way.
The parents made the right decision. Make her work and repay the bill. The best lessons I ever learned was having to pay for mistakes. If you're smart the same mistake won't be made twice. All these marshmallow comments I read makes me understand how society got to where it is today. We live in a world of very little discipline and no consequences for your actions.
Although she definitely should’ve been more careful, it was an accident, that it sounds like her older adult siblings and parent are continuing to make her feel bad. Ultimately as the parent you also neglected as some pointed out taking steps to make the deck safer for the dog. You said he likes to go out there so you should have created some shaded area and water dish in case he ever got out there. Ultimately the responsibility for the dog rests with the parent in the home.
A 15 yo is definitely old enough to be responsible. Janie wanted Pebble and fell very short of an agreement to help care for the pup. She needs to be told Pebble could have neurological issues down the line even though the vet says all is good. Parents are correct in making her pay the vet bill and she had got a new look on adulthood which she clearly isn't ready for. This is a major screw up. Pets are family. What if she wants to babysit for the neighbor and forgets an infant on the deck? She clearly needs to understand this wasn't okay. A job is a start to pay that bill. Taking away something SHE LIKES will remind her what she did wrong and why she's being reprimanded. Don't cave mom and dad.
I would have done the same thibg. I qould make my child get a job and pay the bills just like my parents did to me whe. I let my dog g et loose and picked up by animal control years ago and the price was about the same once we found out where the dof was. The problem now a days is that children expect their parents to bail them.out of everything. I have a step-son that expects just that and he is 21 but. My daughter who is 18 was raised differently and would know that she would ve responsible to pay the vet bull had she done something like that. It really comes down to the child taking responsibility for their actions and making an effort to help redy the situation. Had the child offered to do that then maybe she wouldnt have had to quit the swim team to get a job. The point is we all have to own up yo the mistakes we make and when our children feel.that they dont have to do that. Then as parents we need to make them.do it!
This is why our world is like it is. Having her pay the vet bill is a natural consequence. Kids are rarely held to any responsibility for thier actions these days. And those chores around the house people suggested should be done for the privileges afforded to children on the daily.....you know like cable, streaming services, cell phones, wifi, big screen TVs, meals on the table, groceries in the pantry.
I was a little more on the fence until I saw that the teen is in multiple sports activities, so it's not like they're taking away her identity or whole social circle or anything. In reality, if she doesn't spend any money on herself, she can pay that bill down fairly quickly. I think something like this is warranted because she doesn't seem to understand the weight of her actions. It would be different if she was really contrite about it and still had it on her mind. At this point, I'd be worried she might forget about the dog again. I also don't think it matters who asked for the dog or that the parents have put responsibility for making sure the dog is inside on her. Nowhere does it say she has sole responsibility, just this one thing. It's based on their schedules and 15 is more than old enough to have such a responsibility.
There’s no right or wrong here, we parent based on our own individual parenting skills and base the severity of discipline on the level of maturity of the child in accordance with how bad the child has failed to me the standards set for our household. Just because others would chose alternative methods does not make your choice wrong for you and your home.
Sounds "A LOT" like my younger sister, (20yrs younger to be exact/she was adopted) ** "IF" you could even get her to do anything for the dog/cat/sea monkey,, etc. Growing up myself, I had chores & responsibilities. I got my first dog when I was 6 & I knew what I was expected to do & not to do. I also was in sports, since 6th grade thru HS= v-ball/Basketball/track, plus 3 summer leagues/2 basketball & then baseball & I still had the same chores & was responsible for Krystal . Mom adopted my sister when she was 5 & unlike myself, she had no chores &/or responsibilities, "AT ALL".!! Her job wa Shes had 'Way Over A Fair Share" of pets inwhich 1 ended up being our moms (before the car ride home with it ended), some were rehomed by mom or lost or escaped (she gets that reaction from about all animals/reptiles,, you name it,, she even had a hedgehog that would "Pretend" to fall asleep everytime she would come around it.
You could wait until summer to make her get a job. She should not have to quit swim team to get a job. I hurt you to make her get a job in the summer. You could have wait until the summer. You know what extracurricular activities do to college applications applications, you know what they look like on college apps.
To ease the anxiety of the distressed daughter you might consider putting a canopy on the porch and a kiddie pool. I would. Mistakes can be repeated.
Those YTA response really annoyed me. I hate when people take responsibility away when they think a teen is just a child and doesn't know better. You're not a toddler at 15! She knows exactly what she did. Sure, a mistake is a mistake. If she showed remorse, I would have given her the benefit of doubt but it doesn't look like she was and that's the problem. So in this case, I definitely agree that she should pay the 2000 or at least half. Maybe then she'll learn that her actions have consequences. And maybe she'll gain some empathy while she's at it.
If it were my child, I would have her volunteer at either an animal shelter or a vet clinic. Somewhere where the child could work behind the scenes and see up close and personal what happens in an emergency situation. Volunteering would look good on a resume when she's older, but also teach a little responsibility in the present time. Plus, being a minor, it would give the child a foot in the door if they were interested in that type of work as a first job... But, I work in vet med, so I see how our volunteers are volunteers are influenced. Also, I would have my child write a research paper on heat stroke. Specifically: what causes it, treatments, home care, prevention average national costs (not based off your invoice), and what the child plans to do to correct this mistake and ensure it doesn't happen again. I would NOT remove my child from a sport or academic activity, especially midway through a season. Teammates count on each other. Plus, that teaches that it's okay to quit.
I think the same in this situation as I do in all if them: if you can't or won't take responsibility for the pet to br happy and healthy, you need to re home it. The OP even said that Jamie wanted Pebble, but a week later wanted a cat. So, at that point, the dog became the parents' responsibility if they decided to keep it. However, Jamie should be taught that being annoyed at a situation, and acting rashly or against what you know a rule or just plain common sense, will end badly 99% of the time. Do I believe she has "suffered enough" with the emotional effects of what she did? Not really, we were told the girl went from concerned to disinterested about it as soon as things were "fine". Yes, the parents should talk to the kids about forgiving her, but just like anything else, you can't force them to do so. Anyone sitting there demanding otherwise doesn't understand or care that every child is unique, and just like anyone else, makes their own final decisions. Sit down, and talk.
After reading these comments. I really feel for the parents. There trying to find the best way to deal with something serious that happened at there home. Something that effects everyone in that house/family. These days unfortunately something like this happening wouldn't even of been talked about. So credit to the parents to try and feel out other people's opinions. It's a horrible position to be in for everyone in the family. I'm sure everyone has other issues pending wheather it's work, School, Everyday life's challenges when I first read the story after hearing the dog was ok. I thought to myself. What is the first thing you tell your kid when they come to you and tell you they want a pet. You tell that kid if we get that dog then your responsible for cleaning up after it. We all know that eases up after everyone else in the house gets attached to the dog. I was also thinking about stories I've seen on the news or read about online.Parents forgetting there kids in hot cars #1
Lemme just clarify this SWIMMING IS A HOBBY IT👏IS👏A👏HOBBY👏👏👏👏👏SHE LOSES NOTHING (EXPECT WEAKER LEGS PROBABLY) Also, she was like “The dog is fine now? That’s great, that means that what I did didn’t matter in the end, right?” I understand maybe she’s trying to cope but srsly that seems wrong to ME
She is lucky to have you guys for parents. I would have her quit the swim team, and her other activities until she fully understands her mistake nearly killed the sweet pup. I would make her volunteer at a shelter EVERY Saturday. She will have to pay a fixed amount to reimburse the vet bill. If and when she shows responsibility. You can let her return to her normal activities.
When they get older I'd give the kids who cared about the dog a car because they showed responsibility the girl who didnt care except for herself I'd make and her college because apparently she doesnt want to take any responsibility so they car would be treated like craps to and if make her pay for things including the vet bill maybe it would teach her about responsibility something most people in this country sadly dont no about.
It's best if families have a structure in place before they need it. Clearly stated rules that everyone in the family obeys and clearly stated consequences that everyone expects when a rule is broken. It's very hard to do this after the fact and make it up as you go along. Without the expectations and consequences clarified it will breed anger and resentment in a family. If the rule is the dog is not allowed on the deck ever, it would mean that Noone in the family has ever let the dog on the deck without a consequence. I have a feeling that's not the case. A Rule is not just enforced when consequences are severe.
I AGREE THE PARENTS DID THE RIGHT THING TAKE WHAT SHE WANTS AWAY LET HER LEARN SHE HASNT SHE IS MAD THE SISTERS SHUN HER (BY THE WAY GIRLS 👏👏👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍) so tired of spoiled brats hurting animals MAKE HER GET A JOB PAY THE BILL AND DONT LET HER NEAR YOUR DOG🤬🤬🤬KUDOS TO ALL I WOULD DO THE SAME BUT I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KICKED JER OUT MY ANIMALS MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME💖💖💖💖💖I got an idea move her to the garage give her a bucket some canned food if she threatens dcf pack her bag🏆🏆🏆🏆hope your dog has recovered 🙏🙏🙏🙏
She wanted the dog, it's never too late to learn responsibilities. She's allowed to enjoy sports. If u could get a job that she could enjoy, then I wouldn't be so bad. Things will come up in her life, if she's going to survive this world when she gets older, this will be a great tool. Yeah, she's gonna make u feel guilty, but be parents, not friends. When she gets older you can be her friend. Speaking from experience. I'm so thankful Pebbles is okay.❤️
It is not reasonable to make a 15 yr old fully responsible for what happens to a family pet. A lot is known about the brain in the teenage years and this was not intentional. Teenagers forget stuff. Yes, this was something with big consequences but she did not set out to harm the dog. As she put it, it was a mistake. It would have been reasonable to ask her to contribute, but shouldering the full bill is excessive, as it was never her choice to have a dog and it is not her own dog. Let's also remember whose job it is to raise this child with emotional intelligence. If she seems indifferent to the dog's welfare, I would explore that before I would worry about whether a $2000 punishment will help her remember things more (it won"t). To be honest, the mother's narrative is a red flag for me. Seeking public validation in the AITA forum is an odd way to hone your parenting skills.
I understand the frustration of commenters but the girl is only 15 not a grownup. If she showed no remorse the punishment her in a way she'll never forget, having her pay seems fair. If she shows real remorse, take it as a teachable moment. I think volunteering at an animal shelter would be perfect...
I would make her volunteer at an animal shelter and let her know what happens to pets who are neglected or maybe get a part-time job with a veterinarian and see what happens to animals who are sick or forgotten about. I would not make her pay half of the bill; I would probably make her pay $60.00 out of every pay and when she gets to a certain amount ( $350.00) donate it to the local animal shelter in her name. We make mistakes and let her know there are consequences for mistakes. Her sisters over time will forgive her and maybe 1 month of no activities this includes social media, phone privileges ( except for emergencies) and friends can only be over the house on the weekend. There are board games or card games they can play those without using social media.
i would say yta bc the punishment of that trauma was far worth the punishment of being forced to pay a bill 🤷♀️
There is 5 people on the family household income, for which the vet bill of 2,000÷5=400 for Jamie to contribute back to the household income as a consequence for her mistake. There is 5 people responsible for the dog and 1 messed up, so 1 share should be paid back to the household income, and if Jamie cannot earn the $400 then it could be done toward income savings in purchases of generic brand items she wants and needs. Lesser quality items match the lesser quality of care she gave the dog, at least until the $400 is reached in savings. Some of those sports shoes can cost $160 or $80 on sale, better yet $40 for generic brand. Math helps when there needs to be a financial consequence, but lesson to be learned is "Give the best of yourself to all living things." We get what we give, we reap what we sow, and a 15 yr old is old enough to learn that.
Personally I think that she is young and should take the full responsibility so I would split it and say she pays half
The truth is that you both share some responsibility for this disaster. Everyone makes mistakes of omission, she forgot the dog, but you failed to foresee that eventually it was inevitable that the dog spend too long on the deck. A pet carrier, or even a chair might have provided enough shade to prevent the problem, and there absolutely should be water. This is a teaching moment for all of you- disasters are engineered from the ground up. Very few children are left in hot cars on purpose, but it happens every day. You both deserve part of the financial consequences.
So many people on here making these excuses. She was EXTREMELY neglectful. She put a living being at risk. Is this how she'd act with her own pet, or possibly her future child? She almost KILLED the pet. I'm taking it the people on here who are fine with the neglectful moron are Republicans. $2000 is a lot of money on top of everything else. Maybe if you rent free, unemployment collecting lazy butts would get a job you'd realize how much of a blow it is to spend two grand out of pocket over something that shouldn't of happened in the first place.
She felt sad and bad for what she did, but then after pebbles came home she acted as if nothing happened, and there are consequences for her action she is a teenager in high school and she needs to learn the that and I agree with mom and dad on her getting a job and paying for the vet bil. It call learning responsibility. Today teens do not understand consequences of there actions. Today look around you see who working and getting hired, the 50 and up are being hired for jobs because of work ethics, the 18 - to 24 think they can call out and keep there jobs, so they lose there hob and bounce from job to job. So I believe the parents are doing the right thing. Consequences have action,
I wouldn't call OP an AH, but I also think this will cause more harm than good. Sports are a great way for kids to stay out of trouble. Kids make mistakes (and so do adults), and I'd be willing to bet that she feels terrible about what happened, and that the nonchalant attitude you see is a result of other family members treating her like she intentionally tried to kill the dog. Forcing her to quit the team, and get a teenager job, is likely to put her in a situation where she resents her family and, if it's like any job me or friends had in highschool, will put her around at least one or two pot heads at work who will have the magic cure for what ails her. I don't have anything against pot, btw, regular user, but even I'll admit that starting in highschool was a mistake. This might sound far fetched to some, but I'm sure others would agree about how likely this scenario could be. I'd figure out another punishment personally
ESH. There should be precautions in case this happens. It's not hard to put out water and shade on a deck Incase. Or a doggy door so that your dog that likes going in and out can go in and out and not literally die. Safety nets are important even if you're pretty sure something will never happen. Be prepared for it to happen. Also, barely anywhere hires at 15 and she would be jerked out of months of things all because she was forced to get a food service job that barely pays her jack. And a note; the parents SHOULD try and get the other two girls to at least acknowledge her. Isolation from your own family sucks. She made a mistake, a very very big mistake that nearly resulted in a death. But that doesn't deserve family isolation. On behavior, it's beyond easy to act like something doesn't affect you outside when you feel like literal heaping dumpster fires. She probably doesn't feel great about it and being shunned doesn't make her want to express her emotions either.
Went to reddit and read a few of OP's comments. Still ESH. But op openly stated they didn't WANT to set up a safety net. And reading again, it doesn't sound like they even TALKED to Janie and just described how they ASSUME she feels.
Load More Replies... Problem is, the parents think they can punish their child for an innocent mistake by a 15 year old, and OBVIOUSLY couldn't afford a dog, if they weren't prepared for unforeseen vet bills, in the course of a pets life! You live in a hot climate,then prepare for it! It IS NOT A CHILD'S RESPONSIBILITY (who is a MINOR) to pay for vet bills!!!
I think the real issue is that she is so nonchalant about it...if I did this, i would be wracked with guilt... I'd be sick with anxiety...AND I'd be begging for forgiveness. She needs to learn empathy and the importance of life. What if she was babysitting and did something like this? Having and caring for a pet is often seen as learning to care for a child. This girl is a teenager, NOT a child. In just a few years, she will be held accountable for any negligent actions by a court of law. Then what? What if her negligence causes a real tragedy?
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I recently had a dream about a very similar situation. I read this story looking for a universal connection. Nope. I really didn’t care about any of this. There are too many unknown variables within the families dynamic. If your thoughts are similar… trw88217@gmail.com
Do 15 year-olds get jobs? Seems young to me. My first job was at 16 in a lawyer’s office redoing their filing system. She does need to learn there are consequences to actions and choices, however she is young and apparently irresponsible and unthinking. Probably should never have a pet of her own. A lot of people shouldn’t. Not even fish deserve bad treatment. I’m in the camp of assign her half the bill - she can do extra chores and pay the rest when she’s old enough to get a job in another year. And don’t make her responsible for the pet care anymore as she lacks empathy. I say this knowing my own adult sister has basically taught my young niece to treat cats as toys, but not give them a peaceful, clean, loving home. Their last one ran away, and the older one before that, I took over the care for when he got so overweight, he could barely move. Now they are talking about getting a sphinx - God no. They couldn’t take care of a domestic shorthair - a special breed needs specific care.
I really appreciate the balanced replies. There could definitely be some middle ground between no responsibility and having a child give up their extremely beneficial extra curricular activities.
I don't know. Ultimately the extracurriculars are just not nearly as important. It's a life we're talking about herem a life she almost snuffed out. And it wasn't like it was an honest mistake where she didn't know the situation she was putting the dog in was dangerous. She made the conscious decision to lut the dog out on the deck where there was no shade and no water during a heat wave. Meaning she made the conacious decision to put the dog in an extremely dangerous situation that she KNEW she shouldn't put the dog in. Giving up a single extracurricular for a few months is really not as bad as some people are saying. Especially considering that it sounds like she has too many extracurriculars in the first place (studies show too many extracurriculars are detrimental to children's development and well-being).
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She should definitely pay the piper for her mistake, but could I suggest a sun umbrella on the deck and maybe a mister to keep the pooch and the humans cool on hot days? Singned: someone that bought a window air conditioner because his cats love to hang out in a room that gets pretty hot in summer.
I like the idea of having a small job such as babysitting or yardwork. It would allow her to still play sports but also ingrain the idea of accountability
Sooooo you have key chain kids who take care of the house so you and your husband can go work . Why don't you stay home get your kids ready for school and make sure you dog and house is secure before leaving. You pay the mortgage right ultimately it's your fault. Not the kids . Your letting your kids manage the house while u grab your coffee from Starbucks and head to your daily job. Having your holder kids take care of your younger kids. This is all the parents fault. Why don't you be a parent and take them to school.
Do not take there sports away They will hate you for it later down the road. If you take sports away then you must stop working and start becoming a parent. It's only fair. And stop making your older kids responsible for you having sex and making kids for her to take care of. They are your mistakes not the children be a parent
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If you have a deck, you have 2K. Why would you make your child quit schooling be it swim, sports etc. for a dog that survived and recovered? This sound so privileged. She is crushed! Let it go. I think it's going overboard and putting the life of the dog (which it did not loose) over a human life. Just take it out of her college fund which she probably has and let it go. I drove past a car with a dead body hanging out who'd been murdered close range in route to visit my mother. In the grand scheme of things this story is so miniscule. The dog is fine. That person covered in a cloth however was not. Let it go already.
She’s needs to quit her sports,find a job and pay the vet bill. She obviously doesn’t realize that she could have killed the dog. Her attitude about it after the dog thankfully recovered was not remorseful. She needs to learn her lesson that animals deserve respect care and love. Maybe a season without sports will have her reflect on the mistake she made. As she grows into an adult hopefully this almost disastrous situation will stay with her, and make her think about responsibility.
First off being 15 don’t get off from having responsibilities. I had responsibilities at the age of 13. I had to make sure I took my 5 year old and 3 year old brothers to school and daycare before I went to school. Now that said, For your two adult daughters to all out shun their little sister and refuse to talk to her for a mistake that they could easily have done themselves is wrong. They should think about how they would feel like if it was one of them. I get that they were upset but it very well could put a wedge in their relationship that cannot be undone. To make her go out and get a job to pay a $2000 vet bill is outrageous. Yes she should help pay for the bill but like I read in a few of the other comments she could get a babysitting job and do various chores around the house to help pay for part of the bill. If you tell her she has to quit her sports to get a job she may resent you and/or become rebellious.
All people have made mistakes, a grown man just recently forgot to drop his new born baby off at daycare and when he finally remembered the baby was in the car while at work, he went to the car and found his baby dead then went home and took his baby into the house and then went into the backyard and killed himself. I think your punishment is much to harsh. If she gets an allowance maybe you could make her put a portion of it towards the vet bill until it's paid off and make her write I will not leave the dog out on the deck a hundred times just so she remembers not to leave the dog out on the deck and make her do other chores that she doesn't usually have to do in her spare time so that she can still do swimming and volleyball and baseball etc.
I think her nonchalance is an attempt to hide her true feelings of remorse. She probably feels horrible, but with her entire family ganging up on her, she's instinctually being defensive. Why don't you have a doggie door?? If you're afraid the cat might get out, get the electronic kind that only works with the tag on the collar. Put water in a shady spot. If there's no shade, add some. That poor dog has no access to the outside to eliminate all day? A 15-year-old does not think the way adults do. Can any one of you say you have never made a bad mistake? Forcing her to uproot her school life to try to make $2,000 is excessive in my opinion.
There’s no way I would make her pay the vet bill. You already said she was all upset over it. I feel you’re simply trying to get out of paying it yourself. Maybe you should have thought before having so many kids and pets. It’s draconian, why would you instead not act like parents and oh cover the deck, put water out there, stuff like that? It’s YOUR JOB to set your child you chose to have up for success. Not failure and endless punishment. Truthfully you sound irresponsible yourselves.
I don’t believe in taking away teenage school activities, this is a part of their life that can’t be relived and learning to deal with life and society as a whole is most important. The sisters not communicating is ridiculous this is a 15 year old, if she doesn’t want the responsibility of Pebbles, return him or the other siblings take over the responsibility since they are heartbroken. Yes, I believe she should be more focused and responsible about matters at home, if she wants the dog she should be more responsible. Not sure many places are hiring 15 year olds. Not sure if she is paid for chores or gets an allowance, but, something would change as far as clothing, shoes, games, electronic purchases, anything wanted the funds would go to the vet bill. She had to learn that all actions have consequences.
YTA she is a minor the pet is your responsibility, if the heat gets that bad and YOU are aware other plans should have been (dog door, dog house, shade, water, alarms, call to remind etc) put in place to lessen the possibility of error, no one should be angry with the child but the parents should spoken to about what responsibility is, allowing the other two children to treat her like that is unacceptable, she probably became nonchalant because WHAT ELSE WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER EMOTIONS?! You're all mad at her! As someone who has worked in the animals industry for longer than I can remember, all the small claims cases I have seen.... every parent t was held responsible over their child's actions under the age of 18 for the most part. I don't even let my kids or their friends walk, care for, feed etc our dog because they lack the ability to think critically at that age. I hope you don't end up sending the wrong message through your guilt driven punishment. Teach accountability.
Punish her but don’t make her quit all the sports. Do punish her. She’ll learn to be more responsible if it hurts. Make her volunteer at a pet shelter, do something just don’t let her go unpunished.
She’s 15, actions have consequences even mistakes. She knew Pebbles didn’t belong outside in the heat. While the bill has been payed she’s should be responsible for paying it back. Now that Pebbles is fine you said she’s back to herself. Where is the lesson learned ? Where is the growth from this lesson ? It seems to me she needs a new lesson in compassion for other living things and maybe the value of life, even animals. If she can’t get a job at 15, she can certainly volunteer at an animal shelter or rescue. If swimming is just for exercise, so is working. All life has value, she made a mistake but the bigger mistake would be her not learning & understanding that value.
I'm feeling like the odd man out here. I'm absolutely appalled at the behavior of the adults here. 1.) If your pet likes the deck so much, why hasn't it been made a pet safe area? Putting in a small shade area, water bowls, or such isn't that hard to do. 2.) I am feeling a bit of favoritism in the language of the OP here and it's cringe worthy. 3.) At what point is anyone going to address the fact that the OP is blatantly allowing her children to utilize passive aggressiveness and emotional blackmail as a form of punishment. Like "oh poor Allie is so distraught that she's refusing to talk to her baby sister and the eldest sister isn't really talking to her either..." so let's expect the 15y to be more mature than the rest of us, but because she's acting nonchalant (which is a typical defense mechanism in some people after emotional abuse) now I feel like we need to punish her more. This is absolutely asinine.
I don't disagree that there should be consequences, but it should come in the form of volunteering at an animal shelter, as others have said. Not taking away her academic experience, which swim team is. I also believe that the parents should take some ownership here. The choice of owning a pet, and ultimately the responsibility, falls to the adults... Not the child. They knew that they had an unsafe area that the pet enjoyed and they failed to address the problem.
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It is the fact that she doesn't seem to think she is to blame because this situation had a happy ending. I agree with other posters here about volunteering at various shelters and rescues. Work it around her schedule. With less free time on her hands, maybe the lesson will sink in.
She's a kid. Let her be a kid. Life as an adult sucks. She has over 50 years ahead to work. Why push it. Why would we punish a child for the parents responsibility. The parents are responsible for the children and the pets. They seem to card more about money, than their child!! You all suck Stupid Americans
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I think you are further ostricising your guaghter who already feels bad and probably feels like a criminal within the family. Model forgiveness and learning, help your daughters' heal their relationship
The middle of a heatwave. I'm wondering did you think to shoot your child a text to make sure your vulnerable dog was indoors before she left for school, or did it slip your mind as well? I would think you would know the consequences of such a scenario better than a 15 year old, and ultimately the dog is the responsibility of the adults. I can see how easy it would be for a teenage girl getting ready for school, who couldn't understand the gravity of the situation, to forget. It was an accident that you actually participated in. In my home I didn't punish for accidents. I asked my child to learn from them. It sounds like your daughter learned, did you? Clearly not since you are allowing this child to be shunned (mental abuse) by your adult children in the house. Disgusting! I'm guessing this one is the household scapegoat. So sad!
The middle of a heatwave. I'm wondering did you think to shoot your child a text to make sure your vulnerable dog was indoors before she left for school? I would think you would know the consequences of such a scenario better than a 15 year old, and ultimately the dog is the responsibility of the adults. I can see how easy it would be for a teenage girl getting ready for school, who couldn't understand the gravity of the situation, to forget. It was an accident that you actually participated in. In my home I didn't punish for accidents. I asked my child to learn from them. It certainly sounds like your daughter did!
Only if she manages to stay outdoor in the middle of the WORST heat wave in the century for hours and ended up being sent to the hospital because she can't take care of herself, aka mentally undeveloped (or impaired) to the point of unable to make an act of basic survival aka staying away from the heat. Little kids really don't know about that. Definitely not her. She knows the discomfort about the heat. She KNOWS the danger of heat stroke (even for human). If she doesn't, she FAILS being an athlete (and this alone would make a VERY good reason to ban her from continuing doing sports, since she knows nothing anyway).
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I think it's a bad idea to take the daughter off the swim team. There are other ways to get her to work off part or all of the debt without taking away a positive influence like a sport.
It's *only* used for keeping her in shape during off season for her REAL SPORTS (not one, but TWO). Getting jobs involving heavy physical labour should do the trick.
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Ooh tuff call find a way to pay it off without taking the sports away your only kids for such a short period of are life's but also a lesson they would remember 🤔🤔🤔
I have 3 daughters as well. Although my ex and I never did this type of thing I believe it is the right thing to do. The lesson learned from that $2,000.00 bill will be worth 2,000 lbs of gold throughout the course of her lifetime. In spite of today's youth being involved in way too many extracurricular activities, I may have tried to let her work it off through chores like mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, cleaning the house etc so she could still participate in the activities if she felt strongly about taking part.
She will never forget to say leave her baby in a hot car some day because of this ? It will be burned into her brain forever I'm sure. I think the parents did the right thing. She needs to know all life is valuable.
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Make her volunteer at an animal shelter. It would teach her what happens when you can’t pay a vet bill and teach her some responsibility. Most places won’t hire a 15yo. As you said this is about accountability. Maybe she be less nonchalant about looking after pets
That’s a good idea. She can learn some responsibility and care for animals she clearly lacks empathy for.
Load More Replies... But she didn't just forget the dog out on the deck, she let him out. Our cats love the balcony, but even my 6yo knows not to let them out at certain times (night, bad weather, etc.). A 15yo is definitely old enough to remember not to let the dog out in the first place. And not showing any remorse just because he survived... Yeah, not just a little AH, possibly a little pyscho, too. I would want that one talking to someone, almost killing the family pet and being fine with it is not normal.
I was thinking the exact same thing. She didn't seem to show any remorse when the dog ended up fine. OP also stated that as soon as they got the dog, Janie changed her mind and wanted a cat. I get the vibe that she sees a pet as an accessory rather than a living thing.
Load More Replies... Wow at the entitled "YTA" judgements. And here I was thinking how lucky this girl is to have so many extracurriculars. Those hobbies are a privilege that not all students have the opportunity to indulge in, and she'll do just fine in life without them. I worked through school instead of playing sports, and I have a good job now.
I played sports AND worked at her age.. I also graduated with 4.03 (extra credit ppl, even when I didn't need it). If I can do it, she can.
Load More Replies... ESH here. Sorry - but 15 is not 5. She knew. It's a life, and she knew there was a risk. And the adults in the house should set up shade a water on the deck at all times in the summer. Not just for their dog, but for other critters in the area. They know the deck is a high risk area for the dog. They know the dog loves the deck. Make it safer for the dog. Extra chores and paying for a couple of deck umbrellas for the dog's protection should be the punishment. Not a $2000 vet's bill. Making her drop a sport that could pay for college is just silly.
Granted they could make her buy umbrellas and provide water because it is a high risk area for the dog. But they DID create a safety net for the dog - they put a 15 yo who wanted the dog originally - until she didn't and wanted a cat - in charge of not leaving the dog outside. So I think paying for the consequences of her actions is more important than paying to provide another option that creates a better scenario in case she is irresponsible again is more of a lesson.
Load More Replies... NTA - you're trying to teach her accountability and responsibility. $2,000 is too much, and I think making her quit the swim team is not appropriate either. I would suggest 10% or 20% and giving her options - she can pay back out of her allowance, do yard work chores to work it off, organise herself tutoring or swim coaching jobs etc. I suggest setting the kids a task to do together - use that money as a budget to make the deck safe and comfortable for Pebble. Get them to research, plan, budget and do the work to set up a dog door, shade/rain canopy, water fountain, possibly a raised viewing platform and bed. Working together will get them talking again, and the adaptations will soothe any worries about letting Pebble out on the deck.
It is is a living animal's life we're talking about here. It wasn't like she just broke a vase or something. I don't think $2000 is too much at all given that she did almost kill a dog that she had taken responsibility for by convincong the family to get the dog in the first place. Her gross neglect which amost led to that animal's cruel death and her nonchalance over an animal she had ASKED for is a big concern here. Janie may honestly need to see a mental health specialist because that amount of nonchalance about killing the family dog is not normal.
Load More Replies... I've never screwed up so bad it nearly cost the life of my pets or family members.
Load More Replies... NTA. Actions have consequences so it’s best to teach them that concept young so they’re not surprised later.
But at 15, an age when frankly a lot of people make really stupid decisions, the punishment is fairly harsh. There is responsibility to be had here, but this is too much. The parents should’ve been a little more active in making the deck safer, as they’re the adults in the house and the ones who own the dog.
Load More Replies... NTA. Ya aren't doin your children any favors when you spare them the consequences of their actions ( esp adolescents/ teenagers who are learning to be self-governing.) This likely was a mistake on the girl's part, but it resulted in the near loss of a pet & a hefty vet bill. This was a prudent parenting decision IMO.
I actually experienced the opposite scenario before. Where I, as a teenage kid, came home from school to find my dog hyperventilating outside because she had been locked out in the heat by my mom for 4 hours. When I confronted my mom on it, she just said "I forgot" and had the same kind of non-chalant attitude about it because "she survived so it must not be a big deal" as the OP described. It made me f*****g furious to say the least! So for that reason... NTA! She's f*****g 15! Not 8! She knows that putting the dog outside DURING ONE OF THE WORST HEAT WAVES the US has seen for centuries is dangerous! There is really no excuse here and she should pay the price! All of you saying it is too harsh of a punishment are forgetting that the f*****g dog was being punished for her nonchalance by being brought to the brink of death! She almost killed a living sentient animal! That dog doesn't deserve her b******t! And it pisses me off more because she is the one who asked for the dog in the first place!
I mean seriously! If I at 13 knew that I shouldn't leave my dog outside with the door locked/closed so she can't get back in ... she should know at 15! She's not a goddamn infant!
Load More Replies... It's definitely not true that "most states can pay you under minimum wage" if you're a minor. The main exception is agricultural jobs. Hours are required to be limited in certain ways and to certain time frames, with a lot varying by state. I have no idea where people get this info. Either way, she almost killed the dog she wanted because she got annoyed that he was whining at the door? And decided she wanted a cat instead after they got him? I understand that she's a teenager, but not making her take responsibility and trying to shield her from her siblings' reactions is just going to reinforce her awful behavior and that her actions don't have consequences. I'm not about to tell parents how to do that as long as it's generally physically and psychologically safe
She's a minor. Any punishment given is STILL continuing with the sisters acting like they are. Is that being credited toward the $2000.00 vet bill. She (maybe) acting non chalant about It, to get her sisters to stop their attempts to mentally unsettle her. Clearly she was upset when it happened, but how long are the sisters going to be allowed to punish her? It was an accident; accidents happen. Yes at her age she's old enough to know, yet young enough to still be distracted about ( kid things). As a parent, you knew the porch has no shade. Seems like there's no shade anywhere for the animals to be outside to get out of the sun. No dog door and prob no water dish. And having heat like you describe, a one bowl dog dish isn't ENOUGH. A gallon or larger dispenser is a must for the font and back, basically where ever the dog will go outside. The most important part is some kind of SHADE! Pet proof your property like you would for your children. Put up some kid of shad. Your the adult
It's difficult to comment how easy it would be for her to pay it off, given the demand for a teen employee and pay levels (like with babysitting* etc) in OP's area is unknown, but it does seem like it could be quite a time-consuming endeavour. If the swim team is fun/keep in shape exercise not something likely to get her a scholarship, then it is unlikely to negatively affect her long term as long as she has time for other exercise to remain sufficient in shape until soccer season. She needs to accept some responsibility for her actions, but if she shows willing and effort perhaps they should let her off the balance of the bill or give her extra time to pay it off without impacting further sports. Re * - I've mentioned babysitting, but I don't know how many parents would trust her with their kids if she can ignore/forget instructions re the dog and then forget the dog, impacting the dog's health.
As a professional, I can state clearly that these girls are not children per se. You are darned lucky...as is PEBBLE that he survived. They often don't. Your celebrity-attitude daughter has NO RIGHT to feell abused because she was selfishly mean and rresponsible regarding what she knew would likely result in immense suffering hopeless crying and begging for help your FAMILY PET DOG went through without help. She needs to take FULL responsibility AND GET OVER HERSELF. She is over enrolled in keep busy REAL world. Furthermore, her rotten attitude about sacrificing her precious self centered priority of importance needs a good clipping now. She appears to have no CONSCIENCE or remorse. She needs to face up to this horrible suffering and near death she caused because she's the only one on earth. She needs to pick which sport she vacates. She needs to pay the vet bill IN FULL and NOT BE CODDLED. SHE'S NOT much of a team player where it MATTERS, in REAL LIFE, IS SHE. NOT a question.
You ain't s**t Susie Parents need to be parents Key chain kids are very unhealthy thing. You have teenagers who run the house.
Load More Replies... I agree with the other commenter about installing a doggie door. Also split the bill 50% the dog loves to go outside and should have access to do so and should be accommodated but your daughter is going to have resentment towards you trust me. I was FORCED into getting a job at 14 and while it taught me responsibility I also do not speak to my mother and have not in 17 years. She’s your daughter but take it from a daughter that was forced into working young that now despises everything that “mommy dearest” has people believing. Best wishes
NTA This is a living breathing animal. 'Oh, she was somewhat upset when Pebble was in the vet' So?! She should have been upset, she should be grounded from all activities other than school and right home. This is an /adult/ not a five-year-old child. She was my kid she would be paying Pebble's vet bill and more for the distress of the dog!
Janie is the 15 year old, she's still a child. Yes she deserves some punishment but not to completely cut out her sports when her parents are equally to blame. They had no safety net of any sort, water dish, deck umbrella, etc. And 15 year olds definitely don't show emotion when they're shunned by literally everyone in their family. Yes she needs some form of compensation for nearly causing the dogs death, but not to be cut off from literally everything she enjoys.
Load More Replies... Janie is old enough to learn her actions (or inaction) have consequences. Make her contribute to the vet bill. Do not leave anything vulnerable with Janie again.
the op should add another item to the list is understand as the parent she is responsible to oversee safety for minors and pets. She’s neglected both
Load More Replies... She says you're ruining her life over a mistake? Well yeah that's kinda the nature of mistakes.
I think the parents are right..yes it was a mistake but that mistake could of cost that poor innocent dog its life.They can't talk we are their voice and it's up to us to keep them safe.
Ok, I’ve got 5 daughters, oldest being 27, 22, 20, 18, 13…. For any wisdom I can give.. every single one of us makes mistakes the most important thing that this world lacks at this time is love for one another. It would be my first concern to teach forgiveness to Allie bc a pet is replaceable a sister is not. Helping her forgive her the mother would first have to have the love of forgiveness in place but to allow the daughters to show hatred toward a younger sister is far greater mistake than giving in to a pet before remembering some kind of anxiety over school prep. We all make mistakes that we feel terrible about and honestly we all need others to forgive us because it is forgiving self that is the most difficult and in my experiences in life there are enough experiences for each of us to learn our lessons. If Allie loves the pet so much then it would be a privilege for her to also help pay the bill. And she would learn a little about loving her sister as herself.
I agree it’s concerning the parent here isn’t recognizing the impact of the adult siblings cruel behavior towards her, it’s her job to correct this dynamic in the older ones
Load More Replies... I think volunteering at an animal shelter is an excellent idea. This should instill in her some responsibility. At 15 if she isn't responsible enough to remember that she let the dog out in killer heat then she probably isn't responsible enough to be home alone. What if she would have left the burner on the stove lit? Volunteering at a shelter may also make her decide if she even wants the responsibility of any type of pet. If she would work 4 hours a week for a year the education she would get would be worth so much more than $2000. Additional chores around the house wouldn't be a bad idea either. She is not an adult but not a child either. Being responsible for actions is a critical lesson she needs to learn. Her sisters need to forgive but not necessarily forget, as do her parents.
Sports aren't that important people. How many of you get so irritated that a sports figure does some awful c**p and doesn't pay for it? Even in college? It's attitudes like many of you are putting forth that promote the kind of thinking this grows into. Kids don't just hit 18 or 25 and suddenly make good decisions. It's taught. Holding her accountable and removing a sport shows this is not a minor thing and how to prioritize. But hey, might as well let her know that sports are more important than lives and so is her future. Maybe she can be the next one we watch get by with hurting people while the judge dismisses the case for her wonderful future. Jeez, I hate people....
Exactly what I thought. And older sport players can get away wih something like aggravated assault and r*** (that *truly* ruin others' future) because they are well, "sports stars". You say they don't know the consequences? Honestly, there might be some bud of a sociopath blooming here. Something should be done before it's way too late. Honestly, athletes are overrated. It is also the very opportunity to teach her status quo won't give her get out of jail card.
Load More Replies... YTA. If what the dog suffered isn’t enough consequences for her, then there’s something wrong with her and she needs professional help. Any more punishment is performative.
I think she is playing off the guilt, burying it because the dog is fine. Talking to a counselor or therapist would be a good idea for all of the kids though. It's scary when your pet almost dies, I speak from experience. My small dog would get low blood sugar and have seizures. It took an expensive vet bill and days of meds for them to realize a couple of CCs of corn syrup when she acted strange prevented any more vet trips
Load More Replies... First of all YES she should be paying the vet bill. Second she is a selfish little AH. Third make her get a job volunteering at an animal shelter. And fourth NEVER TRUST HER AGAIN. You let her get away with it now and next it will be the dog dying or a child being hurt.
You know never trusting her again really just defeats the point of teaching her to accept responsibility. Also, she’s fifteen. An age when most people do really stupid things.
Load More Replies... You wanted this dog, you almost killed this dog, you have enough after school activities. Not sure if a job is the right pick, but definitely needs to learn how to act when they live on their own. The trauma may not have hit her because she wasn't the one who found Pebbles, so to her it probably hasn't really sunken in, no matter how many times you tell her that he almost died and being ostracized by her sisters would make her bitter. Not saying she shouldn't be punished, just keep that in mind, because it's going to affect her behaviour from this point on.
15yo, who in some countries could legally have sex, let out the dog because she was slighlty annoying and than because of her, his life was legit was risk. And those people are like "but her frontal cortex", "but her soccer team" or "omg she will never get that time she has for swimming back", bish we are not talking about teenager forgetting to wash the dishes but about them being careless and petty enough to put their family member life at risk.
You are CORRECT frontal cortex lol that was not a responsibly it was common dang sense it's hot as far as her family goes have a family meeting let her tell everyone how sorry she is and that it will never happen again she loves Pebble too now that is responsibly so her sisters can forgive and move on chores for payback for Pebbles bill suspend the activities that are not life necessities and help neighbors wash windows mow grass clean windows babysit rake or shovel snow or even well this one maybe not be all that good but dog walking plenty of ways to help Mom and Dad pay for her mistake
Load More Replies... I agree with the people saying the best thing to do would be to get her to pay by doing a few extra chores. After all it was clearly an honest mistake.
This IS the equivalence of drinking and driving. She knew it was wrong but does it anyways to avoid being annoyed. Many teens drink for similar reasons. They feel pressured to. Others "whine" like this dog did. Doing something you know is wrong is not just an honest mistake
Load More Replies... Honestly i think for now they should take the money out of any college savings or wait until she can work a job to do it Or have a way she can keep in shape AND work a job as it seems to be that's all swimming is to her and she does have a point, she does need to keep in shape for her other sports (and keeping in shape as an athlete is different to just being fit too). Anyway, there's room for compromises here. Also, please put the 15 year old on therapy. Shes at the age where her callousness could develop into an actual thing if one is not careful. Heck, maybe put everyone in, because of Pebble nearly dying (and the other daughters are distressed and not speaking to their sister. A normal response but needs to be watched so there's no long lasting anxiety and paranoia).
Why nor have the daughters and the parents all go to the local rescue or shelter and volunteer to help care for the animals after school or on weekends walking the animals or just helping out as a "punishment or for giving back as a learning experience in caring for animals to help learn from the experience about the importance of caring from your pets, they can learn from the staff at both places and make it a more positive and up lifting experience to help them learn and grow from it rather than it be a horrible memory that is tearing the girls apart
This type of mistake is very common among grown adults, even more so for teens who basically and according to science are not working with all their mental faculties due to brain development during teen years. Personally I would have provided more understanding and compassion, and when the pet recovered talk about ways to work off the money with extra chores around the home, and maybe some volunteer activity at a local shelter. Teens don't have the same earning power that adults do and having to quit the swimming team, earning the money on low wages only caused resentment and tremendous life-long guilt. With the other kids angry at her as well it suggests this mom is teaching all the kids to be harsh, angry, resentful and lacking in compassion.
It’s time to call a family meeting. letting her adult sisters even if they are upset allowing them to being a royal B is just as wrong as you are for not being there for her. You as her parents should be held accountable for your actions or lack of why didn’t you put a doggy door for Pebble knowing he loves the deck but you didn’t think about for your pet. accident/mistakes happen they are part of growing up. You as parents are being short sited When it comes to your youngest daughter. You are allowing her sisters under your roof to treat her badly You are allowing her family to hurt her more She needs to know that she can come to you when she makes mistakes but you are allowing her to feel she can’t trust any of her family. she needs the sport but not camp let her get a job in the summer babysitting, mowing lawns, no allowance to help pay some of the vet bill. As for her family you all need to learn to forgive her for being a kid who made a mistake she isn’t an Adult you are!
I can't read these things, they are ridiculously long. However, it was an accident. I'd be far more concerned right now with my other two kids behaving the way they are than with anything else. My kids would be extremely concerned with how their sister felt about what had happened, and would understand it wasn't intentional. They wouldn't stop speaking to each other or stop spending time together! Yikes....
Exactly and yet the mother is enabling her adult kids to behave in a mentally abusive way to her minor child. She needs to reflect on her own shortcomings as a parent to her child
Load More Replies... For those who somehow don’t realize - a parent is always the one who bears sole and ultimate responsibility for any minor children AND pets at home. Most parents recognize that no matter how excited their kids seem to get a new pet, the bottom line responsibility for ensuring the pets well being lies w the parent. Parent was aware of the safety risk especially in a hot weather area not having any shade or water in the outdoor space for the dog. Also for those who don’t understand- the reason behind baby proofing and pet proofing is to have a safety net in case of human error. You put covers over electric sockets even tho you plan to always keep baby away from those - you install them IN CASE of human error. Same thing for the dog- parents job is to ensure pet safety, there should have been a umbrella for shade and water there long ago in case of human error
What would her punishment be if the dog had died? This was a Terrible mistake on both parts. I think if you say you us 2000$ make her pay it back whenever money comes her way. Also now parents have a lesson, don’t trust teenagers and keep shelter and water outside no matter what the weather just in case. A lesson for everyone.
Once you get an animal, they are family. At first, she wanted a dog, then changed her mind and wanted a cat instead shows her irresponsibility. YOU ARE DEALING WITH A LIVING BEING, ITS NOT A TOY! Think about how poor Pebble feels. Thank God, he made a full recovery. You were lucky. But what poor Pebbles went through, and he has that thought the rest of his life. If you ask me, I would say your parents went easy on you. I agree with Cecily. Make her do volunteer work at an animal shelter. Pebbles is family, and needs constant care. The same if you had a cat. All animals need constant, loving care. You take good care of them, they will take care of you. They are babies.
She could’ve got arrest honestly if someone saw the dog out there like that…a Felony too.
Load More Replies... This happened to me a week ago. I was arrested and have to be in court Nov 2. People make mistakes, yes costly ones, but not intentional. Keep that in mind. Im so frightened now I am considering rehoming mine. Its very scary when you are punished for something unintentional and I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.
In summer 2020 my oldest than 15 yo threw our cat off our under construction playground, breaking the cats leg. My child immediately showed remorse so the added chores where an appropriate way to work off the vet bills. Our cat is our second oldest child’s emotional support animal so I totally get the extra strain it puts on the family to have an emotionally distraught child. As the mother I immediately mediated the forgiveness between my children. My oldest still shows remorse every time the cat shows arthritic distress in the healed leg. In this situation where the child is nonchalant now the pet is recovered there does need to be heavier consequences. I believe that extracurriculars are very important to a child’s development and success later in life so forcing the teen to abandon a team that relies on her is not going to help her in the long run. Having her work with recovering animals somehow is going to build self esteem and teach her the needed lesson.
No remorse because he survived? Sorry but your daughter sounds like a little C**T to me
Little harsh wouldn't you say about a teenager what you never messed up really bad before
Load More Replies... If I was the mum, I would be a nightmare. Pets are your family and if you don't forget your other family members, you won't forget your pet, period.
Then the mother needs to hold herself accountable for failing to place a shade area outside as many have commented
Load More Replies... If you as the parent, already know your dog likes to go outside in the backyard, why would you not have any shelter for the dog with shade and water. I have pets and I have children older and younger. I always make sure that my pet in any situation with my kid will be ok. What if the dog was let out by a younger child? Or a visitor? Have you not setup shelter for the dog? As for my daughter, I wouldn't take sports away that could possibly lead to scholarships. What would that do? Yeah she wouldn't get a scholarship, but you would be out even more money when it comes to paying for college. Maybe make her responsible for walking the dog for a month and setting up shelter so this doesn't happen again.
I feel the parents did the right thing. This is why we have an entitled society of millennials. They don’t know consequences. It’s one sport, one fraction of time, working is good, builds character, meet different peers, install work ethic, learn responsibility, and learn to micromanage her schedule. If Pebble had died I’m sure others would have been crying for a punishment. Some people call that animal abuse and that would be in her record forever. Nope… she needs to learn to pay attention to detail and what she should have been focused on. Good job parents!!!!
In an area with potential for massive heat waves there should’ve been, albeit, superficial installments like an awning and a doggy door. How responsible were we and how much did we understand consequences at 19, 18 and 15? Order a couple of pizzas on a Sunday night, sit around the couch and the floor and talk it out altogether. You’re also an active participant, not an observer. Take this chance to help them understand that the emotions, shock and trauma they felt were a direct result of instinctive reaction to the potential death of a loved one. Iron out that in their young minds before moving onto whatever consequences are deemed necessary, and it should be a collective decision and based on understanding the potential results of losing a loved one due to short sightedness. Sports and grades should come after and if possible, uninterrupted. My two cents. God bless and good luck.
If you’ve decided to raise a dog in parts where there are massive heat waves, unless you’re flat broke, with all due respect, where’s the awning and where’s the doggy door? Don’t misunderstand me, I’ve had moments where I had to choose between selling my car to get chemo for my cat or let her die, and it’s a shitty angle to work with. I wish you had done some more, albeit, superficial work such as I mentioned. Let’s face it, how responsible and how much did we understand when we were 19,18 and 15? Kids man, they’re still kids that are learning everyday how to survive in this world. Order a couple pizzas on a Sunday night, sit around the couch and on the floor together and talk about what happened. They have the capacity to talk this out and you’re not a mediator, you’re an active participant. Talk within this circle about how it was for them, when facing death through Pebble. Then f understand together, on their level, what a life means and costs. That’s my two cents man. God bless.
Have you ever had a dog go absolutely loopy begging to go out? It's exhausting and there's nothing to lessen it. If she was busy rushing to get ready for school, it's no wonder she put the dog out to get a bit of free time to sort her stuff out, and forgot. The punishment is fair tho imo, but saying she's an a*****e feels too far. As someone who internalises emotions, once something isn't actively ongoing, you don't even know anything's going on. She probably still blames herself, as well as being blamed by her entire family so I can't really blame her for feeling hard done to
Many people said the child didn't do it on purpose. The child got annoyed with the dog and put it out on the deck, even though that wasn't the schedule. She had to of known there was a heat wave. She lived in the same heat! I grew up on a farm responsible for many animals that all could result in massive vet bills. A 15-year-old is totally capable of being more responsible than this. Has she apologized to her sister? Did she console her sister? Now she seems to think that it wasn't that big a deal cuz the dog survived? Did you take her to the vet to see what the dog was going through; pull her out of school to take the dog to the vet the first time? If not, that's on you. You're responsible helping her deal with the consequences, which isn't so much about paying the vet bills, but is more about being with the dog while it's at the vet to comfort him and being with her sister to comfort her. I think you've already dropped the ball on this one.
BS. At 15 I had a full time job (40+ hours a week, went to school, AND babysat on weekends. I paid for ALL my school clothes and supplies plus whatever activities I wanted to do. She should get to work paying that vet bill back AND have to keep working after that. Time to grow up.
Not everyone is Superwoman like you, she is 15 not 20
Load More Replies... I agree with you let her get a job and pay the vet bill this way she will realize actions have consequences and she will think next time before she acts.
Some people are disregarding Pebble, she is a living feeling soul that had to fight for her life because of someone's stupidity. I'd definitely make her do volunteer work at a local shelter plus get a job to pay for the bill and would take away any sport privileges she is interested in. Or lock her out on the deck without shelter or water all day and see how she likes that!!! Animals are not disposable, they are family and her nonchalance is unacceptable!!
I just can't believe she for got a tiny dog. I'm turning 41 and at her age I was letting out horse, cattle out to graze and keeping head count. And feeding hunting dogs she was left with just 1 tiney dog and she for got about it and. I still did sports after I locked gates up and did head count and fed everyone
Making her quit swimming though? That's a thing you need for bith your physical and your mental health. And especially for a deceloping young adult, sports are hugely important. For their sense of self, for their body image, for letting off steam. I would say this is something similar as making her forgo medications in order to pay off a debt. The person suggesting doing chores, that was the reasonable idea.
This is difficult. At 15 she cant get a job as most places wont hire under 16 and 16 needs parent sign off and they cant work a lot of hours. I do agree she should pay off the bill (at least half it) so maybe you both can work out how she can help pay it off (or pay you back when she is able to get a job) if swimming is just for fun then maybe have her drop it and do volunteer work at a shelter to learn animal care. She is 15 so she 100% is old enough to know better. She just didnt wanna listen to the pupper cry. She could have given it attention to distract it but opped to do the bare minimum. On the point of her sisters they have a right to be mad at her lack of care or respect for how bad the situation was n could have gone. Sounds like Allie is the one who cares about Pebble most so she has full right to feel like her sister purposeful tried to kill the dog she no longer wanted (also talk about not ready for any pet if she wanted a dog and immediately didnt once she got it.)
I feel like a lot of people are very harsh towards a 15 year old girl making one mistake and apparently not showing enough emotion?? Would people react like this if this would be 15 year old boy? Worry time passed and the dog ended up fine. Why would you need to be more concerned? She's probably more concerned about her future, her school, her career. I'm sure she was worried about her family pet but now that worry was replaced about her worrying about her future since the mum must punish her.
Child is an a*****e, 15 is more than old enough to know better. Losing swim team which admittedly is only for exercise not scholorship sounds good to me. She can exercise elsewhere. You're giving her a free ride anyway. Working at a shelter might help give her a glimpse at what might have happened to Pebbles. I doubt she'll develop any empathy. This wasn't an accident. She needs to be held responsible.
This can be taken as YTA or NTA. U r ruining the daughters life because of a mistake that nearly cost the dog it’s life. Either way, I feel bad for the doggo
So... the 15 year old who forgot about the dog hat nearly died, should babysit to pay off the vet bill? Really?
ESH but YTA all the way. She's 15. You can't expect a 15 year old to have any foresight, and you're the ah for just getting her a dog. That's terrible parenting. Obviously, what she did sucked and she was being callous and s****y, but you can't make a child pay 2k dollars for being a child. Everyone f*****g sucks, but it's the parents' fault for 1) getting a child a dog and 2) forcing a child to pay them 2k dollars because children naturally don't have that much foresight. I have s****y memory and I could see this being me- I'd let him out to make gim happy, thinking I'd get him back in in a few minutes, then forget and freak out when he had heatstroke. I'm only a year younger than her and having a debt of 2k is insane.
A 15 year old is definitely old enough to be responsible. She sounds like a spoiled, entitled brst. You are NTA. She is.
Leave it up to crazy white people to prioritize a dog over a child's mental health and future. Getting a job at 15 can be detrimental to a child's mind and could negatively affect their performance in school. But nope, y'all choose to stick up for a f*****g dog. A dog.
It's crazy how some of y'all think the dog matters more than that child's future.
No sympathy for her. Preoccupied with her phone, she should pay the vet bill. If she has to give up something so be it.
This was a roller coaster of responses. The child needs to be punished and held accountable. A lot of these YTA or ESH responses makes me feel like people are responding out of their own experience and trauma than looking at this for what it is. A teenager, 15, got annoyed and let the dog out then left. We don’t know the intent, but people were saying she didn’t even want a dog. Why don’t you see what the legal punishment is for animal abuse then see if sitting out one non primary sport season seems reasonable. Someone of y’all need therapy like this family does.
Make her pay half. She is 15 so itll be hard for her to find a good paying job. (Where i live you have to be 16 to appy w/out parent concent n 16-17 you have limited hours cause school. NTA though for teaching a lesson on responsibility n consequences for actions
This is not a punishment, this is a life lesson. A valuable one at that. NTA . Hopefully she will learn and understand the lessons being taught
ES. I think evicting her to pay the full amount might be too much. But she does need to experience consequences that fit the action. I think 6 months of "volunteering" her Saturdays at an animal shelter would do her good. Also, your other daughter giving her the silent treatment is not ok. Psychologists pretty much all agree that is a form of emotional abuse. They dont have to be best buds, the older daughter has a right to her anger, but that doesn't treatment behavior is just not ok.
She wouldn't have to quit swimming lessons or the swimming team if she had been more careful. Animals are like children, you have to pay close attention to them and let them back in the house when the temperature is too hot or too cold. Animals are like humans, they also get frost bite and they get over heated if they stay outside for too long.
Tldr? Just hit the dislike right now. Anyway here goes: definitely TA. You have a kid, 15yo, who's involving herself in a variety of activities that are incredibly beneficial to her health, well-being and future. She sounds like a good kid that f'ed up, not some horrible animal killer. A lot of parents would be proud to have a child like this. Standing by while her sisters attack her about it puts her in the position of being the outcast of the family. It's your responsibility as a parent to discipline your child not the siblings! Start showing it by threatening them with worse consequences should they continue. Be her damn parents ffs! Notice the use of the word discipline, not punish? There is a huge difference and what this is, is punishment. Not a responsible way to raise a child. And then post this trash online to have hundreds of self-righteous strangers mock and chastise your child? For what, internet points? She almost killed a dog but it's the parents make me want to puke!
Whose dog is it? that's who's responsible!!! if she didn't adopt, buy or bring home the dog-then it's not her responsibility!!? I believe it's the parents fault and responsibility- she's a child she's a minor under the age of 18 *you're lucky she wants to go to school and not go do drugs in the back alley with some thugs!!! *With such a harsh punishment she might!!!!😔🤗🤪
She's a minor she's a child you're lucky she wants to go to school and not quit school and do drugs in the back alley with some thugs she made a mistake mistakes happen to forgive is divine to heir is human remember she shouldn't be responsible you got the dog it's the parents responsibility to take care of their pets not their offsprings.
Some people here--a lot, in fact--seem to keep conflating the word "minor" with "infant." A 15-year-old is a *teenager,* technically a minor, yes, but still old enough to be able to take on the barest of responsibilities (which this girl is clearly capable of, considering all the extracurricular activities she has no problem keeping up with). You can shout "They're just a CHILD!" all you like, but not everyone under 18 years old is some drooling, diaper-wearing toddler with absolutely no sense in their head. The girl wanted the dog in the first place, so the GIRL needs to take care of it and learn that she can't just shove all the responsibility off on her parents when it becomes too inconvenient for her. And c'mon, you seriously think making her quit ONE sport, one she doesn't even need to take according to OP, is enough to drive her to quit school and turn to drugs? Do you always just immediately go to the most extreme, ridiculous example you can think of? Bruh.
Load More Replies... I like thematic consequences. The shelter idea sounds good. A more personal twist would be to have her prove that she understands the importance of what she did and that she can be trusted again by having her take care of everything dog-related from that point. Food, walks etc...
I like that "take care of dog related responsibilities" approach
Load More Replies... A child is going to think everything a parent does is unfair. Even though they said that they wanted her to pay all the money. I am pretty sure after a time period the parents would feel like the child learned and won't make them suffer the whole punishment. She was hurt that the dog was hurt she was more scared that her attitude could have killed the dog. Trust me I see it in my daughter at that age. If she really felt guilty than she would do anything for that dog. Obviously she realized a dog is a big headache and a cat was less work. She let her attitude get the best of her because she was tired of taking care of him. She had to let him out and make sure he was back in before she left. She decided not to be careful and more caring of a dog. Yes she needs to learn a harsh way. If someone hurt a person on an accident they will have a punishment. If it was her dog as an adult she would had to pay that bill by herself and could be fine for leaving the dog out in heat.
People is mad about swimming a sport she does to keep in shape not something she's good at. The fact she has all these other sports and summer plans when do she have time to learn responsibilities. They took the least important thing in her life away. Me I would of did the same. My daughter was in girl's scouts. Science clubs and sports. She didn't care for girl scouts so when she choose to let her reading grade drop two grades and I asked her why with the response because she just felt like being lazy. I took away girl's scouts. There's nothing wrong with doing so she have to learn.
Uh, the mom is 100% correct to make the kid work it off. If she doesn't have the time to work out of the house, she definitely doesn't have the time to work around the house so saying "oh pay her for chores" is foolishness. Besides, she lives there and chores are a responsibility of living in a household, not a cash cow for the irresponsible kid that almost killed the family pet and cost you a LOT of money. Maybe facing hard consequences is the teacher she can't ignore. If she's committed to the team she can just work immediately after the team gets out, or leave early. Either way, she has to learn how unacceptable this sort of carelessness is
Some of you people are serious TA's! Yep she wanted the dog but you agreed and paid for it 🤷 you don't put a pet outside for some peace then obviously you don't have a pet 🤷. They already said he could go outside and accidents do happen and if she gets out of shape and under performs at her other sports and there could go a college tuition 🤷 and finally if you punish her for an ACCIDENTAL MISTAKE she will grow up hating you, say goodbye to family and fun and look forward to the pipe and pole!
OMG I agree with the parents she should be punished and have to pay the vet bill at 15 she is old enough to know what she did was wrong kids these days are to spoiled. Adults 40 and over need to think about how there parents disciplined them and we turned out just fine if we made a mistake we had to pay for it and we thought twice before we made another one
I'm loving the post... When it comes to the sisters, they'll forgive the youngest in due time. Everybody grieves differently. Let them grieve. As for the punishment fitting the crimes? Different folks different strokes. I love how things changed over the decades. Swimming... Jogging/running is free. It will keep her in shape for the other two sports. She's also lucky that her grandparents are footing the sports bills. I agree with volunteering at the shelter. As for the punishment, is she expecting a car or license when she turns 16? She can work for that because nothing in life is free. And, don't let the grandparents get her one either. The youngest should be GRATEFUL because what if the dog died? People go to jail for that. And what If the cops would've came by and found the dog? The situation would've been worst for the family because someone would've been charged with animal neglect or endangerment; no swimming and no school. She she be grateful. Animal neglect carries a maximum of $1,000 and 1 year in jail in some areas.
After this much time has passed since the incident occurred I really hope that they have let it all go and focus on repairing the rift this has caused between their children. Delayed judgement and punishment is not helping this situation. It's doing more damage than good and some of it could be lasting and turn to resentment. Especially with so many different opinions involved. She's a child. She made a mistake. No one died and not even the dog will suffer lasting negative affects from the mistake the poor girl made. She needs forgiveness and love. Opening the door for her to be judged by the world is a much bigger mistake in my book. She's going to alienate all of her kids with this. This is not the kind of thing that one looks back upon and remembers fondly. It's the kind of thing that one looks back upon from their individual perspective and feels BETRAYED by their family members. I hope they get it right. They should let it go. Offer her love and hugs for her mistake.
I couldn't find the comment. Whoever said ppl aren't hiring 15 yr Olds. Doesn't have kids today. They couldn't be more wrong. Lots of jobs are hiring 15yr olds today. Where I live at so that isn't an issue. I have 9 grandkids toe 15yr olds. One has always had a desire. To make money even to the point. Of creating a job for hisself. Taking out ppls trash. This is a life we're talking about. She agreed to take on the responsibility. So having her help pay. I see nothing wrong with. I'm just glad the dog didn't die. Because that happens alot. Blowing the situation off like it's nothing now. Because he's fine now kinda shows. That she doesn't care about the dog now. To me along with now wanting a cat. Kids minds change like the wind blows today. If I didn't make her pay for it all. I'd certainly make her help pay for some. That's a lesson directly related to the situation.which is the best lesson and way to learn from it.
One thing for sure there's no book. To go by for parenting. We go based on the situation. Depending on what we see. Would reach our kids. To hopefully ensure they'll get it. Change the negative to a positive. All who don't live there. Is giving there opinion which may relate or not. Certainly doing nothing with kids of this generation. Is a way to ensure problems. For the future your her parent. So it's not my place to say anything. Doing that will cause you to doubt yourself. Based on someone whose not their. Knowing the full circumstances of it. Going into more detail doesn't matter. We still don't know her or her attitude. To things in life from a short story. When responsibility is given to anyone. Then expectations follow for sure. Nothing in this life goes without an expectation. We live and learn I've found kids today. Don't have a deep sense of sorrow. For many situations when you think they would.
I agree that having her volunteer is correct and she can see what happens when pets aren't cared for. I'm very glad the dog is ok now.People accidentally leaving babies children and vulnerable adults in hot vehicles is how awful things happen too.Im sure she feels terrible but perhaps it will make her think about how simple mistakes can have sometimes have dire consequences.
Not only was her parents right to have in their call but this will also send a message to her other siblings so they will think twice before doing things.
It’s time for a family meeting there is 4 adults and one child here. Yes she made a great mistake but so is this family. Accident/mistakes are apart of growing up. Her parents should have put a doggy door in lesson learned. Janie should have not let him out. As for her feelings about the dog getting better and her not acting like it was a big deal it called relief she is a kid not an adult like her Royal B sisters are. As for the sport she should stay on the swim team it’s the responsible thing to do and get a summer job to pay for part of the vet bill. Her family is teaching her that she can’t trust them when she makes a mistake Yes I do hold degree’s in this field. I know what I’m talking about. She is hurting more then she is letting on. She understands what she did wrong but no one has forgiven her. this is showing her she has to be prefect to be excepted in the family. That their love comes with no mistakes from her. forgiveness is the key
Parent of 5. I believe whole heartedly that our generation must help Janie's generation understand the consequences of mistakes and how the severity of actions affects the consequence. I need my children to understand that differences in the mistakes one makes, like, mishandling a delicate situation versus causing physical harm and intent versus neglect. Modern media availability, content and social changes have altered or even "dumbed down" the perception of severity. Also, with most kids of every generation, common sense is not all that common. In fact, I'm realizing I dislike that idiom a great deal. Sense of the world and society is learned, not instinctual, so, I feel that reprimanding a child accordingly is imperative to their development and in becoming a functional member of society. That's my $1.50.
Set her up with an onlyfans page. She can pay the vet bill in a night and still make the swim team Take care of your own dog you self absorbed a*****e.
Screw that volunteering, make her azz work. I started working for a paycheck when I was 12. She's old enough to work and be responsible for her actions. If it takes her 4,5,6 months to pay the vet bill, good. She'll remember to never do it again.
First off it’s a crime to do what she did with a huge fine in all states. Harsh thing but you can’t leave a dog in a car same difference. 15 year old knows better have her sit on the deck all day without water & shade humans these days alpha of all animals.
I think the parents have to decide what’s right for their family. It’s a mistake to ask for advice like this, especially if you are sensitive. You know the old saying, “Opinions are like ***holes — everyone’s got one!”
She got off much easier with her parents than she would have in my house. She would lose those extra activities for the remainder of the year and work. I honestly would have told my kids the bill was 6k. Let her give me the money and put it away and give it back to her when she turned 18 and explain why I did it that way.
The parents made the right decision. Make her work and repay the bill. The best lessons I ever learned was having to pay for mistakes. If you're smart the same mistake won't be made twice. All these marshmallow comments I read makes me understand how society got to where it is today. We live in a world of very little discipline and no consequences for your actions.
Although she definitely should’ve been more careful, it was an accident, that it sounds like her older adult siblings and parent are continuing to make her feel bad. Ultimately as the parent you also neglected as some pointed out taking steps to make the deck safer for the dog. You said he likes to go out there so you should have created some shaded area and water dish in case he ever got out there. Ultimately the responsibility for the dog rests with the parent in the home.
A 15 yo is definitely old enough to be responsible. Janie wanted Pebble and fell very short of an agreement to help care for the pup. She needs to be told Pebble could have neurological issues down the line even though the vet says all is good. Parents are correct in making her pay the vet bill and she had got a new look on adulthood which she clearly isn't ready for. This is a major screw up. Pets are family. What if she wants to babysit for the neighbor and forgets an infant on the deck? She clearly needs to understand this wasn't okay. A job is a start to pay that bill. Taking away something SHE LIKES will remind her what she did wrong and why she's being reprimanded. Don't cave mom and dad.
I would have done the same thibg. I qould make my child get a job and pay the bills just like my parents did to me whe. I let my dog g et loose and picked up by animal control years ago and the price was about the same once we found out where the dof was. The problem now a days is that children expect their parents to bail them.out of everything. I have a step-son that expects just that and he is 21 but. My daughter who is 18 was raised differently and would know that she would ve responsible to pay the vet bull had she done something like that. It really comes down to the child taking responsibility for their actions and making an effort to help redy the situation. Had the child offered to do that then maybe she wouldnt have had to quit the swim team to get a job. The point is we all have to own up yo the mistakes we make and when our children feel.that they dont have to do that. Then as parents we need to make them.do it!
This is why our world is like it is. Having her pay the vet bill is a natural consequence. Kids are rarely held to any responsibility for thier actions these days. And those chores around the house people suggested should be done for the privileges afforded to children on the daily.....you know like cable, streaming services, cell phones, wifi, big screen TVs, meals on the table, groceries in the pantry.
I was a little more on the fence until I saw that the teen is in multiple sports activities, so it's not like they're taking away her identity or whole social circle or anything. In reality, if she doesn't spend any money on herself, she can pay that bill down fairly quickly. I think something like this is warranted because she doesn't seem to understand the weight of her actions. It would be different if she was really contrite about it and still had it on her mind. At this point, I'd be worried she might forget about the dog again. I also don't think it matters who asked for the dog or that the parents have put responsibility for making sure the dog is inside on her. Nowhere does it say she has sole responsibility, just this one thing. It's based on their schedules and 15 is more than old enough to have such a responsibility.
There’s no right or wrong here, we parent based on our own individual parenting skills and base the severity of discipline on the level of maturity of the child in accordance with how bad the child has failed to me the standards set for our household. Just because others would chose alternative methods does not make your choice wrong for you and your home.
Sounds "A LOT" like my younger sister, (20yrs younger to be exact/she was adopted) ** "IF" you could even get her to do anything for the dog/cat/sea monkey,, etc. Growing up myself, I had chores & responsibilities. I got my first dog when I was 6 & I knew what I was expected to do & not to do. I also was in sports, since 6th grade thru HS= v-ball/Basketball/track, plus 3 summer leagues/2 basketball & then baseball & I still had the same chores & was responsible for Krystal . Mom adopted my sister when she was 5 & unlike myself, she had no chores &/or responsibilities, "AT ALL".!! Her job wa Shes had 'Way Over A Fair Share" of pets inwhich 1 ended up being our moms (before the car ride home with it ended), some were rehomed by mom or lost or escaped (she gets that reaction from about all animals/reptiles,, you name it,, she even had a hedgehog that would "Pretend" to fall asleep everytime she would come around it.
You could wait until summer to make her get a job. She should not have to quit swim team to get a job. I hurt you to make her get a job in the summer. You could have wait until the summer. You know what extracurricular activities do to college applications applications, you know what they look like on college apps.
To ease the anxiety of the distressed daughter you might consider putting a canopy on the porch and a kiddie pool. I would. Mistakes can be repeated.
Those YTA response really annoyed me. I hate when people take responsibility away when they think a teen is just a child and doesn't know better. You're not a toddler at 15! She knows exactly what she did. Sure, a mistake is a mistake. If she showed remorse, I would have given her the benefit of doubt but it doesn't look like she was and that's the problem. So in this case, I definitely agree that she should pay the 2000 or at least half. Maybe then she'll learn that her actions have consequences. And maybe she'll gain some empathy while she's at it.
If it were my child, I would have her volunteer at either an animal shelter or a vet clinic. Somewhere where the child could work behind the scenes and see up close and personal what happens in an emergency situation. Volunteering would look good on a resume when she's older, but also teach a little responsibility in the present time. Plus, being a minor, it would give the child a foot in the door if they were interested in that type of work as a first job... But, I work in vet med, so I see how our volunteers are volunteers are influenced. Also, I would have my child write a research paper on heat stroke. Specifically: what causes it, treatments, home care, prevention average national costs (not based off your invoice), and what the child plans to do to correct this mistake and ensure it doesn't happen again. I would NOT remove my child from a sport or academic activity, especially midway through a season. Teammates count on each other. Plus, that teaches that it's okay to quit.
I think the same in this situation as I do in all if them: if you can't or won't take responsibility for the pet to br happy and healthy, you need to re home it. The OP even said that Jamie wanted Pebble, but a week later wanted a cat. So, at that point, the dog became the parents' responsibility if they decided to keep it. However, Jamie should be taught that being annoyed at a situation, and acting rashly or against what you know a rule or just plain common sense, will end badly 99% of the time. Do I believe she has "suffered enough" with the emotional effects of what she did? Not really, we were told the girl went from concerned to disinterested about it as soon as things were "fine". Yes, the parents should talk to the kids about forgiving her, but just like anything else, you can't force them to do so. Anyone sitting there demanding otherwise doesn't understand or care that every child is unique, and just like anyone else, makes their own final decisions. Sit down, and talk.
After reading these comments. I really feel for the parents. There trying to find the best way to deal with something serious that happened at there home. Something that effects everyone in that house/family. These days unfortunately something like this happening wouldn't even of been talked about. So credit to the parents to try and feel out other people's opinions. It's a horrible position to be in for everyone in the family. I'm sure everyone has other issues pending wheather it's work, School, Everyday life's challenges when I first read the story after hearing the dog was ok. I thought to myself. What is the first thing you tell your kid when they come to you and tell you they want a pet. You tell that kid if we get that dog then your responsible for cleaning up after it. We all know that eases up after everyone else in the house gets attached to the dog. I was also thinking about stories I've seen on the news or read about online.Parents forgetting there kids in hot cars #1
Lemme just clarify this SWIMMING IS A HOBBY IT👏IS👏A👏HOBBY👏👏👏👏👏SHE LOSES NOTHING (EXPECT WEAKER LEGS PROBABLY) Also, she was like “The dog is fine now? That’s great, that means that what I did didn’t matter in the end, right?” I understand maybe she’s trying to cope but srsly that seems wrong to ME
She is lucky to have you guys for parents. I would have her quit the swim team, and her other activities until she fully understands her mistake nearly killed the sweet pup. I would make her volunteer at a shelter EVERY Saturday. She will have to pay a fixed amount to reimburse the vet bill. If and when she shows responsibility. You can let her return to her normal activities.
When they get older I'd give the kids who cared about the dog a car because they showed responsibility the girl who didnt care except for herself I'd make and her college because apparently she doesnt want to take any responsibility so they car would be treated like craps to and if make her pay for things including the vet bill maybe it would teach her about responsibility something most people in this country sadly dont no about.
It's best if families have a structure in place before they need it. Clearly stated rules that everyone in the family obeys and clearly stated consequences that everyone expects when a rule is broken. It's very hard to do this after the fact and make it up as you go along. Without the expectations and consequences clarified it will breed anger and resentment in a family. If the rule is the dog is not allowed on the deck ever, it would mean that Noone in the family has ever let the dog on the deck without a consequence. I have a feeling that's not the case. A Rule is not just enforced when consequences are severe.
I AGREE THE PARENTS DID THE RIGHT THING TAKE WHAT SHE WANTS AWAY LET HER LEARN SHE HASNT SHE IS MAD THE SISTERS SHUN HER (BY THE WAY GIRLS 👏👏👏👏👏👏👍👍👍👍👍) so tired of spoiled brats hurting animals MAKE HER GET A JOB PAY THE BILL AND DONT LET HER NEAR YOUR DOG🤬🤬🤬KUDOS TO ALL I WOULD DO THE SAME BUT I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE KICKED JER OUT MY ANIMALS MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME💖💖💖💖💖I got an idea move her to the garage give her a bucket some canned food if she threatens dcf pack her bag🏆🏆🏆🏆hope your dog has recovered 🙏🙏🙏🙏
She wanted the dog, it's never too late to learn responsibilities. She's allowed to enjoy sports. If u could get a job that she could enjoy, then I wouldn't be so bad. Things will come up in her life, if she's going to survive this world when she gets older, this will be a great tool. Yeah, she's gonna make u feel guilty, but be parents, not friends. When she gets older you can be her friend. Speaking from experience. I'm so thankful Pebbles is okay.❤️
It is not reasonable to make a 15 yr old fully responsible for what happens to a family pet. A lot is known about the brain in the teenage years and this was not intentional. Teenagers forget stuff. Yes, this was something with big consequences but she did not set out to harm the dog. As she put it, it was a mistake. It would have been reasonable to ask her to contribute, but shouldering the full bill is excessive, as it was never her choice to have a dog and it is not her own dog. Let's also remember whose job it is to raise this child with emotional intelligence. If she seems indifferent to the dog's welfare, I would explore that before I would worry about whether a $2000 punishment will help her remember things more (it won"t). To be honest, the mother's narrative is a red flag for me. Seeking public validation in the AITA forum is an odd way to hone your parenting skills.
I understand the frustration of commenters but the girl is only 15 not a grownup. If she showed no remorse the punishment her in a way she'll never forget, having her pay seems fair. If she shows real remorse, take it as a teachable moment. I think volunteering at an animal shelter would be perfect...
I would make her volunteer at an animal shelter and let her know what happens to pets who are neglected or maybe get a part-time job with a veterinarian and see what happens to animals who are sick or forgotten about. I would not make her pay half of the bill; I would probably make her pay $60.00 out of every pay and when she gets to a certain amount ( $350.00) donate it to the local animal shelter in her name. We make mistakes and let her know there are consequences for mistakes. Her sisters over time will forgive her and maybe 1 month of no activities this includes social media, phone privileges ( except for emergencies) and friends can only be over the house on the weekend. There are board games or card games they can play those without using social media.
i would say yta bc the punishment of that trauma was far worth the punishment of being forced to pay a bill 🤷♀️
There is 5 people on the family household income, for which the vet bill of 2,000÷5=400 for Jamie to contribute back to the household income as a consequence for her mistake. There is 5 people responsible for the dog and 1 messed up, so 1 share should be paid back to the household income, and if Jamie cannot earn the $400 then it could be done toward income savings in purchases of generic brand items she wants and needs. Lesser quality items match the lesser quality of care she gave the dog, at least until the $400 is reached in savings. Some of those sports shoes can cost $160 or $80 on sale, better yet $40 for generic brand. Math helps when there needs to be a financial consequence, but lesson to be learned is "Give the best of yourself to all living things." We get what we give, we reap what we sow, and a 15 yr old is old enough to learn that.
Personally I think that she is young and should take the full responsibility so I would split it and say she pays half
The truth is that you both share some responsibility for this disaster. Everyone makes mistakes of omission, she forgot the dog, but you failed to foresee that eventually it was inevitable that the dog spend too long on the deck. A pet carrier, or even a chair might have provided enough shade to prevent the problem, and there absolutely should be water. This is a teaching moment for all of you- disasters are engineered from the ground up. Very few children are left in hot cars on purpose, but it happens every day. You both deserve part of the financial consequences.
So many people on here making these excuses. She was EXTREMELY neglectful. She put a living being at risk. Is this how she'd act with her own pet, or possibly her future child? She almost KILLED the pet. I'm taking it the people on here who are fine with the neglectful moron are Republicans. $2000 is a lot of money on top of everything else. Maybe if you rent free, unemployment collecting lazy butts would get a job you'd realize how much of a blow it is to spend two grand out of pocket over something that shouldn't of happened in the first place.
She felt sad and bad for what she did, but then after pebbles came home she acted as if nothing happened, and there are consequences for her action she is a teenager in high school and she needs to learn the that and I agree with mom and dad on her getting a job and paying for the vet bil. It call learning responsibility. Today teens do not understand consequences of there actions. Today look around you see who working and getting hired, the 50 and up are being hired for jobs because of work ethics, the 18 - to 24 think they can call out and keep there jobs, so they lose there hob and bounce from job to job. So I believe the parents are doing the right thing. Consequences have action,
I wouldn't call OP an AH, but I also think this will cause more harm than good. Sports are a great way for kids to stay out of trouble. Kids make mistakes (and so do adults), and I'd be willing to bet that she feels terrible about what happened, and that the nonchalant attitude you see is a result of other family members treating her like she intentionally tried to kill the dog. Forcing her to quit the team, and get a teenager job, is likely to put her in a situation where she resents her family and, if it's like any job me or friends had in highschool, will put her around at least one or two pot heads at work who will have the magic cure for what ails her. I don't have anything against pot, btw, regular user, but even I'll admit that starting in highschool was a mistake. This might sound far fetched to some, but I'm sure others would agree about how likely this scenario could be. I'd figure out another punishment personally
ESH. There should be precautions in case this happens. It's not hard to put out water and shade on a deck Incase. Or a doggy door so that your dog that likes going in and out can go in and out and not literally die. Safety nets are important even if you're pretty sure something will never happen. Be prepared for it to happen. Also, barely anywhere hires at 15 and she would be jerked out of months of things all because she was forced to get a food service job that barely pays her jack. And a note; the parents SHOULD try and get the other two girls to at least acknowledge her. Isolation from your own family sucks. She made a mistake, a very very big mistake that nearly resulted in a death. But that doesn't deserve family isolation. On behavior, it's beyond easy to act like something doesn't affect you outside when you feel like literal heaping dumpster fires. She probably doesn't feel great about it and being shunned doesn't make her want to express her emotions either.
Went to reddit and read a few of OP's comments. Still ESH. But op openly stated they didn't WANT to set up a safety net. And reading again, it doesn't sound like they even TALKED to Janie and just described how they ASSUME she feels.
Load More Replies... Problem is, the parents think they can punish their child for an innocent mistake by a 15 year old, and OBVIOUSLY couldn't afford a dog, if they weren't prepared for unforeseen vet bills, in the course of a pets life! You live in a hot climate,then prepare for it! It IS NOT A CHILD'S RESPONSIBILITY (who is a MINOR) to pay for vet bills!!!
I think the real issue is that she is so nonchalant about it...if I did this, i would be wracked with guilt... I'd be sick with anxiety...AND I'd be begging for forgiveness. She needs to learn empathy and the importance of life. What if she was babysitting and did something like this? Having and caring for a pet is often seen as learning to care for a child. This girl is a teenager, NOT a child. In just a few years, she will be held accountable for any negligent actions by a court of law. Then what? What if her negligence causes a real tragedy?
Load More Replies... I recently had a dream about a very similar situation. I read this story looking for a universal connection. Nope. I really didn’t care about any of this. There are too many unknown variables within the families dynamic. If your thoughts are similar… trw88217@gmail.com
Do 15 year-olds get jobs? Seems young to me. My first job was at 16 in a lawyer’s office redoing their filing system. She does need to learn there are consequences to actions and choices, however she is young and apparently irresponsible and unthinking. Probably should never have a pet of her own. A lot of people shouldn’t. Not even fish deserve bad treatment. I’m in the camp of assign her half the bill - she can do extra chores and pay the rest when she’s old enough to get a job in another year. And don’t make her responsible for the pet care anymore as she lacks empathy. I say this knowing my own adult sister has basically taught my young niece to treat cats as toys, but not give them a peaceful, clean, loving home. Their last one ran away, and the older one before that, I took over the care for when he got so overweight, he could barely move. Now they are talking about getting a sphinx - God no. They couldn’t take care of a domestic shorthair - a special breed needs specific care.
I really appreciate the balanced replies. There could definitely be some middle ground between no responsibility and having a child give up their extremely beneficial extra curricular activities.
I don't know. Ultimately the extracurriculars are just not nearly as important. It's a life we're talking about herem a life she almost snuffed out. And it wasn't like it was an honest mistake where she didn't know the situation she was putting the dog in was dangerous. She made the conscious decision to lut the dog out on the deck where there was no shade and no water during a heat wave. Meaning she made the conacious decision to put the dog in an extremely dangerous situation that she KNEW she shouldn't put the dog in. Giving up a single extracurricular for a few months is really not as bad as some people are saying. Especially considering that it sounds like she has too many extracurriculars in the first place (studies show too many extracurriculars are detrimental to children's development and well-being).
Load More Replies... She should definitely pay the piper for her mistake, but could I suggest a sun umbrella on the deck and maybe a mister to keep the pooch and the humans cool on hot days? Singned: someone that bought a window air conditioner because his cats love to hang out in a room that gets pretty hot in summer.
I like the idea of having a small job such as babysitting or yardwork. It would allow her to still play sports but also ingrain the idea of accountability
Sooooo you have key chain kids who take care of the house so you and your husband can go work . Why don't you stay home get your kids ready for school and make sure you dog and house is secure before leaving. You pay the mortgage right ultimately it's your fault. Not the kids . Your letting your kids manage the house while u grab your coffee from Starbucks and head to your daily job. Having your holder kids take care of your younger kids. This is all the parents fault. Why don't you be a parent and take them to school.
Do not take there sports away They will hate you for it later down the road. If you take sports away then you must stop working and start becoming a parent. It's only fair. And stop making your older kids responsible for you having sex and making kids for her to take care of. They are your mistakes not the children be a parent
Load More Replies... If you have a deck, you have 2K. Why would you make your child quit schooling be it swim, sports etc. for a dog that survived and recovered? This sound so privileged. She is crushed! Let it go. I think it's going overboard and putting the life of the dog (which it did not loose) over a human life. Just take it out of her college fund which she probably has and let it go. I drove past a car with a dead body hanging out who'd been murdered close range in route to visit my mother. In the grand scheme of things this story is so miniscule. The dog is fine. That person covered in a cloth however was not. Let it go already.
She’s needs to quit her sports,find a job and pay the vet bill. She obviously doesn’t realize that she could have killed the dog. Her attitude about it after the dog thankfully recovered was not remorseful. She needs to learn her lesson that animals deserve respect care and love. Maybe a season without sports will have her reflect on the mistake she made. As she grows into an adult hopefully this almost disastrous situation will stay with her, and make her think about responsibility.
First off being 15 don’t get off from having responsibilities. I had responsibilities at the age of 13. I had to make sure I took my 5 year old and 3 year old brothers to school and daycare before I went to school. Now that said, For your two adult daughters to all out shun their little sister and refuse to talk to her for a mistake that they could easily have done themselves is wrong. They should think about how they would feel like if it was one of them. I get that they were upset but it very well could put a wedge in their relationship that cannot be undone. To make her go out and get a job to pay a $2000 vet bill is outrageous. Yes she should help pay for the bill but like I read in a few of the other comments she could get a babysitting job and do various chores around the house to help pay for part of the bill. If you tell her she has to quit her sports to get a job she may resent you and/or become rebellious.
All people have made mistakes, a grown man just recently forgot to drop his new born baby off at daycare and when he finally remembered the baby was in the car while at work, he went to the car and found his baby dead then went home and took his baby into the house and then went into the backyard and killed himself. I think your punishment is much to harsh. If she gets an allowance maybe you could make her put a portion of it towards the vet bill until it's paid off and make her write I will not leave the dog out on the deck a hundred times just so she remembers not to leave the dog out on the deck and make her do other chores that she doesn't usually have to do in her spare time so that she can still do swimming and volleyball and baseball etc.
I think her nonchalance is an attempt to hide her true feelings of remorse. She probably feels horrible, but with her entire family ganging up on her, she's instinctually being defensive. Why don't you have a doggie door?? If you're afraid the cat might get out, get the electronic kind that only works with the tag on the collar. Put water in a shady spot. If there's no shade, add some. That poor dog has no access to the outside to eliminate all day? A 15-year-old does not think the way adults do. Can any one of you say you have never made a bad mistake? Forcing her to uproot her school life to try to make $2,000 is excessive in my opinion.
There’s no way I would make her pay the vet bill. You already said she was all upset over it. I feel you’re simply trying to get out of paying it yourself. Maybe you should have thought before having so many kids and pets. It’s draconian, why would you instead not act like parents and oh cover the deck, put water out there, stuff like that? It’s YOUR JOB to set your child you chose to have up for success. Not failure and endless punishment. Truthfully you sound irresponsible yourselves.
I don’t believe in taking away teenage school activities, this is a part of their life that can’t be relived and learning to deal with life and society as a whole is most important. The sisters not communicating is ridiculous this is a 15 year old, if she doesn’t want the responsibility of Pebbles, return him or the other siblings take over the responsibility since they are heartbroken. Yes, I believe she should be more focused and responsible about matters at home, if she wants the dog she should be more responsible. Not sure many places are hiring 15 year olds. Not sure if she is paid for chores or gets an allowance, but, something would change as far as clothing, shoes, games, electronic purchases, anything wanted the funds would go to the vet bill. She had to learn that all actions have consequences.
YTA she is a minor the pet is your responsibility, if the heat gets that bad and YOU are aware other plans should have been (dog door, dog house, shade, water, alarms, call to remind etc) put in place to lessen the possibility of error, no one should be angry with the child but the parents should spoken to about what responsibility is, allowing the other two children to treat her like that is unacceptable, she probably became nonchalant because WHAT ELSE WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HER EMOTIONS?! You're all mad at her! As someone who has worked in the animals industry for longer than I can remember, all the small claims cases I have seen.... every parent t was held responsible over their child's actions under the age of 18 for the most part. I don't even let my kids or their friends walk, care for, feed etc our dog because they lack the ability to think critically at that age. I hope you don't end up sending the wrong message through your guilt driven punishment. Teach accountability.
Punish her but don’t make her quit all the sports. Do punish her. She’ll learn to be more responsible if it hurts. Make her volunteer at a pet shelter, do something just don’t let her go unpunished.
She’s 15, actions have consequences even mistakes. She knew Pebbles didn’t belong outside in the heat. While the bill has been payed she’s should be responsible for paying it back. Now that Pebbles is fine you said she’s back to herself. Where is the lesson learned ? Where is the growth from this lesson ? It seems to me she needs a new lesson in compassion for other living things and maybe the value of life, even animals. If she can’t get a job at 15, she can certainly volunteer at an animal shelter or rescue. If swimming is just for exercise, so is working. All life has value, she made a mistake but the bigger mistake would be her not learning & understanding that value.
I'm feeling like the odd man out here. I'm absolutely appalled at the behavior of the adults here. 1.) If your pet likes the deck so much, why hasn't it been made a pet safe area? Putting in a small shade area, water bowls, or such isn't that hard to do. 2.) I am feeling a bit of favoritism in the language of the OP here and it's cringe worthy. 3.) At what point is anyone going to address the fact that the OP is blatantly allowing her children to utilize passive aggressiveness and emotional blackmail as a form of punishment. Like "oh poor Allie is so distraught that she's refusing to talk to her baby sister and the eldest sister isn't really talking to her either..." so let's expect the 15y to be more mature than the rest of us, but because she's acting nonchalant (which is a typical defense mechanism in some people after emotional abuse) now I feel like we need to punish her more. This is absolutely asinine.
I don't disagree that there should be consequences, but it should come in the form of volunteering at an animal shelter, as others have said. Not taking away her academic experience, which swim team is. I also believe that the parents should take some ownership here. The choice of owning a pet, and ultimately the responsibility, falls to the adults... Not the child. They knew that they had an unsafe area that the pet enjoyed and they failed to address the problem.
Load More Replies... It is the fact that she doesn't seem to think she is to blame because this situation had a happy ending. I agree with other posters here about volunteering at various shelters and rescues. Work it around her schedule. With less free time on her hands, maybe the lesson will sink in.
She's a kid. Let her be a kid. Life as an adult sucks. She has over 50 years ahead to work. Why push it. Why would we punish a child for the parents responsibility. The parents are responsible for the children and the pets. They seem to card more about money, than their child!! You all suck Stupid Americans
Load More Replies... I think you are further ostricising your guaghter who already feels bad and probably feels like a criminal within the family. Model forgiveness and learning, help your daughters' heal their relationship
The middle of a heatwave. I'm wondering did you think to shoot your child a text to make sure your vulnerable dog was indoors before she left for school, or did it slip your mind as well? I would think you would know the consequences of such a scenario better than a 15 year old, and ultimately the dog is the responsibility of the adults. I can see how easy it would be for a teenage girl getting ready for school, who couldn't understand the gravity of the situation, to forget. It was an accident that you actually participated in. In my home I didn't punish for accidents. I asked my child to learn from them. It sounds like your daughter learned, did you? Clearly not since you are allowing this child to be shunned (mental abuse) by your adult children in the house. Disgusting! I'm guessing this one is the household scapegoat. So sad!
The middle of a heatwave. I'm wondering did you think to shoot your child a text to make sure your vulnerable dog was indoors before she left for school? I would think you would know the consequences of such a scenario better than a 15 year old, and ultimately the dog is the responsibility of the adults. I can see how easy it would be for a teenage girl getting ready for school, who couldn't understand the gravity of the situation, to forget. It was an accident that you actually participated in. In my home I didn't punish for accidents. I asked my child to learn from them. It certainly sounds like your daughter did!
Only if she manages to stay outdoor in the middle of the WORST heat wave in the century for hours and ended up being sent to the hospital because she can't take care of herself, aka mentally undeveloped (or impaired) to the point of unable to make an act of basic survival aka staying away from the heat. Little kids really don't know about that. Definitely not her. She knows the discomfort about the heat. She KNOWS the danger of heat stroke (even for human). If she doesn't, she FAILS being an athlete (and this alone would make a VERY good reason to ban her from continuing doing sports, since she knows nothing anyway).
Load More Replies... I think it's a bad idea to take the daughter off the swim team. There are other ways to get her to work off part or all of the debt without taking away a positive influence like a sport.
It's *only* used for keeping her in shape during off season for her REAL SPORTS (not one, but TWO). Getting jobs involving heavy physical labour should do the trick.
Load More Replies... Ooh tuff call find a way to pay it off without taking the sports away your only kids for such a short period of are life's but also a lesson they would remember 🤔🤔🤔
I have 3 daughters as well. Although my ex and I never did this type of thing I believe it is the right thing to do. The lesson learned from that $2,000.00 bill will be worth 2,000 lbs of gold throughout the course of her lifetime. In spite of today's youth being involved in way too many extracurricular activities, I may have tried to let her work it off through chores like mowing the lawn, taking out the trash, cleaning the house etc so she could still participate in the activities if she felt strongly about taking part.
She will never forget to say leave her baby in a hot car some day because of this ? It will be burned into her brain forever I'm sure. I think the parents did the right thing. She needs to know all life is valuable.
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