It seems that previously children could really relate to each other when they would talk about their families, as it seemed that many of them were pretty similar, as if the parents learnt their way of raising kids from the same manual.
Now, with the internet and other resources at their hands, parents do their research and choose from a variety of parenting styles that they think their child will benefit the most from. They differ from one another so much that even the things that we thought were universal are now challenged.
This one mom on TikTok, for example, allows her daughter to cuss at home. There is an association that only bad and troublesome kids cuss, but the mom claims that she never has issues with her daughter misbehaving.
More info: TikTok
Mom shares a funny clip of her daughter and it turns into a lesson about children swearing
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
This mom on TikTok is Abbey Fickley, who got sober 5 years ago and is stronger than ever, working at a bar and living her best life with her 7-year-old daughter Myla and two dogs. On TikTok, the woman has over 300k followers as she shares a lot of moments with her child.
Not too long ago, one of her videos featuring Myla went viral with more than 500k views and it showed the girl pretending to be upset over a mismatched pair of socks. Her reaction to this was “This is some Wacky Wednesday kind of s***, mom,” referring to the child’s book by Dr. Seuss.
In said video, a 7-year-old uses a swear word wanting to be funny and the mom doesn’t try to stop the girl
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
You have to admit that Myla’s sass and sense of humor are unmatched, but people couldn’t help but notice that the 7-year-old just cussed and the mom didn’t say anything about it, which led people to assume that the girl is allowed to do that.
And she is. Abbey posted another video the same day talking about this aspect of her parenting, confirming that Myla was taught that she can use swear words at home. They are actually referred to as ‘home words’ and they are considered a privilege.
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
If Myla was to use them to be mean, to offend someone or talk badly about herself, this privilege would be revoked. But in the two years that Abbey has allowed Myla to swear at home, she has never had any issues.
Not only does she not have issues at home, but Myla is a kind and polite girl at school with her teachers and classmates, and she is doing well academically.
In a later video, the mom explains that she allows her daughter to swear at home and calls those words ‘home words,’ meaning they can’t be used in public
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
It was always important for Abbey to be a mom that her child can trust and come to when she has something heavy on her chest that she could tell her, as she never had that for herself growing up.
Allowing her to swear at home is one of the ways that Abbey creates that safe space, because the girl will hear the swears sooner or later from other kids, adults or find them on the internet and will start using them.
Healthy Children claims that “Swearing–the use of profanity or ‘dirty’ words–is almost a developmentally normal behavior for children during middle childhood and early adolescence.”
The woman also doesn’t allow her daughter to be mean to others or herself using those words
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
The most important thing to know in this situation is the reason behind the cussing. Very Well Family explains that “A 5-year-old repeating a word that they heard on the bus is very different from a 15-year-old swearing at a teacher.” And in that video, we can see that Myla is just trying to be funny and her swear isn’t meant to offend anyone.
Raising Children Network gives a few reasons for why children might swear: “Young children often swear because they’re exploring language. They might be testing a new word, perhaps to understand its meaning. <…> Children might also be trying to express a feeling like frustration. Or they might simply be saying the word because it sounds funny or gets a reaction. Children might also be imitating others when they swear.”
In the two years of this practice, the mom has never had any problems and her daughter is always kind with her classmates and teachers
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
It is also important to teach children that there are certain social norms to follow in public and swearing might get them in trouble. Dr. Eugene Beresin has witnessed people losing jobs “because of social gaffes and conduct.”
It shouldn’t be hard to do that as Dr. Beresin gives an example of kids knowing that they can’t go to school without their pants on, and the same understanding extends to swearing.
The purpose of allowing swears is the mom’s wish to make her daughter feel like her home is a safe space and her mom is always on her side
Image credits: @abbeyfickley
Despite how positively everyone reacted in the comments of Abbey’s videos, most experts recommend explaining to children why swearing is bad and discouraging them from doing it.
Sean Grover, LCSW suggests not allowing elementary and middle-aged children to swear at home because “For young children, behaviors at home become imprints for behaviors in the world. Small children are not able to distinguish what’s appropriate in different environments.”
The psychotherapist is of the opinion that only children who are already in high school can be allowed to swear at home, but without degrading anyone else.
You can find the video of Myla pretending to be angry and swearing down below
@abbeyfickley Happy wacky Wednesday, I guess 😅##MomTok##FunnyKids#So#SoberMamaa#MamaMyla ♬ original sound – Abbey Fickley
What is your opinion about children swearing? Would you allow your children to swear at home? Do you think swearing has a negative impact on their behavior? Do you think Abbey’s method can work on all children? Let us know in the comments.
People actually approved of this parenting style and believed that there is no harm in swear words if no harm is meant
Honestly I came on here to say the same thing-- cursing is fine, but I draw the line at putting your kid on Tiktok
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This is all just a distraction so we don't pay attention to mom's filters. Holy hell.
Did this woman photo shop her kid? The second image of the child looks strange - especially around her jawline.
Omg...the woman photoshopped the wrinkles out of her knuckles too!
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Retired Elementary teacher here. Cussing is not allowed in school nor in most job situations. It is not a part of formal speech as opposed to informal like you would talk with friends or at home. I have had kinder and first graders say cuss words in class before. I just quietly told them those kind of words were not allowed at school. And that was usually enough to get them to stop. No big deal, no punishment. However if they used them when they are older to be mean to the teacher or other students, or to garner attention from the class then they would get the regular class rules consequences for such behavior. Usually school wide rules or district wide rules. Teaching wise choices for the situation and encouraging them to control their behavior.
I came prepared to disapprove - and I changed my mind. I grew up with a dad that cursed like a sailor, but I never dared swear - and I learned that swearing was something you said in anger. This casual use is..... well, it teaches her context and usage. It can be revoked. And it allows her freedom to express herself. This is a smart lady. Good for her.
If you forbid something, or discussion of something, it makes it a 'cool', daring thing for the kid to do. If you allow these things under certain circumstances, and explain why you're not allowing other things (e.g. children aren't allowed to have spirits because they're very strong alcohol and could damage their growing brains), then the kids tend to just see it as no big deal.
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I don’t love this idea, but mostly because I think it would depend a lot on the maturity and personality of the child to keep it to non offensive context. This family seems to do it well, but lort knows there are a lot of parents out there that will just say this is their parenting style and never enforce the boundaries of the language use.
Just my personal opinion but I think ANY cuss words just completely degrade the conversation. There is not a single cuss word that can’t be replaced with a word that doesn’t offend anyone. The daughter could have used “mess” or “stuff” in this particular sentence and conveyed the same idea. Teaching this absolutely lowers the vocabulary IQ of anyone but especially for children.
My personal opinion aside research has frequently shown the opposite and largely debunked the assumption that swearing is necessarily a function of low class, lower IQ, lack of education and language fluency. Researchers found that the tendency to swear correlated with verbal fluency more generally and was not a result of having a deficient vocabulary. In fact increased verbal fluency was noted amongst swearers. Discussed in research from the University of Lancaster that was published in 2004 shows that though swearing reduces with increasing social class, the upper middle class swears significantly more than the lower middle class, suggesting that at some point on the social ladder, people don’t care about the effects. It also has other benefits. Pain reduction (swear when you hurt yourself) and force of message to name two. If people are interested there is considerable research on the subject.
Load More Replies... Not a smart thing to do at all. there are no "home words" even if you call them that. your way of speaking, specially at home, will follow you your whole life probably. and your wording impact your mind and the way you see things. 10 years of saying "sh@t" every day at home will stick...
I’m curious about those 2 years as a parent/potentially prego that she wasn’t sober. And she works at a bar now? Are we supposed to be applauding this woman 😕
My wife, who grew up in a family of mechanics, and myself, a tradesman as well, are often guilty of using "shop mouth". Naturally both our boys, 9 and 5, know the words and the context. However, I've also told them they can only use them once they get a job. My 9yo can't wait to work so he can make money and swear. 🤷♂️
So what happens when mommy or daddy has a zoom meeting and the kid starts swearing like a drunken sailor in the background? How would one explain this?
Her point was she *doesn't* do that. Give the child the freedom to use them, and take away the "forbidden" nature... they generally won't. Her daughter doesn't, anyway.
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I’m still stuck on how much her, the mom’s pic, is so filtered - yes, I know it seriously doesn’t matter nor part of the story, and no, I don’t have a valid reason or a decent excuse for harping it.
Please stop with the tiktoks. This one was just gross - extreme filters and putting their child on such a dangerous platform publicly. Please stop.
most of the time swear words get used as "enhancers" or filler anyways. Context is what makes something "Good or bad" For instance calling someone and under educated half whit is insulting, but uses no swear words, whereas, you are the most f*cking brilliant person i ever goddamned knew is a not and has 2 of the "worst" swear words.
I agree. Language is interesting. You say "two of the 'worst' swear words" which shows how it varies enormously culturally as to what is considered 'worst' as well. In the UK there's only really one in that sentence. Goddamned isn't used and wouldn't be generally considered that bad if it was. In the US (or parts of it?) b!tch seems to be considered rather bad and gets butchered to avoid saying it properly and even avoided in the written form (as it does also on BP). Which seems weird to most of us in the UK. Not saying calling someone a b!tch is nice but the word itself isn't bad per se, just an insult as many non-swear words can be - just as you say. Curious how language use can be so very different, even within a country as well. Though the b!tch thing is also rather annoying as it's a completely legitimate and accurate term for a female dog.
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It took me quite a while to finally be brave enough to use these kind of words I was 18 when I said my first 'bad' word, the word was s**t and I thought I was being horrible lmao
I would call mine 'car words'. There are some total eejits out there on the road and sometimes words just come spilling out :x
"Car words." That's brilliant! I would use that if I weren't an all-the-time sailor, trash mouth and my son wasn't already 16. I love it.
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Teaching the kids about swear words this way is not cool. Allowing them to use them at home is not cool. What happens if she slips up and it comes out at school or when they are out somewhere public? My kids heard the words and I told them they were not to be repeated or used and they were not good words. As adults, they make their own choices. It is one thing for them to ask about a word and get a definition of it and how it is used but they should not be encouraged to use it.
It's sad to see nice kids in school get treated like they are bad or stupid just because their parents think swearing is ok. Personally, I have little problem with it - but I've seen pre teens who never get invited to friends house because they are a bad influence when really they just don't know not to sware at adults. To be honest though anyone posting videos of their kids to show what great parents they are always brings out my judgy side.
I dunno. Cursing? Why? Why not use some of these truly awesome and powerful words for self expression?
I've always let mine use home words and it's really not been a big issue. This is the exact opposite of my home life when I was a kid. Which may be why I cuss like a sailor, idk.
This is more or less exactly how my wife and I decided to deal with ~language~ with our kiddo. It gives him an outlet for expressing himself truthfully with us, and I think it tempers the potential harmfulness of words others might use against him. He’s 15 now and likewise, we have never had a problem with him choosing his language discerningly.
Honestly, by the time my child was a tween he tried a few swear words. Didn't get a reaction and pretty well gave them up. Hateful language though...never allowed
Research has shown that children (most likely outside the parental sphere) start using swear words, on average, around the age of 6. The children who are sensible and discerning will not be using that language around their parents but probably will use it to impress their peers or maybe just to fit in. Too many people underestimate what children will say or do and their ability to judge appropriateness. The number of times I heard a parent say 'my child would never do that' and I'd seen that child do exactly that. If we think back to our own childhoods, what we and other children in school said and did, we know that playground language is not the same as that at home. Most children work out what works and what doesn't.
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Meanwhile our parents tell us off every single time we use even a light swear like c**p... Even though we're late teenagers and adults and we're not in public...
Honestly I came on here to say the same thing-- cursing is fine, but I draw the line at putting your kid on Tiktok
Load More Replies... This is all just a distraction so we don't pay attention to mom's filters. Holy hell.
Did this woman photo shop her kid? The second image of the child looks strange - especially around her jawline.
Omg...the woman photoshopped the wrinkles out of her knuckles too!
Load More Replies... Retired Elementary teacher here. Cussing is not allowed in school nor in most job situations. It is not a part of formal speech as opposed to informal like you would talk with friends or at home. I have had kinder and first graders say cuss words in class before. I just quietly told them those kind of words were not allowed at school. And that was usually enough to get them to stop. No big deal, no punishment. However if they used them when they are older to be mean to the teacher or other students, or to garner attention from the class then they would get the regular class rules consequences for such behavior. Usually school wide rules or district wide rules. Teaching wise choices for the situation and encouraging them to control their behavior.
I came prepared to disapprove - and I changed my mind. I grew up with a dad that cursed like a sailor, but I never dared swear - and I learned that swearing was something you said in anger. This casual use is..... well, it teaches her context and usage. It can be revoked. And it allows her freedom to express herself. This is a smart lady. Good for her.
If you forbid something, or discussion of something, it makes it a 'cool', daring thing for the kid to do. If you allow these things under certain circumstances, and explain why you're not allowing other things (e.g. children aren't allowed to have spirits because they're very strong alcohol and could damage their growing brains), then the kids tend to just see it as no big deal.
Load More Replies... I don’t love this idea, but mostly because I think it would depend a lot on the maturity and personality of the child to keep it to non offensive context. This family seems to do it well, but lort knows there are a lot of parents out there that will just say this is their parenting style and never enforce the boundaries of the language use.
Just my personal opinion but I think ANY cuss words just completely degrade the conversation. There is not a single cuss word that can’t be replaced with a word that doesn’t offend anyone. The daughter could have used “mess” or “stuff” in this particular sentence and conveyed the same idea. Teaching this absolutely lowers the vocabulary IQ of anyone but especially for children.
My personal opinion aside research has frequently shown the opposite and largely debunked the assumption that swearing is necessarily a function of low class, lower IQ, lack of education and language fluency. Researchers found that the tendency to swear correlated with verbal fluency more generally and was not a result of having a deficient vocabulary. In fact increased verbal fluency was noted amongst swearers. Discussed in research from the University of Lancaster that was published in 2004 shows that though swearing reduces with increasing social class, the upper middle class swears significantly more than the lower middle class, suggesting that at some point on the social ladder, people don’t care about the effects. It also has other benefits. Pain reduction (swear when you hurt yourself) and force of message to name two. If people are interested there is considerable research on the subject.
Load More Replies... Not a smart thing to do at all. there are no "home words" even if you call them that. your way of speaking, specially at home, will follow you your whole life probably. and your wording impact your mind and the way you see things. 10 years of saying "sh@t" every day at home will stick...
I’m curious about those 2 years as a parent/potentially prego that she wasn’t sober. And she works at a bar now? Are we supposed to be applauding this woman 😕
My wife, who grew up in a family of mechanics, and myself, a tradesman as well, are often guilty of using "shop mouth". Naturally both our boys, 9 and 5, know the words and the context. However, I've also told them they can only use them once they get a job. My 9yo can't wait to work so he can make money and swear. 🤷♂️
So what happens when mommy or daddy has a zoom meeting and the kid starts swearing like a drunken sailor in the background? How would one explain this?
Her point was she *doesn't* do that. Give the child the freedom to use them, and take away the "forbidden" nature... they generally won't. Her daughter doesn't, anyway.
Load More Replies... I’m still stuck on how much her, the mom’s pic, is so filtered - yes, I know it seriously doesn’t matter nor part of the story, and no, I don’t have a valid reason or a decent excuse for harping it.
Please stop with the tiktoks. This one was just gross - extreme filters and putting their child on such a dangerous platform publicly. Please stop.
most of the time swear words get used as "enhancers" or filler anyways. Context is what makes something "Good or bad" For instance calling someone and under educated half whit is insulting, but uses no swear words, whereas, you are the most f*cking brilliant person i ever goddamned knew is a not and has 2 of the "worst" swear words.
I agree. Language is interesting. You say "two of the 'worst' swear words" which shows how it varies enormously culturally as to what is considered 'worst' as well. In the UK there's only really one in that sentence. Goddamned isn't used and wouldn't be generally considered that bad if it was. In the US (or parts of it?) b!tch seems to be considered rather bad and gets butchered to avoid saying it properly and even avoided in the written form (as it does also on BP). Which seems weird to most of us in the UK. Not saying calling someone a b!tch is nice but the word itself isn't bad per se, just an insult as many non-swear words can be - just as you say. Curious how language use can be so very different, even within a country as well. Though the b!tch thing is also rather annoying as it's a completely legitimate and accurate term for a female dog.
Load More Replies... It took me quite a while to finally be brave enough to use these kind of words I was 18 when I said my first 'bad' word, the word was s**t and I thought I was being horrible lmao
I would call mine 'car words'. There are some total eejits out there on the road and sometimes words just come spilling out :x
"Car words." That's brilliant! I would use that if I weren't an all-the-time sailor, trash mouth and my son wasn't already 16. I love it.
Load More Replies... Teaching the kids about swear words this way is not cool. Allowing them to use them at home is not cool. What happens if she slips up and it comes out at school or when they are out somewhere public? My kids heard the words and I told them they were not to be repeated or used and they were not good words. As adults, they make their own choices. It is one thing for them to ask about a word and get a definition of it and how it is used but they should not be encouraged to use it.
It's sad to see nice kids in school get treated like they are bad or stupid just because their parents think swearing is ok. Personally, I have little problem with it - but I've seen pre teens who never get invited to friends house because they are a bad influence when really they just don't know not to sware at adults. To be honest though anyone posting videos of their kids to show what great parents they are always brings out my judgy side.
I dunno. Cursing? Why? Why not use some of these truly awesome and powerful words for self expression?
I've always let mine use home words and it's really not been a big issue. This is the exact opposite of my home life when I was a kid. Which may be why I cuss like a sailor, idk.
This is more or less exactly how my wife and I decided to deal with ~language~ with our kiddo. It gives him an outlet for expressing himself truthfully with us, and I think it tempers the potential harmfulness of words others might use against him. He’s 15 now and likewise, we have never had a problem with him choosing his language discerningly.
Honestly, by the time my child was a tween he tried a few swear words. Didn't get a reaction and pretty well gave them up. Hateful language though...never allowed
Research has shown that children (most likely outside the parental sphere) start using swear words, on average, around the age of 6. The children who are sensible and discerning will not be using that language around their parents but probably will use it to impress their peers or maybe just to fit in. Too many people underestimate what children will say or do and their ability to judge appropriateness. The number of times I heard a parent say 'my child would never do that' and I'd seen that child do exactly that. If we think back to our own childhoods, what we and other children in school said and did, we know that playground language is not the same as that at home. Most children work out what works and what doesn't.
Load More Replies... Meanwhile our parents tell us off every single time we use even a light swear like c**p... Even though we're late teenagers and adults and we're not in public...
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