Mom Of ‘Perfect’ Kids Can’t Lie To Cousin Saying Her Baby Is Not ‘The Ugliest’, Asks For Advice But Gets Blasted Instead
Let’s be honest, many parents see their kids as the most beautiful angels to ever exist. Even when newborns aren’t much more than tiny bundles that eat, sleep and cry on repeat, parents will swear they are the cutest and most perfect babies on the planet. Moms and dads are wired to adore their kids, and feeling loved is key to children’s overall well-being.
Yet, some people (read: entitled) greatly overvalue their kids and believe they are exceptionally special and more deserving than others. Like this mom who recently shared a ridiculous post on a parenting group. In fact, her musings were so out-of-touch with reality that Redditor WasteCan6403 knew it belonged in the ‘Mom Group Drama’ community, a place where people “judge the ‘No Judge’ culture of the internet mom groups.”
See, this mom to two “literally perfect” toddlers asked for perspective after she had no idea how to react to her cousin who has the nerve to consistently send photos of her own “ugly” baby. “That baby isn’t even 1% cute and I’m not going to lie to her,” she explained. As you can guess, the post caused quite a stir on the platform as the users jumped to share their reactions. Scroll down to read the post in full, and let us know what you think about it in the comments!
Recently, this mom of “literally perfect” kids asked the internet for advice on how to respond to photos of her cousin’s “ugly” baby
Image credits: thedanw (not the actual photo)
Image credits: WasteCan6403
Image credits: Engin_Ekyurt (not the actual photo)
After reading the post, the community members shared a deluge of reactions about just how entitled and out-of-touch with reality this mother seems to be. The Redditor who shared these screenshots on the platform later revealed in the comments that the woman has already deleted her post from the group. Although they did mention that the mom received some equally “brutally honest” remarks from fellow parents who came across her inquiry.
While the woman showed a lack of respect towards her cousin and the baby, she also seems to have overvalued her own children by saying they are simply the best and most gorgeous babies on the planet. Apparently, there’s a concept of parental overvaluation that’s exceptionally high in narcissistic parents. Eddie Brummelman, an Associate Professor at the University of Amsterdam, the Netherlands, wrote in an article on The Conversation about a series of studies he conducted to examine this phenomenon.
Across six studies involving over 1,700 Dutch and American parents, the researchers found there are important differences between parents in how strongly they overvalue their child and that these disparities shape parents’ thoughts and behaviors. Some of their findings include that overvaluing moms and dads overestimate their child’s knowledge, perceive them as more gifted, and want their kid to stand out from the crowd (which often includes giving them a unique name).
“Not all parents are equally inclined to overvalue,” Brummelman explained. “We found that narcissistic parents, who believe they are superior to others and who want to be admired by others, are especially inclined toward it.”
But why, you ask? One prospect is that narcissistic parents try to put themselves on a pedestal. “Because parents often see their child as part of themselves, admiring their child may also be an indirect way of admiring themselves. Another possibility is that narcissistic parents simply believe that the child has inherited their ‘wonderful qualities’.”
As Emily Zitek, a professor at Cornell University’s School of Industrial and Labor Relations, explained in a previous interview with Bored Panda, “having a high status in society” and being told you “possessed a rare skill” could also lead to feeling more privileged. So if the woman’s kids always receive compliments, they may start to believe they deserve more than others. “It seems that one reason that people may become more entitled is that they have received a message … that there is something special, valuable, or worthy about them,” the professor said.
Zitek found that entitled individuals “are more selfish, follow instructions less often, are more likely to think things that are unpleasant for them are unfair, get angry about bad luck, and are less likely to comply with the health guidelines of the pandemic.” And this makes interacting with them very challenging. Have you ever encountered an entitled parent? Do you have any thoughts you would like to share with us after reading the woman’s posts? Then be sure to leave your reactions right below in the comments, we’d love to hear them.
After reading the post, Redditors didn’t hold back with their reactions
"I am brutally honest" = I am an insensitive a*****e with no social skills
I HATE when people say 'I'm brutally honest'. There's being honest and there's being a person who just blatantly does not care about other people and finds themselves to be hot s**t. Disgusting
Load More Replies...
That's a lot of words for "I am an a*hole for basing people's worth solely on looks, let alone small children's"
My mother in law prides herself on "telling it like it is", which is basically just an excuse to be a rude a*****e. Which is what this woman is doing.
And I bet she gets all butt-hurt and miffed if people dare to criticize her, am I right?
Load More Replies...
The whole "Brutally honest, can't tell even a white lie" thing is BS. This woman probrably lies whenever she finds it convenient. What she means is "Mean and proud of it, can't bear to be kind if there's a chance to be hurtful." People who really don't like to lie, can still find something kind, even if it's "Wow, he has so much hair!" or "you must be so proud of him". If you're neuro-atypical, and really can't do polite lies, you learn that comments on someone's appearance can upset people, and avoid them. When pushed to tell someone how they looked, an acquaintance with ASD eventually came up with the beautiful response "I can see you. You look like a person. You have clothes on. And a head."
Lol! I love your friend's response 😂 That pretty much covers the main goals of being a human in public anyway doesn't it? 😁
Load More Replies...
I've met babies that honestly looked like gremlins, but they're all cute and often the ugliest babies grow up to be the most gorgeous adults. They grow into their big nose, or ears or whatever looks odd on a tiny baby face. I would never tell someone their baby was ugly though. That's cruelty, not honesty.
I was a nursery nurse to a little girl who, at 4 months old (the age I started looking after her) was not pretty. She had a big round head and a disproportionately wide mouth. She just looked...odd. And she wasn't really growing into her face, but, at six months old she started smiling when I sang to her, and it was like the sun came out. I only met her mum once, but I'm confident that, unless her dad fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch, that little girl was going to grow up to be a very pretty woman - she certainly had a beautiful personality. (I don't mean that euphemistically either - I loved playing with her, she was full of joy)
Load More Replies...
I mean I don't like kids myself and have very little social skills, but I at least TRY. This lady sounds horrible. I mean what kind of person says they enjoy picking on others and being mean?! Bullies and nasty people!
Exactly! I mean, I'm pretty open here about not having kids because I loathe kids as a mass grouping, but the idea that you can't NOT TRAUMATIZE a kid seems to be alien to this particular a*****e. Even if the kid isn't traditionally cute, who cares? It's a little baby. Smile, make a few faces, say "You're so sweet!" and it's done.
Load More Replies...
I'm with agoldagold, even us neurodivergent people who have a hard time lying know you compliment parents on their child. You be kind, first and foremost. And you know better than to judge on looks.
I feel so bad for her toddlers, when they grow up and get acne, or puppy fat, or other things that naturally come along with being human. She’s gonna tear them apart
I can't imagine how she'd be to her kids if she thought they were ugly. I dread when her kids stop being 'perfect'
When I read “I’m a brutally honest person”, I knew she was just rude and mean, because any kind of talk about being “honest” is exactly how nasty rude assholes like that try to justify their cruelty. While there’s nothing wrong with being brutally honest with yourself, it’s not something you do to others, even if they ask you (because I guarantee they aren’t truly prepared to hear brutally honest truths about themselves). If she feels entitled to say someone else’s baby is 100% ugly—-and post her unnecessarily cruel opinion online—-then I agree with other commenters who are asking for her to post pictures of her own crotch goblins so the rest of us can see if they’re actually as “perfect” as she says they are. You make extreme statements like that, then it is incumbent upon YOU to provide proof. Which she didn’t.
The compliments don't have to be "this baby is so aesthetically pleasing to the general standards of our current culture!" How about "what a little sweetie!" "Aw she has a great smile!" "She's so precious!" Even saying she's cute, there's a lot more to being cute than just looking a certain way anyway. The way babies act and the things they do makes them cute whether they're also "physically pretty" or not. "haha she loves that stuffed bear so much! So cute!" It's not hard to be kind. This woman just wants to be the best and doesn't want to let others in the limelight.
A lot of women resent others having babies who take the limelight from their own children. Jealous of a baby.
Load More Replies...
Well that is just beyond the pale. Btw, I've known many babies and what ever they looked like at any stage is irrelevant as true ugliness comes from actions. Put that in your pipe and smoke it madame.
OP doesn't like children. Then why did she have two? She says that she and her husband are mean, but yet she can't bring herself to lie? She asks what to do? Be a better person. Stop being mean. Learn to say nice things. Dang... her poor children!
You don't need to like children to love your own.l think those are two different things and related to our animal instincts. However, even l myself don't like children ver much l don't bash them because l wasn't raised by wolves. All children deserve kindness.
Load More Replies... Who in their right mind thinks that what a baby looks like in the first year of life is what they'll look like forever?
I DO have a friend who's son has looked like his own grandpa since birth. It's a scream, esp. now that he's got a side-part and they put sweater vests and bow ties on him. He's going to look like a middle manager all his life. But how adorably cute is that?!
Load More Replies... The "brutally honest" troupe generally doesn't take it well when they receive a taste of their own medicine. The irony
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything. No reason to tell them that you think the kid is ugly. Being blunt no matter what is not a virtue.
"My husband and I are kind of mean and like to pick on people, and our kids are, like, totally perfect!" Mmm, so you are delusional assholes then? Mmk.
"My kids are so beautiful. I generally don't like children, but mine are so different!" No, no they're not. And I never understand freaking PARENTS who go out of their way to say they actually don't "like" kids. Like, um, you have some?
I guess the lady learned good how to be AH, found and married her exact copy and feel protected in her own little circle of AHery. There is always something nice to say about everyone, about their looks, clothes or behaviour. Say this one thing and shut up, simple as that.
She doesn't deserve her kids. What's going to happen as they get older and their appearances start morphing? She's going to be teaching her kids to be shallow jerks.
That's mean. I mean, this may get me bashed as well but I don't like babies at all. I have some trigger that makes them ugly to me, like "get it away from me NOW" ugly. I have never found any cute, and it causes me physical and emotional distress to see even a photo of one. But it takes a lot of *ssholery to say "mine are perfect but everyone else's sucks". I mean, people obviously love their kids. Don't bash them. Geez.
i hate the social expectation that we should think babies are cute, ALL babies are ugly but to the parents they're beautiful, because they're their children, nobody should be expected to compliment other's children, but saying their ugly isnt cool
Sad. So sad. Because, like this woman, I cannot tell a lie. (Asperger's) So like her, I tend to stay quiet. But I had a rought emlightemenemtn, when I abeigbout came to show oddf her new grandson, to my MIL and SIL. The absolutley gushed over the baby -- "of he;s so cute/ beautifil/ wahteve, Ylou mist be SO proud of him" stuff. But when the woman left, my MIL and SIL judged just when she would be out of hearing and started making the most vile comments about this baby. I was aghast, I told them he was a perfectly nice baby, very clean and cheerful, too. One reason I don't like many humans! :-( Two faced, dishonest
I'm reminded of something Leo Buscaglia (family therapist who was popular in the '70s-80s) once said. In the context of how to be honest, yet kind, to your romantic partner (or anyone else), he talked about how one partner might ask the other, "Which outfit do you like better? The brown one, or the blue one?" You're not doing your partner any favors by grimacing at the brown outfit and saying, "It's awful! I hate it!" but there's nothing wrong with saying, "You know, honestly, I don't like the brown outfit as much as I like the blue one--but they both still look good on you." You've given your honest opinion--not liking the brown outfit--but you haven't gone out of your way to hurt your partner's feelings when you tell them so. OP could (and definitely needs to) learn from that.
I think she should be brutally honest with her cousin and anyone else's baby/child she deems ugly. Go ahead and tell the truth. Aren't you being a hypocrite by saying you are unable to speak anything but the truth and then remain silent? So you're lying by omission. Apparently, you are a chickens**t coward who can't live up to your own standards of being brutally honest. As the saying goes "pretty is as pretty does" you, my dear, are the ugliest of all.
"Brutally honest" is just another way to say a-hole so at least your clear on where you stand. Not every truth needs to be spoken out loud. Part of maturing is knowing when to speak but sometimes even more important is knowing when not to. Ask your self before you say something... "What value am I adding to this situation?" If the answer is 'nothing', then you should just keep your mouth shut.
Listen, I f*****g hate kids. I'm on a wait-list for a tubal, I have nightmares about getting pregnant, children make me incredibly uncomfortable. That said, when my family members being their children around, I try my best to be civil. I praise their achievements, I listen when they babble at me, I coo over the babies. The only thing I don't to is take food from them. This woman needs to grow the f**k up
I have three kids and they’re definitely not perfect nor are they gorgeous every day of their lives but I love them unconditionally and I think other peoples kids are awesome, too. But I have someone in the family that thinks their one kid is Gods gift and everyone else’s kids are not. They’re not invited to my kids things because of how negative and bitter they are. But I’m the mean one for not inviting them. People suck
Here's a question that should work for you; "Who does Ignatz look like?"
what a cruel lady. Her husband sounds awful too People are more than their looks. Babies faces change. How many times can she say she got lucky,?
I would just say "how sweet", or "how precious". It's not lying if you avoid commenting on their looks.
I am "brutally honest" is code for "I am brutal but I'm making excuses for my bad behavior"
Last time I had to deal with someone like that, sadly their kids were manipulative little sh**s, too, old enough to be just like the parents.
Doubt her kids are as cute as she thinks they are, parents blinded by love and all. What a nasty disgusting woman she is. There is always something nice to say about a baby. She sounds absolutely toxic.
When people show you something that makes them happy - their babies, their new haircut, their favourite band, they don't do it to receive feedback, they just want to share their positive moments with you. So yeah, if you don't care about what they are showing, you obviously don't need to fake excitement and gush about how amazing it is - it's gonna be uncomfortable for both of you. Just acknowledge it, and stay polite. I don't find baby cute at all, so when people show me photos of ther kids, I just nod and say something neutral, like "cool", "great" or whatever. Apply your honest criticism to the places where it's actually needed - when you check your subordinate work or write a review on the movie you watched.
"I am brutally honest" = I am an insensitive a*****e with no social skills
I HATE when people say 'I'm brutally honest'. There's being honest and there's being a person who just blatantly does not care about other people and finds themselves to be hot s**t. Disgusting
Load More Replies... That's a lot of words for "I am an a*hole for basing people's worth solely on looks, let alone small children's"
My mother in law prides herself on "telling it like it is", which is basically just an excuse to be a rude a*****e. Which is what this woman is doing.
And I bet she gets all butt-hurt and miffed if people dare to criticize her, am I right?
Load More Replies... The whole "Brutally honest, can't tell even a white lie" thing is BS. This woman probrably lies whenever she finds it convenient. What she means is "Mean and proud of it, can't bear to be kind if there's a chance to be hurtful." People who really don't like to lie, can still find something kind, even if it's "Wow, he has so much hair!" or "you must be so proud of him". If you're neuro-atypical, and really can't do polite lies, you learn that comments on someone's appearance can upset people, and avoid them. When pushed to tell someone how they looked, an acquaintance with ASD eventually came up with the beautiful response "I can see you. You look like a person. You have clothes on. And a head."
Lol! I love your friend's response 😂 That pretty much covers the main goals of being a human in public anyway doesn't it? 😁
Load More Replies... I've met babies that honestly looked like gremlins, but they're all cute and often the ugliest babies grow up to be the most gorgeous adults. They grow into their big nose, or ears or whatever looks odd on a tiny baby face. I would never tell someone their baby was ugly though. That's cruelty, not honesty.
I was a nursery nurse to a little girl who, at 4 months old (the age I started looking after her) was not pretty. She had a big round head and a disproportionately wide mouth. She just looked...odd. And she wasn't really growing into her face, but, at six months old she started smiling when I sang to her, and it was like the sun came out. I only met her mum once, but I'm confident that, unless her dad fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch, that little girl was going to grow up to be a very pretty woman - she certainly had a beautiful personality. (I don't mean that euphemistically either - I loved playing with her, she was full of joy)
Load More Replies... I mean I don't like kids myself and have very little social skills, but I at least TRY. This lady sounds horrible. I mean what kind of person says they enjoy picking on others and being mean?! Bullies and nasty people!
Exactly! I mean, I'm pretty open here about not having kids because I loathe kids as a mass grouping, but the idea that you can't NOT TRAUMATIZE a kid seems to be alien to this particular a*****e. Even if the kid isn't traditionally cute, who cares? It's a little baby. Smile, make a few faces, say "You're so sweet!" and it's done.
Load More Replies... I'm with agoldagold, even us neurodivergent people who have a hard time lying know you compliment parents on their child. You be kind, first and foremost. And you know better than to judge on looks.
I feel so bad for her toddlers, when they grow up and get acne, or puppy fat, or other things that naturally come along with being human. She’s gonna tear them apart
I can't imagine how she'd be to her kids if she thought they were ugly. I dread when her kids stop being 'perfect'
When I read “I’m a brutally honest person”, I knew she was just rude and mean, because any kind of talk about being “honest” is exactly how nasty rude assholes like that try to justify their cruelty. While there’s nothing wrong with being brutally honest with yourself, it’s not something you do to others, even if they ask you (because I guarantee they aren’t truly prepared to hear brutally honest truths about themselves). If she feels entitled to say someone else’s baby is 100% ugly—-and post her unnecessarily cruel opinion online—-then I agree with other commenters who are asking for her to post pictures of her own crotch goblins so the rest of us can see if they’re actually as “perfect” as she says they are. You make extreme statements like that, then it is incumbent upon YOU to provide proof. Which she didn’t.
The compliments don't have to be "this baby is so aesthetically pleasing to the general standards of our current culture!" How about "what a little sweetie!" "Aw she has a great smile!" "She's so precious!" Even saying she's cute, there's a lot more to being cute than just looking a certain way anyway. The way babies act and the things they do makes them cute whether they're also "physically pretty" or not. "haha she loves that stuffed bear so much! So cute!" It's not hard to be kind. This woman just wants to be the best and doesn't want to let others in the limelight.
A lot of women resent others having babies who take the limelight from their own children. Jealous of a baby.
Load More Replies... Well that is just beyond the pale. Btw, I've known many babies and what ever they looked like at any stage is irrelevant as true ugliness comes from actions. Put that in your pipe and smoke it madame.
OP doesn't like children. Then why did she have two? She says that she and her husband are mean, but yet she can't bring herself to lie? She asks what to do? Be a better person. Stop being mean. Learn to say nice things. Dang... her poor children!
You don't need to like children to love your own.l think those are two different things and related to our animal instincts. However, even l myself don't like children ver much l don't bash them because l wasn't raised by wolves. All children deserve kindness.
Load More Replies... Who in their right mind thinks that what a baby looks like in the first year of life is what they'll look like forever?
I DO have a friend who's son has looked like his own grandpa since birth. It's a scream, esp. now that he's got a side-part and they put sweater vests and bow ties on him. He's going to look like a middle manager all his life. But how adorably cute is that?!
Load More Replies... The "brutally honest" troupe generally doesn't take it well when they receive a taste of their own medicine. The irony
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything. No reason to tell them that you think the kid is ugly. Being blunt no matter what is not a virtue.
"My husband and I are kind of mean and like to pick on people, and our kids are, like, totally perfect!" Mmm, so you are delusional assholes then? Mmk.
"My kids are so beautiful. I generally don't like children, but mine are so different!" No, no they're not. And I never understand freaking PARENTS who go out of their way to say they actually don't "like" kids. Like, um, you have some?
I guess the lady learned good how to be AH, found and married her exact copy and feel protected in her own little circle of AHery. There is always something nice to say about everyone, about their looks, clothes or behaviour. Say this one thing and shut up, simple as that.
She doesn't deserve her kids. What's going to happen as they get older and their appearances start morphing? She's going to be teaching her kids to be shallow jerks.
That's mean. I mean, this may get me bashed as well but I don't like babies at all. I have some trigger that makes them ugly to me, like "get it away from me NOW" ugly. I have never found any cute, and it causes me physical and emotional distress to see even a photo of one. But it takes a lot of *ssholery to say "mine are perfect but everyone else's sucks". I mean, people obviously love their kids. Don't bash them. Geez.
i hate the social expectation that we should think babies are cute, ALL babies are ugly but to the parents they're beautiful, because they're their children, nobody should be expected to compliment other's children, but saying their ugly isnt cool
Sad. So sad. Because, like this woman, I cannot tell a lie. (Asperger's) So like her, I tend to stay quiet. But I had a rought emlightemenemtn, when I abeigbout came to show oddf her new grandson, to my MIL and SIL. The absolutley gushed over the baby -- "of he;s so cute/ beautifil/ wahteve, Ylou mist be SO proud of him" stuff. But when the woman left, my MIL and SIL judged just when she would be out of hearing and started making the most vile comments about this baby. I was aghast, I told them he was a perfectly nice baby, very clean and cheerful, too. One reason I don't like many humans! :-( Two faced, dishonest
I'm reminded of something Leo Buscaglia (family therapist who was popular in the '70s-80s) once said. In the context of how to be honest, yet kind, to your romantic partner (or anyone else), he talked about how one partner might ask the other, "Which outfit do you like better? The brown one, or the blue one?" You're not doing your partner any favors by grimacing at the brown outfit and saying, "It's awful! I hate it!" but there's nothing wrong with saying, "You know, honestly, I don't like the brown outfit as much as I like the blue one--but they both still look good on you." You've given your honest opinion--not liking the brown outfit--but you haven't gone out of your way to hurt your partner's feelings when you tell them so. OP could (and definitely needs to) learn from that.
I think she should be brutally honest with her cousin and anyone else's baby/child she deems ugly. Go ahead and tell the truth. Aren't you being a hypocrite by saying you are unable to speak anything but the truth and then remain silent? So you're lying by omission. Apparently, you are a chickens**t coward who can't live up to your own standards of being brutally honest. As the saying goes "pretty is as pretty does" you, my dear, are the ugliest of all.
"Brutally honest" is just another way to say a-hole so at least your clear on where you stand. Not every truth needs to be spoken out loud. Part of maturing is knowing when to speak but sometimes even more important is knowing when not to. Ask your self before you say something... "What value am I adding to this situation?" If the answer is 'nothing', then you should just keep your mouth shut.
Listen, I f*****g hate kids. I'm on a wait-list for a tubal, I have nightmares about getting pregnant, children make me incredibly uncomfortable. That said, when my family members being their children around, I try my best to be civil. I praise their achievements, I listen when they babble at me, I coo over the babies. The only thing I don't to is take food from them. This woman needs to grow the f**k up
I have three kids and they’re definitely not perfect nor are they gorgeous every day of their lives but I love them unconditionally and I think other peoples kids are awesome, too. But I have someone in the family that thinks their one kid is Gods gift and everyone else’s kids are not. They’re not invited to my kids things because of how negative and bitter they are. But I’m the mean one for not inviting them. People suck
Here's a question that should work for you; "Who does Ignatz look like?"
what a cruel lady. Her husband sounds awful too People are more than their looks. Babies faces change. How many times can she say she got lucky,?
I would just say "how sweet", or "how precious". It's not lying if you avoid commenting on their looks.
I am "brutally honest" is code for "I am brutal but I'm making excuses for my bad behavior"
Last time I had to deal with someone like that, sadly their kids were manipulative little sh**s, too, old enough to be just like the parents.
Doubt her kids are as cute as she thinks they are, parents blinded by love and all. What a nasty disgusting woman she is. There is always something nice to say about a baby. She sounds absolutely toxic.
When people show you something that makes them happy - their babies, their new haircut, their favourite band, they don't do it to receive feedback, they just want to share their positive moments with you. So yeah, if you don't care about what they are showing, you obviously don't need to fake excitement and gush about how amazing it is - it's gonna be uncomfortable for both of you. Just acknowledge it, and stay polite. I don't find baby cute at all, so when people show me photos of ther kids, I just nod and say something neutral, like "cool", "great" or whatever. Apply your honest criticism to the places where it's actually needed - when you check your subordinate work or write a review on the movie you watched.
44
66