Mom Shares How Frustrating Visitors Who Can't Wait 1 Or 2 Days To See The Baby Can Be
The birth of a child is a big moment not only for their parents. New grandpas and grandmas, aunts and uncles, and pretty much all relatives and friends want to catch a glimpse of the little bundle of joy. However, in all of this chaos, people might forget the person they should be paying the most attention to. The mother. And it can really wear them down.
Katie Bowman, the “creator of twins and their big sister,” recently wrote an incredibly touching text, explaining the importance of rest for new moms. Shared on her blog Living My Family Life, the post resonated with thousands of women and should become a must-read for everyone who wants to go to the hospital to visit the new family member.
Image credits: livingmyfamilylife
Katie thinks it’s normal for people to be so excited to see a new baby. “It’s a special moment and they want to be involved. I just think sometimes that overwhelming excitement can sometimes cloud their judgment, and they try to justify that seeing the new baby is more important than listening to what the new mum wants,” she told Bored Panda.
She believes there are only 2 things you can do to get away from this unwanted attention. Either ask for space or demand it when people don’t listen. It’s a very sensitive time and unfortunately, you’re normally made to feel like the bad guy no matter what you say.
“I was lucky to have people who wanted to celebrate the life of our daughter, I just had some a bit late, which left me feeling exhausted as shown in my picture, staring at everyone wishing they would leave so I could finally get some sleep. The whole post is not related specifically to my experience, but experiences in general for new mothers. I feel like it’s a subject where mums feel like they have to just take a back seat and allow their newborn to feel like everyone’s property. It’s about reminding everyone that childbirth is a special moment, and they need to remember that with a new baby, there is a new mother. A new mother who is made to feel like she can’t speak up about her own feelings, because apparently everyone else’s feelings are more important at this time.”
The next time she was pregnant, Katie decided to avoid the tricky situation altogether.”For our second pregnancy, we said we probably wouldn’t want visitors at the hospital this time, especially with there being 2 babies. If it was going to be anything like my first birth, I knew I wasn’t going to want to put on a brave face to see anyone. As it was, the twins were a much easier delivery surprisingly and I felt great and ready to see family the next morning,” the mom said.
People had a lot to say about Katie’s powerful message
The responses her post has received taught Katie that there are loads of mothers who wished they could have had some alone time with their new baby. “It’s a special moment, and it’s something they will never get back. Then there were people who proved exactly what I said. They made it sound like I was a complete drama queen because I wanted some rest instead of visitors. Apparently it’s got to be all or nothing.”
Tiffany Koonter's response had me gobsmacked. Seven years of cutting off contact over a few days of waiting??? Seriously? Because seeing the kid at five days old instead of five hours was so heart-breaking? Are they planning to take this petty crap to their graves?
There are weird people like this. My mother is still salty about me not having wanted to go to ballet when I was five. I'm thirty...
I take it they weren't really into the kid anyways, if they were so self-centered that they couldn't wait a couple of days.
Some people are like that. And thats why even the best communication won't work. Those people remind me of the influencers. They feel entitled to everything they want and if they are denied, they feel personally offended. In case of a new baby: somehow such people seam to think they have more right to see the kid than the parents have. Like "let me see it first, you had it 9 months inside you, now its my turn!" Stupid
I personally would not allow grandmas or aunts or anyone non essential until the baby has a proper immune system, if they don't understand we are better off without them.
My parents are like this, my son is 5 months old. I'm 30 years old. My Dad assaulted me in the hospital because I wouldn't let them see him in the first two hours of his life. We barely speak and they are so, incredibly selfish
in my culture, both the new mum and the baby are not supposed to be visited until 40 days from the birth pass. they say its to protect the baby from the "evil eye" but - what a blessing for both fantastic creatures...
I can’t imagine not having my mom there after giving birth. I need her to get through a cold, let alone a new baby!
immediate family is usually fine. I think they meant friends and far-away relatives
this is quite common in quite a few cultures. . Gives baby time to build up strength without being exposed to too much stimulus, allows bonding between mother and baby, and she can recover from the birthing ordeal, only seeing people she's comfortable with
That's really neat! If you don't mind me asking, what culture?
A lot of cultures have it... it is mainly to prevent the baby from being contaminated with weird bacteria and viruses (that is not already in the home or vicinity, for which they have immunity from the mom). I mean, a couple of centuries ago, people didnt know about bacteria but probably figured out that new born babies should be sheltered from too many new things and made up a superstitious reason for it
L McN has no reply ------ DAD they are referring other than immediate family. It is away of keeping the looky lous from over whelming when the mom is tired and needs to sleep when baby sleeps, not entertain
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Ok, what about the father? Just TRY and keep me from my kid for 40 days! Heads would roll on my fight to get to my baby....and I mean that in the most violent and aggressive meaning possible for anyone who tries to stop me! (unless of course it would result in my babies death, in which case I BETTER be in the NICU with it!)
are you dumb? the dad is not a visitor
Fucking chill dude
Seems like a very personal issue to you. Everyone in my family was very clear about visitors and how they where not allowed in the hospital, not on certain days/hours at home, etc. No problems at all. We always get cards with texts like 'mommy and the baby sleep from 2 to 4pm' or something like that, which means you don't visit at those times.
Exactly. Setting up expectations in advance with clear communication isn't a universal skill, but a great one and can/should be learned! You can be direct and assertive while being kind.
We can't control how our family reacts to the boundaries we make. If someone is adamant about doing something and you tell them no, no matter how nicely you say it, they will get offended. Maybe your family is just better at hiding if they had a problem and decided it wasn't worth creating a scene over. Not all families are like that. Some members think they have an automatic claim on your baby. My sister for example.
Thankyou Demi & Alice. This is exactly what I was thinking.
Tiffany Koonter's response had me gobsmacked. Seven years of cutting off contact over a few days of waiting??? Seriously? Because seeing the kid at five days old instead of five hours was so heart-breaking? Are they planning to take this petty crap to their graves?
There are weird people like this. My mother is still salty about me not having wanted to go to ballet when I was five. I'm thirty...
I take it they weren't really into the kid anyways, if they were so self-centered that they couldn't wait a couple of days.
Some people are like that. And thats why even the best communication won't work. Those people remind me of the influencers. They feel entitled to everything they want and if they are denied, they feel personally offended. In case of a new baby: somehow such people seam to think they have more right to see the kid than the parents have. Like "let me see it first, you had it 9 months inside you, now its my turn!" Stupid
I personally would not allow grandmas or aunts or anyone non essential until the baby has a proper immune system, if they don't understand we are better off without them.
My parents are like this, my son is 5 months old. I'm 30 years old. My Dad assaulted me in the hospital because I wouldn't let them see him in the first two hours of his life. We barely speak and they are so, incredibly selfish
in my culture, both the new mum and the baby are not supposed to be visited until 40 days from the birth pass. they say its to protect the baby from the "evil eye" but - what a blessing for both fantastic creatures...
I can’t imagine not having my mom there after giving birth. I need her to get through a cold, let alone a new baby!
immediate family is usually fine. I think they meant friends and far-away relatives
this is quite common in quite a few cultures. . Gives baby time to build up strength without being exposed to too much stimulus, allows bonding between mother and baby, and she can recover from the birthing ordeal, only seeing people she's comfortable with
That's really neat! If you don't mind me asking, what culture?
A lot of cultures have it... it is mainly to prevent the baby from being contaminated with weird bacteria and viruses (that is not already in the home or vicinity, for which they have immunity from the mom). I mean, a couple of centuries ago, people didnt know about bacteria but probably figured out that new born babies should be sheltered from too many new things and made up a superstitious reason for it
L McN has no reply ------ DAD they are referring other than immediate family. It is away of keeping the looky lous from over whelming when the mom is tired and needs to sleep when baby sleeps, not entertain
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Ok, what about the father? Just TRY and keep me from my kid for 40 days! Heads would roll on my fight to get to my baby....and I mean that in the most violent and aggressive meaning possible for anyone who tries to stop me! (unless of course it would result in my babies death, in which case I BETTER be in the NICU with it!)
are you dumb? the dad is not a visitor
Fucking chill dude
Seems like a very personal issue to you. Everyone in my family was very clear about visitors and how they where not allowed in the hospital, not on certain days/hours at home, etc. No problems at all. We always get cards with texts like 'mommy and the baby sleep from 2 to 4pm' or something like that, which means you don't visit at those times.
Exactly. Setting up expectations in advance with clear communication isn't a universal skill, but a great one and can/should be learned! You can be direct and assertive while being kind.
We can't control how our family reacts to the boundaries we make. If someone is adamant about doing something and you tell them no, no matter how nicely you say it, they will get offended. Maybe your family is just better at hiding if they had a problem and decided it wasn't worth creating a scene over. Not all families are like that. Some members think they have an automatic claim on your baby. My sister for example.
Thankyou Demi & Alice. This is exactly what I was thinking.