Millennial Explains Why It’s Hard For Millennials To Wrap Their Head Around Their Own Age
Every generation has its challenges and struggles, whether cultural, political, or psycho-social. Yet millennials, of all generations, seem to get most of the spotlight, not just in joke form, but also on a serious note through debates and discussions.
And this should not come as a surprise—not too long ago, an influencer called this a very unique generation that’s sandwiched between two others, serving as an interesting bridge between them, a best of both worlds.
Well, despite that, to some it seems that being a millennial is not all that glamorous because of a certain kind of identity crisis and that it’s just too difficult to make sense of what age they have to be—nobody, actually, understands that point.
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Every generation has its struggles, but it’s millennials that find themselves in an interesting one
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Meet Dr. Sunny Moraine, a sociologist and author from Washington, DC, who, back in 2018, shared their thoughts on how truly hard it is for millennials to make sense of their own age and in some regards their identity.
This was in response to a comment by Ross Enamait, professional boxing coach and entrepreneur, who said that millennials should stop complaining about how they are getting old and how it’s depressing.
And this Twitter user points out what the struggle is all about after one person’s comment about ‘complaining millennials’
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Moraine said that the benchmarks that millennials grew up with do not really apply to them, leading to feelings of insecurity and confusion. Many end up not marrying or not having kids or not even finishing college at times that are ‘deemed appropriate by society.’
“Add to that the fact that we literally don’t experience time the way we used to. Time is both stretched and collapsed, especially right now. Years feel like months. Weeks feel like years. The past is smashed into the future which folds into the present,” added Moraine.
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This inevitably leads to a certain kind of identity crisis whereby you don’t even know what it means to be an adult, having grown up, what clothes to wear, etc. It’s not really a mid-life crisis as much as it feels like a “crisis of temporality,” says Moraine.
The relatively thorough explanation of the issue comes as a plea of understanding to people who view it all as complaining. Dr. Moraine urges people to instead listen to the words behind the words, and be understanding.
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Many people online liked this, saying that this is exactly what they wanted to hear being millennials themselves. Others added to the discussion, saying that things like anxiety, depression, stress, racial differences, and many other factors make it even more difficult.
Another commenter, a boomer with millennial kids, praised the thread, saying that it seems the structural inequalities that produced massive economic disparities also disrupted opportunities: “Reflecting on my path, I was a phlebotomist at 16, a ship’s first mate at 22, a husband at 27, a father at 31, a professor at 33, and managing big projects at 40.”
“It strikes me that it’s way harder now. And I don’t think it’s just because there are too many healthy boomers still working. So I’m not offering a solution but am recognizing your point. Actually I can offer advice. I’ve spent decades being indispensable. I do feel it’s my job now to make myself dispensable. Not because I am slowing down, but because people junior to me need to be able to speed up,” said Peter Griffith.
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You can read through the thread and people’s replies here. But before you go, share your thought with us in the comment section below!
The most comprehensive and succinct explanation of what it feels like to be millennial I have read in quite some time. All I'll add to that, is in the UK, we're also the generation that has been f_cked over by our parents who, when they voted for Brexit, stripped us of many of the rights they enjoyed for 40 years!
And then complain about millennials being entitled and lazy.
Load More Replies...The thing is, this doesn't just apply to millennials. I am gen-x. I feel the same way. Most of my circle is exactly what was described here. I'm sure some boomers would read this and think the same thing too.
Gen X here, too, and I thought the same thing while reading this! I'm still waiting to "feel like an adult" and I'm approaching 50.
Load More Replies...I'm a 33 year old unmarried millennial and I can related to this 100% and it feels just as the way she described it.
I'm the same age, I rent, not married but I do have a kid. And I feel like some weird adult impostor. I still like video games and I just don't know how the next few decades will be, coz I don't even really have an identity now. I think a lot of it is the massive health s**t tho I've got a lot of life shortening s**t and I think that just adds to the lost feeling
Load More Replies...This was an unexpectedly good read. All I'll add is that most of the traditional markers of adulthood involve moving away from self-centeredness and into self-sacrifice. Unfashionable four-letter words like "duty" and "role" come to mind. Inner maturity is inextricably linked to giving up self-interest for the sake of others: family, society, etc. Modern Western culture discourages this almost pathologically, substituting instead the cult of self-love. An entire generation has been raised on this toxic, all-pervading psychosocial philosophy, and inevitably it's manifesting itself in a state of prolonged immaturity.
I'm not sure I agree with that exactly. We have integrated social media in our lives in an unprecedented way, but that just means that the "keeping up with the Jone's" idea from our parents generation is instead digital for us. We don't show off the perfect lawn and picket fence, we show off perfectly photoshopped pictures. The difference is that for our parents, all those opportunities to grow and actually have that kind of life were there. They aren't for us.
Load More Replies...Dear Millenials: A job does not define you, nor does it have anything to do with your identity. You will rarely get any satisfaction from working for others. A job is just a means to make some money, so you can go out and live your life. Plus, there is no set "timeline" for anything in life, do things when you can and want to, not when someone says you "should have X by now". Life rarely goes according to any real plan.
A job is a place to earn a paycheck, but it should challenge you and encourage you to grow as you take on more responsibility. You spend more hours at work and with your coworker than at home and with family. It is important that our job make us happy and feel satisfied. Unfortunately that opportunity is rarely offered.
Load More Replies...I am not sure why "feeling" like an adult is such a concern. I am a 50 YO GenX'er, been married 20+ years, have 4 kids, a house, 3 dogs and 2 cats. I am the sole bread winner for the family and I still don't "feel" like an adult. It seems like something millenials are worried about that is the same thing every generation worries about. Just assume you may never "feel" like an adult, no matter how much adulting you have to do everyday.
I'm a Gen X so I understand where you are coming from about not feeling like an adult.... but her point is, even though we dont feel like adults, most of us GenX have acheived the benchmarks she has talked about. I dont feel like an adult, but I have achieved the markers of adulthood... I have a solid career, raise two children, pay the mortgage and mow the lawn on weekends. Labour laws (and the absence thereof), economic reality, cost of education a whole raft of things putting downward pressure on younger generations means most of them have no hope of acheiving those benchmarks. But without them.... then what?
Load More Replies...I’m a millennial, married with kids and a home, and I still don’t feel like an adult. My brain feels trapped in a time loop of when I was a teenager, but I’m responsible for keeping pets and a couple of other humans alive. Not to mention paying bills and making doctor appointments for my family. It’s all so surreal
And that’s totally ok. I’m also a millennial also with a house and kids etc. and don’t really know if I’ll ever “feel” adult the way my parents seemed to feel when they were my age. And that’s ok. I attend to my responsibilities, I build my life and move forward. That’s what matters, not the age feeling.
Load More Replies...As a Millennial, my retirement will come early when I die of an untreated disease because I can't pay what my so-called insurance leaves unpaid. Oh, won't someone pity the hospital debt collectors.
For those who are talking about how they have kids, are married, have college degrees, houses, and good jobs, etc and yet don't still "feel" like an adult, I think a better way of putting it is it's not so much about us feeling like adults as it is about the world treating us as such. I'm a 30yo millennial, unmarried, childless, living with my parents, and yet to pursue higher education, and all of this happened because of various social and economic factors in my life. I'm not a child--I hold a steady job, I care for my elderly parents, and I can do some maintenance tasks and such, but because I haven't met any of the traditional milestones for my age, people still treat me like I'm childish or immature when the fact of the matter is they have no clue about my situation nor is it their business. But, despite that, this in turn makes me feel less like an adult because I can't help but compare myself to what are now dated milestones, when the truth is much, much more complicated.
This is very well put. It's not about how you feel internally as much as how people treat you. Lots of patronising going on out there, just because one doesn't wear a suit. Which, in itself, becomes a huge obstacle.
Load More Replies...This will probably get burned but what the hell. I am in the wrong side of 40. Doing relatively well financially. No kids. Own my own place. Still plays computer games. Still laugh at things I shouldn't. Still dread doing adult things like taxes. I know if I am free from obligations of life, I would revert to my very carefree lifestyle from my youth in a heartbeat. I never really grew up. I just pretend to be a grown-up.
I'm over the hill and still not completely grown up. I guess I will die this way. ....and I'm also thinking that laughing at something that's funny, when other people don't get it, keeps you young in mind.
Load More Replies...Gen X checking in. This happened to my generation as well. I'm 56, and still unsure what adult means to society. To me, it means I've taken care of my responsibilities and now can do whatever the hell I want. Interesting anecdote: When I was about 45, my mom said to me, "I'll never consider you to be an adult until you cut your hair." Really? No thanks.
Yep, our parents could buy a house on an average wage, good luck doing that now.
Yeah. My parents were "poor" when they were my age and yet with one salary they could rent a two bedroom apartment, have a car and a kid. I have two masters in biology and I couldnt even find a job as a cleaning lady because they were asking minimum 3y experience.
Load More Replies...Much of this applies to Gen X, especially those born in the '70s. The bottom started to drop out in the mid-to-late '80s, just in time for many of us to be in high school or college. If you got into the "groove" before Reagan's second term started, you were probably okay, but the rest of us got caught in the traps. I don't think any person born in 1970 or later has ever really been able to feel like an "adult". It's also worth pointing out that a lot of people's ideas about the so-called "adult" benchmarks come from '50s and '60s sitcoms (as was made clear by WandaVision). Those benchmarks started becoming unrealistic around the time the Vietnam War started, but they were presented as iron-clad truth throughout the '70s and '80s. So Gen X and Millennials grew up steeping in cultural imperatives that were already out of touch with reality. We need to define for ourselves what "adulthood" should mean, and stop letting the Baby Boomers tell us what it is.
We are always told that in your 30 you should be married, have kids, and have house. But the salary and career oportunity is just so bad that we coulnd't even afford to live on our own.
Yeah. From all my friends and young relatives the only one that could afford to have a wedding and a kid is my older cousin at 37yo and only because my uncles had money and bought him an appartment so they didnt beed to pay for it. The rest of us are between 20 and 40 and are struggling finding a paid job or paying rent.
Load More Replies...And then one day you find ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Your comment reminds me if pink floyds "time".
Load More Replies...I was born around the mid 90s. I somehow managed to get a college diploma (my mom helped financially), a career and a house in town with a big yard (I bought by myself). My friends and everyone I know who is my age has only managed to get their college and university diplomas. The are struggling day to day and are deep in debt from school and rent. I don't like talking about any of this because it feels like I'm rubbing it in their faces. But I am the exception that proves the rule, plus living at your parents, being a total miser, only buying what I absolutely needed and then it has to be second hand. That is how I managed to save up enough working two jobs and being a couple of dollars above our minimum wage at the time.
Congratulations! You would seem to be exception though, as most millennials are in the struggle boat. What I've noticed is that some of us have gotten lucky with the few opportunities for careers out there, but most of us are stuck in entry-level jobs which provides just enough to get by.
Load More Replies...We tend to have much higher expectations now than previous generations had. We want to feel fulfilled, not just get by. We want to have a healthy, happy relationship, not just be married and bear it because that’s what you do. We want to have kids if and because WE want to, not because that’s what’s expected by our parents or society. With higher expectations, there will be more people who don’t meet them, that is only natural.
I totally understand where the writer is coming from. I am 30 years old, unmarried, with no kids. I work a full time job, yet I can't afford to buy a car, and I also can't buy a house. I don't even make enough to live without roommates. On most days I don't feel like an adult, but I definitely don't feel like a kid either. So yeah I totally agree with the writer.
I was born early 70s, we had benchmarks so to speak, I remember feeling free in my 20s. I also remember having a meltdown at 25 because it was a quarter of a century old (I really did think of it that way) and I felt I had done nothing. Then I got to 30 and freaked that I had done something but had turned into my only working ever Mum and life was going to pass me by. I then got back on track but to be honest I still feel 19 sometimes (add 30) and while accepting I don't have kids that I did not ever set out to not have, that is what happened, I did other things. It was expected that homes, partners , kids are meant to be, but at the end of the day, be kind, be helpful and try to be as happy as you can...some days will suck, some whole decades will be horrible, but those benchmarks are not grades, you don't fail at the end, you just have a whole lot of funny drawings on your refrigerator of life.
This. Being equally ok with the lot you had thrown at you and with the consequences of your choices. That’s being an adult.
Load More Replies...Well. Maybe, adulting means handling difficult stuff and knowing that this is life. Nothing more, nothing less. Not having a choice and going with what you’re stuck with without overthinking could be adult. Trying to make the right decisions and dithering because you think there might be a right and wrong decision is very worrying - daring to make a mistake and facing the consequences with self assuredness is being an adult. Being able to go without validation. Stuff like that. Y‘know.
I think it’s because of a mix of things. One is that the boomers know half of their lives were wasted on boring bullshît and they’re perplexed as to why we don’t want the same dull existence. Like.. why would I want two kids in my 20s, or ever really? That is boring AF and too big of an expense to justify it being such a lame purchase. The second layer is the jobs issue, where obviously wages didn’t keep up with inflation and production, so, just duh. Even those of us in higher income brackets with our own companies still can see what’s happening. Extra money for me doesn’t stop me from noticing how much more expensive things are than they should be. Or how corny a service economy is, or how our older counterparts won’t take us seriously enough to give us real jobs. I feel how the OP feels but I also am tired of letting it get me down. Nope I don’t feel old. Yes I still wear current fashion trends. And ones from my teens too. No I don’t want to ruin my body with kids...
No I don’t want some basic rancher house in some shît tier suburb. No I don’t want to purchase a sensible vehicle. No I don’t want to work some mindless corporate job 9-5 for the next 30 years and retire with some cheesy plan. No I don’t want a timeshare. No I don’t want to participate in any of that supposedly “adult” stuff. And no my fücking body doesn’t just hurt because nobody’s body should hurt at 30-something unless they have a disease. Just because Boomers were fat and frumpy and old at 35 doesn’t mean we have to be. Watch us just live longer to make up the difference. Make fun of us for being healthy and childfree and “perpetual entrepreneurs.” They’re legit just jealous.
Load More Replies...Born in 1989, that technically makes me a millenial, right? I, for one, honestly, really DO feel like an adult. I collect action figures, I love toys, I wear super hero merchandise, I listen to cartoon songs, and I'm devoted to animation, comics, and video games. And yet.... I feel like an adult. I didn't reach all of those benchmarks, only some, only partially and in unconventional ways, and yet... I feel like an adult. Sometimes I get patronised, even by people not much older than I, and sometimes my younger friends forget my age and see me as their equal, and yet... I still feel like an adult. Maybe it's because I was always deemed "pretty mature for my age". Maybe because I grew up watching my siblings grow up, thus witnessing and normalising different kinds of adulthoods. Maybe it's cultural differences, maybe it's because I moved abroad right before my 21st birthday. Who knows... I don't know what "adult" really means to me, but I know I feel it. (cont. In reply)
I can't define it, can't describe it, but I know I feel it. And I know it feels different from adolescence and puberty. I feel it. Maybe adulthood really is nothing but a hormonal thing.
Load More Replies...I'm the youngest of millennials, born in the end of 1995, on the cusp of being gen Z. It's even rougher when you're on the cusp of two generations, I only just am getting into my possible career path/studies, I'm engaged, and have taken in my goddaughter, but I still feel like I don't know where I am in life. It's weird. :/
Yesss! I'm from 1994. And really. Almost 27 years lol feels like just turned 15 yesterday I swear. I live in an appartment with my dog, boyfriendless, maybe unable to even have kids. Didn't feel grown up at any point in my life but Even working full time and finishing my studies, buying my first car, paying off debts and more I still felt that I was either 15 or a hundred. Lol op is so right when talking about expectations and benchmarks. And you are too with the cusp of generations. Just know you are doing great :D
Load More Replies...A narcissistic Twitter manifesto about angst and "atemporality"? I mean, how stereo-typically Millennial can you get? This is a spot-on example of why Millennials are so often dismissed. Seems that some have yet to learn - or unwisely refuse to - suck it up. You may downvote now, haters.
It's the "Don't say that your generation went through this too" sentence that shows the absolute BS of this entire story. "Let me make judgements and say things that describe me as special and unique in my pain, and I will judge you to be not special and curse you for saying that all of this is just part of life." Yes, the sums up Millennials pretty well. Oh, and she couldn't withstand the pull of throwing in a "OK, Boomer"-type argument, either?
I'm a late boomer (born in the late 50's) I agree with you guys. I'm divorced, no kids, an RN, artist and Intuitive. I work with all the generations and I do see the disparity that you speak of and the stresses you encounter. I didn't have a template for my life I just took that I thought would work for me. Was it hard and scary yes it was. One thing I know for sure is that you must assess and evaluate what YOU need even if you don't know that that looks like. I became and RN by accident because I didn't plan it. I just read the opportunities and proceeded with caution! Life will throw some wicked curve balls in you way but how you respond to them is a guideline! I agree that my generation started out with good intentions until the power mongers decided that integrity and honor was less important than the legacy we are leaving for the generations that follow. There are those of us who are empathetic to your plight. Categories are self imposed mental jails!
I’m one of the rare, successful millennials I guess. I work with people that complain about their entry level job at 34 years old but refuse to put in the hard work and take on extra responsibilities. Then they act all jealous when I become their boss.
Sadly today working hard has very little effect on your sucess in life. Barely anybody get a decent paid job or a promotion and its due to luck not hard work.
Load More Replies...I find it to be hilarious that the comments getting the most upvotes only go to the people who promote this whine-fest of a victim hood woke special. It goes to show the people who upvote this sad position are the people who vote on others comments at all. Because y’all need votes to feel right in place of being actually correct and not needing to feel any way about it at all. Go find meaning. Most adults try with marriage, kids, and putting so much time and effort into something it turns into a career. The catch is, risk is involved. No amount of up votes or down votes will save you there. Sheesh.
Yeah, We Daniels are quite the minority, here, aren't we? Sheesh, indeed.
Load More Replies...I mean, sure, but as a single, nonparent millennial in my 30s who is dealing with a housing crisis in a city with among the worst living costs in the world, at a certain point it’s on you to process the actual problem you’re having instead of expecting people to just roll with your dysfunctional behaviour. I’m very much up for discussions about the actual issue, but I have zero interest in bitching about being “old” and even less interest in listening to other people do so.
I'm a 50+ Xennial. My boomer parents grew up with the classic American Dream. They knew what the goals were, and achieved them. I have had the Career for 25 years, bought the house 10 years ago. I feel like
I have no idea where the targets are. COVID made me feel like an adult, because it was my job to keep others alive.
Load More Replies...I'm not a millennial but I understand that running out of time feeling and not accomplishing what one expected.
What a complete and utter load of twaddle. These feelings have been around forever, maybe read about how 30 years olds thought in the 20's 30's 40's etc.... shock horror it was the same ! You actually are having feelings no different from anybody through the ages, the ONLY difference here being the means of sharing these feelings with a much wider number of people.
Yeah I'm 28, and my siblings are 30 and 31 and we're all still single and living with our parents. It just looks impossible to move out and be "independent" and "grown up" and whatever. We do have jobs and help with the money, and we can barely have a decent life, with 4 salaries, and still have some spare money for our hobbies or whatever. So in a sense I still feel like a kid, a balding kid, but a kid, because even if I earn my own money and now I buy my own stuff, I still couldn't survive if I went to live by myself, or I would but all the money would go in rent and services and I would literally just work to survive, with no extra money for anything else. Unless I married to someone that also had a job, but I don't even think I want to get married.
After reading these I feel they are written by spooilt brats. You have so much more than your parents and Grandparents, yet you whinge and moan instead of getting on with your life. I felt all the things you feel, lost without a home/harbour. I never knew what I wanted to do when when I grew up, but I still got on with my life. That is what happens when kids are just so spoilt they do become wandering idiots expecting everyone else to sort out their problems.
Adults don't HAVE to get married. They can live on their own. There are a lot of successful people that are not married. And there are still adults that play with toys such as Star Wars stuff, and many types of action figures, and other kinds of toys too.
"I haven't done, like, a Sociology about this." This sentence, right here, made me nope the f**k out of reading the rest of this.
Nothing will tell you when you are "old" better than a couple generations behind you letting you know by some 13 year old calling you a boomer. Apparently this is an all purpose generational declaration that you are have reached better insurance rates and maybe a few wrinkles. As for how you figure out your life...well you were born to parents who were probably told exactly what was expected of them to do, to be, and by when and instead decided to partially listen and only have kids. Which they raised to think that life benchmarks are merely suggestions. Does that mean I am saying blame your parents? No. It means you figure it ALL out based on what you want.
The only part I don't get is the clothes. The reason that the stereotypical fashion changes for older women with each generation is that each generation kind of brings their styles forward. My Mom largely dressed the same at 80 as she did at 45. I still dress about the same as I did 15 years ago. Wear skinny jeans until you do. Who cares? That part I don't understand why that has anything to do with the rest of this, which was a serious post. (I have a 31yo son, and have a lot of sympathy for his age group.)
All of this is a discussion about a blueprint for life that doesn't really exist. I think one of the biggest problems with millennials is that there is an expectation about how life is supposed to play out. Life doesn't play out, you don't just get a family and a car and a house and a retirement. There are things you have to do to figure out what you need and how you want your own life to go. You don't just get full control, you have to struggle over long periods of time and achieve the things you want. You have to have patience when trying to accomplish things. It won't just happen.
Very much on point. Especially the latter part, one about running out of time. I sometimes genuinely panic: I am this kid locked in an adult body and I have no idea, what am I supposed to do... OK, some of the traditional benchmarks are there - married and with kids. But the "real job" part... Whatever is that supposed to mean? Best definition I can cpme up with is a job that one studies for and can then go to (at home does not count) 9 to 5 every day as a staff member (freelance does not count either). Preferably, real job comes with career progression. Do many of us have that?
Minutia. Too much thinking. Aging is life. Get with the program. Find a job, donate your time to those old or sick, and stop thinking so much about what's inevitable.
For literally thousands of years the human race has been to much extent based on an agrarian culture AND involved in warfare of some sort. In the 1950s, 90% or more of the population of the world lived on farms. Today, in "Western" nations, fewer than 10% of the population live on farms. There are some hotspots in the world but no major conflicts and definitely not large enough to affect the populations as a whole. Our entire view of the world has changed: through technology. The computer, plastics, the destruction by humankind of the the environment and the oceans, space & planetary exploration, and so many other factors THAT HAVE NEVER EVER EXISTED BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Millennials and later are being born into a world that has never before existed. Vocabulary has changed. Work has changed. Culture is in the throes of change. … Millennials have a right to be afraid...
Alright I had to stop reading. What a sob story. Someone's having an existential crisis. Doesn't mean we all feel like that. No one HAS to do any of the things mentioned. Do what ever the hell you want and get on with it.
I’m a millennial who’s reached all of the traditional adult milestones. I still don’t always feel like an adult, even after having 2 kids and running a company. It’s not just a millennial thing. As for people not getting jobs or getting married, that’s not necessarily other generations fault.
This painting is an asset. Producing such a wonderful content is great. I love all the insights on this page.
There is no such thing as the "present". There is only past and future. Every single millisecond that passes, passes into the past. Even if there was a "present", it is so minuscule it is unnoticeable. Problem is, many go through life walking backwards, always looking at and holding onto the past. Turn around.
Tous ces jeunes adultes oublient d etre eux-mêmes pour préférer etre ce qu'ils pensent être mieux d etre dans une société consumériste idiote uniformisée. Le problème est qu'il ne pense plus devenir, mais etre etre une image de l'instant,voir une ombre de la meilleure version d eux même. Bref..
Crazy state of affairs the world is in. Husband and I decided to start having kids even though we didn't have a house and we rented my parents basement suite and saved hard for a few years. My husbands dad gifted us $50,000 cash and that with our savings we were able to finally buy a townhouse atleast
So...your point is that you can make it if someone graciously gives you $50,000?
Load More Replies...Basically, maybe we just don’t want those ridiculously awful sounding bench marks and other generations are confused and / or jealous. Kids and a mortgage? Gag me with a spoon. If a downtown apartment and being in shape somehow makes me more of a child then I guess they’re just mad at our perpetual youth. Why would I grow up if the definition of growing up means having joint pains and an HOA at 30? They want us to be as sad as they are.
No, they don’t. That’s why your parents raised you as a critical thinker, probably.
Load More Replies...The "present" is not real. There is literally no such thing. It is either past or future. Each second that passes, no, each millisecond millisecond millisecond that passes, passes into the past. You are always moving into the future. Millennials do not realize this simple fact. Actually pretty much 99 percent of the worlds population do not realize this fact. It's letting go of the past that is hard. That's walking facing backward, turn around.
shut up. I didnt get married until 5 years ago and im now 42, and it lasted 3 years as she was crazy and I only did it to keep things running as smooth as i was able to keep them. my relationship before her was 10 years from 25 years old, we had two kids as id wanted them sooner and got engaged but never got around to getting married. If gene simmons can be with his woman for ever an not married than I could be with one person as long as i could with out marriage. I know alot of older people who are living life fine an less stress with zero children. STOP trying to find ways to be anxiety ridden an existential crisis
What a pile of self-loathing bullshit. Every ounce of this screams “life isn’t fair but it should be for me like it wasn’t for anyone else!” If you feel unmoored because you haven’t participated in the most significant ways people do become moored, and then piss and most about it, sheesh. Get married, have kids, find a purpose beyond yourself. Maybe then you will realize you aren’t this important...
We can't afford to get married and have kids. We are still trying to take care of ourselves because that's all we can do. Believe me we would love to have a spouse and a home and a career to go to every day. But the opportunity just isn't out there for so many of us.
Load More Replies...Tell us you didn’t read it without saying you didn’t read it.
Load More Replies..."Whatever it is they're complaining about"=Whooshed
Load More Replies...The most comprehensive and succinct explanation of what it feels like to be millennial I have read in quite some time. All I'll add to that, is in the UK, we're also the generation that has been f_cked over by our parents who, when they voted for Brexit, stripped us of many of the rights they enjoyed for 40 years!
And then complain about millennials being entitled and lazy.
Load More Replies...The thing is, this doesn't just apply to millennials. I am gen-x. I feel the same way. Most of my circle is exactly what was described here. I'm sure some boomers would read this and think the same thing too.
Gen X here, too, and I thought the same thing while reading this! I'm still waiting to "feel like an adult" and I'm approaching 50.
Load More Replies...I'm a 33 year old unmarried millennial and I can related to this 100% and it feels just as the way she described it.
I'm the same age, I rent, not married but I do have a kid. And I feel like some weird adult impostor. I still like video games and I just don't know how the next few decades will be, coz I don't even really have an identity now. I think a lot of it is the massive health s**t tho I've got a lot of life shortening s**t and I think that just adds to the lost feeling
Load More Replies...This was an unexpectedly good read. All I'll add is that most of the traditional markers of adulthood involve moving away from self-centeredness and into self-sacrifice. Unfashionable four-letter words like "duty" and "role" come to mind. Inner maturity is inextricably linked to giving up self-interest for the sake of others: family, society, etc. Modern Western culture discourages this almost pathologically, substituting instead the cult of self-love. An entire generation has been raised on this toxic, all-pervading psychosocial philosophy, and inevitably it's manifesting itself in a state of prolonged immaturity.
I'm not sure I agree with that exactly. We have integrated social media in our lives in an unprecedented way, but that just means that the "keeping up with the Jone's" idea from our parents generation is instead digital for us. We don't show off the perfect lawn and picket fence, we show off perfectly photoshopped pictures. The difference is that for our parents, all those opportunities to grow and actually have that kind of life were there. They aren't for us.
Load More Replies...Dear Millenials: A job does not define you, nor does it have anything to do with your identity. You will rarely get any satisfaction from working for others. A job is just a means to make some money, so you can go out and live your life. Plus, there is no set "timeline" for anything in life, do things when you can and want to, not when someone says you "should have X by now". Life rarely goes according to any real plan.
A job is a place to earn a paycheck, but it should challenge you and encourage you to grow as you take on more responsibility. You spend more hours at work and with your coworker than at home and with family. It is important that our job make us happy and feel satisfied. Unfortunately that opportunity is rarely offered.
Load More Replies...I am not sure why "feeling" like an adult is such a concern. I am a 50 YO GenX'er, been married 20+ years, have 4 kids, a house, 3 dogs and 2 cats. I am the sole bread winner for the family and I still don't "feel" like an adult. It seems like something millenials are worried about that is the same thing every generation worries about. Just assume you may never "feel" like an adult, no matter how much adulting you have to do everyday.
I'm a Gen X so I understand where you are coming from about not feeling like an adult.... but her point is, even though we dont feel like adults, most of us GenX have acheived the benchmarks she has talked about. I dont feel like an adult, but I have achieved the markers of adulthood... I have a solid career, raise two children, pay the mortgage and mow the lawn on weekends. Labour laws (and the absence thereof), economic reality, cost of education a whole raft of things putting downward pressure on younger generations means most of them have no hope of acheiving those benchmarks. But without them.... then what?
Load More Replies...I’m a millennial, married with kids and a home, and I still don’t feel like an adult. My brain feels trapped in a time loop of when I was a teenager, but I’m responsible for keeping pets and a couple of other humans alive. Not to mention paying bills and making doctor appointments for my family. It’s all so surreal
And that’s totally ok. I’m also a millennial also with a house and kids etc. and don’t really know if I’ll ever “feel” adult the way my parents seemed to feel when they were my age. And that’s ok. I attend to my responsibilities, I build my life and move forward. That’s what matters, not the age feeling.
Load More Replies...As a Millennial, my retirement will come early when I die of an untreated disease because I can't pay what my so-called insurance leaves unpaid. Oh, won't someone pity the hospital debt collectors.
For those who are talking about how they have kids, are married, have college degrees, houses, and good jobs, etc and yet don't still "feel" like an adult, I think a better way of putting it is it's not so much about us feeling like adults as it is about the world treating us as such. I'm a 30yo millennial, unmarried, childless, living with my parents, and yet to pursue higher education, and all of this happened because of various social and economic factors in my life. I'm not a child--I hold a steady job, I care for my elderly parents, and I can do some maintenance tasks and such, but because I haven't met any of the traditional milestones for my age, people still treat me like I'm childish or immature when the fact of the matter is they have no clue about my situation nor is it their business. But, despite that, this in turn makes me feel less like an adult because I can't help but compare myself to what are now dated milestones, when the truth is much, much more complicated.
This is very well put. It's not about how you feel internally as much as how people treat you. Lots of patronising going on out there, just because one doesn't wear a suit. Which, in itself, becomes a huge obstacle.
Load More Replies...This will probably get burned but what the hell. I am in the wrong side of 40. Doing relatively well financially. No kids. Own my own place. Still plays computer games. Still laugh at things I shouldn't. Still dread doing adult things like taxes. I know if I am free from obligations of life, I would revert to my very carefree lifestyle from my youth in a heartbeat. I never really grew up. I just pretend to be a grown-up.
I'm over the hill and still not completely grown up. I guess I will die this way. ....and I'm also thinking that laughing at something that's funny, when other people don't get it, keeps you young in mind.
Load More Replies...Gen X checking in. This happened to my generation as well. I'm 56, and still unsure what adult means to society. To me, it means I've taken care of my responsibilities and now can do whatever the hell I want. Interesting anecdote: When I was about 45, my mom said to me, "I'll never consider you to be an adult until you cut your hair." Really? No thanks.
Yep, our parents could buy a house on an average wage, good luck doing that now.
Yeah. My parents were "poor" when they were my age and yet with one salary they could rent a two bedroom apartment, have a car and a kid. I have two masters in biology and I couldnt even find a job as a cleaning lady because they were asking minimum 3y experience.
Load More Replies...Much of this applies to Gen X, especially those born in the '70s. The bottom started to drop out in the mid-to-late '80s, just in time for many of us to be in high school or college. If you got into the "groove" before Reagan's second term started, you were probably okay, but the rest of us got caught in the traps. I don't think any person born in 1970 or later has ever really been able to feel like an "adult". It's also worth pointing out that a lot of people's ideas about the so-called "adult" benchmarks come from '50s and '60s sitcoms (as was made clear by WandaVision). Those benchmarks started becoming unrealistic around the time the Vietnam War started, but they were presented as iron-clad truth throughout the '70s and '80s. So Gen X and Millennials grew up steeping in cultural imperatives that were already out of touch with reality. We need to define for ourselves what "adulthood" should mean, and stop letting the Baby Boomers tell us what it is.
We are always told that in your 30 you should be married, have kids, and have house. But the salary and career oportunity is just so bad that we coulnd't even afford to live on our own.
Yeah. From all my friends and young relatives the only one that could afford to have a wedding and a kid is my older cousin at 37yo and only because my uncles had money and bought him an appartment so they didnt beed to pay for it. The rest of us are between 20 and 40 and are struggling finding a paid job or paying rent.
Load More Replies...And then one day you find ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking Racing around to come up behind you again The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older Shorter of breath and one day closer to death
Your comment reminds me if pink floyds "time".
Load More Replies...I was born around the mid 90s. I somehow managed to get a college diploma (my mom helped financially), a career and a house in town with a big yard (I bought by myself). My friends and everyone I know who is my age has only managed to get their college and university diplomas. The are struggling day to day and are deep in debt from school and rent. I don't like talking about any of this because it feels like I'm rubbing it in their faces. But I am the exception that proves the rule, plus living at your parents, being a total miser, only buying what I absolutely needed and then it has to be second hand. That is how I managed to save up enough working two jobs and being a couple of dollars above our minimum wage at the time.
Congratulations! You would seem to be exception though, as most millennials are in the struggle boat. What I've noticed is that some of us have gotten lucky with the few opportunities for careers out there, but most of us are stuck in entry-level jobs which provides just enough to get by.
Load More Replies...We tend to have much higher expectations now than previous generations had. We want to feel fulfilled, not just get by. We want to have a healthy, happy relationship, not just be married and bear it because that’s what you do. We want to have kids if and because WE want to, not because that’s what’s expected by our parents or society. With higher expectations, there will be more people who don’t meet them, that is only natural.
I totally understand where the writer is coming from. I am 30 years old, unmarried, with no kids. I work a full time job, yet I can't afford to buy a car, and I also can't buy a house. I don't even make enough to live without roommates. On most days I don't feel like an adult, but I definitely don't feel like a kid either. So yeah I totally agree with the writer.
I was born early 70s, we had benchmarks so to speak, I remember feeling free in my 20s. I also remember having a meltdown at 25 because it was a quarter of a century old (I really did think of it that way) and I felt I had done nothing. Then I got to 30 and freaked that I had done something but had turned into my only working ever Mum and life was going to pass me by. I then got back on track but to be honest I still feel 19 sometimes (add 30) and while accepting I don't have kids that I did not ever set out to not have, that is what happened, I did other things. It was expected that homes, partners , kids are meant to be, but at the end of the day, be kind, be helpful and try to be as happy as you can...some days will suck, some whole decades will be horrible, but those benchmarks are not grades, you don't fail at the end, you just have a whole lot of funny drawings on your refrigerator of life.
This. Being equally ok with the lot you had thrown at you and with the consequences of your choices. That’s being an adult.
Load More Replies...Well. Maybe, adulting means handling difficult stuff and knowing that this is life. Nothing more, nothing less. Not having a choice and going with what you’re stuck with without overthinking could be adult. Trying to make the right decisions and dithering because you think there might be a right and wrong decision is very worrying - daring to make a mistake and facing the consequences with self assuredness is being an adult. Being able to go without validation. Stuff like that. Y‘know.
I think it’s because of a mix of things. One is that the boomers know half of their lives were wasted on boring bullshît and they’re perplexed as to why we don’t want the same dull existence. Like.. why would I want two kids in my 20s, or ever really? That is boring AF and too big of an expense to justify it being such a lame purchase. The second layer is the jobs issue, where obviously wages didn’t keep up with inflation and production, so, just duh. Even those of us in higher income brackets with our own companies still can see what’s happening. Extra money for me doesn’t stop me from noticing how much more expensive things are than they should be. Or how corny a service economy is, or how our older counterparts won’t take us seriously enough to give us real jobs. I feel how the OP feels but I also am tired of letting it get me down. Nope I don’t feel old. Yes I still wear current fashion trends. And ones from my teens too. No I don’t want to ruin my body with kids...
No I don’t want some basic rancher house in some shît tier suburb. No I don’t want to purchase a sensible vehicle. No I don’t want to work some mindless corporate job 9-5 for the next 30 years and retire with some cheesy plan. No I don’t want a timeshare. No I don’t want to participate in any of that supposedly “adult” stuff. And no my fücking body doesn’t just hurt because nobody’s body should hurt at 30-something unless they have a disease. Just because Boomers were fat and frumpy and old at 35 doesn’t mean we have to be. Watch us just live longer to make up the difference. Make fun of us for being healthy and childfree and “perpetual entrepreneurs.” They’re legit just jealous.
Load More Replies...Born in 1989, that technically makes me a millenial, right? I, for one, honestly, really DO feel like an adult. I collect action figures, I love toys, I wear super hero merchandise, I listen to cartoon songs, and I'm devoted to animation, comics, and video games. And yet.... I feel like an adult. I didn't reach all of those benchmarks, only some, only partially and in unconventional ways, and yet... I feel like an adult. Sometimes I get patronised, even by people not much older than I, and sometimes my younger friends forget my age and see me as their equal, and yet... I still feel like an adult. Maybe it's because I was always deemed "pretty mature for my age". Maybe because I grew up watching my siblings grow up, thus witnessing and normalising different kinds of adulthoods. Maybe it's cultural differences, maybe it's because I moved abroad right before my 21st birthday. Who knows... I don't know what "adult" really means to me, but I know I feel it. (cont. In reply)
I can't define it, can't describe it, but I know I feel it. And I know it feels different from adolescence and puberty. I feel it. Maybe adulthood really is nothing but a hormonal thing.
Load More Replies...I'm the youngest of millennials, born in the end of 1995, on the cusp of being gen Z. It's even rougher when you're on the cusp of two generations, I only just am getting into my possible career path/studies, I'm engaged, and have taken in my goddaughter, but I still feel like I don't know where I am in life. It's weird. :/
Yesss! I'm from 1994. And really. Almost 27 years lol feels like just turned 15 yesterday I swear. I live in an appartment with my dog, boyfriendless, maybe unable to even have kids. Didn't feel grown up at any point in my life but Even working full time and finishing my studies, buying my first car, paying off debts and more I still felt that I was either 15 or a hundred. Lol op is so right when talking about expectations and benchmarks. And you are too with the cusp of generations. Just know you are doing great :D
Load More Replies...A narcissistic Twitter manifesto about angst and "atemporality"? I mean, how stereo-typically Millennial can you get? This is a spot-on example of why Millennials are so often dismissed. Seems that some have yet to learn - or unwisely refuse to - suck it up. You may downvote now, haters.
It's the "Don't say that your generation went through this too" sentence that shows the absolute BS of this entire story. "Let me make judgements and say things that describe me as special and unique in my pain, and I will judge you to be not special and curse you for saying that all of this is just part of life." Yes, the sums up Millennials pretty well. Oh, and she couldn't withstand the pull of throwing in a "OK, Boomer"-type argument, either?
I'm a late boomer (born in the late 50's) I agree with you guys. I'm divorced, no kids, an RN, artist and Intuitive. I work with all the generations and I do see the disparity that you speak of and the stresses you encounter. I didn't have a template for my life I just took that I thought would work for me. Was it hard and scary yes it was. One thing I know for sure is that you must assess and evaluate what YOU need even if you don't know that that looks like. I became and RN by accident because I didn't plan it. I just read the opportunities and proceeded with caution! Life will throw some wicked curve balls in you way but how you respond to them is a guideline! I agree that my generation started out with good intentions until the power mongers decided that integrity and honor was less important than the legacy we are leaving for the generations that follow. There are those of us who are empathetic to your plight. Categories are self imposed mental jails!
I’m one of the rare, successful millennials I guess. I work with people that complain about their entry level job at 34 years old but refuse to put in the hard work and take on extra responsibilities. Then they act all jealous when I become their boss.
Sadly today working hard has very little effect on your sucess in life. Barely anybody get a decent paid job or a promotion and its due to luck not hard work.
Load More Replies...I find it to be hilarious that the comments getting the most upvotes only go to the people who promote this whine-fest of a victim hood woke special. It goes to show the people who upvote this sad position are the people who vote on others comments at all. Because y’all need votes to feel right in place of being actually correct and not needing to feel any way about it at all. Go find meaning. Most adults try with marriage, kids, and putting so much time and effort into something it turns into a career. The catch is, risk is involved. No amount of up votes or down votes will save you there. Sheesh.
Yeah, We Daniels are quite the minority, here, aren't we? Sheesh, indeed.
Load More Replies...I mean, sure, but as a single, nonparent millennial in my 30s who is dealing with a housing crisis in a city with among the worst living costs in the world, at a certain point it’s on you to process the actual problem you’re having instead of expecting people to just roll with your dysfunctional behaviour. I’m very much up for discussions about the actual issue, but I have zero interest in bitching about being “old” and even less interest in listening to other people do so.
I'm a 50+ Xennial. My boomer parents grew up with the classic American Dream. They knew what the goals were, and achieved them. I have had the Career for 25 years, bought the house 10 years ago. I feel like
I have no idea where the targets are. COVID made me feel like an adult, because it was my job to keep others alive.
Load More Replies...I'm not a millennial but I understand that running out of time feeling and not accomplishing what one expected.
What a complete and utter load of twaddle. These feelings have been around forever, maybe read about how 30 years olds thought in the 20's 30's 40's etc.... shock horror it was the same ! You actually are having feelings no different from anybody through the ages, the ONLY difference here being the means of sharing these feelings with a much wider number of people.
Yeah I'm 28, and my siblings are 30 and 31 and we're all still single and living with our parents. It just looks impossible to move out and be "independent" and "grown up" and whatever. We do have jobs and help with the money, and we can barely have a decent life, with 4 salaries, and still have some spare money for our hobbies or whatever. So in a sense I still feel like a kid, a balding kid, but a kid, because even if I earn my own money and now I buy my own stuff, I still couldn't survive if I went to live by myself, or I would but all the money would go in rent and services and I would literally just work to survive, with no extra money for anything else. Unless I married to someone that also had a job, but I don't even think I want to get married.
After reading these I feel they are written by spooilt brats. You have so much more than your parents and Grandparents, yet you whinge and moan instead of getting on with your life. I felt all the things you feel, lost without a home/harbour. I never knew what I wanted to do when when I grew up, but I still got on with my life. That is what happens when kids are just so spoilt they do become wandering idiots expecting everyone else to sort out their problems.
Adults don't HAVE to get married. They can live on their own. There are a lot of successful people that are not married. And there are still adults that play with toys such as Star Wars stuff, and many types of action figures, and other kinds of toys too.
"I haven't done, like, a Sociology about this." This sentence, right here, made me nope the f**k out of reading the rest of this.
Nothing will tell you when you are "old" better than a couple generations behind you letting you know by some 13 year old calling you a boomer. Apparently this is an all purpose generational declaration that you are have reached better insurance rates and maybe a few wrinkles. As for how you figure out your life...well you were born to parents who were probably told exactly what was expected of them to do, to be, and by when and instead decided to partially listen and only have kids. Which they raised to think that life benchmarks are merely suggestions. Does that mean I am saying blame your parents? No. It means you figure it ALL out based on what you want.
The only part I don't get is the clothes. The reason that the stereotypical fashion changes for older women with each generation is that each generation kind of brings their styles forward. My Mom largely dressed the same at 80 as she did at 45. I still dress about the same as I did 15 years ago. Wear skinny jeans until you do. Who cares? That part I don't understand why that has anything to do with the rest of this, which was a serious post. (I have a 31yo son, and have a lot of sympathy for his age group.)
All of this is a discussion about a blueprint for life that doesn't really exist. I think one of the biggest problems with millennials is that there is an expectation about how life is supposed to play out. Life doesn't play out, you don't just get a family and a car and a house and a retirement. There are things you have to do to figure out what you need and how you want your own life to go. You don't just get full control, you have to struggle over long periods of time and achieve the things you want. You have to have patience when trying to accomplish things. It won't just happen.
Very much on point. Especially the latter part, one about running out of time. I sometimes genuinely panic: I am this kid locked in an adult body and I have no idea, what am I supposed to do... OK, some of the traditional benchmarks are there - married and with kids. But the "real job" part... Whatever is that supposed to mean? Best definition I can cpme up with is a job that one studies for and can then go to (at home does not count) 9 to 5 every day as a staff member (freelance does not count either). Preferably, real job comes with career progression. Do many of us have that?
Minutia. Too much thinking. Aging is life. Get with the program. Find a job, donate your time to those old or sick, and stop thinking so much about what's inevitable.
For literally thousands of years the human race has been to much extent based on an agrarian culture AND involved in warfare of some sort. In the 1950s, 90% or more of the population of the world lived on farms. Today, in "Western" nations, fewer than 10% of the population live on farms. There are some hotspots in the world but no major conflicts and definitely not large enough to affect the populations as a whole. Our entire view of the world has changed: through technology. The computer, plastics, the destruction by humankind of the the environment and the oceans, space & planetary exploration, and so many other factors THAT HAVE NEVER EVER EXISTED BEFORE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Millennials and later are being born into a world that has never before existed. Vocabulary has changed. Work has changed. Culture is in the throes of change. … Millennials have a right to be afraid...
Alright I had to stop reading. What a sob story. Someone's having an existential crisis. Doesn't mean we all feel like that. No one HAS to do any of the things mentioned. Do what ever the hell you want and get on with it.
I’m a millennial who’s reached all of the traditional adult milestones. I still don’t always feel like an adult, even after having 2 kids and running a company. It’s not just a millennial thing. As for people not getting jobs or getting married, that’s not necessarily other generations fault.
This painting is an asset. Producing such a wonderful content is great. I love all the insights on this page.
There is no such thing as the "present". There is only past and future. Every single millisecond that passes, passes into the past. Even if there was a "present", it is so minuscule it is unnoticeable. Problem is, many go through life walking backwards, always looking at and holding onto the past. Turn around.
Tous ces jeunes adultes oublient d etre eux-mêmes pour préférer etre ce qu'ils pensent être mieux d etre dans une société consumériste idiote uniformisée. Le problème est qu'il ne pense plus devenir, mais etre etre une image de l'instant,voir une ombre de la meilleure version d eux même. Bref..
Crazy state of affairs the world is in. Husband and I decided to start having kids even though we didn't have a house and we rented my parents basement suite and saved hard for a few years. My husbands dad gifted us $50,000 cash and that with our savings we were able to finally buy a townhouse atleast
So...your point is that you can make it if someone graciously gives you $50,000?
Load More Replies...Basically, maybe we just don’t want those ridiculously awful sounding bench marks and other generations are confused and / or jealous. Kids and a mortgage? Gag me with a spoon. If a downtown apartment and being in shape somehow makes me more of a child then I guess they’re just mad at our perpetual youth. Why would I grow up if the definition of growing up means having joint pains and an HOA at 30? They want us to be as sad as they are.
No, they don’t. That’s why your parents raised you as a critical thinker, probably.
Load More Replies...The "present" is not real. There is literally no such thing. It is either past or future. Each second that passes, no, each millisecond millisecond millisecond that passes, passes into the past. You are always moving into the future. Millennials do not realize this simple fact. Actually pretty much 99 percent of the worlds population do not realize this fact. It's letting go of the past that is hard. That's walking facing backward, turn around.
shut up. I didnt get married until 5 years ago and im now 42, and it lasted 3 years as she was crazy and I only did it to keep things running as smooth as i was able to keep them. my relationship before her was 10 years from 25 years old, we had two kids as id wanted them sooner and got engaged but never got around to getting married. If gene simmons can be with his woman for ever an not married than I could be with one person as long as i could with out marriage. I know alot of older people who are living life fine an less stress with zero children. STOP trying to find ways to be anxiety ridden an existential crisis
What a pile of self-loathing bullshit. Every ounce of this screams “life isn’t fair but it should be for me like it wasn’t for anyone else!” If you feel unmoored because you haven’t participated in the most significant ways people do become moored, and then piss and most about it, sheesh. Get married, have kids, find a purpose beyond yourself. Maybe then you will realize you aren’t this important...
We can't afford to get married and have kids. We are still trying to take care of ourselves because that's all we can do. Believe me we would love to have a spouse and a home and a career to go to every day. But the opportunity just isn't out there for so many of us.
Load More Replies...Tell us you didn’t read it without saying you didn’t read it.
Load More Replies..."Whatever it is they're complaining about"=Whooshed
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