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Woman Causes A Scene After Telling Intrusive MIL To Hit The Road For Nasty Comments About Trying For A Baby, Wonders If She Overreacted
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Woman Causes A Scene After Telling Intrusive MIL To Hit The Road For Nasty Comments About Trying For A Baby, Wonders If She Overreacted

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Relationships with in-laws are never easy. We struggle for years to feel accepted by our SO’s parents, showering them with compliments and impressing them with our charming personalities. Yet, overbearing parents inevitably find something we never even thought was a problem and decide to reveal their intrusive and mean sides.

But there’s only so much a person can take. A month ago, Redditor J_M461 took her story to the “Am I The A-Hole” subreddit to ask for perspective about a heated dispute she had with her mother-in-law. The author and her husband have been married for a year, but her relationship with the lady has always been tense.

While the woman could calmly shut down the snide comments and countless nosy questions, one particular incident left her floored. Turns out, the mother-in-law insisted on her getting pregnant and was not happy to hear the user’s response. What followed turned into a bitter conflict that divided the whole family. Read on for the whole story and weigh in on the situation in the comments!

Recently, this woman found herself in a dispute with her mother-in-law after she told her to work “harder in the bedroom” to fall pregnant

Image credits: rottonara (not the actual photo)

So she took her story to the AITA subreddit to ask people whether she went too far


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Image credits: crlamgeorgia (not the actual photo)


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Later on, the user added some more updates to the story



The redditor’s story amassed 14k upvotes and over 2k comments where fellow members of the AITA community unanimously agreed she was not in the wrong in this situation. While we can only imagine how difficult it is to have an extremely tense relationship with your mother-in-law, it’s even worse when your husband takes her side over yours. The user later mentioned in the comments that she has no idea “if it’s him who wants to have a baby or she’s telling him to want one. He loves his mom and has told me before what she wants goes.” As far as we can tell, that’s a red flag in the relationship.

We often think that marriage is the union of love consisting of two spouses but their families are also an inevitable part of the equation. “When you marry someone, you inherit their family,” Nancy Tramontana, a licensed clinical social worker, told Fatherly. “And one of the biggest things couples fight about is in-laws. If they can’t get along, it’s going to be a rough road.” Well, when the woman’s mother-in-law looked down on her and said, “Yes, I know all about you” and continued to throw countless biting comments her way, it’s likely an example of parental disapproval. It can sometimes be subtle and low-key, but this lady does not hold back when criticizing her son’s wife.

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Many people have complicated relationships with their in-laws, and entering into a marriage can sometimes feel like discovering a foreign land. “Every family is kind of like its own country, with its own set of rules,” Tramontana says. “And you don’t know what it’s like to live in that country at the outset. You have to survey the land.” This might lead you to feel a constant need to prove yourself worthy of your partner, but such thinking is toxic: “You have to keep emotion out of it,” she noted. “And take it easy on yourself. You’ve never done this before. The key is to be adaptable.”

However, the husband’s reaction to his mother’s words adds another layer of complexity to the relationship. There’s quite a lot to unpack since his actions show a hint of gaslighting — a cruel and often hidden emotional manipulation in toxic relationship dynamics.

According to bullying prevention advocate Sherri Gordon, victims of gaslighting can feel unsure of their perceptions of the world and even wonder if they are losing their sanity. For example, the user mentioned that she started noticing her birth control pills “have been going missing and magically reappearing”. Gaslighting can make a person second-guess themselves, it can erode their self-esteem and confidence, and take a toll on their mental health.

Women sometimes miss seeing gaslighting in relationships where it is prevalent, but it’s important to take action when they do. Gordon advised to first gain some distance and set boundaries. “Boundaries tell others what you are willing to accept in a relationship. Make it clear that you won’t allow the other person to engage in actions such as trivializing or denying what you have to say,” she wrote. Moreover, victims should seek help from friends and family and ask for perspective. And when nothing else works, “Ending the relationship with someone who repeatedly gaslights you is often the most effective way to end the abuse,” no matter how difficult it may be.

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Here’s what Redditors had to say about this whole situation







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veronicasjberg avatar
Tigerpacingthecage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For one; Why would you tell your mother about your sex life? That's extremely odd and creepy. If you're not satisfied you tell your partner (who is the one who needs to know and then you COMMUNICATE about both persons wants and needs, sex should be a MUTUAL thing). Second; why the sudden rush of getting pregnant, seems like the couple haven't even discussed it at all so why is it pushed so hard? Third; it's absolutely not ok to remove birth control without the other person knowing about it. Ever. Nah. Is she only a breeding animal to him?

saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In reverse order: Yes. It's got nothing to do with OP, it's the MIL who wants the baby. Because he has an unhealthy Oedipal complex (see also, nothing to do with OP, she's just a breeding animal)

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suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your husband is not married to you, he's married to his mother, who is the matriarch. I'm willing to bet once OP would've gotten pregnant, next topic is 'why are you work when you're a mom?' or 'why are you not taking care of your husband better?'.

saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure whether or not after the baby is born, Granny wouldn't be suing for custody so she has a new baby to coo over and raise. I wonder if the sisters have children, or is she's only interested in continuing the patriarchal line.

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viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's telling that the husband (the only son) is the clear favourite of the siblings and the sisters haven't spoken up for the mother. The mother is a male chauvinist and a misogynist. Thank goodness the wife is going for a divorce.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister had a friend that had a similar family situation. Difference was, she did get pregnant, but as soon as the baby was born, he took the baby and moved in with his parents. They never saw her as any more than a baby factory. She fought for custody and won...but she was harassed, threatened and abused the whole time for even thinking of taking the child back. She now has full custody of her daughter and a restraining order against her ex. He is only allowed a few hours of supervised visits a year..... Run sister! Don't look back!

professormcgonagallminerva avatar
Stardust
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If OP stays in this relationship any longer then more forms of abuse will happen

jeancunningham avatar
JMC5003
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once an abuser knows they can get you to move your boundaries, they'll be even more aggressive tearing down the next boundary. Abuse is all about control.

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sinkvenice_1 avatar
Sinkvenice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He tells you to respect his mother but he doesn't even respect you or stand up for you. And why is he telling her about your sex life?? Their relationship is creepy and weird and you need to book it outta there now.

mikedelancey avatar
Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my state its a felony sex crime to mess with someone's birth control pills. If convicted, you go on the list with the rapists.

valisbourne avatar
Valisbourne Spiritforge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he's legit messing with her birth control it's called Drug Tampering (at best!). I'm no legal expert, but this is illegal in many areas.

emily-tennent avatar
Novel Idesa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's also known as "reproductive coercion," "reproductive absue," or "birth control sabatoge" and it is absolutely a crime. At the very least, it is grounds for a PFA.

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fraserhodgson18 avatar
PuggerWugger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be honest, it seems like he is completely infatuated with his mother, I do not think he would ever take anyone else's opinion over that of his precious mommy.

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Dear satan-in-law. I feel that I need closure after kicking your little baby boy/lover boy out of my life so fast his head spun like Linda Blair being possessed by Pazuzu, so I’m ending our contact with an explanation of my behaviour. A: your son is a coddled man baby whose emotional diapers I have no inclination to be changing. B: I have no intention of being your and your sons incubation chamber. If you want his child so bad, fúck him yourself or pay a surrogate mother like everybody else. C: You’re the devil. Have the life you deserve, I would have recommended therapy, except I don’t give a shìt. Kindest regards: the abuse victim who got away.

babs6968 avatar
Sadie Lynn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Best comment in the thread tbh! Especially letting mil do the work of having his baby since she's already in all that business anyway. Any son talking to his mother (or mother asking for details) about his wife and his sex life in as much detail as it sounds like is disgusting for one "I know all about you" says way more than it should, and this mother has an emotionally incestuous relationship with her son. I wouldn't be shocked if I heard they/she did worse things. Congratulations on you getting away as well! Always prioritize self! Namaste!

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lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope, nope, nope. Her problem is really less her MIL and WAY more her husband.

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mr No-Nuts has major mommy issues & allowing his family to abuse his spouse is just the tip of this dysfunctional iceberg. Kudos OP!

lyndsey-macd avatar
LynzCatastrophe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It may seem sweet when a man is close to his mom but there should be limits, especially if she's made previous comments in the past and your husband brushed it off. And this was before you were married. Never marry a mommas boy, the boy will never side with you. They already see you as just a walking incubator, your bc pills have been messed with, he's never stood up for you against his mother even though his silence when she's saying things to you speaks volumes, he knows it's wrong but will never say anything against her. Time to leave. He will never pick you.

tracypaints44 avatar
Tracy Rowe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

seems to me in this case he doesn't think what his mother is saying is wrong, he's just letting her do the talking for him.

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kjorn avatar
kjorn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what kind of parent these people have? my MIL and my family never ask us for that. they were pretty happy when we had kids but never push us to have one.

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother-in-law was pushing me to have kids and it did affect me, but she was angelic compared to this woman. She also stopped after I suggested she visit a specialist in Italy who could help her have post-menopausal babies. Thank you, Dr. Fallopius (or whoever) for your pioneering work and an argument she couldn't refute.

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ansistargirl avatar
Ansi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just giving my two cents about latex allergy. I have that and would not have sex with a regular condom. When my dentist had latex gloves during an exam I had a red rasch, dry skin and itchy, all around my mouth. So on more sensitive area. 😬 Because of my allergy I also react to certain food: bananas, avocado, seafood. So my gut tells me it would show in other ways for this guy except for condoms. Not everyone has the same allergy but it sounds like gaslighting and yuck, did he tell his mum about their sexlife and the mum decides when the DIL should get a lifelong bond with them and responsibilitys for a child?

circular-motion avatar
Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If his mother wants him to have a baby that badly and is so involved in his sex life, why doesn't she just have his baby? Creepy, gross, and super-abusive fam right there. Run girl run.

s_mi avatar
S. Mi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw things like messing with the birth control is borderline abuse. There is no borderline about it. Reproductive abuse is real. As is medical (sabotaging medication)

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The MIL will never change. I had the MIL from Hell. He was a momma's boy and I got away from him as fast as I could.

craigreynolds_1 avatar
Craig Reynolds
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA and you need out. I will just add to the other comments and say that if you don't leave, MIL will become even worse should you actually become pregnant. She will try to rule your pregnancy, self-care, and then child-rearing and it sounds like your mama's boy husband will take her side in all matters. It sounds an awful lot like mom and son are inappropriately discussing your sex life in creepy intimate detail.

tmarek13 avatar
just me
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems like lots of people are giving advice on condoms. If the goal is to get her pregnant wouldn't a condom be fairly easy to sabotage?

s1067422 avatar
webster
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, but birth control can be harmful to a woman's body, whereas condoms are the safest form of protection. His latex allergy most likely is false, and even then there are alternative condoms for that. Besides, she should leave him anyways, so the point is moot.

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ybutler avatar
Yvonne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eugh, I’m a mum to an only male , I don’t want to know his sex life, never asked when he and my fabulous daughter in law were going to start a family, I do my best not to interfere. They ask for help when they need it. I now have a grandchild and there’s another on the way . Run girl RUN this toxicity will destroy you. There’s no longer thank goodness, shame in divorce. Having a child, worse, being tricked into a pregnancy will tie you to these nutters for the rest of your life. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿❤️

bluemom2017 avatar
Pamela Blue
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For starters, you are WAY too easy-going. You let so much stuff slide that I think you HAD to have noticed the red flags - you just chose to ignore them. MIL wore white on your wedding day? MIL sending you links to sex sites to help with pregnancy? I hate to say it, but if you did get pregnant, you wouldn't be able to raise your child. You'd be lucky if you got to see it at all! MIL would simply take over, especially if it was a boy. Now - pack up your stuff, get out of there, find a good lawyer, and let MIL find some other incubator for her next child. (oh, and if by some chance you are pregnant, whatever you do, don't tell either of them - ever!)

ddw2945 avatar
Curry on...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why or why can't people stop intruding in other people's lives? They (the MIL) act like they are puppet masters.

glenellyn2 avatar
Glen Ellyn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"When are you going to have a baby?" 😲 "Well, gee. When are you going to have sex with your spouse?" Honestly, why do people think it's okay to ask such a personal question? Family member or not, it's none of their freakin' business!

vjsmart2001 avatar
Valerie Smart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Run girl run , don’t look back. We don’t want to see you on the news after you go “missing”. He’s married to his mother , not you. Beyond creepy .

aprncss32 avatar
Deb Simpson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA...Please run. I was married to a man that could not and would not stand up to his mother. I blame her for the major downfall of our marriage. It gets worse after any children come.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't even finish the first paragraph and already knew this is open and shut. It's a huge f0cking red flag if there ever was one. Since she doesn't have kids, a divorce is in order. That "husband" has his bollocks kept in his mum's purse and she is going for the OP lady.

chloe-louisbeaugrand avatar
Chloé-Louis Beaugrand
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one concerned that the MIL said she was looking out for "her baby" ? It seems to me beyond unacceptable to consider your son's baby yours and act as if his wife hadn't have anything to do with it.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe the mom and her son should make the baby, instead? Seems like they are a good team.

wonderful3382 avatar
Wonderful
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is she wants grand babies so bad maybe she should have sex with her son. Since they share everything may as well do it. What I'm saying is that is really creepy that she "knows" so much about her offsprings sex life. It's gross and it seems like the son really tells her everything, probably in graphic detail. That's disgusting and mental incest may as well make it physical.

jppennington avatar
JayWantsACat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either there are SO MANY my boyfriend/husband is close to his mother/my MIL AITA or BP is good at finding them. Because JFC. And they are rarely the a*****e and are in terrible relationships.

ezzellteresa6 avatar
Teresa Ezzell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is his mother always going to have the final say in your marriage? Is she going to bully the baby that you might have eventually have had? And God forbid if it is a little girl and not a little boy. I would have to leave and pray not to be pregnant by this trickery. I'm so sorry. The Bible says the two of you are one, the mother was supposed to let go.

david_smojver avatar
Dave
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is what happens when somebody is ignoring glaring red flags even before the marriage.

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He told his mother his wife isn't trying hard enough at sex and needs to work on it? NOPE He is rating your sex life and gave you a non-passing score! Why would you ever sleep with him again?

annavolkov avatar
Anna Volkov
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Um ... maybe before you divorce him get a marriage counselor immediately... talk to him about what he tells his mother about your sex life cuz thats just a boundary crossed.. you do not ever talk to others about your sex life with your partner if the partner a) doesn't know you're sharing about it.. and b) your partner wants to keep your sex life private. He needs to understand that he broke your trust and personal boundary if he's been telling his MOM about it! And 2 he needs to apologize to you and make ammends... life changes. 3. Do you have access to his phone or does he get defensive if you look through his phone? There should be no phone privacy within a healthy marriage. 4. Your husband needs to put you and your needs before his mother because you're the no1 woman in his life the moment he married u. 5. Stop avoiding your husband by running away.. and deal with your issues like an adult. Running away isn't helpful unless there's physical or mental abuse. There's no perfect marr

billmarsano avatar
bill marsano
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, you're not TA but you certainly ignored red flags to marry this mam's boy. Get out now. Iy is never going to get better. Never.

slw303 avatar
SuePrew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"from what I've heard"! What have you heard, and from who?

chabot0310 avatar
Miguel justino C
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I kicked a dog because it looked at me funny. The owner got mad at me and I told him f**k off. AITA? These post are for self gratification and really annoying.

veronicasjberg avatar
Tigerpacingthecage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For one; Why would you tell your mother about your sex life? That's extremely odd and creepy. If you're not satisfied you tell your partner (who is the one who needs to know and then you COMMUNICATE about both persons wants and needs, sex should be a MUTUAL thing). Second; why the sudden rush of getting pregnant, seems like the couple haven't even discussed it at all so why is it pushed so hard? Third; it's absolutely not ok to remove birth control without the other person knowing about it. Ever. Nah. Is she only a breeding animal to him?

saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In reverse order: Yes. It's got nothing to do with OP, it's the MIL who wants the baby. Because he has an unhealthy Oedipal complex (see also, nothing to do with OP, she's just a breeding animal)

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suuspuusje avatar
Susie Elle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your husband is not married to you, he's married to his mother, who is the matriarch. I'm willing to bet once OP would've gotten pregnant, next topic is 'why are you work when you're a mom?' or 'why are you not taking care of your husband better?'.

saragregory0508 avatar
NsG
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm not sure whether or not after the baby is born, Granny wouldn't be suing for custody so she has a new baby to coo over and raise. I wonder if the sisters have children, or is she's only interested in continuing the patriarchal line.

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viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's telling that the husband (the only son) is the clear favourite of the siblings and the sisters haven't spoken up for the mother. The mother is a male chauvinist and a misogynist. Thank goodness the wife is going for a divorce.

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sister had a friend that had a similar family situation. Difference was, she did get pregnant, but as soon as the baby was born, he took the baby and moved in with his parents. They never saw her as any more than a baby factory. She fought for custody and won...but she was harassed, threatened and abused the whole time for even thinking of taking the child back. She now has full custody of her daughter and a restraining order against her ex. He is only allowed a few hours of supervised visits a year..... Run sister! Don't look back!

professormcgonagallminerva avatar
Stardust
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If OP stays in this relationship any longer then more forms of abuse will happen

jeancunningham avatar
JMC5003
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Once an abuser knows they can get you to move your boundaries, they'll be even more aggressive tearing down the next boundary. Abuse is all about control.

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sinkvenice_1 avatar
Sinkvenice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He tells you to respect his mother but he doesn't even respect you or stand up for you. And why is he telling her about your sex life?? Their relationship is creepy and weird and you need to book it outta there now.

mikedelancey avatar
Two_rolling_black_eyes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my state its a felony sex crime to mess with someone's birth control pills. If convicted, you go on the list with the rapists.

valisbourne avatar
Valisbourne Spiritforge
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he's legit messing with her birth control it's called Drug Tampering (at best!). I'm no legal expert, but this is illegal in many areas.

emily-tennent avatar
Novel Idesa
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's also known as "reproductive coercion," "reproductive absue," or "birth control sabatoge" and it is absolutely a crime. At the very least, it is grounds for a PFA.

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fraserhodgson18 avatar
PuggerWugger
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be honest, it seems like he is completely infatuated with his mother, I do not think he would ever take anyone else's opinion over that of his precious mommy.

mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Dear satan-in-law. I feel that I need closure after kicking your little baby boy/lover boy out of my life so fast his head spun like Linda Blair being possessed by Pazuzu, so I’m ending our contact with an explanation of my behaviour. A: your son is a coddled man baby whose emotional diapers I have no inclination to be changing. B: I have no intention of being your and your sons incubation chamber. If you want his child so bad, fúck him yourself or pay a surrogate mother like everybody else. C: You’re the devil. Have the life you deserve, I would have recommended therapy, except I don’t give a shìt. Kindest regards: the abuse victim who got away.

babs6968 avatar
Sadie Lynn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Best comment in the thread tbh! Especially letting mil do the work of having his baby since she's already in all that business anyway. Any son talking to his mother (or mother asking for details) about his wife and his sex life in as much detail as it sounds like is disgusting for one "I know all about you" says way more than it should, and this mother has an emotionally incestuous relationship with her son. I wouldn't be shocked if I heard they/she did worse things. Congratulations on you getting away as well! Always prioritize self! Namaste!

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lisah255 avatar
LH25
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nope, nope, nope. Her problem is really less her MIL and WAY more her husband.

juliechute avatar
Hoodoo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mr No-Nuts has major mommy issues & allowing his family to abuse his spouse is just the tip of this dysfunctional iceberg. Kudos OP!

lyndsey-macd avatar
LynzCatastrophe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It may seem sweet when a man is close to his mom but there should be limits, especially if she's made previous comments in the past and your husband brushed it off. And this was before you were married. Never marry a mommas boy, the boy will never side with you. They already see you as just a walking incubator, your bc pills have been messed with, he's never stood up for you against his mother even though his silence when she's saying things to you speaks volumes, he knows it's wrong but will never say anything against her. Time to leave. He will never pick you.

tracypaints44 avatar
Tracy Rowe
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

seems to me in this case he doesn't think what his mother is saying is wrong, he's just letting her do the talking for him.

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kjorn avatar
kjorn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

what kind of parent these people have? my MIL and my family never ask us for that. they were pretty happy when we had kids but never push us to have one.

viviane_katz avatar
-
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother-in-law was pushing me to have kids and it did affect me, but she was angelic compared to this woman. She also stopped after I suggested she visit a specialist in Italy who could help her have post-menopausal babies. Thank you, Dr. Fallopius (or whoever) for your pioneering work and an argument she couldn't refute.

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ansistargirl avatar
Ansi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Just giving my two cents about latex allergy. I have that and would not have sex with a regular condom. When my dentist had latex gloves during an exam I had a red rasch, dry skin and itchy, all around my mouth. So on more sensitive area. 😬 Because of my allergy I also react to certain food: bananas, avocado, seafood. So my gut tells me it would show in other ways for this guy except for condoms. Not everyone has the same allergy but it sounds like gaslighting and yuck, did he tell his mum about their sexlife and the mum decides when the DIL should get a lifelong bond with them and responsibilitys for a child?

circular-motion avatar
Mer☕️🧭☕️
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If his mother wants him to have a baby that badly and is so involved in his sex life, why doesn't she just have his baby? Creepy, gross, and super-abusive fam right there. Run girl run.

s_mi avatar
S. Mi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I saw things like messing with the birth control is borderline abuse. There is no borderline about it. Reproductive abuse is real. As is medical (sabotaging medication)

marianmoore1948 avatar
Marian Moore
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The MIL will never change. I had the MIL from Hell. He was a momma's boy and I got away from him as fast as I could.

craigreynolds_1 avatar
Craig Reynolds
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA and you need out. I will just add to the other comments and say that if you don't leave, MIL will become even worse should you actually become pregnant. She will try to rule your pregnancy, self-care, and then child-rearing and it sounds like your mama's boy husband will take her side in all matters. It sounds an awful lot like mom and son are inappropriately discussing your sex life in creepy intimate detail.

tmarek13 avatar
just me
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems like lots of people are giving advice on condoms. If the goal is to get her pregnant wouldn't a condom be fairly easy to sabotage?

s1067422 avatar
webster
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes, but birth control can be harmful to a woman's body, whereas condoms are the safest form of protection. His latex allergy most likely is false, and even then there are alternative condoms for that. Besides, she should leave him anyways, so the point is moot.

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ybutler avatar
Yvonne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eugh, I’m a mum to an only male , I don’t want to know his sex life, never asked when he and my fabulous daughter in law were going to start a family, I do my best not to interfere. They ask for help when they need it. I now have a grandchild and there’s another on the way . Run girl RUN this toxicity will destroy you. There’s no longer thank goodness, shame in divorce. Having a child, worse, being tricked into a pregnancy will tie you to these nutters for the rest of your life. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿❤️

bluemom2017 avatar
Pamela Blue
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For starters, you are WAY too easy-going. You let so much stuff slide that I think you HAD to have noticed the red flags - you just chose to ignore them. MIL wore white on your wedding day? MIL sending you links to sex sites to help with pregnancy? I hate to say it, but if you did get pregnant, you wouldn't be able to raise your child. You'd be lucky if you got to see it at all! MIL would simply take over, especially if it was a boy. Now - pack up your stuff, get out of there, find a good lawyer, and let MIL find some other incubator for her next child. (oh, and if by some chance you are pregnant, whatever you do, don't tell either of them - ever!)

ddw2945 avatar
Curry on...
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why or why can't people stop intruding in other people's lives? They (the MIL) act like they are puppet masters.

glenellyn2 avatar
Glen Ellyn
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"When are you going to have a baby?" 😲 "Well, gee. When are you going to have sex with your spouse?" Honestly, why do people think it's okay to ask such a personal question? Family member or not, it's none of their freakin' business!

vjsmart2001 avatar
Valerie Smart
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Run girl run , don’t look back. We don’t want to see you on the news after you go “missing”. He’s married to his mother , not you. Beyond creepy .

aprncss32 avatar
Deb Simpson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA...Please run. I was married to a man that could not and would not stand up to his mother. I blame her for the major downfall of our marriage. It gets worse after any children come.

noneanon avatar
Random Anon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't even finish the first paragraph and already knew this is open and shut. It's a huge f0cking red flag if there ever was one. Since she doesn't have kids, a divorce is in order. That "husband" has his bollocks kept in his mum's purse and she is going for the OP lady.

chloe-louisbeaugrand avatar
Chloé-Louis Beaugrand
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one concerned that the MIL said she was looking out for "her baby" ? It seems to me beyond unacceptable to consider your son's baby yours and act as if his wife hadn't have anything to do with it.

kathinka avatar
Katinka Min
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe the mom and her son should make the baby, instead? Seems like they are a good team.

wonderful3382 avatar
Wonderful
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is she wants grand babies so bad maybe she should have sex with her son. Since they share everything may as well do it. What I'm saying is that is really creepy that she "knows" so much about her offsprings sex life. It's gross and it seems like the son really tells her everything, probably in graphic detail. That's disgusting and mental incest may as well make it physical.

jppennington avatar
JayWantsACat
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either there are SO MANY my boyfriend/husband is close to his mother/my MIL AITA or BP is good at finding them. Because JFC. And they are rarely the a*****e and are in terrible relationships.

ezzellteresa6 avatar
Teresa Ezzell
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is his mother always going to have the final say in your marriage? Is she going to bully the baby that you might have eventually have had? And God forbid if it is a little girl and not a little boy. I would have to leave and pray not to be pregnant by this trickery. I'm so sorry. The Bible says the two of you are one, the mother was supposed to let go.

david_smojver avatar
Dave
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is what happens when somebody is ignoring glaring red flags even before the marriage.

blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He told his mother his wife isn't trying hard enough at sex and needs to work on it? NOPE He is rating your sex life and gave you a non-passing score! Why would you ever sleep with him again?

annavolkov avatar
Anna Volkov
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Um ... maybe before you divorce him get a marriage counselor immediately... talk to him about what he tells his mother about your sex life cuz thats just a boundary crossed.. you do not ever talk to others about your sex life with your partner if the partner a) doesn't know you're sharing about it.. and b) your partner wants to keep your sex life private. He needs to understand that he broke your trust and personal boundary if he's been telling his MOM about it! And 2 he needs to apologize to you and make ammends... life changes. 3. Do you have access to his phone or does he get defensive if you look through his phone? There should be no phone privacy within a healthy marriage. 4. Your husband needs to put you and your needs before his mother because you're the no1 woman in his life the moment he married u. 5. Stop avoiding your husband by running away.. and deal with your issues like an adult. Running away isn't helpful unless there's physical or mental abuse. There's no perfect marr

billmarsano avatar
bill marsano
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, you're not TA but you certainly ignored red flags to marry this mam's boy. Get out now. Iy is never going to get better. Never.

slw303 avatar
SuePrew
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"from what I've heard"! What have you heard, and from who?

chabot0310 avatar
Miguel justino C
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

I kicked a dog because it looked at me funny. The owner got mad at me and I told him f**k off. AITA? These post are for self gratification and really annoying.

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