MIL Is Furious At Son’s Wife For Expecting A Girl Instead Of A Boy, Drama Ensues
When a soon-to-be mom is expecting her first child, she deserves all the support in the world. Her partner helping her deal with the physical discomfort and ever-changing hormones, her boss allowing her time off when needed, and her family members showing overwhelming excitement for the new addition to the family. There is no room for negativity or judgment directed towards a woman who is working hard to bring a new life into the world.
However, one mother-in-law seems to have missed the memo that pregnant women should be treated with care. 3 days ago, Reddit user Bookfern shared a story detailing how some family drama ensued after her mother-in-law expressed her disappointment in her next grandchild being a girl, rather than a boy.
Below, you can read the full story that had Bookfern wondering whether she had gone too far in defending herself, as well as some of the replies frustrated readers have left. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article featuring a mother-in-law being way too hard on her pregnant daughter-in-law, you can find that right here.
After being unfairly shamed by her mother-in-law, this pregnant woman is wondering if she went too far when standing up for herself
Image credits: John Looy (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ashwin Vaswani (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Annie Spratt (not the actual photo)
Image credits: bookfern
The soon-to-be mother then responded to some comments calling out the mother-in-law for her outdated views
Hundreds of years ago, in many cultures, there was a huge emphasis on having boys, rather than girls, to carry on the family name and legacy. Kings always wanted to have male heirs to inherit the throne, and plenty of other men in powerful positions desired boys to take on their titles as well. However, today, this reasoning does not really stand up.
For the vast majority of the world, it makes absolutely no difference whether their children are boys or girls. The goal should just be to have a healthy, happy child, as Bookfern notes in her post. Plus, the sex of a child does not necessarily determine the gender they will identify with 10, 15, or 20 years down the line. There’s no need to have a preference when having children.
But, as we all know, sexism persists in many ways. Apparently, even in the United States, there is still a slight preference for having boys over girls. According to a 2018 Gallup poll, when asked if they had a preference of gender if they could only have one child, 36% of Americans said they would prefer having a boy. Only 28% said they would prefer having a girl, and the remaining 36% had no preference.
Women tend to have a smaller bias than men, however. 31% of women said they would prefer a daughter, while 30% said they would rather have a boy. Men, on the other hand, were more decisive with their preferences. 43% said they would prefer a son, while only 24% said they would prefer a daughter.
Regardless of whether the parents, or grandparents, have a preference or not, it’s really out of everyone’s control. It’s simply up to the father’s sperm to determine the sex of a child, as Bookfern tried to remind her mother-in-law. It is embarrassing to hold outdated views about how children are made and to blame one party for having a “lesser” child, but it would also be incredibly painful for that girl to grow up knowing her grandmother didn’t want her. I’m sure the girl will never have any knowledge of this situation, and I hope that her grandmother will shower her with love, as she would any of her other grandchildren. But clinging onto outdated sexist opinions that boys are more valuable than girls is just sad, and it only causes harm.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments. Have you ever heard someone express their preference for having a boy over a girl, or were you just as shocked to hear this as the mother in this story was? Let us know what you think, and then if you want to check out another Bored Panda article featuring drama between a mother-in-law and her pregnant daughter-in-law, look no further than right here.
Readers poured out support for the expecting mother, reassuring her that she did nothing wrong
I would have asked her what exactly she meant by "try harder to give her husband a boy". Like what did she expect her to do?
I'd be tempted to give MIL graphic descriptions of how we had sex and ask if we needed to try a different position.
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MIL needs some basic education. And no, daughters are not "just given away". We don't live in dark ages.
YES! Glad I'm not the only one that was irked by that line. What da fudge is she planning to do with her granddaughter?!? In OP's shoes, no way in bloody hell would I let that woman any way near my kids!!!
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The male's contribution is what determines biological sex. Shame th eman, then. MIL was out of line.
I don't really understand how people don't click on to that. How would a woman randomly produce a Y chromosome to make her baby a boy? Only one place that Y can come from.
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I can say, from my own experiences with my MIL, that she absolutely was right in what she said and how she said it. If you aren't lucky and do not have an idiot for a MIL, boundaries need to be established early on. I had problems with mine, starting from the day we brought our first baby home and if I had not been too meek to defend myself in the beginning, I might have had at least the semblance of a relationship with the moron I got for a MIL. I'm not calling her that because I don't like her - she truly is a moron who thinks she's more smart and clever than she actually is. I've dealt with toddlers with more intelligence, common sense and respect for others than my MIL.
If nothing else, how horrible to react that way to news about the baby. It's like she had to take away the joy of the announcement because it wasn't fitting in with her idea of the perfect family. I despise the entirety of that old-fashioned idea that you can't have as much pride in having a girl as a boy. I will never understand it except in the sense that a boy won't have to face the same sexism and being considered lesser while in the freaking womb so maybe that's why you're grateful for a boy. So horrible.
Husband didn't like that she implied that mil was stupid? Well.... maybe highly misinformed or undereducated sounds better then? I find it equally hilarious and sad how little people (even women) know about womens bodies. Like she had anything to do about the sex of the baby. With that logic she should be angry with her son. Besides - there's absolutely no guarantee that the biological sex you are born with will determine your gender later on, so this is very irrelevant.
Biological sex is what you are. You can change the outward appearance but you CANNOT change biology
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Since it's the sperm that determines the sex of the child, why didn't she blame her own son for not trying harder to have a boy?
Cripes. Is the MIL here a reincarnation of Henry VIII or something? Watch your, um, neck (lol).
As someone going through the same (thank god not from MIL), I totally understand her frustration. We have two daughters and with my third pregnancy I refuse to know the gender because I just can't deal with comments like these. "Maybe the fourth one will be a boy" - "don't worry, you'll have a boy next time" - "hahaha, maybe after 5 daughters you'll give up giving birth". People can be disgusting. Funny thing is my husband couldn't care less whether we have a boy or girl as long as it's a happy, healthy baby <3
I don't have any human children, but it always creeps me the heck out when parents seem to be nearly RABID over wanting this or that gender. Like, if you want kids together, shouldn't you be happy to have... KIDS? Regardless of their gender? Besides, some of the stuff like a dad going "I want a manly son to have manly hobbies he can do in manly ways with me, a man" is extra hilarious to me, as I'm female and I was the least girly girl ever. I loved all the "manly" things and hobbies my dad did (working on cars, liking cars/trucks/fighter jets, fishing, woodworking, fixing/repairing things around the house, etc.) plus "boyish" stuff aside from that, like bugs, climbing trees, playing in the mud/dirt, getting into scuffs with boys (oops), video games, GI Joe toys, etc. I hated everything feminine/girly (still do!) Even if a parent insanely "WANTS" a girl or a boy, and then gets the gender they want, there's zero guarantee their child will turn out to be the way they want/expect in terms of "expected social gender norms" XD
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To be fair, that knowledge of the sperm determining the baby's sex maybe not have been known when MIL was in grade school, or at least wasn't taught to young girls back then. I do think an actual pamphlet/education might be in order. Mom-to-be may be been a bit harsh, but the MIL deserved it and probably needed to be shaken to be woken up.
I'd rush out and buy "Everything you want to know about sex but was afraid to ask" It tells how to help conceive a gender. Natural family planning aids in that outcome. My 2 two uncles (and wives) used this , had the genders they tried for. My dad's family are devote Catholics. The brothers that married and had a family before this book came out had girls first or only . If you look at the history of Catholic families, they are girl dominate. My dad is the first son with older sisters, his dad was the only son with older sisters, my brother has 3 older sisters, his first was a girl as well, with 2 sons following.
My FIL comes from a family of 8 children, only one brother. That bro went on to have 8 children,3/5 boys/girls. My FIL married later and only had 2, both boys. Now my MIL was bitter that she only had boys, so when I had my first girl (after 2 boys) she would buy boy clothes for her till she was 5 months old. My husband was so ticked at her that when we were told our last one was going to be a girl too, he didn't even let her know for a long time.
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No racism intended here, but is MIL Asian? Many Asian cultures In the past were very paternalistic & misogynistic. In fact, until recently, China had a 1 child per couple rule & it's a well kn8wn fact that many couples who had girls would abandon them (Chinese orphanages were horribly overcrowded with females). Some parents were known to have killed their daughters outright...all in the name of having a first born paternal grandson to carry on the family name. Didn't they realize that females are also required to make babies & carry on that family name, too. Thank God that law was abolished because the Chineese government recognized the decline in populations. I also know that in the Vietnamese culture, first born males were prized for the same reasons, although I dont believe Vietnam had laws restricting the number of children a couple was allowed to produce, but if a woman was found to be carrying a female fetus, she was often urged/demanded by the father's side of the family to abort it in favor of trying for that all-important furst born paternal grandson. I'm not aware of or sure if any other cultures practicing this. If so, my apologies for my ignorance. I only know this way of thinking was very prevalent throughout Asia. Thank goodness, these old paternalistic attitudes seem to be changing.
I'm angrier the husband cares more about his mother's feelings than hers. His mother shamed and blamed her like an idiot, and had every right to be treated like the toxic idiot she is. I'm afraid this son will reveal more unwelcome bias towards his mommy in the future.
My ex was a horrible waste of genetic material. I remarried and my husband adopted my daughter. She is so proud of her name she would not give it up when she married. So her husband took her adopted father's last name, because as she told the judge when he asked her why she wanted to be adopted "because he's my daddy"
My grandmother didn't care what gender we were, all she cared about was having healthy grandchildren. From my youngest aunt she got two boys and a girl. From my dad, she got two girls. From my uncle, she got five girls. And from my oldest aunt, she didn't get anything. Either way, she loved all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Whatever his actual opinion, I'm really glad he did the right thing and contributed to a united front with his wife when speaking to his mother. Too many times on this site, the partner is being ridiculous and sides with the parent. Discuss your own issues/opinions behind closed doors, but always remember you're a team, especially in such a LUDICROUS SITUATION.
I thounI thought women could stand on their heads after sex and drink pickle juice to have boys
Evidently MIL was picking her face in Bio-1A. X & Y chromosomes don't bend to anyone's wishes last I checked. If hubs continues to rebuke OP when his mum is completely off base, this won't end well. AND OP's daughter will grow up exposed to this sexist horsecrap. Serious problem IMO
Sounds like MIL doesn't like girls. My stepfather has a mother like that. She is mean and hateful to both her daughter in laws and her own biological daughters, while she adores her sons. She has been horrible to the point that my mother refuses to see her or speak to her at all. It likely stems from one of three issues. Insecurity and inferiority complex, narcissism, or a massively outsized competitive streak where they see all other females as competition. Kudos to OP for standing up for herself and standing her ground. Keep doing so.
Husband should be ashamed of himself for not having her back and tell him its his sperm that is the deciding factor and tell his mom to jump his sh#t for not producing a male child. His mom is an IDIOT!!!!
I prayed for girl I could spoil when my wife got pregnant and I absolutely loved raising her as a stay at home Dad. Now my grown up daughter just gave birth to a baby girl and I am over the moon for her. By the way my daughter kept my last name. I think part of the MIL’s ignorance is because she only had boys and doesn’t know how awesome girls can be. She may also come from an old backward cultural background.
You obviously felt as if you had been under attack. Your response might have been a bit harsh but facts don't care about feelings. However, it is possible that older generations do not understand human biology and once upon a time it was believed that women determined the gender of their offspring. I would be concerned whether or not your daughter will be appreciated in future.
She should have simply blamed her husband for making a daughter, in front of the Monster-in-Law. Like that scene in the first or second X-Men movie.
Um, no, MIL was a complete idiot. Since Henry the VIII, we've learned through science and biology that it is the man who determines the sex of the baby, not the woman. So MIL better be getting onto her son and HE needs to acknowledge his mother's blunt (possibly willful) ignorance on the matter.
I had this mentality until my husband was the one who humbled me. We have one little girl and when I was pregnant I wanted a boy. I thought about the family name and all that other patriarchal bs. I actually cried when I learned she was a girl and I told my husband. His response was he didn’t care, he just wanted her to be healthy. I changed my perspective immediately and realized having a girl is just fine. I couldn’t picture my life without her now so I’m thankful to have her.
Next time she just has to make sure to get mild radiation poisoning before having fun to higher the chances to get a boy of course! (Sarcasm aside, radiation actually increases the chances for Y-sperms to succeed over X-sperms - interesting fact found after the Chernobyl desaster)
In several cultures, first daughters are often aborted. Makes me wonder about the other daughters-in-law consistently having boys first - may not have been chance.
It is scientifically proven that men can produce more of one type of chromosome (either X or Y) and that it is an inherited condition. Those guys' dad might have predisposition to make more Y chromosomes and that's why he had more sons. It was inherited to his sons as well, but in this case this guy had a daughter because the odds of having boys are stronger in that family but that doesn't mean it is impossible to have a girl.
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I would have told the husband, "I didn't call her an idiot; that would imply she couldn't help her ignorance. I'm not giving her that much excuse."
I would have asked her what exactly she meant by "try harder to give her husband a boy". Like what did she expect her to do?
I'd be tempted to give MIL graphic descriptions of how we had sex and ask if we needed to try a different position.
Load More Replies... MIL needs some basic education. And no, daughters are not "just given away". We don't live in dark ages.
YES! Glad I'm not the only one that was irked by that line. What da fudge is she planning to do with her granddaughter?!? In OP's shoes, no way in bloody hell would I let that woman any way near my kids!!!
Load More Replies... The male's contribution is what determines biological sex. Shame th eman, then. MIL was out of line.
I don't really understand how people don't click on to that. How would a woman randomly produce a Y chromosome to make her baby a boy? Only one place that Y can come from.
Load More Replies... I can say, from my own experiences with my MIL, that she absolutely was right in what she said and how she said it. If you aren't lucky and do not have an idiot for a MIL, boundaries need to be established early on. I had problems with mine, starting from the day we brought our first baby home and if I had not been too meek to defend myself in the beginning, I might have had at least the semblance of a relationship with the moron I got for a MIL. I'm not calling her that because I don't like her - she truly is a moron who thinks she's more smart and clever than she actually is. I've dealt with toddlers with more intelligence, common sense and respect for others than my MIL.
If nothing else, how horrible to react that way to news about the baby. It's like she had to take away the joy of the announcement because it wasn't fitting in with her idea of the perfect family. I despise the entirety of that old-fashioned idea that you can't have as much pride in having a girl as a boy. I will never understand it except in the sense that a boy won't have to face the same sexism and being considered lesser while in the freaking womb so maybe that's why you're grateful for a boy. So horrible.
Husband didn't like that she implied that mil was stupid? Well.... maybe highly misinformed or undereducated sounds better then? I find it equally hilarious and sad how little people (even women) know about womens bodies. Like she had anything to do about the sex of the baby. With that logic she should be angry with her son. Besides - there's absolutely no guarantee that the biological sex you are born with will determine your gender later on, so this is very irrelevant.
Biological sex is what you are. You can change the outward appearance but you CANNOT change biology
Load More Replies... Since it's the sperm that determines the sex of the child, why didn't she blame her own son for not trying harder to have a boy?
Cripes. Is the MIL here a reincarnation of Henry VIII or something? Watch your, um, neck (lol).
As someone going through the same (thank god not from MIL), I totally understand her frustration. We have two daughters and with my third pregnancy I refuse to know the gender because I just can't deal with comments like these. "Maybe the fourth one will be a boy" - "don't worry, you'll have a boy next time" - "hahaha, maybe after 5 daughters you'll give up giving birth". People can be disgusting. Funny thing is my husband couldn't care less whether we have a boy or girl as long as it's a happy, healthy baby <3
I don't have any human children, but it always creeps me the heck out when parents seem to be nearly RABID over wanting this or that gender. Like, if you want kids together, shouldn't you be happy to have... KIDS? Regardless of their gender? Besides, some of the stuff like a dad going "I want a manly son to have manly hobbies he can do in manly ways with me, a man" is extra hilarious to me, as I'm female and I was the least girly girl ever. I loved all the "manly" things and hobbies my dad did (working on cars, liking cars/trucks/fighter jets, fishing, woodworking, fixing/repairing things around the house, etc.) plus "boyish" stuff aside from that, like bugs, climbing trees, playing in the mud/dirt, getting into scuffs with boys (oops), video games, GI Joe toys, etc. I hated everything feminine/girly (still do!) Even if a parent insanely "WANTS" a girl or a boy, and then gets the gender they want, there's zero guarantee their child will turn out to be the way they want/expect in terms of "expected social gender norms" XD
Load More Replies... To be fair, that knowledge of the sperm determining the baby's sex maybe not have been known when MIL was in grade school, or at least wasn't taught to young girls back then. I do think an actual pamphlet/education might be in order. Mom-to-be may be been a bit harsh, but the MIL deserved it and probably needed to be shaken to be woken up.
I'd rush out and buy "Everything you want to know about sex but was afraid to ask" It tells how to help conceive a gender. Natural family planning aids in that outcome. My 2 two uncles (and wives) used this , had the genders they tried for. My dad's family are devote Catholics. The brothers that married and had a family before this book came out had girls first or only . If you look at the history of Catholic families, they are girl dominate. My dad is the first son with older sisters, his dad was the only son with older sisters, my brother has 3 older sisters, his first was a girl as well, with 2 sons following.
My FIL comes from a family of 8 children, only one brother. That bro went on to have 8 children,3/5 boys/girls. My FIL married later and only had 2, both boys. Now my MIL was bitter that she only had boys, so when I had my first girl (after 2 boys) she would buy boy clothes for her till she was 5 months old. My husband was so ticked at her that when we were told our last one was going to be a girl too, he didn't even let her know for a long time.
Load More Replies... No racism intended here, but is MIL Asian? Many Asian cultures In the past were very paternalistic & misogynistic. In fact, until recently, China had a 1 child per couple rule & it's a well kn8wn fact that many couples who had girls would abandon them (Chinese orphanages were horribly overcrowded with females). Some parents were known to have killed their daughters outright...all in the name of having a first born paternal grandson to carry on the family name. Didn't they realize that females are also required to make babies & carry on that family name, too. Thank God that law was abolished because the Chineese government recognized the decline in populations. I also know that in the Vietnamese culture, first born males were prized for the same reasons, although I dont believe Vietnam had laws restricting the number of children a couple was allowed to produce, but if a woman was found to be carrying a female fetus, she was often urged/demanded by the father's side of the family to abort it in favor of trying for that all-important furst born paternal grandson. I'm not aware of or sure if any other cultures practicing this. If so, my apologies for my ignorance. I only know this way of thinking was very prevalent throughout Asia. Thank goodness, these old paternalistic attitudes seem to be changing.
I'm angrier the husband cares more about his mother's feelings than hers. His mother shamed and blamed her like an idiot, and had every right to be treated like the toxic idiot she is. I'm afraid this son will reveal more unwelcome bias towards his mommy in the future.
My ex was a horrible waste of genetic material. I remarried and my husband adopted my daughter. She is so proud of her name she would not give it up when she married. So her husband took her adopted father's last name, because as she told the judge when he asked her why she wanted to be adopted "because he's my daddy"
My grandmother didn't care what gender we were, all she cared about was having healthy grandchildren. From my youngest aunt she got two boys and a girl. From my dad, she got two girls. From my uncle, she got five girls. And from my oldest aunt, she didn't get anything. Either way, she loved all her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.
Whatever his actual opinion, I'm really glad he did the right thing and contributed to a united front with his wife when speaking to his mother. Too many times on this site, the partner is being ridiculous and sides with the parent. Discuss your own issues/opinions behind closed doors, but always remember you're a team, especially in such a LUDICROUS SITUATION.
I thounI thought women could stand on their heads after sex and drink pickle juice to have boys
Evidently MIL was picking her face in Bio-1A. X & Y chromosomes don't bend to anyone's wishes last I checked. If hubs continues to rebuke OP when his mum is completely off base, this won't end well. AND OP's daughter will grow up exposed to this sexist horsecrap. Serious problem IMO
Sounds like MIL doesn't like girls. My stepfather has a mother like that. She is mean and hateful to both her daughter in laws and her own biological daughters, while she adores her sons. She has been horrible to the point that my mother refuses to see her or speak to her at all. It likely stems from one of three issues. Insecurity and inferiority complex, narcissism, or a massively outsized competitive streak where they see all other females as competition. Kudos to OP for standing up for herself and standing her ground. Keep doing so.
Husband should be ashamed of himself for not having her back and tell him its his sperm that is the deciding factor and tell his mom to jump his sh#t for not producing a male child. His mom is an IDIOT!!!!
I prayed for girl I could spoil when my wife got pregnant and I absolutely loved raising her as a stay at home Dad. Now my grown up daughter just gave birth to a baby girl and I am over the moon for her. By the way my daughter kept my last name. I think part of the MIL’s ignorance is because she only had boys and doesn’t know how awesome girls can be. She may also come from an old backward cultural background.
You obviously felt as if you had been under attack. Your response might have been a bit harsh but facts don't care about feelings. However, it is possible that older generations do not understand human biology and once upon a time it was believed that women determined the gender of their offspring. I would be concerned whether or not your daughter will be appreciated in future.
She should have simply blamed her husband for making a daughter, in front of the Monster-in-Law. Like that scene in the first or second X-Men movie.
Um, no, MIL was a complete idiot. Since Henry the VIII, we've learned through science and biology that it is the man who determines the sex of the baby, not the woman. So MIL better be getting onto her son and HE needs to acknowledge his mother's blunt (possibly willful) ignorance on the matter.
I had this mentality until my husband was the one who humbled me. We have one little girl and when I was pregnant I wanted a boy. I thought about the family name and all that other patriarchal bs. I actually cried when I learned she was a girl and I told my husband. His response was he didn’t care, he just wanted her to be healthy. I changed my perspective immediately and realized having a girl is just fine. I couldn’t picture my life without her now so I’m thankful to have her.
Next time she just has to make sure to get mild radiation poisoning before having fun to higher the chances to get a boy of course! (Sarcasm aside, radiation actually increases the chances for Y-sperms to succeed over X-sperms - interesting fact found after the Chernobyl desaster)
In several cultures, first daughters are often aborted. Makes me wonder about the other daughters-in-law consistently having boys first - may not have been chance.
It is scientifically proven that men can produce more of one type of chromosome (either X or Y) and that it is an inherited condition. Those guys' dad might have predisposition to make more Y chromosomes and that's why he had more sons. It was inherited to his sons as well, but in this case this guy had a daughter because the odds of having boys are stronger in that family but that doesn't mean it is impossible to have a girl.
Load More Replies... I would have told the husband, "I didn't call her an idiot; that would imply she couldn't help her ignorance. I'm not giving her that much excuse."
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