“I Was So Angry I Was Crying”: MIL Shows True Colors After DIL Prioritizes Her Own Kid’s Thanksgiving

Celebrating Thanksgiving is a bit of a nightmare if some of your relatives have fallen out with each other. You’re forced to choose between different loved ones. And somebody almost inevitably ends up feeling hurt. The healthy thing would be not to get jealous if someone prioritizes their kid over you.

Internet user u/egwenealvere vented to the ‘JUSTNOMIL’ online community about how toxic her mother-in-law got after she chose to go to her own child’s Thanksgiving dinner, instead of visiting her in-laws. Scroll down for the full story and to see what advice the net had for the frustrated author.

Thanksgiving is meant to bring your family together. However, that’s not always possible if there are lingering tensions between your relatives

Woman wearing glasses, looking upset and thoughtful indoors, reflecting tension around Thanksgiving and family issues.

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envato (not the actual photo)

A woman asked for advice on dealing with her mother-in-law, who went ‘nuclear’ after learning that she’d be spending the holidays with different loved ones

Text excerpt showing a woman describing how her mother-in-law exploded on her over Thanksgiving plans with her kid.

Woman wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid as MIL explodes over family dinner plans and staying home.

Woman wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid as MIL reacts strongly in a family holiday conflict.

Text excerpt about a woman’s Thanksgiving plans that caused her mother-in-law to lose her mind in a group chat.

Text discussing a woman’s struggle with her MIL refusing to respect her non-binary child’s pronouns during Thanksgiving.

Text excerpt showing a woman discussing family tensions and challenges planning Thanksgiving with her kid and mother-in-law.

Text message from MIL arguing about Thanksgiving plans and family tensions involving kid, husband, and FIL’s health issues.

Text discussing family tension over Thanksgiving plans, focusing on a woman and her mother-in-law’s conflict.

Alt text: Woman frustrated over MIL conflict about hosting first Thanksgiving with her kid, seeking family compromise and understanding.

Text excerpt showing a woman expressing frustration about celebrating Thanksgiving with her kid and dealing with MIL’s reaction.

Text excerpt about a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while her mother-in-law explosively confronts her.

Woman in a striped green top looking stressed, illustrating a Thanksgiving conflict with her kid and MIL exploding.

Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envato (not the actual photo)

Things only got worse from there. Here is the author’s update

ALT text: Woman and MIL conflict escalates as she wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid, leading to MIL’s explosive messages.

Text excerpt about a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while her MIL reacts explosively in a family conflict.

Woman wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid, causing MIL to explode over holiday plans and family tensions.

Text excerpt showing a woman’s emotional reaction after reading messages about celebrating Thanksgiving with her kid and MIL conflict.

Text excerpt showing a woman explaining her decision to mute her mother-in-law amid Thanksgiving celebration conflict.

Text about a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while her mother-in-law reacts strongly.

Text showing a woman expressing frustration after her mother-in-law exploded over wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid.

Image credits: egwenealvere

Relatives who continue ignoring your boundaries end up introducing a lot of stress and anxiety into your life

Healthy boundaries are absolutely paramount if you care about your mental and emotional well-being. The clearer your expectations for other people’s behavior, the easier it is for everyone to know when they’ve disrespected you.

But the thing with boundaries is that they are completely powerless if you don’t enforce them. If you’ve asked someone to stop behaving a certain way, warning them that you’ll, for instance, have to spend less time with them, then you have to follow through with that promise.

If, on the other hand, the problematic individual ignores your boundaries and you don’t do what you said you’d do, then they know that your warnings are meaningless. And so, they’ll likely continue disrespecting you.

In truly serious cases, where the other person constantly disrespects you and leaves you feeling drained, you may want to consider cutting them out of your life. Whether permanently or temporarily, it depends on you.

But it would be madness to spend time around someone who continues to erode your confidence and definitely doesn’t have your best interests or well-being at heart.

As ‘Parents’ magazine notes, toxic family members, who demean, hurt, or exploit you, can damage your mental health.

They can contribute to low self-esteem, stress, anxiety, and depression. The irony is that you’re supposed to feel the safest and most secure among your family members. But alas, you don’t choose your relatives. And some of them can be less than friendly.

According to Leslie Halpern, PhD, from Yeshiva University, toxic individuals are typically those who “never hesitate to criticize you or others in their family and tend to blame others for their own life’s problems and unhappiness.”

“Sometimes they can be manipulative and act as though it is your behavior that is harming them or that you are not caring for or showing them enough respect or love and taking care of their own needs,” Halpern told ‘Parents’ magazine.

If you find that your family keeps arguing over the holidays, you should set some ground rules and avoid topics that trigger everyone

Woman covering her face in frustration, stressed about family conflict during Thanksgiving celebration with her kid and MIL.

Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Some of the biggest red flags to watch out for, indicating that someone is a toxic individual, are things like:

• Creating unnecessary drama
• Unpredictable behavior
• Lying
• Disrespecting boundaries
• Refusing to take responsibility for one’s own actions

Not all conflicts are unhealthy. However, if you find that your family holidays tend to descend into drama, judgment, and anger, you may want to set some ground rules beforehand.

For example, NPR states that one thing you can do is agree on some basic boundaries before you get together for dinner. You can agree not to touch certain topics that you know from experience are bound to rile everyone up.

The issue isn’t with the sensitive topics themselves, but with how people tend to approach them. If you approach them from a place of curiosity, empathy, open-mindedness, and compassion, you’re likely to have a riveting discussion.

However, if you go into the discussion full of judgment and inflexibility, it’s going to lead to holiday drama. And you shouldn’t be surprised that your loved ones may want to spend less time with you if all you ever do is shout at them.

What’s your perspective, dear Pandas? Have you ever had your family members get upset at you for choosing one group of relatives over another over the holidays?

How would you react if one of your in-laws started insulting you? What would you have done if you were in the frustrated author’s shoes? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

Many internet users were horrified by what they read. The author shared more context in the comments of her post

Reddit conversation about a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid and facing conflict with her mother-in-law.

Reddit conversation showing a woman upset about celebrating Thanksgiving with her kid while her MIL explodes angrily.

Comment thread about woman defending kid’s non-binary identity while MIL disagrees during Thanksgiving family conflict.

Screenshot of an online discussion where a woman wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while MIL reacts strongly.

Woman upset with MIL exploding over Thanksgiving plans to celebrate with her kid first time ever hosting.

Online discussion about a woman dealing with her mother-in-law's outburst during Thanksgiving plans with her kid.

People online shared their reactions and gave the woman some heartfelt advice

Commenter advising how to handle MIL’s outburst over Thanksgiving plans with her kid, emphasizing adult communication.

Text conversation about a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid despite her mother-in-law’s explosive reaction.

Woman shares dilemma about wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while dealing with explosive mother-in-law conflict.

Comment advising how to handle a Thanksgiving conflict with MIL who exploded over time with kid plans.

Comment discussing a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while dealing with an explosive MIL reaction.

Alt text: Woman wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while mother-in-law explodes over holiday plans discussion.

Comment discussing a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while her MIL strongly objects and causes conflict.

Comment in a forum discussing a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid amid MIL conflicts and family tension.

Reddit comment about a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid and her MIL’s strong reaction.

Comment advice on handling a difficult mother-in-law during Thanksgiving with a focus on lost her mind.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment about a woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while her MIL reacts strongly.

Text message conversation discussing a woman dealing with her mother-in-law while trying to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment where a woman explains wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid, causing MIL to react strongly.

Text screenshot of a Reddit comment where a husband sets boundaries about holiday time and communication with his wife’s family.

Comment discussing a woman’s struggle to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid as her mother-in-law explodes in reaction.

Comment advising not to compromise as MIL explodes over woman wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid.

Woman wants to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid while MIL reacts negatively in a heated family dispute.

Comment from user sharing experience about celebrating holidays reluctantly due to family expectations and manipulation concerns.

Text post showing a woman explaining MIL’s harsh behavior after wanting to celebrate Thanksgiving with her kid.

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