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Mom “Publicly Embarrasses” Rude Vegan Daughter-In-Law At Thanksgiving
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Mom “Publicly Embarrasses” Rude Vegan Daughter-In-Law At Thanksgiving

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A mother to two grown-up kids and grandmother to two grandkids turned to the AITA community after her Thanksgiving gathering snowballed into a huge drama that divided the family.

“DIL and I don’t get along for many reasons I won’t go into. She’s also just one of those condescending people who constantly looks down on others, especially because of her veganism,” the woman explained in a post that amassed 12.8k upvotes.

Right before Thanksgiving, the author was contacted by her DIL, who told her which of her dishes would work and which of them wouldn’t. Moreover, “She also sent me many replication recipes to make for her, with expensive specialty items in all of them, many I didn’t even know what they were.”

As the tension between the two kept piling up day by day, it was not until Thanksgiving dinner when the serious conflict blew up. Now, mom blames her DIL for acting passive-aggressively at the table out of spite, trying to prove her point about veganism and pushing the author to the very last limit of her nerves.

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

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Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)

The author later added some more details about the whole situation

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Image credits: anon

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Others, however, thought that everyone was to blame in this situation

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hermom504 avatar
WonderWoman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When someone is providing you not only a free meal that accommodates your dietary preferences, BUT IS ALSO providing you FREE CHILD CARE 3X a week - YOU do NOT BITE THAT HAND!!! Now her entitled son and his witch of a wife can find new child care.

saltae950 avatar
Saltea
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her DIL could've thanked about the free babysitting and how she's been a wonderful grandma & MIL for understanding and providing hours of care, but instead choose to say those things. Yeah DIL definitely deserves it.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's the issue. DIL is a vegan because she wants to be cruelty free/animal rights...I get that. What I've also seen is that many people that go vegan for this reason get very aggressive and nasty with anyone that doesn't conform. It's not that she wanted vegan options...she wanted a cruelty-free Thanksgiving. But there were two issues here...first she got demanding about it...then she got smug about it. My husband is vegan for health reasons...I am vegetarian. He understands that I just love cheese and eggs too much to give them up completely. But you don't win people over to your point of view by being nasty, demanding and smug. DIL was in the wrong. OP is right to stand her ground. And using Grandkids as leverage is cruel.

varikalm avatar
Kathryn Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can't have a cruelty-free Thanksgiving by throwing money around to be cruel to your MIL, so I have a suspicion the smug b didn't do any homework to determine if any of what she bought was ACTUALLY cruelty-free, either. Being vegan DOESN'T actually guarantee that, after all, no matter what propaganda would have you believe.

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jasonking_1 avatar
Jason K
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People don't seem to understand the concept of boundaries. We each need to set limits on how we allow others to treat us. There is being gracious and then there is allowing others to trod all over us. This lady was gracious for a good while but drew the line at a point when the treatment moved beyond tolerable.

rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I disagree with the ESH people. At some point, you have to stand up for yourself. I am all for grace, but sometimes people need to have their rudeness checked. The rudeness was public, the check was public, the dil needs to apologize in public. And the son as well. NEVER weaponize your children.

libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What gets me is the sons complaint that they spent hundreds of dollars for that food. HELLO the mother has been spending hundreds EVERY FREAKING YEAR for her family to have thanksgiving together, how is the blatant abuse of her love and hospitatility not the issue here?

ruthhempsey avatar
Ruth Hempsey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This! The worm turned and the DIL got shown up. She deserved it. I'd have exploded when I saw the whole other meal brought to MY house after making not just a regular Thanksgiving dinner but extra vegan dishes for the DILs requirements. What a b***h. Vegan or not she's just a mean woman.

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suebradleytimmy avatar
Sue Bradley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please do not judge all Vegans as being AH's like this!!! As one of 'them' I would firstly be so grateful that someone had cooked me a meal I could eat, I would have offered to bring some dishes to help the host out - but would ask what would be good to bring. Lastly vegan food is not overly expensive, it's like most diets there are cheaper and more expensive options. In this situation I would have been happy to just eat the roast dinner but without the meaty bits - not difficult really!!!!

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

@Sue Bradley. Especially now. The price of animal products shot up greatly. Two benefits to going vegan...it's cheaper and you can grow part of your diet yourself with very little space saving money. I don't tell people that my dishes are vegan...I just let them know if there are any allergens in it like wheat or nuts. Once they try it...most like it. But I get that some people just like a piece of chicken or a steak. I've cut off plenty of people that were the AH cruelty free vegans. Not all vegans are the same.

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althea_armwood avatar
Althea Armwood
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she can afford to spend hundreds of dollars in a duplicate meal out of spite then she can afford to pay for child care instead of leaching off a woman she clearly has no respect for. Her MIL is simply a servant to her from what I can tell so the MIL is right to put an end to the mistreatment. Certain there is more to all of this because there's always two sides to a story but, in this case, MIL is not the AH.

victoriapegoraro avatar
Victoria
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did anyone else catch on that the son let "slip" that DIL spent "hundreds of dollars" on that meal? So if OP were to replicate the meal demands then OP would have been out that "hundreds of dollars"

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder what ingredients she had to buy that pushed the cost up that much? I could make a vegan meal with things like brown rice and chickpeas and it would be dirt cheap. In fact years ago I was a vegetarian (never went full vegan) precisely because it was cheaper than eating meat regularly.

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guineveremariesmith avatar
Gwyn
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one whose family all bring dishes to Thanksgiving so it's not all on one person to cook? DIL could have brought 1or 2 dishes to supplement the meal that she enjoys and not been a jerk about it. I can understand OPs rude outburst as anyone can lose it during moments of stress, but DILs actions involved intention and forethought, and reveal a lot about her lack of character.

vernon_bear avatar
Gavin Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At a time for family, love and reminding yourself of things that you are thankful for, why not behave in a completely inconsiderate fashion and offend the MIL who supports your family for the other 51 weeks of the year? The DIL just sounds like an idiot, I suspect she’d be an idiot of a different variety if she wasn’t bashing her MIL with her veganism. She’d cause an argument in an empty room, she’s entitled and she lacks tact, diplomacy and compassion for others, nice to animals, not nice to humans, what a f*****t! The MIL has done the right thing.

faramir10 avatar
Faramir10
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DIL wants a cruelty-free, inclusive Thanksgiving - she needs to look at herself first. She said and did some pretty mean things to her MIL.

mybeautifulparanoiax avatar
toxxic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so the son blames his mother for his wife spending hundreds on food, but he expected his mother to spend that instead?

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"It's just the way s/he is" is code for "Well, I know (person) is a raging glassbowl, but I don't want to get into the line of fire by standing up to them, so I'll just push you in front to be treated badly instead. Good luck being a target!"

avery0151 avatar
waddles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you were so CALM i wouldn’t like to imagine what i would do to her

rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't be vegan even if I wanted to, because I have a lot of food intolerances. Overly processed vegan meat substitutes are out of the question, especially if they are made from soya. I'm not really a big fan of turkey but when I was invited to my American friend's Thanksgiving dinner, I was delighted and tried everything. Even the yams with marshmallow topping! My favourite dish is of course the pecan pie 😋

rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also can't process legumes (chickpeas, lentils etc), all cabbage types (except Bok Choi), linseed, coconut flour...

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christiennewbury avatar
Chrissyfox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My family and I are all vegan. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in the U.K. However, Christmas is the one time we all get together for a feast. Everyone loves my vegan cooking but I would NEVER force our choices on anyone. In the past, in-laws have brought their own meat course and enjoyed the rest of the vegan fare. Same with my daughter's in-laws. There is always room for compromise. I think this woman's DIL is a fairly new vegan. When you've been vegan for years and years, you do not demand anything. You don't act smug and you don't proselytise. Falling out with close family is just not worth it over lifestyle choices.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm betting that DIL spends time in McD's drive through, buying a Quarter Pounder when she thinks no one is looking. This is 100% a control issue.

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mim8209 avatar
MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What lunatic vegans are people seemingly running into all the time? I’ve NEVER met a vegan who’s an entitled asshοle in all my life, and I know quite a few. Close friends, some of them. They plan ahead for *themselves*, because their choices only concern them and shouldn’t bother others, and they clear it with the host before bringing anything. If there’s already vegan food, they’re nothing but grateful and happy they’ve been remembered and catered to, in spite of the extra work. They don’t look down on people, they don’t proselyte, they don’t force their priorities on anyone; they show the respect they expect from others. They don’t give lectures and they’re not after righteous point - they just don’t eat animal products. That’s it: that’s all. I’m flabbergasted every time I hear about someone like this, I’ve never EVER run across it in real life.

varikalm avatar
Kathryn Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've met quite a few. They're usually also the same type who are drawn to PETA and MLM schemes. Unfortunately, they wind up being the "face" of veganism to a lot of us, because they're so in everyone's face with their "virtue" signalling.

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stanflouride avatar
Stannous Flouride
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always wonder whether proselytizing vegans like this use soap? It kills millions of bacteria every time they use it. Or are only 'certain' living beings worthy of their consideration. I also wonder whether (& highly doubt) they know the sheer number of ways animal by-products are used in our society. To name just a few: Plastic bags, car and bike tires, many varieties of glues, (including ALL plywood), biofuels, fireworks, fabric softener, shampoo and conditioner, toothpaste, white and brown sugar, batteries, chinaware, etc. I'm mostly vegetarian because of the ecological damage caused by factory farms but creatures eating and living off of each other is just Mother Nature doing her thing.

varikalm avatar
Kathryn Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's only certain living things for 100% sure, since plants are living things, too, after all. Death sustains life, that's just how it works, period. I'd rather do more to reform farming than swear off animal products.

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belly_girl_23 avatar
Kelly Taylor-Eberlin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are NOT the AH. I have a strained relationship with my MIL b/c of the way she treats my husband, however, I would NEVER keep my children away from her, as it has nothing to do with them. I find it incredibly disrespectful that she expects a meal catered to her lifestyle; it would be different if there were allergies involved or something out of one’s control, not the case h The daughter-in-law sounds very entitled. It’s extremely disrespectful to bring an entire dinner to a home where she was invited for dinner. Her behavior was crude and insulting. For them to use the grandkids as leverage, shows they feel guilty and aren’t willing to take responsibility, so they want to put some distance hoping you’ll cave. DIL sounds like a nightmare.

laurahelario avatar
Squirrelly Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And with most allergies, the one with allergies will happily avoid the dish with the allergen and eat other dishes.

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donnamok avatar
Donna Cheung
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP did the right thing. She had been more than accommodating to the DIL. She made vegan options. To be honest, DIL should have just offered to bring her own vegan food to the meal- oh, she did, but only after she knew MIL would make vegan options for her. She's trying to publicly embarrass her MIL on purpose. The son and DIL are actually both really stupid- they rely on the MIL for childcare. To use the grandkids as leverage, they would be the ones losing. Maybe they were used to overstepping MIL's boundaries...

bluemom2017 avatar
Pamela Blue
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

LOL! LOL! The last commenter told her she was an AH then said SHE was vegan! Another sanctimonious and obnoxious vegan to add to the list. If this was only thing that DIL did to upset OP, then yes, it was going over the top. But it's clear from her post that DIL is continuously being snide about a lot of things, and using her children as pawns against their grandmother when she doesn't get her way. I'm shocked that she babysits them FREE all week! DIL and SON both are dickheads for allowing this. I don't suppose they even pay her for feeding them during the day. That's the kind of DIL that I could cheerfully never see again.

suzdemello avatar
Suz DeMello
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG. You are absolutely not the jerk here. I have been a vegan for years. Every vegan has a different approach, and my belief is that if someone is nice enough to invite me to their home and feed me, I don't criticize the menu. If there's something I don't want to eat, I just don't eat it. I don't make a big thing about it. If someone wants to know why I didn't eat a particular dish or why I am a vegan I am happy to discuss it. But I certainly don't shove it down people's throats because that is no way to get converts. You sound like an extremely kind and giving person who went to great lengths to create an inclusive Thanksgiving and I applaud you for that, and I am happy that the evening turned out with you not being a doormat for that horrible person.

leannemariedantoni avatar
Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The issue was not the food. The issue is the condescension and the fact that she is using this woman for free labour while belittling her.

alexasaltz avatar
Alexa Saltz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pound sand. Hah! Stick to your guns and hold fast to your ground. No quarter.

jodywhitmarsh avatar
Jody Whitmarsh
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hind sight and all but I think I would've said something to the effect of.. I'm thankful that my DIL is going to host and cook her new traditions from now on at her home

shermes avatar
shermes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I are vegan and never expect people to accommodate us. It’s our choice, not theirs, to be vegan. Yes, we’ve gone hungry before at functions, but that’s just how it goes. We can always eat before or after. I hate smug vegans. It’s a life style choice not a higher moral ground thing.

chantellegraham avatar
Chantelle Graham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am vegan and I personally really dislike vegans who are like your DIL. They make the rest of us levelheaded, nonjudgmental, self accommodating vegans look bad. Your son is 100% enabling and taking no accountability for his role in her entitled, self-righteous behavior; AND he is using the gkids to bend you to their will when THEY use YOU for childcare 4x/week! The nerve!!!!! I'd be done with both of them. NTA 100%. This vegan supports your decision to throw the ungrateful, patronizing B**** out. Sucks for the kiddos, but they'll realize who their parents are one day.

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why people find vegans insufferable. I would have kicked her and her entitlement out, too. The son is a spineless idiot.

mindymallette avatar
Kiwi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am often a guest at the house of a friend. Several of her family are competitive athletes and either vegetarian or vegan. I am not. But when I visit I always take a vegan dish and enjoy the experience of trying new recipes. Most recently the family had a thanksgiving dinner and they made the whole traditional turkey dinner with vegan extras for their guests, even though they don't eat meat. Inclusive and loving. Respect each other!

cmcooksey18 avatar
Cindy Cooksey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have medically diagnosed food allergies to gluten AND dairy. If i get cross contaminated, i am sick for weeks on end. I never expect anyone to go out of thier way on any meal. I kindly ask if it would be OK with the host if i could bring my own meal I prepared, I bring side dishes and desserts everyone can enjoy. I've never once had an issue with my request, which is made in private. I melt when the host/hostess surprises me with a gluten and dairy free dish they found or prepared. Most often, once they know it's medical, I recieve the reaction of, absolutely, please bring your meal. I have a huge Italian family, and I am always touched how they react. Never expect anyone to go out of thier ways for food allergies. Make it known, and please, know it's ok to bring your own little plate. This MIL is NTA.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Vegetarian here virtually since I can remember. (age 3 or 4, depends which fam member you ask) FFS. If they don't provide food, shrug, get up, go find a plae that does, and deal with it. I suggest a good Indian restaurant.

juliebrendmoen avatar
Julie Brendmoen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been vegan since 2008, and gotta say: Your daughter-in-law sounds like a nightmare. So sorry this happened...

facebook_42 avatar
Peter Korsten
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Son is a wet blanket who knew exactly what he was getting into when he had kids with her, and won't do anything to upset his cosy little life.

bergeron93 avatar
Stump Rumpersonne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My best friend is vegan for ethical reasons. That get invited to potlucks and the line because she always makes her own plus more to share. They never preach. You can find ärseháts with any perspective.

eliza_2 avatar
Eliza
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She felt that comfortable disrespecting you in your own home, huh? Maybe it's just me but the moment she walks in with another complete Thanksgiving meal in tow, I would have turned her around and directed her to the door. She was given accommodations. If those were insufficient, she could have asked to bring substitutions for herself, not replace your entire dinner. That your son behaved the way he did through all this shows that he had graduated from cowardly into wimpdom a while back. He did not walk into your house toting his own huevos. His wife had them in her handbag.

randyperez avatar
Randy Perez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The biggest AH here is the son. He brought that woman into this family and as such he needs to help mediate between his wife and mother. He also failed as a father by weaponize his children against their grandparents. That's immature and completely pathetic. He needs to teach his wife to respect boundaries and negotiate with his mother for accommodations

xglsc avatar
XGLS C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Next year take yourself on a trip and be thankful you don't have to sit at the table with this exhausting DIL. Between now and then stop free child care and stop being manipulated by this woman. Honestly the holidays present some of the worst behavior from family members. Take a trip, Sit in the sun, relax and be thankful for the peace and quiet. That's my plan for next year as well after an exhausting day this year. It's time for the younger crowd to step up and take over.

katherinedobias avatar
Katherine Dobias
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a vegan I have this problem too when it comes to family gatherings. People think vegan food is just a salad with no protein like tofu or beans. I've been served for christmas dinner/lunch a small bowl of cucumbers and tomatoes as my salad and 1 sweet potato. I'm sorry but how am I going to survive on this? The host wouldn't let me bring my own meal and my husband didn't want to ask her to make quinoa and tofu or something specific for me. So this Christmas I'm making my own food and bringing it in a lunch box because since I can't serve it for everyone and ruin the host's menu, and my husband doesn't agree with asking for what to be made for me, I'm going to do things my way. I already don't like smelling meat or having an appetite to eat with everyone gnawing on flesh around me. Ideally, I would just like to cancel on these type of dinners and not attend at all. My husbands vegetarian and I'm just going to these events to be there for him. His family don't cook proper meals for him

jenessasquires avatar
Jenessa Squires
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree Katherine. I notice the OP doesn't state what the vegan entrees or sides were, and mentions side 'nuggets' for the kids as a backup. I've attended so many events where the Vegan options are nowhere near the same quality or 'type' of dish (example: everyone's eating a whole dead bird plus multiple sides and you're eating a bean salad that barely fills you). I can completely relate to not wanting to celebrate being thankful over the sacrifice of an animal, but most people here don't agree with that or see her point. Seems she probably made the vegan food to prove you can make comparable dishes that are cruelty free and was just happy to see people enjoying that food and hoping they would be okay having it for the next gathering. I don't think the DIL was being vindictive about it or sly, she just wanted to show everyone you can enjoy an equally rich and delicious meal that is plant based, which it seems the MIL wasn't offering them.

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marigenbeltran_2 avatar
Windtree
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think OP is an AH but I do wish she hadn't said what she said during giving thanks, but I can't blame her. My BIL and his wife are vegans and they usually bring a dish they can eat with sidedishes we make at home like pasta, salad, etc

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP was perfectly in her right to say what she did. To be insulted so previously in her home after doing thousands of dollars of FREE childcare, FEEDING an unnecessary special diet to her grandchildren without compensation, and (up to this point) tolerating the c**p her DIL dished out on the regular? HAH!! I would have put my foot up the b!tch's bony a$$!! Her home~~HER RULES~~SHE can say whatever She wants!

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patriciasandoval avatar
Cipi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL, my great respect for your decision. I am a MIL and the manipulation "don't see the kids anymore", sucks but doesn't last because childcare is expensive. Your DIL is TAH. I am always hosting every holiday and spent hundreds of $ as well.... don't let them use you. They will have DIL and SIL and will remember 🤪

katejones_1 avatar
Kate Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you have dietary restrictions that's one thing and you should let them know about allergies etc, but she seemed to want to take digs at the MiL about the animal cruelty aspect of it. Why not just offer to visit after dinner? I have a vegan friend and she doesn't shame anyone for HER preferences. She may feel that way but she doesn't hold some kind of protest at her friend's houses when she's there. Just don't go. It's rude to go to anyone's house and complain about the food for any reason. It wasn't like this was the first time and she didn't realize they had turkey. They could make other arrangements. Even if she offered to bring in a different dish just for herself. Otherwise, it's like going to a XMas party and complaining about the decorations. You knew you were going. If it bothers you, why go every year? Just to complain or be a jerk?

cateharris avatar
Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm torn between ESH and NTA. OP was catering for 8 adults & teens and 2 young children. If DIL didn't want a turkey served at the Thanksgiving she was celebrating, she should have catered at her own place. DIL was also very rude expecting OP to cook DIL's versions of the recipes and purchase expensive alternatives; DIL could have offered to help OP at that point. However, OP told DIL that the menu was fixed and wouldn't be changed, but she could bring her own dish for her family; so DIL has slyly cooked her own version of every dish, those not breaking OP's rule - OP could have laughed it off from the start rather than getting angry, which could have taken the wind out of DIL's sails. And son blames OP for his wife spending hundreds on the food to one-up his mom? But seriously, does DIL actually think she got a "cruelty free" Thanksgiving when non-vegan items were on the table?

varikalm avatar
Kathryn Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was no chance of a cruelty-free Thanksgiving when DIL was being viciously cruel that way.

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blatherskitenoir avatar
blatherskitenoir
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for her. The son knows exactly how wretched his wife is and does not care who is in his wife's line of fire, so long as it isn't him. If he has to sacrifice his own mom to be his wife's whipping boy, he is going to and not feel an ounce of guilt. The only reason he's mad right now is because he lost his punching bag and slave, and he doesn't want to cope with finding or being the replacement.

gregory_mead_73 avatar
Gregory Mead
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To the people saying ESH because OP responded to DIL's nasty "thanks": To not respond would be to be a doormat. Was OP's response nasty? Yes, and justifiably so. She made it clear that she was not going to put up with DIL's BS. I don't know why the DIL even would want to go to a meal that she feels is cruel and non-inclusive. If I felt that strongly about socializing with someone, I'd simply opt out.

shanegheverin avatar
SGH
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should have just told them you're a vegan free household and be done with them. Could she not just eat the meal without the meat? Done people go out of their way to be a******s!

debsign avatar
Debbie Henson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

easy one! let her do thanksgiving for everyone and let her look after her kids

oliviachiekawamoto avatar
Olivia Chie Kawamoto
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You DO have children and grandchildren. Please change your old tradition immediately and shift to veganism if you really care about this planet and kids' futures!!! Do you want your kids to have a peaceful and nonviolent world? Please study and educate yourself about what you can do right now. 1174345-Ga...07e2fc.jpg 1174345-Gary-L-Francione-Quote-You-cannot-live-a-nonviolent-life-as-long-63865a307e2fc.jpg

othornhill6792 avatar
Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Veganism is literally going to solve barely any world problem. Educate yourself.

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Joseph Pelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA you have way too many expectations as a mother. Being a parent is a thankless job and I bend over backwards for my babies no matter how awful they can be. I would never in my life treat my child or his wife the way this woman did. If my DIL tried to one up my meal I would feel blessed and ask her to even show me how to make her recipes. This MIL sounds like a nightmare.

othornhill6792 avatar
Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh please! The dil is disrespectful and the son let her be! There is now way in HELL you would let this s**t slide! Stop lying to yourself.

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liquoma avatar
Liquoma
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh no! This is so sad. It’s understandable that you lost your cool the way you did. She was instigating you and not showing any emotional/social intelligence in the matter. I can see both sides, but she took it too far with her self-righteousness and there could have been an easy compromise. It sounds like she doesn’t have any respect for you. She could have offered to come and help you and made a few side dishes with her own ingredients. It could have been a fun bonding experience for you two. Yikes! She sounds like a self-entitled nightmare. You both owe each other an apology, of course, but she absolutely owes you a bigger one.

dianerpeek avatar
Clover
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would a guest at a dinner at someone else's house even think that they could dictate what was served at that dinner? I've dealt with people in my world that are just plain picky eaters, or they say that they can't eat lots of things, because they're allergic, etc. I'm really getting sick of it. We were taught as we were growing up that when you went to a meal at someone else's house, that you ate what you was served. You didn't complain about it. It's called MANNERS. The vegan woman should have brought a vegan dish or two to share with all. I'm sure that at least some of what the hostess served would qualify as vegan. Why let one guest dictate what every one else eats?

mike198958 avatar
Mike127
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For vegan like that all i want to do is hold them down and stuff their mouth of nothing but fat juicy meat. I always tell ppl you can give me your opinion on many things, but do not and i say do not tell me what i can eat and how i want to eat it. You open your mouth about my food and i will literally hurt you.

acturner20 avatar
Amanda Turner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“I am thankful for everyone coming to the last thanksgiving that I will ever be hosting. Since we will apparently be going vegan/cruelty free from now on and DIL is the EXPERT in that area” (backhanded compliment 👌🏻)

slammer avatar
Slammer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Smh at her husband commenting on the money his wife spent to make special dishes. How much money has his mother saved them by providing FREE babysitting services? Thousands! Her son is whipped.

desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think your speech may have been unnecessary but I think it came with frustration of all that has happened up to that point. This to me had nothing to do with her veganism. It's your son having married a woman who has zero respect for anyone who doesn't agree with her. She makes demands not respectful requests, she publicly shames with her conduct during the meal and shows zero appreciation for the accommodation...you the host remember...and zero consideration and respect to your guests. Your son to me is the TA for bringing this individual into your family and having no backbone to stand up to her. Imagine how she publicly shames him. Sorry hun, you have a lifelong bully in your family unless your son grows a backbone.

praecordiaa avatar
Praecordia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think taking a step back from them was the right choice. DIL sounds petty and needs to learn a hard lesson. Free childcare is going to be the voice of reason here. Lol just watch and see.

thomashuntjr_ avatar
Thomas Hunt, Jr.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I eat some vegan products due to allergies. However, if is a family meal and a small amount I suck it up and deal with what comes afterwards. --. If there's an abundance of something I can't eat, I ask if I can make something accommodating to my diet. It's common sense. You're a guest in someone else's home. Be respectful or get the hell out.

josephjones avatar
Joseph Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet the vegan option was salad. Whole lotta crying on here, it's family. Families fight, get over it.

huggledemon32 avatar
Anna Stephenson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to say- what would happen if this was reversed- if the DIL chose to host a vegan thanksgiving and the MIL asked her to provide some meals which included meat? And then when unsatisfied with whatever was provided re: meat options, went ahead and cooked an entire thanksgiving meal non-vegan and brought it over and made a point out of it in front of everyone!?- I highly doubt the DIL would have been cool with that!?

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Tracie Shepherd
Community Member
1 year ago

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jennifer_30 avatar
Jennifer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have experienced this very break within my family because my sister is a Vegan. It has been gut wrenching for our family because there was a blowout - about 15yrs ago-- that led to us (meat eaters) being called murderers by my sister (& much worse). The point I am trying to make - and this is my opinion of course based on my personal experience - that the extreme vegan mindset sits much deeper than food or diet and the outcome can be comparable to an eating disorder. I use the word extreme because what played out on part of the DIL is extreme and it feels like her actions are some sort of cry for help- & I'm not referring to saving animals from being eaten. I have so much more to say on this subject because there was a wedge driven between me and my sister and my mom-- because of her Vegan lifestyle. It is my understanding that being Vegan translates into having compassion for ALL living things- which includes us humans. Serious and open minded talks need to happen!

carolscholz avatar
Cinnamon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My vegetarian (not vegan) sister-in-law graciously hosted thanksgiving yesterday. She provided traditional meat dishes, cooked to perfection, and several veggie options. She is a wonderful host and cool. After seeing this post, I am more grateful for her kindness.

beckyolsen avatar
Becky Olsen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is entitled to act however they choose as long as it’s legal. It’s also up to everyone else in how they react to that. So those who try to control others deserve a poor reaction. I’m vegetarian but would never allow this DIL or her husband in my house. I would not hold that against their children but also would not make such specialty food for them. If the children brought their own food no problem but would also kick out whoever got self righteous about it all in my home including children which this DIL is acting like. If anyone deserves an apology here, it would be the mom/MIL who went above and beyond by making a meal AND some special dishes for the DIL. If the DIL didn’t like the food that much, then she should’ve eaten at her own home before or just not have gone. Make all the food you want when you host. However, I think this MIL held too much in from the beginning and should’ve made her boundaries clear from the start. Communication is crucial but even then there will often be ignorance.

john-erikpaisley avatar
John-Erik Paisley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

F your DIL. And your son needs to grow a pair of balls and tell his wife to STFU. She is/was a GUEST. And the respondents above are right- this is exactly why most omnis hate f-ing vegans. Veggies have a tendency to act exactly like that. Hopefully your grandkids can resist her sick indoctrination but with a castrato like that for a son there is not much hope...

blackdog8911 avatar
Della
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both behaved badly. One is as bad as the other. Sometimes, you just need to take the high road and not dive into the cesspool with her. Sadly, grandkids are like a gun to your head. So there's that. Maybe apologize for your behavior FOR THE SAKE of the little ones, but not because she demands an apology. Also, your son is stuck. He's married to her, so done and done.

ky_1 avatar
K Y
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't imagine why anyone would believe this BS story lmao

nicolerowan avatar
Nicole Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she brought her own food! Who cares, ignoring annoying people is where real empowerment is. Everyone could see the dil being obnoxious. (This, coming from a 35+ year vegetarian).

tarsa13 avatar
mailstevenrose avatar
Steven
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is common for a husband's mother and his mother-in-law to not get along at all. This is what it is all about. They are competing for power and control as well as the love of the husband. They need to face it, respect one another, and find a way to manage the basic conflict without it entirely destroying the family relationships.

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Kasia Gorączka
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

josephpelle avatar
Joseph Pelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA she went out of her way to spend 100s of dollars to make a meal everyone could enjoy just not some of the family and OP took that as an insult and attacked this poor woman on a holiday. I think the MIL reads way into the comments the DIL makes because she doesnt like her so it doesn't matter what the DIL says MIL will spin it to be against her. MIL needs to grow up and start acting like a grandma we especially for the grandbabies sake. I would be horrified if I could not see my grandparents and they were acting dumb like this with my parents. This is just absolutely disgusting behavior coming from a grandma. Grow up woman.

othornhill6792 avatar
Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody told her to spend all that money, Dil was just trying to one up mil. Mil made began meals but dil didn't think that was enough for some reason. As for the grandkid, it's unfortunate that grandma can no longer spend time with them, but she made it clear that she was tired of being disrespected and was cutting contact with her son and dil.

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denkono avatar
Denkono
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Veganism is centered around ethics not health (which can be a benefit) If family members or friends can't justify their carnist lifestyle through logical explanation of their ethical framework, then it is better to distance oneself from the clown show that erupts when cognitive dissonance hits them.

madeleine-rose avatar
Madeleine Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this right here is why reasonable, intelligent, compassionate people cannot tolerate entitled, dishonest, toxic vegans.

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leighm avatar
Dodo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, I think DIL was awful *but*... non-vegan/non-vegetarian options are often quite woeful, they seem almost like an afterthought. We don't know what OP served but the fact is DIL made every single dish in a vegan option which everyone (bar allergies) could enjoy. I think they should have compromised; from what I've seen of Thanksgiving, there's no such thing as too much food. So DIL could have brought a bunch of dishes and OP could have done less.

thekitkatlizard avatar
TheKitKatLizard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eh. The husband blamed the MIL for his wife spending so much money on cooking, so chances are most of those obscure ingredients are pretty expensive, and I'm saying this as a vegetarian, chances are small that this reddit-using MIL hadn't found more than decent vegan options on the interenet. The DIL wanted to force everyone else to eat 'cruelty free', or at least get MIL to make fancy vegan food for her on her own time and money (otherwise she would have just sent op some vegan recipes to make without obscure ingredients...)

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kitsune rushed
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. Looks like both had an axe to grind against each other. Priceless that they chose Thanksgiving as the day to grind their axes. What fun. I'm with the more food the merrier guy. Unless the DIL cleaned up her manifesto mongering, I'd cut off contact from her and enjoy the moment to breathe. Man, I feel for the grandkids.

lisadonohue_1 avatar
Say What
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They didn't choose it, DIL did. With cause and effect, it's never the person affected that's the problem. They are the victim. Sometimes victims stand up for themselves.

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harold gelnaw
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should be spanked and sent to bed with no supper for acting like a spoiled child

othornhill6792 avatar
Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's a whole grown adult, get your f*****g head out of your a*s, dipshit.

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slickrick avatar
Slick Rick
Community Member
1 year ago

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All vegans are the same. None are useful as humans

silverdragon381 avatar
TheHalloweenTeen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please don't say that, it's not only very untrue but also very hurtful. Both my aunt and uncle are vegan and they are great people.

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alwaysMispelled
Community Member
1 year ago

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Sons marry their mothers, sounds these two women love the drama, and that's what the son came for

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AliJanx
Community Member
1 year ago

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ESH. MIL because she didn't politely say, "please bring a main and a side that's vegan. We'd love to try them." S for supporting his wife's poor behavior and DIL for being a snot. MIL should have been the bigger person and said at the end of the meal, "thank you for bringing all this food. Next year, let's have Thanksgiving at your house!" But after all, she has to be the hostess, now doesn't she?

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Bi-Polar Express
Community Member
1 year ago

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ESH She told her to bring her own food and she overdid it. They constantly worked to one up each other and the rest of the family was hostage to their petty, passive aggressive back and forth.

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The OP babysits for her the other 51 weeks a year and provided some vegan dishes. If this smug b**** wants a 100% vegan meal she can host at her own house.

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Carla Cabral
Community Member
1 year ago

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True vegans know that this is c**p. We get angry because you are murdering animals. You don't see their suffering so it means nothing to you. She probably should have been silent and simply not have gone but carnists will always find an excuse to hate pepe doing the right thing.

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eydeekay
Community Member
1 year ago

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So it's called "Free Labor" when a grandmother watches her grand kids, that she would, uhm, love? If my DIL is vegan, why am I serving Turkey? Is this the WE-MUST-DEFEND-MEAT-AT-ALL-COSTS-LEAGUE? Why would a MIL fight with the woman that her son loves? Is a turkey more important than her son? Yes, DIL is a spiteful beginner (a cooking competition with the host? what a lack of character!), but Mother, who is, let's face it, the most powerful person in this set-up, fears her DIL? They should both be locked away, into the same room upstairs, to learn to get along, for them to see that it's not about them. IT'S ABOUT THE KIDS!

hermom504 avatar
WonderWoman
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When someone is providing you not only a free meal that accommodates your dietary preferences, BUT IS ALSO providing you FREE CHILD CARE 3X a week - YOU do NOT BITE THAT HAND!!! Now her entitled son and his witch of a wife can find new child care.

saltae950 avatar
Saltea
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Her DIL could've thanked about the free babysitting and how she's been a wonderful grandma & MIL for understanding and providing hours of care, but instead choose to say those things. Yeah DIL definitely deserves it.

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emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Here's the issue. DIL is a vegan because she wants to be cruelty free/animal rights...I get that. What I've also seen is that many people that go vegan for this reason get very aggressive and nasty with anyone that doesn't conform. It's not that she wanted vegan options...she wanted a cruelty-free Thanksgiving. But there were two issues here...first she got demanding about it...then she got smug about it. My husband is vegan for health reasons...I am vegetarian. He understands that I just love cheese and eggs too much to give them up completely. But you don't win people over to your point of view by being nasty, demanding and smug. DIL was in the wrong. OP is right to stand her ground. And using Grandkids as leverage is cruel.

varikalm avatar
Kathryn Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You can't have a cruelty-free Thanksgiving by throwing money around to be cruel to your MIL, so I have a suspicion the smug b didn't do any homework to determine if any of what she bought was ACTUALLY cruelty-free, either. Being vegan DOESN'T actually guarantee that, after all, no matter what propaganda would have you believe.

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Jason K
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

People don't seem to understand the concept of boundaries. We each need to set limits on how we allow others to treat us. There is being gracious and then there is allowing others to trod all over us. This lady was gracious for a good while but drew the line at a point when the treatment moved beyond tolerable.

rdennis avatar
R Dennis
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I disagree with the ESH people. At some point, you have to stand up for yourself. I am all for grace, but sometimes people need to have their rudeness checked. The rudeness was public, the check was public, the dil needs to apologize in public. And the son as well. NEVER weaponize your children.

libstak avatar
Libstak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What gets me is the sons complaint that they spent hundreds of dollars for that food. HELLO the mother has been spending hundreds EVERY FREAKING YEAR for her family to have thanksgiving together, how is the blatant abuse of her love and hospitatility not the issue here?

ruthhempsey avatar
Ruth Hempsey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This! The worm turned and the DIL got shown up. She deserved it. I'd have exploded when I saw the whole other meal brought to MY house after making not just a regular Thanksgiving dinner but extra vegan dishes for the DILs requirements. What a b***h. Vegan or not she's just a mean woman.

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Sue Bradley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please do not judge all Vegans as being AH's like this!!! As one of 'them' I would firstly be so grateful that someone had cooked me a meal I could eat, I would have offered to bring some dishes to help the host out - but would ask what would be good to bring. Lastly vegan food is not overly expensive, it's like most diets there are cheaper and more expensive options. In this situation I would have been happy to just eat the roast dinner but without the meaty bits - not difficult really!!!!

emory_ce avatar
Carol Emory
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

@Sue Bradley. Especially now. The price of animal products shot up greatly. Two benefits to going vegan...it's cheaper and you can grow part of your diet yourself with very little space saving money. I don't tell people that my dishes are vegan...I just let them know if there are any allergens in it like wheat or nuts. Once they try it...most like it. But I get that some people just like a piece of chicken or a steak. I've cut off plenty of people that were the AH cruelty free vegans. Not all vegans are the same.

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Althea Armwood
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she can afford to spend hundreds of dollars in a duplicate meal out of spite then she can afford to pay for child care instead of leaching off a woman she clearly has no respect for. Her MIL is simply a servant to her from what I can tell so the MIL is right to put an end to the mistreatment. Certain there is more to all of this because there's always two sides to a story but, in this case, MIL is not the AH.

victoriapegoraro avatar
Victoria
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Did anyone else catch on that the son let "slip" that DIL spent "hundreds of dollars" on that meal? So if OP were to replicate the meal demands then OP would have been out that "hundreds of dollars"

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder what ingredients she had to buy that pushed the cost up that much? I could make a vegan meal with things like brown rice and chickpeas and it would be dirt cheap. In fact years ago I was a vegetarian (never went full vegan) precisely because it was cheaper than eating meat regularly.

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guineveremariesmith avatar
Gwyn
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one whose family all bring dishes to Thanksgiving so it's not all on one person to cook? DIL could have brought 1or 2 dishes to supplement the meal that she enjoys and not been a jerk about it. I can understand OPs rude outburst as anyone can lose it during moments of stress, but DILs actions involved intention and forethought, and reveal a lot about her lack of character.

vernon_bear avatar
Gavin Johnson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At a time for family, love and reminding yourself of things that you are thankful for, why not behave in a completely inconsiderate fashion and offend the MIL who supports your family for the other 51 weeks of the year? The DIL just sounds like an idiot, I suspect she’d be an idiot of a different variety if she wasn’t bashing her MIL with her veganism. She’d cause an argument in an empty room, she’s entitled and she lacks tact, diplomacy and compassion for others, nice to animals, not nice to humans, what a f*****t! The MIL has done the right thing.

faramir10 avatar
Faramir10
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

DIL wants a cruelty-free, inclusive Thanksgiving - she needs to look at herself first. She said and did some pretty mean things to her MIL.

mybeautifulparanoiax avatar
toxxic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

so the son blames his mother for his wife spending hundreds on food, but he expected his mother to spend that instead?

rhodabike6 avatar
Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"It's just the way s/he is" is code for "Well, I know (person) is a raging glassbowl, but I don't want to get into the line of fire by standing up to them, so I'll just push you in front to be treated badly instead. Good luck being a target!"

avery0151 avatar
waddles
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

you were so CALM i wouldn’t like to imagine what i would do to her

rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't be vegan even if I wanted to, because I have a lot of food intolerances. Overly processed vegan meat substitutes are out of the question, especially if they are made from soya. I'm not really a big fan of turkey but when I was invited to my American friend's Thanksgiving dinner, I was delighted and tried everything. Even the yams with marshmallow topping! My favourite dish is of course the pecan pie 😋

rens_1 avatar
Rens
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also can't process legumes (chickpeas, lentils etc), all cabbage types (except Bok Choi), linseed, coconut flour...

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Chrissyfox
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My family and I are all vegan. We don't celebrate Thanksgiving here in the U.K. However, Christmas is the one time we all get together for a feast. Everyone loves my vegan cooking but I would NEVER force our choices on anyone. In the past, in-laws have brought their own meat course and enjoyed the rest of the vegan fare. Same with my daughter's in-laws. There is always room for compromise. I think this woman's DIL is a fairly new vegan. When you've been vegan for years and years, you do not demand anything. You don't act smug and you don't proselytise. Falling out with close family is just not worth it over lifestyle choices.

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm betting that DIL spends time in McD's drive through, buying a Quarter Pounder when she thinks no one is looking. This is 100% a control issue.

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MimSorensson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What lunatic vegans are people seemingly running into all the time? I’ve NEVER met a vegan who’s an entitled asshοle in all my life, and I know quite a few. Close friends, some of them. They plan ahead for *themselves*, because their choices only concern them and shouldn’t bother others, and they clear it with the host before bringing anything. If there’s already vegan food, they’re nothing but grateful and happy they’ve been remembered and catered to, in spite of the extra work. They don’t look down on people, they don’t proselyte, they don’t force their priorities on anyone; they show the respect they expect from others. They don’t give lectures and they’re not after righteous point - they just don’t eat animal products. That’s it: that’s all. I’m flabbergasted every time I hear about someone like this, I’ve never EVER run across it in real life.

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Kathryn Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've met quite a few. They're usually also the same type who are drawn to PETA and MLM schemes. Unfortunately, they wind up being the "face" of veganism to a lot of us, because they're so in everyone's face with their "virtue" signalling.

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Stannous Flouride
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always wonder whether proselytizing vegans like this use soap? It kills millions of bacteria every time they use it. Or are only 'certain' living beings worthy of their consideration. I also wonder whether (& highly doubt) they know the sheer number of ways animal by-products are used in our society. To name just a few: Plastic bags, car and bike tires, many varieties of glues, (including ALL plywood), biofuels, fireworks, fabric softener, shampoo and conditioner, toothpaste, white and brown sugar, batteries, chinaware, etc. I'm mostly vegetarian because of the ecological damage caused by factory farms but creatures eating and living off of each other is just Mother Nature doing her thing.

varikalm avatar
Kathryn Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's only certain living things for 100% sure, since plants are living things, too, after all. Death sustains life, that's just how it works, period. I'd rather do more to reform farming than swear off animal products.

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Kelly Taylor-Eberlin
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are NOT the AH. I have a strained relationship with my MIL b/c of the way she treats my husband, however, I would NEVER keep my children away from her, as it has nothing to do with them. I find it incredibly disrespectful that she expects a meal catered to her lifestyle; it would be different if there were allergies involved or something out of one’s control, not the case h The daughter-in-law sounds very entitled. It’s extremely disrespectful to bring an entire dinner to a home where she was invited for dinner. Her behavior was crude and insulting. For them to use the grandkids as leverage, shows they feel guilty and aren’t willing to take responsibility, so they want to put some distance hoping you’ll cave. DIL sounds like a nightmare.

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Squirrelly Panda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And with most allergies, the one with allergies will happily avoid the dish with the allergen and eat other dishes.

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Donna Cheung
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP did the right thing. She had been more than accommodating to the DIL. She made vegan options. To be honest, DIL should have just offered to bring her own vegan food to the meal- oh, she did, but only after she knew MIL would make vegan options for her. She's trying to publicly embarrass her MIL on purpose. The son and DIL are actually both really stupid- they rely on the MIL for childcare. To use the grandkids as leverage, they would be the ones losing. Maybe they were used to overstepping MIL's boundaries...

bluemom2017 avatar
Pamela Blue
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

LOL! LOL! The last commenter told her she was an AH then said SHE was vegan! Another sanctimonious and obnoxious vegan to add to the list. If this was only thing that DIL did to upset OP, then yes, it was going over the top. But it's clear from her post that DIL is continuously being snide about a lot of things, and using her children as pawns against their grandmother when she doesn't get her way. I'm shocked that she babysits them FREE all week! DIL and SON both are dickheads for allowing this. I don't suppose they even pay her for feeding them during the day. That's the kind of DIL that I could cheerfully never see again.

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Suz DeMello
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG. You are absolutely not the jerk here. I have been a vegan for years. Every vegan has a different approach, and my belief is that if someone is nice enough to invite me to their home and feed me, I don't criticize the menu. If there's something I don't want to eat, I just don't eat it. I don't make a big thing about it. If someone wants to know why I didn't eat a particular dish or why I am a vegan I am happy to discuss it. But I certainly don't shove it down people's throats because that is no way to get converts. You sound like an extremely kind and giving person who went to great lengths to create an inclusive Thanksgiving and I applaud you for that, and I am happy that the evening turned out with you not being a doormat for that horrible person.

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Agnes Jekyll
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The issue was not the food. The issue is the condescension and the fact that she is using this woman for free labour while belittling her.

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Alexa Saltz
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Pound sand. Hah! Stick to your guns and hold fast to your ground. No quarter.

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Jody Whitmarsh
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hind sight and all but I think I would've said something to the effect of.. I'm thankful that my DIL is going to host and cook her new traditions from now on at her home

shermes avatar
shermes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I are vegan and never expect people to accommodate us. It’s our choice, not theirs, to be vegan. Yes, we’ve gone hungry before at functions, but that’s just how it goes. We can always eat before or after. I hate smug vegans. It’s a life style choice not a higher moral ground thing.

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Chantelle Graham
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am vegan and I personally really dislike vegans who are like your DIL. They make the rest of us levelheaded, nonjudgmental, self accommodating vegans look bad. Your son is 100% enabling and taking no accountability for his role in her entitled, self-righteous behavior; AND he is using the gkids to bend you to their will when THEY use YOU for childcare 4x/week! The nerve!!!!! I'd be done with both of them. NTA 100%. This vegan supports your decision to throw the ungrateful, patronizing B**** out. Sucks for the kiddos, but they'll realize who their parents are one day.

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why people find vegans insufferable. I would have kicked her and her entitlement out, too. The son is a spineless idiot.

mindymallette avatar
Kiwi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am often a guest at the house of a friend. Several of her family are competitive athletes and either vegetarian or vegan. I am not. But when I visit I always take a vegan dish and enjoy the experience of trying new recipes. Most recently the family had a thanksgiving dinner and they made the whole traditional turkey dinner with vegan extras for their guests, even though they don't eat meat. Inclusive and loving. Respect each other!

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Cindy Cooksey
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have medically diagnosed food allergies to gluten AND dairy. If i get cross contaminated, i am sick for weeks on end. I never expect anyone to go out of thier way on any meal. I kindly ask if it would be OK with the host if i could bring my own meal I prepared, I bring side dishes and desserts everyone can enjoy. I've never once had an issue with my request, which is made in private. I melt when the host/hostess surprises me with a gluten and dairy free dish they found or prepared. Most often, once they know it's medical, I recieve the reaction of, absolutely, please bring your meal. I have a huge Italian family, and I am always touched how they react. Never expect anyone to go out of thier ways for food allergies. Make it known, and please, know it's ok to bring your own little plate. This MIL is NTA.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Vegetarian here virtually since I can remember. (age 3 or 4, depends which fam member you ask) FFS. If they don't provide food, shrug, get up, go find a plae that does, and deal with it. I suggest a good Indian restaurant.

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Julie Brendmoen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've been vegan since 2008, and gotta say: Your daughter-in-law sounds like a nightmare. So sorry this happened...

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Peter Korsten
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Son is a wet blanket who knew exactly what he was getting into when he had kids with her, and won't do anything to upset his cosy little life.

bergeron93 avatar
Stump Rumpersonne
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My best friend is vegan for ethical reasons. That get invited to potlucks and the line because she always makes her own plus more to share. They never preach. You can find ärseháts with any perspective.

eliza_2 avatar
Eliza
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She felt that comfortable disrespecting you in your own home, huh? Maybe it's just me but the moment she walks in with another complete Thanksgiving meal in tow, I would have turned her around and directed her to the door. She was given accommodations. If those were insufficient, she could have asked to bring substitutions for herself, not replace your entire dinner. That your son behaved the way he did through all this shows that he had graduated from cowardly into wimpdom a while back. He did not walk into your house toting his own huevos. His wife had them in her handbag.

randyperez avatar
Randy Perez
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The biggest AH here is the son. He brought that woman into this family and as such he needs to help mediate between his wife and mother. He also failed as a father by weaponize his children against their grandparents. That's immature and completely pathetic. He needs to teach his wife to respect boundaries and negotiate with his mother for accommodations

xglsc avatar
XGLS C
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Next year take yourself on a trip and be thankful you don't have to sit at the table with this exhausting DIL. Between now and then stop free child care and stop being manipulated by this woman. Honestly the holidays present some of the worst behavior from family members. Take a trip, Sit in the sun, relax and be thankful for the peace and quiet. That's my plan for next year as well after an exhausting day this year. It's time for the younger crowd to step up and take over.

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Katherine Dobias
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a vegan I have this problem too when it comes to family gatherings. People think vegan food is just a salad with no protein like tofu or beans. I've been served for christmas dinner/lunch a small bowl of cucumbers and tomatoes as my salad and 1 sweet potato. I'm sorry but how am I going to survive on this? The host wouldn't let me bring my own meal and my husband didn't want to ask her to make quinoa and tofu or something specific for me. So this Christmas I'm making my own food and bringing it in a lunch box because since I can't serve it for everyone and ruin the host's menu, and my husband doesn't agree with asking for what to be made for me, I'm going to do things my way. I already don't like smelling meat or having an appetite to eat with everyone gnawing on flesh around me. Ideally, I would just like to cancel on these type of dinners and not attend at all. My husbands vegetarian and I'm just going to these events to be there for him. His family don't cook proper meals for him

jenessasquires avatar
Jenessa Squires
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree Katherine. I notice the OP doesn't state what the vegan entrees or sides were, and mentions side 'nuggets' for the kids as a backup. I've attended so many events where the Vegan options are nowhere near the same quality or 'type' of dish (example: everyone's eating a whole dead bird plus multiple sides and you're eating a bean salad that barely fills you). I can completely relate to not wanting to celebrate being thankful over the sacrifice of an animal, but most people here don't agree with that or see her point. Seems she probably made the vegan food to prove you can make comparable dishes that are cruelty free and was just happy to see people enjoying that food and hoping they would be okay having it for the next gathering. I don't think the DIL was being vindictive about it or sly, she just wanted to show everyone you can enjoy an equally rich and delicious meal that is plant based, which it seems the MIL wasn't offering them.

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Windtree
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think OP is an AH but I do wish she hadn't said what she said during giving thanks, but I can't blame her. My BIL and his wife are vegans and they usually bring a dish they can eat with sidedishes we make at home like pasta, salad, etc

tarsa13 avatar
CL Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP was perfectly in her right to say what she did. To be insulted so previously in her home after doing thousands of dollars of FREE childcare, FEEDING an unnecessary special diet to her grandchildren without compensation, and (up to this point) tolerating the c**p her DIL dished out on the regular? HAH!! I would have put my foot up the b!tch's bony a$$!! Her home~~HER RULES~~SHE can say whatever She wants!

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Cipi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

MIL, my great respect for your decision. I am a MIL and the manipulation "don't see the kids anymore", sucks but doesn't last because childcare is expensive. Your DIL is TAH. I am always hosting every holiday and spent hundreds of $ as well.... don't let them use you. They will have DIL and SIL and will remember 🤪

katejones_1 avatar
Kate Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you have dietary restrictions that's one thing and you should let them know about allergies etc, but she seemed to want to take digs at the MiL about the animal cruelty aspect of it. Why not just offer to visit after dinner? I have a vegan friend and she doesn't shame anyone for HER preferences. She may feel that way but she doesn't hold some kind of protest at her friend's houses when she's there. Just don't go. It's rude to go to anyone's house and complain about the food for any reason. It wasn't like this was the first time and she didn't realize they had turkey. They could make other arrangements. Even if she offered to bring in a different dish just for herself. Otherwise, it's like going to a XMas party and complaining about the decorations. You knew you were going. If it bothers you, why go every year? Just to complain or be a jerk?

cateharris avatar
Amused panda
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm torn between ESH and NTA. OP was catering for 8 adults & teens and 2 young children. If DIL didn't want a turkey served at the Thanksgiving she was celebrating, she should have catered at her own place. DIL was also very rude expecting OP to cook DIL's versions of the recipes and purchase expensive alternatives; DIL could have offered to help OP at that point. However, OP told DIL that the menu was fixed and wouldn't be changed, but she could bring her own dish for her family; so DIL has slyly cooked her own version of every dish, those not breaking OP's rule - OP could have laughed it off from the start rather than getting angry, which could have taken the wind out of DIL's sails. And son blames OP for his wife spending hundreds on the food to one-up his mom? But seriously, does DIL actually think she got a "cruelty free" Thanksgiving when non-vegan items were on the table?

varikalm avatar
Kathryn Smith
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There was no chance of a cruelty-free Thanksgiving when DIL was being viciously cruel that way.

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blatherskitenoir
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for her. The son knows exactly how wretched his wife is and does not care who is in his wife's line of fire, so long as it isn't him. If he has to sacrifice his own mom to be his wife's whipping boy, he is going to and not feel an ounce of guilt. The only reason he's mad right now is because he lost his punching bag and slave, and he doesn't want to cope with finding or being the replacement.

gregory_mead_73 avatar
Gregory Mead
Community Member
4 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To the people saying ESH because OP responded to DIL's nasty "thanks": To not respond would be to be a doormat. Was OP's response nasty? Yes, and justifiably so. She made it clear that she was not going to put up with DIL's BS. I don't know why the DIL even would want to go to a meal that she feels is cruel and non-inclusive. If I felt that strongly about socializing with someone, I'd simply opt out.

shanegheverin avatar
SGH
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should have just told them you're a vegan free household and be done with them. Could she not just eat the meal without the meat? Done people go out of their way to be a******s!

debsign avatar
Debbie Henson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

easy one! let her do thanksgiving for everyone and let her look after her kids

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Olivia Chie Kawamoto
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You DO have children and grandchildren. Please change your old tradition immediately and shift to veganism if you really care about this planet and kids' futures!!! Do you want your kids to have a peaceful and nonviolent world? Please study and educate yourself about what you can do right now. 1174345-Ga...07e2fc.jpg 1174345-Gary-L-Francione-Quote-You-cannot-live-a-nonviolent-life-as-long-63865a307e2fc.jpg

othornhill6792 avatar
Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Veganism is literally going to solve barely any world problem. Educate yourself.

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Joseph Pelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA you have way too many expectations as a mother. Being a parent is a thankless job and I bend over backwards for my babies no matter how awful they can be. I would never in my life treat my child or his wife the way this woman did. If my DIL tried to one up my meal I would feel blessed and ask her to even show me how to make her recipes. This MIL sounds like a nightmare.

othornhill6792 avatar
Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh please! The dil is disrespectful and the son let her be! There is now way in HELL you would let this s**t slide! Stop lying to yourself.

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Liquoma
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh no! This is so sad. It’s understandable that you lost your cool the way you did. She was instigating you and not showing any emotional/social intelligence in the matter. I can see both sides, but she took it too far with her self-righteousness and there could have been an easy compromise. It sounds like she doesn’t have any respect for you. She could have offered to come and help you and made a few side dishes with her own ingredients. It could have been a fun bonding experience for you two. Yikes! She sounds like a self-entitled nightmare. You both owe each other an apology, of course, but she absolutely owes you a bigger one.

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Clover
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would a guest at a dinner at someone else's house even think that they could dictate what was served at that dinner? I've dealt with people in my world that are just plain picky eaters, or they say that they can't eat lots of things, because they're allergic, etc. I'm really getting sick of it. We were taught as we were growing up that when you went to a meal at someone else's house, that you ate what you was served. You didn't complain about it. It's called MANNERS. The vegan woman should have brought a vegan dish or two to share with all. I'm sure that at least some of what the hostess served would qualify as vegan. Why let one guest dictate what every one else eats?

mike198958 avatar
Mike127
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For vegan like that all i want to do is hold them down and stuff their mouth of nothing but fat juicy meat. I always tell ppl you can give me your opinion on many things, but do not and i say do not tell me what i can eat and how i want to eat it. You open your mouth about my food and i will literally hurt you.

acturner20 avatar
Amanda Turner
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“I am thankful for everyone coming to the last thanksgiving that I will ever be hosting. Since we will apparently be going vegan/cruelty free from now on and DIL is the EXPERT in that area” (backhanded compliment 👌🏻)

slammer avatar
Slammer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Smh at her husband commenting on the money his wife spent to make special dishes. How much money has his mother saved them by providing FREE babysitting services? Thousands! Her son is whipped.

desireebberg avatar
Venice
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think your speech may have been unnecessary but I think it came with frustration of all that has happened up to that point. This to me had nothing to do with her veganism. It's your son having married a woman who has zero respect for anyone who doesn't agree with her. She makes demands not respectful requests, she publicly shames with her conduct during the meal and shows zero appreciation for the accommodation...you the host remember...and zero consideration and respect to your guests. Your son to me is the TA for bringing this individual into your family and having no backbone to stand up to her. Imagine how she publicly shames him. Sorry hun, you have a lifelong bully in your family unless your son grows a backbone.

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Praecordia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think taking a step back from them was the right choice. DIL sounds petty and needs to learn a hard lesson. Free childcare is going to be the voice of reason here. Lol just watch and see.

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Thomas Hunt, Jr.
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I eat some vegan products due to allergies. However, if is a family meal and a small amount I suck it up and deal with what comes afterwards. --. If there's an abundance of something I can't eat, I ask if I can make something accommodating to my diet. It's common sense. You're a guest in someone else's home. Be respectful or get the hell out.

josephjones avatar
Joseph Jones
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I bet the vegan option was salad. Whole lotta crying on here, it's family. Families fight, get over it.

huggledemon32 avatar
Anna Stephenson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to say- what would happen if this was reversed- if the DIL chose to host a vegan thanksgiving and the MIL asked her to provide some meals which included meat? And then when unsatisfied with whatever was provided re: meat options, went ahead and cooked an entire thanksgiving meal non-vegan and brought it over and made a point out of it in front of everyone!?- I highly doubt the DIL would have been cool with that!?

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Tracie Shepherd
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

jennifer_30 avatar
Jennifer
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have experienced this very break within my family because my sister is a Vegan. It has been gut wrenching for our family because there was a blowout - about 15yrs ago-- that led to us (meat eaters) being called murderers by my sister (& much worse). The point I am trying to make - and this is my opinion of course based on my personal experience - that the extreme vegan mindset sits much deeper than food or diet and the outcome can be comparable to an eating disorder. I use the word extreme because what played out on part of the DIL is extreme and it feels like her actions are some sort of cry for help- & I'm not referring to saving animals from being eaten. I have so much more to say on this subject because there was a wedge driven between me and my sister and my mom-- because of her Vegan lifestyle. It is my understanding that being Vegan translates into having compassion for ALL living things- which includes us humans. Serious and open minded talks need to happen!

carolscholz avatar
Cinnamon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My vegetarian (not vegan) sister-in-law graciously hosted thanksgiving yesterday. She provided traditional meat dishes, cooked to perfection, and several veggie options. She is a wonderful host and cool. After seeing this post, I am more grateful for her kindness.

beckyolsen avatar
Becky Olsen
Community Member
1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is entitled to act however they choose as long as it’s legal. It’s also up to everyone else in how they react to that. So those who try to control others deserve a poor reaction. I’m vegetarian but would never allow this DIL or her husband in my house. I would not hold that against their children but also would not make such specialty food for them. If the children brought their own food no problem but would also kick out whoever got self righteous about it all in my home including children which this DIL is acting like. If anyone deserves an apology here, it would be the mom/MIL who went above and beyond by making a meal AND some special dishes for the DIL. If the DIL didn’t like the food that much, then she should’ve eaten at her own home before or just not have gone. Make all the food you want when you host. However, I think this MIL held too much in from the beginning and should’ve made her boundaries clear from the start. Communication is crucial but even then there will often be ignorance.

john-erikpaisley avatar
John-Erik Paisley
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

F your DIL. And your son needs to grow a pair of balls and tell his wife to STFU. She is/was a GUEST. And the respondents above are right- this is exactly why most omnis hate f-ing vegans. Veggies have a tendency to act exactly like that. Hopefully your grandkids can resist her sick indoctrination but with a castrato like that for a son there is not much hope...

blackdog8911 avatar
Della
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Both behaved badly. One is as bad as the other. Sometimes, you just need to take the high road and not dive into the cesspool with her. Sadly, grandkids are like a gun to your head. So there's that. Maybe apologize for your behavior FOR THE SAKE of the little ones, but not because she demands an apology. Also, your son is stuck. He's married to her, so done and done.

ky_1 avatar
K Y
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can't imagine why anyone would believe this BS story lmao

nicolerowan avatar
Nicole Rowan
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she brought her own food! Who cares, ignoring annoying people is where real empowerment is. Everyone could see the dil being obnoxious. (This, coming from a 35+ year vegetarian).

tarsa13 avatar
mailstevenrose avatar
Steven
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is common for a husband's mother and his mother-in-law to not get along at all. This is what it is all about. They are competing for power and control as well as the love of the husband. They need to face it, respect one another, and find a way to manage the basic conflict without it entirely destroying the family relationships.

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Kasia Gorączka
Community Member
1 year ago

This comment has been deleted.

josephpelle avatar
Joseph Pelle
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA she went out of her way to spend 100s of dollars to make a meal everyone could enjoy just not some of the family and OP took that as an insult and attacked this poor woman on a holiday. I think the MIL reads way into the comments the DIL makes because she doesnt like her so it doesn't matter what the DIL says MIL will spin it to be against her. MIL needs to grow up and start acting like a grandma we especially for the grandbabies sake. I would be horrified if I could not see my grandparents and they were acting dumb like this with my parents. This is just absolutely disgusting behavior coming from a grandma. Grow up woman.

othornhill6792 avatar
Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody told her to spend all that money, Dil was just trying to one up mil. Mil made began meals but dil didn't think that was enough for some reason. As for the grandkid, it's unfortunate that grandma can no longer spend time with them, but she made it clear that she was tired of being disrespected and was cutting contact with her son and dil.

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Denkono
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Veganism is centered around ethics not health (which can be a benefit) If family members or friends can't justify their carnist lifestyle through logical explanation of their ethical framework, then it is better to distance oneself from the clown show that erupts when cognitive dissonance hits them.

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Madeleine Rose
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And this right here is why reasonable, intelligent, compassionate people cannot tolerate entitled, dishonest, toxic vegans.

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Dodo
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly, I think DIL was awful *but*... non-vegan/non-vegetarian options are often quite woeful, they seem almost like an afterthought. We don't know what OP served but the fact is DIL made every single dish in a vegan option which everyone (bar allergies) could enjoy. I think they should have compromised; from what I've seen of Thanksgiving, there's no such thing as too much food. So DIL could have brought a bunch of dishes and OP could have done less.

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TheKitKatLizard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Eh. The husband blamed the MIL for his wife spending so much money on cooking, so chances are most of those obscure ingredients are pretty expensive, and I'm saying this as a vegetarian, chances are small that this reddit-using MIL hadn't found more than decent vegan options on the interenet. The DIL wanted to force everyone else to eat 'cruelty free', or at least get MIL to make fancy vegan food for her on her own time and money (otherwise she would have just sent op some vegan recipes to make without obscure ingredients...)

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kitsune rushed
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH. Looks like both had an axe to grind against each other. Priceless that they chose Thanksgiving as the day to grind their axes. What fun. I'm with the more food the merrier guy. Unless the DIL cleaned up her manifesto mongering, I'd cut off contact from her and enjoy the moment to breathe. Man, I feel for the grandkids.

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Say What
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They didn't choose it, DIL did. With cause and effect, it's never the person affected that's the problem. They are the victim. Sometimes victims stand up for themselves.

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harold gelnaw
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should be spanked and sent to bed with no supper for acting like a spoiled child

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Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She's a whole grown adult, get your f*****g head out of your a*s, dipshit.

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Slick Rick
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1 year ago

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All vegans are the same. None are useful as humans

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TheHalloweenTeen
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please don't say that, it's not only very untrue but also very hurtful. Both my aunt and uncle are vegan and they are great people.

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alwaysMispelled
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1 year ago

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Sons marry their mothers, sounds these two women love the drama, and that's what the son came for

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AliJanx
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1 year ago

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ESH. MIL because she didn't politely say, "please bring a main and a side that's vegan. We'd love to try them." S for supporting his wife's poor behavior and DIL for being a snot. MIL should have been the bigger person and said at the end of the meal, "thank you for bringing all this food. Next year, let's have Thanksgiving at your house!" But after all, she has to be the hostess, now doesn't she?

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Bi-Polar Express
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1 year ago

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ESH She told her to bring her own food and she overdid it. They constantly worked to one up each other and the rest of the family was hostage to their petty, passive aggressive back and forth.

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Seabeast
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The OP babysits for her the other 51 weeks a year and provided some vegan dishes. If this smug b**** wants a 100% vegan meal she can host at her own house.

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Carla Cabral
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1 year ago

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True vegans know that this is c**p. We get angry because you are murdering animals. You don't see their suffering so it means nothing to you. She probably should have been silent and simply not have gone but carnists will always find an excuse to hate pepe doing the right thing.

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eydeekay
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1 year ago

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So it's called "Free Labor" when a grandmother watches her grand kids, that she would, uhm, love? If my DIL is vegan, why am I serving Turkey? Is this the WE-MUST-DEFEND-MEAT-AT-ALL-COSTS-LEAGUE? Why would a MIL fight with the woman that her son loves? Is a turkey more important than her son? Yes, DIL is a spiteful beginner (a cooking competition with the host? what a lack of character!), but Mother, who is, let's face it, the most powerful person in this set-up, fears her DIL? They should both be locked away, into the same room upstairs, to learn to get along, for them to see that it's not about them. IT'S ABOUT THE KIDS!

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