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Tired Of People With Mental Health Issues Playing The Victim Card Constantly, This Person Shames Them On Twitter
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Tired Of People With Mental Health Issues Playing The Victim Card Constantly, This Person Shames Them On Twitter

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Just because someone has mental health issues doesn’t mean that there are no consequences to their actions—that’s the message that artist Quill, aka LutroDraws, sent the world from his Twitter account. He believes that if you’re rude to someone or you hurt them while having a mental health episode, you should apologize.

Quill himself stated that his rant would most likely anger some people, but he was being honest about how others are allowed to be “done with” the people who are making their lives difficult. As could be expected, the artist got a lot of online hate for expressing his honest views on this social problem. However, some internet users showed their support as well, stating that people with mental issues are not exempt from the consequences of their actions and ought to show consideration for the people around them, not just themselves.

If you plan to visit LutroDraws’ Twitter account, proceed with caution because some of the content posted here may be too graphic for you.

Image credits: Trần Toàn (not the actual photo)

One person posted an honest rant about mental health and split the internet community into two opposing sides

Image credits: LutroDraws

Image credits: LutroDraws

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Image credits: LutroDraws

Image credits: LutroDraws

Some people agreed with the message…

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…while some didn’t

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Some Twitter users stated that Quill’s point of view is inherently wrong. According to them, individuals with mental problems are struggling to survive and they feel enough guilt as it is without apologizing. Meanwhile, others pointed out that apologizing is the least you can do if you make your loved ones’ lives difficult when you abuse them emotionally. All in all, the net was split almost evenly between those who supported the rant and those who were against it.

Bored Panda spoke to Imgur user Komer, who got over 1.6k upvotes for their comment about Quill’s post on mental illnesses. The Imgurian revealed that they suffer from depression and anxiety disorders themselves, and went into detail about mental breakdowns.

Here’s what Komer said about their first reaction to Quill’s post: “It was good to see this seeing the light. Often, people who are on the receiving end of someone’s poor behavior during a mental health episode feel guilty if they aren’t okay with the way they’re being treated. So it is important for people to receive some perspective that just because you have a mental health issue, it doesn’t give you a free pass to be unpleasant and it is important to be responsible for your actions no matter the cause.”

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Komer said that “we can’t diminish other peoples suffering because we feel that our suffering is more important.”

“Compassion is about mutual respect for each other. If you constantly take and enforce yourself as a burden to other people, they will remove themselves from that position and that is perfectly acceptable.”

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Image credits: LutroDraws

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According to Komer, the best way to apologize to someone for having wronged them is being honest. “You have to be honest to yourself first and accept responsibility for your behavior. Then you apologize and give thanks to them for their support. It is not an easy task, but it is important and it will help you heal and become better at coping, it will make it easier for people to help you, they will understand your suffering in a better light and strengthen your relationships.”

“As someone who suffers from severe depression and anxiety disorders, I know it is very easy to alienate people from your life and shut yourself down,” they added. “During these times, the people who care for you the most will always look to help you and you can accept that help but you must remember to treat them with respect, be honest about your feelings and emotions, and show your appreciation for their help.”

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“It is never okay to use your health problems as an excuse to treat other people poorly, that is wrong and will only harm yourself as well.”

Some people rephrased the original poster’s idea to make it sound more friendly

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Image credits: nu_mindframe

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Hope Mental Health explains that there is a difference between apologizing when you treat someone badly and apologizing for the symptoms of your illness. In the latter case, there’s no need to say “sorry.”

While Natasha Tracy says that warning people in advance that you might have a mental health episode and what might happen is a good way to avoid nasty surprises. After all, people are more likely to forgive you if they know what to expect. She also stresses the importance of counseling and therapy.

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Dear Pandas, let us know what you thought of Quill’s rant about mental health in the comments. Do you agree with his position or do you think he’s wrong? We’d love to hear your arguments.

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hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to agree. You may have been going through hell, but you may be dragging those who care for you through it too. Every time you decide not to get help, your actions are costing them too.

mpeapell_1 avatar
Melanie Peapell
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the often quoted "It's an explanation, not an excuse". This is my story. I often apologise for things I do due to mental illness, just as I apologise that I don't go to concerts due to photosensitive epilepsy. In the past I have used mental illness as an excuse to be rude, to get my way, and to be plain old mean. As with any medical condition I try to take things at a case by case matter.

elizagreenwood avatar
Eliza Greenwood
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen, this is everything, I am so over people being absolute shits and then just laughing it off like oop I'm crazy so it's okay you Have to forgive me. Nope you don't get to be a b***h and blame it on mental health

karenjohnston avatar
Karen Johnston
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a 19 year old, that lives at home, that suffers from anxiety and clinical depression. She is being treated with meds, and they help. Since she was a little girl, she was constantly apologizing, but for things she didn't need to apologize for. On the other hand, when she's in the middle of an anxiety attack, she can snap at me with the voracity of a chainsaw. For that, she never apologizes. And I forgive her, because I love her. Maybe I should have a conversation about apologizing for stuff you actually have done, and not stuff that you haven't.

deb-lucas avatar
Dilly Millandry
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know someone like that. It's easier for them to apologise for things that don't matter very much. Sometimes, when it's something important, it can be worrying that you might not be forgiven and pretending it didn't happen is easier. As someone wrote above, not apologising can be a by-product of shame - particularly in someone who does apologise at other times. I would definitely have that conversation - it's a lesson that's best learned before she gets into a serious relationship as not apologising might be the thing that breaks up something good. It definitely takes strength to apologise as it lowers the defences and makes people vulnerable but its usually very worthwhile.

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madam_alexandra avatar
SashaAlexandra
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I`ve been dating a man diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He didn`t warn me about that since we started dating. Just something like "sometimes i`m not myself". He was completely unpredictable about his behavior. Right now he is thankful to you for the awesome breakfast - because no one cooked for him before - next five min he is furious that he is a man and i should not tell him what to eat. In couple of month i lost my strength and started to have a suicidal thoughts. Sometimes he said sorry, but it was like "i am who i am, deal with it". Once he told me that his last girlfriend jumped under the train. That was a real story - he was still in touch with her friends about that. But i understood clear that i should run. I feel sorry about people with mental problems, but about such thing they should warn people. It is dangerous to be with them and "sorry" isn`t enough for their impact.

jenicathomas avatar
Jenica Thomas
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry you went through that. I am bipolar and as much as I don't always have control over my mood I do have control over being able to tell people about myself. I have found that it has helped so much! I don't use it as an excuse to act poorly because there is no excuse. But when people know that there is a legitimate reason they are more apt to speak up when I am acting differently (cuz I don't always realize). It gives my friends/family the chance to say woah, that wasn't like you, what's going on? Which triggers me to realize that I have crossed a line and need to evaluate and apologize if needed. I am also prepared that at any time a person may say that they can't handle me right now or ever again. It hasn't happened, but it may some day. I spend a lot of time in my own mind with thoughts like this and without a doubt if someone ever said that to me I would let them go. It would hurt, it may even crush me, but I don't want to be the cause of pain in those I love. :(

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deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I absolutely agree with OP. I have been suffering for many years with depression and anxiety and I have had my moments where I have been a total and complete b***h. When I come out of my breakdowns I know I owe my family and friends an apology for having to put up with my screaming and rudeness. The moment that made me want to get help the most is when my mother, after witnessing another one of my meltdowns and begging me to get help, started crying. I told myself at that moment that I would never be the cause of my mother crying ever again. It is not our fault that we have mental illness, but it's also not our loved ones fault either. So like the OP said, instead of treating your loved ones like c**p and saying it is because you are mentally ill, maybe get some help so you don't treat them that way anymore. The one response where he said he isn't apologizing for anything might change his mind when everyone he cares about walks away.

franoisbouzigues avatar
François Bouzigues
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is something i often think about. I consider all violent people are mental. But not every people with mental conditions are violent.

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are right. I have meltdowns, but I have never wanted to shoot or kill someone.

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aprilsimnel avatar
April Simnel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a mentally ill aunt I grew up with, and it was only after she was taken in to custody at a mental health facility for beating one of her co-workers at her laundry job that she was diagnosed with schizophrenia with paranoiac features, borderline personality disorder (I have a lot of relatives with that one), and bipolar disorder. Her son and I spent our childhoods taking care of her, and she would hit us a lot. A LOT (among other sordid things). It got to the point where, at 32, I finally realized that I had to let my relationship with her go. She refused to accept her diagnoses and refused to get treatment, but still wanted to hit me when she was agitated. Felt guilty about cutting her off for years, however, as everyone is saying, it isn't her fault that she's ill, but it is her responsibility to do something about it. She's still not gotten any therapy. It's a real shame.

leahiniowa avatar
Country Nana
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes it's hard to know if people are okay at one point or not. I've been on both sides too. I try to only judge myself. I also apologize, but we should acknowledge the fact that some people see that as an excuse to rag on you even though you've apologized a gazillion times. So I apologize, accept apologies, and if someone isn't apologizing for bad behavior due to mental illness I figure they aren't completely well yet. Some posters here have a lot of anger about having to live with someone who has mental illness. I know someone whose wife left him and screwed over his life because of it. Even though he's apologized and forgiven her, she's still basically a b***h. I figure she's immature. People

johnlouis avatar
John Louis
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A person's life circumstances never absolve them from bad behavior. However, conflicts are rarely so simple. The accusation, "You're always trying to blame someone else." is usually the first thing people say when they are mad. I have never met anyone who exclusively blamed their mental health problems or chemical dependency or poverty for their bad behavior.

eminem_5047_1 avatar
Alex Ruth
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I pushed people away bc of my mental health/illness including my best friend who I known since I was 16. Bc of my anxiety, depression, and anger issues. I apologised. I'm getting help with it now with meds, three therapists and music but nothing ain't working

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You just gotta keep trying and going. You will get better someday. I know this because I have been there before and I know it's hard to deal with depression and anxiety. You will make it.

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suzi63 avatar
Suzi Gauthier
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody has to apologize for anything, but you won't have many friends if you don't.

d_pitbull avatar
D. Pitbull
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are the kind of people who, even if they had NO mental illness whatsoever would **still** be inconsiderate jackasses. Just because you have an illness doesn't mean you get an automatic "They're good people and mean well" card. Ohh... s/he's an amputee... they MUST be good hearted, wonderful people who are just grouchy and mean because of the loss of limb! Oh really... so you think Oscar Pistorius deserved a pass for his crime??? Yeah. NO. Y'all cry "I want to be treated like a normal, decent human!" - well then for crying out loud, ACT LIKE ONE.

sereb avatar
SereB
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's important to point out what an apology should be (imho). An apology isn't an eraser that automatically cancels out the receiver's anger, hurt, or inconvenience. An apology should be a way of saying "thank you for letting me know that I hurt, angered, or inconvenienced you. I value our relationship and I'm in a better place now, and I'll do my best to make sure I don't hurt, anger, or inconvenience you in this way again." Real apologies are hard because they mean that you're taking on the responsibility for changing your behavior. That can be a difficult thing to do because our mental health journey is often not a straight line.

jaygee5000 avatar
JG
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In some...and most states, few of you all recognize, there are limited mental health services. If you are "lucky" enough to have many to choose from...good for you. Most of us have one to three people to choose from. I apologize for my behavior, and I want to say I'm getting help, but when it takes six months to get an appointment, I'm dong the best I can, but in some states and most of the US, services don't exist. I'm sorry, but I can't find help. Mental illness services don't exist. This country is "#1", but it really isn't in medical services, especially therapy. Please recognize!!

julieturner avatar
Julie BT 120
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are in a wheel chair and you run over someone's foot....1) its not your fault your in a wheelchair 2) you likely didn't intend to run over their foot. 3) you should still apologize because you hurt another person. Mental health is no different.

lauren_ringel avatar
Lauren Ringel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a woman/sister/child/friend/employee of mental health sufferers, if one acts poorly, one has to be accountable for their actions/words. I have said and done so many rude and hurtful things but I don't give myself a pass to be a b***h because I'm having anxiety. F that. Own up to your s**t.

ionescupopa avatar
Ionescu Popa
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem with the mental health is it only points towards those who can't adapt to this mad society. All the others - psychopaths who take leadership positions, sociopaths who commit smaller crimes or abuses - get a blank check to new felonies. Fix your society and then demand apologies! All these jerks got away (at least in this life) because they demanded apologies with the whip in their hand. They should fell the whip here, too, so anyone can learn something. My opinion is they are born evil so the can be processed immediately, before affecting anyone else.

robyngardam avatar
KombatBunni
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate people using mental health issues as an excuse to be an assh*le to everyone and not apologising for it. I've lived with people like that and it's just exhausting. I have a mental health condition, and I have lost my temper because of it but I will apologize and take responsibility for it. People who don't will get told to take a hike and take their sh*t with them..

skatey1979 avatar
Darcey Young
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's important to apologise because you never know what the person you've lashed out at is dealing with themselves. If you behaviour impacts on someone else you need to recognise that and apologise, whatever the root of that behaviour. I had to walk away from a friend who repeatedly hurt me by saying the most hateful things when she was struggling with depression. She expected me to be her punchbag and yet if I ever did anything that she felt wasn't supporting her the way she wanted she would make me apologise about it for months. She could be lovely when she was well, but after several years I decided I couldn't take it any more. She said she was ill and that expecting her to apologise wasn't fair. I tried so hard to be supportive but it was never enough. We don't speak now, she still tells people how bad I am for walking away, but I decided I couldn't let her stamp all over my mental heath just because she was struggling.

james_fox1984 avatar
I’m Foxxy and I know it 😉
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I very much agree. I know my mental health effects my moods and I have taken it out on others but I always apologise. Just because I have mental health issues does not give me an excuse to be horrible and get away with it.

safyra199421 avatar
Ausrine Ciapaite
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It really depends on the situation. Some people are trying to get better and they need all the support and patience available. Some people don't seek help but at the same time avoid "burdening" others. Some don't treat themselves and use their illness as a way to get things their way. Some do seek help but at the same time are afraid to heal. Last 2 cases are "woundology" cases. When person consciously or unconsciously don't want to heal because they gain something out of it (attention, money, exemption, etc.). It is actually quite a big problem.

elainetabor avatar
Elaine Tabor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m going to get downvoted to death but all this sounds like to me is constant anxiety attacks because after a stack I feel awful and like a burden. And also it’s spreading the idea that people with mental illness can stop and are bad for having these episodes. Some of you are probably going to downvote this but I’m tired of the story of mental illness being about those who don’t live with it

willowsweet_1 avatar
HooowlAtTheMoon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to admit I have done this before. I did for a long time, not even realizing it was wrong and frankly pretty annoying to others. My friend kind of blew up on me about it, and that's when I realized what I was doing wasn't okay. I had been brushing off my friends suggestions, I had been saying no to therapy, I had been caring more about myself than others, and I would kind of brush their problems away and talk about myself. When she blew up on me, telling me I don't respect her and that I'm too self-absorbed and just seem to want pity, I promised her and myself and everyone else who had to deal with me being like that that I would improve myself and I would learn to accept peoples suggestions and respect them and help them through their problems, because bad mental health isn't something to keep just to get pity out of, it's something you need to try to get rid of, because it is unhealthy. I thank my friend for snapping me out of that, I'm much better off now.

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This so goes against the common entitlement attitude and refusal to take responsibility for your actions that's so prevalent today, that's why this person is getting backlash on it. If I had a physical condition that caused me to break something in someone's house, like from a seizure or fall or something, would I be entitled to not apologize because an illness caused it? Same thing here. You don't get to treat people like an emotional punching bag and just have the 'deal with it, I get to do this' mentality.

ceecu1985 avatar
ceecu33
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m indifferent to this. Sure I agree that we should take responsibility for our actions and apologize if we offend others, but at the same time as someone who has extreme anxiety and can have a tantrum as described...I literally can’t help if. When I’m having an attack I’m extremely irrational and it takes some time for me to cool off. I will apologize for my behavior, but I don’t deserve to be wrote off. No one is perfect and people with anxiety are just like anyone else, imperfect and should be accepted for those flaws just like everyone else. That’s my 2 cents

deathrose avatar
deathrose
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have asperger's. When I was a child that didnt exist and was diagnosed with ADHD. My mother was always high and neglectful, my step father was abusive in every possible way. I never received any medication for my condition. My father got custody of my see sister and me before high school. As a teenager I was depressed and angry thinking no one understood me. I lashed out at people and had no friends (I don't blame them,I was awful.) In college, all that changed. Puberty ended, I stabilized emotionally and I learned how to recognize my actions. I apologized to people I did them wrong. You will never learn to heal and cope if you cant recognize your own destructive behaviours. I bless my parents for never putting me on medication.

leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being an a**hole isn't part of mental illness. it's a rotten coping mechanism for mental illness in some people, but it's not the fault of the illness. Diagnosed with PTSD, still fight every day to make sure my hell stays *mine*, so I don't do to anyone the shi* that gave me the PTSD. Peace.

sunnytopia avatar
Sunny Topia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Remember if you make someone feels bad and didn't apologise just because you have a mental illness.. I just want you to know that 'THANK YOU' for bringing another human to mental health issues..😑😮‍💨

robertthoren avatar
Robert Thoren
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Remembered this from 2 years ago and couldn't find the original tweet because the account got suspended, but i needed to reread it for peace of mind and see everyone's additions to it. This tweet saved my relationship in it's early days because it gave voice to something I didn't know how to express about what I was experiencing.

mollycampbell avatar
Molly Campbell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is too simplistic though. It took me a decade to get my proper diagnosis, serious love-sitting treatments, and the right meds. I've apologized profusely to the people I love, but I wasn't "ignoring" my symptoms or my mental illness. I wasn't just willing them away. I was actively working with several medical professionals and I was desperate. This was after I finally had insurance though- before that I was just an unwell person on my own, couldn't afford a doctor or meds. It took almost a year to get into some volunteer clinics, but even then I couldn't afford the meds. You wouldn't blame a cancer patient who can't afford treatment or who isn't responding they way they hope to treatment, for still having symptoms. You don't get a free pass if you hurt someone, but don't forget that mental illness often isn't "solved" when the patient is trying their hardest to prioritize mental health. It just isn't.

shyannaringo avatar
shyanna banana
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i agree with quill and i had a friend just the other day lie to my best friend saying she liked him and they were dating and she wrote on a paper that she didn't like him and tried to punch me she said if he finds out her plans of getting her made up mental problems under control would be missed up they broke up i guess this doesn't relate but i mean ya

d_pitbull avatar
D. Pitbull
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes!!! Been on both ends and seen both ends in action. The person who essentially sabotaged someone else's work and made their daily life a living nightmare, complete with humiliation in front of customers...this person knew the moment they said: "I have deep insecurity and depression issues" they'd be 100% forgiven and allowed to continue their tyranny. I have bailed on many events before due to anxiety/depression/etc... and finally realized, guess what??? I dont' have the right to screw up other people's plans just because "I'm ill". Fortunately I wasn't able to use that as an excuse often... as Asians don't treat those who are mentally ill 'nicely'. Many of the 'old guard' believe the mentally ill need to all be locked up. Bottom line... those who use it as an excuse rather than explanation and are not even TRYING to cope or get better ... 1/2

stacywinnubst avatar
SBW71
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree. I get sometimes it can't be helped (if it's legit) but more and more you hear this one excuse for everything in the news now and it's getting old.

teeshyhedding avatar
teeshy hedding
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend at school and I have always been really annoyed because that's all she ever talks about, this had made me realise that I'm not a Mean person, thanks for posting!

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Boaty McBoatface
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Yet you can be acquitted for murder because you have a mental illness

firstlastother124 avatar
knittin' kitten
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes but that does not mean you shouldn't feel sorry for what you did. If you're not deemed responsible for murder you probably will be committed into a special place for the criminally insane so you can't do it again. Nobody is safe in public if they can say I'm too crazy to be held responsible for someone's death. Mental illness which I'm all too familiar with myself. I have somatic anxiety depression bipolar OCD amongst other things. I have been the teen using it as a crutch to be an a*****e. Fast forward 15 years and it doesn't work. You have responsibility to everyone around you to be at your best. It's ok to make mistakes if you're responsible

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hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to agree. You may have been going through hell, but you may be dragging those who care for you through it too. Every time you decide not to get help, your actions are costing them too.

mpeapell_1 avatar
Melanie Peapell
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I like the often quoted "It's an explanation, not an excuse". This is my story. I often apologise for things I do due to mental illness, just as I apologise that I don't go to concerts due to photosensitive epilepsy. In the past I have used mental illness as an excuse to be rude, to get my way, and to be plain old mean. As with any medical condition I try to take things at a case by case matter.

elizagreenwood avatar
Eliza Greenwood
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen, this is everything, I am so over people being absolute shits and then just laughing it off like oop I'm crazy so it's okay you Have to forgive me. Nope you don't get to be a b***h and blame it on mental health

karenjohnston avatar
Karen Johnston
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a 19 year old, that lives at home, that suffers from anxiety and clinical depression. She is being treated with meds, and they help. Since she was a little girl, she was constantly apologizing, but for things she didn't need to apologize for. On the other hand, when she's in the middle of an anxiety attack, she can snap at me with the voracity of a chainsaw. For that, she never apologizes. And I forgive her, because I love her. Maybe I should have a conversation about apologizing for stuff you actually have done, and not stuff that you haven't.

deb-lucas avatar
Dilly Millandry
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know someone like that. It's easier for them to apologise for things that don't matter very much. Sometimes, when it's something important, it can be worrying that you might not be forgiven and pretending it didn't happen is easier. As someone wrote above, not apologising can be a by-product of shame - particularly in someone who does apologise at other times. I would definitely have that conversation - it's a lesson that's best learned before she gets into a serious relationship as not apologising might be the thing that breaks up something good. It definitely takes strength to apologise as it lowers the defences and makes people vulnerable but its usually very worthwhile.

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SashaAlexandra
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I`ve been dating a man diagnosed with bipolar disorder. He didn`t warn me about that since we started dating. Just something like "sometimes i`m not myself". He was completely unpredictable about his behavior. Right now he is thankful to you for the awesome breakfast - because no one cooked for him before - next five min he is furious that he is a man and i should not tell him what to eat. In couple of month i lost my strength and started to have a suicidal thoughts. Sometimes he said sorry, but it was like "i am who i am, deal with it". Once he told me that his last girlfriend jumped under the train. That was a real story - he was still in touch with her friends about that. But i understood clear that i should run. I feel sorry about people with mental problems, but about such thing they should warn people. It is dangerous to be with them and "sorry" isn`t enough for their impact.

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Jenica Thomas
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry you went through that. I am bipolar and as much as I don't always have control over my mood I do have control over being able to tell people about myself. I have found that it has helped so much! I don't use it as an excuse to act poorly because there is no excuse. But when people know that there is a legitimate reason they are more apt to speak up when I am acting differently (cuz I don't always realize). It gives my friends/family the chance to say woah, that wasn't like you, what's going on? Which triggers me to realize that I have crossed a line and need to evaluate and apologize if needed. I am also prepared that at any time a person may say that they can't handle me right now or ever again. It hasn't happened, but it may some day. I spend a lot of time in my own mind with thoughts like this and without a doubt if someone ever said that to me I would let them go. It would hurt, it may even crush me, but I don't want to be the cause of pain in those I love. :(

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deanna woods
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I absolutely agree with OP. I have been suffering for many years with depression and anxiety and I have had my moments where I have been a total and complete b***h. When I come out of my breakdowns I know I owe my family and friends an apology for having to put up with my screaming and rudeness. The moment that made me want to get help the most is when my mother, after witnessing another one of my meltdowns and begging me to get help, started crying. I told myself at that moment that I would never be the cause of my mother crying ever again. It is not our fault that we have mental illness, but it's also not our loved ones fault either. So like the OP said, instead of treating your loved ones like c**p and saying it is because you are mentally ill, maybe get some help so you don't treat them that way anymore. The one response where he said he isn't apologizing for anything might change his mind when everyone he cares about walks away.

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François Bouzigues
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is something i often think about. I consider all violent people are mental. But not every people with mental conditions are violent.

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deanna woods
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You are right. I have meltdowns, but I have never wanted to shoot or kill someone.

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April Simnel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a mentally ill aunt I grew up with, and it was only after she was taken in to custody at a mental health facility for beating one of her co-workers at her laundry job that she was diagnosed with schizophrenia with paranoiac features, borderline personality disorder (I have a lot of relatives with that one), and bipolar disorder. Her son and I spent our childhoods taking care of her, and she would hit us a lot. A LOT (among other sordid things). It got to the point where, at 32, I finally realized that I had to let my relationship with her go. She refused to accept her diagnoses and refused to get treatment, but still wanted to hit me when she was agitated. Felt guilty about cutting her off for years, however, as everyone is saying, it isn't her fault that she's ill, but it is her responsibility to do something about it. She's still not gotten any therapy. It's a real shame.

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Country Nana
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sometimes it's hard to know if people are okay at one point or not. I've been on both sides too. I try to only judge myself. I also apologize, but we should acknowledge the fact that some people see that as an excuse to rag on you even though you've apologized a gazillion times. So I apologize, accept apologies, and if someone isn't apologizing for bad behavior due to mental illness I figure they aren't completely well yet. Some posters here have a lot of anger about having to live with someone who has mental illness. I know someone whose wife left him and screwed over his life because of it. Even though he's apologized and forgiven her, she's still basically a b***h. I figure she's immature. People

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John Louis
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A person's life circumstances never absolve them from bad behavior. However, conflicts are rarely so simple. The accusation, "You're always trying to blame someone else." is usually the first thing people say when they are mad. I have never met anyone who exclusively blamed their mental health problems or chemical dependency or poverty for their bad behavior.

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Alex Ruth
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I pushed people away bc of my mental health/illness including my best friend who I known since I was 16. Bc of my anxiety, depression, and anger issues. I apologised. I'm getting help with it now with meds, three therapists and music but nothing ain't working

deannawoods avatar
deanna woods
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You just gotta keep trying and going. You will get better someday. I know this because I have been there before and I know it's hard to deal with depression and anxiety. You will make it.

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Suzi Gauthier
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nobody has to apologize for anything, but you won't have many friends if you don't.

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D. Pitbull
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Are the kind of people who, even if they had NO mental illness whatsoever would **still** be inconsiderate jackasses. Just because you have an illness doesn't mean you get an automatic "They're good people and mean well" card. Ohh... s/he's an amputee... they MUST be good hearted, wonderful people who are just grouchy and mean because of the loss of limb! Oh really... so you think Oscar Pistorius deserved a pass for his crime??? Yeah. NO. Y'all cry "I want to be treated like a normal, decent human!" - well then for crying out loud, ACT LIKE ONE.

sereb avatar
SereB
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's important to point out what an apology should be (imho). An apology isn't an eraser that automatically cancels out the receiver's anger, hurt, or inconvenience. An apology should be a way of saying "thank you for letting me know that I hurt, angered, or inconvenienced you. I value our relationship and I'm in a better place now, and I'll do my best to make sure I don't hurt, anger, or inconvenience you in this way again." Real apologies are hard because they mean that you're taking on the responsibility for changing your behavior. That can be a difficult thing to do because our mental health journey is often not a straight line.

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JG
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In some...and most states, few of you all recognize, there are limited mental health services. If you are "lucky" enough to have many to choose from...good for you. Most of us have one to three people to choose from. I apologize for my behavior, and I want to say I'm getting help, but when it takes six months to get an appointment, I'm dong the best I can, but in some states and most of the US, services don't exist. I'm sorry, but I can't find help. Mental illness services don't exist. This country is "#1", but it really isn't in medical services, especially therapy. Please recognize!!

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Julie BT 120
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you are in a wheel chair and you run over someone's foot....1) its not your fault your in a wheelchair 2) you likely didn't intend to run over their foot. 3) you should still apologize because you hurt another person. Mental health is no different.

lauren_ringel avatar
Lauren Ringel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a woman/sister/child/friend/employee of mental health sufferers, if one acts poorly, one has to be accountable for their actions/words. I have said and done so many rude and hurtful things but I don't give myself a pass to be a b***h because I'm having anxiety. F that. Own up to your s**t.

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Ionescu Popa
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem with the mental health is it only points towards those who can't adapt to this mad society. All the others - psychopaths who take leadership positions, sociopaths who commit smaller crimes or abuses - get a blank check to new felonies. Fix your society and then demand apologies! All these jerks got away (at least in this life) because they demanded apologies with the whip in their hand. They should fell the whip here, too, so anyone can learn something. My opinion is they are born evil so the can be processed immediately, before affecting anyone else.

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KombatBunni
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate people using mental health issues as an excuse to be an assh*le to everyone and not apologising for it. I've lived with people like that and it's just exhausting. I have a mental health condition, and I have lost my temper because of it but I will apologize and take responsibility for it. People who don't will get told to take a hike and take their sh*t with them..

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Darcey Young
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think it's important to apologise because you never know what the person you've lashed out at is dealing with themselves. If you behaviour impacts on someone else you need to recognise that and apologise, whatever the root of that behaviour. I had to walk away from a friend who repeatedly hurt me by saying the most hateful things when she was struggling with depression. She expected me to be her punchbag and yet if I ever did anything that she felt wasn't supporting her the way she wanted she would make me apologise about it for months. She could be lovely when she was well, but after several years I decided I couldn't take it any more. She said she was ill and that expecting her to apologise wasn't fair. I tried so hard to be supportive but it was never enough. We don't speak now, she still tells people how bad I am for walking away, but I decided I couldn't let her stamp all over my mental heath just because she was struggling.

james_fox1984 avatar
I’m Foxxy and I know it 😉
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I very much agree. I know my mental health effects my moods and I have taken it out on others but I always apologise. Just because I have mental health issues does not give me an excuse to be horrible and get away with it.

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Ausrine Ciapaite
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It really depends on the situation. Some people are trying to get better and they need all the support and patience available. Some people don't seek help but at the same time avoid "burdening" others. Some don't treat themselves and use their illness as a way to get things their way. Some do seek help but at the same time are afraid to heal. Last 2 cases are "woundology" cases. When person consciously or unconsciously don't want to heal because they gain something out of it (attention, money, exemption, etc.). It is actually quite a big problem.

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Elaine Tabor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m going to get downvoted to death but all this sounds like to me is constant anxiety attacks because after a stack I feel awful and like a burden. And also it’s spreading the idea that people with mental illness can stop and are bad for having these episodes. Some of you are probably going to downvote this but I’m tired of the story of mental illness being about those who don’t live with it

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HooowlAtTheMoon
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have to admit I have done this before. I did for a long time, not even realizing it was wrong and frankly pretty annoying to others. My friend kind of blew up on me about it, and that's when I realized what I was doing wasn't okay. I had been brushing off my friends suggestions, I had been saying no to therapy, I had been caring more about myself than others, and I would kind of brush their problems away and talk about myself. When she blew up on me, telling me I don't respect her and that I'm too self-absorbed and just seem to want pity, I promised her and myself and everyone else who had to deal with me being like that that I would improve myself and I would learn to accept peoples suggestions and respect them and help them through their problems, because bad mental health isn't something to keep just to get pity out of, it's something you need to try to get rid of, because it is unhealthy. I thank my friend for snapping me out of that, I'm much better off now.

idrow avatar
Id row
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This so goes against the common entitlement attitude and refusal to take responsibility for your actions that's so prevalent today, that's why this person is getting backlash on it. If I had a physical condition that caused me to break something in someone's house, like from a seizure or fall or something, would I be entitled to not apologize because an illness caused it? Same thing here. You don't get to treat people like an emotional punching bag and just have the 'deal with it, I get to do this' mentality.

ceecu1985 avatar
ceecu33
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’m indifferent to this. Sure I agree that we should take responsibility for our actions and apologize if we offend others, but at the same time as someone who has extreme anxiety and can have a tantrum as described...I literally can’t help if. When I’m having an attack I’m extremely irrational and it takes some time for me to cool off. I will apologize for my behavior, but I don’t deserve to be wrote off. No one is perfect and people with anxiety are just like anyone else, imperfect and should be accepted for those flaws just like everyone else. That’s my 2 cents

deathrose avatar
deathrose
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have asperger's. When I was a child that didnt exist and was diagnosed with ADHD. My mother was always high and neglectful, my step father was abusive in every possible way. I never received any medication for my condition. My father got custody of my see sister and me before high school. As a teenager I was depressed and angry thinking no one understood me. I lashed out at people and had no friends (I don't blame them,I was awful.) In college, all that changed. Puberty ended, I stabilized emotionally and I learned how to recognize my actions. I apologized to people I did them wrong. You will never learn to heal and cope if you cant recognize your own destructive behaviours. I bless my parents for never putting me on medication.

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Leo Domitrix
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being an a**hole isn't part of mental illness. it's a rotten coping mechanism for mental illness in some people, but it's not the fault of the illness. Diagnosed with PTSD, still fight every day to make sure my hell stays *mine*, so I don't do to anyone the shi* that gave me the PTSD. Peace.

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Sunny Topia
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Remember if you make someone feels bad and didn't apologise just because you have a mental illness.. I just want you to know that 'THANK YOU' for bringing another human to mental health issues..😑😮‍💨

robertthoren avatar
Robert Thoren
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Remembered this from 2 years ago and couldn't find the original tweet because the account got suspended, but i needed to reread it for peace of mind and see everyone's additions to it. This tweet saved my relationship in it's early days because it gave voice to something I didn't know how to express about what I was experiencing.

mollycampbell avatar
Molly Campbell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is too simplistic though. It took me a decade to get my proper diagnosis, serious love-sitting treatments, and the right meds. I've apologized profusely to the people I love, but I wasn't "ignoring" my symptoms or my mental illness. I wasn't just willing them away. I was actively working with several medical professionals and I was desperate. This was after I finally had insurance though- before that I was just an unwell person on my own, couldn't afford a doctor or meds. It took almost a year to get into some volunteer clinics, but even then I couldn't afford the meds. You wouldn't blame a cancer patient who can't afford treatment or who isn't responding they way they hope to treatment, for still having symptoms. You don't get a free pass if you hurt someone, but don't forget that mental illness often isn't "solved" when the patient is trying their hardest to prioritize mental health. It just isn't.

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shyanna banana
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i agree with quill and i had a friend just the other day lie to my best friend saying she liked him and they were dating and she wrote on a paper that she didn't like him and tried to punch me she said if he finds out her plans of getting her made up mental problems under control would be missed up they broke up i guess this doesn't relate but i mean ya

d_pitbull avatar
D. Pitbull
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes!!! Been on both ends and seen both ends in action. The person who essentially sabotaged someone else's work and made their daily life a living nightmare, complete with humiliation in front of customers...this person knew the moment they said: "I have deep insecurity and depression issues" they'd be 100% forgiven and allowed to continue their tyranny. I have bailed on many events before due to anxiety/depression/etc... and finally realized, guess what??? I dont' have the right to screw up other people's plans just because "I'm ill". Fortunately I wasn't able to use that as an excuse often... as Asians don't treat those who are mentally ill 'nicely'. Many of the 'old guard' believe the mentally ill need to all be locked up. Bottom line... those who use it as an excuse rather than explanation and are not even TRYING to cope or get better ... 1/2

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SBW71
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree. I get sometimes it can't be helped (if it's legit) but more and more you hear this one excuse for everything in the news now and it's getting old.

teeshyhedding avatar
teeshy hedding
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend at school and I have always been really annoyed because that's all she ever talks about, this had made me realise that I'm not a Mean person, thanks for posting!

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Boaty McBoatface
Community Member
4 years ago

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Yet you can be acquitted for murder because you have a mental illness

firstlastother124 avatar
knittin' kitten
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes but that does not mean you shouldn't feel sorry for what you did. If you're not deemed responsible for murder you probably will be committed into a special place for the criminally insane so you can't do it again. Nobody is safe in public if they can say I'm too crazy to be held responsible for someone's death. Mental illness which I'm all too familiar with myself. I have somatic anxiety depression bipolar OCD amongst other things. I have been the teen using it as a crutch to be an a*****e. Fast forward 15 years and it doesn't work. You have responsibility to everyone around you to be at your best. It's ok to make mistakes if you're responsible

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