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Do Men Expect Women To Do Everything? I Illustrated My Conversation With My Wife About Cleaning And Chores
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Do Men Expect Women To Do Everything? I Illustrated My Conversation With My Wife About Cleaning And Chores

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I’m Robert and I’m an ordinary salary otter from Singapore! I started writing comics because I wanted to create content that is relatable, explores social or psychological issues, and is inspired by real-life events.

This particular guide was inspired by a conversation with my wife about cleaning around the house after we had an argument regarding this topic. After we talked, I discovered that there were a lot of hidden expectations!

All in all, I think it led me to learn a few things about expectations and the mental load overall. I suddenly realized I had been putting a lot of pressure on her at home without even realizing it. After trying my best to understand the mental burden that women face in society, we grew closer in a totally new way. Sometimes, it’s worth remembering that men may not realize the mental burden that women face every day. So here’s to understanding it better with a helpful guide (comic)!

What I hope to achieve with this comic is to have males understand and consider the pressure their partners might be facing and hopefully to also learn to shoulder some of that burden as well. After all, it creates a stronger bond in a relationship!

Given all of that, I’d also like to add, that I’ve gotten an overwhelming response from readers, so I translated the comic to Spanish and Mandarin for ease of sharing, and it can be found on my social media platforms down below!

More info: Facebook | Instagram | twitter.com

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gabriel_waliser avatar
Gabe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The kitchen is never not dirty. I can be home on the weekends and spend the entire day in the kitchen cleaning and it is never truly done.

booksfeedthemind avatar
Donna Leske
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not an exaggeration. I can totally Spring-clean the kitchen, feel all satisfied and then realize I missed one of the following; a. thoroughly clean out under the sink. b. pull out stove and refrigerator, clean back + bottom of them, wall and floor. c. backsplashes, ugg, they may not show it but should be washed.

Load More Replies...
andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks. This is something that men and boys need to learn. Even nowadays when most women work as much as men they are still expected to do most if not all housechores. In my life I have only met one couple where he does his fair share without her nagging and him complaining.

hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mental load... wow that really does sum up the essence of one of the biggest domestic disconnects. Women (or sometimes men) don't want to have to manage and assign the chores. We want out partner (or roommate or child) to see that something needs to be done and do it. I appreciate the language to express this. Thank you.

james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

2 most hated things for me is dishes and appointments. They just never end. Just this week I have 5 appts to go to. Next week is 3 appts and 1 meeting (for now). Keeping on top of everything is a real struggle.

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was in grad school I mentioned that not only was I teaching, grading, writing my dissertation, raising a son, doing housework and all the rest, the guys who were in the grad program and protested that they did a lot of the work at home. I said "did you buy the groceries?" And they would always say yes. So then I asked "did you buy the shampoo?" Now all the women graduate students got it. Because that it something you keep track of, you don't just run out and say "oh, buy shampoo or garbage sacks or soap" because you keep track of it. For the most part, you have to tell men to buy those things because they don't "keep track". That isn't a put down, it is just a fact. Most women don't really "pay attention" to getting the oil changed in their car, unless their dad or brother or a friend, mentions it. Mostly in a marriage, the husband takes care of it. Now don't go all "rolesplaing" on me. You know perfectly well this happens, you are probably exquisitely different.

yomoah_doreenakiyo avatar
Yelena Yardeen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I legitimately don't know any women who won't know that their Cars need routine maintenance and take their cars for said maintenance

Load More Replies...
teresa_mozart avatar
Ahimsa Soul
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Great tips! One of the things that saved me a LOT of time was getting rid of carpets. I only use bamboo mats.

jadewilliamson89 avatar
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes do not wait for your spouse to ASK you to do something. Learn to know when it needs to be done, like an adult, and do it yourself. Especially if both people are working then both people should do chores without being asked.

virgilblue avatar
Virgil Blue
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg. Roombabyotter! Good tips, I admit I sometimes try to skip vacuuming because its so damn loud. Maybe I should try N.C. 🎧

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one of the reasons I live in a small 1BR instead of buying a damn house - the amount of everyday work involved! I hate housework, and as a confirmed bachelor, there's nobody to do it but me, and I don't want to spend all my free time cleaning and vacuuming! Sure, some is unavoidable, but I chose this place because it's low maintenance and a basic clean can be done in an hour or two. My dream home is a tiny house with no rugs to vacuum, no lawn to mow, etc. Why give your life over to housework.

alisa-fender avatar
Honu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm all for living with a smaller footprint, but as far as housework, it's really the kitchens and bath that make the most work.

Load More Replies...
oriolus_ avatar
New Prometheus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every 3-4 uses? Vacuuming twice a week? Come on... Lower standards.

brendanroberts avatar
Brendan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't know that there are so many germs in the kitchen sink. I better give it a scrub! However, laundry once a week? Are they naturists? It's once a day (sometimes twice) for us.

katri-in-nz avatar
Aroha
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends on family size and life style... I do 1-2 loads per week :).

Load More Replies...
yt avatar
avichayail avatar
Chaya Herrebrugh-Wachtmeester
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Daily a quick vacuum of the main routes in the house plus the couch. Once a week for the harder to reach spots. Dusting the whole house daily, with a swiffer. If I don't, dust will be visible the next day.

Load More Replies...
leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No carpets, and I have a spray bottle of rubbing alcohol for a *lot* of frequently touched surfaces (doorknobs, light switches, handles, etc.). Saves a TON of trouble.

isabellagalluzzo19 avatar
Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Did you know your phone carries 18 times more germs than a toilet?” Me: *Yeets phone and gets Clorox wipes*

surajar avatar
Suraj A R
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Robert is an imposter, he is actually Monica from F.R.I.E.N.D.S !!!

info_1112 avatar
Smart Bond Cleaning Brisbane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think not every women should do all the house work. Man should help their wife and partners too.

lindsay4410 avatar
Lindsay J
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I have a shared google calendar. I'm not going to be that mom who is responsible for literally every child appointment, every doctor's appointment, every playdate, every "we need a gift for timmy's birthday" --- My dad literally never knew any of that stuff and I can't imagine my mom's brain having to handle all that s**t by herself. We keep this calendar together, and both of us can access it and add to it, and we both take the initiative to look at it to know what's going on.

mikolajwitkowski_1 avatar
Mikołaj Witkowski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem is that there is no objective standard of how often you need to do some things. If one person wants to change the bed sheets everyday and the other person doesn't agree it is needed or even good, it's not that the latter person is not helping if they do not want to do it. There is a difference between helping with both parties think is needed and what only one does.

coaky1 avatar
Colette Connor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have a chat with your partner and see what they like (or rather don't hate) doing too. I absolute hate drying dishes and my partner hates washing them so we divide and conquer. I hate emptying bins, he hates vacuuming so we do them for each other. :)

f_h_ avatar
F. H.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many phones can't be desinfected even with wipes. The manifacturers simply put no thought in it and use materials that are often vulnerable to alcohol or other substances used as desinfectant.

geri-jernigans avatar
Toast Of Saint Louis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some expect it but I just say no. I have to be really into you to cook, clean, iron, or even have sex.

blaasdf2 avatar
Hugo Raible
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Well done, Rob, I'm sure your wife will you reward well for that tonight. Also, get some help for the irrational fear of germs. And stop assuming that just because you were lazy in the past it is a problem in every (or even many) household(s).

ificouldiwouldliveunderwater avatar
If I could I would live under water
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rewarding him for doing the absolute normal amount of work every partner, male or female should be doing? Did he reward his wife every time she did something? You know he's not her Kid, right?

Load More Replies...
markfuller avatar
Mark Fuller
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Just wondering... if I spend hours drawing cartoons about the work I ought to be doing, rather than actually doing the work itself, I'm pretty sure my other half would be mightily pissed off!

samuelzhao avatar
Samuel Zhao
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Robert: Don’t listen to stereotypes and be sexist Also Robert: Happy wife, happy life

quinnfanning avatar
Ze_Plague1doctor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well if someone is not happy you must talk it out. And from what I see from just your FEW WORDS that need this so if you wanna go “hAppY wIfE hAppY fAmilY” what you need to know that if ANYONE in your family does not feel comfortable and is have problems with mental health or physical problems then you have to use the last chart this guy made AND STUDY IT and don’t go talking like that until you do.

Load More Replies...
gabriel_waliser avatar
Gabe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The kitchen is never not dirty. I can be home on the weekends and spend the entire day in the kitchen cleaning and it is never truly done.

booksfeedthemind avatar
Donna Leske
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not an exaggeration. I can totally Spring-clean the kitchen, feel all satisfied and then realize I missed one of the following; a. thoroughly clean out under the sink. b. pull out stove and refrigerator, clean back + bottom of them, wall and floor. c. backsplashes, ugg, they may not show it but should be washed.

Load More Replies...
andreavilarmelego avatar
Ozacoter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks. This is something that men and boys need to learn. Even nowadays when most women work as much as men they are still expected to do most if not all housechores. In my life I have only met one couple where he does his fair share without her nagging and him complaining.

hazelree avatar
Stille20
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mental load... wow that really does sum up the essence of one of the biggest domestic disconnects. Women (or sometimes men) don't want to have to manage and assign the chores. We want out partner (or roommate or child) to see that something needs to be done and do it. I appreciate the language to express this. Thank you.

james_fox1984 avatar
Foxxy (The Original)
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

2 most hated things for me is dishes and appointments. They just never end. Just this week I have 5 appts to go to. Next week is 3 appts and 1 meeting (for now). Keeping on top of everything is a real struggle.

mjw0sysascend_com avatar
lara
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was in grad school I mentioned that not only was I teaching, grading, writing my dissertation, raising a son, doing housework and all the rest, the guys who were in the grad program and protested that they did a lot of the work at home. I said "did you buy the groceries?" And they would always say yes. So then I asked "did you buy the shampoo?" Now all the women graduate students got it. Because that it something you keep track of, you don't just run out and say "oh, buy shampoo or garbage sacks or soap" because you keep track of it. For the most part, you have to tell men to buy those things because they don't "keep track". That isn't a put down, it is just a fact. Most women don't really "pay attention" to getting the oil changed in their car, unless their dad or brother or a friend, mentions it. Mostly in a marriage, the husband takes care of it. Now don't go all "rolesplaing" on me. You know perfectly well this happens, you are probably exquisitely different.

yomoah_doreenakiyo avatar
Yelena Yardeen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I legitimately don't know any women who won't know that their Cars need routine maintenance and take their cars for said maintenance

Load More Replies...
teresa_mozart avatar
Ahimsa Soul
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Great tips! One of the things that saved me a LOT of time was getting rid of carpets. I only use bamboo mats.

jadewilliamson89 avatar
Jade Lynn - Panda's Brat
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes do not wait for your spouse to ASK you to do something. Learn to know when it needs to be done, like an adult, and do it yourself. Especially if both people are working then both people should do chores without being asked.

virgilblue avatar
Virgil Blue
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Omg. Roombabyotter! Good tips, I admit I sometimes try to skip vacuuming because its so damn loud. Maybe I should try N.C. 🎧

donotreplytokjk avatar
Otter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one of the reasons I live in a small 1BR instead of buying a damn house - the amount of everyday work involved! I hate housework, and as a confirmed bachelor, there's nobody to do it but me, and I don't want to spend all my free time cleaning and vacuuming! Sure, some is unavoidable, but I chose this place because it's low maintenance and a basic clean can be done in an hour or two. My dream home is a tiny house with no rugs to vacuum, no lawn to mow, etc. Why give your life over to housework.

alisa-fender avatar
Honu
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm all for living with a smaller footprint, but as far as housework, it's really the kitchens and bath that make the most work.

Load More Replies...
oriolus_ avatar
New Prometheus
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Every 3-4 uses? Vacuuming twice a week? Come on... Lower standards.

brendanroberts avatar
Brendan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I didn't know that there are so many germs in the kitchen sink. I better give it a scrub! However, laundry once a week? Are they naturists? It's once a day (sometimes twice) for us.

katri-in-nz avatar
Aroha
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Depends on family size and life style... I do 1-2 loads per week :).

Load More Replies...
yt avatar
avichayail avatar
Chaya Herrebrugh-Wachtmeester
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Daily a quick vacuum of the main routes in the house plus the couch. Once a week for the harder to reach spots. Dusting the whole house daily, with a swiffer. If I don't, dust will be visible the next day.

Load More Replies...
leodomitrix avatar
Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No carpets, and I have a spray bottle of rubbing alcohol for a *lot* of frequently touched surfaces (doorknobs, light switches, handles, etc.). Saves a TON of trouble.

isabellagalluzzo19 avatar
Bella, Your Kitty-Loving Queen
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“Did you know your phone carries 18 times more germs than a toilet?” Me: *Yeets phone and gets Clorox wipes*

surajar avatar
Suraj A R
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Robert is an imposter, he is actually Monica from F.R.I.E.N.D.S !!!

info_1112 avatar
Smart Bond Cleaning Brisbane
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think not every women should do all the house work. Man should help their wife and partners too.

lindsay4410 avatar
Lindsay J
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband and I have a shared google calendar. I'm not going to be that mom who is responsible for literally every child appointment, every doctor's appointment, every playdate, every "we need a gift for timmy's birthday" --- My dad literally never knew any of that stuff and I can't imagine my mom's brain having to handle all that s**t by herself. We keep this calendar together, and both of us can access it and add to it, and we both take the initiative to look at it to know what's going on.

mikolajwitkowski_1 avatar
Mikołaj Witkowski
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem is that there is no objective standard of how often you need to do some things. If one person wants to change the bed sheets everyday and the other person doesn't agree it is needed or even good, it's not that the latter person is not helping if they do not want to do it. There is a difference between helping with both parties think is needed and what only one does.

coaky1 avatar
Colette Connor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Have a chat with your partner and see what they like (or rather don't hate) doing too. I absolute hate drying dishes and my partner hates washing them so we divide and conquer. I hate emptying bins, he hates vacuuming so we do them for each other. :)

f_h_ avatar
F. H.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many phones can't be desinfected even with wipes. The manifacturers simply put no thought in it and use materials that are often vulnerable to alcohol or other substances used as desinfectant.

geri-jernigans avatar
Toast Of Saint Louis
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some expect it but I just say no. I have to be really into you to cook, clean, iron, or even have sex.

blaasdf2 avatar
Hugo Raible
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Well done, Rob, I'm sure your wife will you reward well for that tonight. Also, get some help for the irrational fear of germs. And stop assuming that just because you were lazy in the past it is a problem in every (or even many) household(s).

ificouldiwouldliveunderwater avatar
If I could I would live under water
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rewarding him for doing the absolute normal amount of work every partner, male or female should be doing? Did he reward his wife every time she did something? You know he's not her Kid, right?

Load More Replies...
markfuller avatar
Mark Fuller
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Just wondering... if I spend hours drawing cartoons about the work I ought to be doing, rather than actually doing the work itself, I'm pretty sure my other half would be mightily pissed off!

samuelzhao avatar
Samuel Zhao
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Robert: Don’t listen to stereotypes and be sexist Also Robert: Happy wife, happy life

quinnfanning avatar
Ze_Plague1doctor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well if someone is not happy you must talk it out. And from what I see from just your FEW WORDS that need this so if you wanna go “hAppY wIfE hAppY fAmilY” what you need to know that if ANYONE in your family does not feel comfortable and is have problems with mental health or physical problems then you have to use the last chart this guy made AND STUDY IT and don’t go talking like that until you do.

Load More Replies...
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