Domestic abuse and violence against women are rightfully condemned, loudly and publicly, as utterly criminal and wrong under any circumstances. However abuse doesn’t stop there. There are countless forms of less obvious, insidious abuse that affects people of both genders, non-physical abuse that most of us are kinda expected to just put up with. Especially men.
The hashtag #maybeshedoesnthityou is trending on Twitter, and it’s a real eye-opener. Men are sharing their personal stories of manipulation and emotional abuse, and it’s highlighting all kinds of problematic behavior. Perhaps instead of being told to just “suck it up and take it like a man,” guys will be able to express their emotions more honestly, and learn that being treated like crap is not ‘normal.’
Scroll down to check out some examples below, and let us know what you think in the comments.
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Being told to 'man up' is very hurtful, especially when you're just trying to communicate.
This happened to my son. His girlfriend had him falsely arrested, came to my home and spinned me a story and when I stood by my son she kept my granddaughter away. When it got to court the judge asked questions that my sons lawyer hadn't asked and she admitted she lied. It absolutely broke my son. He's never been the same since. I hate her!
Because you aren't helping pay the bills or to take care of her? If the first, find a new job, the second - find a new girlfriend.
I've dealt with gaslighting from both (sic) genders, including a parent. I was told, in a rare moment of honesty, that if I could be made to doubt myself for one second, they then had complete control of the dialogue and me.
No one gets through life without being emotionally damaged in some way. It's part of "life experience".
Or subjected to weeks of guilt tripping, cold shoulder, and 'Nothings wrong, you should know why I'm upset' because you went out to coffee with a friend while they were at work.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your heart is precious. I hope you have lots of friends who can help you--family? There are also many support groups. I also hope she is no longer in your life.
I promise you there are many people who will be kind and treat you with the respect you deserve. You never have to accept cruelty. You deserve to be happy. Being alone is better than this. I promise you.
And then later she'll complain that you're a bad father that does nothing and doesn't care about his kids... I've seen it happen.
See, but doing something like either of those suggestions would involve her losing control and him being allowed to interact with others that might notice the abuse and suggest he leave, people that he might actually listen to.
as soon as you stop lying to your self that you need her or even want her you will be fine that being said i know it is not easy just try to stay mentally sound till you gain the courage
Women don't hold a monopoly on emotions. It's so sad to see that many women are stuck in the middle ages when it comes to perceived gender norms.
Oh please leave, you deserve better than this. Always remember, dating is like a car test-drive. Not every car will be your best fit, but every car is someone's best fit. If you don't like the car for your life, it doesn't mean that the car isn't a good car or a valuable car, it's just not "your" car. Go find your Porsche.
A lot of mentaly ill People, rope in the People arround them like that. They maybe can not help it or just won`t, but just know, you are a free Person, everything you do is voluntarily done, you can leave in an instance, you can demand, you can lead the way, you can be strong, you can make your voice be heard.
i think this one needs a bit more context, what if she's mentally ill, and starving herself not to guilt trip you, but because she's genuinely depressed, and her friends are concerned. what if she's unstable and couldn't handle the breakup? what if you're ignoring her and blocking her out without telling her why? then again she could just be a snake but ya know, we need context
If a friend of mine tried to commit suicide and blamed the SO I would NOT support them staying in the relationship. This whole situation is messed up.
It is beyond sad that she received no consequences for physically abusing you, and utterly sick that people laughed it off. The system needs to change, now.
Oh this is a big one I deal with on a constant basis especially when she throws out "You had all the free time after work to yourself and then you want to go out away from me on the weekend??" Mine you I get home real late and many times only have a few hours at most to get dinner and try relaxing before heading to bed to start another extremely stressful day of non stop work without a real lunch break sometimes (Walking around the office with a cup of noodles going to client desks to work on computer issues so they can go on lunch). Being part of a paintball team kind of requires some weekends that I have to be away and she has been invited, and showed interest, but has a hatred of a friend that has no real good reason behind it outside of he wouldn't let her become a roommate again because of tensions between the other roommates causing issues that would cause her PTSD issues to flare up.
My son is currently in a abusive marriage, though I'm not sure he sees it that way. My DIL has made certain that his family doesn't see their baby boy. Now they're moving. He'll never know how much we love our only grandchild. So sad. All to appease her fragile ego.
maybe it is not about still loving her? Maybe It is about you saying when- when it is finally enough to leave an unhealthy relationship, sometimes love just is not enough and sometimes that hurts the most. Still, better by yourself, than beeing constantly distanced from yourself for the sake of said relationship. Maybe you are worth more?
I hate people who make false accusations. They are so vastly out numbered by people making real accusations and often not receiving any justice but they draw all the attention and make it even harder for real victims to be believed.
She's not meant to say it but to be it...and then you tell it to her...
Been there, had it happen, council people who are now going through it after learning how to detect it.
Her relationship with me ended about 4 years ago. My relationship with her ended 6 months ago, when she told me she made an offer on a house.
Next time , you end it and walk away ... don’t make it a threat, make it a promise
The spelling is correct, they just missed the apostrophe, it should be "you're".
I am so sorry. Run. Run fast and far. Find people who celebrate you, not ignore your journey and struggles to get to a place where you can be you.
I think this is a common way of letting someone know you aren't interested in a romantic relationship anymore, and it sucks because it's not clear words presented with the respect of a face-to-face conversation. It's the coward's way out. Sorry this happened to you.
Who the fuck cares about the care? The car is a tool, not a measurement of "manliness".
I'm so glad they're speaking up about this. It goes both ways, and no one is excused for being abusive in any form. Ladies shouldn't think their partners are immune to abuse and manipulation just because (many of them) may be physically bigger. Both sides need to sacrifice, listen, and nurture.
Yes, yes, yes. As a woman.
Toxic people can be any gender.
No argument there. Sick of those women that make us all (the majority) look bad. Because most of us aren't.
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Aha. That's whataboutism at its finest.
Sorry, I may have misread your comment, at least I hope so. Please ignore the previous reply.
It's sad that it needs to be posted so people realize that SOME women are bitches too, just like SOME men are...hopefully it's not the majority, but we need to stop acting like we, girls, are all perfect and boys are mean...There are flaws on both sides...mental pain can be just as hard as physical.
It's not "being a bitch". It's being an abuser. "Bitches" are unpleasant. Abuse is harm.
Speak for yourself, girl. Because I, my sisters, my mom, my female friends, my working colleagues, and many other acquaintances definitely don't act like this. The ones you're talking about are a very common sight on the internet, though....
She literally capitalized the word "some", dude...
There's also the part where, even if we don't do it ourselves, we have behaviours that allow it to happen. I don't have any of my friends who I know would do this, but then I was never in a relationship with them, so I can't know that for sure. No one can. And it's more than likely that we've had a comment about a guy who was being pushed around by his girlfriend that ended up along the lines of 'toughen up'. That's not helping.
To Ego. She literally wrote " we need to stop acting like (...)", but I DID miss the "hopefully it's not the majority" part. So, yes, my bad.
Wow I really liked hearing these things. From my perspective of life, it feels I've only been taught men are the ones who break a woman's trust, and that it's much more rare for the woman to be hitting or controlling the man. There are definitely other forms of abuse, and this was really important for me to read, opens my mind a little more.
Yikes. Yes, we all need to realize that these things are done by and to men and women both. This thread includes a ton of examples of gaslighting, manipulation, isolation from friends, and other abuse behaviours which are dangerous and may even be only the beginning. For example I know that one of the signs that precipitates physical abuse is when a man (probably anyone) tries to take you away from your friends and family, either physically (geographically) or by destroying trust. And gaslighting (telling a person that something did or didn't happen (when the opposite is true), over and over until they start to question their own sanity). That one is *incredibly* dangerous. I hope all of these people find the strength to get out of these toxic relationships, and I hope people can begin to learn to recognize these signs. There needs to be more education on this topic, for *everyone*.
i am all for men speaking up - its hard -
Mental abuse (silent treatment, withholding etc.) can do just as much harm as physical abuse.
Totally agree with you that mental abuse can be just as harmful (sometimes even worse), but is the silent treatment really considered mental abuse? I guess it depends to what extreme it's taken...
Mental abuse (silent treatment, withholding etc.) sorry that is emotional abuse not mental abuse as they are damaging to your emotional relatiosnhip, but still good examples of DA
Reading these tweets is empowering, yet sad as well for me personally. I had been in an abusive relationship with a woman for over 6 years and in addition to a most of the manipulation tactics listed here she DID hit me. More often than I care to admit. Nothing is more humiliating than getting slapped, called names, being told "I hate you", treated like a child, cheated on, isolated from friends, and generally made to feel worthless. But before anyone judges and says "why didn't you leave?", it was not that simple. Emotional abuse is complicated if you actually love the person doing the abusing and you you are suffering from low self-esteem as I was. Thankfully, I am out of the situation and have spent years rebuilding myself, but the scars remain. Guys (and girls), do NOT tolerate abuse like I did. The minute you get abused and you turn the other cheek, try and rationalize it, or otherwise tolerate it, you only serve to empower your abuser. Get out while you can.
I'm sorry you have to go through that. Abusers know how to hold control. Leaving a toxic relationship is incredibly difficult. I'm glad that you managed to get out and are doing better.
Also for the suicide and self-harm threats - obviously if you know your partner has mental health issues you should try to support them (not fix them) but you are NOT responsible for someone else's emotional and mental health if it is at the expense of your own.
This right here is what I'm interested in. I don't just want to here how women are standing up to abuse. I want to hear how men handle it to because we don't like to acknowledge that we put men in a difficult position of always being on top and always being in charge and giving them no outlet for their feelings.