Telling a person you’re not romantically into them should be enough to stop them from making any further move. It, in fact, should stop the conversation altogether.
But ask any woman and they'll tell you it’s not always the case. In fact, many claim that nice guys, a term used in dating culture to refer to an insecure man who expects his kindness to be rewarded with physical affection, are notorious for not taking their hints.
And that’s how women end up in extremely uncomfortable situations where not only are their wishes not respected, but their private space is denied significance.
“What’s your most uncomfortable experience with someone who 'can’t take a hint?'” someone asked on the Ask Women subreddit and the thread turned into a hell of a read with women sharing their worst encounters.
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Had older man smile at me in the street and said something like "aren't you a darling" I didn't smile back and kept on moving I went to a shop and he followed me in there and kept winking and smiling at me.. following me from aisle to aisle.
I didn't give any eye contact and just tried to make it look like I was busy shopping.
He walked past me nudging into me and said "you could at least smile you effin b***h"
It was only a short event but made me feel so uncomfortable.
I find it disgusting how some men believe they are entitled to a woman's attention just because they look at her, smile at her or speak to her, and then get angry when she doesn't respond.
This is where you shout NO THANK YOU and the top of your lungs and then stare until they walk away.
If someone tells you to smile, give a vampire-like hiss and matching smile. Scares 'em away faster than a police car with flashing lights!
Those men aren't used to women standing up to them. Should it happen again, first make sure you are surrounded by people and if they do talk to you, just give them a deadstare, not engage in communication.... Just stare. And at least have some bugs pray in your purse, works better then hairspray and is not considered a hidden weapon. Make sure when you're outside you have the wind in your back though ;)
Reply: You could at least taken a hint and buzzed off the first time, you old wanker!!! *Out loud*
Violence is an acceptable answer, as is getting up in his face and actuall then BEING an effin b, which he clearly wanted to see.
I really want to say "not all men" but, jeez, sometimes it seems like it might be almost all men
I love the comment I read recently from a woman now taking cues from her crabby 2 yr old. Scream "NO!!!" in their face then just stare blankly at them until they slither away. If they speak instead, repeat that "NO!!!" until it sinks in.
Me and two friends brought our kids to the zoo. It was the dead of summer and Audubon has a cool zoo which is a lazy river, some slides for smaller kids, splash pads, you know the layout. I’m in a bikini top with shorts, nothing revealing, literally an average cut top. This f*****g guy decided to sit directly next to us when there was a myriad of empty places to sit, as time goes he chimes in on conversations, and asks me if I wanted anything from the snack/drink stand. I made it clear I was married, showed the ring and said I don’t want you to get the wrong idea here. He downplayed it, still bought me a $5 lemonade which I refused because that made me super uncomfortable.
He overheard my name and then proceeded to call me by my name which then infuriated me so we picked up our stuff and moved. This f*****g guy follows us to the other side where the slides and stuff are so one of my friends let him have it. He tried the whole “I was just being nice” rebuttal. Huge red flag. I told him if he sat next to us again I’d empty my bottle of pepper spray into his eyes.
Yeah, nothing weird about a random guy sitting in the kids area by himself overtly flirting with women who clearly have kids and are more than likely in a relationship because of said kids.
I'm not flirting, I'm being polite and friendly during my shift as a receptionist. Please, don't invite me to your party/room/country every single time.
That's every day.
There is this German song "Thekenmädchen" by Versengold: "Never, never, never fall in love With the girl behind the bar No matter how beautiful she is No matter how thirsty you are It's her job to like you!"
I was at a con one time. It was late night, everyone was drinking. I had to grab a charger from my car before walking over to the hotel to sleep. This random dude who had flirted with me throughout the night here and there saw me and followed me. He kept saying he was protecting me and didn't want me to drive drunk.
I explained I wasn't driving anywhere and asked him to please leave me alone but he followed me anyways. I was like okay, no big deal. I thought he'd go after he saw I wasn't getting in the car but he just kinda lingered there. I asked him to leave but nothing happened. It was like 3am and I wanted to sleep. So I started walking over to my room which was like 50ft away on the ground level.
This mf followed me just monologuing about protecting me and when I went to close the door between us he stopped it with his hand and wouldn't budge. I got behind it and was shoving it trying to close it. Luckily my friend who was staying separately saw me struggling and yanked the guy away from the door. I've never felt so helpless in my life and it flashes through my mind any time someone flirts with me in an environment with alcohol.
When I was around 18, a guy who I had met earlier in the day (while shopping at his workplace) showed up at my workplace (a restaurant), sat at the bar and got drunk, and proceeded to follow me out to my car when I left for the evening. I was as clear as I could be as an "unexperienced with creepy guy situations" that I was not interested in him and I really needed to get home. I didn't feel comfortable trying to get into my car because he was moving in closer and closer to me, trying to kiss me. Thankfully, the bartender, who I barely knew, saw out the window what was going on and came out to the parking lot, saying my dad was on the phone looking for me. I ran back inside the building, and the bartender proceeded to have "words" with the guy in the parking lot. Never saw the guy again, and I will be forever grateful to the bartender for stepping in.
It's just amazing that people still drink too much when they must know they do stupid shite when drunk... Good thing you didn't get into your car and good thing that bartender knew to listen to his gut feeling.
A former neighbor who took an interest from nothing more than a "hello" in the lift. Started knocking on my door for random chats so I made it clear I wasn't interested. One night he knocked 7 times in one hour, he left notes asking if I wanted to go here and there, he found my FB and in my spam folder was over a 100 messages. He knocked one morning at 7am so I opened the door and basically told him to p**s off, he goes "you could have told me you weren't interested".
He then kept knocking because he wanted to take me out to apologize, ended up reporting him to our landlady who threatened to evict him for breaking the no antisocial behaviour part of his tenancy agreement and he left me alone.
Guy I'd been friends with for 6 years decided one night that I must have been interested in him all along. I was coming out of the bathroom at a party and he shoved me back in and kissed me. I shoved him away. He tried again while trying to lock the door.
I managed to dodge and asked what the f**k he was doing, told him I wasn't interested and leave me alone and then went to hide out with another guy friend. I told the other guy what the first one had done and that I needed him to help me ward off the attention. He agreed. And then invited me to a 3way with his girlfriend.
So I grabbed my s**t and started to leave. The first guy approached me again. I shouted at him in full view of everyone to leave me alone and flat out referred to the s**t in the bathroom as an attempted assault.
Marched out the door to my car and he followed me. He apologized and "explained" that he thought I had a crush on him. I'd known him so long, I tried to be understanding. I told him if he'd asked me out I probably would have said yes but this s**t wasn't the way to do things. I said if he did want to try it out he could call me in the morning and actually ask.
Instead he pinned me to the hood of my car and tried to kiss me again.
I ducked away and got in the car. Drove away. He did not call me the next morning and in fact we never spoke or saw each other again. I in fact lost all of my male friends in one night since they were all friends with him.
They were never your friends in the first place, if they didn't call out his sh**ty behaviour
A stranger talking to me at a bus stop. It was 06:00 in the morning and I needed to go to Uni. It was cold, I was wearing headphones and reading a book.
A short mumbled answer to a good morning made him try to talk to me. I went from nonverbal grunts to completely ignoring him. And when that didn't stop him, I told him "Sorry, I'm not in the mood for talking, it's way too early.". Didn't work. Next thing I told him straight "Dude, I don't want to talk to you. Shut up and p**s off!"
And guess what...it didn't really work too, he continued.
So I had to be more blunt and rude and told him I would give him a beating if he didn't stop right away.
That finally did the trick. Even though he still wanted to sit next to me in the nearly empty bus with plenty of other options. I stared him down with a raised fist and didn't move, so he didn't try that.
This! I just love how you handled this, not showing fear or discomfort, but telling it clear and simple and not backing down. Good job well done!
My sister’s roommate really liked me, but he was her boss and her roommate, so I was polite but nothing else.
After me frequently telling him that I was not interested in him, he left a golden box on my front step, and in it: a picture of my mom from college that he stole from my sister and a pair of my panties that he had also stolen from my house.
What made it extra creepy? He didn’t drive or have a car, *so he took an Uber* to leave a box with an adolescent picture of my mom and my underwear on my porch.
what exactly was he trying to accomplish here this guy needs mental help
Roger the Finger Sucker. I got cornered by him at a party and he started to recite sonnets to me. And as I was trying to figure out how to extricate myself from his body-blockage, while basically contorting myself as far as physically possible from him in the confined space I was now in, he took my hand and started sucking on my index finger. I can’t remember if it was outright WTF revulsion or laughing so hard that made him step back enough to let me skedaddle outta there. But Holy C**p
Tell him you have just picked something out of your butt with that finger
I was on my first ever solo trip and headed to Europe. Had my headphones in and a movie on my kindle fire and this guy has the audacity to keep touching my shoulder and talking to me! I’d covered myself with my blanket and was using the s******g airline pillow to create more of a barrier and also had my body angled away from him. But he kept going and one time tugged my damn headphone out! I finally just turned up my movie and anytime he tried to get ky attention held my tablet closer to my face. Unfortunately another young woman was on his other side and he then turned his attention towards her and her child. It took her nearly as long to get him to leave her alone. She finally had to tell him to shut up so her child could sleep as we’d been flying for hours at that point. That man had the f*****g audacity to complain the female flight attendant we weren’t being nice to him when they served drinks for the evening. She just looked at him and asked him if we knew him, he said no, and she said then we had no reason to humor him and to leave us alone
Next time please call the flight attendant way sooner. Guys liked that don't take hints...
I went on a date with someone I met on an app. We ate dinner and I was really forcing myself to be nice and be present when in reality I was pissed! The guy lied in all of his pictures and we literally had nothing to talk about. At the end of the night, I was walking back to my car when he pushed me against a wall and forced kissed me!!! I was literally turning my head side to side. And then he has the audacity to say “wow that was a great date and kiss. Let’s meet again.” I just said sure to get the heck away. I blocked him as soon as I got in my car and sped away super fast
If someone lies to you, don't stay, just leave. If they don't have the courtesy to be honest with you, then you don't need to take their lies. I'm sorry you got as assaulted by that creep, you didn't deserve that happening to you.
I went to a really bad school so I'm not really surprised this happened, but one time I was "asked out" by a guy, I say "asked out" cause he didn't really ask, he more so demanded. He said something along the lines of "You're my girl from now on." which is just creepy in an of itself, and when I said no, he got super pissed saying stuff like "Tf, I didn't ask, so how about you just accept it." so I booked it outta there.
The fact that you're not even surprised it happened, saddens me. I never get how parents fail to raise their sons to treat a woman like they would want their sister treated... Then again, for a number of parents, what you wrote is exactly how they were raised. You did good, proud of you!
Was at a party and met a fedora wearing guy who was absolutely obsessed with anime, he told me "By the end of the night you'll know 101 new things about anime!"
He then followed me and my friends around the party telling us random anime facts, it was super awkward and he wouldn't take the hint to leave us alone and I had never been so uncomfortable in my life, a friend even straight up told him "Leave us alone" and he would just snort and stick around.
Liking anime isn't the red flag here fyi, plenty of normal people love it and don't act like this lol sorry squid guy
Every time I’ve had weird men confessing their feelings for me. Like we spoke 2 or 3 times John, you cannot possibly be « in love » with me. They thought they were being romantic too.
I really don't get this. We've talked 2-3 times, just polite everyday stuff about our hobby, and then the guy is madly in love? Even worse, in my case, he knew I'm married and I made it clear I love my husband. It still took years to get rid of the"nice guy".
My ex-housemate couldn't take a hint to save his life. No matter how many times I slammed my bedroom door in his face, ignored him when he talked, or actively avoided him, he would still keep trying to talk/flirt with me. This was all after I had already rejected his romantic proposal. It went on for ~3 months until my lease was up and I moved out.
Also, he was 33 and I had just turned 20.
When I was 21, I worked at a casino as a cage cashier. It was the overnight shift, and I had so many creeps acting like I was flirting with them when I was just doing my job! One guy —who had to be 45–50 years old — just kept staring and smiling at me throughout his transaction. It sounds innocent but it was incredibly creepy and uncomfortable. He finally left (because a line started to form behind him) and a few hours later, at about two or three in the morning, the phone rang and it was him! He asked me if I remembered him, that he was in earlier and 'WE' couldn't stop smiling at each other! (I said I didn't remember him.) Then he asked me if I 'wanted to go party.' Seriously, ew
I was 15 and working at a local ice cream shop in the downtown area. I was in the back, making waffle cones, when I heard a knock on the window. This 60-some year old guy is waving to me, so I wave back and go back to paying attention to my cones. 20 minutes later, he’s still there watching me. I got nervous and went to the hallway, which is when he came in the shop. He asked my coworker how old I was, and she was kind enough to lie for me and said I was 13. He left after that.
One of my former roommates. He was a 28 year old man and I was 18. He tried to sleep with me because I was "18 now". I had to keep rejecting his advances and it was so uncomfortable but eventually he got kicked out by the landlord (I don't know if it was because I told the landlord he was being creepy towards me or other reasons. I guess he had issues with cocaine as well). When my landlord confronted him about him making unwanted sexual advances towards me I heard him saying I should have lost my virginity as 15 "like everybody else".
Anyways the weird part is years later I actually ran into him and he started hitting on me aggressively AGAIN but he had no recollection of who I was! I remembered him but he seemed to not have a clue who I was and tried to lure me back to his home when I was waiting for a greyhound bus en route to another city and I was sitting with my luggage. This maniac was trying to convince me to go to his home and I was trying to get him to understand that I can't leave because if I do I will miss my bus and get stranded in some random city. Then he took it upon himself to keep me company while I waited for my greyhound 😅🥲. He stayed with me until I boarded. He was also eating a mango and cutting it with a pocket knife. I was so uncomfortable that he had a knife and kept asking me to go back to his place with the knife in hand (even if he was only using it to cut fruit). I ended up stealing his knife when he wasn't paying attention. The dude was eccentric and was plucking public flowers and giving them to me.
Had some random guy sit down and join a friend and I at lunch. We were sooo clearly annoyed and just wanted to catch up as we hadn’t seen each other in awhile. He just kept asking where we were from, what we were doing after etc. His friend who was standing nearby actually got embarrassed and started trying to get him to leave.
We finally started to get up because we were so irritated. He then gets up to leave but he watched us for the rest of our lunch. Completely ruined our time because we were so uncomfortable.
He's not oblivious, he's arrogant and rude. He's a creep. What more is there to say?
A former friend's room mate took a liking to me when he found out I was a "gamer girl" and started off pretty strong. He tried to buy me a gaming pc rig for my birthday after only hanging out twice in a group setting (where he barely spoke), showed up at my work wanting to hang out even though I never told him when or where.
Eventually he asked me out, I said no, and he just.....kept it up. I would keep telling him to stop because it made me uncomfortable but he'd keep at it saying it's "how he treats all his friends". Spoiler, it wasn't. I had never seen him treat his room mate like this. It was just me.
Eventually he started spam calling me at 2am while he was obviously plastered. I had to block him and then he showed up at my work and said he wouldn't leave until I talked to him. Cops got called. My friend moved out and we never saw him again.
I was waiting for a bus at 10:30 AM on a Saturday morning. Some guy pulls up next to the stop in a white, windowless van (I'm not kidding, you can't make this up). He tells me that he was driving the other direction and thought I was so beautiful and he just had to turn around and talk to me. He asked for my number and I said no. Then he asked if he could take me out to dinner later. I told him no, I was on my way to meet a friend and was busy. He proceeded to tell me about his job and when he would be off work and asked for my number again. Then he insisted on me taking his card for his number. And he just sat there and kept talking from his van even though I had started ignoring him. Dude would not leave and just sat there in the street in his windowless van trying to talk to me even though I told him no and that I wasn't interested multiple times.
When he offered me his card, I seriously thought he was trying to get me close to his van to kidnap me or something.
When I was in 6th grade, I stood up for a boy who was being made fun of. That afternoon, he slid me a note asking me to be his girlfriend and I said no. Throughout school, he would constantly confess his feelings for me, which I kept declining. He even told me he was in love with me after he moved states and was with another girl.
Fast forward 10+ years and I still get message requests from him lmao. Nothing ever incredibly aggressive, but dude just won’t take a hint.
He was my university dorm neighbour and we got along well. A year and a half ago he reached out to reconnect. I met up with him and his wife (his girlfriend from uni) to catch up. All seemed great. They were planning a cottage weekend and invited my now ex and I to join them, and then he started pressuring me to commit right then to skinny dipping in the lake with them (the trip was months away) and it got weird so I just stopped responding. He still messages me and acts weird and sad about me ghosting him.
I had a friend. Well he was my brother's friend but he was a tenant in my house for years. Anyhow, he got married, moved away with his wife, had a kid, etc etc.
One day, out of the blue, I got a call from him asking me if a friend of him could spend the night at my house, that's standard in my religious circle so I said it was ok. He came along with the friend to introduce her, and that's when I got told he is getting a divorce because his wife cheated.
We started talking and he tells me all about the cheating situation.
After that weekend, he kept texting and calling, telling me about his day, and asking me to go to places with him (gym, movies, a coffee). I kept telling him I was busy. Then he tells me that I shouldnt be dating my bf because of reasons, so I told him he needed to mind his business.
The last time I spoke to him, I told him he had gotten married, never visited again, never called again, didn't even introduce us to his kid (who was 7 at the time of the divorce), and that I was too old to be stupid enough to not know he was trying to find a shoulder to cry on and a person to make him feel less lonely. Then I told him that if he needed friends, he had plenty of male friends to talk to. He was mad. He told me I was delusional and that my mom wouldn’t like me treating him like that. I hung up and blocked him in everything. A few days after, I got a call from my cousin's wife telling me that this guy had been talking sh*t about me.
That your mom wouldn't like you treating him like that... That guy better be delusional, you handled it perfectly!
Haha I've got this one. Went on one date with a guy, was kind of mediocre but I figured I'd go on one more in case it was just nerves or something getting in the way.
Valentine's day happened the day after our second date, and this man took it upon himself to use my phone number to look me up on LinkedIn and find my job, then stand outside of it for hours until I got off work. THEN in front of literally all of my coworkers and a cafe full of people, whipped out his guitar and sang "can't help falling in love with you" with my *name* substituted into it.
I cried out of sheer humiliation, meanwhile he seemed so pleased with himself. He asked if i would be his valentine at the end and I said no and straight up ran away from him to my car. I think I probably sat there for an hour or more experiencing sheer existential dread about that situation and also having to face my coworkers the next day
It was one of the worst possible things he could have done lol. Needless to say there was no second date
Good grief, he went through a lot of trouble to bother you... I'd have walked away, not even waiting for the song to finish ;)
He skated across the city to my place at 11PM to give me a bouquet of roses on HIS birthday. That was after we had only one date and I had told him I don't think we're a good match.
Oh, and then there was this one time when we met someone while clubbing. He was really awkward, and neither me nor the friend I was with knew with whom he actually flirted, but we weren't interested anyway. His friends were really embarrassed by him and his behaviour and we communicated directly that we weren't looking for a hookup.
And once we wanted to leave, he wanted to "bring us home safely". lol
As if I would let a stranger know where I live or as if I would trust a stranger walking with me through the industrial area where the club was back to our shared flat. Maybe 1-2 km, not far.
But he didn't take No for an answer.
So I told him to say goodbye to his friends so they know where he is. And while he did so, we left in a hurry and put as much distance between the club and us as possible. Walked home, sang dirty songs, woke up our roommates (they eventually forgave us for that).
And never saw that guy again.
Was at wedding a few months ago, had a guy follow me around the entire night. I don’t think I even said more than two words to him. I ignored him when talking in a group, I actively moved further away from him when he got closer and I made a point to not even look at him. Towards the end of the night, after more alcohol, I turned around one more time to him standing next to me and staring and I cracked and told him to get away from me.
I had a guy from another office do this at a work's party once. He kept trying to get me to 'go for a walk' with him. No attempt to even cover up the wedding ring he was wearing either.
I have some weird talent of attracting my coworkers and they’re all so strange. one cornered me in his car and said he could tell by my body language that i was interested and how we should make out ( we literally never talked and i left the car after)
another i was close friends w but found out he was telling ppl we had sex, and kept inviting me out to expensive dinners that i kept turning down and saying were too much to spend on a friend. even since he finally got “the hint” he still is always talking ab me to my friends/coworkers and saying he “could’ve gotten me” he just didn’t feel like it
If a guy tells people that you've had sex, start telling those same people that he cries during the act, called you "mummy dearest", can't c*m without wearing a clown nose + wig and that he begged you to stuff a cauliflower up his rear end. Or something similar. Ruin him socially.
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Why is it that every woman knows someone (or has been someone) affected by sexual harassment or assault, but it seems like 0 men know a harasser or predator? These stories don't come out of the blue, gentlemen.
I've known guys I suspect of being a harasser or predator. (I've even known some misguided guys who actually were trying to be nice.) But when Roman Polanski, Bill Clinton, Harvey Weinstein, etc., are all adored and fawned over by the mainstream media and Hollywood movies endlessly tell guys that persistence is the key to a woman's heart, what do you do, except keep your eyes peeled for when you can help someone out? But, Tracy, you are dead-on when you say predators don't come out of the blue. Odds are that they are terrible people who routinely display terrible attitudes, which is why I hate that BP always calls them "nice guys." (But OTOH, I do hope some guys see themselves in some of these stories and learn the difference between being romantic and being creepy.)
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I was in the horror DVD section at Best Buy (clearly this was some time ago), minding my business and texting my bf, when a guy commented on the DVDs I was holding. I made a comment about the one he was looking at and did the "ok bye" stranger nod and started to walk away. He followed me and proceeded to gatekeep my knowledge of horror while also fawning over my body. I checked out and said "bye" but he followed me down the escalator to Target where he not only watched me choose another DVD but made a comment about how much money I was spending. I was scared and embarrassed and didn't know how to get rid of him. Saying I had a boyfriend didn't help, he just told me to "break up with that loser". I finally told him I had an appointment and ran into the threading salon, told the older ladies in there, and they made him leave.
Hate that the term Nice Guy has been twisted into this awful new definition. Why not call these guys what they are? Asssholes!!
These were so hard to read, in part because I identified with every single one. Each and every story called up a memory of something similar that happened to me. The finger sucker, the backing me into a corner, the middle aged men propositioning me at my first job when I was 14, the old "friend" who suddenly announces that I have wanted sex with them all along... on and on and on. I'm now 63, and the last episode happened only 2 years ago. It's exhausting, and I'm so fücking tired of it.
I keep meeting "nice guys" at stores. They need to find something and I politely point the way. That's all, from my side. They on the other hand keep talking, following me around, and in the creepiest cases touching me, hugging me, or touching my arm. I've spent decades wondering why I'm a target. I also thought it would stop when I get older, but it still happens.
When I was a teenager, I was in the same church youth group as a guy the same age. He was the shy, weird kid who no-one wanted to hang with, but I would be nice to him cos I was shy too and wanted to be polite. He started just following me around at youth club and church, and it progressed to where he would just show up at my house. Often I wouldn't even be there, and my poor mum would have these awkward chats with him (which really just made things worse). This went on for months. I still feel a bit sorry for him, because how starved for attention or affection must he have been to just latch on to one person who said hi back? But months of borderline stalking and inviting himself to my house when I hadn't even told him my address is not ok. It's nearly 30 years later and I'm still creeped out by it. You know who you are, Robert Wren
Most, if not all of these, are guys who got the hint but are just ignoring it. Guys act like this because they feel entitled to women's time, attention and bodies.
I would like to formally apologise to all women on behalf of these cockheads. These kind of people make me ashamed of my own gender
We know most of the guys out there aren't like this. Unfortunately, it's enough of them that it's safer to act cold to all to not encourage such behavior. If you see someone acting like this, call them out, distract them or pretend to know the person being harassed. It's not going to get better until these guys learn it's unacceptable, and as you can see, they don't believe women who tell them that. I've been harassed and assaulted. One guy tried to follow me home from a store. Now I'm having to teach my 14 year old niece what to do in these situations since they will happen to her too. That makes me more angry than what was done to me. The fact that we have to teach the young girls we know how to stay safe from not just the strangers out there, but the men they know as well.
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Like many of the other commenters, most of these stories brought up a different memory. What's a shame is that most of these events aren't one-offs. Most women I know have had multiple scenarios like these throughout their lives. Staying home a lot during the pandemic means I've been safe from a lot of these situations, but you get harassed online as well. These scenarios occur from teenage years, and sometimes even earlier. If only we could live in a world where 'No' means 'No', and isn't taken to mean 'Try harder'
I was harassed by a group of boy in 8th grade to the point where I had or almost had a panic attack whenever I saw one of them through all of high school, and I freak out to this day whenever I hear someone pretend meowing (yeah, f**k them). I told the counselor, and she talked to them *once*. They continued. I told her again. She basically told me to get over it and she could do f**k-all about it if they ignored her ‘chat’ because they were in advanced math, and therefore could not have their classes changed. Thanks, Mrs Kennedy!!
I hardly ever talk about this. I will not name names. When I was in my mid 20's living alone in the city, taking a couple of buses to work, there was a guy, everyday on the same two buses. He was nerdy af, but I try to be kind and reach out to people who seem to have a hard time. We chit-chatted a bit. Then I got another job and didn't see him again. Then one day years later I was in my grocery store and I looked out the front window. Across the street was a church and so many people were hanging around. I said to the cashier 'Wow! That's a popular church!' The cashier laughed and told me they were all waiting for their AA Meeting to start. When I left, I saw guy from the bus, and went over to say hi. We chit-chatted a little, and then he asked me out. So EVERYONE I knew was telling me to give nice guys a chance, so I said OK. We went out for a casual meal, it wasn't exactly comfortable, because HE wasn't exactly comfortable. When he dropped me off at home, he leaned in for a kiss,
I said 'g'night! Thnx! Bye!' I COULD NOT kiss him. For some reason, he creeped me out. After that night I never heard from him again. I heard he dated another girl I knew for a couple of years. At least a decade later, my SO and I are watching the news. Bus guy picture is on the screen. He has killed six women, in a mass shooting, injured others and turned the gun on himself. Do not listen to people who tell you to give nice guys a chance. You have the wisdom in you.
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It’s perfectly okay to crush on your cute server or bartender, but it’s ONLY okay to keep it yourself. She’s pretty and she’s nice, but she’s working and she’s got thirty other people to be nice to. Leave her alone.
None of the idiot predators in these posts was a "nice guy" and women do not owe any man anything, including being polite as they're being harassed (although I know this isn't always the best strategy for self-preservation and you may need to use a different means to get away from them without being verbally abused, stalked or (sexually) assaulted).
What pisses me off is it's still phrased "he didn't get the hint." No, he got the hint, he got the very obvious in his face direct message, he just chose to ignore it and continue to harass you. Call it harassment, bullying, intimidation, whatever you want, but stop saying he didn't get the hint.
The sixteen year old who asked if I would have sex with him. Then when I said bro I can’t, I’m not interested not to mention I’d be in huge legal trouble. He proceeds to try and gaslight me. The worst part is…. I actually felt guilty because he kept trying to make me feel bad about rejecting him. And saying s**t like “I thought you liked me” and “you shouldn’t have lead me on” like, kid, I was being nice. I’m not interested 😒 teen boys are straight up weird
26 of them are lurking around the corner waiting for the chance to be alone.
Load More Replies... Why is it that every woman knows someone (or has been someone) affected by sexual harassment or assault, but it seems like 0 men know a harasser or predator? These stories don't come out of the blue, gentlemen.
I've known guys I suspect of being a harasser or predator. (I've even known some misguided guys who actually were trying to be nice.) But when Roman Polanski, Bill Clinton, Harvey Weinstein, etc., are all adored and fawned over by the mainstream media and Hollywood movies endlessly tell guys that persistence is the key to a woman's heart, what do you do, except keep your eyes peeled for when you can help someone out? But, Tracy, you are dead-on when you say predators don't come out of the blue. Odds are that they are terrible people who routinely display terrible attitudes, which is why I hate that BP always calls them "nice guys." (But OTOH, I do hope some guys see themselves in some of these stories and learn the difference between being romantic and being creepy.)
Load More Replies... I was in the horror DVD section at Best Buy (clearly this was some time ago), minding my business and texting my bf, when a guy commented on the DVDs I was holding. I made a comment about the one he was looking at and did the "ok bye" stranger nod and started to walk away. He followed me and proceeded to gatekeep my knowledge of horror while also fawning over my body. I checked out and said "bye" but he followed me down the escalator to Target where he not only watched me choose another DVD but made a comment about how much money I was spending. I was scared and embarrassed and didn't know how to get rid of him. Saying I had a boyfriend didn't help, he just told me to "break up with that loser". I finally told him I had an appointment and ran into the threading salon, told the older ladies in there, and they made him leave.
Hate that the term Nice Guy has been twisted into this awful new definition. Why not call these guys what they are? Asssholes!!
These were so hard to read, in part because I identified with every single one. Each and every story called up a memory of something similar that happened to me. The finger sucker, the backing me into a corner, the middle aged men propositioning me at my first job when I was 14, the old "friend" who suddenly announces that I have wanted sex with them all along... on and on and on. I'm now 63, and the last episode happened only 2 years ago. It's exhausting, and I'm so fücking tired of it.
I keep meeting "nice guys" at stores. They need to find something and I politely point the way. That's all, from my side. They on the other hand keep talking, following me around, and in the creepiest cases touching me, hugging me, or touching my arm. I've spent decades wondering why I'm a target. I also thought it would stop when I get older, but it still happens.
When I was a teenager, I was in the same church youth group as a guy the same age. He was the shy, weird kid who no-one wanted to hang with, but I would be nice to him cos I was shy too and wanted to be polite. He started just following me around at youth club and church, and it progressed to where he would just show up at my house. Often I wouldn't even be there, and my poor mum would have these awkward chats with him (which really just made things worse). This went on for months. I still feel a bit sorry for him, because how starved for attention or affection must he have been to just latch on to one person who said hi back? But months of borderline stalking and inviting himself to my house when I hadn't even told him my address is not ok. It's nearly 30 years later and I'm still creeped out by it. You know who you are, Robert Wren
Most, if not all of these, are guys who got the hint but are just ignoring it. Guys act like this because they feel entitled to women's time, attention and bodies.
I would like to formally apologise to all women on behalf of these cockheads. These kind of people make me ashamed of my own gender
We know most of the guys out there aren't like this. Unfortunately, it's enough of them that it's safer to act cold to all to not encourage such behavior. If you see someone acting like this, call them out, distract them or pretend to know the person being harassed. It's not going to get better until these guys learn it's unacceptable, and as you can see, they don't believe women who tell them that. I've been harassed and assaulted. One guy tried to follow me home from a store. Now I'm having to teach my 14 year old niece what to do in these situations since they will happen to her too. That makes me more angry than what was done to me. The fact that we have to teach the young girls we know how to stay safe from not just the strangers out there, but the men they know as well.
Load More Replies... Like many of the other commenters, most of these stories brought up a different memory. What's a shame is that most of these events aren't one-offs. Most women I know have had multiple scenarios like these throughout their lives. Staying home a lot during the pandemic means I've been safe from a lot of these situations, but you get harassed online as well. These scenarios occur from teenage years, and sometimes even earlier. If only we could live in a world where 'No' means 'No', and isn't taken to mean 'Try harder'
I was harassed by a group of boy in 8th grade to the point where I had or almost had a panic attack whenever I saw one of them through all of high school, and I freak out to this day whenever I hear someone pretend meowing (yeah, f**k them). I told the counselor, and she talked to them *once*. They continued. I told her again. She basically told me to get over it and she could do f**k-all about it if they ignored her ‘chat’ because they were in advanced math, and therefore could not have their classes changed. Thanks, Mrs Kennedy!!
I hardly ever talk about this. I will not name names. When I was in my mid 20's living alone in the city, taking a couple of buses to work, there was a guy, everyday on the same two buses. He was nerdy af, but I try to be kind and reach out to people who seem to have a hard time. We chit-chatted a bit. Then I got another job and didn't see him again. Then one day years later I was in my grocery store and I looked out the front window. Across the street was a church and so many people were hanging around. I said to the cashier 'Wow! That's a popular church!' The cashier laughed and told me they were all waiting for their AA Meeting to start. When I left, I saw guy from the bus, and went over to say hi. We chit-chatted a little, and then he asked me out. So EVERYONE I knew was telling me to give nice guys a chance, so I said OK. We went out for a casual meal, it wasn't exactly comfortable, because HE wasn't exactly comfortable. When he dropped me off at home, he leaned in for a kiss,
I said 'g'night! Thnx! Bye!' I COULD NOT kiss him. For some reason, he creeped me out. After that night I never heard from him again. I heard he dated another girl I knew for a couple of years. At least a decade later, my SO and I are watching the news. Bus guy picture is on the screen. He has killed six women, in a mass shooting, injured others and turned the gun on himself. Do not listen to people who tell you to give nice guys a chance. You have the wisdom in you.
Load More Replies... It’s perfectly okay to crush on your cute server or bartender, but it’s ONLY okay to keep it yourself. She’s pretty and she’s nice, but she’s working and she’s got thirty other people to be nice to. Leave her alone.
None of the idiot predators in these posts was a "nice guy" and women do not owe any man anything, including being polite as they're being harassed (although I know this isn't always the best strategy for self-preservation and you may need to use a different means to get away from them without being verbally abused, stalked or (sexually) assaulted).
What pisses me off is it's still phrased "he didn't get the hint." No, he got the hint, he got the very obvious in his face direct message, he just chose to ignore it and continue to harass you. Call it harassment, bullying, intimidation, whatever you want, but stop saying he didn't get the hint.
The sixteen year old who asked if I would have sex with him. Then when I said bro I can’t, I’m not interested not to mention I’d be in huge legal trouble. He proceeds to try and gaslight me. The worst part is…. I actually felt guilty because he kept trying to make me feel bad about rejecting him. And saying s**t like “I thought you liked me” and “you shouldn’t have lead me on” like, kid, I was being nice. I’m not interested 😒 teen boys are straight up weird
26 of them are lurking around the corner waiting for the chance to be alone.
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