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I Shared The Last 17 Days Of My Dad’s Life In Pictures To Break The Silence Around Death
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I Shared The Last 17 Days Of My Dad’s Life In Pictures To Break The Silence Around Death

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In 2015, death took my dad rather quickly. When they found cancer, it had already taken up residence in his pancreas and spread to his liver. Diagnosis to death was under 2 months. At the time I was beginning work on a photo project around terminal illness and mortality.

The idea for this project germinated at a family reunion over the holidays. Aunts, uncles and cousins descended on Oceanside, California largely due to my Uncle’s failing health, but also to feed the connection that runs through our shared blood. Five years ago cancer allied with Parkinson’s and attacked my uncle. Presently, they steep and build strength, manifesting in different failures of and in his body while he endures counteractive therapeutic treatments. He openly welcomed us into his battle, and his stories of the siege seized us. We saw, we heard and we felt what it meant for him to have a difficult and terminal illness and how it reduced the complexities of life to rich and raw simplicities. These conversations moved me and embedded a desire to share that inspiration with others. Through pictures and words, I wanted to chronicle peoples’ personal experience with death and terminal illness, while volunteering at a hospice. My dad has always been a teacher and a mentor to me, and I looked to him for guidance in all walks of life. Valuing his input, we discussed the idea in depth. He birthed the title, “Meeting Mortality”, a double entendre with poignant impact.

Only a couple months later, while I had been failing to find a hospice to volunteer in, a subtle but intensifying pain entrenched itself in my dad’s back and abdomen and quickly became debilitating. Multiple visits with multiple specialists distilled my dad’s life to two words: cancer and metastasis. His sickness progressed at an alarming rate. From the onset of the very first subtle pain — to diagnosis — to death – was a mere matter of months. We watched him go from a life-loving, bike-riding, wine-drinking, book-writing, word-weaving, soul-enriching mensch, to ashes in a box on my mother’s mantle in some of the shortest, yet longest weeks of my life. We spent his final 19 days in the hospital with him, 10 hours a day. I began to chronicle this time through pictures. The irony was not lost on him or me. The man who named the project had suddenly and very unexpectedly became the subject.

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Death grips us all and gives absolute shared fate; as a universal truth; but Death also deals each of us our own unique experience of it. His cold fingers wrap so tightly around our hearts that we sink deeper than the deepest of oceans, knowing only cold and collapse. He drags our heart down from the chest and deep into the belly of our grief and sadness. A thousand memories past and a thousand memories yet to be named, expectations of what was supposed to be, burrow deep into the silence and darkness of, “If only…“.

Whether your heart succumbs to His icy grip to beat nevermore, or whether He steals the heart of a loved one and leaves your heart to beat alone forevermore, it is inevitable; it’s a difficult, dark, sad and scary process. It’s a claustrophobic labyrinth with no escape, an ocean of emotion with no shore on the horizon. Yet it’s something shared by everyone. There’s beauty in the reality that all humanity shares the same mortality. And beauty in understanding that mortality. There’s a richness living in the acceptance that; life is, and life happens;– and never without Death. He brings a fate we all share. A fate we feel together.

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Death is, as my Dad used to say, “the great leveler”. Although brutal in His methods, He is a courier of commonality – an emissary sent to purge our wells of emotion, drawing from the depths so that it streams down our face and puddles at our feet. We can choose to pretend we’re not standing in a puddle, that our feet are bone dry, warm and comfortable. We can ignore Death and pretend that our bodies will not become inanimate vessels, capable of only holding the past. And we can choose to believe that Death is a malevolent reaper, hell-bent on cutting down the seeds we have sown and grown to love for so long.

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Or we can stomp, kick and dance in that divine puddle, raising each droplet off the ground and onto our skin, feeling its moist richness move across our body, grateful for its touch. We can choose to understand that in Death’s benevolence, and through His painful practice, we reap a space of growth, of nurturing, of authentic and palpable connection, difficult though it may be.

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My Dad danced his abrupt descent into death. Yes, his eyes revealed a sadness that stretched deep into his bones and he talked about the long, cold, lonely and painful nights. But he never mired in a state of sadness, anger or unfairness. His reality simply was. Life simply is. His strength of character and wisdom cultivated an attitude towards death that actually comforted.

Rather than dwell on the harsh reality that the quick-growing tumors were uprooting and overgrowing his life’s path, he chose to revel in the realm of the earthly senses, in what life he had left, while his spirit beamed in the eternal senses of love and gratitude. The flake of a danish, the flame of sunrise through a hospital window, the subtle glint in the eye of a friend or family member, the touch of a hand – new ways to define sustenance and substance.

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As his body changed and strength wavered and atrophied, so atrophied his resolute desire to live one step removed from the dying process. He’d lived with fierce independence and never wanted to be on the receiving end of a nurse’s care. Yet when his reality shifted, and day to day life became more and more difficult, he began to understand the development of Death: inglorious, incapable, ugly, undignified, unnecessary, smelly, painful and isolating. When my dad spoke of the help and care he received, he boldly confessed: “at first I resented it, then I accepted it, then I needed it, then I wanted it.”

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He met his caregivers with gratitude, a smile and a hearty and heartfelt welcome, despite his condition. He was as gracious, grateful, soulful, intellectual, loving, honoring, respectful and compassionate in dying, as he was before his body was overrun with pancreatic cancer. He lived the last weeks of his life with a rueful understanding that Death must, and a graceful acceptance that life is.

Death must, life is. Sounds too simple right? Platitudes. Please hear me! I don’t want to undermine, dismiss or diminish the grief, the sorrow, the anger, the frustration, the loss, and the “pissed-off” lying in Death’s wake. He’s a heart-stealing, soul-sucking asshole, worthy of every word said and every song sung about Him. There are no feelings like the feelings that follow Death in His work. There are no words that dull or dim the force with which we feel His wrath. But He walks hand-in-hand with Life. The two are inseparable and inextricable. Celestial lovers bound in the flow of a river of eternal answers, together, waiting to resolve our first and final questions. Existing in a river that both forms and erodes mountains of grief and joy within the landscapes of our lives.

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Human capacity for joy and happiness can only be as great as our capacity for grief and sorrow. They are held in the same vessel of our soul, expanding with pangs of grief and sorrow, creating a greater capacity for joy and happiness, a vessel that is filled by that same sacred river. They are emotions we feel to remind us that Death must. And life is. My dad’s graceful acceptance of his mortality taught me this. My sister whispered softly during one of those many hours, “Dad is teaching us how to die.” It’s a lesson I will always be grateful for.

Originally, my plan had been to share stories and wisdom from people in the process of meeting their mortality. I knew through conversations with them, the stories would write themselves and the underlying themes would present themselves. Everything changed when my dad became the subject. It’s been difficult divorcing myself from the emotion produced from the photos. Then again, why would I? I refuse. I choose instead to dance in that divine puddle, and let the sadness, the sorrow, the grief, the joy and the gratitude wash over me.

At the same time however, I’ve really wrestled with the prospect of putting the photos out there, outside the safe haven they’ve found hidden in my laptop. My dad is gone now, and his vulnerability, as well as the vulnerability of myself and my family, now rests in my hands. The intimacy of his final moments, captured in time, is a weight heavily felt. He let us in, let us feel the process with him, let us witness Death’s control over his body. He waited until we were all right there beside him when he let Death quietly whisk the last breath from his lungs.

I routinely checked on my dad’s comfort with the camera and, understanding the purpose of the photos and the project, he would happily oblige. Yet, I still feel hesitant. For those that knew him, these photos may shift or alter some of their final memories. For those that didn’t know him, his boisterous, gregarious, lover-of-life personality may become too simply distilled to death, to mortality, to bones and shadow. And I still can’t shake the questions: How do I want my dad remembered? How should my dad be remembered? Or probably most importantly, how would my dad have wanted to be remembered? Do these photos honor him, or are they too raw, too intimate, too personal? I just don’t know, he never did see them. The truth is, it never really concerned him. He took all of his new realities in stride, with grace and humility, and openly welcomed his friends and family into his death narrative.

We all lose loved ones. Yet, so often our voices can be stymied and stifled – our breath held captive by the chokehold of grief. Though we share a familiar pang, a social silence and taboo towards talking about death create solitude and loneliness in universal human experience, an experience that only exists because of our connection to one another. But we ignore it. Grief, the trickster, along with Death, leads us to believe that our hearts are isolated in sorrow, insulated from Life. Yet, in the midst of all of it, our grief-driven loneliness tempts us to reach, to claw, to clutch, and hope for someone who understands, someone who cares. Truth is – not one of us does, but we all do.

So I invite you into this story — my Dad’s story. I refuse to sit silently with Death while so many others share similar grief. I choose to sit and soak in the sore opened by Death, and I refuse to ignore the richness embedded within the raw. And yes, I choose to sit with Death and acknowledge his presence but I refuse to give him the power to be undone.

I feel a soulful sadness deep in my core at the thought of living the rest of my life without my father, and for my sisters and mother to have to do the same. Yet, I choose to flow with that ethereal river and let its current pull me into eddies of joy, happiness, pain, sorrow, connection and communion. I share this with you hoping to provide some comfort while you walk with Death on your own path of grief and sorrow, understanding that you must walk it individually, but not alone.

I hope that you can find comfort in the inevitability and ubiquity of Death. Your heart hurts, but find comfort in the thought that so many hearts beat alongside yours, walking that same path. Know that Life walks right along with you on a true path toward a deeper understanding of joy and happiness.

 

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Josh Neufeld

Josh Neufeld

Author, Community member

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Photographer based in Vancouver, BC, Canada (www.joshneufeldphotography.com) Founder of Grief Narratives (www.griefnarratives.com)

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Josh Neufeld

Josh Neufeld

Author, Community member

Photographer based in Vancouver, BC, Canada (www.joshneufeldphotography.com) Founder of Grief Narratives (www.griefnarratives.com)

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majaabgarowicz avatar
Maja Abgarowicz
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful, touching photography. Beautiful, touching story. So sorry for your lost. Happy for you as it comes to your great photography talent.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for the kind words Maja. If you ever feel inspired to share a story of your own, I built an online space to do just that after my father died. www.griefnarratives.com

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sierra_batten avatar
Sierra Batten
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your father was a very handsome fella, with a beautiful smile. So sorry for your loss.

carolsusan87121 avatar
Susan Robinson-Collins
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Moving and lovely. Your Dad left a lesson for all your readers on dying. I hope I can leave this earth with such grace, love and dignity. A remarkable man and journey. Peace to you and your family.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you Susan. He truly taught us what it meant to love fully until the very end. It was life changing. Thanks so much for your kind words. If you ever feel compelled to share a story of your own, after his death I built a space for people to be able to do the same. It is meant to provide comfort in the share experience of death. www.griefnarratives.com. All the best to you :)

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auggieluta avatar
Jason Rogers
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful and touching both words and photos. I recently lost my mother to cancer. She too had grace and love in her last days.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much Jason. I'm sorry to hear. Though nothing makes it easier, I know my dad's grace allowed changed my perception on what was coming. Wishing you all the best.

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lizmcclellan_1 avatar
Liz McClellan
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your photos and words helped me smile tonight, as well as release anguished tears that have been building, so thank you, from the bottom of my heart. My Mom passed from Ovarian cancer on 6/15/17, and my Dad is now fighting for his life. He's got esophageal cancer, which has spread to several other parts of his body. He is a force to be reckoned with however, and is fighting with an amazing but quiet strength that leaves me in awe. God bless you for sharing your story and pictures with us. May you find peace in the hope you've brought to me, as well as the hope you so clearly bring to others.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for your kind words Liz, and I'm so sorry to hear of your mother, and now your father's struggle. I'm glad this work could bring you a smile and tears tonight. Wishing you all the best on your grief journey. After losing my dad I founded www.griefnarratives.com, an online community for people to share and read stories about grief and loss. If you ever feel inclined to read more stories, or share your own, there is a space for it. Much love :)

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patrichi_mihai avatar
Mihai Patrichi
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this...leaves you speechless and makes you re-think the loved ones that you take for granted each day.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you Mihai. Death can come from very unexpected places, and at very unexpected times. Thank you so much for your kind words. All the best to you and your loved ones :)

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jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel incredibly grateful to have been there at the very end, the very last moment. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I'm sorry if you weren't able to have the same experience. All the best Ralphie

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alusairalustriel avatar
Alusair Alustriel
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Powerful photos. I was afraid to open this article and see the "gore" side of death, but you managed to capture it with class, grace and silent peace. Your father must have been a remarkable person. Stay strong.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Alusair. The images near the end can be difficult to see, but I'm glad they struck you in the way that they were meant. He was indeed a remarkable person. Thanks so much for your kind words.

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luismarquespinto avatar
Luís Pinto
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations, very interesting work. Your loss is the loss of millions of us, in reality is part of who we are. Who are we to understand? We are just traveling here. PS We should all accept death, as it is part of life, what we should fight for is comfort and dignity in death.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Luis. Death is a universal experience, and personally I find so much comfort knowing that we're all doing it together. Thanks for commenting. All the best

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shortygirl84 avatar
Aundria Fields
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This so touching and beautiful. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with SEVERE pancreas issues as well as having masses in my bile duct and liver. My 2 sons, ages 10 & 6, have been my reason to fight. But there are times when I just want to give up. I will never forget the day that my children visited me in the hospital and said that, no matter what, mommy will always be their angel. It brings tears to my eyes, even now. Thank you so much for sharing this story.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much Aundria. I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle. Though you sons might not fully understand it right now, they must be so proud. A parents love is like no other. Thanks so much for your kind words. After losing my dad, I founded www.griefnarratives.com. If you ever feel like you want to read more stories, or share your own, the site is an online community resource for people struggling with grief and loss, before, after, during, in all steps of the journey. Wishing strength and comfort as you continue on your battle. :)

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sharonchance avatar
Chancey
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing. These photos are wonderful and touching. My father had pancreatic cancer and lived only one month after his diagnosis. I wish I had pics of him like this.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear Chancey. Pancreatic cancer is definitely a brutal form. We certainly aren't the only ones who share that story. Wishing you comfort in loss.

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mintyminameow avatar
Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“It’s a claustrophobic labyrinth with no escape, an ocean of emotion with no shore on the horizon.” This is great writing. It distracted me from the photos quite a bit. This person is lucky that their dad was so loved by their mom. The dad really was so full of life even when he was dying.

tracyperry avatar
Tracy Perry
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is one of the best posts i've ever seen on BP. my eyes are not dry. my outlook on life, and death, forever changed.

hanseecrankle avatar
Hseed
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my father last November. He had a heart failure and his upper brain was completely damaged. He was only 62. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. I didn't have the opportunity to tell him I loved him. Instead I had to watch him go down day by day for a month and a half until his heart stopped. With eyes wide open and a completely lost sight. What I'm trying to say that even it's such a tragedy to lose your most loved ones, having the chance to say goodbye is a blessing. You get some kind of closure. Your dad seemed a really good guy. And your photos are astounding, and beautiful. I'm also sorry for your loss, but I kind of envy you. In a sweet way, you know right? Hugs to everyone.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your loss Hseed. I am forever grateful that I was able to be there at the very last moment. I'm so sorry you feel your experience missed a moments that you wish you had. I can't imagine what that's like. Everyone's experience is so different, yet the feeling of loss is universal. I hope you find some comfort my friend.Thank you so much for your kind words.

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janetelvidge avatar
Janet Elvidge
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A beautiful gracious memorial to your father. The love for him and from him speaks volumes throughout every photograph.

bjwiuff avatar
Brina Coppi
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you. After I read this this morning, I had to walk away and do something else. I don't handle death and grief well. Your unflinchingly raw and touching narrative juxtaposed against your very real and personal loss is just… beautiful. Your dad taught you (all of us, even) how to die—while you teach us how to graciously handle loss.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Brina. Everyone handles it differently, especially at different times. I just know I've found comfort in the process because as soon as it's talked about, everyone has a story they want to share, and to me, there is so much beauty in the fact that we're all actually going through it together. Thank so you much for you kind words. Wishing you comfort as your walk your grief journey, in your own way. :)

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rakuninaru avatar
rakuninaru
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this, it hit me really hard. Even though I haven't lost anyone yet, I find it hard to think about it even though I know the day will come that I have to face this reality. So, thank you for giving the entire process a face of acceptance, dignity, and comfort. I also loved your narration. I'm so sorry for your lost, I think you have a beautiful family.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much reading, and taking the time to write. Your kind words really mean a lot. We do indeed have a beautiful family. I will be forever grateful. All the best

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Hilla Lavy
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lost my mom 16 months ago and when people ask me if I regret anything, I tell them “ not taking more pictures and videos “. This are such strong and powerful photos and a beautiful story. I’m sorry for your loss :(

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for saying so Hilla. Though sometimes difficult to look at, i'm so glad I have photos from that time. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know one i regret too is not taking more video. Thanks for reading. WIshing you strength along your journey :)

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Soraya De Cuyper
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It must have been really difficult to complete this project. But I also think it was a beautiful way to say goodbye to your father and to honor him. People can’t handle death that well, but I hope your photos are a gateway for people who don’t understand death. And for people who have been there to know that they are indeed not alone. Your site is a good beginning for that, thank you. I will make my contribution when I’m ready for it. Btw, you’re a great writer, don’t stop!

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much Soraya. I really appreciate the kind words. Before my dad even became the subject, my intention was build just that, a more understanding relationship with death. Of course, having to go through the process like that myself changed everything, but my dads attitude throughout, changed everything again. I'm glad the story reached you. Looking forward to seeing your contribution when the time comes. Much love!

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karinajo avatar
Kwj
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These pictures are amazing, they make me feel like I knew your dad (of course i didn't, but they bring up a lot of different emotions in me). I have a farther who has lung cancer, and have been ill for the past 5 years. It's so hard to deal with, but we just have to, we can't choose not to. Thank you for sharing theese very personal pictures and your familys story.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for your kind words and sharing your own story. 5 years is long time to be dealing with that. I'm so sorry for the heartache you must feel. If you ever feel compelled to share a story with the site I founded after my father died (www.griefnarratives.com), I'm always looking for more stories.

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plambert78 avatar
Trish Babel
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This breaks my heart and yet warms it too. Thank you for sharing these last moments with us, and for having the courage to show what most of us prefer to hide away. I turned 40 not too long ago, and while I do not care about my own mortality and growing old, I hate seeing my dad becoming frailer, weaker and slower. The thought of losing him rips me apart, but your photos have shown me that there is beauty in fading away, that we should cherish every damn second with those we love. Wishing you courage, strength and love along your way.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for taking the time to write Trish. Though difficult, there is something beautiful about our inevitable mortality. A fate we all feel together, one way or another. Wishing you all the best along your journey

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leebucks44 avatar
Caley Buxton
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for this. I have terminal cancer (I'm probably looking at years, not months), and it's scary. I appreciate seeing your dad but also your experience, because I'm saddest about leaving my family. I'm glad you feel peace despite the pain.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry to hear about your illness Caley, I can't imagine what that feels like. Wishing you all the strength as you walk your journey.

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Laurie Hasnip
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm losing my father slowly and horribly, it's taking years, I swing from despair to laughing at the crazy stuff he gets up to and back again. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry to hear Laurie. Those ours passed so quick, which carries with it it's own difficulties, but I can't imagine what it feels like to have that agony spread out over years. I'm so sorry to hear. Wishing you strength along your journey.

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Amery
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Josh, this touches my soul. I grieve your loss. I lost my mother at 16. The writer in me wanted to do a chronology of photos and feelings, yet I was too young. Technology was nowhere near where it is today. Your story REALLY touched my heart AND soul, deeply. I appreciate your sharing, and yes; I also will check out your website. Perhaps it isn't too late for me to share, after all?!? THANK YOU.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Amery. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm glad my story could find a spot in your heart that brings your moms alive, if only for a moment. I would love if you were able to share a story at some point :) Thanks so much for your kind words

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HoffLensMetalHedLovesAnimalsUK
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As others have said, beautiful and haunting, our mortality for everyone to see.He seems like a lovely, happy guy and i'm sure those are the memories that will stay with you.I haven't lost anyone to cancer but i did watch my best friend's dad succumb to brain cancer, he went from a big, healthy, family man to a fragile shell who couldn't even wipe his own nose in less than 12 months.Thanks for sharing Josh, i hope it can bring you some peace too.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for taking the time to write. He was a happy and lovely guy indeed. We were lucky to have him in life, and still have him in death. And I'm sorry to hear about your friends dad. I can also so difficult to watch someone go through the process. All the best.

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AzKahleesi
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. This is incredibly beautiful and incredibly sad. I feel like I was there through that journey with you and your family. Took me back to when my grandfather and grandmother passed. My boyfriend's grandfather just passed yesterday and he's having a hard go. I think when he's a bit stronger I will show him this. Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss, he seemed extremely wonderful and what a wonderful son he has through you!

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to write, and wishing you all the best as you (and your boyfriend), walk your own journeys. After my dad died, I founded www.griefnarratives.com, an online resource for people struggling with grief and loss. Should you (or him) ever feel inclined to read or share stories, there is now a site for it! All the best

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Kim Lorton
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. As a former nurse, the majority of my years, were spent with people fighting death, and living with the knowledge, death was coming. Soon. As a former hospice nurse, I felt honor and thankfulness, that I could help make it easier, and help them all live these last moments, with an aspect of understanding, and joy, and often times, morbit humor. Yes, some people find that humor, was a great release! Death comes to us all, but it is just a transition. Throw we have lived, that makes death bitterly sweet, and painfully unfair.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for taking the time to write, and thanks so much for your work nursing and in hospice. We had such great help from our nursing team, and I will be forever grateful. All the best

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ex-jedi
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We held my mother's funeral on Monday, so this is very... (can't think of a word to put here). I am sorry for your loss.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry to hear about your recent lost. Though I can never know what it's like for you, know that I've walked that walk before, and you don't walk it alone. Wishing you all the best, and comfort in difficult times.

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Carye Eyer Wilson
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel I was privileged to watch my mother and brother passed in my arms. My mother was alive then and I had to tell her that he was gone. His pulse stopped and I was holding his wrist and hand. One tear came down his cheek. It was so beautiful. Yes, death was beautiful. Grief. How to discuss grief?

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for writing Carye. It was a unique and transformative experience being at my fathers bedside when he passed. I'm truly grateful I was able to be, difficult though it was. Sorry to hear about your own grief journey. Wishing you all the best.

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Em Hubbs
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just literally walked this walk with my best friend and her husband last week. I took care of him during his last days, hours, minutes, and moments. These beautiful photographs are the EXACT ones that fill my head and my heart. To be there and hear the last words spoken and to see the last smile on his face is something that is forever imprinted in my mind and my heart. To have the privilege and honor of helping someone make this transition is one of the greatest, yet most heartbreaking blessings of my life. I fondly with tear filled eyes look at these pictures, and see Richard...truly the most beautiful hurt there ever will be. Thank you for sharing this, my heart needed this today!

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So well put Em, it is true the most beautiful hurt. That's exactly it. So much hurt, but so much beauty because of it. So sorry to hear of your loss though. It is still a hard journey to walk, and wishing you all the best. If you, or your friend ever feel inclined to share your story on www.griefnarratives.com, please do. I hope it provides comfort people as they walk to their journey. Thanks so much for your kind words.

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Brina Coppi
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you. After I read this this morning, I had to walk away and do something else. I don't handle death and grief well. Your unflinchingly raw and touching narrative juxtaposed against the images and your very real and personal loss is just… beautiful. Your dad taught you (all of us, even) how to die—while you teach us how to graciously accept loss.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

thanks so much for the kind words Brina. It's a lesson I'll never forget. all the best

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Margarita Gallegos
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story!I have lost my mom brother dad and two young nieces in a short period of time . So sorry for your loss.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry to hear about your intense string of losses. I can't imagine what that feels like. After losing my dad I founded www.griefnarratives.com, an online resource for people to share stories of grief and loss. You can read more stories there, and if you feel so inclined, share you own. either way, thanks so much for your kind words. Wishing you comfort as you walk your grief journey.

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Priya
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If only I could give even one year of my life for him to spend more time with his family... I'd do it in a second.

njakubke avatar
Norbert Jakubke
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never seen these photos and it reminds me how much Diet filled a room with his presence and love. He was one of a kind and made you always feel like you were the most important person in a room of 1000's. His lessons are a reminder of how we should all behave when it comes to being the best we can be. Sure miss him.

tunedforlife avatar
TunedForLife
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful. He left this world with smiles and dignity. That's how my dad passed also. Thank you for sharing. I'll go cry now. May God rest their souls.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to read and for the kind words. I'm sorry to hear about your loss but glad to hear you have found ways to find comfort. Wishing you all the best of your journey.

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LJ Harwood
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing your father's story which is both so personal and so universal and sharing the story of your family. It helps me in my own experience of loss and feeling alone as part of a small family. It makes me realize that other people would understand.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for the kind words LJ, and taking the time to write. I hope reading the story as brought you some amount of comfort on your journey. Wishing you all the best, and strength in knowing you are not alone!

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Noni Laurentia
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry your father is no longer with us. What a brave and graceful legacy he left behind not just for you and your family, but all of us readers. The big smiles of his in most of the photos and the last photo with him on his race bike, makes me think he's up there winning every race while also keeping an eye on all of you. May you and your loved ones find comfort knowing your dad's journey keeps touching others everyday. Live to the fullest, love more during the harder times. Ride on, Sir!

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response Noni. I often think of him riding a road bike somewhere, off on his celestial steed. I'm glad to know he found a way to your heart. Wishing you all the best.

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John Doe
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad is 70, and he was diagnosed with prostate cancer a year ago, doctors prescribed hormone inhibitors and radiotherapy, he's already started treatment, and he's doing well, except for suffering minor side effects because of the radiotherapy. The one good thing is that he's in high spirits, he's not thinking about it and not letting it get to him, and since he lived a healthy life style, his body is strong... Though i wish i was half as strong as he is... My dad is my best friend, he's always stood by my side and cared for me, to lose him would break my heart in pieces. So i want to thank you for sharing this with us, and i'm terribly sorry for your loss, you've shown me a side that I've never thought of before, and i'm sure it will help me see the light, but i'd be lying if i said picturing that last moment doesn't frighten me like a thousand nightmares.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey John, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's struggle. I know what it feels like to have a father like a best friend and i'm sure that's so hard for you to watch. Thanks so much for taking the time to write and share a piece of your own story. know that it brings me comfort just to hear you say something as simple as he was like a best friend to you, makes me realize other people do get it, in their own way. I'm glad my story found you and offered you some light in what will always be a difficult journey. Wishing you all the best brother, and strength along the way.

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Anggi Pangastuti
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lovely.. So sorry for your lost. I'm sure your dad will be proud for your work. He left with such dignity and was surrounded by people he loved. I feel you. Me and my little kids are preparing the worst for my husband too..

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for reading and taking the time to write Anggi. and I'm sorry to hear about your husbands struggles. I'm sure it's a difficult journey for you right now, and i'm wishing you strength and comfort along the way.

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Sandrine-E. Séchaud
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much ! I lost my mom to a agressive cancer 10 months ago. And , I struggle but I get up. That phrase is perfect: I hope that you can find comfort in the inevitability and ubiquity of Death. Your heart hurts, but find comfort in the thought that so many hearts beat alongside yours, walking that same path. Know that Life walks right along with you on a true path toward a deeper understanding of joy and happiness. So sorry for your lost, your family look very close.Your picture reflect perfectly the stages of this journey. Thank you for sharing. Bless you

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi Sandrine. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's a unbelievably difficult journey and no words can properly fix any part of it. I'm glad however, that you found some degree of comfort in reading my story. Thanks so much for taking the time to write and for the kind words. If you ever feel compelled to share some of your own story, i'm always looking for submissions for www.griefnarratives.com. Either way, thanks so much. Wishing your comfort and strength along your journey.

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Pseudo Puppy
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Grief is the price we pay for love"; I think this is such a beautiful way of looking at things. I am so sorry for your loss, but I am even happier for the love that you were able to have had. Your dad looks like a good man.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for saying so. He certainly was a good man. And i am forever grateful i had a man like him in my life. Thanks for taking the time to read and write. All the best

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Belle Hombrebueno
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is beyond amazing. I became a nurse not only to help people but to see these amazing love in everyone's families. Your photos shows how wonderful your father was and how he touched your hearts. You captured some of the best moments in his life, the ones he truly felt all the love for him. May you continue to share your talent to the world. All the best! :)

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi Belle! Thanks so much for taking the to write, and the kind words. And for being a nurse! I will be forever grateful for the way our nurses walked with us through the process. You guys truly are gems. All the best to you too!

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Krista Ochs
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing what is likely the most intimate moment of life - birth would be second and celebrated. Your dad had so much character in his face and soul. God bless you in your time of loss and reflection; thank you for including us and embracing the concept of community ... we are losing that - peace...

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Krista. I really appreciate the kind words. It really means a lot. All the best :)

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Samhhain Cat
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear about your dad :( I hope these images bring you some comfort. What a smile he had!

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Minnie-me
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this. I lost my father to advanced kidney cancer that spread to his liver and lungs. He went into the hospital due pain in his leg from a clot and died from the cancer spreading aggressively days later. These pictures and this story hits home. When someone is facing death, their grace and sense of accepting the inevitable is remarkable and sole crushing all at once.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi Minnie-me. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, but I'm glad my story found you. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

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NWB
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So powerful and beautiful. An an amazing tribute to your father. x

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Lara Verne
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful photography, I’m sorry for your loss. My friend died of cancer few years ago. I remember him fondly.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear about your loss Lara. And thank you for the kind words. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

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Bari
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my father to gastrointestinal cancer in 2017. He battled a terminal diagnosis for 7 years before he was able to rest. Sometimes I wish I would have taken more photos of us together during those last months, but sometimes I'm glad I didn't. My step-mother actually passed away from lung cancer in 2008, but that took less than a month from something being wrong to her being dead. I never had time to even process it.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses Bari. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to endure that battle for 7 years. I'm glad you found a place to share some of your story. You ever feel compelled to share more, i'm always looking for submissions for www.griefnarratives.com. Wishing you comfort and strength

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Jen Sanders
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So very, very lovely. Truly moving & heartbreaking in equal measures. I recently lost my beloved father and although my heart broke into little pieces when he finally succumbed, I knew that I received a precious gift. A gift of acceptance, grace and spirit. My sweet dad never ever complained, never said "why me", was not afraid of death. This was so very amazing to me since he suffered for years from his vicious illness, an illness that took away from him all that he held dear. His blue eyes always sparkled, his heart talked to me in amazing ways and he taught me what true & amazing love was.He taught me to be strong even when his body was not. He taught me not to be afraid of what scares me and for that I will always be grateful. Stories like this need to be told, so thank you Josh.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much for taking the write Jen. As difficult as it is I'm sure, I'm so happy to hear you were able to experience it like that, and find comfort in your fathers strength. It's changed my outlook on many things, but particularly death. I really appreciate your kind words. Love and strength to you.

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Mariana Pinto
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! Your father was a beatiful man and this is a lovely tribute. He must be proud! Thank you for sharing

well51 avatar
Teresa
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is difficult to describe these pictures without contradictions- painful, yet beautiful. I am sure they are treasured whilst also difficult to see. These are particularly poignant for me as my 53 year old partner has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I thought carefully before I viewed these photos as I already have so much to dread without having it all laid bare before me, but I felt great comfort in seeing not only the genuine smile on your father’s face, but also the absence of fear. I suspect that he not only left a lasting legacy for you and your family, but also with many of us with whom you have shared your pictures. Thank you. Both of you.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much Teresa. I'm so sorry to hear about the journey you are about to walk. I can't imagine what it would feel like, receiving that diagnosis for a partner. Wishing you all the best on your journey. Don't hesitate to reach out should you need anything. you can find my email on my website.

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pebs
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I perfectly understand about universal truth, but I wold never expose such a private fact either.

mebeka avatar
Rebekah
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your photos show a good soul, laughing and handsome, and very loved. No doubt he is proud of you. Thank you for sharing, and I am very sorry for your loss.

lisahold avatar
Lisa Hold
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom died in hospice from a brain tumor Feb 2014. The pics I have of her last days are hard to look at but I'm glad I took them- yours must also be hard to look at, but they are also beautiful. Bless...

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Lisa. So sorry to hear about your loss. I'm glad you found the courage to photograph the last days. They are images I will always cherish.

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Bryon Bauer
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think I would have the courage to document the death of a loved one. But your story, like your pictures are beautiful and heart warming. This is a subject many people have a hard time facing. Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry for your loss. Your dad seemed like a cool dude, with lots of humor and character.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much Bryon. It was difficult indeed but I'm still glad I have these images. He was indeed a cool dude and they will forever serve as a reminder of his grace in dying.

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KarmaQueen
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so sorry for you loss. I am sitting here crying looking at the story behind these beautiful pictures. There are some sad ones in here, however, I looked at many where he tried to keep a smile on his face and enjoy what time he had left. He looked like a beautiful soul.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He really was! Thanks for taking the time to write. I really appreciate it. All the best

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Doodlemancer
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this, Josh. I too hope to be able to lead my life with grace and dignity when my time comes.

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Ann Angell
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Josh - This was just beautiful, heartbreaking, loving and warm. Clearly he is loved beyond measure and always will be. I lost my Mom almost 2 years ago, not to cancer but the loss is felt every day. Grief is a funny bastard and strikes out of nowhere these days.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother Ann. It truly sneaks up on you at the weirdest times sometimes. Wishing you strength on your journey. If you ever feel compelled to share a story on my site (www.griefnarratives.com) please do!

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Tere Ribano
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your pictures had me crying, not for the despair of a lost life but for the richness he had with love you surrounded him at the end. One should only be so lucky to be surrounded by love at the end. Your photographs are beautiful. Your dad I'm sure is beaming with pride

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for the kind words Tere. I'm glad it could find a place in your heart. Wishing you all the best.

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Adam Farish
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this beautiful photos of your father and your moving storytelling. It took a great strength to caught the heart wrenching moments in a photo but you've done it in the most sincere and beautifully. I lost my father May 1st 2007 and the last video I took of him around 3 days before he passed are lost when my mobile phone was stolen. Looking at your father's photo really remind me of my father. I'm sending you and your family my warmest love and may you all find peace.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Adam, and sorry to hear about your loss, and the loss of the footage. Sending love right back at you, and courage on your journey

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Courtney O'Donnell
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have health ocd and existential ocd, I constantly focus on death. I appreciate this story so much. It's beautifully painful and very much ERP for me. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. Know that it made a difference, at least in my life.

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Lisa Tyler
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for the beautiful gift of sharing your experience. While your photography is amazing, your words have provided a meaningful, inspiring, and comforting description of losing a parent.

buggy-boo825 avatar
Doober
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you, Josh, for sharing such intimate and raw moments in your father's journey. Your words were not only a beautiful narrative but also an uplifting reminder to seize life and its unexpected moments with gratitude and positivity, regardless of circumstance. Thank you to you and your dad for reminding me of that. Your story will truly resonate with me indefinitely.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much Doober. I'm glad the story had that kind of impact on you. My dad's attitude in death truly taught me that. I'm simply trying to carry his story on. Thanks so much for your kind words. All the best to you.

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Sarah Mitchell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i have just read this and i think it's lovely what you have done. I was told 5 weeks ago my dad has pancreatic cancer that has spread to liver and lungs. He has weeks to go and we didn't even know he had cancer let alone stage 4 and that he only has weeks to go. I'm numb at the moment but i hope i can be as positive as you have. It pains me to see him wasting away so quickly.

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Sarra Behappy
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Today I visited a family friend at the hospital. Her daughter is 17 years with terminal cancer. It was so heartbreaking. I didn’t know what to say to the girl and how to comfort her. She doesn’t know it’s cancer. I gave her a kiss and then left the room and tried to do my best comforting her mom. I was googling what to say to someone dying of cancer when I came across your post. Beautiful photographs but they also broke my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine going through something like that! If you or any of the readers have suggestions about what I should do to comfort her and what is the right thing to do , please message me.

cjdjgamer avatar
CJ DJ gamer
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing these precious last moments with your father. It is something I contemplate on occasion. I am a single father to a boy and we are each others world. Any input to make that inevitable time more tolerable for him is welcome. Be assured that what you have done is help many thousands x

felicityk avatar
Felicity Bauman
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you Josh your family and most of all your Dad, for sharing your journey with me and the world. You did an amazing job of capturing a beautiful yet crushing journey. Your father looked and sounded like an amazing man with a wonderful soul.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He really was! Thanks for taking the time to write, I really appreciate it and helps keep my Dad close to me.

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Jackie Steele
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing your journey with your father's last days with us. I am a hospice nurse and acknowledge your grief, your questions of should you share and your obvious love for your father. His vibrancy even in the transitions of death is very apparent. Hold on to your love, memories and family. Continue on your own journey with the comfort of your dad with you. <3

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write Jackie. And thank you for your work in hospice. The work you do makes such a difference in people's experience of some of the most impactful and intense parts of life, for both families and the person in palliative. Thank you

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June Keith
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh my were do I even begin... Let me offer my most heart felt condolences and may you and your family find peace... Second this was absolutely touchingly beautiful which probably sounds weird... That smile of your dads to almost his last breath would light up a room, the love and compassion this was done with... what a treasure... If your father is looking down right now, he knows how very much he was loved and how much he is truly missed... may he rest in peace... and may your hearts and souls mend... he would want that for his family no doubt... so much love... God Bless... June Keith

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much for taking the time to write June, and for your kind words. It really means a lot to know that people see what we saw in him, right down to the end. I really appreciate it.

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Mimi Danger
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful and so touching. You've helped many put into words the depth and beauty of emotions that take over when our loved ones leave us. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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Charlotte Rush
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I walked this walk with my dad 24 years ago and my two year old kissed him goodbye on Dec. 23rd and we held his service the next day, Christmas Eve. We lived so much of the same journey. Dad's acceptance that death was coming, our ability to make memories, say the things we needed to say, apologize for being a bratty kid and a terrible teenager. To celebrate the good days he had left, to hold his hand on the bad ones, to assist him in making final decisions, including taking him to the funeral home to plan his own funeral and pick out his casket. To cry and mourn on the long drive home each night at midnight. If we are lucky to outlive our parents, it is a journey we will all take. How our parent sees that journey and how we choose to join them in their journey makes all the difference in the world.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow. Thanks for sharing your story Charlotte. I realize everyone has a different experience but the way my dad (and it sounds like your dad) walked the long road with grace has provided comfort for me while i continue to walk the journey of grief. Thanks for sharing

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Rhonda Barber
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband passed away from cancer in 2015 we lived in our own little world When we went to town people would say oh how thin Jim was.I said yes yes thin and would walk away.If people would see him everyday like I did it would not shock however we made the best of each day hugs to you

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry to hear of yoru loss. I'm glad you found the time and grace to live in the inevitable amongst yourselves and make the most of the time you had.

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Mary Entwistle Shaw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful dad. I lost mine in 1981 to the same cancer and watched him sink to death. I wish taking photos would have been an option for me. Sadly, it was not. Thank you for the diary of your dad. Blessings to you and your family.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write and sharing your own story. Blessings also to you during the holiday season.

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Mary Entwistle Shaw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I would have been able to do that with my dad. He died from the same cancer in 1981. I'm kind of reliving his demise through your accounting and photos. Painful and beautiful at the same time. Thank you for doing this. May you and your family be blessed this holiday season.

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Karen Boyes
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an ex palliative nurse now retired, and now a keen photographer, I applaud your decision to document your Dad in his final days. Just beautiful pictures, precious for you to keep and a true account with how death often is right at the end. I trust his death was peaceful and he was as comfortable as he could be. Much love to you all xxx

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write Karen. I have infinite gratitude for palliative and hospice nurses who usher individuals and their families through this impactful time. Thank you for the time you spent with those people, during those times.

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Ann Bret-Harte
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing your dad's story. I have a similar story with my dad who passed in 2012. You captured everything so well and eloquently, and you succeeded in connecting us all. So beautiful. I am sorry for your loss. I'm sure your dad would be so proud of your work.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And I'm sorry for your loss too. And thank you for taking the write kind words and support. I really means a lot.

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Susan Litera
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. I am absolutely struggling for words. What a beautiful tribute to your father and a wonderful way to memorialize him. I am so impressed and in awe. I have just lost my Dad a few months ago and within the last five years my husband and brother. I have written about grief as it helps me work through it. But this is something that can truly help so many other people not feel so isolated in a space that can feel so incredibly isolating. God bless...

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for taking the time to write Susan. I really appreciate it. And i'm so sorry to hear about your losses, but I'm glad my story could provide you some comfort a long your journey. Since sharing my story, I built www.griefnarratives.com, an online platform for people to be able to share and read stories about grief and loss and (hopefully) not feel so isolated in their grief. If you feel compelled, please share a story you've written. I believe the communal space can help people.

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Mattie Wilson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read/seen. Thank you for sharing your real and your raw- your achingly beautiful. I am navigating life with the physical death of my mother and your words stirred my heart.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write Mattie. I really appreciate the kind words. I'm glad my story could find you, and (hopefully) provide comfort as you walk your own journey. Since sharing my story, I built www.griefnarratives.com, an online platform for people to be able to share and read stories about grief and loss and (hopefully) not feel so isolated in their grief. If you feel compelled, please share a story. I believe the communal space can help people.

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Jenness Crozier
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you Josh for sharing these beautiful intimate photos and the wisdom that comes along with such a profound loss. These photos really inspired me. I supported someone I love deeply through pancreatic cancer and reading your words has reminded me there is more to grieving than just the pain of loss.

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Mariana Ghita
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Kate Edwards
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much for sharing these powerful photos with all of us. Words seem incredibly inadequate to use in response, but I'm very grateful for all that you and your father have allowed us to see. As I walk on my own path towards death, seeing these photos has helped me and offered me true gifts in their honesty, directness, joy, and beauty. I hope that your heart is finding ease.

menglees avatar
Meng Lees
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing yours and your dad's story. I am sorry for your loss. The photos and the article are beautiful. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer in a matter of 7 months. So, it is relatable. I love how you had the amazing photo of him on his bike as the last photo. Be well.

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Emma Campion
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Truly incredible, thank you for sharing this. Honoured to feel the warmth of your family and all the love, in these photos and through your words. And that smile!!!

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Gavin Hartley
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An amazing journey shared and something that most not want to face , let alone cover -- YOU have broken this ice barrier with the most incredible coverage through the magnificence of your talents Josh. AND --- In this magnificence you have shared and celebrated (as it should be) the magnificence of the one you call "Dad" in both life and the days to what is labelled 'death'. A beloved Cherokee Grandmother shared something with me : "Life is a cycle - A cycle is a circle and in a circle we will always return to the beginning!" Beautiful soul, beautiful Man and SO brave in what he opened to do with you that you both were able to bring this celebration of death to humanity. THANK YOU xx

ibshiloh1 avatar
Rebecca Wright-Bowden
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am overwhelmed with the essence of your father, his strength, his utter humanity to share his journey so openly. The raw visible emotions reflected in the photographs brought me to tears, I am so touched by your family...the photographs of the baby alongside him, and with him, sharing in his journey, yet living on to celebrate the life of one man and his family. Thank you for sharing. With great respect for your work.

chrystallynn avatar
Christa Pynn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, thank you sharing. These pictures hit my heart to the core, sitting here crying but a good cry..thank you for sharing this intimate moment.

veralockie avatar
Vera Lockie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing with us... a most touching and loving family, bless u and I hope your Dad is in peace now x

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Frank Sciortino
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your story and pictures will hopefully remind some of how fleeting life can be. Cherish each day. Thanks for the article.

anonemmus avatar
Anon Emmus
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What beautiful photos that defy the idea of only wanting to be remembered as we were before illness. Thank you for sharing these.

partushit1 avatar
ענת פרטוש
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much beauty, softness and love come from the pictures. It definitely took me to my experience with my dad in the hospital. My father passed away in a week and he was so fragile. I miss him a lot. Thanks

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Teenie Weenie Teapots
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Such a distinguished man even until the end! I esp love his glorious hair, he reminds me of Kris Kristofferson! I love the pic of him n his grandchild n mum n him n baby too. The circle of life.... i lost my dad 32 yrs ago, things will never be the same but we find a new normal, esp for mum. Tq for letting us into yr life. Hugs n God bless n my deepest condolences!

teenieweenieteapots avatar
Teenie Weenie Teapots
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, I wanted to add that the greatest blessing for yr Dad was surely that he had his wife n children hold him w the greatest of love n respect even right to the end! Wonderful

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Teenie Weenie Teapots
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So distinguished looking even until the end n his glorious hair too, reminds me of kris kristofferson! I loved the pic of him w his grandchild n mum n him n the baby too! I lost my dad 32 years ago, he was a chronic heart patient. I feel you n my condolences esp to mum. Hugs n God bless Josh. Tqvm.

tanyabattel avatar
Tanya Battel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A truly beautiful story and what stands out is the love of family through the stunning photography. He did, indeed, let you in. I nursed both parents through to their ends - my dad couldn't talk about it - so many things left unsaid. My mum's illness resulted in a loss of capacity. I now have terminal metastatic breast cancer after a 20 year battle with it. My kids are 24 and 26 and as close as we were, we lost some of that - I don't think they are able to cope with it - I wish the conversation could be more open. I am an active lobbyist for voluntary assisted dying - I'd always been an advocate, but the last two years I felt compelled to use my voice. So I talk about death all of the time and it's really not confronting when you talk openly, and you get to have all of your conversations. But, it is not easy for some of those loved ones. I loved your story so much. Your Dad looked like he was a strong man - beautiful, handsome and happy. Clearly he loved you all and you, him

hazydust avatar
Eddy Lee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost two of my brothers to cancer, one day after the other...thank you for sharing.

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Delna Antia
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please accept my condolences! This is so beautiful & touching brought tears to my eyes as I remember my strong vivacious mum who was taken by Alzeheimers less then a year back so quickly.....

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Sue Lynes
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can’t remember ever reading such a beautifully written piece on dying, death, love and grief. I’m so sorry for your loss, your father seemed a wonderful man. Along with the photos it is so powerful. I am a bereavement counsellor and I feel this is such a healthy and real way to look at what faces every single one of us. Thank you for sharing Josh. Wishing you light and peace

2emailgudrun avatar
Gudrun Wiedemann
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Josh, thank you for sharing this powerful article and photo portrait of your dads journey. I see a man who was fully alive, whilst dying. I see presence, grace, dignity, love, acceptance and surrender. There is a richness in your sharing that is a lesson for many. I am feeling blessed to have been able to read it. x Best wishes to you and your family.

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Alexandre Clément
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my mother to cancer 2 months ago. She fought the disease on and off for nigh 7 years but it peaked once more 1 month before she died. I witnessed and felt everything you described and illustrated. Ubiquitous and universal as it is, it still aches just a bit too much to rationalize just yet.I hope I can soon reach the same level of acceptance as you. Thank you for sharing this.

riverspencer avatar
River Spencer
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

looks like he lived his dying days like he did his life...embracing at all with grace and a smile. Good job sir! You honored your father and family in words and photos to be cherished

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Sarah Moeschlin
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I this is one of the best things I have read on dying and grief.This tells the exact same story for my older sister. It was beautiful and truly spoke for all that have danced with death.

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Jane Peranteau
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These pictures are beautiful. He has a glow, an inner light, that shows strong. I often didn't think your mournful words went with the pictures. He helped me see how death could be celebrated, in the way that he celebrated life, and how he showed both to us.

majaabgarowicz avatar
Maja Abgarowicz
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful, touching photography. Beautiful, touching story. So sorry for your lost. Happy for you as it comes to your great photography talent.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for the kind words Maja. If you ever feel inspired to share a story of your own, I built an online space to do just that after my father died. www.griefnarratives.com

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Sierra Batten
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your father was a very handsome fella, with a beautiful smile. So sorry for your loss.

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Susan Robinson-Collins
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Moving and lovely. Your Dad left a lesson for all your readers on dying. I hope I can leave this earth with such grace, love and dignity. A remarkable man and journey. Peace to you and your family.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you Susan. He truly taught us what it meant to love fully until the very end. It was life changing. Thanks so much for your kind words. If you ever feel compelled to share a story of your own, after his death I built a space for people to be able to do the same. It is meant to provide comfort in the share experience of death. www.griefnarratives.com. All the best to you :)

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Jason Rogers
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful and touching both words and photos. I recently lost my mother to cancer. She too had grace and love in her last days.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much Jason. I'm sorry to hear. Though nothing makes it easier, I know my dad's grace allowed changed my perception on what was coming. Wishing you all the best.

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Liz McClellan
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your photos and words helped me smile tonight, as well as release anguished tears that have been building, so thank you, from the bottom of my heart. My Mom passed from Ovarian cancer on 6/15/17, and my Dad is now fighting for his life. He's got esophageal cancer, which has spread to several other parts of his body. He is a force to be reckoned with however, and is fighting with an amazing but quiet strength that leaves me in awe. God bless you for sharing your story and pictures with us. May you find peace in the hope you've brought to me, as well as the hope you so clearly bring to others.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for your kind words Liz, and I'm so sorry to hear of your mother, and now your father's struggle. I'm glad this work could bring you a smile and tears tonight. Wishing you all the best on your grief journey. After losing my dad I founded www.griefnarratives.com, an online community for people to share and read stories about grief and loss. If you ever feel inclined to read more stories, or share your own, there is a space for it. Much love :)

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Mihai Patrichi
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this...leaves you speechless and makes you re-think the loved ones that you take for granted each day.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you Mihai. Death can come from very unexpected places, and at very unexpected times. Thank you so much for your kind words. All the best to you and your loved ones :)

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jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel incredibly grateful to have been there at the very end, the very last moment. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I'm sorry if you weren't able to have the same experience. All the best Ralphie

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Alusair Alustriel
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Powerful photos. I was afraid to open this article and see the "gore" side of death, but you managed to capture it with class, grace and silent peace. Your father must have been a remarkable person. Stay strong.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Alusair. The images near the end can be difficult to see, but I'm glad they struck you in the way that they were meant. He was indeed a remarkable person. Thanks so much for your kind words.

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Luís Pinto
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Congratulations, very interesting work. Your loss is the loss of millions of us, in reality is part of who we are. Who are we to understand? We are just traveling here. PS We should all accept death, as it is part of life, what we should fight for is comfort and dignity in death.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Luis. Death is a universal experience, and personally I find so much comfort knowing that we're all doing it together. Thanks for commenting. All the best

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Aundria Fields
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This so touching and beautiful. 3 years ago I was diagnosed with SEVERE pancreas issues as well as having masses in my bile duct and liver. My 2 sons, ages 10 & 6, have been my reason to fight. But there are times when I just want to give up. I will never forget the day that my children visited me in the hospital and said that, no matter what, mommy will always be their angel. It brings tears to my eyes, even now. Thank you so much for sharing this story.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much Aundria. I'm so sorry to hear of your struggle. Though you sons might not fully understand it right now, they must be so proud. A parents love is like no other. Thanks so much for your kind words. After losing my dad, I founded www.griefnarratives.com. If you ever feel like you want to read more stories, or share your own, the site is an online community resource for people struggling with grief and loss, before, after, during, in all steps of the journey. Wishing strength and comfort as you continue on your battle. :)

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Chancey
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing. These photos are wonderful and touching. My father had pancreatic cancer and lived only one month after his diagnosis. I wish I had pics of him like this.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear Chancey. Pancreatic cancer is definitely a brutal form. We certainly aren't the only ones who share that story. Wishing you comfort in loss.

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Mewton’s Third Paw
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

“It’s a claustrophobic labyrinth with no escape, an ocean of emotion with no shore on the horizon.” This is great writing. It distracted me from the photos quite a bit. This person is lucky that their dad was so loved by their mom. The dad really was so full of life even when he was dying.

tracyperry avatar
Tracy Perry
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is one of the best posts i've ever seen on BP. my eyes are not dry. my outlook on life, and death, forever changed.

hanseecrankle avatar
Hseed
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my father last November. He had a heart failure and his upper brain was completely damaged. He was only 62. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye. I didn't have the opportunity to tell him I loved him. Instead I had to watch him go down day by day for a month and a half until his heart stopped. With eyes wide open and a completely lost sight. What I'm trying to say that even it's such a tragedy to lose your most loved ones, having the chance to say goodbye is a blessing. You get some kind of closure. Your dad seemed a really good guy. And your photos are astounding, and beautiful. I'm also sorry for your loss, but I kind of envy you. In a sweet way, you know right? Hugs to everyone.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your loss Hseed. I am forever grateful that I was able to be there at the very last moment. I'm so sorry you feel your experience missed a moments that you wish you had. I can't imagine what that's like. Everyone's experience is so different, yet the feeling of loss is universal. I hope you find some comfort my friend.Thank you so much for your kind words.

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Janet Elvidge
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A beautiful gracious memorial to your father. The love for him and from him speaks volumes throughout every photograph.

bjwiuff avatar
Brina Coppi
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you. After I read this this morning, I had to walk away and do something else. I don't handle death and grief well. Your unflinchingly raw and touching narrative juxtaposed against your very real and personal loss is just… beautiful. Your dad taught you (all of us, even) how to die—while you teach us how to graciously handle loss.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Brina. Everyone handles it differently, especially at different times. I just know I've found comfort in the process because as soon as it's talked about, everyone has a story they want to share, and to me, there is so much beauty in the fact that we're all actually going through it together. Thank so you much for you kind words. Wishing you comfort as your walk your grief journey, in your own way. :)

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rakuninaru
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this, it hit me really hard. Even though I haven't lost anyone yet, I find it hard to think about it even though I know the day will come that I have to face this reality. So, thank you for giving the entire process a face of acceptance, dignity, and comfort. I also loved your narration. I'm so sorry for your lost, I think you have a beautiful family.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much reading, and taking the time to write. Your kind words really mean a lot. We do indeed have a beautiful family. I will be forever grateful. All the best

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Hilla Lavy
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lost my mom 16 months ago and when people ask me if I regret anything, I tell them “ not taking more pictures and videos “. This are such strong and powerful photos and a beautiful story. I’m sorry for your loss :(

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for saying so Hilla. Though sometimes difficult to look at, i'm so glad I have photos from that time. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know one i regret too is not taking more video. Thanks for reading. WIshing you strength along your journey :)

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Soraya De Cuyper
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It must have been really difficult to complete this project. But I also think it was a beautiful way to say goodbye to your father and to honor him. People can’t handle death that well, but I hope your photos are a gateway for people who don’t understand death. And for people who have been there to know that they are indeed not alone. Your site is a good beginning for that, thank you. I will make my contribution when I’m ready for it. Btw, you’re a great writer, don’t stop!

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much Soraya. I really appreciate the kind words. Before my dad even became the subject, my intention was build just that, a more understanding relationship with death. Of course, having to go through the process like that myself changed everything, but my dads attitude throughout, changed everything again. I'm glad the story reached you. Looking forward to seeing your contribution when the time comes. Much love!

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Kwj
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These pictures are amazing, they make me feel like I knew your dad (of course i didn't, but they bring up a lot of different emotions in me). I have a farther who has lung cancer, and have been ill for the past 5 years. It's so hard to deal with, but we just have to, we can't choose not to. Thank you for sharing theese very personal pictures and your familys story.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for your kind words and sharing your own story. 5 years is long time to be dealing with that. I'm so sorry for the heartache you must feel. If you ever feel compelled to share a story with the site I founded after my father died (www.griefnarratives.com), I'm always looking for more stories.

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Trish Babel
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This breaks my heart and yet warms it too. Thank you for sharing these last moments with us, and for having the courage to show what most of us prefer to hide away. I turned 40 not too long ago, and while I do not care about my own mortality and growing old, I hate seeing my dad becoming frailer, weaker and slower. The thought of losing him rips me apart, but your photos have shown me that there is beauty in fading away, that we should cherish every damn second with those we love. Wishing you courage, strength and love along your way.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for taking the time to write Trish. Though difficult, there is something beautiful about our inevitable mortality. A fate we all feel together, one way or another. Wishing you all the best along your journey

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Caley Buxton
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for this. I have terminal cancer (I'm probably looking at years, not months), and it's scary. I appreciate seeing your dad but also your experience, because I'm saddest about leaving my family. I'm glad you feel peace despite the pain.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry to hear about your illness Caley, I can't imagine what that feels like. Wishing you all the strength as you walk your journey.

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Laurie Hasnip
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm losing my father slowly and horribly, it's taking years, I swing from despair to laughing at the crazy stuff he gets up to and back again. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry to hear Laurie. Those ours passed so quick, which carries with it it's own difficulties, but I can't imagine what it feels like to have that agony spread out over years. I'm so sorry to hear. Wishing you strength along your journey.

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Amery
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Josh, this touches my soul. I grieve your loss. I lost my mother at 16. The writer in me wanted to do a chronology of photos and feelings, yet I was too young. Technology was nowhere near where it is today. Your story REALLY touched my heart AND soul, deeply. I appreciate your sharing, and yes; I also will check out your website. Perhaps it isn't too late for me to share, after all?!? THANK YOU.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Amery. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm glad my story could find a spot in your heart that brings your moms alive, if only for a moment. I would love if you were able to share a story at some point :) Thanks so much for your kind words

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HoffLensMetalHedLovesAnimalsUK
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As others have said, beautiful and haunting, our mortality for everyone to see.He seems like a lovely, happy guy and i'm sure those are the memories that will stay with you.I haven't lost anyone to cancer but i did watch my best friend's dad succumb to brain cancer, he went from a big, healthy, family man to a fragile shell who couldn't even wipe his own nose in less than 12 months.Thanks for sharing Josh, i hope it can bring you some peace too.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for taking the time to write. He was a happy and lovely guy indeed. We were lucky to have him in life, and still have him in death. And I'm sorry to hear about your friends dad. I can also so difficult to watch someone go through the process. All the best.

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AzKahleesi
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. This is incredibly beautiful and incredibly sad. I feel like I was there through that journey with you and your family. Took me back to when my grandfather and grandmother passed. My boyfriend's grandfather just passed yesterday and he's having a hard go. I think when he's a bit stronger I will show him this. Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss, he seemed extremely wonderful and what a wonderful son he has through you!

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to write, and wishing you all the best as you (and your boyfriend), walk your own journeys. After my dad died, I founded www.griefnarratives.com, an online resource for people struggling with grief and loss. Should you (or him) ever feel inclined to read or share stories, there is now a site for it! All the best

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Kim Lorton
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. As a former nurse, the majority of my years, were spent with people fighting death, and living with the knowledge, death was coming. Soon. As a former hospice nurse, I felt honor and thankfulness, that I could help make it easier, and help them all live these last moments, with an aspect of understanding, and joy, and often times, morbit humor. Yes, some people find that humor, was a great release! Death comes to us all, but it is just a transition. Throw we have lived, that makes death bitterly sweet, and painfully unfair.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for taking the time to write, and thanks so much for your work nursing and in hospice. We had such great help from our nursing team, and I will be forever grateful. All the best

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ex-jedi
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We held my mother's funeral on Monday, so this is very... (can't think of a word to put here). I am sorry for your loss.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry to hear about your recent lost. Though I can never know what it's like for you, know that I've walked that walk before, and you don't walk it alone. Wishing you all the best, and comfort in difficult times.

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Carye Eyer Wilson
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel I was privileged to watch my mother and brother passed in my arms. My mother was alive then and I had to tell her that he was gone. His pulse stopped and I was holding his wrist and hand. One tear came down his cheek. It was so beautiful. Yes, death was beautiful. Grief. How to discuss grief?

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for writing Carye. It was a unique and transformative experience being at my fathers bedside when he passed. I'm truly grateful I was able to be, difficult though it was. Sorry to hear about your own grief journey. Wishing you all the best.

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Em Hubbs
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just literally walked this walk with my best friend and her husband last week. I took care of him during his last days, hours, minutes, and moments. These beautiful photographs are the EXACT ones that fill my head and my heart. To be there and hear the last words spoken and to see the last smile on his face is something that is forever imprinted in my mind and my heart. To have the privilege and honor of helping someone make this transition is one of the greatest, yet most heartbreaking blessings of my life. I fondly with tear filled eyes look at these pictures, and see Richard...truly the most beautiful hurt there ever will be. Thank you for sharing this, my heart needed this today!

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So well put Em, it is true the most beautiful hurt. That's exactly it. So much hurt, but so much beauty because of it. So sorry to hear of your loss though. It is still a hard journey to walk, and wishing you all the best. If you, or your friend ever feel inclined to share your story on www.griefnarratives.com, please do. I hope it provides comfort people as they walk to their journey. Thanks so much for your kind words.

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Brina Coppi
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you. After I read this this morning, I had to walk away and do something else. I don't handle death and grief well. Your unflinchingly raw and touching narrative juxtaposed against the images and your very real and personal loss is just… beautiful. Your dad taught you (all of us, even) how to die—while you teach us how to graciously accept loss.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

thanks so much for the kind words Brina. It's a lesson I'll never forget. all the best

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Margarita Gallegos
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story!I have lost my mom brother dad and two young nieces in a short period of time . So sorry for your loss.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry to hear about your intense string of losses. I can't imagine what that feels like. After losing my dad I founded www.griefnarratives.com, an online resource for people to share stories of grief and loss. You can read more stories there, and if you feel so inclined, share you own. either way, thanks so much for your kind words. Wishing you comfort as you walk your grief journey.

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Priya
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If only I could give even one year of my life for him to spend more time with his family... I'd do it in a second.

njakubke avatar
Norbert Jakubke
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've never seen these photos and it reminds me how much Diet filled a room with his presence and love. He was one of a kind and made you always feel like you were the most important person in a room of 1000's. His lessons are a reminder of how we should all behave when it comes to being the best we can be. Sure miss him.

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TunedForLife
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful. He left this world with smiles and dignity. That's how my dad passed also. Thank you for sharing. I'll go cry now. May God rest their souls.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to read and for the kind words. I'm sorry to hear about your loss but glad to hear you have found ways to find comfort. Wishing you all the best of your journey.

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LJ Harwood
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing your father's story which is both so personal and so universal and sharing the story of your family. It helps me in my own experience of loss and feeling alone as part of a small family. It makes me realize that other people would understand.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for the kind words LJ, and taking the time to write. I hope reading the story as brought you some amount of comfort on your journey. Wishing you all the best, and strength in knowing you are not alone!

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Noni Laurentia
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am sorry your father is no longer with us. What a brave and graceful legacy he left behind not just for you and your family, but all of us readers. The big smiles of his in most of the photos and the last photo with him on his race bike, makes me think he's up there winning every race while also keeping an eye on all of you. May you and your loved ones find comfort knowing your dad's journey keeps touching others everyday. Live to the fullest, love more during the harder times. Ride on, Sir!

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response Noni. I often think of him riding a road bike somewhere, off on his celestial steed. I'm glad to know he found a way to your heart. Wishing you all the best.

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John Doe
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad is 70, and he was diagnosed with prostate cancer a year ago, doctors prescribed hormone inhibitors and radiotherapy, he's already started treatment, and he's doing well, except for suffering minor side effects because of the radiotherapy. The one good thing is that he's in high spirits, he's not thinking about it and not letting it get to him, and since he lived a healthy life style, his body is strong... Though i wish i was half as strong as he is... My dad is my best friend, he's always stood by my side and cared for me, to lose him would break my heart in pieces. So i want to thank you for sharing this with us, and i'm terribly sorry for your loss, you've shown me a side that I've never thought of before, and i'm sure it will help me see the light, but i'd be lying if i said picturing that last moment doesn't frighten me like a thousand nightmares.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hey John, I'm so sorry to hear about your dad's struggle. I know what it feels like to have a father like a best friend and i'm sure that's so hard for you to watch. Thanks so much for taking the time to write and share a piece of your own story. know that it brings me comfort just to hear you say something as simple as he was like a best friend to you, makes me realize other people do get it, in their own way. I'm glad my story found you and offered you some light in what will always be a difficult journey. Wishing you all the best brother, and strength along the way.

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Anggi Pangastuti
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lovely.. So sorry for your lost. I'm sure your dad will be proud for your work. He left with such dignity and was surrounded by people he loved. I feel you. Me and my little kids are preparing the worst for my husband too..

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for reading and taking the time to write Anggi. and I'm sorry to hear about your husbands struggles. I'm sure it's a difficult journey for you right now, and i'm wishing you strength and comfort along the way.

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Sandrine-E. Séchaud
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much ! I lost my mom to a agressive cancer 10 months ago. And , I struggle but I get up. That phrase is perfect: I hope that you can find comfort in the inevitability and ubiquity of Death. Your heart hurts, but find comfort in the thought that so many hearts beat alongside yours, walking that same path. Know that Life walks right along with you on a true path toward a deeper understanding of joy and happiness. So sorry for your lost, your family look very close.Your picture reflect perfectly the stages of this journey. Thank you for sharing. Bless you

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi Sandrine. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's a unbelievably difficult journey and no words can properly fix any part of it. I'm glad however, that you found some degree of comfort in reading my story. Thanks so much for taking the time to write and for the kind words. If you ever feel compelled to share some of your own story, i'm always looking for submissions for www.griefnarratives.com. Either way, thanks so much. Wishing your comfort and strength along your journey.

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Pseudo Puppy
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Grief is the price we pay for love"; I think this is such a beautiful way of looking at things. I am so sorry for your loss, but I am even happier for the love that you were able to have had. Your dad looks like a good man.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for saying so. He certainly was a good man. And i am forever grateful i had a man like him in my life. Thanks for taking the time to read and write. All the best

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Belle Hombrebueno
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is beyond amazing. I became a nurse not only to help people but to see these amazing love in everyone's families. Your photos shows how wonderful your father was and how he touched your hearts. You captured some of the best moments in his life, the ones he truly felt all the love for him. May you continue to share your talent to the world. All the best! :)

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi Belle! Thanks so much for taking the to write, and the kind words. And for being a nurse! I will be forever grateful for the way our nurses walked with us through the process. You guys truly are gems. All the best to you too!

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Krista Ochs
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing what is likely the most intimate moment of life - birth would be second and celebrated. Your dad had so much character in his face and soul. God bless you in your time of loss and reflection; thank you for including us and embracing the concept of community ... we are losing that - peace...

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Krista. I really appreciate the kind words. It really means a lot. All the best :)

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Samhhain Cat
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear about your dad :( I hope these images bring you some comfort. What a smile he had!

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Minnie-me
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this. I lost my father to advanced kidney cancer that spread to his liver and lungs. He went into the hospital due pain in his leg from a clot and died from the cancer spreading aggressively days later. These pictures and this story hits home. When someone is facing death, their grace and sense of accepting the inevitable is remarkable and sole crushing all at once.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Hi Minnie-me. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, but I'm glad my story found you. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

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NWB
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So powerful and beautiful. An an amazing tribute to your father. x

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Lara Verne
Community Member
5 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful photography, I’m sorry for your loss. My friend died of cancer few years ago. I remember him fondly.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear about your loss Lara. And thank you for the kind words. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

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Bari
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my father to gastrointestinal cancer in 2017. He battled a terminal diagnosis for 7 years before he was able to rest. Sometimes I wish I would have taken more photos of us together during those last months, but sometimes I'm glad I didn't. My step-mother actually passed away from lung cancer in 2008, but that took less than a month from something being wrong to her being dead. I never had time to even process it.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses Bari. I can't imagine how hard it would have been to endure that battle for 7 years. I'm glad you found a place to share some of your story. You ever feel compelled to share more, i'm always looking for submissions for www.griefnarratives.com. Wishing you comfort and strength

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Jen Sanders
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So very, very lovely. Truly moving & heartbreaking in equal measures. I recently lost my beloved father and although my heart broke into little pieces when he finally succumbed, I knew that I received a precious gift. A gift of acceptance, grace and spirit. My sweet dad never ever complained, never said "why me", was not afraid of death. This was so very amazing to me since he suffered for years from his vicious illness, an illness that took away from him all that he held dear. His blue eyes always sparkled, his heart talked to me in amazing ways and he taught me what true & amazing love was.He taught me to be strong even when his body was not. He taught me not to be afraid of what scares me and for that I will always be grateful. Stories like this need to be told, so thank you Josh.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much for taking the write Jen. As difficult as it is I'm sure, I'm so happy to hear you were able to experience it like that, and find comfort in your fathers strength. It's changed my outlook on many things, but particularly death. I really appreciate your kind words. Love and strength to you.

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Mariana Pinto
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow! Your father was a beatiful man and this is a lovely tribute. He must be proud! Thank you for sharing

well51 avatar
Teresa
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is difficult to describe these pictures without contradictions- painful, yet beautiful. I am sure they are treasured whilst also difficult to see. These are particularly poignant for me as my 53 year old partner has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. I thought carefully before I viewed these photos as I already have so much to dread without having it all laid bare before me, but I felt great comfort in seeing not only the genuine smile on your father’s face, but also the absence of fear. I suspect that he not only left a lasting legacy for you and your family, but also with many of us with whom you have shared your pictures. Thank you. Both of you.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much Teresa. I'm so sorry to hear about the journey you are about to walk. I can't imagine what it would feel like, receiving that diagnosis for a partner. Wishing you all the best on your journey. Don't hesitate to reach out should you need anything. you can find my email on my website.

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pebs
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I perfectly understand about universal truth, but I wold never expose such a private fact either.

mebeka avatar
Rebekah
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your photos show a good soul, laughing and handsome, and very loved. No doubt he is proud of you. Thank you for sharing, and I am very sorry for your loss.

lisahold avatar
Lisa Hold
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom died in hospice from a brain tumor Feb 2014. The pics I have of her last days are hard to look at but I'm glad I took them- yours must also be hard to look at, but they are also beautiful. Bless...

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Lisa. So sorry to hear about your loss. I'm glad you found the courage to photograph the last days. They are images I will always cherish.

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Bryon Bauer
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't think I would have the courage to document the death of a loved one. But your story, like your pictures are beautiful and heart warming. This is a subject many people have a hard time facing. Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry for your loss. Your dad seemed like a cool dude, with lots of humor and character.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much Bryon. It was difficult indeed but I'm still glad I have these images. He was indeed a cool dude and they will forever serve as a reminder of his grace in dying.

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KarmaQueen
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am so sorry for you loss. I am sitting here crying looking at the story behind these beautiful pictures. There are some sad ones in here, however, I looked at many where he tried to keep a smile on his face and enjoy what time he had left. He looked like a beautiful soul.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He really was! Thanks for taking the time to write. I really appreciate it. All the best

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Doodlemancer
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this, Josh. I too hope to be able to lead my life with grace and dignity when my time comes.

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Ann Angell
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Josh - This was just beautiful, heartbreaking, loving and warm. Clearly he is loved beyond measure and always will be. I lost my Mom almost 2 years ago, not to cancer but the loss is felt every day. Grief is a funny bastard and strikes out of nowhere these days.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother Ann. It truly sneaks up on you at the weirdest times sometimes. Wishing you strength on your journey. If you ever feel compelled to share a story on my site (www.griefnarratives.com) please do!

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Tere Ribano
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your pictures had me crying, not for the despair of a lost life but for the richness he had with love you surrounded him at the end. One should only be so lucky to be surrounded by love at the end. Your photographs are beautiful. Your dad I'm sure is beaming with pride

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for the kind words Tere. I'm glad it could find a place in your heart. Wishing you all the best.

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Adam Farish
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing this beautiful photos of your father and your moving storytelling. It took a great strength to caught the heart wrenching moments in a photo but you've done it in the most sincere and beautifully. I lost my father May 1st 2007 and the last video I took of him around 3 days before he passed are lost when my mobile phone was stolen. Looking at your father's photo really remind me of my father. I'm sending you and your family my warmest love and may you all find peace.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks Adam, and sorry to hear about your loss, and the loss of the footage. Sending love right back at you, and courage on your journey

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Courtney O'Donnell
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have health ocd and existential ocd, I constantly focus on death. I appreciate this story so much. It's beautifully painful and very much ERP for me. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful story. Know that it made a difference, at least in my life.

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Lisa Tyler
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for the beautiful gift of sharing your experience. While your photography is amazing, your words have provided a meaningful, inspiring, and comforting description of losing a parent.

buggy-boo825 avatar
Doober
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you, Josh, for sharing such intimate and raw moments in your father's journey. Your words were not only a beautiful narrative but also an uplifting reminder to seize life and its unexpected moments with gratitude and positivity, regardless of circumstance. Thank you to you and your dad for reminding me of that. Your story will truly resonate with me indefinitely.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
5 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much Doober. I'm glad the story had that kind of impact on you. My dad's attitude in death truly taught me that. I'm simply trying to carry his story on. Thanks so much for your kind words. All the best to you.

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Sarah Mitchell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i have just read this and i think it's lovely what you have done. I was told 5 weeks ago my dad has pancreatic cancer that has spread to liver and lungs. He has weeks to go and we didn't even know he had cancer let alone stage 4 and that he only has weeks to go. I'm numb at the moment but i hope i can be as positive as you have. It pains me to see him wasting away so quickly.

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Sarra Behappy
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Today I visited a family friend at the hospital. Her daughter is 17 years with terminal cancer. It was so heartbreaking. I didn’t know what to say to the girl and how to comfort her. She doesn’t know it’s cancer. I gave her a kiss and then left the room and tried to do my best comforting her mom. I was googling what to say to someone dying of cancer when I came across your post. Beautiful photographs but they also broke my heart. I’m so sorry for your loss and I can’t imagine going through something like that! If you or any of the readers have suggestions about what I should do to comfort her and what is the right thing to do , please message me.

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CJ DJ gamer
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing these precious last moments with your father. It is something I contemplate on occasion. I am a single father to a boy and we are each others world. Any input to make that inevitable time more tolerable for him is welcome. Be assured that what you have done is help many thousands x

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Felicity Bauman
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you Josh your family and most of all your Dad, for sharing your journey with me and the world. You did an amazing job of capturing a beautiful yet crushing journey. Your father looked and sounded like an amazing man with a wonderful soul.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He really was! Thanks for taking the time to write, I really appreciate it and helps keep my Dad close to me.

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Jackie Steele
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing your journey with your father's last days with us. I am a hospice nurse and acknowledge your grief, your questions of should you share and your obvious love for your father. His vibrancy even in the transitions of death is very apparent. Hold on to your love, memories and family. Continue on your own journey with the comfort of your dad with you. <3

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write Jackie. And thank you for your work in hospice. The work you do makes such a difference in people's experience of some of the most impactful and intense parts of life, for both families and the person in palliative. Thank you

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June Keith
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh my were do I even begin... Let me offer my most heart felt condolences and may you and your family find peace... Second this was absolutely touchingly beautiful which probably sounds weird... That smile of your dads to almost his last breath would light up a room, the love and compassion this was done with... what a treasure... If your father is looking down right now, he knows how very much he was loved and how much he is truly missed... may he rest in peace... and may your hearts and souls mend... he would want that for his family no doubt... so much love... God Bless... June Keith

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much for taking the time to write June, and for your kind words. It really means a lot to know that people see what we saw in him, right down to the end. I really appreciate it.

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Mimi Danger
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Beautiful and so touching. You've helped many put into words the depth and beauty of emotions that take over when our loved ones leave us. Thank you for sharing your journey.

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Charlotte Rush
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I walked this walk with my dad 24 years ago and my two year old kissed him goodbye on Dec. 23rd and we held his service the next day, Christmas Eve. We lived so much of the same journey. Dad's acceptance that death was coming, our ability to make memories, say the things we needed to say, apologize for being a bratty kid and a terrible teenager. To celebrate the good days he had left, to hold his hand on the bad ones, to assist him in making final decisions, including taking him to the funeral home to plan his own funeral and pick out his casket. To cry and mourn on the long drive home each night at midnight. If we are lucky to outlive our parents, it is a journey we will all take. How our parent sees that journey and how we choose to join them in their journey makes all the difference in the world.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

wow. Thanks for sharing your story Charlotte. I realize everyone has a different experience but the way my dad (and it sounds like your dad) walked the long road with grace has provided comfort for me while i continue to walk the journey of grief. Thanks for sharing

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Rhonda Barber
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband passed away from cancer in 2015 we lived in our own little world When we went to town people would say oh how thin Jim was.I said yes yes thin and would walk away.If people would see him everyday like I did it would not shock however we made the best of each day hugs to you

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry to hear of yoru loss. I'm glad you found the time and grace to live in the inevitable amongst yourselves and make the most of the time you had.

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Mary Entwistle Shaw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm so sorry you lost your beautiful dad. I lost mine in 1981 to the same cancer and watched him sink to death. I wish taking photos would have been an option for me. Sadly, it was not. Thank you for the diary of your dad. Blessings to you and your family.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write and sharing your own story. Blessings also to you during the holiday season.

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Mary Entwistle Shaw
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wish I would have been able to do that with my dad. He died from the same cancer in 1981. I'm kind of reliving his demise through your accounting and photos. Painful and beautiful at the same time. Thank you for doing this. May you and your family be blessed this holiday season.

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Karen Boyes
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As an ex palliative nurse now retired, and now a keen photographer, I applaud your decision to document your Dad in his final days. Just beautiful pictures, precious for you to keep and a true account with how death often is right at the end. I trust his death was peaceful and he was as comfortable as he could be. Much love to you all xxx

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write Karen. I have infinite gratitude for palliative and hospice nurses who usher individuals and their families through this impactful time. Thank you for the time you spent with those people, during those times.

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Ann Bret-Harte
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing your dad's story. I have a similar story with my dad who passed in 2012. You captured everything so well and eloquently, and you succeeded in connecting us all. So beautiful. I am sorry for your loss. I'm sure your dad would be so proud of your work.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And I'm sorry for your loss too. And thank you for taking the write kind words and support. I really means a lot.

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Susan Litera
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow. I am absolutely struggling for words. What a beautiful tribute to your father and a wonderful way to memorialize him. I am so impressed and in awe. I have just lost my Dad a few months ago and within the last five years my husband and brother. I have written about grief as it helps me work through it. But this is something that can truly help so many other people not feel so isolated in a space that can feel so incredibly isolating. God bless...

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks so much for taking the time to write Susan. I really appreciate it. And i'm so sorry to hear about your losses, but I'm glad my story could provide you some comfort a long your journey. Since sharing my story, I built www.griefnarratives.com, an online platform for people to be able to share and read stories about grief and loss and (hopefully) not feel so isolated in their grief. If you feel compelled, please share a story you've written. I believe the communal space can help people.

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Mattie Wilson
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read/seen. Thank you for sharing your real and your raw- your achingly beautiful. I am navigating life with the physical death of my mother and your words stirred my heart.

jneuf avatar
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thanks for taking the time to write Mattie. I really appreciate the kind words. I'm glad my story could find you, and (hopefully) provide comfort as you walk your own journey. Since sharing my story, I built www.griefnarratives.com, an online platform for people to be able to share and read stories about grief and loss and (hopefully) not feel so isolated in their grief. If you feel compelled, please share a story. I believe the communal space can help people.

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Jenness Crozier
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you Josh for sharing these beautiful intimate photos and the wisdom that comes along with such a profound loss. These photos really inspired me. I supported someone I love deeply through pancreatic cancer and reading your words has reminded me there is more to grieving than just the pain of loss.

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Mariana Ghita
Community Member
4 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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Kate Edwards
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you so much for sharing these powerful photos with all of us. Words seem incredibly inadequate to use in response, but I'm very grateful for all that you and your father have allowed us to see. As I walk on my own path towards death, seeing these photos has helped me and offered me true gifts in their honesty, directness, joy, and beauty. I hope that your heart is finding ease.

menglees avatar
Meng Lees
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing yours and your dad's story. I am sorry for your loss. The photos and the article are beautiful. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer in a matter of 7 months. So, it is relatable. I love how you had the amazing photo of him on his bike as the last photo. Be well.

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Emma Campion
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Truly incredible, thank you for sharing this. Honoured to feel the warmth of your family and all the love, in these photos and through your words. And that smile!!!

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Gavin Hartley
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

An amazing journey shared and something that most not want to face , let alone cover -- YOU have broken this ice barrier with the most incredible coverage through the magnificence of your talents Josh. AND --- In this magnificence you have shared and celebrated (as it should be) the magnificence of the one you call "Dad" in both life and the days to what is labelled 'death'. A beloved Cherokee Grandmother shared something with me : "Life is a cycle - A cycle is a circle and in a circle we will always return to the beginning!" Beautiful soul, beautiful Man and SO brave in what he opened to do with you that you both were able to bring this celebration of death to humanity. THANK YOU xx

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Rebecca Wright-Bowden
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am overwhelmed with the essence of your father, his strength, his utter humanity to share his journey so openly. The raw visible emotions reflected in the photographs brought me to tears, I am so touched by your family...the photographs of the baby alongside him, and with him, sharing in his journey, yet living on to celebrate the life of one man and his family. Thank you for sharing. With great respect for your work.

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Christa Pynn
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, thank you sharing. These pictures hit my heart to the core, sitting here crying but a good cry..thank you for sharing this intimate moment.

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Vera Lockie
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thank you for sharing with us... a most touching and loving family, bless u and I hope your Dad is in peace now x

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Frank Sciortino
Community Member
4 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your story and pictures will hopefully remind some of how fleeting life can be. Cherish each day. Thanks for the article.

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Anon Emmus
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What beautiful photos that defy the idea of only wanting to be remembered as we were before illness. Thank you for sharing these.

partushit1 avatar
ענת פרטוש
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much beauty, softness and love come from the pictures. It definitely took me to my experience with my dad in the hospital. My father passed away in a week and he was so fragile. I miss him a lot. Thanks

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Teenie Weenie Teapots
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Such a distinguished man even until the end! I esp love his glorious hair, he reminds me of Kris Kristofferson! I love the pic of him n his grandchild n mum n him n baby too. The circle of life.... i lost my dad 32 yrs ago, things will never be the same but we find a new normal, esp for mum. Tq for letting us into yr life. Hugs n God bless n my deepest condolences!

teenieweenieteapots avatar
Teenie Weenie Teapots
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sorry, I wanted to add that the greatest blessing for yr Dad was surely that he had his wife n children hold him w the greatest of love n respect even right to the end! Wonderful

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Teenie Weenie Teapots
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So distinguished looking even until the end n his glorious hair too, reminds me of kris kristofferson! I loved the pic of him w his grandchild n mum n him n the baby too! I lost my dad 32 years ago, he was a chronic heart patient. I feel you n my condolences esp to mum. Hugs n God bless Josh. Tqvm.

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Tanya Battel
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A truly beautiful story and what stands out is the love of family through the stunning photography. He did, indeed, let you in. I nursed both parents through to their ends - my dad couldn't talk about it - so many things left unsaid. My mum's illness resulted in a loss of capacity. I now have terminal metastatic breast cancer after a 20 year battle with it. My kids are 24 and 26 and as close as we were, we lost some of that - I don't think they are able to cope with it - I wish the conversation could be more open. I am an active lobbyist for voluntary assisted dying - I'd always been an advocate, but the last two years I felt compelled to use my voice. So I talk about death all of the time and it's really not confronting when you talk openly, and you get to have all of your conversations. But, it is not easy for some of those loved ones. I loved your story so much. Your Dad looked like he was a strong man - beautiful, handsome and happy. Clearly he loved you all and you, him

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Eddy Lee
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost two of my brothers to cancer, one day after the other...thank you for sharing.

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Delna Antia
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Please accept my condolences! This is so beautiful & touching brought tears to my eyes as I remember my strong vivacious mum who was taken by Alzeheimers less then a year back so quickly.....

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Sue Lynes
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I can’t remember ever reading such a beautifully written piece on dying, death, love and grief. I’m so sorry for your loss, your father seemed a wonderful man. Along with the photos it is so powerful. I am a bereavement counsellor and I feel this is such a healthy and real way to look at what faces every single one of us. Thank you for sharing Josh. Wishing you light and peace

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Gudrun Wiedemann
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Josh, thank you for sharing this powerful article and photo portrait of your dads journey. I see a man who was fully alive, whilst dying. I see presence, grace, dignity, love, acceptance and surrender. There is a richness in your sharing that is a lesson for many. I am feeling blessed to have been able to read it. x Best wishes to you and your family.

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Alexandre Clément
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I lost my mother to cancer 2 months ago. She fought the disease on and off for nigh 7 years but it peaked once more 1 month before she died. I witnessed and felt everything you described and illustrated. Ubiquitous and universal as it is, it still aches just a bit too much to rationalize just yet.I hope I can soon reach the same level of acceptance as you. Thank you for sharing this.

riverspencer avatar
River Spencer
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

looks like he lived his dying days like he did his life...embracing at all with grace and a smile. Good job sir! You honored your father and family in words and photos to be cherished

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Sarah Moeschlin
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I this is one of the best things I have read on dying and grief.This tells the exact same story for my older sister. It was beautiful and truly spoke for all that have danced with death.

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Jane Peranteau
Community Member
4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

These pictures are beautiful. He has a glow, an inner light, that shows strong. I often didn't think your mournful words went with the pictures. He helped me see how death could be celebrated, in the way that he celebrated life, and how he showed both to us.

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