Wife’s Ridiculously-Detailed Shopping List For Husband Goes Viral, Starts A Discussion On Male Incompetence
Recently, husband & wife TikTok account Adam x Melinda uploaded a few videos that have sparked a heated debate on the internet.
The clips show Melinda writing out a grocery list that not only named the items she wanted her husband to pick up at the store, but included the prices and a picture of what each item looks like so that Adam wouldn’t get confused. She also hand-drew a map of the store itself, marking the products’ exact locations.
The original video has racked up over 21.2 million views and 2.4 million likes
@adamxmelindaWho found us from this video? 🤣 #marriedlife #couplecomedy #couples #marriedlifehumor #husbandandwife #couple #tutorials #foryou♬ Oh No – Kreepa
Image credits: adamxmelinda
These videos perfectly illustrate what many of us already intuitively know. While more than half of married couples in the United States claim that sharing household chores is “very important” for a successful marriage, when it comes to grocery shopping and cooking, women say they’re the ones usually doing the work.
For instance, in U.S. households consisting of married or cohabiting parents and one or more children under the age of 18, 80% of mothers say they are the ones who usually prepare the meals – the same as the share who say they are the primary grocery shopper, according to a Pew Research Center analysis. Some 71% of moms say they primarily handle both chores.
A few days later, Adam x Melinda released a follow-up
Image credits: adamxmelinda
Around two-in-ten fathers in the same type of household say they are the person who usually prepares the meals (19%) or grocery shops (20%). About one-in-ten (11%) say they normally do both tasks.
However, dads are about twice as likely as moms to say these chores are split equally: 20% of dads say they cook as much as their partner, compared with 10% of moms. The pattern for grocery shopping is very similar: 23% vs. 11%.
Even though Melinda reassured people that the whole thing was a joke
Image credits: adamxmelinda
It’s worth mentioning that over the last 50 years, American women (particularly mothers) have increased the amount of time they spend in paid work, and men (especially fathers) have taken on more obligations at home.
Still, on average, U.S. women spend fewer hours in paid work than men, which might partially explain the gender imbalance in time spent on food prep and grocery shopping.
It has resulted in a discussion on “performative incompetence”
@notwildlin#stitch with @adamxmelinda this is kind of a ramble but hold it♬ original sound – NotWildlin
With the most notable contribution coming from user NotWildlin
Image credits: notwildlin
Here’s what other people said
115Kviews
Share on Facebook
Needing to list the aisle numbers and stuff is a bit excessive, however, for certain things, I will send pictures of what I want to whoever is doing the shopping because many things come in different brands, sizes, types, etc. It can be confusing and it's hard to memorize everyone's personal preferences, especially if it's not a weekly purchase.
That's a good point, especially if its something they're not used to buying
Load More Replies...
Why all the hate on men? Women do this too! My sisters used to purposely burn food so they would never be asked to cook again. In my marriage I do most of the cooking and if I sent my wife out to shop I would guarantee she would come back with none of the ingredients I put on the list because she couldn’t find them however if I was to do this I would be controlling and demeaning her. No one gives a s**t that I have to go back out to the shops to buy all the thing that were on the list in the first place.
So it's shitty and manipulative people in general. That's fine.
Load More Replies...
So what I understood 30 years ago was this is not called performative incompetence but CREATIVE INCOMPETENCE and I have had co-workers, all men, who do this to avoid work they don't want at a paying job. I understand they used it elsewhere as well. None of those who employed this technique were invested in the work, everyone was proud of the avoidance of work even though it still had to be done and it was important work. It is usually men because boys incidentally figure this out as they are assigned chores and tired parents realize gosh, it is so much easier to do this myself - he does everything else he's supposed to. Girls are not usually allowed to do this, or they simply hide it and don't brag (same way women typically get away with crimes because they don't talk).
Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Rodrick Rules. Rule Number 1: Don't be good at something that you don't want to do.
Load More Replies... An article about a joke shopping list ended up in a conversation about performative incompetence based on chores somehow got twisted into a race debate. The OP's must be laughing all the way to the bank with all the clicks.
How does she even want to have sex with this man? Unless your husband has suffered a brain injury, this is beyond ridiculous. Men are not incompetent, they just pretend to be so women take the lion's share of household responsibilities. Funny how they are perfectly competent at work, or with their friends, no? Don't fall for it, ladies. It's a scam, and it is deliberate. There is nothing cute about playing mommy to a full-grown man. Choose men who know how to behave like adults. She should be embarrassed to put what she is willing to settle for on display, with this pathetic arts-and-crafts project for her idiot husband. Just, NO.
She said that this was a joke. If it was real then sure. Though I do think it's a personality thing and not a man thing. My sister has done this kind of thing for years to her male partners.
Load More Replies...
This is not far short of what I have had to do with my MILs carers. We now have a tickbox list with the name, brand, size and approx. price for everything that she buys regularly. Items are grouped by where they are found in the store. Much easier for her as she only has to tick what she wants (or put a quantity in) and much easier for the carers as it has all the info they could need. Yet still some of them manage to get the wrong things or the wrong sizes - okay sometimes they are out of stock - but they just don't seem to be able to get their head round buying things in a 1 person size.
These seem like things that can and should be worked out over time for a marriage. Go shopping together and learn each others' brands/tastes. Let each other make a few mistakes and learn what really matters to each other - this could be what brand of milk they like or which parts of the bathroom they are extremely particular about being clean and organized. Don't game each other though, damn...
I NEVER send anyone to the store for items. I sent my husband once for "Morton House Baked Beans." I repeated it several times and then I said ONCE do not get B&M Baked beans, ONLY Morton House. Guess what he came back with.
Well, repeating it meant he probably got the wrong words stuck in his head. I write it down for my husband but then I also don't care that much if he comes home with the wrong beans - he's the one eating them! Oh, I do love online grocery shopping and having it delivered instead.
Load More Replies... I dont cut and glue, but I usually screencap the items I want (mostly on discount) and message it. Then he gets both a visual and the price. Sometimes with a contingency plan, like "if xx is out, replace with yy". We live almost an hour from the shop and only goes there once a week or so, evertything has to ve right. And it gets very expensive if he dont get guidance as he grabs the first item he sees otherwise.
I don't know about this, but there is so much to chose from in a store. If you ask for cereal, and you're not aware Fairy Dust Super Rainbow Sprinkles Gluten Free is a thing and the latest favorite in the household, a visual aid might be helpful in finding it in the sea of boxes. When my kids want something specific and my husband goes to the store, I look it up online and send him the item from the store. Sure, it's a great website and they have close to everything online with every bit of info, unlike many other stores, but still. I think it's helpful. I also don't care if someone gets a somewhat different item and I make the same mistakes if I'm not familiar with an item.
Unfortunately for anyone trying faked incompetence on me, I'm all too familiar with that tactic. I'll just point out your obvious ploy and make you do it again if you screwed up on purpose.
there is a sad but true fact that i have had contact with people who would act as if they couldn't do something just to avoid the task - both men and women. if you or your partner resort to such antics then perhaps there needs to be a discussion. i know that the poster said it was a joke and that's fine. but, if i had to do that because it needed to be done...the most i have done is that i am teaching my 20 yr old autistic son how to shop independently by sending him shopping. i give him a list, describe the aisle and approximate location on the aisle of the what i want and off he goes. so far, he's been doing great. still working on teaching him how to pick out produce though but even i screw that up sometimes.
well.. my daddy was not incompetent or something, but he went to the store I aksed him for something I need, and he returned with completely different item... Like I aksed him for peanut butter, and he bring me nutella.. well not bad choice but I wanted peanut butter
Sometimes I have to send my husband a picture of what I want, but in his defense he’s Moroccan and doesn’t necessarily know all our brands quite yet. He and I equally share grocery trips
I get she was joking, but it's still shitty and condescending. I'd have a conversation with my partner about how I don't like being patronized just because they're too big of assholes to get broccoli in the time it took to make the stickered list. The time it took them to do what they think is "cute and funny" they could be getting the stuff themselves. This would piss me off.
I'm forbidden from doing yard work because I accidentally killed the backyard lawn. I SWEAR I thought it was just going to kill the nutsedge.
My dad does this every week! He goes to the Polish butchers and bakeries. We have a whole freezer of white kielbasa, a cupboard full of jarred pickles and he has a separate fridge for his own baked goods. Me and my Mom don't eat sweets so okay... but we can't freeze anything else that we actually eat. Every. Week. Was funny the first few times until they officially moved in with me.
Yo imagine how fast you could go shopping with a list like this. Just SPEEDRUN it lol
My husband would have loved it when he first had to take over grocery shopping! He was calling all the time! Lol
Load More Replies...
It was a joke, it was fake, why is everyone discussing this as if it’s real?
Because it's the internet, where everything is taken mega seriously all the time. :( Even stuff like quotes from fiction are treated like they are absolute truisms or something and are supposed to apply to everyone. It's mentally exhausting to keep up on outrage tbh.
Load More Replies...
Thank god my husband, and myself, aren't like this. Then kids however.......are a work in progress, though they know that if they're rubbish at a certain task I'll keep asking them to do it again and again until it's done properly
I would make that list just because I like the way it looks and I like stickers lol
I'm not gonna lie, I have to send photos to my husband when I need him to grab something from the store..because he asks me to do that for him. He wants to make sure he purchases the correct items and I appreciate that! lol
In my opinion, if I was her i would write a list he gets what he can find and buy what he wants for himself.
If I want my husband to shop for me I have to send him screenshots of each item otherwise he will get more than half of the groceries wrong. Even if I tell him exactly what to get he will still get it wrong... he HAS to have a photo. Even when I smoked cigarettes, he was also a smoker too.. but we smoked different cigarettes and he would buy me the wrong ones all the time despite me never smoking a different brand/flavor... no matter what ... always bought the wrong ones until I gave him a photo to keep in his wallet and never again did he get it wrong. Men are.... different.
I'm biologically female and a list with pictures and where everything can be found would really help with the enormously overwhelming task of shopping.
I like sending y husband without a list. He will bring "some" of the foods we eat, but he also bring different products that we haven't tried or need, I love it!
Men are perfectly capable of doing household chores and errands. They just don't want to. So they pretend to be so stupid that they cannot be trusted. What they are actually being is a selfish, childish jerk.
Some do. Some have never been taught. Some have tried and been told they're useless at it and 'I'll just do it myself'.
Load More Replies... 
So I (f, 52), live in a house with my brother (58). I shop for the household (shared costs) and cook for all of us ... another brother and my son. We all also buy things for ourselves ... like snacks and drinks. Said brother has no problem finding something in the supermarket, when he is shopping for himself. But if I ask him to bring something for me (the household), he seems to have major problems, finding anything at all. 🤔😵 I'm always fascinated by how "disorganized" he is. 🥴 I mean ... he's 58, in the supermarket at least twice a week ... and don't know where the cream is ?! 🙄🙈😂
Lots of reading into her joke. She asked for grapes and he brought back raisins and water, so now she includes pictures, it's a joke.
I took mine shopping so many times, he knows how to do it, what to substitute and how much is too much to pay. And in case he forgets, I send my son as back up. "Mom doesn't like that brand...she gets that one instead."
Everybody Loves Raymond did this episodes years ago. One of their best ones (It's the one where Robbie makes a terrible wedding invitation so his fiancee will do everything else on her own). And yes, after the women find out the men have been doing that all the time to get out of doing stuff, the guys realize that the women do it too.
Just order it online, it's a waste of time to make such a detailed map.
If you are that picky about what product you want, just do it yourself. Otherwise, allow for some freedom in the brand of toilet paper, cleaning product, .... Although it was a joke, and most comments are about the incompetence of the man, I feel this post equally highlights the micromanaging control issue of the women.
An idiot got in a relationship with a moron and now they are making each other miserable with petty behavior. And life goes on...
I left the swimming cozzies in a hotel on our first holiday together (honestly it was an accident) and I am now banned from packing a suitcase. Even mine. 35 years later.
I don't do the whole thing, but if I want something specific they are not used to buy, I for sure will draw maps of store for them to find it easier, and will ask them to take photo of the right packaging with them. Cuts desperate phone calls to only 2-3 per shopping trip.
Poor guy probably picked up Advil once instead of Tylenol and now he is treated like a baby.
How did a woman posting a video of herself being a complete asshat turn into a discussion about the husband and performative incompetence? I don't see anything in the original video talking about the husband's behavior. And unless there's some actual development disability here, this woman's actions are way beyond reasonable.
Get the OurGroceries app. You add in real time so you can add something from home when someone is shopping. You can add pictures and notes save in lists. Ex: we have a reg grocery list, a costco list, even things like our packing list for vacations. Then inside we categorize our groceries by things like canned and baking. You add your specific pic and you can write a note under. The only downside is the notes erase each time you cross off. There are settings to have things cross out alphabetically or by last swiped and it keeps it all so you cns start typing and it gives you previous ones as suggestions so it keeps the categories. It really is great, there are no other nuances minus the notes not sticking after swiping it off the list.
You didn't read it did you? Its about how people ( in this case a man) act stupid to get out of doing work they don't want to do
Load More Replies...
I'm not 90 and i have no idea about this app,my fridge doesn't speak, i cannot pay while i shop(don't even know what that means) and no i cannot order everything online (especially fruit and vegetables which will be horrible if i don't choose them myself)
Load More Replies... Needing to list the aisle numbers and stuff is a bit excessive, however, for certain things, I will send pictures of what I want to whoever is doing the shopping because many things come in different brands, sizes, types, etc. It can be confusing and it's hard to memorize everyone's personal preferences, especially if it's not a weekly purchase.
That's a good point, especially if its something they're not used to buying
Load More Replies... Why all the hate on men? Women do this too! My sisters used to purposely burn food so they would never be asked to cook again. In my marriage I do most of the cooking and if I sent my wife out to shop I would guarantee she would come back with none of the ingredients I put on the list because she couldn’t find them however if I was to do this I would be controlling and demeaning her. No one gives a s**t that I have to go back out to the shops to buy all the thing that were on the list in the first place.
So it's shitty and manipulative people in general. That's fine.
Load More Replies... So what I understood 30 years ago was this is not called performative incompetence but CREATIVE INCOMPETENCE and I have had co-workers, all men, who do this to avoid work they don't want at a paying job. I understand they used it elsewhere as well. None of those who employed this technique were invested in the work, everyone was proud of the avoidance of work even though it still had to be done and it was important work. It is usually men because boys incidentally figure this out as they are assigned chores and tired parents realize gosh, it is so much easier to do this myself - he does everything else he's supposed to. Girls are not usually allowed to do this, or they simply hide it and don't brag (same way women typically get away with crimes because they don't talk).
Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Rodrick Rules. Rule Number 1: Don't be good at something that you don't want to do.
Load More Replies... An article about a joke shopping list ended up in a conversation about performative incompetence based on chores somehow got twisted into a race debate. The OP's must be laughing all the way to the bank with all the clicks.
How does she even want to have sex with this man? Unless your husband has suffered a brain injury, this is beyond ridiculous. Men are not incompetent, they just pretend to be so women take the lion's share of household responsibilities. Funny how they are perfectly competent at work, or with their friends, no? Don't fall for it, ladies. It's a scam, and it is deliberate. There is nothing cute about playing mommy to a full-grown man. Choose men who know how to behave like adults. She should be embarrassed to put what she is willing to settle for on display, with this pathetic arts-and-crafts project for her idiot husband. Just, NO.
She said that this was a joke. If it was real then sure. Though I do think it's a personality thing and not a man thing. My sister has done this kind of thing for years to her male partners.
Load More Replies... This is not far short of what I have had to do with my MILs carers. We now have a tickbox list with the name, brand, size and approx. price for everything that she buys regularly. Items are grouped by where they are found in the store. Much easier for her as she only has to tick what she wants (or put a quantity in) and much easier for the carers as it has all the info they could need. Yet still some of them manage to get the wrong things or the wrong sizes - okay sometimes they are out of stock - but they just don't seem to be able to get their head round buying things in a 1 person size.
These seem like things that can and should be worked out over time for a marriage. Go shopping together and learn each others' brands/tastes. Let each other make a few mistakes and learn what really matters to each other - this could be what brand of milk they like or which parts of the bathroom they are extremely particular about being clean and organized. Don't game each other though, damn...
I NEVER send anyone to the store for items. I sent my husband once for "Morton House Baked Beans." I repeated it several times and then I said ONCE do not get B&M Baked beans, ONLY Morton House. Guess what he came back with.
Well, repeating it meant he probably got the wrong words stuck in his head. I write it down for my husband but then I also don't care that much if he comes home with the wrong beans - he's the one eating them! Oh, I do love online grocery shopping and having it delivered instead.
Load More Replies... I dont cut and glue, but I usually screencap the items I want (mostly on discount) and message it. Then he gets both a visual and the price. Sometimes with a contingency plan, like "if xx is out, replace with yy". We live almost an hour from the shop and only goes there once a week or so, evertything has to ve right. And it gets very expensive if he dont get guidance as he grabs the first item he sees otherwise.
I don't know about this, but there is so much to chose from in a store. If you ask for cereal, and you're not aware Fairy Dust Super Rainbow Sprinkles Gluten Free is a thing and the latest favorite in the household, a visual aid might be helpful in finding it in the sea of boxes. When my kids want something specific and my husband goes to the store, I look it up online and send him the item from the store. Sure, it's a great website and they have close to everything online with every bit of info, unlike many other stores, but still. I think it's helpful. I also don't care if someone gets a somewhat different item and I make the same mistakes if I'm not familiar with an item.
Unfortunately for anyone trying faked incompetence on me, I'm all too familiar with that tactic. I'll just point out your obvious ploy and make you do it again if you screwed up on purpose.
there is a sad but true fact that i have had contact with people who would act as if they couldn't do something just to avoid the task - both men and women. if you or your partner resort to such antics then perhaps there needs to be a discussion. i know that the poster said it was a joke and that's fine. but, if i had to do that because it needed to be done...the most i have done is that i am teaching my 20 yr old autistic son how to shop independently by sending him shopping. i give him a list, describe the aisle and approximate location on the aisle of the what i want and off he goes. so far, he's been doing great. still working on teaching him how to pick out produce though but even i screw that up sometimes.
well.. my daddy was not incompetent or something, but he went to the store I aksed him for something I need, and he returned with completely different item... Like I aksed him for peanut butter, and he bring me nutella.. well not bad choice but I wanted peanut butter
Sometimes I have to send my husband a picture of what I want, but in his defense he’s Moroccan and doesn’t necessarily know all our brands quite yet. He and I equally share grocery trips
I get she was joking, but it's still shitty and condescending. I'd have a conversation with my partner about how I don't like being patronized just because they're too big of assholes to get broccoli in the time it took to make the stickered list. The time it took them to do what they think is "cute and funny" they could be getting the stuff themselves. This would piss me off.
I'm forbidden from doing yard work because I accidentally killed the backyard lawn. I SWEAR I thought it was just going to kill the nutsedge.
My dad does this every week! He goes to the Polish butchers and bakeries. We have a whole freezer of white kielbasa, a cupboard full of jarred pickles and he has a separate fridge for his own baked goods. Me and my Mom don't eat sweets so okay... but we can't freeze anything else that we actually eat. Every. Week. Was funny the first few times until they officially moved in with me.
Yo imagine how fast you could go shopping with a list like this. Just SPEEDRUN it lol
My husband would have loved it when he first had to take over grocery shopping! He was calling all the time! Lol
Load More Replies... It was a joke, it was fake, why is everyone discussing this as if it’s real?
Because it's the internet, where everything is taken mega seriously all the time. :( Even stuff like quotes from fiction are treated like they are absolute truisms or something and are supposed to apply to everyone. It's mentally exhausting to keep up on outrage tbh.
Load More Replies... Thank god my husband, and myself, aren't like this. Then kids however.......are a work in progress, though they know that if they're rubbish at a certain task I'll keep asking them to do it again and again until it's done properly
I would make that list just because I like the way it looks and I like stickers lol
I'm not gonna lie, I have to send photos to my husband when I need him to grab something from the store..because he asks me to do that for him. He wants to make sure he purchases the correct items and I appreciate that! lol
In my opinion, if I was her i would write a list he gets what he can find and buy what he wants for himself.
If I want my husband to shop for me I have to send him screenshots of each item otherwise he will get more than half of the groceries wrong. Even if I tell him exactly what to get he will still get it wrong... he HAS to have a photo. Even when I smoked cigarettes, he was also a smoker too.. but we smoked different cigarettes and he would buy me the wrong ones all the time despite me never smoking a different brand/flavor... no matter what ... always bought the wrong ones until I gave him a photo to keep in his wallet and never again did he get it wrong. Men are.... different.
I'm biologically female and a list with pictures and where everything can be found would really help with the enormously overwhelming task of shopping.
I like sending y husband without a list. He will bring "some" of the foods we eat, but he also bring different products that we haven't tried or need, I love it!
Men are perfectly capable of doing household chores and errands. They just don't want to. So they pretend to be so stupid that they cannot be trusted. What they are actually being is a selfish, childish jerk.
Some do. Some have never been taught. Some have tried and been told they're useless at it and 'I'll just do it myself'.
Load More Replies... So I (f, 52), live in a house with my brother (58). I shop for the household (shared costs) and cook for all of us ... another brother and my son. We all also buy things for ourselves ... like snacks and drinks. Said brother has no problem finding something in the supermarket, when he is shopping for himself. But if I ask him to bring something for me (the household), he seems to have major problems, finding anything at all. 🤔😵 I'm always fascinated by how "disorganized" he is. 🥴 I mean ... he's 58, in the supermarket at least twice a week ... and don't know where the cream is ?! 🙄🙈😂
Lots of reading into her joke. She asked for grapes and he brought back raisins and water, so now she includes pictures, it's a joke.
I took mine shopping so many times, he knows how to do it, what to substitute and how much is too much to pay. And in case he forgets, I send my son as back up. "Mom doesn't like that brand...she gets that one instead."
Everybody Loves Raymond did this episodes years ago. One of their best ones (It's the one where Robbie makes a terrible wedding invitation so his fiancee will do everything else on her own). And yes, after the women find out the men have been doing that all the time to get out of doing stuff, the guys realize that the women do it too.
Just order it online, it's a waste of time to make such a detailed map.
If you are that picky about what product you want, just do it yourself. Otherwise, allow for some freedom in the brand of toilet paper, cleaning product, .... Although it was a joke, and most comments are about the incompetence of the man, I feel this post equally highlights the micromanaging control issue of the women.
An idiot got in a relationship with a moron and now they are making each other miserable with petty behavior. And life goes on...
I left the swimming cozzies in a hotel on our first holiday together (honestly it was an accident) and I am now banned from packing a suitcase. Even mine. 35 years later.
I don't do the whole thing, but if I want something specific they are not used to buy, I for sure will draw maps of store for them to find it easier, and will ask them to take photo of the right packaging with them. Cuts desperate phone calls to only 2-3 per shopping trip.
Poor guy probably picked up Advil once instead of Tylenol and now he is treated like a baby.
How did a woman posting a video of herself being a complete asshat turn into a discussion about the husband and performative incompetence? I don't see anything in the original video talking about the husband's behavior. And unless there's some actual development disability here, this woman's actions are way beyond reasonable.
Get the OurGroceries app. You add in real time so you can add something from home when someone is shopping. You can add pictures and notes save in lists. Ex: we have a reg grocery list, a costco list, even things like our packing list for vacations. Then inside we categorize our groceries by things like canned and baking. You add your specific pic and you can write a note under. The only downside is the notes erase each time you cross off. There are settings to have things cross out alphabetically or by last swiped and it keeps it all so you cns start typing and it gives you previous ones as suggestions so it keeps the categories. It really is great, there are no other nuances minus the notes not sticking after swiping it off the list.
You didn't read it did you? Its about how people ( in this case a man) act stupid to get out of doing work they don't want to do
Load More Replies... I'm not 90 and i have no idea about this app,my fridge doesn't speak, i cannot pay while i shop(don't even know what that means) and no i cannot order everything online (especially fruit and vegetables which will be horrible if i don't choose them myself)
Load More Replies...
35
97