“She Said Someone Would Videotape It For Me”: Man Walks Out Of His Sister’s Wedding After Realizing He’s There As A Babysitter And Not As A Guest
Weddings should be all about celebrating the love between two people. More often than not, however, they’re full of family drama. Whether it’s a drunk uncle, a bossy momzilla, or a cousin making inappropriate remarks—no celebration is safe from sticky situations. But imagine being close to your sibling and wanting to see them reach another milestone in their life, only to realize they invited you to babysit their child.
This is what happened to a 31-year-old man, Technical_Spread1810, whose younger sister got married a few days ago. Having spent “all the money on the ceremony and parties”, the couple decided not to hire a sitter and provided “a huge list of times” when the brother was supposed to watch the baby.
As you can guess, that didn’t sit well with the author. Feeling angry and annoyed that his sister wanted him to miss out on every important part of the celebration, the man slipped away and left. After being accused of ruining the wedding, he turned to the AITA subreddit, asking whether he acted like a jerk. Read on for the whole story.
This man walked out of his sister’s wedding after being treated like a babysitter, gets told he “ruined her wedding”
Image credits: pxhere (not the actual photo)
He turned to the AITA subreddit to ask whether or not he was acting like a jerk
In just one day, the author’s post has amassed 17.6K upvotes and more than 1.4K comments. Most of the commenters sided with the author, deciding he was not in the wrong in this situation. People said that other family members could have taken turns in watching the 1-year-old and that it was inconsiderate of the bride not to ask if OP agrees to babysit beforehand.
After all, why did the woman invite her brother to celebrate this special occasion and then make him miss all of the beautiful moments? “She basically implied you were the least important person for her at the wedding,” one Redditor wrote.
Deciding whether or not to invite young children to a wedding is every couple’s choice. While this occasion is usually dedicated to and celebrated by adults, kids can be a sweet addition to the ceremony. If you eventually decide to have a kid-friendly wedding but wish to avoid any temper tantrums and keep your guests happy, there are a few things you could try.
For example, giving them some “jobs” to do is an easy way to occupy the kids. While there are the traditional roles like the flower girl or the ring bearer, others children could also have some creative duties. They could “hand out the order of service or manage the guest book.” Or perhaps they could be the “‘Chief Fancy Dresser’ in charge of giving out props at the photo booth.”
Another idea would be to create a special children-only area or set up a room with a variety of fun games, books, puzzles, and movies. This way, you can set up a craft corner and let the kids get busy with creating. Needless to say, you should consider finding a sitter to look after the kids. And let’s not forget that there’s always the possibility of hiring a face painter, a magician, or some other person who could entertain the children.
However, if you do not want your crying baby to interrupt your wedding vows, you should hire a babysitter. “Hiring nannies enables guests who might not otherwise be able to come to attend the wedding and be a part of the day. Finally, it alleviates a lot of stress for everyone and ensures the day runs that little bit smoother,” Joanna Chavasse, founder of Freckles Child Care, said.
Whether or not to hire a babysitter on your special day is not at all mandatory or expected, but your guests will greatly appreciate it. This is an easy way to make your loved ones feel relaxed and let them enjoy the day without worrying about missing any meaningful moments.
Redditors seemed to have a lot to say about this and rushed to the author’s defense
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Sister and family are the @ssholes. No family member should be forced to do chores during a wedding that excludes them from the important parts. It's basically telling people that they are tolerated as cheap workers, but aren't a real part of the family.
I mean, come on. Regardless of what you want your "big day" to include, it really seems obvious that planning for your newborn's needs is at the top of your list instead of an afterthought!
This. Clearly, the baby was the afterthought.
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Getting maried with a 1 month old baby is a very bad idea. Babies that age have to be taken apropiate care of, not being carried outside for fresh air. Couldn't they have planned the wedding next year? Was that wedding more important than their own child? I undestand speedy weedings when bride is pregnant and don't want to show the baby bump unmarried... but getting married with an almost newborn instead of actually taking apropiate care of the baby?? What kind of people do that?
Frankly, the only non-a*****e in here probably is the baby. No baby loves to cry; they always do for a reason, even if that reason often is hard to comprehend for an adult. And no baby should be left crying. (Hans is typing this with a small one wrapped into a baby sling.)
I was thinking the same exact thing. Most 1-month olds spend all their time sleeping. Out of three kids, one of mine had an allergy to casein and was in constant pain the first two months before the doctors figured out what was going on. She cried all the time. Constant crying--especially in the first month--is a sign that the baby is not doing well. But I'm guessing this probably didn't occur to parents, considering it didn't even occur to them to hire help to care for her during the wedding.
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Definitely NTA and this guy simply needs to change his phone number now since the most important people in his life want to disown him, yet want to blow up his phone for not apologizing about something that wasn't his responsibility to do. Hell, he's the one who should disown his sister, if anything, for treating him worse than dirt. That list alone would have been the "final straw" for me, not the reception. You don't get all painstakingly dressed up for something like this just to end up having to watch the wedding later through someone else's eyes. Screw that. Bravo for walking out.
So...we all know there are always three sides of every story. But if this REALLY went down exactly as the guy claims, them I just don't get what kind of person spends all that money and time planning a wedding but didn't think to hire a nanny for the day. Rude, selfish, and presumptuous to think family should do it--but even more ridiculous and rude that the entire family is ganging up on the guy now. I see where his sister's sense of entitlement comes from.
She did have a plan. Her brother. Some families are like this, they turn one person into the help. The scapegoat comment was right on. I've experienced this in my family and seen it in others.You can go no contact, or spend years having flaming rows to change the dynamic.There is no effective gentle path to changing this behavior.
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How does taking the baby outside stop the crying? Also, a baby that young that cries that much is quite possibly colicky. There is help for that. (Oh, and NTA)
It probably doesn’t, but what it does do is to take the crying away from everyone else, so she apparently decided that her event and everyone else’s enjoyment of it was more important than her own brother’s feelings, dignity or caring for her own child. I’ve never understood people who care so much about an event being perfect that they’d do something like this.
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My cousin hasn't spoken to me since 2018 because I "ruined her wedding" when I left. Apparently everyone was asking about me afterwards and it soured her day. In truth, she had lied to me multiple times in the days leading up to the wedding and I left because she and her friends/family(other side) are sloppy and gross DRUNKARDS and I knew one of them would say something and a fight would happen.
You left and that alone ruined the wedding? Assuming you didn't make some big proclamation upon the occasion of your exit, I don't get it? What if you had explosive diarrhea and had to go because you kept having to go?
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Fück your family. What do you think they will treat you as when it comes to birthdays, christmas and all the other fücküpperies you have to take time off to see those selfish brats? As some kind of servant. Well, you can hire a servant, whose job that is, who gets paid. They can do that. Could have done. Didn't, oh, we have that Brother, lets just exploit his reliability another time (I'm sure this is a habit that hasn't just popped up out of none...). No. Fück them!
I am wondering where the husband is in all of this. What about his family. Y'all are acting like the child doesn't have both parents. Overall consideration for the baby is lacking. Basically, they put their needs as more important than their baby.
I agree. It sounds like when the brother couldn’t make it to the wedding-eve get-together, they “volunteered” him to be the designated babysitter. Everyone at that event, from bride’s and groom’s side, could have volunteered for a shift, but they didn’t…so, basically, Mr. and Mrs. A**hole ruined their own wedding, if they feel like it was ruined.
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NTA, Sounds like you're the least valued and respected family member. Has it always been this way? Lots of parents show favoritism with their kids. Is she the favorite child? If pointing out the shadyness of THEIR behavior doesn't work you may need to distance yourself indefinitely. Sorry.
i don't get that last comment about the man being declared a woman. does it say that he's trans somewhere and i missed it? it just seems out of left field.
on the original post, a lot of people didnt notice that op said he was male & assumed that, because he was being used as a childcare service, he must be female. i assume they said things like "nta, how dare they be so sexist & assume you should take care of the baby because you're a women!" when in fact they're the ones being sexist by assuming a childcarer must be female. or, like lee said, some commenters mightve assumed op was female & said "yta, youre a woman, of course you have to take care of the baby." either way, it shows how ingrained it is in people's minds that childcare = female.
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The nerve to call the next day criticizing on top of and after the crappy stunt she pulled is the icing of a rotten cake by a very entitled and lost person. The new husband should pay attention to these abusive acts. Red flag...... The nerve to impose, then victimize, and then to create a family blame on her own brother. What a crapstorm, just to avoid taking responsibility of her own poor planning. New husband.... Run!
Same thing happened to me at a church camp where i was expected to stay all night with the kids when the original sponser decided not to stay overnight. I said "nope, not me either." And I left. The parents were mad at me for not staying. So what. Let a parent stay. I dont even havekids.
I bet the babysitter brother would have even paid for a sitter as a wedding gift if he had known in advance. I am sure he bought them a nice gift anyway. He should have had the choice. Good for him standing up for himself.
A wedding where a new mom basically prioritized her kid last. Arguably, none at all since zero budget was allocated to their care. Excellent parent material right there.
NTA! It sounds like plenty of people were there. If the bride made her baby sitting woes known beforehand, surely SOMEONE would have been able to scrounge up a baby sitter or pool money to pay one. The "spent all the sitter money" excuse doesn't sit well with me.
Don't worry about having missed the wedding; with your sister placing a higher priority on pre-wedding parties instead of her child and its wellbeing, her selfish ways will eventually be the downfall of her marriage. Besides, does the brother really want to be around that drama when it happens?
Well heck no,you did the right thing in leaving.I dont give a hoot how important the bride thinks she is,same here. After rehearsing several times at our only daughters wedding, my in laws decided they were more important the us and sat on the bride's parents decorated pew,and they were ask to move,after a few curse words from them,everyone left it alone.But we didnt know about it til I was escorted down the isle and when I was to sit in parents pew,I couldn't, there was inlaws,sister inlaw and her kids,need less to say I had to sit three rows back,when my husband and our daughter walked down the isle everyone could see the confusion on their faces,my husband-father of the bride had to sit 5 rows back,we didnt even sit together for our only daughters wedding, it was so senseless and they could never understand the heartache they caused,church pics.were terrible,there they were stealing the show,and NO,I never got over it,and when the pics came in I gave the clowns all of theirs
I am so sorry to hear that had happened. The minister, who usually stands at the alter throughout the whole service. even before it starts should have said something to the in-laws as soon as they set down. I have been a minister for many years and done several services, weddings and funerals. I have seen people try to crowd in on the wrong seat before. When they say, "I need to sit here," I tell them, "I CAN"T begin the service until the seat is clear and reserved for the family," AND I WON'T START EITHER.
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she could have cut back on one of the many expenditures in her wedding to afford a frickin babysitter
As a child free person this used to happen to me. If I wanted to watch children I would have had some. Parents have grown increasingly entitled and convinced they did something special by spawning. They didn't and it is boring.
Sister did not plan properly for her wedding. She should of hired a sitter for the wedding or ASKED relatives to alternate every 45 min or hour. I would of left too. As grandparents WE paid for a sitter for grandkids at our daughter's wedding and tipped the girl on top. Still was less than150 euros. If there hadn't been a sitter, then i would of made sure people had all chipped in. That family dynamic is toxic.
NTA, but I'm gonna guess you ARE the only member of your family that isn't a narcissistic arsehole or a member of the Karen/Ken club. Your family is doing you a favor by showing their true colors. Take this opportunity to cut them out of your life at least until they apologize to you. Ghost them immediately. Heck, just to rub salt in it, I would send my sister a bill for my travel expenses.
No, what confuses me where is the husband's role in this, what about his family. Y'all are acting like the kid doesn't have both parents. Planning for the baby was nonexistent for sure. The lack of concern for both families.
It seems lopsided because the OP is relating this from his side of the family point of view. But, yeah, both sides are responsible for this situation.
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I quit on family gatherings for similar reasons. As a kid I wished to be helpful and do the errands when the family got together. Besides, being rank-and-file in the family, the errands would hit me anyway. But when you turn 30 and all the family still thinks you're the errands boy, including your same generation cousins, then you're the one allowing the abuse; go to the grocery store, help the others, carry the heavy stuff. Many of my relatives are too entitled to believe they deserve the menial chores. So at like 30 I started skipping family gatherings, until at 44 I quit on them all, for the sole exception of those taking place at my mom's or at my eldest sister's. As of the rest, I flip the bird. My eldest sister has a disability, but watching me helping her inevitably triggers the needy-for-help in others, who end up thinking that such is the reason for my attendance. Some time ago I had a serious argument about this with my mom, and while I'm not quite effectively disowned (bravo to the OP), I am effectively uninvited to family gatherings. I don't miss them, and surely they don't miss me. People, painful as it was, I stood my ground. AITA?
Why not be the mother in your wedding? When your little one cries, you may have to delay the ceremony and respond to your child. Children learn trust through their cries and a parent responds. Both parents respond to these cries . Where was the dad? It was both parents who are responsible here not just the mother. So…if you cannot afford a sitter then respond to your child .
I would just say FK YOU to the whole lot of them. Any one of those clowns coulda stepped in and looked after the brat. It wasn't HIS problem. I would disown that entire dysfunctional group.
She sounds like a b***h. The baby sounds like a b***h too. That was very inconsiderate of her to dump a crying baby on you the entire time. At least u had the sense to leave and not be used as door mat. She should be ashamed of herself. Maybe she should have waited to have the baby after she was married and this wouldnt have happened. I guess her lousy planning was ur fault too lol.
OP NTA, but I sure feel bad for him for being a member of such a selfish, obtuse, idiotic family. I'm sure the Bride had an alternate explanation for what happened, "But...sob...he prommmmmmmmmissssssssssssed he'd baby sit...sob...and then he just l-l-left!"
I really hate these entitled bridezillas, who think, that everyone has the duty to do everything what they want, because it is "their day".
I wonder how SHE would feel if someone did that to her? I can't believe she could spend all that money on the wedding, but not on a sitter. Did she take the baby on her honeymoon? She sounds like an idiot, and should be apologizing to her BROTHER!!!
I would clarify: "So I am to be the babysitter for the wedding?"...."Yes"...."OK (smiles), I am happy to give that to you as my wedding gift."......then return the $300 gas grill.
You come from a family of @ssholes Sorry you have to go through that
I think the parents need to find out WHY their baby cries all the time. Obviously there’s something wrong and the baby is trying to tell them. And the sister should have hired a nanny.
I'm wondering why you even wanted to see this little cow's wedding at all. She just wanted to use you and the rest of the family didn't give two shits about it either. So, totally agree with leaving and I hope you had a nice day without all of them.
Someone's got to watch the baby. If the brother couldn't do it why was there now one else?
I'd have taken the kid to the park. Screw the wedding, screw the family. Get some quality time with my niece or nephew, and let them all worry back at the church.
That's disgusting, i was pushed out at my sisters and my brothers wedding myself quite a while back. I was know where were my family where sitting i was sitting with people and kids who i didn't even know, and when the meal came it wasn't the 1 i picked it was something else which wasn't even cooked. Never got to eat or even in the night when i sent my food for myself because the food they i had i couldn't have, i looked around on the tables looking for my food only 2 be told it didn't get cooked. I walked out and haven't even spoke 2 them since they are saying i'm being unreasonable, i know what they were doing they have always done it including buying me something for birthday presents that were useless 2 me. Just crazy i ended up getting told i could have said something but i did only to be ignored, haven't and will not invite them to my anniversary that's coming up which they think that they are coming. I have to security and gave told them not to let them in.
Dump your whole family. Your sister doesn't love you nor does anyone else. Get out before someone becomes ill or disabled or old like your mother or someone else and everyone thinks you should give up your life to change her depends. A family who thinks you are the help is a family you dont need. Move on with your life without that family. Your sister is already an awful mother. Your mother raised her to be just like her I see. Her son will grow to hate her too.
She is a garbage mother and sister. Your whole family doesn't love you the least bit. Don't worry you can have an awesome and beautiful life without "blood" relation.
If i were in OP's situation I would leave after giving the bride the finger. And the relatives... "Don't threaten me with a good time you enabling pricks!"
Wow. The nerve of some people...it never ceases to amaze me. I really and truly think that this AITA forum is the best thing to ever happen to some of these people. I hope they take it to heart and get far far away from these heinous people they are related to and live happily ever after to the best of their ability.
Everyone here has made valid points. Also, if I was OP, I'd ask why couldn't mom, who was holding the baby when OP slipped out, "miss out" on the reception? Someone could have videotaped it for her. I mean, it was okay to say that to OP, after all. So why not his Mom? No, OP is not the AH here. And his family sounds messed up. It sounds like he's being outcast, being treated like the black sheep. That sucks. I know from personal experience. My advice to OP would be to continue to stand his ground. He doesn't owe ANYONE an apology. THEY owe him one, for the time, money, and emotion he spent coming in from out of town for no good reason. And I'd tell OP to surround himself with people he loves, who love him back, and make THEM his family. Blood doesn't always make family. But LOVE does. My thoughts to OP. I'm sorry this happened. Man, weddings just seem to bring out the worst in people...
When I read baby I assumed an infant. A one year who keeps crying? Maybe it is time for a visit to the pediatrician. They must live in a warrm climate to be taking the "baby" outside. For those commenting that the sister had plenty of time to hire a babysitter or nanny you are missing the point. The sister had no intention of hiring someone that she would have to pay and I assume the catered meal.
NTA First place, you should have been asked ahead of time and not had it sprung on you at the last minute. If it was me, I'd ask the ones who said "You ruined the wedding." "How much babysitting did YOU do?" & ask why they thought it was your job.
NTA. His sister was inconsiderate. She also clearly has very poor planning skills….it’s much smarter and way less inconvenient to have the wedding ceremony BEFORE you have the baby! ;-) (KIDDING!!!)
I have been to many weddings where the couple had young children, and they would hold the child themselves and include them in the ceremony. At the very least ,family members would take turns caring for the child. Your sister sat you up, so don’t feel bad, if her wedding was spoiled it’s her fault.
People who assume you will take care of the baby are the ah. Can't wait for mom to tell her baby the story about how he cried so much the day she got married and uncle wouldn't help
I feel the bride and the groom are @ssholes if in fact the baby was the grooms. That would be 2 whole familes to take care of the baby. How does one young man get duped into this responsibility he was never asked about. I back him up 100% I say F his sister and who ever else chastised this boy. If they were so concerned they should have offered to help. I just cant believe the NERVE of these people!! Im glad the baby ruined thier wedding. thats what they get for piss poor planning and trying to dump their responsibility on some one else.
Nah, the brother was right. I would have told little sister to grow up and deal with it. But I also need to point out that he said that the baby was 1 month old not 1 year old. Don't know what she was thinking. I wouldn't have wanted my little one to go thru that.
There's a really easy way to shut this down. You say "Wait...aren't you the drunk MOTHER that threw a big unnecessary party in her own honor (you can get married at city hall for $20 and have an inexpensive party afterwards for less than $200 and have just as much fun with none of the stress and drama) and was too cheap to hire a qualified nanny for her CHILD??? Real 'Mother of the Year' material there hon." I suspect the response on the other end will be "Click".
The sister and OP's family is the biggest a*****e here. I feel sorry for the OP, he did not have to be nuked by calls because they think he's selfish, nope, the one being selfish is the sister, not him.
I'm starting to think these are fabricated stories to keep this site relevant.
Me too except I know people that would do a lot of this stuff. The things people will do to each other in the name of love just make me shake my head in disbelief.
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The sister sounds like a real piece of work. Obviously this family doesn’t have a healthy relationship. As a new mom with a NEW BORN she has red flags all over the place as a parent, let alone sibling/ adult. My brother was IN my wedding. Guess what >we had our 2 month old son with us at our wedding<. We had that worked out months before he was born. Zero drama. He did the right thing. That situation was BS. Time to re-evaluate blood is thicker then water.
What was her mother doing? Enjoying the wedding? Why couldn't she share the burden?
What I don't get is that he said he would miss the kiss. There is a planned and scheduled kiss? God this makes me hate weddings even more.
Have...have you never seen a wedding before? That's literally the main thing is "you may now kiss the bride"
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So I know the baby cries a lot but it kinda sounds like she doesn't want the child as she kept demanding it be outside and away rather than part of the family.
A baby that is not doing well at one month. Crying a lot etc.... should not be at the wedding... or better. The parents should take care of their baby. He wants them. He is problaply stressed because they can't wait and don't have time for him. Poor boy. Brother NTA. Better planning and never a baby that young to wedding, when the baby is not doing 100 % well....
I year, not 1 month. 1M = 1yr male. Just like OP is 31M and the sister is 29F.
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The bride dropped the ball by not hiring a sitter, but like so many others have said, why not rotate among family members? Is the OP the only trustworthy one? I don't understand what she was thinking. I certainly wouldn't say YTA, but I do feel like at that point, I would have just held the baby outside for the whole day and discussed it with my sister later. Here's my reasoning: he wanted to see the wedding, which is why he didn't want to babysit, but he walked out, so he didn't get to see the wedding anyway. Then again, I'm imagining him storming out and causing an uproar, but it does say he "slipped out," so that may influence my judgement. The whole family seems like they could work on their communication, among other things. Congratulations and best wishes to the happy couple.
Ok, I wasn't originally going to comment and was just was going exit this post bc it sounds so ridiculous. Without any info regarding the family dynamics leading up to sisters wedding it is unbelievable this situation is real. Since poster said he was eager to see sister get married I would be inclined to think he and sister had a good relationship. This story makes sister sound like a bully with no regards towards brothers wishes to see wedding in person & family showing favoritism towards her. Why would he even want to attend a wedding where someone bullied him into something he didn't want to do. And come on, who in their right mind would not get a babysitter for a baby who would clearly cause a stressful situation. Like someone else posted, family members could have chipped in to get a sitter if it was truly a money issue. Naw somethings not sounding right here. But if story is true then I appauld brother for walking out and would insist family apologize to him instead.
Sister & new BIL are both responsible for the care of this newborn. Newborns need stability, routine, and should not be around groups of people. They have developing systems and can be exposed to many illnesses because their parents are selfish ignoramuses. This is absolutely ridiculous. Smdh
Not a newborn. A 1 year old. 1M = 1yr male. Just like OP was 31M and the sister 29F.
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Family are threatening to disown him, but they already implied it by telling him to not get mad about being told "you're not important enough to actually watch the ceremony with your own eyes or attend the reception". They're going to be really surprised when he goes "okay then, bye" and forever ignores their attempts to contact him.
Everybody is an a*****e here. get a damn sitter - it does not cost the world. But also don't just slip out and leave. What a childish thing to do. And how is a wedding day runined because of YOUR VERY OWN baby?? I've done tons of chores during celebratiosn from family. I consider it normal to help out and not just be a guest. But not all of the time, of course, and while included in the planning. This whole family are asshats and I'm very glad I don't know them.
How long was the ceremony that the baby needed to go in and out that many times?! OP said they would have missed most of the ceremony, and only been inside for 30 minutes. I've been to a lot of weddings (I'm a musician) and most ceremonies aren't much longer than 30 minutes. An hour is considered long. If you're missing most of it and still seeing 30 minutes, that's the longest wedding ceremony on record!
I thought it was a total of 30 minutes out of the entire wedding day, including the reception, which is usually at least a couple hours.
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Uncle, who dismisses this poor, uncomfortable or unhappy baby as loving to cry was a poor choice. Not for his sake but for the baby's. The bride sounds more self-centered than most. Sad baby comes in last. Yes, the bride's the A.
One more reason I ALWAYS say "no, I'm good" when anyone asks me if I want to hold their baby. Why would I? Why would you offer? What's with passing a baby around? (bar emergencies of course) Bring me a puppy or kitten to hold, not a crotch goblin!
He was also told he would be sitting out most of the reception as well.
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HA no. F**k her. She should have made better arrangements. Bride or not, she's a b***h.
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Why is it HIS responsibility to watch HER child? She didn't even ask him - just handed him the baby & the list and presumed he'd be happy to miss her wedding in order to provide free childcare. She knew she was pregnant, and planned the wedding for one month after the kid was born. She made no other arrangements for childcare. She spent "all her money" on parties and the wedding, with no thoughts about paying a babysitter (ie, parties were given higher priority than her newborn). Failure to plan on her part does not constitute an emergency, and it's not his responsibility to bail her out. Also - EVERYONE at the wedding was "close enough to go," so why is he the only one "close enough" to babysit?
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Sister and family are the @ssholes. No family member should be forced to do chores during a wedding that excludes them from the important parts. It's basically telling people that they are tolerated as cheap workers, but aren't a real part of the family.
I mean, come on. Regardless of what you want your "big day" to include, it really seems obvious that planning for your newborn's needs is at the top of your list instead of an afterthought!
This. Clearly, the baby was the afterthought.
Load More Replies... Getting maried with a 1 month old baby is a very bad idea. Babies that age have to be taken apropiate care of, not being carried outside for fresh air. Couldn't they have planned the wedding next year? Was that wedding more important than their own child? I undestand speedy weedings when bride is pregnant and don't want to show the baby bump unmarried... but getting married with an almost newborn instead of actually taking apropiate care of the baby?? What kind of people do that?
Frankly, the only non-a*****e in here probably is the baby. No baby loves to cry; they always do for a reason, even if that reason often is hard to comprehend for an adult. And no baby should be left crying. (Hans is typing this with a small one wrapped into a baby sling.)
I was thinking the same exact thing. Most 1-month olds spend all their time sleeping. Out of three kids, one of mine had an allergy to casein and was in constant pain the first two months before the doctors figured out what was going on. She cried all the time. Constant crying--especially in the first month--is a sign that the baby is not doing well. But I'm guessing this probably didn't occur to parents, considering it didn't even occur to them to hire help to care for her during the wedding.
Load More Replies... Definitely NTA and this guy simply needs to change his phone number now since the most important people in his life want to disown him, yet want to blow up his phone for not apologizing about something that wasn't his responsibility to do. Hell, he's the one who should disown his sister, if anything, for treating him worse than dirt. That list alone would have been the "final straw" for me, not the reception. You don't get all painstakingly dressed up for something like this just to end up having to watch the wedding later through someone else's eyes. Screw that. Bravo for walking out.
So...we all know there are always three sides of every story. But if this REALLY went down exactly as the guy claims, them I just don't get what kind of person spends all that money and time planning a wedding but didn't think to hire a nanny for the day. Rude, selfish, and presumptuous to think family should do it--but even more ridiculous and rude that the entire family is ganging up on the guy now. I see where his sister's sense of entitlement comes from.
She did have a plan. Her brother. Some families are like this, they turn one person into the help. The scapegoat comment was right on. I've experienced this in my family and seen it in others.You can go no contact, or spend years having flaming rows to change the dynamic.There is no effective gentle path to changing this behavior.
Load More Replies... How does taking the baby outside stop the crying? Also, a baby that young that cries that much is quite possibly colicky. There is help for that. (Oh, and NTA)
It probably doesn’t, but what it does do is to take the crying away from everyone else, so she apparently decided that her event and everyone else’s enjoyment of it was more important than her own brother’s feelings, dignity or caring for her own child. I’ve never understood people who care so much about an event being perfect that they’d do something like this.
Load More Replies... My cousin hasn't spoken to me since 2018 because I "ruined her wedding" when I left. Apparently everyone was asking about me afterwards and it soured her day. In truth, she had lied to me multiple times in the days leading up to the wedding and I left because she and her friends/family(other side) are sloppy and gross DRUNKARDS and I knew one of them would say something and a fight would happen.
You left and that alone ruined the wedding? Assuming you didn't make some big proclamation upon the occasion of your exit, I don't get it? What if you had explosive diarrhea and had to go because you kept having to go?
Load More Replies... Fück your family. What do you think they will treat you as when it comes to birthdays, christmas and all the other fücküpperies you have to take time off to see those selfish brats? As some kind of servant. Well, you can hire a servant, whose job that is, who gets paid. They can do that. Could have done. Didn't, oh, we have that Brother, lets just exploit his reliability another time (I'm sure this is a habit that hasn't just popped up out of none...). No. Fück them!
I am wondering where the husband is in all of this. What about his family. Y'all are acting like the child doesn't have both parents. Overall consideration for the baby is lacking. Basically, they put their needs as more important than their baby.
I agree. It sounds like when the brother couldn’t make it to the wedding-eve get-together, they “volunteered” him to be the designated babysitter. Everyone at that event, from bride’s and groom’s side, could have volunteered for a shift, but they didn’t…so, basically, Mr. and Mrs. A**hole ruined their own wedding, if they feel like it was ruined.
Load More Replies... NTA, Sounds like you're the least valued and respected family member. Has it always been this way? Lots of parents show favoritism with their kids. Is she the favorite child? If pointing out the shadyness of THEIR behavior doesn't work you may need to distance yourself indefinitely. Sorry.
i don't get that last comment about the man being declared a woman. does it say that he's trans somewhere and i missed it? it just seems out of left field.
on the original post, a lot of people didnt notice that op said he was male & assumed that, because he was being used as a childcare service, he must be female. i assume they said things like "nta, how dare they be so sexist & assume you should take care of the baby because you're a women!" when in fact they're the ones being sexist by assuming a childcarer must be female. or, like lee said, some commenters mightve assumed op was female & said "yta, youre a woman, of course you have to take care of the baby." either way, it shows how ingrained it is in people's minds that childcare = female.
Load More Replies... The nerve to call the next day criticizing on top of and after the crappy stunt she pulled is the icing of a rotten cake by a very entitled and lost person. The new husband should pay attention to these abusive acts. Red flag...... The nerve to impose, then victimize, and then to create a family blame on her own brother. What a crapstorm, just to avoid taking responsibility of her own poor planning. New husband.... Run!
Same thing happened to me at a church camp where i was expected to stay all night with the kids when the original sponser decided not to stay overnight. I said "nope, not me either." And I left. The parents were mad at me for not staying. So what. Let a parent stay. I dont even havekids.
I bet the babysitter brother would have even paid for a sitter as a wedding gift if he had known in advance. I am sure he bought them a nice gift anyway. He should have had the choice. Good for him standing up for himself.
A wedding where a new mom basically prioritized her kid last. Arguably, none at all since zero budget was allocated to their care. Excellent parent material right there.
NTA! It sounds like plenty of people were there. If the bride made her baby sitting woes known beforehand, surely SOMEONE would have been able to scrounge up a baby sitter or pool money to pay one. The "spent all the sitter money" excuse doesn't sit well with me.
Don't worry about having missed the wedding; with your sister placing a higher priority on pre-wedding parties instead of her child and its wellbeing, her selfish ways will eventually be the downfall of her marriage. Besides, does the brother really want to be around that drama when it happens?
Well heck no,you did the right thing in leaving.I dont give a hoot how important the bride thinks she is,same here. After rehearsing several times at our only daughters wedding, my in laws decided they were more important the us and sat on the bride's parents decorated pew,and they were ask to move,after a few curse words from them,everyone left it alone.But we didnt know about it til I was escorted down the isle and when I was to sit in parents pew,I couldn't, there was inlaws,sister inlaw and her kids,need less to say I had to sit three rows back,when my husband and our daughter walked down the isle everyone could see the confusion on their faces,my husband-father of the bride had to sit 5 rows back,we didnt even sit together for our only daughters wedding, it was so senseless and they could never understand the heartache they caused,church pics.were terrible,there they were stealing the show,and NO,I never got over it,and when the pics came in I gave the clowns all of theirs
I am so sorry to hear that had happened. The minister, who usually stands at the alter throughout the whole service. even before it starts should have said something to the in-laws as soon as they set down. I have been a minister for many years and done several services, weddings and funerals. I have seen people try to crowd in on the wrong seat before. When they say, "I need to sit here," I tell them, "I CAN"T begin the service until the seat is clear and reserved for the family," AND I WON'T START EITHER.
Load More Replies... she could have cut back on one of the many expenditures in her wedding to afford a frickin babysitter
As a child free person this used to happen to me. If I wanted to watch children I would have had some. Parents have grown increasingly entitled and convinced they did something special by spawning. They didn't and it is boring.
Sister did not plan properly for her wedding. She should of hired a sitter for the wedding or ASKED relatives to alternate every 45 min or hour. I would of left too. As grandparents WE paid for a sitter for grandkids at our daughter's wedding and tipped the girl on top. Still was less than150 euros. If there hadn't been a sitter, then i would of made sure people had all chipped in. That family dynamic is toxic.
NTA, but I'm gonna guess you ARE the only member of your family that isn't a narcissistic arsehole or a member of the Karen/Ken club. Your family is doing you a favor by showing their true colors. Take this opportunity to cut them out of your life at least until they apologize to you. Ghost them immediately. Heck, just to rub salt in it, I would send my sister a bill for my travel expenses.
No, what confuses me where is the husband's role in this, what about his family. Y'all are acting like the kid doesn't have both parents. Planning for the baby was nonexistent for sure. The lack of concern for both families.
It seems lopsided because the OP is relating this from his side of the family point of view. But, yeah, both sides are responsible for this situation.
Load More Replies... I quit on family gatherings for similar reasons. As a kid I wished to be helpful and do the errands when the family got together. Besides, being rank-and-file in the family, the errands would hit me anyway. But when you turn 30 and all the family still thinks you're the errands boy, including your same generation cousins, then you're the one allowing the abuse; go to the grocery store, help the others, carry the heavy stuff. Many of my relatives are too entitled to believe they deserve the menial chores. So at like 30 I started skipping family gatherings, until at 44 I quit on them all, for the sole exception of those taking place at my mom's or at my eldest sister's. As of the rest, I flip the bird. My eldest sister has a disability, but watching me helping her inevitably triggers the needy-for-help in others, who end up thinking that such is the reason for my attendance. Some time ago I had a serious argument about this with my mom, and while I'm not quite effectively disowned (bravo to the OP), I am effectively uninvited to family gatherings. I don't miss them, and surely they don't miss me. People, painful as it was, I stood my ground. AITA?
Why not be the mother in your wedding? When your little one cries, you may have to delay the ceremony and respond to your child. Children learn trust through their cries and a parent responds. Both parents respond to these cries . Where was the dad? It was both parents who are responsible here not just the mother. So…if you cannot afford a sitter then respond to your child .
I would just say FK YOU to the whole lot of them. Any one of those clowns coulda stepped in and looked after the brat. It wasn't HIS problem. I would disown that entire dysfunctional group.
She sounds like a b***h. The baby sounds like a b***h too. That was very inconsiderate of her to dump a crying baby on you the entire time. At least u had the sense to leave and not be used as door mat. She should be ashamed of herself. Maybe she should have waited to have the baby after she was married and this wouldnt have happened. I guess her lousy planning was ur fault too lol.
OP NTA, but I sure feel bad for him for being a member of such a selfish, obtuse, idiotic family. I'm sure the Bride had an alternate explanation for what happened, "But...sob...he prommmmmmmmmissssssssssssed he'd baby sit...sob...and then he just l-l-left!"
I really hate these entitled bridezillas, who think, that everyone has the duty to do everything what they want, because it is "their day".
I wonder how SHE would feel if someone did that to her? I can't believe she could spend all that money on the wedding, but not on a sitter. Did she take the baby on her honeymoon? She sounds like an idiot, and should be apologizing to her BROTHER!!!
I would clarify: "So I am to be the babysitter for the wedding?"...."Yes"...."OK (smiles), I am happy to give that to you as my wedding gift."......then return the $300 gas grill.
You come from a family of @ssholes Sorry you have to go through that
I think the parents need to find out WHY their baby cries all the time. Obviously there’s something wrong and the baby is trying to tell them. And the sister should have hired a nanny.
I'm wondering why you even wanted to see this little cow's wedding at all. She just wanted to use you and the rest of the family didn't give two shits about it either. So, totally agree with leaving and I hope you had a nice day without all of them.
Someone's got to watch the baby. If the brother couldn't do it why was there now one else?
I'd have taken the kid to the park. Screw the wedding, screw the family. Get some quality time with my niece or nephew, and let them all worry back at the church.
That's disgusting, i was pushed out at my sisters and my brothers wedding myself quite a while back. I was know where were my family where sitting i was sitting with people and kids who i didn't even know, and when the meal came it wasn't the 1 i picked it was something else which wasn't even cooked. Never got to eat or even in the night when i sent my food for myself because the food they i had i couldn't have, i looked around on the tables looking for my food only 2 be told it didn't get cooked. I walked out and haven't even spoke 2 them since they are saying i'm being unreasonable, i know what they were doing they have always done it including buying me something for birthday presents that were useless 2 me. Just crazy i ended up getting told i could have said something but i did only to be ignored, haven't and will not invite them to my anniversary that's coming up which they think that they are coming. I have to security and gave told them not to let them in.
Dump your whole family. Your sister doesn't love you nor does anyone else. Get out before someone becomes ill or disabled or old like your mother or someone else and everyone thinks you should give up your life to change her depends. A family who thinks you are the help is a family you dont need. Move on with your life without that family. Your sister is already an awful mother. Your mother raised her to be just like her I see. Her son will grow to hate her too.
She is a garbage mother and sister. Your whole family doesn't love you the least bit. Don't worry you can have an awesome and beautiful life without "blood" relation.
If i were in OP's situation I would leave after giving the bride the finger. And the relatives... "Don't threaten me with a good time you enabling pricks!"
Wow. The nerve of some people...it never ceases to amaze me. I really and truly think that this AITA forum is the best thing to ever happen to some of these people. I hope they take it to heart and get far far away from these heinous people they are related to and live happily ever after to the best of their ability.
Everyone here has made valid points. Also, if I was OP, I'd ask why couldn't mom, who was holding the baby when OP slipped out, "miss out" on the reception? Someone could have videotaped it for her. I mean, it was okay to say that to OP, after all. So why not his Mom? No, OP is not the AH here. And his family sounds messed up. It sounds like he's being outcast, being treated like the black sheep. That sucks. I know from personal experience. My advice to OP would be to continue to stand his ground. He doesn't owe ANYONE an apology. THEY owe him one, for the time, money, and emotion he spent coming in from out of town for no good reason. And I'd tell OP to surround himself with people he loves, who love him back, and make THEM his family. Blood doesn't always make family. But LOVE does. My thoughts to OP. I'm sorry this happened. Man, weddings just seem to bring out the worst in people...
When I read baby I assumed an infant. A one year who keeps crying? Maybe it is time for a visit to the pediatrician. They must live in a warrm climate to be taking the "baby" outside. For those commenting that the sister had plenty of time to hire a babysitter or nanny you are missing the point. The sister had no intention of hiring someone that she would have to pay and I assume the catered meal.
NTA First place, you should have been asked ahead of time and not had it sprung on you at the last minute. If it was me, I'd ask the ones who said "You ruined the wedding." "How much babysitting did YOU do?" & ask why they thought it was your job.
NTA. His sister was inconsiderate. She also clearly has very poor planning skills….it’s much smarter and way less inconvenient to have the wedding ceremony BEFORE you have the baby! ;-) (KIDDING!!!)
I have been to many weddings where the couple had young children, and they would hold the child themselves and include them in the ceremony. At the very least ,family members would take turns caring for the child. Your sister sat you up, so don’t feel bad, if her wedding was spoiled it’s her fault.
People who assume you will take care of the baby are the ah. Can't wait for mom to tell her baby the story about how he cried so much the day she got married and uncle wouldn't help
I feel the bride and the groom are @ssholes if in fact the baby was the grooms. That would be 2 whole familes to take care of the baby. How does one young man get duped into this responsibility he was never asked about. I back him up 100% I say F his sister and who ever else chastised this boy. If they were so concerned they should have offered to help. I just cant believe the NERVE of these people!! Im glad the baby ruined thier wedding. thats what they get for piss poor planning and trying to dump their responsibility on some one else.
Nah, the brother was right. I would have told little sister to grow up and deal with it. But I also need to point out that he said that the baby was 1 month old not 1 year old. Don't know what she was thinking. I wouldn't have wanted my little one to go thru that.
There's a really easy way to shut this down. You say "Wait...aren't you the drunk MOTHER that threw a big unnecessary party in her own honor (you can get married at city hall for $20 and have an inexpensive party afterwards for less than $200 and have just as much fun with none of the stress and drama) and was too cheap to hire a qualified nanny for her CHILD??? Real 'Mother of the Year' material there hon." I suspect the response on the other end will be "Click".
The sister and OP's family is the biggest a*****e here. I feel sorry for the OP, he did not have to be nuked by calls because they think he's selfish, nope, the one being selfish is the sister, not him.
I'm starting to think these are fabricated stories to keep this site relevant.
Me too except I know people that would do a lot of this stuff. The things people will do to each other in the name of love just make me shake my head in disbelief.
Load More Replies... The sister sounds like a real piece of work. Obviously this family doesn’t have a healthy relationship. As a new mom with a NEW BORN she has red flags all over the place as a parent, let alone sibling/ adult. My brother was IN my wedding. Guess what >we had our 2 month old son with us at our wedding<. We had that worked out months before he was born. Zero drama. He did the right thing. That situation was BS. Time to re-evaluate blood is thicker then water.
What was her mother doing? Enjoying the wedding? Why couldn't she share the burden?
What I don't get is that he said he would miss the kiss. There is a planned and scheduled kiss? God this makes me hate weddings even more.
Have...have you never seen a wedding before? That's literally the main thing is "you may now kiss the bride"
Load More Replies... So I know the baby cries a lot but it kinda sounds like she doesn't want the child as she kept demanding it be outside and away rather than part of the family.
A baby that is not doing well at one month. Crying a lot etc.... should not be at the wedding... or better. The parents should take care of their baby. He wants them. He is problaply stressed because they can't wait and don't have time for him. Poor boy. Brother NTA. Better planning and never a baby that young to wedding, when the baby is not doing 100 % well....
I year, not 1 month. 1M = 1yr male. Just like OP is 31M and the sister is 29F.
Load More Replies... The bride dropped the ball by not hiring a sitter, but like so many others have said, why not rotate among family members? Is the OP the only trustworthy one? I don't understand what she was thinking. I certainly wouldn't say YTA, but I do feel like at that point, I would have just held the baby outside for the whole day and discussed it with my sister later. Here's my reasoning: he wanted to see the wedding, which is why he didn't want to babysit, but he walked out, so he didn't get to see the wedding anyway. Then again, I'm imagining him storming out and causing an uproar, but it does say he "slipped out," so that may influence my judgement. The whole family seems like they could work on their communication, among other things. Congratulations and best wishes to the happy couple.
Ok, I wasn't originally going to comment and was just was going exit this post bc it sounds so ridiculous. Without any info regarding the family dynamics leading up to sisters wedding it is unbelievable this situation is real. Since poster said he was eager to see sister get married I would be inclined to think he and sister had a good relationship. This story makes sister sound like a bully with no regards towards brothers wishes to see wedding in person & family showing favoritism towards her. Why would he even want to attend a wedding where someone bullied him into something he didn't want to do. And come on, who in their right mind would not get a babysitter for a baby who would clearly cause a stressful situation. Like someone else posted, family members could have chipped in to get a sitter if it was truly a money issue. Naw somethings not sounding right here. But if story is true then I appauld brother for walking out and would insist family apologize to him instead.
Sister & new BIL are both responsible for the care of this newborn. Newborns need stability, routine, and should not be around groups of people. They have developing systems and can be exposed to many illnesses because their parents are selfish ignoramuses. This is absolutely ridiculous. Smdh
Not a newborn. A 1 year old. 1M = 1yr male. Just like OP was 31M and the sister 29F.
Load More Replies... Family are threatening to disown him, but they already implied it by telling him to not get mad about being told "you're not important enough to actually watch the ceremony with your own eyes or attend the reception". They're going to be really surprised when he goes "okay then, bye" and forever ignores their attempts to contact him.
Everybody is an a*****e here. get a damn sitter - it does not cost the world. But also don't just slip out and leave. What a childish thing to do. And how is a wedding day runined because of YOUR VERY OWN baby?? I've done tons of chores during celebratiosn from family. I consider it normal to help out and not just be a guest. But not all of the time, of course, and while included in the planning. This whole family are asshats and I'm very glad I don't know them.
How long was the ceremony that the baby needed to go in and out that many times?! OP said they would have missed most of the ceremony, and only been inside for 30 minutes. I've been to a lot of weddings (I'm a musician) and most ceremonies aren't much longer than 30 minutes. An hour is considered long. If you're missing most of it and still seeing 30 minutes, that's the longest wedding ceremony on record!
I thought it was a total of 30 minutes out of the entire wedding day, including the reception, which is usually at least a couple hours.
Load More Replies... Uncle, who dismisses this poor, uncomfortable or unhappy baby as loving to cry was a poor choice. Not for his sake but for the baby's. The bride sounds more self-centered than most. Sad baby comes in last. Yes, the bride's the A.
One more reason I ALWAYS say "no, I'm good" when anyone asks me if I want to hold their baby. Why would I? Why would you offer? What's with passing a baby around? (bar emergencies of course) Bring me a puppy or kitten to hold, not a crotch goblin!
He was also told he would be sitting out most of the reception as well.
Load More Replies... HA no. F**k her. She should have made better arrangements. Bride or not, she's a b***h.
Load More Replies... Why is it HIS responsibility to watch HER child? She didn't even ask him - just handed him the baby & the list and presumed he'd be happy to miss her wedding in order to provide free childcare. She knew she was pregnant, and planned the wedding for one month after the kid was born. She made no other arrangements for childcare. She spent "all her money" on parties and the wedding, with no thoughts about paying a babysitter (ie, parties were given higher priority than her newborn). Failure to plan on her part does not constitute an emergency, and it's not his responsibility to bail her out. Also - EVERYONE at the wedding was "close enough to go," so why is he the only one "close enough" to babysit?
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